#WontSTopTillMDIsAtTheEndOfMyName

[the-impossiblemadepossible]

Tetelesti

It is finished. A word from Greek origin spoken by Jesus in John 19:30. He did not just speak these words. He proclaimed them and made a promise to his people. If you are not a Theologian (like myself) and have never heard of this word, it translates to “It is finished!” It is a beautiful promise that means whatever you are going through, Jesus has already seen the end result.

Recently with the application for Medical School opening up, I have felt beyond stressed. I know stress is what we like to call normal in college, but the stress levels I have had in Spring 2016 have honestly skyrocketed through the roof. It seems as though the amount of hours in a day are never enough and the tasks that are supposed to get done are never done. In previous years, I have felt stress throughout my semesters, but this semester it is much different.

My stress levels have been so high that I have seen physical consequences of it. I’ve gained 30 pounds since graduating from high school. I’ve lost a tremendous amount of hair and have now developed a slight bald spot. I’ve aggravated the lesion in my stomach, to the point where it feels like an ulcer has developed. I have heart burn about 5 times out of the week. I become forgetful of things that need to be done, unless written down. I’ve had three mental breakdowns within this semester. I’ve had anxiety attacks, while driving or during an exam. I’ve had the base of my skull feel like it’s splitting in half. To say the least, the stress I have felt recently has changed my perception on what it means to shoot for the stars.

With less than a month before the Medical School application opening up, my heart races and my mind wanders to the question, “Have I done enough?” Is being in the top 15% in my class a high enough GPA? Is having 500 plus community service hours enough? Is being involved in three organizations sufficient? Is holding three different leadership roles enough? Is shadowing four different doctors enough? Are four letters of recommendations enough? Am I enough?

It’s hard to explain, to those who have not been down this path. But essentially, my dream of becoming a doctor will be answered at the end of this year and I don’t know what I would do if I am not accepted. You see for so many years, this profession has been a dream…just a dream. But now in the year of 2016, my dream is in the makings of hopefully becoming a reality. With so much worries clouding my judgment on whether I should submit my application or not, I felt as though I was lost on where to go.

But like so many other busy and worried times in my life, God speaks to me when I am quiet. Like one of my favorite professors said, “It’s not until we unplug from the world, that we really hear the voice of God.” It was during a car ride, with no music on that I heard one word: “Tetelesti.”

I tried to fight off tears and my eyes filled to the brim with tears, but just like that Jesus spoke straight to me. “My child, it is finished.” You see no matter how many exams I pass or fail. No matter how many organizations I am apart of. No matter the amount of community service hours or shadowing hours I have done. He already knows the end result. He has gone ahead in my path and seen what I will become in my life. My prayer is this, that I might discern the voice of God and have peace that no matter what the result maybe come December 2016. I will have peace knowing that He has already finished what He already started.

 “When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he                      bowed his head and gave up his spirit.”                                                       John 19:30

Sincerely,

A Humbled Servent