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rav3nmuse · 2 years ago

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Music Suggestion While Reading

𝐃𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐈𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞𝐬

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟱 - 𝗦𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁

Discord 18+ - Twitter - Kofi - Taglist - Masterlist

Pairing: Suguru Geto x Black Coded Female Reader

Summary: Suguru reacts to the unexpected news (Suguru POV).

Genre: Pregnancy AU

Story Warning: Smut, Vaginal Sex, Angst, Fluff Sometimes, Profanity, Friends with Benefits, Mental Health Discussions, Therapy, Mental Health Struggles (Suguru), Jealousy, Jealous Behavior, Overprotective, Possessive, Accidental Pregnancy, Unprotected Sex, Pregnancy Sex, Breeding Kink, Creampie, Possessive Sex, Possessive Behavior, Reader is black female reader who uses she/her pronouns but anyone can read!

Click here to read on Ao3!

Suguru Art by: Ilameys

Present Day

This is awkward. Suguru can’t lie. The air is tense even as Suguru holds your hand while Shoko pulls the ultrasound machine towards the bed. He feels your hand squeeze his so gently. He would’ve missed it if he wasn’t already so focused on every movement you made. Suguru is beyond grateful you let him stay in the room after weeks of ignoring and avoiding you. He knows you’ll have plenty to discuss after this, but for now, he just wants to focus on this appointment. He has questions, but it may be best to hold off until you’ve talked.

Who would’ve thought? Suguru Geto…a father. He definitely hadn’t. Sure, he’d raised Mimiko and Nanako after he’d found them. As far as he was concerned, they were his children. They’d even returned to him, and were enrolled in classes with the other students. And they were doing well.

But fathering a child of his own? Suguru had never been interested, even if he was convinced he was a part of the superior species. The world would have been blessed to have his offspring walk the earth, but to have his child dwell amongst the monkeys he hated so much? Unthinkable.

At least, until you'd told him the news.

Three Weeks Ago…

It’s been four days since Suguru found out you’re pregnant with his child. And he’s not taking it well. He can’t remember the last time he’s left his apartment at this point. There’s not much in this world Suguru fears, but at this current moment in time, he fears running into you the most. He realizes how ironic this situation is. Just a week ago you were the one avoiding him and now the tables have turned.

Suguru knows he should reply to at least one of your many messages. They’re not all about the baby. Some are just checking on him to be sure he’s alive, to make sure he hasn’t lost his mind again. But he can’t bear to speak to you right now, let alone see your face.

He thinks back to your argument just a few days prior. His mind won’t let him forget how small you looked wrapped in his blankets. The look on your face as you watched the realization that he would be a father dawn on him. The sadness in your eyes when he’d asked you to leave his apartment.

It hurt Suguru to push you away like that. You’re his friend above all else. He should have set his feelings aside and talked to you about this.

His mind also won’t let him forget how you avoided him for months on end, sparing every free second you had clinging to Nanami and Shoko. How you ducked around corners to dodge any encounters with him. How you looked him in the eye many times and kept this secret from him. How long would you have gone without telling him? What were you going to do once the baby was born?

The earlier pain Suguru felt from pushing you away is soon replaced by intense fury. You’re his friend above all else. How could you keep something this big from him?

Suguru sits on his couch, head in his hands as he tries to calm himself down. His rage is taking over, the thrumming of his blood in his ears is all he can hear as Suguru thinks about the current situation. And he has to stay calm because letting his emotions get the best of him wouldn’t work out well for anyone here.

Suguru would never hurt you. No, absolutely not. Even if you weren’t pregnant with his child, he’d never dream of harming you. He’d never hurt anyone on the campus either. But it’s a very short walk to the school’s entry gates and he’d assume an even shorter distance between him and the next monkey he catches on the street.

And right now, he can’t promise he won't hurt them even though he really, really wants to.

No.

No, he can’t hurt them either. No matter how badly he wants to take his frustrations and anger out on them, he knows what that means for him. The old Suguru wouldn’t have cared. The old Suguru would have slaughtered them without hesitation. Things are different now. Another instance of murder means immediate execution for the rehabilitating sorcerer and now he has something to live for…aside from you.

Suguru pushes the temptation to the back of his mind, though the desire still lingers heavily. He cards his long fingers through his hair, inhales deeply, runs his fingers through again before he stands quickly. The room suddenly feels suffocating. He needs to get out.

----------

It’s a dreary day today. It matches Suguru’s mood. He watches the gray clouds slowly drift across the equally gray sky, the distant sound of thunder indicating rain is soon to come. Suguru doesn’t know where he’s going, but anywhere was better than another day of sitting with his thoughts. It’s what his therapist would have recommended anyway. Instead of sitting with the thoughts, change your scenery. Although at the moment, the scenery is only making Suguru’s mood a little more sour.

A deep sigh rushes past Suguru’s lips as he rounds the corner towards one of the many courtyards on campus. There’s a light drizzle now. The soft mist feels refreshing against Suguru’s skin, a soothing comfort despite all of his inner turmoil. As he moves along the path, his eyes land on the back of a familiar head of white sitting on a bench along the courtyard’s trail. The man just ahead of him is staring off into the distance and Suguru wonders briefly if Satoru struggles with his old ways the same way Suguru does. If he does, he doesn’t let it show. Suguru admires him for that.

He hesitates for a moment, unsure if this is a good idea. Suguru has tried many times to try and build a relationship back up with Satoru. It’s always Satoru who keeps the door closed. Not that Suguru can be upset about it. It’s his fault, after all. This was the downside to returning to sorcery after committing absolutely heinous crimes. Friends were scarce and Suguru didn’t always want to talk to his therapist. It was times like these where he truly missed his friendship with Satoru. He doesn’t blame Satoru for not wanting to pick up where they’d left off. He’d burned that bridge long ago and now had to deal with the repercussions of his own actions. Even so, Suguru crosses the gap and makes his way toward the bench where the strongest sorcerer lounges.

The first step in Satoru’s direction triggers an immediate response from his former friend, his cursed energy flaring dangerously though Satoru hasn’t so much as spared Suguru a single glance. Suguru takes a seat on the beach next to Satoru, leaving a large space between them. Not by choice. Satoru has his infinity up, literally keeping Suguru at a distance.

It’s quiet for quite some time. Suguru stares ahead along with Satoru, eyes seeing nothing but trees and empty shrines and temples that haven’t been entered in who knows how long. He sees nothing of interest, feels almost envious of Satoru who he’s sure sees everything of interest as his Six Eyes drink in the view.

He knows Satoru is perfectly okay with letting Suguru sit in the awkward silence until he’s ready to leave, and doesn't expect him to initiate conversation unless it’s to do with him going to therapy. Satoru likes to watch Suguru squirm these days, not that Suguru doesn’t deserve it. But even if Satoru says nothing, Suguru has to get this off of his chest. So he begins…

“I found out some interesting news the other day,” he says, waiting to see if Satoru shows any interest. He doesn’t, but it doesn’t deter Suguru. “It’s pretty big and I’m not sure I’m handling it very well.”

Satoru sits in silence, but that’s how he usually is towards Suguru now. They don’t have casual conversation or idle chit chat anymore. Satoru shows up, makes sure Suguru goes to his scheduled therapy sessions and then he leaves. Rinse and repeat.

“I think I’m spiraling, Satoru,” Suguru continues. “This situation will impact everything for me. And the worst part is, several people knew about this before I did. Me, who it would impact the most.” He groans, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and run his fingers through his tresses. “I feel selfish saying that because I’m not the only one who this will affect…but I feel like I’m walking a very thin line here. And I’m tempted to do something that I know I may regret.”

This makes Satoru lean forward, his posture mimicking his ex-friend’s. He lets Suguru continue with his vague explanation of what’s going on. Lets Suguru vent about how this news will change everything for him. How it’s so frustrating that he’s just barely finding out about this. How he feels like he’s the last one to know, even though he’s certain he isn’t. How betrayed he feels by someone he felt was a true friend to him.

“I just feel so…so angry. I know I’m fucked up. Everyone knows that. And I get they were trying to protect themself and in a way, protect me. I do understand that. But how was it fair to not give me a say in whether I knew or not? To not give me a choice in the matter. I feel so angry that I could literally kill someone. And,” Suguru chuckles dryly, running a hand over his face. “I’m trying really fucking hard not to do that.”

Satoru doesn’t flinch at this. He doesn’t try to get more information out of Suguru. Doesn’t try to console Suguru or make him feel even a little better. He just listens. At least, Suguru thinks he’s listening. Even if he wasn’t, it was exactly what Suguru needed. Just a few minutes to talk to someone who wasn’t psychoanalyzing him within the cold, ugly four walls of an office.

When Suguru is done ranting, he leans back against the bench, golden eyes drifting up to watch the darkening gray clouds, fat with rain, drifting past. It’s quiet again, save for the soft buzz of Satoru’s infinity sitting between them. A reminder that there’s no friendship between them any longer. Just a wall that will always keep Suguru at a distance.

With a sigh, Satoru stands, slips his hands in his pockets and says, “let’s go see the good doctor.” He doesn’t wait for a response from Suguru, still doesn’t glance his way. He simply begins the journey towards the therapy offices. Of course that’s his answer. Suguru isn’t sure what he expected. He shouldn’t have hoped for anything more, but old habits die hard. It just felt like he wanted to talk to Satoru about this before anyone else.

The two of them walk silently together to the therapist's office. It’s a little different than their normal trek, Satoru usually walking to the therapist’s office ahead of Suguru. Impatient. Annoyed. Can’t wait to put the distance of an entire campus between them. Now, as they make their way together, Satoru walks beside him. It’s such a small difference, but Suguru notices. He doesn’t say anything. It’s the most comfort Satoru is willing to give Suguru and he understands. He feels lucky Satoru even sat and listened to him when he’s made his disdain for him crystal clear since his return.

----------

The visit to his therapist helps alleviate quite a bit of turmoil for Suguru. He’s as honest as he’s willing to be with his therapist and it does help him feel better to an extent. He doesn’t want to truly confide in them until he’s spoken with you about what everything means for you two. But before he can work up the courage to talk to you, he wants to talk to the first person who knew about your pregnancy - Shoko.

That’s how he wound up standing behind Shoko as she sits in her office, her slender fingers racing across the keyboard as she documents a visit from one of the students. She’s as nonchalant as ever, hardly showing any remorse for her part in keeping your secret.

“It’s doctor/patient confidentiality, Suguru. I’m sure you understand,” she murmurs just loud enough to hear over the clacking of her keyboard.

“No, I don’t understand.”

Shoko pauses her typing, peering over her shoulder to assess Suguru. She rolls her eyes before going back to her task. “Well, let me make it easier for you then. Would you like for me or anyone else to know all of your private feelings and thoughts you confide to your therapist about?”

Suguru is silent. He hadn’t even thought about it that way. Of course he wouldn’t want that. But, that’s different. Those are just his thoughts and feelings. This is an actual event about to change the trajectory of his entire life.

“Doesn’t matter that this is a life changing event for you,” Shoko says as though she had read his thoughts. “You are not my patient. At least, not for this particular matter. I have to protect the mother’s wishes in this situation. It’s what she wanted and I can’t argue with that, Suguru.”

He knows she’s right and it’s so fucking annoying. He wants to be upset, wants to feel like he’s right to be upset with anyone who knew about the pregnancy. But, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on here. He’s not the pregnant one, you are. Suguru doesn’t have any real reason to be upset with Shoko. And truth be told, after spilling his guts to Satoru and visiting his therapist and scheduling several follow up appointments, he’s not even that angry with you anymore.

“You’re an idiot if you’re really mad at me about it,” Shoko adds, again as though she read his mind. “You need to talk to the mother of your child, stupid.”

The familiar way Shoko speaks to him, like she doesn’t hold any contempt for him because of his past, makes the corners of Suguru’s lips curl with a small smile. It’s nice to feel like some things are still normal from time to time.

“And how would I even do that?” He asks, folding his arms over his chest, eyes boring into the back of Shoko’s head as she continues typing. He really wants to know because last he saw you, he’d kicked you out of his apartment then ignored every single form of communication from you after. He doubts you’d be as open to speaking to him as Shoko is making it seem.

Shoko’s shoulders rise with a shrug. “I have no idea, Suguru. You’re an adult though, so maybe try calling or texting her.” Her hand finds her mouse, clicking around on the screen to save her work. She pulls up her email, then her calendar. “I can tell you this, though. She’s ready to do the work to get through this pregnancy and have this baby whether you’re around or not. So now that you know, if you choose to be involved, make sure you’re ready to do the work.”

Once again, Suguru knows she’s right. While he was busy moping about the secret you’d kept from him, he should’ve been thinking about what this truly meant for you and him. Suguru can’t just come talk to you without really knowing what he wants, how involved he wants to be. Does he want to raise this baby with you? As friends? Try to raise it together as a couple? Does he want to step back and let you go with your original plan? Do it all on your own? Or maybe he can simply financially support the baby without being a part of your lives? These are all things he hadn’t thought of. How deeply involved did he want to be?

Suguru has a lot of thinking to do before he can talk to you. Without another word, he crosses the threshold of Shoko’s office and opens the door. But before he leaves, he hears Shoko call out to him. “Suguru.”

He pauses in the doorway as Shoko tells him exactly what he needed to hear.

“Take your time. Do the work you need to do for yourself. And if you want to come back here in three weeks and a day from now around…” she turns to her computer again, running a thin finger down the screen before tapping a particular spot. “Around 11am, maybe you’ll get lucky with mending things.”

Suguru nods, closing the door behind him.

Present Day

Suguru’s watches intensely as Shoko pulls your gown up over your torso. And he knows you’re not that far along, but he swears he can see the small swell of your belly beginning to show. He feels his heartbeat pick up. Is there really a baby in there? His baby in there? The thought makes him a little lightheaded. It’s only when Shoko holds a white bottle over your stomach that Suguru pulls his gaze away from your belly. She squeezes, a clear blue jelly spreading across your skin. She turns to put the bottle away, grabbing a small white wand and brings the curved probe down to your belly and presses gently, turning her head towards the monitor next to the bed.

Suguru follows the motion, eyes glued to the screen. He can’t even tell what he’s looking at if he’s being honest. It’s just fuzzy and black and –

“There they are,” Shoko gasps softly. She points a finger to a spot on the screen. “Right here.”

And Suguru sees it. A tiny round head with a face that can’t be made out yet floating around on the screen. He wonders which one of you they’ll look more like, you or him. Or will they be an even blend? Doesn’t matter. He knows they’ll be beautiful regardless. You’re their mother, after all.

“Looks like there’s just one,” Shoko says as she glides the probe across your skin to find another angle.

He sees itty bitty arms stretching out with even itty bittier hands at the end. And Suguru imagines what it will be like the day he’s able to see those tiny fingers wrap around his own. What it will be like to hold that little hand as he guides them along, holds them as they learn to take their first steps.

Shoko presses a button on the monitor and a soft whirring noise fills the room. “Sorry, just trying to see if I can get…”

Suguru sees little legs wiggling as this small…bean…tries to wriggle away from the probe to the other side of your womb.

“Running away,” Shoko chuckles, shooting Suguru a humorous look. “Just like their dad.”

And even Suguru can’t stop the snort that escapes him. He peers down at you, so quiet on the bed with wide eyes locked on the screen. You haven’t let go of his hand since you spoke earlier and he squeezes yours, gently pulling you back to him. Your eyes meet his and it’s only then that Suguru notices the tears threatening to spill at the corner of your eyes. He gives you a soft smile, reaching forward with his other hand to cup your cheek. His thumb caresses your skin gently and you smile back at him.

“Got it. Here it is. Baby’s heartbeat looks strong,” Shoko says, turning a dial on the machine. The rapid thumping sound emitting from the ultrasound machine makes you gasp quietly, your hand squeezing Suguru’s tight.

“That’s the baby’s heart?” You whisper, voice shaky. Like you’re trying to hold back a sob.

Shoko nods, a small smile gracing her features. “Yes, and everything looks and sounds perfect so far.”

You sniffle, watching the screen where the growing mixture of you and him floats around.

“They’re so tiny,” you murmur, your tear-filled gaze finding Suguru again. He can’t help the grin he’s wearing as he watches all of the emotions swimming behind your eyes.

“They are,” Suguru whispers back. His eyes find the teeny tiny spot on the screen again, wiggling and turning, and Suguru squeezes your hand once more. “So tiny. Our baby.”

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