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excusethequality · 4 months

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My 2024 in Film: March, part. 2

I keep pulling open this draft, making a couple changes, then getting cold feet and deciding to finish it later. But not anymore...

I'm gonna finish it right now, goshdarnit!

It would appear that in the back half of March I was watching some really random shit. So I feel compelled to mention that if you see me watching a large string of movies that make you question my sense of taste as a whole, it's usually a sign.

When I'm working on projects like drawing, or editing images to make stupid jokes, or inputting data into lists, I like to put on a little movie to help me stay on task.

Since I do need to pay attention to what I'm doing as well, I'll usually put on something I've seen before, or something a little silly that I know won't demand 100% of my attention, lest I miss any subtle nuance or stunning cinematography.

Similarly I also put them on when I'm having trouble sleeping, because when you're sleepy but not sleeping your brain can't keep up with the big league players and needs something simple.

So while I do watch weird and obscure movies for fun and sport, I'm not just living in the sewer. There's some good things in here too, I swear!

In other news, while I tag my original posts, I feel like I should also have a specific tag to use for these movie lists. So if you have a good suggestion of something fun to use as a tag for them, let me know.

And with that shopkeeping out of the way: onto the movies!

* = rewatches

58.

Wishmaster

(1997)

— Fantasy Horror Directed by: Robert Kurtzman

An appraiser accidentally releases a Djinn trapped in a gemstone. If she wants to be free of its terror she's going to have to find a way to beat it at its game before it can force her to make three wishes, freeing itself to destroy the world.

I'm pretty sure I have never seen this before, BUT a friend did once tell me the plot and have me watch the opening scene. So for a brief bit after I started it had me wondering.

To my friend's credit the opening scene is truly something. They just unleashed the practical effects team and seemingly told them to make whatever weird shit they could think of. If I remember anything from this movie years from now, it'll probably just be that scene.

The rest of the movie is not nearly as epic, but it has it's moments.

File this under ridiculous movies to watch with friends.

59.

Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies

(1999)

— Direct-to-video Fantasy Horror Sequel Directed by: Jack Sholder

A robber steals the Djinn's gemstone and now... That's right! If she wants to be free of its terror she's going to have to find a way to beat it at its game before it can force her to make three wishes, etc, etc.

A fair bit worse than the first one. It has some fun and wacky moments though.

Even more so than the first, it's not something I'd recommend watching without a friend to laugh at it with.

60.

Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell

(2001)

— Direct-to-video Fantasy Horror Sequel Directed by: Chris Angel

A college student comes across a Djinn trapped in a gemstone and, well, you know the rest.

In case you were wondering, yes, there does come a time when I regret going down certain movie rabbit holes.

For the Wishmaster movies, this was the point that I knew I made a terrible mistake. Especially since I knew I was going to have to watch the next one. Because I just can't bring myself to quit when I'm so close to the finish line! I've gotta finish the series off, right?

Are the first two movies great? Not especially.

But they have their own weird charm.

To be specific they have two things going for them: Andrew Divoff's oddly weird yet memorable performance as the Djinn, and the spectacle of the crazy wish granting.

This movie has neither of those things.

I'm not even sure that the filmmakers are aware of what an ironic wish even is, because so many of the wishes don't even make sense. Add that with the fact that they have no budget to speak of resulted in even the wishes being dull.

I will give it this, while I'm pretty sure I'll forget most everything about this movie by the end of year, there's one part that I can't unsee. At one point the protagonist makes a wish so absolutely bonkers that I had to pause the movie and walk away from it for a few minutes to digest what just happened.

61.

Wishmaster: The Prophecy Fulfilled

(2002)

—Direct-to-video Fantasy Horror Sequel Directed by: Chris Angel

A woman comes into possession of a gemstone housing a Djinn. But what happens if her third wish is something the Djinn can't grant?

I'll say this about it: Michael Trucco is a way better actor than the dude they got for 3. He's still not up to par with the original guy, but significantly better than the previous one.

I don't even know anymore. I think it's better than 3? But mostly because it's just profoundly weirder? Like, I don't wanna do spoilers or anything, but it's a weird idea for a plot that somehow gets weirder as it goes on.

But it's the same director as 3 and I believe they were filmed immediately after one another, so don't expect it to be too different.

Also if all the Djinn need to do is grant someone three wishes to free themselves, then why do they do this monkeypaw shit at all? When you fuck someone over right out of the gate it makes them significantly less inclined to make more wishes. Just grant the people their stupid whims, then destroy the world or whatever, you dummies. No wonder you got your dumb ass trapped in a stone.

62.

Freaky

(2020)

— Slasher Comedy Directed by: Christopher Landon

A serial killer's attempt to kill a high schooler goes terribly wrong when they wind up switching bodies instead.

A movie I was excited to see, but never got around to because it came out during COVID. I'm a big fan of the director's previous movie (Happy Death Day) so I had high hopes for this.

I dunno, it's fun. It's nothing I'd write home about, but if I had seen it in the theater I wouldn't have left with any regrets. It definitely relies more on performances than plot. But both Kathryn Newton and Vince Vaughn are doing a great job. It's a fun premise competently done.

Also, was my high school just poor or do most high schools not have cryo-freezing gym pods? Because that part confused the hell out of me.

63.

Magic

(1978)

— Thriller Directed by: Richard Attenborough Based on: Magic by. William Goldman

A magician turned ventriloquist on the verge of a big break has a breakdown and must figure out if a life with the dummy is what he really wants.

This movie has a bonkers cast: Anthony Hopkins, Burgess Meredith, and Ann Margaret? Obviously I had to watch that.

It's kind of exactly what you'd expect from a thriller about a ventriloquist dummy? Apparently it had a theatrical release, but it has serious made-for-tv vibes. I mean, it's hitting all the beats on the made-for-tv checklist.

Small cast of big-name actors whose names will catch a viewer's attention? Check.

Limited set locations? The vast majority of the movie takes place at a remote cabin, so definite check.

Based on a book? Check. Made-for-tv things LOVE being based on books. It's easier to adapt than create fresh, and you get name recognition from the book to entice more viewers.

I was gonna say it had a low budget, but apparently it actually had a pretty decent one. I don't know where it all went, but I'm gonna assume the majority went to getting those actors.

I don't think I'd recommend it to anyone who's not a film nerd though. It's fun seeing such big time actors in roles likes these, but I can't say the plot is anything to write home about.

64.*

Mad Max: Fury Road

(2015)

— Post Apocalyptic Action Adventure Directed by: George Miller

A man on the run from his past and a woman with her eyes on the future must team up in order to escape an evil warlord.

I was just watching this at home, but if you've never seen it before and you come across a chance to see it on the big screen? Take it. It's a movie that thrives on the big screen.

I was never big on the Mad Max franchise, but my gosh, this movie just goes so hard.

The effects and cinematography are top notch. And unlike so many action movies, it actually has a great story and really interesting characters.

Plus can we talk about Charlize Theron? She's so good! I know this surprises no one—because she's always good—but the emotional weight she brings to the movie is what really takes it into the upper echelon.

65.

Hell Comes to Frogtown

(1988)

— Post Apocalyptic Sci-Fi Action Adventure Directed by: Donald G. Jackson & R. J. Kizer

In a world where fertile humans are a rare and treasured commodity, a fertile man is forced into indentured servitude on a mission to free a group of fertile women from a group of mutant frogs so that he can impregnate them for science.

Somewhere between Cult Classic, 80s Cocaine-fueled madness, and Soft Core Porn, we find Hell Comes to Frogtown.

I'll give it this: it takes a brave group of people to dare to make a movie this deranged.

And yet, for something so incredibly weird, it's also incredibly forgettable.

I don't have anything much to say about this. It is exactly what it sounds like...except both much weirder and much duller than you're expecting it to be.

Think Super Mario Bros. (1993), but with more scantily-clad ladies, less manic energy, and less ambition.

Definitely the sort of thing to watch with a friend, because you'll want someone there to verify that the things you're seeing are real and not just a fever dream.

66.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

(1986)

— Slasher Horror Sequel Directed by: Tobe Hooper

A radio DJ becomes the target of a family of cannibals.

I'm starting to feel that every Texas Chainsaw movie has to have a character I hate SO MUCH that it taints the whole movie for me. In the original it was Franklin. In this one it's Chop-Top.

I no longer remember what I thought this movie was going to be like, but this is not it. No one is going to get this reference, but this movie has some shocking similarities to Nothing But Trouble (1991). If that movie was inspired by this I would not be surprised.

(Nothing But Trouble didn't have Chop Top and did have a cameo from the Digital Underground, so clearly it improved upon the formula.)

I really wish I liked this more, because I quite like Stretch as our lead character and I was actually having a great time in the first third. But then Chop-Top showed up and I blocked out most of the rest for my own mental health.

67.

Sharks of the Corn

(2021)

— Trash Directed by: Tim Ritter

There's sharks in a corn field...because of reasons!

I cannot properly express to you the pain it caused me to have to replace Tootsie as the worst movie I've seen this year. But it truly forced my hand!

Quite possibly the worst piece of writing I have ever seen. I don't even want to believe that a human wrote this. If you told me AI wrote this and they just went with it without making a single change? I'd believe it.

Actually, I'd be thrilled to know that that's how this came to be.

I have seen literal small children write stories more coherent than whatever this was.

If this isn't the worst movie I see this year, please pray for me, because it would take something truly monstrous to take this out of last place.

68.

Next Friday

(2000)

— Comedy Sequel Directed by: Steve Carr

Deebo has escaped from prison and Craig goes to live with his Uncle and cousin in Rancho Cucamonga

Overall I didn't like this as much as Friday, but I still had a good time. I definitely missed Chris Tucker though.

69.

Zapped

(2014)

— Sci-Fi Comedy Directed by: Peter DeLuise Based on: Boys are Dogs by. Leslie Margolis

A high school girl whose mother's marriage has just given her a new set of brothers lucks out when her phone gains the ability to control boys.

I...I don't even know what to say.

Disney channel movies are crazy.

Definitely something to watch with a friend...unless you grew up with Disney channel movies, then you're probably desensitized to their specific brand of oddness and are fine to fly solo.

70.

It's a Boy Girl Thing

(2006)

— Body-Swap Rom-Com Directed by: Nick Hurran

Two high schoolers wind up switching bodies after making a wish in front of an ancient relic.

The hunt for experiments in gender continue!

And the results are in: this is not one of them.

This is once again a Freaky Friday scenario. And also another one where both actors are playing a gender as opposed to playing the other character.

This just strengthens my theory that Rom-Coms are the most unhinged of all genres. Because some parts of this get so much crazier than I was ever expecting.

71.

The Music Man

(1962)

— Musical Rom-Com Directed by: Morton DaCosta

A grifter's plan to scam a small town into investing in a town band hits a snag when he catches feelings for the local librarian.

Right off the bat, can I mention that getting towns to invest in a fake marching band has got to be the world's weirdest con job. Like...what? There has got to be easier ways to con people out of money.

After loving Robert Preston in Victor/Victoria I wanted some more of him. And while I have seen a school production of The Music Man, I've never seen a film version.

This might be a weird take, but having now seen this as a film, I think the only way to properly see this musical is to watch a Middle/High School production of it. It just works better that way.

I can't properly explain why, but trust me on this. Go see a school production and then try and tell me I'm wrong. It's just got a weird sort of energy that can only be properly captured by youths playing adults.

72.

Promising Young Woman

(2020)

— Drama Thriller Directed by: Emerald Fennell

A woman plagued by regrets from the past is forced to confront what her mission of revenge means for her future.

I was curious about this one, but if I'm remembering correctly it came out right at the start of COVID...so I never did. And then I heard people saying it was too heavy handed and I never wound up seeing it.

But when I was working at the theater a coworker's praise for it made me want to give it a watch. And they were right, because it's not what I was expecting.

Anyone who says it's heavy-handed or a one-note story were not paying enough attention to character beats. I can see how someone would watch this and come away thinking it's just a Rape Revenge movie about a woman on a mission to get back at men.

But if you look a little closer you'll see it's actually the story about a woman who lost her best friend to the patriarchy and the confusion and guilt and horror of that drives her to self destructive acts.

She's compelled to try and do something, anything, to fix a system that one person just can't fix. And her inability to affect meaningful change on her own compels her towards increasingly dangerous acts.

It's not a story about justice, it's a story about living in a world where justice is impossible and no one wants to talk about it.

I dunno. There's so much going on under the hood of this one. I'm definitely going to have to see this one again.

73.*

Long Shot

(2019)

— Rom Com Directed by: Jonathan Levine

An internet journalist is hired as a speechwriter by his former babysitter (aka the current U.S. Secretary of State) in her bid for a Presidential run.

Oh, friends, this one has me conflicted!

Charlize Theron is phenomenal and makes the film. I'm still not a huge Seth Rogan fan, but I'll admit that I like him more in this than usual. June Diane Raphael is always superb. O'Shea Jackson Jr. was a delight until his character came out as a republican.

I really want to love this one, but I can never seem to suspend my disbelief enough to really get into this. American politics long ago killed any sort of hope or trust I could have in the political system. So the whole movie I'm just thinking that either she will cave in to the myriad of forces trying to stop progress or those forces will conspire against her and destroy her career.

But you know me, I'm a sucker for Charlize Theron, so I'll definitely wind up watching it again at some point in the future.

(Also, this is neither here nor there, but Todd McFarlane sucks. Of all the comic artists you could choose from, why would you choose him? Did he bribe you with baseballs or something?)

74.

Hey...Stop Stabbing Me!

(2003)

— SOV Horror Comedy Directed by: Josh Miller

A recent college grad desperate is forced to take a chance on a shady housing opportunity.

I always feel compelled to explain myself when I have to mention to you all that I watched things like this, lest you judge my tastes too harshly.

I watched it because I saw it on a list of movies that were filmed in Minnesota and it sounded weird and it was on Tubi.

I had a number of things I thought I'd talk about as I watched it, but then it started making some statutory rape jokes. So why waste my time discussing it?

Fuck this movie. It's stupid.

The two guys who made this went on to write the 2020 Sonic the Hedgehog movie. Which just goes to show that the world is a truly strange place.

75.

Friday After Next

(2002)

— Christmas Comedy Directed by: Marcus Raboy

Christmas time is right around the corner and Craig and Day-Day have to come up with a way to pay their rent after they're robbed by a man dressed as Santa Claus.

Would I have decided to watch this one if I was aware it was a Christmas movie? Probably not! But you know what? Sometimes you just gotta play the cards your dealt.

Still not as good as the original, but I still had a good time.

76.

Luca

(2021)

— Animated Fantasy Adventure Directed by: Enrico Casarosa

Two young merfolk take to dry land in search of friendship, adventure, and freedom.

On my list of actors I just don't like you will find Jacob Tremblay. I usually don't like to throw child actors under the bus, but Tremblay seemingly made a name for himself by portraying kids with various mental and physical disorders? (Ones he does not have mind you.)Room (2015), Burn Your Maps (2016), Wonder (2017), The Predator (2018).

And I know you can't really blame a kid for taking such roles in the way you'd blame an adult. But still! I think he's nearly 20 now. Maybe I'll feel better about the cringe of his career if he is ever like, "You know what, looking back on it, I wish I hadn't played an autistic character in The Predator." But until then I reserve my right to dislike his performances and general career path.

Anyways, this is just a really long way of saying that I had to switch it off English, because I have no desire to listen to Jacob Tremblay for an hour and a half.

It would have been nice if the disc had the Italian audio track, given that it's set in Italy, but both the French and Spanish dubs were superb.

Overall it's cute. Not sure I'll remember much of anything about it a year from now though. It approaches some bigger themes, but never fully commits to fleshing them out.

In The Little Mermaid they really establish Ariel as a character and get into WHY she yearns to break out of her status quo and stand on her own two feet. And here, it's more or less just some kids being kids and liking to explore and get away from overbearing parents.

Which is fine and all, but I've seen that storyline 1,000 times before, so unless you really do something new with it, it's liable to get lost in the crowd of my brain.

77.

The Colony

(2013)

— Frost Punk Horror Directed by: Jeff Renfroe

Humanity's attempts to control the weather have resulted in the planet being blanketed in a permanent Winter, driving the last remnants of civilization into underground bunkers to survive. But if you had a chance to set everything right, what would you be willing to risk?

I spent a lot of this movie wondering where I knew the main dude from and I finally broke and looked it up. He was familiar because he was the main guy from It's a Boy Girl Thing way back up there in movie #70.

And speaking of actors I just don't care for, let's add Bill Paxton to the list. I wasn't sure about it until this movie, but I've decided that I just don't care for his performances. I don't think he's ever pretended to have autism for a role though, so let's put him somewhere above Tremblay.

Laurence Fishburne is in this and the highlight of the movie. I hope he got paid a lot of money for it, because dear gods, he is way too good for this movie.

I don't even know what to say. It's not a good movie. It's just a bland sort of thing that floats halfway between Sci-fi and Horror and is too afraid to plant its flag anywhere solid.

I don't really see any reason to watch this unless you're trying to watch Laurence Fishburne's entire filmography.

78.*

The Other F Word

(2011)

— Documentary Directed by: Andrea Blaugrund

The followers of the Punk movement believed in living fast, dying young, and challenging authority at every turn. But how have those ideals changed now that some of those men are now fathers?

I had seen this in theaters back when it came out and I liked it then and I still like it now.

The main criticisms I see are ones that say that it tries to do too much, and I'd actually agree with that. It never really picks a lane. It could do a deep dive on how the ideals of a punk movement that never expected to live this long have changed now that they've gotten older. They could do it on what does parenthood itself mean to these older punks and how their pasts have influenced their parenting style. And more.

The film kind of does a little bit of everything. I wouldn't say it does anything poorly. I just think it has stumbled onto a fascinating topic that I want more from. So I love it for showing me what it could and leaving me wanting more.

I think it's a really great documentary.

I really only have two criticisms:

The Jim Lindberg bits were the only parts I'd really change. Some of them felt like a different kind of documentary altogether. I get it's because the idea for the movie comes from his book "Punk Rock Dad," but still. Those parts sometimes veered more into a biography style of documentary at times.

I don't think there was any real reason to have to be solely focused on fathers, instead of looking at parents in general. And it's especially weird to me that the framed it that way but then prominently feature Laura Jane Grace's song "I Was a Teenage Anarchist," even though their framing won't let them interview her, even though she is a parent too! I'm a fan so I've read her memoir and seen interviews with her and I know she has a lot she could add to the topic of punk icons who are now parents. As could lots of other punk parents.

But as a whole, I think it's a great documentary that both gives you a lot to think about and a desire to seek out even more information about these people and the history of the punk movement.

79.*

Weekend at Bernie's

(1989)

— Comedy Directed by: Ted Kotcheff

An opportunity for two low level employees at an insurance company to get in good with the big boss goes wrong when the boss winds up dead. But...what if no one knew he was dead?

I haven't seen this since I was in high school and going through a phase where I was renting all the classic movies that I had always heard about to see what they were like.

My thoughts about it then are the same as my thoughts now: they had about 20 minutes of good ideas for the premise and then stretched that shit out into a 97 minute movie.

The result: weirdly forgettable considering the premise. There's some memorable scenes, but the plot is just there to service the concept. The characters are there to just service the concept. And because of that there's never any real stakes.

Not really something I'd recommend unless you're like me and are interested in seeing something that's been referenced quite a lot over the years for yourself.

80.

Gun Crazy

(1950)

— Crime Drama Directed by: Joseph H. Lewis Based on: "Gun Crazy" by. MacKinlay Kantor

Two gun lovers find acceptance in one another, but their relationship is put to the test when dreams of a grander life drives them to risk everything.

Some movie-loving friends had great things to say about this one so I figured I'd give it a shot. And I'm glad I did because it really surprised me.

I'll give you this warning though: don't judge it from the beginning. Just trust that it'll get significantly better.

Honestly my only real complaint with the movie is that some parts felt entirely superfluous. Like, I think if they cut out like 30 minutes I would have been singing this one's praises.

Part of that 30 minutes would be the entire beginning set up bit. Not only is it weirdly hokey, but nothing in it accomplishes anything that couldn't have been established with a line or two of expositional dialogue in a different scene.

The whole thing is beautifully shot in black and white. Great performances. Some just banger bits of dialogue. Just a real gem. Highly recommended.

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March Stats

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Movies watched this month: 44

Rewatch percentage: 12.6% (6/44)

Favorite new movie of the month: Dick Johnson is Dead

Least favorite: Sharks of the Corn

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Previous Months' Posts:

JAN | FEB | MAR.p1

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