#WERE SORRY THAT YOUVE BEEN HURT BY LIFE

[mochamadeleines]

Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)

tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah

authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking

You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for. 

You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.

“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.

You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.

But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much. 

He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.

Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed. 

You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.

Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft. 

Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.

You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open. 

“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”

“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”

He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”

Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.

Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”

“I dunno, sorry.”

“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”

“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.

Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”

“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.

“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him. 

“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”

Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry. 

You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead. 

He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.

“You uh.. You look nice.”

You blink. “I look nice?”

“In my shirt.”

That gets a smile out of you. 

Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”

You nod. “Okay.”

Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.

Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”

“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.” 

He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay. 

“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?” 

“Sure. Id really like that.”

While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless. 

When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.

You speak up after a little while.

“Joel?”

“Mm.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”

You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”

“Id think ‘bout it.”

You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”

“S’really not.”

“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”

“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.

“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”

“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”

“Uh. Digiorno?”

“Digiorno.”

After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you. 

“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”

“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”

“And whos fault is that?”

“Still yours.”

“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”

Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.

Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”

“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.

Actually scratch that, he cant be normal. 

“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.

“Mm?”

“Your leg. Move it.”

A few beats pass. “Why?”

“Because…” Wow,  he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.

“Are you-”

“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.

“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.

“This is normal.” 

Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.

“I-I know.”

You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.  

“Youve been taking your medication, right?”

Has he?

The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”

He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”

“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him.  “...Want me to remind you?”

The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”

“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”

“I know.” 

In a whisper, “Okay.”

Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.

Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”

He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured. 

You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes-”

“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”

“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”

Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”

“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”

He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.

Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.

“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.” 

“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.

You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-

“And I want you to feel me,”

Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.

Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore. 

There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.

Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?

He likes that too. Making you not think.

Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.

And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.

Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.

Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.

The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.

And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible? 

You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.

The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”

“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”

“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”

Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.

“Hi, Lee.” 

Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross. 

And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you. 

Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him. 

Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.

“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”

“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”

“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”

“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.

“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now. 

“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts?  I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.” 

Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about. 

You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”  

Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”

“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”

Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”

“No, that really wont be necess-”

Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door. 

“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.

“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”

“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”

“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”

Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”

“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”

“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”

You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.

Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.

“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”

“This early?”

“I like being punctual.” 

“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.

“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”

“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.

Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.

-

Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.

Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys. 

Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match. 

The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock. 

The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.

Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.

You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.

Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”

“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.

"These were Sarahs favorites."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."

"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"

"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."

You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.

“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”

“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”

“Does not!”

“Does too.” 

The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with. 

You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”

“Lets see if it tastes good.”

You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!

Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”

You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand. 

“Darlin’.” 

“Right.” 

For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.

“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”

“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”

“What time is it?” 

You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other. 

“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”

“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."

“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”

You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.” 

“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?

“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”

“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does. 

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat. 

You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot. 

“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.

“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”

“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”

He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”

“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”

“Agreed.”

Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city. 

“Uh, Joel?”

“Mm?”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere to kill time.”

“Yeah but where?”

“Youll see.” 

Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."

“Almost there.”

Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.

The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.

“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”

“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you. 

He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you. 

You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.” 

Your heads spinning. Something about your dress? 

“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”

“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.

“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.” 

Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.

Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you. 

“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”

You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”

Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”

His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down. 

Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin’ my name. Jus’ like that.”

A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.

Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.

“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”

His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing. 

“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”

“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”

Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.

Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.

Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.

He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-” 

“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”

Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.

After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.

Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”

“Yeah, jus’ some animals.” 

And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head. 

Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.

A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.

“Joel- S’too much-”

“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.

"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.

Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.

“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.” 

With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.

He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt. 

“Oh fuck-” 

“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.

His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.

It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum. 

Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.

“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”

He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath. 

Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.

Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”

“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless. 

Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.

Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”

Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well. 

“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”

Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”

“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-  Im yours.”

“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw. 

“Hhah-  No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”

The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me. 

Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.

Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden  youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect. 

Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.

When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.

Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.

“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.

“Mm?”

“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.” 

Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.

“I need my underwear back.”

“Nope,”

“Joel.”

He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead.  “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”

You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”

“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.

“Youre the worst.”

“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.” 

[serejae]

I LOVE YOU, IM SORRY. | C.SC

pairing : seungcheol x reader

WHAT !! : in which youre unsatisfied with the way you treated seungcheol throughout your relationship, but destiny will always bring you back….right? (or in which you messed up your relationship with him and the 4 times you tried to fix it and the 1 time it worked out)

warnings: so self indulgent, if ur my ex bby i know we’re still contacted but come back 💔💔💔💔 readers a ass in the beginning, open ending

w.c : 2872

a/n : i never really see angst where the reader messes up and i decided to display it with my experience el oh el . hope you all enjoy

-

you laid in bed beating yourself up for the nth time. youve been in a rotation of screaming into your pillow, walking around the house, and journaling (or at least attempting to) but you still cant get the guilt and regret off your shoulders

its been almost 2 years since, since the argument, since the day you ended things, since the day you ran away afraid of hurting yourself and let alone him even more than you already did.

everyone you know has told you to move on because theyre sure he already has too but its harder said than done, how could you go on with life knowing you hurt someone who was so willing to give you everything you wanted because of your own selfishness

and as bad as it sounded, you hoped he’d reach out first as desperate as you wanting to catch up so you can show him the new version of you. the version who was ready to commit, a better person, willing to love him correctly. not crazy or stupid like the one before, the one he had the unfortunate case of dating

so now youre stuck in this 3 activity cycle because no one wants to hear you mope about your asshole tendencies to seungcheol, youve sent him a couple messages apologizing and hoping to be civil to which he replied accepting every single one a couple hours later

why wasnt it enough though?

its because you wanted more, and you knew it. you wanted him to reply immediately and accept your apology as well as begging you to come back because you knew not even deep

down, straight foward youd accept it

you longed for his ‘good mornings’, ‘i miss you’, ‘i love you’’s that you took for granted

all because of that one day (s)

you decided that this cycle of wanting ends now, all these cowardly attempts will stop. so you grabbed your coat and put on your shoes and drove to his place

to make up for that night and those days

-

“i just dont understand why you wont talk to me whenever you feel a certain way instead of running away” seungcheol sighed as he ran his hands through his hair as he sat on the couch watching you pace around the living room

“what part of ‘i dont want to’ do you not get” you raised your voice slightly as you paused to stand infront of seungcheol

“i dont get it because i love you.” he replied calmly as he reached to grab your hand and caressing it. and as he looked up at you you saw it in his eyes, the longing for those 3 words you never said back to him. he was always patient with you, the first time he said ‘i love you’ to you he saw the hesitation and understood, he allowed you go at your own pace until you felt ready. but it got to a point, a point where he started to doubt himself and to a point where you could read it.

“i…i cant.”

its not like you didnt love him, you loved him more than anything, more than yourself

and thats what scared you

you know the saying “you cant love someone until you love yourself”?

bullshit.

he was the reason you forgot you hated yourself because you were so inlove with him

and your pride was the one thing holding you back from facing the fear

“what?” seungcheol said pulling you out of your thoughts

you looked back at him to see his eyebrows furrowed

“you cant say you love me or you cant love me?” his tone became a bit more furrious

you didnt say anything, just stood there which was the first mistake you realized you made throughout this relationship out of the many

“im willing to wait for you yn, because i love you. i love you so much, i never want to rush you to tell me you love me back but its been almost months now. im starting to doubt myself”

you didnt know how to process his words, not knowing how to comfort him you did what you did best

leave.

“this is too much for me” thats all you managed to get out before you left the house without looking back

you heard his protest as you left but they went ignored, like how seungcheol felt in your relationship

-

seungcheol stood there watching the door close. he never understood how people could be so shocked they freeze but now that he was experiencing it first hand he didnt know what to do

should he run after you?

leave you alone?

was this the end between you two?

this couldnt be, you wouldnt let a small argument get between you two

right?

-

the first time reaching out.

seungcheol had reached out to you, it was about a week since you left the house without deciding if you two were actually over

he spent each day opening the message app and clicking on your contact name hoping he’ll see the 3 bubbles letting him know you were still thinking of him

so when he was finally fed up with it he sent you a message hoping itll give you a change of heart, he wanted you to know he didnt mean any of the bad things he said and that he still cares for you

“hi, i hope this finds you well but uhm i just wanted to know where we stand. im sorry if i overwhelmed you the last time we saw each other but i really want us to work out, you mean a lot to me and i love you, so much. but i cant keep hanging onto this silence from you. text me back when you can? i love you, and im sorry”

read

you had woken up from your pity nap to his message and spent the entire following week fighting the thoughts in your head

if you replied and told him you wanted to come back, youd still be in doubt about yourself and cause more trouble for the both lf you guys, but if you replied and told him you didnt want to get back together, itll cause a very strange and awkward tension between you two so just ignored the message and left him wondering

now that you think about it, it was a horrible idea but you didn’t know how to solve this. you didnt want to bring more pain to him but you couldnt bring pain to yourself either

so you stared at the message he sent a month later

“i waited for a month and im assuming we’re over? it sucks but i respect your decision. i hope you find someone for you, thank you for the memories we’ve had you’ve been good to me. i love you and im sorry for not being enough”

read

laying on your bed wrapped in a blanket resting on your side the tears fell on your phone. you didnt want him to think he wasnt enough when it was the opposite way around, but its too late now. all you could do was hope he found peace

-

seungcheol sat on the couch and sighed resting against it as he opened up the message only to see read for the nth time. was it really over between you two? is he never gonna be able to wake up to your face again?

maybe thats the way life goes

he just pushed his luck a little too much

-

the second time reaching out

its been a couple months, you kept his last messages in your ‘recent messages’ on your texting app. so each time you opened to text someone you still saw his contacy name with the words “i waited over a month….” underneath. youd be lying if you said it didnt hurt but it did, it stung that you let go of one of the best people in your life

so out of impulse, instead of texting your bestfriend a reply to her latest message you clicked on his name

“cheol 🩶”

“this is really sudden but i cant help but still feel guilty. i shouldve been better and replied to you but i was really scared. i was scared of hurting you and myself but im sorry, im sorry for not reaching out sooner, im

sorry for being a dick, im sorry for not being a good partner. i hope youre doing good and i wish you the best”

you held your breath as you sent it. it took you about a hour constantly rephrasing the words. you didnt want it to sound too lengthy or too short. you wanted to sound sincere but not that you longed for him even though you did.

took him exactly 3 hours and 19 minutes from when you sent the message to reply. you waited 22 minutes to open it, you kept refreshing the screen because his reply only had 12 words.

12

words

“no problem, i wish you the best, you were a good partner :)”

the smiley face really topped it off you could see how he was trying to downplay the situation to have you feel not as guilty , but you were ready for anything

to be blocked, to get yelled at over text, for him to be disappointed but this really twisted the knife

he was so civil about it, he wasnt angry, he wasnt stressed about it

so why were you?

maybe it was the fact you were the asshole while he was the victim. the victim who stood by you and tried to understand you only to be hurt. deciding not to push it you left his message on read and turned off your phone and sighed

-

when seungcheol got home from hanging out with jeonghan, he turned on his phone after not checking it to see your contact name as one of the first notifications. he said rubbed his eyes frantically and turned off and on his phone again to make sure he wasnt seeing things

clicking on the notification his heart clenched

he hoped you meant everything you said, but its kinda hard to believe when all he could see were words. he’d much rather hear it from you but he doubted his luck at this point.

sending a small reply of what hes able to get out now he hoped youll rack up the courage for you to see him, or maybe he will

-

the third time reaching out

the third time you reached out wasnt your proudest moment. your friend convinced you to finally go out after mopping about seungcheol for the last months. the main point she gave was

“you already apologized, he forgave, what are you waiting for now?”

she was right, he clearly showed no sign of wanting to get back together so you have to live your life without him whether you liked it or not

and it didnt turn out too well. all you could remember was drinking your face off and then opening your eyes in your bed, still in your outfit. assuming your friend brought you home you picked up your phone and unlocked it to immediately see your text log with seungcheol making your heart drop

there were 3 messages in total since your last apology

“chwol i msiss hou so mwuch came beck i love you se mych”

you saw he read it immediately but took 19 minutes to reply

“yn your drunk, get some rest. stay safe”

“im nat i love you, im sorry”

seungcheol left you on seen.

somehow to your and his suprise the only word you could spell right was ‘i love you’

especially seungcheol. the whole day he subconsciously kept going back to look at the message to see if youd come back and apologize or even try and clear things up but the most important thing to him was the “i love you”

did you mean it?

when he first saw the message on his phone at 2:22 from you saying “i love you” his heart stopped, well until he read the rest of the message, it was clear you were drunk but he hated how it still had an effect on him

drunk words were sober thoughts but still, he wished to hear those 3 words from you when you were intoxicated.

seungcheol still longed for you to tell him you love him even after these months but his expectations for you were low. as much as he’d hate to say it, he began to give up on the chance you’d love him again

but he still loved you.

-

the fourth time reaching out (sorta)

its been a year and a half since you both had ended things. admittedly you realized your issues and worked on yourself, you weren’t ashamed to admit that you were a horrible person before cause you were. but now you can at least be proud with the person youve became

you took time away from those associated with seungcheol to avoid seeing him and breaking down your healing process but now you were finally ready to face everyone and most importantly

apologize to seungcheol in person

walking inside hoshi’s party the music was blasting, everyone was talking to one another and you walked around looking for some familiar faces.

jeonghan was the first to greet you, he hugged you while mumbling questions asking of how youve been and what youve been up to. but as he hugged you he turned your body to face seungcheol.

you looked up and saw his eyes. he stared at you as if he never saw you before and froze once again

the same way he did when you left

jeonghan whispered a “go talk to him” before leaving.

as cliche as it sounded, in a room full of people you both stared at eachother blanky

he wss the first to smile slight at you and you took that as a go sign to walk to him

as you made you way to him time moved slow, it seemed like everyone wasnt there anymore, just you and him

and like time went back to normal youre now standing infront of him

“seung-“

“cheol!”

you heard another voice call him by his nickname

looking for the voice you found it belonged to another woman.

it was hard to not assume the worst especially when you looked up and saw his embarrassed face.

“i love you….im sorry”

those two words were all you said before you left

again.

but this time you walked away with not the regret of being afraid but instead regretting the fact you let him

go to be with someone else

with tied in with how much you hated yourself for being so selfish you couldnt or rather didnt want to imagine him with anyone other than you

but there was no one to blame but you

walking back to your car you sat in the driver seat and laid on the horn while screaming letting out every single feeling youve felt and held in despite thinking youve let go

i guess somethings never leave

your love for him.

“excuse me?” you looked up at the old lady

you rolled down the window and tilted your head

“your horn” she awkwardly laughed

“oh right. sorry.” you chuckled awkwardly as she left, you reclined your seat back wanting to disappear

-

the fifth time reaching out

seungcheol spent the entire night and day after the party consoling himself. he tried to convince himself that you already moved on so what happened last night didnt mean much.

you werent worried were you?

she was just his cousin but you wouldnt be jealous or bothered because you had moved on

moved on

moved on

moved

oh fuck it. he hoped you didnt.

but he had spent the entire year and a half, almost 2 years afraid to go for what he wants. but life was too short

life was too short to hold him to get you back

whether it ends with him getting slapped or completely heart broken

its okay with him

so as he opens his door with his shoss on he-

you.

you looked as almost shocked as him as he opened the door

you both jumbled your words

“i-“

“well-“

“but-“

“hi.”

you both said

there was a moment of silence of you two deciding what to do, or who should speak first

you shook your head and decided to go first

“i love you

im sorry.”

he froze, the words he longed to hear from you finally hit his ears. there was no ‘and’ between the ‘i love you’ and ‘im sorry’. its as if you were apologizing for loving him like you were scared

and he knew you were. so hearing it made it 10 times better

the silence from him caused you to be able to hear your heartbeat, you looked up and seen him smiling warmly as he opened his arms

your lips curved up slightly as you entered his embrace

“i love you

i havent stopped”

[bahrtofane]

here we go again - pt.1

pt. 2 , pt.3

jude x fem!reader , trent x fem!reader

empty promise after another leaves you walking in the cold. alone. on valentines day. youre never speaking to another player again.

word count : 1K+

watch it : mild fluff, heavy on the angst, situationships, toxic relationships, Jude is kinda an ass in this one sorry, not very happy ending

happy valentines day LOL

—--

you and Jude have a complex history, complex relationship. 

you aren't officially together but at the same time you are exclusive. it's odd, but it's what works at the moment, (even if you wish he would just grow the balls to make you his already.)

you get he's a busy guy, top player both club and international. you aren't going to force him to choose you or make him get with you while his career is soon about to peak. 

your wishes for more soon fade into the background as he presses gentle kisses into your skin. he called you a few hours prior, wondering if you wanted to keep him company while he binges movies and orders you a pizza. you said yes, maybe a little foolishly. but it's hard to stay away from him. 

he's addicting. maybe it's a rush of being with someone whose whole existence is so grand. maybe it's the fact of knowing you have what millions of others crave for. you don't know, you try not to read into the intricacies. bad habit. 

so here you are, face pressed up against his chest while you lay side by side on this stupidly large couch, action movie playing, your pizza done, belly full and body warm. 

"what are you thinking about love?" he mumbles. 

"you." you shrug.

"me ?" he chuckles. 

you hum, wiggling deeper into the pile of blankets. 

"i've been thinking about you. and us." he confesses, almost shy. the movie playing in front of you has long fizzled out of your attention. 

hey might as well rip the band aid off. 

"me too," you hum, "why aren't we official again?"

you feel him sigh dramatically, "because my career."

you squint. there goes the same lousy explanation. "you could put more i don't know, thought into us."

he shifts under the blankets , "valentine's day is coming up. dont worry love i have it all planned out." he assures you. 

"oh yeah ?" you tease

"just you wait, the best valentine's day ever." he kisses the top of your head soundly.

—--

worst fucking valenties day of your life. you don't remember being more livid a day in your life. you cant remember the last time so much pure rage burned through you, hot enough to hurt. you didn't think it was humanly possible to clench your fist so tight youve dug into your palm hard enough to draw blood. 

your head hurts, your legs hurt, you think your arm is starting to bruise from where you were shoved into a table on "accident" but what would Jude know. he was so busy taking pictures with models and laughing at corny jokes while you kept yourself company. texting and calling didnt work and he didn't even try to give you any attention the whole night, you can't keep doing this with him. 

"you can't just run off-" Jude shouts from somewhere behind you. 

"or what Jude. or fucking what." you seeth, not bothering to face him, storming out into the night. 

It's your fault for trusting him all those nights ago. your fault for falling for the same shit over and over. 

he sprints to catch up to you, "i don't know why you're being like this."

you stop dead in your tracks, "oh i don't know, let's think. you didn't tell me your escorts would be there. and to top it all fucking off they have to nerve to be on my ass the whole night, not letting me get anywhere near you even through we walked in together?"

he doesn't respond and you half the mind not to punch the shit out of him, walking further away from the club you just came from, heels clanking against the sidewalk so hard it hurts, pulling on your dress so you dont trip and fall. maybe you should let it go so you can fall flat on your face. that would be a better ending to the night than seeing his face. silly stupid you thinking this would work. 

"happy fucking valentines day huh Jude. you take me to a damn club, you ignore me the whole night, and you spend all your time surrounded by other women who might as well just suck you off right then and there." you yell, hell if anyone hears. you want them too, you want him to be as humiliated as you feel. 

Bellinghams date thrown away the moment you step inside, ignored and tossed for some common whores. oh you can't wait to see where your face ends up online after tonight. you can see the headlines now. 

he grabs your arm, making you face him, "love listen-"

"no, you dont get to fucking do that anymore. you cant keep sweet talking your way out of things when you fuck up. why can't you just pretend to care" your voice shakes, you can feel tears brimming in your eyes.

"i'm not trying to talk my way out of it, i'm trying to explain." he tries.

you yank your arm out of his grip, "i'm not listening anymore, im done. all i asked was one day for us, just valentines day to make things work. and you showed me you dont care enough for that." 

"please, let me fix this." he pleads.

"its too late."

"i wanted things to work so fucking bad, and you humiliated me Jude. i imagined a nice dinner, hell i would have settled for take out and a few kisses. that's how bad i want things to work, that's how bad i wanted you." you tremble. 

"please my darling. let's talk about this. come back inside and i'll show everyone that you are mine," he holds a hand out to you, waiting. silently pleading with each breath he takes. 

the street lights dance across his skin as for a moment you almost believe him. for a moment you think about stepping back inside with him. you can't do that to yourself, not again. 

"no, iim done. don't follow me, don't call me dont text nothing. i want nothing more to do with you." your firm, final. swallowing the lump that builds in your throat, youd be damned if he sees you cry after this fucking shit show.

he stops in his tracks at this, not bothering to try and stop you. 

it hurts more than it should to leave him behind you, but you honest to god can not keep up with his lifestyle. 

all those articles and rumors were right you suppose, he's an arrogant stuck up bastard with too much money to know what to do with, too cocky for his own good and destroys anything good that comes his way. you hope he's happy without you. 

[sobersturniolos]

| LIKE A CHAMP.

backstory: matt has been really distant from you, since you and him have had little to no time to be together, you became such a brat, so he treats you like a champ.

warnings: HEAVY SMUT. brat tamer!matt x brat!reader, sex tapes,mention of using belts, kinky ifykykykykkykykkkkk

matt made his way home to finally see you. you were hanging out with chris and nick.

you were complaining about how he was being super distant from you ever since they got back from tour.

„ hes barley speaking to me anymore! its like i don’t even exist! “ you complained, scrolling through videos on youtube on the living room tv, trying to find anything to find anything to distract you from the fact the love for your life is barley even talking to you.

„ girl, you shouldn’t have dated matt out of all people. that kid rarely responds to our messages alone. “ nick said, sighing.

„ yeah man, its like hes allergic to affection.” chris rolled his eyes even at the thought of it.

matt then finally made his way home, he came up to the living room, staring briefly at you. and only you.

„ get up.”

you knew he was referring to you.

„ why? youve been ignoring me all day! “ you screamed in protest.

„ i said get.up.” matt said, by the looks of it, you were fucked.

„ fuck. “ you said under your breath. as you got up and made way to the front door and to his car.

„ they are so going to fuck.” nick said, applying some of his space camp and putting it down with a concerned face.

„ right. “ chris said, going back to his phone, obviously uninterested.

when you and him got to the car, he practically threw you into the back row seats. and ripped your clothes off.

„m-matt! “ you said, seeing he was taking off his belt. that one hurt the most.

„ you thought you could get away with acting like that? huh?” he hit you with the belt, swapping from the left side to the right.

„ answer left. me. right. “

you were already a whining mess now, just from this you knew a whole bunch was coming.

„im sorry!.. i was j-just mad! “ you pleaded.

„ thats not enough. “ he hit you with it again before tightening it around your wrists, leaving you tied up and your ass stinging so bad.

he set up a camera , giving it a smile before lifting your head upward, „ say hi,slut "

you whined again in protest, shaking your head.

„ no? i think you like being punished on camera dont you? yeah? “ he said, slapping your ass as hard as he could.

he then stuck his already hard cock inside you, his girth stretching you all the way out.

„ fuck! oh god matt! im so so sorry! “

he hit you again on your ass. immediately shutting you up.

„ i dont wanna hear that, your not getting any pity from me.” he picked up his thrusting speed, his waist moving as quick as he could, ruining your insides.

you tried to pry your way out of the belt, being unsuccessful at it.

„ cant wiggle your way out of this one.” matt said, obviously getting closer and closer

he took his dick out of you, cumming all over your back and waist.

„ god ive missed that feeling.”

A/N: hi matt fic hi 🤤🤤 anyway sluts should i make a taglist

[poppy-metal]

https://www.tumblr.com/poppy-metal/759280992988119040/httpswwwtumblrcompoppy-metal7592785339693137?source=share

Thats a good way of putting it, i love your mind poppy

I was wondering does reader have this perspective yet, like she has the understanding while theyre fucking or does it sink in later as she navigates this new relationship with tashi included as she is opening up to her?

yes, she's aware! she's more than well aware her brother has fallen in love with tashi - she hates it even more because she actually likes the woman. makes fucking art behind her back all the more guilt ridden - it doesn't happen as often as you'd wished it would when you thought about art being married. you thought you'd be having him fuck you everyday under his wife's nose. but sometimes you can't bring yourself to betray her trust. but sometimes you just need art so much - and he never turns you down when you come to him - even though you know he hates being unfaithful, when he's inside you it's like it's just the two of you in your own little world.

and youve honestly been trying to move on - you've been dating guys more frequently, though you don't tell art this. it still feels like cheating to you even though he's married - you just think the sooner you can hurry up and fall in love with someone else, or even just find someone good enough to pretend with, the sooner you can leave art behind and stop being a burden.

tashi making art fuck you in front of her was a suprise - but you were very overwhelmed in the moment with lots of emotions and didn't really process the power play at hand. you still think you're gonna be in trouble after, that art is gonna tell you you need to stop contacting him and coming over so much - that that was the last time - that tashi will kick you out of her home for good.

you don't want to have the talk afterwards that's probably necessary. you feel like a slut and a horrible person and like a rock in their marriage that could be smooth if you weren't bogging art down so much. you dont talk that night, anyway. art is always tired after sex, and he falls asleep easily between you and tashi. she doesn't ask you to leave the bed, either, so you just stay awkwardly. but when she falls asleep too, you sneak out of their bed and leave.

you sit on the floor of your shower at home while the water pours over you as you let your brothers cum flush out of your body - thinking it'll be the last time it's ever placed there. he should be coming in his wife, not his sister.

when you get out and your fingers are pruned you text tashi that sex with art will never happen again, and that you're sorry for being a problem, but you won't be anymore. you'll move on and let her have art to herself. you won't even put up a fight, which is odd, because you always thought you'd kick and scream to stay by arts side.

maybe it's a sign of maturity that you aren't. it just hurts too much.

you've been enough of a burden on your brother - making him play the role of brother, father, and lover all at once. let him have his own life now. let him grow up, finally. have a family.

on tashis end - it's not what she wants. but she's never been one to baby someone else, and she recognizes you hiding. she leaves you on read - it's not your decision to make, really. so she doesn't even entertain you.

she'll have to speak with art more in depth. he can't get you pregnant - and she might need you to get a husband just to keep up appearances on the outside, but on the inside - she doesn't mind art continuing to fuck you. he needs you. she thinks he might actually cease to exist if you weren't in his life.

a relationship between you and tashi would be slow going, but definitely inevitable. you relish in her power too much - she likes the look of your body, and you like the look of hers. maybe a time will come where art is the one in the chair watching his wife fuck his sister, instead.

lots of chess peices to move.

[opal-owl-flight]

No sign of Rain.

Not easy living with the fact that you hurt someone you just wanted to protect, isnt it.

More context under the cut!

Tldr: 3 realizes that forcing 4 away from the Platoon after Sploon2 the way they did wasnt the best choice. That forcing her to ignore what had happened had most likely contributed to her unable to cope with life beyond war.

(The comic above is from after Sploon3/SO! Situation described below is post Sploon2/OE.)

3 and 4 have been doing missions together awhile. 4s been able to handle herself well, but theres a moment where she trips up and gets hurt a lil more than usual. Like, its to the point where she needs to be taken off the field awhile.

3...

"|Im sorry.|"

"Heh? Three, if it wasnt for you, Id be dead. What are you saying sorry for?"

"|...if it werent for me going away when Octavio stole the Zapfish again...youd never have been dragged into this mess.|"

"Thats not your fault, Three. Cap'n called you away."

3 sighs... "|Still...you couldve been living a life where you never have to worry about your life being put in this much danger.

Or anyone else's life, for that matter.|"

4s the one whos quiet now, as she glances away. 3 does have a point... "...I guess so, yeah. But that wouldve meant that Id never have met you."

Silence sits between them awhile, until 3 grunts softly, to get 4 to look at them again. "|I want you to promise me something.|"

"What is it?"

"|When things settle down again, I want you to leave.|"

"....What?"

"|Live your life away from this. This danger, this war, this...everything.|"

"And leave YOU? Three, you cant do things alone anymore, you KNOW it!"

A clack of their beak. "|Im more capable than you think, Four. Dont think less of me.|"

"Im not- Im not thinking less of you!! Im just stating the facts!"

3s making a low gurgling noise. Its a similar sound an inkfish makes before spitting ink. A sound that says "dont test me."

"Three, Im not leaving. Its already happened... everything -- Octaria, the zapfish, the metro -- its all happened, and I cant just...go back after all of that."

"|Yes, you can. You still can. Youve a life outside this. Why else are you late enough that Marie has given up reprimanding you?|"

4 backs down...3s right. Again.

"...and what about you? Why dont you leave, too? Once...everything is stable."

3s ears droop. "|...theres nothing left for me. Ive thrown my lot with the NSS for as long as I remember. My team barely even recognizes me these days.|"

A silent beat goes by between them again.

"|So promise me. Promise me.| Rain." They rasp her name, making sure she gets the point. "|Promise me you'll live. Promise me you'll go back up there. You said you wanted to go to college -- go. Dont look back. Dont become like me.

I dont want you to become like...this.|"

They gesture to their scar. Their tentacles, forever stained marbled cyan.

4 can see in the gesture the pain they hid in their hearts. The regret. The guilt.

"...Tanara..."

"Live." they rasp, So quietly."Live. Promise me."

"I dont want to leave you alone."

"|Ive been in this war since Ive hatched, and Ive done things on my own before you were dragged into this. You deserve none of this bullshit.|"

"You dont deserve it either!"

3 grips her shoulders. pleading with her. "Promise me. Please promise me. That youll leave."

4 shakes her head. Resolute.

"Im sorry...I cant promise that to you. Youre my friend, Tanara. Im not letting you do this alone."

3... leans against her, defeated. Burying their face into her shoulder. Theyre shaking their head, clutching on her tight.

"...I-Im sorry, I...Ill be more careful next time. Okay? I can...I can promise you that much."

3 remains silent. Thats not what they want. They want her to be safe forever.

"...this really means a lot to you, huh?

Okay.

Ill...Ill think about it."

------------------------

She does eventually decide to leave. Things were looking up for awhile, and missions are much lighter. She can dare to dream bigger now. That and...she cant stand seeing 3 looking so guilty whenever she says something abt her life on the surface.

None of it is their fault. Any of this. But they still feel that theyre taking her away from her "real life".

When she said that shes leaving the platoon, 3s look of jubilation both relieved and pained her. Then a thought hit her, right there.

"...Wait...all this time- did you just want to get rid of me? D-did you not want to be friends anymore?"

3 shakes their head. "|Rain, I asked you to live your dreams as a friend.

Your safety would be guaranteed. Youd be able to happily live your dreams without worry.|"

"...Will I ever see you again?"

3 sighs. "|...hopefully not.|"

4 gasps.

"|No- no-! Not because I dont want to see you-|"

"Tanara, youre making it hard for me to believe that youre doing this for me. What kind of life would I have if youre not there? Not a happy one, Im telling you!!!"

3s shaking as they sign. Trying so hard to keep their breaking mask tight.

"|Im a soldier, Rain. And Ill likely be one til the day I die.

I dont want to drag you back into this mess. I dont want you to get hurt, because of me.|"

Why is it that they always have a point? 4 despairs at the fact.

"So this means goodbye..?"

"|Weve got some days left. Lets make them count.|"

A smile. A bittersweet one.

------------------------

These teenagers goddamn. 3 doesnt understand fully that shit still happened and one cant just leave and pretend nothing had transpired. Or maybe they felt they didnt deserve to have someone as good as 4.

Theyre ruthless in a sense that they know what their goals are. Their goal was to keep the world safe for everyone else to live. And if it means sacrificing their friendship with 4, so be it. If shes safe, their goal is met. Doesnt matter what either of them feel about it. (I suppose 4 getting injured really pushed them to make that choice.)

And 4... yeah, leaving was the smart choice for her personal growth, but agreeing with 3 to sacrifice their friendship wasnt the best choice to agree to. She felt like she cant argue 3 out of that decision they made for the both of them...so she just followed it.

"|Look alive, Rain. Your brand new life awaits you.|"

------------------------

Thats why theyre so flabbergasted and upset that she came back. It felt like that time they spent alone, that sacrifice they made, was all in vain...

"Im sorry, Three. It sucked being away from you. It really did. I failed to live there...maybe my life is really meant to be lived here. On duty.

With you."

Are they disappointed that she failed her brand new life? No, never. They gave her the chance to run away from it all, but she came crawling back after doing so. If she felt that her life is here, after trying something else, so be it.

Thats what convinced them enough to allow 4 to return to duty. Theyll keep her safe another way. They also cant hide from themself the fact that theyre happy to see her again after so long.

[kyuteflesh]

price / soap / f!reader

・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・

* soap wants u real bad + being prices property = threesome

this is just a little unfinished thought. plotting up a storm rn. unprofessional for them but let me live my fantasy pls.

⚠️: degradation, slight smut, mainly just price yapping, +18

you were the captains bitch. everyone knew that.

from the way you came out of his office stumbling, new hickeys showing up every other day.

soap had been plotting on you since day 1. unlucky for him, price got to you first. he just had the charm soap lacked ig.

was that really the case tho???? or did price just ask you out sooner?

here you were, pinned up against the wall of johnnys room. his brawny arms keeping you restricted. tonguing your mouth, wanting more.

“we can’t be doing this, johnny. if he finds out, we’re both as good as dead”

“if you would just keep it down, then he wouldn’t possi—“

that’s when a fuming price burst through the door, materials clanging so loudly against each other you were sure the knob left a hole in the wall.

soap quickly backed away from you. temperature dropping, hands clammy. looks of panic coming from both of you.

“forget to lock the door eh, mactavish? ‘m sure you won’t make that mistake again. not after i have a fuckin’ bullet going through your thick, idiotic skull.”

price approached you, you were cowering under his much taller and intimidating stature. “please don’t kill him, john. he must’ve had too much to drink- i don’t know just please!”

scowling at you, inches away from your face. you could feel the steam radiating off of him.

“don’t hurt ‘em, ey? why should i listen to a whore who can’t keep her legs closed for any man? that’s all i’m gathering out of this.” price slid his hand down your pants, running a finger between your folds.

pulling it back out, he let out a measly laugh.

soap could do nothing but nervously fiddle with his thumbs.

quite the dumbass he was, trying to enter someone else’s property. he was stuck regretting every single decision leading up to this moment.

“look at this, johnny. look at how wet youve got my little cum dump. isn’t that something?” smiling, he wiped his finger off on johnnys neck.

gulping, he finally was able to muster out a few words. “i’m so so sorry captain, sir. it won’t ever happen again i—“

“pfft, johnny, lad, you’re such a pushover. grow a pair. you wanna fuck my girl? at least let me show you how it’s done first.”

WHAT DID HE SAAAYYYY??!!!!

“what?!” you both gasped in unison.

“you heard me. now y/n,” having a seat on the bed, price started to take his dick out. it was still soft.

“make me hard. let’s put that filthy mouth of yours to good use.” he patted his lap.

you were too stunned to speak, nervously sweating, blushing.

“are you deaf all of a sudden?” price spat out. he was losing his patience.

you quickly complied, not wanting the situation to escalate any further.

you lowered down to your knees, giving his tip a soft kitten lick. you began to take his whole length in your mouth. hollowing your cheeks as you let your tongue roam.

it was only a matter of time before you could feel him stiffening, hitting the back of your throat.

price took his attention away from you, looking up to johnny. “you want this?” he beckoned, running his hands through your hair.

johnny just nodded. ashamed of the growing erection in his pants. “come take my place then”

you were in doggy, face full of johnnys cock. pussy soon to be full of john’s cock. funny!

price gave your ass a firm smack. you were nervous. this was the first thing you’ve indulged in anything of the sort (a 3sum, that is).

johnny squeezed his eyes shut. not believing what was going on. the woman of his dreams giving him the blowjob of his life. his higher up fucking you from behind.

teetering back and forth between the two, you barely needed to put any effort in.

price was fucking you hard enough to where you didn’t need to bob your head for johnny.

it would be foolish to think that none of you were enjoying this.

you got to be used as a fuck doll by these insanely hot military men. dream come true.

[billgetsmewet]

Make-up S€x..

Bill Kaulitz

-MUTUALS WHO FLWD ME FOR FASHION PLS IGNORE THIS OMDS-

warnings : s€x , fighting/arguing, sad start (great end😊)

You were at your apartment, waiting for Bill to come home.

He was always getting home late nowadays, barely paying attention to you, even though you tried to let him know multiple times that you felt neglected.

He told you he would be home by 11pm on the dot, he sweared he wouldnt be late this time.

Wasnt a surprise that it was already 1am and he still wasnt in your sight.

Around 1:54am he barged in, not even saying hello, before dropping his bag and his jacked straight on the floor and going to bed.

He knew this bothered you but he couldnt give less of a shit.

You walked up to him, about to confront him, but he didnt even look at you, you were on the edge of breaking into tears.

You sat down next to him, trying to spit a word out of your mouth without crying.

“Bill..” you mumbled, your voice all quiet and shakey.

No reply.

“Bill!” you said, a bit louder this time.

Still no reply.

“Oh for fucks sake, Bill!” you angered, raising your voice enough for him to finally look at you, but you could tell he was already tired of you talking to him.

“Bill..” you let out another mumble.

“What?” he replied harshly

“Talk to me..” you begged

He didnt even budge, he was too tired to make an effort.

“You said youd be home by 11.. its almost 2am..” you said, waiting for a reply… but he just stared at you.

Finally he sighed, replying.

“I got busy”

Why has he been so cold and ignoring..? you thought to yourself.

“I was worried” you whispered, almost breaking into tears on the spot, you knew he was lying, you knew he was just having fun with his friends.

“You should be used to it by now” he replied coldly, tearing your heart apart.

You couldnt hold it back anymore and you let the tears shed.

He sat up, snapping back to reality.

You walk out of the room, not wanting him to see you cry.

He follows.

You sit down on the couch in the livingroom, curling up.

He sits down next to you.

“L..listen.. i didnt mean to hurt you.. ive been busy.” he stuttered.

“Bill, i know youve just been out with your friends, i know damn fucking well youre not busy!” you cried.

“Ive been worrying my ass off, you sweared youd be home on time.. Im not your mom, i cant stop you from coming home late, but you can do the bare minimum and make an effort to be home the same day atleast!” you wiped your tears.

He sighs.

“Y/N i just want to live life until i can! im only young now!” he says.

“Bullshit.” you sigh. “You lie too, theres no point.”

“Bill, you have to understand im young too! And i happen to want to live my life with you! I make efforts, i dont want to beg for your love.”

He feels his heart break as you say that.. did he really hurt you that much?

“Im.. im..” he couldnt seem to get the words out of his mouth..

You zip your sweater down, youre getting hot from crying so much, and Bills body heat is making you feel hotter.

He looks at you as if he saw an angel fly by, you looked gorgeous, but he knew he shoudlnt focus on that, however his eyes were gkued to your chest.

“Im..” he mumbles.

“Youre what, Bill? Is it really that fucking hard?” you mumble, not loud enough to make it clear to him what you said..

“W-what..?! I-Im not.. hard? I..” he tried fighting down what he thought your assumptions are.

You look him up and down, rolling your eyes.

“I- i mean! i… oh god” he stutters.

“Youre a fucking idiot..”

You walk back into the bedroom.

He follows once again.

You lay down on your side of the bed, he lays down on his, facing you.

“Im sorry..” he finally spits out.

“Wasnt so hard now was it?”

He looks down, ashamed.

You turn over, you dont want to see his face right now.

He glides his hands down your stomach, pulling you closer.

“Can i make it up to you?”

His words gave you butterflies, but you didnt reply, you just wanted him to read your mind.. or your body language.

He glides his hands even lower, finally touching the bottoms of your pyjamas.

God, his hands are so gentle..

He pats your thighs a bit before bringing his hands back up and tucking on the string of your pyjama bottoms.

“Can i?”

You nod.

He unties the string, sliding his hands underneath your pyjama bottoms.

He can feel how wet you already are.

Your breathing gets heavier and heavier by the second.

You arch your back, begging for some spark, begging him to finger you.

—————————————————————————

You can barely catch your breath , as he thursts his cock in and out of you at such a fast pace that youre surprised you can even keep up.

With each thurst he slides his cock just to the very tip, only to slam it right back in.

He moans with each thurst, your noises align.

He feels as if he cant control himself…

He can feel both of you reaching your climaxes.

“Hold onto me.. okay? Fuck…”

“Close?” he whines.

You nod, moaning heavily.

“Me too baby, me too..”

He continues, not missing a single beat from the rythm.

Not long after hes on the edge of finishing.

“I..Im.. fuck..”

He tries speaking again.

“Im gonna.. cum..”

He moans as he says the last word, releasing his seed inside of you, making you finish aswell.

He makes sure to fuck his cum into you, not wasting a single drop.

—————————————————————————

You guys cuddle in bed, resting after whatever just happened.

“Im sorry” He whispers.

You pull him closer as an answer.

“I promise on my life i wont be late again.. im sorry..”

He kisses you, caressing your head, before both of you fall asleep.

—————————————————————————

Alright i hope u guys liked that! sorry the smut part was short:(

Also i apologize for the spelling mistakes and all that, im hungarian and i dont know how to spell fancy words, ykwim?

Tried my best! Love u!

[idyllic-affections]

we'll meet again.

summary. ""I'm sure we'll meet again, but for now… goodbye, [Name]."" trigger & content warnings. major character death (the reader), mild blood. tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. angst, hurt/no comfort. muichiro tokito & hashira mentor!reader. 1.1k words. they/them pronouns for reader. author's thoughts. this is an expansion of these headcanons. while this oneshot could be read as a standalone, it makes slightly more sense with the background context. also i think this oneshot only really makes sense if youve read the demon slayer manga; you wont understand the fight scene if you havent. anyway i have NO excuse for this. im so sorry (no im not LMAO)

       "Tokito, move!"

       Perhaps it was the urgency in their tone, or perhaps it was the evident desire to protect a young life that they deemed unsettlingly evanescent, yet Muichiro obeyed with no hesitation. Perhaps it was simply the trust and respect he held for his mentor.

       Regardless, he moved.

       The second he released the hilt of his blade, they clasped it, pushing the boy further away with all their might. Though they may have missed it, Muichiro grimaced from the utter force they exerted against his core and stumbled slightly when attempting to regain his balance.

       ...

       He hadn't sparred with them in quite a long time. He'd forgotten the kind of power that they could demonstrate.

       Though the blade had been red before when clutched in the Mist Hashira's hand, it was blazing now, making the Upper Moon suck in a sharp, painful breath. Their glare was steely enough to make even the bravest man falter.

       If Kokushibo was not a demon, perhaps even he would have wavered.

       "You will not harm my Tsuguko."

       Lightning struck their core, tearing and searing the seams of their flesh to reach its sharp nails into their delicate innards. They hardly processed the gaping gash across their torso until the pain came in seconds later, making the floor sway beneath their feet and their vision spin. A glare that was once as sharp as their nichirin blade was now unfocused and hazy.

       Their legs gave out from underneath them.

       Through the pounding of their heart in their ears, they heard a distant, faint cry of their name.

       A moment passed, then another.

       Tender fingers brushed hair that'd stuck to their sweaty, pale face away, caressing their cheek with a trembling hand. "...[Name]-nee?"

       "Ah..." they laughed, choking up a bit of blood in the process, before wincing at the sharp pain that struck their abdomen after. "That's the first time you've called me anything other than [Name]-sama, Mui-kun. It's cute. You should've done it a long time ago."

       "H— wait, hold on, just stay awake a little longer," he urged, hands scrambling to peel away at some of the fabric sticking to their flesh. The boy's pupils were blown wide with panic; that much they could tell, despite their blood-loss induced dilirium. "We'll close your wounds, just... I need..."

       "Hey..." they called weakly, gently pushing his hands away from their wound with what little strength they had left. "Tokito."

       "I just, I- I need to start a fire. We'll cauterize them—"

       "Tokito-kun."

       "—It'll be okay."

       "Mui-kun, please, just stop already! Listen to me!"

       Glossy tears spilled over at the sheer breathless desperation in their voice. Never once had their voice raised in his direction, and perhaps it was a mix of the utter overwhelm of the situation and the shock of hearing them yell (at him, specifically) that pushed him over the edge.

       In the end, Muichiro was still only a child.

       Their chest rose up and down in heavy puffs as they tried to catch their breath, squeezing their eyes shut as the room spun.

       "[Name]-nee... don't go yet. Please, please... not you too..."

       "Shh. I'm still here. Just, ah... just give me your hands. I'll throw up if I open my eyes."

       He was quick in clasping their chilled hands between his own, sharing his body heat and offering what little comfort he possibly could to both himself and his rapidly declining mentor. A deep weight settled in his gut at the realization that he wasn't just in some horrible nightmare—that, once again, someone he adored and loved wholeheartedly was leaving him alone.

       To them, the warmth he radiated was indeed a comforting reassurance. He was warm. Alive.

       "Listen to me. You've gotta kill Muzan for me. This isn't fixable. This couldve been you, laying here in your own blood, you know? You're too young to die here. Too many kids have given their lives already. You had better not die, you hear me? I'll give you hell if you do."

       When he laid down beside them, shedding blistering tears on their shoulder, they caressed his head lovingly with the last of their strength.

       "You had better not die, Muichiro."

              — flower of the universe !! 🌸

       "Hello! It's nice to meet you. I am [Surname] [Name], the Demon Slayer Corps' Cloud Hashira, and I'll be your mentor from here on out."

       The warmth with which they regarded him was... foreign. Despite the nervous smile tugging at their lips, their welcoming warmth was oh-so evident. How could one who had seen so much bloodshed still have eyes that shone comparably to stars?

       Muichiro blinked—once, twice.

       "Okay."

       Awkward silence descended for a brief moment as the boy fidgeted slightly with the bandages wrapped around his body.

       "Oh, uh, right," they stammered, plucking amaranth from their hair. Their hand raised with purposeful delicacy so that, had he so desired, he could withdraw from their gentle touch. He did not. His lack of movement prompted them to tuck the plant behind his ear. "Here."

       "What's this for?"

       "Well, I've never had a Tsuguko before, so I want us to have a good relationship. Some of the other Hashira say gift-giving is a good way to build rapport. Also, I've been thinking about your name."

       "My... name?"

       "Yes. The 'mu' in your given name—it's the same as the 'mu' in 'mugen,' isn't it? The 'mu' in Muichiro is the 'mu' in 'mugen.' I like to think so, at least. Amaranth is a symbol of immortality in some countries. It's... it's the closest I could get to infinity," they laughed. "I thought about bringing a lotus instead. Maybe I should have? A lotus would've looked a little nicer. Hmm..."

       The 'mu' in Muichiro is the 'mu' in 'mugen.'

       Where...

       Where had he heard that before?

       "You wanted to bring me a lotus that day, [Name]-nee. It was because they symbolise eternity, right?" Muichiro mused in a quiet whisper that would inevitably be lost to the breeze. No-one else was meant to hear, anyway. His words were for no-one but his late mentor; that much was blatantly obvious. "I didn't think you'd ever join this graveyard."

       The rows of graves behind Oyakata-sama's seemed endless, really. Day after day they used to get bigger and bigger as Demon Slayers fell. It was somehow comforting to Muichiro that no-one would ever have to join said rows ever again.

       "You know, lotuses also symbolise rebirth. That's why I brought you one."

       With delicacy so obviously mimicing that which they had once displayed towards him, he laid the flower on their grave, careful not to disturb the dirt too much.

       "I'm sure we'll meet again, but for now... goodbye, [Name]."

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot! for clarity's sake, the line "The 'mu' in Muichiro is the 'mu' in 'mugen'" is a reference to what muichiro's brother said before he died.

[stevie-petey]

Hi m! I had a short blurb idea for you. Could we see Jonathan's pov after his fight with Nancy, and what drove him to go to bugs house? Also his POV throughout their car ride together? Thank you! ❤️

finally had time to get to this one and YES i can <333

enjoy !

"well then i guess we just dont understand each other anymore."

the pain in nancys voice hasnt left jonathans mind since he dropped her off at home hours ago.

he lays in his bed, sheets cold as the night creeps upon him. do they really not understand each other anymore? jonathan knows he understands nancys frustration, how painful it is to be overlooked, but how can he explain to her that hes unable to understand the feeling of security?

hes never had that before in his life. ever since he was a boy, his life has been defined by instability and insecurity.

it was meeting you that brought some sense of security into jonathans life. youre the only thing jonathan considers a constant in his life; he trusts that youll always be a part of him.

he isnt like nancy. he doesnt have a mom who attends to his needs. a house in a cul de sac with freshly painted shutters. jonathan doesnt have the privilege of being a kid, not when hes been helping to pay for his familys rent ever since he was fourteen and legally able to work. he isnt able to lose a job that can pay for his college like nancy can.

security is a foreign concept to jonathan that he cant understand, yet he understands that the burn within him is his love for nancy. and he understands that he cant lose her.

sighing, jonathan gets out of bed and towards the phone in the kitchen. he has to hear your voice, soothe his nerves, maybe even cry. right now, jonathan needs his best friend.

youll know what to do. you always do.

when he calls you and you sound just as exhausted as he feels, he knows that tonight will be one of your driving nights. a few years ago, when your only worries were exams and parental issues, you and jonathan would drive around hawkins late at night and pretend you were the only two people to exist.

as you got older, the need to drive became few and far between, but tonight jonathans chest is heavy and your voice sounds frail.

hes at your house in ten minutes, and within fifteen he has you in his passenger seat with an old mix tape playing as julys cool night seeps through the car. and, within thrity minutes, youve unwoven all of the intricate strings of fear and uncertainty within jonathan.

he loves you for how easily you put him at ease.

you simultaneously support jonathans side while also vehemently defend nancys. you console him, yet you also gently pry his head out of his ass.

"it frustrates me how you always manage to say the right thing." i love how you love me.

"youve known me for years now, its your fault for not getting used to it." ive grown up learning how to love you.

its easy. its as easy as breathing when it comes to you, and jonathan inhales as much of you as he can. for as long as he can, for as much as hes able to.

and then you break jonathans heart with six words.

"im terrified he'll be another 'almost'."

its as easy as breathing, and jonathan wishes that he could exhale for you. he hasnt forgotten the lines that were once almost his to cross. how he had you, all of you, and now youre steves and hes nancys.

in the end it was all for the best, but jonathan hates the scars he left behind. he hadnt meant to, they will always mar your body, and he will never forgive himself for it.

"im sorry, bug." he shouldve apologized earlier. he knows this.

he wishes that there was more he could do, more he could say. but hes never been good with words and hes scared he'll overstep somehow. say the wrong thing, hurt you even more. so instead jonathan holds your hands, kisses away your tears, and silently prays that steve doesnt make the same mistake that he did.

youre steves now, anyone can see that. you love him so deeply and freely that jonathan cant help but admire how beautiful it is. he can see it in steve, too. how much he loves you.

that boy adores you.

jonathan understands the feeling. he always will.

[koszmarnybudyn]

Here's a long poem about the teens, and growing up and about a lot of things, its called "You have to kill god"

You and your besties need to kill god, maybe you were always destined to, fate is such a picky woman after all, you didnt ask for it, there should have been better options, maybe there were, older, stronger wiser, but there all useless now. You didn't want to kill god, not untill you were in highschool, not untill you saw the incocent die, not untill you saw the ones in power as corrupt, your kindegarden teacher smiled so wide as those kids grew up much faster than they should, oh so wide, you did too you think, the clothes from a few weeks ago dont fit anymore, the photos on the walls feel fake, you shouldnt look so young, it doesnt feel like you, but it is, youve changed, it hurts, and isnt that the thing that comes for us all, after all youve seen death, you know heaven and you know hell and you know they are both shells of what they told you, both run by incompetent assholes, so you have to kill god, there is no debate. The mayor died, i guess nurture failed after all, youve been destined to be what you are, and what you are is nothing, the blood you have has always dragged you here, the first hands to hold you were the ones to burn those marks into your soul, do you have a soul? You share one, so you must, but maybe you dont maybe you are as hollow as you feel, he didn't, do you even remember him? You never did. hes back, he is going to die, he said he loved you, you dont think he lied, but youve been wrong about many things. You know this one, you have to kill god, he never hugged you enough, he wasnt there enough, will you be the same? Will your hands also hurt more than they create, will the act of creation be something worse than that of destroying. Will your children ever forgive you, will you love them enough? You were never enough, they never liked you, you now know there is a diffrence. It hurts, it always hurts. You have to kill god, they were suppose to do it, they failed, they always fail, dont you always fail as well? You tried so so hard, you studied, you learned you listened, it wasnt enough, its stupid, its like soooo stupid, you shouldnt care, youre cool like that, you still care. You always cared, more than you should have. You have to kill god, hes stupid, he tried to be like you, well he pretended to be, you belived him, you freed him, he lied. They voted for him, he was beloved, your mom loves him, your dad loves him, you never got the hype, maybe you tried it, they spoke so highly of him, in his nice suit and with his firm handshake, with his perfect smile, he nearly got you and your friends arrested, he nearly got you killed, he made the public hate you, you were never safe, were you ever safe? Is anyone ever safe? You dont know, you wish you did, you wish for so many things. That's youth isnt it, being foolish and dumb and trusting people you shouldnt, maybe all adults suck, maybe they all want to see you fail so they can scream about your generation as you crawl up clifs they made by destroying bridges their parents built. Maybe all life is a battle, you were too young to know anything else, they were always fighting, they didnt rest they sacrificed everything, you should be greatful why arent you greatful!! You are so disrespectful!!

...Why dont we talk anymore? You used to be so small, and life was simple, and now with the strechmarks and the too short tshirts came the difficult, there came the power the independance, the knowledge, but you still know nothing, how can you be so dumb. You used to be soooo smart, maybe the world got dumber, the adults seem to, they dont get it, you have to kill god and then theres homework and the extracuricullums and well you gotta sleep sometime so no sorry can't hang out schedules pretty tight sorry guys maybe next month. You know they didnt require seatbellts in cars once? The world got safer, simpler, so why arent you? Why are you still fighting, you should be at the club, sonics maybe, sneaking alcohol into parties, trying vaping, dancing to shitty pop songs, but you arent, you maybe never will, will you even go back to highschool, its probablly ash now, rubble maybe, youve been absent for months, dad talkes about going to sleepovers, the one you did ended in a double kiddnapping. You dont know what youll do in the future, will you have a future? After you kill god maybe, youll go to school, collage, get a job act like everythings normal, carry on, smile, act like the scars you have are from fireworks or dumb accidents, not enemies and spells. You have to kill god, you dont know how, youll have to figure it out, yoy always do, they never gave instuctions for this stuff. You have to kill god, and maybe its not alright, and maybe it never will, but you are trying and you are here with your besties so maybe you can do it, this once.

[spurious]

HELLO feel free to ignore this obviously but you seem like the best person to ask - i’ve had a shitty week and am in desperate need of mcshep fic recs. what are the coziest most sweetest soppiest saddest ones youve ever read???

I am so sorry to hear you’ve had a bad week anon!!!!!!! Let me grab some of my best Warm Blanket fics for you 💖

Painted Blind by aadarshinah

John rather thinks he would know if he and Rodney were dating.

Or: Idiots in love, take twelve.

This one is soooo sweet and funny and THEM

I Do by cathalin

The feeling expands and grows and words are pushing up his throat, and he finds himself speaking. “Is that a promise?”

This is just. 🥹🥰🙏💖

Comfort Break by @salchat

On the usual mission-gone-wrong, John and Rodney are hiding in a ruined house. John is hurt and being overly stoic about it as usual and Rodney wants John to admit to being in pain and accept his help. They talk.

Rodney being caring in his stubborn, bullheaded Rodney way 💖

four boots, five thousand two hundred and eighty feet by Pares

"So what you're saying is, learning to love yourself really is the greatest love of all!"

Just a really fun, well-written, sexy body swap fic.

In Plain Sight by lamardeuse

The day they repealed Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Rodney marched into John's office and dragged him out.

Soooooo romantic I love this one!!!

Number Theory by Valdomarx

On another version of Atlantis, John is a mathematician who is better with numbers than with people.

But he's going to have to learn to get on with his team and their bossy leader, Rod, if he wants to survive here.

Set in the parallel universe from McKay and Mrs. Miller.

Hard-won and gradual vulnerability with a lot of team feels!

Monomial Factors by anonymous

Rodney wants a cat. John's always been a dog guy.

SOOOOO sweet this one.

The Reverse of Fascination by shrift

"I only have one idea left," Rodney said, because the situation was dire. It was desperate. It was this, or Rock Paper Scissors, and he didn't have a handy copy of the official strategy guide.

One of those fics where you can just HEAR the dialogue

Loop the Loop by alsaurus

One man's quest to comfort a friend. And maybe himself, just a little.

(AKA the one where John takes Rodney out on a million dates without realizing it.)

One of my absolute FAVES. This one is SO good and SO sweet and SO them!!!

The Suite Life by CartWrite

John did not ask to sprain his ankle, to be reassigned to the best quarters in Atlantis, or for Rodney McKay to become his new neighbor. But that’s what happened. Post-series.

Bit of a longer read but GOD is it worth it. Absolute comfort fic, it’s SO good.

Bare by @alienfuckeronmain

“Did you not know,” Teyla says carefully, shooting a concerned look at Ronon over their mostly empty plates, “that Lt. Colonel Sheppard enjoys the company of—”

“No, I did not!” Rodney manages to grit out, sucking in air desperately before grabbing his glass of water and downing it. “Since fucking when?!”

According to my ao3 history I’ve revisited this 79 times. Rodney thinking he’s homophobic when in fact he’s jealous is SUCH a good amazing trope. Also the sex scene in this is SO incredibly good 🫠

Okay I’m stopping there but like, if anyone wants to reblog with their own fluffy faves for this anon? Yes!

[gibbearish]

"i also have atrophy though so itll always hurt"

"ah i get that did your doctor give you estradiol cream?"

"no but i cant apply anything internally so its not like it matters"

well my love i have tremendous news for you

me: hey btw vaginismus dilating shouldnt hurt a lot, if it does that means you sized up too early, youll make a lot more progress if you take it slower

them: listen if i waited until there was no pain i would still be at the first size ok? the burning and sharp pains are inevitable unfortunately

[oneforthemunny]

sorry if youve answered this before, how did brie feel when older eddie and reader told her they were expecting

no need to apologize!

i really will be honest, i think there was a blurb on my other account that i haven't been able to find when it deleted :( it was like a whole thing rip.

but i'll do the quick kinda run down lol.

so brielle honestly was not happy when it happened. not in a mean malicious way, but more so in a "i'm being replaced" kinda way especially when she found out it was a girl.

before you guys start hating brielle, please remember- she was an accident baby, gina and eddie only got married and stayed together bc of her. unfortunately that was apparent to her as she got older. they were really young, which there's nothing wrong with, but gina and eddie kinda struggled at times financially because they weren't as established financially.

now, eddie's older, financially stable, marrying someone he really loves, and having a baby? it just makes her feel kinda insecure, like the back handed shit gina said her whole life about him was true.

so she kinda goes ghost. she won't talk to eddie, ignores his calls and is really kinda petty about it (she's gina's child too, do not forget). it really hurts eddies feelings, your feelings, everyone's really.

madeline kinda confronts her about it and they get in a little argument. brielle is stubborn to an absolute fault (both gina and eddie's trait) and digs her heels in more. she's burning bridges left and right, just being bitter and toxic (like her mother) and the guy she's dating kinda points that out. like "i get you're upset it's not what you had as a kid, but why are you taking it out on this kid? that's kinda fucked up to want someone else to be miserable just because you were." and she honestly gets read lol. someone needed to do it tbh, and she really realizes she's being super dumb and petulant.

comes to the baby shower with her tail tucked between her legs, apologizes to you and madeline and eddie. from then on, she's honestly so excited. absolutely loves delilah.

[muikitoo]

~You leave Muichiro..~

im so incredibly sorry i havent posted any fics :( i ran out of ideas and im currently trying to find any possible ideas for fics😥

"And i will gladly break it, i would gladly break my heart for you..~" —Sweet by CAS

You and Muichiro werent currently doing so good. Always being stressed out and fights almost every other day werent making the situation any better. You would try to be patient with him, tho you felt like he didnt even care. He barely put any effort. Yea he was stressed and had other hashira things to do but how come the other hashiras had plenty of time and he didnt? You honestly got sick of it. He didnt understand you or your feelings.

One day you finally decided to meet up. You were honestly so done with him, you loved him and theres no doubt about that. You loved him so much it was crushing you. You didn't feel cared for, you knew he still loved u but it hurt regardless.

"Hey. You wanted to meet up?" You heard a familiar voice behind you.

"Yea, I did. I needed to talk to you about something." You said, nervousness starting to bubble inside of you as you turned around to face the mist hashira.

He waited patiently before you started to speak again. "I want to break up with you. Don't get me wrong, i still love you. I do. But im sick and tired of trying to wait for you. I dont feel loved or cared for, i know it seems stupid bc youre stressed and have duties, but how come even all the other hashiras have time and you suddenly dont? I know you care, but sometimes i even doubt that. Do i even cross your mind at all? I'm sorry Muichiro, but i think this is best for both of us."

He felt his heart being ripped apart. He had a feeling this would happen, since youve been distant with eachother. He stood there, his mouth slightly opening to say something.

"Okay, if thats what you want." He regretted saying that. But he didnt know what else to do in a situation like this. You scoffed as you started to walk away, he stood there, silently watching until you were out of his sight. He felt his breath hitching, eyes starting to water. He really messed up. And he knew it. Muichiro did care and he loved you more than anything. He was so overwhelmed with the recent missions he's been getting, and on top of that his memories from his past were eating him alive. You were the only reason he wanted to hang on. But now you were gone too.

He slowly turned around as he began to walk away, tears falling down his cheeks.

The next few months were hellish. The mist hashira was a wreck and it was obvious. He tried to forget you like always, but every time he saw you the gut-wrenching feeling would always return. Heck even the hashiras noticed and tried their best to find ways to cheer him up.

All he could do now was watch from a distance as you got closer each day to another demon slayer, Tanjiro Kamado. Honestly, Muichiro knew the boy could treat you better anyday. And if it meant you would be happy now without him in your life, then he wouldnt mind getting his heart broken. As long as its for you.

[lyranova]

Hello Lyra, I hope youve been doing well. I noticed that today is the last day your requests are open so before it ends, I wanted to request Nacht X reader with prompt list:

Fluff(2.“It’s you, it always has been.”)

Fluff (7.“You’re an idiot.” “But you love me.”)

Angst (44.“What am I in your life? Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been nothing to you.”)

General (7. “Is that blood?” “Yes but that

doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-” “You are literally bleeding.”)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Thanks for taking this request 😊

Hiya anon! Of course, and I apologize that this isn't quite what you wanted (It's more fluff and I wasn't able to fit in the last general prompt 😔) I was having...a pretty bad day when I wrote this, but I still hope you find it enjoyable!

Word Count: 591

taglist: @loosesodamarble

Warnings: None

------

“ What am I to you? Because as of recently, I feel like I’ve become absolutely nothing to you.” Nacht stared at the woman as the cold and confused words slipped from her tongue. She was angry and hurt, that he could clearly see, but she also had a pleading look in her eyes. Nacht looked away from her, how…how did he tell her how he was feeling?

He had been avoiding her a lot recently, and it wasn’t because she had done anything wrong or because he didn’t like her, actually it was quite the opposite. He liked her. A lot.

He opened and closed his mouth over and over again, trying to will the words to come out of his mouth.

“ Come on, Master Nacht,” Gimodelo urged as he crawled onto his shoulder. “ Just tell her, it’s only three little words.”

“ Yeah, but those three little words carry a lot of weight to them. I don’t want her to feel burdened if she doesn’t feel the same way.” Nacht muttered, and he suddenly heard the devil sigh beside him.

“ Mater Nacht likes you a lot, Missus! He thinks you’re pretty, smart, and kind. But he also likes that you sass him, he finds that aspect of your personality very attractive!” Gimodelo said loudly, causing Nacht to stare at the devil in horror, as the woman just stared in surprise.

Gimodelo gave Nacht a toothy grin before disappearing into the shadows once again, leaving Nacht there to deal with the ‘mess’ his devil had left.

“ You…like me?” She asked softly, her eyes having a look of hope in them as her face remained calm. Nacht felt his cheeks burn a bit, and he couldn’t help but look away out of embarrassment.

“ I do, even when you thought I liked someone else a few months ago. It’s…you, it always has been and always will be.” Nacht admitted softly as his blue eyes tried their best to convey how much she truly meant to him.

The two just stood there quietly, not moving or saying a single word. Nacht began to grow nervous, maybe this was a mistake, maybe he should scold Gimo for opening his big mouth. But suddenly the woman smiled softly.

“ You’re an idiot, you know that? But I guess that’s why I love you.” She said with a small laugh, causing the dark haired man to grow confused and his heart to skip a beat at her words.

“ You…love me?”

“ Yeah, you didn’t know that?”

“ No, I didn’t.” Nacht said bluntly as he tried his best to suppress a smile, the woman tilted her head and rubbed the back of her neck.

“ I’m sorry, I thought I was being obvious, which is why you kept your distance.” The woman admitted sheepishly, Nacht quickly shook his head and walked up to her.

“ The reason I kept my distance wasn’t because of you, and had absolutely nothing to do with you. I was trying to…sort out my feelings for you…” Nacht admitted. “ I wanted to make sure my feelings for you were genuine and weren’t fleeting before I confessed my feelings.” He added as his cheeks burned a light pink again.

The woman began to giggle.

“ I see, and Gimodelo felt that you were dragging your feet uselessly, so he decided to confess for you?” She asked with another giggle, and Nacht found himself chuckling as well.

“ I guess so,” Nacht admitted with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

“ So, should we commemorate this special day with a date?”

------

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!