#WHISPER PILLOW WHISPER PILLOW WHIPPER PILLOW

[mystic-warriors]

Truth?

YESSS HE IS ABSOLUTELY PILLOW

Nate gets it 👏 🫡

[aurajitsu]

The Sound Of Your Voice

Part 8: Pieces

Summary: The Avengers rescued you from one of the last HYDRA facilities. Discovering your abilities, The Avengers take you in. Bucky tries to make sense of the memories he has regained about you.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: some smut, mentions of physical abuse, violence, human experimentation, language

A/N: Bucky’s POV.  -any feedback is appreciated! If you like it, reblog it.

Series master list here

Bucky did not get up. He lay there, in his bed for what he thought was hours. Lost in his head, he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or thinking. Every now and then he could hear voices outside his door, someone walking by. His eyes darting under his eyelids, the feeling of free falling. He wasn’t afraid.

He stood in the snow, a chill breeze cradled him. He looked down and her eyes struck him with a silent guilt. It was the moment she had landed at his feet, desperately grasping at him.  He looked back up. He was back at the HYDRA Facility. The building stood gray and silent, a daunting facade. The sun’s rays blinding him.

 He blinked, he was inside, strapped to a chair. He saw a scientist step up to him, write something down and step away. Lights overhead replacing the sun he had seen, blinding him. Trying to make sense of where he was but he didn’t fight it. When a handler came to help him stand, he faced another scientist. They walked away into a hall, and then small prison cells. He felt strange, he looked in one of them as he followed them. 

There something caught his eye. Little girls in each one, some didn’t move, asleep, or dead? Finally to the last cell, it was bigger. He was instructed to stand guard, watch and make sure she did not try anything with the scientists. They went in, the man in a white lab coat took her arm. She was injected with something which made her sluggish. Another took blood, checked her pulse, her breathing. He could hear them whispering to each other.

He looked away, another armed handler. 

This one stood in front of him and reached out to him. He blinked, it wasn’t the handler it was you. Dressed in a a dirty old medical gown. Your hair was filthy, your face was so worn and tired eyes stared back at him. Your hand trembled but reached his chest and left it there. He didn’t move, he was numb, he couldn’t react. He was just an observer, nothing more. He saw a tear run down your cheek. 

Then she dissolved, like a ghost that had haunted him. A white mist where she once stood, carried away by a cold draft. He turned to try to piece where he was. He heard voices, this time the scientists where huddled not too far from him. The room was dark and cold, metal tables and research materials here and there. 

“No. The last subject was a close match, but didn’t last more than half hour after the first dose.” “What about the other one?” “The subject that was pulled from cryo?” “That subject is an exact match, her vitals are well but isn’t she much too old?” They continued talking. “Prep her, we only have enough for one more, we’ve got nothing to lose.” 

The scenery shifted again this time he stood over someone, “Up.” He heard his own voice, but it didn’t feel like it was his. He looked at his hands, they were bloodied, holding a whip. “Get up.” He cracked the whip to the floor next to him. She was on all fours, she turned her head and screamed at him. ”NO!” Her booming voice, pushing him back. “FUCK YOU!” His back hit the bars behind him, he straightened up. She stood now, but her feet shifted, unable to keep balance. “Soldat. Please.” Her voice cracked, begging for him to stop. Blood dripping down from her back to her thighs. It pained him, seeing her like this. His heart broke, and he felt sick to his stomach. The feeling only intensified and he couldn’t look at her in the eye.

He looked down at his hands, the whip and the blood was gone. He felt the floor slip from under him, but he still stood. Both her hands reached into his rough ones. He looked at them, soft and still. He rubbed her fingers and looked up slowly at her. He felt a fog surrounded both of you. Your clothes were different this time, all black. Your eyes were softer and well rested. 

“I know.” She whispered, it echoed trough him. He felt strangle, it wasn’t cold. He sighed and it was like he didn’t want this moment to shift. He was living it. Every breath he took, it was her. Her scent, her hair as she leaned into him. “I don’t want to be alone.” Her voice echoed around them. It was just the two of them. He held her tight, her voice was ethereal. “Soldat….” They stood there for a long time. His hand brushed her cheek, his thumb over her lips. “Sirena…” She looked up to him, his hand guiding her chin up. He leaned into her, and lightly kissed her. He was alarmed how easy this was, how easily they fell into each other. Her lips clung to his, a sigh of relief and content. She only mattered to him, nothing else.

Bucky opened his eyes and sat up slowly. Still feeling groggy, and confused. He wasn’t sure how, but he wanted to go back to that dream. He turned to face the window. It was dawn out. On his night stand there was a note. A glass of water. He reached for it, his heart fluttered thinking maybe it was from you. 

Buck,

 I hope you rest up, if you need anything call me up. We are all worried for your well being. Take your time. 

-Steve

“Thanks, Steve.” He said out loud as he drank and took the pain killer. Head throbbing, he lay down again. Easily lulling asleep. The dreams came easy, but the nightmares only began.

——

“Get off me! Please. Stop.” “Sirena, your skin is so soft… your voice,” Laugher from down the hall he was walking down, the lights flickering above him. He followed your distress. “Don’t worry your pretty head, I’ll take good care of you.” Screams and crying, “NO! Stop! please…” He saw a soldier guarding your cell door. He didn’t hesitate and knocked him out with his metal arm. His skull cracking in the pavement below. He kicked the door open and surprised the man inside. Her Sirena pinned under him, crying. A handler was rubbing his filthy hand all over her skin, another on her throat. His mouth pressing forced kisses on her exposed shoulders, the curve of her neck. “You taste so —“ The Soldat yanked the man back, he was filled with rage. Utterly consumed by it, he beat the man with his metal arm, over and over. His ears filled with the sounds of thuds and breaking bones under flesh. Her gasps and cries lost in the sick gargling sound the handler made. 

The handler slumped under him when he finally released him. Dropping dead weight he stepped toward her. “Please.” Her small voice cried behind her hands. Cowering in a corner. He knelt down in front of her. “Moya lyubov’,” His voice was gruff, he placed a hand on her knee, she flinched but didn’t back away. “Soldat…” “Shhh…” he held her, and pulled her gown back on her. He rocked her until she stopped crying. Everything around them was darkness, he closed his eyes.

He was standing in the snow now, he heard something, a distant echo. He stood alone in an empty clearing, trees void of leaves stood around him. The black bark contrasting the white snow. “No-I can break him…” A hesitant voice surrounded him. “Soldat.” It echoed and made his head throb. “Soldat…” It sent chills down his spine, he stepped around and saw nothing. Disembodied whippers and sobs. “I’m sorry…”  

He heard foot steps, and the white faded to black, his eyes were shut, he felt heavy like he was tied down. “Do it Sirena! Sing!” A smack and a cry, they must have hit her. Bucky tried to open his eyes, but he couldn’t. “Stupid bitch!” He heard a whip crack and another pained gasp. His hands tightened into fists, wanting nothing more than to get up and defend her. To hurt anyone that touched you. His body didn’t respond to what he asked. 

He heard her say something, he strained to pick it up. It started low and it entrapped him. He felt so heavy, when her voice entered his mind. It strengthened in his head. So loud, he thought and so…sad. 

He felt something heavy, like hot liquid being poured over him, from the inside. A wail, he thought he would drown under it. The pressure on his chest increasing. Sirena. His Sirena was drowning him in her voice. He couldn’t move, he tried to fight it, it was too much. He heard a scream exit him, feeling his very bones hurt and contort inside him. Pain radiated from his core to the tips of his fingers. His muscles cramped and tensed, liquid heat pouring out his nose and ears. He couldn’t breathe, he felt like everything was being ripped out of him. His head was spinning, every gasp he took it made it harder to breathe. Like every vein in him was on fire as her voice seemed to invade him. Scalding every bit of his being. He couldn’t think or reason what has happening. He clenched his jaw and tried to wake. This is a dream, its a dream. Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP!

Bucky shot upright in his bed, shaken and drenched in sweat. Steve ran right into his room, knocking the knife away from under the pillow. “Buck. Bucky, hey man. Hey. You’re okay.” He was lost he didn’t understand. He felt dizzy and held onto Steve’s shoulder. He got up and didn’t stop until he collapsed in front of the toilet bowl, emptying his stomach. Steve stood at his restroom door, “Bucky, talk to me.” Bucky wiped his mouth. “Feel like shit.” “You’ve been in your room for almost two days.” Bucky was gasping, stood weakly and proceeded to washed his face. Steve never left his side, watching his friend trembling over the sink.

“Where is she?” “She’s confined in her room.” Bucky looked at himself in the mirror, dark circles under his eyes. “Why?” “It’s...whats best for now…” Steve tried to sound convincing but wasn’t. Bucky sighed, knowing that maybe she had pushed too hard just to give him answers. He didn’t want her to take any blame. “It’s not her fault, I asked her to.” “We know….Tony wants to make sure she won’t try to take off.” Bucky scoffed, “Where could she possibly run off to?” He shook his head, his dreams invading his thoughts. 

He began to explain to Steve the visions, memories and haunting imagery. Describing what he saw. The sickness he felt inside of him knowing that there was plenty more memories to discover. The torment of just knowing he was instructed to hurt her. It made him sick to his stomach. Every detail was shared with him and Steve didn’t interrupt. Knowing that his friend was haunted by the past. He wondered if Bucky would ever have a normal life. 

 “I still don’t know if…Steve about your promise….” Steve shook his head. “Bucky, you weren’t you. HYDRA made you do things, they were the ones pulling the strings.” “I know.” Bucky felt himself walk back to his room, Steve followed. “Steve, I think they were testing something.” “You mean after they gave her the serum?” “Yeah, like she was…” His brow furrowed, lost in a thought and then another. He didn’t push his friend for any more details.

“Has she said anything to you?” Bucky finally spoke again, Steve sat next to him. “Well after she regained her voice. She told us what HYDRA had done to her. She said you should be able to fill in the rest from there.” Bucky sighed, brushing his hair back with his hands. “My head won’t stop. It’s one thing after another. The memories, some are strange, some feel too real.” Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“Is she okay?” “Yeah she’s doing well, though this has affected her too. She won’t talk much. But she hasn’t shut me out.” He felt content, knowing that his friend will take care of her. He looked up at Steve, but Steve din’t break his concerned demeanor. 

“She made me promise you know.” “What?” “She doesn’t want to see you after you remember everything, Buck. She’s convinced that you will hate her.”  Bucky took a deep breath, remembering that last dream. He paused, “From what I can piece together…how can she forgive me Steve? I’m the one that hurt her…” “Buck, don’t do this…” “They made her hurt me too…” Steve sat up, “It’s HYDRA, I don’t think you should dwell on it too much. All this…” “I know.” “Do you? You wanted this, why do you want to remember the horrible things they made you do?” Steve wanted to help him, but felt a little angry for his selfishness.

“Buck, maybe you should talk-“ “No, I don’t want to see her…” Steve sighed, “Buck-if you don’t pull out of this—she’s not going to want to stay…”

Bucky sighed, sunlight creeping though his curtains. “I don’t want to see her until I know exactly what happened…Just please take care of her, meanwhile I pick up the pieces…”

Steve hesitated, but knew his friend was stubborn. “Alright punk. I’ll try to convince her to stay.” “Thank you.” “Don’t you lag on me though.” “I won’t. I’m not planning on letting her go.” “Good.”

——

He dreams again, he walks down a dark path. Fog filling at his feet the more he presses onward. He could hear her, crying. He wants to comfort her, give her peace of mind. “Sirena.” He sees her, sitting on a cold examination table. She’s alone, in a clean gown. Theres a tray next to her, clean tools rest on it. They glint and he feels sick, like a looming danger. “Sirena? Whats wrong?” She looks up to him, her eyes are bloodshot, they haunt him because she says nothing. Her cries turn to anger and she jumps off the table. Stalking up to him a finger pointed at his chest, “You did this!” Her anger breaking into cries. Her face contorting, tears streaming and her cries died in her throat. A silent agony.

 Confused he raised his arms to comfort her, blinking the scenery shifts again. He realizes they aren’t in the facility anymore. He’s in a hotel room.

This time she’s moaning under him. He’s leaning over her naked body. Sheets crinkled beneath them, tangling between their legs. His fingers gliding over her heat. His tongue fighting to enter between her lips. He’s enjoying watching her tremble beneath him. Something inside him fills with a raw emotion. Longing, fear and an animal he needs to please. 

He presses his mouth down her neck, on her breasts, he stops to suckle them. Pauses when her breath hitches. He pushes himself into her, her moans driving his eagerness. He wants nothing more than to release into her. To feel every bit of her being in unison with him. His head lost in the rush. Soldat. Her voice it’s intoxicating, a wave of lust hits him and he continues. Pressing his lips on hers, nipping at them. Her soft skin is cool against his hot and sticky body. Wanting to leave his mark on her and make her his. Blue eyes fixated on her beauty, soft lips parted, calling out to him. Her hands tangling in his hair, gripping at his strong arms. The small room echoes their lewd love making. They’re alone and he wants nothing more than to be like this forever. 

Soldat. 

He’s never felt so alive, never been allowed to even feel. They weren’t allowed to touch each other. This moment is an act of defiance. An intimate display of their feelings for one another. His hands gripped her hips and he drove deeper in her. Her hands gliding over his back, she melted beneath him. Her mewls now peaking into loud moans. Digging her nails into his skin, grunting in response. His hands squeezing her sides as they both reach their peek. He stayed still, spilling inside her. 

They lay still, he didn’t bother to move away from her. His face buried at the nape of her neck, pressing soft kisses. Her hand caressing him, pulling strands of hair away from his face. 

The night was still, clear skies and a waning moon. Cool air creeping from an open window. How careless, he thought. He rolled them over so she was resting on him. They hadn’t said a word, his fear of getting caught sinking in. He closed his eyes, drinking the feeling of her on his chest. He felt at peace with her hand held against his chest, slowly drifting to sleep. ‘It was real’, he thought. “Sirena.” 

His eyes flicker open and he’s alone, looking at his bedroom ceiling. He thinks for a moment, lining up his memories. Trying to put them in their place. Does she remember everything too? He feels clarity, more than ever. Restless he gets up and heads for the gym. 

—-

Steve finds him there-punching so hard until his knuckles start to bleed. He pulls him back. “Buck.” His eyes searching for answers. Bucky holds the punching bag to steady it. Steve’s hand doesn’t leave his shoulder, studying his friend closely. 

“Steve, we need to talk.” Bucky finally says only to stop Steve’s questioning eyes on him. He nods and understands. As if on queue they both go for a run outside. Where no ears could reach them. 

“We both lost our heads in there.” Steve said nothing, waiting for an elaboration. Their pace quickening away from the compound. “I think she wants me to remember what happened because theres parts she doesn’t.” Steve’s brow furrowed. “Buck, HYDRA has proven time and again what they are capable of doing. Isn’t remembering torture enough?” Bucky jogged forward, his eyes never leaving the track he knew so well. Steve has longer strides but didn’t leave Bucky’s side. “She’s tougher than she looks Steve.” He nodded for Bucky to continue, he didn’t expect the following to come out of him. “She needs to get her head fixed first Steve. She was programmed just like me, she’s missing memories. I know it.” “You remembered everything Buck?” Bucky did not answer but continues. “HYDRA took from us the one thing we both loved.” Bucky stopped suddenly. Steve turned to him, stopping ahead of him. Taking in his weary friend’s appearance. Bucky stood there as if he was defeated, shoulders dropped. Eyes holding back pain and tears. Steve was caught off guard and cautiously asked. “And what was that?” “Promise me, this is between us. You can’t absolutely tell anyone.” Steve nodded, afraid of what horrors Bucky would tell him. “Our—“ Somewhere in the distance a flock of birds fly overhead. Startled by an incoming quinjet, its engines revving down as it lands. Drowning out the words they shared.

 Steve lost all color at what Bucky had told him. He listened to every last detail, their pace slowed to a walk. He looked around making sure no one else was within earshot. Watching the birds circle over them before landing past the tree line. 

This was serious, this was on another level. “Are you alright Buck?” “Yeah…” Steve shook his head, “I mean emotionally… Bucky…You’re telling me all this like you’re stating facts.” Bucky knew he was good at compartmentalizing, he hadn’t noticed that Steve saw right through it. Of course he did. “I-“ “You need to talk to her.” Bucky looked away, he feared that if he saw her he would break. He wondered if she knew. Is this what she meant that he would hate her? “I don’t know Steve.” “You have to, this isn’t something to take lightly. You need to make sure, that she remembers this too.”

Bucky watches a young bird fly close them, landing in the grass. He watches it as they both stand still. It flutters its wings, settling down in the wet grass. 

“Everything in due time...” He turns to Steve. “Can you search for any records? Please. I have to make sure…”

 ------

Part 9: Only Match

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