#Wolverine can make a good dad and I pray that every night

[angelically-crying]

shout out to all (or what is) those accounts that post Logan x some mutant kid (y/n or whtv) he adopted !! Ya’ll feed my daddy issues!!

[yourtokentony]

The TokenTony Letterkenny Character Ranking

The Ranker ranking was ungodly. How dare they. They were wrong in so many ways that can’t even be counted. So it’s my turn. Time to fix it.

The first step is to recognize the difference between “recurring characters” and “oneoffs”. Some oneoffs may appear in future or more than one gags (Garrett/Jarrett wasn’t even mentioned) but they were listed, so I have to relist.

One Offish Characters

9. The TSN Sports Anchors - Not bad people, I’m sure, but these situations they appeared in were literally based on Tanis’s speeches (the females) and the joke set up by Jean Jacques Francois Jacque Jean. So they are the bottom spot.

8. Native Hockey Coach - Again, not a bad dude, but only a yang to Tanis’s Yan.

7. The Matchmaker - Why was she listed? The only reason she even got a nod higher here is that she gave me (and viewers I’m sure) a chance to really see some fun in characters (I’ll never look at baseball the same again)

6 Sled Ted/Jivin’ Pete I get it. They helped establish the show. But not great characters at all. 

5. Big City Slams: They were good people too (sorry, I’m a boy) and helped Stuart become more than just a nobody, and that good lovin’ became a part of my daily speech for a while. But they are just a gag on “we’re hot.”

4. Dyck Sisters: God in Heaven, they ranked too many characters. But dick jokes are funny and their parents appeared more than once.

3. Wally: Started the Native trend. Gets points for that.

2. Hard Right Jay: This was a fun episode, and I really like this guy (the actor). He was a sad representation of what the US really is, and a good character in the show.

1. RatAss: The king of the one off characters. “Let’s get to it, Knock off Wolverine” makes me laugh every time and I think it’s a real life point.

Actual Characters

46. The Models - I love a pun gag more than most (I’m a dad), but I didn’t like the idea that “Katie Fucks” was being thrown in Wayne’s face. The idea was always a “yeah, it’s happening, but we won’t talk about it”.

45. Tania’s Crew - Again, like some of the one offs, Tanis’s opposites weren’t the greatest depth, but good still...but not alone.

44. Brodude Twins - Not a fan. But hey, I’m a guy.

43. Angie - Here’s why Angie is so low...she was unused. I feel she could have been central as a “not Wayne” character, but she pops in and out randomly. And she messed up the senior whaleshit hockey team.

42. The Newfoundland Hockey Players: I laughed. You laughed. It was a blast to see the chirping go the other way. But not the deepest gag of the show and definitely not worth Ranker’s situation.

41. The Brodude leader: Honestly, isn’t she quite the chauvinistic human? Other than that, you can almost predict her lines. And I don’t like that.

40. Quebeck Hicks: I loved the idea. I smiled. I said “Look at French Squirrely Dan!” But otherwise, not much contribution.

39. Jean Jacque Francois Jacque Jean: He only got his own separate because I see him in the finale of season 9. And I hate his name is so stereotypical, but I dig.

38. Alexander: The TERLETS! Hahah But yeah, just a start.

37. Devon: The leader of the Skids when Stuart was “away”...still didn’t do much for me. But I don’t think the Skids are great characters anyway.

36. Bradley: OK, probably should have been in the oneoff category, but man...that was a great episode. I’ll race Squirrely right now! Tito get me a tissue!

35. Gae: Man, a whole season to try to grow the skids and still didn’t do it for me. But the “why do you rebel” was a part of my life for a few drunken nights.

34. Ellen: Dude, I wish she was on screen more. A lot of Squirrely Dan’s growth was wrapped in her and yet, she was in like 2 episodes. Sigh.

33. Anik: The reason Scottie got such a high vote, but she dropped because well, chauvanism.

32. Cousin Jake: It was nice to have an American in the show. For real. And he made an impact. But so many other characters!

31. Dax: I had to separate them only because of Katie’s reaction during the matchmaking episode. But yeah, they are both down here.

30. Ron: See above, only without that reaction.

29. Girl Hockey players: I loved it. It’s fun to make fun of girls for being promiscuous. But we’re getting into really influential territory and they don’t have the “we were there to start” points.

28. Senior Whaleshit Hockey Players: See above. I love my Senior Whaleshit Hockey Players like I love my ex-wife: 28th on the list.

27. Scottie Wallis: I still say YEW when I see cute girls. If he had been in more than 2 episodes.

26. The Ginger: I mean, the first accused of ostrich-fucking became Squirrely Dan’s catch phrase. I have a shirt that says “allegedly” and I say it also frequently.

25. Boots: I mean, you’d need at least 2 people to smash an ostrich.

24. Noah Dyck: I had to separate them. He was good, but wasn’t as good as his other half.

23. Dierks: Man. Have I ever wanted to fight someone more. Katie believed in him and he was the American infiltration to this smalltown. Sigh. We all learn...

22. Anita Dyck: She gets a higher ranking because she was “human”. She had no time for Daryl’s crap and was still doing her best to stay trure.

21. Rosie: Look, she’s doing good for Wayne. And I like some color in my white TV. But they are forcing good lines to her, and she doesn’t really deserve them.

20. Roald: I don’t like how much we make fun of him as a sub. But he’s there. And has been. He’s winning only on longevity.

19. Gayle: Lots of fighting on this one. I love Gayle’s character. Horny. Small Business owner. Basically me in all my dreams. Again, we’re getting tough here.

18. Mrs. McMurray: I think of her more when I think of “ugh...the lifestyle” than I do her husband. But she seems to be phasing out of the show, and that’s sad. Cause she could get it.

17. McMurray: Dude, his speech on what average penis length is should have absolutely given him top billing, but they have again started phasing him out. Sigh.

16. Stewart: The leader of the skids does deserve top billing. They aren’t my favorite characters though, and I’m not the biggest fan.

15. Marie Fred: I was more sad for this betrayal than a lot of TV betrayals I’m used to. And that’s new for me. But they gave her Rosie type lines while she was dating him and gave her an out. That’s good stuff.

14. Tyson: Tyson is good people. But his intro to the show is what separates and lowers him from his compadre.

13. Glen: My favorite uncomfirmed gay in the show. Longevity (cause well, he’s a writer) and always present in good story connecting arcs (again, the dating episode for Wayne really put him on for me)

12. Jimmie Dickens: My second round of watching all the seasons made me love Jimmie Dickens more than others. I said “400% bullshit round here” at work once, and everyone agreed.

11. Joint Boy: Joint Boy’s initial monologue before fighting Wayne separates him from Tyson, also the way he kicked a guy in the nuts before steaks.

10. Tanis: We are getting in the weeds now. I love Tanis. 10/10 would recommend. The crap she gives Wayne for simply crossing his legs is both legendary and amazing. BUTTTT...she’s also quite...unrefined. Both as a character and as a person. She shouldn’t be so...lost, right?

9. Coach: I freaking love Coach. “F***ing embarrassing” has become a part of my normal life. The barb episode and the beer league hockey were great additions to the show. I want my oreos.

8. BONNIE MCMURRAY. If you didn’t say it like that, you don’t understand.

7. Jonesy: Dude, he’s a real one. Created so many new terms in my vocab for no reason. The only reason he’s lower:

6.: Reilly: Doesn’t have a treasure trail. But a great spot.

5. Darry: I wish, for real, they didn’t beat him up so much. But Banana Boat is not a cologne, Dary!

4. Katy: I hope she’s not upset about literally being the “hot girl with problems”, but they do it good on this show.

3. Squirrley Dan: My dog. My truth. My spirit animal. He’s only not #1 because he has to correct and adjust the rest of the cast. DON’T MAKE ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO GET ROWDY! (Dan voice)

2. Wayne: Yeah, he’s great. No qualms here.

1. Shores. My Australian friends call me “Rossy”, in case you were wondering where the “y” comes from. But man Shoresy is hands down the best character in the show. I hope, and pray, they don’t ever make him “vulnerable”. Just let him be!

Thanks for reading!

[stormy-writes]

Until I die (amecan fic)

Rating: K+  Word count: 1374 AO3: Until I die

Summary: Alfred's parents are divorced and he finds himself moving to Canada with his dad. There he meets a friend he’d only imagined in dreams

Matthew and Alfred were binary opposites as children. Matthew was timid and shy, with a gentle touch and soothing smiles although overly cautious and very unwilling to leave his own comfort bubble. Alfred on the other hand was loud and outgoing, curious about everything and very daring, yet often too rough and demanding. The two were much more toned down in their adult lives, perhaps their opposite personalities rubbing off on one another to make two more balanced and agreeable people. Had the two met in later life it would have been far more clear as to how the two were friends and as to why they worked so well together as a couple, but only the Lord could guess as to how the two developed such a tight friendship at the tender age of 5. 

 Alfred was quite unfortunate in that his parents split while he was quite young and he found himself moving from state to state and at times over the border into Canada, his parents playing a constant game of tug of war between Alfred and Amelia as well as both the adults working very complicated jobs in sales and law which required frequent trips across country (ultimately leading to their split.) Despite the hardships of Alfred's childhood, it was his father's two year trip to Ottawa that originally brought Alfred and Matthew together. 

 Matthew hadn't seen someone so excitable and eager in his life as Alfred. The boy had ran into the classroom with a huge grin on his face and loudly introduced himself to the kindergarten class with pure pride, and Matthew could only stare up at the boy in awe and terror; wowed by his accent and boldness but fearful of such a loudmouthed child as those tended to be the ones picking on him for being so quiet. 

 That fear was very short lived. 

 The newcomer had proven himself quite bright with his phonetics and "advanced" (as Miss Hooper had said, although Matthew new he could do much better) reading skills but did fumble a bit when it came to his mathematical skills (2x3 isn't 5 Alfred.) This did intrigue Matthew, however it wasn't until lunch that Matthew became fascinated by the American's charm, much like everyone else in the class, and that Alfred even began to notice the doe eyed blond. 

 "Why do you bring a teddy bear to school?" 

 "You don't talk. You're so weird." 

"I bet your mommy and daddy don't even love you." 

 The words had been harsh and stung like when you fall into a pile of nettles or graze your knee on hard concrete. It wasn't anything new for Matthew but it brought tears to his eyes every time. They began to poke at his cheeks and pull at his hair and tug on his clothes. Matthew lay there limp, not struggling against his abusers, just silently sobbing in terror. However, much to Matthews surprise, it wasn't Miss Hooper who interrupted the fight as per usual. Instead Alfred stormed over with a likeness to an angry bull and tugged at one of the boy's shirts. 

 "What y’all doing picking on some kid for?" He huffed, arms folded and scowling at the other children, who just stared back sheepishly. "Don't y'all know y'ain't supposed to bully people?" 

 Alfred stared down the other, kids, shaking his head in disapproval much akin to his father, causing the others to mumble a sorry and shuffle away from the still trembling Canadian. Alfred pulled a seat out next to Matthew and pulled him into a hug, patting the boys back and stroking his hair as well as a 5 year old could. 

 "Am sorry those kids are so mean to ya! I don't like seeing kids pick on others," Alfred mumbled into Matthews ear. 

 Matthew smiled from behind foggy glasses, timidly whispering, "thank you for saving me, Alfred." 

 Alfie grinned and patted Matthews shoulder. "It's no problem! Think of me like a super hero, like, um, batman or captain America!!" 

 Matthew grinned back and rubbed at his eyes nodding.

 "What's ya name by the way? My names Alfie but ya already know that."

"Matthew," came the mumbled reply. 

 "Well Matthew - Mattie - you and I are going to be best friends! You can show me around Canada and I'll show you all my cool comics from America and we can play superheroes together where I'll be superman and you can be Louis and I can save you!" 

 He roughly grabbed Matthew's hands and beamed at the boy an almost blinding grin, his blue eyes lighting up in excitement. Matthew shot him a small sheepish smile in return, peeking out behind his glasses and chewing on his sleeve, offering a shy nod that made his curls bob around his jawline. 

"That's good! I've never had a best friend before besides Kumario...I can show you all my books too! I have so many! I really like the ones about animals though... Did you know that every cows spots are unique and no two cows look the same?"

 The two babbled on for the rest of lunch, sharing and swapping food together, and doubling into fits of laughter when Alfred snorted milk up his nose. The chatter didn't die down during lessons either, although Miss Hooper let it slide for the most part, happy to see her usually quiet and socially awkward student had finally made a friend. When home time came, Francis was very pleased to see Matthew so happy and talkative, getting a whole earful about how wonderful Alfred was and how the two were gonna be best friends. Much to the two children's delight, Alfred, Amelia and his mother had moved in down the street, causing Matthew to stay out a little too late past dinner time, although Marianne could hardly complain at seeing her son have a play date for the first time in his life. 

Matthew and Alfred did become best friends after that. They'd visit each other almost every night after school, spent every break and lunch sitting together (and sometimes holding hands when Matthew felt scared or lonely) and happily discussing super heroes and animals without a care in the world (Matthew really liked wolverine and Alfred discovered that eagles are /so/ badass!) 

Yet, their happiness couldn't last forever. 

Behind the childish innocence and endless nights of sharing juice boxes whilst reading together or playing cops and robbers, the two had remained ignorant of the ongoing war for custody between Alfred's parents, and before the boys birthdays could even come around, Alfred was being scooped up and shipped back to Cali to live with his mom. Neither really understood why Alfred had to leave (although Alfred really missed his mom a lot and wanted to see her again) but they did understand it meant they couldn't see one another, and the two were heartbroken. Almost a years worth of friendship had been destroyed; countless nights of fun and games, swapping sandwiches, baking cookies with Mattie's mama, splashing in the mud with Alfie's dad, everything had to come to an end. 

Matthew held tightly to Alfred's hand, afraid to let go as he sobbed into Kumajiro with the force of Niagara Falls. "You are gonna come back right?" 

"I will Mattie, I promise!" 

"You promise?"

"Mattie, I promised you id be your captain America! I can't leave you forever, I will come back." 

The two shared a teary hug, clinging to each other for dear life. "Hey alfie," Matthew mumbled. 

"Promise me you'll always love me...even if you live in America....that you'll...never forget me?" 

 Alfred grinned, tears still rolling over his cheeks. "I'll love ya till I die, Mattie."

And with that the two parted ways. Matthew didn't make any new friends and school, although he didn't get bullied anymore. He spent year after year, socially awkward and unable to make friends, hoping and praying that one day Alfred would show up at Mr Kirkland's house, but by the time he finished second grade, Arthur had moved out (much to Francis's delight) and Matthew lost all hope of seeing his captain america again. 

 "I'll love you until I die too, Alfie. I'll love you forever and ever and ever..."