#When I got my Demo Lovers tattoo years ago the artist showed me something I hated and then proceeded to be a total dick to me when I said

[iero]

Does anyone else with tattoos get absolutely terrified that you're not gonna like the design mock-up when the artist finally shows you it?

[long-bodyswap]

Happy Holiday Swaps

Stu and I had been talking about a vacation for some time now. It had been a couple of years since we had gone away, and the daily grind was really taking its toll on both of us. We were both always tired, and our schedules didn't allow for too much "together" time. It was making me depressed, and him grumpy. Even our sex life suffered. We barely saw each other on most days. He would get home after I went to sleep, and I would leave for work before he got up. It seemed that neither of us were ever in the mood anyway. Our lives seemed too dull for two twenty-somethings. With his waiter job my job at the department store, we really couldn't afford to go anywhere, but we really needed to get away. After rearranging our schedules and getting friends to cover for us, we were able to get 2 weeks off at the same time. We also managed to save a little money over the past year, but it would not be enough for a fun vacation to someplace like New York or San Francisco. A one-week stay at a hotel room alone would practically cost more that what we had saved. We decided that we needed to find some cheaper plan for a vacation.

One night after Stu got off of work, we decided to just sit down and look for the affordable vacation. We bought a few local newspapers and scoured the ads in the travel section and the classifieds. Heck, maybe we can find a courier flight to London or Paris, or maybe find someone who needs to have their Winnebago driven cross-country. We went through the ads. Nothing seemed very interesting. The courier flights were affordable, but none of the services could get us two seats on the same day to anywhere we wanted to go. Just when we thought that we wouldn't find anything, Stu spotted a tiny ad in the local gay rag. It read "Happy Holiday Swaps. Cheap vacations to anywhere in the US. Stay at someone else's house, and they stay in yours! NO HOTEL COSTS! Transport very affordable. Call for appointment. Gay friendly." We were both very excited. It was the perfect answer! We can swap apartments with someone and save on the hotel costs. Why didn't we think of this before? We both looked at each other with excitement but then I noticed that his face was slowly unwinding from his smile. "Yeah, but Rick, who would want to come here? This is the most boring town in the world," he said. "There must be people wanting to come here, I mean they DID put the ad in the local paper, didn't they? And plus, there is a small but thriving gay scene here. Maybe some people just want to get away from the big city," I answered optimistically. "Let me make an appointment to go down there tomorrow after work and see how much this whole thing costs, and whether or not we can get a trade to someplace fun. With that, we went to bed. We were so excited that neither of us could sleep... it was the best sex we had had in months.The directions that the man gave over the phone seemed unnecessarily complicated. Left turn here. Right turn there. Left turn here. Another left turn there. Couldn't he just give the address? I finally ended up in a small alley in the gay part of town. It was very unfamiliar and I was glad that he gave me such detailed directions. I didn't know half of these streets existed in the small city that we lived in.The storefront was tiny and kind of run-down. It did have an old world charm about it, so I opened the door. 

As I walked in, our friend Craig was excitedly hurrying out of the shop. He must have gotten a great vacation deal, since he didn't even stop to say "Hi."The man behind the desk looked up and said, "Hello! You must be Rick." He was a strangely handsome 40ish man. He had a pleasantly chipper demeanor, which was in contrast to his strong build and tattoos. His short salt and pepper hair was poorly groomed, in a way that reminded me of a mad-scientist. He had a very familiar look about him. "I'm Raymond Schenkel. I'll be your travel coordinator. You can call me Ray. So," he continues. "You want to have fabulous vacation?""Yeah, but we really don't have too much money to spend. We really want to go someplace fun." I said."Well, just fill out these forms. You said ‘we.' Are you planning to travel with your lover?" Ray asked."Yeah, his name is Stu." I replied."Oh, then you'll have to fill out a questionnaire for him as well. We have to make sure that we find the right match, you know," he said as he handed me a second set of papers. "So when do you plan to travel?" he asked."A week from tomorrow, and we'd like to stay for two weeks." I said."Hmmm. Two weeks might be hard to find. Most people only want one week at a time. Let me see what I have." He turned to his computer and started tapping away.As I was filling out the forms, I noticed that some of the questions were quite personal, like questions personal habits, personal hygiene, and social behavior. I guess all this was important if we were going to stay in someone else's house. In fact, I'd like to know myself that the people staying in our apartment would be clean."How much is this going to cost us?" I asked."We have a flat fee of $500 per person for a round trip." He replied.$500 didn't sound like such a good deal. Booking airfare ourselves online to our destination would cost less. But I guess it works out by not having to pay for a hotel room. Ray noticed my reaction at the price."Satisfaction guaranteed. If you're not happy, we will refund 100% your money. No questions asked." He said confidently.Comforted by that, I nodded and said, "OK" as I finished the forms."OK, then," he said smiling with a sense of accomplishment. 

"I've found some possible trades. Let me run the questionnaires through the computer to find the best matches." He said as I handed him the forms. He scanned the pages in and let the computer compute for a couple of seconds. "It looks like I don't have any two week trades starting next week, but I have two one week trades. I won't charge you for the transportation to the second one, since I couldn't find you a two week trade. The first one is to San Francisco for a week, and then the second one is to San Antonio.""Great! That's like having two vacations for the price of one! So how does this all work? Do we have to leave you with our keys? How do we get to.." I started with excitement."They way this works is somewhat... unconventional." He inturrupted, then pausing. I knew this whole situation was too good to be true. "You have to keep an open mind." He continued. "The way it's going to work is that you will actually trade places with another couple.""I realize that." I said, slightly annoyed. "That's how we save on hotel costs.""No," he interrupted, "you literally trade places. You and Stu will be swapping bodies with a couple in San Francisco. You and Stu will be in their bodies there, and they will be in your bodies here.""This is ridiculous. How stupid do you think I am?" I said. I got up to leave this Ray quack before things got out of hand."Rick, wait. I know how this must sound. Most people react the same way." He said. He pulled out his wallet and showed me his driver's license. It read, "Robert Walters.""So what?" I sneered, "You make fake I.D.s, too. Is that supposed to make me trust you better?" And then it dawned on me. 

The person standing in front of me looked Bobby Walters. He used to be the bouncer at Woody's Bar years ago. He kind of disappeared from the bar scene, saying that he found a much better gig."Bobby? Is this what you're doing these days? Running scams?" I said in disbelief."No. You see, I'm not Bobby. I'm Raymond, in Bobby's body. Your friend Bobby is working in our office in Minneapolis, in my body. The company let's the employees use the service for free among themselves. In fact, they encourage it." Ray explained.Now that I was thinking about it, it began to seem plausible. The man in front of me really didn't feel like Bobby, although he looked like Bobby. And that would explain why Craig didn't say hello. "So, the guy that was leaving as I walked in... he wasn't Craig?""That's a young fellow from the Philly, and he swapped with you friend Craig for a few days. I see that you're not quite convinced." Ray said."Well, you have to admit, this sounds really far fetched. I just need some definite proof. How do I know that you're not Bobby? How can I be sure you're just not some con artist?" I said."Well, let's see..." He thought about it for a moment. "I have a way to prove to you. I'll give you a demo. Let's go into the back," he said. I was a little skeptical, but I figured it couldn't hurt.We walked through the door at the back of the room into a much larger, clean and bright room with a lot of strange equipment. 

"Sit here." He directed me to a comfortable reclining chair. It was like a dentist's chair, but with a little more gear around the head area. He put a couple of electrodes on my temples and said, "Now just stay calm. It helps if you close your eyes." He sat in a similar chair across from me and pushed a bunch of buttons at the controls. I closed my eyes and waited for something to happen.I was beginning to feel foolish now since nothing was happening. For all I know, this Bobby or Ray or whoever he is could have just bailed while my eyes were closed. I was sitting there for almost a minute now and was getting really impatient. I heard Ray get up and walk over towards my chair. I opened my eyes and said, "What kind of fool do you think I..." 

Everything was blurry but was slowly coming into focus. To my complete surprise, I saw a handsome twenty something with short brown hair in front of me. I saw myself walking towards me! I looked down at my body as saw a muscular bar bouncer. "What the hell?" I said and noticed that my voice was coarse and low."Are you convinced yet?" Ray said in my voice. "Hey, Rick, you have really nice body," he continued as he was feeling his stomach and his chest. "Your guests will be very happy with the swap.""Wow! This is incredible! I'm actually in Bobby the Bouncer's body!" I got up out of the chair and immediately fell down."Whoa!" Ray said, helping me back onto the chair. "This is your first time swapping. You have to take a couple of minutes getting used to the new body. First, extend your left arm out in front of you."I did, but slowly. It felt like I was in a swimming pool or something."Now make a fist, and flex your arm," he directed.I did. I was a little shaky, like I had been drinking tons of coffee. But I finally brought my arm in. "This feels awesome." I said in wonderment."Your mind has to learn how to communicate with the new body. It only takes a coule of minutes" He explained. We did a few more exercises with the left arm, and then the right arm, and then some leg stretches. Everything was feeling more normal now and I was no longer shaky. "OK. Now slowly stand up."I got up and stretched. "Wow! This is just unbelievable!" I rubbed my chest and then looked at the tattoos on the arms. I pulled up my shirt to see a tight six-pack. Just beyond the waistline I could see my hard-on bulging under the jeans. This was so hot! I rubbed my penis and it grew even larger. I felt a little dirty, like I was doing violating Ray, or cheating on Stu or something, so I stopped. But I sure didn't want to. "I'm convinced!" I looked over at Ray to find him playing with his face in front of the mirror. I saw that he had a hard-on also, with my penis. "Does everyone who does this swap thing get so... excited?" I asked looking at his bulge."Well, most gay men do. Especially if the host body is cute." He winked at himself in the mirror. He started to rub his growing bulge and said to me, "Wow. Your body is so cute!" He undid his pants and took out his penis and started to jerk off."Hey wait a minute! What are you doing to me!" I screeched."Don't worry, Rick. I'm not doing anything to you. I'm doing it to your body, which you lent to me." He explained. "Ooh. This feels so good." He moaned. He was stroking his dick with one hand and rubbing his body with the other I watched Ray continue until he came. He shot cum all over the mirror."I had no idea how hot I looked doing that!" I said. I could feel my penis was now throbbing inside my jeans."You are allowed to freely do what you want in that body, just as the guest in your body can do what he wants." He said looking at my "excitement".I walked over to the mirror and unbuttoned my 501 jeans and pulled out an erect 8 inch penis. 

Watching myself as someone else in the mirror was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I watched myself as I started to stroke my penis. Ray walk over to lend me a hand. "No, don't." I said, "It would be too weird." I explained. I rubbed my face and ran my fingers through my hair, through Bobby's hair. I looked at my arms and my large hands wrapped around my penis. This was the most erotic experience I had ever had. The more I thought about it, the harder my penis got. The harder my penis got, the faster I stroked. I looked over at the mirror at my reflection, at the image of Bobby, and shot my load on top of Ray's.We cleaned up the mess we made and swapped back. We went back out to the front room and sat down."If you are interested, we can book the trip. It will take a day to confirm with the other office, and then we'll be all set." Ray said.I eagerly handed him my credit card and said, "Let's do it!""Great!" He ran the card through the machine and punched in a bunch of numbers into the computer and printed out a stack of pages. "Here is the contract and terms of use. Please read over this, as it covers what you can and cannot do in the host body, and what you will allow your guests to do in your bodies. Sign it and bring it with you on your date of travel. Needless to say, you don't need to pack anything. If you want, we can ship some things to the San Francisco office prior to your arrival."We shook hands and I happily went home unable to contain my excitement. I couldn't wait to tell Stu about our vacation.

[riffrelevant]

(By Pat ‘Riot’ Whitaker, Lead Journalist/Writer, RiffRelevant.com)

Musician Dan Lorenzo (guitarist) was a highly integral component to many of my own earlier, formative music years. His song writing abilities and guitar playing talent were the creative catalyst for the legendary Eighties power metal / thrash band Hades. In that band he helped pioneer the music and sound of the East Coast’s own take on underground music.

Active for over twenty years, Hades released six revered official albums and myriad singles and splits, while also being included on numerous compilations. The band holds a highly revered place in the heads and hearts of metal lovers both old and new to this very day. From Hades, Dan’s creative Jones led to the formation of the amazing Non-Fiction, a band that was quite ahead of its time in my opinion.

Non-Fiction‘s early Nineties existence resulted in three incredible, forward thinking studio releases (1991’s Preface, 1992’s In The Know and 1996’s It’s A Wonderful Lie…). The band’s take on darker progressive metal registered quite well with listeners and fans. It was another so-called feather in the cap for the artistry that Dan Lorenzo encapsulates.

Lorenzo In NON-FICTION

During the early to mid 2000’s, Dan worked as a solo artist and released three phenomenal full-length albums and one EP. On these, he explored a vast swath of differing styles of music and blurred the lines for those obsessed with genre-labeling. Before that decade was over, Lorenzo was part of The Cursed alongside fellow New Jersey staple, Bobby “Blitz” Ellsworth (Overkill). Their one and only album to date thus far, 2007’s Room Full Of Sinners, was another landmark where Dan’s creative prowess was displayed.

Now it is 2017 of course and recently, news broke about a new project that Dan Lorenzo is part of. From far out of left field comes the revelation of Vessel Of Light, Dan’s new musical partnership with Nathan “Opposition” Jochum of Ancient VVisdom. As unlikely a pairing that anyone could imagine, Vessel Of Light‘s debut single “Meant To Be” (streaming below) is a somber descent into heavy Doom music with psychedelic, sludge and atmospheric nuances. The duo’s self-titled debut EP will be released through Argonauta Records on November 3rd and promises to be one of the year’s most intriguing offerings.

So, as a long, long time fan and appreciator of all that is Dan Lorenzo musically, I was recently given the opportunity to speak with him. It goes without saying that I jumped into such an exchange without hesitation for Dan really is a major component within several musical outlets that have (and do) mean so much to me. Without further ado, let’s get to the goods that got us here, shall we? It is my pleasure to present you….

The Riff Relevant Interview With Dan Lorenzo!

Pat Riot – Vessel Of Light. Your new project with Nathan Opposition..how did this project come about? You two seem an unlikely pairing as you all are coming from much different musical backgrounds (outside looking in anyway) so who did what, or brought what to the table, in VOL?

Dan – Back in December I was in Austin, Texas. Before I went, my wife was listening to a lot of stoner rock. Neither my wife nor I drink or smoke, but we both like Sabbath-y types of riffs. I Googled “Austin stoner rock” and came upon the video “The Opposition” by the band Ancient VVisdom. I had never heard of them and I rarely like “new” music. At first I was taken aback by the lyrics. I go to church and I have a Jesus tattoo and they were singing Satanic lyrics. I literally watched this video 10-15 times over the next two days. I consider “The Opposition” to be one of the top 20 greatest songs of all-time. I tried to figure out what label Ancient VVisdom were on or a contact address, but I couldn’t find anything. I’m not on Facebook. Eventually I found an email and I wrote saying how much I loved their song and Nathan Opposition wrote me back. I mentioned them in a NJ magazine I write for called Steppin’ Out. I mailed Nathan a copy of the magazine and a HADES and THE CURSED CDs. We spoke on the phone and hit it off. Then one day I got an email from Nathan about the new project he and I were starting! I had no idea what he was talking about as this was never discussed (laughs). I couldn’t say “no” to his idea though. I have hundreds of riffs and I started mailing Nathan some of them.

Pat Riot – What can music fans and listeners expect from the debut album? Do you think it will appeal to your own fans as well as those of Nathan’s?

Dan – Do I  have any fans? (laughs) Yeah, if people liked my riffs in Non-Fiction and The Cursed, they will be happy. Nathan’s fans will love it too.

Pat Riot – How did the label deal with Argonauta Records materialize? Can we expect to see VOL play some live gigs at any point?

Dan – I was about to leave for a vacation in Hawaii. Right before I left I was trying to find a doom label and I came across Argonauta. I sent an MP3 to Brian Slagel [Metal Blade] and Argonauta and nobody else. I was at the airport suffering through a United Airlines 12 hour delay and Argonauta wrote me that they were interested in signing us. Gero and I sent a few e-mails back and forth and that was it. As far as live gigs before we got signed I said “No way”…now I want to do some shows.  Pat Riot – In the mid-2000s you independently released a string of solo albums (3 full lengths/1 EP)..how were those received in your opinion? As both a solo artist and member of some major legacy-type acts / bands, do you have a preference for one over the other (i.e. solo vs. member of band) and if so, why?

Dan – They are both fun. My whole thing is I despise repetition. My solo stuff was a way to get 30 songs out in 13 months without having more than a couple of rehearsals. Nathan and I only had two rehearsals and then we spent a whopping seven hours in the recording studio recording 6 Vessel Of Light songs. Five days later we had a record deal. That kind of spontaneity is incredibly appealing to me. How were my solo CDs received? With contempt! (laughs) No, the “right” people loved my solo work. Bobby Blitz, Peter [Fletcher, guitarist] from Pigmy Love Circus. Cool people with good taste! (I’ll definitely take THAT as a compliment, ha! – Pat)

Pat Riot – Speaking of “legacy acts”..Hades. This year makes 35 years since the “Deliver Us From Evil” single surfaced, where it all started for Hades. Looking back, what’s your take away from it now, knowing what place Hades holds in the hearts of so many metal fans?

Dan – Oh wow! That was 35 years ago. Damn. It’s nice honestly. Dark Symphonies out of Massachusetts is re-releasing our first two CDs with Demos never released on CD and 20 page booklets inside. Hades was my first love so it will always be special to me.

Pat Riot – Hades’ last studio LP was 2001’s “DamNation” and while I know you are just one member of Hades, has there ever been any serious discussion of a reunion or new record? Dan – Nope. It’s over. I’m still friendly with the guys though and Jimmy Schulman might play bass for VOL live. Pat Riot – Dan, what was the catalyst event be it band, album, concert, etc. that ignited your interest in music as a youth? Who would you cite as some of your primary influences and what did you yourself learn or pick up from them? 

Dan – Ace Frehley of Kiss and Joe Perry of Aerosmith. I play nothing like Joe. My few solos are very Ace-like.

Pat Riot – Now, let’s hit upon 2 absolute favorites of mine: First..Non-Fiction. To me, NF was quite progressive in style and really ahead of its time I believe. What fueled the formation of Non-Fiction?

Dan – Trying to be the exact opposite of Hades. Non-Fiction were spontaneous. We took risks. I would write a riff in the dressing room before the show and then we might use that riff as the opener for that night. So much fun. We rarely rehearsed and when we did it was to write new songs. I fucking loved being in Non-Fiction. It was way more fun and way more “me” than Hades was. Pat Riot – And what ultimately led to the demise of Non-Fiction? I learned something in researching for our exchange here that I did not know, that a S/T EP was issued featuring Dan Nastasi (of Mucky Pup, whom I love) on vocals.

Dan – We came home from our 1993 European tour with Overkill and Savatage and things seemed to be moving backwards. Plus I fell in love with a girl named Gina. I was so poor that one day I couldn’t find a quarter for a bagel. I was so bummed. I knew I needed to get a job and I knew that would be the end of Non-Fiction. After that Nastasi and I reunited the original Non-Fiction line-up and called it #9. We got a deal with SPV. We were starting to record and Nastasi got a solo deal and his manager put the kabosh on #9. There is one rough mix from those recordings on my website. The song is called The Story Goes. #9 were the shit. So fucking bad ass. 

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THE CURSED

The Cursed ‘Room Full Of Sinners’

Pat Riot – The Cursed. ‘Room Full Of Sinners’ is such a genre-diverse record..how did that project come to be? What kind of feedback have you gotten over the years since that LP was released? 

Dan – Well Blitz was a fan of my first solo cd and we always hit it off. It was weird because I’m not a huge fan of Overkill, but when he started writing to my riffs I realized how incredibly talented Blitz actually is. I think a lot of people loved our CD together, but I think Bobby felt a lit bit uncomfortable promoting it because at that time Overkill was starting a resurgence. All thanks to me getting Ron Lipnicki in the band! ( laughs).Pat Riot – I interviewed Blitz earlier this year and specifically asked about a possible 2nd LP from The Cursed ever happening. He lovingly passed the buck by saying “never say never” but also made clear it was not really his call. What say YOU? Dan – I would have done one, but like I said, Blitz…he didn’t even want me to pay to have a video done for The Cursed, so I’m not going to spend my time writing/rehearsing and recording something I can’t even promote when it’s done. We have a 4 song demo we recorded for The Cursed before we did Room Full Of Sinners. My wife’s favorite song by The Cursed is Lucifiction on that demo. It’s never been released. I would love for Blitz to tell me he wants to re -release the whole thing and include a new song or two. I think we write very well together. (For the record, literally, my fave is “Native Tongue”. – Pat)Pat Riot – OK, Dan..had you not been in Hades, Non-Fiction, The Cursed, Vessel Of Light, etc…what band throughout all of Rock / Metal History would you have liked to been in and why? 

Dan – I’d love to take Malcolm’s spot with Bon Scott era AC/DC or maybe The Plasmatics guitarist during A Coup De’ Etat.

Pat Riot – Outside of music, what type of things do you enjoy doing in your “normal, every day life” i.e. hobbies, travel, etc.?

Dan – I play pick-up basketball 4 days a week during the summer. Gina and I have been happily married twenty years and we love to travel. Pat Riot  – I have a tradition of ending interviews with the subject having the final say. Anything you’d like to say, share, state for the record, rant, what have you, this is all you:

Dan – I really wish people would stop smoking cigarettes. It’s expensive, ages you and is disgusting!

There you go, people…Be like Dan and do your smoking on the frets of a guitar! I want to wind down here be saying what a pleasure it was speaking with Dan Lorenzo, a musician whose music via multiple projects has been a staple of my own musical fanaticism for years. Thank you, Dan!

Now, we stand at the precipice of a whole new era of music from Dan via the upcoming Vessel Of Light S/T release (via Argonauta Records Nov. 3rd). My own review of that is coming soon but I’ll go on the record now saying it is going to surprise and astound listeners, and fans of Dan’s both. To keep up with all things Dan Lorenzo, visit his website and Instagram, along with Vessel Of Light’s Facebook page (linked below).

DanLorenzo.net   /   Dan Lozenzo on Instagram Vessel Of Light’s Facebook page.

Argonauta Records website.

  The DAN LORENZO (Vessel Of Light, Hades, Non-Fiction, Etc.) Interview (By Pat 'Riot' Whitaker, Lead Journalist/Writer, RiffRelevant.com) Musician Dan Lorenzo (guitarist) was a highly integral component to many of my own earlier, formative music years.