#Why are there so many worms in my Confessional?

[st-alastors-confessional]

Worms. Lots and lots of worms.

Who is this?

Thank you for sharing, Anon.

St. Alastor

[sashi-ya]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ エロチックトバー２０２４> MDNI / EXPLICIT CONTENT

A MAN OF GOD 🙏 PRIEST! AIZEN X NUN! READER ＫINKTOBER DAY 11: HUMILIATION

🐙 requested by: Anonymous. Hello! I hope you're doing well! Can you write about humiliation with Aizen and female reader, please? I think it's Aizen's style. They really love each other, but in bed Aizen likes to humiliate her. And can u add domination kink from Aizen's side? ⚠️ tw: mdni. explicit content. Aizen is a priest. Reader is a nun. YES. But please don't take this as a way of disrespecting religion. This is just fiction. HUMILIATION. slapping. shoving things into your mouth. spitting. mouth fuck. choking. 🐙 wc: 1,6k // kinktober 24 masterlist // join the taglist

“Father forgive me for I have sin” ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ “Sister, confess your sins” “I’ve been having blasphemous thoughts about a man. Father Aizen, what should I do?” 

The little window of the confessional slides open; chocolate, sharp eyes appear from such tiny opening. A tuft of hair falls in between the two orbs hidden under transparent glasses, his index rests on one of his temples… Father Aizen looks more like a devil than a man devoted to the sacred. 

“A man you say, sister? How come the devil was so strong to corrupt you? aren’t you a devotee?” he asks. His tone is charged of full judgment, even with disgust. 

You look down to your hands; a rosary tangles on them, carving its beads into your skin. A life dedicated to celibacy, disrupted by complete impurity. 

“I’ve been able to stop myself every time, but the need… the urge, the lust… are eating my mind like a…”

“Like a worm? Have you experienced the need to touch your body, sister?” 

“Yes, a worm. Like a worm eating my brain and my insides, Father Aizen. But I haven’t succumbed to it… yet” 

Aizen remains silent; he hums, letting you know he is thinking of a possible solution… or rather, a punishment. 

You can hear him standing up; Father Aizen is quite a large man, and the creaks of the wooden surfaces let them know he is about to open the door that separates you from him. 

“Sister (Name)” he mutters; your stomach turns upside down, your legs underneath the black long skirt of your nun habit pressing together. 

There it is, the sinful need… father Aizen, it’s you… the man I’m lusting for is no other than you. 

“Stand up, please” he commands, smirking oh so sexily. Why, sir, are you doing this? aren’t you a man of God? 

You obey; instantly. The confessional is by far small, the air becomes scarce, your heart pumps faster, your consciousness requires your flesh to be flagellated. 

Father Aizen’s hand slides through your cheek and into the veil that covers your hair. His fingertips have gone as far as they could reach, breaking rule by rule. 

“I can tell the way your skin reacts to the touch of a man. How warm has become… what have you done, Sister? Are you lying to me? Have you stoop so low to give your body pleasure, hm?” he asks, cornering more and more against the wooden wall of the confessional, so much you can even smell the scent of incense penetrated on the surfaces. 

You try to articulate any words; you haven’t touched your body; you even fought the need to do it while bathing. But now, father Aizen… I’d give it all for you to do it. 

“No, Father! I haven’t!” you deny, shaking your head violently with eyes shut tight. 

“Show me your hands, Sister” he asks, calm but dominant. 

You do, the beads are almost drawing blood from your palms from how tight you are gabbing them. 

Aizen takes a moment to inspect them, and slowly untangles the rosary from your wrists. 

“Open your mouth, Sister”

“Yes, Father Aiz-fpmgh” 

Your can’t keep talking, as he has pushed every rose wood bead in, getting them shoved into your mouth. 

“This mouth has spoken many sinful lies already; you should only speak words of God” he grunts, pushing the rosary more and more inside your mouth. 

Tears run from your eyes and into your cheeks. You try to cough, but it’s almost impossible if you don’t want to choke. Yet your eyes, avid for more, look up at that man with more than hunger… a look proper of a possession. 

Father Aizen smirk grows bigger, he looks at you from above, with disgust and superiority. His hand then reached for your cheeks, pressing them strong and painfully making the beads inside of your mouth to carve into its inner walls. 

“Why are you looking at me like that? You seem to be possessed by some sexual impure demon, you disgusting whore” he whispers with disdain, close to your lips. 

Your smile -do the best you could do to do it- as you keep looking up at him; yes, disgusting whore… I am, indeed, a disgusting whore for wanting to fuck you, Father Aizen… 

The first slap leaves your ear ringing. The second slap, your cheek on fire. The third, your body against the wall. You have lost balance, literally and internally as well. 

And Father Aizen seems to be just starting with the “exorcism”, because you have no time to stand back up as he forces you to do it by ripping the crucifix hanging from your body. 

He turns the silver chain around until it’s closely tight around your neck; a single twist more and the blood flow from your carotids to your brain will be interrupted. 

“Do you know why we wear this, Sister? Because we don’t sin. Because we owe everything to our God… but now, whore, devil, your God is ME. And you obey and serve ME… isn’t that what you wanted? Do you really thought I didn’t realize you looked at me with eyes of lust?”  Aizen whispers into your ear, making you tremble, and so weak. 

He rips your veil off your head, allowing your hair to fall down your shoulders. Savagely garnishing your face, in such beautiful concupiscence. Oh, by the only existence of your womanhood you are making this man desperate… who’s the sinner here? 

The white collar around your neck gets ripped as well. You always thought but never proved how strong he was. 

Aizen grabs a fistful of your hair, tangling around his wrist for a better grip. Immediately after, you get shoved against the wooden wall, making you put one of your knees on the little seat. 

You only whine; it hurt… but the anticipation, the doubt… what is he gonna do next? 

Aizen pins your chest against the wooden surface, and his back against yours. Inevitably, you can feel the growing hardness of the father against your ass. His sex and the accelerated breathing on your neck, like a true demon attacking you from behind. 

“Now, let’s check how aroused you are…” he whispers; the warmth of his breath reaching your nape makes you feral. 

His hand slides with no delicacy down the long skirt and into your sex. Aizen is pleased to find only panties, absolutely dampened from desire. 

“Hmmm, too wet. You are more than possessed, you might be devil itself… what a disgusting being…” he scoffs, moving your panties to the side and sliding one of his slender fingers in between your folds. 

Covered by your honeys, his index now abandons your sex and reaches your lips. “This is how wet you are, dripping down your legs like a desperate animal...” he says, as he smears your juices all over your mouth and chin. 

“Spit the rosary, bitch” he orders, giving short slaps to your lips and waiting for it with his hand open. 

You do, letting every bead slowly fall from your mouth, imbued in saliva that also falls like drops, into his palm. Up until the last one is out, Aizen enjoys the degrading look on your face, the way you stick your tongue out when you are done and the way he pulls your head backwards from your hair to spit into your mouth right after. 

Instantly after, he turns you so that you sit down that little wooden seat. 

“Spread your legs” he commands, while he takes his belt off and lowers the zipper of his priest pants. 

You do, and with his leather shoes he proceeds to take down your panties. Aizen smirks to your cunt in display, as you instinctively lift one of your legs to spread your cunt even further. 

“What are you doing, whore? Mh? Showing me that impure cunt of yours? I will use all your holes, don’t worry…” he spits, coming closer with this dick in his hand. 

Aizen, before even fucking you, would like to fuck your mouth first. And so, by strongly grabbing your nape, he finally penetrates your lips with a merciless thrust. And then two, three, four. Endless ramming that makes you gag and tear up the more it hits your throat -and even further-. 

He sometimes pinches your nose, going in and not taking his dick out for a couple of minutes to see you turn almost blue from the lack of oxygen… it’s just that the gagging around his gland feels like a religious experience. 

And as that, it feels for you as well, who are also ordered to touch yourself until the point of squirting all over your clothes. 

But Aizen despite telling you he is your God, he is just a man… and his climax ends up with a grunt and smirk, all over your mouth and face, smeared by his hand with great pleasure. 

“Look at that, covered in cum… are you happy now, whore? You like your God ruining that sinful face of you?” “Ye-yes, Father Aizen…” 

But Aizen wasn’t over, he was just starting with the mass… and a sick, devilishly love was just about to grow stronger… I wonder how far that ungodly acts went unnoticed?  Because Father Aizen has always been a loving, soft, sacred and pure priest… his soft looks, his eyeglasses… who could say he is a corrupted man? A man that considers himself a God instead of serving one? 

Taglist of amazing babes: @awas-posts @missfuriosa @theneighbourhoodferret @cyberdazetragedy @ariesbbytings @animesnowstorm @lenablack9919

[killakalx]

lots to discuss kal. lots to discuss. bruce wayne is one billion percent a pussy slapper. that batcat fic u wrote actually floored me it genuinely had my brain turned to mush i didn’t even know what to think. i never read bruce fics but bruce and selina and them being MEAN ohhh u had me. just thinking of being manhandled by bruce but there is nothing i can say that will truly describe the extent to which i would let this man disrespect me.

not only did u hit me w thoughts of bruce, but jason. i don’t think i’ve made it apparent but i’m actually a jason girl you have plagued me with dick grayson brain worms. i’m in a confessional mood and i am the anon that sent u that ak!jason ask u linked in the gunplay fic u js posted !! that fic u js posted… i would single-handedly take down the feminist movement just to have ak!jason inside me. if someone said to me “ella if you hack the pentagon he’ll—” i’m already in. the firewall is broke. green numbers are flashing on the screen. kal i think you’ve broken smth in my brain these men are taking over all my thoughts.

— 😵‍💫

i luv batcat bc selina loves toying with you, and when she’s there she just brings it out in bruce. he’s mean as hell but when selina’s around he’s just a plain bully. he goes from dry faces of disappointment when you cum too early to snickering when you start apologizing and begging him to be gentle, and then selina’s behind you telling him he’s gotta start over bc you lost count of how many times he’s made you cum. yeahhh they have quite the time torturing your poor pussy.

and dare i say when he’s fuckin you from the back he’s shoving your head into her pussy before she can even buck her hips. now you can’t tell if she’s laughing at how cute you look or how mean he’s getting

one thing bruce is consistent with??? oh he’s throwin you around like a ragdoll. idk why but i genuinely feel like bruce can be worse than jason. jaybird’s broken a headboard at least once but bruce??? it’s scary how often he lets it happen, just because he can get a new one set up within the same day. he’s the type that’s yanking your hair the same way nanami did in that once jjk scene n shit

also omg you’re the one with that big beautiful brain!! i’m glad i expanded on it :) i’d apologize for the dick grayson brainrot but it’s probably gonna happen again so. lawl. so glad i’m responsible for these batboy thoughts plaguing you bc i hold them near and dear to my heart <3

[mydetheturk]

OK I LIED A LITTLE BIT ABOUT GETTING OFF TUMBLR BUT IN MY DEFENSE THE BRAIN WORMS ARE REAL

Wolfwood, being a priest (technically) having all the accoutrements of a Catholic priest stashed away in the Punisher. It's canon in the manga and 98 anime that he's got a tiny portable confessional, so why not? Tiny wafers. Bottle of wine (wine substitute maybe). A miniscule goblet. Itty bitty votive. Book of saints that has been flipped through so many times it's falling apart - same with a bible. Tiny candle holder for the votive that looks like Mary. An icon of a saint (saints) of his choosing. Backup rosary. Rosaries, plural, actually. Hasn't done anything for a palm Sunday in an age but he sure does have some ashes. Bottle for holy water, just over half-filled.

Most of the Punisher herself being filled with guns but this one little compartment holding the tools of his technical trade.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Genji Heavy Industries (Part 2) Into the Underground

Chu Zihang makes me have a surprisedpikachu.jpg here.

ITT: The MC can have ally chats and date both genders soooo...

The elevator descended to the bottom floor. The door opened to pitch black.

Chu Zihang flicked on the flashlight. The beam of light illuminated the dusty statue of the Virgin Mary. Although pigment has faded due to age, the Virgin Mary statue is still flushed with a magnificent red and gold, which indicates that the paints they used were mixed with real gold powder.  

This is the second basement level of the Takamagahara. The building actually had a second underground floor and one of the four elevators was a freight elevator that could reach this floor.

"This house looks pretty old!" Lu Mingfei exclaimed, "This style is not like a Japanese house." 

"Before World War II, this was a Catholic church. After the Meiji Restoration, many priests came to Japan to preach, and there were many Catholics at that time. This was once a stronghold of the faithful in Tokyo, where dozens of priests lived and held regular services and masses." Chu said, "When Tokyo was bombed in World War II, the bas-reliefs and arches were destroyed, leaving only the main structure intact. The store manager saw its location and rented it, spending a lot of money to renovate it into a nightclub. The stage was originally where the organ was housed, and the card seating area was originally the choir stalls. This floor was a confessional and reading room, and was used as a bombing shelter during World War II. To this day it is a government-planned shelter, although the store manager is using it as a storage room." 

You’re riding on Caesars back, your legs straddling his waist and propped up by his arms. Even though there was no danger yet, you were still slightly inebriated by your night’s show and he insisted on carrying you until you sobered up. Practical reasons aside, he made it clear that he wanted you to stay close to him. You were essential to the mission. You surmised also that his own personal code of honor and justice pushed him to go the extra mile.

Everywhere the flashlight swept was grey with dust. The four walls were painted with chalk. The floor was just smoothed with cement. The walls still had traces of smoke and fire and, in the corners, were stacked organ parts, enamel-decorated pulpits, and two or three human-high crosses with aged ochre vestments hanging from them. You can vaguely feel the prosperity of this Catholic Church back then. You imagine the clergy shuttling to and fro, the sound of voices reciting the Bible. No one could have imagined that, a hundred years later, this place would become a nightclub of sound and fury of male strippers.

Chu Zihang found a cellar well in the corner of the hall. It was covered by an old-fashioned cast iron well cover. The rusty cover was probably hundreds of years old, and the German markings of the cast iron company were indistinct. Chu Zihang and Caesar worked together to move the well cover, and the sound of water gurgled in the darkness. 

"The sewer entrance is actually inside the building!" Lu Mingfei whispered in surprise, “So Hydra won’t even notice us going in and out of the Takamagahara!”

"It's indeed a very coincidental thing." Chu Zihang said, "I also did not expect the entrance to the sewer would be hidden in Takamagahara. I found the sewer map of Shinjuku district from the Internet. It doesn’t look very big. There are only a dozen sewer entrances and exits. Most of them are housed in a sewage treatment station. Only this cellar well is the exception. It should have been sealed long ago, but because it was connected to the shelter, it happened to provide an escape route, so it was preserved. I should say we got lucky, we found the shelter at the same time we touched the back entrance of Genji Heavy Industries."

Lucky, huh? You raise your eyes again to the statue of the Virgin Mary and the words of Z in your dream echoed. He was doing this for a reason. Was it revenge for Black Swan Bay? If so, why wait 20 years? He told you frankly that you wouldn’t be able to understand until the very end. But your skin was starting to crawl.

“MC! Come on.” Caesar was waiting for you at the entrance. He once again lifted you up on his back and carefully you descended into the pipe.

They went down the iron staircase into the sewer, the flashlight illuminating the mossy brick wall. The structure of this section of the sewer was very old, completely different from the modern Iron Dome shrine, with a semicircular cross section. A water channel was in the middle and narrow paths for walking were on both sides. The ceiling is draped with some kind of aquatic plant, dark green and hair-thin, and if you are not careful, they will brush your face like cold hands in the dark. There was a foot-long black shadow slowly creeping across the corner, and when Chu Zihang shone his torch over it, it suddenly accelerated and disappeared into the dark green plants, emitting a woofing sound similar to a dog's bark. Lu Mingfei was so scared that he leaned back, Caesar held him up in time, otherwise he would have been planted in the gutter. 

“Stop being so jumpy!” He hissed.

"It's a mud salamander, a kind of salamander, native to North America." Chu Zihang locked the thing's exposed long tail with the beam of the flashlight. "It eats the eggs of aquatic animals, which prevents them from overpopulating the sewers. They put them in the sewers as scavengers." 

"Holy shit! Scared the hell out of me! There are actually such dumb things in the sewers!"

"Each city's sewers are an ecosystem, where there is sufficient water but basically no sunlight. Those species that can adapt to the darkness will quickly reproduce and eventually form a stable biosphere." Chu Zihang walked ahead with a flashlight, "The sewer ecosystem of each city is different, related to the city's rainfall, temperature and the acidity of the groundwater. The most important thing to be careful of here is the small things like blood worms, they may lay eggs on you. The big things are mostly not dangerous, even the water snakes are also not venomous." 

"Anywhere you go, the sewers are not built all at once. The sewers you see now are the sewers of Shinjuku district a hundred years ago. Tokyo had a massive renovation of the sewer system ten years ago, connecting all the old sewer systems, and the excess groundwater enters the Iron Dome Shrine through the various sewers, and is purified and discharged into the sea from the mains. If we keep walking, we’ll eventually enter the main channel." Chu Zihang glanced at the map in his hand, "About 600 meters further we will pass under the Shinjuku subway station, where there will be giant water turbines, through the turbine holes we will enter the Iron Dome Shrine." 

"Brother were you born in the sewers, so you know so much about them?" 

"I googled it."

"But you can't read Japanese." 

"I have Google Translate, and I learned a few sentences of Japanese through Google Translate." Chu Zihang switched to Japanese and said, "Thank you for your patronage. I look forward to seeing you again. Would you like some more wine? Cry if you are sad. And that's about it." 

“You’re so smart.” You say, “Maybe someday I’ll be as smart as you.”

“You’re very intelligent in your own way, MC. Mostly by way of survival. In Chizuru, you didn’t hesitate to wait until nightfall, find your own clothing, make your way to the Internet Cafe and fend off attackers. You recognized the danger of the gangsters long before we did. And in the end, if I hadn’t distracted you, you probably would not have been injured. Those are the major examples. I could go on longer with the smaller examples. When I think of them I’m glad you’re our friend and not our enemy.”

“Aw…” You say, resting your head between Caesar’s shoulder and neck. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

Caesar snorted. “Speaking of flirting, I’m very surprised not even the hottest men of Tokyo could earn your favor tonight. You really didn’t see anything in any of them?”

“They each tried to sell themselves to me very well. But I wasn’t interested in what they had to offer. It’s not that they didn’t have anything.”

“If you had no choice and had to pick one… which one would you choose?”

“That’s a weird question. I’m wondering why it matters. Have you bet on a favorite to win?”

“No. I just don’t think it’s good to walk alone in the world. I was honestly hoping that you and Mingfei Lu would get along a bit better but…”

“It wouldn’t be good for someone like me to court an ordinary human. Playing like this for a show is… alright.”

“You loved someone back in your old place… what was he like?”

“She.”

Caesar’s eyebrows lifted. “Oh!”

Mingfei’s head swiveled in your direction. “You like girls!” He slaps his forehead. “It all makes so much sense now!”

“I didn’t know I did until I was asked that question about lost love. It’s a bit sadder now because if I had understood my feelings then, I would have told her.” You shift your gaze back to Mingfei. “Can I ask you something? Are both your parents Chinese?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You look like someone I used to know. I think he may still be alive. I liked him too.” 

“Then you swing both ways?” Lu Mingfei seemed to be having a mini-crisis. How was he supposed to protect your innocence from everyone in existence? It was funny to see him frantically holding back his bangs, concerned about that rather than being worried about breaking into the headquarters of the most powerful organization in Japan.

Caesar’s eyes shifted in your direction. “If you need help searching for survivors, you have the full support of the Student Union.”

“Thanks… If anyone could survive, it would be him.”

“That would be nice if you could meet again. Pick up where you left off maybe?” Mingfei rested his arms behind his head.

You stare at him in silence and give a sigh, your chest rising against Caesar’s back.

“Don’t mind him. It’s going to hit him in like an hour.” Caesar grumbles.

You bury your head in his shoulder, giggling.

[mm-mendell]

Blearily, you watched the city lights flicker in the tiny window above your seat. You had to sit really awkwardly to hit the right angle, half-slumped against the wall and your neck craned up to try and catch even the tiniest glimpse. You weren’t tall enough to look directly out the window, not even if you stood on top of the seat, and you weren’t about to subject yourself to such an indignity regardless.

Of course, the only reason you knew it wouldn’t work was because you had already tried it, but no one else needed to know that.

You were preparing yourself for another slow night - and it wasn’t a hardship, by any means. Slow nights or busy ones, they hardly mattered to you. Time passed by the same either way, and either way you got to relax in your little abode. There was really no difference at all.

But then, you felt it -  someone approaching. Just one someone, apparently, which was enough to catch your interest, moving to sit up straight.

Lately, people had only been approaching you in groups, seeming to treat it as some kind of test of courage. Maybe this would be another child, dared by their friends to touch the door, or a stumbling drunk with no recognition of what they were seeing, let alone the significance of it.

Regardless, you would welcome them. If they belonged to this city, they were always welcome.

The footsteps stopped right outside your little wooden box, the newcomer shifting in place slightly, as if unsure of what to do next.

“What am I thinking…” A voice muttered, only seconds later. It was the voice of a young woman, tired in ways that only college students could be. You’d had many, many college students come to you over the years, though not usually for the reason you suspected this girl was here. “This is ridiculous. I’m so dumb.”

She seemed about to continue admonishing herself, but that was where you decided to step in - metaphorically speaking.

“Hello there!” you said brightly. “Welcome, friend. Do you have a request?”

She said nothing. You knew that she was still there, because she had yet to flee in terror as some of your would-be visitors did, but she didn’t say a word.

And then - “Holy shit. There actually is someone in there.”

You chuckled. Yes, that was usually the reaction.

“Indeed,” you said warmly. Oh, you loved the people of this city. Beautiful and erratic and yours.

“Um, well,” she said hesitatingly, and you could hear that she had started pacing in front of the door. “I do have a, uh, request, I suppose.”

“Speak it, then,” you said encouragingly. “You know that I will listen.”

You would always listen to these precious, beloved children.

There was silence for a moment, and you could hear the sound of her gentle breathing on the other side of the wood.

“It’s going to sound bad.”

You smiled, and in that moment you were very glad that your guest could not look through the window to see you - your smile was not, as some would say, pleasant.

“Chickadee, I am the god of all this city is. I am the god of rotten things and false stars, I am the god that never sleeps. There is nothing you could say to disgust me.”

And it was true. Nothing this human or any other had to say would be enough to put you off. You were the god of decaying bodies being lovingly consumed by the earth and this city both, and you were oh so proud of it.

“I… have this professor, at my college,” she said haltingly, stumbling over her words as if she’d never actually had a chance to speak them outloud. “He’s really creepy. And uh, we’ve tried to report him before, but even after we fill out the forms we just… can’t get up the courage. I always thought it was okay, because I figured someone else would do it. But, um, I was just told that he’s retiring at the end of this year, and…”

She fell silent, clearly troubled.

“He’s never, like, touched anyone,” she said, speaking slowly. “At least, not that I know of. He kinda stands too close to you, but I thought that was bearable. I thought that was something that you could, just, suffer through, y’know? But… he makes everyone so uncomfortable, and says these weird, sexist things, and like… I just don’t know what to do.”

You chuckled lightly. “Chickadee, if you came here, then you know exactly what you want to do.”

The pause this time was strained, but lasted only for a moment. She was laughing, breathlessly, a second later, and you heard a soft thud on the other side of your door, like she was leaning forward to rest her forehead against the wood.

“I guess so,” she murmured. “Please, I… I’m worried. At the college, he could be reported. There was a way to do that, easily, and people were still frightened. I was still frightened. After he leaves the school, I have no idea where he’ll go, and if anyone there will think that they have a way to keep themselves safe. I just want there to be a way that I know he won’t hurt anyone.”

“A reasonable request,” you said agreeably. You were her god, and this professor’s god too, but the professor was not the one who had come to pray to you. You were allowed to play favorites.

“Really?” she rushed out, her words jumbled and strung with a terribly desperate sort of hope. “You don’t think I’m overreacting, or, or - “

“Not even a little,” you assured, standing up from your seat almost without notice. You wanted to reach out, you wanted to comfort this child of the city that had spawned you, but you could not.

If you were to leave this confessional, it would rather ruin the mystery, wouldn’t it?

“I will help you,” you said confidently. Like there was ever any doubt.

But it seemed that there was on her end, because she let out a broken sob, leaning more heavily against the door.

“Thank you, thank you, I - when Katy told me about you I wasn’t sure it was legit, but I don’t even care anymore. You’re the only one who’s listened to me.”

And what a shame that is, you thought sadly. You couldn’t be everywhere, you couldn’t even leave your confessional, but you still mourned for the children that didn’t come to you. Even gods, it seemed, were helpless in the end.

But not in this.

“I have no power to arrest him, nor the right to kill him,” you declared, “but there are things that I can do.”

She was waiting, breathless, for your answer, and you smiled that same smile as you gave it to her.

“I can have the crows watch over him, and the alley cats trace his steps. He will never make a single move without my children knowing, and they will tell me. The rest of his time on this earth will be measured, the life he lived in this city will be judged. He will not escape my eyes, nor my punishment. And when the time comes, the worms, too, will enact vengeance for you. Is that satisfactory, Chickadee?”

“Anything,” she said immediately. “Anything is better than letting him go. Thank you.”

This time, when you smiled, it was gentle.

“You’re welcome.”

Many crying people came to pound against your door, and you were not always able to send them off with a smile. But the times like these were your most favorite of all.

She pulled away from your confessional, the wood creaking as she lifted her head from where it had been bent in prayer, and you could sense that she still had a question for you.

“Um, god?” she said, still a bit unsure but sweetened by belief, so heady that it made you let out a grateful sigh. “If you rule over all of these rotten, awful things, why do you help humans?”

You shook your head, amused despite yourself.

“I do not rule over anything,” you corrected gently. “I was born of graveyard dirt and the human heart, and there is nothing awful in that. Vermin and human alike live in this city, and they all belong to me, and each other. Rotten and lying they may be, but there is beauty in that too. Just like the city lights above you, humanity pierces through the fog. What else can I do, but watch in awe?”

“Oh,” she said quietly, like a confession, a realization. Then, you heard the sound of her footsteps walking away.

You hope that she gained something more from this than what she came for. You hope, from this, that she learned more about the value of rats and roadkill and tired college students.

You were the city, and the city was you, and you loved every part of it. Humans, yes, and the dead things too.

But she was not dead, not yet. And neither were you.

What a marvelous thing indeed.

notes:

ahhhh thanks so much to @caffeinewitchcraft ! I love what I came up with here, and I never would’ve actually gotten off my butt and written it if I hadn’t had this challenge to get me moving! hopefully I'll be able to do the other ones this week too, if I can keep producing things like this! until next time! <3

[samtheflamingomain]

the tribe has spoken

I'm one of the last human beings left on earth that still watches Survivor religiously.

That said, I don't feel I qualify as a superfan. Give me a Simpsons quote or meme and I can tell you the timestamp of the episode and season it's from, and then tell you what the next scene is.

r/Survivor has people citing events from Season 5, discussions about players I don't remember at all, and have an entire separate subreddit where they mathematically analyze the show's edit to determine who's winning.

I've also only watched each season once, except season 1, which I've seen 3 times.

So before I crack open the can of worms that was last Wednesday's tribal counsel, I want to make a few statements that I think are important to start with.

I'm not a superfan. I have, on my own, noticed the recurring pattern of non-white players being voted off early. I believe Survivor has satisfied its need for diversity in the past few years. I don't think their casting has ever been as diverse as this season.

Okay. What happened?

Last week, a Black woman went home. Same as the week prior. This week, we had 2 tribal councils that were supposed to be easy, and could've gone much, much differently.

Let me quickly explain the 2 tribals. At the immunity challenge, our 10 were split into 2 teams. Last man standing from each team is immune. Both groups will go back to separate camps and have separate tribals. Last man standing overall also wins food, and, and this is important, they are the team who will hold their tribal counsel second.

What this means is team 1 brings in their torches, and vote out a man named Rocksroy. He is Black. He is also very strong and strategic, which is why the original plan of voting out Romeo - a cagey wildcard without many allies, essentially an "easy vote" - was changed to blindside someone who was more threatening. They left, and Rocksroy took a seat next to the last person voted out, Chanelle, as the second member of the jury.

Then the next team of 5 walk in, and every single jaw is on the floor. Everyone was going after Romeo, so seeing Rocksroy was a huge shock. Jeff loves moments like these, saying "Wow, getting some big reactions. Rocksroy, 9th person voted out and the second member of our jury."

Before we dig into our main course, let's take a moment to set the table.

On this team of 5 we have Jonathon, a white guy who looks like he could bench press a small whale, who won the challenge and is immune. We also have Lindsay, who hasn't really said much so far (what we call a "purple edit" - edited into the background, very few if any confessionals). There's Tori, a cunning, strategic therapist. She is only safe tonight because of our next contestant, Drea. Everyone knows Tori is too smart to keep around much longer, but Drea has an idol and a fierce game going. I saved the best for last, everyone welcome Maryanne! The unapologetically loud, boisterous Black woman who is also a nun.

Here's how this tribal was set up to go down: Jonathon and Maryanne are allies. He says they need to get rid of Drea because she has an idol.

What their goal here is that Drea doesn't play her idol, and leaves with it "in her pocket" (unplayed, derrogatory). This is risky for a few reasons. First, 'new school' players are much, much smarter because they've studied the show. It's very rare for someone to pocket an idol these days.

Secondly, this means they have to convince her she's not in any danger - and Drea is very smart and very good at reading the room.

So what Jon and Mary decide to do is tell Drea that Mary is the target, because she has an idol. (Yes, both women have idols.)

Maryanne is a bit ditsy but not stupid. When she tells Lindsay the plan, she immediately points out that, if Drea DOES play her idol, Maryanne is going home. Unless she, too, plays her idol, in which case the next target would be Tori. But Jon and Mary are tight, and he actually did miss this hole in the plot too. The three decide it's worth the risk, and tell Drea and Tori to vote for Maryanne.

Alright I think we finally have enough info to actually start talking about that tribal.

So, they walk in, jaws on the floor looking at Rocksroy where they were sure they'd see Romeo, sit down, and Jeff comments on their incredulous responses.

"Drea." I groan. I've suddenly realized why there's still 20 minutes of show left.

Drea was the first one to pick her jaw up and then sealed it tight. Jeff asks her a few questions, going a little something like this: "Is that a surprising vote?" Yes, definitely. Then Jeff says just the right thing: "What does it tell you?" Then the camera hangs on her for 4 seconds of silence, and she's never looked so intense And she says "I don't know."

Jeff chats with a few other players, but the camera keeps cutting to shots of Drea intensely staring at Rocksroy.

But Jeff doesn't know what's coming. He asks, "Drea. What does it mean to have to adapt in such a small group, alliances divided?"

Drea; "It changes your mindset, seeing 2... people, that I... didn't think would be there so soon."

"Changes your mind how? Trusting to not trusting, offensive to defensive?"

"I don't know yet."

I know where this is going. It's why I mentioned me, a non-superfan, noticing the pattern of early boots being non-white. I'm watching a woman who has been so intensely game-focused be forced, out of nowhere, to have an existential crisis and be interviewed about it in real time for national television. I also recognize that I'm watching a Black woman choosing her words carefully. She straight up says so at a later point.

But after a few more innocuous exchanges intercut with her just so intensely thinking, I begin watching a Black woman making a decision. She's addressed again, and she's resolute in the decision she's made.

The question asked doesn't matter. Her response is "I was so proud to be on a cast with 4 other Black people. After the last 2 tribals... and now to see another Black face on the jury... it's just an unfortunate pattern that tends to happen on Survivor, the non-white players go home early. And now it's happening again. So yeah, I'm pissed."

She says it calmly and with eye-contact.

And finally Jeff drops the nuke: "So, do you think it's race-related?"

(Just quickly, not to split hairs, but he asked the right question. He didn't ask, "Do you think it's because of race?" or "Do you think Rocksroy is a victim of racism?", because everything is race-related in North America. He's asked this question with well-chosen words.)

"I think, subconsciously, it's a bit of that, unfortunately. I think now I just have to play the game a little harder." There's a brief silence, then Drea says, "I can tell you all right now that I'm playing my idol to stay in this game. I'm not gonna let that happen to another one of us." It's clear in her choice of words that she used, in my opinion, to attempt to cut off any further discussion of race, and I think in a moment you'll agree.

The tribal then "goes live", meaning people are whispering last-minute vote-changes as someone is speaking to Jeff. He acknowledges it, and usually he sits back and lets them frantically dart from person to person to get in on the vote. This time however, by the time Tori is done answering Jeff's question, Jonathon has very quickly done the following: asked Drea who she wants out, she says Tori. He whispers "Tori" to Maryanne, and to Lindsay he says "It's Tori, but tell Tori it's Drea". In 5 seconds, the vote completely changed, and everyone is in agreement. it will now be Tori going home, spoiler alert. but not how you'd think.

When Tori stops talking, Lindsay whispers to Tori, "it's Drea", so we the audience know it is indeed 4 against 1. Tori then whispers this to Maryanne, and she's quite loud, so she says, "Everyone can hear me, I'm just gonna say it. I cannot write Drea's name down, I'm sorry, I can't. Survivor isn't just a game, it's about taking society and putting it into a smaller version. If I write Drea's name down, I'm part of the pattern."

Jonathon then opens his massive jaw to fit his Goliath foot alllll the way in his mouth: "I don't feel like this is right, y'all are coming at it like we (gestures to himself and the 2 white women) are racist."

Both Black women immediately, with a desperation that stabs the onlooker in the gut, that no, they're not. Drea says, "Don't try and make it seem like I'm being aggressive."

Somehow Jonathon finds more room in his mouth for his other foot: "But you are being aggressive!" And the camera cuts to every single person literally or metaphorically facepalming. Aside from Jeff, he is the only white man currently onstage. Even the white women know he's just made himself the next r/Survivor fatality.

Before we continue, I'd like to compare another instance of a Survivor player just totally shooting themselves in the dick, though on a much larger scale.

A few seasons ago, during a live tribal, Varner said, "Zeke is a liar, you can't trust him... why haven't you told anyone you're transgender?" The man was absolutely beaten to a pulp online. He literally wrote a book called "Surviving Shame" about that sentence that immediately cost him a million dollars. it's the only unanimous vote in Survivor history - Varner voted for himself after 30 minutes of Zeke taking being outed on TV like a champ and Varner spiraling into madness realizing what he's just done. It's also the first time a vote was live, meaning they didn't write names down. For the first time ever, Jeff simply said, "Raise your hand if you're voting Varner" and every hand went up, his included. What he did, the severity, the absolute shit he was in for, sunk in in real-time and I believe he was in tears by the time he left.

I mention this because what happens next is really something very new to Survivor.

When Varner happened, they addressed it online, in Real Newspapers, and it led to an entire subreddit all deciding to censor his name for the rest of time. They also addressed it on the reunion show. Zeke asked for non of this, yet was forced into a conversation he obviously didn't start.

Something similar happens here, but right now Jonathon is the one r/Survivor is cancelling. But in Drea's eyes, as she goes on to say, she knows she's going to be ripped apart online. And she was - by racists. But she knew that. And spoke anyway. Thankfully, 99% of rational people are rightfully girlboss-ifying her online.

After a bit of teaching a white man to sit down as shut up, we have an iconic shot of Drea and Maryanne standing up and walking across the stage in lockstep to hand Jeff their idols. There will not be 2 Black people voted out in one night nor 4 in a row.

This tribal is actually noteable in that it breaks the rules of the show. Jeff has hosted 3 live votes, where it's done by show of hands, always when it's obvious who's gong, and always at the request of the loser in the form of "Do we have to vote Jeff? I know it's me," and Jeff saying "We don't have to go to the voting booths but we do need to vote. if anyone objects to doing a show of hands, please say so now. Alright in that case, who is voting for Bob? Bob, that's everyone, please bring me your torch."

This time, Jeff offered to "skip the pomp and circumstance" and "just have a conversation".

I checked the rules. A vote is REQUIRED. No vote took place. Technically, Tori never left and will still win I'm not in denial.

That's basically where the race part ends and the math starts. Jonathon, Drea and Maryanne are safe - it's down to Lindsay or Tori, and obviously Tori isn't voting Tori, but she knows it's her and the conversation is very short. HOWEVER.

In this season and the last, they added a stupid twist everyone hates: the Shot in the Dark. When you're in the voting booth, you have the option to forfeit your vote and instead take a 1/6 chance at safety. So Tori says, "Okay, well if it's me anyway, I might as well play my SITD".

Jeff is briefly caught off-guard. "Okay, Tori, you go up to the booth and pull out a scroll from the SITD box and bring it to me." THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS JEFF YOU IDIOT.

I say all this because there are in fact rules to the game, and more than once, players have successfully sued production because the rules were violated. Tori has a helluva case here. Technically, on paper, a vote took place - she entered the booth - but only one person voted and they voted in the form of not voting.

She was the 6th person to play their SITD (a 1/6 shot) and if she'd drawn safety, it probably would've made it worth it for the fans who hate new twists. It would've saved someone who, due to circumstances beyond their control, went home, which is considered "game breaking" by most, myself included.

But here's the biggest problem; saying, before the vote, "I'm playing my idol" is not the same as playing your idol. It's not remotely uncommon for someone to say so and then, after the votes are cast and Jeff says "If anyone has a hidden immunity idol and would like to play it now is the time to do so", keep quiet. Of course it's a huge risk, but it is a move one can make during tribal. During a law-abiding tribal.

Jeff seemed to have forgotten this. I fully believe that, even if they had cast proper votes and been asked for the idols after voting, both women would've played them. But the option of bluffing was stolen from them. They could've each said to the other "don't play yours and I won't play mine". So many things could've gone differently if they'd just followed the damn rules.

The reason I'm more focused on the mechanics and rules is because I'm white and Drea and Maryanne said everything perfectly. I don't have much to add. Race isn't new on Survivor; there have been many discussions similar to this one.

But it is different in one very important way: viewers watched an extremely charged discussion result in 2 women, on opposite alliances, go beyond the game to force the streak of Black people being voted out to end there and then. In a very visual, obvious way by handing in their idols together. In all the years of Survivor, Black alliances almost always fail. Again, the early booting of POC is a very real pattern.

22 years of Survivor, and I have literally never seen such a potent, deeply moving show of Black solidarity.

Almost done, just a few final thoughts. If they were going to break a rule, I wish they would've let it be "jurors must be silent". While having a racial discussion between 2 Black women and 4 white people, it's very much not a good look to have a literal rule preventing 2 Black people from speaking on the subject. Obviously this isn't intentional, but if Jeff is willing to just offer the idea of a completely different tribal experience, I don't see why letting Rocksroy and Chanelle speak would've been out of place.

There's also the thought on everyone's mind: Mike, Hai, Romeo and Omar don't know what just happened. Hai and Romeo are Asian and they're both gay. Omar is Muslim and of mixed race. Mike is white - and he's the only one who DIDN'T vote for Rocksroy.

Despite the fact that a POC was voted out by exclusively POC, Drea is still completely valid. Walking into the 2-person jury being 2 Black people, as she mentioned, was something that really hit her.

Again, I'm white so I really have no business going as far as I am but I do think it's of interest to think about how Black players are related to non-Black POC, and how they're not.

Season 1 was won by a gay man. Season 4 by a Black woman, 7 by a Latina woman, 13 an Asian man, 14 a Black man, 15 another gay man, 20 by *the same Latina woman*, 29 by an Indian woman, 21 a Black man, 33 by a Jewish man, 36 a Black man, and the previous season (41) was won by an Asian-Canadian woman. 12/42 won by minorities. Nearly 30%. I quite like that number to be honest.

But only 1/42 was won by a Black woman. And unfortunately, her win is largely seen as undeserved or at least unimpressive. 4/42 by a Black person.

On the other hand, among "first voted out", 12/42 are visible minorities - I could only find pictures of most. That's also 30%, and I quite dislike that number.

I'm still hoping for a Hai win because I think he's smart and has made some great moves. Maryanne won't win, she might make it to final 3 but if she does she simply doesn't have the resume to win. Drea has a solid shot, and I wouldn't be remotely upset with a Drea win. She's had a lot of character-building, so I do think she makes it far.

Do it, girl. Be the first Black woman to win Survivor who isn't seen as a bad winner. We're all on your team at this point. A Drea win, at this point, I believe, would be revered. She would be seen as one of The Greats. Hell, she already is.

The last few seasons have kinda sucked. This is the first one in many years that feels very fun. Everyone has something interesting about them. For the first time in, I think history, I could name every player by episode 3. Usually takes me till post-merge.

Editing has been absolutely slaying this season, I cannot simp harder for them. After many years of mediocre editing, even I, a non-superfan, notice the difference.

If you're still here, god bless you. For your patience, let me give you a few more statistics made in this episode.

Tori leads women in % of challenges won at 67%. The challenge is the 4th shortest, and is #1 in people out over time (7 eliminations in less than 20 seconds). This challenge is a repeat, used many times in previous seasons and usually it lasts around 15 minutes, but this one was over in 6. This is one of 4 live votes. First live vote initiated by Jeff. First time only one player entered the voting booth. And, in Omar, the first Muslim to make final 8.

To riff on editing just once more, I'll say this: I've predicted about 40% of winners by the merge. Right now? I have no fucking idea. That's good editing. Bad editing is the Tommy win a few seasons back. He was the only one who had a personality whatsoever, it was obvious by 4th boot. Too obvious. Then, last season, the winner was "invisible" (fewer than 5 confessionals pre-merge). So when she won, the viewers felt they barely knew her.

They're back on the ball. This season has been the best in a long time. The twists that didn't work very well in 41 are totally crushing it this round.

Last point I promise. I think this season is a perfect cast. Literally. I can give you a 30s description of every player. I can give you a 60s theory on how anyone has a path to winning. I don't hate anyone. I relate to everyone.

I truly believe that this is because of one, singular thing: there is no "villain" in this season.

People have been sneaky, cunning, underhanded. But it's nobody's personality. Everyone is a real person. Nobody is the cartoon villain stealing peoples' socks in the middle of the night. While I understand why they've tried to edit people as villains previously, I think this is what happened this time round: they couldn't find one.

Tori is closest to villainous that we've gotten, but she was very likeable to the audience. Personally, I think they expected people like Jonathon, Drea, even Hai, to have the personality that can be edited to seem villainous, but then they never gave them any villain vibes in their confessionals.

I do hope they learn from this season. There's a lot there.

Stay Greater

[survivor-mountmerapi]

Ep. 9&10: “I’m just--------peeing quite frankly” - Madi

Steven

Was I entertained by this tribal and Julia playing her idol? Yes I very much was. Was I about to simultaneously puke and cry at the same time? Yes. Yes I was. Can this game have one single ounce of something that wont make me go into tears.

Anastasia

We are so dumb and stupid and dumb and stupid. I dont know why we would all vote for one person?? ESPEVIALLU if the person knows they are going and especially if that person is julia and shes already rlly good at lying. we were all blinded by our mutual force to get her out and we didnt think it out heck frick. sorry moth this is so unfair. moth was trying to get julia out the most bcs julia targetted moth last season. why julia has a thing against moth in this game? i dont know!! anyway we have to get that girl out next round and we will split vote pls it has to happen we cant give up she has to go

Madi

im just--------peeing quite frankly

go off julia, you did that, props to you

Raffy

Julia playing that idol is the best and most iconic play in this game thus far. The dramatics of the fight to ensure that all the votes landed on her? Keeping the people who she knew would get skittish and snake-ish so she has a higher chance of staying next round? Literally, this all works in her favor. To be honest, I don't even want Julia gone at this point. I want someone like Ginnifer or Rachel gone for future security. Sure Julia will eventually snake me, but keep your enemies close and all that.

Ginnifer admitted ON CALL that she almost voted for Steven WHEN STEVEN WAS THERE. She also wanted an alliance with Julia, Madi, Steven, and I in the same call! Then, DeNara gets on call and Ginnifer ADMITS to wanting to create an alliance without her. I'm just kind of shook. Why would I want to work with Ginnifer anyways if she's been targeting me since the swap? There's no reason to other than being chaotic. Then, Julia transitions to pitching with working with her! And Madi is calling her out! This after-tribal call is a mess. But, now the target is fully off of me. Mwahahaha. These people???

Ginny

Moth was idoled out yikes but I tried to make a new alliance but it failed

Steven

Im trying to figure out what Ginny's logic is. First you say that you wanna target all the winners cause we are the biggest threats in the game. Then you tell me TO MY FACE after a wild tribal that you almost voted for me to leave tonight. Even after all that you then turn around and try to align yourself with the winners that you were just targeting to spice it up???????? Im sorry but Im not following this.

Julia

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AxVD3qWAkVmL_7fWiHERvNIg9VkKFS1W/view?usp=drivesdk

Raffy

According to DeNara, Elle wants to create an alliance with DeNara, Steven, and I. This could be a good back up alliance for the time being. Additionally, it gives us more numbers on our side if we ever need to turn on Gian and Madi. However, I don't want to do that anytime soon. They are great allies to have. Plus, they are able to think and are going after Julia. So, it should all work in my favor. I love being able to slip by each tribal with my target not being shot. I am thinking of throwing this challenge so Ginny can get the yeet though.

Madi

hi its madi and im being messy did I just text DeNara and ask her to be in a tighter alliance with me bc its gonna get to the point where the winners have to go? have I been reinforcing since the merge to anastasia that we are working together and that shes my partner in this game? did I just say “partner to partner” to anastasia that we should start an all girls alliance? did I also ask denara? me, denara, anastasia, rachel, and elle? rachel wont talk to me tho:( bc I “lied” so thats a speed bump denara also thinks she is the only one I told ab this and when I asked if we should tell anastasia she said that anastasia is a “blabber mouth” so “not yet”??????? am I fucking up my game? idkkk come back tomorrow thank the lords I have an idol if this blows up in my face???

DeNara

That awkward moment when you don't remember what your confessionals say anymore and you are repeating yourself a lot lol

Steven

https://youtu.be/2NGxkNjrGdk

DeNara

Soooo after Moth got voted out and Ginnifer decided to go a little crazy and try and make new alliances without us, Elle and I have decided to jump ship on the Lucky Charms alliance. She suggested talking to Steven and Raffy which was a great idea. I talked to them and they said they would be down with that so we are going to make a new alliance when Elle brings it up.

TEA. Steven and Raffy want to stick with our alliance of 5 with Madi and Gian because they trust them but Madi messaged me today saying she wanted to make a tighter alliance with me so we can eventually take out the winners. I am not sure if I should tell Steven and Raffy this or not yet, as it could end up worse for me if I do....

DeNara

You know, I should give myself more credit in this game. I have played the middle so well this season so far. I have an alliance with literally everyone in this game except Julia and Anastasia and Anastasia tells me things when I ask her lol I think I can do well in this game if I play my cards right.

DeNara

Oooooh so I made an alliance chat with Raffy, Steven and Elle. Sounds like we are gonna try and get Ginnifer out before Julia now. I did tell Julia I would try and spare her a round since she didn't vote me out o.O

Elle

✨A New Alliance Has Been Formed✨Me, DeNara, Steven, and Raffy ^_^ Which is great bc I trust DeNara, and I feel really good about Steven and Raf (I don't think?? they would betray us 😂but I am not sure of anything anymore lol ahhhh the post merge paranoia is real) I also feel really good about this challenge. I get to work on my layout designs for the magazine me and Madi are working on which is great! I don't know why I always worm in something I want to be practicing into these challenges lol, probs bc I'm prone to being like "I'll get right on that!" and then... not 😂 so the challenges are good excuses. I also would have Loved to make a tarot deck like the example ugh that seems so cool 😭

DeNara

So I told Raffy and Steven about Madi bringing up a potential tighter alliance and I regret it. I feel like that was something I should have kept to myself Stevenhttps://youtu.be/dWdKo0iuaV4

Raffy

DeNara created an alliance with Elle, Steven, and I. Steven and DeNara still don't want to tell Gian and Madi about it. Ok I guess. If they find out though, I am throwing DeNara under that bus so fast. Secondly, it seems Elle wants to target Ginnifer as well this round. I love ur impact. Now, we just need two more votes. One of them being Julia. The others possibly Gian and Madi if I can convince them. Rachel and Anatasia would probably still target Julia. I am trying to not obviously throw this challenge.

Gian

The way I ate Steven up on this lip sync. It was so fun to do! Im really happy we did this challenge :)

Elle

The judges are judging🎶 (to the tune of "The Lady's Improving" from The Prom) Anyway, I just want to preface that the first ad was supposed to be the only like, purposefully kinda bad layout in the magazine 😂 I was low on time and I regretted the color palette, it was way too saturated but Madi and I had agreed on it and I didn't want to be more annoying than I was already being about the magazine 😅. Also, I need to remember people read these afterward 😂 I'm incredibly bad at not just spewing whatever is in my mind sometimes, I feel like I might've overshared a couple of times but it happens! This probably counts as oversharing bc it's not about gameplay... yes okay back on topic I hope we win, if we don't I'll be okay I'll just be ticked at myself for staying up past 2AM but realistically if I didn't hyperfocus on that it'd be something else 🤷🏽‍♀️ atleast this was productive, I got to work on layouts a little (I mean technically I got quite a few layouts but so many are baddd 😭😭😭 like if a professor saw some of these they'd faint and then kick me out of graphic design lmao). But the point wasn't for it to be professional, so it's okay!!!!! I'm telling myself that so I don't go back and fix everything lol.

Raffy

The plan as of right now is to target both Ginnifer and Julia. Personally, I want Ginnifer out because she has been a very chaotic mess since the merge started. I would rather want that gone now rather than later when we no longer have the chance. I made the plan to split the vote 4-4 against Ginnifer and Julia. DeNara, Steven, Elle, and I (the secret alliance hidden from Gian's and Madi's view) will vote for Ginnifer. Gian and Madi know about this. They, along with Anastasia and Rachel, will vote for Julia. So, it should not matter who either of them vote for. However, it would be nice if they could vote each other. This plan does come with its risks though. I am willing to take those risks. And, if I get a bad smell, I will use my SWP to get out of the sticky situation.

DeNara

Well. Today is tribal day. I have been feeling worn down so much the past couple days and part of me just wants to be carried by others for a while. On the other hand, part of me feels like it might be time to make a big move soon because that is how you win. If Julia is still here after the vote tonight, then I feel like I just need to team up with her because clearly she needs to be blindsided. The lack of chatter has me worried.....like why is nobody talking??? Is it because they have all teamed up and are plotting against one of my alliances, or are they just tired and busy like me? I am not sure... I am suspicious that Julia hasn't really been talking. I know she said she had personal stuff going on but who knows if that is all of it, or just part of it. I am feeling the desire to flip on my alliance soon. Idk if I will because I feel tight with Steven and he plays loyal, but if I told him about Madi wanting to flip on the winners soon I may be able to do something... I kind of want to start actually lying to people, like... full blown lies... muahahaha! We shall see what happens if I am not blindsided tonight.

Raffy

DeNara is so paranoid. This is what she told me: "I am pretty nervous about Julia teaming up with some ppl and making a play tonight. Should we come up with some crazy lie just to scare her? I am not sure what we could say, but I am feeling nervous about her?" Like, do you want to become the target? Doing that is a surefire way of becoming one. Everyone is BUSY. They're DOING things. The situation only becomes dire later on in the day. There's no reason to be doing all this when there is still time to discuss tribal. I might just dip because I am not going to get punished for DeNara being paranoid. Like, if Julia wanted to target us, she would have already done so. DeNara is just... very taxing to work with because she thinks that everyone is against her. I feel like I needed to talk her down from making a move that would have certainly gotten her voted out.

Ginny

Ohhh girl I’m scared tonight I better not get blindsided because Lordy I got it when moth left and I wasn’t prepared whooo Jesus

DeNara

So I have been talking to Elle a bunch and someone told her about the split vote between Ginny and Julia. I am trying to play as though she is the one giving me this information, even though I helped plan it. I actually am feeling really close with Elle and hoping I can get far with her. I might make her my real number one with Steven. I like Steven a lot but I am worried he won't turn on Raffy when it is time. Raffy keeps getting a little frustrtaed with how hard I am trying to play this game (which is fair) so he may have to go after Julia and Ginny. I am getting concerned about these newbies though. We should take one of them out soon to even out the numbers. Also, I have been trying to get idol hunt information from as many people as I can and I remembered that Gian got an advantage during a game, so I am trying to get him to tell me what number it was since he didn't add it to our group chart

Anastasia

Me and Julia were paired together for the challenge. Since we're trying to get that girl out I didn't want to win. I was a little worried that somehow ours would win but we got second to last. Julia was sadly going through stuff in real life and struggled. It's good for me but I sympathize with her.. Anyway Julia is out of here tonight.

Julia

Ok so last tribal was so sexy the looks on everyone’s faces are now burned into my brain

Julia

I’m really hoping it’s Ginny tonight. I’m going to try to pull out some shit and hope and pray put nothings in my hands tonight

Rachel

i am so happy to be playing with such nice people. i really do be getting in my own head sometimes, but it is so nice to be reassured that i am playing a fun game and no one feels ill will towards me in anyway. i feel awesome to be supported by this group. i had a tragic event happen in my life this week, but plan to move forward and try to have the most fun while playing in his honor.

Julia

I’m at tribal right now and I feel like I’m going to puke. It’s definitely me. It’s been a ride friends. Julia out

Madi

So I got immunity, Julia went home. Sad but necessary. I really respect her as a player and would love to work with her sometime but just not this game. Also kinda annoyed that raffy called me out at tribal during the revote..... like yeah I came up with the revote but why call my name out for it???? like what is the deal with that. He is my next target tho so like hehehehe raffy its time to go. I am thinking we convince him ginny is going home and blindside him instead??? idk just thoughts

goodnight!

DeNara

So we just voted Julia out and I am actually sad about it. I am glad the threat is gone, but she was fun for sure. Now my alliance of 5 is standing strong, if I stay loyal...

Raffy

R.I.P. Julia, Queen of the Idol. The plan went off without a hitch which is pretty boring, but it means I have a lot of control in this game. I am excited for Touchy Subjects as it will be a very revealing challenge. If I had my choice, a newbie or Ginnifer would get voted out next.

Gian

My game is borderline UTR/Goat at this point and idk if that’s something I’d want to change lol. I’ve been feeling lazy >-<

[mamawolfblood]

Chap 7 fear factor

Iris pov

The Gophers and I walk to the camp fire of the bass. When Duncan saw me he got up kissed me infront of everyone. "Well hello to you too." I said breathlessly. "Do you two mind some people don't want to be sick." Courtney said pulling us apart. "Why are you here anyway?" She asked looking at the others. "Owen stunk up the cabin needs time to air out." Trent said. Duncan pulled me in his lap. It turned into a fear fest of sharing. "What are you afraid of Iris?" Harold asked. They all looked at me wanting to know. "It's embarrassing especially since I want to be a doctor like my dad. I am afraid of being covered from head to toe in blood." I said holding my arm blushing. "Wait I thought Chris was your dad" Harold said looking confused. "She means her step dad dipshit." Duncan said glaring at him. "Ok gosh didn't know." He said before leaving. When everyone left I sat on the log next to Duncan. "You know I get why you have beef with Courtney  but I like her. Is it ok if we..." I stop him by placing my hand on his knee. "Duncan if you don't want to thats fine. It was fun while it lasted. Your a good kisser by the way." I said smiling at him. He chuckled "your not bad yourself" he said kissing my cheek. He left leaving me by the fire. When he left tears slid down my cheeks "guess you can be first place after all Courtney." I said when a hand rest on my shoulder.

*Time skip to the morning.*

I sat drinking some coffee. "Hey you ok sweetpea?" I look at Chef and nod. "Listen Iris when I was your age. I fell in love with one of the most beautiful girl. Well I thought so at the time. I got the courage to tell her how I felt. She rejected me and that hurt deeply. My momma she told me that yeah your hurting now. He is not the only one. You will have your heart broken many times in this life. You will also have joys and eventually you will find the one. So chin up soldier the war isn't over yet." He said nudging me. "Thanks Chef." I said hugging him. "Alright you finish your coffee and I will get breakfast started." He said before going in the back. Everyone walked in and sat down. I sat with the Gophers making thim look at me. Thankfully before anyone could say anything Chris came in. Chris [after he whistles] : Campers, your next challenge is a little game I like to call… Phobia Factor! Prepare to face… Your worst fears!

After people made remarks and laugh Chris smirks. Chris: Now for our first victims, Heather! Meet us all in the theater! It’s… Sumo time!

Heather spits out her juice.

Beth, Cody, and Lindsay gasp.

I just look at him worried.

(Confessionals Iris)

You have got to be kidding me. This is wrong on so many levels. *cross arms* I hope its fake blood.

*static*

The challenges started  Beth jumps in a pool of worms. Heather trips a Sumo. Sadie and Lindsay had to where a wig. Izzy and Owen went up in a plain Gwen gets buried in sand. Tren got followed by a mime. Cody had to defues a trash bomb. Bridgette went into the woods. Duncan had to hug a standi of Celine Dion. Then it came to me I stood on a platform Chef and Chris had a bucket in hand. "Sorry honey it will be over in a second." Chris said before they threw blood on me. I scream feeling the woar sticky and slimy. I had to stand ther for five minutes. I was skaking trying to keep my cool but I wanted to cry. Chef hoses me off and Chris held me. "Its over I'm sorry your ok." He said petty my hair.

"You showed no pitty for us." One of the campers said. "Yeah well your not my kid. I didn't want to do this to her." Chris said letting me walk to the others. "Hey if you can't stand the site of blood your going to be a shit doctor." Heather said thats when I punched her. She glares up at me but freezes when I glare back. "Whatever that was a lucky shot." Heather said walking away. 

Tyler couldn't pick up the chicken. That left us to second place Courtney. I smirk knowing her fear. "Alright Courtney I will give your team triple points. If you can jump into this pool of green Jelly."  Chris said making her climb. "Ooo it look so gross. It is probably warm green slimy snotty." Gwen and I said getting in Courtney's head. She told us we won't get to her but we did. Duncan encouraged her making me curse under my breath. When she got to the top she chickened out. The Gophers and I cheer.

(Confessionals)

Courtney [sniffing]: I’m so embarrassed. How could I be so weak? I deserve to go home! Ugh! Okay, stop it! You’re pathetic! Show some confidence, Courtney! [whimpers and smacks her own face]

(confessional off)

Chris "Alright Killer Bass I will see you a the bonfire."

Chris: There are only two marshmallows left on this plate. The three of you did not complete your challenges today. One of you is going home tonight and cannot return. Ever. The next name I’m gonna call… Is… Bridgette. The final marshmallow of the night goes to… Courtney.

Duncan: You’ll get that chicken next time, dude.

[elimination music]

Chris: Looks like a new pecking order has been established here.

Duncan: it’s not like who could cry… Fowl.

Geoff: Time for Tyler too… Fly the coop.

Bridgette: He won’t be flying high tonight.

Courtney: Okay, that’s enough.

[boat motor running]

[sad music]

[chickens clucking]

Tyler screams

(confessional: Lindsay)

Lindsay: Aww, I’ll never forget out time together Taylor– uh, Tyler! [blows kiss] Bye!

(confessional off)

After the Bass left Dad and I sat by the fire talking. He offerd some advice. "It wouldn't matter because he will pay soon very soon." I said  before the camra stopped rolling.

[newmusicmonthly]

2020

Hello. I hope you and yours are well. As is tradition, below are my selections for albums and songs of the year. As I have yet to receive a reply from you, dear reader, sincerely asking to unsubscribe, you are therefore the proud recipient of the list once more! I’ve altered the format from 5 tracks each month because, as I suspect many of you did, I went into a nostalgic hole for large chunks of this year (for me this consisted of at least two months of nothing but Funkadelic, which does mean my personalised algorithm is now ace), but also when I looked back at when many of these tracks were released it was front heavy for the first half of the year – another body blow to the supposed “monthly” mailer. I even considered not writing my one-liners, but where is the fun in that? Furthermore, trying to keep the long list to 60 tracks in total (equivalent to 5 per month) proved overly frustrating, so I’ve included some extras, especially as this year felt 13 month long. Notwithstanding said excuses, enough preamble, on with the list! Let me know what you think and do send me your own selections. Lots of love xx TOP 10s TOP 10 ALBUMS Baxter Dury – The Night Chancers Mildlife – Automatic SAULT – Untitled (Black Is) Alice Boman – Dream On Kanaan – Odense Sessions Lightning Orchestra – Source And Deliver Yves Tumor – Heaven To A Tortured Mind The Strokes – The New Abnormal Woods – Strange to Explain Erland Cooper – Hether Blether TOP 10 TRACKS Malena Zavala – En la Noche Caribou – You & I Yves Tumor – Kerosene! Puscifer – Apocalyptical Mildlife – Automatic King Hannah – Meal Deal SAULT – Wildfires // Bow [yes, there are two tracks there] Kanaan – Urgent Excursions To the Tundrasphere Frazey Ford – Golden Jessie Ware – What’s Your Pleasure? NEW MUSIC ‘MONTHLY’ MAILER Spotify Link Here Holy Fuck – Near Mint What better way to kick off a retrospective look at 2020 than with ‘Holy Fuck’ Alice Boman – It’s OK, It’s Alright Really love this album and this pick is a real downer, spectral and haunting but also touching Smoke Fairies – Out Of The Woods Jessica and Katherine still delivering a decade on, the chorus guitar riff is tops Nicolas Godin – The Border Air’s Nicolas Godin doing his best detached friendly robot, mais bien sur Moses Boyd – BTB Vibrant, propulsive, energetic, gotta move! The Men – Wading In Dirty Water Avid readers will know I’m a fan of these guys and this one rides a familiar Crazy Horse choogle Tame Impala – Breathe Deeper Funky bass, piano flourishes, solid synths, all groove Kanaan – Urgent Excursions To the Tundrasphere Ok, here it is, there’s always going to be at least one – this is the 14 min space rock jam – skip/enjoy! Frazey Ford – Golden This production is right up my street, soulful vocals swoop around tight rhythm section and hammond keys, an analogue dream Caribou – You and I From the analogue to a digital master, man this beat is catchy Pulled By Magnets – Cold Regime People Die File this under terrifying experimental jazz Jonathan Wilson – Riding The Blinds JW doing that 6/8 minor ballad thang Baxter Dury – Say Nothing Another album I loved this year and could have picked any number of tracks, so here’s a quote from Baxter: “My craft and in a sense a certain style has been perfected and it’s easy… I don’t have to do it again basically. I don’t want to hear another man talking over an orchestral background.” Ha! U.S. Girls – 4 American Dollars Slick funky, soulful, classic strings, building into a brilliant outro with great lyrics Deeper – Lake Song Detached vibe ala Joy Division / The Cure done through a Pavement lens with serious downer lyrics Pretty Lightning – Voo Doo Boo Swampy dirge guitar grooves Tamikrest – Anha Achal Wad Namda Another mailer favourite, Touareg guitar wizards Tony Allen, Hugh Masekela – Never (Lagos Never Gonna Be the Same) Master drummer who sadly passed away earlier this year just after this release, and two years after master trumpeter Masekela’s own passing, this track is a buzzing tribute to Fela Myrkur – House Carpenter Danish black metaller does Scandinavian folk: bright and beautiful Sufjan Stevens, Lowell Brams – The Runaround A weird album, even by Sufjan standards, but I found these electronic ambient sounds strangely comforting R.A.P. Ferreira – ABSOLUTES Rhythm & poetry The Weeknd – Blinding Lights What can I add to the smash of 2020? Catchy af Porridge Radio – Long Indie banger, with a decidedly angry, bitter, playful lyrics Cleo Sol – Her Light If online research is to be believed Cleo is part of the collective in SAULT with producer Inflo, but this album is standalone brilliance without knowing that, this is pure vintage soul vibes Malena Zavala – En la Noche I returned to this track more than any other this year, the rhythm, the vocals, the melody, the production, even if I have to use google translate to fully understand the lyrics Tom Misch, Yussef Dayes – Lift Off Molten guitar, groovy arrangements, and plenty of business from Dayes Yves Tumor – Kerosene! An absolute belter, amazing vocals, groove and crescendo perfection Warm Digits, The Orielles – Shake The Wheels Off (feat. The Orielles) Immediate synth pop, indie dancefloor (with some solid cowbell) EOB – Brasil First solo venture for Ed, acoustic folk gives way to rumbling bass banger, would very much like to experience this in a field Other Lives – Hey Hey I Grand rocking orchestral aural assault with hints of Morricone Elephant Tree – Sails Fulfilling the heavy dirge quota, that hit at 2:33 is a proper head in the speakers moment The Strokes – Why Are Sundays So Depressing This album snuck up on me, and then I found myself listening to it non-stop, this track such an ear worm Houses of Heaven – In Soft Confusion I think the right descriptor is darkwave – insistent drum machine, reverb soaked vocals, industrial production, gloomy pop hooks Joel Sarakula – Don’t Give Up on Me Operating in a dangerous space between homage and pastiche, groove and parody, this is smooth easy yacht rock Donny Benét – Second Dinner Following hot on the heels of pastiche, this time with tongue firmly in cheek, The Don and his 80s reverence lolz Perfume Genius – Whole Life Completely arresting, the lyrics an absolute gut punch, yet still gorgeous Jake Blount – Beyond This Wall From the press release, this album “features fourteen carefully chosen tracks drawn from Blount’s extensive research of Black and Indigenous mountain music. The result is an unprecedented testament to the voices paradoxically obscured yet profoundly ingrained into the Appalachian tradition” – this contemporary instrumental is a superb banjo and fiddle tune Holy Hive – Broom Formed by the drummer from the Dap Tones and inspired by being on tour with Lee Fields, this gentle soul, complete with tremolo guitar and horns, really floats Woods – Where Do You Go When You Dream A welcome return to form, this mellotron infused number is beautifully catchy Erland Cooper – Linga Holm Dramatic piano and strings from an altogether wild and wonderful album Mystery Jets – Screwdriver Loud / quiet dynamic, bombastic riffs, seething verses, the Jets turn it up to eleven to fight with love Jehnny Beth – Flower Another track where hushed verses give way to chorus explosions, serious tension and intensity Hinds – Good Bad Times Love that thudding bass drum, big stomping pop Norah Jones – Were You Watching? Smooth but haunting, with added Celtic flavour Braids – Young Buck Bleeps and bloops, melancholic poppy vocals, and the damnedest catchiest chorus Jessie Ware – What’s Your Pleasure? Is it getting hot in here? No further questions LA Priest – What Moves Quirky strutting electro, sleek yet squelchy SAULT – Wildfires + SAULT, Michael Kiwanuka – Bow Double billing because I couldn’t make a choice (plus when I realised the rhythms flow perfectly into one another it’s like it’s one song) Run The Jewels – a few words for the firing squad (radiation) Again, difficult to choose which track on this album; this is pure fire with sax and all GUM – The Thrill Of Doing It Right Turn this feel good banger up! Such a big hit when the horns drop at the start The Vacant Lots - Fracture Catchy, icy, synths (and Desert Sands label mates by the by) A.A. Williams – Melt Enchanting slow-burning, stirring post-rock, with a wonderful, soaring crescendo Lightning Orchestra – For Those Who Are Yet To Be Born A late discovery, but immediately catapulted to the top, self-described “psychedelic booty-shake” Kamaal Williams – Save Me Almost chose ‘Pigalle’ but the tight push drumming on this won out, hard funky jazz stylings of the Herbie variety Victoria Monét – Dive Lavish and groovy, and as Monét puts it: “They say most humans are about 60% water, but I believe women must be 69% so dive in baby." Secret Machines – Talos’ Corpse Genuinely so happy to see Brandon and Josh back and still with the big sounds All Them Witches – Enemy of My Enemy Relentlessly heavy, all the chops and described by one reviewer as the love child of TOOL, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Kyuss; I love this band Fenne Lily – Birthday Beautiful and bruised Mildlife – Automatic Another new discovery, in the pocket cosmic goodness and much as it pains me to quote from NME I can’t think of a better description than ‘Mobius strip funk’ Puscifer – Apocalyptical Maynard in the video for this track is an indelible image; massive swaggering Intruder-esque drums, angular menacing guitars, Carina’s ethereal edgy vocals, Maynard’s gritted teeth whispers, and apposite apocalyptical lyrics Matt Berninger – Loved So Little Confessional moody acoustic conjuring up Western-esque vistas Goldensuns – Denandra Moore Californian sun-drenched lo-fi groove, for fans of Conan Mockasin and Night Moves Frankie and the Witch Fingers – Cavehead F*cking excellent west coast garage psych melange and the B,D,E ascend at 3:10 is nod central King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard – The Hungry Wolf Of Fate Genre bending brilliance once again from down under, this cut a heavy, doomy Sabbath assault King Hannah – Meal Deal Ominous drone opens into an acoustic tale of buying a flat with a spider in the bath, Hannah’s sinister smoky sultry vocals draw you in, before some menacing low frequency dirge guitar and drums kick in at 1:30… By this point on first listen I was already hooked, but then comes a great walloping Angel Olsen ‘Sister’ style crescendo, a glorious find at the end of the year (props to Manuel) HONOURABLE MENTIONS Elephant Stone – I See You Sam Lee, Elizabeth Frazer – The Moon Shines Bright Priscilla Ermel – Martim Pescador Rheinzand – Blind Dogleg – Fox The Flaming Lips, Deap Lips – Home Thru Hell The Heliocentrics – Hanging By A Thread Midwife – 2018 Chicano Batman – Color My life Trace Mountains – Rock & Roll Peach Pit – Shampoo Bottles Buscabulla – Vámono Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever – Cars In Space Jess Williamson – Wind on Tin Thiago Nassif, Arto Lindsay – Plástico The Vacant Lots – Endless Rain Nubya Garcia – Stand With Each Other (Feat. Ms MAURICE, Cassie Kinoshi, & Richie Seivwright) Juanita Stein – L.O.T.F. Carlton Melton – Waylay Paul McCartney – Long Tailed Winter Bird

[survivesalem]

Episode 4 - “THE BIG PASTA MONSTER FLOATING - Raffy” -Keegan

LIAM SURVIVED THE VOTE WOOHOO! I’m super proud of him and hope he’s not a target. Right now I need my Tituba 4 of myself, Brien, Raffy and Jay to throw the comp and lose so we can send Keegan or Lukas home. I think it’s beneficial to my game tbh. This challenge is v silly goose energy with 24 hrs of trivia at random times. No thank you. I’m not gonna look at the immunity challenge chat once. Come on Liam win it for your tribe! Side note, I’m close to the Protection and Banishing spells. I think it’s like an idol and a Safety without Power or send someone to exile kinda advantage. Goodluck to me I guess haha.

I'm pissed. That was a blindside to me. Liam came to me and told me that he flipped. He said people were worried I would spill to Austin. Why?! If I'm trying to secure myself why would I go immediately shoot myself in the foot by spilling!! Now I'm playing damage control. I've actually been talking to Paolo and trying to save a relationship. He seems willing, but who can I trust on this tribe now? At least I have Cameron again. That's at least 1 person I know is in my camp. So glad to have them back.

So.....here i am.......barbacue sauce on my titties.....wait no that's a song any who I'm now on Osbourne in a disadvantage i think it's only me and gizmo from my original tribe but hopefully i can pull in people to help us make it to that merge and maybe even hopefully further. Let's just hope my tase curse doesn't hit me here

Mac went out of his way to form another alliance with Jay, Brien, and I. He's going to be the one to put a target on his own back. I do not even need to do anything. I like this alliance, however. I feel like I can make Brien a very loyal puppet for me. If we can solidify a ride-or-die thing, then I would be able to put my trust in him. I know I said he was very strategic and that was worrying before, but I can use that to paint him as the more strategic of us two. That way I can avoid the target on me if anyone sees we are a pair. Mac wants to throw this challenge so that we can vote out one of Keegan and Lukas. He views them as a threat to his game because, according to Brien, they were running their OG tribe. I believe Brien in this, and Mac is more worried since Keegan is a past winner and Lukas is very popular. I think he is overthinking these things, but this gives the group solid targets to go after. Throwing the challenge is a bit icky, but I am fine with it for this instance. However, Mac says he wants to throw the next one as well because he firmly believes merge is at 12. I think that's a dumb plan because it relies on Mac's hunch more than anything else. If we don't merge at 12 and go to tribal, we'd have to get rid of Jessie which makes us an obvious 4. Plus, it gives the other tribe more room to bond with each other if anything else. We cannot throw two challenges in a row. It's just not realistic. This whole plan has signaled to me that Mac has got to go in early merge. He is way too much of a strategic threat to keep in this game for longer than Final 7. I am hoping he is either the first or second merge boot. Maybe I am planning too much ahead and will have to rely on Mac at merge, but I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

THE BIG PASTA MONSTER FLOATING - Raffy

It’s Spooky SZN Witches! You know what’s spooky? Planning a blindside! Ahhh it’s v scary and I’m worried. I have my 4 person alliance of myself, Brien, Raffy and Jay. We successfully threw the challenge and it’s time for Keegan or Lukas to go. I’m pretty sure people would prefer Keegan gone which, Oop. I love Keegan from past experience but boy is he spooky to play with. If you aren’t on his side, take him out. 🔮😳.

Brien informs me that Keegan’s throwing my name out. Crap. I thought this would happen. This means if my blindside doesn’t go to plan I’m gone. My games gone. All that strategy and bonding will be for nothing. I’ll feel embarrassed and Liam will be disappointed in me. I can’t go home. Not just yet. I need to make sure I have the votes. This could be one of my last confessionals. *gulp*

So as y’all can tell austin got yeeted for targeting Dylan and I. And uh...we won the challenge! Idk I’m not playing super strategically yet. I see partners in Dylan and gizmo though. I guess we’ll see how that pans out

WHY IS NOBODY GIVING A NAME? Like come on guys it’s not that hard to pick someone . It’s 3-3-1 tribe lines but I’m starting to think I’m gonna be voted out which would suck because I’d very much rather not . I did try to help our team in the challenge and I think certain people will hopefully tell me if I was the vote . Anyways updated thoughts on people Raft- so apparently we are vibing according to him which I’m fine with. He said he wanted the two people who worked hard on the music video to stick together . We made a pact to tell each other if we heard the others name Jay- we haven’t spoken since that one time we spoke . So I’d be down to vote jay if need be even though I like the vibe Lukas- has only messaged me for the first time since we lost I believe he is worried he may be the vote. .idk. Brien- had a Skype call where he said he’s happy to be playing with me so I’m going with it . I think he’s less likely to backstab me and write my name down . He did mention people may be worried I’d stick with Original Tituba if I make merge so trying to get that idea out of people’s heads . Mac/Oak tree man- only name I have heard this round so far and that’s from one person so idk how I feel about that I’d like to work with Mac. Keegan- I assume Keegan and Raffy will be safe from votes this round due to getting the most points in the challenge. I believe we are good but who knows at this point . Jessie - so you managed to get a few points in the challenge . Good for you !  I think you may be seen as an easy vote but you could also be a number to people . 💕 Hopefully people will start strategizing with you soon . Also do we wanna be extra at tribal? Yeah probably lowkey .

Oh sis, I’m safe. I’m fine. Literally an idol is the only thing stopping me from being in this game at this point. I went on a call and everyone’s keen on Keegs leaving. Love Keegan but he’s also a bit of a silly goose and I need him gone. Thank you. If the vote is 5-2 with Keegs leaving then my plan was literally PERFECT. 4-3, I’d give a 9/10. Wasn’t perfect but the same outcome happened. If I’m blindsided then LITERALLY I’m trash. I feel like I’m really manipulating my tribe into doing what I want (aka throw the vote and make Keegan go home). Brien told me Keegan lied to Jessie about The OG Osbourne tribe (me, Raf, Jay) into voting Jessie. That’s a complete lie and now Brien is going on call with Jessie (which I asked him to) and Lowkey expose Keegan. I’m sorry, but I feel like this is gonna be one of the most iconic moments of the season, if Keegan gets blindsided 5-2. All Star Material. This move I’ve concocted, KING SHIT. This is the moves Kings make. I love me. (Watch me leave this vote).

So, the group of me, Brien, Mac, and Jay are targeting Keegan for this round because Keegan and Lukas are apparently a tight duo. After deciding on that, I went to Jessie (with their permission) and told her the vote was Keegan. Then, Mac did a follow-up explaining his reasoning why. He also told her that they were considering targeting Lukas as well. I thought she was on board. However, apparently, Keegan went to Jessie and told her that me, Mac, and Jay were targeting her this round which is a complete lie. This signals to me that Keegan is the right move as he seems to be a very strategic player. This came from Brien who Keegan told this plan to. Now, I am nervous that Jessie is going to fall into an alliance with Keegan and Lukas that makes her lose trust with me. My alliance wants to rope in Jessie and get her to trust us, but this seed of doubt it dangerous to that plan. So, Brien is going to go talk with Jessie, who thinks Brien is with Keegan and Lukas, and he is going to try to convince her to vote Keegan. His strategy is tell her that he doesn't trust Keegan and try to dissuade her from thinking that the target was ever on her. Essentially, he wants to expose Keegan for lying to her. I hope this plan works because I want Jessie to be under my thumb as a loyal ally. Keegan's little lie disrupts that for me.

Update: Jessie seems on board with the plan to vote Keegan out. Brien was the bearer of good news and said that Keegan/Lukas were going to target either Mac or Jay. I love not being a target because I am just so lovable (and good at challenges). In any case, I will just chill for this tribal as my neck is not on the line. I do not believe that Keegan even has an idol because this idol hunt is so weird and takes so many steps. We'll see how this all pans out.

WELL. I finally got a name . It’s Keegan . This isn’t the person I’d choose to go after specifically because you know Keegan really helped us with the challenge . But according to a rumour through the grape vine Keegan and Lukas are close ? I honestly don’t know how true that is tbh. But if it keeps me safe I guess it’s the plan. Idk I feel kinda bad I wanted to work with Keegan this time around like really badly . This is why I wish someone dragged me into a trio. Because I do feel like the odd person out. I’m just sitting here eating gummi worms stressing high key. What if these people are just playing me like a violin and they plan on stabbing me in the back with a stake? I’d say knife but meh that’s too classy. I feel like my pyre is lit and I’m heading to  a burning . I’m glad these confessional threads are a thing because at this point I just needed to vent . Here’s to hoping  I’m not blindsided this round I just want to beat my Nova Scotia placement. That is my goal. If I can do that I can do anything . Also I never touched on it in my last confessional but I feel bad for Austin . He was my ride or die when merge came. Anyways yeah I think I’m done rambling ? May the odds be ever in my favour

To be completely honest this is the most comfortable I felt all game and I know in survivor you’re not supposed to feel comfortable bc that’s when you’re blindsided but I would bet my bottom dollar that the vote is coming down to Keegan and Mac unless something changes hours before tribal.  the 4some of me raffy jay and Mac is strong at least for the time being Lukas and Keegan suspect something which means one of 2 things. 1 someone told them something or 2 everyone is being quiet with them and they are getting suspicious. I hope this is the right vote for me to allow me to make merge and not be the next boot but I know one thing is Lukas is gonna be mad coming back to camp without Keegan I came into this tribe I observed the dynamics and saw it was 3-3-1 but I took the swing vote power away from Jessie and flipped myself to hopefully give me more agency later in the game and more allies amongst all the original tribes. I feel bad voting Keegan but it’s the name of the game and he seems like a real nice guy otherwise

[something-geeky-related]

Tag meme

Rules: Answer these questions, and tag 20 of your followers that you would like to get to know better.

Tagged by: @genderfreeescapader (idk why you want to know things about me tho) Names: Alex Barker Nickname: Technically Alex is a nickname sooo...

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Hogwarts House: RAVENCLAW PRIDE!!! Height: 5′7″ or 5′6″ I honestly don’t remember and just flip flop between those two heights, pick your favorite i guess Orientation: Pansexual AF Ethnicity: super white

Favorite Fruit: Cherries are pretty good Favorite Season: Spring, I like the warmth but not the blistering heat Favorite Book Series: Percy Jackson and the Olympians all the way. I grew up with them. 

Favorite Fictional Character: I have too many fandoms to just pick one fictional character Favorite Flower: I don’t really have a favorite flower, I guess daisy’s are really simple and pretty.  Favorite Scent: I like the smell of books (I know that’s weird but whatever)

Favorite Colour: Purple

Favorite Animal: 1000% Pandas! They’re cute and cuddly and so clumsy (like me)! Favorite Band/artist: Twenty One Pilots, Panic! at the Disco, Demi Lovato, Halestorm... and that’s most of them.  Coffee, Tea, or Hot Cocoa: I like tea and hot chocolate.  Average Sleep Hours: This question is a joke right? *quietly cries from sleep deprivation* Number of Blankets I sleep with: one  Last thing I Googled: “Non religious confessional booths” I want you to wonder how I got there...

Blog created: A really fucking long time ago How many Blogs do I follow: Lots Number of Followers: 92 What do I usually post about: I usually post fandom realted things (harry potter, GOT, percy jackson, etc...) but recently politics has wormed it’s way onto my blog (sorry not sorry). Do I get asks regularly: No, however I would love to get them.  Tagging: @lord-marvel-potter @floweryqueenofhell @live-long-and-potter @crystalshine137 @assemble-the-fangirls @madihatter37 @abigailweird @nameless77stargazer @sumersprkl @thelatinnameofaplant @auntkailen @thebelleofthebowl @kinda-magnetic @he-is-my-brightest-smile @rokusasu @no-i-mean-yeah @noonesuspectsthepuff @minddrought @danheartspizza @urrr-a-cuntttt

[survivor-kalymnos]

Ep. 10 - “I need ice cream. I need a quesadilla. I need a hug.” - Lenny

Frank

I swear I have a heart. I end up getting caught in so many fights in orgs nowadays and honestly it’s not something I enjoy but I’m also not just going to sit back while I’m being attacked. What hurts the most is reading about not holding a conversation. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard it in orgs and not even the first time I’ve heard it in life and it hurts and sucks. I’m like on the verge of tears because of shit like that, I’m a person I have feelings and I try to be good at speaking to people but I fall short so many times. It’s one of my biggest fears, losing people because of my social ineptness (don’t think that’s a word but here we are). What I can do is move on and move forward with the people who seem to enjoy talking to me and have actually not just left me on read and put effort into getting to know a person and how they communicate. And them worm is just sitting here doing absolutely nothing but nobody is calling them out on it so fuck me i guess. I’m gonna be sad about it for a little bit but it’s not like I feel like it was a personal attack since truly it wasn’t. 

lenny

eliza went home. SO MUCH DRAMA! I am just watching rn. new alliance chat formed called "invisibles". makes me feel very superhero like. 

lenny

People are yelling. People are fighting. People are calling each other snakes and rats. I just want to munch. I need ice cream. I need a quesadilla. I need a hug. 

Frank

Me to Franco: that's why i just said ok, at least i read messages, wanted to let you know you've been heard....not listened to, but heard Michele Learned to see the game from an outside. No longer taking everything personally. Excited to leap back into this, but might try to hide around for a few rounds and let them take out bigger threats.

Frank

So it’s like 2am and I have some thoughts. It’s been a roller coaster tonight in this game and I’m actually really proud of how I handled things. I’m in an actual alliance now which is calming and amazing since it’s a majority and I feel I can trust some of these people. That tribal definitely drew some lines in the sand but I’m pretty happy about it. Like I said in my last confessionals, I don’t always like to fight, but it happened. I think I defended myself well. Nothing really got solved but I saw how Rain feels about me. I didn’t even know they had a problem with me because they just never responded to my messages. Why they decided to join the fight is anyone’s guess since it didn’t involve them nor did it need to. I didn’t have a problem with Rain, but I guess I do now. I guess moving forward I need to become a better speaker in one on one conversations but that’s a bigger issue. Who knew dusty would be my closest ally now but here we are. Dusty and Sasha, but like I doubt I can take dusty to f3 but who knows what will happen in the future, f3 is so far away.

Michele

I’m mostly certain that my brother is Frank and wow I could have taken him out for bragging rights but tbh starting to trust him so he might need to stay. Really starting to watch out for Dusty tho👀

Franco

Day 1 of missing Eliza. I'm SO PISSED. I knew eliza giving her idol would bite us in the ass, I wish I could have done something to stop it. If I had known eliza was the target i would have played my idol on her in a HEARTBEAT. Im kicking myself because theres so much we could've done. We shouldn't have tried to split last minute. If I kept my vote on Frank, he would have left. Michele is a rat. Dusty is a snake. Frank is basically a nonentity in this game but somehow also is the biggest annoyance in the game. I want them all gone. I need to reevaluate my game. Hopefully they move onto other targets now that my number 1 is gone, but I dont trust that enough. Dusty is now in control of 2 idols, and I wasted my own. I don't know how to come back from this, but there is a fire under my ass and renewed rage, and I am going to do EVERYTHING i can to win this fucking game

Michele

After talking to other people I don’t think I’m going to win immunity. It’s probably better for my game anyway given the fact that I won the last 2 public comps. I hope I can fly under the radar at tribal and send franco packing but the tables have turned and once again there might be bigger fish to fry. Unfortunately that fish might be me...

Franco

Day 2 of missing Eliza God this is actually.... So depressing.  5 out of the 7 people left in this game left me on read yesterday when I was trying to talk game to them.  Multiple people flat out told me I was on the bottom and Im probably going next.   Yesterday I said I had a fire under my ass and I was ready to take back this game but today that is... Gone. Like I feel so defeated. I feel like I'm putting in so much effort to talk to everyone and figure out what to do but I'm just hitting brick walls. This challenge is easy and I can easily win with effort, but that is effort I dont have the capacity to put in right now. And even though I have hundreds of pictures, I have a feeling someone is just going to come in and blow that out of the water. I don't see a path to the end. Im going to put in as much work as I can for the rest of this round, hoping I find one. But right now theres nothing. I really hope that changes. 

lenny

I am so exhausted from this challenge. I worked really hard at it and my mom got upset with me for dojng it because I should be doing work for class lol. I'd really like to win this challenge. For me, winning is more than immunity. It shows that I am a strong competitor and deserve to be here. I know I am not the loudest person in the tribe or the sneakiest, but, I am still here and that means something right?

Sasha

uhhhh I'm going to make this as comprehensive as possible  but also my brain is fried so I'm gonna see how it goes last round: bunch of us voted out eliza, which really only worked because she and franco were had turned on some people to blindside cranjes before. also the 5 of us who did that have a chat now, called "the invisibles" (it's dusty, lenny, michele, frank, and I) we're planning on going for franco this round, assuming he doesn't in this challenge (I don't think he will) speaking of franco, he approached me yesterday to have a convo about the game so far. he basically explained his involvement in a bunch of stuff to me and was saying that even though people perceived him to be running the game, he felt as though he'd been floundering these past few rounds. he also said that he respected my game and I was like "lol what game" then he asked how likely it was that he'd go this round and I said fairly. he also asked if I'd consider not voting for him. I said maybe. I probably will; I'm actually in an alliance and I'd like to stick with it asdfgknj also this challenge? I have a good feeling about. I've taken so many pictures that my brain hurts. also I knew I'd have a good edge since I own about 300 books so that's a good chunk of pictures right there.

Rain

I’m defeated. I’m angry. Literally nobody but franco and Lenny is putting in the effort to speak to me. It’s fucking painful. I’d rather go home this round than see Franco leave. Franco deserves to be here. You know who doesn’t? Frank. Frank continues to be on borrowed time hiding underneath allies that play better than him. My cat has a better social game than frank and she hisses at anyone who comes close to her. I’m pissed. We could have the numbers to stay but Lenny won’t keep franco. What the fuck. Take me to jury. I’m done with these “only speak to my allies” shit players. 

Franco

I don't know what to do. 

Michele

When I first started this game I did it for the sole purpose of beating my brother. My mindset has changed as I’ve gotten so far. I *really* want to win now!! It’s going to be really rough but I think I can do it?

Sashah

i im still bitter 3 hours later that I went ham on this challenge, fried my brain, and got second

Franco

Day 3 of missing Eliza I AM ABSOLUTELY SHITTING MYSELF. GOD MY DEVELOPMENT ARC FOR THIS ROUND IS SO CRAZY. I know I'm probably the target tonight, yesterday I was so sad all day and literally just felt like giving up. But TODAY. I found???? Idol????? AGAIN???? That fire has been RE LIT SIS. My ass ain't going anywhere tonight

Michele

Getting the invisibles to come to a decision is almost as frustrating as when I tried with og nera. Lack of communication is why I am almost a free agent. Trying to BB17 Steve my way to the top.

Frank

I’m hoping it’s an easy round and we just get rid of Franco. This alliance was made after the vote last time so it would be really dumb and sad if we can’t even vote together once.

Michele

I think of all tribals in the game so far tonights will be the most impactful to my game personally. As far as I know it seems like my vote is the deciding factor. I’m down between rain and frank, but I don’t personally want frank gone. I’m weighing the pros and cons going forward and its so even.

MicheleJ

ust a rat looking for her Linguini

Dusty

Alright!!!!! Now this vote would appear simple, take out Franco, who's all alone and blown up his game. Worm and Rain were working with him before but they’ve both expressed to me that they would vote of Franco if it were to help further there game. And of course this is a smart decision but my my brain gets on caffeine I just get to thinking!! If I were to give my idol to Franco, then he uses the idol and gets to decide who goes home. Now ultimately this is a mess because he could decide to vote of someone that I don’t want to go home. So as much as it sounds fun and dramatic I don’t really think that’s a smart move. Now back to Rain and Worm...they’ve both presented me with an opportunity. At this point in he game I think whoever goes into final 7 tribal with the power will really have influence over the rest of the game. If I stick with this alliance of 5 (Sasha, Frank, Lenny, Michele, and myself) then we go into 7 with majority, but it also creates a situation where Sasha and Frank are a duo and then Lenny, Michele, and I are more than individuals but less than a trio and at this point in the game that’s not a solid ground to stand on. Talking to Worm they saw Michele and I were a tight duo, and while talking to Rain they saw Lenny and I as a tight duo. Now this was NEWS to me because I always thought Michele was close to Worm, and same with Lenny and Rain. This gives me the opportunity next round to decide who i want to work with and hopefully stick with that group until the end. Obviously things could happen very differently, I’m unsure if I will go to Michele or Lenny to propose sticking together until the end, but who knows what could happen in this game. 

Worm

This game is with out a doubt the wildest ride I have ever been on in an org. I have changed my path to the end so many times, and I feel like a majority of that is because of how chaotic some of the other people are playing. So with everything going on I just need to keep my head down and make sure  that no matter how many people I betray, I need to make sure I still have that bridge built to work with them. I'm putting a lot of faith this round in Michele because its all up to her to vote for Frank. I don't why Im trusting Franco to take the reins with this vote, especially after HE TOLD MICHELLE ABOUT HIS IDOL. Like I'm flabbergasted. What is this cast problem with not telling every living soul about them having an idol. i'm just hoping everything work out because if it doesn't, then I'm not too sure of my chances of staying are. I wounder if people would go after larger targets or someone else. There is too many questions right now that I can't answer. So until then I will focus on what I can try and control. So the plan for the rest of this game will hopefully go as follows: this round we flush dusty's idol and get rid of frank. After that i would like to either get rid of Rain. I think out of everyone left they are the most likely to win. They are well-spoken, smart, and has a great relationship with everyone. I think if they make it to the end then they would have the best chances of winning. I think my best bet would be to work with Michele, Dusty, and maybe Lenny. That third person is kind of a mystery to me but if I can get Michele and Dusty on board then I think we can pull in a third. Maybe if Franco doesn't find another idol and he thinks that his back is against the wall then maybe he would flip. Only time would tell. After that at final 6 I would like to target Sasha. She seems like a wild card and I'm not sure where her head sits in this game. I also know that her and Franco are getting closer so that could leave Franco with no allies. I think after that, Dusty would be the best person to target. I think he also as a very high chance of winning and having someone so close with such a good chance of winning is a big threat. At final 4 I would want either Michele or Lenny out. Preferably Lenny because I think she has better social bonds and with Michele becoming more and more quiet it seems that will be my choice. I think Franco is one person I want in the end because even though he is making "big moves", many of  them seem erratic and without logic to me. I don't think he has the foresight to see what consequences have occurred from his decisions. I know this isn't how the game is gonna go but I sure hope it does lol

Franco

OKAY so i spent a LOT of today mulling over options and plans and votes and allies. This might be the last chance i have to make a HUGE move with an idol so I have to make it work. Not gonna lie, I got messy. I slipped and told Michele, Rain, and Worm about my idol. But i don't think it blew up in my face, surprisingly. I'm lying to almost everyone. There are four different plans going on but only one is true. The plan is to get Dusty to use an idol AND ensure someone I don't trust goes home. I know Dusty, Lenny, and Frank are voting me, but my idol will ensure it does not matter. Rain, Worm and I are voting Dusty. He needs to have the most votes so he's forced to use the super idol and we don't have to worry about it anymore. I really trust Sasha. Like Rain and Sasha are my biggest allies right now, but unfortunately I had to lie to Sasha to ensure there weren't any leaks. I told her that the vote was going to Michele. So that's who she should be voting for. Michele knows about the plan to use my idol and flush Dustys, so she is going to vote Frank. SO if all goes according to plan, it will be a tie between Michele and Frank and it will go to a revote. Michele is an absolute rat and a snake and I can't trust her anymore. I want her GONE. After the first vote im going to campaign my ass off in those couple minutes to get her to go. SO YEAH. Me and all of my allies should be safe. FrancoAlso. Can i just say how SHOOK I am at this game? This round has been a rollercoaster, and this vote is so intense. There are so many intricacies and internal connections and ideas going on that is all cohesive in the grand scheme of whats actually going on. This is why I love Survivor and I love this game. Truly i think this is the most I've ever played from a strategic standpoint. 

Sasha

in a twist of events, I'm voting with franco rather than for him why? well, bold of you to assume /I/ understand my own actions serious answer: because I realized that I talk the most to him and I'm closer to him than anyone else as a result. not even just game talk. just vibing and chatting about stuff, like shouting about the witcher for instance also I'm just vibing and not caring about Game(tm) so what do I have to lose by turning on the invisibles anyway rain was telling me that they were thinking of voting for franco and I was like "ok but first consider this new information: I'm not voting for him" and so they said that they won't vote for him franco decided to target michele instead, because she keeps flipping around to whatever benefits her, which makes sense. I guess I'm just chilling until the vote since, in theory, the invisibles decided to vote franco (I didn't try to convince them to vote for someone else just in case, because it would look highkey sus if I started to try to get the vote off franco after trying to vote for him three goddamn times)

Frank

It’s very quite and that makes me concerned for some reason bc I just don’t do well with quiet anymore I guess. I know survivor is on and I’m watching it too but like it’s been quiet for most of the day. I just hope that’s because it’s an easy round, but obviously I’m never going to feel comfortable.

Sasha

This is the second time I'm voting with someone who's engaging in a last ditch effort to save themselves. Hopefully it goes better this time

Sasha

WAIT FRANCO JUST USED AN IDOL SDFGHJK

Sasha

this tribal, man franco and I assume worm and rain, voted dusty to flush his super idol so then it was a tie between michele and frank I got 3 dms, one from michele just saying "please!!!" which is the only thing that kept me from confirming my vote for her immediately one from franco elaborating on the plan to flush the idol and one from dusty asking if I wanted to keep frank. I said yes and he confirmed. That was a surprise

Sasha

FUCK IT'S ROCKS BETWEEN ME, WORM, AND RAIN

Sasha

well shit

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Dating Quotes

Official Website: Dating Quotes

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• A lot of people wouldn’t feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren’t dating my girlfriend. – Dov Davidoff • About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them. – Judy Carter • After a number of years dating, we decided we were good partners. – Melinda Gates • Are you kidding? I’m a terrible cook, but John is a really great one. Literally, I never cook. The whole time we were dating, I prepared two officially romantic meals. Both of them were such disasters that he begs me never to go into the kitchen again. – Rebecca Romijn • At the time that I knew them, they were not living together. They began dating again after their divorce, so I didn’t really see fighting. – Kato Kaelin

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Dating', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_dating').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_dating img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Bill Clinton is a man who thinks international affairs means dating a girl from out of town. – Tom Clancy • Busy’ is another word for ‘asshole’. ‘Asshole’ is another word for the guy you’re dating. – Greg Behrendt • Celebrities say they date other celebrities because they have the same job. But I think they just like dating famous people. Celebrities attract each other, like cattle. – Jason Lee • Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer. – Rita Mae Brown • Dating a new man is like holding a strawberry milkshake; first the taste, then the pleasure. – Marilyn Monroe • Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as “Taking,” you are not getting it. – Henry Cloud • Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people. – Henry Cloud • Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen. – Henry Cloud • Dating is just awkward moments and one person wants more than the other. It’s just that constant strangeness. I think it’s a very real thing. – Jason Schwartzman • Dating is like pushing your tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks good, but you know you have to pick something by the time you reach the cashier. – Caprice Crane • Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? – Jerry Seinfeld • Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is. – Henry Cloud • Dating is probably the most important aspect of a single person’s life. – Linda Sunshine • Dating is really all about sex. In the conventional context, this means that the man invites the woman to go through a social encounter, the ultimate purpose of which is sexual engagement. – Alexander McCall Smith • Dating now is a lot like going shopping when you don’t have any money. Even if you find the right thing, you can’t do anything about it. – Joshua Harris • Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date. – Henry Cloud • Dodi got a lot of criticism when he began dating Princess Diana. No one seemed to think he was good enough for her. – Lorna Luft • Encourage your children to come to you for counsel with their problems and questions by listening to them every day. Discuss with them such important matters as dating, sex, and other matters affecting their growth and development, and do it early enough so they will not obtain information from questionable sources. – Ezra Taft Benson • Envy is what makes you, when an acquaintance is lustily telling you that she’s dating a Greek god of a guy, ask, ‘Which one, Hades?’ – Gina Barreca • Everyone was like, “Why do you need to meet someone on Match.com?” My response was, “I certainly don’t need to meet more of the same broke, acting class guys that I’d been dating my whole life.” I needed to change that whole paradigm. So, I decided to meet some corporate guys and see how that worked. So, I went on Match, but I didn’t put a picture up, because I’m on television, and I didn’t want anybody contacting me for the wrong reasons. So, I had to do the hunting, as it were. I didn’t anticipate meeting my husband online, but there he was. And it all worked out! – Essence Atkins • Gay men should not adopt the sophomoric model of heterosexual dating; gay men should always have sex first. – John Rechy • Good-looking individuals are treated better than homely ones in virtually every social situation, from dating to trial by jury. – Martha Beck • Here’s the funny thing about the response I’ve been aware of to my dating famous people: It’s been very negative. I’m either not good-looking enough, not a good enough actor or not successful enough for these people. – Dax Shepard • Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. – Mike Binder • How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide? – Judy Tenuta • I also find it interesting that a lot of people in their 30s are not married and don’t have kids. There are a lot of people in this age bracket that are out there dating and trying to find love. And I never thought that at my age I would be. – John Stamos • I came to the realization that I started dating my now-wife junior year of college, before you actually went on a date. You didn’t take girls from college out to dinner. I’ve never been on a date. I’ve never been on a date where I didn’t know the end game. I’ve never casually dated someone. I’ve only been out to dinner with the woman who would eventually be my wife. – Jon Gabrus • I can’t imagine dating a boy, meeting him only outside the home. What’s a home and family for if it’s not the center of one’s life? – Loretta Young • I can’t wait for my little sisters to start dating, because it will really be fun to pick on their boyfriends. – David Gallagher • I could be a party girl, dating whoever I want and being reckless, but I like being in a relationship. When you have somebody who grounds you and keeps you sane, it helps. – Eva Longoria • I do like dating cynics – they tend to be incredibly funny. – Chris Pine • I don’t have the best dating track record. – Lauren Conrad • I don’t know the first real thing about the dating game. I don’t know how to talk to a specific person and connect. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general. – Jason Schwartzman • I don’t really comment on my personal life because I feel like any comment at all is opening up a whole can of worms. I’d just rather not talk about who I’m dating. – Josh Hartnett • I don’t think courting and dating is a liability. I actually think it can be a blessing. – Rebecca St. James • I don’t understand the whole dating thing. I know right off the bat if I’m interested in someone, and I don’t want them to waste their money on me and take me out to eat if I know I’m not interested in that person. – Britney Spears • I feel like I’ve always had gay fans, I don’t think my dating a woman has changed my demographic, but it certainly changed the way I feel about politics. – Sia Furler • I got that experience through dating dozens of men for six years after college, getting an entry level magazine job at 21, working in the fiction department at Good Housekeeping and then working as a fashion editor there as well as writing many articles for the magazine. – Judith Krantz • I grew up between the two world wars and received a rather solid general education, the kind middle class children enjoyed in a country whose educational system had its roots dating back to the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. – George Andrew Olah • I grew up in the world of bad television, on my dad’s sets and then as a young schmuck on dating shows and so on. – George Clooney • I have been dating someone that treats my heart like it’s monkey meat. I feel like a delusional, invisible person half the time so I need to learn what it’s like to be treated well before it’s too late for me. – Hannah • I just can’t fathom tweeting, and I’d rather spend my time writing a book than a blog, but I rather grudgingly agreed to a Facebook page. I had a brief, intense romance with Facebook. It’s weirdly addictive, but anything that time-sucking is a danger for a writer who writes as slowly as I do. Now I post only occasionally and nothing very confessional. I think I’m carbon dating myself as I speak. – Debra Dean • I just don’t like when there’s a rumor that says I’m dating someone who is below my standards. But when I got divorced, my ex-wife said I was spending all my time with Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie. I was like, ‘Thank you for the big ups!’ – Marilyn Manson • I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly – Darynda Jones • I like the idea of dating, but I’m not dating anyone exclusively, particularly right now. It’s hard to be in a relationship unless you’re ready to go public with it. So it’s a lot easier for me to not be in a relationship. I really don’t want that part of my life to be tabloid fodder. – Cory Monteith • I love being a single mom. But it’s definitely different when you’re dating. – Brooke Burns • I prefer ordinary girls – you know, college students, waitresses, that sort of thing. Most of the girls I go out with are just good friends. Just because I go out to the cinema with a girl, it doesn’t mean we are dating. – Leonardo DiCaprio • I started dating older men, and I would fall in love with them. I thought they could teach me about life. – Daphne Zuniga • I stopped dating for six months a year ago. Dating requires a lot of energy and focus. – Daphne Zuniga • I think a man’s dream woman changes as he goes through different stages in his life. I’m fortunate to be dating my dream woman now. – Wissam Al Mana • I think I should date a normal girl. I am tired of dating heroines. While I believe in marriage as an institution, I am also petrified of it. – Shahid Kapoor • I think I’m definitely more open. You know the thing is I wouldn’t have said I was closed before, but like, it’s the kind of thing that you don’t even think of other options. I’ve been dating black men for really, for like, I don’t know, 10 years. You know, I haven’t really dated outside of that. Now I think I’m probably am more open to the idea. – Sanaa Lathan • I think more dating stuff is scheduling. It’s needing people who understand your work schedule. – Jennifer Love Hewitt • I tried to tell them about the dating process because I’m single now and how horrible it is and how many foolish experiences I had had dating. So I was really selling him hard, but the whole time he really wanted me! – Andie MacDowell • I want my audience to know me for my work, not because of who I’m dating or what drugs I’m on or what club I went to. – Shia LaBeouf • I want to start dating the man that I’m gonna marry. I want to start having some fun with someone that I know I’m gonna be with. I don’t play any games. I’m too old for that. I’ve been there, I’ve been around the block. – LisaRaye McCoy-Misick • I was dating a guy that was a huge wrestling fan and I’m embarrassed to say it now but I used to make fun of him for watching it. – Torrie Wilson • I was dating this guy and we would spend all day text messaging each other. And he thought that he could tell that he liked me more because he actually spelt the word ‘YOU’ and I just put the letter ‘U’. – Kelly Osbourne • I was thrown into the fashion world, dating models – and you’d read about me dating a new starlet every month. That’s just where my life was. But I’ve grown up a lot. – Stephen Dorff • If you want me to be straight, gay, into monkeys, dating Kylie, whatever, I’m happy for people to project whatever onto me! – Darren Hayes • I’m a bad dater – I’m just not good at it. It’s so weird dating in this town. It’s like high school. I get a lot of people who have their publicist call my agent to ask, ‘Is she dating anyone? – Jules Asner • I’m dating a girl who’s pretty levelheaded. She’s a nurse. She’s a real, normal girl. Which is what I need because my life isn’t normal. – Kenny Chesney • I’m dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over. – Garry Shandling • I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. – Garry Shandling • I’m friends with a lot of my exes, but it took time. We didn’t just get into it. I don’t think you can be friends until you’re cool with them dating someone else. That’s when you know. – Rashida Jones • I’m much more interested in what an actor has to say about something substantial and important than who they’re dating or what clothes they’re wearing or some other asinine, insignificant aspect of their life. – Ben Affleck • I’m not cynical about marriage or romance. I enjoyed being married. And although being single was fun for a while, there was always the risk of dating someone who’d owned a lunch box with my picture on it. – Shaun Cassidy • I’m not great at dating, but I need to do it to relax. – Lena Dunham • I’m not interested in serial dating; I’d honestly rather be single. – Tamsin Egerton • I’m not very experienced with boys or the whole dating thingy. – Vanessa Hudgens • I’m not with anybody, I don’t have time for dating. Not to get too personal, but it’s weirdly harder to meet new people now. But for the first time in my life since I was a little kid, I’m not so concerned about it. – Justin Vernon • I’m of the belief that dating “potential” is almost always an exercise in frustration. – Mallory Ortberg • I’m so an all-or-nothing person in dating, always. I’m big on not wasting time. And so, yeah, if something’s not working, it’s time to not hold people back. – Ginnifer Goodwin • In its purest form, dating is auditioning for mating (and auditioning means we may or may not get the part). – Joy Browne • Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic? – Dov Davidoff • Is it a bad sign when you see the person you’re dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you’re rear view mirror? – Dov Davidoff • It was funny actually because that was still during the time we were dating. He would get all these calls because supposedly before we broke up, we had already broken up in the trades, in the rags or whatever. – Rosario Dawson • It was really shocking to me that when I was dating a dude I could get married and my taxes were 8 grand less, blah blah blah. – Sia Furler • It was V-day and I was stuck at home while the guy I was dating was at an Anti-Valentine’s Day party. How wrong was that? It was one thing to be totally alone on V-day, but another to want to be with someone who would rather spend the evening protesting love instead of making it. – Kate Madison • It’s always been my personal feeling that unless you are married, there is something that is not very dignified about talking about who you are dating. – Luke Wilson • It’s amazing how much time and money can be saved in the world of dating by close attention to detail. A white sock here, a pair of red braces there, a gray slip-on shoe, a swastika, are as often as not all one needs to tell you there’s no point in writing down phone numbers and forking out for expensive lunches because it’s never going to be a runner. – Helen Fielding • It’s so easy to misuse social media as a dating tool. I think it can be useful but it’s scary when you think about who can access this information and what they’re doing with it. – Justin Long • I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he? – Kristin Davis • I’ve been dating younger men since my 20s, When I was 29, I dated someone 21… younger men are just more fun. I like their energy. I’ve always been kind of young for my age. – Dana Delany • I’ve been in plenty of situations where someone I’m dating had more time for a console than me. – Josie Maran • I’ve done a number of studies with speed dating and Match.com and what’s interesting is that you know we still walk into a speed dating event, you know, thinking about what it is we’re looking for in a mate and so you ask people, like women will say “I’m looking for somebody who is really kind and sincere and smart and funny.” – Sheena Iyengar • I’ve had a little bad, bad media luck the new year. Well, apparently I’m dating Bill Clinton, which makes me nervous. I didn’t know, though. – Julie Bowen • I’ve learned that I don’t want to be as open or public about relationships anymore. In my first relationship, I thought I could hold on to the normalcy of just being like “Yeah, we’re dating,” just like if it were high school and I was telling my friends. But in high school, there aren’t articles written everywhere when you break up and you don’t have everyone in the school coming up to you and asking what happened or sharing their opinion with you. It didn’t feel like ours anymore, it felt like everybody else’s. – Camila Cabello • Just because times change and alot of people think that dating multiple people is the thing these days, it just isn’t a solid foundation at all in matters of the heart. I still believe in marriages that have a physically powerful foundation. – Angela Merkel • Like the guy I was dating. White, liberal, educated. I went to meet his family and I think that they probably didn’t know they had a problem with it until he walked in with me. And they definitely had issues. Mom had issues with it. Could not, didn’t want to see her son. And I don’t think she had anything against me. But it was about her son bringing me home. And I felt that for the first time. I was like, ‘Wow, that’s deep.’ It’s really simple: I don’t fit their picture. – Sanaa Lathan • My husband is the only guy I’ve ever dated where I’ve never been drunk around him. I couldn’t handle dating without drinking in the past. – Alison Rosen • My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I’m going to tell her I’m dating two different guys-Mr Duracell and Mr Energizer. – Michelle Landry • My mom is going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people. But I don’t want to put myself in the position where I’m in a monogamous relationship right now. I’m not dating just one person. ‘Sex and the City’ changed everything for me because those girls would sleep with so many people. – Lindsay Lohan • My original inspiration was my mom: a few years after the death of my dad, she started dating one my teachers! – Meg Cabot • My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy • My wife and I have been together since 1986. I graduated in ’86 and she graduated in ’88. We began dating when she was 17. Actually she turned 18 when we started kissing and stuff. – Cuba Gooding, Jr. • No one knew me until I met my wife Lulu. Lulu’s mother used to ask, Which one is Maurice? For six months she thought Lulu was dating Barry. – Maurice Gibb • Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion. – Scott Adams • Of course, a lot of courtship and dating is about sexual attraction. If you’re an attractive person, you have that sort of interest from people, whether you cater to it or not, but when you get older, that’s not really the leading thing anymore. – Patricia Arquette • Oh, my dating skills are the worst. No, I pick the wrong men; it’s amazing. I am awful, the worst dater. – Paget Brewster • On girls night in we talk about dating; the ups and downs of the previous week. Our collective laughter is uncontrollable and tearful, even the most disappointing dates become meritorious on girls night in. – Cilla Black • On the Hugh Grant romance rumours: We’re not dating and I’m not pregnant. We have not kissed or touched. We have not fought and broken up. – Sandra Bullock • One of my best friends is dating my other best friend, Lena! – Taylor Swift • Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen. – Conan O’Brien • Rumors about me? Calista Flockhart, Pam Anderson, and Matt Damon. That’s who I’m dating. – Ben Affleck • So if I was dating somebody now and the relationship didn’t work out, I’d take that as failing – Gavin DeGraw • Some burns,” Clary said. “Nothing that matters” “Everything that happens to you matters to me.” “Well that certainly explains why you haven’t called me back once. And the last time I saw you, you ran away without telling me why. It’s like dating a ghost.” Jace’s mouth quirked up slightly at the side. “Not exactly. Isabelle actually dated a ghost. She could tell you–” “No,” Clary said. “It was a metaphor. And you know exactly what I mean. – Cassandra Clare • Tess realized one of the great modern dating sadnesses: everyone is so used to the comforting glow of the computer screen that no one can go so far as to say “good morning” in public without being liquored up. – Amelia Gray • That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know. And, more important, how does he treat you? When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. – Michelle Obama • The global economy is becoming a place where women are more successful than men, and these economic changes are starting to rapidly affect our culture – what our romantic comedies look like, what our marriages look like, what our dating lives look like, and our new set of superheroes. – Hanna Rosin • The Google algorithm was a significant development. I’ve had thank-you emails from people whose lives have been saved by information on a medical website or who have found the love of their life on a dating website. – Tim Berners-Lee • The inspiration for this movie [Something New] was this Newsweek article that came out a couple of years ago that talks about 42.4 percent of black women in America aren’t married. Black women are shooting up the corporate ladder way faster than our black male counterparts. And (black men) are either dating outside their race, in jail or dying. And so if you want to have a family, you want to be married, you have to look at other options. – Sanaa Lathan • The learned are not agreed as to the time when the Gospel of John was written; some dating it as early as the year 68, others as late as the year 98; but it is generally conceded to have been written after all the others. – Simon Greenleaf • The love is so powerful that both people have to surrender. I think that’s the funny thing about dating somebody for the first time, it’s kind of a question of who wears the pants, or who’s gonna text you first, how much am I supposed to put myself out there, and it makes you feel a little bit crazy. But at the end of the day, it’s not about that. And if it’s the right person you don’t have to worry about that. – Zella Day • The most difficult part of dating is the initial invitation. – Janell Carroll • The number of people who have either gotten married or had kids or started dating or just made great friends over Instagram is countless. I think we’re the only platform that continues to be successful in bringing people together in real life for these real relationships. – Kevin Systrom • The United States is now relearning an ancient lesson, dating back to the Roman Empire. Brutalizing an enemy only serves to brutalize the army ordered to do it. Torture corrodes the mind of the torturer. – James Risen • The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed. – Bill Maher • The woman I am currently crazy about was a vegetarian for a year until I started dating her. As is the case with most vegetarians, she had never eaten properly prepared meat, only commercially packaged or otherwise abused flesh. – Steve Albini • There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. – Judith Martin • There is no golden rule of dating, except to make sure that it engages both of you; too many people go to a cinema for a first date and of course don’t say a word, that’s a bad thing! – Steven Hill • There’s an interesting story around that [“Heaven Without a Gun”], because the girl I was dating at the time got into a bike accident and couldn’t make it into the studio, and the gentleman Dave Hamlin who worked on this record along with Ohad sort of took it, rearranged it. Dave went and sonically changed it and changed the keys so that Andy could sing it better. All these pieces came together that suddenly displayed that the song was meant for Andy [Kim] to sing. And he always said, “I’ll never understand it, but I’ll sing it with all my heart.” – Kevin Drew • There’s no way to get around it; online dating is work. And some people are more skilled at this kind of communication than others. – Rachel Martin • We had two rules growing up in my house: If you’re going to take a shower, do it with whomever you’re dating so you don’t waste water; and if you buy one for yourself, buy six, because everybody’s going to want one. – Moon Unit Zappa • Well, dating has become a sport and not about finding the person you love. – Rashida Jones • Whats nice about my dating life is that I dont have to leave my house. All I have to do is read the paper: Im marrying Richard Gere, dating Daniel Day-Lewis, parading around with John F. Kennedy, Jr., and even Robert De Niro was in there for a day. – Julia Roberts • When I had been dating my husband for a while, the president Obama said to me, “When is he going to put a ring on it?” And I was like, “Oh, come on. We are so busy. We don’t need to think about that.” He said, “He needs to put a ring on it because you’re worth it.” And the thing is, I’m not even kidding you, it was about a week or two later that we got engaged. – Alyssa Mastromonaco • When I met Nathan, I told my tour manager he was too good-looking for me. I don’t have a history of dating good-looking men. I’ve always complained that girls don’t get male groupies, and now I’ve married the first groupie I’ve ever had. – Nina Persson • When I saw music as a means to an end – more fame, more money, dating celebrities – that’s when things have gone terribly wrong. Now my life is focused on just trying to keep making music. Because when it’s really good, it’s just the most remarkable feeling on the planet. – Moby • When someone is good, but it doesn’t seem like their world will collapse if they don’t get the part, it’s more appealing. It’s like dating someone: You don’t want someone who’s too into you. – Steve Carell • While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all. – E. A. Bucchianeri • With my husband it was never like “omg, should I text him?” or “he didn’t call me for two days.” So, I think I knew it was right because it just happened so naturally. That’s one piece of advice that I would give to women who are struggling in this crazy world of dating. – Lindsay Ellingson • Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed dating for clueless people. – Douglas Coupland • Would a dating service for people on the net be “frowned upon” by DCA? I hope not. But even if it is, don’t let that stop you from notifying me via net mail if you start one. – Richard Stallman • You know, I had my mother and my father convincing me that he would be going back to Hollywood and he’d be back with the actresses and dating them and that he wasn’t serious about me at all. So I had him saying one thing to me and my parents telling me something else. – Priscilla Presley • You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole. And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married. – Michelle Obama • You’re talking to someone who has been married to various people for the last 40 years of her life. Dating is not really something familiar. I’ve never really been a dater. – Stockard Channing

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Dating Quotes

Official Website: Dating Quotes

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• A lot of people wouldn’t feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren’t dating my girlfriend. – Dov Davidoff • About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them. – Judy Carter • After a number of years dating, we decided we were good partners. – Melinda Gates • Are you kidding? I’m a terrible cook, but John is a really great one. Literally, I never cook. The whole time we were dating, I prepared two officially romantic meals. Both of them were such disasters that he begs me never to go into the kitchen again. – Rebecca Romijn • At the time that I knew them, they were not living together. They began dating again after their divorce, so I didn’t really see fighting. – Kato Kaelin

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Dating', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_dating').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_dating img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Bill Clinton is a man who thinks international affairs means dating a girl from out of town. – Tom Clancy • Busy’ is another word for ‘asshole’. ‘Asshole’ is another word for the guy you’re dating. – Greg Behrendt • Celebrities say they date other celebrities because they have the same job. But I think they just like dating famous people. Celebrities attract each other, like cattle. – Jason Lee • Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer. – Rita Mae Brown • Dating a new man is like holding a strawberry milkshake; first the taste, then the pleasure. – Marilyn Monroe • Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as “Taking,” you are not getting it. – Henry Cloud • Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people. – Henry Cloud • Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen. – Henry Cloud • Dating is just awkward moments and one person wants more than the other. It’s just that constant strangeness. I think it’s a very real thing. – Jason Schwartzman • Dating is like pushing your tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks good, but you know you have to pick something by the time you reach the cashier. – Caprice Crane • Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? – Jerry Seinfeld • Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is. – Henry Cloud • Dating is probably the most important aspect of a single person’s life. – Linda Sunshine • Dating is really all about sex. In the conventional context, this means that the man invites the woman to go through a social encounter, the ultimate purpose of which is sexual engagement. – Alexander McCall Smith • Dating now is a lot like going shopping when you don’t have any money. Even if you find the right thing, you can’t do anything about it. – Joshua Harris • Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date. – Henry Cloud • Dodi got a lot of criticism when he began dating Princess Diana. No one seemed to think he was good enough for her. – Lorna Luft • Encourage your children to come to you for counsel with their problems and questions by listening to them every day. Discuss with them such important matters as dating, sex, and other matters affecting their growth and development, and do it early enough so they will not obtain information from questionable sources. – Ezra Taft Benson • Envy is what makes you, when an acquaintance is lustily telling you that she’s dating a Greek god of a guy, ask, ‘Which one, Hades?’ – Gina Barreca • Everyone was like, “Why do you need to meet someone on Match.com?” My response was, “I certainly don’t need to meet more of the same broke, acting class guys that I’d been dating my whole life.” I needed to change that whole paradigm. So, I decided to meet some corporate guys and see how that worked. So, I went on Match, but I didn’t put a picture up, because I’m on television, and I didn’t want anybody contacting me for the wrong reasons. So, I had to do the hunting, as it were. I didn’t anticipate meeting my husband online, but there he was. And it all worked out! – Essence Atkins • Gay men should not adopt the sophomoric model of heterosexual dating; gay men should always have sex first. – John Rechy • Good-looking individuals are treated better than homely ones in virtually every social situation, from dating to trial by jury. – Martha Beck • Here’s the funny thing about the response I’ve been aware of to my dating famous people: It’s been very negative. I’m either not good-looking enough, not a good enough actor or not successful enough for these people. – Dax Shepard • Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. – Mike Binder • How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide? – Judy Tenuta • I also find it interesting that a lot of people in their 30s are not married and don’t have kids. There are a lot of people in this age bracket that are out there dating and trying to find love. And I never thought that at my age I would be. – John Stamos • I came to the realization that I started dating my now-wife junior year of college, before you actually went on a date. You didn’t take girls from college out to dinner. I’ve never been on a date. I’ve never been on a date where I didn’t know the end game. I’ve never casually dated someone. I’ve only been out to dinner with the woman who would eventually be my wife. – Jon Gabrus • I can’t imagine dating a boy, meeting him only outside the home. What’s a home and family for if it’s not the center of one’s life? – Loretta Young • I can’t wait for my little sisters to start dating, because it will really be fun to pick on their boyfriends. – David Gallagher • I could be a party girl, dating whoever I want and being reckless, but I like being in a relationship. When you have somebody who grounds you and keeps you sane, it helps. – Eva Longoria • I do like dating cynics – they tend to be incredibly funny. – Chris Pine • I don’t have the best dating track record. – Lauren Conrad • I don’t know the first real thing about the dating game. I don’t know how to talk to a specific person and connect. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general. – Jason Schwartzman • I don’t really comment on my personal life because I feel like any comment at all is opening up a whole can of worms. I’d just rather not talk about who I’m dating. – Josh Hartnett • I don’t think courting and dating is a liability. I actually think it can be a blessing. – Rebecca St. James • I don’t understand the whole dating thing. I know right off the bat if I’m interested in someone, and I don’t want them to waste their money on me and take me out to eat if I know I’m not interested in that person. – Britney Spears • I feel like I’ve always had gay fans, I don’t think my dating a woman has changed my demographic, but it certainly changed the way I feel about politics. – Sia Furler • I got that experience through dating dozens of men for six years after college, getting an entry level magazine job at 21, working in the fiction department at Good Housekeeping and then working as a fashion editor there as well as writing many articles for the magazine. – Judith Krantz • I grew up between the two world wars and received a rather solid general education, the kind middle class children enjoyed in a country whose educational system had its roots dating back to the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. – George Andrew Olah • I grew up in the world of bad television, on my dad’s sets and then as a young schmuck on dating shows and so on. – George Clooney • I have been dating someone that treats my heart like it’s monkey meat. I feel like a delusional, invisible person half the time so I need to learn what it’s like to be treated well before it’s too late for me. – Hannah • I just can’t fathom tweeting, and I’d rather spend my time writing a book than a blog, but I rather grudgingly agreed to a Facebook page. I had a brief, intense romance with Facebook. It’s weirdly addictive, but anything that time-sucking is a danger for a writer who writes as slowly as I do. Now I post only occasionally and nothing very confessional. I think I’m carbon dating myself as I speak. – Debra Dean • I just don’t like when there’s a rumor that says I’m dating someone who is below my standards. But when I got divorced, my ex-wife said I was spending all my time with Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie. I was like, ‘Thank you for the big ups!’ – Marilyn Manson • I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly – Darynda Jones • I like the idea of dating, but I’m not dating anyone exclusively, particularly right now. It’s hard to be in a relationship unless you’re ready to go public with it. So it’s a lot easier for me to not be in a relationship. I really don’t want that part of my life to be tabloid fodder. – Cory Monteith • I love being a single mom. But it’s definitely different when you’re dating. – Brooke Burns • I prefer ordinary girls – you know, college students, waitresses, that sort of thing. Most of the girls I go out with are just good friends. Just because I go out to the cinema with a girl, it doesn’t mean we are dating. – Leonardo DiCaprio • I started dating older men, and I would fall in love with them. I thought they could teach me about life. – Daphne Zuniga • I stopped dating for six months a year ago. Dating requires a lot of energy and focus. – Daphne Zuniga • I think a man’s dream woman changes as he goes through different stages in his life. I’m fortunate to be dating my dream woman now. – Wissam Al Mana • I think I should date a normal girl. I am tired of dating heroines. While I believe in marriage as an institution, I am also petrified of it. – Shahid Kapoor • I think I’m definitely more open. You know the thing is I wouldn’t have said I was closed before, but like, it’s the kind of thing that you don’t even think of other options. I’ve been dating black men for really, for like, I don’t know, 10 years. You know, I haven’t really dated outside of that. Now I think I’m probably am more open to the idea. – Sanaa Lathan • I think more dating stuff is scheduling. It’s needing people who understand your work schedule. – Jennifer Love Hewitt • I tried to tell them about the dating process because I’m single now and how horrible it is and how many foolish experiences I had had dating. So I was really selling him hard, but the whole time he really wanted me! – Andie MacDowell • I want my audience to know me for my work, not because of who I’m dating or what drugs I’m on or what club I went to. – Shia LaBeouf • I want to start dating the man that I’m gonna marry. I want to start having some fun with someone that I know I’m gonna be with. I don’t play any games. I’m too old for that. I’ve been there, I’ve been around the block. – LisaRaye McCoy-Misick • I was dating a guy that was a huge wrestling fan and I’m embarrassed to say it now but I used to make fun of him for watching it. – Torrie Wilson • I was dating this guy and we would spend all day text messaging each other. And he thought that he could tell that he liked me more because he actually spelt the word ‘YOU’ and I just put the letter ‘U’. – Kelly Osbourne • I was thrown into the fashion world, dating models – and you’d read about me dating a new starlet every month. That’s just where my life was. But I’ve grown up a lot. – Stephen Dorff • If you want me to be straight, gay, into monkeys, dating Kylie, whatever, I’m happy for people to project whatever onto me! – Darren Hayes • I’m a bad dater – I’m just not good at it. It’s so weird dating in this town. It’s like high school. I get a lot of people who have their publicist call my agent to ask, ‘Is she dating anyone? – Jules Asner • I’m dating a girl who’s pretty levelheaded. She’s a nurse. She’s a real, normal girl. Which is what I need because my life isn’t normal. – Kenny Chesney • I’m dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over. – Garry Shandling • I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. – Garry Shandling • I’m friends with a lot of my exes, but it took time. We didn’t just get into it. I don’t think you can be friends until you’re cool with them dating someone else. That’s when you know. – Rashida Jones • I’m much more interested in what an actor has to say about something substantial and important than who they’re dating or what clothes they’re wearing or some other asinine, insignificant aspect of their life. – Ben Affleck • I’m not cynical about marriage or romance. I enjoyed being married. And although being single was fun for a while, there was always the risk of dating someone who’d owned a lunch box with my picture on it. – Shaun Cassidy • I’m not great at dating, but I need to do it to relax. – Lena Dunham • I’m not interested in serial dating; I’d honestly rather be single. – Tamsin Egerton • I’m not very experienced with boys or the whole dating thingy. – Vanessa Hudgens • I’m not with anybody, I don’t have time for dating. Not to get too personal, but it’s weirdly harder to meet new people now. But for the first time in my life since I was a little kid, I’m not so concerned about it. – Justin Vernon • I’m of the belief that dating “potential” is almost always an exercise in frustration. – Mallory Ortberg • I’m so an all-or-nothing person in dating, always. I’m big on not wasting time. And so, yeah, if something’s not working, it’s time to not hold people back. – Ginnifer Goodwin • In its purest form, dating is auditioning for mating (and auditioning means we may or may not get the part). – Joy Browne • Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic? – Dov Davidoff • Is it a bad sign when you see the person you’re dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you’re rear view mirror? – Dov Davidoff • It was funny actually because that was still during the time we were dating. He would get all these calls because supposedly before we broke up, we had already broken up in the trades, in the rags or whatever. – Rosario Dawson • It was really shocking to me that when I was dating a dude I could get married and my taxes were 8 grand less, blah blah blah. – Sia Furler • It was V-day and I was stuck at home while the guy I was dating was at an Anti-Valentine’s Day party. How wrong was that? It was one thing to be totally alone on V-day, but another to want to be with someone who would rather spend the evening protesting love instead of making it. – Kate Madison • It’s always been my personal feeling that unless you are married, there is something that is not very dignified about talking about who you are dating. – Luke Wilson • It’s amazing how much time and money can be saved in the world of dating by close attention to detail. A white sock here, a pair of red braces there, a gray slip-on shoe, a swastika, are as often as not all one needs to tell you there’s no point in writing down phone numbers and forking out for expensive lunches because it’s never going to be a runner. – Helen Fielding • It’s so easy to misuse social media as a dating tool. I think it can be useful but it’s scary when you think about who can access this information and what they’re doing with it. – Justin Long • I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he? – Kristin Davis • I’ve been dating younger men since my 20s, When I was 29, I dated someone 21… younger men are just more fun. I like their energy. I’ve always been kind of young for my age. – Dana Delany • I’ve been in plenty of situations where someone I’m dating had more time for a console than me. – Josie Maran • I’ve done a number of studies with speed dating and Match.com and what’s interesting is that you know we still walk into a speed dating event, you know, thinking about what it is we’re looking for in a mate and so you ask people, like women will say “I’m looking for somebody who is really kind and sincere and smart and funny.” – Sheena Iyengar • I’ve had a little bad, bad media luck the new year. Well, apparently I’m dating Bill Clinton, which makes me nervous. I didn’t know, though. – Julie Bowen • I’ve learned that I don’t want to be as open or public about relationships anymore. In my first relationship, I thought I could hold on to the normalcy of just being like “Yeah, we’re dating,” just like if it were high school and I was telling my friends. But in high school, there aren’t articles written everywhere when you break up and you don’t have everyone in the school coming up to you and asking what happened or sharing their opinion with you. It didn’t feel like ours anymore, it felt like everybody else’s. – Camila Cabello • Just because times change and alot of people think that dating multiple people is the thing these days, it just isn’t a solid foundation at all in matters of the heart. I still believe in marriages that have a physically powerful foundation. – Angela Merkel • Like the guy I was dating. White, liberal, educated. I went to meet his family and I think that they probably didn’t know they had a problem with it until he walked in with me. And they definitely had issues. Mom had issues with it. Could not, didn’t want to see her son. And I don’t think she had anything against me. But it was about her son bringing me home. And I felt that for the first time. I was like, ‘Wow, that’s deep.’ It’s really simple: I don’t fit their picture. – Sanaa Lathan • My husband is the only guy I’ve ever dated where I’ve never been drunk around him. I couldn’t handle dating without drinking in the past. – Alison Rosen • My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I’m going to tell her I’m dating two different guys-Mr Duracell and Mr Energizer. – Michelle Landry • My mom is going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people. But I don’t want to put myself in the position where I’m in a monogamous relationship right now. I’m not dating just one person. ‘Sex and the City’ changed everything for me because those girls would sleep with so many people. – Lindsay Lohan • My original inspiration was my mom: a few years after the death of my dad, she started dating one my teachers! – Meg Cabot • My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy • My wife and I have been together since 1986. I graduated in ’86 and she graduated in ’88. We began dating when she was 17. Actually she turned 18 when we started kissing and stuff. – Cuba Gooding, Jr. • No one knew me until I met my wife Lulu. Lulu’s mother used to ask, Which one is Maurice? For six months she thought Lulu was dating Barry. – Maurice Gibb • Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion. – Scott Adams • Of course, a lot of courtship and dating is about sexual attraction. If you’re an attractive person, you have that sort of interest from people, whether you cater to it or not, but when you get older, that’s not really the leading thing anymore. – Patricia Arquette • Oh, my dating skills are the worst. No, I pick the wrong men; it’s amazing. I am awful, the worst dater. – Paget Brewster • On girls night in we talk about dating; the ups and downs of the previous week. Our collective laughter is uncontrollable and tearful, even the most disappointing dates become meritorious on girls night in. – Cilla Black • On the Hugh Grant romance rumours: We’re not dating and I’m not pregnant. We have not kissed or touched. We have not fought and broken up. – Sandra Bullock • One of my best friends is dating my other best friend, Lena! – Taylor Swift • Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen. – Conan O’Brien • Rumors about me? Calista Flockhart, Pam Anderson, and Matt Damon. That’s who I’m dating. – Ben Affleck • So if I was dating somebody now and the relationship didn’t work out, I’d take that as failing – Gavin DeGraw • Some burns,” Clary said. “Nothing that matters” “Everything that happens to you matters to me.” “Well that certainly explains why you haven’t called me back once. And the last time I saw you, you ran away without telling me why. It’s like dating a ghost.” Jace’s mouth quirked up slightly at the side. “Not exactly. Isabelle actually dated a ghost. She could tell you–” “No,” Clary said. “It was a metaphor. And you know exactly what I mean. – Cassandra Clare • Tess realized one of the great modern dating sadnesses: everyone is so used to the comforting glow of the computer screen that no one can go so far as to say “good morning” in public without being liquored up. – Amelia Gray • That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know. And, more important, how does he treat you? When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. – Michelle Obama • The global economy is becoming a place where women are more successful than men, and these economic changes are starting to rapidly affect our culture – what our romantic comedies look like, what our marriages look like, what our dating lives look like, and our new set of superheroes. – Hanna Rosin • The Google algorithm was a significant development. I’ve had thank-you emails from people whose lives have been saved by information on a medical website or who have found the love of their life on a dating website. – Tim Berners-Lee • The inspiration for this movie [Something New] was this Newsweek article that came out a couple of years ago that talks about 42.4 percent of black women in America aren’t married. Black women are shooting up the corporate ladder way faster than our black male counterparts. And (black men) are either dating outside their race, in jail or dying. And so if you want to have a family, you want to be married, you have to look at other options. – Sanaa Lathan • The learned are not agreed as to the time when the Gospel of John was written; some dating it as early as the year 68, others as late as the year 98; but it is generally conceded to have been written after all the others. – Simon Greenleaf • The love is so powerful that both people have to surrender. I think that’s the funny thing about dating somebody for the first time, it’s kind of a question of who wears the pants, or who’s gonna text you first, how much am I supposed to put myself out there, and it makes you feel a little bit crazy. But at the end of the day, it’s not about that. And if it’s the right person you don’t have to worry about that. – Zella Day • The most difficult part of dating is the initial invitation. – Janell Carroll • The number of people who have either gotten married or had kids or started dating or just made great friends over Instagram is countless. I think we’re the only platform that continues to be successful in bringing people together in real life for these real relationships. – Kevin Systrom • The United States is now relearning an ancient lesson, dating back to the Roman Empire. Brutalizing an enemy only serves to brutalize the army ordered to do it. Torture corrodes the mind of the torturer. – James Risen • The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed. – Bill Maher • The woman I am currently crazy about was a vegetarian for a year until I started dating her. As is the case with most vegetarians, she had never eaten properly prepared meat, only commercially packaged or otherwise abused flesh. – Steve Albini • There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. – Judith Martin • There is no golden rule of dating, except to make sure that it engages both of you; too many people go to a cinema for a first date and of course don’t say a word, that’s a bad thing! – Steven Hill • There’s an interesting story around that [“Heaven Without a Gun”], because the girl I was dating at the time got into a bike accident and couldn’t make it into the studio, and the gentleman Dave Hamlin who worked on this record along with Ohad sort of took it, rearranged it. Dave went and sonically changed it and changed the keys so that Andy could sing it better. All these pieces came together that suddenly displayed that the song was meant for Andy [Kim] to sing. And he always said, “I’ll never understand it, but I’ll sing it with all my heart.” – Kevin Drew • There’s no way to get around it; online dating is work. And some people are more skilled at this kind of communication than others. – Rachel Martin • We had two rules growing up in my house: If you’re going to take a shower, do it with whomever you’re dating so you don’t waste water; and if you buy one for yourself, buy six, because everybody’s going to want one. – Moon Unit Zappa • Well, dating has become a sport and not about finding the person you love. – Rashida Jones • Whats nice about my dating life is that I dont have to leave my house. All I have to do is read the paper: Im marrying Richard Gere, dating Daniel Day-Lewis, parading around with John F. Kennedy, Jr., and even Robert De Niro was in there for a day. – Julia Roberts • When I had been dating my husband for a while, the president Obama said to me, “When is he going to put a ring on it?” And I was like, “Oh, come on. We are so busy. We don’t need to think about that.” He said, “He needs to put a ring on it because you’re worth it.” And the thing is, I’m not even kidding you, it was about a week or two later that we got engaged. – Alyssa Mastromonaco • When I met Nathan, I told my tour manager he was too good-looking for me. I don’t have a history of dating good-looking men. I’ve always complained that girls don’t get male groupies, and now I’ve married the first groupie I’ve ever had. – Nina Persson • When I saw music as a means to an end – more fame, more money, dating celebrities – that’s when things have gone terribly wrong. Now my life is focused on just trying to keep making music. Because when it’s really good, it’s just the most remarkable feeling on the planet. – Moby • When someone is good, but it doesn’t seem like their world will collapse if they don’t get the part, it’s more appealing. It’s like dating someone: You don’t want someone who’s too into you. – Steve Carell • While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all. – E. A. Bucchianeri • With my husband it was never like “omg, should I text him?” or “he didn’t call me for two days.” So, I think I knew it was right because it just happened so naturally. That’s one piece of advice that I would give to women who are struggling in this crazy world of dating. – Lindsay Ellingson • Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed dating for clueless people. – Douglas Coupland • Would a dating service for people on the net be “frowned upon” by DCA? I hope not. But even if it is, don’t let that stop you from notifying me via net mail if you start one. – Richard Stallman • You know, I had my mother and my father convincing me that he would be going back to Hollywood and he’d be back with the actresses and dating them and that he wasn’t serious about me at all. So I had him saying one thing to me and my parents telling me something else. – Priscilla Presley • You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole. And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married. – Michelle Obama • You’re talking to someone who has been married to various people for the last 40 years of her life. Dating is not really something familiar. I’ve never really been a dater. – Stockard Channing

[clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'e', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_e').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_e img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'y', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_y').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_y img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

[wilshipley]

The Bachelor, Season 22, Episode 4

Exterior: Hummingbird. D’AWWWW I love humbirbs.

Bekah is seen jumping into a pool. Meanwhile (supposedly meanwhile) the women inside are talking about how young Bekah is. 14 years apart! I have no leg to stand on here so let’s all just pretend it’s totally normal to date people of any age, ok? *wipes brow*

One of the women says “everyone is realizing how real it is,” so update your bingo cards. “I feel like the stakes are higher,” someone says and I’ve already got B and G and it’s been two minutes.

Chris slobs in. “It’s hard to believe there’s only 15 of you left.” First off, “there are only 15 of you,” not “is,” and second, it’s not that hard to believe one guy is dating ONLY 15 women. What’s hard to believe is 15 women actually like this schmuck. Chris tells the women they’re all going to Tahoe, so we finally start the travel-porn part of this show (as opposed to the porn-porn part, which is the entire rest of it).

Ari is already in Tahoe, staring meaningfully over vistas. He spouts some lines for the Tahoe tourism board. “I love things like hiking, being outside, and to share that with the girls is going to be so much fun,” he says, demonstrating a bad parallel.

The women are checking out the lodge, it’s rustic AF. It looks like Gaston did all of their DEC-or-ating. Krystal exclaims “We’re in Tahoe!” and she certainly puts da ho in Tahoe.

Date card! “Sienne, let’s let our love sore!” Assumedly he’s going to give her herpes.

Ok, they probably spelled it “soar,” but I need this.

Ari addresses the women and tells them in the most boring way they are in Tahoe and will be doing dates in Tahoe. Surprise!

One of the women voiceovers that she was astounded that early on one of the many Laurens “went on a date and didn’t come back, and none of us saw that coming!” Yah, on a dating show it’s a huge shock any time someone gets eliminated even though that literally happens several times every…single…episode.

Kwazy Krystal with her shark-face confessionals that Sienne will probably be going home and that makes her happy because then she can be with Ari and Ari will take care of her and never leave her not like everyone else always has Ari is different if anyone gets between her and Ari she will kill them it’s only right she has a gun back in her room. Ok some percentage of that I made up but, you know, the spirit of it is true.

—

The women are spying on Ari’s parasailing date with Sienne. Chelsea (semi-crazy one) confessionals, “It might start getting to me if if these days go by longer without time with Ari.” That English not is.

“Parasailing is about letting go and where the wind takes you,” says Sienne, and I just wanted to write that down because I feel obligated every time the producers feed them a COMPLETELY OBVIOUS simile. She doesn’t even leave it at that, she explains to the camera that it’s similar to dating. See: a simile. “I really like Ari. I can’t use the L word yet but I really like him.” Lunkhead? Lickspittle? Loser?

I’d like to point out my hair isn’t as gray as Ari’s and I’m way older. Also I’m not a total idiot, if we’re keeping score. I’m just typing random crap here because Ari is talking to Sienne on a beach and he’s so boring I just can’t stand it. Sienne also seems way too sane and low-maintenance for Ari.

Kissing starts. It seems less slurpy than with the crazier gals and/or Bekah. Not a good sign.

MEANWHILE, Maquel is calling her mom back at the lodge. She gets the news her grandfather died and we watch her cry on camera. WTF, producers. This is your idea of entertainment? Watching people find out their relatives are dead? What the actual hell is wrong with you?

—

INTERIOR, LODGE: Date card!

Oh my gosh it’s our old friend End Table here to deliver the date card! What a surprise! I haven’t seen you in forever, End Table!

Chelsea Krystal Me Marikh Jacqueline Kendall Lauren Brittney Caroline other women I probably missed. So Bekah gets the one-on-one, and she celebrates.

Krystal confessionals some catty stuff about Bekah being young because yah dudes HATE that ugh icky.

Ari takes Sienne to a Hard Rock Cafe for dinner because he’s as classy as a Trans-am up on blocks. Also as smart as one.

Sienne asks him why he hasn’t fallen in love in five years. Much to her credit she doesn’t say, “Gosh you seem like a pretty broken pretend-man.” She’s talking openly about how growing up dark-skinned made her cynical about finding love because no women in love stories look like her, which is actually pretty interesting. It’s strange to get woke from The Bachelor but you know take it where you can get it, I say.

Ari pulls out the date rose and gives it to Sienne 🌹.

Ari tells her he has one more thing for her and I’m sure hoping it’s a non-famous crappy singer.

SCORE! It’s “Lanco!” Yes, seriously. I dunno if that’s a dude’s name or the band. Lanco is singing that kind of country music where half of the performance is the crazy twangy accent he’s putting on. Like, I think he’s singing, “Killed me up some possums, cooked ‘em up next to the still, took my truck to the levy and put my blue jeans on while swinging on the front porch..”

—

Krystal confessionals AGAIN more catty stuff about the other women on today’s group date. Man the camera loves Krystal...........’s horribleness.

Kendall is talking about herself in third person and why a date in the woods is her thing, because she’s quirky AF. They enter a clearing with a grey-haired ex-green-beret survivalist and his wife. “Together we’ve been married 13 years,” he says, so I guess they’ve been married 6½ years apiece? “The stuff you learn here is the stuff you’ll need to survive in a relationship,” he says, skipping the simile entirely this time. I’m not so certain that’s true, unless drinking pee is vital in any relationship? (Pretty sure that’s just Trump.)

The green beret says the first thing they’re going to recycle their urine. He gives everyone a thermos to pee in. Ari drinks his first, but quickly spits it out. One of the women clearly thinks “all well what the heck” and starts to drink hers and Ari is all “WAIT WAIT! It was just apple juice!”

Ok, what the actual fuck, here. First off, making a bunch of women pee into thermoses is pretty disgusting to start with. I mean, for a guy, we can just stick our doodle in there, but for the women they had to, like, do it blind. I’m imagining it wasn’t a totally sanitary thing. Also it’s just gross to ask people to pee on a date. This is something that a 10-year-old would think is...OOOOH wait it’s Ari now I get it.

Now the wife digs up some worms and Ari and a few of the women eat them and more complain they don’t want to. The couple finds other disgusting things to eat and Kendall is totally down. She seems fun. Ari and Kendall start slurpy kissing and I wonder if they can taste each other’s maggots.

Now the survivalist gives the women packs and maps and tells them to find their way through the woods in teams. Ari’s on one team and the other teams are lost. I guess they needed a MAN. Oh surprise there’s a giant hot tub at the end and the girls strip into bikinis.

They’re giving Krystal SO MUCH CAMERA TIME. (This will make the murder trial easier, sure.) More Krystal. Seriously, it goes on and on. She’s making fun of the women for seeking Ari’s attention, with absolutely no sense of irony.

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NIGHT, LODGE: The date continues.

More Krystal confessionals AGAIN about how she’s so exhausted watching the women try to get Ari’s attention. I cannot stand any more Krystal. Please, no. I wish I could skip but, again, Hulu’s controls are messed up so a one-pixel click is a minute.

Ari first “alone time” of the evening is with someone I swear I’ve never seen before. I missed her name but let’s call her Lauren because it’s a safe bet. She actually says, “I really like that,” about something he says which leads me into this SNL sketch which is great but honestly kinda doesn’t have any jokes because all this stuff is in the actual show:

SNL “Car Man”

Ari actually said “I like that, I like that” in response to Lauren after I pasted that video which is hilarious. Also her name really was Lauren I seriously was guessing above.

Now Ari’s with Kendall the taxidermist / bug eater. Kendall says (of herself) “and your breath smell like bugs now,” so at least she’s self-aware. They talk about Kendall’s stuffed animals. Then she smooches a lot and she’s a damn fine smoocher. I think I now prefer her to Bekah.

JESUS CHRIST KRYSTAL confessional again. She can’t even speak. She just says the same five words. Juvenile state identity blah blah.

Now Chelsea is confessionalling that she thinks Krystal is being condescending and apparently all you have to do to get camera time is be totes crazy. We see other women talking about Ari and the consensus seems to be that Krystal is just being “competitive,” and it’s not fair because the rest of the women are there for Ari. This isn't quite saying “the right reasons” but it’s close enough to still mark your bingo card.

Krystal finally gets her time with Ari. Ugh I can’t stand the stupid way? She talks? Because like? It’s all upspeak? And baby talk?

Krystal tells Ari she feels there’s a target on her back because the other girls are so jealous of her. “I have...a mix? of emotionnnns?” Ari comforts her by telling her “You’re beautiful and we had an amazing first day and they can obviously see we have a connection [and that’s making the other women insecure].” Way to stoke those flames, Ari! You’ll get to testify at the trial for sure. Krystal starts crying ¡SURPRISE!

Krystal confessionals she’s “Above this...and beyond this.” She asks Caroline and Tia to talk with her in another room. Krystal Krystal Krystal all we see is Krystal it’s the all-Krystal show. Holy god this is getting old.

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Krystal now tells the other two how much her widdle feewings were hurt by them mocking her smooching up to Ari in the hot tub, which, I mean, uh...how do you unpack that? They both tell her she can pound sand.

Tia gets her time with Ari and she also tells him she’s upset but she does a better job of not being super whiney and fake. Confessional: “He’s just a good dude. And that’s why I’m falling for him.” No, no he isn’t, and man you shouldn’t. He’s a bland dude and you’re projecting what you want onto his blank canvas.

Ari gives the date rose 🌹 to Tia for being “open and vulnerable.” Guess who the camera cuts to! No, go on, gu———KRYSTAL IT WAS KRYSTAL.

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EXTERIOR, NATURE and shit: I don’t see the point of being someplace beautiful and cold because like if I’m in nature I wanna be in nature not in 27 layers of wool.

More boring confessionals. Guess who says, “I come across as flawless” and so she gets a target on her back? No, really, gue———YES KRYSTAL AGAIN.

MEANWHILE, the one-on-one date starts with Ari and Bekah. Ari confessionals that Bekah “really challenges me, and...I love that.” To be fair he’s also challenged by Highlights for Kids. Also he needs to stop saying “I love that.” Ari and Bekah exchange inanities.

MEANWHILE, back at the ranch, two women are talking about how young Bekah is, because the producers have to set up some conflict for this episode, so it might as well be Bekah’s age.

While I typed that they got in a hot tub and starting smooching. Ari tells the story of breaking his collarbone racing a truck. Here’s an idea: don’t race trucks, dummy. They’re slow and have a high center of gravity and are for hauling shit.

COMING UP: Bekah asks him if he knows how old she is, a clip we’ve seen like 80 times.

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INTERIOR, LODGE: Women are talking about Bekah’s age again. Man they’re trying to milk this.

EXTERIOR, COLD-ASS COUNTRYSIDE: Ari walks Bekah to another lodge for dinner. Super-exciting. Apparently the Tahoe is 100% lodges and Hard Rock Cafes. Now they’re eating dinner. I wish they’d say anything interesting. “I wanna know everything about you,” Ari says, which is dangerously close to SNL’s “Tell me something about you.”

Ari: “I think the biggest thing I always think about, is, are you ready, would you be ready, if the time was right, and it was the right person?” He doesn’t say ready for what. Let’s just assume it’s butt stuff.

Ari tells her there were times in his life he wasn’t ready (for butt stuff). She asks “How did you know, in hindsight?” Hee hee I’m 12. But still more mature than Ari.

Ari tells her that he’s 36 and “things are slowing down for me.” Jesus man 36 isn’t old. Again, I’m older and I just took up saxophone and started bouldering.

Finally Bekah asks him the “do you know how old I am” question that we’ve been seeing. She tells him she’s 22. Ari covers his face. “Oh my grrrwaad,” he mumbles through his hand. Now they’re playing tension music. Oh as if.

—

Back to AGE-GATE 2018. Blah blah she’s young. Confessionals from both parties designed to build tension.

Bekah grabs his neck and tells him to “stop looking for assurance that you’re not going to get because you’re not going to get that in love.” Wow, she’s mature for her age. Which, I mean, isn’t so hard when you’re 22, but still.

Ari remembers being a dumbass at 22, and so he’s saying she must still be a dumbass. (To be fair he’s a dumbass at 36.) She asks him if she’s Ari. Good point! He explains she is not. Astute observation!

Ari: “Here’s the thing, it’s...you scare me.” The producers are playing the “she’s dumped” music but I still don’t believe it. He’s not THAT dumb.

She finally asks, “How about you, what are you feeling,” and he actually responds, “Let me do this with the rose in my hand,” because he’s the producers’ best friend in the world and a total lickspittle. Seriously, nothing says, “I’m serious about finding a real relationship” like insisting the you have to build tension for your invisible audience.

“I’m worried about us, you know” — I’m calling it right now he’s gonna give her the rose — blah blah blah I feel for you (he’s Chakah Khan now) “BUT, I really really feel connected to you, and you are incredible and surprising and so much of what I’m looking for [blah blah] so Bekah will you accept this rose?” 🌹

Wow, Ari really put her through the damn ringer there. What a gentleman he is, jerking her around like that for the camera. Bekah says, “Why don’t you dump me now and pick somebody else who you KNOW will...” oh man she’s got spirit.

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EXTERIOR, HARD ROCK CAFE: Why do we keep coming back here? Is this really the center of culture in Bumfuck, Whereverthefuckweare?

Rose ceremony time: The women trot up to, like, a castle? A castle-lodge.

Confessionals from the women, where they’re wondering who will go home. Who? Who indeed!

Krystal says, “I feel like each rose ceremony has brought a little more pressure,” so mark your bingo cards one last time.

More Krystal. Krystal talks more. Krystal some more.

Chris walks in. He’s going to cancel the party, I’m guessing. “There won’t be a cocktail party tonight,” told you so. “Ari has made up his mind,” Jesus this show is so man-centric.

The women assemble to hear the boring child-man’s word, deciding their fate. Bet he cuts Marikh.

Ari says, “Let’s begin,” but then Krystal asks if she could have a quick moment with him, because Krystal Krystal, Krystal Krystal Krystal. It’s like we’re in Being Krystal McKrystalvich. The women are not super-happy about it. We see Krystal whispering to Ari. Krystal says, “I’m not here to play games,” so you get a bonus BINGO mark!

Lauren (which one?) 🌹 Kendall (taxidermy) 🌹 Ashley (very little makeup) 🌹 Becca K (uh) 🌹 Chelsea (semi-cray) 🌹 Jenna (who?) 🌹 Jacquline (JAY-kwellin) 🌹 Marikh! Yay, she’s so pretty. 🌹

Chris: “Ladies, Ari, final rose tonight.”

Krystal and some other gals are left.

Krystal 🌹

We lost Brittney T., the tech recruiter. We haven’t seen much of her. Caroline the realtor is also heartbroken.

The remaining women toast each other. Krystal gets the final confessional. Ugh.