#Welcome to hell bossman | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

americasass81 · 3 years ago

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Warnings 18+ for the following:- Non-Consensual Sex, Dubious Consensual Sex, Kidnapping, M & F Penetrative Sex, Oral (Both M & F receiving), Teabagging, Mild Language, Fingering, Ball Insertion, Mild Drugging, Mild Stalking, Mild language, Use of Pet Names. Seriously do not read if any of this upsets you, the warnings are there for a reason. Feedback is welcomed and any mistakes are my own.

By proceeding you are acknowledging that you are over 18 and are consenting to the content below the cut.

Pairings:- dark/soft CEO Steve Rogers x Female Reader.

Author’s Note 1: This is my submission for @stargazingfangirl18 @navybrat817 @drabblewithfrannybarnes @navybrat817-shares Chris Evans Hoeliday Challenge! As seen from the dialogue prompt (Bold text), I pretty much let it take me where it wanted. Hope anyone who reads this enjoys 💖

Challenge parameters:- CEO Steve Rogers (Character), Sitting by the fire (Location), “Wanna deck my balls” (Dialogue), CEO Johnny Storm (Additional Ingredient)

Author’s Note 2:- As always, all images have been found through google search.

Synopsis:- Will skipping your firm’s Christmas Party ruin your life or be just the thing that sets you on the path to the life you secretly wanted.

Total Word Count:- 7,567

The floor vibrated beneath your feet and while you would have loved to have been at the firm's Christmas party, you couldn't pass up the opportunity afforded to you with having the offices all to yourself. Sure it had been two weeks of hard graft, on top of your usual workload, to get the entertainment room decked out, but sacrificing watching your co-workers throwing themselves at each other in favour of finishing the last of the orders and emails the CEOs dumped in your inbox, meant you got three more days off. And damn if you didn't need them. Like everyone and everywhere else, the past two years had been hell, but hope was in sight. A new year was just around the corner and with it the promise of new employees to lighten your load.

Rising from the chair to stretch all the aches out of your tired limbs, you then headed towards your office door for a quick walk to get the blood flowing once again to your cramped legs. Stepping out into the deserted hall while eying the double doors on your left, you couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching you. Looking to the right however in time to see the elevator door open, it was with the appearance of a waitress, Alexandra you think her name was, that made you realize you were probably just being paranoid.

Walking towards you, tray in hand, she stopped before your waiting form and reached out to hand you the glass sitting delicately upon it. "Bossman asked me to bring this up to you. Also told me to remind you there was a party taking place," she said as she waited for you to accept your drink. Smiling at her while figuring one drink couldn't hurt, you took the glass, thanked her and headed back into your office. Sitting down at your desk once more, you reminded yourself to thank Mr. Storm for thinking of you the next time you saw him. Though she hadn't told you who had sent the drink specifically, you figured between the two partners, Johnny had to be the bossman she referred to.

A very hands-on and present boss, the other CEO seemed the polar opposite and perhaps that was why the company usually ran so well. Rarely seen mingling with the employees, Mr. Rogers although somewhat distant compared to his partner, was perhaps the only person other than yourself who worked so hard and you figured this dedication was in part to blame for his standoffish demeanor. If only you knew the truth. This time hearing the ding of the elevator to signify Alexandra's departure, you swiveled in your chair to face the nighttime city view before bringing the glass to your lips.

Taking a sip of the sparkling liquid, you were happy you had followed your gut and ordered the good stuff before titling the glass once more and emptying half the contents in one go. Allowing the liquid down your throat to settle in your stomach, you turned back from the window as the sound of footsteps reached your ears. Finishing off your drink and rising to your feet, you walked towards the door to see who was now coming to disrupt your peace when a sudden wave of dizziness hit you. Reaching out to grab hold of something before you fell, you never reached the ground however as darkness claimed you at the exact moment two strong arms halted your descent. Too far out of it to know what the future held, you would in the days ahead, look back on this moment and slap yourself for accepting a drink you hadn't seen poured with your own two eyes.

Gazing down on your sleeping form, he sighed deeply as he held you close while the steady rhythm of your chest indicated all was well with you. At least as well as it could be. Hoping against hope that you would allow the night that was in it to lower your defences, it did bother him slightly that you could be this careless. Still, you were highly overworked and that he figured most definitely played a part in your undoing. So scooping you up gently and heading towards his office wing, he entered the private elevator and promised himself that from now on all you would know was love, relaxation and a lifetime of pampering.

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Coming out of the darkness slower than you had entered it, your mind tried to force its way through the fog to figure out what the hell was going on. Piecing things together, a waitress had delivered a drink, you had finished it and then . . . oblivion. No wait, there was something else. Something . . .? Sifting through the catalog of recent memories, you finally remembered what had driven you from your chair. Footsteps? Someone else had been there? Forcing your eyes open and sitting up sharply, the horror grew around you as you took in your new location. Waking up in the biggest, softest bed you could ever remember, the room around you only confirmed that which your keen mind had already suspected . . . you had been drugged and moved from the safety of the world you knew. What you still didn't know however was why, where to and by whom, but you figured none of it could be good.

Rising slowly from the bed, you were delighted to see your footing hold steady, so at least there was one thing in your favor. Pity the same couldn't be said of everything else. Checking out the room around you as you walked over to draw back the curtains, a noticeable impression and ruffling on the opposite side of the bed told you that it had been recently used. Cringing at the thought of some mysterious body laying next to you in a moment of pure vulnerability, it was only made worse in the cold light of day. As the rare winter sunlight streamed through the now visible window and bathed you in an unobstructed view of what you hoped was still your city, the pyjamas adorning your frame told you that at some point your mystery abductor had cocooned your body in something you suspected to be the finest silk money could buy. Running your hands lazily over the soft material as your mind tried to figure out who was capable of such a thing, your common sense finally kicked in and brought your focus back to the reality of your current predicament.

Tearing your gaze away from the vista before you, your first order of business was to find some practical attire that would help get you out of this place. Searching the room and finding nothing suitable however, you then made your way to the main door to see what lay ahead. Leaving behind the comfortable lush carpet of the bedroom, you were greeted by a wooden balcony that overlooked a high ceiling, open plan ground floor. Stalling momentarily here too to take in the breathtaking view before you, a noise below caught your attention and drew your eyes to the steps off to your left.

Waiting a breath to see if anyone appeared, you then moved quietly before reaching out towards the first door you came across. Opening it gently so as not to draw attention to yourself, it revealed a fabulous office that would rival that in any highly successful company. Peering once more towards the steps, but no longer hearing anything, your curiosity got the better of you as you slowly stepped inside. Taking note of the stunning fireplace off to your right and the amazing double wood doors leading onto the outside balcony, it was the desk in the center that your legs led you towards.

Walking around to the place of power, where the owner of this mysterious apartment would sit and pour over countless documents, your heart all but stopped as the framed picture on the desk caught your eye. Taken some years back at the company's summer retreat, your smiling face staring back at you sent a shiver down your spine . . . you never remembered this vulnerable moment being captured. Shaking off the uneasiness of someone having this unknown obsession with you, your hands began a thorough search to try and identify your captor. They didn't have to search long however.

Walking up the steps some time later, the only other inhabitant placed a breakfast tray on the first side table he came across as the open door indicated his prize had found her way into his office. Walking forward slowly to stand in the doorway, his breath hitched as it always did when he saw and thought of you. Watching you flip through the various folders occupying his desk, visions of your delicate body moaning under him as you lay atop it assaulted his mind and tightened his leggings. Noticing however that your fingers were about to close on a particularly sensitive file, he came to his senses quickly enough to prevent the inevitable discovery.

"Hey there sweetheart, I see you're awake. You maybe wanna grab some breakfast before we talk?" he asked as his voice caused you to halt your exploration. Taking a deep steadying breath before your body straightened, it did nothing to slow your heart rate at the sight of your captor. Standing there before you, blocking your only escape, was the boss you never thought would be capable of something like this. Sure Steve Rogers was reserved compared to the other CEO Johnny Storm, but drugging? Kidnapping? Even you didn't think the man you secretly admired possessed such a dark side.

Moving the office chair out of your way and edging towards the fireplace, your terror increased as he closed the door and advanced lazily into the room. Gingerly taking one step further from the desk for every one he took towards your previous location, he continued speaking as his hands reached out to tidy up the files you had just disturbed. "Please don't do that sweetheart, you're quite safe here." he said before turning around to face you. Sitting back against the desk as he crossed his legs, his blue eyes never left yours as your movements finally stopped.

Standing before the fireplace as your eyes flicked between him and the door, you were shocked to find your body betray you as he held out his hand and beckoned you towards him. Smiling triumphantly to himself as eight years of being his top employee brought you to him, the second you got within reach his arms encircled your waist before locking behind your back. Gasping as he then opened his legs to bring you closer, your hands came to rest against his chest as you tried to maintain some distance between you. His strength however proved too much, so your voice instead took over as his lips touched yours.

"Mr. Rogers, stop. Let me go," you protested as your fists beat furiously against his chest. Pulling back slightly to be greeted by your angry expression, his chuckle only infuriated you further when he asked you what was wrong. Lecturing him at length as to the litany of faults this fucked up situation found you in as well as his obvious involvement, his speed shocked you as he stood up and bent you over the desk before you knew what was happening.

"Damn sweetheart always knew you were feisty," he said as his hands held you in place though you still struggled against him. "Want to know what else you are?" he asked as your body stilled when he folded himself over you. "You're smart, beautiful," he whispered, bringing his lips to your ear as he continued, "and seriously overworked. But I promise all that's about to change. Just agree to hear me out." he finished and as you felt his hips move against your ass, the silk rubbing on your intimate area felt truly amazing. But you were not about to give in as your struggles started once more.

Kicking your legs apart as he now began grinding against you in earnest, you bit your lip to stifle a moan however as he spoke again. "Have you any idea how many nights at the office I dreamed about having you in this position? Do you feel what you do to me sweetheart?" he asked as his lips now found a home against your neck and his warm breath tickled your skin while a wandering hand moved lower.

Making its way inside your shorts, any hope you had of answering however died as his fingers came in contact with your heat. "Say you want this," he tried again only for you to shake your head vigorously. "No sweetheart? Should we see what your body has to say about that?" he asked and this time you whimpered audibly as his fingers breached your sex and confirmed what he suspected. Pumping them in and out of you as his lips now nipped and licked at your neck, his third attempt bore fruit as this time you finally succumbed to his skills and agreed to anything he wanted. Pulling back and helping you up, he then placed his arm around your waist before leading you from the room.

Picking back up the tray as he walked you past it, both of you moved down the stairs as your eyes began to take in the rest of the apartment. "I know it's a bit short on holiday cheer at the moment," he acknowledged as he watched you glancing around the place while he directed both of you to the kitchen, "but with what you accomplished down at the office, I know together we will have an amazing Christmas," he continued as he placed the tray on the table before pulling out a chair for you.

Watching Steve as he busied himself making some fresh breakfast, your mind took you back upstairs to what had just transpired in his office. Feeling the ghost of his hands once more, as well as the evidence of what you did to each other, you found yourself falling once more into your fantasies of a life as Mrs. Steve Rogers. Coming back to reality however, as said CEO asked if you wanted coffee with your eggs and toast, you looked down at the silk pyjamas you still wore before your eyes focused on the front door. Knowing it was stupid, risky and probably doomed to failure, you knew you at least had to try, and so glancing behind to ask for coffee, you used the distraction to rise from the chair and swiftly ran towards the door.

Making it only halfway between where you started and your destination however, a scream tore from your lungs as your boss's arms encircled you and he landed on his back with you atop him. Kicking out frantically as he held you tight and laughed beneath you, all movement stopped as his lips ghosted by your ear and his words began to flow. "Take it easy sweetheart, I'm not gonna hurt you. Now let's stick to the plan, eat breakfast and then we can talk. Okay?" he suggested as he slackened his grip somewhat. Finding yourself able to breathe easier, you dropped your head onto his chest as you resigned yourself to the fact that he would probably just keep you like this until you submitted. Accepting defeat as your stomach also chose that second to betray your hunger, he laughed again as he released you, rose from the floor and lifted you gently to your feet.

"Okay sweetheart in the spirit of saving us some time, let me clear a few things up. I like you, we both know you like me and all the doors are currently locked," he said as he sat you back down at the table once more before grabbing the requested coffee. Placing it before you, he then went back to grab the plates and, setting one before you, took his spot between you and the door. Looking at the food before you as the man across from you raised an eyebrow at you, you thanked him grudgingly before helping yourself to the mouth watering meal.

Finishing it quickly and taking the plate to the sink you then joined Steve back at the table to begin getting some answers. Promising to answer any and all questions, you decided to start with the obvious. "I guess my first question is where are we? I mean, that view looks like the city, but that's not possible. Right?" you questioned, looking over at his amused expression.

"I would hope it is possible sweetheart," he replied as he rose from his seat, held out his hand and waited for you to take it. Then leading you back into the living area and out onto the balcony, he continued to explain, "this is the top of the building. Below us are the offices, while Johnny and I got these apartments added when we purchased the place." he said, placing his arms around your waist. Explaining further that they had their uses when work ran late and that Johnny was directly below, any hope you had of alerting the other partner swiftly evaporated when Steve led you back inside and divulged the other difference between the two floors . . . his apartment was completely soundproof.

Now sitting on the couch as this powerful man sat beside you, you stared at the doors as your brain tried to process this new information while going through the questions that still required a response. Of course you didn't expect him to actually admit to his criminal behavior or his plans, but as he revealed that he had spent the last eight years falling in love with you, you found yourself feeling more and more trapped. No longer able to grasp onto any rational thought, he at least had enough sense to move things along.

Reaching for a folder you only now noticed laying on the coffee table, Steve handed you a pen and told you that a few documents still needed your signature from the previous night. Remembering now how this whole mess had started, you took the pen, signed away and sighed with a new found exhaustion as Steve put everything away. Then kissing your forehead, he informed you that he would just drop them back to the office while you headed for a relaxing shower. Asking where the bathroom was as he headed for the door, you hoped that some time alone would instead allow you to find a way out of his slimy clutches.

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Waiting what you figured was enough time, you gave one last quick look at your silk attire before deciding that being gone from here trumped your captor's appalling choice in clothing. Heading for the door and searching for the latch, you cursed profusely when you realized that Steve was right. Like the private elevators in the CEO's office wing, the doors here too were biometrically controlled thus preventing any unwanted entry or exit. Sighing deeply as you accepted that you were well and truly trapped, you figured you might as well shower and see if you could find something more acceptable to wear.

Opening the door and marveling at the luxurious bathroom before you, a part of you grudgingly admitted that living here would definitely be worth getting kidnapped, except for well . . . the whole kidnapping part. Turning on the shower and stripping out of the pyjamas while it reached the desired temperature, your ire rose again as you opened the cabinet and discovered all your favorite products lined up next to Steve's. Grumbling and muttering about crazy bosses and stupid decisions, you eventually opened the shower door and basking in the warm steam rising within, stepped under the welcoming spray as it eased the tension in your muscles and helped wash away your cares.

Stepping out of the shower twenty minutes later feeling more like yourself since this whole ordeal started, this euphoria was soon obliterated once you headed to the bedroom to find something suitable to wear. Opening the main door to find all the internal ones you ignored earlier also locked, the handwritten note on the bed told you that the red dress and candy cane knee high stockings were the only choice of clothing available.

Picking it up and scoffing in disgust, you quickly slipped it on before rising from the bed and standing before the full length mirror. "Rogers," you screamed as you glared at your reflection before heading back into the main apartment to find the man in question waiting in the living room, "this thing is not a dress," you challenged, drawing his attention to the fabric which barely covered anything.

Roaming his eyes over your scantily dressed form, he didn't even try to hide his lust as his tongue flicked over his lips before speaking. "I think you look very . . . festive, sweetheart," he smirked and you could feel your anger growing with every trip his eyes made up and down your body.

"Festive? FESTIVE?" you shot back, "I have lingerie that covers more than this crap." you shot back and the look he sent your way this time was enough to temporarily steal your voice.

"Good to know sweetheart," he said as he now moved further into the apartment and allowed you a glimpse of the box in his arms as he continued, "looks like those will be the next thing to go."

"Next thing to go," you shakily repeated as your eyes remained glued on the box though your stocking clad feet moved you towards the man who was currently in the process of rearranging your life. "Mr. Rogers, what's in the box?" you asked, though your head told you you already knew the answer.

"That would be the contents of your office sweetheart," he said as he placed the box on the coffee table and headed off into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water before returning to your confused expression. "You know, since you quit."

"Quit? Are you out of your mind?" you shouted, looking between him and the box that held the last eight years of your life. "Between dealing with you and showering, when exactly did I find the time to quit?" you continued while trying to grasp any memory of the event in question as your fingers now trailed over the items that marked a significant part of your life.

"You don't watch what you drink," he pointed out as he walked casually towards you. "You don't read what you sign," he added as he now stepped closer and trapped you between himself and the couch. "Honestly, it's lucky I took charge of this matter before your carelessness cost the company," he finished as your body sank into the structure behind you. Realizing now that one of the documents he had you sign earlier must have been your resignation letter, you lay back against the cushions as the reality of what he had done hit you.

Reminding you that you were overworked, you tried to counter with the argument that the employees starting in the new year would more than rectify that issue, but Steve was having none of it. Explaining in detail that from this moment on you would live a life of luxury first as his girlfriend and hopefully, one day soon as his wife, he allowed this information to sink in as he walked towards the fireplace and began setting it up. Glaring daggers at him as you watched the logs spark to life, the warmth failed to reach you as he then traveled to the storage cabinet by the door and began unloading boxes.

Finding the noise arousing your curiosity, you turned around and peaked over the top of the couch to see all manner of festive decorations. With eyes twinkling at all the ideas popping into your head, you quickly returned to your previous position as Steve closed the cabinet and walked back over to join you. Smirking to himself as he took in the subtle differences in you, he handed you the box he was holding and asked if you would at least consider making a start. Looking up at him, you bit your lip and contemplated your answer until the sly fox informed you he wanted to head to the kitchen to prepare some eggnog.

Remembering in time that tampered drinks are what landed you here in the first place, you instead offered to help with that so you could both decorate together. Smiling while dropping the box as if you had just agreed to marry him, he took your hand and led you to the kitchen as you wondered what type of beast you had just awoken. Surprising both yourself and Steve at how easily you found everything, half an hour later, dodging gropes, kisses and sexual innuendos, you finally figured decorating the living room would allow you more space to shove between you and your eager boss.

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Leaving the kitchen behind with two glasses and a bottle of wine in hand, you headed back to the coffee table and the box he handed you previously. Pouring a drink and handing it to Steve, you then filled your own glass before opening up the box. Gazing down onto a beautiful winter skating rink ornament, you closed your fingers delicately around it as you carefully lifted it out. Marveling at the tiny figures and intricate detail, you glanced around the apartment and settled on the table on the balcony before addressing Steve. "Is it alright to put this on the table up there?" you asked, directing him to where your eyes had wandered.

Smiling over at you as his eyes followed yours, you headed off up the steps and positioned it carefully before inquiring what he found so amusing. Dropping the lights he was currently untangling to walk over to your current location, Steve plugged in the attached lead, flicked the switch and placed his arms around you as the figures below you came to life. Watching the little people move in various patterns around the imagined frozen lake, you looked back at Steve as he finally answered your question. "This is actually where it always sits. That's what made me smile. Your instincts and imagination so easily mirror my own."

Groaning at his assessment as both of you continued to watch the scene below you, you waited a few seconds longer before squirming out of his hold and heading back to the boxes. Hearing him sigh as he followed you down the steps, you took a sip of your wine before opening up another box. Closing it swiftly when you were greeted with bunches of mistletoe, you checked to see what Steve was doing and noticing his attention back on the ball of lights, you quickly hid the box out of sight. Opening up the next one to find a reindeer and sleigh set sitting atop a frosted garland, you knew by the attached hooks that this was made to sit on the mantle.

Heading off over to the fireplace, you lined it up as best you could before working to secure it properly. Making sure the corners matched and the sleigh sat directly in the middle, you watched Steve attach the lighted garlands over the doors before returning to the box to see what other treasures lay within. Finding two red candles in intricately cut glass holders, you placed each on either end before picking up the green, gold and blue baubles that you suspected occupied the remaining space.

Helping yourself to some more wine and once again checking out what your boss was doing, you silently wondered at the contrast between the focused and determined CEO you knew and the carefree, holiday loving human you currently seemed to be getting a glimpse of. Ignoring for a moment why you were privy to this side of him, Steve's words reaching your ears however easily removed the sparkle of the season.

"Hey sweetheart, you ever dream about me taking you in the office, hmm? Perhaps fucking that warm pussy while I'm on the phone with a client?" he asked as he noticed you watching him and your resulting silence spoke louder than any protest you thought to muster. "Oh you did," he smirked triumphantly as you turned back towards the fire and continued with the decorating as he spoke again, "and here I thought you were a conscientious employee."

"I am a conscientious employee," you replied harshly, picking up a Christmas bauble and throwing it across the apartment with the intention of hitting your boss squarely in his pompous head. His reflexes proved more than a match for you however as he caught it easily and walked across the room to hand it back to you. Taking it from him and placing it back in the box, butterflies fluttered in your stomach as his fingers ghosted up your thigh. But it was nothing compared to the feelings that settled within you moments later when Steve took your hand as the sound of Christmas tunes filled the apartment.

Taking you in his arms, as his lips met yours and his skillful body led you gracefully around the floor, you found yourself falling deeper and deeper under his spell. Twirling, swaying and dipping you carefully with an experience you were sure had been honed at countless business retreats, his eyes lit up the longer you gave up control to him. Just like him it seemed for you, Christmas had always been a weakness and this man was drowning you in it so much that if his next activity was baking and decorating cookies, you knew you would ultimately surrender.

Releasing you then as the song ended and a new one began, he picked up the now empty wine bottle and kissing your cheek, headed off to the kitchen for a refill as you tried to compose yourself. Shaking your head to remove the feeling he was stoking within you, your eyes falling on an angel had delivered you a perfect distraction. Looking around the apartment at all the work that had already been done, you called out to Steve with the question burning on your lips. "Hey Steve, where's the tree?" you asked, holding up the angel as he poked his head out of the kitchen.

"Don't have one." he replied before you interrupted with your next question.

"But then where does this go?" you asked in return.

"I had forgotten about that," he said as he pulled the cork out of the bottle in his hand and poured out a small drop to make sure all was well before turning his attention back to you. "Of course, if you're a good girl, maybe Santa will bring you one next year," he said with a wink as you dropped the decoration when he returned the corkscrew to the kitchen and topped up your glasses once again.

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Hearing him now humming along to the tune of some old time Christmas song, you opened another box to find garlands and lights that clearly belonged on the railing along the balcony. Heading up there as Steve returned and discreetly recovered the box containing the mistletoe, you began lining it up as he dotted the pesky decoration in all the usual prime locations. Then coming up behind you as you finished stringing the lights around the decorated garland to secure it to the bannister, Steve's breath tickled your skin as his teeth nibbled on your ear. "Hey sweetheart, now that we're done here, you wanna deck my balls?" he whispered as he pulled you back against him so you could feel exactly how in the mood he was.

Twisting your head to get a better view of the man behind you, you swiftly escaped his grasp as a determined look you had seen countless times in the boardroom clouded his features. "Jesus Rogers, tell me you're joking?" you questioned seriously as you tried to put some distance between you and the lust clearly building in his loins.

"Deck them, lick them, suck them, fuck them. I just want you to get intimately acquainted with them in every possible way," he said as he stalked towards you before carefully tackling you to the ground. Having strategically maneuvered you through the apartment to the massive rug in front of the fireplace, with his hand worming its way between your thighs and his eyes staring down at you with pure adoration, any resistance you thought about mustering suddenly died as a sound you never imagined making escaped your lips.

Grinning down at you like a child on Christmas morning, Steve continued to play with your folds as he nuzzled his slightly stubbled chin against your cheek. Biting your lip to keep any other sounds from betraying what he was doing to you, his skillful fingers finding their home against your clit soon made your efforts totally useless as you came undone for him for the first time. Breathing heavily as Steve licked his fingers clean of your release, your eyes widened in shock as he divested himself of his leggings and tossed them aside all while managing to hold you in place beneath him.

Now winking at you as his lips found yours and proceeded to leave you breathless once again, your fighting spirit returned with a vengeance when Steve moved up your body to straddle your shoulders as his package bloomed large before your eyes. "Don't be shy now sweetheart, time to get to work. They're never gonna go in easy if you don't get them ready," he jeered as his hands took hold of your head. Telling him to get fucked, he replied by informing you that's exactly what he had planned before squeezing your jaw and plugging your mouth with his semi-hard shaft the second you opened up.

Gagging from the girth, sensation and general shock of what was happening, Steve surprised you by gently working your mouth along his length until he felt your resistance fall away. At last allowing you the freedom to set a pace you were comfortable with, the girl he mentioned earlier fantasizing about him fucking her over his desk, finally made an appearance. Tapping his thighs enough for him to pull out, you took advantage of the respite to grab hold of an unexpected burst of strength, flip Steve off you and reverse the positions. Now with him flat on his back, you took his cock in your hand and moved it out of your way as your mouth descended towards his sac. Licking each one as his hands moved down to grab your head, you felt a sudden rush of power as this successful CEO began to fall apart for you.

"Oh fuck sweetheart, such a good girl for me. Knew you just needed an incentive," he spoke between breaths as you slowly began to work your mouth over each nut. Stretching open your lips before hollowing out your cheeks every time you sucked them in, a resounding pop echoed through the room whenever you set him free. Moaning out louder and louder with every repetition as your warm mouth alternated between each ball while your hand continued to pump his cock, he suddenly yelped and exploded all over your fist when you removed your mouth and nipped at his balls with just enough force to trigger his release.

Pulling back and licking his cum off your hand, you now couldn't hide your own grin as Steve's blissed out expression and heaving chest caught your attention and gave you a weird feeling of pride. Giving both of you enough time to come back down to earth, you then leaned forward and running your fingers through his hair, your warm, wet lips found his soft ones as they glided smoothly over each other. "So asswipe, was that what you had in mind?" you asked as both of you pulled apart before running your thumb along his lower lip.

Sliding it side to side as his hands made their way to your hips, it was now your turn to moan as his mouth sucked hungrily on your thumb before releasing you. "Oh sweetheart, that was so much better than my dreams, but we still have some more steps to go," he reminded you as he now took hold of your so called dress and ripped it clean off your body. Delighting in the fact that all you wore now were the knee high candy cane stockings, Steve then flipped you onto your back again before removing his own top and exposing the glorious chest you knew lurked beneath.

Admiring the stunning view above you as Steve's hand roamed over your tits and thighs, your head told you to enjoy this little tryst while your heart now hoped it would never end. Finally sensing the subtle shift in your emotions, Steve stalled his movements and rested his head against your forehead as a hand came up to caress your cheek. "Penny for your thoughts sweetheart," he said before repeatedly kissing your face until your thinking gave way to incessant laughter. Then allowing you sufficient time to regain your composure, he helped wipe the tears from your eyes before you formed a reply.

"I guess I'm just nervous," you answered as you looked up at him before you continued, "I never done this before."

"Never done what before sweetheart? Sex?" he asked with a somewhat surprised expression settling on his features.

"Fucked my boss. Teabagged a guy," you responded while trying to gauge his reaction to what you were about to say. "I've had sex before but never like this," you shakily admitted. "It's always been vanilla. What little there was of it," you finished, turning your head away from him.

"Oh sweetheart," he whispered, turning you back to face him, "the things I plan to introduce you to. We're gonna have a blast," he promised as his lips repeatedly smacked against yours until both of you needed to breathe. Then smiling down on you with more love than any of your previous boyfriends had ever displayed, he tried to finally put your mind at rest. "Also don't forget, when it comes to fucking your boss . . . we haven't really done the deed yet and you already resigned. Remember?"

Acknowledging now that one niggling little fact, you suddenly found it didn't bother you the way it had earlier. Finally looking now at Steve as a man rather than a boss, you found the same shift Steve detected as your hand ran the length of his chest before dragging him back down on you to whisper in his ear. "Well then baby, show me what you got in mind," and then you watched him shiver as your tongue snaked out and glided around his ear.

Laughing out at your new found confidence, Steve winked at you as he produced a bottle of lube and popped the top before your astonished eyes. Then pouring a generous amount onto his hand before smearing some over your lips, he next brought his hand down to the cock still glistening with your saliva as he lubed up both his shaft and balls. Once happy with his work, he continued by bringing his hand to your pussy to add the excess lube to your already dripping folds. Licking your flavored lips as he lined up his shaft with your entrance, he eased himself into you a few times before stilling to allow you to adjust and get comfortable. Then when you nodded at him to continue, he shook your world as his hips began a steady rhythm of thrusting his cock into your slowly expanding slit.

Now moaning, groaning and writhing beneath him as he shoved you nearer and nearer towards your release, you really wanted to slap his handsome face as he smiled down on you before speaking. "Come on sweetheart, work with me now," he encouraged and as if your body had no will of its own, one hand moved down to play with your clit as your other pinched and pulled at your nipples. Working now in tandem as his hips sped up and his hands took over for yours, you eventually screamed his name to the walls around you as your legs locked his hips in place while your arousal gushed out around his cock.

Laughing gently as you came down from your high, it took you a moment to register that Steve had neither come nor left your core. Looking now at your bemused expression as he eased your legs from around his hips, your face turned even more confused at his next words. "Did you already forget what I have planned for you sweetheart?" he asked and no answer came to mind as he pulled out of your soaking snatch, leaving you temporarily empty. But temporarily was definitely the word.

Taking his hands and running them along your folds, he then brought them back to his balls and massaged them as you tried to figure out what he had planned. Then lifting his still hard erection, he placed his ball sac at your entrance and holding them tight, manipulated them into your hole before giving you time to adjust. Feeling the stretch that was both similar yet different to that caused by his impressive rod, your brain finally synched with him as his hand began to work over his length. "No Steve. No no no no no," you protested vigorously as your whole body became aware of what he was up to. "Do not do this," you pleaded as it now became his turn to laugh.

"Aw sweetheart, it's so cute that you think you have a choice," he quipped as his balls now jerked within you while his thumb reached out to circle your sensitive nub. "This is going to happen, so just relax, breathe and feel every part of me," he instructed as he brought his tip down to your entrance and ever so slowly worked his cock into your pussy alongside his balls.

"Oh. Ahh. Damn," you keened out at the sheer sensation of being so full as Steve marveled at the sight before him. Then holding himself in place while thrusting his hips against yours, you felt the breath pushed from your body with every flick of his hips. At last happy that the apartment was soundproof, your voice rose higher and melded with his as the sounds of your joining filled the room. "Oh fuck yeah Steve, keep going. Make me come baby," you cried out between breaths as his whole package worked you over in the most delicious way possible.

"Don't worry sweetheart," he stuttered, "I promised my girl she'd feel all of me and I aim to deliver," he huffed out as his other hand attacked your clit while his lips met yours. Seeking entry, his tongue now danced with yours and your mouths captured each other's moans as both of you finally came together in one of the most powerful orgasms either of you could ever remember having.

Remaining still within you as both of you tried to catch your breath, your world spun on its axis as Steve then carefully pulled his package from you with an audible pop and brought his mouth down to lap at your stretched and sensitive pussy, while you felt yourself riding the wave once again. Begging, pleading and crying with him to stop, you came undone one final time as stars burst behind your eyes and the last conscious sight you had was Steve's blond locks between your legs as his skillful mouth brought you a high you would not soon forget.

Waking again some time later, a glorious smell floating from the kitchen and the sounds of soothing Christmas tunes tickled your senses as two strong and loving arms held you protectively in their embrace. Running his hands along your arms as he crooned softly behind you, Steve rested his lips softly against your cheek as he spoke between kisses. "Hey sweetheart, you left me there for a bit. How are you feeling?" he asked as he wrapped a blanket tighter around your naked forms.

Looking around the apartment that had started the day being your prison, the warmth of the fire beside you and the man at your back, had somehow turned it into a home and this thought actually brought you comfort as you turned your head to face your would be captor. "I actually feel pretty good Steve," you answered truthfully as you did a quick assessment of your body, and while it was true that you did feel well used, you had to acknowledge that there were worse reasons to feel the way you felt. Delighted that there seemed to be no adverse effects from your coupling, as well as your more relaxed demeanor, Steve suggested both of you shower and eat, but discovering that dinner was still almost two hours from being ready, there by the fire as the holiday spirit sparkled all around you, the only thing you wanted was to feel safe and loved in the arms and on the cock of the man you knew would make your every Christmas wish come true now, forever and always.

#happyhoelidays2021

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tarosin · 4 years ago

Text

the great adventures of y/n tommy jack tubbo and george

requested yes/no

part 5 of the great adventures series

summary: training for the military

warning: cursing

AN: really sorry about this tumblr won’t let me change/add paragraphs so could look very weird

the journey there was quick for you, you spent the trip asleep in the back of the car whilst the others were discussing what you were all about to do “How difficult do you think it’s going to be” “dude it’s a military assault course” you woke up halfway there to the noise of the radio playing “afternoon y/n”“afternoon sorry I fell asleep I’m not used to being woken up early in the morning, I blame you guys and ranboo”“y/n have you ever wanted to join the military” “I can't say I have no” “well you’re going to love what we’re doing” “what are we doing” “you’ll see!”

you stood picking up more rocks and handing them to tubbo whilst Tommy and George began to film the introduction to the vlog “were in the jungle” confused you turned to tubbo “psst tubbo what the fuck are we doing, why are we in a woods” before tubbo had time to answer Tommy already began to answer your question telling you that you’re all training for the military, not taking him seriously you started laughing as you all were walking it was only when you were handed a jumpsuit to cover your clothes you realised it wasn’t a joke, you would be lying if you said you were ready for this, after all, you spent your free time playing Minecraft you wasn’t exactly great at sports

you managed to put the jumpsuit on pretty quickly unlike Tommy who was quite clearly struggling to get it on over his trainers “come on sergeant simons were doing a military assault course and you’re struggling to put on the clothes”after struggling to put clothes on the five of you stood together getting photos whilst you all looked decent “me and my boys in the jungle” “This isn’t going to go well” “we’re going to destroy it” “NO”

you hadn’t even reached the course yet and you were already tripping up over rocks and sticks that were on the muddy trail “we’re walking to our deaths..y/n is already falling over” “Hey I didn’t sign up to do exercise” once you finally reached the start of the course you were met with a canon, a dog and a man in a yellow jumper you stood as a team listening to what you were about to do and how you were actually a team of six, you hoped he meant the dog was a team member but no turns out the canon was the sixth member

“We have to take the canon with us” “...and take it apart into six pieces at each obstacle and rebuild it ” you handed your phone to the Russ, not trusting yourself to keep it on you especially since you were already tripping up before reaching the assault course “thank you” “good luck” “huh” you didn’t have time to process what was said as Mr military began counting down from three, the five of you ran to the first obstacle tubbo dragging the canon Tommy climbed over the net first with tubbo following after “What happens if I fall” it was as though you and tubbo had read each other’s mind as you both responded with “you’ll die” “death” you climbed over next with a wheel “reckon I can slide down the net” “that will hurt y/n don’t do- and you’re already doing it” you slid down the net despite George telling you not to do so, it didn’t take too long for the others to get over, you all began reassembling the canon “can we talk about our feelings” “I feel like shit I jumped out of a plane not long ago now I feel like I’m doing PE all over again” “Y/N JUST HELP BUILD THE CANON” “I'M TRYING ODDLY ENOUGH I'M NOT BUILT FOR THE MILITARY”once the canon was built Tommy and tubbo ran off with it “who’s going to tell them we need to test it” once Mr military shouted they ran back “why do we have to do this” “it’s the fucking rules Tommy and life is full of them” “like taxes” “tax fraud” a few seconds later the five of you yelled “bang” neither of you saying it at the same time “it didn’t work” “yes it did now come on”

you all ran towards the next obstacle, a giant wall. you all quickly dismantled the canon, Tommy went over first and began bickering with Mr military about him not being his dad whilst you tubbo and jack struggled to pass over the heaviest part of the canon “lift and lift” “really George? I thought we could just throw it over and hope he catches it” “Please don’t do that” “I am very sorry George but I'm struggling here” you continued your struggling tubbo tried to help Tommy through his words “you’re strong bossman I believe in you” “by the way, you really picked the shortest people to do this” part of the canon landed with a thud “welp hope he’s not dead” you climbed over next again carrying the wheel “he’s not dead guys don’t worry” you laughed as George took his time getting over the wall “I'm poving” “GET OVER THE WALL” you all stood questioning what time you were on completely forgetting that you were supposed to reassemble the canon “This is going to be embarrassing” “you guys could be rebuilding the canon” you could have built and tested the canon quickly however Tommy George and tubbo began telling people to subscribe whilst you built the canon with jack “we’re so good at this” “heh maybe not” you all test-fired the canon and made your way to the next obstacle

you were sent to go over the rope first, this was extremely difficult for you, the rope kept swaying as you walked causing you to lose your balance on multiple occasions “step on the V” “I’m going to fall” you made it over after a couple of minutes, like tubbo you also felt a bit ill, you assumed it was because it was quite hot and a lot was going on “how you feeling y/n” “Honestly, I’m jealous of ranboo, he’s at home living his best life and I’m in the middle of the woods overheating and climbing but no it’s pretty funny watching the others” you laughed as you overheard tubbo talking about how they’re only three obstacles in and how he’s going to die “YOU GOT THIS TUBBO!” Tommy crossed next, like you, he took his time he was then followed by tubbo who was trying to speed run walking over the rope you waited for jack and George cheering them on whilst Tommy was asking around for water and complaining about wearing a gamer hoodie. at this point, everyone seemed unmotivated “3 2 1.. bang”

“oh lovely..tires” tubbo went through first with the heaviest part of the canon “ill help you tubbo” you following behind helping him carry it due to it being stupidly heavily “so how are you tubbo” “AAAAAAAAAAA” “aye me too bud” you and tubbo decided that from now you two were going to work as a pair so it would be easier for you both, over the past few weeks tubbo became one of your closest friends the pair of you even started trending on Twitter as you did an irl stream where you both went on a walk at the beach and met several fans. whilst you and tubbo were making your way through Tommy jack and George we’re trying to figure out who should take what. “there’s piss in this one” “what the fuck?!” the pair of you finally got out from the tires “good job you two” “thank you” you rested your head on tubbos shoulder trying to get your breath back “I don’t think I’m made for the military” a few moments later Tommy made it to the tire full of water and put his finger in it “PEE” “Tommy why-” you stood looking around at the scenery, the sound of Tommy yelling about crawling away from George and that he’s ‘touched the piss’ was enough the drag you away from your own thoughts, you watched the others struggling to get through the tires and was amazed at the fact tubbo went back in to help them. you tried to ignore Tommy and George being dramatic as you tried to figure out how many more obstacles you had to go but you got distracted by George “ill just eat you if you die” “Mr military I’d like some help right about now” you walked over to Tommy and helped him get out of the tires “thanks y/n” “welcome” “how you doing bossman you know I pulled through your part...what are you doing that’s George's water” Tommy decided to throw the bottle to you so you could have a drink as he remembered you’d not had a drink since you landed from jumping out of the plane “Thanks, Tommy” “YOU BOTH DRANK GEORGES WATER” “he can drink the piss” “what Tommy said” you laughed as you walked over to where jack was in the tires “ HI JACK” “Jesus christ you scared me, hi y/n” you stood waiting for everyone to finish “I know exactly what the slowest time was” “we’re going for a new record it’s fine” “of being the slowest?” “yeah” “you know what Mr military ill clart you” “you’ll what me” “I’m gonna just go over here” you walked over to where parts of the canon were and got ready to assemble it again whilst George began throwing water over jack and tubbo to bless them then did the same to Tommy, you hid behind a tree thinking he wouldn’t notice you, however, he did and within a minute you too had water poured on you “Thanks, I was thirsty” “oh we know” “The fuck is that supposed to mean” “HELP BUILD THE CANON PLEASE” like last time you all built the canon tested it and ran to the next obstacle

“can we just you know drag the already built canon under there with us” “absolutely not” “I tried” you all disassembled it again and like last time you and tubbo went first crawling under “I don’t want to alarm you all but it is soaking wet in here” “delightful” a few moments later you were both working well “tubbo I’m scared of the dark and it’s pitch black” “you’ve got this bossman we’re almost done” you calmed down quickly until Tommy decided to jump above the pair of you

“SORRY” “TOMMY I SWEAR TO GOD” “YOU DICK” you laughed slightly and tubbo checked up on you “you okay?” “I'm fine if you’re fine” “come on let’s finish this thing” the pair of you continued and finished relatively quickly tubbo got out first “NEVER AGAIN” “Sorry about that buddy” “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU” you helped push part of the canon out so tubbo could easily drag it out he then reached out so you could hold his hand and help pull you out “I've never been so happy to see the light” the pair of you sat on the floor waiting for the others to finish, you both made a bet on who was going to laugh first somehow you won as tubbo laughed at George and jack struggling to crawl through “YOU LAUGHED” “OH SHITTT” Russ came over to you both whilst recording so he could ask about how everything’s going “I’m covered in mud and the jumpsuit is wet, it isn’t a good day for the y/n community it was dark as hell in there “Tommy is a dick and tried to kill me and y/n” “I DIDN'T TRY TO KILL YOU BOTH” “I think he heard us” “WE ALL DID WERE NOT DEAF” “NO, BUT ACCORDING TO INSTAGRAM YOU'RE DEAD” you stared directly into the camera “sometimes it’s like I still hear jack talking to me” George and jack started complaining about how much further the is to go and how it was dirty and Tommy's response about being sorry it doesn’t fit their tory lifestyle made you burst out laughing “YOU LAUGHED” “tubbo my beloved you laughed ages ago you’ve already lost” “But we’re equal now” “no” the pair of you stood bickering to the point you didn’t realise the others had finished the obstacle and were shouting for you to test the canon “Y/N TUBBO WE NEED TO TEST THE CANON” the pair of you ran over “3 2 1 BANG”

“just going to warn you all you see that black cloud over there” “oh yay a storm is coming” you grabbed a wheel and followed behind jack across the wooden bridge “y/n he’s been splintered” “oh no poor George” “these are my gaming fingers” “no gaming for you I guess” “Stop talking about gaming dickheads” you spent a lot of time talking to George and jack whilst crossing over trying not to fall over you all even made a few plans to stream a laugh and the stream ends on jacks channel soon

you were all building the canon again whilst being informed you weren’t even halfway through and already 40 minutes in “high score” “well it’s definitely high” “Y/N??” “coming tubbo hang on my shoelace came undone” after tying your shoelace you grabbed a wheel and caught up to tubbo “if you go over tubbo ill pass it over to you and we can keep doing that” this method worked well for you both tubbo would climb over you would pass the wheel and middle part of the canon then climb over and repeat the process you heard Tommy in the background complaining about the fact he’s wearing jeans and jacks response “Yeah but I’m wearing jeans” “tubbo and y/n are almost done and you’re complaining about jeans” “jean boy pops off” “I'M WEARING JEANS AS WELL QUIT COMPLAINING” “Can we just go home and play smash bros” “Tommy this was your idea I didn’t even get on an option” “Sorry about that y/n but you get to spend time with me and gogy” “lucky me” you weren’t going to lie this was hard work and you were exhausted you felt like you could just fall asleep right where you were stood however tubbo wasn’t going to let that happen “I’m never going on an adventure with Tommy again” “me either” this of course was bullshit and you were both going on another adventure soon you stood watching your friends struggle to get over the obstacles you decided to offer your support and went to help jack and George using a similar method to that you used with tubbo “thanks y/n” “anytime” “y/n you could have helped me, tubbo pulled me over I could have been injured” “very sorry to hear that sergeant simons sucks to suck I guess” you all reassembled the canon tested it and ran to the next obstacle “I hate it here” “there’s a storm on the way” “Thanks, y/n for the input” “welcome George” you all noticed the net luckily you didn’t have to disassemble the canon this very well could be because you were running far behind and a storm was on its way. you watched as the others went through and joked about tubbo losing his shoe and Tommy getting stuck, this obstacle wasn’t made for you either as you kept getting caught on the net “I'VE BEEN CAUGHT AGAIN” jack lifted the net for you again so you could easily crawl through “thank you jack” you all then made it to the next obstacle Tommy crawled on the metal bars with you following after him whilst George used the monkey bars once you all made it across you had to walk across many metal planks used to form a bridge Tommy walked close behind you knowing you were extremely clumsy and didn't want you to fall “irl nettles” “The fuck are you on about Tommy I don’t think you’re following my advice about going outside” you all dissembled the canon as you got to the tires the only difference this time was you needed to climb over them “it’s rather windy” “there’s dirt in my eye” like before you and tubbo used the same method “look at them go” “I LIKE A DA BEE” “I'M SCARED OF BEES” “oh okay” “Why do they keep taking the plank” “I don’t know tubbo just takes it and y/n follows” you both finished rather quickly and neither of you got injured or fell “really good job you two” “thank you Mr military” you stood leaning on tubbo watching George pick up random rocks and put them into his pocket similar to what you had been doing the entire way around the course “I don’t think George or y/n have been outside before they keep picking things up like souvenirs” “Y/N GEORGE HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE RAIN BEFORE” both of you just stared at Tommy making him laugh you helped the others get across the tires and even helped prevent Tommy from falling a couple of times. unfortunately, you ended up twisting your ankle but tried to ignore it not wanting to ruin the vlog for anyone, not that you would have, however it was clear you were in pain as you had started limping. one at a time you all crossed the rope “This is me climbing I am climbing” you cheered everybody on and then it was your turn

unlike the others the rope kept shaking as you walked across mainly because you were scared of falling and in pain all whilst trying to rush, this was clearly your least favourite obstacle of the day “take your time y/n don’t fall” “thank you jack I'm trying my best I promise” once at the end of the rope, Tommy took the wheel off you and helped you get down and pulled you into a quick side hug “you’re doing great let’s go we’re almost done” you knew your friends wouldn’t make you continue if you really didn’t want to however you were nearly finished and was determined to finish. you all reassembled the canon and made your way to the next obstacle

“there’s no way we’re getting through that without twanging a rope” “good luck” you and tubbo made your way through the ropes trying not to hit them, this proved to be a pretty impossible task and you ended up twanging the ropes several times, this mixed with everyone else’s failure to cross without hitting the rope meant you all had to do 20 push-ups, after reassembling the canon twice as you all didn’t do it correctly the first time and testing it you all had to do the push-ups “I’m sure y/n and George only did 3” “sorry bossman”

you all were finally making your way to the last obstacle determined to finish “Big Russ can we go to McDonald's after this” “sure” the five of you cheered and ran the last obstacle quickly disassembling the canon, you led the way over the obstacle tubbo Tommy jack and George following behind you, despite tubbo losing his shoe and George going backwards the five of you quickly completed the obstacle and reassembled and tested the canon running over to the finishing line

you all finally completed it and waited for your result “45 minutes easily” “1 hour 11 minutes and 46 seconds” “no way that’s a world record” “well we tried” the five of you stood telling people to subscribe before ending the recording and making your way back to the car

the car ride back felt a lot longer than the way there. you were all exhausted

“how’s your ankle” “it’s not too bad it’ll probably hurt more tomorrow morning”

“I'm still not over Tommy trying to kill me and tubbo” “I didn’t try to kill you” “sure” the rest of the journey was chaos you all screamed along to the songs on the radio eventually you all got to McDonald's and spent the rest of the night enjoying each other’s company.

taglist

@l0ver0fj0y @c1loudee

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sleepy-achilles · 2 years ago

Text

Streets- Chapter 2

Taker meets the two crews

-----------------------

The skeleton blade clatters as it falls to the floor. Golden eyes scan the bodies spewed out on the floor. So much carnage. So much blood spilled that never needed to be spilled. They just needed to stay away. Shakey hands reach forward, grabbing at a cyber upgrade. Gold eyes scan in. A new model, achilles heel upgrades. Makes them stronger.

Perfect...

-----

"Welcome to the crew, Taker."

Taker had no clue what he had just signed up to. All he knew is that kane would owe him big time once he got him back. Who was taker kidding? He had no idea what shape his little brother would be in. Last time taker saw him he didn't have a single upgrade and was busy whining about the fact taker got his.

Taker looks at shawn. Shawn who's been on the phone since they got in goldusts car. His red eyes stare straight through taker. Takers never met someone with red eyes before. Well, there was one, his mother. Her green eyes would switch to red. It use to scare others but taker found a beauty in it. The myth about eye colours always drove taker crazy. He hated it. Reds were painted out to be manics. Loose canons. Dangerous. His mother was no such thing. Shawn? Shawn on the other hand he wasn't too sure about.

Shawns eyes switch to blue quickly. "Goddamnit. Dust! We need to get back to dx headquarters!" Shawn calls. "On it" goldust hums. "Whats wrong?" Taker asks. "Job gone bust. Knew I shoulda gone. But someone insisted i meet him" shawn growls. "Worth it, wasn't it?" Goldust asks. Shawn examines taker. "Not the point. We can pick hunter and kid up at the same time. Nash and Hall are already at the kliq hq. Saves us time atleast, even if I do have to bust some skulls" Shawn grunts. Goldust chuckles. "You have little faith in them" Shawn shakes his head and leans back. "I have a lot of faith in chyna, hunter and Rick. Just not in those punks they've brought in. Hell, not even in kid." Shawn responds. "Hey, it's just how you started out, no?" Goldust asks.

Taker watches as shawns jaw tightens and he looks out the window. "We both know that's not true." Shawn mutters. Taker wants to ask what he means by that, but he knows better. He doesn't want to upset the man who could bring him to his brother. Not yet atleast. Shawn hums, bringing taker out of his head. "We should grab chyna aswell." Shawn states. "Why? Can't kid do any hacking you might need?" Goldust asks. "You already know kids not there yet. Chyna on the other hand has all the skill we might need for this." Shawn chuckles. Goldust tuts. "You doubt that boy to much" Shawn rolls his eyes.

He turns his attention to taker. "When we get there, I want you to come in. Tell them your name and that's it. I don't need dx knowing anything about this. Those clowns will just want to get involved and I do not have the time. If they ask, your a new member of the crew and that's why I wasn't at the job, I was hiring you." Shawn explains. "Got it" Taker nods. "I like it. A man who finally listens to me" shawn smirks leaning back. "Baby, you have nash and Hall wrapped around your little finger. Don't pretend otherwise" goldust chuckles. Shawn smirks as he looks out of the window.

Taker can't decide if this is the best or worse friendship he's ever made.

-----

Taker follows Shawn into the warehouse. Goldust insisted on staying in the car, especially in this part of town.

Shawn stops infront of a door, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Remeber what I said. Name and that's it." Shawn grunts before kicking the door open. All talking halts and all heads turn to them.

"What the fuck happened?" Shawn demands as he walks in. And they all start talking at once, except the only girl in the room. Shawn just tilts his head back and everyone falls quiet. "Rick. Talk to me." Shawn sighs. "Its quite simple bossman. Someone wasn't in their spot when they were supposed to be" Rick answers crossing his arms. Shawn kisses his teeth and moves further into the room. "I aint even going to ask for names. I haven't got the time." Shawn tells them. Taker looks at the shocked faces. "But, none of you are getting paid for it, unless yall clean this mess up and get me what I sent you too get" Shawn growls. "And what about you?" A blonde asks. Shawn looks at him. "You, kid and chyna are joining me on a kliq job." Shawn tells him. So this is hunter.

"And who's he? Is he helping us then?" The other blonde asks. "No. This is taker. He works for me and only me. Taker this is chyna, hunter, Rick, kid, Billy and road. They make up degeneration x." Shawn introduces. They all make small grunts or nods at taker. "Now cmon, we need to meet Scott and kev now" Shawn orders. "Wait, if your taking hunter, who's incharge?" Billy asks. "Rick, obviously. Don't be stupid. If this gets fucked again, I will be asking Rick for names and will be taking action" Shawn warns. The staying members nod. "Ill get the job done, boss" Rick nods. "I know you will. Now let's go." Shawn claps before leaving the room, the others following close to get in goldusts car.

"So, you gonna tell us what's going on?" Hunter asks. Shawn looks at him. "Goldust, kliqs apartment please." Shawn requests. "On it baby boy" goldust replies. "I asked you a question Shawn" hunter snaps. "And you can wait until we get there. I'm not repeating myself" Shawn snaps. Hunter raises an eyebrow. "You still angry about last night?" Hunter asks leaning closer to shawn. "Get out of my face hunter. I have a right to be pissed when I leave you incharge of a job and it goes to shit" Shawn growls. "Well if someone wasn't busy picking themselves up some new eye candy, the job might of been smoother" hunter snaps. "You should be able to run a simple job without me. And this sat next to me isn't eye candy. He's a client and will be paying your next paycheck so watch it" Shawn snaps.

Hunter glares at taker. "Why is he here?" Kid asks. "He wants to help. And I don't care. Means more manpower." Shawn shrugs. "We could use dx though" kid states. "And yet those two have fucked up every job so far. No. We do this just as the kliq. And chyna of course, my beloved" Shawn smiles. The women shakes her head fondly. Hunter shakes his head in anger. "We will talk later." Hunter tells him. "Sure thing." Shawn mutters. Taker can already tell this will be interesting. And he already hates that he's thinking like that.

--------

They walk into an apartment to be met with two tall guys on the sofa watching the news. "You lot seen this? Goldies struck again!" The tallest calls. "What is it now?" Kid asks rushing over. "Killed 12 police and stole cyber upgrades. It's crazy. People reckon it's a psycho. I don't. They seem to steal upgrades of parts they've stole before" the other states with an accent. "Goldie?" Taker asks confused, his mind going straight to goldust. "Dont worry, not goldust." Shawn chuckles. "Its a killer. The people they kill, the police collect their death footage but the only thing they can see from the killer is the fact they have gold eyes." Hunter explains. "Real rare that" kid chuckles. "I wouldn't call them a killer. I mean they only killed at first because they were trapped and about to be killed themselves. I reckon if the coppers stopped trying to find them, no more deaths would arise." The taller states. "Probably. But we will never know. They'll never stop hunting them." The other shrugs.

"So, who's this?" Tallest asks. "Taker. He will be joining us. This is Kevin and Scott." Shawn introduces moving closer, pulling taker with him. "Joining us for what pretty boy?" Kevin asks pulling Shawn into his lap. "Its what I called us all here for. He's our next client." Shawn tells him. "Whats the job Chico?" Scott asks as Taker sits on the end of the sofa. "My brother. He was taken from our town when we were kids." Taker states. "Shawn.." Kevin mutters. "Dont be an ass. I already was. His parents were killed in a house fire and his brother was taken by a family friend in the same night. He reckons he could being used for something bad." Shawn explains. "He could be golden eyes" kid jokes. Scott kicks him causing him to yelp.

"Did he have any upgrades when he was taken?" Kevin suddenly asks. "No. Our father was planning to give him some the next day after seeing how upset he was about me getting mine. He didn't have the chance" Taker answers. Scott and Kevin share a look. "Hey, bud..you don't reckon it's a classic case of Corp boogeyman?" Kevin asks. Shawn squints before looking at chyna. "If taker gives you a photo of his brother can you look for files about him?" Shawn asks. Chyna nods and moves to taker eyes turning neon green, holding her hand out. Taker accepts it and transfers her his last photo of kane.

She smiles before moving towards a room. Kid goes to stand when hunter grabs his wrist and pulls him down. "Ill be going with her, you perv" hunter growls before following her. "Not fair, I'm also a hacker" kid frowns. "Your also a perv" Scott chuckles as shawn stands. "What is Corp boogeyman?" Taker asks. "Jesus you really aren't from here are you?" Scott huffs. "One of the big companies will take kids, mainly kids that won't be missed like street kids or orphans and uses them to test latest techs or turn them into super soldiers" Kevin explains, watching as shawn moves to the window. "So..kane could be dead?" Taker asks. "Well, it's possible yes but if he's got your genetics I highly doubt it. If he's as big and strong as you look then he's probably one the lucky ones. They wouldn't miss out on that" Scott tells him.

"Who was this family friend?" Shawn finally asks. "Im not sure it was him, but I haven't seen him since the fire." Taker tells him. "Name?" Kevin asks. "Paul Bearer" Taker responds.

Kevin watches as shawns eyes glitch in the reflection. "Recognise the name?" Kevin asks. Shawn doesn't respond. Taker watches as shawns fingers twitch, his eyes glow bright as they glitch. "Kev.." Scott gasps. Kevin stands and moves to stand behind shawn, turning the blonde carefully and resting his back against the window. Taker watches as their foreheads connect and shawns eyes turn fully red, pupils, iris and the whites. "They've known each other for a long time. Been there through the worst of times. If shawn glitches out at anytime, call Kevin." Scott tells him. "Understood" Taker nods.

Taker has a feeling he'll find out about Shawn via his crew and friends.

The three sit in silence as Kevin and shawn open their mind to each other.

'Whats wrong?'

'I've heard that name. Back in the labs. This isnt good'

'The boy. Will it be good or bad news? Do we even bother?'

'Depends on chynas results. But..we try. You know we always try. If he's on file and Paul brought him in? He's most likely alive. Well, most likely more cyber than human, but still.'

Kevin pulls back slowly, he opens his eyes and examines shawns face. "We wait for chynas results before we plan anything." Kevin speaks up. "And if the results aren't what we want?" Scott asks. Kevin turns back to them after placing his hand against shawns neck. "If your down, we destroy those Corp bastards and make sure this never happens again." Kevin tells him.

"Sounds like a plan." Taker smirks.

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jaskiersvalley · 3 years ago

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🌼~BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you’re supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out.~🌼 xoxo toss a coin to your bard

You are far too sweet to send this, and my apologies for sitting on this so long without replying! I will definitely be continuing the game and appearing as a loving anon in ask boxes soon. In the meantime, here's a little ficlet of thank you.

As a bit of background, I've been watching Centaurworld recently and this song (Rider's Lullaby) has been stuck in my head for days. So I thought I'd give it a bit of a twist and let the horses of Kaer Morhen have it.

Lullaby of the Wolf

Winters weren't a time of rest for just Witchers. Their trusted companions on the perilous Path were also granted some much needed rest. Roach and Scorpion went years back, familiar enough with each other that Roach's disdain and Scorpion's less desirable personality traits no longer caused problems. They could even be housed in neighbouring stalls which was a major breakthrough on an especially cold winter. All the same, it was a welcome surprise when a bay gelding separated them.

"You're not the prickly bastard's," Roach sniffed daintily.

"My rider travels with him. They call me Nettle. Because I'm a pain in the butt."

There was a snort from Roach and Scorpion laughed heartily at that.

"Bossman called me Scorpion because I stung his pride. He really hoped for a nice juicy steak as his surprise."

Roach dryly cut in, "He should have eaten you anyway, probably would if he could understand you."

Nettle, rather wisely, decided not to comment on that. Or the colourful swearing Scorpion went off on about how a full blooded stallion like him was...actually, Nettle tuned it out in favour of watching a goat trot into the stable and give him a hard stare.

"Prickly's mate is staying, teach him."

Which was how Nettle spent the rest of winter learning the way of a Wolf Witcher's horse. Though he was a Cat Witcher's steed, he was deemed worthy of being brought into the fold. Namely, the lullaby. While horses' singing wasn't audible to humans, Witcher or not, it still seemed to help. Not only did it seem to soothe the Witchers, it helped the horses too, gave them something to focus on outside the wild panic of the situation at hand.

Despite none of them being exceptionally gifted in the way of singing, they all joined in, their soft voices joining to make a chorus.

"Where did the song come from?"

"The old one's mule taught us. Who was taught by the mule before," Roach explained.

The goat, Lil Bleater, chipped in. "It's been passed down generations. Sometimes the old one still hums it. Especially when he's been left by his pups each spring."

That wasn't something Nettle ever heard. But he dutifully memorised the song and even sang it softly under his breath on the way down the mountain, where his human and his mate were tense, as worried as they were on the way up. The others had been right, though they couldn't hear the song, they both relaxed whenever Nettle sang.

It was pure luck that the prickly one's payment for a contract was a horse. She was black, had a tendency to be lame when she didn't want to do something and was, inevitably, named Bitch. Even if she was the nicest horse Nettle had ever met.

"You're a Wolf Witcher's horse now," he told her in the evening as they were left to graze on the sparse grass. "There's some things you need to learn."

Travelling together, Nettle taught Bitch the song. She was definitely suspicious at first.

"Just go lame, they won't pull you in the direction of danger. It's much easier."

Nettle laughed at that. "Their job is to go into danger. And ours is to follow. This is what we can do for them. Carry them, be there for them when nobody else wants to be. It's not much but sometimes we're the only thing they have. It's an honour."

So together they sang and Bitch learned to be brave. She appreciated not being coerced into things, no forceful shoving, no smacks. A lot of cursing and name calling, even a threat of being eaten if she didn't get with the programme but it was all empty words. The underlying impression she got from her prickly owner was that he cared and that was his problem. Because his fragile heart couldn't bear the idea of more senseless loss. Everyone knew the fate of those who got close to a Witcher, human, horse, goat, they all eventually died. But Bitch grew fond of him, she sang the song Nettle had taught her the first night they were alone. Nettle and his Witcher had to head off, she didn't pay much attention to the reason, her main concern was her prickly one and his sudden sullen coldness. It seemed Nettle had been right, Witcher sometimes only had their horses.

They'd been alone together for weeks. Human settlements came and went, monsters too. Her job was to make sure her human got from one place to the next and, sometimes, she kicked up a fuss still, limping in an effort to get him to rest. Despite her best efforts he was still miserable, obviously missing the company of his mate even when he vehemently denied the need for anything but solitude.

Trust was an easy thing to earn. Bitch was content to follow her new owner, following after him obediently. Though his job was as odds with her nature, he had yet to lead her wrong. And she no longer gave him grief either, only insisting on breaks when he needed them too. At least, that was what she told herself until she heard a soft baritone shakily singing.

"You're okay, you're alright, I'll never ever leave your side."

The voice buckled, a soft "I'm sorry" that most certainly wasn't part of the song whispered before continuing, "I will stay and I will fight with you."

Stomping her feet, Bitch pulled at her reins. It had her prickly owner cursing and pulling back, trying to get her to follow along. However, they weren't moving towards the song and Bitch wasn't going to let this go. Rearing up, the yanked her reins free and started off at a canter towards the voice. She ignored the cursing and yelling from behind, trusting her Witcher to follow. Off the path, she crashed into a clearing where a dark horse was curled around a large body. As she clattered to a halt, the horse snorted defensively, ears pinned back.

"If you know what's good for you, you fuck off right now," he snarled. The smell of blood made Bitch shift uncomfortably.

"The song! I know it!" As she approached, the other horse snorted in warning and slowly got to his feet, standing protectively over the barely conscious Witcher.

Though Bitch tried to sing the song, the other horse pawed at the ground. He would have no trouble running her down, they both knew it. Before he could charge though, Bitch's Witcher tumbled into the clearing and blinked once.

"Fucking hell Eskel, what the bloody tits have you done?" There was no hesitation as he barged up to the body and gave the large horse a two handed shove with a growled "move it".

"He's mine," Bitch said, plain and simple. "I've not had him long but he's a good man."

"I know, Prickly is part of Bossman's herd. Didn't think Prickly ever really wanted a steed."

"He didn't. But he got me anyway. Calls me Bitch."

"Nice. I go by Scorpion." The dark horse trotted closer, turning to look at his human with sadness. "I wouldn't do anything to help. I'm glad you brought Prickly here."

They watched together as a camp was quickly set up, potions poured in the fallen Witcher's mouth and wounds tended to with gruff efficiency.

"We might as well settle in," Scorpion announced. "It'll be a couple of days at least before we get moving. And knowing these two, we'll stay in close quarters for a while yet. Welcome to the herd."

#minor lambert/aiden #roach #scorpion #lil bleater #lambert #the witcher #oc horses #tldr: the horses of kaer morhen have a song

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wandering-willows-2009 · 2 years ago

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Name: Wandering Willows (2009). Only close friends call me Willow - stick to Wander until we’ve kissed with tongue.

Gender: Nah

Pronouns: just be cool about it

Age: Timeless/Adult (22)

About, Tags, and Content Warnings Below!

🎃🐈‍⬛🕸🍂🍁🦷🍫🪦⚰️🔪🪓👻🫀🩸💣

I’m a security guard/college dropout from Idle Town. My interests include autumn season, Halloween, trespassing urban exploring, vulture culture, bugs/entomology, the alt scene, pop punk and bad indie, the fae, making cringe art, cake, and hanging the fuck out.

Content Warnings: Unless I have made a mistake, this blog will be mostly SFW, and not have any explicit smexy imagery, but may have fake/prop/movie blood and suggestively/crudely worded posts. Be warned! Untagged bugs (except my beloved roaches, cuz my roommate will vommie if he sees one), swears, scary images/body horror, and more down yonder! Will try to tag for fake blood and flashing lights, but I am oftentimes low on spoons knives and forgetful by nature, and this blog is intended for my personal consumption and not others ^__^"

Main Tags

Angel Aura - angel tag!!

Badlands

Cake - mmmm yummy!! i love a slice of fucking cake!! :D

COBRA Enclosure - COBRA sightings in the wild

Dog Tags - dom stuff. are you mad at me. do you want to be

Hogposting - 30-50 wild boar inside

Home - my fuckink domain <3 welcome to my cage what can i get u

Fashion

Fave

Fiend Group - me n COBRA n Roadkill n Fishbone, friendcore motherfuckers

Food

Idle Hands - 😏

Idle Town - hometowncore lol

Indie Sleaze

King - St. Jimmy tag

Little Dead Things - things COBRA tags me in

Living Dead Boy - cute zombies =__=

Living Dead Girl - DON'T OPEN, DEAD INSIDE!! my personal zombiecore :3

Lost Tapes - Smidge & COBRA dynamic =^w^=

Michael Wave - microwave go brrrrr!!!! :D

Music Box - sounds and songs I've saved

PVP

Sadwich - COBRA's gross fucking sandwich moodboard

Saint of Who Gives A Shit - COBRA goes through enough weirdo religious shit in my living room that I now have a tag for it

Scrawlings - my art

Sooths - my writing

Stray Bullets - AU i'm working on wif some frends

Suburban Hell

Willowbee - mecore tag

Zombabe - personal/original posts tag :3

Friend Tags

The Artist Formerly Known As Paul, Bossman, Bunnyrabbit, Can Be Trusted with Lab Equipment, Clover, Crow, Doc, Doctor Worm, Ezra, Feesh, Fink, Fishbone, Fleabag, Fleischwolf, Foxie, Frankie, Frey, Gerber Baby, Glish, Greaseball, Houndthing, Howl, Jeebz, Jonesy, Kuno, Lovebug, Lovecraft, Margo, November, Penny, Pet Peeve, Pixystix, Robin, Scuffle, ScurvyDog, Smidgeon, Snowhare, Sparky, Static, Syd, Wolfie, Zoey (more to come~)

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goodvibesprompttime · 3 years ago

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DSMP AU :D

Gods abandon children all the time.

It wasn't uncommon for children to find each other, be it on the road, travelling to somewhere that even they didn’t know existed, or, perhaps if they were the lucky ones, in a school among the rest of humans, where their godly heritage goes to die. It was up to opinion if losing heritage was worth it. If not, the children left a means of shelter to follow the path of uncertainty, chaos, without education or any guarantee they would see the beauty of dawn, or her loving embrace.

Like all abandoned children, twelve year old Tommy was good at something. It may not have been dancing, or cooking, or baking, or sports, or… a lot of things. But, the blonde was good at something. He was good at counting steps, and he was good at breathing, and smiling, and he was really funny. Although, according to the other abandoned children, in the abandoned children villages, none of those were things to be proud of. Tommy hated coming across villages. In truth, calling them villages made the places sound nicer than they were. If you were lucky, you could come across a village that was really just a house. Most of the time, however, these villages were just a group of children in whatever shelter they could find - painted in brilliant roses of risk, with brushstrokes of broken glass, or the potential to be discovered and torn apart like useless paper, soaked in water.

Following the train tracks, as Tommy had done since he left the certainty of a foster family, led the blonde to many villages. Some villages only had two or three people, some had ten, one even was in the thirties. Tommy knew to avoid the bigger villages as a child with no insight on his godly parent. He had no powers to rely on, much less any intimidation. He was a scrawny kid carrying a stick, a backpack full of things, with a bandana around his neck, and a bandaid on his nose. Lesson one of being an abandoned, Tommy discovered, was to avoid big villages with bigger kids, or risk being beaten with your own stick. Tommy was only lucky they gave him bruises.

Despite having life, rather literally, beat him down when he was already low, Tommy followed the tracks with an uncanny sense of optimism. He sang for himself when even the birds were too tired to listen. He told himself stories when the forest did not. He still cheered as excitement swelled in him when a train passed by, even more so when he checked the time and found that the train came later. He was moving somewhere, farther from where the train was coming from, but that meant he was heading where it was going too. Time was still moving, and so was Tommy.

Meanwhile, in the passing train, there hid a pair of twins who lived on the run their entire lives. On the caboose, out of sight from the authoritarian eyes of adults, was Techno and Wilbur. One with pink hair, tusks, and pointed ears, the other a brunette and unnaturally human looking for being Techno’s twin. They were both fifteen, soon sixteen, with enough years of experience to know the natural law of being an abandoned child: Lesson one. Do not trust anybody.

While Wilbur was sitting near the caboose exit, knees tucked under his chin, Techno was studying a map of the city the train was heading to. The city was named Las Nevadas, and nicknamed “The City Who Never Sleeps”. Someone of human descent says it’s because of how busy the gambling city was. Anyone of godly descent knows it’s because Las Nevadas was a place untouchable by the gods, including the god of sleep himself. It was the perfect place for Techno and Wilbur.

Las Nevadas welcomed artists, of all kinds, and, they hoped, they would not be discovered as abandoned children long enough to be hired by someone. There were most certainly flaws in the plan, and the twins weren’t quite sure what they would say about Techno’s appearance, but they were clever enough to figure out something. It was fake, they could say. Techno loved the theatre, especially a character from a local play from their far away town that they definitely came from. So much so that he decided to dress like them everyday.

“Techno…?”

“Yes, Wilbur?”

“I’m hungry… Do we have anything left?” Techno set down the map and checked his bag. Staring at the rather empty contents, Techno took out the last sandwich he had made from their last stop. After giving that to Wilbur, Techno gave his twin an orange and his metal water bottle. “Thanks, Techno…”

“Eat slow,” Techno picked up his map. “We still have an hour until Las Nevadas…”

“Okay…”

The City Who Never Sleeps. It was always a facit of conflicting viewpoints coming together to drown in the losing game of gambling. It was giving individuals jobs to work themselves to death. It was an approximation of a monster that never slept, just continuously fed on the poor souls it, and its creators, lured in. It was infectious. A disease that allowed people to walk like the living dead, with local folklore painting it as so alluring the pride and joy casino, Los Amantes, first ever built, lured in gods.

All who lived in Las Nevadas, from the richest sinner to the poorest saint, that one phrase that dictates all in the city. Those who haven’t learned it perished mercilessly, their souls ripped from their bodies and minds to be sold to the highest paying bidder.

Lesson one: the house always wins.

From between the buildings, continuously wandering through alleyways, there was a tall child, just reaching fifteen not too long ago. His eyes were a misty purple, his pointed ears tilted towards the ground. He was an obvious abandoned child. If one couldn’t tell from ears or normally red and green eyes, then his skin of black and white was the giveaway. Truthfully, it was uncharacteristic for him to be in public and, if there was no other choice, then he would be in disguise. To have him wander so dangerously close towards the busy streets was suicide.

“Ranboo!” A hand grabbed the sleepwalker’s, yanking him away before he could get into trouble. Ranboo hissed, struggling, but his companion was much stronger than him - albeit shorter. “Come on, not again…”

His companion went by Tubbo, an abandoned child left behind before he was known to have existed, then yet again when he was growing into his demigodly features as a small child. He kept his brown hair over his eyes, blocking anyone from seeing their yellow glow, and always kept his pants baggy to cover up his goat-like legs. Surviving through the streets, being a thief, getting an odd job once or twice, all led to him taking care of Ranboo and another abandoned child. Nights like these, where Ranboo was “sleepwalking”, Tubbo searched for him. Sometimes it took minutes, sometimes it took hours. Tubbo had trained himself to wake up an hour after falling asleep just for these occasions, but predicting everything was impossible.

“Hisssss,” Ranboo snapped at Tubbo, literally hissing and snapping his jaw.

Tubbo snapped his fingers at Ranboo. “Don’t get mouthy with me, mister!”

The sleepwalker went quiet, making tiny noises Tubbo couldn’t describe - or replicate, for that matter. Tubbo dragged Ranboo back to their makeshift home, made from the fifth floor of an abandoned office space that had yet to be torn down. It was a stuffy place and it was hard to transform into a decent enough space to live, for both themselves and baby Michael. It wasn’t an unwelcomed surprise, just one unexpected. Ranboo freaked out, but who left a baby crying behind a trash can to either starve or freeze or get eaten by raccoons. Tubbo wasn’t expecting a baby, and was thankful Ranboo had some semblance of childcare knowledge. Tubbo supposed there was some benefit from being raised in an orphanage.

Tubbo panicked when he heard Michael crying, the abandoned child swore the baby was asleep. Before Tubbo could react, Ranboo near sprinted past him to attend to the baby. Out of his sleepwalking phase, Ranboo picked up Michael and soothed him to sleep. Tubbo smiled a bit, relieved, and watched his platonic partner while leaning on the doorframe.

Michael didn’t sleep easily, especially if he can’t feel Tubbo or Ranboo. It’s why Tubbo moved his makeshift crib into his and Ranboo’s, for lack of a better word, room. It was just a mattress with a sheet Ranboo stole from the orphanage when he escaped, a blanket Tubbo stole, and pillows they managed to save up for. It was comfortable, appearances being deceiving of course. Michael surely thought so, resting as Ranboo set the baby on one of the pillows.

“... you should go back to sleep, bossman.” Tubbo mumbled, taking off his coat and letting it fall on the floor. “Under the blanket too, it’s too cold for that shit.”

Ranboo made a small noise, brushing some of Michael’s hair out of his face. Tubbo shook his head, sitting on the mattress.

“He’s fine…” Tubbo assured him. “And you’re fine! It’s not like you’ll sleepwalk again, you’ve never done that before.”

Ranboo, hesitantly, laid down, and Michael moved to cling to his face. Tubbo muffled his laugh, throwing the blanket over all three of them.

“Night, bossman.” Ranboo mumbled a goodnight.

Nights in Hell can only stay cold and dark for so long.

#dsmp #dream smp #dreamsmp #dsmp tommy #dsmp tommyinnit #dream smp tommy #dream smp tommyinnit #dsmp ranboo #dream smp ranboo #dsmp tubbo #dream smp tubbo #dsmp michael #dream smp michael #dsmp au #dream smp au

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msmarvelouswinchester · 4 years ago

Text

Love in Sin

Chapter 3

Summary - Special Agent Winchester is forced to go undercover with his frenemy Special Agent L/N when they try to track down a notorious drug dealer. How will Y/N and Dean complete their task? Will their relationship worsen or will new feelings emerge between them?

Pairing - AU Detective!Dean Winchester x Reader

Series Warning - Angst, Slow burn, Fluff, Implied Smut, Mentions of crime and drug, Swearing.

Chapter Warning - None

Square Filled - Drive in the Impala ( @spndeanbingo )

A/N - Beta'd by the lovely @deanwanddamons

Spn divider by the amazingly talented @talesmaniac89

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

“Mrs. Campbell.”

The next morning you were greeted by Dean, who was waiting at the car when you arrived at the given location with one suitcase.

“Mr. Campbell,” You said and handed over the suitcase to Dean, “Baby's going with us?”

“Hell yes! No one puts Baby in a corner,” Dean grumbled.

“You do know that line is from the Swayze movie?” You smiled at him, “And I don't think you’ve had your coffee yet.”

“I know,” Grumpy Dean was adorable. Wait? You shouldn't feel like that about Dean. You climbed into the passenger seat, with Dean occupying the driver's seat.

“Only one suitcase? I thought you will at least bring four,” Dean teased.

“It's still too early for your smartass comments. Let's stop at Starbucks to pick up some coffee, Grumpy,” you laughed.

“Hey, I'm not grumpy, you are,” Dean muttered.

“Alright, you are not grumpy, grumpy,” you chuckled when you heard Dean mutter something under his breath.

“Here. Take these,Y/N,” Dean said and handed you two diamond rings.

“These are beautiful Dean,” you said looking at the ring in your hand. One ring had a single, big diamond on it and the other one was studded with small diamonds all over.

“I bought this yesterday,” Dean grinned, “The bureau is going to be funding this mission, so I thought why not buy a beautiful one.”

“It's absolutely beautiful. I love it,” you said but before you could put it on your finger, Dean snatched it away from you.

“What?”

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. It's just-let me put the rings on your finger, because as Beyoncé once said that if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it,” Dean laughed and put the rings on your wedding finger, making you roll your eyes.

Dean revved up Baby’s engine as you continued to admire the rings on your finger.

After a few minutes of driving, Dean pulled the impala up in front of a Starbucks.

“An Americano and an Espresso with no sugar please,” Dean ordered at the drive through. After a few minutes of waiting, your order arrived and Dean passed a coffee to you and took one himself.

Dean started the engine again. You took a sip of your coffee. Americano with no sugar, he knew what type of coffee you drink.

“I hope the coffee is okay?” Dean said.

“How do you know I drink Americano?” You asked.

“I have eyes, sweetheart,” he said. The word sweetheart made your heart flutter in your chest. Oh God, what was he doing to you?

Dean drove for another half an hour. The car ride was filled with small talk and some important discussion about the plan.

Apparently you and Dean were office colleagues which was true and at first you hated each other. But slowly you came to know each other well enough for Dean to finally ask you out. You had said yes in an instant and after three years of being together, you had decided to get married. You and Dean got married one month ago.It was a small but beautiful ceremony with only your close family and friends. You finally bought this house together to settle down and probably think of extending your little family of two.

“The story’s too cheesy,” you commented.

“Well, what do you want the story to be then?” Dean asked, looking at you.

“No, I don't want to change it. The story's cheesy but I like it,” you said with a small smile on your face.

“It's so hard to read you sometimes,” Dean said and took your hand, lightly pecking it, “We are here, Mrs. Campbell. Ready to experience married life with me?”

Dean let go of your hand and opened the car door on his side. You still had a tingling sensation on your hand where he kissed you. You knew it was all for a job, but damn that man was doing things to you that you didn't understand.

You opened the door to get out and Dean immediately dropped the bags to grab the door for you.

“Chivalry ain't dead yet”, Dean said and extended his hand at you to hold onto them, “Milady.”

You took Dean's hands and got out of the car.

“My grumpy self didn't tell you, but you look beautiful,” Dean whispered into your ears.

You blushed furiously at his words.

“You too...I-I mean not beautiful..no-I don't-uhm..you look handsome,” your flustered self couldn't even manage to speak properly. Dean let out a low chuckle. Damn you, Dean Winchester.

“Hello, I don't think we have met.”

You both turned your attention to a man who was maybe in his late thirties or early forties.

“Hey. Nice to meet you. We just moved in here. We haven't even gone inside yet,” Dean said.

“Oh! Then welcome to the neighbourhood. I am Castiel Novak. That's our house,” Castiel pointed at the house just beside your house.

“Guess we will be next door neighbors,” you laughed and wrapped your arms around Dean's waist, “it will be good. We just got married, and our families live in different cities. It will be nice to have a friend.”

“You just got married? Oh wow, congratulations guys! Meg will be delighted to hear about you. She always complains how we have no good neighbours,” Castiel said.

“Cas-Can I call you Cas?” Dean asked.

“Definitely! Anyone hardly calls me Castiel. Even my boss calls me Cas.”

Cas seemed like a really nice person. He was definitely not on your suspect list.

“Okay, alright then, Cas, uhm-who is Meg?”

“Meg is my girlfriend. You want to meet her? She is inside with Jack, my son. His mother died when he was really young. From then I was a single parent until I met Meg,” Cas said, a sad expression replacing the smile on his face.

“Oh I'm sorry. We will love to meet Meg but maybe not today. We have a lot of unpacking to do,” you said, giving Cas a smile of sympathy.

This man couldn't work with Crowley. He was too nice for his own good.

“Yeah sure! I totally forgot about the unpacking. You can meet Meg later. I'm gonna leave you guys alone now. Welcome to the neighbourhood,” Cas said and started walking back to his house.

“Not a suspect,” Dean mumbled under his breath.

“Yeah, I got it too, but we should keep an eye on him,” you said and Dean nodded at you, “we need to meet the rest of the neighbours.”

“Don't worry. The bossman just sent me a text,” Dean said and showed you his phone.

“After unpacking, start preparing for a party. Will be easier for you to meet the neighbours.”

“Guess we are organising a party now,” you said and looked at Dean, who shrugged at you.

Let me know if you want to be tagged in the series!

Feedback is appreciated!

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imaginethatneathuh · 4 years ago

Text

The Emperor: Mr World - American Gods

Mr World x insubordinate!reader, employer-employee

Mr World pisses you off.

Part of @dragon430’s Tarot Troop.

TW/CW: Arguments, mentions of bombs, slime, pranks, unfair double standards.

Word count: 1.1+ K

Not the best thing in the world.

•

You gently placed the slime bomb on the ceiling directly above World’s chair. The pink, glittery goop looked like it would make an epic mess. You giggled to yourself as you carefully made your way down the ladder.

‘Wait til he gets a load a this!’ you thought to yourself.

As quietly as you could, you closed the ladder shut and carried it out of World’s immaculate office.

•

Red numbers ticked down above World’s head as pretty pink slime pressed against the container.

8…

7…

6…

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

0…

A loud, wet sound came from World’s office.

“Y/N!” He screamed.

You and Technical Boy looked at each other, standing pretty far away from his office. A grin spread across your faces before you burst out in laughter.

•

You sat outside World’s office.

The god had gone to clean up after your little prank. Pink and glitter, in your opinion, suited him much better than black and beige, but to each their own.

World, now in a clean navy suit, walked into his office, gesturing for you to follow.

You sucked your lips in slightly and stood up, following him into his still slime covered office.

“Sit,” he said, pointing to a miraculously clean chair. His voice was oddly calm which is never a good sign.

You sat down in the ridged chair. “What’s up, bossman?”

World stood behind his desk, but he didn’t sit. The swivel chair was still mostly covered in slime.

The stuff was super sticky.

“You know, outside these walls, you’d probably be arrested for acts like this,” he said, glaring down at you with that disapproving look he often used (on both you and Technical Boy). “You should be grateful I’ve been so lenient with you. Most would not.”

‘Lenient? Please. Last time I pulled something like this, you made me wash every single car the Agency had, twice,’ you thought, but didn’t say a word.

World gestured to his slime and glitter covered desk. “This is unacceptable behaviour, Y/N. You are a god. Not a child. You need to act like it.” He crossed his arms.

“‘Don’t hurt me, Archie. I’m only little.’” you quoted. After a stern glare, you kept talking. “I’m just having fun, boss. It’s not like you let me out to have any. I’m getting bored being stuck in here. Let me out! Let me have some fun!” Hands on the edge of your seat, you leant forward. “Media would have wanted me to have fun,” you joked.

Media had never given two shites about you.

At the mention of the upgraded goddess, World tensed, his scowl deepening. “You are going to stay here and clean up your mess.”

“But-”

“You are going to make sure this room is spotless,” he continued. “I want nothing less than perfection. If I see even a hint of pink, slime, or glitter here, I will make you hurt. Do you understand me?”

You fell back into your seat, jaw slack in disbelief. This wasn’t even the worst thing you’d done to him and he was acting like you’d just bombed Nagasaki. Well, he probably would have congratulated you if you had bombed Nagasaki. So it was more like you’d just sent an airplane into the Twin Towers.

Not even two weeks ago, New Media had done something like this to you and Technical Boy and she hadn’t gotten in any modicum of trouble. All she did was bat her eyelashes at World and he seemed to completely forget the transgression.

“New Media’s done worse than this and you don’t punish her!” You said.

“Y/N,” World said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I really don’t want to argue with you. Just do as you have been told.”

“No.” You stood. “New Media has literally pulled the exact same shite before and you didn’t do shite. Why do I get punished for doing what she did when she didn’t even get punished for it?”

He slammed his fists on the desk, slime sticking to him. “Y/N! That is enough. You will do as I say or I will throw you to the dogs. Do you understand me, you ungrateful brat?”

“I’d rather be thrown to the dogs than continue working under you with all these fucking double standards.” Instead of letting him say another word, you turnt and stormed out.

“Y/N,” World called. “Y/N!”

Tired, World sat on his chair, forgetting about the slime. A squish came out from the pink goop as he displaced it. A face of displeasure spread across his face as he nodded to himself.

“Just great,” he mumbled. “Just fucking great.”

•

Technical Boy watched as you stormed past him and into your room. He slipped his phone away and kicked off from the wall.

You furiously stuffed a bag.

He leant against the doorway and continued quietly watching you. “What are you doing?”

You threw your cloth-filled bag against a wall and sighed. Turning to Technical Boy, you breathed heavily.

The younger god walked toward you, concerned. “What’s the punishment this time?” He asked.

“He wants me to clean up everything. Which I would understand if he had punished New Media the same way. But he didn’t! He didn’t do anything when she did that to us. Why does he always treat us differently? I don’t understand it!” You kicked something on the ground.

Technical Boy shrugged. “He’s the boss. He calls the shots. We just do what he says. You get used to it.”

“No,” you said. “I won’t.” You picked your bag back up and finished packing it. “I’m done.”

“You’re gonna leave me here alone? With them?” He asked. “Cool. Cool. Whatever.”

“You’re trying to guilt trip me, aren’t you?”

“Depends. Is it working?”

You booped his nose. “Nope!”

“Dang,” he said, following you as you left the room.

•

Technical Boy and you stood next to your car.

“You sure I can’t convince you to stay and put up with this with me?” Technical Boy asked.

You nodded and tossed your bag into the back. “Hey, you’re always welcome to come with, mate. But, I ain’t doing this. When he treats New Media the same as he treats us, let me know and I’ll consider coming back.”

He nodded and you hugged him.

You pulled back and gently tapped his cheek. “Don’t cause too much trouble. Who knows what’ll happen without me here to act like a shield.”

“Fuck you. You ain’t my shield.”

“Yes, I am,” you said with a smile as you slid into the driver’s seat. “I mean, who else saved your arse from Media after that stunt you pulled a few years back? Cause it sure as Hell wasn’t World?” You started her up and drove off.

Technical Boy waved goodbye, a tight-lipped smile on his face. As you turnt into traffic, he stuffed his hands into his trousers and sighed. “Fuck me,” he grumbled.

#american gods #american gods fanfiction #tarot troop #mr world #mr world x reader

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dontasktheradiodemon · 4 years ago

Text

Hardboiled In Hellkia

Alastor and Telly @usedhearts get DISGUSTINGLY DOMESTIC and shop for furniture at Ikea.

And by "shop for furniture" I mean "break in during the night to steal furniture." And by "Ikea" I mean "the Hell version of Ikea, which is laid out exactly the same as the Earth, except they have antique Louis XIV style ebony desks and elaborately-embellished crystal-studded red velvet chaise lounges."

They also take the opportunity to convince the Egg Bois that Alastor isn't a threat by casually letting them witness just how much Alastor really likes their boss. It succeeds too well. The Eggs catch them making out. Repeatedly.

Also featuring: Alastor and Telly not shutting up, at all, for a second, about anything. They talk about everything from "what were your religious beliefs like before you died" to "what if we made a machine that produces emoji-shaped pasta."

Alastor

Midnight in Hellkia—which is exactly the same as regular Ikea except along with the normal stores with furniture made of particleboard, there's also the rare disgustingly expensive store where every piece of furniture is a one-of-a-kind designer piece, and the dining area is covered in white tablecloths and lit by candlelight. You can still get those Swedish meatballs, though. Not everything in Hell sucks.

Naturally, when the store was closed at night, the doors and windows were bristling with motion sensors and alarms—which was why Alastor wasn't using them. Instead, a portal opened in the lobby, allowing him, Sir Pentious, and several particularly trusted Egg Bois to enter the store. "Last stop, everybody off the ride!" He waited until they were through, then turned to peer into the dark store. "Now let's see, where to start..."

Telly

Telly slithered out of the portal, none the worse for wear-- he really was getting used to travelling that way, amazingly. The Eggs, however, hadn't fared so well. Three of them were on their backs groaning, one was just sitting there staring at his hands, and the last one, well....he was vomitting on the floor. How that was possible, Telly didn't know.

"OH COME NOW, PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER!" He commanded, hands on his hips. The Egg Bois slowly collected themselves and lined up, standing at attention. The five that had lasted the longest. Numbers 9, 22, 14, 36, and 69. His most trusted Eggs. Telly nodded to the Eggs and they fell in behind him.

"Alright, Alastor, this is for your room, so-- where to first?" He asked, still in his commanding Sir Pentious pose.

Alastor

It took him a moment to answer—he just discovered this place had maps, folded up in little pamphlets next to the door. Why did it have a *map*—Oh. Oh that's why. Wow.

"Goodness, look at this." He put a hand on Telly's shoulder and held out the map. "I feel like a minotaur in a maze."

Telly

Telly leaned his head to look at the map, inspecting it. He let out a low whistle. "At least it's organized. Not all willy-nilly. So, do you think chairs first, or tables? Oh, there's a whole section for lamps." He turned to flick his tongue at Alastor's cheek.

Alastor

He tilted his head closer to let Telly flick his cheek, and traced his finger along the map's recommended route through the store. "Looks like if we take the scenic route, we'll pass by the shelves and bookcases before we reach the chairs and tables. I'm going to need bookcases too, what do you think? Go the long way?" He fluttered his eyelashes adoringly. "Take a lovely midnight stroll together?"

Telly

"Mm! Yes, I'd be more than happy to take a lovely midnight stroll with my hart through the Hellkea." He batted his eyes back at him, before kissing his cheek.

"Oh!" He snapped at one of the Eggs-- #14-- and held out his hand. 14 put a little wallet in his hand and he popped it open. He pulled out a rifle bullet and smiled at Alastor. "I brought the tracking bullets! So that if we find something you like, but aren't sure about it, we can mark it with one of these and then circle back!"

Alastor

"Well, aren't you smart!" As if Alastor didn't already know that. "How many do we have to play with?"

Telly

Telly did a quick count. "Twenty five! I made quite a number of these, they're easy. To activate them you just--" He held one upright and then twisted the tip of the bullet. Alastor would be able to sense the signal, but it made no other indication that it was active.

Alastor

He could feel it the moment it came out, like a very near very weak radio station, signal on but broadcasting dead air. "Brilliant!" He slid an arm around Telly to squeeze him affectionately. "And I can't wait to see the wonderful toy you're making me to go with these."

Telly

"I think you'll like it." He smirked, winking at him. He turned the bullet off and put it back into the wallet, handing it to #14 again.

"Just let 14 know when you'd like to mark something, he'll take care of it. Won't you, 14?" He looked down at the Egg.

"Yessir, Mr. Bossman!" 14 saluted and then gave a thumbs up.

Telly looped an arm around Alastor's waist, kissing his cheek again. "Shall we, my love?"

Alastor

For a second, he'd almost been able to forget the eggs were there at all. He nearly pulled back from Telly on instinct, but tightened his hold again. Being witnessed was... still new.

"Let's." A returned kiss, and he led the way into the furniture labyrinth.

Telly

First on the tour of Hellkea, it was the living room section. Look at all those fancy couches, and shelves, and other things that belong in living rooms! Telly grinned, turning to look at Alastor.

"Well, I know what _I_ like but this is for you, so, anything look good to you?"

Alastor

Look at all of those couches. Each one was thousands upon thousands of dollars—hand carved wood and brocade and leather... And he could take his pick of them, couldn't he?

"I don't know if I'm going to need a couch, really. It's not going to be that kind of room." So he said, but he immediately settled himself down on one of the couches to see how it felt. "You know, I don't know if I've ever been in a furniture store like this! I've never really needed to... to furnish a place before."

Telly

Telly nodded, slithering over to sit next to him-- as well as he could. It took a lot of manuvering to get it done but he did it.

"Yes, it can be overwhelming! Do you want me to help any? I've furnished many a place before. I know we need a desk and a work table, perhaps some nice comfy chairs for reading? Or a couch like this, if you prefer. We could also get a couch for a sitting room, I plan on adding one eventually. Once I have others for holding supplies and whatnot."

Alastor

"Maybe, maybe. I don't know if I need help *now,* just... Well, I've only ever seen the inside of a big furniture store like this in picture shows! It's... exciting, I suppose!" Exciting and weirdly emotional, this transition back into a world he'd cut himself off from—a world with things like welcome mats and hand towels and spaces that were used by *residents* rather than *customers* and furniture for the exclusive use of one person.

"A sitting room. Yes, a couch would be nice, if we happen to find one we like." He looked around at the available couches. "We could keep it on the bridge until we have the room set up for it."

Telly

"I was thinking just the same. Somewhere for you to sit while I play." He grinned, leaning over to kiss Alastor's cheek again.

"Maybe one a little more snake friendly than this one, my tail's already complaining at this position." Telly chuckled. He stood and slithered over to a couch with a back but only one arm-- like a lounge seat but with added bits.

"I like this..." He draped himself over it and purred.

Alastor

"I kind of like standing two inches behind you while you play." Alastor stood to follow Telly.

Seeing Telly draped over a chaise lounge was such a natural sight—and such a familiar one, even if not familiar due to *this* snake—that it almost hurt his heart to see.

"You look good on it." He bent over to kiss Telly's forehead. "How about this: I'll check out the bookcases while you try out the sofas to see which ones are comfortable enough for you, and then I'll try out your picks to see what we both like?"

Telly

Telly smiled at the forehead kiss, then nodded. "Alright, that works. Take a couple of the Eggs with you, just in case you find something perfect so they can disassemble it."

He looked over at the Eggs, stroking his chin. "NINE, FOURTEEN, AND SIXTY-NINE, GO WITH ALASTOR. DO WHATEVER HE SAYS, TREAT HIS WORD AS MINE."

The Eggs didn't look exactly happy about it, but they saluted and went to gather by Alastor. Telly, meanwhile, got up to slither over to another chaise.

Alastor

"I was just about to kidnap fourteen to get those bullets." He squeezed Telly's shoulder, checked his map, and gestured to the eggs to follow him. "All right, boys—let's march!"

As he walked, he got himself ready for the furniture hunt ahead: pulling his grimoire out of his travel trunk dimension, sliding out a few papers he'd tucked into the grimoire, and stowing the grimoire again so he had room to flap the papers and let them unfold themselves into a paper model of his room-to-be. Only walls and floors, with the door and window drawn on with pencil, but having a scale model helped him figure out what he was doing.

With that set up, he beamed down at the eggs following him. "Well, isn't this a fun little excursion!" It was pretty clear that they were not, in fact, having fun at all.

Telly

No they weren't. Or, well, two of them weren't. Sixty-nine at least kept a more neutral Eggpression, but Nine was outright glaring. It seemed he expected, as the favored Egg, to stay with Sir Pentious. But then there was Fourteen, who was positively beaming.

"Where to first, Mr. Radioman?" Fourteen asked, little hands wrapped around the wallet of tracker bullets. It seemed that having a job, even if it was just holding the bullets, made him happy to do anything else.

Alastor

Well, at least one of the Eggs was in a good mood! Alastor favored the other two with an extra wide smile. He knew he should be trying to get along with them, but he couldn't resist the urge to irritate them a little.

"'Shelving units'!" He put finger quotes around the term, leaving his model of the room to hover by itself, then glanced around. "Which so far seems to mean 'stands for oversized TVs,' doesn't it?" He tutted. But what a wide variety of styles they came in! Most of the TV stands looked boringly "sleek" and modern, but just getting this far had led them past example living rooms that would have been fit for anyone from a rococo duchess who'd bought up half the silk in Europe to a corrupt oil baron with a leather fetish. Hopefully the bookcases would be similarly diverse.

"We're going to want a large matching set of bookcases! I'm lining both walls! The sophisticated study look! Ebony would be ideal, but any wood that's good for protection and deflection will do!" Alastor they're not gonna know what woods those are, they're eggs.

Telly

Sixty-nine and Nine shared a look-- a look that said they didn't know what woods those were, and they were rather irritated at having to do what Alastor said. Sixty-nine, however, still saluted and ran off to start looking over the bookshelves. Nine split off to go in the other direction, spreading out to cover more ground. No salute from him.

Fourteen stayed by Alastor, smiling back up at him. "I should stay by you, Mr. Radioman, in case you need to mark something with these!" He held the wallet of bullets over his head, like he was presenting them.

Alastor

He caught that look. Ah, right. "Just let me know if you find any large bookcase sets, I'll worry about the wood!" Who knew how thorough a job they'd do, though. Alastor might have to go through after them to double-check.

Now came the hard part of the trip: attempting to bond with the eggs.

"A fine idea!" Fourteen got a pat for that. "At least *you're* not waiting to bolt off at the first opportunity, are you?"

Telly

Fourteen blinked at the pat, momentarily confused-- what was that? Positive attention? A little pat just for him? Oh, look at those eyes go all big, and his smile could rival Alastor's own. Seemed he got the approval of one Egg-- though, considering he'd already been pretty pleased by things, who's to say if it's more that or Alastor. Or if it'll last.

"Don't mind Nine and Sixty-nine, Mr. Radioman. They don't like you because of what the other Mr. Radioman did! They remember...." He seemed to recall something and his smile turned into a frown, though it was more sad than angry.

"I do, too..." He said, as if he really had only remembered just now.

Alastor

Alastor's smile thinned. "Yes, well. The *other* Mr. Radioman has poor taste!" He raised his voice a tad, hoping maybe the other two eggs felt like eavesdropping. "I can't undo what he did, but I'm certainly going to do everything in my power to fix it! And they don't need to take my word for it—all they have to do is watch and see."

Telly

That brightened Fourteen's disposition again and he smiled back up at Alastor. "Okie-dokie!"

He toddled after Alastor, humming tunelessly until another thought appeared in his empty shell. "I think you already make Mr. Bossman happy! He smiles a lot more when you're around!"

Alastor

"Does he!" Don't mind the sappy-happy background music that spontaneously turned itself on. "Good! There's nothing I like more than to see him smiling!"

Telly

"Yeah! I like to see him smile, he has such a handsome smile." Fourteen sighed wistfully, giving a pretty dopey smile himself.

"What else do you like about Mr. Bossman, Mr. Radioman?"

Alastor

"Doesn't he just!" Aside from the fangs, Alastor's smile didn't look very much less dopey. Typically, mooning over Sir Pentious in a conversation on the same intellectual level as *an Egg Boi* would be humiliating—but Alastor's whole goal was to get on their level, wasn't it? He was trying to wiggle his way into their good graces. So he gave himself permission to not feel self-conscious as he gushed freely. "Why, what *don't* I like about him! The way he slithers... the way he laughs... his ruthless, devious schemes... his utterly awe-inspiring engineering mind... his stunning sense of style... I could go on!" (He might have remotely activated his phone to start recording his gushing for Telly.)

Telly

"Oh! Yes, I like all those things too! He's very smart and talented and handsome! He's the best!" Fourteen beamed as he did a little dance while he walked-- just bouncing from foot to foot.

"He's so very handsome!! And his style, yes! It makes me happy to be able to wear clothes kind of like his!!"

Alastor

"Smart, talented, handsome—*and* he has his minions wearing matching pinstripe suits! The attention to detail! How many other overlords have that kind of consistency in their workforce's style? Not very many!" He sighed wistfully, "I suppose I'll eventually be wearing a gold and grey suit too, won't I? Someday when the alliance is public!"

Telly

"I think you'd look handsome in it, too!" Fourteen tapped his shell where regular people had a chin.

"Your eyes would stand out, but with your hair like that it'll work!!" He smiled again. Fourteen fell quiet, plodding along with Alastor.

"Do you have a favorite part of Mr. Bossman, Mr. Radioman? I like Mr. Bossman's tail! It's so shiny and smooth! Me and the other four here tonight, we're the ones who get to help Mr. Bossman scrub off all the grease! We're special." Fourteen laughed.

"We get to touch him, it's such an honor!"

Alastor

"Maybe that will help keep people's eyes up where they belong! All gray except for the eyes and the lips."

Alastor had, by this point, so successfully gotten un-self-conscious that he'd essentially completely forgotten he was talking to an egg. He hadn't realized how desperate he was for somebody to gush to. "Oh, goodness, favorite part!" He stopped walking, distracted from checking tags to see what wood each bookcase was made from to close his eyes, summon up a shadow in vaguely the same shape as Sir Pentious, and see where his hands went. "His tail *is* lovely—where the contrast in his scale colors is the sharpest, and those stripes, and watching how he *moves*... And I'm incredibly fond of his mouth, of course, fangs and tongue alike... But, I think..."

When his hands finally stopped moving across the shadow—over hips, waist, chest, shoulders, ribs—he was rested holding the shadow in a loose embrace, hands on its back, cheek to its shoulder, lips hovering over its collarbone as he spoke. "His back." He slightly turned his face and his lips into the shade's throat. "Or perhaps his neck. I always seem to end up here." Yeah he's definitely forgotten who he's talking to.

Telly

Fourteen watched this whole display with a sort of awe only and Egg Boi could display.

"Oh, golly, you're right, Mr. Radioman! Mr. Bossman has so many wonderful parts! I like the way his hood flares all big when he's proud of something! Oh, and his cackle! And the way all his eyes follow you when you move around his tail!"

Good job, Alastor, you got the Egg gushing too. Fourteen sighed dreamily, hugging the wallet of bullets to himself.

"You kiss him, don't you, Mr. Radioman? What's it like?"

Alastor

Alarms went off in Alastor's head as he IMMEDIATELY REMEMBERED WHO HE WAS TALKING TO OH NO—no wait this was the plan. That was what Telly said: the Eggs would respect Alastor if they knew he was physical with the boss. (Which was *ridiculous*, but that was par for the course with the Eggs.) Everything was going according to plan. Anyway, Alastor and Telly were getting a lot freer with the nuzzles and light smooches in front of the Eggs, it wasn't like they *wouldn't* notice.

The shadow poofed away now that its job was done; it didn't feel like Telly, anyway. "Yes! Yes. I do kiss him. It's like..." He was all prepared to talk about how it was like what he imagined Heaven must feel, it was like tearing into the tenderest raw meat and feeling the blood spill down his chin, it was like those rare bright beautiful moments as a child when he'd had the communion wafer placed on his tongue and been sure he could feel himself swallowing God...

And then he remembered who he was talking to. So he said, with great solemnity and importance, "It's like the most delicious thing you've ever tasted, but a hundred times better."

Telly

Fourteen nearly swooned at that, clutching the wallet tighter against him, for the support. An emotional support wallet.

"Oh, golly gosh, it sounds wonderful." Was the Egg blushing? The Egg was blushing. Oh, and then he lifted the wallet to cover his little Egg face, that was kind of cute.

"You're very lucky to be able to kiss Mr. Bossman!"

At that moment, Nine came trotting back over. He glanced between Fourteen's euphoria and Alastor, squinting.

"Mr. Radioman, I think I found a set of shelves for you."

Alastor

"Oh, I certainly am! The luckiest man in Hell!"

Ah, back to business. Hopefully that gossip would spread like wildfire among the Egg Bois. (... And hopefully no further.) Alastor stopped his phone's recording and texted it to Telly—he deserved to hear his partner-in-crime make an utter fool of himself flattering Telly. "Lead the way, my good Egg!"

Telly

Nine turned to trot back the way he'd come, pointing out the shelves. "I couldn't find ebony, but these ones are red."

They were mahogany to be precise, and it was quite a set, about ten full sized bookshelves.

Meanwhile, Telly lounged, hard at work trying sofas. He saw the audio file and turned his phone down low to listen. He snickered at it, but another part of him was flattered.

He handed off his phone to Thirty-six to take a picture of him dramatically sprawled over the couch he was trying.

He inspected the picture-- it was a good one. He captioned it with 'kiss deprived' and sent it off to Alastor.

Alastor

"Oho! Aren't these handsome!" He examined the bookcases critically. "Nice little decorative flourishes... Mahogany isn't the strongest shield, but it's sturdy; I can put some wards on the back panels and line any shelves I put something volatile on... and I *do* like the color..." He pulled a tailor's measuring tape from his pocket, handed it to a shadow to measure the dimensions of one of the bookcases, and glowing red projections of the bookcases appeared inside Alastor's paper room. "They're a few inches shorter than the ceiling, good... A little wide to fit all ten on the walls... I could take eight, *or* put the other two on either side of the door..." He beamed at the eggs. "I'd call these solid contenders! One bullet, please!" He wasn't going to be done until he'd finished examining all the available options, but these were well worth marking for later.

He couldn't sneak a look at his phone until after he'd checked out the bookcases. His grin widened. That poor man, all alone and suffering! "You two keep browsing, I'll catch up with you in a minute. The boss has requested I report in." He vanished into a shadow.

And reappeared in the sofa section. Now, where was Telly sprawled?

Telly

Fourteen handed him a bullet to mark the bookcase and saluted when he went. Right before Alastor transported, he could see Fourteen start whispering to Nine immediately. Seemed like the plane was working.

Telly, meanwhile, had unsprawled and was commanding the two Eggs with him to deconstruct a couple chaise lounges and a couch. But when he spotted Alastor he immediately threw himself back onto the chaise he'd been on, properly dramatic.

Alastor

Three seats? They were getting ready to entertain a whole party, weren't they?

Alastor smirked as he caught sight of Telly flopping back down, and then got properly dramatic himself. "Oh, look at you! You poor, deprived thing!" He clutched his chest as he walked up to Telly's chaise, monologuing the whole way. "How it pains my heart to see you suffering like this! What a fool I was to leave you behind!" He stopped in front of Telly, bent down over him... and caught himself with his hand on the armrest, pressing his other hand to the back of his forehead. "Oh, if only there was *something* I could do to help you! Anything at all to ease your torment!"

Telly

Telly had kept his eyes closed for the speech, but cracked one open at that last line.

"Kisses...." He said, voice purposefully soft. "Only kisses can save me..."

Alastor

He dropped to his knee and clutched Telly's hand in both his own, as if he was at a loved one's deathbed. "Then you can still be saved? Oh, but will *my* kisses be enough? After I so callously abandoned you, darling, how could I possibly be the one to save you?" The heaviest of broken-hearted sighs. "But! I'll do my best." He kissed Telly's knuckles. "For you, *mon roi,* I must." Then the back of his hand, then his wrist.

Telly

Telly was smiling by the kiss to the back of his hand, and almost giggling at the wrist kiss. His eyes fully opened and he purred, looking down at Alastor with all the love that could fit into the face of a snake man.

Alastor

He continued to trail kisses up Telly's arm, every few pecks stopping to add to his laments: "To think! It's all my fault you're in this condition! I'll never forgive myself! At the vary least—dare I dream?—I might yet earn your forgiveness, my darling..." He trailed off as his kisses crossed from Telly's collar to his throat.

Telly

He'd been restraining giggles the whole way-- until Alastor reached his throat. That earned a soft gasp, and a tilting of his head to invite more.

"I think I can be presssuaded to forgive you, sshould you continue like that...."

Alastor

"*Anything* to redeem myself in your beautiful eyes." He was hamming it up like nobody's business. He was gonna earn a Tony for this performance. He still hadn't let go of Telly's hand, instead now holding it up to his own face, gently encouraging Telly to wrap around him. And his kisses trailed up, up, up Telly's throat, to his jaw, to the corner of his mouth, to... his cheek, to his temple, to his forehead...

Telly

Telly didn't need any encouragement to cup Alastor's cheek, nor to wrap his hand around and hold his head. The giggles almost returned at the kisses all over his face, but he did pout a bit at Alastor teasing so close to his mouth.

"I think I need mouth to mouth, it's the only thing that can save me now." He grinned.

Alastor

"Are you *sure?*" Alastor asked, teeth grazing the edge of Telly's hood. "Well. I suppose you're the expert..." Back down to press the lightest, most chaste kiss to Telly's lips.

Telly

The hood shivered under the kiss-- Oh that felt interesting. Alastor had never kissed his hood before. But then there were lips on his lips and he chased the kiss with more of his own. The hand around Alastor's head kept him close-- no getting away now!

Alastor

"More?" Alastor murmured. "Are you sure? In your condition, I'd hate to overwhelm you with too much too fast." But he was losing the battle to act aloof, nipping at Telly's lips between words.

Telly

Telly didn't respond, except to kiss him more, his free hand gripping Alastor's coat to make his hold even more secure. He pulled Alastor closer, mouth opening for him, tongue flicking to invite him.

Alastor

Alastor lost the battle to keep acting goofy. He pressed into the kiss, half standing to slide a knee onto the chaise, holding himself up with one arm and wrapping the other under Telly's shoulders.

Telly

Telly whined softly into his mouth, the hand clutching his coat releasing to slide underneath. His claws dug into Alastor's side, squeezing briefly before moving to the small of his back, pressing there to push him closer. His other hand tangled into Alastor's hair, his fangs dragging against his lip.

Alastor

He shuddered at the claws digging into him, and automatically slung his leg over Telly's tail so that he could lay fully atop him. What he wouldn't give to stay right here, doing exactly this, for the next, oh... twelve hours or so...

... And hope the employees coming in decided not to say anything about it, right? Yeah, *that* was likely. He eventually broke the kiss with a sigh, nuzzled Telly's cheek, and murmured, "We should get this sofa. I like this sofa."

Telly

"Mm, I like it, too." Telly purred, nuzzling back, his tongue flicking against Alastor's cheek. "We should definitely get it. Everyone needs a good kissing couch."

He snickered and turned his head-- and his eyes widened. There were five Eggs just staring at them. Telly had forgotten he'd even brought Eggs Bois, so wrapped up in kissing.

"Uh....Alastor...."

Alastor

Alastor's head whipped around to face whatever threat Telly had just spotted—*oh.* He stared at them.

They stared at him.

He said, extremely casually, "Well hi, boys!"

Telly

"Hi, Mr. Radioman," They said in unison. Telly covered his mouth with his hand, lest he start laughing-- and failed step one, he started laughing just the MOST loudly.

Alastor

Okay. Well. Could be worse. Thank goodness they'd already decided to tell the Eggs.

Alastor very carefully climbed off of Telly and started straightening out his clothes. "So! I take it you finished with the shelving section!"

Telly

Fourteen perked up. "Yes! We found a couple more sets that we thought you might like and I put the trackers on them for you!"

Telly also sat up and straightened his suit, getting Hattie from where he'd fallen in Telly's haste to be dramatic. He plopped him back on and crossed his arms.

"GOOD! NOW ALL FIVE OF YOU CAN GET TO DECONSTRUCTING THIS COUCH!" He stood and pointed at the one he'd been sitting on. He turned to Alastor then and his voice softened.

"Darling, would it be better to transport things in one big batch, or in smaller loads?"

Alastor

"Oh! Stupendous." He *could* sense the trackers. He should have been able to earlier, if he hadn't been ridiculously distracted. "I'll check them out in a moment."

He surveyed the disassembled furniture. "Smaller loads, I think. We can go section by section."

Telly

"Alright, then, I think once they have this one disassembled, then that should be good for couches. You can do that and then we can both go look at the other shelves Fourteen marked, yes?" He grinned, putting his hand on Alastor's shoulder.

The Eggs got to work, with a few pointed looks and whispers, but otherwise quietly.

Alastor

"Yes, right! Very good idea!" A nod. Look at him, the *most* dignified and serious.

After a moment, he asked, "Why so many couches?"

Telly

"Well, I wanted a chaise lounge in your room so that I could just....hang out and watch you work sometimes. And then I wanted at least two for the future sitting room. And then the kissing couch, for kissing, of course." He smirked.

"The ones for the sitting room will go into storage until we need them, and then the kissing couch can go on the bridge along with the one I picked for your room, until we get everything else settled in there."

Alastor

"Well! Let me see the one you picked for my room—I'll have to make sure it doesn't, you know, throw things off." Although he rather liked the idea of Telly lounging around watching him work. "What kind of wood is it?"

Telly

"Mahagony! And it's got a lovely red velvet. Come see, I told the Eggs not to break that one down until you saw it." He slithered over to a very fancy looking red velvet chaise, the wood carved intricately.

Alastor

"Oh, well, that'll work out if I go with the mahogany bookcases." He flopped on it to try it out; he'd probably be using it more often than Telly, after all. "It's comfortable enough."

Telly

Telly coiled near it, his hands running over the velvet as he purred. "It's so soft....I like that. Feels nice against my scales."

Alastor

"I'm not much for velvet, but if I can't stand it, I can toss a decorative hide over it that you can move when you visit." He rolled over, crossing his arms on the armrest and kicking his feet in the air. "Looks like the kind of thing you'd find in a vampire's manor, doesn't it?" He winked. "*Very* dramatic."

Telly

He grinned and winked back, and then moved Hattie off his head. "Well, I _do_ have the widow's peak for it!" He snickered.

"I have to go for the most dramatic pieces, you know this." Telly leaned up to kiss him. "If you'd rather, though, there's a similar piece that's leather instead? The wood is rosewood stain on oak, too, so still red!"

Alastor

"No no, if it's for *you* to sit on, you can pick the one you like the feel of!" Alastor smiled crookedly. "Anyway, at the low price of *free,* what does it hurt to get the velvet one?"

Telly

"You're sweet." Telly took Alastor's face in his hands and kissed him softly.

"After the couches and shelves, what about a reading chair for you?"

Alastor

"You read my mind." He beamed at Telly. "And *that* one's going to be leather."

Telly

"Yes! Absolutely. A nice, soft leather, I'm sure they have many of them." He nodded. The Eggs rushed over and stood there, waiting for Alastor to get up from the couch.

Alastor

He stood and offered his elbow to Telly. "So! Back to the bookcases?"

Telly

"Back to bookcases!" He took Alastor's arm and then turned back to the Eggs.

"MEET US THERE AFTER YOU'RE DONE HERE!" He paused. "Wait, Alastsor, we need to transport these first."

Alastor

"Oh! Right." He snapped his fingers and opened a portal in the middle of the couch section. "Just holler when you're ready for me to close it." He nodded to Telly. Ready.

Telly

"Mr. Radioman? It won't hurt us, will it?" Fourteen asked, looking warily at the portal.

Alastor

"No, no, nothing to worry about! It's completely harmless. You won't even have to pass through any other dimensions! It's just bending space a little!" This was probably meant to be reassuring.

Telly

"So, we don't get hurt if one of us accidentally falls in?" Nine asked as he leaned over to look into it.

Alastor

Eggs. "There's nowhere to fall in! You can step right over from one floor to the other, no breaks! It just looks a little fuzzy from this side. Think of it like walking through a curtain!"

Telly

"Oh, ok!" Twenty-two said. The Eggs all picked up pieces and started to haul them through the portal.

"MAKE SURE YOU DON'T MIX THEM UP. KEEP THE PILES SEPERATED!" Telly called after them.

"Don't worry about them, they're just wary of portals after the hotel incident."

Alastor

Alastor's smile wilted slightly. "Right." That. And how was Alastor's own Sir Pentious doing? He didn't have anyone to help him rebuild like Telly did.

Don't worry about it. "Bookcases!" he said firmly. "And keep your eyes peeled for any reading chairs on the way!"

Telly

"Bookcases!" Telly slithered along, but he _had_ noticed that small wilting. No need to dwell on it, though, they just needed to keep going.

"Oh, look!" Telly pointed, spying a display of highbacked chairs.

Alastor

Glad for the distraction, Alastor looked them over thoughtfully. "Nnno, not quite like that. These chairs are built like Laurel, and I'm after Hardy. What we're after is a chair so comfortable, a child could fall asleep in its seat—and slowly sink into the cushion like quicksand, never to be seen again."

Telly

Telly nodded, but still paused there, looking longingly at the chairs. "Those aren't very comfortable for me as I am now, but I used to love sitting in chairs like those when I read, when I was alive."

He sighed and started to move away. "Let's find something more comfortable for you, then."

Alastor

"I'm afraid they're too dignified for me," Alastor said. "Sure, in public I'll sit with poise and elegance, but that's for the benefit of an audience! *This* is going to be *my* room, and I intend to read as disgracefully as possible."

Telly

"Oh, disgraceful reading? How avant garde!" Telly snickered. He looked around and spotted some other chairs that looked large and plush.

"What about those?"

Alastor

"It'll be the new hot thing," Alastor said, winking. "My mother used to see me curled up with ghost stories and say, 'Ally, are you a contortionist or a cat?' Ha!"

He stopped to survey this new crop of armchairs. "Now, that's what I'm talking about!" He let go of Telly so he could dart between them, squishing the cushions with his hands to see how soft they were.

Telly

Telly laughed, looking at his partner-in-crime darting about like a child in a candy store. He slithered over to one that was red leather and looked at its plaque, humming.

"This one's genuine cow leather from up above."

Alastor

"Is it!" Alastor immediately darted over to look. "That looks like the kind of chair a rich man with a drug addiction would own in the eighties. He'd sit here drinking a highball and staring out his window at the Miami skyline while his wife leaves with the kids." This wasn't an insult. He tested the cushion, then plopped down in the chair. Then tugged his feet up into the chair with him and turned sideways. After a moment of contemplation, he summoned up his grimoire, flipped it open to a random page, and tested out how easily it fit on his lap in this position. "It's a strong contender!"

Telly

Aww, look at how cute Alastor looked getting into his reading position! Telly couldn't help but lean down to kiss his cheek. He slithered over to continue looking and hummed. He spotted one and tilted his head as he moved over to it.

"Hm, this one is nice. More my style than yours, though, I think." It was black leather and wood with gold accenting. And the leather.... Telly checked the plague and almost started laughing.

"_Alastor, this one's crocodile leather!_"

Alastor

"Is it!" Alastor scrambled out of his seat to come see. "Well, I'll be! Usually it's cow leather textured like crocodile skin, but I think that's the real deal! This here is a million dollar chair." He checked the plaque to see what it actually cost, and his eyes shot wide. "Close enough. Woof."

Telly

"Well, good thing we're not _paying_ for anything, hm?" He grinned and winked at Alastor. "I think we ought to take it just on principle, don't you?"

Alastor

"We should absolutely take it on principle." He looked around. "Where are our bullets?" The store PA system briefly crackled to life. "Number fourteen to the armchairs, if you please."

Telly

It only took about a minute for Fourteen to find them. He saluted Alastor and smiled. "Reporting for duty, Mr. Radioman, sir!"

Telly chuckled as Fourteen dug a bullet out of his wallet of them and held it out. Telly plucked it from his hand and twisted it, activating the tracker before setting it on the chair.

"Did you want to mark the other one too?"

Alastor

"Yes! I was just going to ask." He took another and set it on the chair he'd found, then dove back into exploring the other chairs.

Telly

Telly smiled again, and then looked down at Fourteen. "Are the others done loading things?"

"Almost, Mr. Bossman!"

"Good, go back and tell them to come meet us here or at the bookshelves if we're not here any longer."

Fourteen saluted again and toddled off.

"Find anything else, love?" Telly called.

Alastor

"Maybe!" He'd plopped himself in a chair shaped vaguely like a baseball glove. He crawled out of it and directly into a squishy circular chair without touching the ground. Absolutely zero dignity, only glee.

Telly

"Good, good. Fourteen and the rest will be back soon." Telly slithered over to another circular chair. He inspected it before slithering in and coiling up. It fit him well, and gave him room to grow, even. He started to purr as he got comfortable.

"I think I found a good one for me."

Alastor

"Round is the new square, apparently!" Okay, test done. He hopped up. "I'm going to check out the other bookcases the niners found, can you make sure those other two get bullets on them when the eggs catch up?" He'd already been excited when they arrived, but now he was practically buzzing with eagerness and antsy to hurry on to his next destination.

Telly

"Of course, I'll catch up with them." Telly smiled, giving a little wave as he settled back into the seat. It wasn't but a few minutes later that the Eggs arrived. Telly set them to marking the ones that Alastor had tested, before vacating his own to mark as well.

The group of one snake and five eggs arrived at the bookshelves, and Telly looked around. "Alastor?" He called.

Alastor

"Here!" He waved between a couple of rows. "I found a couple of bookcases with some *gorgeous...* Oh, what do you call it, the decorative whats-it with the wood." He gestured, summoning up illustrative swirls of red light to form floral flourishes and stylized animals. "But they're clearly designed to be stand-alone pieces, they've got legs on them, they don't match anything here—but don't let me forget! When we're filthy rich and all of Hell answers our every beck and call, I'm hiring a woodworker to decorate my bookcases!"

Telly

Telly slithered over, Eggs trotting behind and raised a brow. "You mean embellishments? Yes, of course. You know, I think your alternate from here carves things. I'm not sure if he does wood, but...."

Alastor

He snapped his fingers, embellishments! "Oh, I don't want to imagine how that conversation would go. 'Hello, alternate mine, into whose universe I moved and whose enemy I seduced and whose Hell I've been helping to steadily conquer! So sorry about flattening all your favorite hangouts last week, but would you mind decorating my private magical sanctum on your enemy's airship? Promise not to work any hexes into the designs?'" He shook his head, grimacing. "I don't think so." He darted down another row. "Anyway! I went with the first mahogany shelves, but I also found a set of wall shelves that I think would look perfect on either side of the window!"

Telly

"Oh, mahogany? Sounds lovely!" Telly slithered after him, moving fast to keep up. "Show me these wall shelves, let's see."

The Eggs followed after on their short little legs.

Alastor

They were a set of wall-mounted curio cabinets stained nearly black, and they were almost nothing *but* embellishment—curling, twisting organic shapes carved into every surface. "Aren't they just gorgeous?" Alastor asked, delighted.

They totally were, assuming the viewer is into scenes of sinners writhing in infernal flames and thrashing in tempestuous waves.

"It's very gothic revival," Alastor said cheerily. "I think they look a little like cathedrals!" And they totally did. Aside from all the suffering sinners.

Telly

Telly's eyes widened and he nodded. "Oh yes, those are very lovely. And how intricate! What detail! I'd be jealous of whoever else got these if we weren't taking them!" He cackled.

Alastor

"I wonder how long it took to make these!" Alastor admired them a moment longer. "Well! Now that they've made these once, it'll take 'em less time the second time around, right?" He opened one's door to plop in a bullet, and turned to go. They were the eggs' responsibility now.

As he walked, he lifted his paper model again and added little glowing copies of the cabinets into his room. "And I think they'd look *great* framing a little altar, if I decide to put one in..." He turned to Telly. "I don't know if I've ever asked what you are... belief-wise. You know—religiously, spiritually."

Telly

Religion? Hm, that was something he hadn't thought of in a while. "I was brought up protestant-- the Church of England, naturally-- but I never had any real faith myself. I never believed-- perhaps I should've, considering..." He gestured around them.

"After I landed here, I just continued on like that. I didn't see the point in having any sort of religion since I'm already in Hell."

Alastor

Alastor nodded. "You know, I think most people think there's no point to religion in Hell!" He made a noncommittal gesture. "I suppose it depends on what you think the point of religion is. And what you think religion itself is. Ooh, kitchen cabinets!"

This is definitely a very normal conversation to be having in a really expensive Hell Ikea.

Telly

"It does seem to be a common thing, yes." Alastor was distracted once more and Telly smiled fondly.

"Yes, we should start in on kitchen things." He shooed the Eggs off to go collect the other furniture they'd picked out already.

"Which cabinets look good for you? We'll need plenty for the expanded counter and to replace the old ones."

Alastor

Alastor looked at the cabinets longingly, but then sighed. "I didn't bring a model of the kitchen. I don't even have measurements for it."

He looked around the kitchen section; unlike the bookcases, all standing alone and free to take, the kitchens seemed to primarily be example kitchens all set up with cabinets and counters fully installed. "I bet we can't just grab the cabinets off the wall," he muttered. "They probably have to be custom-made for your particular kitchen. That's how kitchens usually are, it's not stand-alone furniture." But that wasn't going to stop him from looking around.

Telly

"Yes, this might be something we have to actually order. Or that I'll have to make. We do have the funds to get whatever kind of wood and countertop you'd like. Maybe pick out a style and I can try to replicate it?" He moved closer to Alastor, hand moving to rub his back.

Alastor

"I like that plan!" He leaned into the touch. "If we find any we *really* like, though—let's steal the cabinet doors to make sure they all match."

And then he took off again, exploring all the example kitchens. "What was I just—? Right! Religion. No offense, but the Church of England has always sounded to me like the most boring religion on the planet."

Telly

"I think I'd have to agree-- considering it was made by Henry the Eighth just to be able to screw Anne Boleyn, it makes sense!" He laughed, once again watching his dear deer prance around.

"What wood were you thinking for the cabinets? And what material for the countertops?"

Alastor

"And that's the only interesting fact about the Church of England I know."

He considered the question. "For cabinets? The wood isn't as important as it is in more dedicated magic work, but we'll still want to get a wood that plays well with healing and herbs. Ideally a feminine wood—call me old-fashioned, but I've always found more feminine energy in cooking." Alastor that does absolutely nothing to answer the question. "And I don't know about you, but I like stone counters! Marble, granite... What would be fantastic is if we could find a large enough piece to cut both the kitchen counter and my work table from it. I'd love to tie those spaces together. But we'll see!"

Telly

"I'm sure we can find that much stone to cut from the same place. But as for wood, I mean for the color, love." He smirked, leaning closer to kiss his cheek.

"I'm thinking design, what it'll look like. Maybe we can get a nice black marble-- Oh, I think I've seen some marble that's black and gold, that would work well."

Alastor

"Oh! Of course, color. I feel like a kitchen should be bright! We don't necessarily need the cabinets to be light, but if not, we'll have to compensate somewhere else. I don't want it to be *plain* white, though—I've never liked plain white, have you? I've worked in enough kitchens where everything's white and stainless steel, no thank you! Primarily black counters, though, that could look nice, yes."

Telly

"I tend towards darker colors, generally-- well, you know, you've seen the airship!" He laughed. "All blacks of various shades with splashes of gold and red."

Telly hummed. "You know, what if we got yellow cabinets? Or at least, made them from a wood that had that sort of tan-yellowish look?"

Alastor

"Oh! Yellow! Sunny! Yes, I think I like that idea." He turned toward the nearest example kitchen with white cabinets, waved a hand, and they were briefly overlaid with a fluorescent yellow. "... Maybe not that exact hue, but in concept YES!"

Telly

"Yes, unfortunately not everything can make bright yellow look dashing!" He adjusted his bowtie and smirked, winking at Alastor.

"A softer shade would probably work better-- or maybe a bit more golden instead!"

Alastor

He tried a less fluorescent yellow. "Well—I'm no good at mixing colors, but that's what they've got those paint chips at the hardware store for! But I like the idea of it, it sounds stupendous! We can find just the right hue later!"

Telly

"Yes, we can! But shall we get back to finding pieces for our home? What else do we need? We have chairs and couches and shelves...." He ticked them off on his fingers, rubbing his chin and humming.

Alastor

"Right! I need a desk and a chair for it! I guess I'll get my work table later, when we find counters; and doodads, I need doodads. I'll know them when I see them." He put a hand on Telly's shoulder, "We were going to redecorate the bedroom some! I almost forgot. That's an 'if we see anything we like' thing, isn't it?"

Telly

"Yes, it is. I'd say we should go try out the beds, but we decided not to replace that." He snickered. "But yes, anything we like. Maybe new nightstands? A dresser for you?"

Alastor

"But I enjoy stealing out of your dresser so much!" He laughed. "But I guess I can't steal socks from you, can I? I didn't take measurements in your room, either, you'll have to tell me what size dresser you think will fit! But I can probably do with one of those tall, skinny ones."

Telly

"If you just want a drawer in mine, that's fine too. It depends on what all you want to put in it. I do think nightstands would be good, though." Telly leaned down to flick his tongue at Alastor's cheek.

Alastor

Tilt into the flick. "I don't need to store much! Socks, boxers, garters, a couple of belts." He fished around in his pocket. "It would be nice to not have to carry these around everywhere, too." It's a bunch of bow ties. He's carrying half a dozen different bow ties in one of his pockets. They've been there for like... half a year.

Telly

"We could get you a box for those, love. Put it on top of the dresser next to the one I have." He smiled, squishing his cheek against Alastor's.

"I'm excited, my hart, for this."

Alastor

"So am I!" For a couple of seconds, he wasn't a grown-ass man, but an excited child, torn between bouncing on the balls of his feet and keeping his cheek squished to Telly's; he split the difference by hugging him hard and sort of vibrating in place. "I can't *begin* to tell you how excited! I'm going to have a *home!* For the first time since I died! A home with *you!*"

Telly

Telly returned the hug, squeezing Alastor tightly. He pressed his face into his shoulder and smiled into it.

"A home with me. And I'm so, so happy to give it to you, my hart." Another squeeze and a soft hitch of his breath. "I can't explain how happy it makes me to see you this excited about it, too."

Alastor

Alastor patted Telly's back when he heard his breath hitch. "Careful—if you start I'm going to start." He huffed. "... Thank you. I can't even tell you how grateful I am."

Telly

Telly pulled back, and decided to stop himself from crying by kissing Alastor about it. The perfect way to stop oneself from crying, yes? Yes, absolutely.

Alastor

Sounded like a solid strategy to Alastor! He kissed back. He couldn't wait to be up in the air and really, finally home.

Telly

Telly held Alastor's face in his hands, deepening the kiss-- when he heard a rather loud and pointed clearing of a throat. Which was funny, because the Egg Bois didn't have throats. He pulled back and turned to look at the group of five Eggs, raising a brow.

"WELL?" He asked. They saluted and reported that all the marked items had been disassembled and transported.

"Alright, my hart...where were we? Your desk, yes?"

Alastor

Alastor nearly jumped out of his skin. These eggs were going to be the double death of him.

"Right! Right. Yes, uh..." He checked the store map. "We'll pass through the dining area to get to the desks, so, keep an eye out for tables and chairs we like, but... Yes! Desks."

Telly

Telly clapped excitedly. "Oh, yes! Tables and chairs! I'm excited to get a new set of those! Maybe some dishes too, if they have them."

Alastor

"I think they've got dishes on the far side of the store—but maybe they'll have some set out on display here, who knows." He offered his arm again.

Telly

Telly took the arm immediately, and started slithering again. "If not, well, then, we'll get to the dishes eventually, anyway!"

He turned to the Eggs. "COME ALONG NOW."

Alastor

"Yes! Sooner or later! We've got enough plates to eat on for now, anyway!" And off to the dining tables. "We'll probably want a table that matches the rest of the kitchen, right? Someday it would be nice to have a separate dining room, but for now..." It wasn't like they could conveniently build an annex onto the airship.

Telly

"Yes, we should. A simple black one would work fine. Or maybe one in red, since that's the motif we're going for. Red, yellow, and black." They moved into the kitchen table area and Telly started looking over them.

"Maybe mahogany to go with the bookcases? I do like mahogany."

Alastor

"The bookcases will be in another room, though, so we don't *need* to match them. Although I do like mahogany too, I wouldn't complain about mahogany." He looked around and snorted. "Goodness, half of these look fit for a castle, don't they?" That's what you get at the fancy Hellkea.

Telly

"They do! I love them." Telly beamed. "Oh! We should think about the walls-- I was thinking paint them black but then stenciling on a design in yellow and red? Does that sound good to you?"

Alastor

A thoughtful pause. "I'll have to see it first. We can do a mockup of the kitchen in the colors. If the floor's already black, and then the counters—I don't know if black walls would make it too dark." Apparently, Mr. Aren't These Gothic Revival Eternal Damnation Torture Cabinets Cute is all about bright cheery kitchens. "But stencils should be fine, whatever color it's on! What were you thinking?" A nudge. "More scales like the bridge?"

Telly

"Hm, no-- the kitchen is going to be your space, I want a stencil that you think represents you!" He smiled, nudging back.

Alastor

"Oh, I'll have to think about it! Hah, maybe I should just stencil up a big chart of meat cuts. Like they have at butcher shops—one shaped like an animal and one shaped like a human." A wink. "No, I'll think of something pretty."

Telly

Telly giggled. "That would be funny, but yes, I'd rather something pretty."

Telly turned, seeing a nice round oak table. "Oh, that's nice!"

Alastor

"Oh, that'll do!" He leaned on it, sturdy. "Will a round table fit in the kitchen? You said it was going to be long and narrow." This poor man who can't just visualize the table in the space. He was mentally kicking himself for not bringing the kitchen's measurements. "But I like it, it's a nice color. I bet it'd look good with yellow cabinets."

He suddenly laughed, "Listen to me, talking about matching tables to cabinets! If somebody a month ago had told me looking at furniture would be the most exciting thing I'd do in the next few weeks, I'd tell 'em either they're the worst fortune teller I've ever met or I'm in for a boring month!"

Telly

"Things like this can be exciting if you have someone to do it with." Telly smiled.

"And yes, the table will fit. We'd just need to put it near where the plants will be growing, since I don't plan to have cabinets there."

Alastor

"And if it's your own kitchen you're decorating, I'd bet." He smacked the tabletop. "All right! I'm fine with it if you are."

Telly

"Yes there is that too." He chuckled.

"I like this one. A little brown to mix things up."

Alastor

"Little bit of both!" A wink.

"You know, if the table's back near the plants, we could stick potted plants on the table from time to time. Add a little extra color!" Oh he was getting *hella* cutesy-domestic. In another ten minutes he'll be making a cottagecore blog.

Telly

"That would be wonderful," Telly said, smiling. He nodded to the eggs who started to disassemble the table.

"Now, the chairs-- do we want the whole set of four, or should we just take two for practicality's sake?"

Alastor

"Oh, let's grab all four! In case we entertain someday. We can keep the other two stowed away somewhere." He stepped back to give the Eggs more room to work. "Maybe we should grab something easier for you to sit on, too. A footrest or something."

Telly

"There should be short stools nearby for sinners like myself. Any high class store would be sure to have those options." He turned and slithered around a bit, looking.

"Ah-ha! Here's some in oak. Let me try them out and see which ones is most comfortable."

Alastor

Alastor leaned on a nearby table to watch as Telly tried the stools out.

"You realize that with everything going into this airship, there's no way we can let it get shot down again, right?" Think of the dishes. The hypothetical dishes they haven't picked out yet.

Telly

"Oh, yes, absolutely. I have plans for that. A lot of new defenses that I hope to have ready before we launch." He nodded, curling around on of the stools to sit. This one said it was specifically made with snake sinners in mind, so it should be good...

"Also more normal reinforcements like a thicker hull, stronger glass for the windows, more weapons to fire upon anyone who dares attack. Oh! I've also been developing stealth shielding, to cloak it."

Alastor

"We're going to be *invisible?!*" Oh he's excited now. "Isn't that something! Like a ship right out of an alien invasion movie!"

Telly

"Yes! As much as I like Pentagram City seeing me flying above and quaking with fear, I'd rather not get shot down again, so stealth shielding is definitely something. But if we're going full alien ship vibes, then I should mention that I'm working on a forcefield too!" He grinned wide.

Alastor

"Hot damn! By the time that thing's ready to fly, it'll be well-armored enough to storm the gates of Heaven!" Alastor laughed.

Telly

"If I have my way, our home will never fall from the sky again. It _may_ land, though." Telly laughed, too.

"Hm, I think this stool will do, I like coiling around it." He stood and gestured for the Eggs to take the stool.

Alastor

"Want to grab a couple, in case an alternate visits?" Can't hurt. They're free.

"I was wondering if you'd let me add some defenses, too? I think you'll have this thing well-armored enough that you could drop a tank on it without doing damage, but not everyone is fighting with bombs and bullets. It helps to fight magic with magic."

Telly

"I was actually thinking about that! Your magic would be good to use on the forcefield. To deflect magical attacks!"

He looked at the other stools like his and nodded to the Eggs. "You're right, we should." At the mention of alternates, his face soured a bit.

"Did you notice...at the barbecue Valera threw, how Ruddy avoided us? Well...me specifically, but he seemed to be avoiding you, too."

Alastor

Alastor's face lit up. "You'll have to show me how it works! I'm sure I can think of some way to work it into the technology! I'd still like to put wards on the ship itself that will be active if the forcefield is turned off, but... yes, I'd *love* to put something in the forcefield!" Wouldn't that be fantastic, an invention that they could work on together! A joint project! As much as he enjoyed providing inspiration and ideas and watching Telly churn them out, this was a chance to finally contribute something more concrete to the design process.

His excitement wilted a bit at the mention of Ruddy. "I noticed. More him avoiding *me* than avoiding you, but yes. I gave him some information I'd promised him, and he all but completely brushed me off." He sighed. "I typically befriend your alternates by chucking out favors and flattery until it sticks. It's worked so far, but... I wonder if he thinks I'm coming on too strong. Or if he thinks I have ulterior motives."

Telly

"...Maybe he was avoiding the both of us because of well...." Telly gestured at the two of them. "Our relationship? Consider we both snapped at him when he was unkind about the other...." His face scrunched.

"Anyway, yes! I'd love to see what wards and whatnot you're planning on putting on the ship. Oh! And that reminds me, I wanted to learn more about magic in general. That got put on my back burner while the airship was still being repaired, but now that it's almost done, we could start that again!"

Alastor

"I don't think I snapped at him," he said uncertainly, trying to remember. "I *disagreed* with him over you, sure. I *wanted* to snap. But that was our first meeting, I was trying to be on my best behavior. I thought I was diplomatic."

He sighed again. "Maybe just *knowing* is going to put him off. I hate that he figured it out before I ever had a proper conversation with him. That's all he's going to see now."

Telly

"Well, maybe less 'snapped' and more 'got a bit puffed up'. I tried not to snap either-- it was _also_ my first meeting with him." He pulled his hood over his shoulder and stroked it.

"It's my fault he figured it out-- I was trying to help and he just....pegged it right away. I'm sorry..."

Alastor

Alastor let out a loud, melodramatic sigh. "Oh, how unlucky I am, to have a partner-in-crime who *adores and admires* me so much that he just *can't* help but show it whenever he thinks of me!" He slid an arm around Telly's waist and pecked his cheek. "What's done is done. If he can't see past his first impression of us, then, well... that's one less person to try to impress."

Telly

Telly cracked a smile at the melodrama, and kissed Alastor's cheek in return. "Well, how could I not, when I have the best partner-in-crime a snake like me could ask for?"

He purred and nuzzled against him, briefly. "That's true, what's done is done. We can't make another first impression, but if the impression he got was 'these two are thick as thieves and defensive of each other' there are worse impressions to give." He snickered.

Alastor

"Like I've got the best partner-in-snake a radio could ask for! And if he has a problem with it, that says more about him than us, doesn't it?" All the same... Well, whatever. No changing it now.

That was the table and chairs dealt with. He closed the portal; on to the desks. "So! Magic, huh! Considering a career change from machinist to magician?"

Telly

"Not particularly, but I have been thinking about what you mentioned-- magic mixed with machinery! There's so many possibilities, but I won't be able to do figure out what they are until I know what all magic could do-- specifics and the like." He reached and took Alastor's hand, twinning their fingers. It had been too long since they held hands.

Alastor

"Oh! I love mixing magic and machines!" He squeezed Telly's hand. "Now, fair warning: there's a lot I won't be able to teach you. Some because it's forbidden—and impossible—if you don't have the right ancestry and the right initiation; and some because I'm just not able to teach it. And a lot is going to be disappointing; you'd be surprised how much of what I do can be explained with 'I call someone else up to do it for me.' But I'll teach you what I can, and what I can't teach, I'll tell you about as much as I can. Sound fair?"

Telly

"That sounds perfect-- really what I'm interested in is mostly things that can be applied to my inventions to either improve them or change the function. A sort of synergy. I doubt I'll be out there being a world class magician like you are." He squeezed Alastor's hand back.

"Hm....Where were we headed again?" He asked, pausing in his slithering.

Alastor

"World class magician! Eat your heart out, Houdini!" He laughed. "For magic you can stick in inventions, there's three... categories of knowledge, I suppose, that I could give you. It's equivalent to teaching you how to build a crystal radio, how to work a radio tower, and how to build a radio tower. The first one shows you the science behind how the technology works but isn't very useful, the second one lets you immediately use powerful technology but you'll only get a fuzzy glimpse of the science, and the third one lets you understand both how to work the technology and the underlying science, but takes a damn long time before you've finally learned enough to build something of your own. I can teach you any way, but it's up to you which avenues you want to pursue first."

He checked his map again. "Desks!" And looked up. He'd gotten so enthralled talking about magic he'd walked them straight past half the desks, thinking they were more dining tables. He sheepishly turned around and backtracked.

Telly

Telly nodded along, humming, his free hand coming up to stoke his chin. "I think I'd want option three, I want to know what goes on behind how it works, and then how to work it, too. It's how I learned how to engineer my machines, I think that would work best."

He turned back with Alastor, laughing. "Oh, yes, desks! Probably look for something to match the bookcases, so probably something in mahogany?"

Alastor

"It'll take longer that way for you to start working magic into your machines—but, you'll know more when you do! In the meantime I can put the complex things on and explain what I'm doing."

He looked around thoughtfully at the nearest desks. "Mahogany would be fine," he said slowly. "Or ebony, ebony would be great." Alastor you're not getting an ebony desk unless you steal it out of a Gilded Age tycoon's office. "Or yew, or cedar, or iroko, ash, redwood... Maybe not cedar, it's a little too benevolent." Alastor those aren't even all furniture woods.

Telly

"Ebony?" Telly hummed, as he slithered around the desks, looking at each one. Something white caught his eye and he moved to one covered in a sheet. Wonder what that was about? He pulled off the sheet and blinked.

"Alastor. I think I found an ebony desk." And not only that, but it was the most intricate and extravagant desk he'd ever seen. And if Alastor didn't want it, then _Telly did._

Alastor

Apparently he was only getting an ebony desk if it was stolen out of a Gilded Age tycoon's office, or if Hellkea stole it out of the office of a nineteenth century Italian noble.

"Well! Would you look at *that!*" Alastor put his hands on it, then lay his torso atop it. Flop. "Oh, now *that's* a powerful wood. You can *feel* the energy pouring off of it. And I like the little shelf up here." He drummed his fingers on the shelf that raised the back third of the desk's top. "Ebony's one of the most powerful woods a sinner can get their hands on—*this* kind of ebony, anyway. There's a couple of different kinds. It..." he gestured vaguely without lifting his face, "... resonates well with the dead, you could say."

He reluctantly peeled his face off the desk, but he didn't lift his arms. "Ebony helps the living communicate with the dead. I wonder if the connection goes both ways, or if it just helps the dead talk to each other better?" A moment of thought; and then he said, "If you see anything else made from ebony that seems utterly worthless to us, let me know. Yew, too. I just thought of a little project I'd like to try out and I could use the raw materials."

Telly

"I'll keep an eye out for ebony, but I'm afraid I don't know yew on sight, darling." He chuckled, rubbing a hand on the desk. He couldn't feel whatever power Alastor had been talking about, but it was still a fine desk.

"This one, I don't think can be disassembled. Let's make sure the Eggs are careful with it." Telly's head titled. "What sort of project were you thinking of, with those woods?"

Alastor

"You don't know me on sight?" Alastor put a hand on his chest. "I'm hurt! Scandalized! Utterly betrayed! I'll never get over this heartbreak." He saw the pun and went for it.

He stepped back from the desk for the eggs, and finally surveyed it at a distance—he hadn't actually properly looked at it yet. Yeah, it was extravagant—little white inlaid designs of foliage and angels. "I'm not sure about the narrow opening between the drawers; I feel like I'll try to cross my legs and bang my knees," he muttered. "If it's a problem, though, I can give it to you!" A win-win all around.

"I've got a little spell from an associate I've been meaning to play with that involves making a sort of connection to the mortal realm. Both ebony and yew help connect the mortal realm to the afterlife; if the connection goes both ways, it might help make the connection more easily. Like—choosing a wire with high electrical conductivity to build a machine." Specifically, he was thinking of his alternate's triple-sigil spell to contact radios in the living realm, and wondered whether the right material could serve as a compass pointing the signal toward the living realm and cut out the need for one of the signals.

Telly

And that pun earned a face scrunch like no others-- A very Pentious scrunch. Then Telly shook his head.

"Yes, if it doesn't end up working out, I'd love it. But I have a good feeling about it." He smiled and slithered closer, brushing some of Alastor's hair off his forehead.

"Oh? Sounds interesting! If _you_ spot any yew, be sure to show me, so that then _I_ can spot yew, too." He winked.

Alastor

He (briefly) held still to let himself be fussed over.

"Sure, I'll let you know!" And then a pause. "Actually, I don't know what yew wood looks like either." A sheepish smile. "Well, if we see any labeled 'yew,' we'll know then! I know this: it's planted in cemeteries." This information was completely useless for identifying yew wood by sight.

Telly

Telly snorted, and then laughed. "I think you've seen my wood enough to know it by sight." His grin turned downright devious. If Alastor got to make dumb jokes, then so did he!

Alastor

Alastor looked at Telly. He took a slow breath in. He let a slow breath out. The studio audience was laughing at him. Him, a laughingstock on his own show. "You know, I was trying to specifically avoid letting you turn the tables on me. And yet, here we are! Tables turned!" The nearby desks lifted themselves up, neatly turned themselves ninety degrees, and set themselves back down.

Telly

And Telly's laughter was just as raucous as Alastor's audience. He wheezed as he bent double, holding his stomach.

"Oh, your reaction! Priceless! Exquisite! I out joked the joke-man!"

Alastor

"Yes, you got me. I'll admit it! I'm gracious in defeat." If Telly was bending double then Alastor was crossing his arms on Telly's back and leaning on him for support. Telly was holding Alastor up now. This was Alastor's revenge. "Although you're less yew wood and more snakewood."

Telly

Oh no, that's got him laughing even more! What have you done, Alastor, he's sinking down to the floor now. Down he went, taking Alastor with him, enjoy being on a pile of laughing snake.

Alastor

He sprawled most dramatically on Telly. Don't mind him, just laying down atop a snake shaking with laughter, acting all cool and casual. "... Someone stuck gum on the underside of this desk." He tapped the leg of a nearby oak desk. "Some people have no class."

Telly

He'd just been starting to calm down when Alastor spoke, and the laughter started again. High, reedy, and wheezing, he could barely take a breath with how hard he was laughing.

Alastor

Alastor grinned from ear to ear. Listen to that. Sheer music. He didn't plan on moving until Telly stopped laughing.

Telly

Finally, finally, after what felt like forever, Telly started to calm, wheezing softer until his breathing evened. And then his voice, muffled underneath.

"Darling, can you get off, please."

Alastor

THIS WAS HIS MOMENT. VENGEANCE WAS NIGH. He nearly cracked up on the spot. Sweetly, he said, "What, right here, in public? How obscene!"

Telly

And there he went, laughing again. And flattening down more, untill-- he suddenly straightened up (gently) tossing Alastor off of him. With a hyperquick movement, he was coiling around Alastor, and grinning down at him with his hood flared.

"No, the only one of us to get off in public would be me, wouldn't it, my hart?" He purred, flicking his tongue at Alastor, his claws hovering dangerously on either side of Alastor's face.

Alastor

That time, Alastor laughed along as well. Triumphant!

Which completely distracted him from what Telly was doing until Alastor found himself softly flung off. What—?

Genuine panic seized him for a split second as he found himself abruptly bound up; he took a deep breath, subduing it. *Oh.* Hello there. That was a nice view, he thought he'd just focus on Telly's face for a moment.

"You know, that's true! It *would* be you, wouldn't it?" Despite his restricted position, he leaned forward to kiss Telly's cheek and whisper to him, "And I suppose you'd like me to help you get off, wouldn't you?"

Telly

Telly's fearsome display was betrayed by the purr that started up in his chest. His clawed hands came in to gently hold Alastor's face and he returned the kiss with one on the lips.

"Yes, I would. Always." He snickered and started to loosen his coils, giving Alastor another kiss in the process. "After all, I _did_ suggest we try out the beds..."

There was another clearing of throats, this time five in unison and Telly's head turned slowly to stare at the interrupting Eggs.

"Can I help you?" He asked, voice low and dangerous.

"We're done moving the desk, Mr. Bossman..." Nine said, looking appropriately contrite.

"Go find anything marked as 'yew wood' and anything marked as 'ebony' that looks like it would make for good repurposing."

The Eggs saluted and toddled off, as Telly turned back to Alastor.

"I swear, half the time I forget that we brought them with us..."

Alastor

Alastor flinched, then slowly closed his eyes. These Eggs. These damn Eggs.

He waited until they were gone—waited several more seconds—then gave Telly his best sultry smile and reached up to cup his face in return. "Well. Now that we're alone again..." A light kiss. "If that's what you want, let me help you get off properly..."

The faint lighting turned electric blue as shadows stretched out across the floor to caress Telly... and slide beneath his coils, and hold him securely... and lift him gently off of Alastor... and set him back on the floor several feet away.

Grinning like a loon, Alastor got to his feet, smoothed out his clothes, and winked at Telly. "You're welcome!"

Telly

Telly had been ready-- for sultry make outs, and when the neon came on, maybe a dance. And then the shadows moved him....away from Alastor. He blinked, confused for a moment, before his face scrunched in understanding.

Telly crossed his arms and leveled a glare at Alastor. "VERY FUNNY!" He announced, turning to start slithering away.

"I SEE HOW IT IS, JOKES JOKES JOKES!" He gestured as he moved, noseless face turned up. "HERE I AM BEING DRAMATICALLY SEXY AND ALLURING AND YOU JAPE!"

Oh, he was starting to slip-- he fought the smirk that threatened to crack the facade.

Alastor

Oh—was that serious? Had Alastor gone too far? He hesitated a moment, until he was sure that Telly was joking; and then he pranced back up to his side and flung an arm around his shoulders. "So sorry, darling, I *couldn't* resist! The opportunity was there and I was helpless, simply helpless!" He leaned his head sideways on Telly's shoulder. "It's my greatest weakness. Nothing is more alluring to me than a truly awful pun."

Telly

Telly couldn't help his smile now-- it cracked the scrunch and he flicked his tongue at Alastor.

"Well, I suppose I can forgive you your puns." He chuckled. "At least this once. So long as you give me a proper, dramatic kiss, that is."

Alastor

"A dramatic kiss, huh? Something a little like this?" Alastor used his hold around Telly's shoulders (and a little shadow assistance) to yank Telly down into a dramatic dip and kiss him deeply.

Telly

His eyes flew open a moment, before sliding shut as he melted into the kiss. His hand cradled the back of Alastor's head until he needed to pull away to breath.

"Yes.... something like that." Telly gave him a dopey, lovestruck grin.

Alastor

Alastor was getting good at this. "I thought so." And it was well worth it, if it kept earning him grins like that. It made him want to dive right back in.

But the clock was ticking and they still had "shopping" to do. Alastor pecked Telly's lips one last time, then eased them both back upright. "To be continued."

Telly

Still a little lovedrunk from the kisses, Telly allowed himself to be righted, but his hand took Alastor's, holding it again. He squeezed it as he started to hum a love song-- one of the many Alastor had sent him.

"Yes, to be continued....What else do we have to find?"

Alastor

Oh... That was one of the songs Alastor had sent Telly. Never mind. Gotta kiss again.

Telly

Telly didn't mind that in the slightest, his hand cupping Alastor's cheek as he returned it. Kissing time once more.

Alastor

Okay, okay *this time* he was stopping. This time for real. Really. "... What was the question?"

Telly

Telly giggled, lingering there, a breath away from Alastor. "What else do we need?"

Alastor

"Right! Right... a desk chair, dishes... We didn't need a dresser right now, I'm going to use one of your drawers... Night stands... Was that all for now?"

Telly

"I think for now, yes, that was it. Maybe when we get to looking at the dishes we can find silverware and perhaps some new cooking knives for you."

Alastor

"Oh, we could use more!" A full set of knives for him! How lovely. "Well, let's!" On to the chairs.

Telly

On to the chairs! Luckily they were right there next to the desks. "Probably something in black to match the desk..."

Alastor

"Right." He probably wasn't going to find something special, though. As far as he was concerned, there really wasn't much to make desk chairs special. They weren't for getting cozy in. They were whatever.

"I'll also need to get supplies for a shrine, too," Alastor muttered to himself, still thinking about their shopping list, "although I doubt I'm going to find them here." He plopped down in a black-painted chair to see how it felt. "That's what I wanted to ask you earlier. I know you're not religious, but I *am*, and... would it bother you if I kept a shrine in my room? Considering that it would mean inviting a deity onto your airship."

Telly

"I trust you." He said. "If you think it's safe to do in our home, then of course you can."

Alastor

His face lit up. "As safe as anything I do is, hah!" Eh, this chair didn't do anything for him. He plopped down in another one.

Telly

Telly watched him move to another chair. "Well, considering I trust you to use Hentai to move the airship and whatnot, it's not a problem."

Alastor

"Fair enough!" Ooh, this chair spun. Don't mind him as he slowly twirls around. "Not that Hentai is the sort to go for shrines, but."

Telly

"Yes, I thought as much." He chuckled. "Having fun darling?"

Alastor

"Yes, but I could be having more!" He stopped spinning. "I don't like how this one feels, though." On to another chair, apparently. He tilted his head noncommittally. "It's fine."

Telly

Telly glance around, slithering over to a black wood chair. It had a red cushion. "What about this one?"

Alastor

He plopped down. He considered it. He shrugged. "It's fine, too." He stood. "Sure, let's go with it. It matches."

Telly

"Alright," He said, whistling for the Eggs. One came trotting out, and then headed over. Telly pointed to the chair, and the Egg-- #22-- took it.

"What next?"

Alastor

Back to the map! "The bedroom section. They'll probably have nightstands there."

Telly

"Oh yes! Nightstands. We'll probably want something in black for obvious reasons." He puffed his chest out a bit.

Alastor

"Obviously!" He beamed.

He kept glancing at the few remaining desk chairs as they passed into the bedroom section. Nothing appealing. Eh, well. Desk chairs didn't need to be super exciting, he supposed.

Telly

Telly wrapped his arm around Alastor's waist, pulling him against his side as he slithered.

"What do you plan on keeping in yours?"

Alastor

"I don't know! I hadn't gotten that far! I more or less figured they were there for decoration," he said. "What do people usually use nightstands for? Lamps? I don't really need a lamp. I could put my monocle on it? What are *you* using yours for?"

Telly

"I keep some things in the drawer-- just things that I might need whilst in bed. I do have a lamp on mine, in case I want to read in bed or need to work there."

Alastor

"Hm! I could keep a book on it. Although what if I want the book later and it's on the nightstand instead of with me?" He was so used to carrying everything he could ever possibly want around with him at all times. "I suppose it wouldn't be *that* hard to retrieve—" A pause. "Oh, I'm a fool. Obviously I'm going to keep a radio on it!"

Telly

"It would be nice to have a radio in our room, yes." He smiled and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

"One of your nice ones!"

Alastor

"I'd be planning to keep Ally in my room, but I could move him back and forth until I get another tabletop radio," he mused. "Phil's big enough to be a nightstand herself! Maybe I could use her if we don't find a matching set..."

Telly

"You could put....Phil? On the bridge if you'd like. Send Ally back and forth, and then sometime we could go find some more!" He smiled. "I would like more radios of varying types."

Alastor

"Oh, I don't know about the *bridge.* With all the Eggs running around? But maybe—we *could* use a radio in there—"

He abruptly stopped walking at the sight of a bedroom all done up in exaggerated Art Deco decor—black and gold wallpaper with repeating scalloped patterns, wall sconces made of thick geometric frames, even a headboard on the bed that was oddly reminiscent of the Chrysler building.

But what pulled Alastor into the room was a pair of waterfall nightstands on either side of the bed, made from a dark, highly-polished wood, with the wood grain arranged to form sharp chevrons down the front and sides and bright gold-colored trim and knobs. Very fancy-looking, assuming one doesn't know that waterfall furniture is cheap-ass Great Depression plywood furniture. But to Alastor they just looked familiar.

"What do you think of these?" He tapped his finger on one. "A little narrow for a nightstand, but..."

Telly

Telly's eyes widened at the sight of the model room. He let out a low whistle, his face breaking into a grin. Then he focused on the nightstands.

"Oh those are lovely! We'll have to redesign some things in the bedroom to match, but we were planning on that anyway." He pulled out his phone to snap a picture of the headboard and the wallpaper.

Alastor

Oh, right. Phones can take pictures these days. Alastor probably should have been doing that with the kitchen. And with the other bookcases he liked but that didn't have matching sets. And with the armchairs he was deciding between. And—

"The wallpaper kind of makes me think of the scale pattern you've got in the bridge." Alastor gestured at it. "This one's a little more shell shaped, but it's similar."

Telly

"Yes I thought so too! It should be a simple thing to replicate but with alterations. We could paint it instead of using wallpaper." He smiled and nodded to the Eggs.

"The nightstands, bois."

Alastor

"Maybe there's a stencil for this." They could find out whenever they went looking for a stencil to paint the kitchen. Whatever they were going to paint it with.

He flopped on the bed and looked at the headboard. "Have you ever seen the Chrysler building? I only saw pictures of it in the papers, but I was still around when it went up."

Telly

"That was after my time, so no." He said, shrugging. Telly came over and slithered up onto the bed, curling near Alastor.

"Is it nice?"

Alastor

"*I* think it's handsome. But my mother thought it was the ugliest building ever built." He laughed. "Sometime I'll find a mortal realm movie that was filmed in New York. They'll probably have it in the background."

He thought about that a moment longer; then abruptly sat up. "Or—!" He stopped to make sure no eggs were nearby to eavesdrop and then lowered his volume. "Or I could take you sometime!"

Telly

His brow furrowed and tilted his head. "Take me? To....the living world?"

His eyes unfocused and he took a slow breath. "It's been so long..."

Alastor

"I just recently learned how!" Voice still hushed, but he was Excited. "Back in December. I'm still working out the kinks—the math is atrocious—but it works. I've gone there under my own power."

Telly

Telly's eyes widened. "Really? Oh, how exciting. I'd love to visit--" He glanced down at himself.

"Well.... we'd have to find something to do about my tail, obviously."

Alastor

"Disguises are easy! Hell—I could probably teach you to disguise *yourself* pretty fast. This is the default shape your soul wants to take, but it takes very little magic for the dead to change their shape, as long as the shape they're changing into is some form of themself. So there's a small chance you might not be able to change your tail—most people have something they can't control, me, I can't change my hair—but nine out of ten odds I bet you can! And if you can't, I could do it for you!"

Telly

"Perhaps that should be the first thing we do, then? Try and teach me that and figure out good disguises for visiting up about." He smiled. "Oh, that's exciting. I hope I can have legs again, even for a short time. It would be nice to walk again."

Alastor

"The first thing you're going to be able to learn is how to look like *you.* So, however you recall yourself looking as a mortal, that'll be it. The only disguising you'll get beyond that is clothing. More advanced shapeshifting is... well, advanced."

He got to his feet and offered his arm to Telly. "Legs we can definitely do—walking, I'll give that sixty percent odds. Valera's given Penny legs for trips, and *he* can't walk; but he's also not doing the magic himself, so I imagine he's not as... as integrated with the shape. On the other hand, I recommended Ruddygore some texts on magic, and he figured out how to make a set of legs he can walk on; *but,* he's still got that entire tail hanging behind him. And it looks a little ridiculous. So."

Telly

"Hm, interesting! I'm curious to see how mine function when I've got them." He chuckled, taking Alastor's hand and 'standing'. Telly leaned in to kiss his cheek.

"I'm excited to learn! A whole new avenue of invention will be open to us!"

Alastor

"It certainly will! And I can't *wait* to see what you do with it!" Holding hands again? Holding hands again! And onward they went, hands held.

Telly

"I think all we have left is the dishes and silverware, yes?" Telly smiled brightly. "This has been QUITE the shopping trip!"

Alastor

"All that's left on the list, anyway!" Again with the map. "Although we pass through the restaurant on the way there. We could steal some food on our way through. Why does a furniture store have a restaurant?"

Telly

"Not sure! But I'm feeling peckish, and I bet you are as well, after all the portal opening. Let's rummage and find out what they have." He grinned.

Alastor

"Oh, I was just going to grab a bag of frozen meatballs and keep going." But he *was* feeling peckish. He should probably refuel if they were going to be making a couple more trips. "But, sure! Let's see if we can have a quick meal without spending an hour digging through the kitchen."

Telly

"Meatballs sound good! I wonder what else they have, though." Telly pointed ahead. "There it is!"

Alastor

"I keep seeing little ads for meatballs. What if that's all they have?" He laughed.

On one side of the path through the store was the restaurant; on the other side was a collection of shopping carts sitting near the entrance to the section of home goods. Alastor veered for the side with the carts, stole one, and immediately started riding it with one foot on the back axle and the other foot propelling him, just every child who'd ever used a shopping cart as a scooter. He breezed past Telly into the dark restaurant section—"So, what are our options!"—and a gate magically opened in front of him to let him roll on back behind the serving counters.

Telly

Telly laughed as he watched, slithering after Alastor. "Let's see indeed!"

He was glad, however, that the Eggs didn't see Alastor do that-- he didn't want them immitating it and crashing. Telly looked around for a good place to coil while Alastor searched, and decided that just right there in the middle of the floor was fine.

Alastor

The kitchen doors swung open for him just as easily, and Alastor vanished. He was back in a couple of minutes. "All of it's prepackaged," he said, sneering. "At least the meat looks like it's made out of actual meat, but it's not going to be any fun to prepare. The recipes they're set up for back there are salad, salmon, salmon salad, meatballs, chicken meatballs, and non-meatballs. What's your preference?"

Telly

"I'm feeling like salmon and meatballs-- because it sounds like an odd combination!" He laughed and flicked his tongue at Alastor. "I'm craving meat!"

Alastor

"Two entrees! You know, I like the sound of that myself!" He hopped off his cart, and his shadow vanished with it into the back. He was serious when he said this wasn't going to be any fun to prepare; it looked so dull he'd delegated the whole task to his shadows.

He circled to the customers' side of the counter to grab a table. "It'll only take them a few minutes, let's sit. I haven't gotten to stare adoringly into your eyes *nearly* enough tonight!"

Telly

"Alright!" He slithered over and plopped himself into a chair, trying to get comfortable in a seat obviously not meant for him. He smiled, though, turning to grin at Alastor.

"So, just going to stare adoringly into my eyes the whole time it takes them to cook?"

Alastor

"Maybe." He tilted his head, batted his eyelashes, and played a sweet romantic melody.

Then laughed. "All right, I've met my quota." He pulled out his paper model of his room, and realized he hadn't measured the desk or chair so he couldn't place projections of them in the room. Tsk. Oh well. He left it on the table. "So, how are you doing so far?"

Telly

"How am I doing? In what way?" He looked at the paper model, turning his head this way and that as he looked at the projected bookcases.

Alastor

"Oh... energy-wise, focus-wise. Emotionally, spiritually, whateverly..." Alastor offered him a slightly tired smile. "I think I felt my trance break sometime in the middle of the desk chair section."

Telly

"Oh." He took a second to think. "I'm alright. Getting a little tired, but we're almost done, so that's good. Think once we're done here, I'd like a nice bubble bath to relax." His tongue flicked. "What about you?"

Alastor

"A bubble bath, that sounds nice. If I fall asleep in the bath, just clothespin my nose shut so I don't drown."

He offered his hand across the table to Telly. "Could I ask you something?"

Telly

Telly took his hand, squeezing briefly. "Of course, darling. What is it?"

Alastor

"Earlier when you coiled me up earlier all of the sudden... Well, I—I'm not fond of being... taken by surprise like that. With a little warning... or if we'd been wrestling..." Oh, this was embarrassing.

Telly

Telly's jaw went a little slack and his eyes grew wide. "Oh. I'm sorry, darling, it won't happen again." He reached over with his free hand to stroke Alastor's cheek with his knuckles. "I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I'll reserve coiling for cuddling-- or if, as you said, we're wrestling."

Alastor

He caught Telly's hand and held it against his cheek. The stroking made him feel like he was something weak, something to be pitied and coddled; but he didn't want Telly to pull back. "It's fine! It's fine, I just—well, you know me, darting back and forth all over the place if I can get away with it! Being pinned in one place goes against my nature!" He laughed feebly.

Telly

"Yes, I understand. I like how you flit about-- reminds me a bit of a hummingbird. I _do_ like seeing you so excited." He winked and leaned close to press a kiss against his cheek.

Alastor

Good, that had been nearly painless. "Thank you!" And then again, a bit more subdued, a bit more meaningfully: "Thank you."

Telly

"You're most welcome, my hart." He smiled. "Is our food done?"

Alastor

"It should be just about, hold on." He whistled toward the kitchen. "Hey, what kind of service is this? Hurry up!"

His shadow slid out, pushing the shopping cart with several plates in the bottom: two of salmon, two of Swedish meatballs, each fully loaded with the expected sides. As his shadow unloaded the plates and bottled drinks, Alastor said, "If all you want is the meat, I can have your vegetables. I'm—"

He paused as the shadow put down another plate of pasta with pesto sauce. "What's this?" He squinted at it; and then his face lit up. "They've got deer-shaped pasta here!"

The shadow passed over the bag.

"Elk-shaped! Close enough! It's decorative macaroni, it's not like you can tell the difference!"

Telly

Telly's face lit up at the sight of the pasta. "Well! Look at that! How adorable." He purred, using his fork to take one single piece of the pasta to inspect closer.

"I wonder if we could make this ourselves, with a pasta maker..."

Alastor

"You know, sometime last year—I forget when, I think it was a couple of months before we met—I was looking all over for deer-shaped pasta. I finally found some, but I had to search half of Hell for it! And here's... well, not quite the same thing, but close enough! I can finally stop hoarding my stock!" He started cutting up his salmon with his fork and mixing it into the pesto pasta.

"I don't know. I've only ever seen pasta makers making normal shapes. It's worth looking into. Maybe we could make our own shapes! Deer, radios, snakes..." A wink. "But maybe snake pasta is just spaghetti."

Telly

He chuckled. "That or we use the emojis as a template and make them look like that."

Telly skewered a meatball and popped it into his mouth who-- and then his face went on a journey before he finally swallowed it down. "Mm, I think you've spoiled me with fresh cooked meals so much that this prepackaged fare isn't nearly as good as I probably would've once thought."

Alastor

"What do the emojis look like?" He pulled out his phone to check. Oh. Yeah, those were cute.

He cut one meatball in half and scooped it up with the sides. "It tastes better mixed with the mashed potatoes, gravy, and jam. You can still tell it's *prepackaged*—" SNEER "—but it's a respectable flavor combination."

Telly

He tried it the way Alastor said and hummed. "Yes, that is better."

Telly smiled and then tried the salmon with some of the pasta, rumbling in pleasure. "That's tasty together, too."

Alastor

"It is! Seems wrong to put salmon in the deer pasta, but it came with pesto." He'd already decided he was going to completely ignore the fact that the pasta was technically meant to be elk-shaped. It was deer now.

Telly

"We'll have to have it with venison at some point." Telly smirked.

Alastor

"I have a wonderful venison meat sauce recipe I could make! Remind me some time."

Telly

"Oh, I shall." He grinned as he continued to eat.

Alastor

It turned out Alastor could, in fact, finish two entire meals and a side of pasta in the middle of the night. Who's surprised? No one's surprised. His shadow had returned with the cart by then—loaded down with bags of pasta, yes he did plan to steal all of them.

He got to his feet, stretched, and asked, "Ready to go?"

Telly

Telly had finished all of his food too-- he'd learned to eat when he could, but he wasn't starving anymore. Still, big meals were good for a snake.

"Yes! Let's find some dishes and silverware and then we can go home and sink into a bath." He winked.

Alastor

"That sounds wonderful." He wheeled his cart into position, then paused, and reached into the cart to pat the top of the pasta bags. "Care for a ride~?"

Telly

Telly looked at Alastor, patting the pasta and he grinned. His tail lifted him higher and he plopped right down onto it. He pulled his tail up after, coiling in his nest of pasta.

"Onward!" He commanded.

Alastor

He pushed the cart. Nothing happened.

He pushed the cart with *magic.* That was more like it.

"Onward!" And off they went, into the home goods section, to search who-knew-how-long through byzantine rooms for the dishes and utensils—

Oh it was the very first section. That was easy.

Telly

Telly didn't move from the cart when they arrived-- he was far too comfortable now.

"Bring them to me to judge," He said airily.

Alastor

"As you command, *mon roi.*" Alastor bowed theatrically, and wandered off into an aisle of plates. "So what are we looking for, any specific colors? Patterns?" He snapped his fingers, "We wanted a little red in the kitchen, didn't we?"

Telly

"Yes, red. Perhaps red and black or red and yellow, to match things. Oh! Oh we could get gold plated silverware and then have red dishes!"

Alastor

"Sure, why not! We probably don't want *solid* red, in case we're eating something red... don't want it to blend in..." A pause as Alastor picked up and examined a plate covered in tiny flowers. "Telly. I know what I want to do with the wall stencils."

Telly

"Oh? What's that, darling?" He turned craning his neck to try and see Alastor.

Alastor

"Flowers." He glanced at the plate he was holding. "Not these flowers." He put it back and hurried back to Telly. "My mother kept flowers called angel's trumpets." Magic light in the shape of flowers appeared around Alastor's head, like trumpets dangling down; for once, they appeared in glowing gold instead of red. "They'd grow in this enormous tree, ten feet tall, and at the end of summer every year the whole thing would be completely covered in flowers! It grew right outside the kitchen window. Half the year, if you tried to look outside, that was all you could see of the garden: angel's trumpets. And, well—any kitchen of mine would feel that much more like home with those things all over it."

Telly

Telly looked at the flowers floating around Alastor, magically. He smiled.

"Oh, those look lovely. I'm sure we could make a stencil of those and paint them in yellow on the walls..."

Alastor

Alastor's smile widened. "You're a peacharino, Pentious." He smooched Telly's forehead and vanished again into the rows of dishes.

Telly

"Peacharino?" He asked, even as Alastor already bounded off. He chuckled, relaxing in his nest of pasta.

"Don't forget to look for a good knife set for you!"

Alastor

"Like a peach, but even more so! Like the difference between *forte* and *fortissimo.*" Somewhere over near Alastor, the lights went dark as he switched into black light, and then back. "Hey, they've got genuine uranium plates over here! They glow and everything! I haven't seen those in decades! Wonder why they stopped making them." He moved on.

Telly

"Probably because uranium is highly radioactive!" Telly called back, laughing. "Grab some of those, I have things I can use them for."

Alastor

He doubled back. "Sure, how many do you want?"

Telly

Telly thought a moment. "Five!"

Alastor

"Five plates..." He returned to drop them off with Telly. "... And one teacup." He daintily set it atop the plates. Isn't it adorable and mildly hazardous.

Telly

Very adorable. Telly inspected them and hummed. "Excellent."

Alastor

"While I'm here, how do you feel about—for example—glass plates?" He summoned up a translucent ruby red saucer, cut with facets on the underside to make it look like crystal, to show Telly. "I saw some I think look very nice, but I'm worried if we hit turbulence or need to make a sharp turn, they're going to be the first things to go."

Telly

"We could prevent anything from happening to them, just would take a little engineering...maybe a little magic." He grinned. "I like them, they'd look good with gold plated silverware."

Alastor

"Do you? In that case, you're going to like *these* even better!" He spun the saucer on the tip of a claw, and when he caught it again it had been switched out for another: similar translucent red, but with the rim painted gold. "As long as you think we can get them all fastened in safely!"

Telly

"I'm certain! My other china survived the warehouse falling on the airship, and those didn't have nearly as much protection as these will have!" Telly winked.

"Get the whole set!"

Alastor

"As you wish!" He poofed away, leaving the plate floating in the air.

He poofed back a moment later, carrying a wooden crate full of similar plates and glasses, and carefully set it on Telly's coils next to the uranium plates. He plucked the floating plate out of the air to add to the crate. "Think we're set for tableware?"

Telly

"Plates and the like, yes, but now you need to find us some gold plated silverware." Telly settled again, after adjusting to make room for the crate.

Alastor

"Isn't it goldware, then?" He pushed the shopping cart up a bit, and then wandered down another aisle. "I mean, it's called silverware because it's usually made out of silver, isn't it?"

Telly

"Yes, but that's why I said gold plated. If it was made just of gold, it would be far too soft to use."

Alastor

"Hm... Fair enough!"

He returned to the cart grinning mischievously, and added a human skull. The skull had salt and pepper shakers in its eye sockets. The shakers said "Ashes to Ashes" and "Dust to Dust". He wandered into the aisle again.

Telly

Telly laughed at the skull and smiled fondly at Alastor. "Clever and funny," He said.

"Oh! Look!" He pointed to a whole display of just gold plated things-- dishes, utensils, even an ice bucket.

Alastor

Alastor ducked back out—already holding a *different* set of gold plated utensils he'd just found��to look at the display. "Now *that's* just obnoxious." Was he saying that because he'd already formed an attachment to the set of cutlery he'd been holding for all of ten seconds? Maybe.

All the same, he looked the display over, grabbed up a second box of utensils, and stuck both boxes in the cart. "I want anyone eating at our place to know that we're pretentious enough to have genuine gold on our silverware, but just tacky enough that the silverware doesn't match." Did he make that up to justify keeping both sets? Maybe.

Telly

Telly snorted, but his smile grew extra wide at the mention of 'our place'. It made his heart flutter. Reaching for Alastor, he snagged his arm and pulled him closer to kiss, soft and meaningful. He pulled away, thumb rubbing against Alastor's arm where he grabbed.

"Sounds wonderful, love. Anything else?"

Alastor

Apparently Telly approved of his plans to make their kitchenware as insufferable as possible! "Well, let's see..." Back to the map! "Rugs, sheets and blankets, bathroom, organization—didn't we already have shelves?—lighting, decoration, plants... Anything you want to see, or are we finished here?" He tapped Telly's tail, "Oh, I need to pick one of those armchairs I marked."

Telly

"I don't think we need anything from those, unless you want to look at the plants? Otherwise, let's circle back to the armchairs, grab those, and go. I'm ready for our bath." He purred.

Alastor

"I wouldn't trust any plants from a furniture store! No no, I'll stock up from someone I trust." He got back up on his cart like a scooter, rolled it backwards, and through a portal into the armchair section.

"Say, where did we leave the eggs?" He didn't remember seeing them for a while.

Telly

"I think searching for yew and ebony for scraping." Telly sat up and put two fingers in his mouth-- but then paused, turning to look at Alastor.

"I'd cover your ears, love, this will be loud."

He put the fingers back in his mouth and gave a loud, shrill whistle. "EGGS! FORM UP!" He shouted. The sound of five pairs of scurrying feet echoed and the Eggs appeared moments later.

"There they are."

Alastor

"Oh, that's right." Alastor tilted his ears down but didn't quite cover them—he could handle loud sounds, no problem—and he didn't quite regret not covering up, but he almost did.

"And here's our hunting team!" He left the cart and flopped down onto the nearest of the chairs he'd marked, time for round two of testing. "How did your quest go?"

Telly

Fourteen saluted. "We found and marked a bunch of yew and ebony stuff! How much did you want, Mr. Bossman, Mr. Radioman?"

Telly hummed, and looked at Alastor. "Well?"

Alastor

Alastor rubbed his chin. He shouldn't need a lot for the final product, but he didn't know how much he'd need to experiment with. "How much is a bunch?" He waved off his own question. "You know what, some of the ebony won't be useful anyway. If it's all marked..." He paused for a moment, searching for the signals—yes, there they were. "Before we take it to the ship, I'll have to hop around and check them all first."

Telly

"Alright. Pick out your chair first, and then we can go check those out, and THEN go home." Telly smiled.

"Oh! You know what? You don't need to check them yourself!" He turned to the Eggs. "EGGS. GO COLLECT WHAT YOU MARKED AND BRING IT BACK HERE, POSTHASTE!"

The Eggs saluted and ran off.

"That should do it."

Alastor

"Oh, they don't need to do that, I could just hop to..." But they'd run off already. Hm. He latched onto the PA system again. "**Anything you need to disassemble to haul to me, leave where it is. It will be faster for me to teleport to check them out.**" On to try another chair. He added to Telly, "Once I've got a chair picked, you can head back to the ship. I'll let the Eggs know if any of their finds need to be disassembled and moved."

Telly

"Alright. I'll get started on the bath then, and you can join me when you've finished up." He smirked and purred. "Sound like a plan?"

Alastor

"Sounds fine to me!" On to another chair. "... I don't know if I like the first one or the third one."

Telly

"So, the second one, then?" His head tilted. "_I_ definitely want the one I coiled on earlier." He pointed. "That one was very, very comfy."

Alastor

"No, I wasn't a fan of the second one. It's only comfortable until you get used to it."

He looked at the one Telly had coiled on. "That looks like my option number three." He relocated himself to flop on it. "And it *feels* like my option three. Say, let me steal this one from time to time and I can get option one!"

Telly

"It's a deal." He grinned and flicked his tongue. The Eggs trotted back, each carrying something. Two seemed to hold ebony items and the other three what one would presume to be yew.

"We left another five things that were too big to move without disassembling! But we brought these!" Nine said, holding what appeared to be a yew rocking chair with....was that a deer hide on the back? It was certainly spotted like one...

Telly blinked, looking at that rocking chair and the Alastor.

Alastor

"Well, look at that!" He lifted the deer hide. "Now, is this bit yew or ebony?" He laughed, let it fall back down, and stepped back. "Huh! I thought yew wood would be lighter." Learn something new every day. "Well, keep all the yew. And the hide, too!" It wasn't a whole lot of wood, all together—safer to keep it all in case he needed it.

He went through the wood, touching each piece to see whether it reacted, kept the ones that did, and then opened a portal to let the Eggs and Telly return to the ship with the last of their haul. As soon as he'd finished checking the last few items, he could join them and finally relax for the night.

Telly

Through the portal they went, the Eggs to put things away, and Telly to draw a bath.

Overall, a very lucrative venture-- but a tiring one. He'd be glad to soak for a while, thinking about all the things they got and all they were planning to do. It would be marvelous.

Alastor

Two items too extravagantly large for his needs, one the wrong kind of ebony, but he directed the Egg Bois to break down and bring in one yew table and one ebony wardrobe—while trying to ignore the entirely new looks and whispers they were directing at him. He and Telly had meant to give the Eggs a reason to distrust Alastor less, but he thought they'd overdone it a bit. Better get back to kissing behind closed doors.

And he elected to start on that as soon as he returned to the ship, in the bathroom, in the tub.

#usedhearts #chat log #((fair warning this one is insanely long for no really good reason))#((we were like 'if we let them off the leash when will they shut up' and the answer was 'never'))#((we were also furiously chucking pictures of furniture at each other like we're decorating a little dollhouse for our toys to live in))#((at some point maybe I'll insert links to pictures but like that sounds like work so))#((I must reiterate: when I say this one is insanely long))#((I mean 'after we finished this one we had to talk out strategies to make sure they never get this long again' insanely long))

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hazbincalifornia · 4 years ago

Text

Amount of writing I’m getting done for OT and my IZ fic: Some.

Amount of writing I’m getting done for self-indulgent bullshit: Somewhat more.

Anyway, wrote out Bella meeting Sir Pentious because I was bit by the muse bug. This is written for the four people who know who they both are, f.

Wordcount: 2075

The second she saw the airship soaring through the red-tinted sky, shooting anything that looked at it funny, Bella knew she had to get inside of it. Let Kit flirt with their host (or, if she was honest, fail to flirt with, man, she didn’t even like flirting and even she knew that he turned into a pile of goopy mush when he was around a guy he thought was cute) and let Vee attempt to kidnap yet another animal to try and smuggle home, she wanted to find out who the heck made a steam-powered airship in the twenty-first century.

Or maybe Hell was actually stuck in the year 1900, who knew? Time probably passed funny in the afterlife, but the fact that nobody had shot them out of the sky yet said that there was something else afoot- the pilot had to have some way of warding off attacks considering rivals probably had, like, grenade launchers, and she wanted to find out how. Style merged with substance, ruling the air with confidence- and she wanted in.

“Hey! Hey you!” She flagged down somebody with four arms and purple fur who looked short enough to be less likely to punt her into orbit- Mom had warned that most people down here were mean as, well, Hell- and pointed up at the ship. “What’s the deal with those?”

“You a newly dead?” The demon raised one of their four eyes, and Bella nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, newly dead. Anyway. Story?”

“They’re made by Sir Pentious, one of the Overlords. He’s some kinda inventor, I’unno. Never blew up anything that mattered to me, so I never cared that much.”

“Sir Pentious…” She rolled the name around in her mouth, plucking the ‘T’ in the middle thoughtfully along with the rubber bands wrapped around her braces. “Got it. Thanks!”

“Er- you’re welcome.” They darted off, but that was fine. Now it was just a matter of actually getting onboard.

____________

She couldn’t find a rocket pack anywhere- lousy Hell lagging behind Earth technologically- but ended up stumbling across the next best thing in a warehouse that had an extra ship that had clearly been in some sort of accident. This one was only partially-reassembled, and there was a lot of burn damage sustained to the aluminum and copper outside, but that just meant that she could see the skeleton without having to slice through a lot of layers, so it was almost better- and a lot easier to crawl in one of the big holes in the front window via a pile of parts in front of it.

The interior was decorated like a mansion, with vivid yellows, reds, and blacks- she could respect the commitment to the aesthetic, especially with torn-open snakesheds and red eyeballs plastered everywhere. It looked like something out of Mom’s old comic book collection, toxic and yet intoxicating, every detail chosen for maximum dramatic potential. It must look even better with all the lights on and more than her phone’s flashlight illuminating bits at a time.

It was the best playground that she could imagine- nothing but her and a massive ship the size of an apartment building. Oddly enough, there wasn’t much dust- maybe it had crashed recently and was being held here for repairs? It was certainly of a similar design to the one that she’d seen from the ground, so she couldn’t imagine that it wasn’t just an iteration or two away.

Her fingers ran over the sleek machinery like it was sacred- some of it looked like it belonged in a museum, but the rest was cutting edge, and the seamless way they blended was like something out of a dream. A genius indeed- if she’d been born a hundred years ago and was suddenly thrust into the modern day, she could only hope that her tech would look this good. There was room for improvement of course, there always was, but it was loads better than most of what she saw digging through the junkyard, and a lot closer to the stuff she made with Grandpa Zim using his irken tech. Impressive for someone who’d clearly been dead for some time, considering he’d made enough of a name for himself that some rando off the street knew it.

“Genius inventor, huh…?” Bella pulled out her screwdriver, starting to work on freeing the control panel. It had a touchscreen and levers, what was that about? She had to know what it looked like underneath- did Hell even use cables and wires or was she going to need to drag Kit in to do his magic business here?

It took some doing- whatever had taken this particular ship down had welded the panel into place and it took a crowbar to pry off, ha, take that Venus for saying she ‘didn’t need to bring it’- but eventually she got into the guts of the thing. Sure enough, it was wiring, spiraled all into itself in a knot- it must have gotten all messed up at some point, maybe that was what caused the crash on top of whatever burnt the outside?

She was about to start taking it apart when she heard a pitter-patter behind her.

“I’ve got a gun and I know how to use it, ya know,” she said, rummaging around in her pocket before pulling it out. “Mom insisted I bring the one that can vaporize people since apparently half of you can’t even die the normal way anyway? Bunch of freaks.” Her finger twitched towards the trigger as the pitter-patter became a shadow as the thing scrambled up towards the same hole she’d come in. “I’m warning you, I’m a great shot. Won’t take two to blow your brains out.”

“Whoever you are, bossman says you gotta go!”

It was an egg. Not like some kind of insult, it was literally an egg, and probably a third of her size. It was also wearing a little hand-tailored suit and top hat. She stared down at it, and it stared up at her.

“Who’s bossman?” Bella asked after a few very long seconds of silence.

“You know… bossman!” It blinked. “He doesn’t like people pokin’ around his cool, cool stuff and you tripped the motion sensor. Hey, is that a ray gun?”

Bella’s finger eased off the trigger. “Yeah, it is. It can probably scramble you.”

“Oooh! Fun! Not as good as boss’s, I’m sure, but-”

“Hey, what say you take me to this boss?” Bella crouched down, knowing this was incredibly stupid but also already entirely committed to it. “Then he can decide what to do with me in person.”

“Hmm… alright, but no funny business!�� The egg looked her up and down before turning heel, starting to clamor down the pile of parts. She had to hold back a snort when she saw that it had ‘#69’ written on its back.

Some things never changed no matter where you went.

____________

The egg blabbered on all the way back to the ship, mostly about jazz music oddly enough, but soon enough they were nearing a different ship that had settled behind a building. It was either the one she’d seen before or a duplicate, and she felt a shiver run up her spine as she got close- it looked a lot cooler in one piece and lit up bright yellow. Her phone buzzed, and she discreetly pulled it out as the egg launched into a diatribe on the importance of the saxophone. It was a text from her sister.

dolittle 🐭: bells where ARE you

dolittle 🐭: kits distracting clove so I could grab one of those bugdog things but moms gonna be asking how were doing soon, what should I say

Bella thought for a moment before sending back a reply. ‘im checking out that airship we saw earlier. have weapons. ill be fine. meet you back at the cafe later’

dolittle 🐭: be careful ok? know you can handle it but still

Bella smiled a little at that, sending a thumbs up before tucking her phone back into her pocket as they ascended the bridge.

“And then, then he saysss to me, he sayssss- Ah, there you are! Good, good.” She heard him before she saw him, voice booming as he welcomed his hench-egg back. “And what was poking around the warehouse?”

“This, boss!” The egg tugged at her jeans by the knee around the corner before pushing her forward with surprising force. “They said they wanted to see you!”

“Well well well!”

Bella’s antennae twitched as her eyes widened. The man in front of her was a jet black snake, with fangs, a top hat, a bowtie, and eyes on his face as well as nestled on the open space on his chest and hood. Best she could pin from Venus’s nature lectures he was a cobra of some sort, and there was a smug fang-y grin on his face as he slithered up to her, taking advantage of the height that his tail gave him- he’d probably be seven feet easy to Bella’s mere five foot one.

It took her only a moment to shake off her awe. “So you’re the famous Sir Pentious!”

His grin widened. “Ah! You’ve heard of me, little tresssspassser?”

“Obviously, considering I knew your name, right?”

“Er- yes!” He faltered for just a moment, and she went in for the kill.

“Your work’s fantastic, but you really need a way to keep the gutty stuff in order in case of a hit- that’s probably part of why that other ship went down, y’know? But your sense of design and how you mold your century-old designs with the new stuff- it’s fantastic, I just want to cut it all open and see how it works.”

“What did you do?” His hood flared, and she twirled the gun in her hands.

“I only touched the control panel, and your little egg boy got at me before I messed with anything, but I’d give anything for a couple of days working on the interior of this place- I bet I could make it run faster and with less fuel.”

The eye on his hat rolled itself as he narrowed the eyes on his face. “Who are you to come in and think you know better than I about my own shipssss? I should end you right here for your insolence and your trespassing!”

Bella folded her arms, glancing around. “Hmm… far left column, the one with a yellow eye instead of a red one.”

“What about it?” He folded his arms as well, waggling his head. “Are you-”

“It’s welded weird. Something went wrong with the metal when it was being forged, so you put it in the back so you wouldn’t have to look at it. You didn’t want to waste a perfectly good column because somebody screwed up one little part. And that’s just what I see looking around in, like, five seconds- gah!” The end of his tail had wrapped around behind her while she’d been talking, and struck before she finished her sentence, lifting her up to his eye-level with her arms pinned to her sides.

“Little wrench! How dare you?”

“I’m…” Her legs kicked a little, ribs feeling uncomfortably bendy at the moment as his scales pressed against her chest and back. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

His tongue darted out as he hissed, just barely brushing her nose before sliding back into his mouth.

“What do you really want, missy? I don’t like competition, you know.”

“You to let me breathe, for one,” she wheezed, fingers turning to try tickling what she could reach, and his cheek twitched funny before she dropped bodily to the floor, only managing to roll in time thanks to muscle memory from combat training. Thanks, Grandpas. “I really do just wanna see how all your stuff works. The ways I could improve my own inventions if I just could figure out how to blend different functionalities the way that you do...”

“I am quite impresssssive, aren’t I?” He puffed up his chest a bit. “And you have no intention to-”

Bella drew an X over her chest. “Cross my heart. You’re the bossman.”

He looked her up and down. “Hmm. Get back to me when you have a proper uniform and not those ragssss, and I suppose I could show you around a bit, if- if!- you show me something of yourssss. ”

Bella’s grin slipped into a smirk as she gave a bow. “Bella Donna at your service, then, Sir Penny.”

#iz #shadow writes stuff #hh

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keelywolfe · 5 years ago

Text

FIC: The Rose and the Thorn: Chapter 2 (Mafia AU)

Summary: In the aftermath of...well, spoilers, Rus is dealing with everything the best that he can.

More MafiaAU for the win!

Notes: Because I am clearly incapable of actually writing a one-shot.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Mafia AU, Flower Shop AU, Violence, First Meetings

Chapter 1

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

Read it here!

~~*~~

Considering that having their shop destroyed was one of the more upsetting events in Rus's life, it was kinda insulting how bored the officer who was taking his statement looked. When they’d come in, guns blazing, it’d honestly been scarier than the whole event that caused all this and for a second, Rus was honestly afraid they were gonna shoot him.

His apron with its embroidered rose on the front panel finally seemed to clue them in that he was supposed to be here and he’d gotten out unscathed. Now that it was clear there was no one to arrest, both officers seemed more irritated than helpful. Rus wasn't entirely sure this guy was even writing any notes and wasn't instead scribbling a picture of Pikachu or something. The Pokémon would probably have been a better detective to show up.

Then again, Rus wasn't really much help. There wasn’t much for him to tell them about the shooter and he wasn’t sure exactly why, but he kept his description of Edge deliberately vague. Wasn’t like they could catch him in a lie, the only video camera they had was a plastic fake, more hopeful deterrence than anything useful.

Not that the police cared, anyway; violence against Monsters was common, especially outside of the Monster neighborhoods, or as the Human locals quaintly called it, the dust bowl.

"Brother!" Rus jerked at the sound of Blue's voice, turning to see him pushing through the front door. His steps slowed as he took in the floral carnage, his expression turning to one of aghast horror.

“hey, bro.” Rus said meekly, cringing. He’d only had a chance to send Blue a quick text before the officers came rolling in. His hasty ‘store got shot up, i’m fine, need to come in’ probably hadn’t been very reassuring. “looks bad i know, but we’ll get it cleaned up—“

Before he could finish, Blue marched right over to Rus, paying no mind to the glass crunching underfoot as he yanked him down by his apron front into a hug, sniffling out, "Thank the angel you’re all right.”

"bro, seriously!" The complaint that Blue was embarrassing him clogged in his throat. Not like the cops were paying any attention, anyway.

"This is why we have insurance, Rus," Blue whispered fiercely against the side of his skull. "You are irreplaceable."

"Speaking of insurance, here's the police report number for it," the bored-looking cop said, holding out a card. "If you want a paper copy, you can come down to the station in a coupla days."

"Thank you, officer," Blue said, finally letting go of Rus to take it. Probably only Rus picked up on his faint distaste. There were few Monsters without at least one bad run-in with the local PD at one time or another and Blue had the parking tickets to prove it.

The officers all shuffled their way out the door and left them there to deal with the remnants of Blue’s shop on their own.

Blue turned in a circle, taking in the damages again with a bracing sigh, standing up straight with squared shoulders as he said brightly, “Well! Let’s get sweeping, shall we, and you can tell me what exactly happened?”

Brooms in hand, they got to work, but truthfully, Rus didn’t have much more to tell Blue than he had the police. He’d been helping a customer when someone started firing into the shop and Rus hadn’t caught so much of a glimpse as to who. His attention had been on the rose, on Edge, and the only thing he’d seen was the wreckage of the aftermath. With the police, he hadn’t outright said it, but he’d heavily implied the customer was a Human to keep them from going out to look for Edge. To Blue, he admitted it was a Monster he’d been serving, one that he didn’t know, and the consensus from all was that it was a hate crime against Monsters, yawn, same old, same old, moving on.

Weird as it was, even with his brother Rus was strangely reluctant to talk too much about Edge. Blue didn’t usually come into the shop until the afternoon, too busy tending to the little patch of their garden in the backyard, coaxing them daily into new blooms for Rus to bring in. So he’d never been here when Edge came in before and maybe it was stupid, but Rus wanted to keep that little secret to himself.

Besides, it wasn’t like it mattered. He wasn’t gonna see his mysterious, dangerous stranger again outside of his refreshed daydreams. Even now a new mental script was getting its final touches and maybe this time when the shooting was over, Edge would scoop him up into his arms, carry him out of the shop and their kiss would be—

“Knock knock, anybody home?"

The voice floated in from the very broken front door that Blue was trying to decide how to board up until it could be repaired.

“I’m terribly sorry, we’re closed right now,” Blue bustled over. “There was a small incident, but we’ll be opening our doors again soon!”

He stepped back in surprise as a large Monster in paint-spattered coveralls shuffled inside. He was one of the Mole clan, his small eyes almost squinted shut against the bright sunshine coming in through the broken windows.

“Yeah, we know,” the Mole grunted. “An incident.” He leaned down to hold out a beefy hand that Blue hesitantly shook, “Name’s Murphy. We’re here to get working on it.”

“Oh, but,” Blue sputtered, “I’m sorry, I haven’t even contacted our insurance.”

Murphy pushed his baseball cap back, his broad, whiskered face placid. "Already paid for.”

“Paid for…? By whom?”

“Bossman.” Was all Murphy said, then a louder shout, “Get your asses in here, let’s get to work!”

From outside came a burly Bear Monster and another Mole, both carrying equipment. Blue stumbled back to stand with Rus, both of them watching with mirrored dumbfounded expressions as the three of them started on the broken windows. Well, Rus wasn't quite as dumbfounded; he had an inkling who their mysterious benefactor was and his name rhymed with pledge and ledge and sexy as hell.

They worked with brisk efficiency and by the time rush hour traffic outside was easing, the windows were replaced and a fresh decal declaring the store ‘The Flower Shop Around The Corner’ was affixed to it. Where or how they’d gotten it all so quickly, Rus couldn’t fathom, and Blue was as flabbergasted as he. All the broken planters and glass were swept away and although the store was painfully empty, all it needed was a fresh set of lovely arrangements and they would be back in business.

“New coolers will be delivered by tomorrow morning,” Murphy grunted, swiping at his brow with a rumpled bandanna. The other two were gathering up their equipment to carry it back out their brand-new door. “You got anything that needs an emergency loaner for tonight?”

“No,” Blue told him. His bewilderment was still obvious. “We’ve already put everything that could be recovered into the coolers in the back.”

Murphy nodded. “Good. This here is your invoice and some documentation of the damages.” He handed Blue a printout and an envelope stuffed with photographs that they’d been snapping along the way, quickly printed at the pharmacy across the street. “You give those pictures to your insurance along with that and you take the money they offer, you hear me?”

“Oh, but you said it was paid for?” Blue said uncertainly. “I’m not sure who would but…if it’s paid for, surely the insurance needn’t cover anything?”

A surprisingly wolfish grin for a Mole spread over Murphy’s face, showing off his prominent front teeth. “Paid for, yep, that it is. You pay your insurance on time?”

“Well, of course I do!”

“Never late?” Murphy prodded, “Hand over your hard-earned cash to ‘em to keep your little shop safe? Then you give them that and you take the money, you get me?”

“I think so,” Blue said slowly. He glanced at Rus who only shrugged. Any money from their insurance would be a welcome boon for the loans they were still paying.

“Don’t forget to add up what all your little daisies were worth, too.” With that, Murphy turned around and shuffled back out of their lives as quickly as he’d come into it. Rus and Blue watched him go, then turned to look at each other and the sense of a shrug was heavy in the air.

“Well! That was certainly…” Blue trailed off and shook his head. “Let’s go home, Papy, and get some dinner, shall we?”

“Dinner sounds great, bro,” Rus said honestly. His soul felt like it was gonna start gnawing on the inside of his rib cage.

“Wonderful! I was thinking of trying a new recipe from that book I got at the librarby…library,” Blue corrected, “I have most of the ingredients, I’ll only have to make a few substitutions.”

That gnawing hunger turned tail into something closer to a whimper and Rus tried not to let it show on his face. His big brother tried so hard when it came to the household stuff. Their tiny home was pristine, the old shabby wallpaper peeled away and replaced with sunny yellow paint, the curtains hemmed by hand and the garden, the most important feature of their carefully chosen property, was laid out in ruler-straight lines, each bloom coaxed to its fullest potential. That it was all hidden behind a tall fence with plenty of protection spells on it didn’t matter, it was lovely to see for them, all of it, and it was theirs.

Cooking, however, was where Blue’s endless enthusiasm hadn’t managed yet to make a dent. Rus still shuddered to remember the time he’d substituted ranch dressing for yogurt under the theory they were both white-ish. Might’ve worked better if he hadn’t been making banana muffins at the time.

Rus was almost ashamed of his relief as Blue went on, “…but I may have to leave that for tomorrow, it is getting late. How do you feel about sandwiches?”

“sandwiches are fine,” Rus said, trying not to sound too enthused. “peanut butter and extra honey?”

“You’ve had a long day, brother,” Blue told him. He leaned against Rus’s leg, his head at hip-level, and smiled crookedly up at him, “I’ll let you put the honey on yourself.”

“deal!” Rus laughed and he followed Blue out the door where their brass bell rang anew, pausing only to set the alarm as they headed for the van.

~~*~~

That night, Rus thought he might have bad dreams from what had happened. Turned out, his psyche was pretty unfazed by all that action. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and he only woke to his alarm the next morning.

Last night, he and Blue came up with a plan over their sandwich dinners. He’d head in and get some basket arrangements started for any deliveries that came in from their website the night before. Blue would come out later in the van with fresh flowers and they’d finish the baskets together so that Blue could get working on the deliveries and Rus could unload the rest of the stock.

Rus showered and dressed in record time, heading out with only a little muzziness still lingering. His backpack was leaning next to the door and not where he’d slung it into a chair the night before and a quick peek found a bagged lunch ready for him. Another sandwich, he saw with relief, apple slices and a few carefully wrapped slices of cheese.

He’d left his stripes behind a while ago, but Blue hadn’t managed to dump all his big brother protectiveness yet, and if it was annoying sometimes, that irritation never included a tasty lunch.

At the bus stop, Rus kept his hoodie pulled up over his skull, keeping back from the Humans milling around the bench seat while he snuck a cigarette. Hopefully the smell would be mostly gone by the time Blue came into the shop and if it wasn’t, that’s why some clever Human invented Febreze.

A shame that most Humans weren’t clever enough to realize Monsters weren’t any kind of threat to them. Or maybe it was a lack of kindness that had the other riders sending glares at Rus as he settled into his usual seat at the front of the bus. Not all of the drivers were as distrusting as their passengers and this guy was one of the nicer ones, he’d offered Rus a nod as he tapped his bus pass. Sitting by the front where the driver could possibly intercede if anyone got riled up was safer and if they didn’t, Rus always knew a shortcut for a quick exit. He preferred not to use them in front of the Humans, but hey, in case of emergency, break minds, right?

His stop wasn’t too far away. Blue wanted the store in the Human shopping district to get more business, but not so far away it would be difficult for him to go back and forth from the garden. Rus hopped easily down the bus steps at the stop, his long legs carrying him quickly away from the crowd of Humans behind him. They wouldn’t be opening up until noon today to give Blue some time to drum up the inventory, so he had a few extra minutes. Maybe he’d stop up the street for a coffee, the scones were always fresh at that shop and—

He didn’t see the two burly Monsters coming up on him until they were both right beside him, squashing him in-between their large bodies. A faint sting registered at his cervical vertebrae, like an insect bite although Rus didn’t know any insects on the surface that could penetrate bone. He rubbed the spot automatically, trying to step away from the two Monsters, complaining, “hey, look out!”

Only they weren’t impatient commuters trying to push past him. They were guiding him along with painful grips, Dog Monsters, Rus realized, each dressed in a black suit and wearing sunglasses even though the sun was barely past the horizon. One of them growled out, "Boss wants to have a chat."

Rus’s ‘who the fuck’ never made it past a thought. A long gleaming black car pulled up directly next to them and before he could protest, he was shoved through an open door directly into the backseat.

He scrambled to sit up, his soul pounding, and he could feel the car pulling away from the curb the second the door slammed shut. Teleporting from a moving vehicle was risky but no more than staying in an unknown car after a random kidnapping, Rus figured. He concentrated, focusing his mental exit on their shop and…nothing.

He tried again, a sour taste rising at the back of his mouth. His magic was right there and yet somehow out of reach, what in the name of fuck was going on?

“you can go ahead and quit that,” came from the seat across from him, “i wanted to make sure we’d have a chance to chat before you toddled away. just a little concoction that suppresses your magic, it’ll wear off soon enough.”

“who are you?” Rus blurted. He couldn't see a face, there were glaringly bright lights shining from the ceiling directly at him, blinding him. All he caught was a fleeting flash of gold and a glimpse of three burning red eyes. Automatically, he thought of Edge but no, that voice was nothing like the smooth death-by-chocolate one that filled his recent daydreams. This voice was rough with damage, a harsh croak coming from the darkness.

The car was probably the nicest Rus had ever been in. Leather seats buttery-soft, the wheels gliding along the road effortlessly. A dark glass shield kept the driver from sight and there was probably a mini-fridge back here somewhere with bottles of Evian water ready to be mixed with an aged whiskey to cut the peaty smokiness. He might’ve even enjoyed the ride if that expensive interior wasn’t also filled with an aura of menacing and foul smoke, and Rus realized that third light was no eye, but a lit cigar burning.

“who i am don’t really matter.” A fresh rush of that cigar smell filled the air on an exhale and Rus held back a cough. “your name is papyrus. not very creative, pretty common name for a skeleton. you and your bro live over in the projects in the swap neighborhood. last year you two got a permit to open shop out with the humies.”

“that hardly seems fair, you know an awful lot about me,” Rus said warily.

“well, see, i been awful curious to see you,” that unseen person chuckled, “see, i checked into it and your little shop ain’t paid any protection money. normal cut is ten percent but, eh, out here with all this extra business, i’d say twenty’s more’n fair. and yet, not a nickel nor dime’s made it my way.”

“prot-we don’t need protection!” Rus sputtered.

“no?” A cloud of exhaled smoke on a chuckle filled the small space. “tell that to your little shop.” The seat creaked as the other Monster leaned forward, still showing nothing more than crimson eyes through the glare of lights. “you wanna tell me what your relationship is with edge?"

"how did you know—" Rus broke off. Well, that put the kibosh on outright denial, didn't it. “we don't have any sort of relationship. he shops at my store sometimes.” Impulsively, Rus added, “i don't think he'll be back again.”

"no? no kind of relationship, you ain’t on our list, but he threw together some boys to come fix up your place right quick. hm. interestin’.” He drew out the word like warm, bitter molasses, “in-ter-rest-in."

"i think he was being nice…who are you?" Rus burst out again. The little threads of his panic were starting to weave together and soon he’d be covered in a jittery blanket of fear. "and where are you taking me?"

That question was ignored. "huh, but you ain’t bad on the eyes. bet you’re even better on your back.” That rough voice lowered into a horrifying purr, “mighta offered you protection for free too, if you was part of the bargain. whatcha say, pretty? care to make it a double?”

Rus scooted into the furthest corner of the car, unable to swallow back his growing fear. He’d never felt so helpless, not even yesterday with the gunfire and glass raining down on them and where the comforting presence of his magic should be was only buzzing numbness, blocked away from him, he couldn’t, he couldn’t! "don’t touch me!”

That thin cry was less warning than a plea and around a rough chuckle Rus heard the hiss of a cigar being crushed out in an ashtray. "wouldn’t dream of it, precious.” Those eyes flicked to one of the tinted windows. "don't worry, we're almost at your stop.”

The car rolled smoothly to a halt without the wheezy squeal of the brakes their van always groaned out. One of the doors was almost ripped open, making Rus cringe from the sudden brilliance of the morning sunshine, and a hulking figure looming through the door only made him flinch back more. It took him a moment for recognition to hit, almost the same second the figure spoke.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing," Edge snarled.

"just havin' a little chat,” All light humor and absurdly teasing admonishment, that shifted like a whiplash to stinging fury, “which wouldna been necessary if you were doing your job right!"

Edge inhaled sharply through his nasal aperture, his teeth grinding together so hard Rus half-expected him to spit out a mouthful of dust. Instead, he turned to Rus and said curtly, "Get out of the car."

Rus scrambled for the opened door, half-expecting to be brutally yanked back inside. His would-be kidnapper didn’t make a move and Edge stepped back enough to let him get outside where he almost fell to the sidewalk, leaning against the pole of a street sign as he panted raggedly.

He resisted the urge to grab hold of Edge and cling to him like yesterday. That would be bad, right? Yeah, probably bad right now.

Edge only glared into the car, reaching in with one long arm. Instead of screaming or the sounds of blows there was only a rustle and Rus blinked in surprise as Edge pulled out his backpack, struck by incongruousness of the spongebob decal and the rattling anime pins against his expensive suit.

Edge viciously slammed the door shut and the car pulled away, blending back into traffic and gone as if it had never been there.

“thanks,” Rus laughed nervously, “my hero.”

He grunted in surprise and stumbled back a step as his backpack was abruptly thrust into his arms with a curt, “Go home.”

“but—" Rus gaped up at him, astonished. After all that, getting snagged off the street like some kind of heist movie, his shop getting shot up the day before, all Edge had for him was go home? Not damn well likely, “hold on a minute! i want some answers, here!”

“What you want doesn’t matter!” Edge snapped. His crimson eye lights blazed, his huge bulk looming over Rus, all of it a little too similar to the blank-faced asshole in the car and Rus swallowed back the renewed rush of fear. “What’s important is what I want, which is nothing! I don’t want your name, I don’t want your ridiculous flowers, I don’t want anything from you! Go home, go back to your little shop and your little life, and be grateful for it!”

Edge turned on his heel and stalked away, his expensive leather shoes strangely quiet on the sidewalk and Rus watched him go mutely, until he turned a corner and was out of sight.

He only realized he was crying when a drop of wetness landed on his hand where he was still clutching his backpack.

Impatiently, Rus wiped the tears away on his sleeve. Whatever, Edge obviously saved him from whoever that asshole was, Rus didn’t really have a right to complain that the rescue was a little less prince charming this time, did he?

Yeah, well, he was still gonna, even if it was only in his own head.

The day was warming up and Rus set his backpack down and stripped off his sweatshirt to stuff it inside, leaving him in his shirtsleeves and his work apron. If he had to use his sweatshirt as a quick Kleenex, well, he only better make sure he did the laundry this week.

A quick look around showed familiar buildings. He wasn’t far from the shop, Rus realized. They must’ve been driving around in circles. The coffee place with the scones he was craving was less than half a block away and Rus headed over because he damn well deserved it now. He kept his skull down and didn’t complain about the ‘Monsters Only’ line. Plenty of places still didn’t allow Monsters at all.

The barista refused to touch his travel mug, instead shoving his drink at him in a paper cup. She didn’t bother to even watch Rus drop his change in the tip jar. Once he was back outside, Rus poured the coffee into it himself, tossing the empty cup into the trash. One bite of his scone proved to be chokingly dry, probably leftover from yesterday. It followed the paper cup into the trash and Rus sighed as he started trudging his way to the shop.

Who would have guessed he could actually have a shittier day than yesterday?

At least car asshole’s prediction felt like it was coming true, that numbness where his magic should be was startling to tingle uncomfortably, his soul all one prickling itch. Probably soon it’d be back to normal. For now, it was time to get to work and maybe for today, he’d give the daydreams a rest.

The storefront at least still looked fine. Rus fished out his keys at almost the same moment a heavy hand landed on his shoulder, forcing him to turn. Rus sighed impatiently, “come on, guys, i don’t have time for this—"

The blow caught him off guard, pain blossoming across his face. Warm wetness ran over his mouth and Rus touched it with dazed, trembling fingers, staring uncomprehendingly at the redness on them.

That’s marrow, he realized numbly, droplets pattering down to stain his clean apron, they’d hit him but why—a second blow struck and the plastic mug tumbled from his hand, clattering on the pavement and splattered hot coffee across his shoes as Rus collapsed into darkness.

~~*~~

tbc

Go to chapter 3!

#spicyhoney #papcest #keelywolfe #underfell #underswap #underfell papyrus #underswap papyrus #mafia au

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