#YOU LITERLALY DO NOT HAVE TO MATCH THIS AT ALL I GOT SO FUCKGIN CARRIED AWAY ITS

[multitudinus-a-blog]

despite his own best efforts he, too, found himself wandering along the twisted path, his chest tight with the treeline closing in on him until it opened up into the world again, and somehow the manor seemed more of a comfort than the tangle of trees, despite the memories it still held...    the chain of memories that binds us...a distant thought that stirred from within, sharp in his ribs as he heaved to himself until it passed, feeling the wind in his hair as he entered the manor once more, the double doors ultimately groaning shut behind him, almost waiting for the dust to settle again before he continued.     as he made his way up the stairs his body still seized momentarily, expecting another ambush on the second floor before he could calm his own nerves once more, his feet hitting the carpet a bit harder as he pressed onward towards the white room, seeking solace in it, throwing his shoulder into the door out of a rising sense of desperation as the eponymous twilight bled into the room and near blinded him in his efforts.    roxas took the time to try and steady his breath once more, still coming to terms with his own reality. when he flexed his hands there was feeling behind it, the tension where he clenched and unclenched his fists, when his jaw tightened and his eyes shifted from side to side, analyzing the room he was in, anxious unto himself in a way that he had never asked for, and couldn’t understand until now, when he was able to feel for himself.    sometimes roxas really hated being his own person.    although the silence seemed pervasive enough, naminé’s presence rarely ever went unnoticed. it was a small comfort, albeit a frustrating one, at times questioning the very nature of it like he did everything else, struggling to ascertain for himself what was truly his own, and what would never belong to him...even as a person all his own.

   ‘ ... ’    what to say that wasn’t borrowed, what to do that wasn’t already done? memories not fully his own, bubbling to the surface like boils, no longer sharp, but abiding, twisting the world around him into something easily accessible to hatred, clenching his fists in the midst of sanctuary, unsure of how to keep it all in when finally he realized that he couldn’t.

   ‘ it’s not fair! ’ exclaimed roxas in a burst far too sudden for such surrounding silence. he spoke as though he were continuing a conversation they had already been having, struggling with the weight of emotion caked in his throat, making it harder and harder to swallow.     ‘ —i didn’t ask to feel what he felt! ’    even now, roxas’ voice started to break, no longer subservient to the anger of his youth. it was loud. it was noisy. it was too much in his head to keep hearing and feeling and have a whole host of emotions to try and express it with when his choice was little more than a sentencing to begin with.    recusant indeed.    ‘ ...do you feel this much too? ’     in the midst of all the silence, even his own broken whisper seemed far too loud.

@aelight YEAH SO THIS GOT AWAY FROM ME AND I’M SORRY BUT I’M REALLY FUCKING EMO ON MAIN AND I’M SUFFERING A LOT OAKY GOODNIGHT I SWEAR THAT I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU I’M JUST DYING INSIDE RN