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[channoticedmeuwu]

Thoughtless Zombie | A Screenplay by kai | a story involving me, who rejects donghyuck yet again for @radiorenjun, ft. @lebrookestore

warnings : deadly spoons and horrible humor, made by a script generator i found online, it was hilarious. 

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INT. HATFIELD HOUSE, ENGLAND - AFTERNOON

Funny princess - KAI - is arguing with clumsy prince - DONGHYUCK -. KAI tries to hug DONGHYUCK but he shakes her off.

KAI : Please donghyuck, don't leave me.

DONGHYUCK : I'm sorry kai, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.

KAI : I am such a person!

DONGHYUCK frowns.

DONGHYUCK : I'm sorry, kai. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

DONGHYUCK leaves.

KAI sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, flirty lady-in-waiting - ANGIE - barges in looking flustered.

KAI: Goodness, angie! Is everything okay?

ANGIE : I'm afraid not.

KAI : What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

ANGIE  : It's ... a zombie ... I saw an evil zombie squash a bunch of elderly ladies!

KAI :  Defenseless elderly ladies?

ANGIE : Yes, defenseless elderly ladies! 

KAI : Bloomin' heck, angie! We've got to do something.

ANGIE : I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

KAI : You can start by telling me where this happened.

ANGIE : I was...

ANGIE fans herself and begins to wheeze.

KAI : Focus angie, focus! Where did it happen?

ANGIE : Kings Cross Station, London! That's right - Kings Cross Station, London!

KAI springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

KAI rushes along the street, followed by ANGIE. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. KINGS CROSS STATION, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER

BROOKE - a thoughtless zombie terrorises two elderly ladies.

KAI, closely followed by ANGIE, rushes towards BROOKE, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

ANGIE : What is is? What's the matter?

KAI : That's not just any old zombie, that's brooke -!

ANGIE : Who's brooke -?

KAI : Who's brooke -? Who's brooke -? Only the most thoughtless zombie in the universe!

ANGIE : Blinkin' knickers, kai! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most thoughtless zombie in the universe!

KAI : You can say that again.

ANGIE : Blinkin' knickers, kai! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most thoughtless zombie in the universe!

KAI : I'm going to need spoons, lots of spoons.

brooke turns and sees kai and angie. She grins an evil grin.

BROOKE : kai -, we meet again.

ANGIE : You've met?

KAI : Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young KAI is sitting in a park listening to some orchestral music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees BROOKE. She takes off her headphones.

BROOKE : Would you like some gummies?

KAI's eyes light up, but then he studies BROOKE more closely, and looks uneasy.

KAI : I don't know, you look kind of thoughtless.

BROOKE : Me? No. I'm not thoughtless. I'm the least thoughtless zombie in the world.

KAI : Wait, you're a zombie?

KAI runs away, screaming.

INT. KINGS CROSS STATION, LONDON - PRESENT DAY

BROOKE : You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

ANGIE : (To KAI) You ran away?

KAI : (To ANGIE) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

KAI turns to BROOKE.

KAI : I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

KAI runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

KAI : I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with spoons

BROOKE : I'm not scared of you.

KAI : You should be.

EXT. MIAMI BEACH - LATER THAT DAY

KAI and ANGIE walk around searching for something.

KAI : I feel sure I left my spoons somewhere around here.

ANGIE : Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly spoons.

KAI : You know nothing angie -.

ANGIE : We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, BROOKE appears, holding a pair of spoons.

BROOKE : Looking for something?

ANGIE : Crikey, kai, she's got your spoons.

KAI : Tell me something I don't already know!

ANGIE : The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

KAI : I know that already!

ANGIE : i have a blue birthmark on my shoulder-blade.

BROOKE : (appalled) Dude!

While BROOKE is looking at ANGIE with disgust, KAI lunges forward and grabs her deadly spoons. He wields them, triumphantly.

KAI : Prepare to die, you thoughtless patato!

BROOKE : No please! All I did was squash a bunch of elderly ladies!

DONGHYUCK enters, unseen by any of the others.

KAI : I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly ladies were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! kai - defender of innocent elderly ladies.

BROOKE : Don't hurt me! Please!

KAI : Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these spoons on you right away!

BROOKE : Because kai, I am your mother.

KAI looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

KAI : No you're not!

BROOKE : Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

BROOKE tries to grab the spoons but KAI dodges out of the way.

KAI : Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, BROOKE slumps to the ground.

ANGIE : Did she just faint?

KAI : I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly spoons.

KAI crouches over BROOKE's body.

ANGIE : Be careful, kai. It could be a trick.

KAI : No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... brooke - is dead!

ANGIE : What?

KAI : Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.

ANGIE claps her hands.

ANGIE : So your spoons did save the day, after all.

DONGHYUCK steps forward.

DONGHYUCK : Is it true? Did you kill the thoughtless zombie?

KAI : donghyuck how long have you been...?

DONGHYUCK puts his arm around KAI.

DONGHYUCK : Long enough.

KAI : Then you saw it for yourself. I killed brooke -.

DONGHYUCK : Then the elderly ladies are safe?

KAI : It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable elderly ladies enter, looking relived.

DONGHYUCK : You are their hero.

The elderly ladies bow to KAI.

KAI : There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that brooke - will never squash elderly ladies ever again, is enough for me.

DONGHYUCK : You are humble as well as brave!

One of the elderly ladies passes KAI a healing pendant

DONGHYUCK : I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

KAI : I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

KAI : Well, if you insist.

KAI takes the pendant.

KAI : Thank you.

The elderly ladies bow their heads once more, and leave.

KAI turns to DONGHYUCK.

KAI : Does this mean you want me back?

DONGHYUCK : Oh, kai, of course I want you back!

KAI smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

KAI : Well you can't have me.

DONGHYUCK : WHAT?

KAI : You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a zombie to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

DONGHYUCK : But...

KAI : Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, angie.

ANGIE grins.

DONGHYUCK : But...

ANGIE :You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

DONGHYUCK : kai?

KAI : I'm sorry donghyuck, but I think you should skidaddle.

DONGHYUCK leaves.

ANGIE turns to KAI.

ANGIE : Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

KAI : Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly ANGIE stops.

ANGIE : When I said i have a blue birthmark on my shoulder-blade, you know I was just trying to distract the zombie don't you?

THE END