#Waiting For Rain 2021

[drvscarlett]

Sweet Nothings (1)

Carlos Sainz x pageant queen! reader

Summary: All that they ever wanted was sweet nothings but everything changed like midnight rain? Who knows.

Sweet Nothings: 1, 2, 3. 4

A/N: Idea hits me because I remember how AD 2021 was at the same time as Miss Universe 2021. Its supposed to be a one shot but then there was a limit for the photos lol so stay tune for pt2

YNjpeg (2016)

Y/Njpeg me being so excited about my first grand prix while carlos is sitting and getting his hair done lol

CarlosSainz55 have to look good when you are the most beautiful woman in the universe

YNjpeg stoppppppp, you're making me blush CarlosSainz55 its the truth

User5 is this how he gets his hair so good after the race?

Y/Njpeg i think so, its a very long process

User6 Y/N you have been so excited and so nice. Hope to see you in more GPs.

User7 i met her too, she was so nice to talk to! User8 oh to be in a grand prix and meet her

User10 she isn't even that pretty

User11 i bet they won't last long User12 get a life!!

Maxverstappen1 is this why he is late to our meeting?

CarlosSainz55 get off her instagram and leave us alone Maxverstappen1 Y/N, he is fighting me again YNjpeg boys please play nice CarlosSainz55 i love you mi amorr YNjpeg love you moreeeeeee Maxverstappen1 cmon even on instagram???

CarlosSainz55 (2017)

CarlosSainz55 a day off and mi amor joined me!!

YNjpeg always the happiest when he is on his vroom vroom

CarlosSainz55 incorrect. always happiest when im with you YNjpeg really?? you are so sweet

User6 even during his day offs, carlos still goes karting

User7 carlos looks so happy thereeee

User8 is carlos competitive when karting?

YNjpeg yes he is. bro thinks he is in f1 User8 omg lol HAHAHHAHAA

CarlosSainz55 (2018)

CarlosSainz55 Race day shot. Photo taken by the most beautiful girl in the universe

YNjpeg will always be rooting for you!

CarlosSainz55 i love you User16 lord i want what they have

User7 Vamos Carlos!!

User11 Goodluck for todays race Carlos!!

User19 look at his eyes, he is so in love with the photographer

CarlosSainz55 its because Y/N is my photographer User2 LOOK AT CARLOS BEING SO WHIPPEDT

CarlosSainz55 (2019)

CarlosSainz55 recharging the batteries with the most beautiful girl in the universe

YNjpeg who is that extremely handsome man?

CarlosSainz55 your boyfriend YNjpeg am so luckyyy

User10 the visuals in this photo

User11 they look so good together!!!

User12 i dont know if i wanna be them or date them

User15 same

YNjpeg (2019)

YNjpeg where the sky meets the sea

User27 its just a silhouette but why is it prettier than me?

YNjpeg don't say that, you are beautiful sunshine User5 Y/N has always been the sweetest wag ever

User6 enjoy your vacation Y/N

YNjpeg thank you!!

LandoNorris wow no photo credit??? YNjpeg stop stealing my boyfriend first LandoNorris excuse you, that's my husband

User8 I hope Carlos and Y/N stays together forever

User9 right?? they are such a power couple

CarlosSainz55 (2020)

CarlosSainz55 its day 14 of lockdown and i found some old treasures

YNjpeg OHMYGOD, YOU ARE SO CUTE!!!

YNjpeg wait, where did you get that photo of me???

User7 just imagine if they have kids in the future

User8 the genes of the kids User9 omg i can imagine them as parents

LandoNorris mate please make children already

CarlosSainz55 you muppet, it doesn't work like that LandoNorris cmon im gonna be the best uncle CarlosSainz55 i highly doubt that LandoNorris RUDE!

CarlosSainz55 (2021)

CarlosSainz55 attending the first party with Ferrari and I have the most beautiful woman in the universe

User6 ohmygod!!!!! the looks

User7 ITS GIVING OLD MONEY

User8 THEY LOOK ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!!

User9 name a more stunning couple than Y/N and Carlos

User10 its so fun to see that Y/N has been with Carlos during his Toro Rosso days till Ferrari

User11 we love a supportive couple User12 i hope they stay strong

User13 break up with her, she isn't even that pretty

User14 thank god someone finally said it. she just has too much make up on User16 can you both shut up. your opinions are irrelevant

YNjpeg (2021)

YNjpeg i can't believe that it's finally me and you, and you and me

Just us, and your friend Steve #ForeverThirdWheel

LandoNorris Know your place

YNjpeg sidechick Charles_Leclerc fight him Y/N

CarlosSainz55 you know that you are my only one

YNjpeg see that LandoNorris ??? LandoNorris what about us?? what about everything we've been through

User5 Carlos and Lando's friendship is so wholesome

User6 no matter what team they are in, they are friends

User7 loving the banter between Y/N and Lando

User9 Y/N realizing in 2019 that her biggest competition is not Carlos' fangirls but rather Lando Norris User8 its so entertaining hahaha

YNjpeg (2022)

YNjpeg homebodys for date night

User6 gorgeous couple!!

User7 anyone noticing how Carlos seems serious?

User8 Y/N is all smiley and Carlos is also serious, is something happening User9 would you just chill out??

CarlosSainz55 the most beautiful girl in the universe

User10 we can all calm down, Carlos commented!

User55 if they break up, i will literally cry

CarlosSainz55 (2023)

CarlosSainz55 you will always be the prettiest girl in the whole universe, I'll miss you.

LandoNorris so dramaticcc

YNjpeg not my fault, you aren't a romantic LandoNorris he is mine first YNjpeg he has been mine since 2016 beat that! LandoNorris you suck

YNjpeg i love you. always grateful to have you around mi amor

CarlosSainz55 i'll always be here just like you have been with me YNjpeg am currently running to hug you

User7 I made the mistake of looking at the comments

User8 It feels like a good day to lie down in a highway

User9 same girl

User15 why are they being so cryptic?? where is she going???

User16 i dont wanna say it but they may be breaking up User17 breaking up?? they have been together for years User18 maybe they are getting tired of each other

2024

F1Gossips just posted a photo.

F1Gossips we cant help but notice the absence of Carlos Sainz's long term girlfriend Y/N in the paddock for the past few grand prix. Source says that Y/N has not been spotted after she attended the Suzuka GP 2023. Is this the end of the couple?

User1 Say sike right now.

User2 Its april fools,don't believe anything that they are saying

User3 honey its already april 2

User4 I fear that we have come to an end.

User5 No,this is cant be. How can you drop an 8 year relationship like that???

User6 Right? Im not believing anything till they say something. User21 Don't you realize that they don't have any responsibility to say anything to us about their private life, jeez.

User7 poor carlos,losing his trainer then losing his seat and now losing his girlfriend??? man has a hard year

User8 I never liked her anyway

User9 right??? she gives weird vibes User10 just say you are jealous of her and go

Y/Njpeg just posted a photo

YNjpeg This year is a period of growth and change. Its difficult but I think I like her a lot better.

User2 Mom what is this cryptic posts???

User4 Im not ready for them

User5 You look beautiful Y/N

LandoNorris i miss you!!

YNjpeg miss you more muppet. Eat your fish! LandoNorris I don't miss you that much

User7 She is glowing and stunning!!! Is this the post-break up effect?

User8 Can we just be happy how happy she looks???

User9 Man, she fumbled real bad

User10 yeaah like how can you break up with Carlos? User11 ohmygod you two are delusional.

ChiliUpdates just posted a photo.

Liked by YNjpeg and 678,900 others

ChiliUpdates Carlos Sainz is having a brilliant year with weekly podiums and race wins. He is now closing the gap to Verstappen by 4 points. Carlos WDC 2024???

User4 carlos driving like a man without a seat

User5 girl he literally has no seat for 2025 User4 oh my bad. i forgot!!1 this was supposed to be a joke

User6 im so proud of carlos,he deserves this

User7 but you know what I miss seeing Y/N's face when Carlos wins. He would always wink at her and point at her when he is up there.

User8 we are a child of divorce User9 and the fact that Y/N is in the likes User10 heartbroken so many times

User11 carlos is really challenging max this year

User12 agree,its been more and more exciting. User88 Im so glad Ferrari and McLaren are finally catching up on that rocketship of Max User24 RIGHT?? WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT

User13 I hope Sainz wins this year.

PageantQueens just posted a photo

PageantQueens Presenting the candidate of the Philippines, Miss Y/N Y/L/N. What do you think about her?

User2 she is gorgeous!!!

User45 not only gorgeous, her interviews made her sound eloquent User28 yes QUEEN!!!

User3 im from netherlands but miss philippines is my queen

User4 crown her already

User6 wait hold up that's Y/N as in Carlos' Y/N

User7 omg??? its her! User9 HOW COME WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT User8 CARLOS FUMBLED A SOON TO BE MISS UNIVERSE???

User11 okay i just remembered how Carlos used to call her the prettiest girl in the universe, he manifested this

User36 what??? User84 and now its not only carlos calling her the prettiest girl in the universe but everyone User44 please dont make me cry rn

[4dango-the2nd]

4Dango Comic Masterlist

These are mostly twitter links right now. I’ll slowly replace them with the tumblr posts as I upload the comics here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BIRTHDAYS Anthology

Bennett’s Birthday (twt 2022)

Childe’s Birthday (twt 2021) (2022)

Diluc’s Birthday (twt 2021)

Eula’s Birthday (twt 2021)

Jean’s Birthday (twt 2022)

Kaeya’s Birthday (twt 2020) 

Kaveh's Birthday (2023)

Kokomi’s Birthday (2022)

Razor’s Birthday (twt 2021)

Rosaria’s Birthday (twt 2022)

Sara’s Birthday (2022)

Xiao’s Birthday (2021)

Zhongli’s Birthday (twt 2021)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CELEBRATION Anthology

Secret Santa (2020)

Father’s Day (twt 2021)

Christmas (2021)

New Year (2022)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MONDSTADT Anthology

Albedo-centric:

Voices in Ice & Snow (Corrupted Albedo dj, Completed) [twitter] [webtoon]

Cold Tolerance & Homunculus Body (ft. Albedo, Aether)

My Sword (ft. Albedo, Aether, CW: GORE)

Ghost AU page test (ft. Albedo, Aether)

“Father” (ft. Albedo, Subject 2, Dainsleif)

Fleeting Shadow (ft. Albedo, Subject 2, Aether)

Teasing Huffman (ft. Albedo, Huffman)

.

Dawn Winery centric (Diluc, Kaeya, Adelinde):

Eye (ft. Diluc & Kaeya)

Badass Adelinde

Diluc’s Raw Strength (ft. Diluc, poor hilichurl)

Long Live The King (ft. Kaeya, Diluc, Kaeya’s father)

500 Years (ft. Kaeya, Kaeya’s father)

Rain Anthology flipbook animation

.

AUs:

LUPICAL (Modern AU) [webtoon]

Mondt Gala [twitter thread]

.

Others:

Klee’s Big Bang skill (animation)

Use Your Claws, Boy (ft. Razor, Rosaria)

If You Hurt Him (ft. Razor, Rosaria)

Shadows (ft. Diluc & Rosaria, crack ship)

Growing Up (ft. Razor, Klee) [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4]

Ties (ft. Diluc, Razor)

Summer Event (ft. Razor, Diluc, Kaeya, Albedo, Dvalin)

Viktor & Lily

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LIYUE Anthology

Ancient Liyue Collection

Burning Karmic Debt (Indarias’ death)

Farewell Havria

Xiao’s Hobby

Qiqi’s Wish (Lantern Rite comic, ft. Qiqi, Xiao)

Resonant Wave zine entry (ft. Tartali, Childe/Zhongli)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

INAZUMA Anthology

Teppei’s Ambition (ft. Teppei, Aether, Scaramouche)

Familiar Fatui Recruit (ft. Aether, Childe, Chouji)

Grand Aspiration (ft. Kazuha, Kazuha’s Friend)

Orobashi & his Generals (character fandesigns)

Rui & Kanna Kapatcir (character fandesigns)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SCARAMOUCHE Anthology

KAGOME [Webtoon compilation]

Kabukimono's Tales of Tatarasuna

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4]

If Niwa, Katsuragi, & Nagamasa comes back to life (ft. Wanderer)

If Niwa comes back to life (ft. Wanderer, Kazuha, Niwa)

Kabukitty

Standalones not featured in my books:

Catharsis (ft. Wanderer, Dottore)

Wanderer animation (based on Deko’s illustration)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SUMERU Anthology

Bug Talks (ft. Collei, Cyno)

Following Footsteps (ft. Cyno, Collei)

Caretaker & Protector (ft. Collei, Cyno, Tighnari)

Pay Attention, Or Else (ft. Collei, Cyno, Tighnari, Aether)

Do You Remember (ft. Nahida, Aether, Lumine)

Ashes & You (ft. Kaveh, Alhaitham)

Samsara (ft. Dottore, Nahida)

Flower for my most gallant knight (ft. Dehya, Dunyarzad)

Your Turn, Milady (ft. Dehya, Dunyarzad)

.

NPC-centric:

The Gilded Sand’s Lullaby (ft. Jeht, Jebrael)

Falcon’s Sunset (ft. Aether, Tadhla)

Child of Snow & Forest (ft. Alphonso, Rana, Arana)

Waiting Forever (ft. Alphonso, Aether, Iotham)

Zandik’s Dream (ft. Zandik/Dottore, Rukkhadevata)

.

Character Fandesigns

Professor Cyrus [grandpa energy] [fandesign]

Pari [part 1 twt] [part 2 twt]

Sheikh Zubayr (doodle)

Greater Lord Rukkhadevata (before cutscene release)

Nabu Malikata, Goddess of Flower 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Others

Rhinedottir fandesign

We Promised (ft. Aether, Lumine)

“I’m Just A Feeble Scholar” (commission, ft. Alhaitham/Aether)

Albedo vs Childe rough animatic

Abyss Memories [part 1, ft. Kazuha, Kazuha’s Friend] [part 2, ft. Lumine, Enjou, Kazuha’s Friend]

Missing You (ft Aether, Lumine, Albedo)

Humble Wish (ft. Lumine, Dainsleif, Aether)

Deception (ft. Aether, Venti, Zhongli)

[overrboarrd]

sanctuary: prologue

firefighter!roman reigns x azure clarke [oc]

warnings: death/mentions of death, sibling loss, spousal loss. please read at your own discretion. this story is for audiences 18+ so minors please dni.

word count: 1.2k

a/n: finally getting the ball rolling on this one! I don't wanna say too much but this is just the prologue, first chapter will be posted this week. it's a bit heavy, but I hope y'all enjoy it!

•───────────��

August , 2024

•───────────•

Azure stood in front of the memorial stone, the rain mingling with her tears. It had been three years since that day. The folded flag from his funeral was still tucked away in her closet, along with the wedding ring she no longer wore but still kept. The life they built together had become nothing more than shadows, painful memories she carried like an anchor.

The third anniversary of his death—a life taken by violence while serving in the line of duty as a police officer, leaving Azure a widow far sooner than she ever imagined. She replayed the warm afternoon in her mind, the way time stopped when she opened the front door and saw Officer Ford and Officer Hayes, heart shattering when she learned her husband wasn’t coming home. It was her undoing, that moment. The moment her world collapsed.

Every day since, she had felt suspended between two worlds—the one she had before him, and the emptiness that followed his death.

After years of sleepless nights and well-meaning condolences, Azure couldn’t stay any longer. The memories of him haunted every corner of their old home, every familiar street in the city. She could no longer bear to walk down the paths they had once strolled together. Her grief had become suffocating.

The papers were signed, her resignation submitted to the hospital where she had worked for nearly five years. In the morning, she would pack up the last of her things and drive away from this chapter of her life.

Azure bent down to lay a small Polaroid from their wedding day on the grave, her hand lingering on the cold stone for just a moment longer. She whispered her goodbyes, feeling the weight of her decision settle on her heart.

“I’ll always love you,” she said, her shaky voice barely above a whisper. “But I have to go.”

As she turned to leave, the wind carried her words away, and with it, the first step toward something new.

•────────────────•

October, 2021

•────────────────•

The acrid scent of smoke filled the air, and Roman’s heartbeat echoed in his ears, faster than he could control. The fire raged, crackling louder than the sirens blaring around him. Flames licked at the sky, casting an eerie orange glow over the street.

Roman watched helplessly as the house crumbled, swallowed by the inferno. Fire hoses sprayed water in all directions, but it felt like nothing could quench the flames. In the chaos, one thing was painfully clear—Daniel was still inside.

He had already gone in once, like the hero he always was, emerging with a small bundle in his arms: a little girl, no more than two years old. Daniel’s face was soot-streaked, eyes wild with determination, but Roman saw the flicker of fear in his brother’s gaze. He had saved her, pulled her from the flames in time.

Roman had rushed toward Daniel when he stepped out, relief flooding his body. “You got her, man, you got her,” Roman had said, barely able to hear his own voice over the sirens.

But Daniel wasn’t looking at Roman—his eyes were fixated on the burning house, the flames licking dangerously at what was left of the roof. He handed the little girl off to a paramedic, but his body stayed taut, muscles coiled as if he were preparing for another run inside.

Roman grabbed his arm, pulling him back before he could reenter the house. “Daniel, wait! The roof—”

“There’s someone else inside, I don’t have time, Ro!” Daniel turned to face Roman. Roman could tell something was wrong, but before he could question it, Daniel jerked his arm free, his eyes fierce and mind made up.

“Daniel, no!” He disappeared into the blazing house. Roman’s stomach dropped. He wanted to follow, but the walls of the house groaned, threatening to collapse. The fire chief shouted something over the roar of the fire, but Roman didn’t hear it. All he could focus on was the growing, gnawing dread that his brother wouldn’t come back this time.

The minutes dragged on like hours, each second ticking by with Roman’s heart hammering in his chest. And then—

A deafening crash.

The roof caved in, sending embers flying into the night sky like a thousand stars falling to Earth. Roman felt the impact in his chest, the air punched from his lungs. Shouts erupted around him, but all he could see was the house, now reduced to a fiery skeleton.

He knew. Even before anyone said a word, he knew.

Daniel wasn’t coming out.

Roman’s knees buckled, but he caught himself, stumbling forward, only to be held back by a fellow firefighter. “Roman, no! It’s too late!”

The reality of it hit him like a sledgehammer. His brother—his best friend, his blood—was gone. There was no heroic rescue this time. There was nothing left to save.

And then, a cry pierced through the night.

Roman turned toward the sound, eyes falling on the little girl Daniel had rescued. She was sobbing, her face smudged with soot, her tiny body trembling from shock and fear. The paramedic, wide-eyed and silent, stood holding the child out toward him.

Roman looked down at her. She was so small, fragile, barely able to understand the magnitude of what had just happened. In her eyes, he saw nothing but confusion and fear. She reached out, clinging to him like he was the only solid thing in her world.

Roman held her close, cradling her as her sobs wracked her tiny body. He could feel the heat of the fire on his back, the devastation surrounding them, but in that moment, everything went silent.

He was left holding this little girl, the last life Daniel had saved.

She didn’t know what had happened. Didn’t know that the man who had pulled her from the flames was gone. But Roman knew. And as he held her in his arms, the weight of it hit him all at once. Roman stood there, his own tears mixing with the ash on his face, unable to process the magnitude of it all. He had just lost Daniel, but in his arms was the symbol of his brother’s final act of heroism.

“I’ve got you,” Roman whispered to the little girl, his voice cracking, though he wasn’t sure if he was saying it to her, to Daniel, or to himself. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

As the fire continued to rage behind him, Roman realized that he had been given more than just the responsibility of saving lives. He had been given this child, this tiny piece of his brother’s legacy. She had no one left now—and neither did he.

From that moment on, Roman knew.

He was her protector.

•────────────────•

Dear Brother, I hope this letter finds you well. I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and I miss you. It’s been a long journey, but I’ve finally settled in my new place. It’s quiet, not too far from the ocean. I never imagined I’d end up down here, but maybe that’s exactly what I needed—a fresh start, from everything. Things are… complicated right now. There’s so much I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start. Just know that I’m okay. I’m figuring it out, one day at a time. I hope someday we can see each other again, in a different world maybe, where none of this matters. Know that no matter what, I will always love you.

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Please, talk about the Gom Jobbar scene

Oh hell yes.

So this is one of those posts that really should be a short video essay of me talking over the scene but instead it is gonna be a loooooong wall of text and screenshots. Maybe it will assume its final form some day if I'm ever in possession of the free time and patience to make video essays. I also highly recommend watching Denis Villeneuve's own breakdown of this scene from 2021. I'll try not to duplicate things said there.

We have to start with the setup, which begins with this scene:

We see Jessica on her knees, in the rain, waiting for an arriving ship. These are the first shots in the movie where we see Jessica when no one else is watching her, and this woman who stood calm and composed before representatives of the Emperor of the Known Universe is terrified. Which creates an immediate sense of dread over whoever is coming in that ship.

Whomst in the fuck now?

We also get this shot where we're alone with Jessica. It's a little hard to see in a still frame but there's a moment where she, like, steels herself before she wakes Paul up.

Holy fuck tho, I just noticed the similarities between this shot and the one of the Bene Gesserit arriving, with the almost monochromatic color palette and the shafts of white light.

Once Paul wakes up we shift to his POV. He immediately knows something is off ("What's wrong?" is the first thing he says) but gets no information about what's happening.

Then we get this short scene, where Paul is told he is going to meet the Reverend Mother and but not much else about what's going on. The whole "She wants to know about your dreams." "How does she know about my dreams?" [no answer from Jessica] exchange, I think, implies that she knows because Jessica told her about Paul's dreams, which is this little tiny betrayal of confidence that gives Paul the first inclination that his mother may not be someone he can fully trust in this situation. Which is exactly what Dr. Yueh warns him about immediately after.

We also get two new languages used in this scene. Dr. Yueh speaks to Paul in Mandarin, which he understands and presumably Jessica does not. This gives us a piece of information about Paul's curiosity toward other cultures and his facility with languages. And Jessica uses the Atreides battle sign, which Paul also understands. Outside the library, Jessica pauses to give Paul one more silent warning, although she still hasn't told him what's about to happen.

This is just the setup. So before we've even entered the room, we've created this sense of unsettled foreboding dread (the Denis Signature Vibe) without a clear understanding of why things are happening--which is exactly how Paul feels.

I should also add that in the book, this scene takes place during the day, with the Reverend Mother sitting in front of a window. Shifting it to the middle of the night not only makes it way creepier but also tells us that (1) the Reverend Mother is the kind of person who can command Jessica's attention at any time of day or night and (2) this is all somewhat illicit and possibly is happening without Leto's knowledge.

Whomst in the fuuuuuuck?

We get this sort of weird POV shot of Paul crossing the room when it's not actually happening:

which I think is supposed to suggest some subtler form of control than the Voice, which Paul resists.

Before they've even properly entered the room, Mohiam manages to insult both Paul's parents ("defiance in the eyes, like his father" and dismissing Jessica with a curt "leave us"). And the first thing Paul says is to defend his mother's place in the social hierarchy ("You dismiss my mother in her own house?") with all the haughtiness you would expect.

The power dynamic gets rapidly clarified.

Momentary aside to say that I love the composition of this shot. Neither of them are quite on the third--they're just a bit too close to each other to make the shot look balanced. But neither of them are in center frame either--the box is in the center. They're not exactly aligned to the light gray columns between the bookshelves behind them, either, and the bookshelves are just slightly asymmetrical. It all makes things feel just a little claustrophobic and unsettling. Denis Villeneuve frequently uses this technique of creating unbalanced shots and intentionally leaving too much space in awkward parts of the frame to create a sense of unease.

Paul isn't kneeling in the book either--he's standing beside the chair in a setup that I don't think would actually work given the heights of the actors here, or would look awkward as hell. So they've solved a practical blocking problem and done some storytelling with it as well.

This is where we get our first look at the Voice at full power, and it's one of only two scenes where we get some subjective POV of what it feels like to be Voice-controlled (the other one being Feyd-Rautha and Lady Margot's interaction which deserves its own post). I really like that they didn't go for Voice Slow (zombie shuffling across the room) because Voice Fast is much more disturbing. The subjective experience of it seems closest to like, blacking out and waking up in a place or doing a thing and not knowing how you got there. The camera effect is just a really fast dolly and a slick edit, but Timothée really sells it with his split-second moment of confusion and shock before he realizes what happened and gets angry about it.

So now we're here, with the poison needle and the pain box.

"No need to call the guards. Your mother stands behind that door. No one would get past her."

This is a slick fucking piece of editing. Because just as Paul is learning that his mother has not only trapped him in this situation but is ensuring it continues uninterrupted, we cut to Jessica for the first time since she left the room and we see how absolutely terrified she is.

Also from this point, the sound in the film starts crossing the barrier of the door--we hear some of the dialogue between Paul and Mohiam when we're on shots of Jessica, and when the pain sound effect starts up, we hear it continuously on both sides of the door. So even though Jessica is not literally experiencing the pain, it feels like she is vicariously.

It would be really easy to tip the balance of sympathy in this scene one way or the other--toward Paul who's realizing his mother has handed him over to a painful and potentially lethal test, or toward Jessica who is listening to her child scream in pain and not only cannot stop it but is tasked with making sure it continues. But Denis Villeneuve is an absolute master at controlling and directing your POV in a way that allows you to feel sympathy for multiple characters at once and engage with complicated, contradictory emotional landscapes, and this is a little demonstration of what he's going to do on a much larger scale later in the story.

Timothée's pain acting...is excellent, that's all I'll say about that. Love that he's allowed to get all gross and drippy with it.

Now we get to the litany against fear.

Jessica starts it specifically in response to hearing Paul scream on the other side of the door. So, practically, she is using it to control her own fear. But the way the scene is intercut, it plays as if she is almost coaching or guiding Paul into controlling his own reactions. With every line that she says, we cut back to Paul as he is starting to master the situation.

"I must not fear." Paul is not in control here and seems about at his physical limit for keeping his hand in the box.

"Fear is the mind-killer." This is the one where it really seems like he could be reciting the same litany in his head or under his breath.

"Fear is the little death that brings obliteration." We don't really see Paul's face in the accompanying shot, but the pain sound effect really goes into overdrive, like she is pushing him harder.

"I will face my fear and I will permit it to pass over me and through me." Seems like Paul is getting to some kind of Zen place or whatever where he can withstand the pain.

This is when the first flash of vision pops up and the balance of power starts to shift in Paul's favor. We realize it at the same time both he and the Reverend Mother do.

Then we have this great moment where he looks up at her and we don't quite know what is happening but somehow Paul has started to win this interaction. And we go through a whole Face Journey with him that's intercut increasingly rapidly with Jessica's lines, flashes of the visions, and Mohiam's reaction as she starts to realize she's lost control of the situation.

"And when it has gone past--"

"I will turn the inner eye to see its path--"

"--and where the fear has gone, there will be nothing--"

"Only I will remain."

This part is great because like...nothing is happening. He just looks up at her. But we know that whatever battle is going on between them, Paul is winning now.

(Side note: this is a duel, right? This is his first of three duels, and like the duel with Feyd, he wins it on his knees.)

Then as soon as she says, "Enough," the facade cracks again a little.

And then he does the thing!! That is one of my favorite Paul physicalities!! Where he tilts his chin up so he can look down his nose at someone. Which is particularly audacious when you're on your knees.

It looks arrogant but there's also something a bit...childish? about it. It's something that he does specifically when he feels he does not have control of the situation and he's trying to regain it. He does it to the Emperor at the end of Part Two.

Anyway I LOVE the whole section of intercutting between Jessica and Paul because like. They are physically separated by a door but emotionally they feel connected. She put him in this situation, but then it's almost like she is reminding him that she also gave him the training to survive it. Which like, isn't that a microcosm of their whole fucked-up relationship?

"...You inherit too much power."

"What, because I'm a duke's son?"

"Because you are Jessica's son. You have more than one birthright, boy."

Almost all the dialogue from this scene is taken word for word from the book (although sometimes condensed). This is one of the few lines that got changed. In the book, Jessica is the one who reminds Paul that he is a duke's son--not her son. In general the movie dialogue is more faithful to what's in the book than you might expect. But every once in a while there is a line that feels like it's talking back to the original text like this.

There's another little emotional reversal right at the end of the scene, when Jessica comes in and her face just floods with relief at realizing Paul is still alive. But meanwhile you can see that Paul is really processing how betrayed by her he feels.

And then, after all that, they do talk about his dreams.

Denis has said in interviews that this was one of the very first scenes they filmed. Which is. Insane to me. This is an iconic scene from the book that every fan will come to with expectations and it's a really hard acting job! For everyone involved but especially for Timothée, because so much of the scene turns on him having an intense reaction to something that's not real and generally just...doing stuff with his face, and hoping that the sound design and the score and some scenes that haven't been shot yet will sell what's going on. Usually you would want to work up to an intense emotional scene like this, give the cast and crew a little time to get comfortable with each other. Nope! Anyway Denis has also said that he knew after this scene that he had cast correctly and yeah. I would say so.

[kirschteinoir]

you're here, that's the thing.

post-timeskip osamu miya x reader.

❝ he dashed past the lunchtime rush and damn near into the middle of the road before turning sharply right to cower in the shade of the alleyway beside the shop - his secret place of respite. he brought his other hand, not yet blessed by you, to cover his eyes as he waited for his cheeks to cool and his heartbeat to become steady again.

this was going to be a long summer. ❞

when life in the city becomes overwhelming, your grandmother decides to sign you up for a summer in the countryside working at onigiri miya, the best onigiri place this side of hyogo! you're not the biggest fan of the early starts and long hot days at first, but your attractive new boss may change your mind...

ᯓᡣ𐭩 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘶𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘯𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬, 𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯!!!, 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴, 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘶, 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 2021 𝘰𝘭𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘴, 𝘣𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘹 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘰-𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘶 𝘪𝘴 23/24 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦

status; completed

cross-posted on ao3 here.

I. old april wanes, and her last dewy morn.

II. you are as welcome as the flowers in may

III. it was june, and the world smelled of roses.

IV. july, with its days of blue skies and time that seemingly stands still, holds a special place in my heart.

V. august rain - the best of the summer gone, and the new fall not yet born.

about me. 

[moonlightsdream]

FILMS in 2024: 77 | Waiting for Rain 비와 당신의 이야기 (2021) — dir. Jo Jin Mo     

[haosweater]

waiting in the rain

content: student! seonghwa x gn! reader, fluff, angst. inspired by my neighbour totoro’s setting. warnings: mentions and descriptions of death, some swearing, description of a panic attack.

summary: you and seonghwa were determined to get out of the dreary town you lived in and move to the city. unfortunately, sometimes things just don’t go as planned.

word count: 3.3k

note: another angst with hwa in it… no, i do not enjoy making hwa stans feel pain. i enjoy hurting everyone. get it right. (i started this back in 2021 and finished it today so it’s not proof read. forgive me)

it was raining again.

staring up at the sky, you hold your umbrella steadily. the transparent film allowed you to see how beautiful the sky was. white clouds float by slowly, their mystical tears staining the earth as a reminder of their ethereal presence.

your small village was close knit, but sometimes, suffocating. the villagers led humble lives as farmers, carpenters, florist, bus drivers– everyone was content with their simple lives. well, everyone except you and—

“y/n!”

you crane your neck to the right and smile. the rain patters gently against your skin, puddles surrounding you. there was not a single car in sight, the delightful smell of rain in the air. nature thrived in your small town– your home.

that pink hair is a familiar yet comforting sight. it’s accompanied with the scent of honey and mint, a melodic voice that would make even the coldest of hearts melt. his eyes shone like the fireflies at night, smile as sweet as the flowers in his parent’s own garden. park seonghwa was the definition of perfection. well, at least to you, he was.

you and seonghwa had this little habit that everyone in the village knew about.

every morning before school, you would meet him at the bus stop behind the small stream near your house. it had been that way ever since you were five; holding hands as you walk to school merrily, basking in each other’s warm presence.

“seonghwa!” you shouted, waving at him enthusiastically as he ran up and hugged you tight. “i’ve been waiting for like, more than y en minutes, where were you?”

seonghwa giggles. “sorry! i took a shortcut that joong suggested, but it took longer than i expected.”

you feign annoyance, huffing as you crossed your arms. “come on, y/n,” he whines. “forgive me, please? i have a special place to bring you to today.”

“what is it?” you ask, curiosity getting the best of you. seonghwa grins, putting a finger against his lips. “a secret? really, hwa?” you roll your eyes.

“be patient,” he nags, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the forest. you can’t help but smile, looking adoringly at your best friend.

seonghwa pulled you through the forest, helping you climb the slopes swiftly. the sounds of critters and bugs filled the air, fitting for the environment you were in. it was a peaceful journey, enjoying each other’s presence, basking in the warm sunlight. a comforting feeling filled your heart, putting a smile on your face.

you trudged across the river carefully as seonghwa laughed, splashing water at you. “hey!” you shouted, sending a splash of water his way as he shrieked. “get back here, park seonghwa!”

“catch me if you can!” he stuck his tongue out at you childishly. scooping a handful of water up, you chase after the boy, water dripping down your arms. many would fail to believe you were both almost eighteen.

tossing the water at him, you giggle in delight when he yelps, trying to run off. “oh gosh, that’s cold,” he shivers as you scoff, dismissing him.

“stop being so dramatic, hwa. you’re not going to die,” you lament as he laughs, shaking his head. “anyways, where’s this place you wanted to bring me to?”

“right here.”

you follow his gaze, and gasp in awe. the sight before you is absolutely gorgeous– an entire field of forget-me-nots. the small, baby blue flowers swayed gently in the wind, as if putting on a dance for you.

“oh my god, hwa,” you can feel the grin on his face. “this is beautiful.”

he takes your hand, fingers intertwining with yours to pull you along. “come,” he encourages you with the gentlest voice ever. “there’s so much more to see.”

the field of flowers smelt like heaven to you. it was as if you were in heaven. you weren’t complaining– seonghwa was your guardian angel and really the only person you needed in this life.

“oh, is is absolutely magical,” you say, spinning around. “how on earth did you find this place?” you ask as he giggles. oh, his giggle is a soft melody that prances in the wind like a dandelion. it’s soft, sweet, ethereal– you wanted to bathe in it forever.

his smile is a breath of fresh air. “i just happened to stumble upon it one day after school. it’s like another world, isn’t it?” his gazes into the horizon with a smile. he looks down at you, eyes filled with care and love. “i don’t know how i got so lucky.”

you blush at those words, quickly looking away. seonghwa truly knew how to render you speechless. before you could process anything further, seonghwa grabbed your hand and pulled you along.

“dance with me, y/n!”

it was like you were dreaming. your feet moved clumsily along with seonghwa’s, trying to keep up. he held your hand and spun you around, giggling as you held onto his arms tightly. “don’t drop me!” you squeak as he dipped you down.

his face was extremely close as he leaned to press his forehead against you. “i’d never even dream of dropping you,” as you bathed in the warmth of the sun. you never wanted to wake up from this dream.

after prancing around in the flower field for a few hours, giggling and whispering sweet nothings to each other, you and seonghwa had to part ways.

“must you go?” you ask, a hint of sadness in your voice.

he gives you a soft, yet sad smile. “it’s okay, y/n,” he caress your cheek with the back of his hand. “i’ll see you again soon.” he pulls you into a hug and you melt into it, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. he smelled like vanilla and strawberries, a sweet concoction that made you dizzy with delight.

you pull away and try to mask your disappointment with a smile. he chuckles, ruffling your hair in a playful manner.

slinging your bag over your shoulder, you turn and wave to him. the boy waves back, walking further and further down the road. even after the pink of his hair disappears into the fog, you stare into the abyss.

“y/n?”

you spin around, surprised by the two voices you hear behind you. “oh! joong! yunho!” you smile as they wave at you. “what are you guys doing here?”

the blue haired male shrugged, stealing some chips from the taller boy who sent him a glare. “hey, y/n. school ended early today so we were on our way to that new cafe that opened,” yunho explained, offering you some chips.

“oh, shit, wait a minute,” hongjoong grumbled as he fished through his bag hurriedly. “we got our exam results today.”

yunho snickered at the elder male’s frantic behaviour. “our poor class president here was tasked to hand you your papers,” he nudged hongjoong who threw him a glare.

“where were you today, y/n?” hongjoong asked, handing you a stack of papers. “you got the highest marks for literature again,” he winked at you, pushing his thick-framed glasses up.

yunho sighs. “yeah, and i failed math. again,” he kicks a rock into the stream, watching as it sinks. “fantastic.”

you giggle “i was out in the forest with seonghwa the whole day,” you grin at the two boys. “we ended up venturing deeper past the stream and found a whole field of forget-me-nots.”

the taller male shoots you a confused look, shoving his hand into the packet of chips. hongjoong sighs and glances behind you. “y/n–”

“oh! i need to get home!” you glance at your watch. “my parents are going to kill me if i’m out past curfew. see you guys tomorrow!” you shout while running off as hongjoong let out a deep sigh.

“what on earth was she talking about? is she still…?” yunho’s voice trailed off.

hongjoong looks up at him, unsure. “yeah. i don’t know how to… i don’t…” he sighs yet again as yunho pats his shoulder.

“we’ll figure it out, hyung,” the brunette says softly. “it’ll take time, you of all people should know that.”

the older male can only bite his lip and nod, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. he knew all too well. truth be told, he hated that he knew it.

it’ll take time.

the next day, you woke up excitedly, hoping it would be a sunny morning. the soft pitter patter of rain disappointed you, but still, you got up.

you still got up.

as you got dressed, you texted seonghwa, informing him that you would be waiting at the bus stop. it was sort of dreary, really. that road was particularly hard to navigate in the rain, but you both knew it well enough– it was the road you trudged along every day.

opening your umbrella, you bid farewell to your parents before skipping out the door. the rain didn’t diminish your spirits. sure, a thick coat of melancholy rested upon your soul, but your heart reigned over it.

you skipped over puddles, skillfully avoiding the splashes cars speeding by created. humming a soft tune, you looked up at the sky with a smile. everything was going to be okay, as long as seonghwa was there. you knew it’d be okay.

as you approach the bus stop, you spot a figure standing near it. with a grin, you begin to walk faster, calling out your friend’s name. the rain was a extremely persistent, however, easily overpowering your voice. you inhaled a deep breath, ready to shout his name again, but stop.

instead of the usual pink hair, you see a head of blue.

hongjoong.

“what are you doing here, joong?” you ask, approaching slowly. he doesn’t reply, and you think he hadn’t heard you.

so you move even closer, about to call out to him again. it’s only when you kick a puddle of water, drenching your shoes that you realise hongjoong is standing in the rain, absolutely drenched. “hongjoong!” you stand up and grab his wrist. “you’re going to get sick!”

before you can do anything, he pulls you towards him instead. dropping your umbrella, you feel the rain begin to soak you, the cold feeling of water dripping down your skin engulfing you whole.

you let out a gasp, about to glare at the boy, but don’t. hongjoong was crying.

“j-joong?” you stutter out in shock. “what’s going on? why are you crying?”

“i’m sorry.”

hongjoong’s voice comes out as a whisper. he sounds so small, so meek, so timid– it genuinely terrifies you. never had hongjoong shown such a vulnerable side of himself.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” he wails, knees giving out. “i’m sorry, y/n– it’s all my fault, i’m so sorry.”

his nails dig into your skin as he gasps for air. confused, you were trying to make sense of what hongjoong was saying. what was his fault?

what had hongjoong done that weighed so painfully on his conscious? why was such a bitter confession slipping off his tongue, to fill only your ears? a deep, profoundly vile feeling filled your throat.

your vision strayed from hongjoong.

when did the path look so dreary? so dark and lonely? this road was one that had filled your memories with joy, comfort, love and warmth. the sight of your best friend running down the gravel, careful to not slip clouded your mind. his pink hair bounced softly, his mere presence more radiating than the sun itself. the droplets of rain running down his face, that contagious, goofy grin of his— that was what you saw when you looked down this road, and yet… and yet it looked so different now. what had changed—

“he’s not coming back, he’s gone— he’s dead, y/n, and it’s all my fault!’

hongjoong’s wails startle you slightly. you’d never heard him sound so broken like that. “what are you talking about, hongjoong?” you say ever-so gently, taking his calloused hands into yours. he is almost inconsolable, his sobs and wails echoing alongside the soft pattering of rain.

the blue-haired boy looked up at you, cupping your cheeks in his hands. “seonghwa is gone, y/n,” hongjoong’s voice is raspy, dry and aching. “please, y/n, you have to realise that he is gone.”

you sigh, rubbing your thumb gently over his knuckles. pushing his hair back, he sobs even harder. you allow him to muzzle his face into the crook of your neck, his tears staining your skin. the clouds thundered and roared at you both, as denial seeped deep into your veins.

no, seonghwa wasn’t gone.

“oh, joong, he’s not gone,” you whisper, stroking his head gently. “he’s taking the shortcut you showed him here–”

“no, y/n– he dead!”

hongjoong’s voice rang in your ear as he pushed you back. you look at him, the way he trembled from the cold. “he fell into the river along the shortcut i showed him and drowned, y/n! he’s dead!”

everything was a blur for a moment. the world went silent. the rain ceased. even hongjoong disappeared. nothing seemed to matter, except processing what he had just said.

seonghwa was dead.

“n-no,” you stutter out, a migraine beginning to form at the side of your head. “no, joong, you must be mistaken,” you blurt out, laughing nervously. “i just saw hwa yesterday–”

“y/n, please,” joong begged, holding your hands tightly. “he died last month, y/n, you need to accept that. he’s gone.

flashbacks. a flurry of memories came crashing onto you at the speed of light as you winced, grabbing your head in pain. the funeral, the crying, the coldness, the pain, the loneliness, the grief– it all came crashing down.

“no,” you whispered, clawing at your scalp. “no, no, no, hwa,” you gasped as hongjoong sobbed. “oh my god, no, this can’t be!” you shout, looking at your friend, hoping this was just a sick joke.

the look on his face told you it wasn’t.

staring at him, your body felt numb yet completely overwhelmed at the same time. your heart pounded against your chest, words stuck at the back of your throat. you didn’t know what to say, nor what to do.

so you ran.

hongjoong’s voice trailed off as you sped down the forest path. you ran as fast as your feet could carry you. as you passed the river, you glance at it, the image of seonghwa’s face flashing in your mind. you wince, tears streaming down your face as you pulled your gaze away.

you continued to run. the sounds of twigs snapped under your weight, leaves rustled as you ran through the woods. your chest heaved as you struggled to breathe, completely exhausted.

and yet, you kept running. you refused to stop. you refused to stop until you saw it. you refused to stop until you got to–

you stopped.

the flower field.

“seonghwa!” you shouted, tears streaming down your cheeks. you were breathless, sweat dripping down your forehead. “park seonghwa!”

the desperation laced in your voice was heart-wrenching. it was raw and scratchy, and painful. you spun from left to right, praying that when you turned around, seonghwa would be standing there, alive and well.

unfortunately, you only got half of what you wished for.

seonghwa stood before you. pink hair, pink lips, soft and kind eyes– indeed, that was park seonghwa.

but he was not alive.

you cannot stand to look at him. you choke back a sob, hand clamping over your mouth as you turn away. you knew that if you looked at him, you wouldn’t be able to control your tears.

“you have to let me go, y/n.”

it’s funny how his words sounded so different despite its familiarity. you turn to your left and stare at the pink haired boy who smiles, tears streaming down his ghostly pale cheeks.

“you need to let me go.”

damp cheeks. quivering lips. fists clenched so hard, they turned white. the air was still, tension thick. it was hard to breathe. you held seonghwa’s hands tightly, worried that he’d slip away the moment you let go.

“how can i?” you whisper, tears blurring your vision. “i can’t let you go, hwa. not when i’ve spent my whole life with you. how do i live this new life when all i’ve known is one with you?”

the boy smiles. it’s a sad, pitiful smile. you hate it. “you need to, y/n. i’ll always be here– in the trees, the flowers, the breeze,” he trails off. “in your heart.”

“but i need you here with me,” you sob. “how am i to go on without you? i’d wait in the rain for you forever, hwa. i cannot live without you.”

the tears that rolled down hwa’s cheeks shone like stars. “you’ll have to learn, y/n. time will heal you,” his breath is shaky and uncertain. “i’m sorry,” he whispers, hands cupping your cheeks.

you shake your head, putting your hands over his. “no, don’t apologise. please,” you beg, looking up at him. you stared into his eyes, biting your lip to stop it from trembling.

his thumb brushes against your lip gently, eyebrows furrowed. “don’t do that,” he whispered. “you’re hurting yourself.”

your grip on his shirt tightened as you stare into his eyes. god, how could fate be so cruel? why would the gods curse you with such tragic destiny?

the boy wiped your tears away, his own tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. you nuzzled your face into his hands, your gaze filled with desperation and desire.

with that, seonghwa swooped down and kissed you.

you held onto him tightly, kissing him back with the desperation that clung to you so desperately. he tasted divine– like white chocolate and strawberries.

you could feel his tears fall, your own following suite, but you refused to pull away. this is something you had wanted for the longest time, and you weren’t about to let it slip away.

alas, all good things have to end. you panted, forehead pressed against his. “don’t go, hwa,” you plead. “please.”

he lets out a sad laugh, pressing a kiss to your forehead in an attempt to console you. “i have to, y/n,” he hums. “i’ll see you again soon, okay?”

you look up frantically at the sight of seonghwa fading away. “no! hwa, please, please!” you cry out, grasping onto him.. “what about all our plans, hwa? to leave this place? to get an apartment in the city? to live our life to the fullest together forever? what about all that?”

seonghwa was full on sobbing now, trying to hold onto you as well. “i’m sorry, y/n. i’m sorry, please hold me,” he begged and you hugged him tightly. “i love you, y/n,” he confesses. “god, i love you. you are the light of my life– my god-given solace. you’re my soulmate, y/n, and i’m so, so sorry. please forgive me– god, please.”

“seonghwa,” you whimper, holding onto him as he finally faded away. he had become one with the wind, the earth, the water– he was gone.

park seonghwa, your best friend, soulmate, and love of your life, was gone.

you let out a chocked sob, knees giving way as you fell to the ground. your pants were soaked with rain water and mud, but you couldn’t be bothered.

“i didn’t get to tell you i love you too.”

as the rain began to fall once again, you sat at the bus stop behind the stream. this small town was once a place you and seonghwa had always dreamed of leaving, but now you knew.

this dreary small town of yours, would consume your soul, as it did, his.

[waynes-multiverse]

Polaris – Chapter 6

Series Summary: When Beau Arlen moved to Montana, he left behind a past he wasn’t proud of. But when a series of murders requires the FBI’s help, Sheriff Arlen‘s ghosts come back to haunt him one by one. With a wrong turn waiting at every crossroads, it’s hard to make the right choices and find his way back home – back to you.

Pairing: Beau Arlen x FBI Agent!Reader

Warnings: 18+, hurt, angst, more murder mystery, divorce, drinking, death

Word Count: 5.8k

A/N: Welcome back, guys! I'm still trying to catch up with comments and reading, so be patient with me 😂 BUT there's a big reveal in this chapter and things are about to pick up. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on all of it. Enjoy! 🤓🤍

Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Tag List

Chapter 6: Curses And Cries

March 2021

As you entered the dingy bar on the outskirts of Juárez, the smell of salsa deliciously hit your nose, causing your stomach to growl. Ever since your prolonged stay in Mexico, you had really gotten attached to the cuisine here.

After your husband’s death, you started to eat your grief in spicy carbs and worked it off with an hour-long jog in the mornings and some Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in the evenings.

And while you were eating your sadness, your companion was drowning his in tequila. Apparently, three shots in this time, judging from the empty glasses on the oak counter in front of him.

You sat down next to him and wordlessly grabbed a plastic menu, skimming through it with interest as Beau watched you from his peripheral and downed another shot.

“Oooh, they have Quesadillas here,” you hummed happily.

“They have Quesadillas everywhere here. And back home. It’s called Tex-Mex,” Beau grumbled and gestured at the bartender for a refill with his fingers.

“Maybe some Nachos, too,” you mused, ignoring his murmurs next to you. He had become quite the grump.

“You’re gonna puke at some point,” he muttered, thanking the bartender as he placed down five more shots in front of him.

“Jesus, by the looks of it, you’re the one who’s gonna puke tonight, not me,” you quipped and arched an eyebrow at his life choices. “Maybe you should order some food as well, soak up all that Don Julio. Or at least eat the limes that come with it…”

“I’m fine,” Beau said and hissed as he gulped down another glass.

“Yeah, by all means, you look great,” you retorted wryly. “What happened? What are you doing back here so soon? You were supposed to be at home the whole week. Weren’t you and Carla planning to go on that cabin trip with Em?”

Unlike you, who had come down here and never gone back, Beau made the trip home every couple of weeks for the sake of his marriage and daughter. You knew, however, from the occasional concerned phone calls with Carla that he barely kept his commitment afloat.

You tried to talk to him, tried to keep a balance, tried to send him home, but you knew deep down that you could try even harder. Selfishly, you wanted him here with you. He was your lifeline, the only piece you still had left of your husband.

Beau snorted a drunken laugh in response and grabbed another shot. “Yeah, that went downhill quickly.”

Your brow scrunched with a mix of concern and confusion. You placed a palm on his forearm in a comforting manner. “What happened?”

Beau silently reached into the inner pocket of his jeans jacket and pulled out a folded and crumpled heap of stapled papers, slapping them onto the counter in front of you. With a creased brow, you took them and unfolded them carefully, while Beau downed another shot.

“Oh Beau…” You sighed when you read over the lines that stung out and looked at him, putting the document back down. “She’s divorcing you?”

“Yup,” he replied bitterly and stared ahead, another shot raining down his throat.

You frowned and snatched the last remaining shot, drinking it before he could.

“Ey!”

“You’re cut off,” you barked sternly at his protest. “Drinking isn’t gonna make this better, you know?”

“You sure? ‘Cause it certainly feels like it.” Beau grinned lazily at you. Judging by the glaze in his green eyes, you were honestly surprised he didn’t slur his words yet. But then again, you figured he had built up quite the tolerance over the last couple of months.

“Uh-huh, worked out great for you the last few weeks. You know, some would even say all the booze is what got you into this mess in the first place,” you retorted and threw him a pointed look.

Beau muttered mockingly into his empty glass, “Really? And who are those people?”

Rolling your eyes with a small sigh, you grabbed his arm and tried to get him up from the barstool. But Beau shook his head and wiggled himself out of your grip. In that moment, you wished that he was lighter and that you were a lot stronger.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not done sulking yet,” he told you and swiftly turned to the bartender once more.

Fourteen tequilas in, you were finally allowed to take him back to the motel. Getting him from the bar into the car and then from the parking lot into the room was quite the straining task. He was a big guy, his full weight resting on you as you had his arm slung around your shoulders, guiding him on wobbly bow legs.

“Where’s your key?” you demanded firmly like a kindergarten teacher talking to a misbehaving toddler.

Beau flashed you a crooked smirk. “It’s in my pocket. Go fish.”

You laughed in annoyed amusement. “Oh, you’re gonna regret that one tomorrow,” you said and dove your hand into the back pocket of his jeans, hauling out the key without further ado.

“Ow! Did you just pinch me?”

Well, some further ado.

“You bet I did,” you replied dryly, chuckling as you turned your back to him and fumbled the key into the lock.

“Oh, you’re a sly one, alright… Kinda like it,” he slurred drunkenly behind you.

You soon caught a waft of tequila as his breath tickled your neck, your gaze wandering up as his flat palm steadied on the door next to your cheek. He then leaned his forehead on your shoulder as he swayed behind you in the cool night air. A shiver ran down your spine, but you tried to remain composed.

“You smell nice,” he noted with a smile in his voice. “You always do.”

You snorted and finally managed to unlock the door. “Okay, now I know you’re really wasted,” you joked and tried to get his mind to focus on something else.

You didn’t take offense to his advances nor did you put too much thought into them. You supposed every guy, who was drunk, lonely, sad, and most of all, a man, would hit on any female in his proximity. His pride was shattered, and you were just the closest thing there to mend the pieces of his ego back together again.

Besides, you weren’t all that scared of him. Maybe currently a little uncomfortable, but that was it. You knew he was a good guy. And if it turned out he wasn’t, you had practiced enough Jiu Jitsu over the course of the last months to throw him on his ass with the power of your little pinky.

However, before you could twist the knob and open the door, he gripped your waist and spun you around. Your back hit the flat surface behind you, pressing against the fragile wood as you came face to face with him. He licked his plump lips with a mischievously cocky smile, leaning closer to you as he dipped his head.

But you didn’t move or flinch. Instead, you patiently crossed your arms over your chest and quirked your brow with an amused smile. “And what d’you think you’re doing here, gaucho?”

As long as he didn’t overstep any lines, you were willing to entertain his little flirtations for the sake of his ego. Deep down, you knew he wouldn’t go through with them anyway. Like the tequila, it just made him feel better in the moment.

As expected, the mischief soon disappeared abruptly from his face and was replaced by a surprise attack of nausea. “Puking,” he managed to spit out.

With a sigh, you grabbed behind you and swung the door open for him, watching him bolt past you into the bathroom. You heard him retching a second later.

“Told you so!” you called after him with a triumphant grin.

With a few taps of your combat boots, you waited till the silver elevator doors of the DA’s office parted with a ding. Your head bobbed mindlessly to the jazzily generic music till you reached the fifth floor and Diane’s office. For once during this case, you were excited to meet with a prosecutor. You finally struck gold and had something in your hands, even if it was just a username and a possible connection to the victims.

Depending on what your tech analysts at the FBI back in Houston would find, you hoped for an arrest by the end of the week.

“Hey, working hard, I see,” you said with a friendly smile as you approached Diane’s desk and saw the huge piles of files in front of her. It was late, too. The office was empty, her colleagues already having cleared out.

“Yeah, I’m the newbie, so I got a lot of catching up to do,” she said, chuckling softly.

You then noticed the diploma behind her hanging on the wall and nodded impressed. “Wow, Stanford Law School, huh? You’re from California?”

“Oh yeah, born and raised. And honestly, it’s not that remarkable. It’s really just like any other law school in the country,” she replied modestly.

You snorted, amused over her response. “Yeah, I doubt that.” There was a twinge in your stomach and a voice in your head.

Smart, driven, the California Penal Code, it whispered, checking off a secret list.

“By the way, I’m sorry about last week,” Diane apologized, causing your brow to wrinkle in confusion for a moment before you caught on. Her voice sounded secretive like the two of you were having a chat between friends. Only that you weren’t remotely close at all. “I didn’t mean to barge in and interrupt anything with that hottie sheriff.”

“Oh, uh, don’t worry about it,” you told her courteously, squinting your eyes a bit.

“You’d think someone like him would be married,” she commented cheekily, while you direly wished you could escape the awkwardness of that conversation.

“Divorced,” you supplied politely, trying your best to remain professional.

Socially weird, the detective voice in your mind noted.

“Oh, that explains it. Wonder what happened there. I was actually so surprised when Sheriff Arlen introduced you as his girlfriend,” Diane said and explained further, “I just noticed your wedding ring, so I assumed you were his wife.”

“Uh, no.” Your eyes flashed down to your golden wedding band around your ring finger, the urge to take it off and hide it in shame before crawling into bed with a torrid lover suddenly permeated your thoughts. As if taking it from your finger and hiding it in some pocket, out of everyone’s judgmental sight, would make the immoral affair less of a betrayal.

There’s nothing to feel guilty about, you reminded yourself sternly.

However, there was a flicker of something in Diane’s gray eyes that tugged and tore at you, cautioning you to tread carefully. That something wicked in her eyes wanted you to suffer and doubt yourself.

“So, what’s the story there? You married?” Diane asked bluntly and then shook her head, chuckling. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t pry. It’s none of my business.”

“No, you’re good,” you feigned your assurance with a hard smile. “Dead husband, actually. Happened a couple of years ago now.”

“Ah, well, lucky you. Sheriff Arlen seems like a catch,” she quipped, grinning.

“Yeah, lucky me,” you faux-agreed and kept your smile, although everything was killing you inside.

“So, how did you two meet? Excuse my nosiness, I’m a sucker for a good love story.” Diane’s question reverberated with charm that could’ve easily fooled anybody into thinking it was all just harmless curiosity.

But not you.

You broke a polite smile, but your stare could’ve killed her. “He was my husband’s partner back in Houston.”

“Oh, wow. Sounds a bit messy, doesn’t it?” Diane gave you a surprised look, but you couldn’t shake the feeling she had already known the answer and her question was only supposed to torture you. Your feet were starting to get antsy to leave, your hands itching to grasp your gun. When you only replied by offering her another tight-lipped smile, she cleared her throat and dropped her intrusive exam. “So, uh, what can I do for you? Any new leads?”

Pursing your lips, you shook your head. “Uh, no. It’s a tough one. We’re still chasing down several ends, but nothing concrete. Just wanted to stop by to give you the coroner’s report of our last victim. It came through this morning.” You pulled out only one file from your bag, keeping the others inside, and handed it to her.

“Oh, alright. Anything remarkable?” Diane’s smile was sharp as she leafed briefly through the report. You guessed she didn’t need to read it to know what state the victim was found in.

“Uh, no. Nothing so far. Gotta be honest with you – this case is a tough one. Might take us a while,” you lied openly. You knew she didn’t buy a word of what you said, and you could see that she didn’t care.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll solve the case. After all, you’re a smart one, Agent Y/L/N. I have no doubt you’ll catch her, eventually.” Diane sent you a confident smile.

It was the last insurance you’d needed. You knew for a fact you had never mentioned to Diane that the killer was most likely a woman. That information wasn’t anywhere in the documents you’d given her yesterday. You had kept it close. Only a handful of people knew.

You could then see it all right there in front of you as the alarm bells rang in your head. You were face to face with your killer, staring right into her gray and cold eyes, and there was nothing you could goddamn do about it.

Judging by her cunning look, she knew it, too. She wanted you to catch on. She wanted you to know it was her. She was fucking playing with you.

March 2021

“Oh God…” Beau groaned as he hugged the yellowing porcelain throne, his forehead propped up on the back of his hand, knees scraping against the chipped and dirty green motel bathroom tiles.

“There, there…” you soothed with a hint of amusement in your voice, your palm rubbing his back in comforting circles when he heaved again. “Let it all out, big guy.”

“I think this was the last of it.” Beau straightened a bit as his fingers fumbled blindly for the flush. His eyes were bloodshot and teary, his nose was red and snotty, and his lips were pale and dryer than the desert. He never looked worse.

You grinned and pulled out your phone, swiping to the camera. “Say cheese.”

Beau’s brow scrunched in confusion and betrayal. “What in God’s good name-… Why the hell would you do that?”

“You look terrible, my friend. Figured it’d be a great picture for the slideshow I’m planning for your fiftieth,” you quipped, your wicked grin widening.

“Oh God…”

“Relax.” Playfully, you rolled your eyes back, while you saved the photo to your favorites on your phone. “You’ve still got a while ‘til then. You’ve just turned forty not that long ago. I’m just planning ahead.”

“Not that.” Beau shook his head and clutched his stomach, his cheeks losing color again. His eyes widened in miserable realization. “I think it’s starting again.”

With that, he tossed himself over the stained white bowl and puked his literal guts out for the umpteenth time.

“Yeah, I’m not surprised. Pretty sure you purged all the tequila and drank the entirety of Mexico dry,” you commented with a chuckle over his vomiting noises. If you ever thought the guy was sexy again, you would remind yourself to think back to this moment.

“I don’t remember you ever being this funny when I was sober.” After his last heave, Beau flushed once more and leaned back against the cool wall with an exhaustive sigh. “I think I’m really done now.”

You lifted an eyebrow. “You sure? You’ve said that a few times in the last two hours.”

He nodded with his eyes closed. “Mhm, yeah… That one felt final.”

“Alright.”

You rose from your floor seat against the bathtub and held out your hands. He glanced at them for a second before he took you up on your offer. With your help, he hoisted himself back onto his wobbly feet. You reached behind him and grabbed his toothbrush with a dab of paste from the sink, handing it to him.

You smiled. “You’ll thank me in the morning.”

After he thoroughly brushed his teeth and washed his face with cold water, you accompanied him to his bed with his arm slung around your neck. While he was more sober and coherent after his vomit escapade, he was still pretty drunk. You knew the massive hangover that would hit him in a few hours would be more punishing than the desert heat.

Sitting him down on the edge of his bed, you handed him a Tylenol and a bottle of water to swallow it down. “Hydrate,” you ordered as you kneeled down on the carpet in front of him, untying his boots and slipping them off his feet.

As you straightened, your face fell right into his hands, both of his massive palms cupping your cheeks. You stared into his hazy pine-green eyes, a twitch of confusion on your brow as your breaths mingled. Your heart skipped a beat, the white noise ringing in your ears. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but you could guess.

Beau swallowed thickly and dropped his hands from your cheeks. “I should lay down.”

“Yeah, you should,” you bit, a trace of anger in your voice. Though, you couldn’t tell if it was because he almost overstepped or because he didn’t. You knew the latter would be a problem for both of you, so you decided on the first. There was no need to unnecessarily burden your conscience with imagined immorality.

Beau groaned as his head hit the pillow. His eyes found yours, a fragment of an apology fluttered across his features. “Thank you, uhm, for taking care of me. You coulda just bailed.”

“Yeah, I know. But this was more fun to watch.” You grinned teasingly.

Beau pursed his lips, chuckling lightly. “Is that the only reason you stayed? ‘Cause it was fun?”

“No, you’re also my friend, and I’d never desert you. We leave no man behind, remember?” you said with a smile, quoting one of the cliché lines your task force team repeated often. “‘Sides, you and I are trauma bonded.”

“Alright.” Beau bobbed his head pensively, his lips curled. “So… on a scale from one to ten, how full is my quota for tonight to do somethin’ stupid again?”

Your heart twisted and clenched in your ribcage. You knew what he meant. He couldn’t have been clearer. It was all written in his eyes as bright as the stars in the sky when he looked at you, only a dangling question of “May I?” hanging in the air between you two.

“Twenty,” you said firmly and held your chin high, swallowing thickly. “I think that quota is pretty fucking full.”

“That’s too bad.” On his lips flickered a forlorn smile, his hand brushing your cheek for a moment before he gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch lingered like smoke on your skin. “But maybe for the best. I’d like to remember that one, and I’m not sure I would tonight.”

A shallow scoff left your nose. “Maybe you’ll remember this,” you said with bitter anger in your voice and stared daggers at him. “You’ll always be the guy that stood on my doorstep and told me my husband was dead.”

Beau nodded with a harsh swallow of understanding and retreated, forcing some distance between you two. “Yeah, I think that’ll stick even through the tequila.”

“Good,” you bit and rose to your feet, walking to the door. “Get some fucking sleep.”

Beau’s mouth opened with a want to say something, maybe even an apology, but the door slammed harshly behind you before he got a chance. And now, all he had left was silence, a raging headache, guilt in his stomach, and regret in his heart.

Breathlessly, you arrived at the Sheriff’s Department and stormed into Beau’s office. The door was ajar as he chatted with Jenny, both of them curiously looking at you before concern took hold of their faces.

“Hey, everything alright?” Beau instantly rose from his chair, his brow knitting with worry.

“No,” you replied with a shake of your head, the alarm visible in every crease of your flushed face. “I think I’ve found our killer.”

“What? How? Who?” Beau ran down the basic wh-questions in confusion. “Weren’t you just at the DA’s office?”

“It’s Diane, isn’t it?” Jenny shot straightaway, and your eyes widened in confirmation as you nodded. “Yeah, I got a weird vibe from her, too.”

“What, no? Diane?” Beau raised his brow at the two of you in disbelief. “Okay, back up a little here. Why do you think it’s Diane? We met that woman only three weeks ago. She seemed alright. Little awkward maybe, but we can’t arrest people ‘cause they’re weird.”

“Look, I know that,” you said and crossed your arms. “And I don’t have anything concrete yet, but it’s just a feeling. I got a really strange vibe from her earlier.”

“Well, we can’t arrest people because of strange vibes either,” Beau retorted. “And if it really is Diane, arresting her at all is gonna be hard. I mean, she’s the DA on the case. Who’s gonna issue the warrant, huh?”

“Convenient.” Jenny scoffed under her breath, earning her a scolding look from her boss.

“Don’t encourage her, please.” He shot Jenny a warning and yet pleading glance.

“Look, I’m not crazy! It’s her. I’ll find proof,” you insisted. It almost sounded like a threatening promise.

“What did she say to you exactly?” Jenny questioned and cocked her head at you in interest. You appreciated her professionalism, unlike Beau who still looked at you doubtfully.

“She asked some really personal questions about me and Beau. And not in a friendly chitchat manner. It’s hard to explain. I guess you had to be there… It was weird, okay?”

“Well, you can’t really fault her for that after what she’s seen,” Beau mitigated the circumstances.

“What has she seen?” Jenny looked suspiciously between you two. When both of you responded with deafening silence and averted your gazes, she chortled. “You two really need to lock that door.”

“Alright, that’s not the point,” Beau huffed his retort with blushed cheeks.

“Can we get back to Diane being a serial killer, please?” you requested impatiently. “Look, she fits the profile. She’s got the California connection. She went to Stanford. She’s obviously wicked smart. And she also knows we're looking for a female perp.”

That caught Jenny’s attention. Her brow furrowed. “You didn’t tell her?”

You shook your head. “No, and it’s nowhere in the files. So unless one of you told her, how did she know that?”

Grabbing the football from his desk, Beau’s head bobbed pensively as he squeezed the peanut between his hands. You tried not to think about Randy, but your heart stung nonetheless. Beau seemed to notice your distracted look and quickly put the ball back down.

“Alright, what do we do next?” he asked with a clear of his throat.

“I hope whatever the tech analysts find points to her. We could also put a tracker on her car. Won’t help in court, but maybe she leads us to one of the bunkers,” you suggested and pursed your lips for the next part. “I could also talk to the other DAs on the case. If we can’t get an arrest warrant here, we can still try through the other states and extradite her.”

“Good idea. Who would–” Beau stopped mid-sentence, his eyebrows drawing together as he realized your plan. “You wanna ask Ted? C’mon!”

“It’d be the fastest way! We’ve worked together for years,” you defended.

“Uh-huh, a little too closely…” Beau muttered under his breath, earning a small glare from you.

“Would you calm down? We only went on three dates. Nothing ever happened,” you stated and looked at him, completely forgetting Jenny was still in the room, too.

“I’m gonna go for this part,” she excused herself and touched your arm on the way out. “I’ll do some research on Diane. See what we can dig up about her past.”

“Thank you. That’d be great,” you said as she left.

Beau waited for a beat, ensuring you were completely alone before he found your eyes. “Nothing happened?”

“No, I ended it before it got to that point. Mainly because I didn’t want it to get to that point,” you explained and could see him relax, his shoulders falling.

He stalked closer to you, wrapping you in his arms. He kissed you deeply, hands wandering to your ass and squeezing the cheeks through your jeans. You smiled up at him.

“You’re cute when you’re jealous,” you teased.

“I’m not–… You know what? I am,” Beau stated almost proudly. “I don’t like thinking about losing you to some jerk. Actually, I don’t like thinking about losing you at all. It’s killing me that I almost did. I should’ve never let you close the door on me that day. I should’ve never left… At least not like that.”

“It’s okay. I’m here now… with you. It all sorta worked out. Maybe we needed that time apart,” you said softly and hoped you soothed his guilt a little. Your mind drifted back to Diane’s words. Thoughtfully, you twisted the ring on your finger.

“You okay? Did I say something wrong?”

“No, no, it’s just something Diane said,” you told him, your brow wrinkling as the bad feeling in your gut expanded. “She just asked about my ring. It was odd.”

“Well, we already know she’s a bit nutty,” Beau said and gave you a soothing smile, embracing you a little tighter as he pulled you against his chest and pecked the top of your head. But his heart ached with worry and a bad feeling.

“Yeah, I just…” You glanced at your ring again and exhaled one nostalgic breath. You then took it off and placed it in Beau’s palm, who seemed rattled by your unforeseen choice. “Take it and keep it somewhere. Throw it in a lake or feed it to a trout. I don’t care. I don’t wanna wear it anymore.”

“Y/N–”

You stopped his protest, knowing it was well meant. “No, really. It’s alright, okay? I’m ready to let go. I’m with you now… And I love you.” You gave him a smile, and he mirrored a softer one, nodding.

“Alright,” he accepted your decision and lifted the ring to your view. He opened a drawer in his desk and stored it carefully inside. “I love you, too. But I’m gonna keep it safe here in case you ever change your mind… which you can do at any point in time, no questions asked, okay?”

“Thank you.” You stretched up to meet his lips, kissing him passionately. Sometimes, it was hard to believe you’d found it twice – true love. But you were sure of it whenever you stared into Beau’s mesmerizingly green eyes. Maybe Diane was right. You were lucky, after all.

August 2020

The cookbook laid open on the marble counter by the stove, a second one with another recipe right next to it. You stared at them, your narrowed eyes wandering back and forth between ‘Brisket’ and ‘Biscuits and Gravy’ as you tapped your chin with a wooden spatula.

You had never been the best cook, as your mother would attest to, but every once in a while you tried and even had some success with the classics. Those two dishes were Randy’s favorite – like almost every Texan’s if you excluded BBQ.

You’d been gone for close to a month for an assignment that took you all the way to Arizona. You had just gotten home two days ago, and after washing a month’s worth of laundry and getting some well-deserved rest, you promised your husband a delicious meal for date night.

When the food was done, you set the table with the good china you’d received from your mother-in-law at your wedding. As you waited, you filled a glass with Merlot. Then, a second one. You stared at the hands of the clock in the dining room moving in a circle, alternating with the watch around your wrist in case either one was wrong. Every two minutes you checked your phone, scrolled through social media, and exhaled sighs. The food was getting cold, but that was the least of your problems.

You were growing anxious, steadying the slight tremble in your hand with more wine.

But when the doorbell rang, you stood up from your chair with relief and rushed into the foyer. You ignored the voice in your head that told you Randy wouldn’t have rung the damn doorbell. He would’ve just used his key. And you ignored the voice when instead of Randy, you found his partner on your doorstep.

“Beau, hey.” Your brow crinkled at the oddness of seeing him so late at your house, but your lips formed a smile nonetheless. “What are you doing here?”

You ignored the voice that warned you about the universal truth everyone in law enforcement knew about. If a partner showed up at a cop’s wife’s house, it was never good news. Deep down, you already knew why he was here. You saw it in the haunted green of his eyes. You saw it in the dark and puffy circles underneath them. You saw it in the bloodstains on his white shirt. You saw it in the bloody creases of his nails that he couldn’t entirely scrub clean before he came here.

“Beau?” The wrinkles in your brow molded into deeper cracks, hardening like cement. You took a step forward, one hand on the door jamb steadying your jittery bones. “Is Randy okay? Is he in the hospital?”

You needed him to say the words, but he couldn’t. His lips quivered, his hands trembled, his eyes filled with tears. He swallowed harshly and clasped his mouth, not knowing what to say or how to find the words. He turned his back to you, walking a few steps. Whatever courage he had to come to your door in the first place, left him the second he saw your face.

You shook your head, disbelief keeping you from accepting reality. You stood on the tracks, the freight train was coming. “Just lemme grab my jacket. We can drive to the hospital together.”

Snatching a too-large jacket from the coat rack you were sure was your husband’s, you tried to bolt past Beau, but a hand on your arm caught you and stopped you on your front lawn. You found his green eyes. He wordlessly shook his head.

“No! It’s not true,” you insisted desperately, tears starting to flood your eyes. “I just talked to him a few hours ago. I-I made dinner… His favorite. He’s coming home! You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Beau’s clasp on your arm tightened, a tear slipping down his cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

Your tears now fell, too. Yet, you vividly shook your head and stuffed the pain down your throat until it felt like you were choking. “No, you’re wrong. You’re wrong, Beau! He’s coming home to me. He’s coming home…”

You repeated those words over and over until your sobs swallowed them all. Beau pulled you to his chest and held you tightly. You felt his tears fall like raindrops upon your head, your body stiffening and bones turning to stone as unbearable pain and grief wracked through your veins and consumed you.

“I’m so sorry,” Beau repeated, his voice muffled by your hair. His arms wrapped around you even tighter. “He’s not coming home, darlin’. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry.”

He kept saying it as he held you – how sorry he was. But once the reality of the situation fully hit you, so did your anger. You pushed him away. As you met his gaze, he almost looked hurt by that action, but all you could find in your heart was vitriol, disdain, and blame.

“You should be. You should be sorry,” you spat through your tears. “Where were you in all of this, huh? You said you’d have his back! So, why are you here and he’s not? Where the fuck were you, Beau?”

His mouth jittered open, searching for an explanation for his own failure. “I know… I-I don’t know what happened. It just went south so fast… I-…”

“You guys told me it was a quick job,” you pointed out furiously. “In and out! ‘No big deal, darlin’,” you quoted him in mock. “It was your fucking idea to go in! I asked if you guys needed backup, and you said no! You told me you could do it on your own, you arrogant shit!”

Beau dragged a hand over his face, wiping some of the tears away. “I know.” He nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t fucking cut it! You got it? It’s not gonna bring him back now, is it?”

“I know. I know I fucked up. Trust me, Y/N. I know…”

You furiously shoved at his chest, pushing him back a few inches. He let you, didn’t even try to stop you in the slightest. He was willingly volunteering to be your punching bag as if it would magically better the situation and absolve him from his sins.

“You were supposed to be his partner!” you yelled so loudly all the commotion in the front yard of your quiet neighborhood had woken the neighbors, a few of them flooding out of their houses and gathering in their own yards to gawk at the spectacle.

You pushed him again. Harder this time. “You were supposed to fucking protect him!”

Another push. “You promised me you’d take a bullet for him!”

Push. “You fucking coward!”

Beau just nodded in agreement with all your accusations, his eyes brimming with tears. “I know. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

This time, you slapped him across the cheek. “Stop saying you’re fucking sorry!”

The harsh slap echoed through suburbia. Your palm tingled and stung as you watched Beau’s cheek redden with your furious mistake. You stared around you and glanced at the gasping and gaping faces of your neighbors. You clasped your mouth with both hands as you broke down and started to sob uncontrollably.

Kind and forgiving as he was, Beau pulled you back into his embrace, strong arms locking around you and soothing your anguish. “It’s okay… I’m here. I gotcha… It’s okay. I gotcha… I’m not lettin’ go, alright?”

Sobbingly, you nodded as you cried and sniffled, burying your face in his chest. You wrapped your arms around his torso and held onto him, too weak to keep standing on your own.

“It’s okay… I know,” Beau said and tucked you under his arm, leading you back to the house. “C’mon, let’s get you inside, darlin’.”

Chapter 7: Storm Coming

Welp, we know who our killer is now! Ready for the approaching storm called Diane? When it rains, it pours... 👀⛈️

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@syrma-sensei @perpetualabsurdity @deans-baby-momma @yoobusgoobus @jessjad

@hunter-or-the-hunted @k-slla @just-levyy @mrsjenniferwinchester @illicithallways

@muhahaha303 @ultimatecin73 @nancymcl @leigh70 @brightlilith

@nesnejwritings @autistic-gothic

Everything Beau Arlen: @snowayumi

Polaris Series: @corruptedcruiser

[calderacitylovers]

Zutara SlowBurn FanFiction: Personal Favs, part I

·        I AM STILL HERE by owedbetter Published: 2017-10-09 | 77K words | 7 Chapters

After the Last Agni Kai K heals Z with the help of bloodbending. Very sweet.

 ·        THE SUMMIT by AJLenoire

Chronicles post-war years, as Gaang and other characters gather for annual summits to keep peace and build relationships between the Four Nations. Katara yearns for a bigger purpose than the Avatar’s companion and slowly grows into a shrewd diplomat. Very sweet slow burn ZK story. Has mature scenes.

 ·        CLOTHE ME IN SEASONS, DRESS ME IN SNOW by sadladybug Published: 2015-01-05 | 62K words | 7 Chapters

Follows old Zuko as he reflects on his life and what would have been if he kept Katara closer. Absolutely beautiful, but also a devastatingly heart-breaking story about loss and pain.

 ·        SILENT DECLARATIONS by Megara Pike (Megara_Pike) Published: 2021-01-20 | 2,6K words

A short story based on animation by Hayley Wong. Z finds K asleep in her study and carries her to bed. Very sweet, gentle story.

 ·        COVERED IN YOU by evergreenonthehorizon Published: 2021-04-02 | 55K words | 14 Chapters

Eight years after the war Z convinces K to take on a role of a Southern Water Tribe ambassador in the Caldera city. Both are completely clueless about each other’s feelings. Features political talks, big gestures, and a ball. Very cute, sweet slow-burn story. Has mature scenes.

 ·        TEN STRIDES IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION by evergreenonthehorizon Published: 2021-04-03 | 29K Words | 12 Chapters

A collection of short stories filling in the gaps between some of the events of ATLAS3 and up to the Last Agni Kai. Features accidental cuddling, embracing in the rain, sharing a bed for warmth, post-Ember Island Theater discussions, being discovered, waiting to be kissed, Suki & Katara being good friends, battle plans, Zuko & Sokka getting drunk, slow burn & angst. Very sweet.

 ·        THE SWAY OF THE SUN by TheBlackBriarSparrow Published: Published: 2019-10-14 | 102K Words | 27 Chapters

Two years post-war Gaang reunites in Caldera city for a secret party in honor of the overworked Fire Lord’s birthday. Rebels attack the palace setting a thrilling consequence of events in motion. Adventures, investigations, and fights ensue. Z & K work together and enlist old friends to help find missing people. Beautiful slow-burn story with an exciting plot.

·        A WARM EMBRACE by ewinkie Published: 2020-10-06 | 19K Words | 7 Chapters

An ATLAS3 rewrite from Southern Riders to the Last Agni Kai. Katara and Zuko have to hide in a cave following their encounter with Yon Rha. Comforting turns to cuddling, which turns to waking up on Appa's tail in each other's arms. Katara is shocked at how comfortable she is. Zuko is shocked that Katara doesn't hate him for it. Features sharing a bed, being discovered, slowburn, and lots of teenage silliness.

 ·        FOLLOWING BLUE by Boogum Published: 2018-11-07 | 39K Words | 10 Chapters

ATLA S2 rewrite. After Katara falls from Appa’s saddle during a pursuit, the Blue Spirit becomes her reluctant companion and helps her reunite with her friends. Ba Sing Se scenes are completely rewritten, and Z ends up joining the Gaang much earlier. Thrilling beginning, sweet middle, average ending.

 ·        ANOTHER WORD FOR ALCHEMY by FanPanda13 Published: 2014-08-19 | 108K words | 24 Chapters

Five years post-war Aang summons old friends for a summit and invites them on a trip to investigate mysterious locations where he experiences loss of bending. Features Gaang setting Z & K up, travelling on Appa like in the olden days, lots of sparring, royal courting, magnificent navy ships & war ballons. Thrilling story with fun banter between old friends. Slowburn, mature content.

 ·        CONSUME ME WITH FIRE, FLOOD ME WITH DESIRE by Dacamia Published: 2020-08-14 | 86K words | 24 Chapters

Steamy ATLAS2 and ATLA S3 rewrite. Z & K accidentally meetup on their way to Ba Sing Se and decide to travel together. Features aged-up characters, lots of intimate scenes, staying in a beautiful cave, helping villagers, betrayal in Ba Sing Se, reunion, forgiveness, etc. Explicit mature content.

 ·        ROOTS AND WINGS by zukoscomet Published: 2020-08-14 | 250K words | 25 Chapters

A series of short stories of Z & K as they grow closer, confess their love for one another and start a family.

 ·        THOSE WHO FAVOR FIRE by hiwasseelane Published: 2021-05-02 |29K Words | 13 Chapters

An ATLAS3 rewrite. Sweet, teen-appopriate.

Here’s a link to Part II of my personal favs.

Here’s a link to Wholesome Zutara Short Stories.

[oldmanpeace]

My favorite album from each year, 1960+.

1960. Blues & Roots - Charles Mingus 1961. Blue Hawaii - Elvis Presley 1962. Jazz Samba - Stan Getz with Charlie Byrd 1963. The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan - Bob Dylan 1964. The Times They Are A-Changin' - Bob Dylan 1965. Bringing It All Back Home - Bob Dylan 1966. Blonde on Blonde - Bob Dylan. 1967. Are You Experienced - Jimi Hendrix 1968. Beggars Banquet - The Rolling Stones 1969. Let It Bleed - The Rolling Stones 1970. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel 1971. Led Zeppelin IV - Led Zeppelin 1972. Harvest - Neil Young 1973. Pronounced - Lynyrd Skynyrd 1974. Pretzel Logic - Steely Dan 1975. Born To Run - Bruce Springsteen 1976. Turnstiles - Billy Joel 1977. Rumours - Fleetwood Mac 1978. Excitable Boy - Warren Zevon 1979. Rust Never Sleeps - Neil Young 1980. Heartattack And Vine - Tom Waits 1981. Moving Pictures - Rush 1982. The Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden 1983. Kill 'Em All - Metallica 1984. Purple Rain - Prince 1985. Hounds of Love - Kate Bush 1986. Graceland - Paul Simon 1987. Appetite For Destruction - Guns N' Roses 1988. ...And Justice For All - Metallica 1989. Doolittle - Pixies 1990. People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm - A Tribe Called Quest 1991. Nevermind - Nirvana 1992. Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine 1993. Enter The Wu-Tang - Wu-Tang Clan 1994. Weezer (The Blue Album) - Weezer 1995. Jagged Little Pill - Alanis Morissette 1996. Beautiful Freak - Eels 1997. Either/Or - Elliott Smith 1998. Mezzanine - Massive Attack 1999. Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers 2000. Heartbreaker - Ryan Adams 2001. Toxicity - System of a Down 2002. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots - The Flaming Lips 2003. Deja Entendu - Brand New 2004. Hot Fuss - The Killers 2005. Takk... - Sigur Rós 2006. One-X - Three Days Grace 2007. Oracular Spectacular - MGMT 2008. 808s & Heartbreak - Kanye West 2009. Man On The Moon: The End of Day - Kid Cudi 2010. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy - Kanye West 2011. Watch The Throne - Jay-Z 2012. Born To Die - Lana Del Rey 2013. Pure Heroine - Lorde 2014. Ultraviolence - Lana Del Rey 2015. To Pimp A Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar 2016. Puberty 2 - Mitski 2017. Cult Drugs - Blood Command 2018. Goodbye & Good Riddance - Juice WRLD 2019. Norman Fucking Rockwell! - Lana Del Rey 2020. The New Abnormal - The Strokes 2021. The Horses and the Hounds - James McMurtry 2022. It's Almost Dry - Pusha T 2023. World Music Radio - Jon Batiste 2024. The Past Is Still Alive - Hurray For The Riff Raff

[book--brackets]

The Liveship Traders by Robin Hobb (1998-2000)

Wizardwood, a sentient wood. The most precious commodity in the world. Like many other legendary wares, it comes only from the Rain River Wilds.

But how can one trade with the Rain Wilders, when only a liveship fashioned from wizardwood can negotiate the perilous waters of the Rain River? Rare and valuable a liveship will quicken only when three members, from successive generations, have died on board. The liveship Vivacia is about to undergo her quickening as Althea Vestrit’s father is carried on deck in his death-throes. Althea waits for the ship that she loves more than anything else in the world to awaken. Only to discover that the Vivacia has been signed away in her father’s will to her brutal brother-in-law, Kyle Haven...

Others plot to win or steal a liveship. The Paragon, known by many as the Pariah, went mad, turned turtle, and drowned his crew. Now he lies blind, lonely, and broken on a deserted beach. But greedy men have designs to restore him, to sail the waters of the Rain Wild River once more.

Dragon Rider by Cornelia Funke (1997-2021)

With lonely Ben aboard, brave dragon Firedrake seeks mythical place where silver dragons can live in peace. Over moonlit lands and sparkling seas, they meet fantastic creatures, summon up surprising courage - and cross a ruthless villain with an ancient grudge determined to end their quest. Only a secret destiny can save the dragons and bring them the true meaning of home.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow (2020)

In 1893, there's no such thing as witches. There used to be, in the wild, dark days before the burnings began, but now witching is nothing but tidy charms and nursery rhymes. If the modern woman wants any measure of power, she must find it at the ballot box.

But when the Eastwood sisters -- James Juniper, Agnes Amaranth, and Beatrice Belladonna -- join the suffragists of New Salem, they begin to pursue the forgotten words and ways that might turn the women's movement into the witch's movement. Stalked by shadows and sickness, hunted by forces who will not suffer a witch to vote -- and perhaps not even to live -- the sisters will need to delve into the oldest magics, draw new alliances, and heal the bond between them if they want to survive.

There's no such thing as witches. But there will be.

The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon (2013-present)

In 2059, Scion has taken over most of the world's cities, promising safety for all the citizens it deems worthy and wiping out clairvoyants wherever it can find them. 

Paige Mahoney, though, is a clairvoyant--and a criminal just for existing. Paige is determined to fight Scion's power, and as part of the Seven Seals, Paige has found a use for her powers: she scouts for information by breaking into others' minds as they dream. 

But when Paige is captured and arrested, she encounters a power more sinister even than Scion. The voyant prison is a separate city, controlled by a powerful, otherworldly race. These creatures, the Rephaim, value the voyants highly--as soldiers in their army. 

Paige is assigned to a Rephaite keeper, Warden, who will be in charge of her care and training. He is her master. Her natural enemy. But if she wants to regain her freedom, Paige will have to learn something of his mind and his own mysterious motives.

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao (2021-present)

The boys of Huaxia dream of pairing up with girls to pilot Chrysalises, giant transforming robots that can battle the mecha aliens that lurk beyond the Great Wall. It doesn’t matter that the girls often die from the mental strain.

When 18-year-old Zetian offers herself up as a concubine-pilot, it’s to assassinate the ace male pilot responsible for her sister’s death. But she gets her vengeance in a way nobody expected—she kills him through the psychic link between pilots and emerges from the cockpit unscathed. She is labeled an Iron Widow, a much-feared and much-silenced kind of female pilot who can sacrifice boys to power up Chrysalises instead.​

To tame her unnerving yet invaluable mental strength, she is paired up with Li Shimin, the strongest and most controversial male pilot in Huaxia​. But now that Zetian has had a taste of power, she will not cower so easily. She will miss no opportunity to leverage their combined might and infamy to survive attempt after attempt on her life, until she can figure out exactly why the pilot system works in its misogynist way—and stop more girls from being sacrificed.

Kushiel's Legacy by Jacqueline Carey (2001-2003)

The land of Terre d'Ange is a place of unsurpassing beauty and grace. It is said that angels found the land and saw it was good...and the ensuing race that rose from the seed of angels and men live by one simple rule: Love as thou wilt.

Phèdre nó Delaunay is a young woman who was born with a scarlet mote in her left eye. Sold into indentured servitude as a child, her bond is purchased by Anafiel Delaunay, a nobleman with very a special mission...and the first one to recognize who and what she is: one pricked by Kushiel's Dart, chosen to forever experience pain and pleasure as one.

Phèdre is trained equally in the courtly arts and the talents of the bedchamber, but, above all, the ability to observe, remember, and analyze. Almost as talented a spy as she is courtesan, Phèdre stumbles upon a plot that threatens the very foundations of her homeland. Treachery sets her on her path; love and honor goad her further. And in the doing, it will take her to the edge of despair...and beyond. Hateful friend, loving enemy, beloved assassin; they can all wear the same glittering mask in this world, and Phèdre will get but one chance to save all that she holds dear.

Beauty by Robin McKinley (1978)

Beauty has never liked her nickname. She is thin and awkward; it is her two sisters who are the beautiful ones. But what she lacks in appearance, she can perhaps make up for in courage. When her father comes home with a tale of an enchanted castle in the forest and the terrible promise he had to make to the Beast who lives there, Beauty knows she must travel to the castle, a prisoner of her own free will. Her father insists that he will not let her go, but she responds, "Cannot a Beast be tamed?"

The Immortals Quartet by Tamora Pierce (1992-1996)

Thirteen-year-old Daine has always had a special connection with animals, but only when she's forced to leave home does she realize it's more than a knack--it's magic. With this wild magic, not only can Daine speak to animals, but she can also make them obey her. Daine takes a job handling horses for the Queen's Riders, where she meets the master mage Numair and becomes his student. 

Under Numair's guidance, Daine explores the scope of her magic. But she encounters other beings, too, who are not so gentle. These terrifying creatures, called Immortals, have been imprisoned in the Divine Realms for the past four hundred years--but now someone has broken the barrier. And it's up to Daine and her friends to defend their world from an Immortal attack.

The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander (1964-1968)

Taran wanted to be a hero, and looking after a pig wasn't exactly heroic, even though Hen Wen was an oracular pig. But the day that Hen Wen vanished, Taran was led into an enchanting and perilous world. With his band of followers, he confronted the Horned King and his terrible Cauldron-Born. These were the forces of evil, and only Hen Wen knew the secret of keeping the kingdom of Prydain safe from them. But who would find her first?

Seven Realms by Cinda Williams Chima (2009-2012)

Times are hard in the mountain city of Fellsmarch. Reformed thief Han Alister will do almost anything to eke out a living for his family. The only thing of value he has is something he can't sell—the thick silver cuffs he's worn since birth. They're clearly magicked—as he grows, they grow, and he's never been able to get them off.

One day, Han and his clan friend, Dancer, confront three young wizards setting fire to the sacred mountain of Hanalea. Han takes an amulet from Micah Bayar, son of the High Wizard, to keep him from using it against them. Soon Han learns that the amulet has an evil history—it once belonged to the Demon King, the wizard who nearly destroyed the world a millennium ago. With a magical piece that powerful at stake, Han knows that the Bayars will stop at nothing to get it back.

Meanwhile, Raisa ana'Marianna, princess heir of the Fells, has her own battles to fight. She's just returned to court after three years of freedom in the mountains—riding, hunting, and working the famous clan markets. Raisa wants to be more than an ornament in a glittering cage. She aspires to be like Hanalea—the legendary warrior queen who killed the Demon King and saved the world. But her mother has other plans for her...

The Seven Realms tremble when the lives of Hans and Raisa collide, fanning the flames of the smoldering war between clans and wizards.

[gege]

Hiii, how are you? I hope you are doing ok! <3 sending love and hugs. I wanted to ask you... i think i remember something about tgcf having live action adaptation. Was that real or was just a dream i had or something? If it's real do you know if we will have it or what happened to the project? Idk if my mind made that up! sorry and thanks :)

Hiii Anon!

No, it's not some mad collective fever dream we all had, they really did film it (6 months of shooting between July 2021 and January 2022). Native title is 吉星高照 (Ji Xing Gao Zhao) English title is Eternal Faith.

If we ever get to see it is another matter, i probably don't need to say the main reason is because it's a danmei adaptation - it'll have a harder time passing the censors than the average cdrama. Since the popularity of other dangais it seems the censors have become stricter in any case. Job one is always going to be passing the censors.

While checking chinese websites and articles I did find several sources of a rumour that the site security punched a girl who was visiting the set. I can't vouch for the reliability of this but anything that can potentially attract criticism can delay a cdrama release further. Other criticisms include the casting of the male leads, how cheap the set design and costuming look, and a cancelled actress who may have to remain uncredited.

So it will need to satisfy the censors in order to be relased, as well as satisfy the general public and tgcf fans to be worth releasing and I'm not sure if it can do it all. If all goes well and it does ever pass censorship, we won't get a release date in advance. I don't know if you've ever experienced waiting for a cdrama release but you will not get much warning when it airs. It will likey drop with a couple days warning in form of internet rumours, or just completely out of the blue.

HAVING SAID THAT - another rumour is that a full costume bl drama like the untamed will be released internationally in Sept 2024, bypassing a Chinese release. It's just a rumour but it does make this webpage very interesting! But please remember everything above and not get too excited just yet 😂.

I'm gonna share some set photos just because 😍

Zhai Xiaowen as Xie Lian

Zhang Linghe as Hua Cheng/San Lang/Crimson Rain Sought Flower

Chang Huasen as Shi Qingxuan/Wind Master & Tian Xuning as He Xuan/Ming Yi/Earth Master

Vin Zheng as Nan Feng & Li Fancheng as Fu Yao (+ bonus Wind Master)

Liu Lingzi as Xuan Ji

Liu Jinyan as Ling Wen & Wang Yueyi as Female Wind Master

Xiao Kaizhong as Feng Xin/Nan Yang & Cai Yao as Mu Qing/Xuan Zhen

Bian Tianyang as Qi Rong/Prince Xiao Jing/Green Ghost

Lu Yuxiao as Yushi Hung/Rain Master. She played Shangguan Qian in My Journey to You, but as she was fairly unknown at the time of filming jxgz so there are no photos to be found of her as Rain Master 😩.

Anyway, let's all quietly try to will this into existence with physic powers etc.

Thanks for sending me an ask, have a lovely day anon!

(∩^o^)⊃━☆

[ruiniel]

Please ignore the previous ask! Forgot to add the details, sorry about that!

Menstruation kink with Jealous! Possessive!Alucard and a female reader, with a healthy dose of blood drinking if you know what I mean 👀

Welcome and I mentioned on another day that I was feeling emotional, so this turned out a hurt/comfort piece rather... wanted to explore something here. And even with all the Alucard-centered smut written so far, sometimes I find that self-restraint is hotter. 🖤

Scent

Fandom: Castlevania series (2017-2021)

Pairing: Alucard x fem!reader

Rating: M

Count: 2k

Tags & Warnings: Alucard POV, Pining, Anxious possessive Alucard, blood kink, period kink, period pain, cramps, hurt/comfort, fluff, light smut, grinding/non-penetrative stimulation, implied period sex

A single drop splashes the window, followed by another, and another. 

He raises his gaze from the manuscript in his lap, lip curling involuntarily as rain pelts the castle walls. Head falling back against the old cushioned armchair, he stares emptily ahead.

A gray, rainy, cold day rusty November brought. The fireplace has gone out. He has no need for warmth—usually tends it only for you, and you are not here.

Where you should be, the darker thought riles; he forces it down. The tendency to own, to curl around his own, is instinctual, but he refuses to give it power. 

Still, this feels wrong. As much as Adrian tried, he failed to quench the desperation and fearful thoughts taking hold: thoughts of returning to before, when no other steps, no other heart thrummed within these walls. The connection between you still confuses him, yet frantic with the freshness of a new bond. And the delicate nature of its novelty often creates an impression of fragility, as if it needs to be handled with utmost care. He tries.

But, the fact is, you’d been avoiding him for the past few days. Adrian sensed a change, and could not pinpoint why, but you’d been more reclusive, skipped sharing the meals you usually cooked and ate together, and the night prior you had an actual argument. Now that hadn’t happened since the early days of your struggle to know one another. Such a trifle, over a meaningless, petty thing, and still he feels like a lowly cur, wishing he could undo it all.

You’d retreated, and he’s not seen a wisp of you since. He’d beg you on his knees to forgive him if only you would see and speak to him. The more base part of him misses you like a man does sweet water on an open ocean. So many questions, and they all lead to the same wretched fears: what if you realized you actually don’t care for him as you thought? What if you wanted to leave? What if you’d met someone else in the nearby town, someone whose spirit is less scarred, less of a struggle, less… work? 

Adrian snaps the manuscript shut in his lap, leaning forward, sighing into his palms. 

He’s better than this. Grinding his teeth here thinking of the worst probable outcome, when he should… If you truly want your solitude, he will respect that—but he needs to hear it from your own mouth.

Attempting to keep a clear mind when wading through the corridors is a chore, and dejection weighing on his steps the closer he is to the door of your chambers. As he reaches to knock, Adrian takes a deep breath. If only to know for certain. That is all.

One, two, three. 

There’s no reaction from within, though he knows you’re there. He can hear the blood surging through your veins, ordained by your pumping heart. Not asleep, either, as far as he can tell. 

Adrian presses his forehead against the wood, a palm gliding down the carved surface. Such sweet music, luxury to the senses. For moments, he merely listens, then gathers his courage. “It’s me. May we speak?” Time warps achingly slow with the silence. “... please?”

“I’m not well today.” Your voice, beyond the door, slow and drowsy. 

The worry that grips him drowns the relief of an answer. Adrian swallows. “How so? Can I help?”

“No.”

“... can I see you?” He tries, waiting and hoping.

Silence again. He frowns, righting himself, preparing for a reluctant retreat. 

“Come in.”

He need not be told twice, slowly pushing the heavy door open and closing it behind him.

He’s been here before, or rather you’ve been here together. Near a large window is a bed and on it you lie, your back turned to the door. He notices you’re huddled in heavy blankets, and looking to the opposite corner, sees the fireplace here is out as well, ashy and dark. 

He calls your name, which yields no movement from your end. Adrian nears, and whatever words he had die in his throat when he perceives the familiar, sweet scent of blood. Yours. “Are you hurt?” In two leaps he’s rounded the bed, wanting to see your face.

“No.”

You’re staring blankly ahead, and Adrian cannot determine much, but you appear unwell, like someone exhausted after a sleepless night. “Please, tell me, I can… I can sense it,” he kneels by the bed, one hand reaching to feel your temperature—higher than usual, but not concerning. And the scent…

You finally look at him with reddened eyes before closing them and sighing. “Adrian… I’ll be fine. I merely need a few days.”

“A few?...” he finds your hand—cold as ice. 

Unwell, apparently weak, the scent of blood and—

Ah.

“Oh, my poor dear,” he murmurs, understanding, remembering.

You groan softly. Adrian says nothing else but rises and heads over to the fireplace. He sets to light a flame, then feeds it, and repeats until heat and a healthy glow emit from that corner of the room, dancing along the green sheets of your bed. No matter he doesn’t feel the chill—with the way you were wrapped and curled, you most likely do. It also provides him with an engaging activity, diverting his attention from the intoxicating aroma of your moon days, a sensation he never anticipated, let alone found thrilling and… enticing?

Why now? You’d been living here for a while, and this never happened. Was it because you’ve shared yourself with him? He doesn’t know nearly enough about his own kind, apparently. 

Adrian leaves the room, wracking his memory on the way. He returns holding a tray with hot peppermint tea, a jug of water, and a bowl of harvested forest nuts. When he looks over to your bed, he sees you’d discarded the heavy blankets and are now sprawled there in your dark nightgown, your feet bare. It seems the chamber’s warmed now. 

He places the tray on the nightstand by your side as you follow his movements. 

“Adrian, you didn’t have to…”

“Shush,” he smiles, “Now, come, this’ll help,” he kneels by the bed, reaches for the teapot and fills a cup even as you drag yourself into a seated position facing him.

You take the warm drink from his hand, sip of the tea, sigh in relief. 

“Forgive me? For the other night,” he says, watching the face he loves, glad he’s doing something for you.

You reach and stroke his hair and Adrian watches you, eyes heavy lidded as your scent fills him again, emanating through your hand like a spell. His lips part in a soundless sigh. 

“I’m sorry too, I was… not at my best.”

“I understand, I do.” His eyes close as your fingers drift along his temple, his cheek, his jaw. “Do you wish me to leave?” 

“Of course not.” You look away. “I’m just... not very good company at the moment, as you can see.”

At that, he nuzzles into your hand, placing his own on your thighs as he rests with his head in your lap. He feels the caress of your fingers, and a deep yearning. He’s always been drawn to you, but now… “Believe me when I say I don’t care, as long as you’re here.” His heart is quickening, and he tries to control his breathing, palms rubbing your sides. Lust languorously weaves into emotions and devotion; thoughts of grasping those naked thighs while ramming into you intrude with vicious clarity, but he stays there, focusing on his breath, on you.

A whimper. “A-Adrian… your claws…”

His eyes snap open, and with conscious effort he retracts the talons he didn’t notice had grown. Adrian raises his head, slowly rises to his feet as you lie back down on the bed.

“Will you hold me?” you ask.

He could die here and now, gutted by the question and the look you’re giving him. He rounds the bed, removes his boots, and crawls over to your side, bringing you close enough that your back is pressed to his chest, his arm secured around your waist. “Are you in pain?”

“Ugh…” you nod, then take his larger hand and bring it to your lower abdomen. 

Without thinking, he presses into the softness of your flesh, while curling around your body until you’re flush against him.

“That feels good, you’re warm…” 

He runs slow, circular motions around your belly, trying to soothe the cramping ache of your body. “There, there,” a kiss to your ear, “It will pass,” a kiss to your neck. 

His hand glides to your thigh, legs tangling with yours. If only he could melt into you—yes, that’s what it feels like. There’s nothing closer to describe it. And what a selfish fool he’d been, thinking of his own fear and misery, while here you were. More kisses, short, more like soft pecks on the skin of your neck, your shoulder.

Your hand glides over his own as he runs it over your abdomen again, your lower body arching into his.

A soft groan escapes him. His chest is heaving when you turn, offering your mouth—soft lips, tasting of peppermint. He kisses them. Eyes fluttering closed, Adrian sucks on your flesh with quiet abandon, wanting you and wanting you and wanting you.

“Mmh—” you sever the kiss, staring at him with half a smile on your face. Your hips are slotted against his, and you surely feel the hardness of him against your softness. “You… enjoy this?” you ask.

For a moment, he feels shamed: he’d failed to control his own body, let himself be swept by need, and you’re hurting, so this is the last you might want. “I… yes,” he admits. “It does things to me. You, like this… but what about you?”

You stare at him, smile, and kiss him again, to his surprise. “I need you close.”

The warmth of the fire blazes in the room, hot enough that he can bare your shoulder and more, not breaking your gaze as he cups a tender breast in his hand. You partly turn towards him when Adrian leans to take the hard nub between his lips, sucking with relish, hand moving down to tenderly massage warmth into your abdomen, hips grinding slowly against yours through the thin night shift. Your soft moans spur him on, and soon your skin glistens from the heat and the added attention he gives your body.

He imagines it’s your hot cunt he’s feeling when he thrusts against your clothed form, become harder and tenser by the moment, until something gradually coils in him and the steady movement, the sweetness of your taste as he licks into your mouth and the scent, god the scent…

It’s not enough, it’s too much, it’s—he moans hotly into your skin, lips pressed to your shoulder when the flare of pleasure bursts within, swaying his vision; holds on to your hip, hugs you closer as he deliriously cums in his trousers.

“... fuck.”

All he’s able to say. He would eat into you and hide into you and this is not the outcome he expected, but then he’s weak and needy, and doesn’t deserve you. 

But you’re smiling, lips plush from his kisses. “That much, really?”

A nod, his face buried into your neck. “Everything about you is… divine.”

You fall into silence as Adrian kisses your cheek, then reluctantly disentangles himself from you to leave the chamber. He returns after a short while to feed the fireplace before he joins you again, taking you in his arms. The flames crack and layer a golden sheet over you both.

“You know…”

“Yes?” He’s still drunk on you, high on the primordial state of afterglow and the intimacy of your nearness, the visceral need to keep you safe and protected, especially now.

“I’ve heard of another way to help ease some of the discomfort,” you say and sit up in bed, gazing down at him. 

“Oh?” 

In your eyes dwells a spark, and suddenly Adrian feels your want, feels it beating in your womb. Slowly you straddle him as he lies prone on the bed, gathering the nightgown around your bare legs, his hands already on your hips. 

“I have need of you also, Adrian… if you want to!” you add swiftly.

A long, heavy breath escapes him. “God… yes,” Adrian leads you down to him, kisses you deeply, licking at the softness of your tongue. He’s slow to turn until you’re the one on your back with your legs crossed around his hips. He grins, already hard again from the mere thought of it, resting his forehead against yours. “Let’s… help you… feel better.”

[uniquexusposts]

Her || Charles

Main characters: Charles Leclerc x OC Genre: fanfiction, fluff  Story type: novel  Part: 26/? Word count: 4989 Co writer: @mistrose23

Story summary: Matilde Jørgensen, the new Scuderia Ferrari team principal, faced the nerve-wracking challenge of reviving the team's fortunes and aiming for a championship. Leading a historic team as a 'newbie' and separating her work and personal opinions posed a significant challenge. The big question: is she capable to do so?

Previous chapter

Chapter 24. Her Driver, His Boss

“Het is regenachtig, koud en wat ben ik toch trots op jullie dat jullie het zo uithouden in de stromende regen, dames, heren, jongens en meisjes. Maar het is eindelijk tijd om een praatje te maken met Max zijn teambaas Christian. Matilde, de teambaas van Ferrari, is er ook bij! Zoals vele van jullie weten heeft Matilde ook voor Red Bull gewerkt en is zij mede verantwoordelijk voor Max zijn eerste wereldtitel. Hebben we toch nog een oranje interview. Mag ik een ontzettend warm applaus voor Christian Horner en Matilde Jørgensen!” the interviewer announced. (TRANSLATION: It's rainy, cold and I'm so proud of you being here in the pouring rain. But it's finally time to have a chat with Max's team boss Christian. Matilde, Ferrari's team boss, is also here! As many know, Matilde also worked for Red Bull and is partly responsible for Max's first world title. We still have some kind of an orange interview. May I give a very warm round of applause to Christian Horner and Matilde Jørgensen!)

Cheers filled the Dutch race track and two people entered the arena stage and they looked around; they were both standing under umbrellas. Christian waved around and Matilde could only look her eyes out.

"Welcome, both of you," the man said. "Thank you for joining us."

"Absolutely, always," Christian replied and gave the man a nod.

Matilde smiled. "Thank you for having us," she responded.

"It is an honour to have you here. What do you think of the Dutch Grand Prix so far?"

"The atmosphere is incredible. I mean, look around: a sea of orange. The Dutch fans are so passionate and it's so fantastic to see them supporting Formula 1, and their favourite driver: Max. There's just so much enthusiasm even in the rain," Christian answered the question. 

The fans cheered once again. The rain didn't bother them, they weren't made of sugar. 

Matilde couldn't stop smiling, it was so beautiful to see the love of these people. She saw it at Spielberg en Spa already, but this was the next level. "It is just amazing to be here, I can't say anything else," she shared her thoughts. "I've never seen this kind of energy before, wow."

"But you have been at Zandvoort before, right?" Christian then asked.

She nodded. "Yes, in 2021, when there were still COVID regulations. I've seen a part of it, but not like this."

The interviewer laughed. "And how is it for the team to be here? Do you feel the extra pressure to perform?" He looked at Christian.

"I would be lying if I said I didn't feel the extra pressure, but it's good to feel the extra pressure, it gives us energy to get out the most of this weekend," Christian said. "We're aiming for the top spot. Max is on home turf, and being able to be here at a historical track is just phenomenal."

The fans were cheering once again.

"Matilde, how are you doing? You missed three races due to a medical situation. How does it feel to be back?"

Slowly, it stopped raining. Matilde closed the umbrella and nodded at the question. She knew it was a routine questionnaire, since everyone was here for Christian and Max. "I'm fine, thanks," she replied and smiled gratefully. "I had my appendix removed during Silverstone and I am fully recovered. It was hard to watch the races from home, so I'm glad to be back - even though I was at Spa to watch the race. I can't wait for what the second half of the season can bring us." She looked around. 

"And how does it feel to compete against your old team? You've switched from Red Bull to Ferrari between seasons, Zandvoort is one of the home races of Red Bull, Max and Charles are fighting for the top spot. Is this race different for you than others?"

Matilde loved how much this man was framing her into the Dutch side. The Dutch would do this so often and easily. Everything that they would do to get a quote about Max. "I will give them Zandvoort, I will get Monza," she joked and looked at Christian. They were both laughing. "Perhaps. Maybe. We will see how it goes. But, err, it's incredible to see Max and Charles, and Carlos, fight. In the beginning, it was weird to be on Ferrari's side after being at Red Bull's side for a few years, but it's a pleasure to work for Ferrari, to work with brilliant people and get the most out of it. It's a privilege and I hope we have more fights in the future."

The interview continued. Matilde and Christian enjoyed the atmosphere, also because they could joke around for a bit. Luckily, the Dutch fans understood the vibes and went along with them.

When the interview came to an end, Matilde and Christian thanked the interviewer and the crowd. The crowd returned some cheers to them, and the pulsating beat of the music from the boxes filled the air again. Matilde and Christian were still standing on the side of the stage, still talking to the interviewer for a moment. Well, Christian did and Matilde was waiting. Some fans could still see them.

A massive smile appeared on Matilde's face. "Tu, tu, tu, tu, Max Verstappen," she sang along, when the song boomed from the boxes. "Tu, tu, tu, tu, Max Verstappen. Tu, tu, tu, tu, Max Verstappen. Tu, tu, tu, tu, Max Verstappen. Tu, tu, tu, tu, Max Verstappen." She listened to the song carefully. "Let's take it to the max, put your hands up, hands up." Her eyes met Christian's, who almost gave her a side eye. Only for that look, she raised her hands up in the air. "Let's go, let's go." When the beat dropped, Matilde jumped and moved along with the rhythm. It was a spontaneous moment filled with joy, carefree expression of excitement and the passion that racing and the incredible Dutch fans had stirred within her.

Everyone witnessed the unexpected spectacle of the Ferrari team principal dancing with enthusiasm to a song of her rival. The crowd cheered and laughed, but still sang along with the song.

Christian couldn't contain his laughter at the sight. It looked like Matilde had the time of her life. He clapped and then jumped along with Matilde for a second. It was a break from the competition, and Christian appreciated the spirited energy Matilde brought to the scene.

* * *

Max Verstappen private: Are you almost there yet?

Matilde privé: Almost! Just getting out of the metro

When she heard the announcer say they've arrived at 'De Pijp' she stood up and waited for the metro to stop. Along with some F1 fans, who just came back from Zandvoort, she stepped out of the metro and took the escalator upstairs. She checked out with her debit card and walked out of the metro station. Luckily for Matilde, the fans didn't seem to recognize her. While walking towards the bar where she was supposed to meet with Max, she looked around and took in the typical architecture of Amsterdam.

After a short walk, she saw the bar and made her way to the entrance. A man stood next to the door and he eyed her up and down. A slightly uncomfortable feeling washed over her and she tried to shake off the feeling. He had a drink in his hand and a cigarette in his other hand.

"Matilde?" he said.

"Yes?" she answered, slightly unsure. She didn't know how to respond correctly.

"Great, come on in," he told her and he laughed. "I just had to make sure that you aren't a fan."

Matilde smiled as well. This man was probably a bouncer that Max had hired to ensure no fans would disturb his night out after the race. She opened the door and stepped into a hallway and after opening the next door, she was welcomed with the music and the chatter from the people inside. Before she had the time to properly look around, a piercing scream filled her ears.

"MATILDE!"

Many people looked at the entrance, to see Matilde looking like she wished the ground would swallow her up. Charles was one of those people who looked at her, the shout by Max' engineer GP pulled him out of his conversation with Pierre Gasly. He recognised his team principal and turned his head back to Pierre to finish his sentence. However, the image of Matilde in a dress, made him forget all the words and he had to look back at her.

There she stood, smiling widely and pointing at GP. She rolled her eyes, took off her blazer and made her way to him. Charles' eyes kept following her. This was the first time he saw her in a dress. The dress hugged her curves perfectly. The light green colour fitted her skin tone and her light coloured hair - which was now in a loose braid which resulted in an exposed neck. She had never looked like this before.

Pierre looked besides Charles and followed his eye sight to see who took Charles' attention. A smirk grew on Pierre's lips when he saw her. He looked back at Charles; a soft look glazed in his eyes. "Hello," Pierre said and punched Charles' shoulder.

"What the fuck," Charles mumbled and he glanced at Pierre.

"Are you going to finish your story or what?" Pierre grinned.

Charles rolled his eyes and punched Pierre back, he tried to remember the conversation they just had, so that he could continue the conversation.

On the other side of the room, Matilde had finally found Max and they were having a gin and tonic together. The whole place was crowded with drivers, colleagues and other people who were important to Max. Matilde had to raise her voice at Max to make herself heard.

"Where did you find all these people?" Matilde asked with a smile on her face.

"Oh, most of them are paid actors," Max casually said and he took a sip of his cocktail.

Matilde shook her head. "Who is the most expansive?"

"You."

"When can I expect the payment?"

"You receive my love; that's enough," he replied. He wrapped his arm around Matilde's neck, bringing her closer to him, and kissed her cheek.

A laugh rolled over her lips and right at that moment, a photo was made of them. Gemma stepped towards the two friends and showed the picture on her phone.

"This is so cute!" Matilde yelled enthusiastically and looked at Max.

The corners of Max' mouth were about to curl up, but he straightened his face on purpose. "I've seen cuter photos of us before," he said and walked away, welcoming the next guest. While he walked away, he looked over his shoulder and smirked at Matilde and Gemma.

Gemma's jaw dropped and looked in disbelief at Matilde.

Matilde squeezed her eyebrows together and looked at Gemma while bursting into laughter. "What a fucking dickhead," she laughed.

"I..." Gemma looked perplexed. Matilde figured out that Gemma already had a few drinks in. "A huge dickhead, jeez man." She put her phone away and hugged Matilde tightly. "Where is your juichcape?"

"My what?"

"Juichcape? That orange cape with a lion on it? That thing you wore today before the race?"

"Ooo, yeah, Ferrari took it from me, party poopers," Matilde playfully smiled.

Gemma frowned. "That is ridiculous. I hope you will get it back and wear it at Monza."

A laugh rolled over Matilde's lips. "We will see."

As the evening progressed, the atmosphere in the bar grew livelier with each passing moment. Matilde found herself caught up in the whirlwind of conversations, laughter and the occasional clinking of glasses. At the beginning, she stayed with the same group; GP, Gemma and Max, who had a pitstop at the group every now and then. Later on, she bumped into familiar faces from the grid, moved through the crowd, exchanged greetings and engaged in light-hearted conversations. For a moment, she had forgotten that she was a team principal; she was just Matilde.

Matilde walked past the bar and kitchen to the toilets. There was peace - as far as possible. The banter was in the distance. Matilde washed her hands and looked in the mirror, the baby hairs around her skin started the curl up, to her annoyance. A sigh left her mouth and she tried to smoothen the hairs, but she realised it wouldn't do anything to her hair since water would only make it worse and without any product it wouldn't do anything. But whatever, she thought, she didn't have to look at it.

Her eyes shot up in the mirror when someone walked behind her. "Oh, hey," she smiled and turned around.

Charles stopped walking and looked over his shoulder. "Hey," he smiled.

"I didn't know you were here," she mentioned.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Small bar, but so many people."

Matilde chuckled and agreed with him. Charles stepped into the men's bathroom. Matilde turned back to the mirror and took a deep breath: 'I didn't know you were here', an enthusiastic move. Disappointedly, she put on some tinted lip balm and was about to go back when Charles stepped out of the bathroom.

"Max surely knows how to throw a party," Charles said and washed his hands. "Is it a party?" He looked at Matilde.

"It's a party, but I get what you mean," she replied. When someone said a party, she would think of a birthday party, but this was a casual party in a local, modern, typical bar in Amsterdam. "I like this bar, it's so typical Amsterdam." They weren't in an old brown bar, but more the modern version of it. If she remembered it correctly, it used to be a brewery.

He nodded and dried his hands. "It is surely different from Monaco," he agreed. "How do they do it in Denmark?"

"Monaco is fancy, huh?" A playful smile played on her lips. Charles rolled his eyes. "Copenhagen has the same vibes, but I like it more there." They walked back to the bar. "Have you ever been to Denmark?"

They were welcomed by a lot of noise again; people who were talking, laughing and some music.

"Do you have something to drink?" Charles asked, almost raising his voice. He didn't wait for an answer. "What do you want?"

Matilde read the menu above the bar. "I will take a Radler." Charles nodded and went to the bar to order a Radler for Matilde and a glass of white wine for himself. "Thanks," she smiled when Charles handed her the beer with lemonade. They moved through the people towards the back of the space.

"Sante," Charles said.

"Skål," Matilde said and clinked her glass against his.

He took a sip. "But I have never been to Denmark. I've been to Finland, though."

A chuckle left her mouth. "Yeah, but that's not Denmark. It's far from Denmark." She took another sip from her beer. "I've never been to Monaco, but I've been to France," she cheekily said and winked.

"But you have bee- oh, come on, Matilde. Don't be ridiculous."

"Don't call out the wrong counties."

Their conversation flowed effortlessly, punctuated by shared jokes and teasing. Even though they shared their love for racing, they didn't talk about it. They were interested in each other. Being in an unfamiliar, non motorsport area - besides being surrounded by people of the motorsport, gave them the shot to get to know each other on a different level. Unnoticeably, Charles stepped closer to Matilde to hear her more properly. The music became louder, which caused everyone to raise their voice to make themselves understandable. Matilde leaned in to him when she shared her words and to listen to her words. Her arm touched his arm and he sometimes felt an electric shock through their arms. Matilde looked down when she felt her cheeks heating up, because she realised what was happening. She bit her lip and placed a lost piece of hair behind her ear.

"Hello."

Matilde looked up and Kevin was standing in front of her and Charles. The shy look on her face changed to a confused, but surprised look. "Hej."

"I'm gonna steal her from you," Kevin informed Charles while smiling. His eyes shot from Charles to Matilde, who couldn't hide her blushes, Matilde followed Kevin to the bar, where they both ordered sparkling water. "How much did you drink?"

Matilde squinted her eyes and leaned against the bar. "Gin & Tonic and a Radler beer. Why? You? How did you even get here? Since when are you friends with Max?"

"Only a beer," he replied. "And Max invited Nico and Nico took me with him. Anyway, you're going to Denmark next week, right?"

"You know, Kevin, your conversation skills turned into detective skills," she mentioned. A smile curved on her lips. "But yes, after Monza."

"Do you have a free evering that week?" Before he let her say anything, he accepted her feedback by turning his question into a conversation. "Because next month is my birthday and you are busy so I was thinking of going out for dinner with Louise, Lars, Lene and you to celebrate it ahead."

"Yes, that sounds amazing," she said. "Of course, I will be there."

A happy smile came on Kevin's face. "For how long will you be home?"

"The entire week, I'm working from home," she shared. "I have a few meetings in Copenhagen, management wise, and I will give the students of Lars a masterclass about PR."

He nodded impressed. "Ready to leave it all behind for a week?"

"No, but if they fuck it up, they fuck it up," she shrugged. They both laughed. "I'm still working from home, though."

As Matilde and Kevin continued their conversation at the bar, Charles watched them from a distance, a twinge of jealousy tugging at his heart. He knew Kevin had a wife and children, and he knew that he was just friends with Matilde and that she knew his wife as well. But he couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment at the interruption, wishing he could have more time alone with Matilde. Despite his initial jealousy, Charles felt happy for Matilde that she had a good friendship with Kevin. It was always a nice feeling to have someone in the same world that came from the same country. He had always been on her side.

At some point, a Dutch song blasted through the speakers, a song everybody knew: Europapa by Joost Klein. They all shouted some familiar words and when the part came on to hak, some made an attempt on hakken, but there were a few who could pull it off. Matilde was familiar with the scene, a cousin of hers was obsessed with hakken. She pulled off an attempt, and it looked like it. But at least they all had fun. It was like they ended up at a party with songs everybody could easily shout along.

The night was nearing, and many people decided to leave and the bar was about to close in twenty minutes. Just like Matilde and Charles, who happened to stay in the same hotel, so they decided to leave together - well, Charles insisted on leaving together since he didn't feel comfortable with Matilde walking back to the hotel on her own.

Matilde grabbed her blazer from the rack and was about to put it on, but a familiar tune entered her ear. She looked into the crowd, finding Gemma. Gemma looked up from her phone, looking for Matilde. A smile grew on Matilde's face and she looked at Charles, who raised his eyebrows by her glance. "Hold on," she said to Charles and pushed her blazer and purse into his hands. She made her way back into the crowd.

"I am unwritten. Can't read my mind," Gemma sang dramatically, singing along with Natasha Bedingfield's 90s hitsong Unwritten.

A laugh left Matilde's mouth. "I'm undefined. I'm just beginning. The pen's in my hand. Ending unplanned," she sang along.

Gemma's eyes lit up as Matilde joined the duet. The surrounding crowd turned to watch as the two friends lost themselves in the moment, their laughter filling the air as they sang. As they reached the chorus, Gemma threw her arm around Matilde's shoulder and they began to jump.

"Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. No one else, no one else. Can speak the words on your lips. Drench yourself in words unspoken. Live your life. with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten."

For a brief moment, everything else faded away as they revelled in the simple pleasure of music and friendship. It was a happy moment for them, but it even made the others in the bar happy. The two women were enjoying life and the moment. And as the song came to an end, they hugged tightly, their smiles reflecting the pure happiness.

On the side, close to the exit, Charles was watching the two women. He adored Matilde's spontaneity and her happiness. With a smile on his face, he leant against a table and waited for her. During the song, his eyes scanned the people around them; Max was grinning and silently singing along, Kevin was sitting at the bar and was also singing along and many more people enjoyed the song. It was just a happy moment.

With a big smile on her face, Matilde walked back to Charles. "Sorry, I just needed to do that with Gemma," she said.

Charles held the blazer behind Matilde so he could help her with putting the blazer on. "No worries, enjoy the moment."

"Happiest three minutes of the night," she breathed.

They made eye contact with Max and he waved at them. Matilde waved at Kevin as well. Before the song came on, they said goodbye to everyone, so their wave was just a final goodbye for now. They stepped outside, facing the chill but stuffy weather. Charles put his hands in his pockets and got surprised when Matilde hooked her arm in his.

"I wish I had a bike right now," Matilde mentioned when she was looking at one of the twenty bikes in the street. "My feet are killing me."

He looked down at her feet; she was wearing heels, low heels. They looked comfortable to him. "I can book an Uber," he offered.

"Meh, that's not necessary," she replied. "As long as we will not get recognised, we can just walk." She looked around. "It's funny how some countries are bicycle counties and others are not."

"It's so weird to look around and see at least one bike here."

"I believe there are more bikes in The Netherlands than people."

Charles smirked, the random facts Matilde shared was precious. "How is that even possible?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "So... Are there more wheels or doors?"

He let go of her because there was an obstacle on the pavement. However, he hooked his fingers into hers and walked in front of her. "When seeing all these bikes... Wheels. What do you think?"

"Definitely wheels," she answered. "I don't know why, but wheels." When they could walk next to each other, Charles made sure Matilde was walking on the inside of him. Neither one of them let go of the other's hand. "Did you enjoy this evening?"

He nodded. "I did. You?"

"Good. And I did too. I enjoyed how casual it was, no fancy dancy talk, just casual talk," she replied.

"But Max and gin & tonics..."

Matilde stopped walking and did the move: Max was holding his hands in the air and his index fingers were pointed to the top, and then he would move them up and down. Charles did the same and they both started to laugh. "Such a dad move," she laughed.

Charles clapped his hands and couldn't stop laughing at the impression. "That is a classic Max move," he laughed.

"It's just sweet," she commented and smiled. However, it quickly faded away when she felt the irritated sensation around her feet. Those sandal heels looked cute, it was simple, elegant, chic, but a feet killer. They were mid heeled, not even that high, but that didn't matter. "You know what," she said and looked at Charles.

"Hmm, what?" Charles said, waiting for a serious answer since she had a stern look on her face.

"I am gonna take off these heels because I can't do this anymore," she revealed and grabbed Charles' arm for support. She took off her heels.

"Matilde, stop," he advised her sternly. "Don't do that."

"What? It's so fucking painful."

"Don't go barefoot, that's fucking disgusting."

"I would rather have dirty feet than painful feet."

"What about glass? Or... cigarettes. They will end up in your feet and then I have to bring you to the hospital for a treatment," he told her and raised his eyebrows.

Matilde thought about it and nodded. "Uh, no. That will not happen," she convincingly smiled and stepped away from him, resuming her way to the hotel.

"Matilde," Charles warned her and wrapped his hand around her wrist. He pulled her back to him. He would not let her stubbornness get the best of her.

"Charles," Matilde copied his tone and stood in front of him, she was not amused.

Matilde's lips were set in a stubborn line while Charles wore a disapproving expression.

"You don't know what could be on the ground," he said, his grip on her wrist firm but gentle. "Let me call an Uber."

"The hotel is literally there," she replied and pointed at a building a kilometre away. She knew he was right, but calling an Uber for a short ride was not necessary. And many people lived barefoot. So what could happen to her? "I'll be careful."

Charles studied her for a moment, his gaze softening when he recognised the stubborn streak in her eyes. He knew he couldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to, but he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable either.

Their eyes locked in a silent battle of wills, each refusing to back down. They just stood there, somewhere in Amsterdam, grumbling about heels and the pavement. They were centimetres apart from each other. Charles felt a surge of protectiveness wash over him, the feeling became stronger after the incident in Silverstone. Matilde's gaze softened as she scanned his face, she could see the concern etched in his features, the worry lines that creased his forehead and she couldn't help but feel a flutter of warmth in her chest.

Charles closed the remaining distance between them, his hand reaching up to her cheekbone. He stroked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked at her lips briefly. When he looked back into her eyes, he saw a sparkle. He leaned in, his lips brushing against hers in a sweet kiss.

Time stood still as they savoured the sweetness of the moment. Matilde's heart fluttered in her chest as she melted into his touch, the sensation sending shivers down her spine. Her hands tenderly touched his chest. The kiss was soft, yet filled with desire, longing and a sense of belonging.

When they pulled away, Matilde leaned her forehead against his, their breaths mingling in the night air. Her heart was racing. She could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin, sending more shivers down her spine.

"Let me take you to the hotel," Charles whispered, his voice barely audible over the pounding of their hearts. "I don't want you to get hurt."

She lifted her head, meeting his gaze with a soft smile. "How?"

"Here, hold this," he said and handed over the purse he had been holding. "And jump on my back."

"Charles," she giggled and covered her mouth with her hand. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," he smiled and turned around.

Matilde jumped on his back and wrapped one of her arms carefully around his neck. Charles put his hands around her legs and started to walk to the hotel. "You smell nice," she whispered. She wanted to make a comment about how men's cologne would stay on them for days and women's perfume for a second, but knew it was better to keep her mouth shut.

"Thank you," he softly chuckled. As he was walking, he felt a sense of peace wash over him, a feeling of contentment settling in his mind and heart.

As Charles carried Matilde on his back through the streets of Amsterdam, a sense of warmth enveloped them, cocooning them in their own little world. Matilde rested her head against his shoulder, her heart filled with gratitude for his caring gesture. She could feel the steady rhythm of his footsteps beneath her, each step bringing them closer to the hotel.

The hotel staff didn't look up when they entered the hotel. Charles made his way to the lift and Matilde pressed the button, calling the lift. There was silence between them when they stepped into the lift and made their way to the right floor. Charles walked to Matilde's room after she told him which number she had.

Charles gently lowered Matilde to her feet. Their eyes met and in that fleeting moment, a silent understanding passed between them. They shared a smile.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice barely audible in the stillness of the hotel.

Charles smiled, his eyes reflecting the warmth of his heart. "Anytime," he replied softly. "Sleep well," he said, knowing it was the right decision to leave for now.

"Good night, Charles," she smiled satisfied and opened her room door. Before stepping inside, she turned around and quickly pecked his lips. Then, she entered her room and closed the door behind her.

When she walked to the bathroom, a smile was resting on her face. What a man could do... Matilde looked at herself in the mirror, she looked so stupid for smiling this big. What he could do... A soft giggle left her mouth and she shook her head.

What Charles could make her feel like... Wrong.

Matilde straightened her face and stared at herself. What she just did was wrong, very wrong. It shouldn't have happened. It was disgusting. Tears filled her eyes, she was disappointed in herself.

She was his boss.

He was her driver.

"Fuck."

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos@crashingwavesofeuphoria@maryvibess @chocolatefartstrawberry @snzleclerc @ironmaiden1313 @blodwyn4u

[inchidentally]

I saw your post about Lando and his teammates and I agree in pretty much everything. There's also some things I had never noticed before or at least, not as in depth, and as I was reading I remembered some moments I wanted to share with you. I checked videos for accuracy btw.

I kinda felt Daniel and Carlos liked the spotlight in them meanwhile Lando just avoided it, in fact he still does, and this affected his dynamic with Oscar positively. Some examples:

Austria 2020. Lando earns his first F1 podium. When they're in the team celebration Carlos runs to congratulate Lando and accompanies him to meet the team. Then he's the one who hands Lando the champagne and his trophy. At some point he punctuates something Lando says in his speech. Nothing bad-spirited of course, and maybe is just a Carlos way of protecting "socially-awkward" Lando in a big brother kind of way, but it's not Lando's decission to share his spotlight with Carlos, he can't make a choice here. Previously Carlos had shared his Brazil 2019 success with Lando making him a main point of his celebration, so probably it's just a "sharing good moments" mentality from Carlos' side, but again, nobody asked Lando.

Monza 2020. On the other hand Carlos almost wins the race, he ends up second and a bit frustrated, his first proper podium with Mclaren after the Brazil delayed podium. He gets to the garage for the celebration and Lando is waiting patiently on the side. He blends with the other team members until someone brings his neon board to show he finished P4 for the team photo. A podium if a red flag didn't screw him. I wonder how many people remember this fact, because I feel it wasn't mentioned enough back in the day.

2021 season: Daniel loves the spotlight until… his season is very bad and it's better if the spotlight is away from him. Lando has an outstanding season receiving his well-earned dose of attention until Monza happens. Daniel deserves all the attention for getting a victory. Everybody praises Mclaren, it's a 1-2! Fast-forward a week when Daniel and Lando make a Q&A video for the F1 channel and Daniel remembers it was Lando's best result in F1 and Lando uses his sarcastic humour saying "it's a shame you won because everybody forgot, you kinda ruined it." They joke about it. Coincidentally the rest of Lando's season is plagued by bad luck: the late rain in Sochi, the punctures in Brazil, Qatar and Abu Dhabi, and a terribly-timed pit-stop before a red flag in Saudi Arabia. In retrospect that 2nd position was Lando's highest point of the season and it went a bit unnoticed. Comments on how Lando "crumbles under pressure" or how he "disappears in the 2nd half of the season" are everywhere after the last race. Unfair and harsh.

And I see a reflection of all those things Lando went through in his current relationship with Oscar.

When Oscar misses the podium in Silverstone for an unlucky safety-car and finishes P4, Lando from his second step in the podium doesn't miss a chance remembering everyone that Oscar should had been P3. In his team radio, in the post-race interview, in the media pen, in the Mclaren video… He just got his first podium at his home race but he worries about the rookie and how frustrated he must feel, because well, he's been in that exact position before and nobody openly cared about it.

When they get a double podium in Japan it's Oscar's first podium in F1 and Lando does everything he can to make sure everybody knows about it. He showers him in champagne in the podium, kinda forgetting his own success. It's not a "double podium" more, it's "Oscar's first podium", thank you very much.

Then it's Qatar and Oscar wins the Sprint. Lando works hard for his P3 but he mentions Oscar's victory at any given chance. Even one day later when Lando does a brilliant run from P10 to P3 (and who knows if it could have been a P2 if Mclaren had allowed him to race Oscar) and as frustrated as he was with his whole weekend and the missed chances, he doesn't celebrates with Oscar, he celebrates Oscar.

Oscar gets unlucky in the second half of the season: accidents that aren't his fault, mechanical problems… Some people use his final positions to attack him saying that his rookie season isn't that impressive. Especially after the American races.

It's the end of the season and Lando often remembers all of Oscar's milestones even before Oscar can open his mouth, because Lando knows Oscar will avoid the spotlight. Lando knows how it feels like when you're treated with condescension for being the younger one but he can't do that, he sees Oscar as an equal. Someone who has worked as hard as him to get to the top, someone who deserves his success as much as himself, someone who maybe doesn't care at all about spotlights and attention and can't understand why his older teammate insists so much in reminding everyone about his achievements when they are good, but objectively they could be better.

Because Lando treats Oscar like he would have liked to be treated.

And judging Oscar's behaviour around Lando, he's aware of how much Lando is taking care of him with those little details.

I'm gonna actually fucking cry, anon you are the brain I wish I had <3

like, I'm gonna link to the post I made that this is in reference to but genuinely your ask is everything that needs to be said. those subtle details were all kind of hazy in my brain but I knew the overall impression - you not only nailed all of them you led it to SUCH a perfect conclusion.

because Lando's been the satellite, the baby, the little brother, the phenom without a win, the one left behind, the former teammate watching his friends form similar (or stronger) bonds with new teammates.

and in all of Oscar's rookie season not once have I given Lando the credit he deserves for being as you say, everything for Oscar he wished he could have had in those first few years of his F1 career.

and goddd, the way Lando alternately loved and hated that Carlos and Daniel were these big brash alpha types. loved it for the protection it afforded but sometimes hated it bc sometimes he was so small to them that he became a something they loved rather than a someone. and this also goes in hand with my feelings about the larry-level car|ando fans forgetting that Lando is a real whole person who doesn't just fit and go along with everything about Carlos like a self-insert for fans.

goddd, y'all please clock this expert piece of landoscar lore in this ask <3

[kickbutts-singsongs]

I know no one asked, but I have exactly zero (0) people to talk about bkdk with irl so here you guys go

My BKDK Journey

Yes, this sounds stupid, but my god it’s been almost three years of an absolute rollercoaster of feelings and denials and tears and revelations…

and if you don’t mind, I’m gonna rant about it.

(not spoiler free)

_____

May 2021

To start off, i wasn’t always a bkdk shipper.

I shipped izu*cha at first (not saying it’s a bad ship btw; it’s actually quite cute. im just afraid people’ll be mad if I accidentally invade their tag lol), primarily because I assumed that would be the ship that became canon.

But also, my veryyyyy leasttttt favorite character… was Bakugou Katsuki.

When I tell you that I would’ve loved nothing more than to somehow spawn into the bnha universe and punch that brat in the face— AGHHHHHHHHHH

Now this wasn’t all his fault: A) I watched the dub first lol, and B) he reminded me of someone that i was not in a place to stand up to at the time, and his constant anger, yelling, and harsh treatment of Izuku—who i began to relate to—made me hateeee him.

There was a time when I literally said “if he died, I wouldn’t miss him.” <- this was later proven false lol

So, I was watching the anime dub with an absolute animosity for our resident deuteragonist, but on top of that…

I was watching it with a friend with a crunchyroll account who lived in another state that I was visiting and staying with for two weeks, so by the time i had to go back home, we’d only gotten up to the part where All Might was getting Inko’s permission to let Izuku stay at the UA dorms.

Anddddddd in my drive to consume more bnha once I got home, i somehow stumbled across an Instagram account that posted bnha sub episodes divided into parts,

but they only had season four and onwards.

Sooooo I never saw the second half of season three… more importantly,

I NEVER SAW DEKU VS KACCHAN 2!!!!!

(I will say that I had seen a couple photos/edits/etc, but I never knew what had been said, or why they fought)

_____

June 2021

At this point in time, I’d been exposed to a lot of the fandom. My fyp on both IG and Pinterest were filled to the brim with all things bnha (because this is what happens when one has a hyperfixation), so I saw a lot of stuff.

Especially fanart.

This is where I started learning about the different ships.

I saw a lot of the side character ships and thought they were adorable (kamijirou, todomomo, even kiribaku), but then I saw some with Izuku.

Izu*cha was a given for me. I didn’t think there was a single person that didn’t ship it. But then I started seeing fanart of ships like tododeku, shindeku, and bakudeku.

And my first reaction to finding out that people shipped my beautiful baby sunshine boi with the person who bullied him for years?????

HELLLLLLLLLLL NO

So with my (unknowingly) limited knowledge of their relationship, i was very much an anti (i never spoke out or anything, i just reallyyyy didn’t like the ship lol)

(And then, you know, I started to see all the bkdk hate online and kinda went “okay not touching that”)

But that began to change…

_____

August 2021

…after I saw a manga leak for the first time.

I was scrolling thru my feed and all of a sudden. BOOM!

I was like 😧

IS THAT IZUKU?????

And i looked in the comments and yes it was.

I checked out the page and found that they had an entire account of manga leaks and was so happy.

I quickly began to read from the very bottom of that account, and it started from right about where Izuku first began his vigilante arc (i had no idea how much was in between then and where I left off on the anime, but I was willing to read it lol)

And so I waited diligently for the leaks every week (a practice I have continued to uphold lol), until one day, i came across an untranslated series of panels from the latest chapter. I looked at it and it was of Katsuki and Izuku, facing each other in the rain (you know the one). I knew the leaks would be coming a day later, but I wanted to look through them anyways, so I did.

I didn’t understand a word they said, but the pictures and imagery of them as kids then middle schoolers then where they were now seemed so touching…

And then I came across a pair of kanji that I recognized.

I was like “wait WHAT???”

I zoomed in and went “that— isn’t that—? That’s part of Midoriya’s name, right???”

And then I was like “wait a second… omg that’s Izuku, isn’t it. That’s the freaking kanji for Izuku.”

And it was!!!!!

So inside I’m having a mini freakout cuz—

Bakugou just called him IZUKU

Fast forward to the next day, and I looked at the translated version, and found out that not only did he call him Izuku,

He

Freaking

APOLOGIZED

And I was like “huhhhhhhh”

What happened between now and the most recent anime episodes for this to occur???? For Bakugou to do a complete 180 and apologize????????

Well, I finally got my answers…

_____

November 2021

…when I started reading the manga.

I started from the beginning, cuz I wanted to see Horikoshi’s art style and the extra drawings and all the other stuff…

And when I tell you that Katsuki became a whole new character to me—

First, I read everything about early-on Bakugou— without hearing him yell in his dub voice—and realized “oh wow he really is just a kid with issues and a worldview that he’s now having to change.”

Then, I finally read what happened in that space between moving into the dorms and the beginning of season four (most importantly, DvK2).

Cried.

Then, oh then, I got up to where season five ended and the rest of the manga began.

. . .

Funny thing: back when I read the leaks to ch322, I remember thinking to myself, “huh. what did Bakugou mean by Shigaraki making swiss cheese outta him?”

😦

THE WAY I GASPED

AND THEN CRIED

OH MY FREAKING GOD

That was the moment where i truly ceased to hate Katsuki cuz holy character development batman

Then, of course, we see them in recovery

And then the vigilante arc and apology scene *sobs*

And then I was caught up.

(Btw I finished the entire manga up ‘til ch334 in just over a week. I read for nine days straight. During the school year. My emotions were all over the place goodness gracious I could barely concentrate.)

So that’s how I went from being a Bakugou hater to going “you know what he’s a complex character and he’s slowly becoming a better person” and realizing that he was now one of my fav characters and therefore cursed to die but I’ll talk about that later

Was I now a bakudeku shipper?

Hah nope.

_____

December 2021

I began my dive into the true essence of any fandom: fanfiction.

Over the course of winter break, I had started off with fics that had no romantic pairing (I just wanted to see my boi Izuku), but then somehow stumbled across Mastermind: Strategist for Hire and then read the entirety of the For Want of a Nail series (shoutout to Clouds btw ❤️) cuz I was like “ok whew no bkdk fics” which was my mindset at the time.

But somehow (I can’t even remember how I found it) I came across a bkdk fic. It was called For Want of Izuku’s Toe Joint by Talavin (okay now that I think about it there’s probably a simple explanation lol).

I don’t quite know what compelled me to start reading it, but I did.

And I really liked it.

But not in the “I’ve been converted” kinda way.

It was like an “I shouldn’t be enjoying this why am I enjoying this?” kinda feeling. Like my head says no but my heart says yeah.

A really really really really guilty pleasure.

So, from that day on, whenever I came across any form of bkdk media, I would simultaneously feel discomfort and yet an odd sense of satisfaction.

A snippet of my daily life:

Me: *comes across bkdk fanart on pinterest*

Me: eww

Also me: *stares at it for like five minutes straight*

Me: who even likes this?

Also me: *saves pin to my mha board*

Me: not my ship

Also me: *scrolls down to more like this*

Bless my heart I was in such denial.

_____

July 2022

Bit of a timeskip, but nothing of note really happened in those last six months so here we go.

We’ve gotten to the point in the manga where the final arc is underway and Bakugou is about to KICK SOME BUTT

He’s revealed his Panser Strafe support item and I’m gushing about it to my friend (she kinda fell out of the fandom but still tolerated my rants bless her)

Oh, side note: it was then that I also expressed my concern for Bakugou’s “alive” status

Evidence:

For reference, some of my favorite characters are:

Beth March (Little Women)

John Reese (Person of Interest)

Joss Carter (Person of Interest)

Leonard Snart (Arrowverse)

Logan Echolls (Veronica Mars)

Fantine (Les Mis)

Eponine (Les Mis)

Jean Valjean (Les Mis)

Simon (Lord of the Flies)

Piggy (Lord of the Flies)

Grace Stone (Manifest)

Bubaigawara Jin — Twice (BNHA)

Wanna guess which of these guys died?

Trick question! It’s all of them (:

Yeah so anyways those following chapters really made me excited and nervous cuz YEAH KICK HIS ASS BAKUGOU but also IZUKUUUUU WE NEED YOU

hah hah.

_____

August 2022

Utterly gobsmacked. Cried. Disbelief. Horrified. Confusion. Anger. Went through the five stages of grief and then some.

Sometimes I hate being right 🥲

But the good thing that came from this was that my positive view of Katsuki only grew after seeing his utter faith in Izuku (and his thoughts being on him in his final moments???? 🥺🥺🥺)

And it was at this point in time where I could admit to myself “you know what? i see it. i see the appeal. i wouldn’t mind this actually becoming canon.”

Did I think that it would actually become canon?? No.

_____

September 2022

I don’t know how I thought Izuku was gonna react to seeing Katsuki’s body on the ground, but GOOD LORD IT WASNT THAT

Even sweet little blind me realized “oh wow he like really feels intense stuff for Katsuki huh”

(But some things I missed—cuz I was still a bit wired for izu*cha—were shigarakis implications “yeah u looooove the present I got u” and the freaking HEART that blackwhip caused??? when Izuku reeled himself back in???? like how did i miss that i read that chapter like fifteen times??)

So this is all to say that I’ve missed any and all actual bkdk hints up until this point. I finally lifted my head out of the izu*cha fog when…

_____

July 2023

…Ochako and Toga had their chat about romance.

The first actual hint was when Ochako had told Toga “I’ll give you my blood for the rest of my life.”

Little blind me became a bit less blind that day, cuz I was like “um. ochako? that— that sounded kinda like a proposal. like. a marriage proposal. ochako??”

And then those chapters just kept getting better!!

Bebe Ochako’s determination???

The Spirited Away moment?????

“I’m envious of your smile”????????

“YOU REALLY THINK IM CUTE?” “THE CUTEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD” LIKE 😭😭😭😭😭

For the first time, I was looking at the manga without the assumption that izu*cha would be endgame. And it only got better after I…

_____

August 2023

…got Tumblr!!!

Everything was downhill from here folks.

In the best possible way.

I came across some analyses of what was going on with togachako, and consequently led me to some bakudeku analyses. I read them and my goodness they made so much sense.

Like not even just personality-wise!! Those metas brought in actual things Horikoshi said about wanting to go outside the norms of shounen (and about not liking the Naruto ending 💀), and compared bkdk to tropes in different works of fiction, and even discussed how bkdk made sense narratively. They properly convinced me of the ship.

And then for good measure, I reread the manga in its entirety thru a bkdk filter, and lo and behold things took on new meanings and my eyes were opened.

I totally and irrevocably shipped them! And I actually thought they had a chance at being canon!!

(And then I binged so much bkdk fanfiction omg you wouldn’t BELIEVE like I read the ones with the highest kudos first and then just picked the biggest collections I could find and read down the line

It was like being on drugs like each fic gave me more dopamine than the last I was so happy oh my god)

_____

October 2023

And then finally, the day came.

The answer to “is bakugou alive yet?” became a yes.

We screamed. We cried. We jumped for joy. We told bakugou antis to suck it. But most of all, our bkdk hearts soared to see our boys make eye contact with each other for the first time in over a year 🥹

And from that moment on, I truly began to believe that bkdk would indeed become canon.

_____

And so, this concludes my 42672288 page rant about how I came to be a bkdk shipper.

Thank you for reading, and before I go, I want to ask:

How did you guys get into bkdk?

Did you convert over from izu*cha? Or perhaps tododeku? Or maybe kiribaku? Or are you one of the few who have shipped them since the beginning??

In any case, I’m happy you’re here. And while it may have taken me a couple years, I’m happy that I’m here too :)

(and thank you @animelover32456)