#We stay in place Cause we don't wanna lose our lives So let's think of something better

[wormdebut]

17

Hi there anon! Thank you for your number! #17 on my Spotify Wrapped is 18+ by Scene Queen. This song is actually very fucking personal to me. I won't go into detail but fuck shitty dudes in shitty rock bands doing shitty things. ON THAT NOTE this blurb is truly a bunch of Steve being heart eyes at his rockstar husband but TW for mention of shitty rock dudes in shitty rock bands being shitty. (NOT Eddie or Corroded Coffin whatsoever) Nothing is explicit but take care of yourselves always. ----

"No. I don't care if it's true or not, Steph! The second some shitty fucking allegations come out like that? They're off my fucking tour. No questions asked. If someone says Greg fucked around then I'm sure as hell, not keeping him around long enough for it to happen again."

Steve hadn't planned on waking up to Eddie screaming down the line to his manager, but alas--such is the life of a being a rock god's husband. Steve runs his hand over his eyes and zeroes in on Eddie pacing their hotel room.

"--multiple allegations Stephanie! No way in hell. They're just the opening act. I'll talk to the guys, we will extend our set. I'll talk to Chrissy and she'll extend her act too. Call that asshole's manager and tell them that we are dropping them." Eddie huffs and Steve isn't entirely sure what's going on but Eddie is red with anger.

"Baby." Steve breathes out, just to let Eddie know he's joined the land of the living. Eddie head snaps over to look at Steve, and he smiles--it's a small thing, but it makes Steve's insides feel all warm and fuzzy, cause even when Eddie is so clearly fuming Steve can help him feel at least a little bit better.

Eddie sighs, pinching at the bridge of his nose. "Sorry, I got so heated Steph, just take care of this, please? I want them off the tour. Yeah okay--alright. Yeah--" Eddie laughs, "Sure, Steph, I'll tell him. Okay. Thank you. Talk soon." Eddie pulls out his airpod and throws it on the table.

"You know you'll lose 'em if you don't put them back in the case like a normal sane person, baby." Steve says, as he sits up in bed.

Eddie walks over to him and burys his face into Steve's neck. "I'm not a normal sane person, princess." Eddie mumbles from his hiding spot and Steve runs a hand through his hair.

"So…" Steve starts, "did you wanna--talk about whatever that was?" Eddie groans into Steve neck before pulling back.

"I fucking hate shitty ass rock dudes being fucking gross as hell and I won't allow gross ass shitty ass nasty ass posers anywhere near our fan base." Eddie spits and Steve just nods. Eddie continues, "Our opener? A bunch of fucked up shit came out about them and I refuse to let bullshit like that anywhere near the space that Corroded Coffin has crafted over ten fucking years."

Steve can't help but smile at that. Eddie prided himself on creating a place where his fans could be themselves, go to a concert and feel safe. He felt ridiculously proud of his husband. He says as much and Eddie scoffs--not at Steve, he knows, but he scoffs all the same.

"I appreciate that babydoll, but it's not about me. It's about keeping people safe." Eddie says and Steve nods. He's still proud of him, regardless.

——

Steve stands backstage watching as Eddie's best friend finishes up her set and feels arms wrap around his waist. He smiles leaning back into Eddie's (very naked--aside from a leather harness) chest and Eddie plants a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

"God, what if I just stay here and hold you all night instead of performing." Eddie whispers into Steve ear and while that does sound tempting--

"I don't think this very sold out venue of metal heads would be too pleased with me." Steve looks up and fuck, his rock star husband is the prettiest. He leans up to press a quick kiss to his lips. He can't get over this morning, how quick Eddie was to drop a shitty band without a second thought to keep people safe.

Steve turns around in Eddie's arms and wraps his arms around him, squeezes.

"I'm proud of you Eds. I'm always fucking proud of you, but thanks for keeping these people's scene as safe as you can."

Eddie looks at him, with stars in his kohl-lined eyes. "I love you baby, you know that right?"

Steve leans up to kiss him again. "Yeah, darling, I know. And I love you."

Eddie kisses him one more time before stepping back, just in time for Chrissy to come running from the stage. She looks from Eddie to Steve and then back to Eddie with a big manic grin. "The crowd is fucking nuts tonight Eds. You gonna say something?"

Eddie smirks at that. "Of course I am. If I'm not screaming lyrics, I'm screaming about something else." They all laugh at that and the stage lights go dark, Eddie leans down again to plant a kiss to Steve's temple, whispering a quick 'love you', before heading out to the stage.

Chrissy grabs a water bottle and leans back against a beam to watch Eddie and the band from side stage with Steve, like they do every night.

After the opening song Eddie surveys the screaming crowd.

"You sound fucking amazing Orlando. But, before we get into this next song I have something I need to fucking say--If you ever see shitty ass rock dudes in shitty ass rock bands asking you to show them your tits for backstage passes, I want you to spit right in their fucking faces and yell FUCK YOU!"

The crowd goes wild as Eddie preaches about safety in the scene and Steve can't help but fucking grin. He's pretty damn proud of his man.

[moeitsu]

Song Lyrics That Remind Me of Arthur Morgan

Nobody asked for this, but I listen to A LOT of music, and this boah is constantly on my mind 24/7. So I thought I'd share some lyrics that remind me of him and his relationships <3

━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━

Hard Believer - First Aid Kit

"So you ask for my opinion. Well, what is there to say? To be honest and just foolish, won't make you wanna stay. You've got to go on and get moving. And I can't do that for you. Got so many plans and so much you wanna do. Love is tough, time is rough on me."

To a Poet - First Aid Kit (Mary & Arthur)

"You said, 'Don't give me nothing you don't wanna lose.' I said, 'Darlin' I'll give you everything I got, if you want them to choose.' Though unwillingly I left and it was so, so hard to do. Now I miss you more than I can take and I will surely break. And every morning that I wake, God, it is the same."

Afraid of Heights - Boygenius (Dutch & Arthur)

"I know I fucked up when I told you I'm afraid of heights. It made you wanna test my courage. You made me climb a cliff at night. You wanted me to jump and I declined. You called me a coward, I replied, I don't wanna live forever, but I don't wanna die tonight."

My Silver Lining - First Aid Kit

"I don't know if I'm scared of dyin', but I'm scared of living too fast, too slow. Regret, remorse, hold on. Oh no I've gotta go. There's no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on. You've just gotta keep on keeping on."

Sun Bleached Flies - Ethel Cain

"If they strike once, then you hit 'em twice as hard. But in the end, if I bend under the weight that they gave me, Then this heart would break and fall twice as far. We all know how it goes, the more it hurts, the less it shows. But I still feel like they all know, and that's why I could never go back home."

Saviour - George Ezra (Mary & Arthur)

"Time was young and you were mine. Take me back to that midnight moon. Cradle me, at that midnight moon. All of me is all for you, and what I got to give is not enough. It's a dark night. Being your own savior, is it saving you?"

Cowboy, Gangster, Politician - Goldie Boutilier (Mary & Arthur)

"We said goodbye, but it never ends. 'Cause you can't get away from a woman who loves you. 'Cause you can't run away from feelings that haunt you. No, you can't separate a fire from a flame that already burns. Every saints a sinner, we all have our past. Forever is a fiction, nothing lasts."

Let Him Fly - Patty Griffin (Mary Gillis-Linton)

"Ain't no talking to this man, ain't no pretty other side. Ain't no way to understand, the stupid words of pride. It would take an acrobat, and I already tried all that so, I'm gonna let him fly. You know the light has left his face, but you can't recall just where or why. So there was really nothing to it, I said I'm gonna let him fly."

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac (Dutch & Arthur)

"And if you don't love me now, You will never love me again. I can still hear you saying, we would never break the chain. Run in the shadows. Damn your love, damn your lies."

Devil's Resting Place - Laura Marling

"I've been with the devil in the devil's resting place. Water won't clean you, you only hold yourself to the things you do. Come up here to speak to me and hold your face to mine. Any man can hold my gaze has done his job just fine. You sold your life away to be with me tonight. Hold your head against my chest, I think you'll be just fine."

Through the Valley - Shawn James

"I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. And I fear no evil because I'm blind to it all, and my mind and my gun they comfort me. Because I know I'll kill my enemies when they come. Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell on this earth forevermore. Well, I came upon a man at the top of a hill. Called himself the savior of the human race. Said he'd come to save the world from destruction and pain, but I said, how can you save the world from itself?"

Youngest Daughter - Superheaven

"It's useless, I tried, but to no avail. To tell you how much I know, how much I care. Breathe until your lungs fail, you can sing 'til you go deaf. I am sick, I am horrified at everything I hear. Everyday repeats itself again, the cycle of our misery, It drives us all insane."

The Fall - Gregory Alan Isakov (John & Arthur)

"You heard blood was thick, brothers and sisters. But ya don't know where anybody's at. Time was a bust, you thought you'd better be tough. Nobody gets past the trembling wire. All eyes on you now, on you. We're all holding our breath."

Second Chances - Gregory Alan Isakov (John & Arthur)

"I'm running from nothing, no thoughts in my mind. Oh my heart was all black but I saw something shine. Thought that part was yours, but it might just be mine. I could share it with you, if you gave me the time. I'm all bloody knuckles, longing for home. If it weren't for second chances, we'd all be alone."

My Mind - Paris Paloma (Dutch & Arthur)

"What did I do wrong? Will you tell me what I did wrong, what did I? Was it a first offense? How long had you been harboring that vemon? You could have used your words then, you wanted them to hurt and so I let them. Never would I beseech you, to endure what you put me through."

[colins-bridgerton]

penelope & colin playlist

a year ago by james arthur

i wish it was a year ago i wish that i could hold you close now i'm driving past your house, i know the lights are on, you're not alone i wonder if you're making eyes i wonder if he loves you like the way you said that only i could do i wish that i could tell you that I miss you

ghost of you by seconds of summer

too young, too dumb to know things like love too young, too dumb to I drown it out like I always do dancing through our house with the ghost of you and i chase it down with a shot of truth that my feet don't dance like they did with you

far away by nickleback

i wanted you to stay 'cause i needed i need to hear you say that i love you i loved you all along and I forgive you for being away for far too long so keep breathing 'cause i'm not leaving you anymore believe it hold on to me, and never let me go

oceans by seafret

it feels like there's oceans between you and me once again we hide our emotions Under the surface and try to pretend but it feels like there's oceans between you and me i want you i want you and i always will it feels like there's oceans between you and me

give me a minute by the coronas

and i can't remember how we got so wrapped up in it hold on i'm not finished just give me a minute i'm not finished and if you don't mind i can live with it just a minute i'm not finished would you be so kind just to forgive it

can i be him by james arthur

i heard there was someone but i know he don't deserve you if you were mine i'd never let anyone hurt you no no I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips It's all that I've been thinking about 'cause a light came on when i heard that song and i want you to sing it again i swear that every word you sing you wrote them for me like it was a private show

before by ulrik munther

before we burn each other up before we lose our minds before i'm not enough for you baby I need some time before you break my heart oh before we need to talk before it even starts i mean i'm sorry i didn't call

you're loosing me by taylor swift

how long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life? i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy and all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me i'm the best thing at this party (you're losin' me) andi wouldn't marry me either a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her and i'm fadin', thinkin' "do something, babe, say something" (say something) "lose something, babe, risk something" (you're losin' me) "choose something, babe, i got nothing" (i got nothing) "to believe, unless you're choosin' me"

deep end by birdy

i don't know if you mean everything to me and I wonder, can i give you what you need? don't want to find i've lost it all too scared to have no one to call so can we just pretend that we're not falling into the deep end?

love me or leave me by little mix

and love me baby please cause i could still be the only one you need the only one close enough to feel you breathe yeah I could still be that place where you run Instead of the one that you're running from, ooh you, can take this heart heal it or break it all apart no, this isn't fair love me or leave me here

cross your mind by calum scott

tell me, do i ever cross your mind? do i ever keep you up at night? thinking 'bout what coulda been if we did it all again i've been trying to keep an open door even though you've got the locks on yours tell me even after all of this time do i ever cross your mind like you cross mine? do i?

wrong direction by hailee steinfeld

loved me with your worst intentions didn't even stop to question every time you burned me down don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven loved me with your worst intentions painted us a happy ending every time you burned me down don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven and it's so gut-wrenchin' fallin' in the wrong direction

loves you like i coudn't do by dunacan laurence

i hope you find that someone who'll love you and it feels like all that you wanted thought it would last if we just kept running we played our hand, now we're left with nothing hope you find that someone who'll hold you In a way that i always wanted to a hundred shots, but we kept on missing there's no regrets, 'cause we tried, my love I hope you find that someone who loves you like i couldn't do

a little bit yours by jp saxe

you found someone new, before me and you didn't try nearly as hard and maybe that's the problem i don't know how to take it away from you without giving someone else my heart all I do Is get over you and i'm still so bad at it i let myself want you i let myself try i let myself fall back into your eyes i let myself want you i let myself hope i let myself feel things i know that you don't you're not mine anymore but I'm still a little bit yours

[mcflymemes]

MISCELLANEOUS LYRICS PROMPTS *  assorted lyrics from random songs on my playlist ♡

i had to stop for the night.

that's just the way it is.

i have no home.

the music seems so loud.

what made me behave that way?

you wonder why i'm here today.

it's only fair that i should let you know.

find out where it's at.

there's no comfort in the truth.

it's only just a crush. it'll go away.

kiss me like we die tonight.

i'm so glad you found me in time.

you're in my way.

something in your eyes was so inviting.

how long will they stand between us?

i want to hold you close.

there were voices down the corridor.

you can find it here.

don't make me wait forever.

we've drunk a couple bottles.

if only you knew what i'm going through.

i guess they left the park.

it's time to go.

i should have known better than to cheat a friend.

i really should be holding you.

i can't live if living is without you.

loving you is some kind of wonderful.

your voice was all i heard.

the less i know, the better.

we're going out in style, babe.

it's cute in a way.

i know you're not a fool.

you won't be leaving with me.

some things will never change.

this time, i think i'm to blame.

the rules have changed today.

i can see it in your eyes.

i had to follow you.

pull yourself together.

i never realized how happy you made me.

please bring me my wine.

don't shut me down.

i love your eyes.

i wish that we could lose this crowd.

i was looking for someone to complete me.

those voices are calling me from far away.

i have no place to stay.

give me a reason.

i want to fucking tear you apart.

it's hard to bear.

i feel so unsure.

i don't wanna cause you pain.

you must put them on the table.

it only goes so far.

is this what you want? is this who you are?

we kissed like we invented it.

you don't tug on superman's cape.

my friends would say you treated me fine.

you've given me the thrill of a lifetime.

we are all just prisoners here of our own device.

i can't stay away.

i'm finding it hard to do anything.

put your arms around me, baby.

the time is right.

why did it all go wrong?

you can check out any time you like.

i'm not the one you knew.

someone said they left together.

i can't forget this evening.

it never comes out right.

you can't go where the others go.

i was doing fine without you.

you can't come uninvited.

you kissed me and stopped me from shaking.

i just can't make it all alone.

the sun is going down. it's getting dark.

something in my heart told me i must have you.

sometimes i think it's a shame.

i guess that's just the way the story goes.

did you really think about it before you made the rules?

you'll be on your knees tomorrow.

i don't care what others say.

we could have been so good together.

maybe it's better this way.

the apartment hasn't changed at all.

i've come to get my money back.

you always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows.

here we are, in a room full of strangers.

there was nowhere to hide.

you were always good to me.

no one can take the place of you

there's a burning down inside me.

i love how you kiss.

why don't we just sit right down?

i need you today.

don't push me. i'll fight it.

love can make you hostage.

how can you stand to think this way?

i can't smile without you.

ever since that night, we've been together.

this wooden bench is getting harder by the hour.

my feet are aching.

who am i to keep you down?

i told you right from the start.

we'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say.

[mad3lyncline]

𝑰 𝑾𝑨𝑺 / 𝑰 𝑨𝑴 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺 . starters taken from the 2021 album 'i was / i am' by noah kahan . adjust pronouns as necessary !

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆

i think i forgot the things i've done .

it's just good to be alive .

i could stay grateful for the sun , though it's getting in my eyes .

now you let your heart get filled with someone else's love .

now you let your head get held in someone else's arms .

you were only a little bit of light .

you were only a minute of my time .

i miss the way you made me feel like i lost part of me out there .

even through the pain , i can't recall your face .

i got so close to love with you , my dear .

but i don't miss you ; i miss the way you made me feel .

there was something in the air as we drove your parents' car .

i scream the words inside your head and hope you feel me .

the moment i chase is a race that i've already lost .

you were only afraid from fear of being alone .

feeling the ache is better than nothing at all .

𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒍

it's an empty shell i live in ; the doors are always closed .

i spend my weeks losing my head , resting my bones .

and they say that nothing's given , so i guess i'll get nothing at all .

i'll accept defeat , 'cause you can't swing when the fight's lost .

can't see the grass getting greener , 'cause out there ain't nothing but blue .

the high helps a little .

but everyone you meet's just passing through .

white lies take all of the color from you .

most nights you don't sleep at all .

is there any wonder no one ever really tries to call ?

sometimes i feel like an animal .

i climb so high just to feel the fall .

look me in the eyes ; am i someone else ?

i always have a vision but i always watch it go .

it's too much and it's too close .

𝒄𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒔

we've been running in place .

whole year's been one of those days .

i know we're close to an end .

i don't wanna be blamed .

i know you hate to cause pain .

i hope the silence will end .

we hold onto this for whatever reason .

we're too far to fix it up .

i know you're ready to move on from me .

but you stay and you stay and you stay .

and we wait until one of us caves .

long game but none of us win .

we keep on playing pretend .

the fear's a rope on our wrists .

those years of life that we missed .

[casanovawrites]

rp sentence prompts ft. the sex was good until it wasn't by xana

you can't hurt me any more than you have already.

it's taken everything in me not to be petty.

what once was easy is now feeling pretty heavy.

waiting is romance until they are never ready.

i don't deserve this.

i get next to you, and i get nervous.

i guess it's true love 'cause you always come right back.

you talk of timing like our planets just aren't aligning.

i can't let you lie to me.

i don't know who you're trying to be.

i didn't wanna up and leave, but i knew you wouldn't stay with me.

i think about you all the time.

i couldn't handle all the doubt in my mind.

wish you'd have saved yourself, 'cause now i gotta save me.

will i question your intentions forever?

i would do it all again.

i can't think of you. it ruins my whole mood.

i should have left, but how could i?

i guess the sex was good until it wasn't.

you wanted a wife and a kid and a life you could control.

i've got a god-awful tendency to love being alone.

go play the victim, babe. i hope they buy it.

i find myself looking back a bit more than i should.

it wasn't all bad. it wasn't that good.

she's the goddamn vision that's ringing in my head.

we could be good together.

i could be a better kind of best friend.

i'll do anything to have you.

i could keep all of your secrets.

think of all the damage i could do.

it's hopeless. i'm losing focus.

i'm in my home-wrecking era.

you make me feel so good.

nobody fucks like me. i'm the girl of your dirty dreams.

i'm the flame that keeps you warm at night.

i'm not one to hand out my forgiveness, but i expect it every time.

it's just me and the accusations you made.

it pains me to admit you were right.

someday i will be someone you resent. the pleasure is all mine.

i heard you're calling me a monster.

after all the shit i pulled, you could do better.

i'll do what i want over what's right.

all my failures are visceral.

i can't even be honest with myself. how could you believe i'd do that for someone else?

will i ever know why i am like this?

if you wanna place blame, just say my name.

everyone who's ever loved me is the enemy.

i can't take it back, and i don't wanna be someone who loves like this.

they say you learn to know when it's time to go, like a sick joke.

these days i'm talking to myself again, reenacting conversations that never happened.

i'm learning more about myself, and it's scary.

love me plenty, take this gently.

i wanna learn to love you, i just don't know how.

all that happened hurt me more than i care to talk about.

i'm sick of this town. will i find it in me to find a way out?

i think i might feel better once i let you down.

i look into your eyes, and i see my own, almost like you always knew me. what a horrifying feeling.

i only miss it a little, and i don't wish you very well.

the wound still stings, but i kinda like the bleeding.

what if i never find someone who's just like me?

i hold onto these grudges like i wish you held me.

you promised it was real, well i guess you misspoke.

it goes against my nature to believe you're bad.

i'm thankful that i never gave you all of me. now i get to walk away with everything.

if i linger in your memory, eradicate me.

i never saw you coming, but i felt you leave.

i hope you never find the guts to make amends.

i live alone in a haunted house. i turned the mirrors all around, can't stand my face.

am i really that pretty when i'm deadpan?

i curse your name when lovers reach out.

i sleep in your shadow. it only gets bigger.

i wanna be gentle. my words taste like metal.

i'm still somebody's daughter.

i want you to leave. and don't take me with you.

i wanna be radiant.

fuck your remorse. hope it only gets bigger.

bury the gun, or i'll never be happy.

wish i were dead by now. what does it matter?

bet you thought i'd be a pretty, pearly white dream.

you're callous and cruel.

does it keep you up at night? was there something in the light that looks like me?

are you praying to a god you don't believe?

i'm at a loss, why i still can't hate her.

if it's as real as it feels, wouldn't she be here still?

you're a lesson learned, and i'm one that you get to work through.

you said you're all mine, and it left me haunted.

don't tell me you love me if you don't mean it like that.

don't tell me you're coming back. you don't mean it like that.

for you, i think i could have been someone.

i'll be yours forever, if forever will have me.

feels strange to think about how i used to be somebody you didn't know.

we know it's something special.

i could stay right here in this house with you forever.

you make me believe the world could be gentle.

i don't want to kill the parts of me that loved you right.

i feel pathetic, insisting this shit's poetic.

what's it like, being loved by you?

i never learned to let a good thing go.

i needed the time and the space.

do you regret me?

[packedandstrapped]

can u give me ideas on how to come out? i’m 22 and known i was a lesbian since i was around 14-15 and have been too scared to come out because of my parents. i value what my parents say and ik they aren’t going to accept me so when i come out to them, they’re gonna say they disown me and kick me out or some other shit, but it’s gonna make me spiral into a depression (haha). but i can’t keep living a lie man living like this is hard especially when my parents keep trying to set me up with men. when i was in highschool, i tried so hard to give them hints i didn’t like men, i never dated them, never talked about them, hell even begged my mom to wear a suit to prom, but she told me it was “un lady like” and made me wear a dress. i just love my family so much and i don’t want them to hate me but living this lie has made me hate myself. no matter what i do it’s a lose lose situation. this has caused me so many problems. i literally use to have an eating disorder because of how much anxiety of my parents finding out i was gay would give me. i’ve tried to convince my self to like men and i just can’t. i feel like something is so so wrong with me and i can’t. it makes me not wanna live anymore i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. i know this is lowkey cringy to be telling someone all this, but i just really really need advice on this because i just can’t keep living everyday a lie.

Hey friend- please feel free to DM off anon if you want to talk. I will chat with you about this stuff literally any time.

There's nothing wrong with who you are. Your message feels like something I could have written at 19-20 years old. When you said you value what your parents say, I felt that in my core. I want to be able tell you that everyone comes around and they'll totally understand and accept you. But sometimes it's not that way. And the people that claim to love us the most can only give that love when we fit into the box they've created for us. This might sound hokey, but reading The Four Agreements really helped me identify the space between my parents ideas and my own. I will send you a copy if you're interested in reading.

It's no wonder that you're experiencing so much anxiety and worry about coming out. For a lot of us, coming out as gay to our parents is the first time we truly see them disappointed in us. There's a crushing weight to our parents thinking we're actively trying to hurt them by living our lives authentically. I hope that's not the case for you.

If I could do it all over again, I would journal about it for a few days. I'd practice the important phrases I want to get out. I would focus on the simple message I wanted to send rather than trying to navigate their feelings. I would try to think about the various reactions I might get and have one or two general ideas of how I could respond neutrally. And despite all of this, I'm sad to say even though I would have felt more in control, I'd still be just as wounded coming out of it. I understand the fear you have in disappointing your parents because it's been a reality for me for almost twenty years. They've never let up on reminding me that while they're proud of my accomplishments, it's despite my otherness rather than a celebration of what a queer person can do. They refuse to use the word "wedding" or "wife" and they give us a room with two twin beds when we go to visit. The microaggressions never cease. What's changed now is how much of myself I let them see. Now it's about what makes me comfortable instead of existing around them in a box that never fit right. It's still hard- I regularly grieve the relationship I wish I had with my parents. But as I've aged, I've realized that my friends are my family. They are they ones that have been there and show up for me unconditionally. They're the ones I have turned to when I needed a place to stay, a job, or a listening ear. They get it.

I don't know how you feel most comfortable communicating with your parents, but think about what it would look like to say the words out loud or in a text. Try not to feel bad about telling them this information. You are being truthful and honest and that's what is important. You are giving them the gift of seeing you for who you really are; to celebrate you in the way you want to be seen in this world. Don't worry about doing it the wrong way because sometimes there just isn't a defined right way. I know it's scary but the sooner you get it off your chest, the sooner you can fall into the comfort of your real self.

Come back or DM me if you need anything, friend. We need you here.

[painacony]

a lot of you don't know about my thread of kagihira as carly rae jepsen songs so here it is

i imagined specific scenarios for some of these but feel free to imagine what you want. you only need to listen with a kagihira mindset for the intended experience

au where hirano doesnt love kagi back but he accepts to date kagi with no strings attached (the one)

Truth is I never thought of us together You're just a friend of mine We should know better This can't last forever Kiss me one more time Romance is fine, pour me some wine Tell me it's just for the fun of it Far from your eyes, hard to deny when I don't want love, don't want none of it

2. au where the daily touching doesnt work and kagi ultimately gets rejected by hirano and he's not over it (party for one)

If you didn't know that you were right for me Then there's nothing I can say Tried to call you out to spend some time to see But somebody's in your way Tried to let it go and say I'm over you I'm not over you But I'm trying

3. au where hirano realizes he likes kagi back but is afraid to lose focus on his studies so he ignores it (happy not knowing)

All our friends that I know They've been trying to set us up together I lie, I lie I say somebody else would suit you better But I'll only go so far I don't have the energy To risk a broken heart When you're already killing me But if there's something between you and me Baby, I have no time for it I'm happy not knowing

4. in which hirano falls first (now that i found you)

Waking up next to you, every morning How did we get this far? It came without a warning And in the night time, you tell me your whole life You and me get too real, but all I feel is alright

5. au where kagi lies about dating hirano to get an admirer off his back (body language)

I think I'm in trouble, I can't see the end I call you my lover, you call me your friend I'm keeping it secret, yeah, even from you I call you my lover Oh, what can I do?

6. in which hirano realizes he wants kagi after kagi has already moved on (gimmie love)

I know I said that I'm too scared to try But I still think about you, think about you And I can't lie I like the feeling, how you make me shy I share my secrets and I will not hide I know that one could be two, one could be two

7. i only know this is kagi's pov (felt this way)

But I can't take much more of your hesitating Both our hands speak for us and complicate it My home is your body, how can I stay away? And if my love's too strong for you, walk away But I can't make this wrong when I see your face My home is your body, how can I stay away?

8. hirano falling in love arc (this is what they say)

And when you hear me calling your name It's always different, never the same And every morning, when I wake you up Sugar, you won't need a cup You got me feeling confident, yeah This is what they say Falling in love is supposed to feel like

9. kagiura being down bad (summer love)

I just live for the feeling Dance to the feeling Wait for the feeling of you I was down for the first night And I'm down for a second try When you touch me, I wanna fly I'm so down for you all the time

10. in which they sort the whole thing out (let's sort the whole thing out)

What it feels like when I'm next to you It's a soft touch that I read in to Was it just me? Did you linger for too long? But it's alright if it's on your mind 'Cause it's all I'm thinking all the time

11. post-graduation established relationship kghr / kagi's pov (sideways)

Oh, now I smile at strangers I'm that annoying type Who don't care if there's traffic 'Cause I've got plans tonight, oh Later we'll meet at your place Later we'll be together Ever since you said that you were mine Everything's going my way

12. this one is just 100% kagicore (i really like you)

Who gave you eyes like that? Said you could keep them I don't know how to act Or if I should be leaving I'm running out of time Going out of my mind I need to tell you something Yeah, I need to tell you something, yeah! I really, really, really, really, really, really like you And I want you, do you want me, do you want me, too?

[the-storyteller-and-her-soldiers]

Bewitching Fate/New Self-Insert?

So as y'all know I've been hyperfixated mainly on FF14 and FFSOP as of late. Y'all also know that my royal s/i is my ff14 s/i because I want all my loves together~! (Canon be damned, my worlds now!)

BEWARE: Spoilers for FFSOP and FF14 (mainly Shadowbringers)

So some of you also know that at the end of SOP Jack and his friends become the bringers of darkness Chaos and the Fiends of Chaos in order to create new Warriors of Light for the land they inhabit. Well, in FF14, Guess what your character becomes?

Ding Ding Ding If you guessed a Warrior of Light, you get a cookie and kisses from your f/o (the kisses were gonna happen regardless, but yeah)

Well, the organization that Thancred and all my friends/family are in -- the scions -- work with the Warrior of Light to bring light to Eorzea! And any beings of darkness are considered an enemy...

Well, Jack still has his 'day job' as my s/i's royal guard! So when she ventures off and ends up staying in Eorzea longer than planned, you know he and our friends aren't too far behind. The only problem on top of the internal cruel twist of fate of me being a WoL is that people in Eorzea can see others' aetherial balance...

So let's just say the first meeting between factions was very... tense to put it lightly. If it wasn't for me so excited to see Jack, Jed, Ash, Neon, and Sophia, then vouching for them to the point I said "I'm a princess and the only one who can slay primals! If you wanna fight these guys, I hope you found someone else who won't become a mindless slave to the primals 'cause I'll quit. Not my land so it really shouldn't be my problem BUT IT IS!"

Needless to say, everyone lowered their weapons but kept their eyes peeled for any sort of slip-up from the other side. Especially Thancred when it came to Jack... If anyone asked, he said it was simply because he couldn't risk such darkness corrupting their strongest ally further... But who knows why he'd spy in on softer moments..?

--

Now fast forward to ShadowBringers where I and the scions find ourselves in a situation to save a world overrun with Light. This place is so off-balance that the light has turned many of its inhabitants into angelic-looking monsters known as sin eaters who only live to consume aether!

So now it's my job to slay the mightiest sin eaters known as Light Wardens in order to bring darkness back to the realm and restore balance.

The only problem is I'm the only one who can take in their light without transforming immediately myself. But even then we don't know how much light I can take...

Fast forward EVEN MORE to the death of the final Light Warden and me taking in their light. That was the straw that broke my frail form's back and instilled the beginning of a transformation.

My daughter Ryne (A girl originally known as another Minfilia since she was bestowed powers to prevent a total flood of light) was powerful enough to halt the corruption but not cleanse it and no way is currently known!

SO with that said what if Jack and our friends were also with the scions. Therefore when they see the transformation and how some of my allies will be so quick to turn against me should I show any signs, they decide to join me in the enduring battles since who better to bring back the darkness then those who embody it?

Also cue a moment where I make Jack promise to kill me if and when I lose myself, much to our mutual dismay

But with that said: a whole sin-eater AU has been in my mind so I even have a design at behest of my bestie @floweringforgetfulness for biblically accurate Becca (I still lose myself to giggles with that) I have a design (THANK YOU BESTIE!!!!!!)

The only thing is that as a Light Warden/Sin Eater they usually go by names like "Innocence" "Tesleen the Forgiven" "Eros" "Philia" so I kinda wanna keep that name so I was thinking something along the line of Paitence since the others are like greek forms of love/virtues

So any ideas would be appreciated!!

taglist: @jellyfish-ships @canongf !@hadesgoddess @nyandereneko @disneymarina @goldenworldsabound @singingdeepinme @violetsandmilk

[willowser]

WILLOW HELLO I AM HERE.

and i am asking about.... hmmm. let's go with.... touya, shall we? 💞💚🎵

OKAY NIKUNIKU I'M BACK and i've decided to...just go with my favorite au touya of mine which is. that he went to prison really young and then got out and is trying to change his life and works in a bar LMAO. he's my soggy liddol bad man.

how do you both express affection ?

i am. still the touchy-feely gremlin with him, though i think, for someone like touya, i would actually lean more towards acts of service, because i think he would appreciate that more. even if it's like, i bring him a glass of water before bed even though he didn't ask me, or i wash his clothes with mine even though we don't live together, or if i get up to get a cookie, i'm getting him one, too !! just little stuff that shows i am thinking about him, always.

for him, it's. probably really hard LOL and he does it in oddly specific ways. he'll send me 800 heart emojis if i send him a selfie. he'll feed me from his plate with his utensils even if i don't ask for a bite. if i'm sitting on the couch, he lays down and puts his head in my lap. he wants us to share spit. he's disgusting LOL

who gets jealous ?

oh, touya without a doubt LOL our relationship is....probably a bit toxic akfjfhsjala but how couldn't it be, with this man ??? not in some sexy, dramatic way, but in little ways, like he's always — at any point — ready to think i'm leaving him for someone else 🥺 we get in a small fight and don't talk for two days and he's like — this is it. will has definitely found someone else this time. i goddamn knew it 🥺 he's not like crazy about going through my phone or anything, but he would be ready to throw down with someone if they get a bit too friendly LOL i won't say that i don't also, because he's charming to a fault and i'm a lil sus of him at time 😒 but........we're working on trust aofhruejkala

what are some song lyrics that make you think of your f/o / your relationship with your f/o ?

like i said. our relationship is probably a bit sad LOL i think touya gets worried when he gets too comfortable and i'm too much of a pushover, so i actually think we're a little on-again-off-again. he never really does anything unforgivable, but we maybe get into some fights bc we're both a little insecure, and then we're like YEAH. THIS ISN'T WORKING OUT. LET'S CALL THIS OFF.........and then three months later, he's hitting me with that, "hey u awake ???" LMAOOOO anyway.

trouble by cage the elephant;

will it come to pass, or will i pass the test? / you know what they say, yeah, the wicked get no rest / you can have my heart, any place, any time / got so much to lose / got so much to prove / god, don't let me lose my mind / trouble on my left, trouble on my right / i've been facing trouble almost all my life / my sweet love, won't you pull me through? / everywhere I look, i catch a glimpse of you

do i wanna know ? by arctic monkeys;

(do I wanna know?) if this feeling flows both ways? / (sad to see you go) was sort of hoping that you'd stay / (baby, we both know) / that the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day / crawling back to you / ever thought of calling when you've had a few? / 'cause i always do / maybe i'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

��� self-ship game 🦋

[wanderinguncertainty]

Save me

I've been unwell lately, mentally. There's a lot of things going on in my mind that I can't help but to lose my composure. It only took a single question to blow up my peace of mind and make my insecurities, my traumas to resurface. That's why being kind and being discreet is a must, cause we don't know the battles that a certain person going through. And that's the least that we can do.

I was doing well. I was happy. I was enjoying my peace of mind. I was taking my time. I was doing everything at my own pace. I was motivated to do better in life. I was able to pull out myself from the dark place I've been living in for the longest time. Then someone asked me the question I don't wanna ever hear. I mean, not this time. And that question was enough to break my whole being. My peace of mind crumbled into pieces. My happiness was shattered. I started to question my self-worth again. I started to discern the feeling that I've been avoiding, the feeling of getting left behind. I thought I was doing great. I thought it's okay to move at my own pace. I thought giving my best was enough. But I guess, it's not. I guess it will never be enough. Now, I'm starting to go back to the place I was once in. I'm being surrounded with darkness again. I'm starting to drown with these endless thoughts and boundless questioning of self-worth.

I've been burying these unwanted feelings for a long time. It's not that I don't want to face them or acknowledge them but I just wanna breathe for now. I know for a fact that I am left behind by my batchmates. I know for a fact that they are getting married, engaged and building families, achieving their goals, starting businesses, travelling around the world, climbing corporate ladders and the list goes on and on. Meanwhile, here's me. The me that's in the same place for the past 7 years. The me that didn't make progress for herself. The me that prioritized her loved ones before herself. But, is it really necessary to rub these facts to my whole being? I'm aware that I haven't achieved anything yet for myself, but I was able to provide for my family. I was able to make my brother graduate in college and now, he's a registered nurse. I have small wins too, it may not be directly for myself but.. Aren't these achievements too? I hope people can appreciate these too and stop looking for the things that I don't have nor haven't achieved yet.

I've been beating myself up again to get a grip, hold myself together and just move on from it. I can't stay unstable for too long. I hate this feeling. I hate acting okay in the morning and cry at night. I hate wearing this fake mask and armor of strength when I'm at my weakest. I hate being sensitive. I hate seeing myself alone in these hard times but I also don't want to bother my friends and drag them to my own drama. I hate myself for relapsing. I could've just let it slip but why did I take that comment seriously? But, I really hate the feeling of not being enough, that my best wasn't enough.. Cause I've been giving my best eversince, I've been giving my all to everything, to the point that there's nothing left of me. I'm already tired. I'm already exhausted. I'm burnout. Still ain't enough? I'm sorry for not meeting all your expectations.

It's really funny how I remind everyone that I love that we have our own timelines and life is not a race yet here I am affected by one's comment. It's really ironic how I can save the people I love yet cannot save myself. I don't have anyone to save me from this loneliness, from this trauma. So I need to get up and force myself again, to save myself from all of these otherwise I'm gonna drown and might do something.. Cause at this point, at this moment, I just wanna disappear for good but still want to live. Sigh.

Ack, self. Please, get up. Stand up. Please continue choosing to live. Please, you have to keep going. You know yourself more. You're more than what they think. The world and the people living in it is cruel. But life is beautiful, right? I hope you can see the light again at the end of this tunnel. Keep going, please. Get back on your feet, please. Don't listen to people's negativity, just continue doing everything at your own pace. Self, please. Don't lose yourself. :(

[feywanders]

tied together with a smile ⸻ taylor swift

hold on, baby you're losing it. the water's high, you're jumping into it and letting go and no one knows that you cry, but you don't tell anyone, that you might not be the golden one; and you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone.

change ⸻ fearless (taylor's version)

tonight we'll stand, get off our knees, fight for what we've worked for all these years; and the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives, but we'll stand up champions tonight. it was the night things changed, can you see it now? these walls that they put up to hold us back fell down. it's a revolution, throw your hands up, cause we never gave in.

enchanted ⸻ speak now (taylor's version)

there i was again tonight; forcing laughter, faking smiles; same old tired, lonely place. walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy, vanished when i saw your face; all i can say is it was enchanting to meet you. your eyes whispered " have we met? " cross the room, your silhouette starts to make its way to me. the playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy; and it was enchanting to meet you.

nothing new feat. phoebe bridgers ⸻ red (taylor's version)

i've had too much to drink tonight, how did i go from growing up to breaking down and i wake up in the middle of the night, it's like i can feel time moving. how can a person know everything at eighteen, but nothing at twenty-two; and will you still want me when i'm nothing new?

wildest dreams ⸻ 1989 (taylor's version)

say you'll remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe. red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams.

new year's day ⸻ reputation

you squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi, i can tell that it's gonna be a long road. i'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe; or if you strike out and you're crawling home. don't read the last page, but i stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes. i want your midnights, but i'll be cleaning up bottles with you on new year's day.

daylight ⸻ lover

i don't wanna look at anything else now that i saw you. i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you. i've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night, and now i see daylight; i only see daylight. i wanna be defined by the things that i love. not the things that i hate, not the things i'm afraid of, not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night. i just think that you are what you love.

mirrorball ⸻ folklore

hush, when no one is around my dear. you'll find me on my tallest tiptoes, spinning in my highest heels, love, shining just for you. hush, i know they said the end is near; but i'm still on my tallest tiptoes, spinning in my highest heels, love, shining just for you.

cowboy like me ⸻ evermore

you're a cowboy like me, perched in the dark, telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear; like it could be love, i could be the way forward, only if they pay for it. you're a bandit like me, eyes full of stars, hustling for the good life, never thought i'd meet you here; it could be love, we could be the way forward and i know i'll pay for it.

would've, could've, should've ⸻ midnights

if clarity's in death, then why won't this die? years of tearing down our banners, you and i. living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts. give me back my girlhood, it was mine first.

[moonrosesinapril]

I love you so much sometimes I just wanna scream I’m so happy and proud you’re here after everything and you make me so goddamn happy even when you’re not here meeting you was the best thing that happened to me in this place and as much as I hate this city I’m so glad i moved here because I met literally the most awesome people and you’re at the top of that list i can’t stop thinking about how I’ll be moving out in a year and you’ll always be the best thing I associate with here and I’ll miss you a little but not more than I do now because I can’t wait until all this is over and we have all the time in the world and you’re my soul sister and that makes me want to hug you forever even more because our brains are a fucking shithole and the past two years especially haven’t been easy for you but you’re STILL HERE and im just so happy you areee and everything feels like a constricted box right now but I can’t wait to do so many things with you once we get into the real world starting with the bucket list and we can LIVE and I really hope we stay in each other’s lives for a long long time after this because there’s so much I wanna do with you and I know it’s a huge unpredictable thing to say but I know I’m never gonna stop trying and time and distance and living in different cities or whatever suck but they’re not enough to make me stop trying because as long as we both try I know I’ll never lose you and just that itself let alone everything else makes me so excited about living and the future because whatever happens or however shitty everything gets Im gonna be there for you I LOVE YOU OKAY BYE

I know I'm replying really late to this but I wanted to let you know how happy this makes me. I love you so much and you're my favorite person in forever and you know I always wanted a soulmate like Beomgyu and Soobin (two of the members of txt) and I'm pretty sure we could be that after we're done with boards and get into colleges and I cant wait to just call you whenever I want and show up at your place unannounced so we could just be in each other's presence and we could binge watch shows and read books together and draw and write stories, make each other playlists and make secret handshakes and trust each other enough to tell each other every little thing in our lives and strike out things one by one on our bucket list and I'm so happy you messaged me that day on Insta cause that was the beginning of our friendship that led to this and I love how we're literally the same person and have the same taste and opinions and I'm so grateful for every invisible string that connects us and even if a few of them come untied I don't care cause you don't stop loving a person if they change one thing about themselves and I'm so damn sure you will always have an amazing personality and how you've become my comfort person cause you always manage to lift my spirits with a single text or by tagging me in a post (hence calling me out which only shows how well you know me) you're one of the best people I've ever met and I'm so glad to have you in my life and I can't wait to be your comfort person. you're one the precious few reasons I believe in soulmates and look forward to the future instead of dragging through each day. like you said the future is unpredictable but I too won't stop trying cause I truly don't want to lose you or ever hurt you and I promise I'll always be there for you no matter what life throws at us. I'm platonically in love with you <33

[fortunawren]

lyrics iv;

Let’s see what we get this time. The boys can wait. I’m essentially using this for mediation to relax my mind.

“Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked” by Cage The Elephant

I’m honestly not sure where I heard this song first, but I will say I very recently connected with the following lines:

“Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked Money don't grow on trees I got bills to pay I got mouths to feed There ain't nothing in this world for free I know I can't slow down I can't hold back Though you know I wish I could Oh, no there ain't no rest for the wicked Until we close our eyes for good"

I’m using these lyrics to justify my toxic work ethic.

“Be Kind (with Halsey)” by Marshmellow

I played this song so many times in 2020 that it ended up on my Spotify Wrapped. I really love the message here, and I’m happy this came up on my shuffle. Take it to heart, truly.

“I know you need, I know you need The upper hand even when we aren't fighting 'Cause in the past, you had to prepare every time, yeah Don't wanna leave, don't wanna leave But if you're gonna fight, then do it for me I know you're built to love, but broken now, so just try, yeah I know you're chokin' on your fears Already told you I'm right here I will stay by your side every night I don't know why you hide from the one And close your eyes to the one Mess up and lie to the one that you love When you know you can cry to the one Always confide in the one You can be kind to the one that you love”

“The Only Exception” by Paramore

I’ve listened to this song like a prayer my whole life, I think. I’ve always thought the message was a little sad, even though this is considered a love song but she says the following lines:

“When I was younger, I saw My daddy cry and curse at the wind He broke his own heart and I watched As he tried to reassemble it And my mama swore that she would Never let herself forget And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist But, darling, you are the only exception.”

It’s not a love song. It’s a surrender to feelings that she was trying to kill within herself. The entire song she’s saying she knows it’s going to end, and it’s not real.

But she went for it anyway.

I’ll add a bonus line from this song;

“And I've always lived like this Keeping a comfortable distance And up until now, I had sworn To myself that I'm content with loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk.”

Of course, she ends with “I’m on my way to believing” but then her relationship failed so what did we learn?

“Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker

This song was written for those struggling. I’ve largely used it to soundtrack scenes between my characters to pan out deep connections/friendships. It’s a beautiful song.

“If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill Guiding like a lighthouse It's a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace 'Cause we've all made mistakes If you've lost your way I will leave the light on”

Everyone wants a friend like this, and I hope you find them.

“Losing Your Memory” by Ryan Star

Another sad song, of course. And another song from The Vampire Diaries soundtrack. (👀👀). I’ve used this song for personal writings as well because it’s emotionally gut-wrenching. I’ve always been drawn to this song, but I’ve truthfully never deep dived on the lyrics.

I loved these lines:

“Wake up, it's time, little girl, wake up All the best of what we've done is yet to come Wake up, it's time, little girl, wake up Just remember who I am in the morning You're losing your memory now.”

It’s a sweet reminder.

“savior” by Beowulf

This is a cover of w Hillsong UNITED song called “oceans” that this youth pastor once showed me. I’m not super religious, but I do love the devotion and sadness in this song. Again, it’s surrender.

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior.”

Regardless of faith, it’s utter devotion. Chills, always.

“Where do we go now?” by Gracie Abrams

This song is new on my playlist (within the last couple months). I’ve always liked it for scene writing, and just the emotion in the question of “where do we go now?”

My favorite lines:

“I know I changed overnight So I can't blame you for fightin' And I'd be losin' my mind If you lived in your writin' 'Cause now I'm half of myself here without you You're the best in my life and I lost you And we had no control when it fell through It was one-sided, hate how I hurt you.”

“Ashley” by Halsey

“Ashley” is actually my theme song. The whole song, word for word. Halsey struggles with Bipolar Disorder and when you’re trying to fight mental illness in a bid to be successful and creative, it feels like a constant cycle between death and rebirth, high and low. I’ve got so many parts of this song that I could drop below, but I’m going to leave it with the current theme of my life.

Lines:

“And I don't wanna be somebody in America, just fighting the hysteria I only wanna die someday.”

“Mama” by My Chemical Romance

I’ve oddly been obsessed with this song since I was 12. Way wrote it in response to 9/11 and the Iraq war. I used it for a Kylo Ren / Leia mash-up because the lyrics fit.

“And when we go don't blame us, yeah We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah You made us oh so famous; We'll never let you go She said, "You ain't no son of mine!" For what you've done they're Gonna find a place for you And just you. Mind your manners when you go. And when you go don't return to me my love, That's right Mama, we all go to hell.”

“Under the Water” by The Pretty Reckless.

If you didn’t know, the lead singer of The Pretty Reckless played Cindy Lou Who in the live-action grinch. Her style has vastly changed, and for the better. Her music, her lyrics and everything about her seethes beauty.

“There's not a time for being younger And all my friends are enemies And if I cried unto my mother No, she wasn't there, she wasn't there for me Don't let the water drag you down (Don't let the water drag you down) Don't let the water drag you down.”

I probably should’ve understood my obsession with this song a lot sooner.

“Illuminated” by Hurts

I fell in love with Hurts because surprise, surprise The Vampire Diaries. L.J. Smith really did a number on my soul, loves. I particularly love the drama behind their songs, and use them to write scenes.

I’d probably have sex to this song just to see if there’s a build.

“Swing me these sorrows And try delusion for a while It's such a beautiful lie You've got to lose inhibition Romance your ego for a while Come on, give it a try Suddenly my eyes are open Everything comes into focus, oh We are all illuminated Lights are shining on our faces, blinding.”

“Phases” by Maggie Lindemann

Y’all ever fuck with someone that couldn’t decide if they wanted you, someone else, to be single, or to be happily married with two children? This is the song for you.

“You only want me in phases Only hit me up when you're wasted Hate it, treat me like a game, I won't play it You only love me when you feel like it I don't think love's supposed to feel like this Phases, take my heart, throw it on the pavement Break it, just so you can stitch it up and save it You only love me when you feel like it I don't think love's supposed to feel like this If you love me, if you don't, you should let me go.”

“I Don’t Wanna Know” by Charlie XCX

If you’re like me, and you overplay this song, just leave. It’s not even worth it.

“I know I'm losing you, so come on, tell the truth Don't you tell me you're sorry, don't pretend you're stormy 'Cause I don't wanna know, I already know What you've done, what you've done.”

“Selfish” by Madison Beer

This song helped me process one of the worst heartbreaks of my life.

“I don't wanna break your thread and needle Tryna stitch you, but I can't, I refuse Shouldn't love you, but I couldn't help it Had a feeling that you never felt it I always knew that you were too damn selfish Don't know why I looked the other way I wanted you to change, yeah I shouldn't love you, but I couldn't help it I always knew that you were too damn selfish.”

“Without Me” by Halsey

I’m getting tired of the breakup songs on my shuffle, but I have to admit this is a particularly good one.

“Found you when your heart was broke I filled your cup until it overflowed Took it so far to keep you close (keep you close) I was afraid to leave you on your own I said I'd catch you if you fall And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (all) And then I got you off your knees Put you right back on your feet Just so you could take advantage of me.”

Halsey wrote this song about G-Eazy after he cheated on her after she miscarried their child. Great pain produces some of the most beautiful art. I’m so happy she’s in a better place now and finally the mother she wanted to be.

“Stay” by Rihanna

This song has been coming up on my shuffle a lot recently. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m a psychic or not so it could be channeled message, or just because I felt particularly called out by Mikky Ekko when he sang:

“It's not much of a life you're living It's not just something you take, it's given Round and around and around and around we go Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know Not really sure how to feel about it Something in the way you move Makes me feel like I can't live without you It takes me all the way And I want you to stay.”

And of course, we can’t leave out these lines:

“Well, funny you're the broken one But I'm the only one who needed saving 'Cause when you never see the light It's hard to know which one of us is caving.”

And yes, when I was in middle school, I did update my status using song lyrics.

[exocynraku]

(last one...)

there is so little about this book i can say i properly liked. so much of it i either didn't like or was neutral on. about the only thing i can say is that frostpaw's coma plot was interesting to see. however, i didn't like her interactions with curlfeather in them. it's hard to explain-- i guess if i could try, the character that curlfeather was at the start of the arc and at the end of the arc don't feel like the same character (like a living yellowfang vs dead yellowfang situation). their interactions felt out of place. i liked tree being able to visit frostpaw while she was asleep, and i liked the cats singing for her to guide her back. however, and this might peeve some, i don't like that frostpaw came back. i think it would have made a lot more sense from a character standpoint for her to willingly pass onto starclan and be with jayclaw. her life has almost EXCLUSIVELY been suffering, why the fuck would she want to go back? i think it would've made more sense for her as a person and as an interesting, new plot point for her to just give up and let herself go. and on the topic of this-- the idea that "frostpaw has to live cause she's the only cat who can pick the next leader cause she's the only riverclan cat who can talk to starclan" makes ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO SENSE!!! cats have VERY easily become healers before without having to have any sort of "sign" or be chosen as a "true medicine cat" (??????)! and you wanna know the funniest thing? ONE OF THEM GAVE ICEWING HER LIVES! if that brown cat with gold eyes who chose to become a medicine cat WASN'T mudfur, i'll tear my hair out. mudfur DECIDED ON HIS OWN VOILITION to become healer. that PROVES you can become a perfectly fine healer without having to be """chosen""" by starclan in some way. if anything, a LOT of healers within wc haven't been """chosen""". if anything.... have ANY? are we just pulling this out of our ass here? i can't remember ANY being chosen by starclan. if there Were any, please correct me, but i genuinly cannot remember ANY. and it's not like riverclan wouldn't be able to find a new healer! after seeing all the fighting and death and yadda yadda, i HAVE to assume at LEAST ONE riverclan cat would CONSIDER the idea of becoming a healer. and about the 'if frost cannot stay, the river will dry' (or however it was worded)-- yeah yeah yeah. starclan says jack shit the whole time, to anyone, letting splashtail go on his tirade, and then only when the kid whose finally gotten the chance to have peace after living a life of suffering they send a message? reeaaaally? reaaaaaaaaaally?

the last positive point i can make is that i LOVE icewing as leader. i know a lot of people don't because she's definitely been a background character, but if you know anything about her she's a surprisingly compelling choice for leader. back to being negative. so, so, SO much about about this arc made so, so, SO little sense. it wasn't ALL bad, there's defintiely been good in every book, but the bad shit outweighs it SO badly. there is so much simply fundamentally wrong or written illogically/poorly, in all it's made this one of the worst arcs. this arc has single-handedly made me lose SO much hope for the future of WC. if anything, i don't think i'll be picking up the elder's quest unless early chapter teases and the leaks are REALLY and OBVIOUSLY good-- but otherwise, i think i'm done buying the main series books. i'll probably pick up SEs and whatever other spinoffs they release, but the main series has declined BADLY and i can't say has very much potential anymore.

i finished star, so here's my opinions on the book and ASC as a whole; (spoilers!!! obviously!!!)

star was... ok. i felt like every single conversation until the last couple of chapters was either an arguement or cats calling out to eachother while fighting. i truly think this book highlights how 90% of the time these cats are so delusionally stupid. riverclan willingly following splashtail because they thought he could make the group stronger was so, so stupid. like, i get what they're trying to do, the kin and misttstar/reedwhisker's deaths DID suck for the group, so obviously they'd want to be strong. but did seriously no one go "erm... guys... this Might be a bad idea.." when he started threatening people and kits and making them fight with their claws? "oh but they were scared from the threats" Riverclan, excluding we'll say splashtail, berryheart, podlight, fognose and brackenpelt (who i think were the two exiled? i literally just read the book and i already can't remember) is EIGHTEEN to FIVE. seriously? and if we was threatening kits if they tried to fight back, couldn't you just... devise a plan to get the kits out before attacking? it just felt like such a shambled together plot. and further switching it, pretending they were ONLY fighting splashtail, he's even MORE outnumbered. if you're worried about him coming back to life after dying, just... kill him again! it's so egregious. i'm not going to lie to you guys, so little this arc made sense plot wise with what happened with riverclan and shadowlcna's conflict. this series bring the clans' xenophobia to another LEVEL, highlighting it in a way that shows how seriously stupid it is. there is quite literally ZERO! reason for the clans to dislike each other other than the idea of """loyalty""". i don't really know how to tell you guys! but you are all exactly the same! if anyone had a brain larger than a pea, riverclan would've willingly accepted help from shadowclan and had been FINE! mistystar and reedwhisker's deaths may have been the catalyst, but it was the clans own prejudice against each other that caused riverclan to have a genuine problem. the clans have, very easily, come together before to help eachother or fell a common enemy. it keeps happening! that's been a plot point of so many of the recent arcs! as i've grown up (i read a lot of wc when i was a kid), i've seriously reailzed how EASY it would be for the clans to stop having issues if they stopped having this loyalty complex. so many character decisions are completely illogical once you actually think about them. okay, back to the book. i... didn't really like splashtail's arc of taking over shadowclan? solely from a quality-of-writing standpoint, not really the plot exactly. something about it just felt so weird, in a way i can't explain? i'm not sure. (1/?, see reblogs)

[cant-think-of-something-better]

8 people i’d like to know better

Thank you for tagging me @lol707lol707lol !!! except now I can't tag you :\

name: Would it kill the mystery if I write it? (I think I’ve wrote it here before but the odds of real life people finding my tumblr has increased recently lol)

birthday: February 1st!

zodiac sign: ooh recently one of my friends had me figure out my entire zodiac: Aquarius, ascendent Taurus and moon in Aries. I don't put a lot of faith in astrology but most Aquarius stuff is pretty spot on for me. And I was happy cuz Taurus’ are usually my favorites 

hobbies: I like to draw but tbh all I do is work rn haha. I sporadically pick up hobbies that dont last too long, I think the last one was knitting (I can only do hats lol). I’m a very dedicated sleeper if that counts 

favorite colors: Idk if its the depression talking but I’ve been saying grey for a while (might be a thing stolen from a song once again). I like it when its got a bit of a blue/purple tint to it tho.

height: 5 feet 1.5 inches. so about 156 cm I think (sorry I’m a useless American and conversions hurt my head)

favorite book: I really like Phantoms by Dean Koontz! horror stuff is my jam but if I pick up a teen romance-y book I read it so freaking fast cuz its like brain candy (The amount of times I have read the Twilight series is kinda embarrassing) For series I really loved Maximum Ride and I gotta stop now cuz I could go on and on about books. (send me asks for book recs plzzz)

last song i listened to: I’m listening to Billie Eilish as I write this! Currently Bellyache is playing

last film i watched: Circle (2015) I literally consume random netflix horror movies like candy these days. I watched this before I went to work the other day XD. would recommend, pretty interesting 

inspiration or muse: Usually music or random snippets from tv shows gets me drawing. If I really love a fic sometimes I do fan art for it... I haven't finished any of those tho 

dream job: God if I could draw better and understand computer programs better I would love to be an animator. I’ve thought about being a wildlife vet before (I realllllly like birds) but i gave up on that for some reason... heheh time to stop thinking about this

meaning behind url: pretty self explanatory. I’m awful at coming up with names but I kinda wish I came up with something more original/that would give me some cute tumblr nickname but oh wellll. Sort of reminded me of a lyric from a Twenty one Pilots song

I feel like I’ve been bugging people with all the picrew things recently so I’m gonna take a break from tagging people (*cough cough* my go to person already did this *cough cough*) but any of my followers who see this are now automatically tagged! yes you reading this! feel free to do it if you want!