#Worth Speaktruthtobullshit Hustle

[liedowninthelight]

Hustling for Worth

I’m down in Louisville today - my former home. I love the grit and southern soul of this city, and I love the people even more. I’m here for a work conference, but I’m having a hard time staying engaged. While the setting should feel like a welcome space for professional growth, I feel thrown into the comparison trap. When that happens I (mostly, unconsciously at first) find myself hustling for the appearance “competent working woman who has her shit together”. I put on my new blazer and dress from J. Crew, pack sensible shoes, prepare for my presentation on my macbook, and scan furiously through emails during session breaks (partly to answer my emails and partly to give the appearance of “busy”). When really, I still feel like I’m playing dress up, like I’m acting the part of my conception of “adult”.

This feeling and these actions I know in part stem from my own insecurities. But I’m realizing more and more that part of that unconscious hustle, and part of the reason I feel I’m being so disingenuous is that I’ve yet to conceptualize a version of myself that happily, confidently, and firmly stands within the professional world. I’ve yet to fully appreciate and own that their are many versions of “professional” and “adult” that don’t include the hustle. And that Sarah the wife, daughter, sister, and friend, Sarah the girl who still uses her car as a trash can and who can go a whole day without putting on real pants, has just a right to the space of this world as anyone else. 

To cultivate empathy and compassion for others, it’s necessary to understand and accept that we humans are multifaceted and nuanced, with many different roles to play. We also need to realize and accept that in ourselves. Maybe then we’ll all stop hustling and start owning our worth.