#What else is there besides we can make stupid shit to try and save Zelda from herself.

[thecluelessdoctor]

Finally SOMEONE says it.

Don't get me wrong, I rather like the game (animation and all the stupid shit you can do just makes me go feral lmao) but there are so many avoided implied things, and their all avoided to make Hyrule look good to not only the in-game public, but the players as well.

the Hyrule family were not good people at all. Sure, they ruled well, but anyone who tried and defy them would most likely be forced into submission. I mean, hell, the sheika people were forced to stop making their technology and be 'good', and they went with it probably after loosing HUNDREDS of people. And the few that actually had common sense and knew they shouldn't let Hyrule control them in such a way were to later be known as the Yiga clan, who probably believed in Ganon's cause to overthrow the kingdom of hyrule.

I am so sorry if this makes no sense, it's 3 AM lmao

Seeing as the Gerudo turned on Ganon, he might not have been that much better of a ruler.

First of all, we literally have no idea, because the only ancient Gerudo that we actually get to interact with is Ganondorf himself, and he has nothing to say about his own people. The ancient Gerudo sage doesn't count btw, she doesn't have a name, we never even see her face, and she has literally nothing to say except repeating the exact same dialogue as the sages for the other races. The narrative does not treat the ancient sages as people; they are four completely interchangable weapons that are owned by the royal family.

And secondly, I don't care how Ganon ruled them; the Gerudo only get one man every century, if their king sucks, they've obviously got their own system of government to fall back on. I have no idea what kind of authority the sages had among their own people, but honestly I'd say if the four of them were in charge of their respective people, then they were just puppet rulers appointed by Rauru, given that all four of them happily agreed that to sell their entire race into servitude the second Zelda asked them. Say what you will about Ganondorf, but I fucking know that if he was told the Gerudo people existed for the sole purpose of serving the glory of Hyrule, he'd drop kick Zelda into the fucking sun.

And don't get me started on the implications of the cultural differences we see between the independent Gerudo and the annexed Gerudo. The background Gerudo characters all have their own models, and we can clearly see that the ones siding with Ganon have their own unique looks - for example, the amazing lady with the mohawk that summons the molduga swarm in that one flashback. And men are never mentioned in these flashbacks at all, which implies that the Gerudo genuinely didn't care about settling down. Ganon even speaks derisively about marriage, implying that it's very rare for Gerudo women to make serious romantic commitments with men. It implies that their culture is more along the same line as their portrayal in OOT - they are a closed culture. Men trying to force their way into their areas are arrested, and mocked for being entitled dumbasses. Outsiders are only welcome if they can prove that they respect the Gerudo as people, and aren't just there to try and pick up chicks. It's never outright said, but OOT also makes it pretty clear that the Gerudo women just aren't interested in marrying outsiders - close relationships occur with other Gerudo, Hylian men are only considered useful for making babies.

Meanwhile the Gerudo we see serving Hyrule are all trying to measure up to Hylian beauty standards, and appeal to their men. Their one goal in life is to meet a man and get married. Men are welcome in their lands, and only kept out of the town itself... and even then, there's a small army of guys trying to force their way into the town anyways, which is brushed off as just haha, boys will be boys. No men allowed isn't even about independence, it's just a silly romantic tradition.

Of course this is just a fictional culture in a game world, but it's still really fucking uncomfortable that the 'evil' Gerudo are the ones that have independence, both politically and socially, and display a unique culture that refuses to tolerate disrespect from outsiders. Meanwhile the 'good' Gerudo are the ones that canonically exist to serve a kingdom where 95% of the population is light skinned (even setting aside the unfortunate implications, just saying one race exists to serve a different one is super fucked up), they have classes on how to be more appealing to Hylian's, and their entire social structure is built around finding a Hylian man to marry, making them all inherently dependent on the goodwill of outsiders. Even their biggest value of 'women only' is treated as a joke; men trying to trespass in BOTW are just shoved back out the door, letting them keep trying all day if they want. The crowds of men plotting to force their way in are laughed off as a joke. Nobody cares that there's a guy running laps around their city walls and trying to trick women into being alone with him. I mean for fucks sake, in TOTK we find that the creepy guy trying to lure women away has taken advantage of a massive disaster to get into the town, and he's still there once things return to normal. You can't kick him out, or alert anyone to his presence. And the Gerudo just tolerate Hylians blatantly ignoring their boundaries. For fucks sake, TOTK even reveals that the seven legendary heroines they've been revering the whole time were actually completely useless and unable to achieve anything... because they needed the eighth hero, a Hylian man to teach them basic tactics and do all the heavy lifting.

TOTK does not respect the Gerudo people in the slightest. It doesn't respect anyone who isn't Hylian or Zonai.

...This got a little off track, but the point I'm trying to make is, no, I don't consider the Gerudo turning on Ganon to mean anything. The entire game does not feel like the real story of what happened, it feels like the propaganda version of history meant to make Hyrule look as good as possible. I genuinely cannot believe that we're being told the real story about the Imprisoning War, because none of it feels real, and we don't get to know any details that might have made Hyrule look even slightly imperfect. We're told that Ganondorf is evil because he hates Hyrule, and he hates Hyrule because he's evil. The Gerudo people followed Ganondorf and saw him as a hero of their people, then suddenly he was their worst enemy. Hyrule is a perfect kingdom that has strong, equal alliances with the other races, but also all of the non-Hylian races exist for the sole purpose of serving Hyrule, and their leaders are expected to swear eternal loyalty and submission to the Hylian royal family. King Rauru and Queen Sonia united all of the races in peace and equality, which is why they're sitting on the world's supply of magical nuclear missiles, and every member of the Hylian royal family is allowed to walk around wearing them as cute accessories, but everyone else only gets them at the last second, and they all need to outright swear to only use that power to benefit Rauru and his descendants.

There's just so many fucked up contradictions, and so many hints of something more nuanced going on... but the story refuses to acknowledge any of it, and just keeps aggressively pushing the narrative that Hyrule is the ultimate good and couldn't possibly do anything wrong. I don't even believe that Ganon was a bad king honestly; we never hear why his people stopped following him. We also never even see if the Gerudo people turned on him at all; all we know is the ancient Gerudo sage wanted him dead, and given that she also happily sold her people into slavery, she's not exactly the most trustworthy source of information. All we know is that Ganondorf was a hero to his people, only one of his citizens is ever shown having an issue with him (and her motives are never explained), and then he lost the war and was sealed away, leaving his people open to be conquered by Zelda and annexed into Hyrule. By the time we see any Gerudo actually opposing Ganon (apart from the ancient sage), it's been ten thousand years since the war, and all anyone knows is the Hylian version of the story.

[foggyladyking]

The places we don’t walk

Bryce Lahela x F! mc (Zelda Herschel)

words: 2170

summary: Rewrite of book 2 chap 11 from bryce’s pov, as Zelda stresses over everything happening and Bryce realizes he’s not content with just a smile, fickle promises, and leaving words unsaid to keep from going down to the places they won’t walk. 

rating: teen and up Light swearing, and light sexual themes

hurt/comfort 

_________

a/n

listen I hated how it emphasized how hot Bryce was, like okay we get it bryce is hot but his best friend is dying my thought wouldn’t be Let me look at your beautiful face one last time lets give bryce some more personhood other than being hot. pls fuck me pb wtf 

______________

Zelda pulled Bryce away from all the eyes to a supply closet, pushing him against a shelf, and pressing against him she attacked his lips. diving into him entirely.

her hands found their way under his scrubs, and his found their way to her waist. They had mere moments before a nurse would page her, moments before it was all shattered and the facade of perfection they created with each desperate kiss was gone. 

Bryce broke apart, giving a breathless laugh as he looked at her. Bags under her eyes that jumped around, she had this look of exhausted desperation on her, he didn't fail to notice how her hands shook ever so softly, the way she seemed to jump out of her skin at everything. 

"Do you wanna talk about it or just continue to kiss the shit out of me?" he asked with a gentle smile. "I don't think I can take this," She said before kissing him again. He pulled away once more only to wrap his arms around her. "what happened?" He asked "it's nothing, just kiss me," "It's obviously not nothing, have you slept?" 

She shot him a look that told him to proceed with caution. "What happened, Z?" He asked softly, smoothing her hair back into place. "Ethan is a bit.... much, He doesn't agree with what I'm trying to do to save the hospital and he's being such a..... baby, I've fought with him and argued for weeks, Bryce He makes me want to rip my hair out, He's so stuck on the idea of what the diagnostic team was meant to be and he only sees one part of what it means, You know? I feel like I'm playing wife, scolding him, when he's acting like a child," she let her head fall to Bryce's chest. 

"He's so goddamn difficult Everyone else on the team is trying, everyone else is playing their role but he's so.. stubborn," Bryce listened dutifully, soothing the back of her head and holding her in his arms. 

"I feel like things keep coming and coming and they keep pushing me and I know, they push everyone I know that's the point but I just feel like they push me harder?  I just- I don't know, I don't know, I just wanna give up, I don't want politics or anything, and I'm here, on T.V talking up some shitty politician, Pretending that's my job, Because yeah, now my phone's blowing up Because despite everything I'm reduced to Ramsey's 'possible new girlfriend' Because fuck me that's why," She ranted, taking a deep breath before looking up. 

"The curse of being hot, smart, and skilled, is that people only recognize one of the three at a time, it's a heavy cross to bear, Yknow?" She joked with a tired smile. Dismissing everything with that smile.

He knew it All too well what was happening, what she was doing so easily, pulling away and fixing herself. He knew and yet he stood there with a sad frown on his face, brows furrowed as he reached out slightly.

"Maybe let's go somewhere," Bryce tried with a smile, "you need a break from this place," He added hopefully. "If you could do anything what would you do?" He asked with a smile, they both recognized the plead, and neither acknowledged it, something that happened a lot with the pair if he was honest.

"It's okay, I should keep working on my cases, I'm sorry I went off like that, I'll make it up to you," She promised with a soft smile. "Zelda come on, It's okay, Let's do something," He urged wrapping his arms around her waist. 

She was saved by the abrasive lights from the hall flooding in,  An annoyed nurse standing in the doorway. Pulling away from him she fled past the nurse, smiling at him as she did. 

Bryce was left, disheveled and helpless. He let out a deep breath as he ran his hand through his hair, his pager going off once again, Pulling him away from Herschel's fleeting form, She was gone, walking beside someone else. 

With the mental promise to check up on her later, he allowed himself to be pulled away.

________

By the time he saw her again, it was before Krya's surgery and she seemed a bit better, She pressed a kiss to his lips and told him to take care of Krya before they separated.  

They separated all the time, parting ways with a promise to see each other at work, at a party, or just the next time they met up, A smile and a wave was a promise that they were only a text away, that if they needed the other, there they'd be. 

And then his hands started to shake, And as he finished the surgery and rushed to Zelda they didn't stop. He was met with a hoard of friends all looking at him with this grim look, they all went the same way.

He watched her through the window, pacing around the room, in bed was Rafael who followed his gaze and met him once again with a shrug, as if to say he'd already tried. 

"Zelda?" Bryce called from the other side of the wall. She turned to look at him, and with the knowledge, she was likely going to die, the first words out of her mouth upon seeing him was "Bryce, You shouldn't be here,"  He gave a soft smile and made a passing comment if he was honest he couldn't remember what he said, His mind was too wrapped up in watching her. 

She pressed her hand to the glass and sighed, within a second he pressed his own to the same spot on the glass. "Maybe Ethan will be less of a hardass on you, now," He joked with a hopeful smile. She let out a bittersweet laugh, and before he knew it there he was, fighting the same losing battle of trying to stay calm, to be strong in front of Zelda Herschel.

He watched as The diagnostic team drew blood, As Ethan lingered and once again, with the sound of his pager, he was pulled away.

But maybe for the best, as Bryce couldn't watch this, Watch her pale and her eyes roll back, He saw it enough He knew. He couldn't watch her wither away. 

He wasn't far, though, At all times he was a text away. She was pale and her cheeks had become gaunt, her lips were cracked and so dry she had a hard time stopping the habit she had since she was a child of picking at her lips till they bled. 

The hardest part of it all was watching through the glass as Ethan offered reassurance and dutifully she gave him her new symptoms with a gentle smile. It wasn't because he was jealous, it was the simple fact that she'd resigned into them failing that while they all tried to fix it, she was trying to ease them into the idea that if it can't be fixed she loved them. 

It was that at that moment she and Rafael shared a quiet resolve to make sure everyone knew that it was okay. 

He returned to her side after hours of working with some of the greatest minds he knew settled on the conclusion that there was no cure, she scanned their faces nodded, "how doomed am I?" She asked, If Bryce would have met her eyes, he would have seen that her's never left his form.

Bryce half-listened, to it all, the rundown of what he already knew, "I'm going to die here," She said and with a sigh that seemed sort of light she continued; "so be it," Three words that made the group flinch, ever so slightly. 

"Now's not the time to give up..." He heard Ethan say, But in honesty, they all knew He was just clinging to anything that might keep her from losing hope. As Sienna wetted the glass with her tears he finally looked at her, She watched her friend with a gentle smile. "I hear you no dying yet," she promised. 

And all at once, he was alone, and her eyes fell to him, with a forced smile he says "It's gonna be all right." Today seemed to be the day of promises made to ease hearts, he noted, making one of his own. 

"You don't have to be positive for my sake," She said gently. "I'm not, I can't let myself lose it, not when there's still hope," He said. She nodded thoughtfully, taking a labored breath before replying "whatever helps," 

Every moment felt heavier, with the weight of it all, with the fears they carried, and even as she gave him the same smile, the same one that said 'I'll see you later,' he came to the realization suddenly that the promise that was held in a smile wasn't enough for him. 

He suited up and within a moment, he was by her side, "what do you think? Am I still handsome? or am I maybe more handsome? Be honest." He said upon his entrance. 

The fear of making it real by saying anything else hindered him, But graciously She laughs, clapping lazily as he struts about in his bulky suit. 

"It's your best look yet," she informs with a tired grin. 

it's all coming down, He's losing her, he's losing her, it's over and they wasted time, This was it.  Every 'I love you' he trapped behind his teeth came back to the tip of his tongue. "I can't believe you actually came in here," She admitted with a sigh.

"if gonna be here for you I'm gonna be here for you," He said, As though repeated a club oath. 

"I'm not doing well on my own," She admits softly stroking her thumb over his rubber one. "No, no you've been brave," He denies. "I got two men killed because I was stupid," She reaffirms so sternly that it broke his heart.

So he does all he can, for the woman he loves and takes her in his arms just like before this began, Repeating "I'm sorry" till his voice broke. 

He gives her the only advice he can "stay positive," stupid as it may be, that's all he had. 

Even in joking, it all felt fragile, one breath it'd shatter. Everything was a funhouse version of their usual interactions, a melancholy facade of normalcy that she broke with "Did I tell you how thankful I am that you're here?" 

once the facade broke, so did Bryce's strained smile, "I was starting to go crazy worrying out there," He admits, "I couldn't imagine, I suppose it's just as hard, to watch," She replied. 

And it all came down, the weight of places they didn't walk, and the things they didn't say with the belief that it was obvious fell onto him, threatening to suffocate him. 

 "You mean a lot to me, More than you know, the idea of losing you...." He trailed off 

"if tonight's my last night, You're the one I want to spend it with," she said with a smile. 

She settled into the bed, too weak to pace about anymore, she looked up at him, in his bulky hazmat suit that was not at all made with cuddles in mind, and asked "Would you hold me?" her voice strained and rough, and Bryce didn't even have a thought of saying no. 

In the time spent spooning, it seemed everyone else spent it making a miracle because they rushed up, dark puffy eye bags looking more than a bit disheveled but with hopeful smiles on their faces. 

Bryce with his arm around her helps steady Zelda's arm, biting his lip as he watches the needle go in, sending a silent prayer to a god he doesn't believe in with it.

Reluctantly, to the demand of Ramsey, Bryce leaves her to rest, sleeping in the on-call dorm, despite being told to go home, no one would enforce this, in fact soon He was woken up by Ethan a broad smile playing on his face. "It's safe to go to her, without the hazmat suit, I have a feeling there's no other person she'd rather go tell her than you," He said gently.

And so, he did rushing in with all the confidence in the world, announcing "it worked?" A look of pure disbelief found its way to Zelda's face, so he strolled through the door with a grin, arms open as if to prove it. 

Without so much as another word, she jumps up and runs to his arms, nearly taking him down in the process, everything lost to him but her fists curled into his scrubs, and her lips on his. 

When they finally pulled apart, he rested his forehead against hers "thank you," "for what?" she asked with a soft smile. "for being alive." He replies, anchoring himself by embracing her.  

[katedoesfics]

Shadows of the Yiga | Chapter 43

State Of My Head - Shinedown

We’ve been shot up, beat up by the fallin’ of the arrows. Yeah, I’m full of deep cuts right down to the marrow. But there’s no doubt we’ll get out from the bottom of the barrel. Oh, our flag is tattered, and my bones are shattered, but it doesn’t matter, cause we’re movin’ forward. Round ‘em up, round ‘em up, let’s go. Round ‘em up, let’s go. Oh, my eyes are seein’ red, double vision from the blood we’ve shed. The only way I’m leavin’ is dead, that’s the state of my, state of my, state of my head.

How many times had it been now? Three? Four? No, more than that, though he was sure he could still count the number on just his two hands. A handful of times he had been stabbed, gutted, or otherwise mortally wounded. And all he could think was ‘For fuck’s sake, Revali will never let me live this down.’ Even in death, he was sure Revali would curse his name. It would be carved into his gravestone: Here Lies the Hero That Got Gutted… Again! He would have laughed - and he almost did - but the pain in his gut was causing his vision to darken. He would have been disappointed if there weren’t tally marks on his gravestone. Not that he would know one way or another.

   His eyes opened, then, realizing that he was - by another miracle - still alive. He looked up warily, but was not prepared for what he was about to witness.

   The Yiga soldier that had his blade raised now lay lifeless on the ground. His father stood before him, holding his ground just as the other Yiga soldiers lunged at him. His arms crossed in front of him and the Yiga soldiers were suddenly pushed backwards. Rusl grunted under the impact and stepped backwards, but otherwise, remained standing. As they landed on the ground, Rusl thrust his palm out, and a sudden forcewave shot forward, sending them flying violently further back, their bones snapping from the impact before they even dropped to the ground.

   Rusl turned to face Link, studying him for a moment with concerned eyes.

   “You’re alive,” Rusl grunted.

   “Not dead yet,” Link muttered, wincing at the pain. He turned as Mipha dropped to his side and did his best to ignore her angry glare as she worked to heal the wound as quick as she could. When she was finished, Rusl pulled him to his feet. With the wave of Yiga that had ambushed them cleared, they had a moment to examine the rest of the battle field. The Champions continued to fight strongly against the opposing Yiga, and for the first time in a long time, Link felt a glimmer of hope.

   “Are you going to explain that stunt you pulled?” Link asked. He narrowed his gaze on his father. “How long have you been hiding that?”

   “Years,” Rusl said simply. “All Hylian’s are capable of wielding that sort of power. I don’t compare to Dorian’s strength, but it comes in handy.” He turned and met Link’s gaze, his eyes fierce. “If you want a damn chance at winning this and coming out alive, you need to find that power.”

   Link hesitated. “That seems like the kind of thing that takes a lot of training,” he muttered.

   “For most, yes,” Rusl started. “But you’re the Chosen Hero. You’re not most.”

   Link turned his gaze away. He cracked his knuckles absentmindedly. “Alright,” he said. “Guess it’s time to join the Superheroes Club.” He hesitated, then glanced at his father. “Any tips?”

   Rusl held his gaze on Link for a moment, then shrugged. “Don’t die.”

   Link’s brows furrowed. “I mean on this Hylian voodoo you expect me to use.”

   Rusl’s lips pulled into a small smile. He pulled his gaze away and sighed. “No.”

   Link pinched his lips together, then focused his attention on the battle waging below them. His tongue stuck out between his lips slightly as he focused his attention, then thrust his palm out like he had seen his father do.

   But nothing happened.

   Rusl snorted, and Link scowled at him.

   “I don’t see you helping!”

   “Hyrule is doomed,” Rusl said, shaking his head.

   “Shut up,” Link growled. “I don’t need your stupid Hylian shit.” He exhaled angrily, then left his father alone on top of the dune, sliding on the sand to quickly join his friends in the battle.

   The battle between the Yiga and Hyrule continued on. Hylians, Sheikah, and Humans alike fought side by side against their enemy, and though Link could not find the power within him, he pressed on, determined to do whatever he could to stop the Yiga Clan once and for all. He fought beside his friends, he fought beside his father, and he fought beside comrades who gave their lives to support Link, despite all that had happened in the last few weeks; despite the lives he, himself, had ended. But as he fought, he didn’t think of any of it. He focused only on doing what he did best; what he was born to do. He focused on saving Hyrule and preserving the kingdom’s future.

   It wasn’t long before he found himself overlooking the battlefield once more. Teba had managed to find him in the chaos and pulled him aside with Zelda, Dorian and Rusl. His gaze was fierce as he regarded them.

   “I lost contact with the Divine Beasts,” he said.

   “What do you mean you lost contact?” Dorian sneered. “What’s going on?”

   “The last person I spoke with was Purah,” Teba explained. “She said they fought off the last of the Yiga that ambushed them. But that was almost half an hour ago.”

   Dorian pressed in closer to Teba, getting into his face angrily as he spoke. “Where the fuck are my daughters?”

   Teba hesitated. “I don’t know.”

   “Dorian,” Rusl warned, but Dorian was too busy shouting profanities at Teba to listen.

   At that moment, however, the radio crackled to life, and Cottla’s panicked voice came over in broken pieces.

   “... back-up... Teba… he’s here… Kohga… here...”

   Dorian didn’t wait a second longer. The moment Cottla mentioned Kohga, Dorian was gone in a snap. Rusl looked at the space where Dorian once stood, his lips pinched together nervously. He turned his gaze back to Link.

   “Fuck,” Teba muttered under his breath. “Fucking shit.”

   “There’s nothing we can do about it now,” Rusl said. “Dorian will take care of it.”

   Teba turned his gaze to Zelda. “We’re getting slaughtered out there,” he said. “The Sheikah can hold their own, but right now, they’re working twice as hard to fight and hold up defenses. My guys are taking a beating. They won’t last much longer.”

   Zelda’s brows furrowed and her frown deepened as she looked over the battlefield. “I know,” she said softly.

   “You knew they wouldn’t stand a chance,” Link growled. “You shouldn’t have dragged them into this.”

   “I didn’t,” Teba snapped. “They offered. The least you can do is be a little more grateful for their sacrifices.”

   Link’s face softened as he regarded Teba, though his stomach knotted sickeningly. He never wanted anyone to do this for him. He pulled his gaze away and bit his lip.

   “Pull them back.”

   The three men turned their gazes to Zelda.

   “What?” Rusl sneered.

   “I said pull them back,” Zelda snapped. “We’re done here.”

   “Right,” Link started. “Because the Yiga will just let us retreat. They’ll still be a damn problem we need to stop!”

   “We’re at a stalemate,” Zelda said, narrowing her gaze on him. “At this rate, they’ll only exhaust themselves. As soon as that happens, we’ll lose. We need to regroup and consider our options. We’ve already dealt a great deal of damage. Their hideout has been destroyed. They’ll be an easier target next time. When we’re better prepared, we’ll make our move.”

   “They won’t wait for you,” Rusl reminded her. “If you leave, you’ll leave Hyrule without a defense. Impa is the only thing keeping them out of the city. They’ll go after her. They will kill her. The ward will drop, and the city will be exposed. If you pull them back, the war will be lost.”

   Zelda hesitated. Her forehead creased in worry as she watched the battle wage on. After a moment, she turned to Teba.

   “The choice is yours,” Teba said.

   “I want your professional opinion,” she said simply.

   Teba held his gaze on her for a moment. “Rusl’s right,” he finally said. “Pulling back will only seal our fate.”

   “But you said so yourself -”

   “People die in war,” Teba growled. “It’s a few of our men, or it’s all of Hyrule. It’s not the most ideal way to look at the situation, but…” He hesitated. “Hyrule is what we’re fighting for. Let them defend their kingdom.”

   Zelda turned her gaze back to the battle. “I liked it better when we were the only ones doing the fighting,” she said softly.

   “This has become more than you can handle alone,” Teba said. He glanced at Link, his gaze narrowing. “Both of you.”

   “Why are you looking at me?” Link hissed.

   “Because I know you have a habit of running in blind thinking you can take care of everything yourself.”

   “That’s my job.”

   “Your job is to keep Hyrule safe,” he snapped. “Not be an idiot.”

   “Well you just take the fun out of everything.”

   “Someone has to control this fucking circus you call heroes.”

   “I’m the ringleader,” Link said, thrusting his thumb into his chest.

   “You’re the idiot that wants to get shot out of a canon.”

   Link smirked and shrugged a shoulder. “Someone has to do the shit no one else wants to do.”

   “Alright,” Zelda growled at them. She sighed. “We stay put then.”

   “I guess I can’t convince you to go back to the city?” Teba said.

   “Of course not,” Zelda hissed. “I won’t run and hide and leave them -”

   “Running and hiding is usually the best option when you’re the one they want,” Teba said, narrowing his eyes on her. “If Kohga gets his hands on either of you, we’re just as fucked.”

   “Look,” Zelda said. “Either we all run, or we stay put. It’s one or the other. Pick your poison.”

   “There’s no reasoning with you,” Teba muttered.

“Are you so surprised?” Link said.

“Look who’s talking,” Zelda snapped at him. “I’m just trying to keep up with you.”

“You’re supposed to be the reasonable one,” Link said.

“Well, what good does that do if no one ever listens to me?” She turned her nose up at him.

“Have you all forgotten that I am the queen?"

   “Here we go,” Link said. “It’s highschool all over again.”

   “You know,” Zelda sneered. “I’ve really had it with you. I should have just let you turn and killed you myself.”

   “That’s the Zelda I used to know,” Link grinned. “I preferred it when you hated my guts.”

   Rusl sighed loudly. “Are you done?”

   “She started it,” Link muttered.

   Rusl glanced at Link. “That’s real mature.”

   Link grinned at his father. He opened his mouth, prepared with a snappy comeback, but a snap in the air caught his attention, and he quickly turned his gaze back to the battle below, which appeared to be temporarily disrupted. The two armies had parted, a distinct space of desert sand between the Yiga army and the Hyrulean army. A man stepped forward from the Yiga army. He took a few steps into the empty space before turning his gaze to the dunes where Link and Zelda stood. A wicked grin split his face.

   Without hesitation, Link and Zelda lurched forward, despite Teba’s shouts. They slid down the sandy dunes until they stood just yards away from Kohga. They held their grown as Kohga faced them.

   “There they are,” he said with a light sigh. “I’ve been looking for you.” He regarded his army over his shoulder, nodding his head slightly. At his command, Yiga soldiers sprung toward the Sheikah, and one by one, they disappeared, until only the Hyrulean army remained to fight off the other approaching Yiga soldiers. Unmatched to their power, however, the soldiers quickly fell at the hands of the Yiga. The Champions moved quickly in an attempt to fight off the Yiga, but in the chaos of the fight, they soon found themselves at the mercy of the Yiga. A Yiga soldier stood behind each of them, an arm wrapped around each of their neck’s, blades pressed against their skin. But Link knew the threat was just for show, for their own power was far greater and more destructive. The deaths his friends would suffer by a mere blade would have been a far kinder fate.

   Through it all, Kohga hadn’t moved an inch. He stood between them and their friends, and with a pleased smile, he turned his attention to Link and Zelda once more. “Now, I’m sure I don’t have to say this,” he started, “but if you so much as blink, I will have their heads.”

   “Let them go,” Link growled. “And you can have me.”

   Kohga laughed. “It seems you still don’t understand,” he said. “I will take what I want and destroy anyone and anything that stands in my way. There is no negotiating here.” He raised his arm, his palm out toward Link.

   His mind went blank. In that moment, all he could think to do was prepare for his inevitable death. there seemed nothing more they could do. He closed his eyes as Kohga’s power burst forth, throwing him forcefully to the ground where he lost consciousness.

[fibrielsolaer]

Smash Ultimate tier list based entirely on which characters I like and which I hate

BSP = Big Sexy Personality

FBNIS = Fun, But Not In Smash

MPATBUD = Mario Princesses Are Terrifying Blow-Up Dolls

S Tier

Kirby: absolutely the man, if you don’t love Kirby you’re probably the asshole who got this roster flooded with Marth World pricks

Pikachu: He quicc. He thicc. He’ll Thunderbolt you to hicc

Except it’s a she because I only ever play Librechu ;p

Bowser: BSP

Zelda: She is so cute, I can finally stand playing as her

Pichu: He is so cute, it almost makes up for how stupid he is

Ganondorf: He’s finally fucking cool. He uses the goddamn sword now

Lucario: What if Mewtwo was a Shaolin monk hunk

I only play purple Lucario for reasons you’re best not knowing

Toon Link: He’s the cartoon that Link and Young Link watched and modeled themselves on

Ridley: HOLY SHIT IT FEELS AWESOME TO PLAY RIDLEY

I love how the game designers know he’s way too small so when you fight him in Classic Mode as Samus he gets Giant modifier

K. Rool: BSP

Piranha Plant: The pain from the pipes, this disrespectful piece of shit is so stupid he wraps around to greatness, with his inclusion I’ve changed my mind and now say fuck it, add Bandana Waddle Dee, hell add a regular Waddle Dee if you want, I don’t even care anymore

A Tier

Luigi: Few people know that he and Mario are actually identical twins, his brother merely wears a fat suit (the weight of which has crushed his spine) so they can be told apart

Ness: I like the picture you get when you play for 20 hours

C. Falcon: This is the guy who beats up Incineroar. As the positive icon of the people he never shows any emotion except for “YUS!” and “SHOW ME”. All Might was probably based on this jackass

Jigglypuff: Like so many other Pokemon, its adorable facade is a veneer for an expansive and unfathomable eldritch demon. The difference is, despite how fucking many Pokemon like that there are, nobody has found Jigglypuff’s secret and lived to tell

Young Link: He’s actually Link’s son, who idolizes his father and wants to follow in his footsteps. His dad has strayed from the path but young blood here carries on the true faith. Also, FBNIS

Mewtwo: He was the original Damn Cool Pokemon. He jockeys with Lucario for that role now but all they ever do is sit there charging their neutral Bs talking about how the planet will explode in 5 minutes

Roy: He knows that the Marth World infestation is soon to be purged, because there are like five actual Marths including him, so he decided to become the best Marth World character so he alone will survive

Pit: The only cunt from his series besides Dark Pit who had the decency not to change voice and try to pretend it was the same fucking one. I never play as him ever but Sakurai sure cared more about making him fresh & fun post-Uprising than any of his other goddamn characters

Charizard: BSP

Dedede: BSP

Bowser Jr.: This rude little shit is the guy who you invite to a party and he brings his whole crew, excuse me no I didn’t invite Wendy and Horton and Lenny and all these bitches, but fuck it y’all cool

Simon: I like his funny walk and he looks like Conan the Barbarian

Richter: I like his funny walk and he looks like a dork

Isabelle: Do you know this literal bitch killed me with a fucking stop sign 3 times before I unlocked her, why isn’t that a reaction macro

Incineroar: He pretends to be a bad guy so that kids’ heroes will beat him up on TV and they will be happy. He is so sweet

B Tier (Everyone Is Meh)

Mario: Meh

Donkey Kong: Meh

Link: The dad who strayed from the path, I really don’t like the Breath of the Wild Link, FBNIS

Fox: Meh

Sheik: Meh

Dr. Meh: Mario

Falco: Hands off my meh

Mehrth: He’s kinda cool but Roy is way cooler

Mr. Game & Watch: What an annoying asshole

Wario: It’s not the cool Wario, it’s the stupid Wario Ware one, and he brings all his obnoxious waifu friends with him. It’s Wario after he retired from his teen Youtube star days at the age of 30 and he’s trying to stay young and cool-looking but his stoner friends keep fucking it up

Solid Snake: Meh, too indirect for me, FBNIS

Squirtle: Meh-est of the Pokemon Trainer trio, he just doesn’t provoke like any reaction from me at all unlike the other two

Diddy Kong: Meh

Olimeh: This is the most boring goddamn character, everything you do you have to pluck fucks

ROB: He barely animates

Villager: I kinda wish Animal Crossing let you be an animal too. The lone human character is really boring

Mega Meh: You got: FBNIS

Little Meh: I dunno I’ve just barely ever played him

Mehninja: Maybe I should actually try playing it once ever

Duck Hunt: If there was a B-and-a-half tier I’d put this one there because you can delay the side-B and set up Snake-level GOTCHA combos, otherwise the novelty wears off fast

Ryu: He is the 2nd-least likeable guy, what a turbo douche

Bayomehtta: She’s rule 63 Dante, her game was always just a DMC ripoff that relied on her tits & ass to differentiate from it

Inkling: I like the yellow hair girl one but I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE CRINGY-ASS ASSIST TROPHY AND WILL ABSOLUTELY UNFAIRLY BLAME THE CHARACTER FOR THIS.

C Tier

Samus: She is the most FBNIS character

Ice Climber: They’re really un-cute and I hate their desync thing

Metaknight: This guy was so much cooler before he talked, or rather, before he screamed AYAYGYGYAYGYAGA

Ike: Marth World has like 2,000 characters ranging from pegasus knights to barbarians to psychic dragon-girl dancers, and yet we keep getting these boring fucking swordsmen

Pokemon Trainer: Get absolutely the fuck out you twerp you don’t even do a goddamn thing and you die the second any one of your THREE fighters is KO’d so you don’t even incorporate the actual spirit of your original character unlike literally everybody else

Venusaur: If I evolved this ugly fucker I would delete my save

Lucas: If I had an Absolutely Gone Machine that could erase anything in the world and delete everyone’s memory that it ever existed so they would shut the fuck up about it, Mother 3 would be precisely the fourth thing I deleted

Robin: Least shitty post-Melee Marth World character but I just haven’t bothered to try it out to see if it’s actually good or not, probably because I’m just too allergic to Marth World by now

Dark Samus: Cool, but why

Daisy: MPATBUD, but this one has the closest thing to a personality. Unfortunately it is a fucking terrible and horrific personality

Zero Suit Samus: hey cool Samus is Barbie now

Ken: Remember how I said Ryu was the 2nd-least likeable? Well here’s Liquid Ryu to seize the coveted spot

Cloud: Yeah hey, let’s take the one Final Fantasy protagonist with like the least connection to Nintendo, no it’s fine, every goddamn Marth World game except the one that justified its worldwide presence has a character in but we’re not gonna use Cecil or Buttz or Terra

Corrin: Any hope this bitch had to go on my “Is a dragon so I like it” list was ruined by how absolutely infuriating it is to fight against Corrin especially that one Spirit match where he spams his INSTANT FINAL SMASH THAT HAS LIKE AN INFINITELY VERTICAL HITBOX fuck this goddamn digimon

D tier

Yoshi: I’ve hated this thing ever since it stopped going BAWONKA WONKA and started going blblblblblbl

add Birdo as an Echo and I might forgive you

Peach: MPATBUD, Peach is usually able to manifest either the behavior of a real person (Paper Mario) or the appearance of one (Smash), but sadly never both, she is doomed to blow-up-dollery forevermore

Sonic: Please add any other Sonic character, any at all, I’ll even take Charmy, I fucking hate Blue Bubsy

Wolf: The only reason he is not the furry-trashiest character in Smash is because Krystal is an AT, this cocksucker deadass awoos

Wii Fit Trainer: Next to her, Mario Princesses almost look human

Rozzalinda: MPATBUD and this one is the worst, far and away the worst Mario Princess, she is the creepiest fucking woman. WHY IS IT THAT NOBODY IN MARIO ACTS LIKE A HUMAN FUCKING BEING EXCEPT THE CHARACTERS WHO AREN’T FUCKING HUMAN. tl;dr the only people who say rosalina is their waifu collect people’s faces

Mii Fighters: you dress them up to make a parody of a character and then never once actually use said parody because they are stupid

Palutena: remember in Uprising how they could make fake Palutenas, this is one of them, they have a fake Viridi too, you know it is because starting in smash 4 it is clearly two different actresses trying way too hard to sound like the old ones and i can’t get over it sorry. (also she plays like shit)

Pac-Man: I only liked him when he was a pizza

Shulk: does he ever shut the fuck up

Lucina: add a red nose and it’s Marth: Tumblr Edition

Chrom: oh fuck off

Robin’s bitchass final smash still calls this clown

even if you use it on Chrom

he is so ashamed of his audacity he fucking fucks himself

[aeondeug]

So @thedrunkenminstrel​ did this so I might as well too. Let’s get an Aon’s Top Ten Ships list running! I will say right now that this list is honestly a very shaky thing. A lot of is something that is subject to heavy shifting around, and some of the things that are on it currently probably wouldn’t be if you asked me another day. The top three I can more genuinely state are like Actual Factual Top Three Material and wouldn’t shift much at all. But the rest are up to heavy degrees of change.

10. Naruto/Hinata from Naruto We’ve got to start this list off right and to do that let’s put one of my weirdly enduring baby ships in the ten spot. This was honestly kind of tied with three other ships that I’ll mention later as honorable mentions, but Naruhina gets to win out its spot for its bizarre personal significance to me. Namely the ship is weirdly instrumental in my realizing I was trans, by way of an AU I worked on where Hinata was a transman. And the entire thing was very heavily focused on that woe and also romance with Naruto who tried to teach Hinata the ropes of being a dude. Which sounds like a beautifully terrible trainwreck now, honestly, given that it’d probably involve him showing Hinata the local pornshop and being like YES. THE HEIGHT OF MANHOOD. titty mags. Stepping away from that weird personal significance that no one else save me holds for it though...Naruhina is one of those early ships I clung to really, really hard because I heavily related to one half of the ship and saw, in the other person, traits I found admirable. Like, yes, Naruto’s an irritating jackass who fails all his classes but he’s loud and out there and keeps trying even though he basically always fails up until the point when the plot deems him Ninja Jesus. All traits a nervous kid desperately wished he had and ones that I found endearing or attractive. Even if so much of the rest of him is so grating. Also this sets up the major theme of this list, namely that if you’re earning my undying shipper love chances are I relate to one half and have a crush on the other half. 9. Saria/Malon from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time This is really low on the list, but it’s here for one very important reason. And that reason is is that it is the crackship that will not die. Years have past since a little kid went ‘but what if the cute farm girl and the fairy girl were a couple!’ and the ship’s stuck. It’s also evolved over the years. Evolved into something that by its very nature is doomed to tragedy. Because really if you think about it there’s no real way it could be anything but. Saria dies in the end and is also a weird eternal child type deal. Malon’s going to grow up and move on from her first dumb little kid crush. It’s not really a ship I like am actively, emotionally obsessed with but it is one that I repeatedly go back to and just toy with the idea of every so often. Like it’s just an idea I find compelling to toy with. Early childhood love that by its very nature must die between a human and what amounts to a fairy. 8. Satoko/Rika from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Alright now we’re back to something I am like deeply and emotionally invested in. As someone with an abusive family seeing Satoko’s story in Higurashi was a harrowing experience as a kid. Especially as a kid who has outright lied to CPS before to avoid further abuse. It was also a comforting one in a fashion. Since even before saving Satoko, Rika and her friends are always there to at least try and save her. Satoko’s a horrible brat and a horrible brat that I relate to. Rika’s...weird meanwhile. She’s someone who’s technically a child but due to magical fuckery is actually mentally matured past that. She’s also been pretty scarred by the trauma of what she’s gone through and it’s left her not entirely ‘human’. So much so she needs to eventually go through an arc just to realize that, no, it’s time to give up being a witch and to just...try and find what’s normal. Even though everything about that sounds wrong or even impossible. And that in itself is also relatable. But even then she’s still Satoko’s best friend and Satoko is her best friend. They stick by each other and I’d imagine they would later on in life. But even later on in life there’d still likely be mental disconnect there for a good chunk of time. And one also has to keep in mind that while Rika’s mentally lived for at least one hundred years she’s still not an adult. She’s just a child that was forced to grow up too fast and that’s eventually going to bite her I think, when she realizes that in itself isn’t adulthood. That’s an interesting thing to think of an toy with, I think. 7. Porrim/Aranea from Homestuck An entirely unsurprising pick from me if you know anything about me from my Homestuck days. Which are like my normal days, honestly, but the fervor’s kind of died down. Give it a bit though and we’ll get right back to Hamsteaking. Porrim is just...a very one-note little joke. In all honesty. But she’s one that provides like a vast sea of unexplored potential. Porrim is, like so much of Homestuck, a perfect Barbie doll to play makebelieve with. She is also a vampire. This nets her like 50,000 bonus points immediately. Then there’s Aranea. Aranea is a bad person. Let’s make no bones about that. She is a bad person. But she’s cute in a way, when she’s not being awful. She’s also someone that reminds me somewhat of the person my current boyfriend used to be, while also having troubles that I myself find relatable. And the most important part of the ship is that they canonically broke up. Which sounds like a weird ass reason to ship a thing I suppose, but the breaking up is what makes the ship interesting to me. It’s basically a tragedy in action. It can’t work out in the main timelines, though it might in alternates. And I like exploring what led up to it not working out. 6. Chise/Elias from The Ancient Magus Bride This is sadly not in the top ten yet as I don’t quite feel comfortable putting it there when I’m not caught up. But given where I currently am in the manga I have to say that this is one of the most disgustingly me romances I’ve seen in a bit. We’ve got a spooky monster man, an awkward abused girl...He calls her puppy and gives her head pats and they nuzzle each other like dogs. He kind of wants to eat her and he’s kind of a creepy weirdo to her at times, but she’s also not seeming like someone that is just going to bow down and eternally accept that and... And they’re both learning how to people. They both are. Neither of them really knows how to do this whole human thing that well. They’re both emotionally fucked and dysfunctional in their own ways. And they’re learning from each other. In such a fashion that I legitimately cried while reading my comics. Which is a bit hard to manage. Given proper time and catching up they may well travel up this list. 5. Malus/Carrie from Castlevania 64/Legacy of Darkness Alright. Back to childhood ships. Also more monsters. Also these were kind of awful ass games and neither Carrie nor Malus really have much personality at all. Carrie’s personality is mostly relegated to material in the manual, which paints her as an incredibly angry and distrusting child that hates adults and also God for failing her repeatedly. But that’s all just stuff in like a summary. And Malus’ personality is NYEHEHEHE I WAS EVIL THIS WHOLE TIME. So what, pray tell, is the appeal of this besides my obvious vampire fetish. The answer is that like...the bad end of the game has Carrie promising to marry Malus. Malus asking her to marry him presumably so he can like make use of the Belnades bloodline’s magic. Also Malus is Dracula. Dracula and human women do not have a good track record. Both in terms of him being able to resist the rare strong willed woman willing to put him in his place and in terms of keeping those women not murdered for witchcraft. Malus and Carrie is a ship of potential. Potential that plays into one of the central themes of Castlevania’s storyline which is that Drac really just wishes people would stop killing his girlfriends. I may or may not have also had an OC who was their kid who is also kind of basically another character on this list. 4. Glinda/Elphaba from Wicked Listen to What is this Feeling. Now listen to it again. Listen to Popular. Now listen to it again. NOW LISTEN TO DEFYING GRAVITY. NOW LISTEN TO IT AGAIN. We’ve got a green woman who is kind of hideous and who thinks she’s ugly! She’s also angry at the world and wants to change shit! She’s also tragically fucked! In the book at least. How is that not a me character? And Glinda. Gods. Glinda. She’s not stupid. She seems it in the book a lot of the time and Elphaba assumes she is right away but...Glinda’s not stupid. She’s actually very smart and putting on a front. Also she basically annoys Elphaba’s tsundere ass into being her bff. And if there is anything I love in my ships it is one half having to be annoyed into friendship by another happier character who is weirdly trusting and accepting of this horrible monster. Why? Who cares! But they are! Now listen to What is this Feeling. Please. 3. Zero/Fiethsing from Force of Will And now we are finally in the top three. We have also reached the part of the list where we have a character with alarming similarities to my weird kidfic OC from Castlevania. So Zero. She’s cranky and serious. Kind of nervous. Really nervous honestly. She’s also pretty cynical and at her worst points actively gives up on trying to save the world and attempts to destroy it or is like on the brink of giving up again. She’s also got abandonment issues, self hate problems, and uncompromising sense of justice that can be reasonably connected to the self hate problems and shit’s just not a good time for Zero. Also she’s a vampire. And then there’s Fieth. Her Most Important Partner. Lovely, stupid, irritating Fieth. Fieth who adores freedom above all else and who is seemingly full of endless optimism and hope and who is a cocky bitch and who lies and sleeps and is basically a cat become an elf. More importantly though there’s what they are. We don’t get to see Zero and Fieth becoming friends. We meet them when they’re friends already and have years of established history with one another. And shortly after we meet them they adopt a child. Or, rather, Fieth declares she’s going to raise the baby into her apprentice and Zero declares that she refuses to let Fieth raise a baby on her own. And then...they become a family. Just. A family. A pretty happy one at that. It’s eventually torn asunder by death and war but before that they’re just two mothers and their daughter. They are in a sort of quantum gay state like poor Nanofate despite their whole deal, but to me they do unquestionably read as a couple. One with problems. A laundry list of them. But a couple with a kid and, in a weird sort of way, a future. 2. Jame/Tori from The Chronicles of the Kencyrath I adore this ship. It is hard to quantify how much I adore it. But it’s quite a lot. It’s dysfunctional. It’s got issues. It’s incest and that shockingly isn’t one of the issues. And that’s why I love it. Because Hodgell has managed to take fantasy characters and mythic archetypes and humanize them with some of the most starkly real depictions of mental illness I’ve ever seen. Hands down. Tori’s a nervous wreck. He’s an asshole with problems from trauma and Jame doesn’t just take his shit. She actually does the exact opposite and tells him to fuck off. That’s important. Tori not just getting the girl despite being a human disaster is very important. The fact that his very behavior is why the girl does not want to get with him even though she really, truly wants to deep down is very, very important. Jame/Tori is the awkward and rough tale of two people having to recover from frankly atrocious abuse. Two people who are deeply drawn to one another but who also fear and kind of hate the other. Two people who can barely stand being in the same room as one another currently. It’s a bumpy road. It’s a road we’re not even sure they can make it down. But that’s why it means things to me as someone whose undiagnosed BPD almost destroyed his relationship. 1. Sakuya/Remilia from Touhou This just barely beat out Jame/Tori and the sole reason it beats out Jame/Tori is I have shipped this fucking shit for literally almost half my life. And I’m still not through with it or tired of it. It’s been years and years and it is still one of my most favoritest ships ever. So I feel pretty confident saying it is my One True Pairing. It’s also got a vampire. Wow. It’s got a human partner who is bad at humaning too! Double wow! And what it’s got in particular is exceptional flexibility. Like all the Touhous Remilia and Sakuya are kind of just left up to the mercy of the fandom. There’s canonical traits they have and we have seen them interact together and with others, but in a far more limited degree than what is seen in a lot of other works. And the fandom is what basically runs Touhou. It is a self perpetuating machine and Sakuremi is still chugging along years later and with a bunch of variety in it, even if it’s got some tropes I am really tired of seeing at this point. But why is this the Touhou ship to end all Touhou ships? Besides the obvious answer of ‘Duh, it’s a vampire and her maid. What the fuck else do you NEED?’ we have the ever important identification and wish fulfillment aspects. Which breaks into my own personal conception of the characters and their relationship with one another. So Remilia’s like...a kid. Forever. She was turned very young so even after five hundred years she still looks like she’s ten at best. She’s also kind of a brat and at times fairly naive in the way a kid might be. But we do see that she puts on airs. She’s TRYING to be this intimidating, sophisticated vampire lady and she takes pride in the fact that people ‘respect’ her. But that respect is more fear of the fact that she’s a vampire and vampires are stupidly powerful in her world. And as someone who had an extended childhood forced on him by his family and who is trying to learn what it is to be an adult and never being treated like an adult or not being able to handle it when he is...That’s just. Something very ripe for playing with. Especially when you mix it with Sakuya. Who’s an outcast among her own kind and who gave up on bothering with them for it. She’s someone who might have been a vampire hunter than failed to kill Remilia. She takes care of her and chides her like a child, but she also is most definitely subservient to her. And she’s said that she’ll always be together with her as long as she lives. Always. Sakuya’s like this weird mix of a sweet, caring goofball of a woman and a hate filled, mopey edgelord that really only could get along with monsters. So like, I like to think, that they’ve basically ended up finding what exactly the other needs. Remilia gets someone who sincerely respects her authority and takes her seriously, but who also will not entirely put up with her bullshit. Sakuya gets someone who...cares. At all. Someone to give her a name and talk to her and not chase her away for being monstrous. And perhaps more than any of these ships freedom to fuck around is there. It’s what I want to make it. Honorable Mentions We have three of these. Nanoha/Fate from the Nanoha franchise, Usagi/Ami from Sailor Moon and Shimako/Sei from Maria-sama ga Miteru. They were all just barely beaten out by Naruhina, hence their inclusion here.

[katedoesfics]

Shadows of Hyrule | Chapter 39

Link walked alone to school that morning when Mipha was nowhere to be found. He had waited for her like he usually did, texting her when she did not show, but after receiving no response (and realizing he would be late if he didn't get moving), he decided he couldn't wait any longer. He got into the school just as the first bell rang and managed to get to his first class before the late bell rang. Mipha was already at her desk when Link entered the room, her nose buried in her phone. Her fingers flew across the screen and she seemed incredibly focused on whatever text she was sending. So focused that she hadn’t heard Link’s greeting, or perhaps she was ignoring him. Link sat down at his desk and watched her. When she finished her text, she let the phone drop to the desk, but she did not meet Link’s gaze.

“Too good to walk with me now?” he asked playfully, but she did not appear to be in a joking mood. She did not answer him.

Link narrowed his eyes at her. “Are you mad at me?”

Mipha glanced at him quickly and let a soft sigh escape. “No,” she said quietly.

“What’s wrong?” Link pushed.

“Nothing.”

“Something is. I can tell. I read you like a book, you know.”

Mipha’s brows furrowed together but she did not respond.

Link’s gaze softened as he tried to guess at the problem. “Did I do something wrong?”

Mipha hesitated. She looked down at her lap. “No.”

He held his gaze on her for a moment before turning away. Clearly she wasn’t going to talk about whatever was bothering her, and he wasn’t going to keep pushing it. He figured she'd talk about it when she was ready; she usually did. And then everything would be back to normal.

He dug through his bag as their math teacher entered and he pulled out his textbook. The binding made a snapping sound as he opened it, giving it its first crease in the spine. The pages were still fresh and white, never seeing the light of day until that moment. He squinted at the equations across the pages and sighed. It didn't seem likely that he would get any help from Mipha today. He was on his own for class. On the plus side, he had a folder full of make-up homework and extra credit that he hoped would give him the boost he needed to pass the class in these final days of school.

When the bell rang to signal the end of the period, Mipha was one of the first out the door, not bothering to wait for Link, or even say goodbye. Link watched her leave, but made no effort to chase after her. Whatever funk she was in, he was certain she would shake off by lunch time.

But when lunch came around, Mipha was not in the courtyard with the others. To his surprise, however, Zelda was.

“Where’s Mipha?” Zelda asked as Link swung his legs over the bench beside her.

He shrugged. “She’s been avoiding me.”

Zelda raised a brow as she took a sip from her water bottle. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” he said with irritation. “She’s mad about something but won’t tell me what.” He put his chin in his hands and sighed. He just did not understand women. He turned his gaze up as he noticed Urbosa watching him. “Do you know something?”

Urbosa looked away from him, but he could not read her expression. He suspected that she did, in fact, know something, but wasn’t about to tell him.

“Did you do something to piss her off?” Zelda asked.

“No,” Link said quickly, getting defensive. “I didn’t do anything. We were fine the other day.”

“Sometimes you think that,” Zelda said pointedly. “But most of the time, you probably did something and don’t even realize it.”

Link searched his mind frantically, but nothing struck him as something that could have ticked her off. He watched as Urbosa stood, and now she was glaring at him.

“I need to talk to you,” she said shortly. Without waiting for a response, she moved away from the table and headed for the back parking lot.

Link hesitated a moment, looking to Daruk who simply shrugged. He followed her out quickly into the lot where she waited, her arms crossed.

“Is it something I did?” Link asked warily. “Something I said?”

Urbosa sighed. “It’s not your fault,” she said.

Link narrowed his eyes at her and waited.

“Mipha saw you and Zelda,” she said, pausing for a moment. “Kissing.”

Link’s brows furrowed together at this bit of information. “What? Okay. So? Who cares?”

Urbosa stared at him blankly for a moment, then narrowed her gaze back on him. “Are you serious?”

“Serious about what?”

“What’s going on with you and Zelda?”

Link blinked at her. He did not expect to be interrogated about his relationships. Not that he exactly had an answer for her. “Nothing,” he muttered, averting his gaze. “I don’t know. What’s it to you? It’s none of your business.”

“Maybe not,” Urbosa said. She sighed. “Look. I can’t believe I have to spell it out for you. I don’t want to do that to Mipha. But clearly you’re an idiot.” She put her hands on her hips and leaned closer to Link. “She likes you, you fucking moron. A lot.”

Link laughed. “What? No she doesn’t.”

Urbosa rubbed her forehead with her fingertips. Hylia was this boy dumb. “Link,” she started softly. “You relationships aren’t my business. But you need to be straight with Mipha. And with Zelda, too, for that matter. Don’t lead them on.”

“Your sister gave me the same speech,” Link muttered, folding his arms over his chest.

“You need to figure some shit out,” she continued. “I won’t sit back and let you toy with them and hurt them.”

“I was never trying to do that,” Link hissed. “I would never do anything to hurt Mipha.”

“Well,” Urbosa said. “She’s hurt. And I know you can’t help that if you don’t feel the same way about her. But just tell her the truth. She deserves that.”

Link pinched his lips together and turned his back to her. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he looked towards the building.

“Figure it out, Link,” Urbosa said. “Don’t be that guy.”

“I’m not,” Link muttered.

“So what is it?” she asked. “What are you doing?”

Link turned back towards her angrily. “I’m trying to save this damn world and keep everyone else from dying.”

“You’re avoiding it.”

“Avoiding what?”

“Your feelings.” Urbosa sighed, annoyed. “You’re such a typical guy.”

“No,” he muttered. “I’m just not telling you.”

Urbosa smiled slyly, as if she got what she was looking for. “So, you have feelings in that stupid, empty skull of yours?”

“Why do you women always want to talk about everything?”

Urbosa let a hand rest on his shoulder, sending him a slight shock as she did so. She tilted her head at him and smiled as she walked by. “I have to act as your mother and try to make you a more sympathetic person, because Hylia knows your father won’t.” She winked at him. “You’re just like him, sometimes.”

“You know,” he started, “I'm never sure of how to take that.”

Urbosa laughed. “Well, he got the girl in the end, so I guess there's something to be said for that.”

“I turned Zelda down, okay? Happy?”

Urbosa considered this for a moment, then smiled. “Yeah. Okay. I wasn't on team Zelda, anyway.” She left him standing alone.

“What's that supposed to mean?” he barked to her, but she ignored him. He shoved his hands in his pocket, muttering under his breath. When did his love life suddenly become an episode of The Bachelor? And why the hell was everyone watching?