#We would then be able to draw Fandom/Personal Art without worrying about time wasted.

[ebonytails]

Hey everyone, if I opened a Patreon, what would you like to see from me?

I’ve already thought of it as the place to post WIPS of both personal and commission work. But what else would any of you be willing to pay to see?

Would you be interested in Procreate Files? It’s been several years since we last had a Patreon running, so I’d like to know what interests you! Feel free to send me asks or replies to this post!

[rem289]

Q: Why are you writing this post?

A: Because during the Christmas holidays I started to receive attention from the Zootopia fandom which led me to re-discover some concepts that I thought I had made clear, and since this didn’t turn out to be true, I am forced to reiterate them.

Q: What happened?

A: I discovered that someone had reposted, obviously without my consent, an old comic of Aoimotion and mine on reddit, a site I don't like and on which I had already said not to publish my actually and old contents. This repost "reminded" this fandom of my existence, and after this event some people came to ask us questions such as "when Nick and Judy would reappear in our work?" and the like.

You can imagine how much it bothered me, so I went to reddit and wrote to immediately delete the content. Unfortunately, doing this I couldn’t help but notice how the post had become a place to waste insinuations and insults aimed at me and Aoimotion. In particular, the comments of three users stood out: @ggctuk , @owningsuperset7​ and @hammytotherescue

Q: Why did these users get your attention?

A: ggctuk, which I have no idea who they are, have proclaimed themselves as the narrative voice of the events that have taken place between us and the fandom, providing a lot of incomplete and, in the worst case, completely wrong information, about why we left the fandom and about the alleged "abusive behaviors" we had against translators.

Owningsuperset7 spoke about us (like he does every time the occasion presents itself to him), defining us ungrateful towards the fandom "that had fed us". But "fed" in what sense? It seems to me that we have been those who have definitely "eaten" very little… or likes can be monetized, just like the views on youtube, and I didn't know it? Did they break the keyboard in order to put those likes on our works? If it’s so, I'm sorry, but I certainly wasn't the one who pointed the gun at their head to follow my work. Always remember that paying attention to a work is always and only a reader’s choice. No creator has power over these phenomena, we just create and publish, the rest is always an unknown factor. So expressing yourself as a seduced and abandoned lover on an old and free work doesn’t make you a victim, it only makes you ridiculous. Anyway, I know the subject, who had already decided in the past to talk on DeviantArt before I blocked him, and I decided not to tell him anything in that moment, also because, what can you say to a person who clearly has problems that go beyond fandom? Sometimes ignoring is the kindest choice you can make.

Hammytotherescue instead claimed that he and I were friends in the past, before the duo formed by me and aoimotion became toxic. Since I had no memory of this person and I hate when someone alludes to relationships with me that don't exist, I wrote to him privately on Tumblr asking him if he could kindly refresh my memory about this "friendship" he was bragging about.

Q: How did it end?

A: The conversation, which I report below because I, unlike him, have nothing to be ashamed of, is as follows:

As you can see, Hammy never replied to my last message . But in reality the story was not over. A few days ago, in fact, I discover that the user in question "vented" in the post of reddit, not under my comment (so that I received notification of his reply) but in response to another comment that had been left to me. Showing, as always, the incredible maturity of these people.

After reading this comment, I decided to act by reporting the user on reddit, but the answer I received can be summarized as: "since you are a content creator, you deserve insults regardless." In short, a response as useful and smart as the people who gave it to me. So don’t worry Hammy, you won't be banned from reddit because the only braincell shared by you users agrees that defining a toxic and manipulative person is, to quote one of the wise moderators I talked to, "a fairly typical level of criticism". All is well that ends well.

Q: You mentioned "concepts to reiterate". What would they be?

A: Let's start by denying what ggctuk wrote in that reddit's post, given how much popularity his comments have gained.

My split from this fandom started because I simply lost interest in Nick and Judy and preferred to do something else, something of my own. Black Jack gave us the opportunity to invent many original characters and they was those I wanted to work on. We have never worked for ulterior motives other than having fun together. When we recognized that we no longer have anything to give to this universe, we declared it openly and closed this chapter of our "artistic life". This split could take place in a peaceful and calm way, I would have taken my own path and you yours, since it was obvious, since BJ times, that you had very little interest in our original contents. You also reiterated this between the lines of these last comments, so really, I make a terrible effort to understand your logic of contents belonging to your fandom. It's not your fault, don't worry. You have been spoiled by this entrenched habit of creating any anthropomorphic animal and attributing it to your precious and super-nutritive fandom. Once you labeled this attitude at heresy, now everything is fine as long as it helps you keeping this universe going, honestly, I just pity you. However it seems that your obsession with me prevents you from accepting the fact that my life would have continued even without this fandom and that I would have lived very well even without the amount of likes that fanarts could give me. Indeed my life would be even more beautiful if I didn't have to waste time like I am doing now.

Both me and aoimotion together gave you a lot, and in the end we simply got it back. Jack is a prime example: yes, he is a character born from the scratches of Zootopia's artwork, but thanks to our work he has evolved to the point of becoming a completely original character. This fandom has not been able to accept it and until the end has tried to claim him as its own, and even now it can’t accept that we have instead taken him back, and even less can you bear that we are successfully using him in our original works, which is why you insist so much on his "Disney" origin, as if this defines his identity, and for months you have made fun of us saying that we were claiming something that belongs to Disney as our own. Unfortunately, beyond a doodle and a hint of a hypothetical background, Disney has absolutely nothing. Whatever weight you have attributed to "Jack Savage" is only thanks to our work, Disney has nothing to do with your mania and it has nothing to do with everything we've built up over the years. Still, you took our job and stuck it over the "Disney" label, and that was even when Black Jack was long gone, so don’t use that excuse anymore. You even tried to attribute Cynthia to the Disney universe by calling her "Skye", since you are so desperate to keep your fantasies going, and when you had nothing more to say, you said that my art style was "clearly inspired by Disney". Did you think I could condone such an attitude? I suppose these statements derive above all from the certainly very poor culture that you have of the world outside the fandom (or fandoms), however there are artists who WORKED for Disney, who TEACHED drawing techniques at the Disney Academy and who work at own productions with that style, without anyone attributing anything to the major. If you don't believe me, try using the web for something constructive, like doing some in-depth research on the subject.

As for the matter of our alleged abuses on translators, I will only say two things: the translations started because of my naivety, and we prohibited them because the translators abused their role and went out of control, acting as if the comics belonged to them and / or as if there was a special relationship of complicity between me and them. I'm sorry I gave false hopes to these people, unfortunately I didn't have time to realize the misunderstandings that were being created and how our work was being used. There is a clear difference between the fan content and the original content, so now more than even, less our work passes into the hands of others, the better it is for us.

Now let’s analyzing the brilliant messages of Hammy, both on Tumblr and on reddit:

In both cases, what I see is a desperate need to cling to Rem's "pretty" facade while simultaneously demolishing the person behind Aoimotion. These insinuations suggest that the only possible Rem to conceive for your narrow minds is the kind and lovely one, and everything I say and do that does not fall within this definition is the work of aoimotion.

I will never go into detail about the dynamics between me and her, because frankly it’s not your business and I don’t want to give you further ground to cultivate your absurd speculations and your degenerated ideas. If you have decided to treat us as two two-dimensional characters of some fourth category fan fiction born from your fragile minds and then feel disappointed or offended by my attitude or a severe response I can give you, you cannot help but blame yourself and not who is my friend .

But you have to get it into your heads that when you talk about us in a personal way, you refer only on the basis of two web profiles. You don't know us personally and above all you don't know me. Being an extremely reserved person, I always decided to use social networks to share my artistic side or my interests related to entertainment, nothing more, nothing less. "Rem289" has always been only a blog, a showcase on the web, I’ve never attributed a real emotional and above all personal value to it, even before Zootopia. For the rest I prefer to live my personal life off the web. Unfortunately, you have been so careless as to decide to hit my personal sphere, my friendships and my affections. So no, Aoi didn’t take over between you and me, but the person behind Rem289 took over and you paid the consequences.

Still on the subject of aoimotion, it seems that the moment this comment was written on DA has remained particularly impressed: https://www.deviantart.com/comments/1/765376682/4647911119

This great insult, which among other things is attributed to her as if I didn’t think the same (if not worse) about you, has become the new reason why aoimotion is ugly and bad and is the reason why she deserves to be insulted and disparaged at the slightest opportunity, even during a conversation with me in which she’s not involved in any way.

Now, since this term seems to me rather dated to be used as a matter of indignation during your debates, and since I still find it rather ”soft” to use to outline my intolerance towards you, in order to give you another thing to think over, I will give you an attribute which seems more correct to me: you are sick. Confronting you is like talking to someone who has been brainwashed. You are a broken record that always says the same things over and over again. I can't even feel sorry for you, what I feel is just a great sense of unease. (Of course there are people that still participate in this fandom and are perfectly normal, but those are exceptions and they already know we think good of them.)

And it’s precisely your illness that prompted me to dissociate myself so violently from the fandom. Not aoimotion, as you have been saying for months between an insult and another that you address to her because perhaps you are too afraid of me to address them directly to me, which is rather contradictory since I should be the sweet and pretty one of the duo. After all, it's better to treat me like a poor brainless fool who lets herself be manipulated rather than admit that I also have my own ideas and that, you don’t say, you don't like them.

Q: In any case, you have no right to deprive your fans of old content they love so much, you just want to be spiteful! Why did all your old WildeHopps comics disappear from the web?

A: The decision to delete the contents created by me relating to the fandom from my web platforms or those shared with my partner was not born in the least out of spite or "punishment" towards the members of the fandom. It was a decision made to dissociate my name and my current work from fandom, because unfortunately it created difficulties for my image and real difficulties for readers to understand (you can go on and say that if people think your work is still Zootopia-related is not a big deal, but I assure you it is). All that came after, are only and exclusively speculations built on purpose to find the most sinister reasons of why it happened. Publishing content is only an accessory part of the job itself, a percentage of the process. Deciding to publish, not publish or cancel a publication is at the pure expense of the author, and no consumer has the right to impose his will on the creator. I understand that they are perhaps too complex concepts for you, since it’s clear that you are used to measuring the value of things based on the likes they receive, but this current of thought also exists and I hope it will be useful to you someday, in the remote possibility that decide to take moments of deep reflection (which would be more and more useful than tapping your fingers on the keyboard).

(Little curiosity: in the last few weeks we have forwarded about twenty reports to various sites to remove our old contents posted there without our permission. Not only all twenty reports have been accepted, but the contents have all been removed in less than 12 hours from the date of reporting. This is to remind you that if we don’t want our content on the web, we have them removed and it’s the reposters who pay for it, not us.)

Q: Well, however you can't force us not to talk badly about you or aoimotion, in fact, you can't stop us from believing that she's been manipulating you for years. Almost certainly it’s she who is writing this post without your knowledge, isn't it?

A: The people of the web are notoriously lazy and are therefore often uninformed and constipated in developing their own concepts. They spit sentences without even knowing what they’re talking about, they choose "comfortable" truths, such as the fact of attributing to aoimotion every not nice word that comes from me, and when this phenomenon is reflected on real persons, unfortunately it’s quite difficult to manage.

We are attributed with labels, words, concepts, faults, relationships that don’t belong to us and that are difficult to get away from. A simple comment or a wrong statement towards a person can spread like wildfire and end up marking them for life. Needless to say, these conditions often prevent these same people from continuing with their activities, which instead are healthy, in a serene and peaceful way. Even now, instead of drawing, I’m writing this latest post to defend me and my partner from your sick slanders. Those who allow themselves the luxury of damaging the "active personalities" of the web are people who fully enjoy anonymity behind a screen, and often people who have the matter of regulating them (like the reddits moderators, who are a joke at best) limit themselves to considering certain behaviors "ordinary” in the creator / consumer relationship. The mere fact of normalizing certain behaviors doesn’t smooth out the rules of civilized life, makes these "authorities" complicit and therefore only adds a problem. It’s more than evident that some people are not yet able to distinguish the boundary that exists between objective opinion and direct and personal insult, but from people who lose sleep at night because they have been defined as “lunatic” I don’t expect anything less. Who knows what you will do now that I have called you sick.

I conclude with a message to the interested party:

@hammytotherescue​: I don't know how old you are, however, judging by what you write and how you write it and how you act, I deduce that you should not be more than 14-15 years old. Unfortunately I regret to tell you that the fact you are a minor doesn’t mean that you don’t have to take responsibility for your actions, and if you still have doubts about understanding where you have gone wrong I advise you to ask your parents for advice. I gave you the opportunity to confront me but you ran away to cry on a public platform. Hasn't anyone taught you that real life doesn't work like that? If, on the other hand, you are an adult, I sincerely feel sorry for you, I say this from the bottom of my heart.

I know how comfortable it is to hide behind a group or in this case a fandom to vent one's dislikes towards the individual. This time you and your friends have received the same treatment, you have not caught generic appellations addressed to the fandom but I decided to speak to you personally. My only advice is to use this experience to learn how it behaves on the web, and when you have learned it, you could teach it to all your friends, perhaps starting with @owningsuperset7​.

For @ggctuk: I hope you will appreciate my effort in writing this long post, as so the next time you talk about us again, you can use it as a reference to explain how things went 🤗

[moontheoretist]

In the third post about episode 10th of Hoshiai no Sora I want to highlight everything else portrayed, cute and sad alike. So let’s start from GREAT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MAKI AND HIS MUM. Because this is precious thing we get in every episode and I cannot stress how much I love that! Also the fact that they actually talk like normal people is stunning. I want to have a parent like that, who listens to me and tells me why she cannot be somewhere where it would be nice if she was, because I will perform there. If I had Maki’s mum as my parent my life would be so much better, just saying. We stan Maki’s mum!

Below the cut you will find:

1. Oji Arashi and his detachment from real life. (Pretty obvious stuff, sorry).

2. Rintaro’s meeting with his mum foreshadowing.

3. Praising the relationship between Rintaro and Itsuki.

4. Takada Kei as rare female role model for boy’s club.

5. Touma and Student Council President meeting.

6. Kasuga Kaori’s quick analyze.

7. Toxicity of fans vs Mitsue.

Another thing shown in the episode was Arashi’s complete obliviousness of the life of the people in the world around him. I mean there wasn’t much about him other than establishing him as someone who doesn’t know how real world works and that people don’t usually drag made at home food with them around, and that he can be easily persuaded to talk when he gets the food he wants, but also there was something else there to him. We all know that Arashi is self-centered prince like character, who thinks he is awesome in everything, but it looks like not everybody thinks in the same way about his behavior. 

The twins Arashi met today definitely think of him as if he was the dumbest person on earth. Though important thing here is that Arashi's business with the twins sounded either as if they thought he chose bad school or as if Misaki school got tough route through tournament. For both of them it is very funny that Arashi thinks he is this one person who can ensure his school victory and twins just couldn't take it without laughing it off as a good joke. They are also the only people whose strength Arashi not only acknowledges but also explicitly points out that they are more awesome than he is in general. If I was to call him anything I would say he is Naruto Uzumaki type of character, just without emotional trauma of being the most hated orphan in the village attached.

I feel a little bad for him though, mostly because he is being treated like animal to feed and get information from by Maki. Maki, that’s not cool! But to be fair, Arashi isn’t without blame here too, because he literally treats Maki as the free food supply and didn’t even give him money back for everything he ate. He is a rich boy after all, he thinks everything should be handed to him on silver plate. It was his life all those years, so he isn’t even able to consider it’s not normal.

Next thing is Rintaro’s meeting with mum. There is not much to say about that to be honest, because it’s just a short scene put out here in order to establish future storyline in regard to Rintaro’s life. It didn’t even manage to affect the game he played. Just like Nao’s problems with his mum didn’t show up too. Everybody were so focused on the match that nobody really thought about their real life problems, too preoccupied with actually trying to win the games. 

Though I wonder what this whole thing with Rintaro’s knee is supposed to foreshadow as well, because it like appeared out of nowhere, but also it seemed that whole club knew about that before, outside Maki who noticed it during the match. Is it some drama-related injury or just regular thing which Rintaro dealt with all his life? It really made me wonder if the two situations, his knee condition and his mother’s sudden wish to meet him aren’t by any chance related. I am also worried what losing a match because of a knee can do to Rintaro, considering he feels as much responsible for the club as Shinjo does, but just shows it in different way, by self-blaming himself for “being useless”. It like screams drama to me. Rintaro really wanted to win this! Rintaro! ToT

Also once again I want to point out another great dynamic between the pair shown. Just like in the cases of Shingo/Tsubasa and Taiyo/Nao, here we also can see how great companions Rintaro and Itsuki are to each other. They do not blame one another for mistakes and Itsuki really tried to make Rintaro as relaxed as it’s possible by bringing up Takada. To be honest I loved the fact that he actually mentioned her, because it’s not only a sweet and tasty female character praise based on the fact that female soft tennis club is really a big deal, which is rare in sports anime, but also that they both look up to Takada as a player.

It’s also worth pointing out, that when Rintaro’s leg starts giving up Touma isn’t really mad because of that. It’s one from probably two situations in the whole episode when Shinjo is actually calm and at peace with what is happening.

Second time when he is calm and collected happens in the most unforeseeable circumstances for him as a character, meaning when Student Council President comes to the soft tennis courts to inspect the clubs. I was really surprised that Touma wasn’t at all angry, but it just speaks a lot about how quickly he can get over something bad if he finds a way to reforge it into something good. In this case he reforged Student Council President’s decision to disband his club into motivation and necessary pressure which his teammates needed to become better at soft tennis. He also acknowledges that they were slacking off before.

Speaking of which I loved that we also got another glimpse into Student Council President personality with this one worried “Am I a bully?”, which speaks volumes about how insecure she feels about herself. We knew that she comes from a rich house and didn’t really want to go to the school, which she goes now and that her mother and grandmother both use different names to address her, because both see Kaori as someone else and enforce that by using those names and treating Kaori in different ways to be sure that she grows the way they want her to grow. But Kaori also isn’t stupid, and plays their game by allowing herself to act as they wish her to act, while in truth she has her own vision of herself which she realizes outside her mother and grandmother influence. Part of that vision is probably making school run better than it did before, hence why she was so adamant about closing clubs which waste funds. It doesn’t though mean that she doesn’t doubt herself, because of authority she has and the way she acts, which this one glimpse of anxiety expresses so well. Also the fact that Touma is the one who assures her she is fine and right about what she says was so heartwarming OMG! He is such a good person! ToT

The last and probably the most important thing for me as an artist was the mention of world reaction to Mitsue’s art style and theme change on her artistic twitter account. Her fans literally bashed her over that, which not only shows how internet pressure looks like from the perspective of the creators, but also highlights the toxic fandom practices of pushing creators to change back to what they were before, because “they liked them more that way, and they hate the new them”. This practice can be powerful when it’s about social justice and ensuring that big companies won't leave out or misrepresent minority groups, but it has also the darker side which always presents itself as bunch of people being shitty and disrespectful to their favorite creators in hope their abuse will change them back to the image they are the most accustomed to and prefer to see. Yes, that’s abuse, the worst kind of abuse to be honest, which can make artist quit.  The second those fans do not get what they want they start acting like entitled fans and white male gamers combined. I do not want to draw a line between gender here, because I believe some of those nasty people were girls as well, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that this behavior was the exact same which I saw in every “white male gamer” who made a drama of every game in which female character is treated as she should be, as a person instead of an object. And I think it’s important to point out here due to the fact that Natsuko is known mostly from drawing goth stuff, probably mostly young women, and we knew before that her fans were all squealing over the so called “knee-skirt” gap, which all on it own was already sexist and disgusting for me to be honest.

And this is what I want to tell all of them! SCREW YOU! Also I am happy that the hate she got didn’t discourage Mitsue, and she still posted the last picture.

[master-of-cosmos]

Imprint [Ninjago Fic]

apparently some people are calling this ‘whumptober,’ so you know what that means! entersroomhoppingonmyhighheels.gif

it’s quick oneshot-inspired-by-@rinas-ninjas‘ palette-challenge-art time ❤️ that stuff is right up my alley y’all don’t even know. anyway, this is also a bit of a thank you gift to @lloydskywalkers for always being so supportive of this fandom’s writer community and such an inspiration in her own work! i absolutely do not deserve all the love you’ve given TMS, so you completely deserve some post-s4 brotherly bonding hun 💚💚

content warning: there’s lots of blood and a very likely upsetting way it’s taken care of because of the way it’s described, so please don’t read if you’re under 13 or sensitive to these things!

~~~~~

Kai wasn’t exactly expecting things to go back to normal right away. The team could still laugh with each other and band together against an enemy like nothing changed, but it’d be naive to think that, once everything settled down, there wouldn’t be some hitches.

He just didn’t think Lloyd would be one of them.

It’s three in the morning, and he’s already awake. Rolling over onto his back, he stares up at the ceiling in the guest room he’s been staying in since they got back from Chen’s outright lousy island. He blinks a few times, wondering what pulled his brain out of his coma so early.

Soft - slow - footsteps pad down the hall outside. Right, it’s time for Lloyd’s patrol. His actual one today, apparently. He’s been randomly stealing everyone’s shifts after Anacondrai gang wannabes started cropping up, inspired by Chen in spite of what happened to him.

In spite of what Sensei Garmadon sacrificed to stop him. Weeks ago.

A whole month has gone by, and Lloyd still won’t talk to anyone about it, least of all Kai. And Kai, in particular, has barely been able to have a conversation with him about anything without the kid stuttering and finding something else to do that cuts off the interaction like an axe to his neck.

He knows perfectly well why.

Kicking off the blanket, he drags himself out of bed and slips on his sandals.

He’s got no one else to blame but himself that Lloyd’s scared of him now, so he let this go on for too long. He’s not sure what’s come over him about it, but at some point in the last few days, he decided he’s putting a stop to it, any act he can do at a time.

He has to show Lloyd that he can still rely on him. That he’s trustworthy and useful and not a screw up and worth more to the team than the shattered bathroom mirror says.

His hurry down the hall causes a yawning audience to trail him, Jay mumbling, “Where’s the fire?”

Lloyd’s about to step out when he makes it to the foyer. “Hey,” he calls.

Freezing, Lloyd tilts his head back a little, answering with a hesitant, “Yeah?”

Ignoring Cole and Jay behind him, Kai moves further into the room, mustering his nerve to say, “I can take your shift. If you want.”

“It’s fine. I got it,” he responds quickly as he turns to Kai. He wavers a little bit, and the dark circles under his wide eyes stand out in Zane’s reading light.

Catching Kai’s drift, Cole gently suggests, “Lloyd, maybe it’s better for you to stay in.”

“I…appreciate the concern, but this is something I need to do,” Lloyd asserts back, his jaw locked from annoyance.

It’s clear to Kai that Lloyd’s been using the patrols to ignore what happened to his dad. Maybe he’s trying to put off sleep, too. Both worried about that and absorbing Lloyd’s aggravation like a sponge, Kai huffs, “Look, dude, it’s obvious you’re tired. Just let me cover you for one night.”

“I said it’s fine. You don’t want to be here anyway,” Lloyd bites, hardly even looking at the others when he says it, and storms out of the dojo so fast that Kai can only stare as the door slams shut.

Oh.

Kai braces himself on the front counter, squeezing his eyes shut. That’s what’s wrong. They - he - left Lloyd all alone. Of course he feels like he has to do everything like that now.

Jay humphs a little and rubs his eye, heading back upstairs as he tiredly jokes, “Well, my shift’s always open.”

Following him, Cole pats Kai’s shoulder. “Let the kid grieve in his own way. He’ll come around.”

Easy for you to say, Kai thinks. He has it on good authority that throwing yourself into work to avoid your feelings doesn’t help in the long run.

“Are you all right?” Zane asks from his chair on the other side of the room, the giant book he’s been chipping away at for three nights abandoned in his lap.

Straightening, Kai tightly answers, “Yep.”

“I am certain you will think of a way to help him,” he states, returning to his book.

Well, he already has. He races back up to his room and throws on his gi. With his comm-link in his ear, he doesn’t waste time running back downstairs. Instead, he leaps out the window as he summons his elemental dragon and takes off after his little brother.

He’s going to prove to Lloyd that he won’t just leave him on his own again.

~~~~~

A few miles out from his dad’s dojo, Lloyd rides his dragon along his patrol route and fights tears, scrubbing at his face every few moments. Stupid Kai, he thinks, but then he shakes his head, mumbling, “Stupid me.”

Somewhere inside, he’s happier than anything to have the team back together. He knew how much he missed them, but it feels a million times better actually being able to watch them work hard in the training yard, hearing them laugh at the breakfast table, everyone saying “good morning” and then “goodnight,” just like it used to be.

But he got used to his dad.

Lloyd can’t keep himself from running through scenarios that might have saved him, and some of those possibilities include things he would never voice, like not taking the challenge at all. But because he wouldn’t do something like that, Dad got to suffer the consequences.

A scream splits him from his thoughts.

“Where?” he asks the night, searching the ground. In a secluded alley, he spots what looks like three men corning a woman.

He sends his dragon into a dive for them, landing it between her and the attackers. It roars before he banishes it and readies his stance. “If you guys know what’s good for you, you’ll leave right now,” he threatens, lighting his power in his hands.

“It’s the Green Ninja,” one of them shouts to his buddies.

“Get him!”

The three drawing knives, they descend on him.

He cuts out the energy and dodges the closest man’s knife, noting the Anacondrai tattoo on his wrist. Grabbing the extended arm, Lloyd hurls the body at the next one. While they untangle themselves, he punches the third in the gut, grabbing his head when he doubles over and slamming his face on a nearby electrical unit.

The second kicks his kneecap from where he still lies on the ground, but Lloyd jumps back enough before the attack can fully connect. With a small yell, he blasts the man’s chest.

Left alone now, the first tries his luck again, charging at Lloyd with his knife held above his head. A high kick knocks it from his hand, and one more solid kick to his solar plexus takes him out.

With a stumble that he locks down on, Lloyd moves over to the woman crouched in the corner. “Hey, you’re safe now,” he says soothingly, extending his hand.

She looks up from her knees and stares at it before she takes it, her own hand trembling.

“It’s alright,” he consoles as he helps her stand. “Do you live around here?”

Wordlessly, she nods, clutching her purse close to her body.

He steps back to give her some space. “Do you need to call someone? Or, uh, I can take you there.” He accepts her careful step forward as an answer and turns around to leave the alley. Mostly to himself, he mutters, “I need to let the police know about these guys. Should’ve brought a rope or some―”

Normally, he’d never let anyone get the drop on him, especially not someone he could take without even looking, but Kai’s right. He’s tired. Distracted. Stressed and not keeping his guard up when he should, but how could he? She’s just an innocent person who needed help.

She’s not holding a switchblade, and that’s not his blood. It couldn’t be.

“It’s your fault,” she spits, circling around him. “You let those Anacondrai warriors attack my home. My children.”

Gasping, Lloyd backs against the wall the woman was just cowering against, his hand pressed to the throbbing fire in his side. “I-I’m sorry. We did―”

“Save it for your maker!” She steps over one of the men and kicks him, barking, “Get up.” The three of them groan as they comply. She hands her knife to the one who stands up first and orders, “Now finish it.”

Lloyd sucks in deeper breaths as he pushes himself to straighten. He can ignore the pain and pretend he doesn’t feel it long enough. With his teeth bared, he calls up another two energy orbs, warning, “Stay. Away.”

The man just smirks and keeps inching closer, so Lloyd pitches a sphere at him, knocking him clear out of the alley. Scrambling back to his feet, he squeaks, “Forget this,” and runs off.

Lloyd manages to re-energize his empty hand before the others get any more ideas, bending his knees and glaring, daring them.

“Yeah, I’m out. I didn’t sign up to kill him,” the second man says. The third follows after him.

The woman glowers at their retreat but makes no effort to stop them. Snapping her purse shut, she looks back at Lloyd, bitterly stating, “You may have this city worshiping you, but you don’t fool me.” And with that, she leaves him alone.

His energy orbs sputter out, taking his grip on equilibrium with them. The ground falls away like a tunnel as he staggers back a step, but he shuts his eyes and shakes his head sharply. He’ll be fine. He can get home and have this taken care of, no problem. He just needs his dragon.

Trying to summon it nearly sends him to the concrete. So he’s too freaked out to do that.

He can walk then. Find someone with a phone or something. The knife was pretty thin, wasn’t it? It can’t be bad enough that he won’t be able to walk.

One foot in front of the other. Not difficult. One step, next step, and then the next―

He gasps so hard he sees stars and has to catch himself on the wall. Restraining a scream in his throat doesn’t do much to chase away the incessant throb, but it helps the frustration building faster around his racing heart.

Flipping over, his back hits the wall. It’s practically the only thing holding him up, and that makes ice run down his spine.

He’s not as knowledgeable on anatomy as he should be, but he has a vague understanding that where she stabbed him is close to a cluster of nerves. On reflection, he instinctively twisted his torso just in time; she was probably going for his kidney or the giant artery beside it. A common target for someone who wants to cause pain.

Great, now he needs to know how bad it is.

He reaches around to touch the excruciating point under his ribs, hissing when his hand fumbles over it. Holding them up to the light of a distant streetlamp, he finds his fingers glazed in red, a mini pool of it in his palm.

A tremor’s already wracking his whole arm, and there’s warmth seeping across his lower back, stolen from his limbs.

He’s been injured and bled before, but this. It’s too much for him to deal with by himself. The pain, the fear, the knowledge of why all gather together behind his eyes and spill out as he murmurs, “Oh god.”

But there’s hope. He’s still got a spark of it. With the others home again, he has one last option.

Tapping his comm, he forces his voice to steadily enough ask, “K-Kai?”

His heart drops to his stomach when his brain promptly supplies, What if they  went back to sleep? Nobody’s listening. Even if he does hear you, the dojo’s miles away.

No one’s gonna be able to come for him. He’s in real trouble now, and it’s all because he was a jerk and didn’t let them be a team even though that’s the exact thing he wanted, and god, what’s Dad gonna think? Is he even in a real afterlife? Oh god, he’s never seeing him again. He’s gonna die out here, or some other day, and it won’t even matter―

“What’s up, Lloyd? You’re kind of staticky.”

He wants to laugh in relief, but the pain’s killing him enough, and as cloudy as it’s making his senses, he heard the worry in Kai’s voice despite the effort he used to hide it.

With his fleeting strength, he manages, “I-I need h-help.”

~~~~~

Ten minutes.

He was only ten minutes behind Lloyd.

Kai can’t hear anything outside his comm. He can barely see besides the blurry lines that are supposed to be streets he soars above. The only reason he knows Nya heard him when he told her to notify a hospital is because she commanded him to keep Lloyd talking.

“Yeah, and what’d he say to that?”

“Jeez. Gene was…s-so mad. Said..said he’d get me back f-for sure.”

“Tell me you got him first.”

“I-I tried, but I d-didn’t know where..to find…scor-scorpions.” He laughs at himself, but the sound chokes off with a gasp.

“Lloyd?”

“Are you close?”

“Yeah. Yeah, buddy, two minutes. Just sit tight.”

“A-awesome.”

“I know where we can get a couple.”

“What?”

“Scorpions. We can still get that jerk.”

“H-he’s nice…n-now…Remember? Don’t..be mean.”

“Right, yeah. We ruined a perfectly good bad boy, didn’t we? Too nice for your own good, Lloyd.”

Instead of answering, Kai just hears sniffling and measured groaning like Lloyd’s trying to control the pain.

He’s about to ask how he’s doing when Lloyd speaks up again. “Is…is that what’s…wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you, man.”

“B-but if I was mean, then…then Dad might still―”

“Hey, hey, listen. None of that was your fault. Okay? Can you see me? I think I’m over the right street.”

It takes Lloyd a minute before he hums, “Mhm. F-fire…dragon.”

“Yeah, bud. I’m right here. You’re gonna be fine.” Kai doesn’t see him, though. It’s still pretty dark, and the alley’s crowded with junk.

A green orb floats up from beside a big power box.

Kai drops his dragon and banishes it just before they hit the ground, flipping off it to break the fall. He’s at Lloyd’s side in a near instant, looking him over where he sits against the square unit, one arm bent around his torso.

Bleary eyed, Lloyd smiles at him. “Y-you made it.”

“’Course I did.” He resists the urge to yank his hair out, sinking his tooth into his cheek instead. There’s blood all over the concrete, a smudged handprint on the brick wall. Lloyd moves his arm so Kai can see, and from what he can tell, the wound’s still bleeding. His gi has a jagged rip going down, like the attacker cut into him before she got the leverage needed to sink the knife in deep.

Immediately, he presses his hand to it, making Lloyd flinch. He tries so hard to be calm, but he can’t get the terror out of his voice when he demands, “God, Lloyd, why’d you leave it like this?”

“M’sorry,” Lloyd groans in a cracking voice, slumping forward.

Kai puts his other hand on his shoulder, noticing the abandoned hood and gi sash wadded in soaked piles. Swallowing his nausea, he alternates brushing Lloyd’s arm and hair, saying, “No, it’s alright, okay? It’s gonna be fine. Nya’s already got an ambulance on the way. They’ll be here any minute.”

Shaking his head, Lloyd gasps, “Too late. T-they’re gonna be―” Suddenly distressed, he huffs and whines, “Kai…”

Kai nudges him upright. “What? Tell me.”

Lloyd’s head lolls to the side and back against the metal box before he pushes himself to lean over on his elbow, grimacing. He tugs the end of his gi aside, exposing the injury. It’s the way he pinches his brows and further labors his breathing, his expression miserably expectant as his neck gives out on him, tears and beads of sweat bouncing off his face from the movement. It says enough.

“N-no,” Kai croaks. Stronger, he says, “Lloyd, no, I can’t do that to you,” standing as he recoils.

“I-I’m gonna…bleed―” He winces, raggedly continuing, “Bleed out..i-if you don’t.”

Kai yanks on his hair anyway, but he glances back at Lloyd.

His dark circles stand out worse, a sunken mask on his paling face, and his eyelids droop despite how he’s fighting to keep them open. With the arm he’s propped on trying to shake out from under him, he’s almost lying down, each shallow pant pushing him lower bit by bit.

And now that Kai can see it, he’s losing too much blood. It’s just leaving him in small yet constant pulses, four black rivulets dripping down his stomach and adding to the puddle on the ground.

He’s right. Why does he have to be right?

Kai takes Lloyd’s weight off his arm, wrapping his under it and along to his little brother’s back, and gathers the green cloth there in his fist to keep it out of the way. “Just― just hold onto me, alright? Don’t let go.”

Lloyd nods. His arms come up around Kai’s torso and across his shoulder blades, squeezing with all the strength he’s got.

His right hand free, Kai closes his eyes and ignites it.

Or, he tries to. It doesn’t respond instantly like it should, only giving off smoke. The consequence of his own reluctance.

Sensing the hangup, Lloyd mutters, “I can…handle it..pro-promise.”

Kai inhales, letting the air out slow. “You better.” He snaps his wrist again, the fire lighting up the alleyway. For a few extra seconds, he makes it burn hotter than he usually needs before he pulls the flames down to a dull orange smoulder in his palm. “Ready? On three.”

He’s not ready, and Lloyd tenses, burying his face in Kai’s shoulder.

“One. Two…T-three.”

For the second time, Kai presses his hand on the wound.

As promised, mostly, Lloyd toughs it out at first. He keeps the pain deep in his throat, but eventually the groan turns shrill, and then he’s screaming and struggling not to writhe.

Kai wants to scream with him, but he won’t. Maybe he can’t either. All he can do is hold onto Lloyd tighter as he tries to block out the sound under his hand.

He turns his focus to how the muscles in his back seize around Lloyd’s fists from the energy he’s started channeling on agonized reflex. He gets kneed in the ribs, too, and he’d lose his grip if the slick blood wasn’t burned away.

Burned. Burning. He’s burning his baby brother.

Why didn’t he think to heat up a knife or something instead? Why’s he using his hand for it? Why’d he let Lloyd convince him to do this at all? He should’ve just carried him to the hospital on his dragon, or better yet, he never should have let any of this happen.

“I’m sorry,” Kai yells, screwing his eyes shut. Just a few more seconds, just enough to make sure it’s cauterized fully. He can’t risk messing up because if Lloyd has to suffer for nothing, then he―

Kai’s gonna―

Lloyd loses his strength to keep screaming, and then Kai’s muscles relax only a fraction when the scrabbling limbs behind him fall slack.

Enough. It has to be enough.

Ripping his hand away, he crushes Lloyd in both arms, unable to stop rocking him or repeating apologies. Not just for this. He’s sorry for everything ― the betrayal, the staff, for leaving and allowing so much time to go by that it ended up leading to now.

Lloyd probably can’t understand any of it. He just hiccups while he cries, slowly quieting until he’s too limp in Kai’s hold.

The paramedics find them like that, but they’re all strangers, and one of them talks to Kai while another tries to pry Lloyd away from him. He’s gonna blast them in their throats if they don’t shut up and stop and get their hands away.

But then the Bounty’s sailing overhead, and Nya’s getting through to him as Lloyd’s taken to someone who can actually help a hell of a lot better.

He clenches his fists the entire flight over to the hospital, refusing to look at his own hands.

~~~~~

Kai gets an earful later about how ‘incorrectly’ he handled the situation, and Master Wu adds ‘proper field medicine’ to their training schedule, but ultimately, everyone hugs him and cries and are so thankful he’d at least ‘been there to do something,’ and he doesn’t remember a whole lot of it.

He knows the others have been worried for him now, too, though.

He hasn’t been able to eat anything cooked if he’s around while it’s being prepared. Zane picks up on that in record time and starts making oatmeal and cold-cut sandwiches for him instead.

Cole and Jay learn real quick that if they ask Kai for help with fire-related needs, then his powers won’t respond. Fighting is the only thing it’s felt like doing, and fight it does. They steer clear of him when he goes out to the training yard.

Nya keeps looking at him with a face that’s so sad, like she wants to help him but doesn’t know how, he can’t help it. He retreats to his room and hides under the blanket for hours until the world stops spinning and he can breathe without needing to think about it.

But Lloyd heals fast, so there’s that.

The cops want to track down the people who attacked him, but he refuses to help, muttering something like, “She’s a mom.”

That doesn’t stop Kai from trying to find the woman himself, but he has nothing to go on, and the cops have better resources. They catch her pretty soon after that.

He does have the power to scare other Anacondrai wannabes into never showing their faces again. He gets another earful for that, but it’s worth it to rest at least a little easier.

Things get better after Lloyd comes home, where Kai can see him and be reassured.

He seems better, too. He spends more time with everyone, participates in conversations, and doesn’t run away from Kai anymore.

The thing is, Kai thinks he should. Especially now.

The heat index today’s like a hundred and ten degrees. It doesn’t really bother Kai, but the others already went inside after training as much as they can stand. Lloyd’s not done sparring, though. Said he feels like he fell behind and wants to keep going for another half hour.

But it’s still really hot out for him, so he’s folding his shirt and setting it on one of the benches before he heads back over to Kai to resume their match.

And Kai isn’t sure what he thought would be there. He knew Lloyd had to have been scarred, but he didn’t know. It didn’t occur to him at all how it’d look.

Under Lloyd’s ribs, close to his lower back, it’s a reddened, indistinct patch of burned scarring surrounding a handprint.

It looks like a violation, like a betrayal of Lloyd’s trust and Kai’s job as the Green Ninja’s protector.

He practically collapses as he sits down on the packed dirt. He waves his hand dismissively and pants, “I’m done,” when Lloyd looks at him, confused.

His confusion shifts to narrowed worry as he glances towards the scar. Carefully, he says, “You saved my life.”

Kai pulls his legs in, one hand on his thigh while the other scrapes at his forehead. “I know…I know.” He ends up ripping at his hair, closing his eyes tight. “It’s just. Everything. All of it.”

After a second, Lloyd’s kneeling in front of him. He’s put his shirt back on and has that stupid, sad face that’s gonna send Kai packing. But he can’t leave because Lloyd catches onto his shoulder and says, “You can’t hurt me, Kai.”

“But I―” Kai’s already pounding heart speeds up, making him dizzy, because he did. He let them shackle Lloyd and steal his power and drop poison on him, and he’s alone. He’s bleeding. Kai’s burning him, so who’s to say he would have dropped the staff? “I’m―”

“Hey,” Lloyd interjects, shaking him once. “You. Can’t. Hurt me. Alright?” He harshly emphasizes the words, except they’re gentle, kind, more than Kai deserves, but if he can still have conviction like that, then Kai can try to accept it.

Eventually.

His head bows. He can’t get his heart to stop demanding to fly out of his chest. It hurts, it hurts, he’s sinking, and he wants to hide because this feeling won’t go away out in the open.

“Look at me,” Lloyd says, a beacon of calm. “Just breathe. In and out. Copy me, okay?”

He does. He feels completely stupid because whatever’s wrong with him is nothing compared to what he put his little brother through, but he looks up and matches Lloyd’s exaggerated breaths.

Minutes go by as the world melts away and rebuilds itself enough to steady him, Lloyd’s presence somehow a foundation for it.

Swiping at his eyes, Kai nods when he’s fine. He huffs out a short laugh, asking, “S-someone teach you that?”

Lloyd gives him a hand up and mumbles, “Yeah. Um, Dad did.”

“Oh.”

The floodgates open with that. Kai listens while Lloyd talks about Garmadon for the first time since his funeral, the conversation leading to shared stories and lessons the man taught them both and on to experiences the ninja had with him before Lloyd got to meet him.

He does mess up again, really soon actually, but at least this time Lloyd knows someone’s coming to save him.

~~~~~

overuse of adverbs and unbroken dialogue signals that this is a ‘doodle’ lol

and because it is, i didn’t feel up to writing much more – i just want to point out here that lloyd absolutely does internalize the fact that he traumatized kai, so jot that down

*pats their heads* these beans can fit so much angst in them!

[petite-madame]

Hello! I hope you're having a good day and I'm not bothering you. You are an amazing artist and you always seem so nice and down to earth, so I hoped you might have a few words on my problem. I sometimes draw fanart and it's decent enough but I know that if I ever wanted to pursue art, I'd need to work hard on fundamentals. But I'm also struggling with depression and it's now bad enough that I can't imagine a future for myself at all, let alone set a goal to work towards. So I sometimes (1/3)

manage to draw for a day or two and then can’t bring myself to try for weeks, because it’s too difficult and it feels pointless. Everyone says ‘you can do it if you just practice’, and maybe it’s true, but practicing is extremely hard for me. I can’t afford a therapy right now either, so I can’t hope to try when I’m in better mental state. I’m already 30yo and behind everyone else, I worry wanting to do art is just a waste of time and I should focus on whatever job I can get instead (2/3)   of chasing impossible dreams. And if I draw just for myself, it feels like I’m wasting time. So of course it’s a personal issue and I understand if you won’t answer! I get how it’s a weird question! But I’m really at a loss, and need some objective opinion. If it’s even worth trying to become an illustrator, if the work is something possible to reach, when I know it would take me much longer than other people to even get on higher skill level? (3/3)    

Hi anon!

Sorry about the late reply, I wanted to take the time to answer you properly! Let’s go ^^

You always seem so niceand down to earth

Yeah, but that was before: Iwant things to change, so from now on, I want to be called “Your Majesty”. P-m 1of France. New strategy.

Ok, joke aside, forstarters, I want to tell you that the advice I’m going to give you will be the one of a random Joe on the Internet. I’m an illustrator yes, but I’m still a random Joe. In other words,I’m not a psychologist or someone who has any training with depression even ifI suffer from depression myself. I mean, it’s not because someone has a broken legthat they suddenly become an orthopedist and that they can truly help you withyour own condition. They know about the pain and the experience but they won’t be able toheal you properly. So, what I’m going to tell you is just my two cents on your problem from what Igathered from your asks.

Alright, I think thereare several things to unpack here.

I can’t imaginea future for myself at all, let alone set a goal to work towards

Depression. -____- I thought Iwas going to die before turning 32. I couldn’t believe it when I celebrated my 32th birthdayso like you, I didn’t have any goal because “I won’t exist in the futureanyway”

First, you have to understandthat to become an illustrator, age is somehow not a problem. I started when Iwas about 34 and I was working in a completely different field before that. In addition of having the skills, youhave to be ready financially and emotionally, that’s the most importantcriteria. It doesn’t matter if you had another job/career before becoming aprofessional artist, as you seemed to think that having a job not related to art willprevent you from becoming an illustrator in the future. Even if you work as anartist from the age of 40 to, let’s say 65, it’s already not so bad. I mean lookat Stallone. Back in the 1970s, Sylvester Stallone was a dirt-poor strugglingactor and screenwriter, who at one point couldn’t even afford rent and had tofind places where to sleep. But it all changed when Sylvester was THIRTY and hisscript for Rocky was picked up with him attached in the lead role.

Also, whereyou are lucky is that your dream of becoming an illustrator is more reachablethan let’s say, someone you want to become a K-pop star at 55 (no need to giveme THE example of the only exception on this planet who became a K-pop star at55, you know what I mean). TLDR: if you need to have a job right now, any job,do it. It’s not going to lessen your chances to reach your dream. It can giveyou the opportunity to save some money and give you some time to prepare toyour future life. BUT, let’s face it, there will be a time where you’ll have tofind the courage to take the leap.You can’t spend your life getting ready…to get ready. I KNOW it’s hard.

(…) I sometimes drawfanart and it’s decent enough

Hmmm. USUALLY, peoplewith depression tend not to have a real image of  their work. You’remaybe seeing it as decent but certainly, it’s MORE than good. Don’t underestimate your talent!

So I sometimesmanage to draw for a day or two and then can’t bring myself to try for weeks(…) Everyone says ‘you can do it if you just practice’, and maybe it’s true,but practicing is extremely hard for me.

From the way I see it,you need more motivation than you need practice. If you have zero motivationthat is to say zero things to fuel your inspiration_your world as an artist,this incredible inner landscape where you dig ideas_your practice will bemostly pointless. I’m saying “mostly” because any practice is good from a “gaining skills” point of view, it’s not awaste of time, but if the result of the practice makes you even more depressed, makes you lose confidence, it’s not healthy. 

To break this circle, whatyou could do, in my opinion, is trying to get involved for instance, inprojects like fandom challenges. It will give you the opportunity to draw the characters you love andcollaborate with someone. People outside the fandom are sometimes laughing atall these events, challenges, Big Bangs, prompt memes (on LJ) but you have to have acertain discipline to engage in something like this. If the thought of adeadline is too difficult for you, you could start working with a friend on acollaborative project and if even this eventuality is too hard for you, you cantry to work on a project alone, like for instance, thisart student that illuminated a copy of the Silmarillion.(ok maybe not THIS big but you got the idea). With your depression, if you try to seat at your desk and practice, practice,practice just for the sake of practicing, it’s gonna drive you mad andreinforce the idea that you’re not good enough to become an illustrator (oreven not good enough at anything). Finding the right project that can motivateyou will make you work and practice without even realizing it (if you don’t puttoo much pressure on your shoulders, of course, but yes, I know, easier saidthan done). And NO, unlike what you said_“And if I draw just for myself, itfeels like I’m wasting time”_it’s NOT a waste of time because it will be auseful practice for your future life as an illustrator. A USEFUL practice,something that will motivate you, “sparks joy” as Marie Kondo would say. You’llgain in focus, confidence, you’ll become progressively a bit prouder of yourself.Of course, you’ll always have self-doubt (like a lot of artists, we are “our harshercritics”, remember?) but at least, these doubts won’t be enough to paralyze youand prevent you from practicing, progressing, having less stress and contemplatewith more confidence your future as an illustrator…or even realizing that it’snot for you, after all, because there’s no shame in that realizing that what was yourdream was maybe not for you, not because you’re not solid or good enough for that butbecause it’s better if it stays a hobby.

However, as you wanted a “real talk”, let me tell you something. If you want to become an illustrator,you’ll have to be able to face the life of an illustrator, ALL OF IT, not onlyart. Managing your schedule, your clients, being able to stand for yourselfwhen confronted to a problem (people refusing to pay you, entitled customers,disease), having an irregular income (you’ll have a lot of money some months andnot a lot the next), going out of your comfort zone, knowing how to manage yourtaxes, etc…That’s the problem: being an illustrator is not only about art anddrawing, it’s about being your own artistic agent 24/7. What you can do to be SURE,it’s maybe in a few months from now, after you managed to motivate yourself abit more and that you did some progress without even realizing it because yourcollaboration with your friends kicked asses, is taking commissions and see howyou can handle it. It’s a good training. Check how it works when itcomes to taxes in your country beforehand, though. You’ll have a foretaste of what being anillustrator is and it will be a good practice for you.

Ok, so long story short:1) becoming an illustrator is not an unreachable dream, even to someone with depression and/or a constant fear of the future but it requires dedicationand preparation. It’s also not incompatible with having a job in a differentfield before or even starting at thirty-five -  2) You have to find a way to make your motivationand your inspiration come back by being involved in a project that you willlove. With friends, it’s even better. Motivation and inspiration are the key, before everything - 3) Built a support system (family, friends,even friends online) that will help you when you feel down.

Having someone to talk to is important

4) Taking baby steps: from fandom projects with a friend to fandom challenges with a deadline to commissions to a job as a professional illustrator. You can’t do the Indianapolis 500-Mile Raceright after obtaining your driving license. However, it doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to run it!

Voilà, it’s all I can tell you, sorry about all the grammar mistakes and the typos, I’m sure there are tons of them.

I hope you’ll get better and that you’ll manage to reach your dream or at least a life where you are happy, fulfilled, even if you don’t become a pro artist. I also hope you’ll manage to do something about your depression and that you’ll find in your area free resources (hot line, help) that will help you with this problem. Good luck to you, it’s not an unreachable dream!              

[paladinspride]

Anon, I don’t know how to address your message without going full discourse. and I want my followers to be able to avoid shipping discourse so instead of replying to your anon directly, I am going to reply under a read more so people don’t have to see it unless they want to:

This makes me sad.

A. There was no shipping in the art piece at all. I drew it to celebrate a series we all love. Does it really matter what I ship?

But since it seems too:

B. I am not a Sh//aladin. A quick glance at my archive would show that I am a Klance and Shallura Shipper. As someone who recently fell out of a fandom because a troll was spreading lies about me, it makes me said that people would block me or not reblog me because of something someone said about me without checking to see if it was true first. It makes Tumblr feel like middle school. 

C. The only list I have seen was one listing Klance blogs that were pro-sh//aladin, which I worried would cause me grief, but I ignored it because I wanted to avoid discourse and wasn’t sure how to approach it. 

D. I am not pro or anti sh//aladin. I am pro minding my own business, staying in my lane and ship and let ship. (Even if I find something morally objectionable, I have been in fandoms long enough to know there is nothing I can do about what other people ship and do, so I scroll on and worry about myself, making sure I tag things properly and trying my best to be polite and kind.)

E. I guess, maybe I was put on the pro list because I believe until we have canon, mentioned in the show ages, people are free to interpret the characters as any age they wish. I see Allura and the Paladins as college aged, with the exception of Pidge. 

The only ship, I would consider myself against would be Sh//idge because I see her as 14 and that age gap is icky and she is not old enough to give consent. 

I personally don’t ship the other Sh//ladin ships, because I interpret a maturity gap between Shiro and the boys, that Shiro may have had a TA or instructor role at the Garrison, and that he sees Keith as a brother so I don't ship them (though, if I am being honest, She//ith probably has the most canon material to work with so I get why people ship it) However, I am aware that not everyone interprets things and feels the way I do. 

I don’t see anything in canon that would suggest the male paladins are not old enough to give consent so if other people want to ship them, they can fill their boots. Some really great people I follow ship them and beautiful content is being created for them.

And even if I did find the ships morally objectionable, there is really nothing I can do about people shipping them, so why waste my time?

Like the 50 minutes I could have spent drawing, writing this stupid reply. 

[purplesurveys]

1203

survey by vyvyan86

Section 1 – Who were you?

Think back as far as you can. What is the first memory you have? This gets asked a loooooot in surveys and I’ve answered this many times, but my earliest memory is of me waking up in a Winnie the Pooh tent with my sister when I was 3 and she was 1. Our parents took us ‘camping’ which was really nothing more than a tent set up in their room.

What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child? Reading took up pretty much my entire personality. I was always found with one no matter where I was and it was all I received as presents since my relatives and my parents’ friends knew how much I liked to read at a young age. Shame that hobby’s gone now.

How old were you, when you made your very first friend? I was in kindergarten and I was 4.

Are you still friends with this person today? No, she transferred schools in the first grade and I’ve never kept contact with her since.

Was there a story somebody read or told you that has stuck with you? I loved the book Tikki Tikki Tembo and reread it so many times. The main character’s long name is definitely filed in my head under, ‘things I unnecessarily memorize by heart.’

What is something you get an immense feeling of nostalgia from? Shows or movies from my childhood, like Lizzie McGuire and High School Musical.

As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner? I was a sore loser and have still retained elements of it to this day.

Did you go through the "naked phase"? No, I was really shy to be seen naked and even when I was still at that age where someone else had to give me a bath, I already felt conscious and would cover myself up.

Which television shows do you watch the most as a child? When I was a KID kid, I liked watching Hi-5, LazyTown, Art Attack, and Spongebob. As I got older (but still a kid), I took a liking to watching shows meant for older audiences even though I couldn’t always understand the jokes or plots, like Drake and Josh, Zoey 101, Suite Life, etc.

Did you play with siblings, neighbourhood kids or by yourself? I was able to experience all of these.

Is there something you really miss from your childhood today? It’s really just the smaller list of things to worry about. And smaller problems, overall.

Section 2 – Likes and interests

Would you ever like to try competitive pinball playing? No. I don’t even enjoy playing pinball casually, so I don’t see myself taking it up on a competitive level.

Do you knit, crochet or cross stitch? I’ve dabbled in embroidery, if that counts. It’s nice that there are kits available online that already have templates that I’ll just have to trace, since I’m not very creative myself and am not capable of making any artwork from scratch.

Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? Yessssss. I’m not a big fan of either, but those conventions have always looked like a ton of fun and I would most likely go so I can view exhibits and look at everyone’s cool cosplays.

What's your opinion on online multiplayer games? I don’t have an opinion on them; I don’t play them, but I don’t have a reason to actively dislike them, either.

Do you like to go cycling? If so, where? I am interested in cycling but I don’t even know how to ride a bike. I know of some friends who’ve been able to bike all the way to Tagaytay and it makes me sooooooooo envious.

Have you ever tried woodturning? If not, would you like to? Maybe not that particular method but I do find wood carving relaxing and would like to try it out sometime.

Do you enjoy drawing? If so, what do you usually draw? I can’t draw at all.

Have you ever attended a painting class? If so, what did you create? I haven’t attended a class but I’ve dabbled in painting, in general – again, mostly through painting kits that already have templates and that already supply me with the colors I need. I’ve never finished any of the images though.

How about a creative writing course? If so, did you get any feedback? I hate creative writing.

What is your favourite form of exercise? The rare times I do work out, I go for HIIT or Tabata exercises.

Section 3 – People

Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? There isn’t one at the moment; I’m really just focusing on myself.

Do people generally approach you easily? I would say it’s 50/50. I’ve heard some people say they find me aloof, while others have no problem coming to me.

Do you get along with people well? If not, what's the problem? Yeah, I would say so. I don’t have bad blood with anyone and if I do it’s always because they’ve already something I didn’t like and I’ve made it a point to ignore them on purpose.

Do you enjoy being in crowds or do you prefer your own company? I can do with both. I treasure my alone time, but I also like being with people and would start to feel sad if I feel like I’ve been isolated for too long.

Which one of your friends have you known the longest? Angela.

Do you find it easy to make friends now? If not, what makes it difficult? I mean I’m in a very active fandom again, for one lol. I think that’s the biggest factor. It’s been SO much easier to find people who are into the same group and strike up conversations with them.

What is something about people that annoys you? I know too many people who always go the extra mile to bash on things that people are into, even though those interests never hurt anyone. It sucks. If you don’t like it just don’t talk about it? Don’t rain on people’s parade.

What is something about people that you really like? When they come together during crises.

If you live alone, what would be your criteria for a roommate? I’d appreciate someone who wasn’t too talkative. Obviously it’s ok to talk, but they don’t have to have a conversation with me every time we’re together. I feel as if I’d quickly grow annoyed with someone who was clingy or too extroverted. Some nice bonuses: If we have the same interests and/or if they know how to cook – I can balance the latter out by doing all the other needed chores.

How about criteria for a spouse, if you're single? I feel like I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here due to my horrible previous experience...but I’d really just appreciate someone who I know is committed to the relationship and will be willing to go through the ups and downs with me.

In general, what's your attitude towards people? I like to believe everyone is kind unless they give me a reason they aren’t.

Section 4 – Habits

What is something you do every day without fail? Vape.

What is your typical breakfast? Coffee or water, whichever I have time to prepare.

Which article of clothing do you like to wear the most? I stay at home these days because of the c-word, but I mostly wear tank tops these days because the weather is unbelievable.

Is there a TV show you watch habitually? It used to be Friends but I haven’t gone back to it in a while – I haven’t even watched the reunion special yet :/  It also used to be 2 Days 1 Night but I’ve since placed that at the backseat when I started getting into BTS last month. 

Where do you usually spend most of your day? In my room since that’s where I work.

Is there a product that you do not want to run out of? Vape pods and 3-in-1 coffee sachets.

What is your preferred mode of transport? My own car.

Do you usually have something playing in the background when you're home? These days I put on a work-themed playlist to keep me company during my shift but if I have to do something that’s thinking-intensive, like writing a press release, I have to switch it off.

Where do you usually get your groceries? I don’t really purchase groceries just yet. My parents switch up the stores they buy from every time.

How often do you go to your local park? We don’t have one.

Which of your hobbies do you indulge in most often? BTS...hahahahaha

Section 5 – Favourites and dislikes

What is your favourite fruit? I don’t like fruits.

How about your favourite berry? I also don’t like berries.

Which food do you highly dislike? Fruits.

What is your favourite song, and why? I don’t have an all-time favorite song but at the moment I would say it’s Butterfly by BTS.

What is a movie you cannot stand? Me Before You was money well-wasted.

Which trait in a person do you find most appealing? Not really a trait but I’m always fascinated to know about people’s hobbies, since I believe it’s able to tell me a lot about them.

Which trait puts you instantly off? How they think about certain socio-political issues.

Who is an actor/actress who you dislike so much you can't watch them? Amber Heard.

What colour are your favourite shoes? All my favorite shoes are white.

What is a smell that disgusts you to no end? Sinigang or rotten eggs and rice.

Which door handle/door knob do you like the most in your home? ??? This is random haha? Door knobs are pretty nasty to begin with, so I’ll just take a pass for this one.

Section 6 – Culture

What is something very typical to the culture of your home country? We’re very hospitable and would do anything to make you feel at home, whether it’s feeding you until feel like throwing up or giving you Tupperware upon Tupperware of leftovers that you can take home so that you won’t have to cook for a few days.

Do you enjoy art? If so, which form of art is the most enjoyable? Yes, I like looking at art and going to museums and exhibits is one of my favorite things to do. As for forms of art, I like paintings the most.

What is something about another country's culture you don't understand? I guess the one where tipping is viewed as an insult. 

Do you ever attend the theater? If so, which play did you see last? No, not really my type of art.

How about the opera or the ballet? I love watching ballet shows, but I would quickly grow bored with an opera.

Which dance troupe do you enjoy, if any? None.

Do you attend concerts or gigs? If so, which band did you see last? Only if I really really REALLY like the artist/group. I last saw Paramore.

Are you interested in foreign food? I love them and would be open to trying absolutely anything.

If so, which country's cuisine do you enjoy the most? It’s always a three-way tie among Indian, Thai, and Malaysian.

Do you enjoy stand-up comedy? If so, who is your favourite comic? No.

Do you contribute to culture in some way? If so, how? Not as much as I would want to. I do share some culture-related things on social media to raise awareness for them, especially if I find them fascinating; but I don’t exactly craft anything myself.

Section 7 – Charity

Do you volunteer your time to anything charitable? If so, what? There’s a local organization for stray/injured dogs and cats that I donate to. I’d love to put in some volunteer hours as well but I just don’t have the time. :(

Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones? ^ Oh, I guess I should’ve answered that here haha.

If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? Arlee was.

Do you donate your old clothes, linen etc. to charitable organizations? I think my mom sometimes does that with our old clothes but she usually gives them away as hand-me-downs to other relatives.

If someone you know is in need, is it in your nature to offer help? Yes.

Have you ever donated Christmas presents to children of poor families? Not on my own volition but we did this in school before.

Have you ever had to rely on other people's charity? Not that I remember.

How do you feel about donating to charities endorsed by celebrities? I don’t mind it but I think it ultimately depends on the charity that they endorse. For instance I’ve read a lot of problematic sentiments about Susan G. Komen so I always disapprove whenever WWE does their yearly breast cancer awareness thing with them.

Is there a charity you absolutely never ever will not trust? PETA as an annoying one, for one.

Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? I don’t think so.

In general, what is your opinion on charity? I support it wholeheartedly if the cause is genuine and not just a money-making scheme or if they are hyper-reactive about certain things.

Section 8 – Entertainment

Which was the very first video game you remember playing? That’s a good question that I don’t actually remember the answer to. Maybe Duck Hunt? I have very vague memories of waking up at my grandma’s place in Tondo and using the Nintendo gun thingy.

Which was the very first film you remember watching? Stuart Little 2.

What is your go-to form of entertainment? These days, BTS content.

Do you have a large collection of DVDs/Blu-Rays? Hahahaha I haven’t bought a DVD in nearly a decade. We haven’t thrown any of our DVDs out so I guess in a sense we still have a collection, but we never pop them on anymore as my family and I usually consume our entertainment online now.

How about music albums? I also haven’t bought an album in the same period of time but I’m starting again because of BTS. I've placed orders for their first five albums/mini-albums and they’re supposed to arrive in the country by July or August, so I can’t wait for that.

Do you prefer to have your music on vinyls, tapes, CDs or digital? CDs or digital would do.

When and where do you like to entertain yourself usually? Either in my room or in the living room, where the big TV is.

Do you ever binge watch shows? If so, what are you binging now? I’ve started on Hwarang but it’s not super bingewatch-worthy, mostly because of how slow I find the pacing to be. Good show, though.

What kinds of books do you like to read, if any? Autobiographies/memoirs.

Is there a book series you're currently collecting? Nope.

Is entertainment something you prefer to enjoy alone or with someone else? It’s always better with somebody else, to be honest.

Section 9 – Internet

Do you always have access to the Internet, wherever you go? If not, why? If I have data on my phone, then yeah.

Which website do you frequent the most? Google Suite, if it counts.

Which search engine do you prefer and trust the most? Google.

What do you use the Internet the most for? Working, lol.

Do you judge people who have their phones out all the time? If so, why? No, I’m indifferent about it. I’m pretty attached to my phone too so I get it.

If your connection goes down, what do you do? Turn on my data and continue on with my surfing, albeit feel slightly agitated.

Is there something you wish you could do online that isn't possible yet? I actually feel like there’s always already a website or service for anything I need to do on the internet, which is super convenient. Just last week Kata shared with me a website that’s instantly able to turn any photo into a transparent PNG file, which was awesome to discover.

Do you remember the first time you used the Internet? When was it? Yeah, the first website I ever went to was Friendster in like 2007, at a neighbor’s house that doubled as a small internet cafe.

What was a website you used to frequent that doesn't exist anymore? Multiply.

Do/Did you ever have your own website? No.

Isn't it great how much knowledge and info we have at our fingertips? Sure, but honestly I’m more scared than amazed at how much info is out there, and how much we don’t know is actually out there.

Section 10 – And finally...

What is something you consider to be highly controversial? Bad takes on socio-political issues, like refusing to acknowledge someone’s preferred pronouns or continuing to use someone’s deadname.

What kinds of jokes do you like the best? Idk, it doesn’t take a lot to make me laugh.

Is there a person who makes you laugh effortlessly? These days it’s Jimin lol.

Which part of your body do you like the least? My teeth.

What's something random, out of context you remember from your past? I don’t really feel like racking through my head rn hahaha sorry.

Do you wear shoes indoors? Not in Asia you won’t.

What's the silliest thing you've worn on your body in public? A princess dress I had to wear around for like 10 minutes as ‘punishment’ at a school fair.

What's the most important thing in your life right now? My job and doing well at it.

What is the most distant point on the planet that you've been from home? South Korea. I haven’t gone too far yet.

Do you enjoy trivia games? If so, which one's your favourite? I love trivia games and I’d join pretty much any of them.

Are you more logical or emotional? Emotional before, but I believe it’s more logical now

[maiassensibleblog]

Why I do fandom and how I think we should do fandom

[Views are entirely my own and not aimed at any person/people in particular. This is also a bit outdated from my personal views, but I’m keeping it up cos personal growth is important to show.]

fandomˈfandəm/ noun

the state or condition of being a fan of someone or something. “my 17 years of sports fandom”

the fans of a particular person, team, fictional series, etc. regarded collectively as a community or subculture. “the Breaking Bad fandom”

-Google

I’ve been doing fandom for a long time…

From ever since I can remember, my life can be split into series of very intense fandoms. I grew up with the growth of the internet. I remember it feeling fairly new and exciting when my mum got us a dial up box but I was young and it has kind of always been available to me. The internet fuels fangirls: We live online. Some people think this is a terrible thing, that we’re missing the actual world, but it’s a whole world on there and, an awful lot of the time, it’s a much better, more accepting world.

Harry Potter was my first fandom and has been constant and underlying through everything else I’ve loved. I threw myself onto mugglenet as soon as I had the internet at home. I don’t think I was allowed an account on the forum as a kid but I read the posts and felt “yes, these are my people. I’m not that strange. There are other people who re-read the Harry Potter books on a constant rotation.” I think I was probably in this fandom from the ages of 9-12, mainly watching from the side-lines but having a sense of home.

Then I had the typical tween fandom phase: Zac Efron and related movies. Like EVERYTHING. I was so intense. This was back in the day that youtube was used as social media. I’m pretty sure I liked it so much because my mum wasn’t really aware that I was talking to strangers on there, she just thought I was looking up videos of Zac’s abbs (not entirely wrong but a pretty good cover up, well done 13 year old me!). I made my first fandom friends. We chatted all the time on MSN. It sort of allowed me to separate my obsession and my “real” life and I think it made me a bit less annoying to my school friends.

My mum was amazing with this fandom. She used to take me to premieres to meet him and I would get this shaky, butterflies feeling for weeks afterwards. I, of course, mistook this for being madly in love with him. Spoiler alert: actual love feels completely different to this infatuation but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing for me to experience as a young-mid teenager. If you fancy a celebrity it’s a completely safe expression of your sexuality. This is why I think girls tend to be a lot more intense than boys in fandom: culture doesn’t allow us to express ourselves in many ways and this is seen as totally innocent and acceptable.

Somehow, in all this, I found the energy to count down to the last Potter book for 100 days and get 13 A*-C GCSE’s. And have non-fandom friends. I sort of fell out of the fandom when I was about 15/16.

I then moved onto Doctor Who when I was about 16-21. I think this is when fandom started to become more about the “fandom” than the actual TV show for me. Fandom is literally a kingdom of fans and it is honestly a family of lost, crazy young people who need somewhere to express themselves. I was pretty intense but only really to the people in my fandom (obviously my non-fandom friends knew I loved it) but the friends I made (hello, Kinglets) are still some of my dearest. We’re even going to be bridesmaids at the first wedding in the group.

We go to conventions together, we go the all the actors plays together, we’ll go and find them if they’re filming in London. But mostly, we’re really important friends. I know that I can go to them for anything and that intense start to our friendship has made them really deep.

The Cursed Child fandom

And then we get to now. You can see my post about Cursed Child here. But in short we are binge-watching a play because we’ve sussed how to get tickets pretty much whenever we want them. It is bringing me so much joy and it feels really, really intense: way more than my pervious fandoms. Most my fandom friends live in or close to London because that’s the only way you can really watch the play constantly, some of them I even met at stage door and not online. The reason this is so intense is because it is so accessible. Many of the cast are really active on social media and (if I wanted to, had absolutely no shame and nothing better to do with my life) I could go to stage door everyday.

Since this fandom has been so intense and I’ve been very visible as more than just a username there has been a lot of controversy about why I am doing this and whether it’s appropriate. We have constant conversations on the group chat about if certain people are taking it too far and how and why. They’re just discussions and nobody in that chat thinks they have the right to judge the others because we’ve all got close to that invisible line in the past 6 months but where does the line stand for different people? Obviously we all draw the line in different places based on our perspectives on life. Is it even our responsibility to police each other? We’ve often thought we were better than the younger members of the Cursed Child fandom because we don’t tweet the cast everyday to say we love them and we don’t scream and cry at them (not sober anyway, and we’ve learnt our lesson on that one). But does that make us better? Do we have the right to judge anyone?

Why I do fandom

The reason why I am doing this is easy for me to decode. Fangirls tend to be the clever, successful young people. The popular kids were not and will never be one of us. We have busy lives and we’re really easily bored. I am always thinking and always inside of my own head: if there isn’t something for me to focus on I get fidgety and frustrated. But if we’re the clever kids, how is this intense obsession not taking up all our brain space and preventing us achieving our full potentials? I find that it’s easier for me to focus on my studies when I’m intensely part of a fandom. It helps to give me tunnel vision; with just my work and my fandom to focus on, I have less to be distracted by. I’m a scientist; my success relies upon my obsession with my work. It is already very intense and in order to take effective time out, it helps to be obsessed with my hobbies too.

Second, fandom is my creative outlet. I have to be so calculated and methodical all day and that isn’t all I am good at or enjoy. Writing fanfiction lets me write without having to take the time to develop my own characters because I’m way too busy with my work. Having theatre friends lets me go and see everything and talk about plays in a way that a room full of scientist will never want to. And it gives me a group of people who encourage me to pursue creative hobbies rather than telling me it’s a waste of time.

Finally, and perhaps more importantly, this fandom gives me intense joy. Both watching the play and hanging out with the friends I’ve made through it. The fact that I can experience that joy over and over again and express that to the members of the cast that are bringing that is an absolute blessing. And therefore I am not going to stop doing it because people are jealous or are worried that I’m annoying somebody. This doesn’t mean I won’t adjust my behaviour if somebody has a point but I know why I’m doing this and it’s all because it makes me so happy.

How should we do fandom?

The question about where we should draw the line is much more complicated. We definitely freaked out some of the younger cast members when we started obsessing. This is also a unique fandom because these people are the same age as most of us, we’re adults and so have the awareness that this is, if you really think about it, quite weird. Its taken a few months but I think we’ve reached a balance where we all understand each other. They don’t need to have their guards up with us, we’re joking most of the time. We’re not the fans who are going to follow them to the tube station; we don’t have their twitter notifications switched on so we can reply to them 2 seconds after they tweet anything just to tell them we love them and we aren’t going to hover around stage door except when we’re meant to be doing so after the show. We genuinely appreciate their art.  

But should we stop going to stage door when we’ve seen the show? And is it wrong for us to go when we haven’t been in and our friends have? It has reached the point that if anyone is watching the play anyone who is in the area will go and meet them at stage door and just hover behind them because we want to see our friends. I don’t actually get a buzz from seeing Sams’ face, but I do get a buzz from seeing one of the collective. My intention is not inappropriate so I think its fine. Others do not think its fine but I’m not hurting anyone and as long as we’re aware that we should be as respectful as possible, I think this is all good. I’m also never going to stop going to stage door while people seem happy to see me. I’m actually quite perceptive and think I’d be able to tell if people were genuinely done with me.

But I do think that, to some extent, it is our responsibility to police each other. I think that, in general, fandom-policing is a waste of time because you can’t control people who are as intense as we are, and you shouldn’t. But I think that we are an actual group of friends and a sub-fandom of sorts, who have such open access to this play and its cast that we have to follow our own rules and should remind each other to do so. We don’t want to be known as annoying and we don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable. I don’t appreciate when people outside of our group tell us to behave a certain way because they have no way of knowing the context of what we do or previous conversations which may make some things ok for us to do, but not others. But I do think it’s important for us to continue to discuss where the line is to keep having an amazing time.

Fandom is an intense experience for everyone involved. The only way I can describe it to non-fandom people is that it’s like when you fall in love really quickly but it’s with a whole group of people and a thing, all at the same time. It’s a bit like falling but it’s amazing. Of course this leads to insanity for both the members of the fandom, who are loving it, and the objects of it, who are probably confused by the whole thing. If we want to be seen as responsible, adult fandom members it’s so important to keep checking ourselves.

This intensity has hit me as complete and utter joy since I saw Cursed Child for the first time last June. The friendships I’ve made have been so important and are valid and real. We don’t have to justify ourselves to the rest of the world and we aren’t hurting anyone.

I know that I’m a bit annoying and obsessed but as a wise man once said: “Some people are obsessed with heroin” (Daniel Radcliff).