#Was on the verge of a panic attack for like 30 minutes. LOL!

[ladymariayuri]

How it feels to ask my coworkers to do their job because im the only one taking orders and making drinks and cashing people out in one of the busiest restaraunts of the entire franchisse (there is a line wrapped around the building and they are vaping outside)

[thebunnybabyblog]

either Severus or y/n having a bad day so the other smothers then with kisses 😩

I am so so so sorry this is so late. I kind of went a tiny bit manic and my life went a lil nuts 😋✨💕 oopsie am I right fellas lol anyway if there are mistakes plz ignore I re read it like 5 times but I always forget something lol

Summery: you have very bad day and Sev saves ya from lit crying in the rain. What a good man Sev 💕

Paring: reader and Severus Snape

Word count: 2017

Type: fluff

Your keys fumbled to the ground as they slipped from your wet hands and landed on the welcome mat below. The storm that had appeared out of nowhere as you walked home from the station had really been the icing on the terrible cake that was today. Every moment of the day had something about it that added to the meltdown meter overflowing in your head.

The morning was the start of your troubles as you awoke in a wild panic. Sometime during the early morning hours you woke to still see time on the clock and you accidentally turned off the alarm in your dazed state. When you awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and the sun shining you actually felt pretty good but as your eyes looked over to the clock the blood ran from your face.

You ran through the house trying to speed run your morning routine but still managed to make it to work 30 minutes late. Huffing and puffing from the run from the station, you burst through the door crashing into a pile of boxes filled with already organized documents that needed to be sent out. You fell to the ground alongside a frenzy of flying papers. Which resulted in an unpleasant reprimand by your boss loud enough for others to hear.

By the time lunch rolled around, you realized in your panic, you had forgotten to grab your already packed lunch you had put together special the night before. With your last few dollars in your bag you made your way to the corner deli and bought yourself a sandwich.

You chose to eat back to your desk, to make up for the lost time in the morning. Never great at multitasking, you began to take your first bite but distracted by your work your sandwich missed your mouth and made its home on your white blouse below. You just looked down in disbelief. “Why, literally just why.” You thought to yourself. As if you weren’t already embarrassed enough now you had to walk around looking like you were just attacked.

Your day continued to be a shit show as everyone seemed like their lives were also turning to shit because everyone was just so on edge. There were multiple fires to put out and a stick up everyone’s ass. Especially the interns that were tasked with putting back the papers you had graciously destroyed this morning. You could feel their eyes on you most of the day as they were pretty pissed but to be honest you couldn’t blame them. You watched the time slowly tick by as if it was actually purgatory and you’d be stuck in this office for the rest of eternity.

The hum of the lights were making your head ache. The smell of spilled food on the blouse was making you nauseous. The way everyone’s noises were rubbing you the wrong way, every click of a pen, every cough in the distance, every bump to your work space. You were on the verge of a total meltdown. Your leg began to bounce and your fingers tapped hard against your desk. Sweat began to roll down your forehead as it seemed to get hotter and hotter by the second.

You quickly arose from your seat and made your way to the bathroom for a moment of peace. You peaked your head into the restroom and to your amazement you were met with an empty room. Slipping into a stall you sat down, even though you didn’t l have to go, you just needed to step away. The cool air flowed around the room and you took a deep breath to ground yourself.

You reached for your phone and stared down at the screen. Scrolling through your contacts and hovered over Severus' name. Unsure if you should text him, not wanting to bother him with your trivial little problems, you quickly click your phone shut and slip it back into your pocket, or so you thought. You stand again and you must have only half shoved it down because the next thing you know you are fishing your now soaked phone from the toilet below.

You just couldn’t believe your luck today. You were half tempted to believe that someone had put a hex out against you. You just couldn’t catch a break and when the downpour began out of nowhere on your way home you just wanted to lay down in the middle of the street and let Jesus take the wheel of someone's car and take you out of your misery.

The keys falling from your hands was really the last straw though. You were so close to finally escaping the hell that was your day and you just had to endure it that little second longer. One final kick to the ribs. The tears just started flowing and with big loud sobs you were sitting there on your steps in the pouring rain crying as if no one who passed by couldn’t see you.

You were interrupted when the front door opened and you saw Severus’ wide eyed looking down at you in utter confusion. Before he could even ask you what happened you said “I… everything has just gone wrong! I was late! Lunch!” You gesture down to the large stains on your chest as Severus quickly darts his eyes down and back up to you. “My phone?!? This fucking tsunami!! And the keys! The fucking keys!!” You cry out, head now in your hands, still sprawled out on the ground.

Without words Severus swoops you up off the steps and brings you inside and up the stairs to the bathroom. Your muffled cries vibrated into his chest. This wasn’t the first time Severus had seen you have a bit of a meltdown. He wasn’t shy of having his own meltdown here and there but yours were definitely more of emotional meltdowns.

When your relationship first got off the ground and the first time the world got a little overwhelming he wasn’t quite sure what to do but he’s a smart man. He observed your actions and what things could trigger big emotions and he tried his best to counteract those stressors but life wasn’t something you can control.

When he saw you soaking wet crying on the porch he knew it was time for operation atomic damage control. When things were at its peak and there was no simple pat on the back “everything will be ok” pep talk that would fix this. He made his way with you to the bathroom and sat you down on the counter for a moment.

He opened up the curtain and began to fill the bathtub. Not forgetting to add a few pumps of your favorite bubble bath scent. He left the room and came back with a potion of silverish blue liquid. Making his way back to you he places his large palm on one side of your face and peppered your forehead in soft kisses. “I’m sorry your day was sour, my love. I think this should help relieve some stress” He whispers softly down to you.

You still have tears falling but with the kisses you are now quiet in his hands trying to savor his warm touch. You let him place the vial to your lips not even questioning what the liquid even was. “Do you need some alone time? I want to join you but if you need space I understand.” He asks softly in between kisses. Severus is the only person who you want around during these moments of sadness.

He was the strong quiet type through and through. He made you feel safe and loved even if you hadn’t even spoken. Just his presence was enough. You shook your head yes between his palms and he smiled down to you. using his thumbs he gently wiped the remaining tears from your eyes and kissed your head once more before turning his attention back to the bath.

The air was thick with steam and the smell of the bubble bath calms you down. Severus reached down to you and helped relieve you from your soiled wet clothes. Sometimes you needed to be babied a bit and this was one of those moments. He was so gentle as he slipped you off the counter and into the warm soapy water in the awaiting claw foot tub across the room.

Letting out a deep sigh as your cold skin met with the warm water, finally able to begin washing away the worries of the day. Severus moved to retrieve a low stool to sit on and sat it beside you. “Is the water the correct temperature?” He asked down to you. “Mmm yes it’s perfect.” You replied, sinking down further into the bubbles.

He chuckled as he watched you melt away in the soapy water below. His hand slipped over yours as it rested on the side gripping the cool porcelain. His large hand enveloped yours and gently rubbed into your tired skin. The world seemed to begin to melt away and your body became fuzzy and light. “Sev what did you give me?” You asked softly with eyes still closed.

“I knew you never paid attention in class.” He chuckled deeply “it’s The Draught of Peace, you learn it in fifth year but it is a pretty difficult potion to brew.” You could only hum in response as the potion was taking full effect by now. Your once tense limbs were loose and the headache that had formed from your fits of crying had now disappeared.

The added stimulation of the steaming water and soft kisses Severus was planting down on the back of your hand were making your body tingle. It felt so good just to be able to forget about your troubles for a moment. To be completely taken care of by Severus in your moment of need.

You relaxed in the tub for a while letting the warm water turn your body into a prune. After a bit of letting you decompress Severus reached for your bottle of shampoo and gently motioned for you to raise up. The cool gel sent a shiver down your back when he began to massage it into your scalp.

He watched you push your head back into his lathered touch, eyes closed savoring the pampering he wasn’t completely accustomed to showing. He smiled down at you, savoring the view of you pushing yourself to be closer to him.

He would never say this out loud but it was almost as if he could feel the love flowing between the two of you. Right from his fingertips and into you and back around again. He crumpled at the fact that after the mess of a day you had you found solace within him.

You felt comfort and safety in his presence. No matter the horrors of the work day you knew you could come home and fall into his arms and he would help you. Of course you would do the same with him but he wasn’t too accustomed to falling into anyone’s arms willingly (lol), but, you knew if he ever needed it you’d be right there for him.

He washed and conditioned your hair and helped you wash your back when the time came. He was there ready with a soft and warm towel that he had heated up with a flick of his wand. He wrapped you up tightly and made your way into the bedroom to get your coziest pjs, which was just one of his shirts.

While you changed you heard a knock at the door and an exchange between Sev and someone else. By the time you made it down to the living room, in need of a good trash tv show to binge, you noticed piles of Chinese takeaways spread out on the coffee table. “Sev you are one beautiful man you know that right?” You said looking over to him. “Well I do try my best” he said with a laugh

You slithered your way over to him and wrapped your arms around his waist. He instantly met your forehead once more are planted kisses down on it. You smiled feeling his lips against your skin. “Thank you for the kisses.” You cooed up to him. “Always my absolute pleasure, my love.”

[lonesome--hunter]

hey im sorry ur feeling like garbage :( u could try the 54321 method to fend off the panic attack, if that works for u. or some breathing exercises or asmr. i find the gossipier kinds of asmr work super well to distract me because it has zero stakes and i enjoy made up gossip lol

do u wanna talk abt what got u anxious? :(

if not, what's a nice good happy memory that pops into ur head that u'd love to share?

I switch between a lot of ambient noise to calm myself down that usually helps a bit. I have my favorite one on right now. I usually play it when I sleep but I def need it rn.

My anxiety is a mixed bag rn. I am on the verge of losing my job if I can't get my health issues under control. I can't get my health issues under control because I can't afford to go to the oncologist/hematologist. I'm sick to my stomach a lot lately. There's been a lot of bad news phone calls about different family members the last two years that I'm just waiting for the next terrible thing to happen. I'm having a lot of guilt about Grim's passing. It happened right when I lost my soul dog so I didn't have time to process everything at once. I've thought about messaging my close pals in the community to get some thoughts out but I'm going to wait until I see my new therapist on the 28th.

Let's end this on a happy memory. I'm a Disney pass holder and I live about 30 minutes from WDW. I go by myself a lot to people watch and just enjoy the atmosphere. Once I was sitting on Main Street giving my legs a rest when the Dapper Dans (a barbershop quartet) came out and serenaded me.

[nebulousfishgills]

1, 21

Thanks for the asks my friend :3

1 - Have you ever read someone else's diary?

Technically no. But when my friend and I were kids, she had one of those password journals and we spent like an hour seeing if I could mimic her closely enough to get it to open. I actually did it a couple times and she let me look in it, but it wasn't anything super scandalous if I remember. I was never a diary kid since I would write an entry or two and then completely forget about it.

Side note, I did eventually get a password journal, and it was the Ever After High dual side one:

This thing was the dopest thing ever, it had *two sides* that you unlocked with the key and a password for each side, Royal and Rebel. I was super into EAH in late elementary school, but I donated all my dolls a while ago... which is kind of sad since they discontinued them. Raven was always my favorite, I even had her vanity playset and dressed up as her for Halloween (wow this... this explains so much actually, her aesthetic and mine nowadays):

The drawer folded out to a keyboard, guys. I remember making more accessories for it, too, like toothpick pens. I had a nice collection of the dolls, I just wish I had at least kept Raven.

I still have the journal, actually, I just haven't opened it in a while since it plays music when you open it... not because I forgot my passwords... I did, but I know how to bypass them.

That was a tangent for a super simple question, as usual, my bad lol

21 - When's the last time you cried?

Barbenheimer opening Sunday, a crapshoot for the last 45 minutes of my shift since we had two lines out the door for concessions and a broken popcorn kettle (we still had one working, but the poor thing could only pop so much corn).

As soon as the clock hit 4:30 I bailed on the verge of a panic attack despite the line still being long having been yelled at by basically everyone, got to my car, sobbed for 30 minutes, composed myself enough to drive home, then cried for another 20 minutes.

The stickers I made for everyone hit different after that:

[queenoftheworldisdead]

Dennis

Notes: No one asked for this. was inspired this thread. LOL. Also Chris Evans Debuts Trailer for New Movie DENNIS

Summary: A broken pathetic shell of a man with nothing to live for.

Warning: 18+ only please, forced fingering, non con, rape, Dark themes

Dark Dennis Baker x Reader

💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️

6:00 A.M.

Dennis hated waking up. Though he was married whenever he arose and reached over to his wife's side of the bed it was always cold. It didn't used to be this way. Not too long ago he would wake to find her snuggling into him, but now it was as if he was a single man all over again.

Scrubbing his hands over his face as he sat on the edge of the bed he wondered where his wife was this time. At some point after he was laid off she started changing. Working out more, staying out more, sleeping over at her sisters for reasons she never made clear to him.

Walking over to the closet Dennis retrieved his uniform, laying it on top of the bed, neatly. The gawd awful pink retail shirt, unflattering khaki pants, with the leather belt and penny loafers made him internally groan at the sight each morning.

As the steam dissipated from the shower Dennis mindlessly stared at his own reflection. Dread poured over him the closer it got time for him to leave for work. This job was a far cry from his former one as Head of IT. A major data breach ruined his career in the tech field. Despite his best efforts to prevent the cyber attack his warnings went unheeded, sighting unnecessary cost for the infrastructure. And when the inevitable happened his neck was brought to the chopping block.

With that blemish on his record it was hard to get another job of similar note with this infraction hanging over his head. Now reduced to technical expert at Betsy's Computer store. A glorified titled for a retail worker that pushed more PS5's than actual technical support.

With the drop in title so did the salary. The mortgage, car note and other bills began piling up on top of each other. Credit cards were starting to hit their own limit, all contributing to his physical and mental decline.

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7:00 A.M.

As he began dressing he heard a faint sound coming from down stairs. Tucking in his shirt as he left the bedroom he heard the rare sound of his wife, Sarah. She was talking cheerfully to someone he hoped would be her sister. When he entered the archway his heart sank as she quieted herself, her mood fully changed before slipping her cell into her pocket.

Quickly she picked up a dish that contained scraps of some healthy meal that she only made for herself. Rinsing it off at the sink as Dennis approached her from behind.

Leaning over Dennis tried to kiss her cheek, but swiftly Sarah pulled away. “Ugh!”

"What's wrong?" He knew, but he had to hear it.

"You have a bad penis?" she answered before leaving him alone in the kitchen as he bottled up the hurt as he always did. Tucking away the insult and then burying it deep.

Dennis's erectile dysfunction was just the cherry on his shit cake. He had seen several doctors. All prescribed this or that, but nothing worked. The lack of intimacy helped to further wreck havoc on his marriage.

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8:00 A.M.

The entrance to the gaudy pink building dinged as the automatic doors opened.

"Morning Dennis" you smiled as he walked through the opened doors. He scrunched his face as if he didn't recognize you. You had only run into him once or twice since you started last week, so you weren't surprised he didn't remember.

"How did you..?" He looked a mix of tired and confused as he stood between the doorway.

Your head tilted and gave him a look, before tapping the name plate on your chest. Dennis followed your finger, your badge sat perched on your left breast. You shifted on your feet as his eyes lingered on your nameplate longer than you would've liked.

"Hadn't had your coffee yet I see" you joked. Quickly Dennis shifted his eyes away, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Yeah" Dennis chuckled dryly.

"Well, there is a fresh pot in the back last time I checked and  a few donuts. I think Richard brought some in. If you hurry you might be able to snatch one up." You brushed off his awkwardness.

Maybe he isn't a morning person.

You could see Dennis on the verge of reply, but your attention diverted to the customer walking to your open lane. "How was your shopping today? Do you have a Betsy card?" You read off your script as they laid their items down. In the corner of your eye you watched him linger a bit, before continuing on toward the back to clock in.

💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️

3:00 P.M.

Dennis grumbled with hands on hips as he looked at the disarray of the printer cartage wall. He had organized and reorganized the entire aisle at least five times today. He had only been gone five minutes only to return to chaos.

Quickly taking inventory with his clipboard he made notes of what he needed before storming off to the storage room. Through his irritation he found it hard to stay mad as thoughts of you clouded his head while he walked.

The tiny interaction from earlier in the day had haunted him. Trying in vein Dennis tried his hardest to focus on anything else, but the more he fought it the more you seemed to just pop up. He found his eyes locking with yours in-between various interactions with customers as you cut through his section to get to the break room. Each time you fluttered your fingers and smiled at him, leaving him flustered, returning the smile more stiff and awkward than the time before.

Opening the door to the storage room Dennis's heart skipped a beat when he found you bent over examining a shelf. You hadn't noticed him yet, too focused on the numbers on the paper you held in search of an item.

Swallowing thickly Dennis gingerly closed the door quietly in an effort not to spook you. His cock twitched slightly the longer he stood against the door. When you moaned in frustration after you placed an item back on the shelf a heat rippled through his face forcing him to bite back a groan of his own.

Staying quiet, he released the knob and started to move closer to you. Each step Dennis felt his heart beat through his ears as your hips swayed before him.  

The narrow aisle forced Dennis to squeeze past you to reach his desired destination. Sucking in his bottom lip hungrily he pushed his hips forward as he slid behind, the slight graze made you jump up and yelp in surprise.

"Oh gosh Dennis you scared me!" You giggled slightly embarrassed. You placed a hand over your chest and the other on his shoulder.

"Sorry" looking sincerely at you as he held his hands up innocently. "Just trying to reach the ink." Hoping to take the focus away from his bottom half. The light graze was enough to awaken that piece of him that he had long sense gave up on.

"It's OK. It's super tight back here. Kind of hard not to knock into someone." You brushed of your shock and turn back to your task. With your back to him again adjusted himself awkwardly.

"Hey, wait!" Your call froze him in his tracks.

Dennis's back tensed and a panic shot through his core as he heard your steps approach. His work pants had become uncomfortably tighter all thanks to you.

Slyly he pressed his clip board over his buckle when you rounded his side. Internally Dennis prayed that you wouldn't notice the throbbing erection below his belt.

"Can you help me I can’t find this." You were still focused on the paper you held, pushing it in his line of sight as you waited for him to respond. You were so close that your perfume tickled his nose and he wondered if you tasted just as sweet as you smelled.

Dennis's lips deepened into a frown when Richard, the floor manager, called your name from the now open storage door.  

"We need you back on registers. Let me handle that for now." Richard demanded.  

"Oh OK" turning away from him you handed the papers to Richard as he approached. "Thanks anyway Dennis" you patted Dennis's back before walking off. The sudden lack of touch sent an ache to his heart as he watched you disappear through the door.

💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️

5:30 P.M.

The rain came down hard. You hadn't check the weather, when you left your apartment earlier in the day the sky was clear. Without an umbrella you made a mad dash to your car on the far end of the lot. Panting wildly, by the time your reached the car you were soaked through and through.

Slipping in you shrieked when the white flash crashed too close to your car. Fumbling with your keys before sticking them in the ignition you quickly found disappointment. The engine wouldn't turn over. It took several clicks of the turning key, before you stared baffled at the wheel. You had never had issues with your car before, so you were at a loss as to what could be the cause.

A bashing came loud on your side that caused you to scream in fright. Your heart beat rapidly, but when you looked over you found Dennis standing outside your door holding his umbrella.

"You OK?" He queried as you manually rolled your window down.

"It won't start. I think its the battery?" You weren't sure, but it sounded plausible.

"I would give you a jump, but it's a little dangerous. I can give you a ride though." He shouted over the heavy rain.

"Oh gosh, are you sure?"

"Yeah, come on."

Unbuckling your seat Dennis held the door open for you as you got out. You stuck close to his side, huddling under his umbrella as he led you to his car.

Opening the passenger door you thanked Dennis then slipped inside. He closed the door than jogged over to the driver's side, you giggled at his awkward stride and wondered if there was any part of him that wasn't weird. 

💻🌧🍔 💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️

Through his peripheral Dennis watched you. Your perfume seemed to waft through his tiny Toyota and he hoped that it would sink into the upholstery.

"It's over there, just turn right on the corner" you directed him. He nodded at your direction. Suddenly sad that the ride was coming to an end sooner than he would've liked.

"You can slow down here. Mine is the one in the middle."

Dennis slowed to park as you gathered your things and readied to disembark. "Um uh I know this is weird, but do you think I can.. use your restroom?" It came out bumbled and he internally kicked himself for that.

"Oh gosh yes of course." You touched his arm as you spoke, the patch of skin sending jolts all throughout.

Dennis exited the car first as you waited patiently for him to shelter you from the rain.

You thank him again as you both jogged to your front door. With your keys at the ready you unlocked the door and allowed him in after you. "First door on your right" you point down the hall as you slipped out of your work shoes.

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8:00 P.M.

Dennis didn't move.

"So how is married life?" You nervously inquired, noticing the gold band on his finger.

He didn't answer and the look on his face started to fill you with concern.

He is just an awkward guy. Don't over think it.

"Um would you like something to drink" you made a move to walk toward the kitchen, but Dennis blocked your advance. Stepping a foot back you started to panic. "So h-how do you like working at.."

Before you could finish Dennis sandwiched you between the door.  Fruitlessly you tried to wiggle free as his hands began to roam your sides. Pushing at his chest he stood unmoved by your efforts as he leaned in close to your cheek, peppering you with kisses along your neck.

"Please Dennis.." You trembled out. Dennis wedged between your legs, the feel of his hard cock had you hiccuping as you pleaded with him to stop.

The muscles in your arm burned as you push, your hands flailing and slipping off his wet clothes. He inhaled you, humming with delight as his stubble burned against your neck.

Tears coated your eyes as he began feverishly unbuckling your belt. Your nails clawed into his flesh to no effect, tossing your hands away effortlessly as he continued to maneuver your pants down past your hips.

It was if the mild mannered retail clerk had become a completely different person and you couldn't understand why.

"I see the way you look at me" he growled into your ear. 

"I was just being nice. Please Dennis!"

"So nice for me baby" he kissed your cheek as you turned your face away from him. Through the kerfuffle you hadn't realized you both had moved away from the door. Your side hit the arm of the living room's couch and you found yourself tumbling over with Dennis landing on top of you.

Dennis snatched one of your wrist when you tried to slap him. Threading his fingers with yours like a lover, slowly moving it above your head. Your other hand tried to force him to fall over to the floor, but he refused to budge.

His other arm disappeared between your bodies, the further it sunk down your stomach tensed. You were useless against his determination. There was no out from under him.

Dennis swallowed your sobs, when his hand came dangerously close to your clit. Hot beads of tears streamed your face when  he grazed your mound. The tickle of his finger tips meticulously played with your folds, in an attempt to move away his fingers parted your lips. Sucking and kissing on your neck, you felt a fire begin to pool at his hand.

"You don't want to do this please" you sniffed, but he was too far gone. A long moan fell from your lips when his fingers finally plunged into you.

Dennis's digits curled and pumped, the friction feeding an unwanted need in your core. When you tried to protest again he devoured your mouth greedily.

"I'm gonna fill you up...Have you stuffed full of my cum." Dennis moaned over your mouth.

Your toes started to curl as your heat grew. You wanted him to stop, but a need weakened your resolve.

"That's it baby, I feel you want me too." 

"Fuck" you panted out as you struggled to fight against him and yourself. Your juices coated him thoroughly, you bit back shame as he praised you for it. Mindlessly you gripped his shoulder  as your mounded tightened around him. Panting wildly you came on his fingers.

"That's it baby." He praised, slipping his fingers free which caused you to whimper shamefully. Your legs felt like jelly as you laid on the couch. Dennis hadn't moved, only lifting his hips to  unfastened his belt.

"No! No no please" you whined, pushing backwards on the couch cushion. Dennis snaked an arm behind your back, locking you in place as you pulled at his work shirt to get him off you.

The head of his cock swirled around your juices, pressing hard against your folds to blindly find your opening. "So wet just for me baby."

No matter which way your hips move the determined man found your slick folds. Wedged between your legs Dennis shuttered with delight as he pressed into you. His slow pressure stretched you as you continued to sob.

"So tight for me" he hummed. You hissed the deeper he sunk into you. Breathing heavily through the tightness while his hips rolled into you. The cheap couch groaned at the increase of activity. Dennis palmed your ass, gripping too tight as he fucked you into the couch.

His desperate kisses all over you felt like trails of fire. Your legs began to wrap and tighten around him as he thrusted relentlessly. 

"Dennis.." You panted out as your need took over.

"Do you want to come for me?" he sounded as needy as you did.

"I haven't come in so long... Do you think you can handle it baby?" He taunted.

"Please" you say weakly.

"That's it I knew you needed me"

"Please Dennis." You begged as you dissolved into pleasure.

You were his new life he was sure of it. His cure and he was never letting you go.

💻🌧🍔 💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️💻🌧🍔💍🚘☔️

[world-of-aus]

Behind the Screen - (Part 1)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 5,412

Warnings: smut 18+

Author’s Note: First chapter guys, i had a lot of fun writing this, and i hope you all enjoy this first chapter. Smut is also not my forte, but i like to try new things so i hope i did it justice lol. If y’all would like to be added to the tag-list for future chapters, or taken off please send me a message! Feedback is always appreciated in anyway, so let me know what you think, let me know your thoughts what your expecting! Thank you for reading!

SERIES MASTERLIST

“Hey Wilson, you seen y/n?” Bucky questioned from his spot on the couch.

Sam shook his head, “Yeah earlier, she said she had something to do real quick before she was going to join us, shouldn’t be long.”

“Wasn’t that like 30 minutes ago?” Steve spoke up.

Sam shrugged his shoulder his eyes not leaving the TV screen, “I don’t know man, if y’all are so worried why don’t you send Tin Man to go find her.”

Bucky mulled it over before he was pushing up from the lounger, “where you going Buck?” Steve called out over his shoulder as Bucky retreated from the room.

Bucky didn’t bother with a reply, they all knew he was going to get you.

You were perched on your bed laptop in hand, your fingers working over your latest post the white glare from the computer illuminating your features. You couldn’t wait to get this new post out; your newest work had your readers begging for more, there just wasn’t enough time in your day to crunch out the words that bounced around in your mind. Recently your readers had begun to get antsy with you especially behind “anon”, there was many coming after you for not writing Bucky to the best of your ability. How did they expect you to give them your best work when you didn’t know how the man was in bed? It’s not like you could confront your teammate and ask him to help you write fanfiction about him and how he pleases women in bed.

I mean imagine the conversation,

“Hey Buck so you might not know this about me, but I write fanfiction,” awkward pause, “about you, and well do you think you could maybe guide me through it?”

You scoffed rolling your eyes at your inner dialogue, you stared at the blank white screen the cursor blinking at you, waiting. Your fingers hovered over the board, but your mind was drawing blanks, the words were there not even a minute ago, how did you lose them so quickly. You groaned pushing the laptop to the side, maybe it was time to go join the others, it had been a little over thirty minutes since you had told them you would return. Deciding you needed the break from the screen you pushed yourself from the bed making your way to your bathroom to freshen up.

Bucky walked the quiet hallways passing the other team's quarters before he finally came across yours. Bucky never bothered knocking, if he reached for the door handle and it wasn’t locked, he would just let himself in. Entering your room, he saw no sign of you except for your lone laptop that he had recently seen you glued to. He wasn’t sure what had you so entranced to the screen, but at the same time he understood it could possibly be a hobby that you were working on, especially during down time from missions or training. He looked around your quarters and noticed the sliver of light peeking from the bottom of your bathroom. Deciding to wait for you, he walked over to your bed plopping himself on the cushioned comforter. He reached for you laptop to see if he could get a peek at what had you glued to the device, and a peek he got. His cheeks were flamed rosy, his pants suddenly feeling a little tighter, while he wasn’t sure what to think, he was tickled pink at the words he read. So, this is what you did on your past time. He looked over the browser, his brows scrunched in confusion, what was Tumblr?

“Barnes what are you doing with my laptop?!”

Bucky looked up from the screen eyes blown wide matching yours, “Uh, I could ask you the same.” he murmured turning your screen to you.

Your heart dropped into the depths of your stomach, face going deathly pale, oh god, oh god, he knew, gathering your bearings you lurched forward lunging for the laptop in his hands. Bucky ducked out of your way falling back into your pillows laptop still clutched in his grip. You crawled half on top of him, “Goddamnit Barnes, give me my laptop back!” you growled.

He continued to dodge your attempts at grabbing your possession, “not until you explain what this is.” he grunted, his metal appendage pushing at your head.

“There is nothing to explain,” you hissed, “now give me the damn thing!”

You continued to claw your way up his body, though for every inch you climbed you were quickly scooted down by the cool metal pushing at your head.

“Nothing to explain?” he questioned, “I think there’s a lot to explain, like what the hell is Tumblr, and why are there people writing about me and some person named “y/n” he grunted “did you just bite my finger?” he questioned eyes glaring at you.

Your movements stalled, “Oh I'm sorry, I didn’t realize your vibranium hand had any feeling.” you deadpanned.

Your eyes caught the moment Bucky’s form began to fall, being a trained assassin had come in handy, taking your chance you lunged forward getting a grip on the laptop. Bucky grunted at the awkward position, “Jesus Christ,” he grunted, “what the fuck, ow!” he growled, “fucking hell y/n!” Bucky being stronger than you pulled the laptop from your measly grip flinging It to the side as he pushed you onto your bed, his frame covering yours, “would you stop fucking squirming, if it was nothing why are you putting up such a fight,” he grunted catching your swinging hands in his, pushing them down into the bed.

“I'm putting up a fight because you were going through my personal things, ever heard of the word privacy nosey ass” you hissed glaring at him.

Bucky rolled his eyes at you continuing to push your frame down into the bed, maybe you could use this as a future reference.

“Now that you’ve stopped squirming maybe we could actually have a conversation.” he murmured looking down at you.

Dread filled you again, “There’s nothing to talk about Bucky, at least nothing I want to talk about with you,” you groaned, “will you please just leave it alone.”

“I won’t leave it alone, I think I deserve an explanation,” he voiced, “you either tell me what I want to know or we can be like this all night.” he grunted applying more weight onto yours. Jesus, you could really use this as a reference but you weren't sure how to describe “Dead weight” would that even be considered sexy, you weren’t sure it would have your readers on the edge of their seats thighs clenched, cheeks rosy, giggling behind their phones, as they read your latest post.

“y/n, doll!” he muttered snapping his fingers in front of your dazed face.

You knew there was no getting out of this, there was definitely no denying what he had seen, possibly read. God what had you even written, how much had he seen. You knew this wasn’t going to end good, “what do you want to know?” you murmured, eyes not meeting his.

“what’s Tumblr?”

You sighed, you were really going to do this, you’re already in the rabbit hole, might as well keeping digging yourself further. “Tumblr is a blog site, users can post different types of media on it, they post videos, pictures, written posts - ”

“is that what you do?” he questioned cutting you off.

You groaned cheeks turning pink in embarrassment, “Yes buck, can you please get off me, please,” you murmured.

“who’s x reader, also who’s y/n, do I know them, because I don’t recall doing any of what i read with them.”

Your eyes slipped shut, oh god you couldn’t breathe, you prayed that a hole would open up beneath you and swallow you whole, “Barnes please get off me, I don’t want to do this!” you grunted trying to buck the man off you, you were on the verge of a panic attack.

“No, not until you explain it to me, then I'll get off,” he grunted applying more of his weight down onto you. This man was a damn wall of muscle, it was useless, there was no getting out of this, a growl left your lips, “Fuck okay, I’m not sure what you saw, but you more than likely saw my blog, and I write on my blog as I answered earlier,” you groaned, you didn’t want to say it, “I also,” a pause, another moan of embarrassment, “I also,” deep breath, “ I also write fanfiction about you,” oh god you cringed, this sounds much worse coming out of your mouth than it did when the words had been in your head. “the reader is anyone who also like me sits behind the screen of a computer reading the posts, and y/n is the reader, its abbreviated for your name, and no you didn’t do any of those things but it’s what writers like myself imagine you would do.” a sigh left your lips, eyes clenched undeniably tight, god you wanted this nightmare to be over, “can you please get off now.” you whispered feeling utterly ashamed.

You felt his hands leave yours, the weight and heat of his body a distant memory as he shifted off of you. Your eyes remained screwed shut, god you had really done it now, you should have never started the blog, what were you expecting. He was probably getting ready to go tell the others what you were up to, tell them everything he had seen, tell them about you embarrassing past time.

“Can you show me some more?”

Your eyes shot open, head turning to the side to see Bucky staring at you intently, your mouth parted slightly, “excuse me?” you choked out, he couldn’t be serious. “You can’t be serious,” you murmured.

“oh, I’m serious,” he murmured grabbing a hold of your laptop and pushing it towards you, “here.”

You glanced from him to the laptop, then back, “you’re actually serious?” you questioned brow raised.

“wouldn’t still be here if I wasn’t,” he murmured sliding closer to you, “now come on, show me, I'm curious.”

You cautiously flipped onto your stomach, you weren’t sure he was ready for what exactly was out there, but he had asked, and if it kept the attention off of you, anything would be better.

Bucky was glued to the screen, his eyes roaming the vast words and posts written about him, your eyes stayed trained on him looking, watching, waiting for a reaction, there was none. He was stiff as stone.

“this is all wrong” he muttered turning to you, “i wouldn’t do this.”

You raised a brow at him, “its fanfiction Bucky, it’s not supposed to be real,” you explained, “the writers are doing just that, they’re writing they’re perspective of you, some of them are really talented.” You added.

“Well yeah I can see that, but still I wouldn’t do it like this, they didn’t capture me right I wouldn’t get straight into it like this.”

A laugh slipped past your lips, “Bucky the writers on the other side of the screen can only imagine these things about you, they won’t always get you down to a T, they can only imagine how you’d be, how they would want you to be.”

“so, then you do it,” he voiced perking up, “write me and this y/n character, there's no one that knows me better than you, well aside from Steve, I could guide you through it.”

Your eyes went wide slightly, “buck I don’t think that’s a good idea, I never wanted you to find out about this and now your offering to help me write, you can’t be serious.” you murmured.

“it could be fun,” he exclaimed, “who better to help write about me, than me.” he deadpanned.

You groaned your hands coming up to cover your face, “bucky you honestly don’t know what you’re saying, you shouldn’t even be this calm about all of this, for fucks sake you just found out I write about you and now you want me to let you help me write,” you paused, “about you, you sure your arm didn’t short circuit and mess with your head?”

Bucky chuckled deeply his hands reaching up to pull yours away from your face, “Look I'm not saying that I'm not freaked out by all of this, but if I can be honest its kind of flattering to know so many people write about me like this, not that I can understand why” he murmured, “but I wouldn’t mind seeing a more accurate description, and who better to give that to the readers than someone that can be guided by me?” he questioned.

“bucky,” you groaned.

“come on doll, indulge an old man,” he teased, “help me, to help you.”

You couldn’t really be thinking this would be a good idea, but then maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Bucky could guide you through some parts of your stories that just wouldn’t flow through your finger’s right, maybe the grouchy anons would back off, you bit your lip in thought.

Your groaned your body flailing a bit as you really mulled it over, “fine,” you muttered, “but the second you get all weird I’m kicking you out, understood?” you questioned.? t.”

He grinned at you his hands rubbing together, “deal.” You really were beginning to think his arm had short circuited.

“One more thing, you can’t tell the team about this at all, it’s weird enough you knowing, I don’t need the others knowing what I do.” You voiced.

It was quiet for a few seconds before Bucky was speaking up, “do they write about the others?”

“Bucky would you stop squirming, you’re not letting me think,” you muttered turning your head away from the screen to glare at him.

He stopped moving eyes going from yours back to the white screen, you sighed rubbing your temples, you were really beginning to regret ever agreeing to this. It had been about thirty minutes since Bucky had taken a look at your most recent post you were working on, you were currently trying to rub out a steamy oral scene between Bucky and the reader and let’s just say it wasn’t happening. If it wasn’t happening before the whole ordeal with Bucky, it surely wasn’t coming to you now. You had tried time and time again for the past thirty minutes to find the right words but between the squirming super solider next to you, and your mind replaying the events of this evening it just wasn’t going to happen.

“alright that’s it, I can’t do this,” you sighed reaching to shut the laptop.

Bucky reached out for your hand stopping your movements before you could shut it completely, your head turned towards his, brow raised, “you're not capturing the scene right doll, you’re not capturing the moment right.”

Your head tilted back slightly in disbelief, “well excuse me,” you muttered pulling your hand from his, “if you know so much, why don’t you write It?” you questioned sarcastically shoving the laptop in his direction.

He sighed, “I'm not the one that has a way with words doll, that’s you,” he pointed out, “besides I'm better with actions.” he added eyes twinkling.

“so, what are you implying buck, are you going to show me how you please a woman orally?” you questioned jokingly.

He perked up, “I could do that,” he agreed, “that way you could really get into the right mindset, you could really be in the moment.”

You choked on your saliva looking at Bucky in disbelief, “Barnes I was joking!” you coughed, “I wasn’t being serious.”

“oh come on now sweetheart,” he grinned, “you would be knocking out two birds with one stone.”

“look at you learning,” you deadpanned, “and the answer is no Buck, now stop before I make you leave.” you muttered.

He turned on his side facing you, sliding closer laptop forgotten, “I’m being serious y/n,” he started, “you could get real life inspiration for the next part of your post, and also get some pleasure from it, it’ll be a win win .”

“okay that’s it,” you muttered sitting up, “out buck, I don’t have time for these games.”

He sat up with you, “who said I'm playing games?” he questioned.

You looked up at your ceiling a sigh leaving your lips before you were meeting Bucky’s gaze again, “Bucky, seriously, stop, this isn’t funny.” you murmured shaking your head.

Bucky’s hand reached out taking yours In his, “who said this is a game?” he questioned staring at you in earnest.

“You can’t actually want to do this Buck, I get that you discovered my secret, what I do on my down time, but you don’t need to help me with this, we’re best friends Buck, this could make things weirder than it probably already is.” you muttered pulling your hand from his, eyes looking away.

“Us being best friends should make this that much easier, you can tell me when you’re feeling uncomfortable and I'll stop, this wouldn’t make things weird between us, besides you’d be helping me too, we’d be helping each other.” he said his hand coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. His fingers hooked under your chin, coaxing you to look up at him, stormy grey eyes staring back at you intently.

“Buck,” you sighed, your resolve was really failing you, you couldn’t lie to yourself by saying you didn’t want this, hell you had fantasized a moment like this for god knows how long, there’s only so much writers can offer you, but now that you were being given the opportunity to experience the real thing, were you really about to let this slip you by?

“this really isn’t a good idea Buck, it just doesn’t feel right,” you sighed body slouching.

He chuckled lowly, his body leaning in towards yours, breath fanning across your face, “it sounds like a great idea,” he murmured, “we’d both be getting something out of it, and that way, next time you write me giving our reader oral, you’ll know exactly what it feels like.”

You sucked in a breath at his words, your voice caught in your throat as he leaned even closer, his forehead pressing against yours, “come on doll, what do you say?” he questioned softly lips brushing against yours.

You nodded your head shakily, “okay,” you breathed.

Bucky surged forward his lips pressing against yours, your eyes slipping shut at the sensation of his lips gliding against your own. His flesh hand trailed its way up your body, around your neck where it tangled through your hair, his metal one finding its way onto your hip, squeezing.

Bucky nipped at your bottom lip, a breathy gasp falling from your lips. He seizes this opportunity to push his tongue in, he licks at you coaxing your tongue to dance with his. Your lungs burn from the intensity of the kiss, you pull away gasping for air, eyes dazed as you stare at Bucky his lips swollen and glistening in the dim light of your room.

Your hands reach out to touch him, fingers sliding up his torso, only to gravitate back down, his hands reach for yours stopping your movements before you can reach for the button of his jeans. He shakes his head a soft smile on his lips, “this isn’t about me sweetheart,” he murmurs leaning forward to nip at your lip, “this is about you,” he breaths.

The air around you is tense, your body thrumming with want. You don’t move though as Bucky’s eyes watch you, you wait with baited breath as Bucky’s hand untangles from your hair reaching down to get a grip on the hem of your shirt. He lifts up slowly, pulling the shirt off of you before tossing it off to the side. His eyes darken as he watches your ample breasts rise and fall. Your breath catches in your throat, you had never had a man look at you like this. The anticipation for what was to come next was building.

Unsuspecting, Bucky has you on your back in seconds, his frame hovering over yours, he leans down, his nose brushing against your chin, lips lowering till they’re meeting the skin of your neck. He kisses along the expanse of your neck drawing out breathy moans from your lips, a soft gasp follows when his teeth nip at your collarbone. You feel the coolness of his left hand trail up your stomach your body arching with it, it stops along the swell of your breast. His thumb reaches out sliding into the fabric of your bra, gliding over a now hardened nipple, the heat pools between your legs. A breathy moan falls from your lips at the sensation, Bucky chuckles lowly, warmth breath fanning across your dampened skin.

You whine as he pulls his hand from your breast, his hand trailing lower, you suck in a breath as his hand hovers over the top of your jeans, metal fingers popping open the button. His hand flattens against your body dipping into your jeans, fingers cupping you through your dampened underwear, a moan falls from your lips as he presses a single digit into your folds, wetting the fabric of your panties more.

“Mmm Buck,” you moan.

Bucky grins against your neck, his lips gliding up till they’re right by your ear, “I’m a giving person sweetheart,” he whispers, “i don’t just get right into the action, I like to play a little,” he husks, “i want to have you begging, I want to have you a moaning mess under me.” he breathes teeth nipping at your ear.

“Fuck,” you groan back arching off of the bed, Bucky presses his hand down harder against you stilling your hips. He pulls his face away from your neck his eyes holding yours, “keep your eyes on me.” He whispers, you swallow. You suck in a breath as his fingers push your panties to the side, his index finger finding it’s way into your dampened folds. The sensation alone has a breathy “Bucky” falling from your lips followed by a broken moan as his finger grazes your clit.

His fingers work over your clit your body writhing under his hand, broken desperate moans falling from your lips. A whine leaves your lips as Bucky tears his hand from your underwear, “Bucky please,” you moan.

He chuckles “patience sweetheart, let me make you feel good.” He whispers ducking down to press his lips to yours. Your lips chase his as they find their way back to your neck. He licks, sucks, and nips at your skin as he trails down your body. From your neck, down the valley of your breast till he’s reaching the top of your jeans. You watch him pull away from you leaning back on his feet as his hands reach down pulling on your jeans till your able to kick them off the rest of the way for him.

He’s slipping from the bed, his hands pulling on your thighs as he drags you down the edge of the bed. He sinks to his knee his head lowering, his warm breath fans across your mound, a shiver rolling through you. He doesn’t move, you begin to worry, maybe he had changed his mind, “Buck, we don’t have to- ” a loud moan breaks through your words, his mouth presses harshly against your cotton covered pussy, tongue pressing into you, the fabric rubbing against your aching clit.

“Jesus Buck,” you gasp body arching off of the bed.

He laughs lowly, tongue still running over your covered mound, he gazes up at you from between your legs, “ I told you sweetheart, patience.” You would definitely be adding this to your story you thought as another moan ripped through you Bucky’s head having moved from your aching core to nip at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh.

Your hands reach down to tangle in his hair as he continues his assault on your sensitive thighs. His thumb presses into you, rubbing against your aching clit, the fabric of your panties dragging deliciously against it. Your feet dig into his back, your body writhing on the bed. He glances up at you from where he’s perched between your legs, his eyes darkening, “ you think you could cum like this, you think you could cum for me.” He questions his breath ghosting over you.

A breathy “yes” falls from your lips, your body is buzzing with the need for release the teasing too much. Bucky continues to nip and suck at your sensitive skin, thumb working faster against your clit. “Fuck,” you gasp , “please Bucky,” you plead, “please,” you beg. Your desperate for him, for the need of release. His thumb pushes into you harder, working over you faster, his lips latching onto you skin sucking. A chant of his name falls from your lips as your orgasm takes you by surprise, your head pushing back into the sheets your back arching off the bed, your fingers tightening in his hair.

Bucky barley gives you a second to catch your breath before he’s moving, his hands gripping the middle of your panties, ripping them down the middle.

“Bucky did you just -”

Your words fall short as he’s pressing against you again, his face presses in close, his tongue peeking out to press against your folds. His tongue dips in dragging across your entrance till he’s flicking up against your clit, the tip of his tongue circling it. Your chest heaves as breathy moans fall from your lips, your thighs clenching around his head from the pleasure surging through you.  Bucky grips your thighs pushing them open, spreading you out for him, your back arches, breast pushing into the cooled air as his tongue flicks teasingly in and out of your soaked folds.

Your fingers grasp the sheets beneath you, twisting them in your hold. His mouth works over you, taking you higher, he’s alternating between your clit and your dripping entrance. His tongue will drag over your clit before it’s dipping down to bury into your entrance his tongue fucking into you till your screaming his name.

“Bucky fuck,” you moan, “please,” you whine.

He continues to work you over, moans of pleasure falling from his lips, the vibrations leaving you quaking in his hold. Your fingers find their way into his hair, your eyes glancing down at him the sight alone leaving you a breathless mess. He glances up his ocean grey eyes connecting with yours, you weren’t sure it was possible but they seemingly darkened more as he pushed you closer to release. His arms wrap around your spread thighs pulling you into him more, his lips work faster, tongue gliding quicker as he works you over. A loud moan falls from your lips as he quickens the pace, his name falling from your lips in a silent prayer as your grind  up against his mouth. A moan catches in your throat, his lips finding your clit as he sucks harshly, his tongue working over it with quick strokes. Your pussy clenches, body heaving as the intense pleasure washes over you. Bucky doesn’t stop as he works you through your orgasm his tongue continuously flicking over you, dipping into you to suck up your juices. Your vision goes white as you clench around him fingers pulling at his hair.

“Holy fuck,” you choke out thighs trembling as you wind down, Bucky chuckles as he moves up your body kissing up your sweat slicked skin. He looms over you eyes hooded with lust, a small smile on his glistening lips. Your hands come up wrapping themselves around the back of his neck pulling him down to you. Your lips press against his, a groan falling from your lips as you taste yourself on his sinful tongue. You lean up slightly your arms moving from Bucky’s neck to his shoulders as you move him around till he’s flat on his back on your bed. You straddle him, his hands finding a spot on your waist as he squeezes you,

“I thought this was about you doll,” he husks grinning up at you.

You roll your hips over his slightly, leaning your body over his, “it was, but I’d like to return the favor,” you whispered lips ghosting over his, your tongue peeking out to run over his plush lips. Sliding yourself down his firm body you stop once your seated on his thick thighs. Running your hands down his torso, your fingers work at popping the buttons of his jeans open, helping him shimmy them off, your tongue running over your lips as his cock springs free. You scoot down the bed settling yourself between his spread legs, leaning down as you run the tip of your tongue along the underside of his cock. A low grunt falls from his lips as you take the base of his cock into your hands, your tongue swirling around the tip. You continue to work your mouth over him indulging in the sinful noises that drip from his lips. “Fuck y/n,” he grunts, “fuck you gotta stop if you want me to finish this the right way.”

You grin up at him, you lips spit slicked, “fuck doll, come here.” He whispers gripping your arms as he hauls you up. He kisses your roughly, his tongue running over yours before he’s flipping the two of you, your back meeting the cool sheets.

Pushing your thighs apart he settles between them, gripping his cock in hand he runs it through your folds teasingly before he’s pressing in, a slow delicious burn that’s rolls a shiver through your spine. Bucky leans down his forehead pressing down onto yours, breathing each other in as he rolls his hips into you. His cock drags in and out of you, at a slow toe curling pace. Your body writhes against him, your heels digging into his ass to press him to you closer, you need to feel him, you want to feel him.

Bucky changes the angle; unwrapping your legs,  he hauls one over his shoulder the other gripped tightly in his hand as he spreads you out, the angle driving him impossibly deeper, a gasp catches on your throat, “fuck,” you moan, “fuck right there,” you gasp.

“Come on sweetheart, let me feel you, cum for me.” He grunts his thrust jarring you.

A few more hard thrusts and his thumb sweeping over your clit has you shouting out his name in a breathy moan. Your back arches, thighs trembling as the waves of pleasure wash over you. Bucky continues to push into you, dragging out your orgasm as his takes over, your name tumbling from his lips as he crashes into you.

Bucky slumps forward his face falling into your neck as he takes in a shuddering breath. “Fuck,” he grunts, “that’s going to be a hell of a fic,” he murmurs pressing his lips to your skin.

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you, right the fic, you think, that’s why this had happened, Bucky was helping you out, and help he did. Bucky rolls off to his side propping himself up on his elbow as he smiles down at you, your body lax against the sheets.

“When are you going to finish writing it?” He grins

“Not right now, m’ too tired, hopefully sometime in the morning” you murmured.

“So In these fics do like me and the reader cuddle?” He questions a teasing twinkle in his eye.

“I don’t know Barnes, it depends,” you reply, “are you a post sex cuddler?”

“for the right girl,” he grins opening his arms, “c’mere doll,” He murmurs wrapping you in his arms a sloppy wet kiss placed to your heated cheeks.

Your readers are in for a hell of a surprise,” he murmurs into your hair.

“That they are,” you whisper, “that they are.”

Part 2

Behind The Scenes Tag-list: @ladifreakingda @georgialeighc13 @racewife2004​ @multy-fandom-lover​ @otvlanga​ @sailorstupidsblog​

[disasterdeacy]

Angel Eyes: Joe Mazzello x Reader

Requested By: @sean-macguire

Request: “just fluff with roger or joe, idm who”

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting doll! I hope you like it, I’m sorry if it isn’t what you wanted, but it kind of took on a life of its own lol. I made the setting Alabama, mainly because that’s where I’m from, and also bc Joe’s good ole boy Eugene Sledge accent makes my heart tingle so I needed an excuse to include this lol. Requests are open, so feel free to send them my way! Character: Joe Mazzello x Reader Word Count: 4,046 (I got carried away wow) Warnings: Fluff, mentions of anxiety, panic attacks Summary: When your parents insist on meeting your new boyfriend Joe, you’re more than excited. You love your family and their opinion of your significant other means the world to you, you know they’re going to love him no matter what, but Joe is absolutely paralyzed with fear. After you touchdown, you two are immediately on your way to your childhood home, Joe has been silent the whole flight, and his insecurities begin to show. Always the empathetic girlfriend, you pull off the interstate and reassure the love of your life.

  When (Y/N)’s parents called her a few weeks ago, requesting she bring her boyfriend of 6 months home with her for the 4th, you were overjoyed. Joe was the only person in her life she you loved more than her family, and for all of the most important people in her life to be in one place made her heart so happy. The only thing that could make it even better is if Gwil, Lucy, Rami, and Ben could’ve been there as well. (Y/N)  decided to tell Joe about the invitation as soon as he arrived home that night from set, knowing that they both would need to go ahead and make travel arrangements to travel from NY to Alabama. So, as soon as Joe walked through the door that night, (Y/N) was immediately at his side, arms around his waist. Joe chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to your temple as he swayed the two of them in place. “Wow wow wow, this is the most affection you’ve ever shown me Ms. (Y/N), did you run over my cat?” Joe laughed as she pressed an affectionate kiss to his neck. (Y/N) scoffed and pulled away from his embrace, swatting him on his shoulder. “Joseph Francis! You better shut your mouth, you know damn well that I am the most affectionate human being alive.” Joe laughed and danced away from (Y/N)’s playful swat, grabbing her around the waist once again as she pouted. “I know babe, I know, and I have no idea what I did to deserve someone like you.” (Y/N) had thought the same thing, from the moment she and Joe had went on their first date, to now, she was extremely confused as to how she had managed to find someone as wonderful and kind as Joe. He was the kind of man that her parents had always hoped she’d bring home one day, which was why she was so excited to tell him about the phone call. (Y/N) smiled and placed a kiss on Joe’s nose before pulling away from his embrace, he frowned at the loss of contact, and proceeded to follow her to the kitchen like a lost puppy as she went to prepare dinner. “Well, we’ll see how you feel about me when I tell you about the phone call I got today.” she said as she rounded the corner of the kitchen island. Joe raised an eyebrow at her statement, situating himself onto a stool across the island for her. “Oh really now? What could you have possibly done my darlin?” (Y/N) chuckled at Joe’s attempt at copying her slight accent, and pulled 4 cloves of garlic from the windowsill to begin mincing. “So, my mom called today,” she didn’t get a chance to finish that statement before Joe’s face went white as a sheet. The sudden change in pallor of her boyfriend’s face concerned (Y/N), so she halted her mincing and continued her statement. “and you know my family has a big 4th celebration. My mom and dad want you to come, they want to meet you. If you’re okay with it of course.” (Y/N) didn’t want to rush him into anything, but they had been dating for a little over 6 months, and she’d met his entire family after only dating for a month and a half. The silence that filled the room afterwards didn’t last too long, as Joe cleared his throat and his face turned beet red. “I would love to meet your parents (Y/N).” Joe reached over the island with a shaky hand and pulled the hand that wasn’t covered in garlic mush towards him. He was extremely red, and looked to be on the verge of tears. (Y/N) placed the knife down before wiping her hands on a hand towel, and walking around the island to stand at Joe’s side. “Babe, if you don’t want to go it’s okay. I don’t want to rush you into something.” she leaned against the island and took Joe’s shaking hands into her own. Joe sighed and looked up at her, “No darling, I want to, I want to meet them more than you know..” “But?” “But what if they hate me, and what if your dad thinks I’m not good enough for you, and what if your brother thinks.” (Y/N) cut him off by delicately pressing your lips to his own, moving her hand from his hands to the hair at the nape of his neck, gently caressing the area which she knew would immediately calm him down. Throughout the 6 months that the two had been together, (Y/N) had come to realize that Joe had a slight anxiety problem, which was completely understandable, as she had one herself. While she knew that Joe’s anxieties were usually easily remedied by talking them out with her, (Y/N) had never been the cause of his anxiety, and she didn’t particularly like the feeling. (Y/N) pulled her lips from his and pulled his face towards her neck, his favorite place to relax after a stressful day, he really was the softest boyfriend anyone could ever hope to have “Joe, I can promise you, with everything that I have, my entire family will love you. I promise. They’ve never wanted to meet any of my other boyfriends before, and all my mom wants to talk about is you when we’re on the phone.” Joe sighed into her neck, placing a soft kiss there as she  ran her fingers through his hair. “I know. I just know how much your family means to you, and I really don’t want to mess this up. I love you too much to let you go.” (Y/N) leaned into Joe and placed a kiss to the top of his head. “You don’t have to worry about it bub, they’re going to see how much you love me, and how much I love you, and that’s all they’re going to care about. Plus, my little cousins are very excited to meet you.” (Y/N) felt Joe chuckle against her neck before looking up at her.

“Jurassic Park” they both answered before dissolving in a fit of laughter. (Y/N) ruffled Joe’s hair before unraveling herself from him to continue cooking. Joe was suspiciously silent as (Y/N) continued mincing the remaining 3 cloves of garlic, before he rose from his spot across from her, rounding the island to wrap his arms around her waist, resting his head in the crook of her neck and shoulder. “Thank you (Y/N). You have no idea how much I appreciate you.” (Y/N) turned her head, placing a small kiss to his nose for the second time that night. “I do know, and I love you, but I would love and appreciate you even more if you would slice the carrots and potatoes.” Joe laughed and popped (Y/N) on the ass before heading to the refrigerator to get the vegetables his girlfriend had requested. ‘Maybe it won’t be that bad’ he thought, after all, he felt like he knew (Y/N)’s family well enough from the way she would talk about them. Joe nodded his head as he picked up the carrots from the crisper, ‘I’ll be fine.’

 2 Week Later (Y/N) and Joe had successfully made their way to their rental car after departing the arrivals terminal, which was far more crowded than (Y/N) had ever seen it. The two had managed to have a very good flight, despite departing JFK at 6am, thankfully (Y/N)’s family only lived a short hour from Birmingham, allowing them an easy drive home. Her mom had offered to come and pick the two up at the airport, but (Y/N) had refused, not wanting Joe to feel awkward cooped up in a small car with only her and her mother for an hour. She preferred for Joe to meet the whole family at one time to prevent repeated introductions. As they placed their bags into the small Camry, (Y/N) took the keys from Joe’s hands before kissing his forehead. “I’ll drove babe, I think I know the way pretty dang well.” Joe laughed, of course, this is where his girlfriend had been raised, of course she should drive. The first 30 minutes of the drive passed with relative ease, the two were engaging in the usual easy conversation they normally had, (Y/N)’s ABBA playlist blasting from the stereo as she pointed out small landmarks along the highway. However, after another 15 miles, signs began appearing referencing (Y/N)’s hometown. 20 miles, 15 miles, 10 miles, as they passed the 5 mile sign, Joe’s stomach began to drop. Even though (Y/N)’s pep talk 2 weeks earlier, Joe couldn’t seem to shake the insecurities which resided in the deepest recesses of his mind. He knew that (Y/N) loved him, and would love him no matter what, but he also knew that she loved her family as aggressively. If he didn’t impress her family, she would break up with him, he was sure of it, and if there was anything in this world that he wanted any less, it would be for (Y/N) to end their relationship. Though the two had only been together for 6 months, Joe had never felt as strongly for anyone as he did for (Y/N). The sheer thought of her leaving made Joe’s heart constrict, and he felt his stomach drop. The tell tell signs of a panic attack. He could feel the tears starting to build in his eyes, and the grip he had on his hands tightened to a near dangerous level, he knew he would be bleeding if he wasn’t careful. Meanwhile, (Y/N)’s favorite ABBA song, Angel Eyes, came up on her playlist. Her own eyes lit up underneath her sunglasses, before she turned her head to Joe to get him to join her in a duet. However, the sight that she was met with was one which she didn’t expect, one that made her stomach sink. Her sweet boyfriend was sat straight up in the passenger seat, hands balled in fists, breathing heavily as tears ran from his sweet hazel eyes. (Y/N) had been dreading this, she’d known that the talk the two had had in their kitchen 2 weeks previous had calmed Joe down, but she had a small inkling that he wasn’t completely at ease. She hadn’t been either when she’d met Joe’s family, but he had done the same thing for her, reassuring her that his family was going to fall as deeply in love with her as he had. This had worked, though she still felt nervous upon meeting the Mazzello clan. However, as she looked over at her usually funny, loud, and fun loving boyfriend, she knew that this was completely different from nerves. He was having a panic attack. Seeing a gas station ahead, (Y/N) stepped on the gas a little harder than usual, desperate to comfort Joe as soon as possible. Once she reached the Texaco station, she pulled off to the side, unbuckled her seatbelt, and rushed to Joe’s side of the car. Joe hadn’t even noticed that the car had stopped until he felt his car door open, and two hands grasp his own. The sudden movement jarred Joe from his own mind, forcing his eyes to the source of the interruption. He looked to his right, and saw (Y/N) kneeling at the side of the car, knees on the probably boiling asphalt, a desperate look in her eyes. “Joe? Joe, bub, listen to me, you’re okay, I’m here, you’re okay.” (Y/N) was staring intently into his tear filled eyes, trying to get his attention away from whatever was inside his head, to her voice. At the sound of his girlfriend’s voice, Joe seemed to snap out of it, unbaling his hands, wincing at the sharp pain his nails had caused. (Y/N) sighed out of relief, but it was short lived as Joe’s eyes finally overflowed with the previously unshed tears. His chest began heaving, and he looked at (Y/N) desperate for some kind of relief. She sprung into action immediately, unbuckling her boyfriend’s seatbelt and yanking him out of the car into the overbearing July heat, before pulling him flush to her body. Her hand went straight into his hair, gently tugging on the roots to try and ground him, it had always worked for her when she had panic attacks, so she figured she might as well give it a go. Joe continued sobbing, whispering incoherently into (Y/N)’s ear, his sobs wracking his body so bad that she couldn’t understand a word he said. She began whispering to him as well, gentle words of affirmation, just trying to calm him down enough so she could get him to talk to her. The two stood like this for a good 15 minutes, Joe sobbing into (Y/N)’s shoulder, but eventually his sobs began to subside enough for him to speak. (Y/N) felt Joe raise his head from her shoulder, and she untangled her hands from his hair, moving them down to grasp his cheeks, but not before wiping the evidence of her own tears from her face. “Joe, honey, please talk to me, what’s wrong?” Joe began to tear up again, which prompted (Y/N) to pull his head towards her so she could place a comforting kiss on his head. “It’s okay love, just talk to me. Please.” Her voice cracked as she looked into Joe’s eyes. Hearing his girlfriend’s voice crack seemed to stir something inside Joe, seemed to ground him. He quickly wiped his eyes, and sighed, hugging (Y/N) as tightly as he could. “I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry (Y/N), I…” Joe attempted to apologize, but (Y/N) stopped him. “Joe, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for, you had a panic attack because you are meeting MY parents, if anything I should be the one apologizing to YOU.” This caused Joe to now grasp (Y/N)’s hands, and stare her deep in the eyes. “No, (Y/N) don’t. This is me. This is all me. I, I just love you so fucking much, and I was just thinking out of my ass, and got scared, and then I scared you, and the last thing I want to ever do is scare or hurt you.” Joe’s voice was shockingly calm as he relayed this to you. “What were you thinking of Joe? What could’ve possibly made you so scared that you had a panic attack. It’s just my family, I’ve already told you that you have nothing to worry about. They’re going to love you because I love you.” (Y/N) was now desperate, wanting nothing more that to make Joe feel better. Joe sighed, running his hands over his face, and then through his hair. “That’s the thing (Y/N) its not “just” your family, you love your family more than anything on this planet. I hear how you talk about them, the way your mom raised you to be independent, the way your dad was the one you always turned to when you needed advice, the way your brother would absolutely decimate any boy who ever hurt you, you love every single person in your family so much, and I just don’t see how I could ever measure up to that.” (Y/N) opened her mouth to reply, but Joe continued on. “I’m 35, I’m an actor, I’m too short, I’m not attractive enough, I don’t have any special qualities, I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you, and your family is going to see that, and they’re going to tell you, and then you’re going to leave me, and I don’t know what I would do. I love you, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone on this planet. I have no idea how I have managed to live this long without you in my life, but I know for certain that I couldn’t go back to living my life normally if you ever left me, especially if it was because I just wasn’t good enough for you.” By the time Joe finished, (Y/N) had tears running down her face, her heart breaking as the man whom she loved more than life itself spilled his deepest thoughts to her. She had no idea Joe felt this way, she knew that he was nervous about meeting her family because he didn’t think they would like him, but she had no idea that the underlying meaning behind this was the fear that she would leave him. She couldn’t imagine her life without him, she had told him countless times that the only way anyone would ever manage to pry her away from Joe was if she died, to which Joe had replied with “Then they’ll just have to throw me on the fire with you, we’ll go out Dany and Drogo style babe.” Now, that same insanely confident, loving, incredible man, was stood in front of her, broken. (Y/N) quickly wiped her tears away, this wasn’t about her, and she didn’t want Joe to feel guilty over her tears. “Joseph. You listen, and you listen good. I will NEVER leave you, you understand me?” Joe was still looking at the ground, in the same position that he’d been in when he began his speech, but he lifted his head at (Y/N)’s words, hazel eyes meeting her own, before giving her a small nod. “I fucking love you Joe, I love you more than anything on this planet, and that includes my family.” Joe let out a small gasp at this, (Y/N)’s family was the most important thing to her, it was the whole reason he was so scared. Yet, here she was revealing that HE was the one thing on this floating rock that she loved the most. “Don’t you see that Joe? I love you, and I would do absolutely anything to make you feel happy, safe and loved. You are the most important thing to me, and if my family doesn’t like you, then that’s tough titties. They can learn to get used to not seeing me at family gatherings, because anyone who doesn’t love you, doesn’t love me. You are the smartest, most loving, caring, kind, incredible, fucking gorgeous, talented man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and somehow you’ve chosen to gift me with a little portion of your life.” (Y/N) had ahold of Joe’s face again, her hands delicately placed on his face, keeping his eyes locked onto her own in order to make him realize that every word she said was true. It must have worked, because the corner of Joe’s mouth began to lift, and he placed his hand on one of (Y/N)’s before lifting it slightly in order to place a kiss to her palm. This small action was one of her favorite forms of affection, and it elicited a small smile of her own. Soon enough, Joe had wrapped his arms around (Y/N) as tightly as he could, reveling in their closeness despite the sticky heat. “Hey, y’all okay?” came a call from the front of the Texaco, jerking the two from their embrace. There was an older man, probably 60, stood poking his head out the front door, looking intently at the two of them. Joe burst into a fit of laughter, his eyes crinkling at the corners, her favorite smile of his, throwing his head back as (Y/N) joined him. “Yes sir! Boyfriend is just nervous about meeting my family!” (Y/N) yelled back at the man. The store clerk nodded his head and held his index finger up, signaling the two of them to wait before he headed back into the store. (Y/N) and Joe stared at one another with equally confused looks on their faces before more laughs erupted from their mouths. “Are you sure you’re okay now Joe? We can always turn back around and tell my family that I came down with something.” Joe smiled over at (Y/N) before leaning against the car, immediately regretting it as he felt the sharp sting of hot metal against his skin. (Y/N) let out a snort as her boyfriend hopped around like rabbit in an attempt to get the burning to stop, earning her a pointed look from Joe, which only made the two laugh again. “I’m sure babe, sometimes you just have to have a mental breakdown to see the light.” (Y/N) crossed her arms and gave Joe a look that said ‘you’re deflecting’. “I promise (Y/N), after all, I might as well go ahead and meet these wonderful southerners before the wedding.” (Y/N) raised an eyebrow at Joe, “The wedding huh?” Joe simply smiled and slung his arm around her shoulders “Well duh, anybody who has seen my dick, met my parents, AND seen me have a panic attack has to be in for the long haul.” Joe’s spin on one of (Y/N)’s favorite John Mulaney jokes made her smile and thump his arm, which caused Joe to over dramatically flinch. He opened his mouth to make a smart retort towards (Y/N), but was interrupted at the sound of glass clanking against itself, making him turn around to see the store clerk from earlier waltzing towards the, now very sweaty, lovebirds. “Here ya go kids, meeting the parents is the worst part, but if you show up with something to wet their whistles, ya certainly won’t be too far on their bad sides.” the older man handed a bag full of various alcoholic beverages into Joe’s hands as (Y/N) attempted to offer payment, to which the man replied, “Absolutely not ma’am, the two of you remind me of my wife and I. I remember just how nervous I was when I met her folks, and how much I had wished I would’ve had some liquid courage. Y’all be careful.” And with that, the older man walked back through the front of the store. (Y/N) only shook her head, muttering something about “sweet home alabama”, as Joe situated himself back in the front seat of the car. As he waited, he pulled up (Y/N)’s ABBA playlist and selected her favorite song, just in time for the love of his life to open the door and plop down beside him. The opening “Ahahas” of Angel Eyes blasted through the speakers, causing (Y/N) to jump. “JOSEPH!” Joe simply laughed, taking her right hand into his, before bringing it up to his lips. “I thought you wanted to duet.” (Y/N) merely rolled her eyes, looking into the love filled ones of her boyfriend. Honestly the two of them were sickening. “Put on your seatbelt Mazzello, state troopers have quotas to meet, and I’m not a fan of getting tickets for unsafe driving.” Joe simply laughed in response, clicking his seatbelt in front of him as (Y/N) peeled out of the Texaco and towards her family’s house. 10 minutes, and 2 intense ABBA jam sessions later, (Y/N) pulled into a long gravel driveway, covered in cars. Joe felt his stomach start to sink again, but upon feeling (Y/N)’s hand in his, he smiled. “Ready my dude?” (Y/N) grinned over at him as she squeezed his hand in reassurance. “Ready Freddie.”

A/N: *insert gif of Joe saying “I don’t know how to end it” here.

[pinupgalore-lanadelrey]

Crazy Job

So I applied to a customer service representative job because I’ve been struggling to find an office job.. So I went in, got interviewed, called back and hired. It was all really vague about what we exactly were doing.. We had orientation, 2 days of training/ informing us on what we were selling and how to use the product. It’s a vacuum.. I asked and they made it sound like we had appointments to go to and we weren’t going to be doing it alone. 

NOPE. Door to door salesmen and being left alone in stranger’s homes. -->

 I have anxiety and social anxiety so my instinct was FUCK NO. But being absolutely desperate I decided to stick it out for a week for a paycheck because in the first week if you do 12 demos you get $500 and I really needed that $500 until I get hired elsewhere. After the first week it’s commission only.. which they conveniently left out. So I got knocked into houses and did a little bit of cleaning and explaining the product but mostly just talking with people and telling them Idk what I’m doing and that I’m nervous and apologizing.. But people really liked me because I’m genuinely friendly, then the team leader would come in and somehow I sold 4!.. But seriously the team leader did all the selling. The product is superior to everything else, we did comparison tests.  

Well after that they make you knock your own doors and trying to get into houses.. well I’m way too nice and nervous to be overly excited, pushy, and distracting. They don’t count it as a demo if you don’t pull 100+ dirt pads.. that takes a LOT of time. You have to basically make a mess.. surrounding people in the dirt from their homes.. which in the first week I was literally just cleaning for them and not trying to make them uncomfortable. I didn’t want to get yelled at and lectured so I was trying to pull as many as possible which is stressful, sweaty, and wasting a LOT of peoples time. 

Week 1 was fairly fun and really good luck. People offered me beers (I didn’t accept lol), shared their life stories and just a lot of bonding with people..  You can’t do that when pulling 100 dirt pads. Quiet honestly I really liked just about everyone and they loved me. 

I met a woman who was dead for 12 minutes from a pulmonary embolism and she was a total sweetheart. I met a woman who had her knee blown out from a patient of hers at the mental hospital and she was THROWN AROUND BY HER HAIR WHEN PREGNANT. I met another man who worked their and had a patient bite out a chunk of their arm and spit it at him!! I met a couple with a 120lb dog that was actually supposed to be a small dog.. he was so overweight he could barely walk/ he waddled and it was so sad to see.. His nails were curled over. They said he hates his nails being cut and won’t eat dog food. :( I wanted to report it. :( 

One couple offered my team leader & I beer, I sat and drank dr. pepper and chatted with the wife and the husband my team leader started drinking and competitively comparing vacuums which was absolutely hilarious. I sold 2 vacuums that day and had so much fun. I was telling everyone in the houses I was in that I was just trying to make it through the week and already had an interview last Tuesday for another job & I’m praying I get it. 

This job.. everyone works 9am to 9:30pm. I am EXHAUSTED. You go door to door and ask if they’ve heard of the product when they answer you said “Great! Hold that door, thank you thank you!” as you run back to the car/van and run back with a backpack and a box with the vacuum & all the supplies in it.. aka SO HEAVY. I’m literally so sore. 

You think anything I mentioned was bad? Not in comparison the the house they got me in where they had an older model of the vacuum and weren’t interested but let me clean. I had to lie and say I only needed 50 dirt pads to count. The woman let us in, talked to me and let me pull the pads. She wanted me to hurry cause she had food in the microwave. I went as fast as possible, sweating like crazy. The man wasn’t happy. He didn’t trust us so the team leader showed him that we called the sheriff and are registered and with solicitors permits. The team leader leaves to check on my coworker/ friend. After frantically pulling 30 dirt pads worth of dirt the woman tells me her husband thinks that we are casing the place to rob them. I am MORTIFIED. I have to call to check out.. which basically means I will get yelled at/ embarrassed in front of everyone if I don’t and he starts telling me things to say to try to sell.. which of course I don’t say. So I hurriedly pull more dirt pads while they are on the way back to pick me/ everything up/ close. I told them I was just doing these 2 weeks til I get the next job and that I didn’t know this is what I would be doing and that I’m super anxious/ nervous and she was annoyed and said her husband was getting “very upset” and I was trying to pack it all up and I couldn’t figure it out (it’s like a puzzle) and I started CRYING in front of her.. I couldn’t even stop myself. I kept apologizing and explaining that I didn’t want to bother them or make them uncomfortable. I called one of the bosses to “check out” and she belittled me saying “Well if you listened in the morning meeting you would have known to show them the official website and shown them that we are registered.” These people don’t use computers, my data is limited/ slow cause I used most of it. I was on the verge of a panic attack. I couldn’t remember that, my team leader already explained us. The lady liked me and she gave me her name and number and said if I needed a reference she would help me and that she really hopes I get the job I applied for. I was DONE for the day after that. I called again to make sure they were almost back to get me. (They literally leave you there another 20min or so when you try to close/ leave.) I was still crying when the team leader got their & in front of my 2 coworkers in the car.  

Just a bad day? Nope. The next day I knock and a friendly old man said no and I didn’t take the free gift back cause he said his wife would love it. I just said “That’s okay, enjoy your day!” and my team leader swings up and says “Come on just let her clean a bit for 5 minutes and she’ll get paid!” Well.. the old man caved.. It’s NEVER 5 minutes.. It’s never even 30. I did NOT want to go in there. I pulled as many as I could and he was getting nervous. He said “they lied that it would be 5 minutes, now I don’t want a demo” so I didn’t give a demo.. just pulled dirt pads in a panic. I also lied about the amount I had to pull because I didn’t want to upset him or the bosses. He asked me “I’m not going to be pressured into buying anything am I? I froze and said “No I’m not going to, I’m not going to try to sell you anything.” and he said  “No i mean that man isn’t going to come back and try to push me into buying something is he?” and I literally died inside. I wanted to cry again. I said “He’s just going to ask what you like and dislike about your vacuum and what you like about this one and ask how i did and stuff.” At that point he was just done. “I never let anyone in the house, I never answer the phone. I never should have said yes. If my wife comes home and sees this she’s going to be so upset.” “You are a very friendly lady and have a nice personality. I think you will do well in that job.. but not this” (the one I applied for) “If they don’t come back in 5 minutes, I’m sorry but you’re going to be out.” “If they come back here and try to sell me something I’m going to call the police!” I hurriedly packed everything and apologized multiple times and just wanted to die all over again. I sat outside waiting for them for 10 minutes. 

Turns out my coworker got booted from a house and the boss hung up on her and yelled at her just like I got scolded & hung up on too. They picked me up and we went to Taco Bell.. sitting in there eating, going to the bathroom. One of the bosses was with us.. the one my coworker called.. and he didn’t tell us that she was sitting outside waiting for us in front of a house while we took our time and he took his time at TBell. WTF? Plus everyone but me is a stoner.

One of my coworkers got drunk & smoked up by a customer and had a great time & made a sale / friends and they let her go into another house LOL. Like what on earth is this job?? It was almost 9. Last night I got in a house and she wasn’t interested so she just let me pull 100 pads and I cleaned her living room, 3 couches, and a chair, sunroom carpet, & her cat’s pillows.. whilst befriending her very fat cat. I loved this lady she was SO hilarious. I briefly went over the product which she let me. We visited for a while, talked about gardening, tv shows, jobs, cats, ect.. she said “sorry I’m just wasting your time.” and I was like “No, this is great for me, I don’t get yelled at for not pulling dirt pads and I don’t have to knock doors or have people angry at me, this is GREAT” I was there for a long time, at least a couple hours and the husband was friendly and went about his business. The lady was HILARIOUS and gave my team leader such a hard time, she just cracked me up. She told me she couldn’t stand my team leader and she told my team leader she wanted to adopt me LOL. Well, I went to the bathroom and out of nowhere I hear yelling. “GET OUT! YOU’VE BEEN HERE FOR HOURS!” and my team leader “What?I just got here.” “PACK UP AND LEAVE RIGHT NOW, I’M DONE. IF YOU DON’T LEAVE NOW I’M GOING TO CALL THE COPS!”  I hear my team leader call my name “Alicia!” I came out of the bathroom and FLEW. I helped back and clean everything so fast I was in yet another panic.  The woman apologized as said he gets like this at night.  I get in the car and my coworker said she didn’t have a phone to call them and I accidentally grabbed her backpack so she didn’t have the sheet with anyone’s phone numbers and was left in a house with an old couple for 5 HOURS. 5 HOURS. No one came to check on her. They don’t even check where sex offenders live.

I was SO friendly and apologetic. I HATED being put in those positions. I took off today because I just want to get my paycheck from week one tomorrow and be done. I don’t have it in me. It’s horrible. I feel horrible for even annoying anyone with cleaning. Some people LOVED having me over and talked my ears off and I genuinely bonded with a lot of people and it was really fun. But after 4+ uncomfortable situations.. it’s not even remotely worth it.  I’ve had headaches every night. I’ve had little to no sleep. 12+ hour days, anxiety and stress, I ache all over. I feel sick from breathing in all the dirt we pull up and set on top of the carpet and I’m breathing in. I’ve been in a couple very DIRTY houses. I’m mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. I can’t wait to pick up a paycheck tomorrow and be done. I just want to cry. I’m not a salesperson. I never did and never could convince someone to buy something unless they expressed that they wanted to buy it. I cannot and will no manipulate anyone. My team leader gave me a shocked expression after the house the old man booted me from “Wow, you really don’t like upsetting people do you.” Clearly. I’m a genuinely sensitive, caring, and empathetic person. I care more about people than money and that isn’t going to change. 

[wildcherrypepsihero]

It’s 4:30am

[purplesurveys]

176

Pick a word that starts with the third letter of your first name: Bicycle. The past 72 hours have you been under the influence? Yep. I was at my girlfriend’s place for Halloween last Saturday and their parents gave us two bottles of wine for ourselves. Gab has ridiculously high alcohol tolerance, and I’m the complete opposite. Three glasses in and I was doing yoga in their living room :( Had to stay the night there. What were you doing at ten last night? I believe I was on the verge of falling asleep. What was the last thing you drank? Water. Who was the last person you hugged? My girlfriend, who came over last night. 

Did you have a dream last night? Yes. I vaguely remember having to be the designated driver for seven people in my small hatchback, then I tossed them all out into the road since my car can’t contain that many people? I don’t know, hahaha I know there’s more to the dream but I’ve forgotten 99% of it by now. How many piercings do you have? Two. That’s one in each of my ears but ever since one got infected nine years ago, I stopped wearing earrings completely. If you could have something right now, what would it be? Korean barbecue. Have you ever had a panic attack? Quite often. Have your parents ever smoked pot? No, I know they are heavily against it. Last time you cried really really hard? Sunday, as always. I reserve that day for all of my crying. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Do you think your last ex deserves to die? No. Will your next kiss be a mistake? Not at all. Who texted you last? It was Gab. She’s really the only one who texts me nowadays, if not my mom... Who was the last person you talked to in person? My mom. I asked her to reserve the one cup of instant ramyeon we had around the house for me, since it always disappears when I’m craving it!!! Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? That’s a walk in the park, unless the partner turns out to be an asshole which is a different story. But otherwise, three months is essentially a small dot in the scheme of things. Have you lost friends in the past 3 years? Oh yeah. Sofie and Athenna I’ve cut contact with. Is tomorrow going to be a good day? If they announce that tomorrow is a no class day then yes, it will be a good day. Otherwise it would suck balls and I’m already calling it. Do you listen to music every day? Yes. Even on the days that I forget I have a Spotify, I can’t avoid the music on the radio. Are you listening to it right now? No, I had just closed it actually. My concentration becomes so bad if I decide to listen to music while already doing something else in the first place. When I realized I wasn’t moving on from one question because of the attention I was completely giving to what was currently playing, I just stopped my music altogether. Are you talking to anyone while doing this? No, I don’t think I can do that either; but generally, I avoid taking surveys when there are people around. Do you own more than one cell phone? I don’t. Whose phone number did you get last? Carmel. I got it by accident, since she meant to text someone else from the org but texted me instead, so I technically got her number. Have you ever been asked out? No. I know Mike liked me from a distance but never acted upon it, and Gab was always too chicken to do it herself. Your current relationship status? In a relationship. If you could go back in time and change something, would you? Just the little things like “I wish I hadn’t spent on this one dinner because then I could’ve been 250 pesos richer right now” LOL but never about the huge stuff. I believe there’s a reason those happened and I don’t want to interrupt. Ever had a near death experience? Yeah. Remember when I was going 60 kph and the asshole in front of me decides to go full stop for nothing? Fun stuff. What is something you do a lot? Procrastinate. If you could have one super power, what would it be? Time travel. I think I would never get tired of it. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Coffee makes me sleepy these days so I go for their pastries. My favorite one is their chocolate doughnut or their croissant. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? Yep. When I had too much wine last Saturday I had control of my girlfriend’s family’s remote control and we watched Spongebob. What are you eating or drinking at the moment? I’m not consuming anything. Do you speak any other language? Yes. Filipino is actually my first language. I learned English through books and my good friends Nickelodeon and Disney. What is your favorite smell? Curry.

When was the last time you gave/received a hug? Last night. Ever been kissed in the rain? No, I’d be bothered having my clothes all wet. What should you be doing? I have a paper due tomorrow but of course I’ll leave that to the last minute because I never learn. Who was the last person that made you upset/angry? Gab. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want? My girlfriend’s, but with her family’s consent. Do you act differently around the person you like? I’m definitely more bubbly and protective, but it’s a huge change from before when I would turn into a completely different person. My voice would be higher, I’d move gingerly, I would be very shy around her. Nowadays I still act different, but it’s tremendously toned down when compared to before now that I’m much more comfortable around her. What is your natural hair color? Black. How many keys are on your key chain? Two. Front door and car. If you were given a canvas and watercolors, what would you paint? I wouldn’t. I’d give everything to my sister cause I know she’d have a ball with her new art stuff.  Whose mind, besides your own, would you like to control? Yikes, no thanks. Sounds creepy. What is the first thing you do when you get out of bed? I’d head to the bathroom and take a shower since all my first classes for the week start at 8:30. What are you thankful you are not doing right now? Being in school. What is your favorite kind of candy? I don’t know much about candy, but I do love Maltesers. I could eat a whole tub of those if they weren’t so expensive. What is your favorite thing about the beach? It looks like a painting. Every time.

If you were invisible, where would you go? Errrrr if I really had to make a choice I guess the rich people’s houses in my subdivision just to see what level of wealth they’re hiding in there? What is one object in your home that you are embarrassed to own? I don’t think I own anything I’m embarrassed by. Who is one person you wish you would have never met? Athenna. What is your favorite fruit? I can’t stand fruits. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Chocolate chip cookies that are soft. What do you need to get right now at the drug store? Our inventory’s good, thanks. What was the happiest age of your life? 16. What color looks best on you? Black. What is your favorite thing about being sick? I never ever ever get sick so I actually get a little excited when it happens to me...cause it’s like whoa!!! Right!!! This can actually happen!!! so I guess...that’s my favorite part? As sick as it sounds? (No pun intended.) What commercial do you find most annoying? I’m hugely unfamiliar with ads nowadays since I can’t remember the last time I’ve come face to face with a TV other than last Saturday. What was your favorite meal growing up? My grandma’s kare-kare was, is, and will always be the best thing to grace god’s green earth. What body part aches you the most right now? None, I’m doing pretty okay at the moment. What is the longest you have ever gone without a shower? Two to three days. What was your 1st alcoholic beverage? I think it was some kind of margarita. Are you getting along with your parents? Meh, it’s civil. I’ve never bonded with them and choose not to. Whats on your feet right now? Nothing. What do you think of your last ex? Are you a good speller? Yes. I think I even annoyed my English teacher in seventh grade since I always perfected her spelling tests. Idk, I guess I was always a word geek, if that’s even a thing. Is your hair curly or straight? Frizzy straight. Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you? She’s my girlfriend, and related very very distantly in the same family tree. Where is your phone? On my left. Last time you felt bad about something? Last night. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I think so? I don’t know. It’s always possible. Do you mind sleeping on the floor? No. I did that a lot as a kid. Honestly, do you hate the last girl you were talking to in person? I dislike my mom when we are civil, hate her when she turns into the devil. Spell your name without an E? Robyn.

[fairy-weight-blog]

Day 15 - Wednesday, 15.February 2017 Weight: The battery of my scale died 😭 Lost: / Remaining: /

Food Diary: Expected: 250 kcal Intake: 252 kcal 2 Eggs - 180 kcal 2 Booster Energy Drink - 13 kcal 120g Berries - 60 kcal

Exercise: 30 min. walking

Diary: Today I visited a wax museum with my grandparents. One day before, my grandmother asked me to “eat something before we go” and I was too perplexed to ask why she demands something like this all of sudden. She knows that I don’t like to eat early in the morning and can also function perfectly fine without breakfast in my stomach. So I figured my mother might told her I didn’t eat enough or something similar. My assumption was kind of confirmed after my mother reminded me thrice of what my grandmother said, in a pressuring tone, like I’m on the verge of being showered with her rage and involved in drama about it for the whole next week if I don’t obey. Which is great, because there’s never enough people to observe and criticize my eating habits, I love that stuff, thank you mom. 😒

I was excited for the wax museum but it all changed when we actually entered the building. Now there’s another thing on my list of fears: waxworks. I can hardly explain the feeling I had. “Overwhelming” might be the most fitting description. Some of the figures were brilliant craftmanship and looked like the real person with all the details, from their whole proportions to their skin texture. And that was the problem. There were real people who moved between the waxworks or stood and admired them, or posed and took pictures in addition to the non-real people who also stood and posed and looked absolutely real but didn’t move. They were randomly spread over the whole building and even though I knew it’s just wax, I felt like they SHOULD be moving or could move in any moment. With every person I saw I needed to figure out if they’re real or not and that was, like I said, pretty overwhelming and exhausting. Looking into the eyes of the waxworks was the worst thing. I don’t know… just really scary. Two minutes in and my heart was pounding really fast, I couldn’t breathe properly, only in short fluttering breaths and just wanted to leave as fast as possible. I don’t think it was severe enough to call it a panic attack or anxiety but it was highly unpleasant nonetheless. But my grandparents liked it alot, so I tried to hide it, focus on the walls and only took a short look at the exhibits. There even was a room where they showed human anatomy, skin illnesses, child birth with an open womb, bone fractures and other gore-y things but it was strangely calming for me (not because of gore, it was just not as scary as all the damn real non-real people).

When we finally left I was already tired. Then we decided to take a walk through a nearby park that ends in our city’s harbour and go to a mall-restaurant. Even though the scenery and the light sound of rustling leaves left a relieving feeling inside of me, my mind couldn’t help but try to calculate the amount of calories I’m going to eat and food I’m going to choose. I couldn’t relax properly. That’s why I internally screamed of joy when the restaurant only had a buffet, there was barely anything left and the food that was left looked kind of disgusting. Even my grandma agreed! My grandparents only ate cake and I drank delicous vitamin fruit tea. Normally they get frustrated (because they always want to offer the best to me and take not eating as not being satisfied with their offer - they don’t try to guilt trip me into it, it’s just one way to show their affection) when I don’t eat a lot at restaurants or nothing at all (my grandpa even pouts sometimes, lol) but this time they were so disappointed with the variety of food, they didn’t mind much. That was my day. I fell asleep pretty early and woke up pretty late. And I also forgot to buy batteries…

[skyesletters]

My soulmate. Hah, this is the second thing on my mind right now. Do I really have a soulmate? Do I have anybody out there who gives a shit about me like that? I mean, I’ve had 2. You and Rebecca. But like, is it real? Or is this just the universe fucking toying with me? Rebecca was great, but I had her too soon. I was too much of a piece of shit then. I spent too much time hating her for things I essentially did to myself. That self awareness has at times made me hate myself. I still don’t really like me, however I do respect myself more now than I used to. I used to be a piece of shit. Honestly. I know I always told you about the shit Rebecca did to ME. But I mean, what about the things I did to her? Yeah, I was there for her at first, just as a friend. I was a great friend. Her best friend. I helped make high school tolerable for her again after her concussions. And I tried so hard to get her. But once I got her? I treated her like a trophy I toss in the back of my closet. I couldn’t even make it on time to a single soccer game of hers, even after she emphasized how important it was I be there. There had to be at least 7 or 8. They were at 10 in the morning. And I couldn’t even make it to one? What the fuck Brandon. And then when I went with her to her friends birthday party. I didn’t even put in any effort to talk to her friends. To hang out for a little bit. I just sat in the corner and threw a fit about not wanting to go. Until we left and walked the waterfront. All the while, she just pretended not to let it get to her. And then prom... she planned it for months. Started tanning in March for it, as well as trying to find the “perfect” dress. She spent her own money on that dress. Got her hair done especially for the occasion, nails, the whole shebang. What did I do? It was my own prom, and I got ready like 30 minutes before we left to pick her up. I didn’t even shave (I didn’t exactly have a ton of facial hair, so it was necessary then, lol). I combed my hair, I guess. And then over the summer, I pawned my best friend at the time off on her so I wouldn’t have to listen to his bullshit ramblings about how he was in love with one of our other friends. Just did my own thing, saw her when I felt like it. Is it really a surprise she dumped me? I honestly never saw it until recently, like within the last year and a half or so. I just conveniently forgot about that shit. And then hated the one person who had done so much for me, for so long. I crossed the line between wanting her back and hating her so much. And I had no reason for either. But, I got a little off subject; soulmates.

Then there’s you. I mean, you’re perfect I think. Just how we get along, how in tune we are with each other, when we’re with each other. Your soul is literally compatible with mine. But there’s always that distance... whenever we get too close, you throw up walls and distance yourself. It’s been a constant thing. And if you don’t do it yourself, a boyfriend causes it. Or a boy. That’s just the nature of the beast, it’s never going to change. You re-awoke a part of me I hadn’t seen in a really long time when we met. I can talk to people, strangers, acquaintances, people now. I can actually talk. Without feeling awkward or trying to squirm my way out of it. I don’t even know what you did, but something happened. But there’s that distance. It’s what makes us incompatible, in a sense. So we come to the logical conclusion; there’s somebody else out there I haven’t met yet. The thing is, I’m just tired of meeting people. It’s exhausting. Meeting someone new, trying to get to know them, casually. Usually mostly over an electronic device. Tons of work, usually just to find out they just want to fuck. Like for real, you could’ve saved weeks of conversation and effort if you would’ve been up front. It’s just getting not only frustrating, but bleak. I don’t want to go out finding people anymore. I want them to come to me, and it just clicks. It’s basically what happened with us, why can’t that happen with someone else? No, because in reality, it’s because I want someone else back. I have gotten over her, I feel free. But she was still perfect for me. Nothing’s ever going to change that. I just tried to explain our relationship real quick, and wrote half a book about it. I could talk about her all day, I could write about her for longer. And the shitty part is knowing the people she’s with, and I want to help. But it’s not my place to help; I can’t do that. We don’t know each other like that anymore, I can’t swoop in and save the day, it’d be weird. But that’s all I want to do most days. You say I’m tender, and a great person to be around. I just wish it was the same way when I’m by myself. Cause most of the time I have this conflict in my head of “do it don’t be a pussy”, and “don’t do it its a waste of time”, as well as “of course you won’t do it, you’re a piece of shit”, and then always “why would you ever think you deserve to do this? Since when have you elevated yourself above that line where somebody else won’t just laugh at you?” It fucking sucks, because everything I want to do, it’s like I’ve got all these different voices spewing different venom at me. I was on the verge of a panic attack when I originally turned in my application to be a lead. I was terrified somebody would just laugh and be like ��Really, you think you’re qualified for this job?” and then just throw it away. People aren’t like that, but that’s how I feel. And that’s how I feel with people. What makes me deserve Rebecca? Why would I bother her anyways, she’s probably better off without my interference. Of course I wouldn’t bother her, I’m too afraid to. Why should I talk to her? It’s not going to work, it’s just going to be a waste of time. No point putting in effort. It’s only worth being stuck in my thoughts, stuck in my misery, stuck in my situation. It puts people like Robin Williams into perspective; he commits suicide, even though he has everything. I’ve got everything to live for right now, everything honestly going for me, and yet there’s nights like tonight where I really wish I could just not live anymore. But I don’t want to die. Cause dying is terrifying. So nights like these, I’m just stuck. Caught between a lion and a tiger. And they’re both in cages on either side, but I can’t escape either. I’m so tired. Of everything sometimes.