#Well I didn't really have a theme and I needed to keep it simple so why not Dethy and Firmis

[jovialturtleface]

I imagine to an immortal being a year might easily slip past them, I mean they've got an eternity for anything they might need to do or fix. Which is to say... A new year approaches.

[rin-may-1103]

Delilah's Language (part four)

Previous | Master Post | Next (to be written)

The nice female scientist (whose name Danny can't remember) turned and started leading them through the crowd. Dr. Trynul huffed but stuck close, probably to try and find a way to discredit Danny's ability. (The two brothers followed but stayed silent, just watching with, for some reason, confusion AND excitement.)

Damian turned and looked up (not by much, mind you) at Danny, curiosity oozing off him in purple streaks. "You said they used their whole bodies, could you clarify?"

Danny hummed, tilting his head as he thought about how to, well, not dumb down the explanation, but make it more digestible. The kid was smart, but he didn't need a whole history lesson topped off with social science and cultural themes. That would just be a waste of time, especially during a birthday party.

"The gorilla language, specifically the purple-backed gorilla dialect I know, uses a mixture of gestures and sounds. Somewhere between, like, 75/25 and 85/15. The vocal aspect is used to emphasize." Danny began, nodding his head as he thought it out.

Damian frowned, but green fog floated around his head, showing that he was concentrating on what he was being told and not upset.

"So, a grunt after a gesture could mean it's a statement or fact. Like someone saying they ARE going to do something. A chirp after a gesture could mean a question, like COULD I do this? Unlike human languages, gorillas focus more on straightforward and simple communication. They don't really have any reason to stretch out what they want or need; they just need to make sure the other understands quickly and clearly."

"What, they don't talk about pretty flowers they saw?" Dr. Trynul cut in, rolling his eyes.

"They could," Danny hummed, ignoring the condescending aspect of the question, "they like talking to each other when they have nothing else to do, and they're smart and opininated creatures. they like pretty things, I'm sure they do talk about pretty flowers or leaves they saw."

"Sure, and I bet they also tell each other about how they keep their fur clean and what mud makes them look bad."

Damian was glaring at the man, obviously getting fed up with the interruption. Danny would usually just deal with the man and slowly drive him crazy to the point he leaves Danny alone, but Damian looked like he was ready to stab the guy. (Not like Danny would stop him if he did, but like, Danny should do something about it before that happens.)

Danny glanced at the woman leading them; she was too focused on her conversation with another scientist to be paying attention. which was good, because what Danny was about to do and say was true, but he still would prefer to gather more evidence for an air-tight case. Can't do that if other people wanted to look into it, legally.

"You know," Danny started, clasping his hands behind his back while keeping a straight face. "I wonder if your colleagues would like to know that you've been manipulating your research data."

Dr. Trynul whipped around and glared at him while Damian and his brothers slowed down in confusion and surprise. Danny kept walking.

"How dare you accuse me of such scandalous actions? I should report-" he started, quickly speeding up to match Danny's pace.

"Three papers, released to the public and scientific community. Published under a well-known science journal and written by the one and only Dr. Jake M. Trynul." Danny started, glancing at the large glass tank to the right, where a few otters swam by, gleefully splashing around and having fun.

No one but the four people walking with him was paying attention.

"The connection between environmental factors and animal behavior, Gorillas and the effect humans have on them, and finally, your newest paper, the effects of human and gorilla relationships," Danny listed, ticking them off on his hand.

"I might not be a scientist, Dr. Trynul," Danny smiled, stopping and turning to look at the man, "but I do know how to read data and do the math myself. You have blatantly manipulated scientific data gathered by yourself and your team and falsified finds all so you can trick others and, more specifically, your superiors into investing more money and resources into your research."

Tilting his head, Danny studied the man in front of him, who was flushed red in anger and clammy with nerves. Danny hadn't given any evidence that what he was saying was true yet, but the man still glanced around like someone was going to strip his license right then and there. (Which was evidence enough if you asked Danny, no one got that nervous over baseless claims.)

"You might happen to remember that I had been given the opportunity to help your team with researching and studying Dalilah and her family. An opportunity that allowed access to the team's whole process. Which meant I had access to the unedited and raw data that had been collected. Data, I might add, that I had been required to read through and help collect."

"i don't know how you've managed to do this with so many bright minds on your team, let alone get it past so many others, but i'd like to remind you Dr. Trynul, that if this did get out, with all the evidence I do have, mind you, you'd be in some serious trouble. Not only would your license be revoked but you'd face possible imprisonment. fraud, especially on a federal level, is taken very seriously."

The man gaped at him, his mouth opening and closing for a few seconds before he settled on growling at Danny, "You're lying, you don't have anything. This is libel! I should get you arrested for defamation of character!"

"Oh, bless your heart," Danny held a hand over his chest and batted his eyes, watching as the man grew even more furious. One of the brothers, Dick maybe, choked and started caughing.

"First of all," Danny started, holding up a finger, "libel is written defamation. Slander is oral defamation. Second of all, you can't get me arrested for defamation. You'd have to provide evidence that I had intended you or the public harm. And file the case in a state that deals with criminal libel. which I just said doesn't apply here."

"Third of all," Danny crossed his arms, lifting an eyebrow, "I've been collecting evidence for months now. The only reason you're not being interrogated by the authorities and your superiors is that I've been busy with other things. So, I suggest you pack your stuff, go home, and evaluate your life. because I'm definitely going to be submitting my evidence after today."

Well, not right away. Like he said earlier, Danny wanted to collect more evidence. Like, sure, what he had now would definitely get the man in trouble, but Danny wanted air-tight.

Turning away, Danny started walking in the direction their temporary guide had disappeared. Damian and his brothers took a moment but quickly started following.

"holy shit," Tim breathed, glancing back at the seething man. "Do you actually have the evidence, or were you making that up to scare him?"

"I actually have the evidence, but it's back home, so it'll take 'while before I can actually submit it." Danny admitted. now that that was taken care of, he could get back to what he was actually here for.

"Alright, 'nough about him. Y'all wanted to hear about Dalilah and the language." Danny clapped his hands, turning his head to look at the three. The two older brothers looked like they'd rather continue questioning him, but Damian practically lit up in yellow light, all confusion and glee (?) from before disappearing.

"You said they liked talking when they have nothing else to do, do they not typically like to converse?" Damian asked, an almost unnoticeable skip now in his step.

"That's the thing, they talk all the time. They use a more elaborate and obviouse dialect when bored and a more straightforward and instinctual one when busy. It's fascinating." Danny smiled, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Oh, there you guys are!" their temporary guide cut in, "I thought I lost you guys. Come on, Delilah is just up ahead. She's going to be so excited to see you, Danny."

Danny smiled, picking up his pace when Damian (not rushed, because the kid seemed way too formal to do something as 'childish' as running) caught up to her side.

Glancing back, the two brothers were nowhere in sight.

Next (to be written)

[callalillywrites]

Starved for You

Written for @steverogersbingo. D3 - Touch starved.

Steve Rogers Masterlist | Steve Rogers Bingo | Main Masterlist

Pairing: Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count: 728

Summary: Steve never believed himself to be touch starved. At least until he met you. Then, he became addicted, always wanting more.

Warnings: not much; mostly fluff and self-awareness on Steve's part

I do not give permission to have my works copied, translated, reposted, or fed into an AI machine.

****

Steve would never admit that he missed being touched.

He definitely wouldn't admit that he was a little starved for a loving touch or even a simple touch that most would take for granted.

No, he wouldn't.

He wouldn't.

Yet, he really wanted your touch.

No, that wasn't quite right.

He craved your touch.

He found excuses to get your hands on him anyway he could manage it.

This didn't go unnoticed by any of the Avengers, either.

Well, almost any of the Avengers.

You never seemed to notice how much he craved and sought out your touch.

No, you were the sweetest person on this planet, happy to give him whatever he needed without hesitation. It was just your nature to be so tactile with others, and that included one Steve Rogers.

It had all started innocently enough.

He'd been injured during a mission. Nothing major, just a cut along the shoulder and across his cheek.

Thought nothing of it really, too.

Well, he didn't until you spotted him when he entered the common room.

You'd jumped up from where you'd been reading the latest from your favorite author, gasping at the two streaks marring his otherwise unblemished skin.

One of your hands grabbed his chin, tilting his face one way or another. No doubt trying to see the cut on his cheek at every possible angle. The other hand stayed on his uninjured shoulder, keeping him from moving away.

While he could feel the firmness of your grip, you soon surprised him with letting his chin go and running a finger beneath the cut. It'd been such a soft touch that he almost missed it. If not for the way his nerves lit up, he would've.

You refused to let him go, either, until you'd cleaned him up and put bandages, unnecessary as they were, on his cuts.

You insisted on it, moving him backward until his butt landed in one of the bar chairs near Tony's extravagant bar. One finger came into his line of sight as you commanded, "Don't move. I'll be right back with the first aid kit."

He didn't dare move, either.

Maybe he couldn't move.

You'd certainly seemed to paralyze him with a single, simple touch.

The clean up proved easy enough.

Soon enough, he sported two Captain America-themed bandages, leftovers from a kid-friendly event you'd helped to organize, where he'd been cut. They'd be gone by morning as the serum would've done its job by then.

What wouldn't be gone, however, was the way your touch unlocked something within him. Something he hadn't thought he'd missed until you took such sweet care of him. Your gentleness and your warmth infused him in ways that he hadn't felt since before going into the ice. Maybe ever.

He'd decided to ignore it.

He really did try anyway.

The next time you touched him happened at a gala event that Tony insisted they host at the Tower.

Tony himself had shooed Steve towards the dance floor with your hand wrapped up in his. He refused to let Steve leave until he had at least one dance that evening, tired of seeing Steve sitting on the sidelines.

You'd felt right in his arms, too.

That'd been the worst and best parts.

It turned that switch again in his mind. The same one he'd decided to ignore after you patched him up. Made it harder to want to ignore how much you affected him.

Two songs later and he finally let you go.

That had been the hardest part for him.

After that, he couldn't ignore what he needed, what he wanted. He sought you out for every little cut and scrape. You patched him up just like the first time. Your fingers never straying from their gentle purpose until he felt better.

Every time he had a rough day, he'd find you and let you play with his hair.

Oh, that'd been a heaven he hadn't even known he was missing. He'd heard stories from Bucky and a few of the others, but he'd never experienced it until you. After that, he had more 'bad' days just for the excuse of having you twirl his growing locks and scraping his scalp soothingly with your nails.

He had it bad, and he didn't even care.

As long as it was your touch, he'd never care.

[yanderestarangel]

♡ — 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐑𝐄 | 𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐘'𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃!𝐀𝐋𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓 𝐖𝐄𝐒𝐊𝐄𝐑

— TW: smut, praise, dark themes, age gap, light yandere, age gap, friend of your farher!albert wesker, v!sex, manipulation, nsfw, distorted mind, oral, afab anatomy, blackmail, recorded sex, daddykink, no pronouns used besides 'you'.

♡—Wesker was a sick man, he knew that, but Albert's darkest desires could not be ignored for long. He was your dad's co-worker, and to tell the truth, he hated the man, however, there was something about your father that interested him... You.

♡— Wesker, unfortunately for you, laid eyes on you, it was just small glances behind the dark lenses of his glasses, but soon after, you were already in the scientist's darkest thoughts. He thought you were a precious thing, a little pearl that needed to be protected by him, so he decided to get even closer to your dad, it was so easy to manipulate the man and infiltrate your family that Albert found it pathetic, but he needed you... Being close to you, you were eating away at his mind with every bitter second that passed in the older man's abjacent solitude.

♡— Wesker could just get rid of anyone in the worst way possible and lock you up in a place isolated from everything and everyone, make you his untouched little doll, lock you in a glass dome and watch you all day — he could force you to loving him, worshiping him like a god, he wanted to make you walk on the ground he walks on and see your tongue lick every drop of his seed, things escalated very quickly for him, but he didn't care, in the blonde's head, he was a superior being, and could do anything he wanted.

♡— Wesker researched every strong and weak point of your personality, in a few days he had a folder and raw files of hours and hours of recordings of you, either with the wiretap he secretly placed on your cell phone, or with the cameras hidden behind home — which he put it when he went to your house, to drink some wine and hand over some papers from the umbrella to your dad — or for the hours he spent stalking every post of yours on the internet. He knew everything about you... Absolutely everything, you were his obsession, you were his property and his alone... It didn't take long for you to realize that.

♡— Wesker began with calm touches, as if he were watering a flower, wetting your petals of desire with the nectar of hot, forbidden touches. He would pay you so much attention, wearing the best smile behind his serious and cold face, his lips would always have an expression of comfort for you — He would always shower you with sweet nicknames, telling you how proud he is of you always giving your best to you. college grades, or how good you were. He would divert your father's attention just to visit you in your room, giving you expensive gifts that you had wanted for a long time. "— I just remembered you baby, it suits your eyes, don't worry about the value sweetheart." Albert would speak in a hoarse tone, placing the emerald necklace around your neck, brushing his fingers for too long on your skin and leaving soon after, leaving you with a confused feeling in your chest and a heat in your core.

♡— Wesker has been mentally writing down the best nicknames he can think of. "— My Prince/Princess, My doll, My baby boy/baby girl, My little gem, My good boy/girl, honey, darling, dear, sweet little thing." And all of them are accompanied by mischievous phrases and smiles. " — Good job prince/princess, you did well... Keep it up." " — you really are a cute little thing, aren't you? Making Daddy happy." The scientist would purr in your ear, away from your father's eyes... Not that he cares much, but he loves the feeling of adrenaline, seeing your face blush, you would be a mess for a simple compliment or word of affirmation... It was so cute to him, like a stalking prey, a deer lost and beautiful in the snow.

♡— Wesker knew that resisting his charm was never an option, and it wouldn't be. He is a man who knows how to play his cards right, and it wouldn't take long for him to trap you in his web of manipulation and possession, he would make you his body, mind and soul, break you to the breaking point.

♡— Wesker would have luxurious dinners at his penthouse, calling his family, an excuse to see you again. He would get your dad drunk enough to pull you to some corner of the house and pull down your clothes, slapping your ass hard as he knelt kissing your clit, forcing you to lean against the cold wall while he fucked you out. "— Fuck imagine if your father comes in here and sees his sweet son/daughter like that? Fucking his friend?" Albert smiled mischievously, as he inserted two thick fingers into your hole, stretching you to the sides, leaving you well prepared for him. He would hold you with his strong arms, taking you to the table where your father slept drunk, fucking you in front of the man's sleepy body. " — Fucking h-hell Mmm- imagine if he wakes up? Seeing you like this? Seeing that you're nothing but a fucking slut." He babbled, pushing the base of his dick into your cunt, while you covered your moans with your hand, feeling your eyes roll back into your head with pleasure.

♡— Wesker will fuck you in your own house, making an excuse for your father who needs to recommend some colleges to you, while he aggressively beats you on the mattress, tying your ankles with his tie, while overstimulating your pussy, inserting his shaft repeatedly into your uterus, he'll just take out even the tip and put it all in at once with a sadistic smile on his thin lips. "—I could fuck you like this all day."

♡— Wesker would say such dirty and sweet things to you while turning you into a dumb mess. " — Your sweet little pussy is made for my cock, isn't it?" His free hand reaches down to caress your breasts, pinching and pinching your sensitive nipples, eliciting more moans from your lips. He continues to tease and torment you, pushing you closer to the edge of orgasm before pulling back, prolonging your agony - and his, you could beg and whimper, as he takes a cell phone out of his pocket, focusing on your wet, abused hole. " — Oh, you little slut," he grows. " —I love the way you look when my cock stretches you out like this Ah- Fuck sweetheart-" And just as you're about to fall, he slows down once again, prolonging your ecstasy, the buildup almost unbearable. "—Not yet, my dear," he whispers in your ear, his voice filled with wicked delight. "—You will come when I say so. Only when I give you permission."

♡— Wesker will take several photos of your body covered in semen, in compromising positions and with his dick in your mouth, videos, gifs or any digital media available, he will manipulate and chat you so that you are always his, always stay on his side.

" — You will never run away from me, my little pet... Or else... Your father and all your family, friends... They will know what a whore you are, so just be good and keep your mouth shut, pretty boys/girls don't think."

©𝙔𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍𝙀𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙍𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙀𝙇 2023

[thylacines-toybox]

Chamomile (he/him)

Originally a Senger Naturwelt fox plush, which I modified into a thylacine! A lovely plush made with cotton fur and stuffed with wool. He was a Christmas gift from @wolfies-toys (and the mod was inspired by their custom Senger rabbit-thylacine too!)

Details of the thylacinification process below...

Here he is originally as a fox, and honestly I was tempted to keep him as is! Not everything has to be a thylacine after all... but he would make such a fine one! As lovely as his fox-form was, I don't regret the change at all (and of course, he's very happy with it too!)

The patient is ready for dinner surgery. Tonka in the background is being the anaesthesiologist.

First I dealt with his foxy tail, unpicking the white tip and setting it aside. You need to be quite careful with this cotton fabric, as it frays more than most plush materials I'm used to!

I then cut a section out along the top of his tail (not too much at once!) and ladder stitched down it to form a narrow point. Stitching along the top rather than the bottom also produced a nice slight upward curve!

Onto the ears: I unpicked them from the head, flattened them out and turned them inside out, then stitched them into a round shape instead of a point.

I had intended to use the white from the tail to replace the ear insides entirely, but the pieces weren't quite big enough. So instead I just ladder stitched them on top of the ginger, and honestly... I think it looks even nicer! Again I had to be quite careful of the fraying edges here.

Each ear also gets folded at the top and stitched in place.

The original fox had the unusual problem of a very tall forehead! I didn't think this tall shape quite suited a thylacine head, so I had to shorten it. This was actually really simple, using a very wide ladder stitch following each of the two seams over the top of the head, pulling that big dome downwards. The non-stretchy fabric actually took it very well.

Before and after of dome tallness! I did have to remove a fair bit of the wool stuffing to allow for head squishening... He's actually quite solidly stuffed in there!

Then the ears get sewn back into the head, lower down than before.

And of course, stripes! I used an alcohol based permanent marker for this which worked very well, though he was a little fumey for a few days...

And the final step... as a member of my thylacine plush collection, he needs a herb or spice themed name! I actually happened to give him that chamomile flower pendant to wear before I'd even decided to make him a thylacine, so this time it was an easy choice.

(I'd originally considered naming the fox Ripper, but instead I reused that name for someone else...)

[lowkeyerror]

I Had To Come Back

Agatha Harkness x Reader

Word count: 2.1k

Notes: 1st person, Agnes, a bit of angst, happy ending, part 2 to I Can't Do This Anymore

Summary: After you left Agatha in the middle of her fight with Wanda, you thought you'd be able to move on with your life. However, it was a foolish thought considering how deeply you felt for Agatha. So eventually you find yourself back in Westview looking for her.

An: Been a long time since I've written in 1st person, but wanted to keep it cohesive with part 1. I had to follow up after getting a comment from @dandelions4us only 3 years later but hope you enjoy part 2.

Part 1 | Masterlist

I didn’t think moving on would be simple, but I hoped it would be possible. However, without Agatha by my side life had become incredibly dull. It wasn’t a lack of excitement, but a lack of someone to share it with. After all those centuries together, I didn’t want to share it with anyone except her.

When I left her that day, I knew it had to be done. I did everything for her, but I would never be enough. I never wanted to leave, but a person can only come in second place for so long. Second fiddle to a hunger that would never be satiated.

I thought eventually I’d miss her less. That I would be able to move on from what we had, but that was entirely foolish. A woman as enigmatic as Agatha would always leave a mark on my soul.

I fought the feeling for years, unwilling to give in without trying, but fuck, I missed her. I saw her in everything I did. I could hear her calling to me, reaching for me. It was like she put a spell on me, which she very well could’ve.

I knew the truth, the feeling was all mine, no magic necessary. I still loved her, I needed to find her. I don’t know if she’d take me back, if she could forgive me for leaving, but I just needed to see her.

It was surprise to find her still in Westview. The town looked the same from the outside, but I could sense a difference from the people within. I could feel their eyes on me as I walked through the town.

I hated the way I felt their eyes linger on me. An outsider, or maybe they recognized me, either way it made me uncomfortable.

Going up to the house I used to live in was more challenging than I thought it would be. As I walked towards the house, I felt my heart rate picking up.

Maybe if I kept walking the block she'd eventually make an appearance. I didn't have to knock, I wouldn't have to face her. I just needed to know that she was ok, that would satisfy whatever I was feeling. At least that's what I started telling myself.

“Are you here for her?”

I whipped around at the sound of a voice. It was Herb. It was strange seeing him outside of the illusion Wanda casted, it was safe to assume his name wasn’t even Herb.

“I’m just visiting it won’t be long. Not trying to cause any trouble,” I leveled with him.

“Good luck, she’s been a bit off of her rocker since the whole Wanda thing,” he mentions.

That set off some alarms in my mind, “How so?”

“Sharon said Agnes is really into rom-coms this week. It changes pretty often, but I think rom-coms will be better than last week’s war movie theme.”

I tilt my head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say she created an… immersive experience for herself.”

I still don’t quite get what he means, but the only way to find out is if I check for myself. With a few small words of self-encouragement and a few deep breaths, I head over to the house.

I wait on the porch after ringing the doorbell. It doesn’t take long before the door opens. Agatha opens the door, eyes wide as they land on me.

“It’s you,” she whispers to herself.

“It is,” I say shuffling in my spot.

“Why are you here? You think after all this time I’d let you just waltz back into my life? You left me,” she doesn’t make eye contact with me.

My stare hits the ground, “Please, can we just talk. I know I left, but can you really blame me. I didn’t know if you’d ever care about me like I cared about you.”

She ushers me into the house. Her hands on my wrist cold like they usually were. I let her pull me into the kitchen.

“I can’t believe you’re back here after all these years. What brings you to town?”

My eyebrows crease, “I’m only here for you Ags.”

She shakes her head and laughs about, “You’re silly, be honest why come home now?”

I’m even more confused, “Home?”

She pushes your shoulder lightly, “Yes, goofball, home. Westview, the town we grew up in together.”

Worry begins to fill my body, as pieces begin to form together in my mind, “Ag- Agnes?”

“Yes, hun?”

I can’t help, but reach out and grab her face in my hands.

“Y/n what are you-”

I sush her as I look into her eyes. I search for Agatha behind her eyes, and begin to panic when I can’t see her. I can’t help as tears begin to fall.

“What did she do?”

I can tell Agnes is confused, but she uses one of her hands to hold mine in place.

“What’s wrong doll?”

Instantly I lose my last bit of composure, “I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Forgive me, my love… if I would’ve- I shouldn’t have left, I’m sorry.”

Agnes wraps her arms around me. It’s familiar, but different. She holds me up, and swipes at my tears.

“I have you,” she rubs soothing circles on my back but it only makes me cry harder.

My mind is racing. How was I going to fix this? Magic done by the Scarlet Witch herself. If anything I’d need Agatha to guide me more now than ever. Yet the woman was out of my reach. I hoped she was somewhere buried underneath Agnes, but I had no way of knowing.

I pull away to look at her, “I love you.”

A part of her melts away, “You’re a mess, you don’t mean that.”

“I do Ag-Agnes, I mean it more than you can fathom. I love you more than anything and leaving you… it was my greatest mistake. I’ll never forgive myself for it. I won’t ask you to forgive me, but allow me to make it up to you.”

Agnes rests her forehead against mine. My breath hitches as she looks into my eyes. Her breathing slows and she searches my features. It feels like an eternity passes, but eventually she puts her lips against mine.

I freeze and she almost breaks the kiss, but my arms encircle her. I keep her close allowing myself to indulge in this moment, I don’t deserve.

“I’m just happy you came back,” she speaks.

It almost sounds like Agatha, but you know better. It breaks your heart, but you’re devout. You’re going to fix this, you’re going to bring her back.

Agnes didn't have any push back when I asked to stay with her. She let me in and I got a glimpse into what the neighbors were saying about her… intense interests. I found a way to mitigate them, keeping her somewhere in the nosy neighbor medium.

I didn’t sleep much, spending most of my time in Agatha’s hidden space in the house. There were traces of her everywhere, I could practically feel her. The Darkhold was nowhere to be found, but I did come across Agatha’s old notebooks. They were filled with knowledge themselves.

I was hoping to find anything about breaking the spell she was under. She had books filled with her messy handwriting, nearly impossible for anyone else to decipher. It was different for me, I had been with her when she filled them, I could recall sitting watching her write, sometimes for hours at a time. She was always so dedicated to the craft.

It took a little over 7 months, before I found something useful; an incantation. It seemed too easy, like there should’ve been a catch to it. Yet it was my only source of chance.

“Agnes, I want to try something with you. It’s a little unconventional, but I need you to trust me,” I say, hoping she would agree.

She places a kiss on my cheek, “We’re past all the dramatics hun, you know I trust you.”

I nod, “Ok, you’re going to sit here, and I’m going to say some Latin. That's it.”

“Sound easy enough, sweetheart."

I begin to say the incantation while looking into Agnes’s eyes. I can see her shifting in her seat slightly uncomfortable. I can’t tell if the walls of the house are shaking or if it just feels that way.

“Stop,” she mumbled under her breath, but I don’t.

I keep going, and eventually she stands. She starts peeling off her clothes and I almost advert my eyes, until I see her changing. The different versions of her begin to peel back like layers.

When it’s over she’s naked in the living room. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I take a knee, unable to fully stand. It feels like all my power has been removed from my body.

“Agatha,” I call out to her, breathlessly. Though it takes all my effort, I lift my head.

“So, you came crawling back.”

It was her, the real her. I could tell by the harsh tone of her voice.

“Welcome back sweetheart,” I can’t help the laugh that escapes me.

“How long has it been?”

I attempt to stand, but end up falling over, “Fuck.”

Agatha walks over, picking me up and easily placing me on the couch, “Now answer my question.”

“I came about 7 months ago. It’s been nearly 3 years since I left,” I look at her.

It’s surreal, seeing Agatha and not Agnes.

“3 years, I’ve been trapped for 3 years,” she says to herself in disbelief.

“Why'd you come back?”

She meets my eyes and refuse to look away, “For you, Agatha. When I found you, or should I say when I found Agnes, I freaked out. The Darkhold is gone, I did my best. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t apologize. You did the right thing, I mean what good would it me if we were both trapped.”

“What if I didn’t come back?”

Agatha sighs, “Then I would’ve gotten what I deserved.”

I grab her hand, “No one deserves anything like that.”

She snatches her hand out of mine, “Oh please, I bet you enjoyed the time with Agnes.”

I shake my head at her jealousy. It’s a testing move, but I hook my finger under her chin, forcing her to look at me, “Agnes was sweet, but she is not the woman I love.”

“The woman you left,” Agatha’s vulnerability shines through.

“The woman I keep coming back to, no matter how much it might hurt me,” I remind her tentatively.

“You deserve more,” she sighs closing her eyes.

I lean in, “I just want you.”

I’m the one who presses my lips to her’s. She doesn’t deny me, caving into her desires. I’m putting everything that I have to give into this kiss. The passion is driving me and Agatha is meeting me every step of the way.

It’s not until my hand grazes against her bare stomach that we both pause, realizing she’s still naked.

“I want you too, more than all of this,” Agatha stares deeply into my eyes.

“You don’t have to choose, it was foolish of me to ask.”

Now it’s Agatha grabbing your hands, “It wasn't, it was reasonable. I had my priorities out of order, you are the most important thing in my life and I'm not willing to lose you again. I love you.”

I kiss the back of her hand, “I love you too.”

The moment we shared was sweet, but it soon was filled with defeat as I noticed my body still felt weak. I could tell something was wrong, I tried to use my magic, but nothing happened.

Agatha uses her powers to dress and they work just fine, yet I could see a remorseful look take over her features.

“Y/n, I think…”

I don’t care to hear the rest, “It’s alright, they always suited you better than me anyway.”

Agatha shakes her, “We can find a way, I can give them back-”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Aggie. I’m fine, it’ll take a little getting used to, but it’s not going to kill me,” I stand with much effort.

I could tell by the look in her eye, that she didn’t believe me, “I stole your powers.”

I roll my eyes, “I gave them to you, and I’d do it again, as long as you’re here with me, I couldn’t care less.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod, “Yes, I’m sure. Now let’s get out of this town, it’s beyond dreadful.”

She takes my hand in hers a mischievous smile on her face, “Anywhere with you, my dear.”

[yumeka-sxf]

Henderson and Martha backstory in today's new chapter...was not expecting that, but it was really good! I know people were shipping them before, but now the ship has really set sail 😅

So Martha is the origin of Henderson's "Elegant" catchphrase...how cute, lol.

Now we know why Henderson was so shocked when Becky said this! 😂

I'm not into reading fanfics, but I still got some "Twiyor Eden AU" vibes from this chapter!

I see some of Twilight in young Henderson: Twilight is constantly conflicted with keeping up his spy persona despite growing feelings for his family, just like Henderson was obsessed with perfectly upholding the rules of Eden...until he started to realize that even the prestigious school was being corrupted.

Also similarly, Twilight's realization about the need for information, which eventually led to him becoming a spy, is just like Henderson's realization about the need for education, which led to him becoming a teacher.

And still another similarity is Henderson becoming so obsessed with his pursuit of education that he cast aside desires of wanting to have fun and enhance relationships with others...just as Twilight has been doing since he became a spy. But it seems like present day Henderson realized how ignorant he was back then...maybe Twilight will eventually realize this about himself as well?

I've mentioned many times before that I love how Endo is able to so seamlessly bring darker themes into otherwise non-dark stories, which makes the setting, characters, etc, more interesting. Even in something so simple like the short mission with Bond last chapter where he gives a glimpse into the horrors of animal experimentation, in this chapter he brings in themes of impending war and corrupt education in what would otherwise be a benign school romance story.

Looks like this arc will continue with at least another chapter, possibly more! I'm still curious to see how Martha ended up becoming a soldier and eventually working for the Blackbells. Or maybe she ended up being part of Garden, as some people theorize. Regardless, I really don't think ballet stayed her main focus throughout her life. Also, didn't Henderson eventually get married and have a child later on? Hope we'll learn even more about them in the next chapter!

[fun-k-board]

MARVEL RIVALS - Christmas time!!

Characters included: MAGNETO, SCARLET WITCH, LOKI, STORM, MOON KNIGHT.

Note(s): This includes a lot of headcanons because I'm not sure the full lore and characterisation of things like the X-Men, what version of Moon Knight they're going for, what have you. So, I'm doing it on what I prefer from various comic runs, movies, shows, etc over the years. Some are a little lackluster because of this.

MAX EISENHARDT / ERIK LEHNSHERR / MAGNETO

Erik personally doesn't celebrate Christmas, and that's due to the religious connotations of the holiday even if it's become less Christianity based over the years. But, he doesn't mind the excuse to give you a gift and spend time with his family if you do celebrate. Even if, at this point, the 'family' is just you and him.

He won't put up decorations if you're spending Christmas at his house or if you share a house, he won't wrap the gift, he won't have Christmas themed dinners or anything, but he'll always accept your gifts and give you one back if, as mentioned before, you happen to celebrate. If you don't, he most likely won't give you a gift or mention it as the holiday's existence will simply slip his mind. More of an afterthought than anything else.

Of course plenty of mutants on Krakoa celebrate, and plenty don't, and plenty have a weird in-between where they participate but don't really celebrate. So, it's not entirely out of sight out of mind. In all honesty, Erik is just happy mutants get a chance to have any holidays alive and happy with one another at all.

If you prefer to go all out for Christmas, as in all the things he wouldn't do that I mentioned before, Erik wouldn't mind. All he asks is that you leave both his room and the public parts of your home alone. Assuming you share a room, then he plainly asks that you don't decorate it, but if you must, to keep it at a minimum.

If you don't share a house and he's simply spending holiday time at your house then he politely comments on the decorations, maybe giving a bit of backhanded and passive aggressive sass if he thinks they're ugly. But, it's your home. It's not his place to say what goes and what doesn't.

Speaking of that situation, if you have family staying at your house for Christmas / you live with family, he's very awkward, and I don't believe he'd go at all if nobody in the house is a mutant. Erik doesn't doubt they know of him, it'd be strange if they didn't, so I think you two would give him a secret identity for your families safety. He'd be very silent and still during opening presents, with a dash of silent judgment.

I don't think he'd outright refuse to help you with decorations, he'd do that old man thing where he stares at you with a huffed look on his face until you ask him for help, in which case he mainly uses his powers if there's metal involved. Sometimes he'll say something like 'really my dear, did you truly need help or is this an excuse to spend time with me?' But hey, he's pretty tall so if you happen to not be tall, he's a great help!

I think he'd gift you something like jewellery, metal, but also with other things like, well, jewels. He wants something simple, but that shows heartfelt meaning. It's covered in intricate patterns, perhaps ones that reflect your place of origin to show that he loves you, even where you were born.

Erik's eyes tilt up, following your lingering gaze. He nearly lets out a laugh at the mistletoe hanging above you, but it comes out as a small huff. 'what a silly tradition.' he'd hum, before leaning close and giving your lips the most unsatisfactory peck he's ever given them. At your look, whether outwardly dissatisfied or with only a hint of disappointment in your eyes, he'll act like it wasn't purposeful, sighing as if this is some chore as he leans in for another. But you know him well, you know that hidden loving look in his eyes.

WANDA DJANGO MAXIMOFF / SCARLET WITCH

Wanda, for the reasons in Magneto's section, also doesn't celebrate Christmas. Although, I don't see her continuing on any holidays in general or family traditions, her broken connection to her father most likely created a fractured connection to anything associated with him. She just doesn't seem like a 'holiday' person to me.

However, if you two either happen to share a house or she's at yours in time for the holidays, she doesn't mind helping you put up decorations or helping you cook for Christmas. If you have family, she's doing a mix of doing what she can to impress them whilst refusing to do anything that makes her go past her comfort zone.

I absolutely think she's a good cook, and if she doesn't unintentionally hijack the kitchen, she will help whoever's in there. Whether that be you or your family. Any attempts to tell her that 'you're a guest' and 'you should be relaxing' are met with a wave of the hand and a small, awkward smile. As much as she does just love to help your family assuming they're sweet and accepting of her, she also is very peculiar with food. I think Wanda would make her own side dish just in case.

Honestly, I think she would invite Pietro and Lorna if you and them are close enough? She knows Christmas is a family event, and since that's her family, why not invite them, right? She hopes you see them as your family too, because they've spent too long without something stable. Even though deep down she does have some love for her father, although maybe not as deep down as she thinks, she doesn't want to and would never contact him for Christmas with you and especially not with your family.

Wanda loves to do that thing where she hugs you from behind, absolutely astounded that she has you. She's astounded that you love her, and that you appreciate her so much. Not many do, and she can't help but find so much comfort in that. I think she'd do it whenever she gets emotional but doesn't want to show it, a hug from behind to tell you that she's hurting, but you're helping her heal.

Wanda doesn't like the feeling she gets when opening presents in front of your family, especially if they've given her something. It's usually something they've got an idea from after asking you, so maybe a candle or something handmade, and as much as she appreciates and even loves the gifts she's given it's still a weird almost performance she needs to put on. The feeling isn't as uncomfortable as it is just a bit awkward.

I think she'd only give you a gift if she knows you're getting her one, through communication. She won't ask what it is or peek through your mind to find out, she doesn't really care what the gift is exactly, and she trusts you enough to gift her something she likes and would find useful. I think Wanda does love little mutual acts of affection, so she wouldn't miss out on an opportunity to give you something.

Her eyes flick up before yours do, and Wanda can't help but give you a small chuckle, the most amused look in her eyes that you've ever seen. 'oh? Isn't this convenient.' she purrs, her hand outstretches, capturing your own in a comforting embrace. She whispers, 'I can't believe I got so lucky, my love. You're wonderful.' before giving you a short but comfortable and loving kiss.

LOKI LAUFEYSON

Loki thinks your celebration is more than a little silly. I mean, who cares about this guy who gives presents to kids? Why not the adults? He does far more in a day than some snotty brat has done in their entire lifetime!

Oh- he's not real? Well, then where are his presents, mortal?!

He will say that even if you're not a mortal by the way. It's his personal way of saying 'you're under me and I'm perfect compared to you' without actually saying it.

He absolutely refuses to stay at your house for Christmas if you have family over, because he knows that he will cause mischief and you will get angry at him for it and he would rather you gift him your devotion than be under your wrath. Don't tell him he could kill you easily, he knows that, and he will if you keep pittering on. (He won't). Unless, perhaps, you don't have the best relationship with your family. Then he can probably convince you that it's fair game.

Loki will not invite Thor or Hela, don't even entertain the idea. He will leave.

I think he'd give you a dagger of some kind for a present, even if you're a regular Joe and don't have a use for weapons, you can always display it. And have an engraved stand that tells you your mighty lover, Loki, God of Mischief and notoriously handsome trickster, had gifted you it for your silly holiday.

He will not help you cook or put up decorations unless you literally beg him to, even then he can mainly do some pieces of meat at least decently well. It'd be best to have him do some parts of the cooking while you're preoccupied with the other. He tends to only help with the decorations he knows you'll struggle with, although he won't tell you that outright it's pretty obvious. Especially if you're shorter, less strong than he is, or have any kind of physical disability that could cause trouble with putting up decorations.

Will puff up his chest and grin when you compliment his efforts to help and or compliment his gift. He loudly proclaims that of course he'll give you something so beautiful, because he's beautiful and he very clearly has taste. But, you simply couldn't ignore the way his gaze softened a little when you were speaking. The way you could feel his eyes looking you up and down with adoration.

Loki raises a brow at your expectant look, slowly following your gaze until it reaches the mistletoe. Oh, you've explained this to him, the strange little kissing ritual you midgardians have. His expression twists into something different, his eyes sparkling with mirth, but he doesn't go right in for the kiss. Instead, he holds your chin in his hand, pulling you close until you can breathe in each other's air. 'what a silly mortal.' he mutters, making you tilt your head so he can kiss you. He doesn't intend it to be a small peck either, his kiss is as deep and passionate as you allow it to be.

ORORO MUNROE / STORM

Ororo finds amusement in your tradition, the decorations, the gifts, it makes her heart warm. It's a time for family, and she reminisces over the X-Men's past Christmas times. It's never dull, lots of mutations being used when they're not supposed to, frequent arguments and drama, it was perfect. Not to mention, always the best meals from Gambit and Rogue. She adores the look on the younger mutants faces when they receive something special.

And, in her personal opinion, she's the best gift giver in the X-Mansion.

Ororo would absolutely help make meals, and she jokes that she's not as good at it as Gambit or Rogue are, but she'll try her best. She then proceeds to make one of the best meals you've ever had. It's perfectly flavoured, the texture is just to your liking, it's absolutely delightful. And if you're spending time with family? Expect her to go all out.

Your family will adore her, no doubt about that. No matter what the situation is, whether you and Ororo share a house, you live on your own, you live with family, or you and your family visit the X-Mansion for the holidays. She charms them with her sternness and discipline, her strength unimaginable, but her warmth and friendliness is what truly seals the deal in their adoration for her.

Unwrapping presents tends to be a long process for the X-Mansion. There's a lot of people there, so it's normal to open them all at once and try to get it through as quickly as possible, cleaning as you go with trash bags at the ready to throw in any waste. With a whole family, or perhaps just you in the mix, it can be a bit awkward and even a little overstimulating if you're not acquainted with the X-Men. She's never felt the need to pretend, so she assures you that you don't need to be happy the entire evening because Logan isn't and everybody still loves him, you'll be fine.

The one thing Ororo loves to do most is listen to you. Whether it be generally your life, what you had for breakfast, a story from your childhood, it creates something easy where she can bounce off the conversation with something of her own. It continues the conversation until either of you end it, and causes the conversation to flourish where it would've died otherwise. She uses this to find out what present you'll want for Christmas, so it'll heavily depend on what you actually want.

It honestly doesn't matter what you get her, she'll be appreciative all the same. She knows just how hard it can be to afford things, to create from seemingly nothing, no matter how much effort you put in. To her, the fact you gave her a gift at all is something meaningful within itself. So, even if it's some poorly made easily breakable bracelet, she will wear it with pride.

When she finds herself under the mistletoe with you, her lips curl into the most amused smile and she'll use her powers to twirl the leaves, a teasing hint to her true might. 'was this your plan all along, my dear?' she'll ask, leaning closer, waiting for you to capture her lips. If you take too long, however, she'll raise a brow and mutter a teasing 'don't test my patience' before kissing you herself.

MARC SPECTOR / MOON KNIGHT

Marc is, well, he's not the most jolly guy, and it's been years since he's even bothered to tune into Christmas time when it happens. It's not like he has anybody to spend it with. He would much rather you spend Christmas with Steven or Jake, they're better at that kind of thing, and they're a lot more friendly, buddy buddy with you.

Of course Marc loves you, and if you really want to spend time with him for Christmas he will do it, but he isn't going to act differently for you. He will be the same edgy, broody man. He will absolutely say something like 'the Christmas lights are too bright, it ruins my outfit.' in the gruffest voice you've heard.

I think he'd be a good cook. Nothing that blows you away, but you can definitely eat enough to get full and be satisfied with it. Jake probably leaves some recipes around, and if it does end up becoming a disaster he can always take over and salvage the situation before the house burns down.

He doesn't mind the house being decorated, assuming it's either his or your shared one, as long as it's not like so many Christmas lights it's hard to see or so many decorations you get whacked on the face with them whenever you want to walk somewhere. He'd also help if you asked him to, but I don't think Marc would just hop on and help. He'd assume you have it all covered.

I don't think there are many universes where Marc would consider meeting and visiting your family for Christmas, especially not the Marvel Rivals one. If you're really insistent and passionate about it, he supposes he can. But don't expect him to stay for long if they're not accepting of you or him, he doesn't have any tolerance for that. Plus, he doesn't want to hear Khonshu complaining in his ear that he isn't committing murder while he's around your family, they don't get him or his Identity as Moon Knight like you do.

'Mistletoe, huh?' he muses, his voice would sound almost annoyed to anybody else, but you know him better than anybody else. Or, at least most other people. He crosses his arms as you look up and realise, clearly having forgotten at some point. With his expression a strange mix between a firm sternness and amusement, he pats his lips with his pointer finger twice. 'you put it up, you initiate.'

[wannabedragon-yep-lumenemporium]

Oh Baby Jesus😭😭 I cried my f*cking eyes out ohhhh oh oh 😭😭😭

Okay it was a good episode. Daamn it was a good episode, let's begin my dudes: my take, episode's themes I noticed and the sus/interesting details.

There be Spoilers

_________My take (I'm part of the R&M cult, so, impartiality)________

Expectations: the episode started totally on point with my expectations, actually, I couldn't believe I was really watching Beths so openly discussing the elephant in the room, I loved it. The show usually tends to be more subtle, and despite being a catchy way to give life lessons without sermonizing, sometimes I really wish they could take a well defined stance more often and explaining stuff more clearly, bcs not always the writers point of view/life experiences match with the viewers': sometimes something obvious to you isn't that obvious to me.

Important life lessons: as always, Rick and Morty is quick to deliver more accurate, better life lessons than our actual overpaid therapist: both Beths quickly dismiss the daddy issues thing with "write a book abt it lol" (a reference to Morty Junior), only for the show to prove that the daddy issues were in fact the main issue. But why both Beths didn't realize where the problem actually was? Well, that's how this episode shows us what the essence of a successful therapy, of your "healing process", if you want, is: to feel. You can cognitively understand something (ex. you have daddy issues) but you can't fix the problem without directly dealing with it, without speaking about it, without understanding your reaction to it, without processing it, without feeling it on your skin and accepting what is actively doing to the person you are right now. To bottle up emotions into a cold consideration about your life's misery, is sadly not enough to cure your wounds. This lesson really reminds me of a Doctor Ramani video I saw lately, about how important is to feel, in order to found yourself again after narcissistic abuse forces you to shut down all those emotions your abuser dislikes.

Beth unprocessed abandonment: the real core of the issue is shown in a quick but decisive exchange between the two Beths.

Being abandoned triggered in her a violent response against everything and everyone. Why do I have to take care of everyone if no one is taking care of me? Why should I, if nothing matters, not even family bonds? I'm just so angry all the time. This resulted in an adult Beth full of remorse about her past actions, that only wants to take a lot of distance from her father's steps. Adult Beth tries to fix everything she can, taking on herself more responsibilities that she can/should actually handle.

In real life it's not possible for a 10 yo showing this level of psychopathy to grow up into a mildly narcissistic person, nor even a sociopath (which, to put it really simple, is an "improvement" over being a psychopath), but R&M world has a lot of ways to stretch reality just as needed. For example, we can speculate that all the Beths that actually survived had a Rick Prime-like dad, and a probably very messed-up/totally neglectful Diane mum: but at a certain point, a "good" Rick shows up, a Rick who lost his Diane and Beth, he build Froopyland and other toys to keep Beth busy and entertained, basically he tries to re parent a very difficult child, probably even with the help of his technology, somehow managing to raise some kind of well adjusted adult (kinda). Is it yet unclear though, for how long Rick stayed with child Beth: did he left and then returned, then left again? There were different Ricks every time? The kind of experienced genius that builds Froopyland to help his daughter, doesn't sound like the same Rickhead that leaves his wife and child for Infinity. At the same time, we know that adult Beths grew up with their mother, without a Rick during their childhood. Also, despite knowing about Froopyland, Rick is not familiar at all with Beth's trapped dungeons...

a Beth's peculiar tendency that reminds me more of Rick Prime than our actual Rick. That might suggest that Froopyland Ricks arrived after Prime-like Ricks already left the family. I guess we are still missing a lot of data about that time window.

In a nutshell: remember when Beth asked Rick if she was evil?

Turned out this was tormenting her since season 3. Making a clone didn't fix the problem right away, but allowed Beth to talk with herself, to give time to herself, and to gradually start accepting herself. A good metaphor for re parenting. Rick on the other hand... I'm starting to understand his answer from s3. At first I thought: "Whoa wtf you don't tell kids they're evil, you f*cking raised them, it can't be their fault if they're traumatized" but in this case, it wasn't Rick's fault either. Rick C-137's Beth, the one from his memories, looks like a serene, loving, normal child. Considering that good Ricks probably arrive long time after some Prime-like Ricks left their Beths, good Ricks really try their best with what they have. I would love to read some fanfic about the time another Rick "returned" home and tried to deal with this little devil lol.

Season 3 parallelism: I have the feeling that we are literally seeing the other half of season 3 (it's an 8, u get it?), like the missing part of it, the side that all characters missed by that time. We have a lot of s3 reference, the same dark, grim atmosphere, even a Citadel episode. Yet at the same time, all our beloved characters, the Citadel itself, are forever changed. I know there are still a lot of seasons, but I have this bittersweet feeling that we are very slowly approaching the closure of this unique, astounding, heartbreaking show.

Other gems from the episode: like, damn gurl, that's such a smart way to transport criminals, it gives that "players-totally-abusing-the-mmorpg-mechanics" feeling 💀💀

Beths shrieking, omg I laughed so hard, she's a living nightmare but I totally love this f*cked up kid(s) with all my heart💀

Okay... can we talk about the moment that made me cry so, so much please?

I wildly loved Rick's arc, simply being a good parent instead of the same manipulative dude, hidden behind layers and layers of Idon'tgiveafuckness. It's just a super old, fragile Rick, and the daughters he's so proud of, hugging and crying, all grieving together about those failed promises of love (all bcs of Prime if u think abt it, f*ck that guy fr).

I feel like this scene was really a gentle caress on the cheek of a lot of fanfic writers: for real, I saw this line in sooo many R&M fanfics and art, this moment was so longed by a huge part of the fandom, and I love when the show's writers are ready to deliver, it means caring about your community, it should be the standard.

In the end, maybe you don't need to be an intergalactic hero or the perfect surgeon to be loved and seen.

Switching to plot B: the message was pretty simple, humanity sucks in general, and yes I agree. Our society is completely messed up, so an earth themed park like that actually makes sense; and now that i think about it, maybe the park thing was a metaphor about the duality of people, just like the duality of Beth, due to trauma. There can be so much good and so much evil in humans. Well maybe not just in humans...

I like this little parenthesis about Morty starting to understand what basic, adult relationships requirements are, like respect and connection 💀 It's also heartwarming to see Rick interacting in a more normal way with Morty and Summer, (and there's even Jerry getting along, wat)... even when one of his ideas fails dramatically, with Morty joking about Rick punishing him for criticizing him: same Vat of Acid vibes, different outcome, 10/10 💛💛

Look at this cocky yellow dude, look at him go. I love it 💀

Omg rick losing his shit abt the wrong themed park 💀💀💀and everyone bullying him a little bit 💀💀💀 Morty is acting more like a young adult and less like a teenager, while Summer is definitely the adult of the group (yes, I'm not even considering Jerry), I love how she quickly takes the wheel as soon as the situation start to escalate.

In general, I really liked the episode: it wasn't something shockingly new, it was a good elaboration of themes we saw before and were left unsolved. I think we cannot talk of an actual closure yet, but what we saw was definitely some good character development on all sides. Also Doctor Dogballs... the name killed me in its absolute 8 yo irony 💀

________________Ep. Main themes in a nutshell_________________

the duality of people's nature: it can be violent and cruel or compassionate and forgiving, all seems to depend on how much we work on ourselves and our universe. Being cruel or not basically just depends on how f*cked up our childhood was and how we decide to cope with that, great take.

there's a parallelism with the episode Final DeSmithation, the zebras' zoo in particular, when everybody in the commercial start to eat each other and Morty deduces that the visitors of the park were the attraction themselves, just like in this episode: humans themselves were the main attraction just bcs Dogballs was nuts.

__________________Sus stuff/interesting details___________________

Meta energy: there is a looot of purple energy everywhere lately. The hypercoal, doctor dogballs energy, and before that Rhett Caan's crystal, Prime's outfit, the reality goggles that freak Morty out... everything that gives incredible results is fueled by meta energy and they are reminding us quite often. A lot of powerful stuff is meta related, probably bcs its function is to alter the reality of the show itself.

side adventures: Jerry was apparently transformed in a trash can and Morty knew about a Rat Utopia thing, both references to adventures we never saw on screen, so it seems like the whole family is actually spending some time together even outside of the tv show now 💛

Gene is divorced but not exactly...? I wonder what's Gene full story and I also felt a little bad for him 💀 I mean I don't like him much, but he didn't deserve double baby Beth on the run.

Okay, all done! And remember:

Life is good, there's Rick and Morty 💛

[ssaalexblake]

It's really frustrating when people mix their allegories and treat squid game like it's criticizing the same thing that the hunger games is, because it's not aiming for the same societal issue.

While thg is critiquing western society (specifically american) and asking readers to acknowledge that They are the capitol no matter how much personal power or wealth they do or don't hold, Squid Game is actually shooting for something else.

Squid Game is not telling you you're a VIP. You're nothing like the VIP's. "Isn't it funny that us watching this show are just like the VIP's???" Well, no, because unless you happen to be reading this post while also being a billionaire, you are supposed to understand that you are Not a VIP, you are one of their toys.

The vast range of people who ended up victimised by this entire twisted organisation are meant to say to the viewers that yeah! this is You! This could be you! Gi-Hun had a string of bad luck, some police brutality, trauma, and ultimately a gambling addiction and it ended up with him ending up on their radar. Sang-Woo seemed to have it allll going for him and he very much represents the educated and seemingly wealthy (but not super rich) demographic and shows you that They are not immune to this either. Ali was in trouble and ended up there because of systematic racism. Sae-Byeok needed money to bring her mother to safety as she had no choice but to use human traffickers to do so. Some people have made bad investments. Others need to pay for medical care.

My point is, there's no mould for the average contestant because it's literally just anybody who's had some bad luck, and that is something that nobody is immune to. Hell, Guem-Ja by all accounts didn't even have any bad luck, she's literally there to help her son out! Jun-Hee needs money as a young mother, society isn't going to help her, that's not how capitalism works.

This organisation preys on anyone and everyone.

They expand on this even further in S2 to give us an eye into the world of the guards through No-Eul and the salesman. Both of them were headhunted when they had nothing as well. While neither of them were said to be in debt, they still needed work. It's as simple as that. It's as simple as No-Eul also working at the theme park as an actor, she's just poor and needs the money to survive. These 'kids' they keep unmasking in the games are just the same as a kid working in fast food their first job. They need work and this is what's available.

Of course, there's an amount of brutality there too, but clearly the people who try and find contestants and employees do their research into who to put where. Guards seem to be poor but not in debt. They also need to be capable of at Least disposing of hundreds of bodies (the salesman says that the crematorium is the bottom level job, it looks like they desensitize the people to death and Then give them guns to actively kill. No-Eul who had already killed people and was a good shot to boot probably got to skip the entry level part of the job).

I'm glad they went into who the guards are because it really still highlights that the rich use the poor for entertainment, and they use the poor to police those other poor people, and if the poor revolt the people dying are Still poor people. The VIP's still aren't dying or paying for any of this. The system is entirely rigged.

Which leads me back around to this; You are not like a VIP for watching squid game, and the show is trying to tell you the opposite of this.

The show is telling you that You are one of the pawns in the rich people's games and that no matter what happens in this system, no matter if you're unlucky and in debt or if you're just a low class young adult getting paid to be a guard in (to use an extreme understatement) a very morally ambiguous job, it's still Always the poor people being hurt because the people in with the money and power are not facing consequences for this at all.

I actually think one of the revelations in S3 for the characters will be that In-Ho actually doesn't have any power to effect change at all. I mean, he's in charge, but I kind of think he's at most the equivalent of the manager of an insanely upmarket hotel that caters to the super rich like those vegas casinos. The rich people may talk to these managers cordially, but in the end he's still just an employee and nothing more.

Gi-Hun and co (whoever that will be by the time it happens) will find him and discover that their plan to capture him to get answers will be effectively useless because they've Still not aimed high enough.

To kill this system you need to cut the head off the snake(s). Those are the billionaire VIP's.

I'm not sure that Gi-Hun even knows they exist.

But yes. THG is telling you that you are the capitol. Squid Game is telling you that you are a toy for the rich and you are not and never will be one of the VIP's (even if you 'win' at capitalism AKA the games you're still just a middle manager or still cheap entertainment to them). You are one of the contestants, actually. Or maybe a guard. But not a VIP. Both of these messages can exist in harmony, actually, but they're not the same. And you're certainly not like a VIP because you turned on a fictional TV show specifically about anti-capitalism.

Except of course the muskrat who I believe said he watched this back when S1 came out. He's literally a VIP. This rebuttal of viewers being like the VIP's specifically excludes him.

[p3sephone]

No escape (Dark! Natasha Romanoff x reader x dark! Steve Rogers)

Summary: Natasha and Steve found a common interest, and that is you. But then you say things like you want to break up, and then escape. So, of course they take you back, and then make sure you understand the hardest way you can't really leave them.

Warnings: past non-con, physical and psychological abuse, manipulation, Natasha is a warning herself, kidnapping, drugging, future non-con implied, dark thought on reader. This is a dark story with dark themes, so minors are NOT ALLOWED, only +18. I don't own these characters.

Note: okay so, I kinda have a little thought about turning this into a serie or at least make part 2. What do you think? Anyway, any comment, like or reblog is truly appreciated. <3 Requests are open!

She didn't know what was going through her mind. It was something crazy what she had just done, and yet Natasha continued to drive towards her desolate destination while your helpless and drugged body was in the back of the seats. She had to admit, she had always been determined and rigid in her decisions, but even she wavered sometimes. Especially when it came to you. But you were so stubborn, what was she supposed to do?

You had left her. You had left her and Steve. She still remembered the conversation from days ago.

"I want to break up."

They were extremely simple words, but coming out of your mouth they were truly surreal. Natasha focused directly on you with an expressionless look, while Steve was already getting more nervous as he started to walk towards you. Natasha had always been the one who talked less than Steve: she was the one more inclined to inflict punishments and make you cry, Steve agreed with her but only when necessary.

If it were up to Natasha, you would have been locked up in that New York apartment at all hours and without the possibility of leaving. She remembered how your relationship was at the beginning: you, Steve and her. It had been born spontaneously, or rather, well, Natasha had perhaps manipulated more than a few things to ensure that the three of you ended up together and that Steve would give her more support when it came to having a firm hand on you.

If only she had had her way, those stupid words would never have come out of your mouth. Steve immediately asked the reasons and Natasha made a face of contempt at you. No, she was not willing to get into that conversation, because there was nothing to discuss: you would not have moved from there, far from them. She had to remind you that, even before Steve, Natasha had seen you for the first time. You were hers. Then the blond noticed you and Natasha didn't mind sharing with him, also because she knew she needed help in the early days because she knew we would get to this point without the right discipline.

"I don't feel good in this relationship anymore, I want… I want the life I had before." Natasha understood how uncertain you were when talking and did what she knew how to do best: manipulate you. She had manipulated you in every way, listing every single thing they had done for you, how well they treated you not only during your daily routine, but also during the nights you spent alone before.

That day she remembered that made you cry a lot, from humiliation. You felt humiliated deep down and somehow you knew that Natasha and Steve were wrong, but your body didn't have the strength to pull back from the long session of suffocating cuddles they forced you to after that argument.

Natasha remembered all of that vividly. Yet, her manipulation, her ways, even her kindness and mercy towards you hadn’t been enough to keep you confined in that apartment. Somehow that adorable head of yours had managed to find a way to escape from them. Steve was the first to discover it, and he felt mostly concern, followed by sadness and anger. Natasha knew Steve: he was a good guy, but if you pressed the right spots he became exactly like her. And Natasha didn’t need the Steve who was kind and adorable to you, she needed the other Steve, the same one you had dealt with one night when you had decided to reject them both in bed and insulted them. You had suffered some bruises and a bad headache, but Natasha remembered how well you had behaved in the days that followed.

Natasha’s mind suddenly cleared. She had done the right thing, she had followed you to that bar and drugged your soft drink, she had finally dragged you away without your dumb friends noticing anything. Oh, she would fix them later, but first she needed to teach you a lesson. She sneered wickedly. She just had to press that button. So, she called Steve. The infamous captain didn't take long to answer, looking all worried.

"Steve, I got her back. I'm taking her to our plan b, that place you know about." Natasha didn't even give him time to speak and continued in a stiff, angry voice. "Do you know where she was? She wasn't in danger. She was with her friends, in a bar and dressed in a shabby way. She had a man on her and she was completely ready for his attentions, you have no idea how she was dancing. She dressed like we always forbade her to, she drank and accepted a bag of… I don't know, but I took her out of there. I did the right thing, didn't I, Steve?"

Natasha didn't need an answer. She had actually lied: you weren't doing any of that, you were just talking to your friends and when a man approached you you politely rejected him like the beautiful little girl you are.

But Natasha had to make you understand that there were consequences if you ran away from them, and Steve would never guarantee those consequences unless she said the things he hated the most.

Natasha thought you were cute in those short, skimpy dresses, it just made her want to rip them off, Steve preferred a more conservative part. Natasha hated it when anyone else paid attention to you, Steve did the same. Natasha liked you when you were drunk because you couldn't remember what she did to you during that time, Steve… well, he might be lying but he actually liked you too, even if with more guilt.

"I'm coming." Steve didn't give Natasha time to say anything else, he had already hung up. The red-haired woman looked at your poor, still helpless and unaware figure in the mirror. You had no idea what was waiting for you but Natasha did, and she was going to savor every second of it. You'll never leave her again, she'll make sure of it.

[deadbeat-motel]

ᗩᑎGEᒪ ᗪᑌᔕT ᖇEᗪEᔕIGᑎ

Me going talky-talky below the cut

I wanted to redesign this guy the most because of so many issues I have with his actual design, namely:

The suit is a travesty.... for both his background as a hypersexual porn actor and a previous mafia member. It does not read well as a good design for an Italian mobster of the 1920s. Do you really not think he would rock a pinstripe? I mean come on, those three horizontal lines on his suit look really tacky to me. You should've taken that pinstripe suit from Sir Pentious and given it to him instead. and not only that but it doesn't even read well as a porn actor who has no qualms about being sexualized and pretty much even revels in it. why does the suit basically cover him up like a conservative politician? come on, let him show off a bit more.

WHY A BOWTIE??? WHY??? A SIMPLE GOOGLE SEARCH WILL SHOW YOU THAT A NECKTIE WAS MORE IN FASHION DURING THAT TIME RATHER THAN A BOWTIE. The bowtie was something that pissed me off so much about the design.

He's not a very good spider design. the only thing about him that looks remotely spider-like is that he has those eye dots under the eyes and the many limbs.... nothing else. not the very large abdomen or the actual 4 pairs of limbs a spider is supposed to have. Not even a web pattern on him like Spiderman who embodies "spider" more than him.

YOU TOOK THE FLOOF OFF OF HIM??? THE ICONIC FLOOF???? unacceptable. In retaliation, I'm giving it back bigger than ever you coward!

Anyways, here's the thought process I went through with this design:

He needed to embody his Mafia/porn addict themes through his clothing so I went with an outfit that looks like a slutty Halloween costume of a mobster. Plus it would have also differentiated him from his family who most likely would've had a stronger Mafia vibe than he did.

Gave him a tiny little hat too because i thought it looked cute.

I remember hearing that Angel Dust's most iconic part was his head's unusual shape, so I decided to keep it on him but tweaked it a little bit with his hair covering the other half of his face. (This was for some kind of lore reason, maybe he's insecure about his heterochromia, That's where he was shot and has an X over it, or his eyes are malformed on that side, still thinking about it)

Originally was going to have matching black gloves for his arms too but then it was harder to see what was his arm or leg so I let him have nothing instead to keep the pairs of limbs separated

Gave him some hoop rings too because why not let a bad bitch have one?

I've seen necktie cat collars go around earlier and thought it would fit well for Angel Dust considering I didn't give him a shirt and that i took off his choker as well.

Aside from a MASSIVE flooff, I also gave him a massive spider "butt" with the missing pair of limbs. I decided to make it legs because honestly, It's much harder to think of how he would emote naturally with 6 arms. Plus it was interesting to think about how a 4 legged bipedal would work. Immediately my first thought went to Squidward Tentacles from both the show and the musical but then it wouldn't work because of the complexity of the legs. It's main purpose now is to both hold up the large spider "butt" and be his self-defense when being approached from behind.

Originally was going to have those big ass claw things on his mouth (I'm most likely wrong but the 'chelicerae' thing?) but thought it would clutter the design too much and because there was a big possibility that Val probably ripped them off of him when he had bitten once, if not multiple times, in self-defense.)

I'll probably talk about him more when he pops up in an episode I'm going to go in-depth about or give him his own dedicated rant about how Vivziepop treated his story.

[icetruckprincess]

blood & devotion | part two

description: you thought the evening would be harmless—a simple date, a glass of wine. but rudy has a way of leaving an impression, and the night takes an unexpected turn. passion and secrets intertwine, drawing you deeper into rudy's world. unknown to you, darkness lies beneath the surface, and you are left with more questions than answers.

chapter cw: brian moser x f!reader, brian as rudy, drinking, nsfw content, drinking, manipulation, implied violence, canon type violence, mature themes.

wc: 2.9k

part one | part two | part three

please do not steal or copy my work in any way. copyright © icetruckprincess 2025. all rights reserved.

you stood before the mirror, adjusting your hair for the third time. your hands were trembling, but it wasn't nerves— it was the anticipation. after days of second-guessing whether this whole date was really a good idea, rudy kept resurfacing your thoughts. brief as your time with him had been, rudy had left a mark that you couldn't shake. 

so there you were, swiping on lipstick with careful hands, whispering to yourself that it was just a harmless evening. a glass of wine, nothing dangerous, nothing serious. but deep down you knew it was a lie. 

the restaurant rudy chose was dimly it, intimate. the kind of place where people told secrets and fell too quickly into each other’s arms. shadows danced along the wall, stretching tall. jazz murmured from hidden speakers, wrapping around your shoulders like silk. 

rudy looked breathtaking under the low lights, his green eyes always catching you with that same intensity that left you breathless at the hospital. he wore a crimson button-down, sleeves rolled to his forearms again, revealing his strong wrists and careful hands. he smelled of cedar and musk—warm and dark. 

you sipped a dark red wine that tasted like velvet and listened to him talk, his voice low, “well i studied in paris for bit. studied prosthetics, and then ended up here in miami after.” 

you blinked, caught off guard, “paris, wow. i’ve never been.” 

he smiled, “ it wasn’t just school” he started, mouth tugging into a quiet smile. “i needed distance. there’s peace in being somewhere no one knows your name.”

the way he said it made your skin prickle. distance from what? it was too early to pry, but it didn't mean that you weren't curious. 

“or where you came from?” you asked softly. 

he nodded, “exactly.” 

the space between you two seemed to narrow in the silence, as it always did. the jass hummed low, like a heartbeat underneath the table. his eyes caught yours again, searching, and then dropped briefly to your mouth before lifting back. 

“prosthehics... it’s oddly intimate work, “ he murmured, directed to you.

your gaze drifted to his hand as he circled the rim of his glass with a fingertip, slow and deliberate. it was impossible not to watch.

"the mechanics of movement are beautiful,” he continued voice softer now, laced with awe. “tendons, joints,—the architecture of it all. we’re built so precisely, and yet… it’s only when something is missing that we understand the elegance.”

the way he said missing, like it was both a tragedy and a fascination pulled at your heart unexpectedly. tony flashed in your mind—his absence. 

and rudy, almost as if he sensed it, reached for your hand. 

his palm was warm as it closed over yours, slow and gentle. his thumb began to trace over your skin, like he was smoothing out the ache in you. 

you parted your lips gently, startled by the tenderness of the gesture. 

“im sorry,” he said, voice low and remorseful. “i shouldnt have, i know—"

“no.” you interrupted quickly, the words tumbling out. you didn’t want to lose the chance where he seemed to be opening up to you. “please keep going.”

he hesitated, his thumb stilling over your hand. you leaned in just slightly, eyes pleading, “i want to hear more. about you.”

his expression shifted—just for a second. a flicker of surprise, or softness. then something darker and deeper passed into a twitch of a smile. 

“the body tells a story,” he said, holding your gaze. “sometimes more in it’s absence than in its presence."

your breath caught. you felt pinned in place, not by fear, but by something else. you couldn’t look away, “you make it sound almost… intimate.”

he titled his head, amused, eyes bright. “it is. you spend hours with a single limb. you start to know it in ways it's owner never did. the slope of it. the weight. the things it once could do. it's like learning someone by what they've left behind.”

you stared at him, eyes wide. still holding his gaze, still in his spell. 

hushed you replied, “you talk about it like it’s art.”

he smiled wistfully, “sometimes it is.”

his thumb swept over your hands again, just once, before he slowly let it go. you almost reached after him, fingers twitching, but you stopped yourself.

you looked away and breathed out the air you forgotten you were holding. you took another sip from your glass, your lips tremebling slightly.

his eyes didn’t leave you. he was waiting for your reaction. so you obliged.

“youre not what i expected,” you said the words barely louder than the music. 

“no?” he asked, lips tugging. 

“not at all. i thought you’d be…simpler. someone who talks fast and leaves faster.” you said it with a light laugh, but you meant it. no one ever lingerd like this. looked like this. not at you.

no one connected to you like this. the way he described his job so poetically mimicked the way you felt about drawing. 

he chuckled softly, shaking his head. “i guess i disappoint.”

you smirked, feeling heat crawl into your cheeks. “not yet.”

the night stretched on—rich and dangerously. conversation flowed but always with the undercurrent of something unspoken. he listened to you attentively, as if memorizing every detail you shared. his eyes kept returning to your hands when you gestured or to the line of your legs in the candlelight. 

and you noticed.

but your instincts—the ones that whispered this was all too perfect, were drowned out now, soothed under the weight of wine and the gravity of him. the way he made you feel seen. 

your laugh came easier the more he spoke. your posture softened, you heart beat faster, and it was not just because of the wine. 

and so when he asked to take you home, you didn’t hesitate. you said yes. 

the ride to your apartment was blur. the air between you both had grown thick with tension, heat and desire. he even walked you to your apartment door. streetlights hummed above you two. a breeze teased your hair across your cheeks. 

“thank you," you said as you stopped in front of the door. “i didn't expect to enjoy tonight this much.”

“i did,” he murmured, stepping closer. “from the moment i saw you in the hospital, i knew.”

before you could ask what he meant, his mouth found yours. your back hit the wall gently, as he covered your head so it wouldn't hit the door.

you broke away first, feeling a whirlwind, but whispered, “come inside.”

he followed you in. 

your apartment felt different with him in it like the air had shifted. you turned on a lamp by the couch, casting everything in a soft amber light. it wasn’t loud, but quiet, the hum of the city outside was your only witness.

you turned to him, heart in your throat, and found him watching you, like something he couldn’t believe was real. 

rudy stepped in close, and you didn’t move away. 

he tilted his head, asking for permission without even saying a word. you nodded almost eagerly, jolting when you felt his hand find it’s way to your back. 

“you sure?” he asked, voice careful. 

“yes” you whispered. no hesitation. just want. 

he exhaled, something like surrender. he leaned in slowly, giving you every chance to stop him. but you didn’t. you met him halfway. 

his mouth was warm and precise. not greedy, nor urgent. he kissed you as if he was trying to understand you—his lips brushing yours softly as first, then deeper. his hands went to your hips, sliding around you with the same devotion he spoke about with prosthetics. as if you were something he needed to know by touch alone. 

you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. you felt his chest against yours, his breath hitching when your lips parted from him. for only a second, as he pulled you back.

his tongue moved with slow control, deliberate like everything else about him. he tasted of wine and something else you couldn't be bothered to think of.

“you’re beautiful,” he said into your neck, his voice so close it sent shivers through your spine.

his hands moved under your shirt, exploring you gently, reverently. you helped him remove it, and he paused to take you in.

his fingers traced over the lined of your ribcage, then over your collarbone, as if mapping you. his eyes were fixed on your body like it was a canvas he studied from afar and now finally had the permission to touch.

you undressed each other slowly, carefully. no rush. no shame. the slow reveal of his skin underneath felt like unwrapping something dangerous and rare. his lean lines of his torso with taut muscle under his tan skin. 

but what caught your eye and what stopped your hands as it reached for him, was the tattoo on his upper arm. you couldn't stop looking, it wrapped his arm like a secret that whispered deeper things. 

it was simple at first glance: dark ink curling together, wrapping around muscle like it belonged there. but looking closer you saw it was hounds, chasing one another, bound together. you should’ve asked about it, but he kissed you hard before you could even. 

when your back hit the bed, you let out a breathless laugh. he followed you down, eyes drinking you in as if you were something holy. 

but he didn't rush, he didn't even kiss your lips again. he moved lower. 

his lips moved down your neck, to your collarbone, then your chest. he took his time, tracing the curves of your body with his hands and kisses. his mouth was warm, his breath hot. when he reached your stomach, he turned to look up at you. 

“you have no idea,” he whispered, his voice like silk, “how perfect you are.”

he kissed the inside of your thigh and you gasped, hips tilting upward on instinct. but he held you down steady, controlled as his hands splayed against your skin as if to ground himself in the feel of you. 

and then his mouth was on you.

you cried out, back arching as his tongue moved with deliberate devastating precision. it wasn't just pleasure, it was worship. he licked you up and down, pausing to kiss between each motion, not to tease but to devour you.

“rudy—” you whimpered, hand tangled in his dark curls.

he looked up at you, his pupils wide, lips glistening, and a crooked smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“let me make you fall apart in my hands,” he murmured, voice low and tender, "let me take control.” 

and you did. 

he returend to your clit with relentess attention, refeusing to stop even as your hips jerked and thighs trembled against his shoulder. you came with a broken cry, shuddering underneath him, your chest rising and falling like a storm had passed through you. 

he kissed his way back up your belly, ribs, the swell of your breasts. he left a faint trail of breath and drool across your skin. 

“i—i want you. please rudy” you whispered. 

he hovered above you in the quiet of the bedroom, the city lights casting a soft glow on him— striping his body in shade and gold. your eyes followed the trail of hair that led from his navel downward, and when he let his briefs fall to the floor, you gasped softly.

he was… beautiful. thick and long, resting heavy against his lower stomach, his desire was visible, unashamed. but there was nothing crude about it. 

this was the man who touched you like you were art. who spoke of bodied the way poets spoke of marble. who kissed you like each one was a promise. 

and now he was offering himself to you. not demanding, simply waiting. watching your face for an answer. 

your thighs parted on instinct, your breath hitched.

“please.” you whispered.

and that’s all he needed to hear. 

when he entered you, it wasn't with force—it was with care. deep and patient. like he was savoring the moment. a groan caught in his throat and your body stretched around him, full and filled. 

he pressed his forehead against yours and in return you wrapped your legs around his waist. every movement was slow and measured. every thrust was like a secret shared in fragments.

“you feel like..” he stared, but couldn’t finish as he moaned. 

you kissed him, not needing the words. you felt it too.

there was something electric in the way he looked at you while his cock pushed into you, like he coudln't understand what he was doing, only that he needed it. his hand slid over your cheek, your shoulder, your hip—tracing you again.

he murmured your name unto your skin, like a confession.

his pace quickened and became rougher. he lifted your legs to his shoulders. it hurt a little, but the kind that burned hot, that made you want it more.

“don't stop,” you whispered, “please.”

he continued his pace and he lowered himself down to kiss you like he needed it you breathe. you felt yourself almost coming undone for a second time, wanting it more than ever. 

your reached for his hand, and guided it towards your throat. his eyes widened, only for a second, as he understood completely. his fingers wrapped around your throat, squeezing gently and possessively as he pushed deeper, never breaking rhythm. 

your eyes fluttered shut. 

“no,” he groaned out, voice laced with command, “look at me.”

you opened your eyes immediately and there he was, watching you like you were prey he had chosen. and yet, you didn't feel afraid. you felt like his. 

you cried out, begging for more and he obliged. 

rudy was in control completely of you, and yet he felt something underneath. your eyes continued to lock with his, and he saw something he hadn’t expected: care. it disarmed him. 

you didn’t even know who he was, or what he had done, but looked at him as if he were whole. like he was something worth touching. 

your hands reached up, gently touching his jaw, “rudy, please” you whispered on the edge.

he heard it. felt it.

and when you came, it was breaking and real—your body shaking under his, as you dug your nails in his back. which only encouraged him to move faster, aching for a release of his own. he followed after, with a low groan into your neck.

but he didn't let go of you. he stayed there, skin to skin, his breath hot on your throat. 

you fell asleep like that. wrapped in his arms, your head ending up on his chest. the beat of his heart echoing under your ear like a note to a song.

brian didn’t sleep. 

he lay still, watching you in the hush of the early hours, the city still humming outside the window. 

your skin was still warm, breath still soft against his chest. the tension you carried during the night had vanished, melted into the sheets. you were fast asleep. brian stared at the ceiling, jaw tight.

his heart was still beating too fast, but not from exertion, something else. you trusted him. you had looked at him like he was real, like he could be good. gazed at him with your eyes saying he deserved to be touched.

he turned his head slightly, just enough to look at your face in the half light. your lashes lay dark against your cheek, your lips parted. still flushed from earlier, you looked soft, unprotected. 

it was perfect. he could kill you right now. it was so easy. you were already his, and you had given yourself. 

his fingers hovered above your throat. this was the plan. he always had a plan, and it always ended the same way. he could squeeze the air out of your neck just like he did before, but with more force, watch you struggle to breathe, losing the light out of your eyes. he reached for it, his fingers grazing your neck—but then stopped. 

your hand shifted in your sleep, reaching for him instinctively. his hand didn’t move. 

his heart stuttered. his chest twisted in a way that didn't make sense- burning and wrong. it was a feeling brian didn't have a word for. but it felt nostalgic and distant. 

your breath was steady. the same breath that had gasped his name hours earlier, the same breath that trusted him with the closeness no one else had earned. 

he clenched his jaw, trying to avoid whatever this was. he inhaled sharply through his nose and peeled himself away from you. careful not to wake you.

he stood at the edge of your bed, watching you, as he dressed in silence. 

he moved towards to couch, sitting in the dark, hands trembling. he had never hesitated before. never once. his eyes lingered on your form under the covers once more, your arm stretched out from where it had reached for him in sleep. 

he couldn't kill you, not tonight. 

you were too close to knowing him. too close to making him feel like he could be known. and that was dangerous for you. for him. 

so he left without a sign. no note, no message. no fingerprint or strand of hair for you to remember him by. he closed the door behind him with the sound of a whisper, and slipped out of your apartment like a shadow.

he would kill from afar, he decided. let the obsession fade. cut the attachment surgically, let it rot like a limb.

but just not tonight. not after the way you looked at him. not after the way you held him. 

and not with that indescribable feeling still in his chest—warm and terrible.

a/n: i hope you guys like this one hehe.. im so awkward when it comes to writing intimate scenes lol. also i think this will be more than three parts mehhehe. enjoyyyy!

[heliianth]

on Killua, projection, and spectrophobia

This post is sort of a sequel to this answer I gave an asker, wherein I said that an overarching theme in Killua's ability to situate himself and understand the world around him is constant social categorization. It's also a very direct extension of this post about how he sees Nanika in relation to his own self-perception and the way in which he treats her as a result of projection.

Originally that second post was actually meant to be the ultimate conclusion to this one (i've been sitting on this draft for close to a year atp). So it's a little embarrassing to post this without it as a closer—this feels unfinished as a result—but I'll link it in the relevant section where it should've been read anyway, and you can take it or leave it. If you do read it and see parts I paraphrased or directly copy-pasted from very early points in this meta, that's why lol. I'm lazy and didn't want to rewrite thoughts I had already articulated in my notes app, nor did I want to leave the anon hanging for however long it would take to polish this up.

Eli, this is long as fuck. Why do you care this much?

Well, why does anyone care about anything? I like yapping. This is the yapping website. Take this as your warning that this is going to be LENGTHY, btw

But the main reason I started thinking about this and writing it down so long ago is the pervasive perception within the fandom that Killua is very logical, and that this demeanor of his is a deliberate contrast to Gon’s impulsivity, reliance on instinct, and tendency to operate based on emotion. This makes the audience trust his word even when everything surrounding him is working to tell you he’s an unreliable source of narration, including the aloof overpowered rival-deuteragonist archetype he’s subverting, which people seem to recognize in every other way but this for some reason. His family directly spells out to the audience that he’s way too emotional and volatile to be considered perfect, despite the golden child gambit—

—and while the Zoldycks are all stinky fucking liars as far as whether the audience should trust them or not, I do think they know what they’re talking about in terms of suitability to be an assassin. And Zeno is ostensibly supposed to be the "sane one," regardless of how you feel about that.

Even so, I think that it’s a really easily digestible and also not unpopular view here on tumblr to acknowledge that not only is Killua very often illogical, he’s also not less emotional than Gon just because he tends to analyze more information before making a decision. It’s not a hot take to say that Killua POV Syndrome is the source of a lot of mischaracterization for both of them and their relationship. Still, I rarely see anyone talk about the specific ways in which he’s illogical, identify an underlying pattern between each instance, and connect it to his arc and the very unsubtle metaphors that punctuate it as a whole. So that’s kind of what I’m aiming for here, just to present my ideas in one place so I don’t have to keep chunking them into different responses to asks.

So. 5 topics.

Projection (clarification)

Killua's Reflection

The Outlier: Gon

The In-group

The Mirror: Alluka and Nanika

1. Projection

Projection is a term I think people are well acquainted with, but I still feel the need to define it so we’re all on the same page. It’s been in the periphery of the therapy speak epidemic that’s been happening for a while now, and I want it to be clear what we’re actually talking about.

In it’s most simple form, projection is the process of attributing one’s own traits or emotions to another. This is the most common way I’m going to be using the word, but there are other relevant intricacies:

Originally, it was conceived as a way of ego defense and emotional suppression or denial. For example, the first formally documented case of projection was in a 1895 letter in which Sigmund Freud described a woman who was avoiding confronting feelings of shame by insisting that neighbors were gossiping unjustly behind her back. This form wherein the person projecting recognizes an emotion or action as condemnable in themself but is unwilling to reflect on it, and then attributes that same trait to someone else so it is “safe” to judge, remains the more popular conception of projection. Freud is a whole can of worms and me referencing him is supposed to be more of a history lesson than a concession of legitimacy. And in terms of talking about projection, I do think the type he describes exists and I do think it’s useful for the purposes of this post to use his name in reference to it.

Contemporarily, projection is understood more benignly as being a part of theory of mind (the ability to parse the intentions and mental states of other people separately from one’s own). This type has many different forms which manifest healthily during stages of psychological development or interaction, such as a child learning to perform empathy by recognizing and interpreting familiar experiences or expressions in others. That specific process, however, is more often referred to as mentalization, wherein “…there is little distortion of the other person’s mind because there is no automatic equation of it with the mind of the observer..." though it is still considered a form of projection because it requires using your own experiences to determine that of another.

All of these definitions are relevant because Killua does all three. He imposes his own traits onto other people even if it’s not necessarily warranted, projects the judgement of his shameful aspects onto those around him to avoid confronting them (Freudian), and uses his own experiences to mentalize with targets chosen based on his own self-perception.

2. Killua’s Reflection

I’m sure everyone interested enough in Hunter x Hunter to be reading metas on it already knows about Killua’s shit self-esteem and where it comes from. It’s something that doesn’t really need to be restated. Nonetheless, I feel an aspect of it is necessary for what I want to say.

A lot of Killua’s emotional conflicts within the story stem from a desperate need to disprove what Illumi said to him in the exchange that disqualified him from the first arc's exam.

At this point Killua has actually seen and experienced things that contradict what Illumi is saying. But in this case, even with all of these new experiences and people on his side, Killua finds he can’t disagree with his big brother. After all, it’s backed up by some pretty irrefutable proof—more than Killua has.

For example, Killua’s reaction to Gon being completely unbothered in this conversation…

Alternate translation from the 2011 anime is: "That's weird... People only like me because they can't ever tell whether I'm serious." (Viz is my worst enemy for early HxH and should be yours too)

…corroborates 2 things:

Killua has approached people (outside of the Zoldyck estate) in the past, whether to be friends or to cure boredom

Upon being told about his family, these people either reacted poorly or with disbelief. Then he was ostracized or became disinterested

Killua doesn’t seem too bothered by this all things considered, and that’s because it reinforces his family’s emotional isolation, so it’s expected and he has no reason to think it's abnormal or worry over it. Killua is told he’s incapable of friendship because of who he is and how he was raised, and then every relationship he has ends before it can begin precisely because of those reasons. From his perspective, his family are objectively correct. Every time Killua talks to anyone, he may as well be proving that gravity eventually makes things fall down. He just kept trying because he was that desperate for friends who liked HIM, not his cute kid routine.

What his family have done is effectively created a rigid in-group that defines Killua and his capacity for interaction outside of that group. This has overlap with the typical notion of “out-group bias” which, when you google it, specifically brings up the mechanisms of bigotry. I’m referring to it in the more neutral tone associated with social identity theory, which has to do with socially assigned and defined traits valued via comparison (often moral comparison), and the desire to belong to an identity group that is valued positively by the majority.

The funny thing about the Zoldycks is that they do seem to teach their kids to some extent that murder is wrong and will be perceived as wrong by the out-group. But at the same time, a caveat is created: the reason why the in-group (their family) can and should engage in it is because it is in their nature. Asking Zoldycks not to murder is like asking a cat not to meow; they can do it simultaneously because of the family’s value-specific superiority and their moral inferiority—that they're good at what they do and inherently bad at what everyone else does. “We are the only ones who could ever love or understand you, you don’t need Them.” Not only is it isolating, it’s dehumanizing, and something like this is a classic tactic used to trap people.

Doesn’t work on Killua though! He swings in a counterintuitive direction by wanting acceptance from the out-group instead of withdrawing back to his safe, rejection-free in-group. I think that has to do with the fact that he’s also othered from that in-group in some manner.

Killua is part of the family, yet he’s the golden child. As of present, the entire operation revolves around him. He’s shown blatant favoritism: Illumi and Kikyo are obsessed with him, Zeno justifies preferential treatment when called on it, Silva is very lenient with him, and the butlers we’ve seen seem to all have some preference as well. The rest of his siblings may as well be invisible while he’s around. He’s not just a Zoldyck, he’s the heir. And with the amount of control exerted over him because of it, there’s an easy connection to make that being the family’s pet prodigy had a big hand in crafting Killua’s oppositional personality.

So funnily enough, by singling him out, the Zoldycks kind of guaranteed that Killua would start to suspect that he’s not actually a part of their in-group—fueling his desire to be normal (read: actually belong somewhere) and turn his search outward. Their tradition got too big and began cannibalizing itself. Put a pin in this because we’re returning to it later.

Going back to what Illumi actually said to Killua, during the fourth phase Killua both compares himself with Gon:

…and is absolutely baffled by the fight’s turn:

…which are things Illumi addresses—that one day, Killua will start evaluating Gon as an opponent, and that Gon confuses him. Though he’s using these to gaslight him into doubting his own emotions and desires, what Illumi says is all true to Killua.

Gon does confuse him because, unlike every other social interaction he’s ever had, Gon doesn’t reinforce what his family has said to him. Gon is not considered “the out-group” by Killua; he does not behave in the way Killua has seen and was taught the out-group behaves, so he must not have their same values. Most importantly, he likes Killua for who he is as an individual, not his proficiency at the things valued by his in-group, which makes him feel like an actual person and like he could potentially belong somewhere. Gon is dismantling the mechanisms of Killua’s abuse by… basically just being a silly little guy. And though obviously Killua isn’t aware of that specifically, he does feel it’s effects.

So when Illumi pops up and basically goes “Yeah, all that is a fluke. An outlier. I know how you think, this is what you were just doing, and you’re deluding yourself,” Killua has no argument because Gon is an outlier; the one person that’s not part of the out-group or the in-group.

And then Illumi goes and puts the final nail in the coffin by forcing him to surrender, thereby allowing Gon to die and "proving" him right in that he's incapable of connection. So he does what’s expected of a murderer then goes home.

Of course, Gon storms the castle anyway, but this exchange still haunts Killua. He believes Illumi is still right. There is still the in-group, the outgroup, and Gon.

This is the kind of thinking that Killua brings into every relationship he has and, despite wanting so badly to prove Illumi wrong, he uses these preconceptions in order to side step actually confronting it. Killua doesn’t like thinking about the possibility of Illumi being correct. He doesn’t want to; he gets genuinely upset, sometimes angry, when reminded of it (think his outburst with Nobunaga in Yorknew), and it’s hard for him to engage with the idea when it comes up. But proving Illumi wrong in any substantial manner would mean thinking about it.

Similarly to Gon assigning Killua the role of “the cool-headed one who keeps me in check,” Killua takes Illumi’s evaluations of their relationship and twists them into something he can operate off of. In his head, he’s assigned Gon the role of “the outlier" which Illumi described, but views Gon’s uniqueness optimistically instead of misanthropically. As a result, Killua ends up pouring his self-worth into being useful to Gon. He doesn’t really know how else to get people to want him around, and as long as Gon is around, Illumi is wrong.

Though Killua is doing this in order to prove so, he’s not actually fully rejecting Illumi—it’s very psychologically shallow because the foundation of it still relies on Illumi’s assessments. Doing this lets Killua avoid having to do overwhelming hard work in either self-evaluation or examination of his upbringing—ironically reinforcing what Illumi wants, which is to constantly run away from problems he can’t handle.

When I say Killua is avoiding having to do hard work on reflection, I don’t mean that in a negative way. Actually deconstructing all this would take years of grueling emotional labor to do, and Killua is a child. So instead, he applies this faulty worldview in ways that make him happy, and that’s better than nothing. There’s genuinely no other option for him at this point in the story and it would obviously be silly to condemn him for it.

This is the basis of his projection; a habitual avoidance of confronting difficult emotions or ideas and an application of traits onto people regardless of fitness to reinforce it—loosely Freudian. It’s because of this that the the reoccurring motif of often literal fight or flight is so important to Killua’s character and is so deeply entrenched in his development, beyond the physical prowess to defeat strong opponents or even just growing out of being an assassin. It's a metaphor for him learning to start actually unpacking his abuse.

3. The Outlier: Gon

Because the way he perceives himself has been molded by alienation, Killua has some difficulty mentalizing with people he sees as belonging to an out-group—instead relying on analysis and pattern recognition to mimic that function and compensate. This usually works out for him because he’s a smart kid, but not always, especially when there’s no pre-established pattern (such as that time he thinks himself into a hole during the Greed Island player selection process).

There are a few examples of Killua’s difficulty to mentalize with people he’s already decided are unlike him, but a lot of them can be simultaneously attributed to apathy or practicality, so I don’t want to say anything definitive. In that same vein, Killua also seems to have a rough time getting along with peers and certain authority figures in general, which is a result of many intersecting things, some having to do with projection—for example, I’m reasonably certain his difficulties with older women come from family misogyny and his own disdain for his mother—and some not.

Despite these varying reasons, I feel confident in saying mentalizing with assigned out-groups is something Killua struggles with because Gon, the person he spends most of the series glued at the hip with, is the single biggest example and indication of it.

As mentioned, Gon confuses the hell out of Killua at first. This subsides as the series goes on—he begins to understand Gon very well behaviorally, enough to accurately predict and describe him—but it returns in the Chimera Ant Arc when Gon’s previously reliable patterns start to shift and Killua has no idea how to deal with it. This gulf of dark and light he’s invented between them causes Killua to simultaneously project heavily onto Gon and understand him as someone so alien that he often completely misses Gon’s greater motivations (and cannot actually internalize his affections, though that’s not unique to the ant arc).

His perception of Gon is so wrapped in his perception of himself that arguably one of Killua’s most dramatic and iconic little internal monologues (“you are light”) occurs right after an emotional low point where he’s obviously feeling guilty and wondering whether he’s capable of performing his assigned role in their friendship, then is urged to no longer think about it (avoidance).

To make matters more obvious, Killua’s vocabulary in the “you are light” declaration is even ripped directly out of Illumi’s mouth (眩しすぎて, translated by Viz as “radiant” from Illumi then again as “too bright” during this scene). Killua idolizes Gon as being this brilliant outlier and relies on him as a key part of his psychological avoidance—not at all even considering whether this fundamental idea, which is borrowed from and agrees with Illumi, is wrong on its own.

In the CAA, Killua is constantly having these beliefs he’s trying to dodge nailed in not only by the adults around him but also his own actions. And, when Bisky confronts him with (what he hears as) the possibility that Gon’s mere presence isn’t enough to prove Illumi wrong and Killua will end up essentially killing him regardless, he becomes resigned to the idea that he is unfixable up until he rips that needle out of his brain.

Removing Illumi’s needle results in a high point for his esteem primarily because it forced Killua to actually linger and, again, think about Illumi and his abuse. It was a huge confrontation both physically and mentally, he did it by himself without any of his psychological crutches, and coming out on top built his confidence to the point where his mood/behavior changed enough for Gon to notice. But it didn’t erase his unease about their relationship.

As Killua begins to feel less stable in his self-appointed roles, Gon also starts to break down and starts prioritizing revenge on Pitou. Alone. And this makes Killua also feel less stable in Gon’s role as the outlier. Similarly to the woman who invents gossiping neighbors to avoid addressing shame, Killua invents judgement from his best friend to internally avoid addressing his internalized alienation. He ends up worrying that Gon will ostracize him and assuming the worst, when previously he thought he'd be the only one who wouldn't do that. He becomes hyper-observant of any possible rejection.

And he’s not worried about moral rejection like he used to be! Because when Palm is introduced, it becomes evident that the rejection Killua is worried about is revealed to be his emotional value to Gon. Whether Killua is as important to Gon as Gon is important to Killua—whether his feelings, romantic or otherwise, are reciprocated.

Then with Palm, these insecurities take the form of pretty stereotypical projection in the form of jealousy and cattiness, even after the whole dating thing is finished…

…and leads to his meltdown right in front of her, during which the narrative acknowledges and makes him finally voice these insecurities.

Like, when Gon says “Let’s go,” Killua immediately spirals into worrying what Gon means by it in terms of his value. Whether they are “just teammates” or something more.

And when Gon tells Killua “This has nothing to do with you,” he can verbally acknowledge that Gon is not being deliberately nasty, but it still hits him like a truck anyway. His true understanding of the situation, regardless of what he thinks logically, is that he is being ejected from their friendship—that Killua, who defines his personhood according to the roles assigned by both himself and Gon, is no longer wanted and no longer belongs anywhere.

A sign of disordered or delayed ability to mentalize in a child—appropriately, due to abuse or atypical attachment—is not being able to separate their own reaction from the intentions of their caregiver during a reprimand or some similar interaction. This is relevant in that Killua has placed Gon into a position with an inordinate (and frankly unfair) amount of emotional authority upon which he’s reliant for comfort and affirmation. Killua’s theory of mind is impaired in relation to Gon not only as is normal due to strong emotions, but also his projecting onto what Gon thinks, which is a result of othering himself from him.

4. The In-group

I think the above is… fairly obvious, and also a super unoriginal observation. But it’s made rhetorically useful by it’s converse: the fact that Killua has a really easy time mentalizing with people that are inhuman, whether morally or literally. I’ll rapid-fire a few examples because they’re pretty self-explanatory…

Killua recognizes Hisoka’s intentions because “[he’s] like him”.

More Hisoka parallels, this time including Gon

(I’m convinced a lot of these are with Hisoka because Togashi still wanted us to hang onto the abundance of “Killua will turn heel” red herrings in the early story. Small tangent, but during the exam Togashi loved to separate Killua from Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio in various ways, often physically, in part to encourage the audience to other him so that these red herrings would be extremely prominent even during Heaven’s Arena. But I think a Watsonian analysis is also fitting)

This one is shakier because it’s primarily an ethical debate which Gon and Bisky chime in on as well, but I thought it was good to include as part of a broader pattern since he specifically brings up moral values and how they define in-groups.

Killua empathizes with Ikalgo right after being willing to murder him lmfao. It's notable the way in which he starts checking around this time if the ants/people he's fighting are douchebags or not (do they have the right social identity or not?), which seemingly justifies killing them.

(I think it’s really interesting that the upper page centers Killua’s hands during the setup for a realization about Meruem hurting himself for the sake of a “special someone." It's like Killua's equivalent to Gon's "[You'd hurt yourself] when... you can't forgive yourself.")

The reason why this occurs has to do with the defined social identities created by his family and the immediate biases/prejudices associated with them. Because of how Killua has dehumanized himself in accordance with these traits, he is pre-disposed to extending understanding—whether that be actual compassion or simple insight—toward characters who are othered as monstrous in-universe (and by the audience, where it’s used as a narrative tool by Togashi) because these experiences of being alienated from the vast majority are most familiar and sensical to him.

This becomes pretty obvious to me when you take into account that Killua’s only friends other than Gon, Leorio, and Kurapika—or at least the only other people he actually calls his friends—are chimera ants (and, in the case of Palm, she was very much ostracized even when she was a human including by Killua himself). Characters like these are relatable and make someone part of an in-group, whether he likes it or not.

On that last point, I want to bring up this observation and comment made by him…

…because while this observation from Killua comes about naturally due to Pitou’s behavior during this confrontation, the comment about protecting not being in their nature sticks out to me as somewhat uncharacteristic. It feels distinctly very emotionally charged in the midst of a scene where Killua is deliberately trying to remain calm and impartial for the sake of Gon (exercizing the role Gon gave to him).

Part of this is definitely because Pitou has been symbolized to these kids for what they did to Kite, but Pitou also has a LOT of parallels with Killua as a result of them both being intrinsically intertwined with the questions of nature Togashi brings up in Hunter x Hunter. Killua is “by nature a murderer,” Pitou is “by nature incapable [of this action]”; I believe they are very deliberate foils, so it’s interesting to hear Killua think things about Pitou that Illumi once said to him.

It’s also worthwhile to note that the role Pitou was born into and the role Killua gives himself are essentially the same, Guard, and that Meruem and Gon mean similar things to them (of course, there is the “light that illuminates all”/“you are light” comparison, but more abstractly, both Meruem and Gon represent the Ants’/Killua’s potential for expansion/evolution—in the food chain and in life/purpose respectively—and are protected as such). They also abide by this role with almost the exact same amount of devotion; we see this in the way Pitou crying over being trusted with something so important to Meruem (healing Komugi) is a parallel to how Killua was so impacted by being relied upon for an important task to Gon (holding the dodgeball).

Killua definitely doesn’t consider any similarities consciously the way he does with Hisoka, Ikalgo, or through mentalization with Meruem, but when he is thinking this of Pitou, he’s looking at a narrative foil, which I find telling. I think it’s a very classic case of Freudian projection.

5. The Mirror: Alluka and Nanika

All this brings me to what I want to talk at length about, which I suppose you can already guess because I gave it away in the section heading.

Killua’s relationship with his sisters has always been fascinating to me because they’re probably the only people in the world he would genuinely consider as sharing his precise in-group. Not just the Zoldyck family in-group, but the Killua in-group. And it really effects the way he thinks during the Election Arc.

I’ve tried my best to neatly separate Alluka and Nanika into their own sections, but it’s still going to be sorta all over the place (moreso than this analysis already is) mostly because right now Killua still hasn’t totally figured out that Alluka and Nanika are basically two whole different people. He’s certainly much closer to that than the rest of his family considering he actually makes a distinction between them, but he’s still not treating Nanika like an individual at this point in the story. And that’s super important to the way he projects onto them, so it’s going to be a little messy. Sorry in advance

Alluka

Remember that pin I told you to save for later? Now is later.

Alluka and Nanika sit at the table with Killua in being othered not only by the defined out-group (due to just being a Zoldyck), but by the people who were supposed to be The In-group™ in the first place: his family. Of course, Alluka’s situation is very different and accelerated faster than a racecar the second Nanika stopped being a secret, but evidently she was kept secret for a reason. Killua was already extremely astute even at the age when these events were happening, and probably assessed (accurately) that there would be huge drama if Nanika were ever discovered; he even went so far as to keep hiding things about how her powers worked long after the gig was up. It would be kind of stating the obvious to say someone who does all that isn’t someone who considers his sister(s) normal according to in-group standards. Otherwise there wouldn’t have been a secret at all.

The reason why Killua got along with his sister(s) so well pre-lockup and pre-needle was most likely because he was already being socially separated from his siblings as the family heir. He then took comfort from Alluka in knowing he wasn’t the only “weird” one, even if no one but him knew that yet, and projected onto her (making decisions about Nanika for her that reflect his own wishes—to keep her secret so that no one would treat her differently)

It’s partially this same projection (i say partially because it’s also, like, basic compassion) that makes Killua so mad when Alluka is outright excluded—not just symbolically, but legitimately—from the family.

He himself strives desperately to be “normal”/belong somewhere, and that ‘somewhere’ includes his own family, though at this point he obviously has more complicated emotions about it. He wants to be understood and accepted by them without being smothered—even Illumi, when he tests Killua to make a wish that would kill him, is included in this desire. In Killua’s ideal world, the Zoldycks would be on good terms with each other and act “normal”; a fantasy from a childhood whose corpse he still drags around because he doesn’t recognize that he’s been abused beyond being helicoptered and needled. Alluka herself shares this:

It’s one more thing they have in common. And, like he does when Illumi spoke in his head during Yorknew or when he said he didn’t actually want anything during the Exam, Killua gets angry when this fantasy is denied. He becomes confrontational in a way he usually wouldn’t otherwise.

I feel it’s notable that Killua does not contradict Alluka’s idea that if she were gone, everyone would get along more. Not because I think he believes it, but because I think he also doesn’t know the answer. So instead, he pivots into comforting her another way. And crucially, it’s by using something he can understand: that there is a special outlier who loves her even if she doesn’t belong anywhere, and as long as they’re together she doesn’t have to worry about it.

Cool. All that’s pretty easy to get. But it gets more complicated, because it always does.

When Killua returns for Alluka, he returns because he needs to save Gon. And with Gon comes all the baggage associated with him.

Despite the deconstruction of the dark/light dichotomy with him during the CAA, Killua remains identified with a ‘nonhuman’-aligned in-group only he belongs to, and continues judging himself accordingly. It’s a position that still puts a wall of glass between him and the majority out-group, and leaves him uncomfortably othered in the Zoldyck in-group. Gon was the all-important, miraculous outlier that made him be able to live with it, the one person that made him feel like he belonged somewhere even if it wasn’t on the basis of being in the same moral in-group. The exception to the rule of ostracization. But he knows better now. And while that’s really good progress because it begins to demystify Gon (who deserves to be understood), it leaves him in a very fragile state when confronting his family because that role was a lynchpin for upholding the psychological anti-Illumi safety net he built after the Hunter Exam.

Ultimately, this leaves Killua in a situation where his sisters can uniquely reaffirm this unhealthy superego because he can project onto them in ways he can’t with anyone else.

By saddling himself with the lone responsibility to heal Gon as a way to atone for failing to perform his role—an insecurity magnified by “this has nothing to do with you”—Killua is paralleling Gon’s guilt complex to a degree (as he does throughout the entire story, but it feels especially prominent here). Where they differ is that Gon’s apology and the validation of his emotions Killua will get from that is the relief from guilt he seeks, not the self-destruction Gon does.

In Killua’s head, they both failed their roles in their friendship—Killua didn’t end up being of any use to Gon in the end, and Gon ended up ostracizing Killua—so Killua vows to do his part again as long as Gon does so as well.

In a way, this is him acknowledging both his emotional understanding and his logical understanding of that exchange in the palace—that Gon didn’t mean what he said and did (thereby expecting him to apologize), but it still hurt him (he wants an apology anyway). This apology isn’t about blaming Gon for what he did or even really holding him responsible—which is why he can tease him lightheartedly about it later—it’s more about Killua’s own emotions. He’s standing up for himself! Which is an indication of a maturing theory of mind.

Some people read this panel with an undercurrent of Killua meaning this will be the last time he helps Gon in this way—and I understand where that comes from due to the fact that they separate afterward, and don’t really have an objective counterargument. So take this next part with a grain of salt, but I really don’t think that’s true. Killua isn’t the type to do that… I don’t even think it’s in his brain to separate from Gon right now. This is just Killua deciding that he needs to start laying down boundaries and paying attention to what he really wants in their relationship outside of being useful. It’s an out-loud admission of how deeply he cares, to the point where he can no longer wholly process or justify it as a transaction, as he does with most forms of love for self-evident reasons. It’s the beginnings of him learning about unconditionality. This is a huge step.

So…. where does it sour?

Well, Killua is faced with a similar sort of guilt brought on by role-failure (the role being “big brother”) when he comes to retrieve Alluka…

Whether you believe “Was it because Illumi was manipulating me?” is Togashi giving the audience a hint or this line being pure in-universe speculation, it doesn’t quite matter, because Killua feels the same about it at the end of the day: guilt and shame.

Though he apologizes to Alluka for this and she readily accepts it, it’s obvious these feelings continue to gnaw at him throughout the entire arc. It retroactively chips down the work he did back at the hospital, since they are the same emotion with similar catalysts.

I say this because I feel like you can infer that his guilt over these two separate but similar things bleeds together by the way Killua, when talking to himself, tends to refer to the two ‘savings’ in conjunction. You could totally say I’m onto nothing because one is a result of the other so no shit they’re related, but I think it’s significant to this discussion.

Specifically the last exchange also serves as a way for Killua to verbally reassure Alluka of her importance to him. The fact that he thinks this is necessary also shows to me that, again, he’s still feeling guilty for it, even though Alluka never indicates that she holds it against him. These panels further reaffirm this belief of mine:

…because Killua is planning to permanently put Nanika to sleep so that Alluka can “spend more time with him” (in the words she herself uses when complaining about it), which indicates that, again, it is something he feels horrible for—and that he sees Nanika in a very particular way which assigns fault to her that doesn’t quite exist, but we’ll get to it soon.

What I’m trying to say here is that because saving Alluka is inseparable from saving Gon, so too becomes the magnified things he feels over not being able to do either of these things beforehand. So successfully defending Alluka becomes way for him to relieve this now-compounded guilt and reassure himself that he’s still capable of fulfilling his self-assigned roles. If he can do that, he can still belong somewhere. He’ll still be worthy of love.

To summarize, Killua not only related to Alluka when she was young—making her very easy to project onto—but also the situation calls for Killua to see her as an extension of his best friend, which only rubs salt into the wound and serves to make him more irrational about it since Killua is still seeking redemption and reparation for the breakdown in the CAA.

Considering all the progress Killua has made, this is a relatively hard relapse. It makes sense, though; just look at what’s happening! Illumi has been the main catalyst for all this agonizing, the person whose assessments he’s developed a pathological need to simultaneously prove wrong and also avoid thinking about altogether. Now he’s got to stare that person in the face with everything on the line and tell him to fuck off.

This is the needle yank prelude on steroids for Killua—a magnification of that time when he was constantly teetering on the edge of ditching and clinging to Gon based on how useful he saw himself. Back then, when Bisky pointed out that he was putting Gon in danger, he decided that he had to leave. So, when his brother uses Nanika to put Alluka in danger, Killua decides Nanika has to leave. For a little while, Illumi becomes unconquerable again, and Killua regresses back into running away.

Nanika

This is where I leave you with this post to read as the conclusion. The readmore is actually pretty relevant, whereas it wasn't when I was answering the anon. Underwhelming, I know. Whatever man.

I really am sorry for how long it is. Tumblr yelled at me 5 times about the image limit, I had to improvise. Being super succinct without leaving out everything I want to say is a skill I do not have. Regardless, thanks for reading and hopefully this was at least a little interesting!

[thiscoldheart]

some details that i loved in la chimera (spoiler heavy) :

i posted this on twitter as well but i wanted to include it here too. i love this little moment here where italia rests her head on arthur's shoulder and for a brief moment, he's anchored to the present by that touch, but him being the orpheus that he is, just HAD to turn back and find himself gravitating towards the tombs, the past and his eurydice.

the fact that italia's name is literally italy in italian and by the end of the movie she creates a community of her own where she's looking out for those that are outcasted by society, in an abandoned train station named riparbella which literally means "to start again".

arthur's eye always being blocked by shadow throughout the movie until he sees the light at the very end

according to wiki, the goddess the statue is based on is cybele, goddess of nature, animals, wild places and represents the "creative and destructive force of nature." her phrygian name matar (mother) alludes to the fact that she was a "mediator between the boundaries of the known and unknown, the civilized and the wild, the worlds of the living and the dead." i love that this goddess' presence in the movie symbolizes arthur traversing between the living and the dead worlds and getting closer to beniamina. i love that by the end of the movie, the statue itself becomes unknown to human eyes and returns to the wild, far away from civilization, which is arguably the same fate that arthur meets as he dies.

the red string that's following arthur around is very reminiscent of the red string ariadne gives theseus to find his way through the maze. it's beautiful how this red string seems to appear only in his dreams at first but slowly starts crossing the boundaries of dreams and reality as the movie goes on until he is able to tug at it by the end and cross over into beniamina's world.

arthur, at the beginning of the movie, says "so it's you. my last woman's face." how cool is it that beniamina's face resembles cybele's?

arthur goes back to flora's house after being injured and her daughter finds him in the bathroom. spooked, she says "i thought it was a ghost" which arthur might as well be considering how he's essentially been a walking corpse this entire movie.

also a special shout out from the bottom of my heart to the sped up sequences, didn't even realize how badly i needed them until i saw them. the chaos in these sequences is everything to me. this is REAL cinema!

in general, one of the themes that i've come to love about this movie is how objects can have different meanings to everyone. an object like the bell arthur found was just "a thing that rings" whereas italia interprets it as a gift until she comes to realize it's been excavated from a grave. the statue was part of a shrine back when it was made, but to the tombaroli and the sellers, this is only a means to make more money. the train station started off as a place that symbolizes movement of people from the city to the countryside but has now become a home for the outcasts of society. the apotropaic phallus would've have warded off evil and bad luck back in the day, but is now used as a means of escape from the law. a simple red string is the literal lifeline for arthur as he tries to find his way back to his lover.

also want to give another shout out to the inclusion of the italian troubadours (our greek chorus) who beautifully spell out the tragedy of our protagonist and his gang.

speaking of music, i really liked this particular song italia was singing as she was practicing. the lyrics go "i'd like to explain to you, o god/ where my suffering lies/ but fate condemns me to weep/ to weep" and that's exactly when arthur finds her crying son. at least italia finds a way for her suffering to end by the end of the movie. maybe we can say the same about arthur too?

i'll probably add more as i keep rewatching the movie lol and make a thread of this on twitter too (x) thanks for sticking around and let me know what other cool details y'all noticed!

[yingdu-lover]

I am a fucking idiot- ahem. But first,

People, we need to talk more about The Tides. I am so serious. Apart from The Eye and Lull this season, The Tides (I want to yap more about its cinematic brilliance) explicitly supports shiguang canon. While other OP and ED of the first two seasons have a variety of themes entangled together, the whole point of The Tides is drawing a clear parallel between the old man with the time machine trying to go back in time to save his beloved wife (and his wife's photo is shattered by gunshots) and whatever the heck is going on with Lu Guang (Now, after Yingdu, add parallels of Shao Yuanyuan's attempt of saving her husband and Xia Fei's resolution of finding the culprit who caused Vein's death. You are welcome.)

I want to talk specifically about this scene

first,

We see Lu Guang is the one holding a sketchbook (safe to say it belonged to that man) and he is gazing into the sketches. He assumes that man's position (also the fact that Lu Guang has a personal diary where he might not draw but keeps a lot of information about timelines).

And...

This brilliant rack shot.

Idk why I didn't notice it before (I have seen it multiple times but today I just 'got' it).

So, in the first shot, let's see what constitutes the mise-en-scene : Cheng Xiaoshi, a portrait of the lady (whose hands are only shown) and the statue of the lady. It's not white light all over, rather there is a little play of light and shadow. The background wall as well as the statue is green. Overall, there is a green tint. Film nerds and enthusiasts, please explain the lighting and colour palate further if you can find some significance.

Now,

in the first shot, Cheng Xiaoshi is in the focus. He has a strange (pensive) look and he is looking at the statue. Then, the focus shifts to the statue and everything else fades into the background. In this simple editing, you realise that- Cheng Xiaoshi and the statue of the lady are somehow connected, connected by the same fate. I can't really explain how but the cinematography establishes the relation beautifully.

Edit 1 : Hi, I wanted to add a few things. Thanku @whispersoflullaby for engaging with it

also, please read @psychopomp-namine their repost.

A few reflections I didn't elaborate before

The woman's face in the portrait is absent in the frame and the lifelessness of the otherwise beautiful statue is intensified by the (intentional) lack of the eyes. So Cheng Xiaoshi's presence in the frame balances this out. Face is the most important part of someone's identity and eyes are one the most important features of someone's face. Eyes also have a higher level of significance in Link Click, associated with power activation, sense, perception, past, future, memory. And ofc, Cheng Xiaoshi's death scene and power (trust/life) transfer to Lu Guang - there is a HUGE focus on the eyes, extreme close ups. And this brings us to the second point,

Consciousness, subjectivity, perspective, reliable/unreliable narration .

My interpretation of the colour green here is unreliable narration or lack of subjectivity, with a feeling of something changing. Cheng Xiaoshi's pensive look makes us think that he knows something, something unsettling but we can't quite grasp that. His subjectivity is yet to be known. His vision is literally shared (and commanded) by Lu Guang and a big portion of Cheng Xiaoshi is constructed out of Lu Guang's perception of him. How would Cheng Xiaoshi write back to that? Cheng Xiaoshi is a mystery and The Tides prepares us for his development in season 3.