#YES i made the whole height chart from scratch just for this

[metal-district]

[zkylearnstherope]

Lemme write some updates for some fellas here.

AU Content

I don't know who's been keeping up with my stories, but the one I used to call, Void Walkers [AU] has been rewritten far too many times that it has now become its own series. It will NOT be an AvA AU anymore.

It will now be just called, Void Walkers.

You may notice that there are sticks there that look like victim and Agent, but they are separate fellas.

vic is taller than canon victim. Always has been. I just sucked at drawing the first Height Chart. And Gent as well. Both of their colors are different from the canon although it's barely noticeable.

I plan to remake their whole designs more, because I want them to be completely separate from AvA.

Why? It started with me being too tired of seeing the victim x Agent ships, when I see them as father and son. I cannot hate the art, because they are genuinely really good, but the pit in my stomach grows bigger with every piece I see.

One of the first solutions I came up with, is to make vic and Gent as separate characters. After I did that, the story just took a life of its own.

I used to think of H as a borrowed OC, but I am now claiming him as mine. He looks far too different now, I think I deserve that.

All of them got a life outside of AvA, and I'm 100% going through with it.

Now, what about Interrogation? If cowboy vic and H will be removed from AvA, what happens to that one?

I paused working on that one because of two reasons:

One was because I was waiting for a dev update for the animation software I am using. That update was released hours ago.

Second reason was because I was conflicted with the story. The flow doesn't make sense. Maybe it would, if it's still an AvA AU.

I only finished 14 seconds after working on it for two weeks, and during that time, I redesigned and posted here the new designs (but still not finalized) for Gent and vic.

After that, I reworked their designs again, wrote a few more stories, and each story just felt right on its own (without the AvA influence).

I still plan to work on Interrogation, but I would most probably, start from scratch. Sorry to disappoint those who were waiting for half a year now.

Am I still gonna do AvA stuff?

Yes. But I don't know if A and H would be in it.

Some of you have probably read my Shepherd vic poem. I plan to make that a really short AU. Again, I will not ship Agent and vic there.

Shepherd of the Lost Lambs AU

I will explain more about this one in the future.

There's also that victim vs Agent animation that I promised, and the lesbian ChoDark animation as well.

Now what's with all these updates?

Because a lot of you probably followed me for the AvA content, but then I started to go back to writing. I am not sure if you guys liked the kinky stuff or you liked seeing A, but all those things will still exist, but NOT in AvA / AvM context. Sure, my style would be there but it will not be intentional anymore.

I honestly lost interest because of that Reddit IA incident a few months ago. 😒

All the AvA stuff I have planned, I want them to go on YouTube, and I need to hold back on the kinky if I plan to do that, obviously.

One of them is even AvM S3 themed. I think you guys will love that one. My brain won't stop coming up with ideas, I swear...

So, AvA stuff, yes. Kinky no. Will A and H still be there? I am still thinking about it.

New Blog

Because I want Void Walkers to be a separate thing from AvA, I want to make a separate blog for it. Besides, it will be a lot of text based content, and that's a lot of reading. I tried to post writing here too and I don't think anyone reads them. Maybe people do? I am not sure.

But yeah, I want to make a new separate blog for Void Walkers.

Someone asked me the other day if Gent and H are in a comic, because they "seemed interesting". It made me happy hearing that. It reminded me of the comics from last year. Why don't I just make more of those short stories, right?

Lastly, not only was I 🪽 writing Void Walkers, I 🌟 also started to write about The True Kingdom again. I have big plans for TR. So that other blog will be repurposed for it.

I never got to finish that art of The Wise Wolf of The Fog. I wasn't skilled enough, so I just gave up at some point. But I will draw her again, maybe next year. Then write an official lore for The Fog.

Conclusion

I started writing this post with the intention of asking you fellas, what you think, or perhaps even making a poll.

As I am currently typing this, I have made up my mind. Void Walkers will be a separate blog and I will keep working on that and The Collectors series that I love.

Anyway, 'til next time. I'm going to bed.

[silveryfairy]

hey man if it's not too much trouble, could you give us a brief rundown of the Nocturnes? It's just, every morning I wake up and there's a new one, and I Care everyone in this establishment a lot though I don't really know them, thank you kindly have a nice day

let my preface this by saying: aayushi, i love you, and your enthusiasm and interest for the things i create never ceases to bring me joy. you are the kind of friend i think everyone should have and i say that completely genuinely outside of this bit.

i say that as an apology in advance for what i’m about to unleash upon you, because what you’re going to see is the product of my friend @himepapillon and i’s absolute BRAINROT and what comes of it when not only two people make an oc universe from scratch but what happens when we then have to explain that universe to other people

you are in no way required to retain this information as to be completely honest me and jeremie haven’t fully either and we’re the ones who MADE this shitshow. below is the shoddy family tree i lovingly crafted in ms paint

let us begin. 

for starters, i’ll specify some things:

1. not every oc on this chart is mine, as it’s a collaboration between me and jeremie - the koenig family and bishop family belong to faer but the rest is all me baby! for the sake of your soul i will only be going into my half of this Mess

2. the universe this takes place in is a pretty wacky and silly one, just, like, Slightly removed from reality. these characters are all completely batshit insane and do things that no human being probably should. it’s all portrayed critically, as the general concept of this whole thing is “the goings-on of a bunch of unhinged corrupt rich people”. we kind of flip flop on how seriously stuff is played but if i had to slap a genre on this it’d be, like, black comedy drama. i know a lot of these concepts sound kinda fucked to write but that’s just because i’m trying to describe them in a SOMEWHAT concise way without going into Super Introspective mode

the nocturnes are an incredibly influential and rich family in the uk that tends to produce very influential and rich people. they’re also all a little bit insane. the main characters of this Saga are the sons of desmond and xanthes, the family’s resident Power Couple and biggest figureheads. they suck ass but that will become apparent the second i talk about their children.

from oldest to youngest, the nocturne boys are:

ichor nocturne, 25 - the eldest, ichor was disowned from the household when he was 18 for unruly behavior, sent to live alone on a farm so he couldn’t tarnish his family’s image any further. since then, you’d think the isolation has driven him a bit mad - he’s a very prolific cotton farmer and has been doing astonishingly well for himself, running his farm on his own with only his parents’ inheritance as help. ...that, and, of course, the blood of the people he executes to keep his crops growing - or so he believes. he moonlights as an executioner in the small town over, exterminating the ‘pests’ of the city. despite his newfound violence, he still routinely checks in on his siblings, finding ways to mysteriously end up at their door to pay visits. the older brother instinct still hasn’t left

icarus nocturne, 23 - the second eldest (only by technicality, as he is a twin), icarus is the family’s golden child! but not in terms of business or anything, oh no - icarus is a famous heartthrob teen (sorta) musician! he’s been in the limelight since he was a little boy, being an actor as a small child and getting into music as he grew. his general Look(tm), accompanied by infectiously happy rave music, is a trademark cutesy mask over his face with oversized clothing - meant to express as much energy as possible as he bounces about the stage. in reality, he lives a life as forced and controlled as possible by virtue of... living the fucked up life of a child star. but his parents have someone to take the fall - so, what of his twin?

achilles nocturne, 23 - icarus’ younger twin, which wouldn’t mean much... in any family but this one. achilles has had it drilled into his head since the beginning that he was a mistake next to icarus, to the point where legally, he does not exist. following icarus beginning his career, achilles was unpersoned completely - living in the family’s basement with the height of his education being for a very specific purpose... needing to be icarus’ body double on tours and for paparazzi - after all, they can’t have icarus’ purity tainted by all those clamboring fans! it’s a godawful situation. on the bright side, though, achilles has found a hobby where he can be himself: twitch streaming! yes really. under the name of 1upanonymous, hidden under a mask just like his brother, achilles at least has a fanbase that can love him for who he is! ...uh, kind of.

tomasine “tommy” nocturne, 16 - the youngest of the bunch, and it says a lot about his siblings’ capabilities that he’s the technical heir to the nocturnes’ various businesses and fortune. tommy is just a feral 16 year old that doesn’t give two shits about any fame or fortune, he just wants to party and drink and have fun like any other kid his age! he’s rebellious, loud, and charmingly annoying (to his brothers anyway), and has no real care for the gravity of his family’s situations beyond finding it annoying that they want him to be all PRIM and PROPER and BUSINESSY EEWWWWW. he’s just a funny loud little child trying to live his best life. loves his brothers fiercely

already a mess of people. and really, all you need to know about or really keep in mind are those four: the upcoming characters are largely just side ones we came up with because we thought it’d be funny to flesh out this fucked up family more. so let’s get into the anatra branch of the family - headed by jael nocturne, xanthes’ brother and the siblings’ uncle

jael anatra-nocturne, who i am not giving an age for my own sanity trying to decipher this fucking timeline - a crude and playful uncle, jael is someone the nocturne boys either love (icarus, tommy) or hate (achilles, ichor). constantly joking, as he expresses affection with loving insults - kind of a money-driven asshole, but a lovable one - he’s a career politician and met his current husband, joaquin, on the job. or, well... no longer current, because jael’s funny life of debauchery, toxic masculinity, and making fun of his nephews, came to an abrupt end when he was assassinated on live television. yipes!

joaquin anatra-nocturne, who also does not get an age - jael’s former secretary and current widow, joaquin is the local wine uncle. im not sure if that’s a classification but it is now, because he is one. an unapologetic gold-digger, he (publicly) took jael’s death frighteningly well, and is now living his best life with a revolving door of new boyfriends. his relationship with jael was a genuine and very loving one, and joaquin IS devastated by his death, but both of them just found the bit of pretending to be this loveless gold digger/politician couple very funny, and being as suspicious as possible around his husband’s death is exactly what jael would have wanted joaquin to do

taddeo anatra-nocturne, 14 - the youngest child of these two, a shy little boy with big Child In A Horror Movie energies. makes potions in the backyard and probably decorates his clothes with animal bones n stuff when he’s older. despite this he’s pretty harmless, nice and fiercely loyal - tommy especially thinks he’s fun and likes to hang out with him at family gatherings - just so long as you look past the creepy dolls he likes to talk to and fires he likes to set. especially close with jael and wants to be a miniature version of him, buuut still being a shy tween taddeo hasn’t been able to act on that much.

dailon anatra-nocturne, 20 - the adopted second child of jael and joaquin, dailon is a moody and unstable delinquent that was snatched up by them just as he was about to age out of foster care. while he has a chill ‘cool-older-even-though-he’s-younger-cousin’ demeanor, the tension when he’s around his parents - jael specifically - can be cut with a knife. dailon hates his dad: ‘someone who expresses affection with insults and jokes and likes seeing people pissed at him’ and ‘someone who’s volatile, short-tempered, and sullen after living in a foster home most his life’ are just as bad of a combination as you’d expect. dailon gets himself into a lot of trouble, and is an overall very self-centered prick, but we’ll get more on that in a bit.

HELL FAMILY...2!!! that’s the last of the families to cover, buuuut there are still some other names on that list - mostly connected to dailon. this is REAL “just going on in the background” shit that you also do not need to know whatsoever (except for mitzi she’s pretty important she’s just down here for organization purposes) - i just like to play god and make characters get into drama.

[tw: cheating, unhealthy relationships, stalking]

mitzi “moon” altberg, 23 - achilles must feel very far away by now, but we’re back to him for a second! mitzi is his ex-girlfriend he met online, a fan-to-employee-to-lover and one of the maybe two people outside of the family achilles has shown his real face to. however, achilles growing up deeply unstable - between his parents’ abuse, having spotlights on him and adoring fans both as icarus’ body double and as a streamer, and in general not really growing up to be any kind of well developed human being - made this relationship a complete disaster. he grew obsessive and controlling - and when she tried to ignore him, he broke his one rule (to never go outside without permission) to find the hotel she was staying at in real life and show up to confront her. the incident was completely covered up, both by the nocturnes and with their connections, and so mitzi was forced to stay silent. this entire thing is based on this song! as time heals wounds, though, mitzi will end up doing pretty well for herself and putting achilles behind her - even getting a new boyfriend, jared!

reynard fiala, 20 - dailon’s (ex-)boyfriend, who he’s enraveled in his own weird soap opera subplot with. reynard is a relatively chill person, with an interest in art and taxidermy - just as morbid as dailon’s brother, but in a more. Normal way. genuinely a sweetheart who does not deserve what happens to them: getting cheated on with dailon’s best friend. yipes^2! while it's earth shattering in the moment, all reynard will really want to do come some time to process is to move on and for him and dailon both to heal in peace... far away from eachother (which is easier said than done since taddeo thinks reynard is super cool and loves having him over, the awkwardness between them and his brother be damned)

jared summers, 21 - the most normal person here. a longterm best friend of dailon’s, and yes, the very same one i just mentioned. he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer - what we in the industry would call a himbo if his dumbassery didn’t cause very real damage - who had been pining for dailon for years and him dating was no deterrent, and dailon, thinking the world revolves around him as he tends to do, accepted jared’s confession so they just kinda started dating on the side. jared has the moral backbone of a pool noodle, and even after it causes dailon’s relationship with reynard to fall apart, will need a wholeass intervention to be staged to make them both realize just how shitty they’re being. after that, though, jared will end that mess and be on his way to becoming a better person himself - with the help of a sweet girl he’s met online.

jared and mitzi dating in the future is the most contrived thing on the planet but just hear me out that it’ll be HILARIOUS for achilles to check in on his ex-girlfriend and find she’s dating his cousin’s best friend, who said cousin was apparently dating on the side. very small world, it is. 

anyway, thank you if you’ve somehow stuck around to read this entire thing - this isn’t even getting into jeremie’s half of this whole ordeal, which includes some of these fellas’ friends and partners, as well as more crazy rich people nonsense. it’s been very fun to think about and i do love it all dearly, even if putting it all together it’s SUCH a mess.

we don’t intend to make anything Legit out of this, it’s honestly just a fun way to pass the time. it’s the adult equivalent of playing dollhouse. in our minds this is like a 20 season soap opera but actually explaining it to other people it’s just like this

but thank you again for letting me babble i hope it was somewhat entertaining! and again, godspeed if you managed to read this much XD

[elichorph]

OH SHIT???? did you see avery jeong buying princess bandaids at the local cvs after punching out somebody’s car window??? anyways, he’s a legacy and a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-three and a 1st year grad student majoring in mechanical engineering. they are as strong willed as they are naive.

hello, i am back with my third character. yes this is my second character that has a 5 letter name that starts with an a. yes this intro is extremely long. if you read it i will send you a gif of your fav celeb to thank you.

stats:

full name: avery tobias jeong nicknames: ave age: twenty three birthday: march 8, 1998 ( yeah he’s technically 22 right now but he’ll be 23 soon enough ) chart: pisces sun, aries moon, cancer rising siblings: one ( lilia, younger sister ) gender: cis male pronouns: he / him sexuality: bisexual & biromantic height: 6′0 hair color: black tattoos: random tattoos on his arms, faded hand tattoos (specifically an angel on his left hand) piercings: right earlobe ring

blackmail:

( violence & drugs tw )

he had an unplanned child at nineteen with his ex-girlfriend who he now has little to no contact with. his ex dug up a public intoxication charge that avery’s family had paid to cover up in order to place a restraining order on him and deny him custody of the child.

he was involved in an underground fighting ring for multiple years as a means to make money after being cut off by his family. however, he always took fights too far and was banned from the ring in new haven after he nearly killed one of his opponents.

family:

if you’ve already read lilia’s intro then you can skip this because it’s the same thing!

ya’ll ever read one of those drug ring ao3 fanfics where y/n is dating the sexy drug cartel leader? well that’s their family!

generational family blood money because that’s how cartels work i think. started running + dealing three generations back with their great-grandparents in order for them to make a living. it wasn’t until the so-called business was handed down to their grandparents that they wanted to expand and generate more money. the big pharma cover was created in order for them to manufacture, distribute, and supply at a larger scale. present day, their family name has notoriety with other cartel and mafia families. 

basically avery was supposed to take over because he was the oldest right, but lilia did not want that at all. their parents started favoring avery and schmoozing up to him a little bit to get him to say yes (even though avery was fully prepared to give lilia the position) and lilia was like! what the fuck! so she told their parents about this one time that avery accidentally blabbed the family secret to a stranger at a party which broke their one rule of keeping it a secret. their parents wanted nothing to do with him anymore and completely cut avery off and kicked him out of the family. 

everyone knows that avery and lilia are siblings, even though they don’t really know the actual details about their past together because avery doesn’t say anything about his family and the cartel is a secret. now that they are both at yale and in the elites together they are just kinda like haha awkward <3 they basically would just tell everyone that they grew apart if other characters tried to pry but also lilia is now telling people that avery fucked up a business decision which is why he left the family and avery is like alright but good luck trying to get other info out of them! xo, the jeongs

present:

after being kicked out of his family, avery booked it to new haven to attend yale. he was able to score a full ride after graduating as the valedictorian of a specialized school for science in nyc and for continuously staying near if not at the top of his class. literally this man is a casual genius. he will get drunk as hell and talk about math for the entire night even if you don’t care. avery joined the elites in his junior year and even though he technically is a legacy from his family, he told them that if he was going to join, he wanted to be recruited for his academics because fuck if he was going to use his family name!

to expand a little more on blackmails, avery was broke as shit after coming to new haven. he still is, but he literally had so little money to his name and eventually found an underground fighting ring and made money by winning matches through that because he is Beefy and a Unit and his anger issues could be released <3 but he would always go a little too hard and would near murk his opponents, especially this one time that caused him to be banned from the ring. now for money he just fixes up people’s air conditioners and fridges and shit and also works maintenance at a hotel chain around connecticut to get money when he really needs it <3 literally if you need something fixed hit him up and he’ll be happy to do it but he would also love if you made him dinner to thank him because he has eaten too much kraft mac n cheese.

when avery was a sophomore, his girlfriend of a few months accidentally got pregnant whoops <3 and he was ready to literally drop everything for his girlfriend and daughter, but his girlfriend didn’t want that because she was lowkey a bitch! she ended up using a secret that avery had told her (that he had a public intoxication charge that his family had covered up) and took him to court and got his custody rights taken away and a restraining order placed on him and then dropped out of yale before anybody could know about the baby and zoomed to another state and now avery is like ok <3 his daughter’s name is skye though and she is four now and sometimes he still gets updates but literally it eats him alive hahaha

personality:

basically paddington going through an emo phase. he has extreme rbf and might be a solid unit who looks intimidating, but he genuinely is so sweet. by his looks you’d expect him to push you down the stairs but in reality he’s the kid who is 20 minutes late to class to hold the door open for people and he’ll feel good about it even if nobody says thank you to him. 

certified sad boy! the extremely nice guy you meet at a house party who remembers what drink you like from some time you apparently met three months ago? avery loves house parties for real and will be the angel who cleans up at 5am even if he’s got an exam at 8. he loves to take care of people to fill his fatherly void even though he’s the one that needs help the most. 

accepts the fact that he’s now #poor now, but he also gets kind of insecure and jealous seeing everybody pop off with a britney work bitch vc bugatti. tries to keep up with people looks wise at least, he has one old balenciaga cross body bag that has holes in it, way too many ripped pairs of designer jeans, and a scratched gucci belt that you will see him sporting often. might want to bash your face in if you flaunt your wealth and gets kind of whiny about it sometimes.

avery is the type of person that loves the outdoors and going on picnics. his romantic dream is to lay under a tree with the soft summer breeze and play some guitar for the love of his life <3 yes he has a guitar and yes he is actually good at singing even though he gets embarrassed about it. he fucking loves music.

still has that aries moon though, is extremely defensive and my one character who will actually fight in the group chat because what the fuck does he have to lose at this point! avery has extreme anger issues that hurt him more than anything. even though he’s banned from the underground fighting ring, he still needs an outlet and will have his hands shoved in his pockets because they’re either bruised to shit or discolored from how many times they have been bruised. can be found walking home after taking the late bus so he could go scream in a field somewhere.

this man? also naive as fuck. has been hurt by too many people and really just sets him up at this point. an open book most of the time, so much that it hurts him. will tell you everything about himself like the way he can’t sleep in silence and has to have ocean noises playing, but he can’t listen to whale noises because sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks it’s a ghost. however, his family stuff is off limits and he will spit in your face if you even think about asking him about it. 

won’t hold grudges. the type to see a person for who they are as a whole and if they mess up, he’s just like “you’re better than that /: but it’s fine.” probably why he gets hurt so much

wanted connections

a roommate maybe? i pictured him living in an apartment because he probably wouldn’t be able afford live anywhere else. could be besties, could be someone he barely knows but he just needed someone to move in to split the rent.

the one person who he’ll let take care of him. it probably would take a lot to break through his walls, but this person can calm him down after he gets riled up.

since his ex went to yale, maybe one person who knew her and had somewhat of an idea of what happened. they don’t know everything but maybe from what they heard from his ex, they believe everything was avery’s fault and that he fucked her over entirely.

gut wrenching hate plots of where they really love each other but things just can’t work out for one way or another.

gentle romance <3 slow burn. someone who won’t hurt him PLEASE.

aaaaand someone who takes advantage of how naive he is

and friends. so many friends. he is just so friendly and he isn’t the type to hold shit over people’s heads. 

other links 

pinterest

[ladyrijus]

SKZ as Doctors

Okay so I know there’s a divide between whether us Stays would trust our lives with these men or not but either way I wondered: What type of doctors would SKZ be?

Enjoy!!

A/N: Picture above was found on SKZ’s twitter @ Stray_Kids so credit to them for releasing these photos!!

Woojin

ER Doctor

Yeah it’s not a fun profession but it’s a very needed one by society

Is the one who has to treat those suffering from heart attacks, strokes, accidents, etc

Despite the intense situation he’s very composed and focused and conveys clear instructions to the nurses when he needs help

But after it’s over he goes home and gets shaken up; the fear of not being able to help someone survive haunts him

Chan

Psychiatrist

Chan = the therapist friend

I’m sure he’s had questions about how the mental processes in our brain function and how they affect our daily lives which led him to study psychology 

One of the best practitioners there and is just so easy to trust?? Tbh he’s a part time therapist there and no one is complaining

One patient left a review and it made him cry and that was ‘Once you go in his office, you’ve already made a friend’

Minho

Rheumatologist

Since he’s a dancer he knows a lot about taking care of his bones and joints and what to do when they’re getting outta wack

Definitely the type to joke with the patients about their condition if they’re okay with it

“My diagnosis? Aging too quickly. Heard there’s some fountain of youth in the US, you might wanna check that out.”

He’s so done with being mistaken for Felix since they have the last name ‘Lee’

Changbin

Immunologist

He helps with allergies, asthma, and immunity disorders but the thing is most of the time he always deal with dumb kids and young adults like: 

CB: “You’re lactose intolerant, why would you eat ice cream?”

Patient: “Because I want to die”

CB: “At this rate you’re going to die bankrupt --”

Hyunjin

Dermatologist

I feel like judging by how he carries himself, he takes good care of the external part of his body

His field focuses on hair, skin, and nails and he can essentially treat moles, scars, acne, and skin allergies

Is definitely the type to smack your arm or hand away if you scratch your acne or bite your nail like ‘NO that’s bad for you’

He’s labelled the most attractive doctor in that institution and it drives him insane 

Jisung

Surgeon (IK IT SEEMS UNLIKELY BUT HEAR ME OUT)

When he was little no one ever thought he’d be a surgeon and now that he is they highkey fear him

But if you ever see him perform a surgery (which you can only really do if you are his nurse but) he’s so good at it?

Like precision and efficiency are off the charts with him; like yes it takes a few hours, but with other doctors they might take a whole day

And instead of just leaving after performing the surgery he stays around?? His nurses can do that for him but he wants to make sure himself that they are okay

Felix

Family Physician in Family Medicine whatever you wanna call it

This is the doctor that you’re most familiar with

The one that you ring up for your kid’s check up for height and weight, nose and ears, stethoscope on the heart, all that jazz

Is pretty good with the little kids but once they’ve grown up and and he tries to get ‘hip’ it’s over

He totally did not fortnite dance in the brunch room during break in his coat

Seungmin

Cardiologist

Yes Seungmin stans he’s going to take very good care of your heart

Besides Chan he’s like one of the calmest out of everyone so it’s a perfect trait for his job

Reason being you don’t want to overwhelm a heart patient with excitement so

Very gentle and even though he sometimes has to give hard news, he still is able to ease his patient

Jeongin

Pediatrician (Y’all were expecting this weren’t you)

He’s been babied his whole life that he thought it fitting to hang out with kids and help them out with their diseases

Best part is he doesn’t baby them like people did with him

He makes them feel grown up and mature but at the same time has a lollipop ready if they ever want one

Has a very soothing voice if there are kids who get anxious when they come to his office

[egyptbra6-blog]

Josh Groban finds hectic pace much to his liking

When does Josh Groban find time to sleep?

The question makes the 37-year-old singer chuckle a bit during a recent chat. But it’s a logical one, judging by the whirlwind trajectory his life has taken in the past few years, which included the release of an album (“Stages Live,” 2016), a concert tour through much of 2017 (and continuing through the end of 2018), making his Broadway debut in 2016 in “Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812,” which earned him a Tony Award nomination, and co-hosting the 2018 Tony Awards telecast along with Sara Bareilles. He’s currently co-starring in the Netflix dramedy “The Good Cop,” opposite Tony Danza.

And in September came the release of the aptly titled “Bridges,” his eighth studio album — a collection of original material and covers and featuring several duets (including the much-anticipated recording of “Run” alongside Sarah MacLachlan), a fiery turn with flamenco guitarist Vicente Amigo, and two more with Sugarland’s Jennifer Nettles and the recent chart-topping Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli.

Josh Groban With: Idina Menzel When: 8 p.m. Nov. 6 Where: United Center, 1901 W. Madison Tickets: $69.50-$199.50 Info: ticketmaster.com

Groban bowed on the music scene in 2001 with his eponymous debut, an adult contemporary classical outing that yielded some big hits for the young star with the big, lush voice, including “The Prayer,” “You’re Still You” and the Richard Marx/Linda Thompson charttopper “To Where You Are.” His followup in 2003, “Closer,” featured his biggest hit to date, the inspirational “You Raise Me Up.” His last studio outing, the 2015 “Stages,” featured Groban covering a slew of Broadway musical pleasers and earned him a best traditional pop vocal album nomination at the Grammys.

“My whole career has been like a kid in a candy shop making music,” Groban says. “Whenever I tried to make formula music it didn’t work. So my formula has always been to not make formula music.”

“Bridges,” is a perfect example of music that’s anything but formulaic. Groban does not have his eye on the charts, just on making great music, he says. It’s a return to his roots in a way, but with a fresh, contemporary spin. It’s not his comfort zone by any means, but then the past three years have shown Groban that stepping outside that zone is precisely what he needed to recharge his music batteries.

Groban talked about taking chances with his career during a recent phone chat. Here’s some of what he had to say.

Q. You’ve had a very busy couple of years, with your Broadway debut and your TV show. What did it feel like to finally get back into the studio?

A. It’s been a hectic couple of years but I’m very grateful. … I made a couple of original music albums and just felt burned out as to what to say musically and why.  Luckily as a vocalist I was able to detour and sing some musical theater songs I’ve loved since I was a kid [for “Stages”]. …  It was soul-recharging for me to take it back to my childhood. That led to an unexpectedly long tour that led to an equally unexpected run on Broadway that led to a most unexpected Tony nomination. It was a two-year path that I thought would be a three-month path. But it took me to incredible places and introduced me to the most incredible people. It made me stronger as a singer and an artist. Most importantly when it came to making “Bridges,” every step of that way I felt inspired to sit down at the piano and keep writing melodies and music. The muse was back. It was just time to re-embrace what my lane had been but just continue to widen it. I didn’t feel the need to jump out of it anymore. I felt very inspired to find a fresh approach to my music.

Q. You have a duet with Andrea Bocelli, who in a roundabout way was responsible for helping launch your career in 1999 when you filled in for him at the Grammy rehearsals to sing “The Prayer” opposite Celine Dion.

Josh Groban (left) and Tony Danza in a scene from “The Good Cop.” | Netflix

A.  His missed flight [in 1999] is the reason that I got that first opportunity with [record producer] David Foster, to sing for him and the people at the Grammys and enter the professional stage for the first time. Now all these years later how the stars have aligned to bring us together for this song, aptly titled “When We Meet Once Again.” We first made it as a solo song, but when we wrote the melody, immediately I said there’s something on this that needs to happen. I had it in my head that it would be a baritone-tenor duet. From that moment Andrea said yes, it went from being a really good song to a really, really great song.

Q. Not too many Broadway newcomers snag a Tony Award nomination their first time out on the boards. What did that whole experience — the musical, the nomination — mean to you?

A. The embrace that I felt from the Broadway community at large was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I’ve always felt like an alien in the music business. I’ve existed successfully much to the head-scratching of the movers and shakers of the actual business. On Broadway I felt that I had a welcoming place. My big break in music started at the Grammy Awards, but when I started making my music there’s no category for me at the Grammys. On Broadway I immediately felt there was a table for me at the cafeteria. I felt like these were my people. These were the hardest-working, most multitalented people I’ve ever known. Doing such a a genre-bending show was so fulfilling and so challenging.

Q. What’s it like working with Tony Danza on “The Good Cop”?

A. Andy Brickman, who created the show, plucked me from his own imagination, in the same way David Foster all those years ago said I believe in you and we can do something together. … I think nobody was more surprised by Tony and I being together as father and son than me and Tony. But Andy said don’t worry about it. So the three of us went out to dinner and I’m being my weird, awkward self and Tony’s telling these incredible stories about his life and loves, and Brickman says, “This is my show right here.”

Lucas Steele and Josh Groban perform onstage with the cast of “Natasha, Pierre and The Great Comet of 1812” onstage during the 2017 Tony Awards at Radio City Music Hall on June 11, 2017 in New York City. | Theo Wargo/Getty Images for Tony Awards Productions

Source: https://chicago.suntimes.com/entertainment/josh-groban-finds-hectic-pace-much-to-his-liking/

[bobbystompy]

Charles Matthews And Everything After

APRIL 2018

Man, I fuckin’ hated the 2004-05 Illinois basketball team.

I was wrong, but you couldn’t tell me that then. Those dudes played selfless, beautiful basketball. They could kill you in many ways, and they spent the bulk of my college freshman year killing me in all the ways. Maybe it wasn’t even the players... maybe it was just the fans. Shit, we were all 18, 19. That’s, like, when college pride is off the charts and half of what you wear is gear.

When that team lost at the very end, it was like a cleansing rain.

Me, before their title game (4/3/05): “There have been a handful of games in my lifetime where I have wanted a team to win more than ANYTHING. This is an opposite situation...only more. I have never wanted a team to lose this bad in my entire life. I want them to lose more than EVERYTHING.”

Me, after (4/4/05): “Ahhhhh. What a time to be alive.”

Hate is such a false god.

Because what I really believe in is karma, and, eight years later, when my beloved Michigan Wolverines punched their card for the finals... I knew I had to get right with my buddy Dom.

Dominic Bruno is one of thee greatest sports fans I will ever know. He roots for both the Cubs and White Sox with no questions asked. I think he thinks it’s odd when people ask him questions. Of his many loves between pro and college athletics, the Illini are his A1, ride or die squad. That 2004-05 (done with the hyphen, if they come up again, it’s gonna be ‘04) was a generational fucking team. Younguns might not understand this now, but for a little bit, Chris Paul vs. Deron Williams was a legit NBA debate. D-Will’s hair also used to look slightly less weird. But still weird.

Ah, man -- there I go again. I can’t help myself.

Anyway. After U of I lost to UNC in their title game, I put up an away message punning the entire Illinois starting lineup with uncreative names (I’m too embarrassed to quote the whole thing, but let’s just say “Pee Brown” was used for Dee Brown). Dom, who I assume was in his feelings a little bit... did not react well.

“I’m going to come riot in your room.”

I know, I know, you might be thinking that’s not that bad. But Dom is a laid back dude; he lives with love. So to push him to that point with flippant trolling of his golden ticket team? Not my finest hour.

And sure, yes: we were kids, it wasn’t that bad -- but I told you I believe in karma. So when Michigan made it in 2013, I called him. He was unassuming, told me it was cool. I read him what I wrote and what he said in response, and it didn’t shake him. Homie told me he was rooting for Michigan in that doomed game. That’s the kind of class (or weird conference loyalty) he has.

After that, I watched The Timeout. It had been at least a decade since I’d seen the clip.

Sometimes, rappers do this thing where they pull back and talk decades.

Shawn Corey Carter:

N****s wanna bring the 80's back That's okay with me, that's where they made me at

Macklemore:

I grew up during Reaganomics When Ice T was out there on his killing cops shit Or Rodney King was getting beat on And they let off every single officer And Los Angeles went and lost it

I grew up with the ghosts of the Fab Five. The coolest, most star-crossed basketball team to ever do it (or not do it, depending how seriously you take NCAA sanctions). Though their finals loss to UNC -- I mean, like of course -- was a little off-the-radar for my early elementary school self, my sports fandom carried that loss like the baggage it was for everyone who actually earned the scar. For years and years, if you told someone you were a Michigan basketball fan, you got a smug ass “Timeout!!!” from people.

The One Shining Podcast guys use the call as their intro, and it still fucking stings.

But I watched the clip, took it in, and tried to push forward before Michigan took the court against a favored Louisville team.

Then the game started. And then there was Spike.

And then there was Trey and the confetti.

Louisville, of course, would be forced to vacate that title this very year. The parallels have no end.

The Fab Five was there for that L, of course. The four non-Chris Webber guys together in the stands while Chris was up in a box. My fear is he’ll go to the grave with that timeout.

This time around, 2018 has given us a team unlike the ones of the past. I don’t go into this game with (as many) Fab Five haunts as before. Shit, Jalen Rose can’t even make the game (he’s working in New York), so the will-they-won’t-they drama is all but squashed immediately. And though I can’t speak at all on player motivation, you’d have to think redeeming the 2013 loss has to be somewhere in the headspace of at least a few of these players. It’s the same coach, a similar situation (4-seed five years ago, 3-seed now facing a monster 1-seed), and a hungry ass team featuring a pitbull point guard, a Many Faced German center, a sharp shooting sixth man, and a dude whose first name is literally Muhammad-Ali.

And we haven’t even gotten to Charles Matthews.

Charles Matthews is one of those first-and-last name guys. Charles feels too formal. Matthews, too sterile. A year ago, I didn’t know he existed. Now he’s filling GRIII’s shoes like the love interest of a creepy widower who insists she wear the late wife’s clothes. They even both rock the 1.

squint and it’s the same squint and it’s the same

* * *

MARCH 2019

OK, so I got too emotional previewing the Michigan-Villanova title game and actually stopped at that part. It was for the best. The Wolverines got wrecked when a white dude went off -- parallels, parallels, parallels -- and the rest is (Nova) history.

Last night, I watched Charles Matthews play what is 99.99999999999999% going to be his last game for Michigan. God damn, he was just the fucking best. If I had to construct the ideal M player to root for from scratch:

- Cool height, but not too tall, but for sure long... like a Michael Jordan-type 6′6′’ (CHECK)

- Impeccable hairline (CHECK)

- Jersey No. 1 (CHECK)

- Off the charts athleticism (CHECK)

- Dope at defense but doesn’t have to be (CHECK, IS)

- Likes Drake or Jay (YUP)

- Iffy shooter (...CHECK)

- Boring as hell interviews with the occasional unexpected flair (OHHH CHECK)

Yeah, just so sick.

I am sad, so let’s end with a Top 8 Memories Of Charles Matthews.

8) When Gus Johnson excitedly called him “Charlie Matthews” and I thought it might catch on and it definitely did not catch on

7) The Kentucky Transfer: Charles Matthews transferred to Michigan from another school. It got mentioned... a lot. Though it drew the ire of most Michigan fans, I always thought it sounded like a great damn boost.

6) Speaking of... he really could get up

5) Not wanting to get hit with water during locker room celebrations

4) Chi: I watched Michigan play Iowa in the first row of the 100 level at the UC for the 2019 Big Ten Tournament, and they announced Charles Matthews (from Chicago) last, and he got the biggest cheers in the arena/mobbed by his teammates

3) We experienced our successes in different ways

...but the joy never ceased.

2) MS-U MAD BRO?

1) The Minny game winner: Had to... this was his moment.

Oh man, the interview after was so god damn boring, you guys; top notch. Nothing but respect for my nonplussed swingman.

College sports are weird because there is so much brand continuity and tradition yet so much personnel change. It’s hard not to think of the ending of the “Friday Night Lights” movie. Like, you just did the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER and maybe it didn’t work out or maybe it did but no matter what it’s ON TO THE NEXT THING, LIKE, THE NEXT DAY. Some will go to the league, some will become accountants, but no matter what, the coaches will update the damn depth chart.

I love watching basketball because it makes me feel alive, and players like Charles Matthews make me feel most alive.

[suzanneshannon]

Want to get better at code? Teach someone CSS.

A friend of mine recently asked me to teach her to code. She was an absolute beginner, having no idea what coding really involves. I decided to start where I started: HTML and CSS. Using CodePen, we started forking Pens and altering them. Soon, a learning path started to unravel.

The aim of this article is not to teach basic CSS to those who already know it but rather to highlight the things that inspired a newcomer and hopefully inspire you to pass on some knowledge to others if the opportunity arises. It felt good to help someone out and, in turn, I learned some really valuable lessons that have changed the way I think about my code. Win win!

So, here we go: five lessons I learned from teaching someone CSS.

Lesson 1: Don’t start from scratch

When I starting coding for the web 12 years ago, I began with layout — positioning with floats, margins, padding and position declarations. It might seem outdated these days, but still, this is where I went right away with my new coding buddy.

It didn’t go that well.

As you might guess, starting with something like, “Here is how to position an empty box in the middle of the screen,” was a mistake. How uninspiring! And even though I was impressed with my own ability to demonstrate how Flexbox can position an element in the center of the screen (more on that later), I was immediately faced with lots of additional, non-positional questions.

“So how do you change the colors?”

“Can it change shape when hovered over?”

“What fonts can you use on the web?”

I thought we were weeks away from all that.

So, my plans of teaching the 12-column grid went out the window and we pulled up Chris’ named color chart alongside a couple of forked Pens and started playing around. First off, we changed the colors of Cassidy Williams Netflix/Netlify logo. Wow! Instant hit.

<a class="container" href="https://netlify.com" target="_blank">    <div class="logo">     <div class="uno"></div>     <div class="dos"></div>     <div class="tres"></div>   </div>   <div class="name">Prettier</div> </a>

Then a few simple tweaks to the CSS:

body {   background: #F9F2DB;   color: #092935;   font-size: 50px; } 
 a {   color: #092935; } 
 .logo .uno, .dos, .tres {   background: #C61561; } .logo .dos {   box-shadow: 0 0 20px #F9F2DB; } .logo::before {   background: #F9F2DB; } 
 .name {   letter-spacing: 8px; }

Within minutes, my friend was hooked! There was no boring positioning to worry about, just a clear example of how a few simple lines of code can change something so familiar into something entirely different.

Then it kicked in that you can change the color of anything! We loaded up a couple of well known sites in the browser and changed the colors of some text and backgrounds with DevTools, all in a couple of minutes. Mission accomplished! My friend was hooked. 

Lesson learned: Don’t worry about trying to build something from scratch. Have a play with what’s already out there! 

Lesson 2: Comments

This isn’t where I had planned to go with my planned class, but the question of why some parts of CSS start with /* and end with */ came up, so we went with it. 

This one really had me thinking about my own work. I really do not comment my code enough. Watching a new coder comment everything (and I mean everything) reminded me just how helpful comments are, not only for yourself, but also to a wider team, or even future you. (Sarah Drasner has a great talk on this topic).

And here is the thing: until then, I thought I was commenting pretty diligently. However, watching someone else do it made me realize how many times I look at a piece of code (particularly JavaScript) and wish I had put a line or two in there to remind myself what I was doing. A ten-second task might have saved me five (or perhaps even more) minutes down the road. That adds up and is now something I am working on.

Lesson learned: Comment more. 

Lesson 3: Positioning

We started with some basic HTML, and honestly, I saw my friend’s eyes glazing over almost immediately. It just looks so dull when you can’t see it doing anything right away (unlike editing pre-written CSS). However, we stuck with it, and got results.

Take my word for it, don’t start by positioning empty <div> elements with 1-pixel borders around them. You’ll lose your audience very quickly. Put a picture of a dog in there — or baby Yoda or a pizza — just as long as it’s anything other than an empty element.

We then turned to Flexbox. We actually found CSS Grid a bit too much at the start. We looked briefly at CSS Grid, but when reading lots of articles about it, it’s clear that many assume the reader already has familiarity with CSS, Flexbox in particular. My friend decided to start with Flexbox.

An admission on my part: I am so used to using UI frameworks (especially Bootstrap) that I very rarely position anything in Flexbox by writing the CSS myself. I know how it works and (most of) the declarations, but I still very rarely write it out myself, even in situations where it would be relatively easy. Teaching made me think about my reliance on UI frameworks as a whole. Yes, they are undoubtedly amazing and save us tons of time on projects, but I recalled using Bootstrap on a recent project that was essentially two pages and probably didn’t need it! 

Lesson learned: If the project is something small with a minimal number of elements to position, then consider ditching the framework and code from scratch! The end result will be lightweight, fast, and way more satisfying!

Lesson 4: Typography

I love typography. I’ve been lucky enough to work with great designers over the past few years and that has really helped me dial in on the nuances of type. It’s amazing how changes to things like line-height and letter-spacing can really help lift a design from average to amazing. This was something I was keen to impress upon my eager new student. Well, I needn’t have bothered, as the only thing of interest (initially) was changing the fonts and then, crucially for me, the sheer number of fonts available for us to use. The choices are almost limitless and the services and foundries offering web fonts have exploded in the past few years to a point where anything is possible, at speed with little impact on load times.

But here is the thing about designers (and front-end developers like myself): we can be a bit narrow-minded in our font choices. Designs tend to stick to the same fonts from the same services (Roboto and Open Sans anyone?) because we know they are easy to implement and that they work. Exploring fonts with someone new to the trade forced me to look beyond the old staples and try a few new things. I’m now looking for new pairings that work together and dialing in on how they work on screen and impact the whole look and feel of a design. In short, teaching someone else about type has improved my own journey with type, which was probably stuck in something like 2017. 

Lesson learned: Keep up to date with type.

Lesson 5. :hover makes everything fun

Things were going OK up to this point, but as you can probably imagine, things were still pretty static. Without really planning, we stumbling into adding a hover effect on on an element and it was an instant hook, just like it was changing colors for the first time!

Hovers add interaction and easily impress, which makes them great for a newcomer to play around with. Scaling objects, changing a box from square to round, hiding content — these are the types of thing that can all be done so easily that hovers are an ideal way for a new coder to get instant results. And here’s the thing: “‘playing” around like this opens other doors. “What if I just do this?” is something many us rarely get to ask ourselves in our day-to-day jobs. With defined designs to work from, there is often little chance to play and equally less chance to experiment.

CodePen Embed Fallback

So, here is the final lesson: Make time to play. Just by being asked, “How do you make this thing do that?” has forced me to learn new things, see what’s new in CSS, and see what I can take back into my day-to-day work. Experimenting (or better yet, playing) has made me a better designer, and I’ll be doing more.

CodePen Embed Fallback

Lesson learned: Make time to play.

Conclusion

If my time teaching CSS to a newbie has taught me anything, it’s that I rarely write code from scratch anymore. Code snippets and autocomplete save me hours, but it’s those same conveniences that let me forget about some really basic stuff. Stuff I should know. By teaching someone else, even if just for 15 minutes now and then, my coding has generally improved and my eyes are open to new ideas and techniques that I may not have otherwise considered.

And as for my friend? Well, she was so taken by CSS in our short time together that she is now doing an online course that includes HTML, which doesn’t seem so dull now that she knows what it is capable of doing!

The post Want to get better at code? Teach someone CSS. appeared first on CSS-Tricks.

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Want to get better at code? Teach someone CSS. published first on https://deskbysnafu.tumblr.com/

[kiquedraws-blog]

Highlight Part 1

''Hello…'' strange person was standing there motionless. At one point I though she was shot becasuse she dodn't made a move. Me slowly going towards her my heart beating my hand is shaking while the other one grapping the belt of my sniper case that was attached to my back. Getting closer to her, she had dark curly brown hair as far as I could see chubbier appierance.I put my hand on her shoulder and asked''Miss,are you alright?'' No respond. I asked again while getting in front of her.Her hazel eyes and dark skin made really nice contrast, until i saw blood on her right cheek. I waved my hand in front of her but nothing. ''Uhhh, What the fu--?'' I slowly muttered as the harsh light from my room hit my face and unfortunately my eyes.’’Time to get up, we have a new recruit and we need some help showing her around.’’ My comander, Arin Dagger one of the most respected men and my best friend. I got out of my beloved bed. Getting up from really warm bed wasn’t my favourite part of the day and on my favourite day where we had a free day in the week. Like why do you call it free day if you have to work I mean come on.When I stoped whining in my head and finally got up after ten minutes. I was in my uniform.White shirt under a brown leather jacket with low V cut on it,my military pants a belt where i kept my extra bullets,deep black boots and finally on the end my second best friend my sniper riffle.It looked really nice with all those scratches from the fights. I had to put myself to protect innocent people.Even if Arin said I shouldn’t be playing around with one of the finest snipers in the whole military i didn’t listened him and I almost broke it.’’Are you comming or should I send maids for you Venox?” I heard a raised voice from the hallway.”Im comming holy crap calm down!” I rushed out of my room just to bump into Arin”You’re late.Again.” he said with serious face”Whatever, where’s the recruit so we can be over with this crap, cause I’m not planing to do anything than chilling around on my free day.” He rolled his eyes”She’s in the Testing room waiting for you.” He said calmly and pointing to the Testing room on my left. I nodded and walked away. I opened the door to see really tall girl standing there.”Hello my name is Simone, but you'll call me Venox.” I introduced myself as shaking her hand”And you are?” I asked”Oh,right. My name is Zara, pleasure to meet you.” She said with the nervous smile.I let go of her hand as putting my riflle down.”So why do you want to join this military?” I asked her.She looked me with slight fear in her eyes as trying to come with the answer“My brothers sended me here.“ She said with a pause“They couldn't take care of me anymore and said I was always in trouble.“ She said looking down the shiny white floor.“Oh…Well we'll show them wrong.“I said with optimism in my voice“Now I need you to take off your shoes casue I need your height and weight.“I said to her.She took her shoes off right away and put them beside.I pointed to the scale behind her.While she was walking to the scale I took pencil and markbook of new recruits,I started writing down.Name:Zara…“Ay, what's your last name? I asked her“Lasrtong.“She responded just loud that my ears could pick up“Can you spell it please?“ I asked her“Sure.“ She responded. She started spelling her lastname“Okay, now what's your age and birth date?“ “Oh, it's January 12th.“ She responded not realizing that she forgot to name her birthyear“And I was born in 2067.“ She added“Okay, we're done with the boring part.“ I said walking to the scale she was standing on.Well holy crap she was tall 5 feet and 10 inches,writing it down on a paper,“Well you're as tall as general Arin.“ I said amused. Now looking down her weight was really low. I wrote on paper next to weight chart 132 lbs, and compared it to her height.“You're underweight,but don't worry.When you start working out and eating properly, you'll be on the healthy side.Now you can get down.“I said looking at her slender posture“I'm going to get you your uniform, just in a sec." I said leaving the room. I wondered around the base, which was pretty damn big I mean. Two storeys and twenty rooms on each floor with few secret rooms which I don't have key for. I'm working on getting them.I was walking, then I bumped into someone“Oh I'm so so sorry!“ I started apologizing to the person which was male. Travis Erwin. He was one grumpy guy who you just want to circle five feet around.“Venox what the hell?! This is your fifth time this week! Look at the mess you made oh my god why are you so clumsy…“ I was wondering off in my thoughts while he was ranting about how clumsy I am.“Okay listen here little man.“ I said “You should respect me as your comander so if you kindly let this slide, today is not my lucky day so would you please shut the hell up?!“ I yelled in low tone at him becasue I was already tired and didn't want to disturb any sleeping agents either. He shut up while looking up. True he was a small man. He had ginger hair and brown eyes, bit too short and short temper. He had side cut and piercing on his lip which he regret. I don't know why but it's so cute to see him mad. The way he turns red in the face and ears. It's just cute and funny at the same time. “Wait that do I need to do again?“ I asked myself in low tone. “Right, I need to get the uniform for the rookie.“ I said to myself again. Rushing down the hall, down to the left I finally got in front of the door that says “Military Tailor“ I finally took a breath and opened the dark wooden door.“Alex you here?“ I called out. While I was inside checking at fabrics of all kind,snips and some sort of sewing machine probably from the years ago, I heard yelling. I reacted quicky and started running around while I didn't ran into him.“Lex you okay?“ I asked him. “Yes I'm fine. I stabbed myself with a pin again.“ I started laughing at his little story. “What do ya need?“ He asked. “I need a uniform in S size if you have one.“ I responded,“Girl or a boy?“ He asked again. “It's a girl.“ I responded to him. While I was looking around he was everywhere from left to right. “Here ya go baby.“ I smiled a bit and left his workplace. Rushing back I finally made it to the training room, I opened the door. “I'm so sorry for taking this long, I had an accident. I ran into Travis. P.S don't get into his way 'cause he's really salty.“ I said to her, she smiled to me.“Here's your uniform.“ I tossed her her new uniform.“Thanks.“ She said. “Put it on i'll wait you outside.“ I said grabbing my gun and walking outside the room. I leaned against the wall as looking at the passing agents, veterans, rookies… After a minute tall girl walked out in a uniform, not gonna lie she looked nice. “Anyways, let's start.“ I said as starting to walk around. TIME SKIP “And here should be your room, feel comfty and call if you need anything.“ I said to her. She closed the door while waving me goodbye. I waved back to her.“So what' chu thinkin'?“ Arin sneaked behind my back and scared me.“She seems nice,bit introverted but okay.“ I said to him,“Will she be any of help?“ He asked again“I hope she will, cause we're really running low on snipers.“ I responded to him. He walked away without me noticing it. I returned to my room to chill for the rest oft he day, because I knew I have a lot of work to do tomorow.

[theboardwalkbody]

59 QUESTIONS:

Flounder told me to do 59 of those questions. I started this last night and needed to take a break. I tried to answer completely and honestly and it may have really soured my mood. By question like 20 or so it’s basically pictures of Joe Gilgun every other question. lol I felt it was easier to post photos than answer with words since I wasn’t too happy. But I’m sure if you delve into this you’ll really see where the depression and self-loathing caught hold of me again.

1. selfie

post-shower selfie. also, shout-out to Joe.

2. what would you name your future kids?

Boys: Thomas Richard (or if I had two boys Thomas and Richard). Thomas is a name that’s p much been in every gen of my family except for mine because everyone had girls and not boys. So I’d bring that back. Richard was my grandpa’s name so I’d also bring that back.

Girls: Natalie, Elizabeth, possibly Ellie, maybe Megan. 

3. do you miss anyone?

Of course. One’s a they’re-not-here-anymore thing and the others more of a we’re-growing-apart-as-people thing. 

4. what are you looking forward to?

You know, I really am looking forward to starting this new job. Not just for the money it’ll provide me with and the possibilities of me being able to do fun things like go to the friggin’ aquarium (most of this sort of thing I am already making plans to do lol oops) and see the solar eclipse but also because it feels like I’m finally DOING something. It feels like I’m finally taking this nursing-track seriously. I’ve got myself in a hospital doing career-related work. It’ll have benefits which I need to stay healthy. It’ll support me. It almost feels like Day One of this job is where my TV show starts. Day One is my Pilot episode. It’s gonna be JD walking into Sacred Heart, it’s gonna be the TARDIS landing in my yard and the Doctor saying, “run”, it’s gonna be Spongebob getting his fry cook spatula. In my mind I keep comparing it to Scrubs a lot. Like this is where we see me go from PCA to Nurse and this is where I will finally make Work Friends and maybe grab dinner with them after a long shift and maybe one day a cute employee will see me in the cafeteria and we’ll start dating. I just feel like maybe this job will be that life changing. That this is where my story starts - the story people want to see - and that’ll change my life. Or kickstart it. I know that that all sounds horribly idealistic and is not at all reality, it’s just not how life works, but that’s how excited and hopeful it’s making me.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

Lately Joe Gilgun’s been handling that. lol (and by lately i mean for like a year now). But as far as people IRL... not sure. Everyone has their days. One day this person will make me smile another day this one will. Everyone has bad days where they just rub each other the wrong way - it happens. But I feel like the people who are close to me make me smile pretty well for the most part. 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

Not really. I’ve only ever had one boyfriend and it took me two weeks top to get over him. Then again, I wasn’t even that big into him anyway. I’ve had a couple friendships melt away and those took longer to get over. Not sure I’m entirely over them. I think it just depends on the strength of the relationship and probably also the type. I really don’t peg myself as one who would find it hard to get over failed romantic en-devours, based on that past experience. 

7. what was your life like last year?

Strap in: Last year was a fucking hot mess. I mean personally as well as whatever the fuck the universe was doing. I started off last year entering Nursing III. I was excited because OB/PEDI was the rotation. I had JUST managed to pass Nursing II the week before Christmas and I truly felt like the luckiest person alive. I went into Nursing III with the impression it wouldn’t be harder than Nursing II BUT I wanted to do well anyway because OB/PEDI is where I want to be. The rotation was hectic and I was feeling the pressure and I ended up struggling. I failed the class by 2 points. Somewhere in the midst of all that I got into Preacher and so I took to drowning my sorrow by thinking of Joe (watching interviews and stuff). And man was I full of sorrow. The entire rest of May and the entirety of June I fell into such a fucking state of depression I was starting to forget literally everything. I lost an entire week of memory to depression during that period. Despite that I got a job as I’d run out of money and I started passing the time doing that. Until I got over the initial “if i mess up im fired” anxiety and got comfortable, at which point I called out frequently because my depression was like “fuck you you’re staying in bed - MENTAL HEALTH DAY LOLOLOL”. I was accepted as a re-entry student and got to try a second attempt at Nursing III. My job told me to go fuck myself (they wanted me to work friday - sunday plus one day during the week minimum - my class schedule was monday, thursday, friday and sorry i wanted a day to rest and a day to study - plus. that friday was non-negotiable. gotta love retail) and fired me. But whatever. Back to school, my priority, I went. I bought physical copies of my books to accompany the online versions. I went to the library to study. I actually studied. I excelled at clinical and I did well on all my exams except one. And then the final came up. And all I needed was a 75 to pass. My average was a 77 for christ sake. But nope. Bombed. 0.7 point failure. I got my grade three days before christmas. I tried to kill myself in front of my mom and my sister (in front of the christmas tree) with my grandma and my sisters boyfriend one room over in the kitchen. I cried for hours in my little sisters arms. I’d ruined christmas. My life was over. 0.7 points and ‘sorry, you failed out of nursing school - the last 4 years of your life was pointless’. I tried to appeal. I tried EVERYTHING. The dean of nursing told me I had no case for an appeal (my failure was my own), my only option was to re-enter the program and start from scratch. I asked her, as calmly and composed as I could muster being on the verge of tears, what steps I needed to take to re-enter. She told me, “do you really want to continue to waste your time and money at an institution you’ve already failed?”. I wanted to fucking kill her. I wanted to slit my own throat right in front of her and bleed out over her desk. I cried instead. I was so pissed at myself. Why couldn’t I be a Normal Adult and not cry until I got outside the fucking building at least? I spent the last two weeks of the year with my head so bruised it hurt to touch it or lay down on a pillow even, trying to forget literally everything, how I literally ruined my own life because I wasn’t smart enough, by sleeping as much as I could and spending the hours I was awake thinking about Joe because at least thinking of him made me a little happier. 

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

Yes. I cry with literally almost every emotion.

9. who did you last see in person?

My grandma.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I tend to be. The only time I am not is if I am so overwhelmed I don’t have the energy. Or if I am so upset I’m literally having a breakdown. Then I’m not. 

11. are you listening to music right now?

No.

12. what is something you want right now?

I kinda just want to go to bed. This whole thing has gotten too personal and I’m like half on the verge of tears and half so angry at myself I could scream.

13. how do you feel right now?

See above. I was alright before that, though. Believe me I was.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

I don’t fucking know. Men are disgusted by my appearance and usually do not appear within a 30 mile radius let alone touch me.

15. personality description

i have to be honest with you. this whole thing has made me very upset and angry with myself so i really dont think im in the right place mentally to answer this question. 

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yes, and I feel bad about it to this day because they’re not around anymore.

17. opinion on insecurities.

I’ve got a lot of them. Also, Insecurity by Scars on 45 is a really good song, if that’s what you were asking.

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?

Read the above question about what my year was like and ask me that again.

19. have you ever been to New York?

I have been fortunate to go to NYC quite a few times. Benefits of having a friend who lives there. However, the amazement of it has certainly worn off. It’s a little frustrating to see how some people become so elitist about it. Yes, it’s a cool place, but listen, just because it’s a cool place doesn’t mean every other place is shit. It’s kind of annoying to watch your friend go on and on about how they’re a “native” and therefore “non-natives” don’t understand how awesome their city is while at the same time actively hating all the parts that make people like the city in the first place. It’s hard to explain. But I’m over that elitist attitude.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

I still can’t stop listening to Hamilton. I guess my current fav song off that is Washington On Your Side.

21. age and birthday?

25. Aug. 24th.

22. description of crush.

(I’ve not got any crushes that pertain to my actual real life so there’s Joe again). 

23. fear(s)

i have quite a number of those and lately ive been having like ‘flashes’ of scary situations while i’m out and about and have been mini panic attacks in public. so that’s not going well.

24. height

4′11.5″ is what the medical charts say. I think I can be an honorary 5ft.

25. role model (answered already)

26. idol(s)

see # 25

27. things i hate (answered already)

28. i’ll love you if…

you show me any shred of kindness and human respect.

29. favourite film(s)

Twister. Runners up: Forrest Gump, DragonHeart, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, and Holes.

30. favourite tv show(s)

Preacher, The Pacific, Generation Kill, Boardwalk Empire, The 100 (tho it’s an on-off love), Once Upon A Time (also on-off), Mr. Robot, HOUSE, M.D. CSI: NY, Viva La Bam, Jackass, and I used to really like Doctor Who and Torchwood. Misfits, Skins (UK, of course). 8 out of 10 Cats. I’ve got an on-off thing with 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Big Fat Quiz.... 

31. 3 random facts (answered already)

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

girls. remember #14

33. something you want to learn

Enough to get my friggin license and get out of school that’s for sure.

34. most embarrassing moment

i have a lot of them. one time i tried to talk to a guy i had a crush on. i talked to him the same way i wrote fanfiction at the time. (girl finds unloved outcast, girl asks him if he wants to be friends, ultimately they become inseparable and fall in love and live happily ever after). he was weirded out. i persisted for a few days. i IMed him after stalking his myspace. he called me a slut and told me to never talk to him after complimenting his haircut (which i couldnt have known unless i saw him IRL as he posted no photos and i still hadnt told him who i was). it made the rest of the year awkward. i was 14. don’t do that, kids.

35. favourite subject

i like sciencey stuff in general. but if i want easy a’s i got for english.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

1. become the best damn nurse in the ‘verse and help ~all the babies and kids 2. have a large happy family 3. be financially stable and healthy enough to take said large happy family on vacations and such

37. favourite actor/actress

38. favourite comedian(s)

(there’s more but they’re the only ones I have gifs of)

39. favourite sport(s)

I quite like tennis, actually.

40. favourite memory

Eh, I don’t really know - to be honest. IDK if it’s because I don’t have one or because depression makes me think I don’t have one or if it’s because I often look back at past times that were fun and wish ‘why can’t I go back, I miss it’ rather than ‘That was great, what a good time’ like I assume most people are supposed to.

41. relationship status

single as fuck. yes, i am bitter about it. and very lonely.

42. favourite book(s)

Living Hell - Catherine Jinks the Across the Universe series by Beth Revis Rapture - John Shirley (prequel to BioShock) The Stand - Stephen King 11/22/63 - Stephen King Under the Dome - Stephen King The Islander - Cynthia Rylant

43. favourite song ever

Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon. I like the way it sounds. It calms me down.

44. age you get mistaken for

i have no idea, but i do know no one bothers to ID me for alcohol anymore.

45. how you found out about your idol

I’m going to bang my head against a wall.

46. what my last text message says

my mom: “we’ll go next week then” me: “OK”

47. turn ons

48. turn offs

not being treated with mutual respect (ie a dude expecting he’s entitled to things or who thinks he should get more than he gives out). one of those guys who considers relationships to be the “ball-and-chain” trope. like don’t bother then.

49. where i want to be right now

with Joe. I am over this questionaire. D:

50. favourite picture of your idol

STOP ASKING ME ABOUT MY IDOL. HERE’S A GIF OF JOE AS CASSIDY.

51. starsign

virgo

52. something i’m talented at

i have no talent.

53. 5 things that make me happy

and also good food.

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

my financial situation (are we a nation of states? whats the state of our nation?! i’m passed patiently waiting, i’m passionately smashing every expectation. every actions an act of creation. i’m laughing in the face of casualty and sorrow, for the first time im thinking past tomorrow - and i am not throwing away my shot!) also literally everything because Anxiety™.

55. tumblr friends

Marisa and Heather and Flounder, you don’t count because I knew you since The Womb (Middle School is the womb apparently) and Kenny if we’re going by people I talk to frequently and also got on FB and the like. But if you wanna be friends just drop me a line. 

56. favourite food(s)

Chicken fingers with fries (and honey mustard and ketchup) is my go-to meal whenever I am out. I also like pizza from my fav. pizzeria (I mean or any but mine’s the best). Mozzarella sticks, penne vodka, ham and cheese subs/ham, salami, cappicolla, provolone subs (italian subs). French toast (homemade tho), waffles (eggo only), pancakes, grilled cheese, cream of broccoli soup but NOT cheddar broccoli, baked ziti (with ricotta or you did it wrong), mac and cheese, Guinness steak and mushroom pies, toasted pb&j sammiches, fluffenutter sammiches, english muffin pizzas are good in a pinch, chicken goo, cheeseburgers (only from mcdonalds tho so...) and once a year i have a hotdog. OH no - I love auntie annes pretzel dogs and i get those often so disregard my previous statement.

57. favourite animal(s)

turtle, axolotl, sharkies are cool, puppies (but not the scary ones that barked at me on my walk) and kittens and i really like reptiles.

58. description of my best friend

(photos apparently swimsuit edition and look at those fucking hideous life jackets that we had to wear per contract until out of sight from camp personell. DIDN’T STOP ME FROM SPLITTING MY FOOT OPEN AND NEEDING STITCHES NOW DID IT). Also Flounder’s swimsuit was cooler than mine. And yes I am short.

59. why i joined tumblr

Kiera had a tumblr and I wanted to be cool, too, so I made one and forced her to follow me and I followed her and she doesn’t use this site anymore because she decided red.dit and ifu.nny were better uses of her time but i cant escape, i dont want to.