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casp1an-sea · 9 months ago

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Star Wars But Better Part 1

here’s the link to the master post so you can get part one: Master post

releasing part one because I’m bored as hell

this is a story I wrote a while back, I think it was sophomore year? Basically I replaced Luke Skywalker with @xen-blank. If you don’t know them and you’re a Star Wars fan, I think it’s still pretty funny.

not all of this is my words because I did take things directly from the script of the movie. If something is in quotations it’s a direct quote that I wanted you to know it was a direct quote.

—————————————————————————

A Long Time Ago In a Galaxy Far Far Away…

Civil war… Rebel spaceships… striking from a hidden base… won their first Victory… evil Galactic Empire… yada yada yada who cares

C3PO: (To R2) Did you hear that? They’ve shut down the main reactor. We’ll be destroyed for sure this is madness!

(Vader kills a bunch of guys and R2 gets some message. What's it for? I don’t know! He's very cryptic about it. Anyway he somehow knocks 3PO into an escape pod and the Kriffing Imperial Idiots scene no life in the pod so they don’t shoot it down. They land on a planet of sand… I hate sand… anyway who cares if they get captured by jawas or something. Either way they're not important so I’m not writing it!)

----Meanwhile on the Lars Ranch-—

Luc: (To droid) come on already! (Impatiently waits) Uhg you walk too slow! (Just picks the dang thing up and chuks it in the back of their speeder then drives off)

(Luc arrives at Anchorhead a woman angrily waves her fists at them as they drive by)

Old Woman: I told you kids to slow down around here!

(Luc ignores her and stops in front of the power station which is the only slightly interesting place on tatooine. It’s still hot as hell though so does it really matter? They walk into the station and see a rugged mechanic and Camie “a sexy” disheveled girl who is making out with the mechanic when Luc walks in.)

Luc: Ew

Waxer: Shut your porthole wormie

Luc: (Gives them an L) Losers

Camie: You're such a child!

Biggs: Well it seems like no ones changed!

(Luc turns to see their childhood Bestie Biggs Darklighter, “a burly handsome boy”)

Luc: Oh my gosh Bestie?! I didn’t know you were back!

Biggs: Yeah I’m surprised too. Nice to see you again wormie. I thought you’d be here. I certainly didn’t think you’d be out working. (laughs)

Luc: What’s that supposed to mean?

Biggs: (Laughs and ruffles their hair) It really is good to see you hot shot!

Luc: The academy hasn’t changed you much, but you’re back so soon. What happened?

Biggs: Nothing bad, I got my commission. First mate biggs darklighter at your service (he salutes)

Luc: Man I’d love to see you with combed hair for once

Biggs: (Laughs) Well I came back because I wanted to say goodbye to all you land locked simpletons. (Pats them on the shoulder)

Luc: D-did you just touch me! That’s a hate crime! (Pretends to be appalled)

(Camie rolls her eyes)

Luc: Oh I almost forgot. (Speaks non shelauntly) There's a space battle going on. (Points to a spot in the sky where they had seen explosion through their micro binoculars earlier)

Waxer: Stop with that dumb bathat poodoo, I’m not falling for that again!

(Camie stares at the sky)

Camie: Yeah nice eyes wormie there's nothing up there.

Biggs: (Looks through macrobinoculars) Yeah sorry Luc they’re just sitting there. Probably refiling or something.

Luc: (Crosses arms) Well they were fighting earlier

Waxer: Yeah I don’t buy it!

Luc: Well that’s a you problem.

(Waxer shrugs and rolls his eyes, then drags Camie back into the station to play pool with Deak and Windy)

(Meanwhile Leia is insulting Vader and getting arrested)

(Luc and Biggs are walking outside drinking a “Malt Brew” (don’t ask me what that is) the others can be heard inside)

Luc: (Very animated) So then- get this because it was so cute! So next I went up to- Well, in the game in the game I was carrying all of these books, right? And they were super heavy, so- Ahh, it was so cute, so I picked the “intimacy up” choice- (this was written by Luc themself)

Biggs: You better take it easy Luc. You might be a good pilot but if you get too cocky you might end up as a decoration on the canyon wall.

Luc: Look who’s talking, you're the one who’s piloting big fancy starships!

Biggs: I’ve missed you kid!

Luc: Good! >:)

Biggs: Uh i didn’t come back to just say goodbye…

Luc: Don’t tell me you want to break up!

Biggs: What? Oh! (Laughs) Don’t mess with me like that!

Luc: Why’d you even hesitate? Oh whatever, what do you want to say?

Biggs: I made some friends at the academy

Luc: And you’re replacing me or some dumb druk

Biggs: This is serious (whispers) me and my buddies are gonna hop a ship and join the Alliance-

Luc: The rebellion? You’re gonna commit high treason! (Excitedly smiles)

Biggs: Hey don’t get so excited

Luc: Sorry breaking the law just sounds so much more fun than being stuck here!

Biggs: Then you should come with me

Luc: Bestie, you know my uncle. There’s no way he’s gonna let me have a life off this rock let alone join a kriffing war.

Biggs: What good is your uncle’s work if it’s taken over the empire? You know they are starting to nationalize commerce in the central systems.

Luc: Wish I could tell him that

Biggs: It won’t be long before your Aunt and Uncle and maybe even you are merely tenants for the greater glory of the empire.

Luc: Nah because I’ll just take over the Empire before they can do that!

Biggs: You’d probably be a better leader then old Palpy.

Luc: Exactly!- Are you going to be around long?

Biggs: No, I'm heading out in the morning…

Luc: Then I guess I won’t see you.

Biggs: You never know. Keep a look out alright?

Luc: Yeah. I’m supposed to go to the Academy next rotation, after that I don’t know. I’m not gonna be some dumb pilot for pricy admirals to gauk over, thats for sure.

Biggs: Yeah (choked laugh) So long Luc (Messes with their hair)

(Biggs turns away and heads towards the power station)

------

#Star Wars #fanfic #xe.lu.le :)#Re Writes

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casp1an-sea · 8 months ago

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STAR WARS But Better Part 10

FINAL PART

I know this one is a bit longer but 10 is a nice number so oh well

here’s the link to the master post so you can get part one: Master post

—————————-

(Meanwhile Luc finds an empty X-wing)

Luc: Am I supposed to get into this?

Flight crew worker: Where's your flight suit?

Luc: Look you guys have really poor management. I don't know what I’m supposed to be doing.

Flight Crew worker: (Hastily shoves an ugly orange jumpsuit into Luc’s arms) Quick get ready and get in that X-wing. (Points to the one Luc was standing by which now has R2D2 in the droid compartment) Your call sign is Red 5, may the force be with you! (Runs off)

Luc: (Drops the flight suit on the floor) Ew. (Begins climbing into the cramped cockpit of the X-wing, only puting the helmet on because the suit was ugly) This place will be receiving a 1 star review!

(R2 beeps in agreement) [Side note while in the X-wing you can understand R2 because the ship translates his beeps)

Luc: Yeah R2! Agree with me because I’m always right!

(R2 beeps the equivalent of Yeah! Lets blow those MFs out of the sky!)

Luc: Oh! Okay then.

(Luc closes the X-wing hatch and straps into the ship)

Obi-wan: The force will be with you always.

Luc: Gramps? What the heck?! (Looking around but it was only a voice)

(There is no response)

Luc: I’ve got an old grandpa haunting me, that's fun.

(A few moments later the possy of x-wings arrive at the death star which is now only minutes from being in range with the rebel base.)

Red Leader: All fighters report in

Red ten: Red ten standing by

Red seven: Red seven standing by

Biggs: Red three standing by

Porkins: Red six standing by

Wedge: Red two standing by

Red eleven: Red eleven standing by

Luc: Ayo what’s popping!

Red leader: (Sternly) Call sign please

Luc: Red five, Jeez bestie.

Red leader: Lock S-foils in attack position. We’re passing through their magnetic field hold tight… okay switch deflectors on! Double Front!

Luc: (Ignoring every order and pressing random buttons) Uh… they should really provide tutorials for these things.

(R2 beeps and makes the ship do what it’s supposed to)

Luc: Alright then, you fly, I’ll shoot. (Grasps the gun controls)

(R2 beeps happily and steers the x-wings towards the other X-wings)

(The ships come up on the death star)

Wedge: Look at the size of that thing

Luc: Yhea and I already escaped it because I’m cool like that.

Red Leader: Cut the chatter Red 2 and 5

Luc: Okay mom (Rolls eyes)

(Some war talk between old men who cares it just means the fight is starting)

Luc: (Makes a nose dive toward the action) YEAH LETS MURDER THESE GUYS!

Red Leader: I did not give you author-

Luc: Don’t care bye loser (Speeds off into the fight)

(Luc blows up some satellite dishes or something)

Dude in the Yavin war room: Enemy fighters coming your way pilots.

(A group of tie fighters appear one on Bigg’s tail)

Luc: Big man you got a little something behind you.

Biggs: Where? I can’t see it!

(The tie-fighter fires at biggs and misses)

Biggs: I can’t shake em! (Dives towards the Death star)

Luc: (Leasuraly flying upside down) Man I really have to do everything! (Follows behind the Tie chasing biggs. Luc fires and hits) Yeah take that loser!

(Vader is piloting one of the Ties he breaks off and begins following Luc)

Biggs: Watch it wormie!

Wedge: Careful Luc!

(One of the ties hits luc’s hull)

Luc: Hey, Don't touch me without consent! R2 turn the ship around I need to kill someone

Biggs: Luc you turn around you die

Luc: (Hmph) fine!

Red Leader: Red five where are you?

Luc: Uh trying not to die?

Red leader: Well get over here

Luc: I’m contemplating mutiny

Biggs: They have a fighter on their tail we can’t get over there red leader

Luc: Ugh I can’t shake this stupid fighter

Wedge: I got him! (Shoots the tie and Biggs joins in the blaster fire)

Luc: Jeez, is he dead yet?

Wedge: I think so

Luc: Good.

( Gold leader goes into the tench to try and blow up the death star and dies)

Luc: Wow sucks to suck

Red Leader: Re group

Luc: What if I don’t want to?

Red Leader: I can have you court martialed for insubordination

Luc: Oh I’m definitely committing mutiny! (Reluctantly re groups)

(Red leader goes into the trench to blows up the death star, misses, and dies)

Luc: Yeah and stay dead!

Biggs: What your saying could be considered treason

Luc: Good! I hate him. Once this is over I’m gonna stomp on his grave… Now what?

Wedge: I don’t know you’re the boss

Luc: What? Why?

Biggs: You’re the main character

Luc: Fair enough… uhhhhhh, let’s blow up the death star I guess

Biggs: Alright we're going in

Luc: I can’t decide whether I like being in charge or not, never mind I do. Wedge do a backflip with your X-wing.

Wedge: What?! Were in the middle of a war I could die.

Luc: I don’t care!

Wedge: Fine! (Quickly flips his ship)

(The three dive into the trench, the X-wings following close.)

Wedge: There to close I can’t stay

Luc: Okay coward bye we don’t like you!

(Wedge leaves. Luc gets their shot lined up as the ties close in on Biggs. Vader pulls the trigger and blows up biggs)

Luc: Big man? (Turns and sees he’s dead) Well slay literally.

(3 tie fighters charge down the trench towards luc. Vader is in the middle, his sights locked on the X-wing.

Luc: Great guess I have to be the protagonist now! (Aims toward the exhaust port on the death star getting ready to fire.)

Ghosti-wan: use the force luc…

Luc: (Looks up at the stars seeing no one) Gramps can you stop doing that this is really a bad time?

Ghosti-wan: let go…

Luc: Hey when where you gonna tell me you were suicidal?

Ghosti-wan: LET GO!

Luc: Alright jeez! (Let’s go off the controls) Jesus take the wheel!

Ghosti-wan: No, not literally! Meantaly.

Luc: Well maybe you should try being more clear! (Luc shuts off their targeting computer, grips the guns and closes their eyes allowing the force to flow through them.)

Vader: The force is strong with this one…

Rebel guy in the base: Their computer is off. Luc your targeting computer is off! What’s wrong?

Luc: Nothing! Leave me alone! (returns to the zone)

(Vader locks onto Luc’s ship and fires hitting R2)

Luc: Well guess I have to learn to fly now!

Ghosti-wan: USE THE FORCE

Luc: OKAY! I get it!

(They close their eyes again and their body subconsciously flies the ship via the force bc Luc is just amazing like that)

(On the death star)

Imperial Officer: Rebel base in range.

Tarkin: You may fire when ready!

(The death star begins powering up seconds away from firing. Will Luc make the shot? Will Vader kill them??? OH THE SUSPENSE!)

Vader: (Lines up a shot) I have you now!

(The two other tie-fighters close in on Luc as well making it impossible to escape)

Luc: Well I guess I die now!

(Suddenly Vader takes a surprise hit from a ship flying in from above sending him spinning through space)

Vader: What.

(The Falcon flies above the trench. It dives into the trench on a crash course with the remaining tie fighters. Scared the pilots fall for the trick and accidentally crash into each other as they try to evade the Falcon)

Han: (Over the Com) Yahoo! You’re all clear kid now let's blow this thing and go home!

(Luc stretches out with the force and at the last second fires. Both torpedoes make it in and the two ships fly away from the death star as fast as they can. Flying through space with the giant explosion behind them.)

(As they fly back to the base)

Han: Great kid! That shot was 1 in a million!

Ghosti-wan: Remember the force will be with you… always…

Luc: Yeah great I blew up the death star but can someone please tell this ghost to stop stalking me and giving me cryptic messages! It’s kinda annoying.

Han: What?!

Luc: Nevermind your brain would never be able to process the information

Han: I feel like that's an insult

Luc: I don’t know

(The ships land back on Yavin four with the rest of the rebels bc somehow not everyone died)

Leia: Luc! Luc! Luc!

(She throws her arms around both Han and Luc. Luc is disgusted and attempts to get away from Leia's grasp.)

Luc: (Peals Leia’s arm off of them) We’re not that close! DON’T touch me!

Leia: Oh I’m sorry. I’m just excited! We actually did it!

Han: We? What did you do?

Leia: Alright fine Luc actually did it!

Han: Hey!

Luc: Yeah that’s right! Han doesn’t exist!

Leia: (To Han) I will say I’m shocked you came back

Han: Hey I wasn’t gonna let them have all the glory

Luc: Chewie talked him into it

Han: Well maybe… but I’m here nonetheless.

Leia: (Sarcastically) I’m so happy!

Han: Hey what’d I do

Leia: I’m kidding I’m glad you came back

Luc: I’m not!

(He ignores Luc’s remark, turning to Threepio who is running around frantically)

Threepio: OH DEAR OH DEAR! R2 why must you always get yourself into trouble!

Han: What’s wrong with him?

Luc: His bestie got shot

Threepio: Sir Sir! Do you think they can repair him? I’ll gladly donate any parts he may need.

Luc: I don’t know I’m not a mechanic why are you asking me? Still I like that little guy. TECHNICIAN?!

Technician: He’ll be fine

Threepio: Oh thank the maker!

Luc: Threepio you should audition for a soap opera

Threepio: Oh I’m not very good at performing sir.

Luc: Mhm…

(Luke, Han, and Chewbacca enter the huge ruins of the main

temple. Hundreds of troops are lined up in neat rows. Banners

are flying and at the far end stands a vision in white, the

beautiful Princess Leia. Luc and the others solemnly

march up the long aisle and kneel in front of the princess (Except for Luc who definitely stands). From

one side of the temple marches a shined-up and fully repaired

Artoo-Detoo. He waddles up to the group and stands next to

an equally pristine Threepio, who is rather awestruck by the

whole event. Chewbacca is confused (Why? Idk that’s just what the script says). Dodonna and several other

dignitaries sit on the left of Princess Leia. Leia is

dressed in a long white dress and is staggeringly beautiful.

She rises and places a gold medallion around Han's neck. He

winks at her. )

Luc: (mumbles) EW

(She then repeats the ceremony with Luc. They turn and face the assembled

troops, who all bow before them.

Luc: YES BOW TO ME PEASANTS!

(Chewbacca growls and R2 beeps with happiness. Luc notices that Chewie does not have a medal. They have a genius Idea. They walk away from their position in the middle of the ceremony and go over to Han. Han gives them a confused look then they grab Han’s medal and rip it from his neck)

Han: (Trying to get his medal back from the gremlin) Hey! What’s the big Idea.

(Luc happily skips over Chewie's attempts to put it around Chewie's neck, decides they're too short and hands it to him instead.)

Luc:(Hands chewie the medal) Here! (Innocent smile)

(Chewie puts the medal on shrugging as Han stands shocked behind his friend. Luc returns to their spot as if nothing happens and there is some awkward silence followed by awkward clapping and finally and that’s where our story ends… for now.)

★☆★

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@xen-blank, @thehollowwriter, @l7k-a, @ferris-the-wheel, @keii-starz

@krenenbaker @elenauaurs @the-banana-0verlord @edith-is-a-cat @dove-da-birb

@theosb0rnway

I excluded anyone who didn’t specify a fandom let me know if you’d like to be added or removed

@sunshinechildskywalker, @xentari94 your not on my tag list but it’s Star Wars so I thought you might like it

#star wars #star wars au #fan fiction #Xe.Lu.Le :)#original trilogy #re writes 🦈

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casp1an-sea · 9 months ago

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Star Wars But Batter Part 4

here’s the link to the master post so you can get part one: Master post

because I’m releasing till we meet Han and I’m still bored

———————

(Another time skip bc I don’t care about imperial bs. I don’t even remember what they were talking about. All I know is Vader choked someone for calling the force weak. Now back to Luc and obi-wan who had to stop in front of a Jawa sand crawler that was in the path. They look at the remains of the dead Jawas)

Luc: Well then, guess the sand people had an argument.

Obi-wan: no not sand people-

Luc: :O Are you saying that I'm wrong?

Obi-wan: These blast points are much too accurate. Must be Storm troopers.

Luc: (muebles) Then I guess you haven’t met a stormtrooper! (See’s tracs of giant alien lizards that the stormtrooper AKA Sand troopers ride) Oh this was done by Sand Troopers!

Obi-wan: Exactly

Luc: No you said stormtroopers so I’m still right. Wait, these are the same Jawas we bought 3PO and R2 from… MY AUNT AND UNCLE! (Hops in their spider driving home as fast as possible and leaving the others behind. When Luc arrives their home is smoking and 2 shriveled burnt skeletons lay at the door.)

Luc: Damn okay then empire, you really know how to make friends don’t you.

(Another time skip because I don’t care about Vader’s torture kink. Back to the human BBQ)

Ben: (Somehow arriving just after Luke even though he had to walk Woah maybe he used that once in a lifetime force super speed???) There was nothing you could have done luc.

Luc: Well I guess I don’t have any stuff to do now. I’ll join your cult or whatever, nothing keeping me here now.

(They ride in the speeder for a bit till they get to a huge city Luc’s never been too)

Obi-wan: Welcome to Mos Eisley spaceport, a wretched hive of scum and villainy!

Luc: If it’s that bad why would you take me here.

Obi-wan: Because there’s bound to be a pilot who can take us to Alderaan here.

Luc: I’m sure there are less sketchy pilots in other cities though?

Obi-wan: I’m kind of broke

Luc: -_-

(They drive through mos eisley and are stopped by stormtroopers)

Trooper: How long have you had these droids

Luc: Long time, what's it to you!

Obi-wan: They’re on sale if you want them.

3PO: oh dear

Trooper: (To luc) Let me see your identification

Obi-wan: (Moves his hand around) You don’t need to see their identifications

Trooper: We don’t need to see their identification.

Other trooper: What the Hell Larry?!

Obi-wan: Move along

Trooper: Move along

Other trooper: You are so fired

(They drive away and head into town and enter the largest cantina)

Bartender: (Sees 3PO and R2) We don’t serve their kind here!

Luc: Uh that’s kinda droidist.

Bartender: Get them out!

Luc: N-

3PO: Don’t bother Sir Lucifer, me and R2 will stand outside.

Luc: Okay if that’s what you want.

(3PO and R2 go outside and Obi-wan and Luc go up to the bar)

Walrus man: (Walks up and pokes Luc’s shoulder) Negola dewaghi wooldugger?!?

Luc: Hey don’t touch me that’s harassment!

Dr. Evasan: (Comes up behind Walrus man) He doesn’t like you!

Luc: That’s his problem

Dr. Evasan: I don’t like you either

Luc: And that’s your problem, (Turns away)

Dr. Evasan: (Grabs Luc’s shoulder pulling back) You better watch yourself! We’re wanted men. I ha-

Luc: Have you seen this place? I’m pretty sure everyone here is wanted.

Dr. Evasan: Are you mocking me?

Luc: No, (Mocking him) Are you mocking me? That’s mocking you.

(Pondo Baba suddenly grabs Luc and throws them over a table. He draws a blaster leveling it with Luc’s head)

Droidist Bartender: NO BLASTERS!

(Obi-wan ignites his lightsaber and, like the savage he is, cuts off Pondo’s blaster arm for virtually no reason. (“From my point of view the jedi are evil”))

(The wookie that had been talking to Obi-wan walks away to a table in the back)

Obi-wan (To look bc apparently everyone is just ignoring what happened)(Points at the wookie) That was Chewbacca, He’s first mate on a ship that might suit our needs.

Luc: Are we Just gonna ignore what just happened?

Obi-wan: We should follow him. (Walks after Chewie)

Luc: Well then I guess we are. (Mumbles to themself) Good Job Luc not only you’ve been inducted into a cult, it’s a violent cult… Hm, maybe I can take it over.

(Meanwhile 3PO is outside complaining to R2 bc I mean does he ever do anything else?)

(They walk up to a table in the back corner of the room. A guy is sitting there with his elbows very rudely on the table. Like seriously manners, this is a quality joint!)

(Did I mention that the whole time live music has been playing. Live Jiz played by the galacticly famous band, Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes. Anyway back to the Guy)

Han: Han Solo, I’m captain of the Millennium Falcon-

Luc: What the Hell is a Falcon.

Han: No Idea, but she’s my ship now. Anyway, Chewie tells me you’re looking for passage to Alderan.

Obi-wan: Yes, If it’s a fast ship.

Han: Fast ship? Fast Ship?! Have you ever heard of the Millennium Falcon?

Luc: (Muebles) Obviously Not

Han: She made the Kessel Run in less than 12 Parsecs!

Luc: Parsecs is distance so how does that tell us your ship is fast?

Han: They don’t measure the Kessel Run in time kid.

Luc: Mhm, still doesn’t change my point.

Han: (Grumbles) She’s outrun imperial starships, and not the little ones mind you. I’m talking about big Corellian ships!

Luc: See that’s a better sales pitch

(Chewbacca laughs and Han glares at him)

(Side note: This dynamic is gonna be way more hostile now bc not Only Leia will be constantly bashing Han for everything Luc will as well. Fun!)

Han: Don’t tell me how to do my job kid!

Luc: (Mumbles just loud enough for him) I could do it better… loser.

Han: I’m very close to shooting you in the mouth! (Turns to Obi-wan) What’s the damn cargo already lets just get this over with.

Obi-wan: Me, the child, 2 droids, and no questions asked.

Han: Oh this just gets better doesn’t it, you guys are criminals or something?

Luc: Aren’t you a criminal?

Han: Shut up or the deal is off!

(Luc smiles smugly to themself)

Obi-wan: Let’s just say we’d like to avoid any imperial entanglements

Luc: Isn’t it more sus to be riding with someone who’s a criminal and most likely also wanted by the em-

Han: (Ignores Luc) So that’s the trick isn’t it? Well it’s gonna cost you extra… 10,000 credits.

Luc: Hmmm, I could buy a small ship with that… are you worth a small ship? I’m thinking no.

(Han is about to say something but Obi-wan cuts him off)

Obi-wan: We’ll give you 2,000 now and 15 once we reach Alderan.

Han: (Smiles) 17,000? You guys really must be desperate. Deal! Meat me in docking bay 94. Also you guys should probably get going I think someone’s interested in the old man’s handy work. (Gestures towards some stormtroopers coming into the bar)

Luc: Or we could Just kill them all.

Obi-wan: That’s not the Jedi way.

Luc: I’m no Jedi!

(Obi-wan slinks out the back door and Luc reluctantly follows)

(Outside of the cantina)

Obi-wan: We’ll have to sell your speeder.

Luc: What if I don’t want to

Obi-wan: Do you want to get to alderaan?

Luc: No not really

Obi-wan: What will you do here? And if you leave will you ever need your spreader?

Luc: Yeah that's fair, fine , we can sell it.

(Back in the Bar at Han’s table. A green alien ignoring the no blaster rule walks up with the blaster aimed at Han as Han begins to get up)

Greedo: Going somewhere Solo? (All of greedo’s quotes are translated from his native language Rodian)

Han: (Sits back down) Yes, Greedo. As a matter of fact, I was just going to see your boss. Tell Jabba that I’ve got his money.

Greedo: It’s too late. You should have paid him when you had the chance. Jabba’s put a price on your head, so large that every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be after you. I’m lucky I found you first.

Han: You flatter me, but this time I got the money.

Greedo: If you give it to me I might forget I found you.

Han: I’m not stupid, besides I don’t have it on me right now. Tell Jabba-

Greedo: Jabba’s through with you. He has no time for smugglers who drop their shipments at the first sign of an imperial cruiser.

Han: Even I get boarded sometimes. Do you think I had a choice?

(Han slowly reaches for his gun under the cover of the table)

Greedo: You can tell Jabba that. He may only take your ship.

Han: Over my dead body!

Greedo: That’s the idea. I’ve been looking forward to killing you for a long time!

Han: Yeah, I’ll bet you have! (Han shoots before Greedo can pull his trigger, because Han always shoots first, and kills greedo.)

(Han stands up and walk towards the door going to meet Chewie at docking bay 94 he flips a coin onto the counter in front of the bartender)

Han: Sorry for the mess

(Time skipping over boring imperial conversations and selling spreaders and R2 finding out how doors work)

(Obi-wan and luc enter docking bey 91 where Han and Obi-wan are waiting)

Luc: (Looks at the falcon) What a piece of Junk. (That’s og luke’s quote but I thought it worked.)

(“The tall figure of han solo comes down the boarding ramp” why does the og script have to word it like this)

Han: She’ll make point five beyond lightspeed. She may not look much but she’s got it where it counts, Kid. I’ve added some special modifications myself.

Luc: (Grimaces) I can tell you’re not an artist then.

Han: (Rolls his eyes) Do me a favor and don’t talk to me till we get to Alderan.

Luc: Hm, no!

Han: Ugh let’s just get a move on… (Stormtroopers run into the hanger) LIKE NOW! (Begins shooting at the troopers as he waits for the others to get onto the falcon)

(As soon as everyone is in Chewie lifts off as Han shoots at the troopers from the boarding ramp and runs inside at last second as the ramp lifts. He runs towards the cockpit)

Han: Let’s punch it chewie!

(As soon as they get out of the atmosphere the ship hops into lightspeed)

———————

#Star Wars but better #star wars au #star wars #a new hope #Xe.Lu.Le :)

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casp1an-sea · 9 months ago

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Star Wars But Better Part 3

here’s the link to the master post so you can get part one: Master post

releasing more because I’m bored

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(Time skip recap: luc argues with their uncle over leaving. The next day they discover R2 ran away to find obi wan. Luc and Treepio go off to find the little droid before Owen can find out and are ambushed by sand people. Luc is knocked unconscious.)

Ben: *Great howling moan*

(Okay Time skip)

Ben: Hello there my little friend

(Okay time skip again here’s a recap of what just happened because I know you are very confused: Sand people were looting Luc so Ben came walking in with arms flailing making krayt dragon noises to scare them away. Then he said hi to artoo and told them that he’s obi wan he just changed his name. Then he took them all to his house. Not creepy I promise.)

(Oh yeah I also forgot you had to go find threepio before you went to Obi-wan’s house but that’s not important. Now your talking about your father)

Luc: Yeah no my dad wasn’t a soldier. I’m pretty sure he was a drug dealer or something.

Obi-wan: That’s what your uncle told you

Luc: Why the heck would he tell me my dad was a drug dealer if he wasn’t?

Obi-wan: The mind is a strange thing.

Luc: Ya know my uncle also told me you're a creepy old wizard but I don’t think he was wrong about that.

Obi-wan: (Laughs)

Luc: I wasn’t joking

Obi-wan: (Ignores Luc’s comment) Your father did fight in the war. In fact we fought together.

Luc: Why do I keep meeting War vets?

C3PO: Pardon, but I am not a war vet

Luc: You fought in space battles right?

C3PO: Correct

Luc: Same difference

(R2 tweets that he’s a war vet of course only 3PO can understand)

Obi-wan: I was once a jedi night the same as your father

Luc: Now you’re a sad old hermit

Obi-wan: You seem suprisingling unfazed by this.

Luc: My dad died before I was born. Whatever he did doesn’t really affect me, does it?

Obi-wan: Ah but it does! (Goes to a chest and takes something out of it. It looks like a CERVEZA CRISTAL… jk jk it looks like a silver cylinder) This was your father's. He wanted you to have it when you got old enough. (Thinks: Well not really but If I hadn’t happened to get it by cutting off his limbs and watching his body burn in lava then he probably would)

Luc: (Looks at it judgingly) What is it

Obi-wan: It’s a lightsaber, the weapon of a Jedi!

Luc: (Snatches it quickly) My dad would give weapons to unstable children?! Man we would’ve gotten along!

Obi-wan: (Laughs nervously)

Luc: So how’d he die? I never believed my uncle's story about him falling in the bathtub.

Obi-wan: Ah, that’s how he got a scar down his face.

Luc: By falling in the bathtub? How does that even happen?

Obi-wan: (Shrugs) How he died though was much darker. (He has flashbacks of Anakin’s burnt chicken nugget looking body) He was killed by Darth Vader.

Luc: That’s a lot cooler than falling in the bathtub. How did he kill him?

Obi-wan: Uhhhh….. Maybe that’s a story for another time.

Luc: I bet it’s gory then.

Obi-wan: Unfortunately yes. (Seems like he’s going to cry for a second and then regains composure) It was the force that killed your father, the dark side.

Luc: Force? Like Newton's laws and stuff?

Obi-wan: No no, it’s a mystical thing. It’s in all beings in the galaxy it flows in us and around us. Some people like the Jedi have the ability to control it to some degree. You have that ability.

Luc: And I’m just hearing about this now?!

(R2 Beeps)

Obi-wan: Ah yes, let's see what is going on with your little friend.

Luc: I saw part of the message but apparently I’m not special enough to see the whole thing. (Glares at R2)

(R2 whistles quietly and then plays the video)

Obi-wan: Well it seems he has changed his mind.

Luc: Yes it does (Continues glaring at R2)

Leia: General Kenobi you knew my father or something… my ship is under attack… special plans we got from a confidential information vending machine is inside this droid. My father knows how to find it. So yeah go to Alderan fast. Help me Obi-wan Kenobi! You’re my only hope!

Obi-wan: You must learn the ways of the force if you are to come with me to Alderan.

Luc: (Is shocked) Wait what. That just kinda came out of nowhere.

Obi-wan: Did it? I assumed you’d known you’d be coming with me.

Luc: Why? Why would I even go with you? You're a strange hermit I just met who forced me into your house and gave me a weapon. Also like My Uncle doesn’t trust you and I’m not supposed to leave the planet till after harvest.

Obi-wan: I need your help Luke, she needs your help. I’m getting too old for this kind of thing.

Luc: That’s your problem.

Obi-wan: That’s your uncle talking

Luc: How can I get you to leave me alone?

Obi-Wan: Come with me to Alderan.

Luc: Yeah that’s not gonna happen I got stuff to do. Lots of stuff. I’ll take you as far as Ancorhead if you’ll get off my back and let me go home.

Obi-Wan: If that is how far you will go. Then shall I teach you the ways of the force?

Luc: NO! Sorry old man but I’m not joining whatever cult you're running.

Obi-wan: it’s not a cult it-

Luc: Yeah whatever let’s get to Ancorhead, like I said I have stuff to do.

————-

#Star Wars but better #star wars au #star wars #a new hope #Xe.Lu.Le :)

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casp1an-sea · 9 months ago

Text

Andras Fairchild

Andras is from a universe that is essentially a Parody of the MCU his character’s role is based on both Loki and Wanda

(Age: 27)(Height: 6’2”)(Gender: male)(Pronouns: He/him)(Race/Ethnicity: white)(Role: Villian)

Appearance:

Andras has pale skin and light brown eyes. His hair was naturally black but turned bright red when he got his powers, aside from the roots. He keeps in long and flowy with his bangs falling down in front of his face on the left but slicked back on the right. He also has two streaks of white in his hair one on the left bang, and one on the underside of his hair. These are from the two times that he pushed his powers past their limit. He has a hooked shape scar going across his forehead and right eyebrow. He has very angular and lanky features. He has very prominent dimples. He dresses monochrome with occasional pops of red and he always dresses formally.

Power:

He has the power to manipulate matter. He can shape it into whatever size, material, he wants even change the weight and texture. So far it works on everything but sentient beings like animals and humans. He doesn’t know the extent of his powers.

⚠️SPOILERS FOR XEN⚠️

Backstory:

TW: Abusive and absent parents, murder

I don’t really wanna go into detail lol. He got powers. His mom was scared of the powers, so decided to trick him into thinking that he couldn’t use them without her instruction. So she could manipulate him into doing things for her. When things didn’t pan out, she killed her own husband and blamed it on him to try and scare him into submission, but he ran away. He came in a legal information broker, then worked for the government agency until he found out that they knew his mom was the actual killer, and hadn’t told him. So we went a bit crazy attacked, then ended up, killing some agents side of self-defense. Then he decided to become what everyone was afraid of him, becoming as kind of a look what you made me do type thing. He went to confront his mom try to scare her or whatever, but she some things that made him angry, and he lost control and he killed her. He then turned all of the family photos into dust ran away and decided that he had stopped too low and could never live a normal life again so he should just embrace it so he tried to take over New York. And field, then got sent to prison for two years. Before he got a vision that set off his powers, causing him to accidentally blow up his cell. He was able to stay out of prison by offering to help the superheroes stop. The aliens that were coming for the germs. But in reality his vision actually showed him taking the gem himself not helping them. But now he’s conflicted, because he kind of like some of the heroes, one of them is his sister.

Important Info:

From his time growing up in London, he developed a British accent

He absolutely hates touching things other people have touched or people touching his things

Sometimes he does wonder what life would be like if he hadn’t run away. What it would be like if he actually got to know his sister. He has a half sibling but he does not view them as a sibling or even related.

Has a crush on Yu Jiang AkA Hermes, he is a superhero (basically has Thor’s role) this character is owned by Xen

#cas’s ocs #Normally I don’t like posting more then one OC in a day but it bothered me that he was the only one left in misc #marvel #loki #wanda maximoff #original character #Xe.Lu.Le :)

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