#WHY AM I PROUD OF MY FOR THIS HEHEHEE

[juststayquiete]

SHE MY BEST FRIEND 🎶

YEAH WE NOT A COUPLE 🎶

SHE A ROCKSTAR 🎶

SHE A SEX SYMBOL 🎶

[frostbite-the-bat]

doodled some feelings on a bleed thru sketchbook page (text in alt text)

Congrats to Kalvin Garrah to successfully traumatizing a whole generation of both nonbinary and transmasculine people (is both) cringe culture sucks fuck transmeds

Anyways ramble below

I had a few other times I got misgendered as "he" through my sona art, because they were more masculine and ambiguous on purpose before I accepted I'm trans

I use the word accept because I fought it for a long time, and I was scared of suddenly changing my pronouns and stuff even while most of my friends at the time were literally furry trans girls - one day I bit the bullet and went by she/they and realized how unhappy feminine pronouns made me and so I just said OK Fuck You They Only. Then it evolved as we all know (Speaking of "it" I may throw that in my pronouns pile as well)

And honestly I'm proud now but it's a bit disheartening to look back at how much I suffered, due to the misinfo and queer/trans content I consumed. My feelings were basically undeniable but I kept lying to myself because I didn't want to be a "TRANNY TRENDER" because the YTbers who were cringe culture transmedicalists said so. Kid me and other people around me did NOT have to go through that and man I'm sorry to everyone who went through that if you questioned your gender identity around like 2016-2018

I kinda always knew I was queer and a flavor of aroace so I engaged with queer content online but as we all know that was the time any queer person was bullied and other queer people kept telling each other what the RIGHT WAY TO BE QUEER was oh are you fat are you afab did you dye your hair YOU TRANSTRENDER TUMBLRINA!! ugh it was so stupid but it harmed so many. Shit sucked back then

I remember I'd be crying during P.E. classes (majorly gendered, girls and boys were seperate) in the bathrooms because I just felt so wrong but I knew I can't be trans because to me at the time the only way to be trans was to be MAN TO WOMAN and WOMAN TO MAN only and I did have some dysphoria especially chest dysphoria hell I still experience that but I didn't have bottom dysphoria or voice dysphoria which people kept saying was NECESSARY and like. In the middle or nonbinary or other wasn't an option because THAT'S WHAT THE LIARS ARE!!

And just. Struggling to understand my feelings because I was so unhappy and I believed I myself was somehow convinced by THOSE TRENDERS to feel this way and that no I can't be this and AAHH. like. I know better now I grew up I'm literally a gendered little freak entity but. I don't know it's just so sad that me or anybody had to feel that way yknow??

So it's sweet to think about the times I did enjoy some Transgenderism without beating myself up over it much. Well, I would go at myself like "HEY WHY DID I LIKE BEING CALLED THAT" but I wouldn't be gripping my head crying over it yelling "WHAT THE FUCK AM I" over it yknow?

Another time was when I was going home from school and some boy behind me called out to me as he possibly mistook me for someone else - in a masculine way in Czech. Despite my long ass hair which is FOR GIRLS ONLAY (seriously anywhere I go I have the longest hair it goes up to my ass I'm very sensitive about cutting it. I both want to but also UGH LONG HAIR SWAG.)

And I turn around like huh? And the boy goes OHH SORRY you're a girl. And I go oh it's okay heehee

And I walk off like HEE HEE HEE HEHEHEE :33 :DDD ✨✨✨✨✨✨waigth why did I like being misgendered as a guy hold up

And just looking back at the wholesome silly moments rather than the ouchies wowchies IS VERY NICE AND FUN and I get to pope fun at young me like YEA sure kid MX. IM NOT TRANSGENDER

[marktzuforever-blog]

six. 170916

so, it’s our sixth monthsary. truthfully, i’ve been nervous these days. not only because of the fact that i’m not yet done with my monthsary gifts wheezes or the fact that everyone keeps teasing me about marriage  but hmm it’s been six months and i just feel so overwhelmed. i mean, imagine just six months ago was the legendary day that i confessed to you and the fact that we are still together, going strong, and looking brightly ahead into our future really makes me happy. i’m happy. it’s something that i never thought i would feel. thank you for making me feel happiness, for loving me, taking care of me, supporting me, cheering me up, and for always being there by my side. you make me feel important, yi en. 

Oh yeah, we also celebrated your ic birthday during this month and I made you the snapshot themed things hehehee. Honestly, it amazes me that we’ve been together for this long because I never even expected myself to be in a relationship this long because well, I’m insecure and you already know that, right? I just always thought that someone will always find a reason to eventually dislike me and leave me… but you really proved that wrong babe because what I’m strongly certain of is that our love for each other grows stronger and stronger each passing moment. We are so much stronger than all the misunderstandings, obstacles, or issues that may come our way and for that I am so proud of us.

i just read your letter, and damn i am in tears again just like every month. i don’t really know why, but i’m crying again. not because i’m sad or disappointed or any negative feeling like that, but these are tears of joy. tears of happiness. i’m just so touched and happy and asdfghjkl thank you for it. i really love all your letters so much. i wish that you would really stop feeling bad because you did mention that it made you feel bad that i give you a lot of gifts yet you think that you didn’t really do anything special for me. no, that isn’t true. your letters are something special and close to my heart. i cherish them so much and they’re like my most prized possession. i reread them a lot, especially when i’m missing you. please, fancy gifts and all that are not what i want,  but what i do want are the things that come from the heart. which is why, your letters really make me happy because the fact that you said you aren’t really good with words and yet you still did it for me. it’s so heartwarming to know that someone really appreciates everything you do for them and always wants to be with you.

and yes, now i’m sleepy and time check it is 7 pm while i am writing this why the hell am i so sleepy but it’s still early in the night omg what is wrong with me smh. i still feel bad for falling asleep while i was talking to you the other night. i mean, i accidentally readzoned two messages orz i am so sorry. rip i feel my eyes closing ugh. anyway, i hope i wake up later in the middle of the night or something. 

i love you so much, baobei.