#Wasn't feeling so sure about the book during its first half but then the second half hit-

[stargirlbryce]

Every book I read in 2025: Juniper and thorn by Ava Reid

"I almost laughed. “You would rather me eat your heart than look away in disgust?”

“Of course,” he breathed. “Every time.""

[gghostwriter]

If You Love Me Right

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Part 1 || Part 2 Summary: Emily asks an all important question regarding the next step of your relationship with Spencer Trope: Fluff! Just fluff! w.c: 1.2k a/n: Back at it again with something Short n' Sweet. Unsure if this will be the last of this album inspired fics but so far the album is still on repeat. I think out of all the fluff I've written, this is the one where I could just feel how much of a green flag Spencer would be as a partner, if only he wasn't fictional. Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated! 💗 masterlist

“Have you thought about it?” Emily asked, wine glass on hand as she slid into the seat next to you.

The sun was just starting to set, covering the lush backyard in multitude of pink & orange hues. It was a Sunday and Rossi had invited the team and their extended families for an early Italian dinner feast. When Spencer inquired about your availability, it warmed your heart to hear who you are to him.

“Are you sure you want me there, Spence?” your voice coming out soft and muffled as you burrowed yourself further into the warmth of his slender neck. His invitation was a big step in further solidifying the relationship and having been in questionable situation-ships, you had to be sure where you stood.

He pulled back, doe eyes inquisitively staring into yours. His gaze had this way of making you feel known and at home. It was as if his soul has recognized yours from eons ago and needed no further introduction.

“Of course,” his calloused fingers softly pushing stray locks behind your ears. “You’re my person now and it feels right to have you there with me.”

Emily cleared her throat binging you back to the present. “Well?”

“Thought about what?”

She nodded her head in Spencer’s direction. “Having genius babies with our boy genius?”

You softly smiled, watching your boyfriend of one year perform magic tricks for Henry and Michael. It wasn’t like it never crossed your mind. If you were being honest, by the sixth date and the first time he stayed over for the night, the idea of growing old and starting a family with Spencer by your side had started to solidify. 

“Maybe,” you drawled out. A half truth that the seasoned profiler caught on right away.

“And has this—” she lifted her hands to form quotation marks in the air. “‘maybe’ been discussed with the potential baby daddy?” 

You brought the wine glass up to your lips, the outer corner of your lips tugging upwards your face as you took a sip. Dating a man of Spencer’s caliber had given you the comfort and stability to discuss any little insecurity, adoration, and realization without the unease of thinking he’d judge you for it. Gone were those nights of second guessing and reading too much in between the lines and in its place were honest discussions between two consenting adults. 

It was a real breath of fresh air.

“Do you think we should have a baby?” you casually asked, laying on his lap as he was propped up against the headboard with a book on hand. “I mean, not this second but—yeah, do you?”

There was a rustle of pages before a soft thud. “Sweetheart, don’t take this the wrong way but are you by any chance ovulating?”

“Uh—maybe?”

He smiled, looking down at your slowly reddening cheeks. I—uh, have actually been keeping track—” he bit his lip before rushing out to explain himself. “—not to use the information for nefarious reasons but my brain just started to notice the patterns and it feels like an invasion of your privacy and—are you angry?”

“Oh Spence, no. Not at all,” your hand twining with his to stop its nervous movements. “It might be weird but I know you meant well. Now, will you tell me some facts about why you thought I was ovulating?”

“Well, studies had shown that women feel more flirty, sociable, and more physically attractive right before and during ovulation. Some studies also support the idea of increased libido which makes sense since that is the peak window for propagation of the human species.”

You giggled, always welcoming his rambles even if it had to do with your own reproductive system. “Right, but you know what else got me thinking about it?”

A slight scrunch in between his eyebrows appeared as his mind no doubt rewound the day for any trigger. His eyes brightening when it clicked. “Was it the picture of me holding Henry and Michael?”

“Definitely,” you breathed out, starting to feel warm just thinking about how secure his hold was to the newborn babies and that smile on his face that reached his molten hazel eyes and radiated from his whole face.

He pressed feather-like kisses all over cheeks and forehead. “There’s actually also a study on why that affected you so much. It all comes down to women seeing their partners acting as providers—” he cut himself off to land a kiss on your lips. “—I’m not saying no—I’d actually really like that but maybe we can revisit the idea again in two weeks? I want to make sure this is something you really want and not something your biology has dictated on you.”

“Okay, that sounds fair. I love you, Spence.”

“I love you too.”

Spencer’s laughter floating through the air brought you out of your reverie. A slight shiver passed through you—either from the wind or the imagery of him carrying Michael and holding hands with Henry on the other as they slowly made their way back to their mother.

You turned to face Emily, no doubt that the blush on your cheeks giving you away. “Maybe.”

“Huh,” she tilted her head slightly to the left—a subtle tick you’ve grown to read into.

“What?”

Shaking her head, she leaned in to clink her glass with yours and a teasing smile forming on her face. “Nothing. Well—you’re welcome, by the way. And as a thank you, what do you think about naming the maybe baby after me?” 

You laughed. The trio had taken full credit for bringing the couple together—something that they had always brought up like it was their greatest contribution to earth.

A layer of warmth was added to your shoulders and a faint scent of books and wood wafted to your nose. Tilting your head backwards, it was Spencer sans his black coat that was now adorning your body. His garment effectively marking you as an extension of him, as if the necklace around your neck with his initials 'SR' wasn't enough already. A priceless jewelry that had a partner with your own initials that found its home around his neck. “Hi love.”

“Hi sweetheart,” leaning down to give your lips a kiss. “You looked cold.” 

You were both wrapped up in your own little bubble to notice Emily’s eyebrows arching towards her hairline. “It won’t be long now, I guess. So how many?” 

“One would be cute—” your eyes never lingering on his face as if you were tracing the all his angles and memorizing all the stubbles that had started to grow on his jaw line. 

Spencer without further explanation continued on. “—two would be better.” 

“You know, you both have to stop finishing each other’s sentences, it’s getting creepy,” Emily quipped.

You both laughed, turning to face her, and although your gazes were no longer meeting, the gentle caress of his thumb on the back of your hand was enough to communicate everything and anything in between.

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[ilikepjo24]

On Octavian ruining Percy's panda pillow pet...

Now, I thought this wasn't even a serious thing that needs to be addressed but I just finished arguing with someone over this, so apparently it does need its own meta.

So, the take we're debunking today is "Octavian is mean/evil for ruining Percy's pillow pet".

The thing about this pillow pet is that Percy was homeless for six months, he had to steal to survive and fight off monsters every single day, a task that was getting harder and harder every day, all while he remembered nothing. He only had his name. He didn't have friends, a home, a family, a safe place, a purpose, something that can get people by so that they don't just give up when struggling every day for no known reason with no known end goal gets too much.

During those months, his panda pillow was the one single form of comfort and familiarity he was granted. A small mercy if you will, to help get him through this. Although many people downgrade, poke fun off, and affectionately ridicule his relationship with the panda pillow pet, it was definitely something meaningful. Like the first participation trophy you got for participating in a competition for fun, only to realize you really like that activity and get hooked on it. Sure, the trophy does not indicate any real talent or success in itself, but to you it's the starting line for something you genuinely love. And to Percy his pillow pet has value because of it's emotional worth.

Which is why it had to be sacrificed.

I'll explain why soon enough, but for now, hold that thought I put in your head just now while I add a second idea there too.

This isn't talked about in the books, but it's something Uncle Rick made sure to address in the show. As Chris Rodriguez worded it: The gods love the smell of beging.

In Camp Half-Blood, when meal time is over, demigods throw the remaining of their food into the fire as a sacrifice and pray to the gods. In the show it was specified that it's better to sacrifice a portion of your favourite food, because if the gods see that you're willing to sacrifice your own comfort (even if it's just in the form of your favourite food) just to please them, they are more likely to answer your prayer. Once again, as Chris said, they love the smell of begging. And the more you beg, the more you're willing to sacrifice, the further you're willing to go, the better.

So Greek gods like it when you pray by sacrificing your food, and to an extent, your comfort. And the Roman gods like it when you sacrifice a life.

Which is why auguries became a thing. Of course you're not gonna see the future in the guts of an animal just because. The gods will grant you spoilers for the next season if you kill the animal because it will make them feel flattered to see that you're so desperate for their help that you'd rip out the soul of a living being in their honor just to get their attention.

However, Rick is writing books for tweens and teens. He can't just have animals being slaughtered left and right, especially for the purpose of feeding the gods' narcissism. So what can he do to make the situation a bit more pg 13? Remove the slaughtering of animals. And how will auguries be performed then? By sacrificing something else that has value. Emotional value.

It's quite logical to assume that the stuffed toys Octavian uses in his auguries are really expensive or collector's edition or handmade or are someone's childhood companion that they donated. The gods wouldn't just let you have information about the feature when all you gave to them was a sacrifice worth 1$ that you could even fish out of the trash.

Now I want you to hold on to that too and knit it together with the other thought I told you to hold on to, got it? And if you do that part of the process properly you should get to the conclusion that the best sacrifice available at the moment to get the gods to tell you how they feel about Percy joined the legion was Percy's panda pillow pet that he is so deeply emotionally connected to.

Octavian did not ruin something Percy loved for kicks. He didn't even know him yet, there's no way he had any type of malicious feelings towards Percy yet. He was just doing his job. The job Reyna tasked him to and the job Hazel told him to do during their conversation. And that was to read Percy's augury (which wasn't an augury bc Octavian is a haruspex but that's irrelevant right now). He wasn't actively trying to soil Percy's mood and ruin his day just to be the evil villain. He was just doing his job.

Thus proven.

[thatgingerswritings]

Stay with me

Newt X Reader

→ He/him pronouns

→ Movie based but I put a few things from the books, mainly for the griever description

Synopsis: reader is a runner and unfortunately meets a Griever during his daily run in the Maze. He comes back to the Glade terrified and seeks comfort in Newt.

Warnings: none

A/N: English is not my first language, I also may not know the whole Glader's slang but I hope I got it right. Please correct me if I made any mistake!

!!REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

You were about to leave for the Maze with Minho. Your bags were ready and you were just waiting for the keeper's green light, but it seemed that he was taking his time today. Which was weird, considering Minho's devotion. Weird or not, he wasn't there, and you were not a runner for nothing: you couldn't stay still. You had zero patience and needed to let your energy out to not go insane between these walls. So you decided to do a quick warm up by jogging around the Glade until Minho decides to show up. After a quick stretch, you run to the Homestead.

As you pass by the Gardens, a voice you know very well calls you.

"Oh hi Newt!" you say as he walks to you.

"What are you doing?" he asks and looks around, "where's Minho?"

You shrug. "I have no idea. Maybe that shank decided to sleep in." you answer, earning a little laugh from the blonde.

An awkward silence followed, you didn't know what to say as you were too focused on your racing heartbeat. Newt made it beat faster than any running session, but he didn't seem to notice and you wouldn't tell him. After two seconds of silence that felt like two hours, you speak again, trying not to stutter.

"I'm going to look for hi-" you began, but you feel a fist hitting your shoulder, "ouch!"

You turn around and see your friend. His eyebrows frowned and his arms crossed on his chest.

"Where were you?" Minho asked, annoyed.

"Where were YOU? I went running because I was bored, I waited for you for almost 30 minutes!"

You pointed an accusing finger at him and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah whatever, let's go." he said before walking to the door.

You sigh and turn to Newt again. "See how he treats me? A tyrant." He smiles at your comment. "Guess I gotta go then, see you later!"

"Yeah, be careful."

"As always," you give him a wink, which caused the boy to blush a little, but you didn't notice.

You smile at each other and you have to mentally slap yourself to walk away from Newt and get to the Maze. You join Minho who's waiting for you, the bag on his shoulders and his arms crossed.

"Who's waiting for who now?" he says as you roll your eyes.

"C'mon it's been two minutes!"

"Felt like an eternity."

Minho really got on your nerves sometimes, but you knew he was doing it on purpose so you couldn't be mad at him. He sure was funny, but you would never tell him that as he absolutely didn't need an ego boost. You put your bag on your shoulders and follow your friend in the Maze before separating ways and going to your section. You ran for hours, following the path you were used to and taking notes at every turn. You were here for almost a year and a half and you basically knew the Maze like the back of your hand.

After a few hours, the sun was at its zenith and you decided to take a break to eat and drink. You took around 15 minutes off, as you did everyday, because again, staying still longer was impossible to you. You could handle an hour or two with nothing to do in the Glade, but in the Maze it was a whole different story. So you packed your things and went on your daily routine, but before you could make a step, you heard it. The metallic stomps against the cold stone of the Maze, and the horrible grunt you could hear at night when you were not sleeping. You froze and held your breath. A thousand thoughts were running through your head and you knew you had to run, but your legs were like paralysed and you couldn't bring yourself to move. You didn't know when you started breathing again, but another set of metallic sounds and rattlings got you out of your trance and your legs finally moved again. You carefully approached the origin of the sounds. You had no doubt it was a Griever, but you wanted to make sure it didn't notice you.

After only a few steps you realised that walking towards a Griever was definitely the worst idea you've ever had, but there was no time to think about it as the creature rolled in front of you. It was on the other side of the corridor, about 50 meters away. Your body moved by itself, you had no time to think. You heard it go after you and you tried to run faster if it was possible, cursing under your breath. The Griever was getting closer, and tears started to blur your vision. Your legs felt like they were on fire and you could swear your heart was about to explode in your chest. Even your throat hurt from breathing so fast. You could still hear the Griever rolling behind you, his pliers slamming as if it was just having fun by menacing to catch you. Though the sounds were distant; your heartbeat was so strong you could feel it in your head and you heard your blood's pumping.

You turned around a few corners of the Maze without thinking and luckily you didn't end up trapped in a dead end. You ran for hours, refusing to stop before you arrived in the Glade, you weren't sure if the Griever was still after you but you were too scared to look behind you. You couldn't hear anything else than your heartbeat and your loud steps echoing on the huge walls.

One last turn and you saw the vast green expanse in front of you. You didn't slow down and even tried to run faster to the Glade. In just a few seconds you exited the Maze and were back in the only safe place you knew. A few meters in the Glade and you finally stopped running (more like your legs gave up and you fell on the ground). You tried to catch your breath but you started crying at the same time which could give the impression to anyone seeing you that you were convulsing. To your own surprise, you didn't cry for long, just a few minutes, but it took you some time to breath normally again. You sat down, your back against the wall and your gaze on the grass. Zoning out, you didn't hear the steps approaching you.

"Y/n? Why are you already back?" you recognised Newt's accent and looked up. He immediately kneeled in front of you, visibly worried. "Are you okay?"

"I... I just saw a Griever..." your voice was shaky and tears were coming up to your eyes again, "it- it chased me and... I don't know how I'm still alive..."

"What?!" Newt exclaimed before processing to check out your body for possible wounds, "did you get stung? I'm calling the medjacks!" He got up and you grabbed his hand.

"No, I'm fine..." your voice broke and tears were running down your cheeks again, "can you stay with me..? P-Please..." you said between sobs.

Newt nodded and kneeled in front of you again. Your back no longer against the wall, you threw your arms around his him and sobbed heavily against his chest. He hugged you back, his arms around your shoulders. His left hand gently rubbing your back and his other hand resting on your head. "It's okay," he whispered, "you're safe now." You stayed like that for a few minutes, until your sobs became soft sniffles. Newt's grip on you loosened when he felt that you were calming down, but you didn't let go an even held him a bit tighter.

"Wait," you said with a little panic in your voice before whispering again, "don't pull away... not yet." He put his arms on your back again. "Okay, I'll stay as long as you need."

[princesssmars]

in the darkened forest, i see you.

some stiles stilinski x witch reader headcanons

your whole life you knew you had a destiny to fulfill. its hard to juggle your magical heritage and your nosy best friends, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

wc: 1.328

contains : fluff. reader is a witch. mentions of some of season ones violence.

a/n : very self-indulgent and based on my very. very long and detailed teen wolf script. enjoy.

the name of your hometown always made you laugh inside your head. beacon hills, a sprawling town in northern california. by the title and looks you'd think the only things gravitating here would be families preparing for the future and seniors looking to settle down.

but there was so much hidden beneath the surface that almost every resident had no idea about.

when you were but seven years old you realized your family wasn't like other childrens.

where heathers dad worked in a home office, yours worked in a dingy but atmospheric antique shop selling various artifacts you've never seen before, ranging from "eye of newt" to "crushed cricket leg powder" to a bundle of weird-looking talismans.

where benjamins mom spoke english as her first language, you found out those funny words your mom would say when reading from her big book was her second language which was called latin. and how sometimes when she spoke it while cooking your food always came out tastier and you'd go to sleep feeling stronger than ever.

its on your 13th birthday when your parents sit you down and tell you the truth, how you've been born into a long line of witches from both your mother and father's side. how they can tell you've been curious as they were as kids, but they see something in you that pushed them to decide to let you in sooner to the lifestyle than other witchlings, who normally started learning before a witches becoming ceremony on their 16th.

"your magic can be a blessing and a curse," they said, sitting with you on the couch while your father showed you the family picturebook holding portraits of ancestors dating back hundreds of years. "but in our family, we've always put the greater good of witch kind before others. we protect our own and they protect us. you'll always have someone in your corner when things seem impossible. "

your parents were kidding, with you being introduced to some of the other witch kids in town. contrary to what you were thinking they were pretty popular, and welcomed you into their circle nearly immediately.

being popular means meeting many types of people though, and that's what led you to meet the one and only stiles stilinski.

he was a bit nerdy, and definitely less popular than you were but that didnt really matter. your first conversation was in english class freshman year, when you asked him for a pencil and he accidentally gave out four at once. you laughed at him and he told you that you had the prettiest smile he'd ever seen, and that since smiling made people live longer he hoped you live to be 110. it was weird but cute.

since that day you'd been friends, hanging out with stiles and scott often. you'd even show up to cheer at their lacrosse games even if they sucked. you tried giving them small luck charms before games which luckily seemed to work.

even if you found yourself growing close to them, you still kept the knowledge of your heritage close to your chest. even if stiles, being the mini detective he was, seemed to nearly figure it out multiple times.

but it's during the latter end of your sophomore year when things take a turn. stiles shows up to your house in the dead of night asking you to come with him to get some snacks and chill. figuring you had nothing else to do, you agreed and decided to walk the short trek with him to scott's house.

what he didnt tell you was that the three of you were going into the woods to find half of a damn dead body, the boys ignoring your complaints from behind them as they searched the forest floor. sure you could've gone home, but it'd be a lie to say you weren't just a bit interested yourself. and scared they'd get themselves killed.

the funs cut short when you and stiles are caught by his dad, who on the drive home awkwardly insinuates that he thought you two had snuck away to fool around in the woods, making the both of you loudly deny it. but after you get dropped off at home you start thinking if it'd be the worst thing in the world to date the stilnksi boy.

the next few weeks are chaos, with you finding out that not only are werewolves back in beacon hills but the newest addition is scott himself. you try to give him as much help as you can without seeming too suspicious.

but it's one afternoon when stiles comes up to you acting the calmest you've ever seen him and tells you he's taking you out for burgers, his treat. you agree because one free burgers and two alone time with your...best friend stiles. win-win situation, right?

wrong, because as soon as you're settled in the passenger seat and ready to eat a burger after the crappy school lunch, stiles turns in his seat and asks "are you supernatural too?"

you looked at him and knew you couldn't lie to his face, the truth spilling from your mouth faster than you could comprehend. he seemed more excited to hear about you being a witch than you did when you found out you were one.

you swear him and scott to secrecy, telling him it's already dangerous enough that they know. your secret is safe with them but god are they annoying about it.

what spells can you do? do you have a cauldron? do you have any family members who died in salem? could you put a curse on jackson? not a super serious one just so he...ok nevermind.

as irritating as it could be, you knew that they meant well.

sometimes when you're in your room studying your grimoire, stiles will ask you to translate the little latin notes on the sides to him. when you start to get annoyed you'll explain one to him and tell him that whatever you just said is a curse and because he asked you to say it its now on him. his face is priceless every time.

the day of your becoming ceremony is pure chaos to put it simply. your parents wake you up and give you your favorite breakfast foods which is always nice. the stiles picks you up from school while he and scott are acting completely suspicious about a surprise they have for you.

you find out what it is when you get to school and see a giant banner at the front of the school that reads "happy birthday y/n!". it's almost enough to make you cry.

once the school day is over you have to head home for the ceremony, but not before your best friends beg you to tag along, not knowing that you haven't exactly told your parents that you told them your secret.

its safe to say they were pissed off when you got home, but we're more understanding (and slightly shocked and scared) when you told them that scott was a werewolf. but the more supernatural the better!

the ceremony goes off without a problem, and by the end you already feel stronger. the new power surging through your veins gives you a boost of confidence.

you drive with stiles as he drops scott off, before he takes you up to your favorite spot overlooking the city. its one of your favorite ways to end a night, looking out at your home and talking to your favorite person in the world. with your newfound confidence, you admire stiles as he rants about something before grabbing his face and bringing him in for a kiss.

you pull away after a few seconds, looking at his dazed face to see if he reciprocates your feelings or not. when he gives you that signature dopy smile of his and kisses you, its more magical than you could've hoped for.

[mosviqu]

before the new year begins

happy new year everyone! 🫶🏻✨️ toffee @neo-shitty tagged me in this and since i absolutely love talking about myself and reflecting, i am taking the opportunity to look back on 2024 with this, so thank u for the tag hihi. 🩷

my no-pressure tags go to @sungbeam @from-izzy @gluion @jaehunnyy @sanaxo-o @injangism and @freakywonbin !!

1. share your favorite memory of this year.

as much as i shit on 2024, it surely was one of the best years of my life. I can't really think of one memory that would be my most favorite, but i really enjoyed my trip to budapest in june and also august, my internet best friend sleeping over, karaoke nights in november and december, getting drunk with my situationship, 11/11 manifestation with my friend and over-all many moments spent with friends during this semester :,)

2. what was the highlight of your year?

I think that an over-all highlight might have been me spending more time with my friends and building deeper bonds with the people around me, but once again, i dont think i can pick just one.

3. list the top five books you read this year.

AAAA i love book questions. okay so! first place definitely takes happy all the time by laurie colwin, which i didnt expect to like as much as i did, but its a solid 5* book that i think about often. second place is definitely tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow by gabrielle zevin that i read this time last year, it was such an enchanting and amazing read with an unique plot line and great world building. third place takes flowers for algernon by daniel keyes, my psych major heart enjoyed this one deeply. makes you think and reflect and i would recommend this book to anyone. I also very much enjoyed kitchen by banana yoshimoto, which was written in a very simple, yet beautiful way, and the last one im going to mention is never let me go by kazuo ishiguro, which i also didnt expect to like half as much as i did.

4. list the top five movies you watched this year.

I am not much of a movie watcher, if im being honest, i am convinced i literally watched 5 movies in total last year 💀💀 but i did really love fight club! I also finally watched the amazing spiderman movies which i loved, and beautiful boy which wasn't exactly what i expected, but i enjoyed it nonetheless and think about it often. as the fifth one im gonna mention john mulaney: baby j if that counts..? 😭

5. list the top five tv series you binged this year.

I havent watched much tv series either,, but twinkling watermelon was definitely my favorite!! I also enjoyed the eighth sense and the eight show, and i also channeled my inner uk culture lover and watched the inbetweeners finally LMAOO

6. what is the one new thing you discovered this year (could be a place/hobby/song etc)?

does a karaoke bar at uni count? 💀💀 i dont think i really discovered many new things last year, or i cant really recall anything..? but i definitely discovered more of my uni town and maybe more of my sexuality..? 😭 as for artists i discovered the kid laroi, role model and gracie abrams :p

7. top three albums that you played this year?

the secret of us by gracie abrams, eternal sunshine by ariana grande and kansas anymore by role model were definitely my most played this year 🙂‍↕️

8. your spotify wrapped #1 song

I feel like i am the only one whose spotify wrapped was accurate this year HAHA. anyways mine was sadly she moves in her own way by the kooks. 🧍‍♀️

9. your spotify wrapped top artist.

the 1975! matty healy they could never make me hate you.

10. your personal song of the year.

oof.. n e m u s i m e s a b a t by porsche boy and mess. this song was there for me when no one else was HAHA.

11. what is an achievement that you are proud of this year?

started putting myself first and taking more opportunities to go out/hang out with people. this used to be a big problem of mine especially when i was handling anxiety, but i found that getting out of the house helps managing it :))

12. what are your goals for the next year?

biggest goal is definitely graduating and getting into masters! then id love to travel to london with my friend in the summer and finally get that tattoo i've been wanting since 17 hihi. finding love would also be great but i dont think thats something i can impact haha

13. any three book releases you are excited for next year

I dont really follow any anticipated releases, to be honest! I just read what i find already released 😭

14. any three upcoming movies/tv series that you are excited for next year.

WEAK HERO CLASS 2 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15. if you could change one thing about the past year what would it be?

the holiday season 💀💀 it was quite possibly the darkest part of my year/life and i did not enjoy it at all.

16. did you manage to stick to your new year's resolutions this year?

I just found a few that i had written down in my journal last year. I definitely stuck to taking care of myself more, put myself first more, hanging out more with my friends and continuing to write. I didnt however watch more movies, do more art and read 24 books last year 💔

17. do you have any new year's resolutions for the next year?

I do! as i already mentioned, graduating and getting into masters is a big one. then going to london, get a tattoo, write more, continue to socialize even more, be more careless and have more of a yolo lifestyle, find a more positive relationship with myself and build my confidence in a way that doesnt depend on external validation. :))

18. favorite meme of the year?

mama a girl behind you was a big one in my brain to be quite honest. 😭😭 also 9/10 perfect score! OH and the sabrina "have you ever tried this one?"

19. which month was the most fun this year?

june, august, october and november were big ❤️‍🔥

20. what color do you associate the previous year with?

hmmm not gonna lie its very close to brat green in my eyes

21. if you could tell yourself something at the beginning of this year based on what you know right now, what would it be?

do things scared !!! don't worry so much about everything, because things will turn out just fine. also dont talk to the erasmus people in the club it's a trap! (/j. I've enjoyed this little fun romance side quest of mine so far.)

22. favorite viral trend of the year?

I think i kinda fell for the very cutesy very demure trend for a bit?? Also the viral dance to disco by surf curse was the highlight of my days i watched every single one on my fyp haha

23. list any three new things you learned this year (could be recipes, a new skill, etc.)

my signature pasta recipe i cook for me and my roommate every other week. I also feel like i finally learned how to park..? and uhhh the last skill may be how to give a bj idk sjsksdksksk

24. how would you describe your year in a word?

fun!

25. what color do you want to associate the upcoming year with? why?

yellow! it feels like a very positive/celebratory color and i feel like thats what i really need next year <3

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Reviews are in: I'm giving this book 8.5 out of 10 stars in its category (which we shall call Light and Kinky Reading for a Summer's Afternoon). One star deducted for having way more typos and formatting errors than I feel like a published book should have -- like it was enough that I was actively distracted by it on multiple occasions -- and .5 for minor annoyances: nobody has a refractory period at all, Tristan goes from the back door to the front with his fingers and tongue at least twice and makes my OCD-haver eyelid twitch, I didn't vibe with him randomly calling Isolde "honey" and "baby" during the sex scenes, and I'm pretty sure I caught the phrase "pulsing organ" in here at least once. 😅

I read the whole thing in a few hours. It felt like reading AO3 fic, in a good way (in spite of the obvious comparison to 50 Shades it might inspire). If this is one of those "started-out-as-fic" novels, it was not glaringly obvious, but if I had to guess the fandom I'd say Hannibal AU based on a couple of suspicious lines. (Then again, I suppose it technically is still fic. Of an Arthurian legend.)

Warnings for violence (main character has war-related PTSD and lots of vivid flashbacks, plus there's violent drama within the main story) and America-typical foreign war meddling (in a Princess Diaries-esque made up country.) There's some undernegotiated kink: the first few sex scenes take place spontaneously and before the sub has established a safeword; it's still all very consensual. There are safewords established otherwise and aftercare is repeatedly built into the story in a way I really like. Also there is just. So much alcohol. I'm hoping the dom's functional alcoholism is going to be dealt with at some point in the trilogy: some things hint at it, so fingers crossed.

The way this book is structured is that in the first half Tristan is falling in love (and kink) with Mark, then in the second half they're apart and he's falling in love (and much milder kink) with Isolde. Riiiiiight at the end of the book they all meet up, and yes I will immediately be buying the second one so I can actually get to the throuple shenanigans.

(Also for anyone who's read Disrepute this story made me laugh with how closely it hit the same beats as what I was doing with Susanna, except in this case the "sub who didn't realize his dom was in an open engagement with a woman and is mad about it" also ends up sleeping with and falling for the fiancée too, which I kind of played with but ultimately wasn't willing to do with an OC in fanfic.)

Anyway yeah if you already know you have the same fic tastes as what I read and write in terms of E-rated stuff, I definitely recommend this.

[paradoxcase]

Parodos and Chapter 1 of Harrow the Ninth

Interestingly, the parodos is the first song that is sung by the chorus at the beginning of a Greek tragedy

We are back in the third person, but only for the Parodos, then it goes back to second. Not sure what this means

So the Parodos is some kind of altered memory, and it has a broken Nine skull at the start. I think this is where it goes off the rails:

I'm guessing at this point in the original memory/what actually happened, Ortus probably said "have you never considered Gideon Nav". I went back to the third chapter of Gideon and note that Ortus doesn't really react to Harrow's announcement, other than saying that he fears death, so it makes sense that he was already briefed on this and knew he was going to be replaced by Gideon. So, I guess this is some sort of Dalinar-esque thing, where Gideon's name has been replaced with Ortus's name in Harrow's memory, so that she would remember Ortus doing the Lyctor trial with her instead? And I note that "Ortus" here is allcapsed - I guess the Lyctor whose name was given in the Dramatis Personae as "ORTUS" is maybe in fact named Gideon, then?

I notice also that the first part of the first sentence of both the Parodos and Chapter 1 matches the first part of the first sentence of Gideon the Ninth, more or less

I was hoping that reading Chapter 1 would help clarify some things, but it did the opposite. I spent so much time during the last book complaining that Gideon wasn't telling me what was going on or information about the world and how it worked and so forth, and was kind of hoping that when we got Harrow POV Harrow would fill me in on stuff, and maybe tell me some cool things about necromancy, but it actually got worse, now I'm not just unsure about the general premise of the universe or what is going on politically in the Empire, but also about what is even happening to Harrow in the real world, and what is a hallucination. Does the unreliable POV just continue to get even more unreliable as the series goes on? I've seen posts saying that the next narrator is a literal baby, but that can't possibly be true, can it?

The Parodos is "fourteen months before the Emperor's murder" and Chapter 1 is "nine months before the Emperor's murder". The difference is five months. The Parodos must have happened just before the beginning of Gideon the Ninth and I don't think Gideon the Ninth lasted for five months. There's a period at the beginning of the book where Gideon trains for three months, and then they go off to Canaan House, and they definitely weren't at Canaan House for two whole months. There's some timeskip in the Chapter 11-12 range, but I don't think it was close to two months of time. So this can't be right after the end of Gideon, but maybe like a month, or a month an half after? There's also definitely a lot of timeskip within this chapter as well, so I'm not sure if "nine months before the Emperor's murder" refers to the beginning of the chapter, or the end of the chapter. Is this before or after whatever happened to Harrow to make her "half a Lyctor"? I would guess probably before, but who knows. The Nine skull at the beginning of this chapter isn't broken, so maybe that means its meant to be before that

Harrow has so far established that things that she physically feels are definitely real and not hallucinations (like feeling Ianthe touching her, and here she says that usually when she hallucinates about the Body she can't feel its touch) so we have to assume that when she is getting burned/etc. by the sword, that was a real thing that happened. Was there something special about Gideon's sword? Harrow didn't have trouble wielding it at the end of the last book. I can't find in Gideon any information about where the sword came from, but maybe I've just forgotten. Honestly I don't have any other explanation for this than Harrow's best guess:

Harrow also had Gideon's knowledge of how to use the sword at the end of the last book, but doesn't seem to anymore, which makes me wonder again if this is actually post-becoming-half-a-Lyctor, but I really don't know

There's also something else that's kind of making me feel a bit crazy, which is that the Nook app is definitely slightly resizing the text, or the spacing, or something, at random times, so that the same text will sometimes appear in slightly different places when I look back at it later, and I don't know why this is happening. It would be cool if it were programmed to do that specifically with this book, but I suspect it's just a happy accident

Speaking of Nook-related typographical weirdness, is this style for the title page of the first Act an intentional choice that also appears in the dead tree book, or is this just the result of an image being the wrong size?

Harrow can sense living beings now, which is cool, but maybe not super useful for her at the moment. I guess when she said that "five pairs of eyes closed" in the prologue that was from direct experience and not just something she knew would be happening. There also seem to be a large number of people on the ship/space station/whatever who are not Lyctors

Since Harrow is saying that she does feel the Body touching her in these scenes, I wonder if the Body is actually a real person here, and she is just hallucinating their appearance

I don't think I have anything else for these chapters. Just a big I Don't Know at this point

[anhed-nia]

RETURN OF THE LIVING BLOGTOBER (2023)

I'm back everybody! Life has been a Whole Thing of late, in a good way, but also a way that feels like it ripped my entire being apart and reassembled me and I'm not sure if I'm even the same person anymore. But it's fine! You're not supposed to always be the same person, for the most part. Unfortunately I can't even brag about everything I've been up to because most of it has not been announced yet, so you'll kind of just have to take my word for it.

I've been doing Blogtober here for...actually I don't really know how long, because Tumblr's search is more busted than ever before, but I THINK I've been at it since 2015. This blog originally started as a repository for longform writing about whatever the hell is wrong with me, which I started to feel was unfair to inflict on the followers I had on main. Then I started doing some film writing here, kind of on a lark, and it became so consuming that I moved all my neurotic navel-gazing back to the other place because it felt so wrong to cross the streams or whatever. Blogtober began pretty casually with just a date, title, an image or two, and a few glib remarks, but pretty soon I wasn't able to keep doing it half-way, and every movie turned into a research project that resulted in a page or two (or more, in some cases) of this dense, turgid analysis that is probably not always a pleasure to read. But, this was a legitimate compulsion, a personal obligation that had nothing to do with likes or follows anything. There was no end game, it was just something I had to do.

Recently on The Last Drive-In they showed Phil Tippett's astounding 30 year art project MAD GOD, which he made for about $150,000 with no way of knowing what kind of future it had (it made more than twice its budget back, not that that's the most important thing about it). During the compelling interview with Tippett I tweeted something to the tune of, like, what singular thing can you think of doing with 30 years and all your spare change, just to do it, if you had no way of knowing what would come of it? And the EOC of Fangoria*** quote-tweeted me with a comment like "Some of us know, because some of us have done it," and then all these professional horror guys chimed in to brag about their various heroic labors of love, and I found this very annoying for two reasons: First, because I posed the question as kind of a sympathetic gesture toward people who might not have had an immediate answer, and who might have found it meaningfully provocative. I didn't mean to create an opportunity for a bunch of self-actualized snobs to just dunk on people who are less sure of themselves (or who have fewer resources, let's face it!). And the second thing that bothered me about it was, I suddenly realized I actually DO do my obsessions. The only reason the Fangoria guy follows me on Twitter is that I'm a branch director for The Miskatonic Institute of Horror Studies, which takes a lot of work and care and makes practically no money, and one of the main reasons I earned that role is just my own self-directed exploration of the horror genre that I've been conducting for years and years, basically for love alone. Like nobody read my blog and offered me a book deal or anything like that--really nobody reads this blog PERIOD!--but the fact that I do this with passion, "like no one's watching" as they say, set me up with the thoughtfulness and discipline to be able to do other things when the time came.

So the things have been: For the past five years I've been working on a screenplay with someone you have definitely heard of, and there are actors you have definitely heard of who are bought in, and there are producers attached who have made things you've definitely heard of. And I mean who knows what will happen, without even considering the strikes and everything, entire movies have been shot and shelved without ever seeing daylight, anything is possible. But still, I did that, I continue to do it, and I am a better writer for it, and just a more knowledgeable and experienced person. I mean because I did that, I was ready for the opportunity I got to write the novelization of the movie SPLICE (this is like the one thing that's public already, that I can name), which sounds silly but it was an incredible, and incredibly personal experience for me, and I don't think filmmaker Vincenzo Natali would mind if I said how extremely kind and encouraging and, apparently, genuinely impressed he was. So that was huge, I'm excited for that to come out. And then because of my work for Miskatonic, and because of a certain self-directed, obsessive research project I spent the past few years on for no reason other than that I'm insane, I got the chance to record a commentary track for a new blu ray of [REDACTED, can't wait for this thing to get announced], which completely blew my mind. Then at the same time, because my work with Miskatonic got me the opportunity to introduce a certain movie at a certain major art institution last summer, I got commissioned to write THREE (3) booklets for upcoming blu rays of fascinating movies by someone I truly love, from a best-in-class company. It's been really funny in a way because when I was doing my kinda accidental art history degree, I was so depressed and immature and generally fucked up that it was a miracle they graduated me; my writing was "fun" maybe but not disciplined at all, the nicest person on my thesis board called my paper "a grand failure" and one of my advisors wouldn't even look at me once the entire time. That particular guy would be so, so mad if he read any of what I just turned in, which is, like, of actual quality. It turns out I can do what I was supposed to be doing in college, I was just too damaged and worthless at the time so sort it out. And I guess this is just how long it took me to figure out what I actually wanted to do with my time on earth. It took about 40 years.

EDIT: Fuck and then I ALSO was invited to be on a jury at the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival and I saw some amazing stuff and met some great people and I still can't believe it happened! That was so cool. I beg you all to watch RED ROOMS and VINCENT MUST DIE as soon as you possibly can, holy fucking shitballs.

But anyway I'm pretty sure those are all the things I can talk about for now, in my deliberately vague way. But that's what I've been up to when I would normally be doing Blogtober! I DID watch a Blogtober-appropriate movie every day though, and I WILL write them all up. The entries might be a little more brief than usual, and it sucks that I wasn't able to make it a daily ritual that ramps up to Halloween, but I didn't give up. Life is all about change and you never know what will happen to you, but Blogtober is forever.

***I actually really like the EOC of Fangoria specifically because he wrote this editorial about how he is constantly besieged by people who think Fango owes them a career just because they subtweet the brand and they're huge nerds and they're chronically online and own a ton of VHS tapes and shit. And I'm 100% sure this constant annoyance is why he's so bitchy. But the meat of the editorial was about how if you want a job like whatever you imagine Fangoria is supposed to give you, then you should be doing what you'd be doing there anyway. You should be writing anyway. You should be doing research anyway. You could ask your favorite B movie guys for interviews. You could start a website, or put out a zine. Try harder. Challenge yourself. Grow. You don't need anyone's permission to pursue your passion, and if you feel like you do, you might have to face the fact that it's not really your passion. The truth is that if you ever want to be acknowledged or god forbid paid for a talent like writing (or any kind of art), it's only going to happen if you're already doing it, all the time, with or without other people's money and praise. And ahem you should remain aware that even really talented people rarely subsist on talent alone--but still. In the words of Maya Angelou, who neither you nor I ever expected to have a cameo on my sleazy horror blog: Ain't nothing to it but to do it.

[isoldathewanderer]

Ascent.

All I've ever wanted.

Pervasive power thrill, ever-growing, sought after.

Becoming.

My actual being and my idealized persona progressively melted in a web of multiplying threads.

Other levels. Searching. Daring. Different sceneries, bizarre experiences. Fighting for a daily adrenaline and dopamine infusion.

Since I remember being, the same need. Figments of unreality, turning common days into adventures. A life unlike any other one I knew. Needing what others did not.

Hunting obsessively for all facets of my strangeness. Chasing all its aspects and manifestations avidly. Not a staged or fake hunt. Indeed a magnetic pull. Attracting outliers and feeling inexorably drawn to them. Raw and true, authentic.

The infamous and magnificent staircase. Exquisite.

Ascent.

Movements align with feelings, thoughts, scenery and currents.

Unique moments pursued during an entire lifetime.

To have a collection of them is to be wealthy.

Some people live eight decades and do not experience a tiny fraction of LIFE encased in just an hour of that intensity.

Existence as a turning wheel, slowly mutating.

The first part of life (it doesn't need to be half) is focused on achieving, experimenting, trying, meeting, going, collecting (memories, experiences, moments).

The second can (should?) be slower. I may still collect and chase. But without the urgency and speed of other days. Without a list of achievements.

Could it be done if I wasn't happy with how much I had already achieved? Probably not. But here I am, increasingly ready to slow down.

Is there really a moment in life when we think we have reached everything we wanted, and all that comes from now on is a plus?

A moment when we sit back, observe the past and say, with absolute certainty, "I am content with all that was; if I die now, I have no reason to complain".

I've felt it. And I'm thinking about it now, more than ever.

I haven't reached anything resembling our current life expectancy, but I'm sure I've lived more in my life so far than most people in their entire long lives.

At the same time, wouldn't this realization mean we're ready to die? It should, in the most optimistic of ways. When we believe we got all we expected (and more) from life, we should make peace with the idea of dying. Not that I had made this peace. But I hope to.

On the other hand, this notion doesn't inevitably imply giving up on life's interests. When we say "all that comes from now on is a plus ", we certainly value that plus. Every day can be compelling. It's a quite welcomed "plus".

If we go back a century or a little more, people's life expectancy was between 40-50. Besides, most people had no access to most pleasures that make our current lives meaningful. It should make us rethink everything.

Suppose we reach 40 today, with a past of some travel, multiple enjoyments, access to art, music, literature, good food, medical care, and with the bonus of expecting it to last some more years to come. Are we not in a better position than 90% (being conservative) of all people who lived on the planet before us?

So, still enjoying what each day brings but letting go of lofty expectations, I feel privileged.

It's like having a vast collection of cherished works of art and leisurely looking for more, but with no pressure. Suppose I see one and manage to acquire it for my collection - perfect. If I do not, what I already possess is complete enough as it is and pleases me all the same.

In truth, no precious collection has an end, no matter how vast or valuable. The same happens with collecting life's art pieces.

This is how I see moments now. Trips, places, conversations, meetings, even books and movies. If one good enough happens to be achievable (with the proportionate effort that its value returns), I feel lucky. If not, nothing is lacking, and no sense of frustration exists.

This freedom is relatively new to me, a known collector of moments and (former) ambitious achiever.

[fictionalmenmakemecry]

Damon Salvatore - NSFW Alphabet

Warnings: Sex, Oral, Cursing, Fetishes, Masturbation

Ever want to know the intimate details of Damon Salvatore? Well this passage explores and explains Damon's, weaknesses, turns on and secrets.

Damon Salvatore is a very sexual person, if you're not comfortable with it, I would not continue.

Requested: @proseofpandemonium

I hope you like it !

A= Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

Damon would love to see you a mess after sex. He get up from the bed and look at you, knowing you were under his control after what he just did to you. You both would be sweaty and completely out of breath. Total smell of sex in the air.

B= Body Part (Their favourite body part of their partners)

He loves your folds, you could feel him instantly relax when he would ease into you. He also appreciated your ass a lot of the time. He would gently hold your ass as you straddled him and would get you in the mood by slapping and spreading them while making out.

C= Cum (Anything to do with cum basically .. I’m disgusting person)

He was able to dominate you with a flicker of his eyes. One of his favorite things was him watching you swallow his cum as you looked up to him. Your mouth open and a clear view of where it was going to go. You couldn't deny that it got you instantly wet. The look in his eyes would be overpowering.

D= Dirty Play (Pretty Self Explanatory)

Bondage. Damon knew what you liked, he knew the pain you found pleasure in. His little sub would be eager to try new position and new restraints. Seeing you in a vulnerable position, just made him harder.

E= Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Damon knew exactly how to read you. He knew how to read women in general but you even more. He didn't need you to tell him you were close. He already knew. He knew how to edge you so easily, even when you were try to hide how close you were to cumming. He read you like a book and that's what made him so powerful. Your and his body were so connected, no one else would fit so perfectly inside you. He had experience so much throughout his life but was always excited to show you what he thought you would like.

F = Favorite Position

The one thing that he couldn't resist was you bent over with your ass in the air. You would fully expose your pussy as you bend over and he would speed to you without hesitation. It could happen anywhere. Whether you were in the living room, he would have you bend over on the couch with your head down on the pillow with your ass high. You would feel his gaze which made you even wetter.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humourous, etc.)

Damon was pretty serious when it came to fucking. He was definitely passionate about it. Time to time, you would tease him and it would bring out his playful side when he would see you lead him on. When you had the power, he would let you mess with him but no matter what, he couldn't resist the urge to take control at the end and exhaust both of you. He always wanted to finish on his terms.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc)

He was always well groomed. He loved how freeing it felt to have no hair. Nothing got in the way when he would watch you suck him off. It made everything easier, especially the cleaning up afterwards.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

Damon was a wild card when it came to sex. Sex was passionate and heated. But there's moments when he knows you would want to feel loved and cared for. He would make you dinner, and throughout the night get closer to you. He would start kissing your neck so gently. Those pure blue eyes would show how much he needed you. Every caress would show how much his touch lingered on your skin, making shivers travel up your spine.

J = Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

One of Damon's favourite things was when he would watch you get off. He would ask you to take off your underwear and play with yourself. He would tell you that there was nothing more attractive than watching give yourself pleasure. He wouldn't be able to resist for long and and start jacking himself off. You'd both get so riled up from watching each other.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Damon has a kink for wax play. He slowly introduced you to it by getting you use to the feel of the wax on your skin. He would lay you down and watch as he poured wax on your torso, the hot temperature gave a quick sting followed with pleasure as the wax dripped down and cooled. He would get these special massage candles, of course the smell of bourbon (He wouldn't be able to resist the scent), and they would melt turning into massage oil, he would massage your neck, back and legs. He would tease your upper thigh getting closer and closer to your pussy.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Damon was a sucker for shower sex. The hot water travelling down both your bodies and steam in the air would just make the perfect atmosphere for both of you to loosen up. Especially if him and Stefan were gone for a couple of weeks. The first thing he would want when he was home was you and him in the shower. He would strip you and you both get in, your bodies pressing up against each other. You would feel his lips on yours and his hands travel down to your ass.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You being a brat. Any reason you would do to go against him. You loved pressing his buttons, knowing he was going to punish you. You would tease him blatantly. You would wear that dress that was slightly too short for you to go out in public, or jeans that would be that little bit too tight. You would press up against him briefly in public, let your hand linger on his arm a second longer than you should. You would look in his eyes and see a spark behind his them. You knew he was going to have his way with you when you both got home.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Damon didn't want any of your senses blocked. Whether that was sight or sound. He wanted you to be fully aware of what you were doing. He never wanted to blindfold you, he wanted to make sure you were comfortable with what you were seeing. He didn't want to make you so vulnerable that you would get hesitant or nervous.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

You giving Damon head was one of the simpler things that he could never get tired of. But when it came to him eating you out, he never went half way. He wanted to learn you inside out with his tongue and fingers. He was confident about what he was doing. One of his favourite positions was when you were sitting on his face. He loved the control you had, also loved being able to keep an eye on you.

Q = Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc)

He would have a quickie when his patience would run out, that was usually out in public or friends house and you would be teasing him all day. But he would always make proper sex a real experience, making sure you were both completely satisfied and drained before getting a good night sleep, otherwise he wouldn't be able to sleep.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks?)

Damon is always trying to be risky. That was his thing in general, so anything sexual wouldn't be any different. He was open for everything when it came to adding more pleasure and closeness between you two. He would always want to try new toys and roleplay. He was even open to pegging, but that's a story for another time.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Damon being a vampire has its benefits, one of them being his stamina. It was clearly unhuman but he would have to be realistic when it came to you. He just wanted to keep going for as long you were comfortable with. He knew that after awhile you would get kind of raw. Which meant no sex for awhile and that wouldn't be good. He mainly focus on you. He never would want to hurt you especially when it was avoidable.

T = Toys ( Do they own any toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Damon found one of your toys when trying to find something, he did his typical smirk when he showed you he found it. He asked you why you kept it to yourself. You said you didn't know how he was going to react. He was clearly over the moon to know that you were open to that type of thing. Since then, you both went toy shopping and experimented. Damon being an ass man, he loved trying anal toys with you. He gets hard knowing that you gets so much pleasure from it. You've never looked back from toyless sex since.

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Damon would punish you when you were being a brat. One of the ways he would punish you would be through teasing. He wasn't into any light teasing either. He wanted you to be begging for relief. You would be a mess on the bed, tied to the bed posts. You would be spread and soaked in your own sweat and juices from his persistent oral edging and fingering. Once you learned your lesson, he would give you the relief and the most intense orgasm of your life. You never learned that lesson for long mind you. You secretly loved the punishment, seeing him with that kind of power over you was irresistibly sexy.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds do they make)

The room was usually filled with the sounds of Damon whispering in your ear asking if you've been a bad girl while fucking you roughly. You moaning your answers, while the bed banged against the wall. It was hard for you to be both quiet but both of you wouldn't care who would hear by the time you got to the end. Which became a problem at friends house, they would eventually hear you.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Damon was infatuated with your neck, he would nick your neck time to time and drink some of your blood while you were fucking. Learning early on, it made you orgasm harder from the rush of the minor blood loss. After he would indulge himself, he would kiss your neck and then cut his wrist, giving you his blood so you would heal from it. He was in control of it and knew you were in no danger. Plus, he enjoyed the taste of you immensely. When you saw his eyes turn dark and red, you knew what was coming, and getting excited for it instantly.

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Damon was known for being good at sex, yes skill plays a big part but, the equipment is just as important. He knew how to use his length, he had a lot of it and knew he had to be careful with women that weren't as open to sex as he was. It took awhile for you to get use to his dick but now nothing else will do.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Unrealistically high, let's just leave it at that.

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep)

Knowing that Damon has made you shake with pleasure and cry out his name. He will easily drift off to sleep no problem. You resting your head on his chest, he would stroke your hair as he listened to your heart beat slow down to a rest rate.

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Anon said: tried to read through all your request rules, but I didnt specifically see which Characters you write for. If you do, could you write for Porco helping his S/o sleep? I have super bad insomnia most days, and I just really want something fluffy with Porco...just cuddles or stories or something. If you dont write for Porco though could you switch it with a AoT character you do write for, I'm not really picky. Thank you so much in advance! 🥺💗

Porco helping you sleep

{Porco x reader | tw:none | sleep help, fluff | canon }

{ "The Night School" C.1660-C.1665 By Gerrit Dou 1613-1675 }

Unmoving shadows cast into the empty white walls, slightly flickering with the flame on the white candle sitting on the nightstand. Half lidded eyes observe their small movements for they're the only interesting thing in this empty hotel room you've been assigned. 

Your beige uniform tucked into the small closest with a single hanger inside, the armband hanging on the closest door for easy reach. The squeak of the spring mattress chirping up whenever you moved to flip your too stiff pillow. 

Judging by the amount of melted wax collecting on the bottom of the candle, you've been awake for far too long. 

This isn't the first time this has happened, you're used to getting acquainted with the room's walls and shadowy furniture.

Sleep has abandoned you long ago, its friend insomnia visiting you daily instead. Only leaving every week or so to remind you of what you could never have, taunting almost.

You've tried to force yourself to sleep really, did every known trick in the book, you even tried mediation like Zeke has been preaching to you about, but to no avail. so you've started making peace with the thing, you know at least using the night time to get things done since you're not getting rest either way.

Books were your first friend, for staring at the walls could only be entertaining for so long, but now with your stash of books miles away back home, you're left with nothing else to do.

The nightstand drawer only contained an emergency gun with several bullets inside, and the pocket knife under your pillow wasn't interesting enough.

Getting up from the bed, you picked up the candle before slowly inching the creaky door open. Maybe a glass of water could help, who cares that this is your third time going for water in the last hour? Well hydration is important after all, or so you tried to bargain for an excuse to stretch your legs.

Attempting your best to glide through the old wooden boards without as much as a squeak, you headed towards the kitchen, passing through several other bedrooms in the process, probably all deep in dream land already.

Everything was too quiet, the sound of water filling the glass was the only thing interrupting the silence, its cool feeling going down your dry throat helped you a bit.

Drinking down what you can, you decided to take the rest with you back, a good excuse for a trip to the bathroom later. Although as you turned, a figure was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and staring at you.

"Isn't it too early for breakfast?" Porco said, covering his mouth with his hand as he yawned, "you should get some rest while you can, we're getting thrown in the front trenches tomorrow." 

Just the mention of it made your stomach roll at the thought of staying in a muddy hole for days, the smell of gunpowder and yelling of soldiers, not to mention the crowded train rides back home.

"I know, it's just…" you stared at the water moving inside your glass while tilting it, "one of those days, you know?" 

eyes narrowing with his eyebrows pulling down in concentration, even Porco's sleep clouded mind could recognise the heavy bags under your eyes. The ride here used all of your energy and now you're too tired to even sleep.

Feeling an unpleasant weight on his chest, he wasn't sure what to say as he approached you, awkwardly leaning against the sink, a heavy sigh left him.

"You know, you should bother me more often, I don't mind it." His gentle tone was followed by a melancholic smile, "let's just...go to bed."

With that his hand wrapped around your wrist, loosely at first like he was reluctant about it, before it got more secure once you didn't pull away.

…

The old door gave out a creek as it closed behind you, the room dimmer than you left it with the candle you're carrying almost burning out. 

Looking at the small bed with a single pillow, you wondered how the two grown people would fit in it and judging by the frustrated look Porco was eyeing it with, he must be thinking the same.

Looking at him, your mind wondered back to all the battles you've fought together. For some reason the superiors always seemed more strick and harsh with him, especially after the paradise mission was launched.

Belitting and nagging, carelessly throwing him in risky situations.

Your grip tightened around the water glass, feeling growing thickness in your throat. "Hey...it's okay you can go to your room, you need sleep." You said moving past him to sit on the bed, "I'll be fine."

"Should've thought of that before waking me up, now scoot over." He said, rising an eyebrow and stepping closer.

"I didn't wake you up, you're just a light sleeper." Laying down, you stretched your limbs filling the bed, "there's no room, it won't fit."

Silence filled the room for a while, you could feel his eyes roaming over you, "Oh really? Well…"

One second, you were laying on the mattress while staring at his stubborn expression in confusion, the next a pair of arms was lifting you up as he stole your place before dropping you on him. His arm circled your waist not trusting that you won't pull away

"I made it fit." he looked at you with smugness in his eyes

His warm skin felt comforting against yours, contrasting with the cold room air, you could hear his slowing heartbeat with being so close to his chest, your legs slowly tangling to fit under the blanket covering you.

Apparently that's as far as his genius plan went, because after that an awkward silence filled the room.

"So...you made it fit huh?" You couldn't help but say, a grin slowly spreading on your face. 

Porco blinked in response, tilting his head, before his eyes stilled as his ears flushed. "Fucking god, you're such a-" his attempt to scold you was interrupted by a chuckle escaping mid-sentence.

Having a contagious laugh, soon enough you too joined him.

After it died down, the atmosphere was replaced by a much more relaxed one as his hold on you softened, more intimate than the previous one. 

"When I was a kid, i used to have trouble sleeping- well more like i was too stubborn to fall asleep." Porco said, trailing his finger up your back soothingly, "and since Marcel was stuck sharing a room with me, he'd tell me stories to get me to fall asleep."

"What kind of stories?" 

"...if you tell this to anyone I'm reporting you to the higher ups you for treason, they were flower stories." Clearing his throat, you could feel his heartbeat rising under you, 

Closely watching your reaction, Porco continued after some seconds. "now I'm not calling you a kid nor do i think it's as simple, i just think...we should give it a chance." 

With the heaviness of the blanket above you and warmth of his body underneath you, it was hard to refuse his request, especially with the way he looked at you so earnestly. 

You agreed, and felt his other hand reach to pull up the blanket more, tucking you protectively between his body and the soft fabric. 

"This first one is called...well i don't remember what names Marcel gave them, but it's about poppies."

Crimson red bringers of eternal sleep, their crumbled petals and dark centers often found in the ancient tombs of soldiers.

As the mother of nature, Demeter, mourned and grieved from the betrayal of Zeus, it wasn't only the mortal realm in which death loomed at every corner, for her own mind was a tormenting prison of never ending suffering.

And so a droplet of her blood sprang and flourished to create a six petaled flower, easing her heartache if only for a moment as the poppy put her to sleep, numbing the pain.

Following in her trail was a red carpet of poppies, soon enough death and sleep themselves wore the flower, red crowns resting on top of Thanatos's held up head and one almost slipping from Hypnosi's leaning one as he dozed off. for eternal sleep was only another name for visiting the underworld. 

A symbol of peace in resting and condolence for the loss of a loved one, became the poppy's role. 

"This is why you'd often see them in people's front pockets whenever we return home." Porco said, the light slowly vanishing from the room as the candle burned itself out, the flame snuffed.

You've never questioned why a delivery of poppies would always be on the requirements in each returning celebration, it's just always been there. 

Slow and easy breathes flew through you, lazily stretching your arms up till it met something soft. Porco seemed to tense as your fingers loosely combed through his hair, leaning into the touch after a while.

"Don't stop." He murmured, sleep clear in his voice as another yawn left him.

"Do you have any other stories?" Drowsiness sweeping through your mind, you buried your hed deeper against his neck, eyelids fluttering shut.

"Yeah just…" his hand stilled from behind you as he looked into space attempting to recall a memory, soon enough the soft stroking returned. "This one is about peony."

Named after none other than Paeon himself, these flowers lived up to their reputation of healing and honour, for they have their own story to tell.

How the peony came to be declared king of flowers.

During the Tang dynasty, empress Wu Zetian strolled through her garden. Frowning at the empty field of green covered in thick white blankets of snow, the harsh season not showing mercy for the plants.

With a new goal in mind to flip this dreadful looking graveyard of a garden, she set to defy nature for she is the ruler of the land and her word is law.

Per her majesty's order, all flowers shall bloom in the midst of winter's visit.

As the word travelled far, all the fairies in the land couldn't believe their ears, how could such delicate fragile petals grow amidst the storm and snow. For flowers only bloom in spring, how could we go against mother nature?

While merciless mother nature was cruel, she couldn't compare for the empress's strong rule. For the fairies feared for their wings as their knees shook in her presence.

When the sun shined again, it welcomed colourful fields of different flowers in full bloom. The empress was pleased with their sweet smell and proud colours, each one rivaling the other.

And yet, she stood still near one flower bed, eyes wide. The peony deified her words and stubbornly refused to open, only sticks and brittle leaves left in their place.

In a fit of rage, the empress banished the flower to a far away city, striping away their status.

Living up to their stubborn nature, the peony bloomed that spring the most beautiful flowers humans have ever seen, turning the city of Luoyang into a heavenly soft land as their petals danced through the wind.

But their beauty couldn't last long, for a hungry fire swallowed them all, under the order of the empress who turned their green to coal.

And yet to everyone's surprise, when the earth circled the sun again, the peonies were back in bloom. Springing from the ashes were their mesmerising big petals and soft colours. 

In their respect, the fairies crowned them for their bravery as the ruler of the flowers, for wasn't it for their sacrifice the flowers wouldn't have been freed.

"They stayed on the right way, even if it meant going against the world." Porco's slurred words were half muffled against the pillow, head buried in it, his eyelids seemed to get too heavy for him to force them open again.

Turning his head to the side, you felt his lips press a light kiss against your forehead before whispering a goodnight, his hold still comfortably secure around you as if you might slip away. 

Soon enough, you too drifted into sleep as only his soft snoring filled the room. The moon watching over both of you through the windows as her light barely reached inside. 

And at this instant, you didn't think there was anywhere else in the world you'd rather be. Thoughts of what the future holds were pushed to the back of your mind next to the past, for the present is now and what a waste it would be not to bask in these rare moments of peace in this horrible world

[wandsandwheezes]

As a Kite | R.W

TW / mentions of ouid n getting h*gh , Smut, (Oral - female receiving, dirty talk, a lil dominance) other than that fluffy stuffs.

Fair warning this is basically pwp and I'm not ashamed because I am the biggest simp for my boy Ron 😍 I'll probably end up writing the 2nd part as I am a thirsty girl xoxox

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist ❤️

@witch-and-a-half @weasleysflowr @hufflepuffgirly @theweasleysredhair

Dragging my feet up the stairs to the Gryffindor commons was like hell after a long morning in the dungeons for potions.

I had a free afternoon, one that was usually spent pestering Ron to indulge in a food adventure or a trip to the astronomy tower to get away from it all. There's nothing that I wouldn't do for my best friend. In the summer before my first year, Ron and I made a promise to always look out for each other, mainly because I was way too scared to roam Hogwarts on my own but also because He had already had the craziest first year he could've imagined. We have been inseparable since, There were never any secrets between us and to him I was an open book.

I knock on the door to the boy's dorm, hearing the giggles of the weasley boys coming from within, after a few moments a glazed eyed Ron opens the door, smile beaming at me from ear to ear. "How're we feeling this afternoon, Ronald?" I ask, the faint smell of we*d hitting my senses as I step into the room, "brilliant thanks, I'm glad you're here," he says, I take a seat on his bed, greeting the twins with a smile, "you boys wouldn't happen to be high at all, would you now?" I laugh, "As a kite, dear Y/N" George speaks, "and Georgie made some if his signature brownies, just for you" Fred adds, handing me a foil packet, which I gladly take.

Getting high with the boys was not too unusual, It's been a smell I'd familiarised myself with during my childhood spent at the Weasley home, at first it was Bill's doing, then the Twins, with Ron, Ginny and I following along soon after. I've been lucky to have a wizarding family like the Weasleys, with Molly taking pity on my mother and sister who were both muggles, offering to step in and handle the wizarding side of things with my father out of the picture - a gesture I could never repay.

Fred and George left Ron's dorm to head back to their own after hours of giggles, deciding to take a not so simple detour through the kitchens to satisfy their newfound hunger. This left Ron and I in the room alone, my fingers running through his soft hair as his head lay in my lap, "If you keep doing that, ill fall asleep..." He hums, causing me to laugh gently, pulling a little at the hairs at the back of his head. He watched my every move, dopey grin still all over his face.

"Bloody hell, I think I'm in love." Ron admits, I roll my eyes, "I know Krum's in the castle, Ronald but you're going to need to win him over with more than that." He sits up, looking at me with all seriousness, before shaking his head, "Not Krum... You. I'm in love with you, Y/N." I freeze for a second, shock is not the word I was looking for, perhaps confusion? Sure Ron was an attractive young lad and he was funny, funnier than the twins (not that I'd tell them that), he was charming, kind, strong, caring and by godric he was perfect, but in love with me? He was everything I needed, he was patient with me, he listened to every worry, he was there on my good days and bad days, yet here i am staring at his lips, wanting nothing more than for him to just kiss me. That was it.

I think I love him too, how blind have I been to not have seen this sooner. "Ron, I-" I smile grabbing his hand that had found its way to my cheek, leaning into his touch. "I love you." I breathe out, looking deep into his eyes.

I found out a lot of things about Ron that night; Number one - Ron is absolutely adorable when he's high.

Number two - Ron is literal putty in my hands as soon as I'm playing with his hair

Number three - Ron was in love with me, and I with him.

And finally, Number four - Ron is not the gentle lover I thought he would be, and I am weak the second he's whispering about all the dirty things he wants to do to me. He is a Rough lover, rougher than I expected.

He liked to take control, pinning me against the sheets, placing kisses to every piece of skin he laid his eyes on. "I can't wait to hear you moan for me, darling" he places a kiss to my forehead before resting his own against it letting go of my wrists to pull me up, hand pressed against the small of my back, "tell me if it's too much, we go as far as you want." I run my hands through his soft hair, pulling him in for a kiss, I could smell the cinnamon, a scent I'd associated with him, his kisses were powerful and spoke a thousand words to me, I pull away from his lips for a moment, trailing kisses to his ear, whispering gently to him. "I want you Ron, I need this, make me feel good..."

That was all it took to send him to overdrive, I fell in love there and then with the way his eyes darkened as we fumbled to undress each other, frantic and needy kisses being pressed against each other's skin. He pushed me back against the bed, kneeling between my thighs, as he hooks his fingers into my underewear, pulling them down my legs, a hunger in his eyes, "fuck, you're already so wet," he hums, "what is it you want first baby, my fingers or my tongue? hm? I don't hear my girl begging for anything, I may have to leave her here, untouched and needy. That sounds like fun..." I roll my eyes, big mistake, his hand grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him, "I don't expect attitude from you so early on." he warns "Beg." he almost growls, fingers ghosting over my thighs, "Use your words and tell me what you want." This side of Ron I'd never seen before and it was unlike anything I'd expect from him, but I need him. "I need your tongue baby, please Ron, I need you." that was all he needed, kisses trailed down my body to between my legs, "Good girl," he smirks, blowing gently on my clit, causing a shiver to run through my body, his tongue already on me before i could register what was going on. His tongue was skilled, licking and sucking at my already wet pussy, It was pure heaven. He pulled my clit between his teeth, sucking on it, which in turn caused me to attach my hands to his soft, gorgeous hair, keeping his lips pressed firmly against me "Don't stop, Ron, It feels so good!" I moan out, my fingers in his hair only egging him on further.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he whispers, kissing his way up my body. The sounds of laughing boys echo through the hall, growing closer and closer to the door. "for fuck's sake," he groans, reaching over to grab his wand quickly locking the door with a spell, before anyone walks in on us "colloportus!" he looks down at me with a smile, pressing a kiss to my forehead as he helps me back into my clothes. "I hope I wasn't being too much, I don't want to scare you off." I laugh, reaching up to smooth down his hair, making it less obvious that my hands had previously been tangled in his gorgeous locks. "Bloody hell, as if you couldn't get any sexier... I don't think you were doing nearly enough" I tease, He smirks, picking me up off the bed and carrying me to the door, "good, because I've hardly even started with you, Princess"

"Ron, mate if you don't open this door ill kill you myself, I'm bloody exhausted." Dean groans from the other side of the door, banging on it a little harder than he had been before "Room of requirement after dinner?" I suggest, he nods, placing me down to my feet, pressing a kiss to my lips to say goodbye, "I don't want to open the door because I'm not finished kissing you yet." I roll my eyes, grabbing my wand to unlock the door again, before swinging it open.

Seamus, Harry and Dean burst into the room, swinging their bags onto their beds, "If it was just Y/N in here I don't see why you had to lock the door," Dean whines, Harry scanning over Ron's face, to his hand which is still gently holding onto mine, "I think we may have been interrupting something here, guys" he speaks, crossing his arms looking between the two of us, cueing me to slip out of the room before there are any more questions "Shove off, Harry" Ron jokes, his eyes following my movements to the door, I poke my head back into the room, "Oi, make sure you save me one of George's brownies for after dinner, don't scoff them all!" I smile at the boys innocently, "I will do, Ba-Y/N" Ron quickly corrects himself, nobody catching onto his slip up, "Don't have too much fun without me!" I laugh, Ron responding quickly "I wouldn't dream of it."

[catzula]

Change

a/n: this is a lil brain dump bcs I've been really inactive lately, sorry!! I wrote it in one sitting and I dint really know how I feel about it but yeah

warnings: toxic relationship i think? But its resolved in the end. Angst, miscommunication, anger management issues, conflict, break-up, but as I said, resolved in the end.

honorable mentions: female reader, 1.9k words, not proofread

Katsuki Bakugou.

Many might think he's an open book, a simple, hotheaded boy with anger management issues. He doesn't know any feelings other than anger. He can't understand others' emotions, doesn't care. 

They were right about him being bad at controlling his emotions, but everything else was false. Bakugou had never been a simple person, and it was rare he met someone who truly understood him. You, for instance, were the only one that had come as close to understanding him, but no one could ever understand someone fully, could they?

Still, ever since he had met you, Bakugou was trying to change, or he liked to think he did. You did, too. 

You tried to ignore those times it became apparent that he couldn't, didn't, wouldn't. As much as Bakugou tried to prove to you that he was giving it his best to try and change, there were times that proved it incompetent, not enough, and even a lie.

But you always did your best to forget, suppress the thoughts. It was near impossible not to when Bakugou came back to you, an apology hanging from his lips -although never spoken-, warm hands pulling you to him for a hug. 

He's trying to change, you repeat to yourself. He's trying to change.

You think of the last fight you had and shiver as he lies on you, eyes droopy with sleep, nuzzling his face to your neck as you rub soothing circles on his back. The way his back rises and falls steadily makes you smile. 

It was gradually getting worse, the fights. 

As the months passed and exams approached, Bakugou became even more jittery. You felt your heart sink as you remembered his spitting words, "you're not even in the hero course! How would you fucking know how I feel?" But you did. You knew your boyfriend far too well, and even though you weren't experiencing it firsthand, you could see how stressful it was for him.

"Stop fucking babying me!" He had shouted when you tried to approach him, to get him to calm down. "Can't you see I'm trying to change? I'm doing all of this for you, and you keep asking for more- I-I'm doing it for you, okay? I'm trying to become better, so stop asking for more!" 

You weren't asking for more, that, you wanted to say. You were trying to-to help.

"I don't want you to do this for me, if all the reason you're changing is for me, stop! I want you to change for yourself, not for me!"

That was unfair, how he was looking at you like he hated you, like he wanted you to disappear.

It's okay, you tell yourself. Katsu's with me now, in my arms, calm, promised me he would try to get better. 

And he did, too. He always did. After a fight, Bakugou became the kindest person you knew, treating you like fragile glass, showing you love in his way. And it always led you to think. This is it. No need to worry anymore, you tell yourself when he kisses you softly, oh, so- so softly that you're sure there's no way this man that's holding you like this would ever hurt you ever again. Never. 

That never is never longer than a few days, though. 

In a few days' time, he- Katsuki forgets. The spite comes back, the snarky comments fitted in his sentences, the slight anger in his eyes. Why is he so angry? That, you can never tell. He's furious with you all the time, even when he himself doesn't know it.

"Katsuki?" You whisper meekly, and his eyes flutter sleepily. "Do you love me?"

Yes, he wants to say, I love you more than I love myself. But it's a soft grunt you get as an answer. 

It's okay, though, since you understand it well.

~

"Tell that extra to bring my shit back." It's a gruff sentence voiced with a fury that tears you away from your thoughts. 

For a second, your heart leaps. It's Katsuki! But the feeling sinks quickly. "It's Bakugou to you." You remember when he told you that, you remember too well the way he spitted the words as if he had spitted them on your face, a lump appearing in your throat quickly. He's not talking to you, rather about you, and it stings even more. You're the extra now, an extra that has his belongings in their room and nothing else, and he can't even tell you to bring them himself. Kirishima does it for him.

A half a bottle of his perfume that was never successful at suppressing his sweet smell. 

A sweatshirt of his that he knew was your favorite. 

A pair of socks, pencils and some other pieces of clothing, the usual. 

A full, newly-bought bottle of his shampoo.

For some reason, that last one hurts more than anything else. It's not the shampoo itself, rather the fact that it's new, that Bakugou bought it just a few days ago when breaking up was never a thought. 

Why did you break-up? It's very complicated. So complicated that you don't know it yourself. But you do know that he's angrier than ever, with you even more, for some fucking reason. He can't stand the sight of you, you know, he knows, too.

Bakugou himself doesn't know why he's so angry at you. He was the one who broke up, so what gives him the right to feel like this? Why do his hands clench into fists with the sight of you? His heart beating twice as fast with fury, head dizzy, his teeth clench, he can't breathe, a tightness heavying on his chest. With anger, he repeats. All these feelings are because he's so angry with you. 

The day you knock on his door, a soft thump audible from the other side of the door, Bakugou knows you brought back the box of his belongings, and he wants nothing more than to open the door and pull you in. But what is he going to do after that? He doesn't know. All he does know is that the lump in the back of his throat is because he's holding back angry shouts. His eyes are stinging with tears that are caused by anger. There is a feeling boiling in the pit of his stomach that makes him feel sick, but it must be fury.

Why did you leave it to the door? Couldn't you have waited for him to open it and look at you for once? Do you hate him that much? 

You have the right, too. 

~

Bakugou hates to see you cry. 

It's so annoying, he decides one day, as he catches a glimpse of you crying in your friend's arms, hugging them, telling them how much you missed Bakugou as they rub circles on your back. 

"He never deserved you, anyway." He hears them say. It makes you cry even more.

Seeing you cry always makes him feel angry, Bakugou decides. 

~

The way he discovers the reason for his anger is in a rather sick way.

All it takes is for him to see you laugh. 

It's spring, the winter you broke up is over, the feelings aren't, though. 

You're laughing, and you look so pretty under the tree, body swiftly shaking with laughter that doesn't seem to end.

Bakugou knows you like spring, and he notices it's been more than a winter since he last saw you laughing like this. Even before you broke up, he realizes you hadn't been laughing as you did now. That realization stings. You always laughed, smiled when you were with him, but it had a tinge of bitterness that never seemed to go away.

For the first time, it doesn't anger him, but it hurts. 

Somewhere inside, Bakugou had always been able to sense your bitter melancholy. It's a feeling you felt even when you were the happiest, but he just hadn't realized it. Like pieces of a puzzle, every other realization starts dawning on him too. 

He was angry at you because you always made him feel like he could never make you happy. All he could do was make you cry, you cried and cried, whenever you were with him, and it made him feel so frustrated- he hated it, he hated, hatedhatedhatedhatesyou.

But it wasn't you, it was never you Bakugou was angry with, but it was Bakugou himself. 

Bakugou hates himself for never being able to make you happy.

Bakugou was never angry at you, he realizes. He was heartbroken. All those times he thought it was fury he felt when he saw you- 

People think Bakugou doesn't feel anything other than anger. 

They're wrong. 

Bakugou feels many other things than anger, but he doesn't know how to differentiate them. 

~

The next time you meet, there are two changes you realize about each other. 

It's a cold night, another sleepless one you let yourself feel everything you suppress during the day. You don't expect to hear footsteps approaching you, it's the dead of the night and very cold, but you freeze when you take note of the sweet smell the sound brought with it.

You can't speak, do anything other than raising your eyes that are wet with tears to see if it really is the owner of your heart.

"We need to talk."

You don't want to, but you missed his voice more than you thought, that you're unable to leave. 

But it's the moment your eyes meet with his blood-red ones that you realize why he's here. For the first time in a long while, there isn't a trace of anger in Bakugou's eyes. 

He looks sorry, and that night is the first time you hear him apologize to you. 

Despite how much he wishes it was, this apology isn't the last.

Bakugou is flawed. He will and does make you cry, maybe more than anyone else. He knows it, and you do too. But love is a strange thing, and it took him years to realize that you would rather cry your heart out than be without him.

So this time, when he takes you between his arms and lets you cry, two things have changed since the last time you both were in this position. 

1: You noticed that this wasn't going to be the last time you cried because of Bakugou.

Throughout your relationship, you hoped, prayed that fight you had was going to stay the last, it never was. This way of thinking was flawed, damaging the relationship as much as the fights did. Bakugou could feel your growing sadness, dissatisfaction, fear that you were going to fight at every smallest disagreement you had, and they did nothing but make him angry, turning the conflict into a full-blown fight.

2: Bakugou wants to change. And not for you, but himself. 

He wants to be a better person. He always did, but it was only because you asked him to. He wanted to be better for you, and it was the only thing he could think of whenever you told him he had to change. Its pressuring, made him insecure, made him feel like anything he did was never enough. But this time, right then as he envelopes you and pulls you into his embrace, Bakugou wants to be a better person. Not for you, not for anyone else. He just wants to be better, and he will start here. 

[lazarettta]

Misthios IV

Characters (Spartan!Reader x Mother Miranda)

Rating (T)

Word Count (3.4k)

Warnings (none I don't think)

You're up roaming around the castle and run into Miranda and Alcina.

It's been an exhausting but thrilling six months since you've gained the eye of this region's reigning ruler. Their Queen was ruthless as she was beautiful and you were quickly learning that she had a particular taste for blood that you haven't seen since your days in Sparta. Creative and cunning as she was, especially when it came to acts of revenge, but she took care of her kingdom and her people so long as they were loyal to her and her alone.

It was that last rule that forced you to discover just how cruel and destructive the mountains of Norway could be because you were tasked with chasing down a group of runaway slaves—as a punishment. This was different from your 'normal' punishments.

There was nothing special about these fucking slaves, they were just stupid enough to think it wise to steal from their Queen and then dare escape. It angered you so much that she'd send you on this quest when a small squadron of low ranked knights would've done fine.

It had taken you a week and two villages to finally catch up with them into the mountains. The conditions were harsher than what you were prepared for and you had to abandon half your gear and continue on foot. The cold was too much for your horse to handle, but he was old and you were sure to put him out of his misery before continuing on your hunt.

You'd caught them asleep in a cave a few miles away from a village that was tucked away into the mountain side. You purchased food and another horse, costing you all the silver you carried but it made your hunt easier and quicker. You hadn't been looking for the cave but a small fire through the thick of the trees caught your attention. Tying your new mare a distance away, you crept towards them, sticking to the tall grass and the shadows.

They'd all been sleeping so peacefully, even their so-called 'watcher'. It was almost too easy to just go and kill them quietly one by one...but Miranda had specific instructions for you to follow if you wanted her forgiveness. She wanted to hear them scream while she slept and that was exactly what you intended to deliver. You unsheathed one of your twin blades and with practiced ease, you swung right as the watcher’s eyes snapped open.

You were startled awake by a scream that you weren't sure if it was from your dream or if it was a real one. You sat up half way in the bed of the guest room you were put up in, leaning on your elbow ready to spring from beneath the sheets but nothing ever came. After another full five minutes of sitting and waiting with no result, you let yourself fall back onto the soft pillows and threw an arm over your eyes as they began to leak tears.

Nothing of sadness or the sort, you were simply exhausted—you were still in your clothing with your parka not too far away just in case you had to use the window for a quick escape. You even kept your boots on, even though it was too warm for you but you'd deal with it as you've been through more uncomfortable situations that couldn't even compare to simply being hot. Of course if you take off a few layers you'd be fine, but paranoia hasn't exactly been very kind to you in the past years...with good reason too. You hadn't died in over ten years and you planned to keep that streak going.

But even as those thoughts comforted you a bit, sleep evaded you—no longer finding you worthy of its pleasures and you just laid there sprawled out and tangled within the soft white linen sheets that were probably now dirty thanks to you. You didn't care. They probably had more somewhere.

Resigned to the fact that you'd probably never be able to go back to sleep, at least not any time soon, so pushed aside the heavy duvet and slipped out of the bed quietly. You moved towards the window but the only thing you could see was the few trees below and a land covered in blankets of undisturbed snow. A little further beyond the tree line, you saw smoke coming from the chimneys of the factory before you turned away from the view and left your room. You looked left and right of the hallway but there wasn't a sign of life to be found, not even that little maiden Alcina practically made your shadow. It was probably later than it actually felt and she was probably asleep...everyone probably was.

Checking your watch— ah, right. Miranda even took that. She took everything you could use as a weapon and it tickled you more than it annoyed you. Unsupervised, you can now take your time to feel your way around. You didn't get a chance to get a good look at everything before but now you did, and it was an opportunity to get to know the Lady of the castle. You'd long dismissed the thought that anything in this village was normal, it had more secrets and shadows than a horror book you guessed.

Walking through the halls of the second floor felt like a trip down memory lane—no particular region as most all castles were the same. Large and filled with fancy portraits and trinkets that could house and feed five families at a time. Carpet so plush and soft that you could feel it through your boots with each step. It absorbed your weight like a welcome home hug. Clearly Lady Alcina was a woman of finer things in life and that extended far outside of her wardrobe and preferred wines.

It just unnerved you how quiet everything was, a castle thing large and prosperous had to have staff minding it twenty four seven. Nonetheless, you finally came to the door that you recognized during your brief tour as the 'wine room'. Like everything else you'd come across, the door was finely made from dark red oak with gold trimmings—just like Alcina's stagecoach.

Without a second thought about it, you opened the door—simply with the intent of getting a better look at the wine collection the maiden mentioned during your tour. But that thought was cut short because the room wasn't as empty as the silence in the hallway led you to believe as you'd walked into a full conversation by two people; one you were hoping to avoid for a few days and the other you thought was asleep...or well away from your location. You were wrong on both accounts.

“Heisenberg is a blundering fool leading a pack of fleabags, Miranda. He is going to fail again!”

“And we don't have time to stress other options, especially that one! We're out of time already and—”

“Exactly we're out of time so just ask her—” you pushed the door open a little more and it creaked quietly.

They both turned to you and you stood frozen in the doorway, unsure of what to make of the scene in front of you or what you just overheard. Miranda and Alcina were sitting at the small table, well Miranda was, Alcina was sitting in one of her custom chairs a little further away and both women had two glasses filled with dark red wine. Alcina wasn't in her white dress anymore, instead she'd changed into a pair of dark slacks and deep red turtle neck and she was barefoot. A far cry from the regal dress she wore earlier but she still carried herself in the same manner.

You did your best not to think about how good Miranda looked without that damn mask on her face...even in those robes she still wore, Miranda was beautiful. Beautiful as the day you first met. You forced yourself to keep your attention on Alcina and not Miranda, who was now staring a hole into the side of your face like she was trying to will you into looking at her.

“Oh. Shit, I didn't know this room was occupied.”

Alcina glanced at Miranda briefly from behind her wine glass, her expression unreadable when she settled her eyes on you again, “Of course not, dear. Is everything alright?”

You cleared your throat, fighting the urge to look at Miranda because you could feel her trying to will your eyes in her direction, “No, actually I—”

You were interrupted by an ear piercing scream and high pitched laughter right behind her, on the verge of being hysterical. Lady Dimitrescu sighed heavily behind you and finished her wine before setting her glass down and rising to her full height.

“Please excuse me, it seems that my daughters are teasing the poor maids again.”

You started to comment that it didn't sound like it was teasing but you kept your mouth shut, knowing better than to stick your nose in the wrong place too soon—it never really turned out very well for you the first time. It would never cease to amaze you how fast and quiet Alcina moved despite her size, but it still baffled you that she hasn't ever gotten the doors to her own castle fixed to fit for her . But those thoughts were pushed to the far corners of your mind when the door clicked shut—leaving you alone in the room with Miranda, forcing you to acknowledge her now. You shoved your hands in your pockets and sighed, you weren't expecting to see her again so soon.

You still hadn't had time to get your shit together after the last time you two spoke, or more like argued back and forth. Easily falling into a pattern as if you hadn't been centuries apart. You still weren't sure how you were supposed to feel about that.

“Take a seat, (Y/n). Would you like a glass of wine?” Miranda broke the silence but she didn't break eye contact with you once she caught you eye, holding you as if she physically had her hands on your face. “We don't have to talk if you don't want to, (Y/n).”

“Oh, so now we're suddenly interested in what I want to do?”

“Yes, of course. Wine?”

You scoffed, rolling her eyes at her typical answer and you wanted to say no, you opened your mouth to do so but instead you were getting closer to the table she was sitting at. She poured you a glass of wine, and handed it to you. You raised an eyebrow, she couldn't have set it down for you? She insisted on handing it to you and the way Miranda was holding the glass left you no choice to place your hands over hers to take it from her. Those gold claw rings were ice cold against your skin and the edge of one nicked your skin but not deep enough to draw blood.

You had no idea what you wanted to say to Miranda, you weren't ready to talk about what you two needed to talk about but you weren't sure if you could sit here and do small talk with her over wine. It was so easy for you to get up and leave, maybe go back to your guest room and lock the door. So what was stopping you? Why was it difficult?

Miranda, who had been watching you intently, interrupted your rapid thoughts, “You always were a loud thinker, (Y/n).”

“Nothing interesting, trust me.”

“Oh I beg to differ,” Miranda chuckled, shifting in her chair slightly to angle herself towards you a little more. You sort of hated yourself for thinking how well she was pulling off the priestess look, “I could always tell what you were thinking even from a mile away. You were always quite the unique distraction.”

“You never complained before.”

“No,” she agreed, her voice dropping an octave or two lower, “though I doubt I ever will.”

You looked up, she didn't look away and you didn't know what to think. And for once, even if it was just for a moment, you saw a hint of uncertainty in her eyes.

“Miranda, what do you want? Why are you keeping me here?”

“Because we need to talk, (Y/n), to...clear the air as they say, I guess.”

“Yeah, okay, I got that part earlier,” you licked your suddenly dry lips, your nerves starting to buzz a little, “But that's not a good enough reason anymore.”

Miranda scoffed, actually rolling her eyes at you, “Why not? Closure heals the past. Doesn't it?”

“But what do you expect after that?”

“What do you?” she threw the ball back in your court as she refilled her own wine glass from a different bottle than what she used for your own, the wine she was using was a little darker and thicker. It didn't surprise you that the question was thrown back at you, she always did that when she was trying to keep the upper hand or get it.

But it didn't mean that the question wasn't a good one because what did you want after this? Would it even matter after all of this time? Have you ever forgiven her, really and truly moved on? Did she even care back then, did she care for you...or what you could do for her?

Miranda was watching you the entire time become lost in your thoughts, a trait you still carried with you. She picked up her wine glass and took a sip, her clear eyes taking you in while you were distracted enough to not notice her doing it so blatantly. You still looked the same as the last time she saw you, minus the murderous rage that had twisted your beautiful features that evening.

The modern world has touched many parts of you but your eyes still hold so much more than they did centuries ago. Being a warrior was now outdated and something of an historical myth but you still carried yourself as one, and Miranda could see new scars on your brown skin on the exposed skin she saw earlier on your neck and arms.

She'd been watching you for days before finally making herself known to you after going back and forth with herself during those agonizing days. Being far more irritable than she normally was and Miranda was positive that Lords Heisenberg and Moreau were quite sore with her at the moment. Well, Karl certainly would be. Seeing you made her angry...at first. Angry for the grief you left her with, the shatters you left her to pick up on her own.

Years of pent up thoughts and plans of revenge she'd enact when she got her hands on you came down to a single moment when she finally did get her hands on you and she couldn't do it. Miranda eyed your neck, where you should've still been bruised. She had you right where she needed you with one hand wrapped around your neck because you were so unsuspecting. It would've been so easy but she couldn't...so she knocked you out and threw you in a cell where she could keep a better eye on you. And perhaps no longer be so distracted from her work.

“Look who's thinking loud now.” you mumbled around the edge of your wine glass, finally taking a sip of the damn thing. Miranda wouldn't hesitate to bet that you assumed it was somehow poisoned even though you watched her open the bottle. “Good thoughts, I hope.”

Miranda hummed softly, “Do you really wish to know?”

You chuckled, and Miranda's eyes were drawn to the way your jaw clenched and unclenched when the wine hit your taste buds again, “With the way you were staring at my neck...it's not that hard to guess, Miranda.”

“You're only half right, my dear.” At your raised eyebrows, Miranda's smirk only widened, “My hands were wrapped around that strong neck again, but breaking it is far from my mind now .”

Your snort turned into a chuckle that was clearly infectious as Miranda joined you. Nothing was remotely that funny, if it was funny at all, but you were tired and the situation brought forth too many emotions for you, either of you to really process, and all you could was just...laugh.

Miranda was the first to sober up a bit though the smile never completely left her features. “Ah, and well... you know, it wouldn't do to try and kill the only other person on this wretched rock who knows me. Will it?”

You're very well the only person in this wretched world that will ever know the real me and still love me for it. Quite a miserable thought, isn't it?

You jumped when the door opened behind you and Alcina stepped into the room—you'd almost forgot where you were for a moment. Almost. Alcina took one look at the two of you, curious to find you actually still in the room much less sitting at the table sharing a glass of wine with Miranda. Especially with what she overheard earlier and how much tension you two create together.

Alcina knew that she interrupted something, probably something she had no business to but that did not stop her from sitting back down in her chair in her goddamn castle. And whatever drama that was happening within her territory was now her drama and she was going to get a front row seat. Alcina lit up another one of her cigarillos and pulled heavy before she released it in your direction.

“Running a business is quite the headache when no one else understands your vision, I swear. Don't have kids, (Y/n). They're messy and nothing but trouble.”

“Noted.” you forced a chuckle, not taking her bait but now you were trying to finish your wine as quickly as possible without seeming like you were trying to run.

“Well, how about it then, (Y/n)? Tell us a story, you couldn't have been a mercenary your entire life. Or have you?” You glanced at Miranda and saw that she was glaring at Alcina but the taller woman wasn't paying her any mind. And really, the only reason Miranda hasn't verbally intervened is because she was interested in your answer as well. Even if Alcina was asking just to poke at the situation for her own amusement.

“I've put away my shield and sword a long time ago,” you didn't bother to mention that you did keep them both in pristine condition just in case, “I've been enjoying the little things life has to offer.” lame. And a lie.

“Oh come now,” Alcina scoffed, not accepting your answer—it wasn't a very good one anyway, “That's—”

“Actually,” When it was clear that Miranda wasn't going to save you from this woman's nosiness (why would she?) You quickly drank the rest of the wine, it was really too sour for you, and rose from the chair. “I think I'll try to get some more sleep. Thanks for the wine and...yeah.” Could you be any more awkward?

Alcina was howling by the time the door slammed shut behind you and she took another pull from her cigarette stick, still paying no heed to Miranda's heated glare. “Oh, you're going to have to tie that one down if you want her to talk to you.”

“I will have your head if you stick your nose in my business again, Dimitrescu.”

“Then don't store your business in my castle.” Alcina shot back, meeting Miranda's glare head on but immediately conceded when she felt Miranda's growling through the vibrations of her glass in her hand that was still resting on the table. “Alright, alright...but you're always welcome to use my dungeons. Use chains though those biceps of hers could probably break through the ropes.”

“Alcina, that is enough!”

The Lady of the castle just laughed lightly until it tapered off into a pleasant hum around her famous Sanguis Virginis wine while watching Miranda readjust her face mask. Her eyes brighter than they have been the last few hours., Alcina pushed for one more question—deciding to risk Miranda's wrath, “How'd you ever let such a handsome creature slip between your fingers?”

Miranda sighed heavily, no pause in her strut to the door, “Egos and misunderstandings.” she was gone before the lock clicked into place.

I'm so sorry for being hella lazy, lol, I'll add the other chapters of this story today 😭😭😭😭

[razberryyum]

TGCF donghua Special Episode Thoughts (SPOILERS for episode & novel!)

Favorite moment:

Of COURSE that amazing ending sequence, which is the mirror of Dianxia's backstory at the end of the first episode, except this time from Hua Cheng's point of view. Speaking of, holy mother of YUM, dear gods, Hua Cheng:

Look at this "hideous" man. I am DROOLING.

Funny thing is, I didn't even know his appearance was supposed to be a secret, that we technically hadn't seen his face yet all this time. I remember we had a super quick glimpse of him in the Banyue pit and I thought that was his reveal, that that'll be all we'll get for now and I was fine with that...that is, until this ending sequence happened and we actually see him in his entirety. My eyes will forever never be the same. What was I even thinking??? The flashes in the pit were absolutely inferior to the real thing. No comparison. He is so gorgeous; I can't WAIT for Xie Lian to meet him next season.

Second favorite moment:

What I love about this scene is first of all it features some of my favorite lines from the novel, "If you don't know what to live for, then just live for me. If you don't know the meaning of life, then take me as the meaning your life." Even though Dianxia was playing it up for dramatic effect, I loved how he crawled towards San Lang and then uttered the lines with such conviction. I LOVED the way the music reached a cresendo during his words--hell, I love the music in this entire episode, this entire show, period. I also love how bittersweet this scene is: here Dianxia is so embarrassed by his own words that he even laughs about them, dismisses them, not know just how much of an effect they had on the person he said them to, how they really did serve to motivate that person to live on, to exist, utterly for him. Not knowing at all that that person he said what he now thinks were silly words to is right in front of him. The irony!

I'm still making my way through the book so I haven't gotten to the part where all is revealed to Xie Lian yet, but I can only imagine how shocking and emotional this particular revelation would be. It'll probably be ten years before we get to see all that in the donghua, if we ever do, but I'm gonna keep on crossing my fingers and hoping.

"I swear, whether in Heaven or or on Earth, you cannot find someone more sincere than me". The subs left out the Heaven or Earth part but it's still such a good line. Love also how San Lang precedes that by trying to reach out to touch Dianxia but is like too afraid to. The donghua really captured his feelings of...I guess I'd call it timid inferiority...so well.

I have a strong suspicion what that ring is (irl, I've seen companies advertising turning ashes into diamonds as a keepsake of your loved ones...never tried it so I don't know if it's the real deal or some kind of scam) and I cannot wait to get to that revelation as well. Putting aside the potential significance of this momento, the fact that Hua Cheng left Dianxia a ring to wear around his neck is already a beautiful gesture on its own.

I already miss seeing how San Lang looks adoringly at Xie Lian. In fact, I think I'm going to miss San Lang for quite a while since next season I think we'll be mostly spending time with Hua Cheng. Not complaining at all since Hua Cheng will no doubt look at Dianxia just as adoringly, but I will miss this cute guy.

Also already missing the cuteness that is Dianxia. I love all his expressions...the way he said "San Lang" just made my heart explode. How can he be this adorable??? Really, bravo to Jiang Guangtao-laoshi, his voice actor, for such an endearing voice performance. I actually started listening to the Qiang Jin Jiu audio drama because I've become a fan. Imagine Xie Lian being super seductive all the time. That's the ear candy I'm enjoying now, even though I only understand like less than half of the plot due to my shoddy Chinese comprehension.

Proud of how San Lang didn't just lose it when Dianxia cradled his face like that. This man really has unbelievable self control.

I loved that they were chatting in bed like an old married couple. I'm sure this is a glimpse into their future married life. 😁

Besides SanLian, I know Banyue was in this episode as well, I still think she's adorable and love her voice, and I'm glad she gets to enjoy a torture-free life now (I am assuming she does).

I'm glad we got this special episode to really close out the season, but I'm still kinda confused as to why we didn't get it at the actual end of the season but rather as an odd stand alone episode like this. Obviously it picked up right where the 11th episode left off, so it would've slotted in perfectly well. I was hoping the reason they held on to it was because they were going to attach a teaser PV for the next season, but alas that wasn't the case. I wonder if they just needed more time to finish the episode. I still don't quite understand how the Chinese donghua industry works: for something seemingly as popular as TGCF, you would think they'd have good enough budget and resources to finish episodes in time and to make more than just 12 episodes. There are other donghua shows I've seen on Bilibili that have blown way past 12 episodes, so I don't understand why they have to stubbornly stick to a dozen only for something like TGCF. Or is it a danmei thing, I wonder. They just don't want to devote the time and resources to danmei shows beyond just 12 episodes? So weird. Again, VERY GRATEFUL we're getting a second season. SINCERELY praying that we get many more seasons after so that eventually they'll finish out the book. God I hope I finish reading before the donghua team finishes putting out the show.

And that brings me to: Current Reading Progress...chapter 160. Look, I'm gonna be honest, I'm just not a fan of the whole jinx demon concept or the Brocade Immortal. I know all mysteries of the week lead back to the gods and their backstory, but as CONCEPTS, I was just NOT into them so I constantly got distracted. I know MXTX-laoshi was under a LOT of pressure from both censorship and just ridiculous deadlines (I was told she had to produce a chapter a day, which is INSANE), so I feel like a douchebag for even thinking anything negative about the book...not to mention I'm only on Book 3 still so maybe all of this will be wrapped up nicely at the end. But for now, yeah, those two as ideas are a bit underwhelming and almost silly (especially the Brocade Immortal) and maybe I don't need the backstory of ALL the gods. Anyway, before anyone yells at me, there's always a chance I might change my mind about all this by the end...which I hope to get to soon. Didn't finish the book in time for this special episode which was my goal, so readjusting the goalpost back a little further...hopefully just a tad...like a few weeks, because I DO want to get to the unrelenting pain soon so that I can get through the suffering and finally to the HuaLian happily ever after ending.