#Was writing a scene in Harlow where Harlow walks into training and she sees that Tiger isn't there & I almost typed with my own two hands

[the-halfling-prince]

I feel my poor Southern soul leave my little Southern body every time I'm writing my fantasy novel and have to physically stop myself from having these medieval Scandinavian mfs say "y'all"

[stopforamoment]

Pernicious Passion: Part Five

Please check out the Pernicious Passion MASTERLIST for the complete list of writers and artists who inspired this series!    Bastien Lykel belongs to Pixelberry, and Kara is a real-life talented PB writer. Events in this fic are purely fictional because this is just a fun spoof!

Author’s Note and Summary: Thank you to @strangerofbraidwood for the crack fic edit that she created for my birthday! In this chapter Bastien and Kara get into a fight, and she doesn’t fight fair. Some of the Tumblr fan fic writers get thrown under the bus . . .  Shameless plug for @strangerofbraidwood who is a talented wlw fanfic writer. She is in the process of writing fan fics that include EVERY female LI in the Choices universe (and female characters who should have been LI!). Please check out her MASTERLIST. You won’t regret it! 💕  

Cordonians Gone Wild is the creation of @ao719 @cocomaxley @leelee10898  and @speedyoperarascalparty   

There are links to other artists and their works within this chapter. Thank you everyone for being a part of this!

Part Five (1,270 Words)

  Bastien was naked when she walked into the room.

Edit created by the hilarious and talented @strangerofbraidwood

No one had ever seen a pixelated character without underwear before, and the bright light blinded her. She heard rumors from fan fics like @jovialyouthmusic Protect and Serve series and @bobasheebaby NSFW ABC list that Bastien was well-endowed. Dammit! Why do the fan fic writers have control over the size of his penis and I can’t even see it? Go figure @strangerofbraidwood a wlw writer, would have the guts to create this edit. She doesn’t even like dicks, yet she did this for other members of the fandom. My god, how many other readers have I ignored and offended? “Apple Cobbler, my eyes are up here.” Kara’s face was already flushed, but her cheeks grew even warmer when she realized Bas caught her staring. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re so . . . amazing.” “But Kara. That’s just it. I’m not amazing. At least not the way Pixelberry portrays me. It’s the fandom who made me amazing. I owe it all to them, and I owe it to them to make sure I’m in more scenes. Even if it’s just to give them a little backstory of Jackson training me. A flashback to me eating dinner with the Walker family. Hell, @stopforamoment made it clear that she would pay over 100 diamonds just for a brief flashback of me eating chocolate chip cookies with Drake and Savannah while they watch TV.” “But Bas, demographics show that our younger readers aren’t interested in older men.” “Really, Kara? Tell that to @mfackenthal. She’s president of my fan club. And believe me. In the Tumblr world, she has clout. In fact, I think I’m going to DM her now to request an interview on the Mfackenthal Show.” Kara lunged for the phone. “Bas, no! Please! Give me time to fix this! You’re right. You are developing a strong following. More people are coming around. But it’s not enough.” Bastien sighed. “Kara, you’ve been using me. Controlling me. Keeping me tucked away for yourself. But that isn’t fair to the fandom. Even if people aren’t romantically interested in me, they want to know more about how things were like at the palace when Drake, Liam, and Olivia were growing up there. They want to know more about Queen Eleanor. If it’s true I had a crush on her . . . or even more.” “But Bas, where will you go if Pixelberry doesn’t want you anymore? Stay with me. I’ll keep you safe. I’m the only one who truly loves you.” Bastien shook his head. “No, Kara. This isn’t love. It’s infatuation. As crazy as the Tumblr fans get with their in-fighting over pixelated characters, and the glitches with suspended accounts and tags not working, it’s the only place where my character can truly grow. You’ve stunted me, Kara. And I think it’s time I work with @mfackental to get the best exposure for my character. I’m so sorry Kara. I wish it didn’t have to end like this.” “Bas, the Tumblr world isn’t sunshine and roses. There’s anon hate and pornbots. Legit accounts that get suspended while the writer waits MONTHS for resolution from the Tumblr team. It’s brutal--even for your character. Do you know that @cordoniansgonewild have you chasing after four strong, amazing women? No one can outsmart them, Bas. Not you. Not even their husbands. Queen Anitah has stolen the royal jet from right under your nose. They’ve drugged you and drawn penises on your face while you were unconscious. They’re ruthless, Bas. Please.” Bastien shook his head. “It’s all in good fun, and the focus is on the women. I’m fine with that because I love strong women.” Kara caught the faraway look in his eyes and she felt her stomach clench. “You’re thinking of Oliva, aren’t you?” Dammit @bobasheebaby and @stopforamoment for starting the whole Baslivia movement! The bright light between Bastien’s legs was getting noticeably brighter as he thought about his favorite Baslivia fan fic moments. @tornbetween2loves for giving him those steamy scenes with Olivia in her Shifting Focus series. When they were playing pool and she distracted him by slipping off her red thong, purposely bending over to give him a show. And then she used the thong to pull back her hair. The scent was intoxicating. And that time when she showed up wearing a trench coat and fedora. Fuck. @stopforamoment still can’t get that picture out of her head, it was so hot. And those fucking backseam stockings Olivia was wearing. He thought the bright light between his legs would explode with a show of fireworks. Kara’s eyes narrowed. “What about @emceesynonymroll and her Finding Riley series? You had a sex dream about your Queen right in front of her, and you had to play it off as a nightmare. Then you quickly rolled over, hoping you wouldn’t need a manual release.” The light between Bastien’s legs started to dim. “Kara, you aren’t fighting fair.” But Kara was only getting started. “And @stopforamoment and that slow burn from hell with over 96 chapters before you even got a real kiss on the lips? How many times did you have to masturbate because Rinda was so clueless about your feelings for her, or how sexually attracted you were to her.” Bastien’s jaw twitched. “Tria was worth it.” “What about @bobasheebaby?” Now a warm smile played across his lips. “Yes. She’s one of my favorites. She has so many series about me, and I’m allowed to explore my full potential with her. My sexual orientation. Multiple partners. My kinks. And I am more than just a guard with her. I can also be a mobster. A father. She understands me better than anyone else, and she’s sacrificed so much for me as she argues with her evil muse.”

Kara scoffed. “Really, Bas? Do you know what her Mistress of Evil muse has been up to?”

Bastien shook his head slowly. The ending of When Fairytales Break almost broke him. “No, Kara. It’s how that story needed to end. But I have so many other happy moments with Olivia. Olivia and Caleb. Harlow. Beth. Liza. Even Christy. And that Bastien NSFW ABC list she created with some help from @stopforamoment? They went through so many pairs of panties as they wrote it for me and the fandom.” The light between his legs began flashing uncontrollably as he thought of those panties.

It was a blinding strobe light, and Kara knew she needed to control it before she had an epileptic seizure. “But what about her latest Evil Liam series Be Careful What You Wish For?”

Bastien’s face paled and his strobe muted to weak flare ups. “That fic focuses on MC Rebecca’s love for Drake, and how Liam is getting in the way of their happiness.”

“Yes, but . . .”  Kara’s voice lowered as she prepared to deliver the fatal blow.

“No! No plot spoilers, Kara! I haven’t finished the most recent chapter yet!”

CHAPTER SIX