#Which if she looked any deeper she might recognise that’s because she’s a goddess and ergo extremely privileged

[butchratchettruther]

Shoutout to my DND oc Eydis, the worst woman alive

I love her so much I hope she falls down a flight of stairs

[drcrushers]

happy secret songbird to my lovely giftee, @weraiseourcups! I hope you enjoy this very adorable ficlet! it’s not full fledged because i worried about getting it done in time, but i hope you enjoy it and it brings a smile!

dog days of summer ( in which orpheus and eurydice adopt a . . . . dog? )

Winter had come and gone, and as the snow and frosts began to thaw and signal the return of Lady Persephone, it meant more natural resources were available for food. Not much sprouted in the very earliest days of spring, but Eurydice had long since learned when things grew, when they could be picked, and what purpose they would do to solve the aching in her belly. And now with feeding both her and Orpheus, things had become very, very tight over the winter months. Even if they hadn’t been as harsh as they had once upon a time when the gods below were fighting, it was still never a good season.  But they had survived. And Orpheus was gonna make some sort of hearty stew to celebrate while they counted the days until they would go out to the train platform to greet their Lady. So Eurydice had charged herself to trod through the muddy fields after tubers that could almost be called potatoes (they weren’t, but if you closed your eyes they tasted the same). Roots were the only thing that often survived the deep frosts.  Carrying a basket of a few pickings, she ventures deeper into the fields while trying to avoid the mud because she isn’t sure her worn boots will handle it without it seeping in, then they’ll take days to dry out. The sun is high and it’s almost warm, but not quite; she still has her coat on. At least the wind doesn���t bite her face. The brushes shift somewhere to her left with the wind - except, no. Not with the wind. It sounds like something is lurking and for a brief, panic striken moment Eurydice worries some gnarl toothed creature has come out of hibernation and is seeking a meal. She moves swiftly in the opposite direction, but nothing chases her. The tall grasses just rustle a bit more and there’s a noise she can’t place; a snort, maybe. Or huff. Another rustle. A yelp, and something dark suddenly darts out of the brush being chases by something else darkly furred. 

The first creature she recognises as a dog. A puppy, with how small it is, the fur matted in mud and little legs carrying it swiftly toward her. The second shape she recognises dimly as a badger, hissing and spitting like some creature from the underworld. Without thinking Eurydice launches a rock at the thing - not meaning to hit it, just to scare it off. It takes two more rock throws for the badger to be deterred from chasing the canine that had likely wandered too close to it’s nesting area. 

“Hey there, little guy.” Eurydice greets, stooping to ensure the dog is okay. She doesn’t see blood, and it approaches her with a cautious air - but the second it realises Eurydice isn’t gonna hurt it, it tries to climb clumsily into her embrace. She smiles softly, and scratches a patch of fur behind his ear that isn’t muddied. “Gotta be more careful. You lost all the way out here?”

The puppy does not reply, but as Eurydice tries to feel for a collar there is none. Those dark eyes flick up to her and a pink tongue lolls out of it’s mouth before it tries to lick her face. She laughs quietly for the first time in a while - and she knows immediately she cannot leave this poor creature to starve. If the winter was hard on them, she can’t imagine what it would be like for the puppy. Maybe someone in town will be missing him or if not, would at least take him in and keep him as their own. Eurydice has always loved dogs, always wanted one - but she isn’t sure she can afford to feed both she and Orpheus and a dog. Especially through winter. Food is already scarce and she can’t imagine finding things suitable for a dog is easy. 

But he’s clearly alone in the fields, and Eurydice doesn’t want him stumbling on anymore pissed off badgers, so she coos softly and somehow the poor thing seems to know to trust her, because when she takes a few steps it follows. A few more, and the puppy is still trailing after her. Clutching her gatherings of meager tubers, she sets off at a slower pace with her new charge hopping along after her. 

Orpheus isn’t home - he’s been helping Hermes clean up the bar a bit for it’s spring re-opening. So Eurydice drops the food off inside their small little place and leads the dog around to the side where there’s a spout for a hose for the garden they’ve never had. She hopes the water isn’t frozen still. The pipes groan a bit when she turns the valve, but water shoots out a moment later. She waits until it runs clear before she cups it and sets about a mission of trying to clear the mud from the puppy - who just wants to play. He twists and yips as her fingers dig into his fur, which is darkly colored without the mud coating it. She doesn’t have any clue to what breed he might be, but his eyes are soft and she’s in love all over again if she’s honest with herself.  She uses a spare towel from her bath last night to mostly attempt to dry the creature off (but the dog shakes vigourously inside the door and splatters water across the floor. She laughs.  “We’ll get you a good place. Shelter. Somewhere nice and warm, yeah?” She ruffles his fur atop his head. “I bet you’re hungry.” She doesn’t get a response, except a soft sneeze that just sends more water across the floorboards. She takes hat as a yes, and tries to find something in their bare cabinets that might suit a dog. She settles on a bit of bread for the time being, and sits in the kitchen floor to feed this little one. Her heart melts as he munches away at the bits of bread that might be a little stale, if she’s honest. He’s cute. More than. In a weird way, he reminds her of Orpheus.  Orpheus. Will he be mad to find she’s taken on a stowaway? Of course he isn’t, she realises when he returns home and is immediately as bright eyed as the damn dog is. And it’s just downright adorable when the dog nestles into Orpheus’ lap that evening near the fire - Eurydice should be mad because that’s her spot, but she’s not. A worthwhile sacrifice. She sits beside her husband and idly strokes the dog’s fur while they talk in quiet tones. “I’ll go into town tomorrow. See if anyone’s lost him.” She promises, and tries to ignore the sadness in her gut.  She keeps her promise though - and it isn’t worth much. No one in town has lost a pet. She switches tactics, tries to see if anyone would want a pet, but it’s futile then too. She ends up at Hermes’ bar, where Orpheus is wiping tables and to her surprise, the little thing is bouncing around underfoot with soft yaps. Is it bigger? She’s not sure, but she suddenly notices that it looks bigger than yesterday. She’s just tired, she decides, and sits at the end of the bar. Immediately the dog settles near her feet and doesn’t move the rest of the night until Orpheus’ shift is over and the three return home. She tries for two days to find him a home, but no one wants another mouth to feed. Meanwhile Eurydice is just trying not to fall more in love with him. He’s definitely a bit bigger and she chalks it up to decent food, which Hermes had offered. She doesn’t know why he has dog-acceptable food, and doesn’t ask. He just shoots her new friend an amused look as the dog chows down on a bowl in the corner.  “Special one, that one. Might be like fate he found you.” Hermes remarks almost mysteriously in that infuriating way that makes Eurydice want to punch that stupid grin off his face. She says such, he laughs, and she and her new friend are left alone once more. By the end of the week, Orpheus points out they should name him while they’re waiting for someone to adopt him. They can’t just keep calling him ‘the dog’. Eurydice hasn’t ever been good with that kind of thing, and they toss ideas back and forth, but none seem right. Meanwhile it’s getting warmer and warmer outside as more of the spring settles in.  Persephone arrives on the train two days later, dragging in warm winds and a bright smile. The dog (which is still unnamed) trails after Eurydice and Orpheus out to the platform to greet her, and the goddess gives a delightful look. “There you are!”

Eurydice thinks she might be talking to her and Orpheus but no, it’s the dog. It circles her legs, yips, before trotting happily back over to Eurydice’s feet and sitting down. A declaration if she’d ever heard one. Persephone laughs.  “Oh, it damned well figures --- he’s yours now, songbird. Now, let’s grab a drink and celebrate spring.” Turns out the dog is not just a dog - Cerberus has descendants (which is something so full of everything she doesn’t feel like unpacking it) and the little creature from the fields is one, who had somehow escaped the boundaries of the underworld. A bit like she and Orpheus, if she’s honest. She loves him more. She thinks it will want to go back to the underworld where it belongs, but the literal hell hound barely leaves her side. Sits with her at home, at the bar, goes out foraging in the woods and fields, and still continues to grow that spring. She loves him more and more, but she still hasn’t decided whether she and Orpheus can afford to keep him. Not with winter. Another mouth? Spring goes. Summer goes. Lady Persephone keeps her promises of better harvests and she thinks it won’t be too bad. Eurydice and Orpheus see her off into her husband’s arms. The dog sits on the platform with them and watches the train go. It’s nearly up to Eurydice’s hip in size and thankfully, has shown signs of slowing down in growth. She reaches out to scratch him behind the ears and smiles; the dog practically radiates warmth. A literal furnance. She thinks she and Orpheus might survive the winter if they just curl up to the thing. 

At home, they find Persephone has left them provisions. Gifts, with just a single carnation as her calling card. It thrives all winter. 

It’s Orpheus who suggests the name one late night when they’re both curled in bed and the dog has lain across their legs as if to pin them down. As if to keep them warm. As if to protect them. She wonders if Lady Persephone and her husband have sent the dog on purpose now; she reminds herself to ask. Either way, while a hell-hound is not what she had in mind as a girl, she’s grateful for it now.

Eurydice smiles and agrees at Orpheus’ suggestion of a name. Argos. 

And hopefully, Eurydice thinks, he will never grow two more heads like his father. Five mouths to feed is worse than three.

[lazuliblur]

There were Saints, like Marin, who did not believe in the prophecy saying that Athena would bring doom to the world. They outright rejected the notion that their goddess could intentionally seek to harm humanity. Some mistake had to have been made. Perhaps the Pope had misinterpreted the stars.

And then there were those few, like Mu, who suspected that something much graver was taking place in Sanctuary. A deeper conspiracy was afoot. He had no concrete evidence to present, could do nothing but fear how far it might extend.

“Found them, Master Mu! Here they are!!”

Kiki’s shout draws Mu’s attention away from the body of the Black Saint in front of him. With a short burst of cosmo, he sends the small piece of armour that he had broken off from the dead man’s breastplate back home, to his workshop on Jamir. It is clearly man-made, but something about it is very reminiscent of a traditional cloth and Mu intends to find out why that is.

“Step back, Kiki,” Mu tells his young apprentice as he approaches. “They’ll be disoriented from fighting the Phoenix Saint.”

“I don’t think they’re awake. They look pretty rough. Are they gonna make it?”

Kiki’s assessment is short but accurate. The Cygnus and Dragon Saints are pinned under massive rocks, their cloths the only thing keeping their bodies whole. Behind them the Andromeda Saint seems to have been knocked out by a hit on the head. She is bleeding. And next to her lies the Pegasus Saint, who is not even wearing his armour. Cygnus and Dragon probably tried to protect the two of them and took the brunt of the volcano’s fury as it collapsed on top of their heads.

If Mu had not arrived when he did and used his telekinetic powers to hold up the mountain, they would have all been dead now.

“They’ll be fine, I’m sure, Kiki,” Mu says. “But the Sagittarius Cloth must be close. Do you remember our lessons?”

The little boy’s grin is bright and happy, even as he scratches his head. Mu can’t help but to smile back. He can guess what’s coming.

“Uhhh... what lesson was that again, Master Mu?”

A gold pendant materialises in Mu’s hand, bearing the mark of the ram. He hands it over to his little apprentice.

“Cloths are living things,” Mu explains. “They resonate in each other’s presence, especially Gold Cloths. If you know what to look for, you can use those vibrations to sense their presence. Now go and find the Sagittarius Cloth, Kiki. Take it home with you, just like we practiced. We must keep it safe.”

Kiki returns the pendant to his Master and scampers off with an excited leap. For the next few minutes, while Mu treats the four fallen Bronze Saints with basic first aid, he can hear the boy working, shifting large boulders nearby.

"I got it, Master Mu!!” Kiki cries triumphantly. “I’m going now!”

Mu looks up from bandaging the Dragon Saint’s arm -- not broken, thankfully -- to inspect his apprentice’s technique. Kiki has enough experience teleporting for Mu not to worry about his safety, but the stakes this time are high enough that he feels better knowing that nothing goes unexpectedly wrong.

His apprentice vanishes in a flash of golden light, taking the Sagittarius Cloth with him.

Mu ties off the bandage he had been working on and stands to search the rest of the cave.

He finds three other Black Saints, dead, no doubt, at the hands of the unconscious Bronzes. Their armours are similar in design to that of the first body that Mu had found, so he continues his search. There is still one other living presence that he can sense, and it is racked in pain.

The agony acts as a beacon. It leads Mu straight to its owner’s location. Surprisingly, he is already awake and digging himself free from the collapsed cave wall.

“Phoenix Nero?” Mu asks, while kneeling and gently using his cosmo to probe the condition of the other’s body. He makes no move to come any closer or offer any assistance.

Nero pushes a heavy rock from atop his chest. Breathing is a struggle. He lies defeated and vulnerable and his glare makes it obvious that dealing with an unknown quantity such as Mu is the last thing he wants to do.

“Who are you?” Nero grunts.

“Your heart seems lighter now than it was before. You can call me a friend, if you like.”

Beaten and in pain as he is, Nero’s cosmo is sluggish to respond, but for Mu it is hard to miss the way that it intensifies. Nero’s body just has no way to keep up with the rising hostility.

“Relax,” Mu says. “I can help you, take you some place safe, where your wounds can heal. But there are a few things that I need to know first.”

His words fall on deaf ears. Nero only becomes more restless. Mu closes his eyes for a moment and accepts that there is nothing he can do to make the Phoenix Saint trust him.

“You worked for Vander Guraad?” Mu asks.

Nero grits his teeth.

“Who the hell are you?” It’s not an answer but it’s not a denial either, which is what any other Saint who was loyal to Athena would want to establish first and foremost.

“Did Guraad ever mentioned having contacts inside Sanctuary?”

“I’m not telling you shit!” The outburst takes more out of Nero’s reserves than he realised. Immediately after, he is curling up on his side, trying to keep the spasms of pain under control.

Mu takes pity on him and decides to leave the questions for later. He touches a finger to Nero’s forehead, sharing a drop of his healing cosmo with the boy. The results are instant. Nero’s body relaxes and his skin darkens to a healthier colour. The creases around his eyes fade as his heated glare shifts to one of simple confusion.

“Like I said, I will take you somewhere you can rest peacefully,” Mu says. “It would be appreciated if in return you might share some pieces of your story but, if not, that will also be fine. You can go your own way once your strength returns. You will not be held prisoner.”

“Why?...”

“You might not see yourself as a Saint of Athena right now but your heart has not fallen as far as you would have others believe. You are not evil, Phoenix Nero, and so I have no reason to oppose you.”

Nero nods. Perhaps something inside him recognises the quality of Mu’s cosmo, knows that it would be pointless to resist against a Gold Saint. Whatever it is that has Nero cast aside his hostility and accept the offer, Mu does not particularly care.

“Then I will send you there now, Phoenix Nero. My apprentice is there. He will provide you with whatever you need to recover.”

“Wait!” Nero pushes himself up on his elbows to look around the cave. “My sister--”

“Your sister is fine,” Mu interrupts. He directs Nero’s gaze towards the corner where the Bronze Saints are still lying unconscious. “They seem to have been trapped on their way out of the volcano, but I got here in time. With a little rest, they will be fine.”

“Will you bring them too?”

The question gives Mu pause. He had considered it. It would be a good opportunity to bring the Bronze Saints into the fold, make contact with Athena and let them know about what the situation is like at Sanctuary. Inform them of all the changes that the Pope had enforced, of how trainees went missing under suspicious circumstances, of how the training had only grown more brutal, and how the Saints were being sent out on fewer and fewer missions, while chaos spread across the world. He could let them know about the number of Saints who chose to remain outside Sanctuary because they had lost faith in their Pope’s leadership.

“No,” Mu said. “They are needed elsewhere, at Athena’s side. They must grow stronger first or the knowledge of the battles that lie ahead will overwhelm them. Don’t worry, Phoenix Nero. You’ll see your sister again.”

Nero nods. In a moment, he vanishes just like Kiki had, in a flare of golden cosmo.

And just in time, too. Mu can sense other cosmos approaching the volcano, one of which he recognises easily.

“Has the Pope sent you here, Marin?” Mu thinks. “To hunt down your own apprentice? How cruel...”

Four golden shooting stars cross the sky, followed by four more as Mu releases his telekinetic hold on the mountain and teleports the Bronze Saints and the Black Saints outside before it crumbles.

[osfed-and-me]

#1 My rant (incl poem): post #1 Peasful Advanced Member Members 109 posts 0 warning points LocationEngland Posted Today, 10:10 PM So my life is a mess. I know it's unhealthy to be on here but it's the only place I really feel supported. Though a few friends know what's going on, NOT ONE of them checks up on me to see how I'm doing. NOBODY NOTICES, NOBODY CARES... it's really painful. When I'm really ill nobody asks. When I'm having better days no one checks to see if I'm still in my good place. This really pains me. It goes further than that though. I'm the one who always has to say hi first. I have to pop up I have to always take the first step, but I get so full of anxiety I assume no one REALLY wants to takk to me they only talk out of a sense of obligation, which is affirmed by them NEVER popping up first, and the few people I've really leant on before, it has become too much for them and so they've abandoned me at my lowest points. The only person who truly loves and cares about me is my Priest. Not just any Priest thus one is very special. He does check to see how I am. He has seen me have a full nervous breakdown and has made me bread and butter and a cup of tea when I was physically shaking and couldn't stop crying. He looked after me when I was probably my sickest. I was threatening suicide and he really helped me through it all. I trust him completely and even if I don't want to eat, if he gives me something I always do eat/drink it because I know it's for my good, and as my Father Spiritual Director he has my total and loving obedience, even if it's hard. He doesn't ever lecture me or make me feel bad for struggling. He's there when I'm fine and there when I'm really not fine, and he can read me like a book! He's on holiday in Italy at the moment and I'm worried that when he returns, if I tell him I've been on here, he may forbid me from ever coming on here again. I cannot and would not hide anything from him. If he were to forbid me from coming on here I would listen to him and obey him, even though I feel that this is the only place I can find solidarity, support and affirmation from people that are going through the same thing as me. You guys know the pain and confusion of your disordered eating shifting and being "on and off" and how invalidating it is, to the point where one second you want to screamI HAVE AN EATING DISORDER, the next Ira like "no I don't everything is fine that was just a phase stop being stupid you're obsessing..." and so on. Here is a poem I've shared before that best describes my ED (or non ED or whatever this is, this on and off horrific mental torture designed to pull the rug from underneath my psyche) ************************************************* Dear YOU Dear YOU. I might not know YOUR name but YOU live inside me. YOU are Legion YOU are pain. YOU are the ‘voices’, that cacophony I cannot get out of my brain. YOU have sat on a porcelain throne waiting for my soul to bend the knee. YOU, perfect image of what the perfect girl, the porcelain doll, is supposed to be. YOU are many but YOU are one. YOU remember all and torture me constantly twisting all the things I and others have said and done. YOU tell me what I have become. YOU hide behind diets and health and the Saints. YOUR holiest virtue is losing weight. Is finding greatness in the discipline of starving, restricting, self-harming. To some my weight loss was alarming so YOU switched tack. YOU gave me my food back and I began eating. YOU were nothing, a fad, and easily beaten, so I thought… I binged and purged a few times for good measure. I must be light as a feather and wholly detached. If only I controlled this one simple act, then, I would find peace. then, I could be proud of me because I had finally done something productive. How can I explain? I am full of contradictions!!! YOU, O Legion are one and are many friends. The torture never ends! YOU say “Eat.” YOUR other says “starve. Don't let your family see your emotional scars. Be ashamed of your portion size, even if it's salad. You're not even trying to lose weight look at you!!! Be afraid of facing who you really are, you fat pathetic failure.” The torment makes me want to scream. I cannot sleep. “Now eat, and don't let anyone suspect. Later you can purge and everything will be perfect…”, “But wait this is making me ill!” I protest. “No, it's not. You're in control, just try to relax and take another diet pill you’ll be fine. Your friend was wrong when he said you are dying you're not look, you're in the normal to binging phase. If you don't throw up that means everything is okay, but remember, if you don't throw up, you won't lose weight…” “Go back to starving be disciplined and make them all proud! If you don't carry on you've let everyone down. You're not ill you just had a moment of obsession but it's fine! Blame the Autism, blame the Depression, go to Confession and be Absolved. Don't get anyone else involved though. They don't understand. They'll ruin your plans. All they want to do is take the power out of your hands you don't want that do you? Didn't think so…. You will listen to my demands?” “You ate junk food yesterday and the day before and were fine. You can't have an Eating Disorder if you're not starving all of the time. You dip in and out of behaviours so you have nothing that any doctor or psychiatrist will define. But go ahead, try to untangle MY web of lies. You're delusional if you think I'm going to just let you get away from ME. I was in your head even before you began university, and whilst you studied you managed to ignore my pleading. Please stop eating, restrict and fast. You'll still pass! You'll get your degree in Divinity I promise! But you said “I'll starve myself after I've done my essays. I need the energy if I even hope to get a passing grade. The anxiety and depression and lack of sleep were enough. I won't listen to YOUR voices and make my road a million times as tough.”” “But you've quit uni haven’t you dear? You're a failure at everything and nothing is clearer. I edged ever nearer and whispered in your ear “you promised…”” This is my fourth attempt at losing weight. “But Ana, yes I found your name, I don't want you here.” “I'm not Ana or Mia or anyone else. I am Power and a sovereign, a goddess and a law unto myself. You will binge eat and purge, but not long enough to be seen or heard. You will starve and eat normally and no one will ever see you hurting. I am the perfect combination of healthy and sick. You don't recognise ME because I constantly shift. Therefore, I don't exist. I am not real because I have no name. You are to blame. It's all up to you like I told you before. If you want me to be called Ana then don't give up and then maybe they'll love you more…” “But I want YOU nameless because I don't want a disease. Another disorder with which to contend. I thought self-discipline was my friend?! Of course I don't want to be Anorexic but a name brings some sense of validation and peace… I can't call YOU out if I don't know who or what YOU are. Sometimes I think YOU are pushing me too far. YOU raise the bar where I'll never reach it. Why won't YOU, Legion, ever be pleased? What is wrong with me?! Are you a demon or a disorder?” I'll be fine, if I put my life and its priorities back in their proper order. “She might go away if I ignore HER…” “Hahaha in your dreams!!!!!” ******************************* It would probably be in my best interests to not sink deeper into this place and entertain these thoughts and as my mum puts it "give yourself an Eating Disorder" of course I don't want to get sick again. I don't know I just want to not feel so alone. Anyway thanks for listening to my rant. I don't feel sick at the moment, but if I were well why the heck am I on here? Sorry guys not trying to criticise anyone. My mind is so full of contradictions. *********************** It takes discipline to diet. Stressed, depressed and doing my best. GW: 125lb

My post on the EDNOS/OSFED section of MPA