#WHAT CSA TRAUMA DOES TO A MOTHERFUCKER

[ptsdickgrayson]

I truly wish that sex didn’t scare me. I’d be the biggest slut out there if that weren’t the case

[theneighborhoodwatch]

Serious question, not trying to start a fight: If you're aware of the possibility of Wally and Home's relationship being like that of family, and you've made it clear you don't ship incest, why risk shipping them together at all, even if it's in a "toxic yuri" sort of way?

traffic was so bad that i was an hour late to class so now you all get to watch me poke this bear. response under the cut for discussions of familial abuse, incest, and a brief mention of csa.

serious answer: the home that exists as a representation of a past that never was/never will be again, or as a representation of The House Of American Suburbia Fame built with the intent of superseding the need for/being directly responsible for all of its inhabitant's other relationships (platonic, romantic, familial, etc.) existing, and the home that exists as a representation Specifically of an abusive family member, exist in two separate planes of reality to me. these planes are not above each other, i think. they are on the same level of plausibility. but they do not overlap, and the fact is that i am simply much more interested in the former than the latter. i realize that "i think the more popular fanon interpretation of them as parent and child is boring" is kind of a flippant answer to a question as heavy as this but, well. i do think that interpretation is pretty boring lol. also probably doesn't help that i see it get used to infantilize wally a lot. a mutual obsession whose end goal of total social supersession can never be fulfilled without coming at a great cost to one or both parties is something i find much more compelling, and gives much more agency to both parties.

in the hypothetical event that these two realities Do end up intersecting, however - even in the event that they intersect in a way where i could interpret their dynamic to be that of incestuous abuse - well. i would simply no longer be comfortable calling it a ship! that does not mean i would no longer be interested in analyzing their relationship; horror is all about exploring the Unpleasantries of life, after all. but the approach and the language would change; i would no longer be comfortable exploring it through the lens of shipping, i personally find that pretty distasteful. i believe that just because it is A lens through which people have analyzed that type of dynamic before does not mean it is the Ideal lens - far from it, in my experience as a (former) child with sexual trauma who grew up on the internet. but i digress. the fact of the matter right now is that nothing has happened that would cause such a shift in behavior for me. ergo, i intend to live it up for as long as i can and declare that wally and home's relationship is both one that cannot be defined by paltry human terms and one so intense and passionate that it will also go up in flames bright enough to make fleetwood motherfucking mac collectively fall to their knees and weep.

also, a funnier but still serious alternate answer: i spent nearly my entire adolescence as a husk of a person, and what ultimately got me out of it was getting into smile for me at age 18 - and subsequently, the rest of yugo limbo's work. i was reborn and reshaped in the objectum trenches. this did not necessarily make me objectum in turn, but i feel i owe something to that crowd as a result.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

TW: Discussion of CSA

I'm Sick of This Shit

Sorry Mod, this is off-topic and heavy stuff, but I'm fucking sick of this cutesy little internet trend of insinuating the worst about people over fucking nothing. This is going to get heavy but I'm not sitting down and shutting the fuck up this time.

Please put a read more here? I don't want to trigger anyone, I just want to try and give a wake-up call to people who do this shit.

I cannot believe I just read a callout post for someone as a "dangerous individual" and it's about them drawing some fictional character. Or rather, I can, because it keeps happening, and it's the dumbest new trend I've ever seen. As a victim of that specific kind of abuse? As in, someone who's fucking tapes have a hash in the ICAC database? (Do you even know what that means? Do you even care to find out? Do you actually care about victims or do you just want some moral gotcha over the person you don't like? Because I have a feeling it's the second one!) Someone who's been really fucking impacted and harmed by this shit in my actual flesh-and-blood real life?

Shut the fuck up. No, actively, antagonistically fuck you. How fucking dare you equate the seriousness of my and others' real-life physical harm to someone finding some stupid WORTHLESS, UNIMPORTANT, NOT REAL ANIME CHARACTER HOT. Who in the absolute fuck actually sincerely CARES?? Do you think authors who write about murder want to secretly kill people?? Do you think people who make horror movies can contact the dead? You are so obsessed about thought crimes and unimportant bullshit to the degree that you are accusing people of being the absolute worst type of person over anime. OVER ANIME! Who the fuck cares if someone draws a fake person doing something sexual. I, as a victim, do not give a shit. I don't care if they draw a fake person getting dismembered. I don't care if they write about a fake person being subjected to death by 1000 paper-cuts! Do you know why?

They're not fucking real!

Somewhere along the way people seem to have forgotten that the reason abuse is bad isn't because it's "icky" and "gross" and makes you uncomfortable to think about.

It's bad because it's fucking hurtful to people who are actually really alive. It's bad because if you cut a real person we fucking bleed. It's bad because if you do things to our body, it leaves fucking SCARS. It's bad because WE LIVE WITH THE FUCKING TRAUMA AND CONSEQUENCES OF WHAT IS DONE TO US YOU STUPID EMOTIONALLY BEREFT ASSHOLE, YOU FUCKING MORALLY STUNTED BRAT. DO YOU FUCKING COMPREHEND THAT? DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REAL LIFE AND FICTION? LIKE DO YOU? ARE YOU AN ACTUAL CHILD? BECAUSE IF SO, YOU SHOULD NOT BE ENGAGING IN THESE DISCUSSIONS IN THE FIRST PLACE! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??? AND IF YOU ARE AN ADULT, FUCKING ACT LIKE ONE. This isn't a slag against someone who does have empathy issues or anything like that- ironically they tend to have no problem differentiating real life from fiction crimes, at least in my experience. No no, this is against the specific type of person who willfully chooses to libel against someone because of what usually boils down to """fandom crimes."""

I am in a support group for people like me. Do you know what we bitch about lately? You motherfuckers. Clogging the actual fucking hotlines by reporting drawings of cartoon characters, do you even realize that there are real consequences to your moral crusade? The time these people are forced to spend deleting anime art from their email literally costs real-life children -- AGAIN, REAL PEOPLE BEING HURT, YOU FUCKS -- precious time from getting the help they so desperately fucking deserve. Do you even think before you act? Do you? Do you fucking consider for a moment the real-world consequences of your behavior, or do you just raise your head and preen over your moralistic victory against the nastybadwrong person that wrote a story you don't like? I hate you.

Sure. Maybe this person who was submitted about really is the scum of the earth, an absolutely toxic bastard of an individual who does deserve a callout post. Wouldn't surprise me, because lots of shitty people are out there. So then, if that's the case, how come you didn't present that proof? Because all I read (images didn't work) is that they drew some anime character horny. People have been doing that for decades. The fucking Disney animators have drawn Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse going at it. Who gives a shit. It's fiction. You are having a moral panic over nothing and blinding yourself to the real consequences of your actions and I am here on my hands and knees BEGGING you to have more concern for people who actually exist than you do for your stupid goddamn anime boy.

I actually HATE people like you, I actively fucking do not feel SAFE around people like you. People who create fictional works, even dark and fucked up ones? They generally know the differences you seem to miss: that thoughts and actions are different things. There was a post going around where some guy got thrashed on social media for getting a leg amputation for fetishistic reasons where he was called every name in the book and probably some new ones yet to be added to the Merriam-Webster's dictionary. Turns out he actually had cancer and the amputation was for medically necessary reasons, but one (1) minor looked at THE TYPE OF ART HE DREW and made assumptions about his whole entire character from that. And thus someone going through some incredibly emotionally challenging shit was forced to further stomach the trauma of an internet hate mob because of baseless accusations just like these. Don't fucking do that. That shouldn't even need to be said! And yet. So I'll say it again. Don't! Fucking! Do that! Fuck!

This is wildly out of the scope of this blog and I'm really sorry to Mod for having to see it, but I'm sick of seeing this everywhere online, I do not need it in my fucking safe space hobby. Actively go fuck yourself if you do this or participate in this. If you care about victims- if you have actual compassion for people who are real, and don't just want to control how others portray fictional characters for reasons of moral outrage, then don't do this. And if you've done this in the past, just... fucking try to do better from here on out, at least. The world is fucked up enough without needing to rip each other apart over, and I cannot stress this enough, goddamn cartoons.

And if I get sassed in the comments as "not a real victim" or some shit, go ahead. I've heard it before, I don't care. I've been told by people in my life that what happened to me was 1) a misunderstanding 2) deserved because I in some way asked for it 3) that I'm lying for attention, etc etc. Does not matter that mine was one of the cases that actually made it to court and resulted in a sentencing... victim-blaming is incredibly ingrained in my country's culture. I honestly don't care if I'm believed or not, I just... want to say my piece. I want to confess, to air my grievances, with a current trend everyone on the internet and this hell-site in specific. So, thank you for reading if you have, and fuck you if you dismissed it all because your precious fictional little meow meow matters more to you than the victims of the real-life atrocities you're so motivated baselessly to accuse people of perpetrating.

And mod, stay safe and practice self-care. To all the victims, I hope your abusers die horribly. You deserve the world.

~Anonymous

Mod: thank you so much anon for your response, nothing is out of scope here (kinda, I like tangents, just need to follow the rules too) so anons, don't be afraid of expressing yourself as you so rightly did here.

[zukosgay]

I see you posting about horror and I would love some recs if you have some to share 🙏

i just accidentally deleted a whole list fjahsjdasd i hate my life. anyways, i’m just gonna go ahead and assume you know the classics that get recommended all the time (the babadook, the ring, the exorcist, the vvitch, the conjuring, hereditary, the thing, insidious, etc.). here’s some underrated/indie horror movies i rarely see talked about (favs are in italics):

The not-actually-that-scary-but-still-good horror movies:

Let The Right One In (2008) – I mean, it’s literally my favorite movie/book and I have a tattoo of it, we been knew

Possum (2018) – I cannot even begin to tell you how much I adore this movie. Horror movies about CSA that explore it without once showing the actual rape, but still being terrifying/disturbing nonetheless?? Just an irish guy chilling with the puppet personification of his csa trauma????? Hells yeah (huge TW for spiders tho, i mean. I’m not scared of spiders but that fucking puppet is stil terrifying no matter how much I look at it)

Hard Candy has a soft spot in my heart. That’s my emotional support „ellen page tortures pedophiles“ movie

Thirst (2009)

Ravenous (1999) THE INHERENT ROMANTICISM OF BEING GAY AND CANNIBALS ON A MOUNTAIN. Brokeback mountain for cannibals

We Are What We Are (2010)

Marrowbone (2017)

The transfiguration (2016) – there’s so little vampire stories with black people, and i really loved how this wasn’t outright fantasy horror but had more of a ‚vampirism as an actual mental illness‘ approach

Nightbreed (1990) this movie IS lgbt cinema history

Gerald’s Game (2017) – we get it elena you love horror movies about the trauma of CSA

The autopsy of jane doe (2017) - i feel like this movie is perfect for horror fans who are tentative about seeing any big grotesque/gorey jumpscares 

As Above, So Below (2014) (the first and so far only movie that got permission to film in the paris catacombs) (also good for starters)

The Actually-Scary (at least to me) movies:

Lake Mungo (2008) ((think of TMA’s The End)) (i deadass think about this movie so often, the story is so devastating and really stays in my head. also the bg ghosts)

The [REC] franchise!!! any of those movies fuck me up and are TERRIFYING (again ff) 

I watched 30 Days of Night (2007) when it came out, when i was way too young, and it still to this day holds the spot for coolest vampire design (they modelled them after the jaws of white sharks!!! They’re supposed to be slavic strigoi) and also one of the only one times where i was actually scared by vampires

Livid (2011) (french horror movie!) (v gorey)

The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014) (found footage of a demonic mom – you’ll see a lot of FF on this list cuz i think it’s criminally underrated and terrifying if done well)

NOROI: The Curse (2005) ((ff))

Open water (2003) (this is scary to me because it’s based on a true story about a couple who went cave diving in the ocean with a guide who got LEFT BEHIND in the middle of the motherfucking ocean – with literally nothing to hold onto and no one even reporting them missing. Also, after i watched this i did a lil research and turns out there’s quite a lot of people ‚going missing‘ while taking swimming lessons where the guides will just drive to shore without them YEARLY. Fucked up if true) ((this has tma the vast vibes))

Clown (2014) (I recommend this to people who aren’t scared to like Eli Roth movies and think It Chap. 1 was boring)

Martyrs (2008) – a classic, this movie is bound to disturb you. It’s about child abuse and the survivors of child abuse enacting revenge, though it’s not the typical csa/anything similiar. HUGE tw for uhhhh, torture, self harm, mutilation etc..

Mama (2008) – the goth tattooed rocker chic jessica chastain movie

The bay (2012) (ff)

The last exorcism (2010) (ff)

The wailing (2016)

If you put on any V/H/S movie for me I’m guaranteed to shit my pants, so there’s that

May (2002) – i turned lesbophobic after watching this movie. About a lesbian obsessed with dolls i’ll say nothing more

The not-as-scary-but-still-scary-so-i-dont-wanna-put-them-in-the-first-list-in-case-i-traumatize-anyone movies:

Creep 1 & 2

The Strangers

The void (2016) ((tma the spiral))

The Hallow (2015)

The loved ones (2009) – a classic

Excision (2012) (if you liked raw)

Devil’s pass (2013)

Afflicted (2013) ((ff))

The cell (2000)

Session 9 (2001)

They Look Like People (2015)

The children (2008) – fuck them KIDS

The blackcoat’s daughter (2015)

I really liked Armie Hammer’s netflix original Wounds (2019)? IDK why. I found the story (albeit better suited as a short story) fascinating

Night Eats The World (2018) – another french movie! This time it’s about the inherent isolation and loneliness in locking yourself in a parisian apartment all alone with a bunch of zombies eating the rest of the world

Pontypool (2008)

The lure (2015) – yes, we’re polish, yes, we’re mermaids, yes, we eat men, yes, we also perform in a pop girl group WE EXIST!

I am not a serial killer (2016)

Green room (2015)

That’s it, pretty much. 

[kamalahkhan]

RANT

P*dophilia tw, CSA tw, caps lock tw:

I was on Quora looking for answers to some art questions and somehow I ended up on the p*do discussion platform

See I get it that all kinds of parahilias are inborn and we can not do anything about it, but them choosing to act on their 'impulses' is 100% their independent and intentional action.

And for god's sake all p*dos don't deserve to be treated kindly. The p*dos that harm children are absolutely not deserving of kindness with "that's just how they are, it can't be helped"

I do acknowledge that some people identify their 'problems' and seek help and that's great!! But how the fuck are some of these people proud to be like this?? For fucks sake there are like so many people proudly stating that they are p*dophiles, z**philes, n*crophiles, h*b*philes, n*pi*philes and what not other phile with their age of preference for children

AGE OF PREFERENCE FOR CHILDREN

WHAT ON EARTH

People are literally writing "it's just that I don't like mature features, body hair. I like smooth skin and flat chest" and people are like "uwu that's perfectly alright uwu"

WHAT

W H A T

There are people who are like "I just want all p*dos who are seeking help to know that they will be able to control themselves and they are not monsters who are bound to harm children" - which is alright.

Choosing to not sexually harm children is the absolute bare minimum but thank you regardless. I personally would have really preferred if my abusers had taken the decision to be decent human beings rather than provide me with a huge baggage of life-long trauma.

BUT

There are people who discourage p*dos from seeking help?!?!?! These people are LITERALLY out here like "you are perfect just the way you are!! You should not have to change yourself!!" "Love is love no matter what, we should be accepting of ALL sexualities"

'attraction' to children is not a sexuality you dumbasses. A child is a child, not a sexual and/or romantic orientation or gender identity. Age fluid is not a thing, your age represents the number of years you've spent on this planet, that can not change (lack of mental development due to incidents is a different topic but even a person with improper mental development will be a sexual abuser if they choose to sexually abuse children. They can not be excused.)

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE MOTHERFUCKERS, CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

CHILDREN CAN NOT CONSENT TO SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WITH GROWN UPS

INFANTS CAN NOT CONSENT TO SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WITH GROWN UPS

ANIMALS AND DEAD BODIES CAN NOT CONSENT TO SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WITH ANYONE

Why the fuck does this have to be said? Why the fuck do people look at the above stated and are like "well um no, have you considered that -"

No.

NO.

NO CONSIDERATION. ONLY LIFE TIME IMPRISONMENT OR A BULLET THROUGH THE BRAIN.