#WE HAVE COPS IN MY CITY THAT HAVE DONE THEIR JOB BETTER THAN JOHNNY FUCKING DEPP

[ask-crow-aus]

To you people who think all cops are bad. Not all are.

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Alright, so- Inspired by my awesome friend @undertheknightwing who created this AMAZING list of Dad!Dick Grayson headcanons (go check it out!!!) I decided to write down the mess I have in my own head into this giant ball of fluff, humor and angst.

So let me present you:

The Graysonfam List of Headcanons and Analysis

It's a looong ass list of my headcanons, mixed with an analysis of some scenes, looking into the motives and behavior of the characters. It's in more or less chronological order and divides into groups: season 1 (+2x01), the time jump, season 2, season 3 hopes/predictions and future. If you want me to turn any of these into fics or you feel like you could do something with it, just let me know. And now... ENJOY!

SEASON 1:

The first time Dick thinks of Gar and Rachel as his kids happens during the events of 1x08 and 1x10. It's pure instinct and it doesn't come to him until much later when he realizes that not only he thought of them this way but he actually meant it.

When he and Donna start translating Kory's notes and it becomes clear that Rachel might still be in trouble, he's immediately on his feet, asking Donna for the keys to her car and ordering her to take the books with her, so they could continue on the way. He's acting fast, ignoring Donna's questions because there's no time for explanation, my daughter is in danger. He almost says it out loud - almost. 

When Donna tells him the danger clearly comes from Kory, he wants to deny it. Kory adores these kids just as much as he does, she would never hurt them. But he puts his feet on the gas anyway, breaking every speed limit possible, because if one hair falls from Gar's and Rachel's heads, he will burn the world to find the person responsible, even if it's Kory (especially if it's Kory)

When they get there the first thing he sees is Gar being thrown in the air, and his mind short circuits to only one thing: Gar, my boy, my son. Is he okay? Thankfully Donna takes care of the rest so he's free to take care of the boy. He pulls him up, holding him tight by the shoulders and makes sure he's okay, but the words 'my son' are still circling his mind.

Speaking of Donna - when Dick starts telling her about Rachel the first time, she wants to cry from happiness. Over these past five years all she saw in Dick's eyes was pain and suffering. A storm of bottled up emotions, raging monsters of anger ready to get out. His body looked weighed down, as if he was Atlas holding the world on his shoulders. And now he's talking about this little girl who threw a brick at a cop car in Detroit and his eyes start to shine as if they were stars in the night sky. His smile grows when he brags about how smart and witty she is, how she's more intelligent than she gives herself credit for, how similar the two of them are. He talks about her bravery and her big heart and he sounds so damn proud Donna's heart is about to burst out of her chest. "I thought I couldn't do it." he tells her. "I fucked up so many times. But she had awakened something in me. I just can't describe it." She can but she doesn't say it - he needs to get to it on his own. (Over a year later, when the girl who turned her brother's world upside down tries to guide her back to the light through the darkness of afterlife, Donna finally says "I always knew he'd be a great father someday. You have no idea how much he loves you." "He told you that?" Rachel asks quietly, trying to hold back her tears. Donna looks at her and smiles. "He didn't have to. I saw it in his eyes.")

Then Dick gets to the part about finding Rachel's mother and suddenly something changes. He's trying to seem like he's happy for her, he says he's glad everything ended well and now Rachel can start a new life but Donna sees right through his facade. He thinks he can't be a part of this new life and it's killing him.

Which brings me to something very important I've noticed a long time ago - Angela's presence makes Dick hold himself back. That's why he decided to leave - Rachel had her mother back, a guardian who could take care of her from now on so he wasn't needed anymore. His job was done. But at this point he's already too attached to just leave like that and when he learns that danger isn't over he comes back immediately. But when he gets there he's met with a wall. Angela is very territorial (we all know why but Dick didn't know that) and Rachel is too overwhelmed by everything but let's be real - if Angela wasn't there Dick would be hovering over Rachel like crazy. But he doesn't. Why? Because he thinks it's not his place to do so. It's easier to go after Kory than to just be standing there awkwardly, wanting to help and comfort but not being able to.

He remembers everything Trigon put him through - every fucking detail. There is some stuff from the vision he wants to laugh at - Him and Dawn? Married? Maybe once upon a time he entertained that thought but he abandoned it long ago. There are things he's actually grateful for - seeing Gar and Rachel as they could be in the future, grown up, in college, happy. That's the one thing he doesn't want to forget. And Johnny - he doesn't want to forget Johnny either. 

His mind was sort of awake, in two places at once, even though he didn't have any control over his body. He remembers chasing the kids around the house, Gar screaming "Real life horror movie!" as he and Rachel tried to run away from him. He remembers Rachel pleading with him when the others were beating the poor boy. He wanted to respond, wanted to let her know he can hear her but he couldn't do anything. He watched helplessly as his own hand pulled Gar up and finished what others started. He screamed and shouted but it was in vain. And then he cried and howled like a wolf watching as Trigon ripped Rachel's heart from her chest and crushed it in his hand, then placed the red gemstone in her forehead. He remembers her dark eyes and evil smirk. He remembers thinking it was over, feeling heartbroken and defeated. He gave up, let the darkness swallow him whole. He didn't want to see more, it was easier locking himself up in this vision because he knew Bruce laying dead in rubble wasn't real. And then she came to him. Back straight and head held high, piercing blue eyes locked on him. He remembers his tone when he spoke to her, taunting and dangerous but it didn't scare her. "We're supposed to save each other" she told him and he wanted to cry but Trigon had him wrap his fingers around her throat and choke her - another thing he would never do. He would never lay a damn finger on her and Trigon was well aware of that. But Rachel knew that too. And she wasn't scared. 

He remembers the circus she brought him into. Empty stage, broken chairs scattered everywhere. He never wanted to come back here. And even though his body stood there motionless he was trashing inside, wanting to get out of here but more importantly wanting to get her out of here. Seeing Rachel on that platform, ready to jump, it was too much. He couldn't lose her, like he lost his parents. He didn't catch them but he sure as hell was going to catch her. So when she fell - he snapped. Got the control back, his muscles acted on memory and he jumped. He flew like he used to and wrapped his fingers around her wrists, holding her tight. He caught her. He would always catch her.

When they wake up all he wants to do is hold her. Relief almost sends him to his knees. But then Gar walks in, all bloody and bruised and all that relief turns into freezing agony and guilt. I did this, he thinks. It's my fault. But there is no time for apologies or explanation, Trigon is still there. Letting Rachel go deal with him on her own is hard but Dick knows she could do it - and she did. Seeing her walking out of that fog is one of the most beautiful views he saw in his life. And when he finally takes her into his arms he doesn't let go until Kory basically rips her out of his embrace.

He wants Kory to go with them. Kids need her. His idea of giving Gar and Rachel a new life included her. Included both of them, taking care of the kids together. Things between them are tangled and complicated but one thing that is neither of those things is their attachment to these two. But Kory just got her memories back, she has her own issues to deal with, she needs time and space - and he respects that, so do Gar and Rachel. But Dick would be lying if he said he didn't notice their disappointment.

The first day of their roadtrip across the country is quiet - mostly because they are all so goddamn tired. Dick pulls up to a motel before dark, deciding that the more sleep they get the better. They pick two rooms next to each other, Jason and Gar in one, he and Rachel in the other. Rachel immediately vanishes in the bathroom, so Dick has time to sit down and think (as if he wasn't doing it the entire day while driving). An idea is shaping in his head, memories of a beloved city in sunny California come to the surface of his mind and he knows this is where he wants to take the kids. But he has to make a stop at Gotham first, he needs to talk to Bruce and most importantly return Jason home. Rachel walks out of the bathroom in fresh clothes Donna left for her and crawls into bed without a word. He takes his time to tuck her in, then sits down on the edge of her bed. She's beyond exhausted, but she's safe, she's with him, everything will be alright. He will never let anyone take her away from him again. And when he's watching her fall asleep, holding her hand in his, three words come to his mind, words he's not ready to say aloud yet but he knows them to be true. I love you.

THE TIME JUMP:

Physical affection is something I think the show is pretty good at showing but I still crave to see more. It's clear that Dick struggles to be affectionate, whether that be through words or touch. And he doesn't even realize he's actually very good at it. Why? Because whenever he does it, he's acting on instinct. The biggest proof? All his hugs with Rachel in s1. Boy had no idea what to do, it was written on his face, but his arms went up nonetheless. He didn't freeze, he didn't push her away, but reacted accordingly. The hugs in 1x02 and 1x04 are the only ones he initiated on his own, but he still wasn't sure if he's doing it right. As the show went on he slowly eased into it, but was still taken by surprise when it happened (1x08, the first hug in 2x01). By the end of 2x01 he seems to be pretty comfortable with it but I think it's during the time jump when he really starts to understand the importance and power of physical affection and how these kids really need it. The pat he gave Gar on the shoulder in 2x03 or their hug in 2x09 felt really natural, same as the goodbye hug with Rachel in 2x13. All three of them got comfortable with each other during those first three months in SF. Which leads me to…

Cuddle sessions. Yes, this is definitely a thing at Titans Tower (*cough*Grayson*cough*household*cough). It starts that first night when Dick, Rachel, Gar and Jason gather on the couch to watch a movie. Rachel lays down and rests her head on Dick's thigh while Gar settles comfortably on his other side. Dick has no idea when it happened but he freezes for a moment when he realizes his hand is on Rachel's head, fingers carding through her hair. The girl seems to be asleep already but stirs when he stops and asks him to continue, so he does. Soon after that Gar's head lands on his shoulder as the boy starts nodding off. The sudden contact wakes him up and he pulls away awkwardly, apologizing but Dick tells him it's okay so Gar leans back against him. The feeling of having the two of them so close brings a sense of calm to Dick and soon he falls asleep as well. He wakes up in the morning with the two teenagers basically laying on top of him and Jason standing over them with a smirk and a phone in his hand.

After that it sort of becomes a thing and not just during movies. Whenever Dick sits down on the couch, whether to work or to simply relax, Gar or Rachel (or both) would find him and snuggle to him, at first hesitantly, but with more confidence as the time passes and they get comfortable with it. After three months of living together all Dick has to do is pat the spot next to him for them to jump on the couch and cuddle up, tho Rachel is the one who does it most often and with no hesitation.

Dick very quickly starts understanding how important it is for them so he starts returning the favor. A good job pat on the shoulder during training, a kiss dropped on the top of the head during breakfast, a comforting shoulder rub when they aren't feeling well, emotionally or physically. Gar loves when Dick ruffles his hair, he even leans into it sometimes, while Rachel's favorite things are forehead kisses and tucking her hair behind her ear (but neither of them would ever say that out loud)

Words are as important as gestures, which brings us to affectionate pet names. It feels normal and almost ordinary when it comes from a woman - Rachel has been called 'honey' by Melisa and 'sweetheart' by Dawn but she wasn't phased by it. But when Dick calls her 'honey' for the first time, she nearly drops her coffee mug. It comes out so naturally and he doesn't even realize he said it, but it takes her breath away and she needs a moment to collect herself. With Gar it's usually 'Bud', 'Buddy', or 'Tiger Boy' spoken affectionately and he's always beaming with happiness when he hears Dick saying that.

One night, shortly after Trigon, Rachel slips into his bedroom in the middle of the night, saying she can't sleep. The memories are too vivid, too real. Her lips are trembling and she looks like she's about to fall apart and that's all it takes for Dick to sit up, open his arms for her and with full awareness and conviction say "come here, baby girl". She falls asleep snuggled to his bare chest and Dick feels his throat getting dangerously tight. He'd seen many times, mostly on TV, images of parents holding their babies to their bare skin - something about creating a bond through skin-to-skin contact. He was never able to wrap his head around this concept, but now, as he feels Rachel's cheek pressed to his heart, her hand closed in his resting on his stomach, the understanding hits him like a speeding train, pushing a tear or two out of his eyes. It's something indescribable, feels profound and almost sacred. The love he feels in this moment is overwhelming.

Gar has nightmares too, he usually wakes up screaming. It scares Dick at first, how he reacts, because the boy pulls away, wide eyed and shaking, and doesn't want to be touched. Guilt overwhelms Dick because he's sure it's because of him, because of what he did to Gar while being under Trigon's control. He tries to apologize and Gar accepts it but explains to him that his nightmares are not Dick's fault and they are not even about that (Dick can feel the boy is lying for both of their sakes but lets him anyway). It takes a few tries and lots of pleading and building trust but one night Gar finally falls into Dick's arms, sobbing into his shoulder. He pulls the boy close, runs his fingers through his hair just like Gar likes it and whispers "it's okay, my little boy." over and over again until Gar's body goes limp in his hold and he can put him back to sleep. Neither of them mentions it in the morning, but Gar gives him a look full of gratitude, filling his heart with warmth.

One evening during their first week in SF they organise a 'bonding night' - Gar's idea. There's take out and board games and staying up all night, talking. At some point one of them suggests sharing any hidden talents (besides superpowers of course) and details no one knows about them. Jason admits to being a theatre nerd ("it's thespian you idiots!") and proves it by flawlessly rapping verses from Hamilton. Gar thanks to travelling with his parents can fluently speak few African languages, he also shares that during his time at the Doom Manor Rita taught him the basics of playing piano. When it's Dick's turn he gets up from the couch and vanishes for a few minutes, but eventually comes back with a guitar, saying he had learned to play during his circus days, but hadn't done it in a while so he might be a little rusty. He plays a few cords, trying to spark his memory and when the notes finally come to him, a beautiful melody fills the room (I always imagine it's Viva la Vida by Coldplay). And suddenly this melody is joined by an angelic voice - Rachel closes her eyes and starts singing quietly, recognizing the song. She only opens her eyes when she's finished and finds the three of them looking at her in absolute awe, Dick's eyes seem to be a bit watery. She gets a bit embarrassed and says it's nothing but they start cheering and clapping anyway. Gar asks her where did she learn to sing like that and she admits she used to sing in a church choir when she was little, but had to quit after her powers started showing. The night ends with a little jam session and lots of laughing.

Gar and Rachel grew up on golden era of Disney Channel shows (Jason knows them too but he'd rather be tortured than ever admit that) and once the news is out Dick is forced to sit through the entire run of Wizards of Waverly Place. But watching Rachel flawlessly impersonate the main character Alex, knowing every line word for word makes him grin like a madman and laugh so hard his stomach hurts and tears roll down his cheeks. He pulls her to him and she falls on him in a fit of uncontrollable giggles while Gar and Jason give her a standing ovation.

SEASON 2:

While hanging out together is important, Dick also makes sure he gets to spend some time with each of them separately. With Jason it's mostly through training - the boy isn't very keen on spending one-on-one quality time outside of the gym, but prides himself to be Dick's right hand man during lessons, having more experience over the other two. With Gar it's video games most of the time - Dick learned to play specifically for him and actually started paying attention to gaming lore. But it's not just that - Gar has a talent to anything tied to technology so they spend a lot of time together in the tech room where the boy learns to operate the Tower system. It brings both of them a lot of joy. Rachel, as the only girl in their little family, often needs some time away from the boys, so Dick takes her on walks in the mornings or a drive around the city, shows her his favorite coffee shop which soon becomes their favorite spot. They talk about everything and nothing, because conversations were the thing that brought them so close in the first place, and it just feels good. 

Rachel also loves spending time with him in the tech room - but not like Gar, she's not learning to run it (although she picked up a thing or two) but she's simply there to keep Dick company while he works (can he even call that work if he hasn't been officially working as a detective for quite a while now? Not to mention his resignation has been sent to Detroit the day they arrived in SF). She brings him coffee or snacks, stands behind his chair with her arms around his neck, observing whatever he's doing (and asking lots of questions) or simply sits in the other swiveling chair, drawing in her sketchbook or turning around so many times Dick starts to worry she's gonna get dizzy. He asks her one time if she's not bored sitting here with him but she just shrugs and says she'd rather be here than anywhere else and his heart grows tenfold as he smiles at her

So remember how Rachel lost control and attacked Jason in 2x03? And how Jason shouted "Stay away from me you fucking freak!" right in her face? And how Dick walks in like 3 seconds later asking if everything's okay and the tension is HIGH??? Well, he might have not seen what happened, but he definitely HEARD the full thing, he was within the hearing range. The fact that he didn't attack Jason immediately is really impressive, if this was s1!Dick - Jason would be on the floor right now, probably with a swollen eye and few broken bones. But here Dick is trying to play it smart and investigate. If it wasn't for dr Light he would probably get to the bottom of this and had a conversation with both Jason and Rachel. I'm thinking of writing a one-shot AU where he actually does it (mostly thanks to Gar who is a terrible liar when caught of guard)

When the last cab drives away and the Tower becomes empty, save for him, Gar and that boy in the infirmary, Dick does not leave to meet with Adeline immediately - he goes to Rachel's room and starts scrubbing it clean from all the crosses painted all over the place. His eyes are burning, the bile in his throat is the size of a tennis ball but he doesn't allow himself to cry. At some point Gar joins him and wordlessly starts helping him. It takes them a little over an hour and when it's done they both drop down on her bed, sitting shoulder to shoulder. "She'll be back." Gar tells him. "I'm not so sure." Dick replies, not looking at the boy. Gar puts a hand on his shoulder. "She will. You just wanted to protect us. Deep down she knows that, she's just angry." Dick knows Gar's reasoning is valid, but looking at his own reflection in the broken mirror he can't help but think that in the long run Rachel will be better off without him. They will all be better off without him.

It's not until his first night in prison that Dick starts to regret his decision to cast himself away. He wakes up in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes, his mind still reeling from dreams of Gar and Rachel seven years in the future. They were adults, happy and independent - that's good, right? That's what he always wanted for them. But his tears start to fall when it comes to him, hitting him like a wrecking ball, that spending 7 years behind bars means he won't be able to see them grow up. Something like a panic attack comes next and he is barely able to pull himself out of it. He's suddenly overwhelmed by questions. My kids… will they be okay? Is Kory back at the Tower or is Gar still alone? What is he gonna do when that strange boy wakes up? Was there any food in the fridge when I left? I left Gar some money, but still… God, and Rachel! She has never been on a plane before, what if she gets scared and her powers start acting out? What if she gets night terrors again? Will Donna know what to do? His head is spinning, these thoughts are suffocating him. Only a breathing exercise Bruce had taught him years ago is able to help, but it takes longer than usual. Dick doesn't sleep for the rest of the night.

He's not sure how but when Dick sees a bird in a window of his cell, he knows it's no ordinary bird. It's a raven. It's her. He gets up on his feet despite his knees being weak and wobbly and he smiles, grins like an idiot as he calls out to her. Because it has to be her, right? But all hope leaves him when the creature flies up again with a croak and disappears from his sight, leaving him alone. Dick drops to his knees, feeling more exhausted than ever and curls on the floor, his body shaking from shivers. No one is coming. He brought it on himself. He is forgotten already. But then he hears quiet tapping and something nudges his hand. He opens one eye only to look right into a ruby red one. The bird is here, inside, right in front of his face. It flaps its wings and its feathers turns into dark smoke for a moment. "Rachel…" He breathes out, holding to his last shreds of consciousness. The raven lowers its head, snuggling it to his forehead and before Dick passes out again he hears three words said by this quiet, angelic voice he loves so much: Don't give up.

When they bring Donna back to the Tower and lay her down in the infirmary Dick feels empty and overflowed at the same time. He goes to strip off his new suit and change into something more comfortable but it's a struggle when his hands are shaking so much. He goes back to infirmary and passes by Dawn in the doorway, who walks out of the room with Donna's Wonder Girl belt in hand, not even lifting her eyes up at him. He closes the door and sits down, taking Donna's hand in his but he is able to sit there for only ten minutes before the feeling of her hand growing cold in his makes him want to run away. He makes his way back to his room but takes a step back when he notices two colorful heads in the training room. Gar and Rachel are sitting on one of the benches with their backs to him, talking quietly. Gar is hunched over and Rachel has her arm around him and her head on his shoulder. The sight makes Dick's throat tight. He walks up to them quietly and they only notice him when he's standing in front of them. They simultaneously lift their heads up, showing him their red, swollen from crying eyes and his heart can't take it anymore. He falls to his knees in front of them. "I'm here." he whispers as he takes their hands in his. "I'm right here." he whispers again and his voice breaks. Suddenly two sets of arms are wrapped around him when both Gar and Rachel throw themselves at him, sobbing into his shoulders. He holds them tight, kisses their heads and lets his own tears fall into their hair as he keeps promising them he is not leaving them ever again. 

SEASON 3 HOPES/PREDICTIONS:

First few weeks without Donna and Rachel are absolute torture. Grief is normal, he's been through it before, it's nothing new (maybe more painful and guilt-ridden than he ever experienced). But not having Rachel around and how it impacts him on day-to-day basis after spending every day with her for the past few months is something totally new and unexpected and Dick is pretty sure he's never felt like this before. He's overprotective to the point of being overbearing and Gar points that out to him numerous times. He keeps making her breakfast, forgetting she's not gonna show up in the kitchen when the clock strikes 9 am. He keeps looking into her room like he's expecting to find her there. He constantly checks his phone as if she were able to call from Themyscira, where there's no signal, let alone phones. "Is it what sending your kid out to college feels like?" Hank asks him one evening and Dick almost chokes on his beer. Gar laughs so hard he falls off his chair. 

Rachel does everything she can to not cry in front of Dick when they say goodbye to each other but the moment the plane is in the air, she breaks. It was one of the hardest decisions she ever had to make and seeing Dick so broken definitely didn't help. But she has to at least try to bring Donna back, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself otherwise. So she gets herself together and keeps telling herself to be brave. For Dick. For Donna. For her family.

Gar becomes the center of family's attention and he can't say he doesn't love it. That spot always belonged to Rachel after all, but he was never jealous, nor he resented her for that. She totally deserved it and she can take the spot back when she returns (but he's never gonna let her get away with not saying goodbye to him). He's the 'A-Student' now during training, Dick is putting some extra work to make sure he learns as much as he can. Kory helps him a lot with the trauma CADMUS gave him and works with him on the development of his powers. He tries turning into other animals and after a month of struggling he finally turns into a mouse. Kory walks with him sitting on his shoulder around the whole Tower like the proudest mama in the galaxy and Dick's beaming with pride for the entire week. 

After Dick's off-hand comment that Rachel is missing on so much Gar starts to record vlogs on his phone about what's happening at the Titans Tower so Rachel can watch it and catch up when she's back. The material he gets is pure gold and even when others beg him to delete it, he refuses saying this is too good to be destroyed. 

The day before Rachel's first attempt at resurrection she uses a freshly learned trick to come to Dick in his dream. They meet on the beach she's currently on, meditating. Seeing him for the first time in three months makes her want to cry but she promised herself to be strong so he wouldn't worry and she holds her tears at bay. She falls into his arms with the brightest smile and burrows her face in his chest. He's holding her tight, asking if everything is okay and she nods, not quite trusting her voice at the moment. "I can't keep you here for long, but I needed to see you." she tells him. She's not sharing any details about her plan, the less he knows the better, but he begs her to be careful and stop if it turns out to be too much for her. Dick pulls her to him one last time before she has to serve the connection and presses his lips to her forehead. "I love you." he whispers and she closes her eyes, hugging him tighter. "Come home soon." "I love you, too. And I will."

To find Donna's soul Rachel needs to go to The Underworld, which is a dark, scary place (well, for the most part). The search is difficult and the journey ahead of her is long. On her way she meets other people, souls who sometimes want to help her, sometimes otherwise. She sees Adamson and all the people who were after her, drowning in a river of fire, calling for help. One hand grabs her by the ankle and Rachel looks down right into the hollow eyes of her birth mother. She struggles to set herself free from Angela's hold but eventually the creepy hand lets go of her and Rachel runs away. Not all the meetings are painful though. She gets to see Melisa again - she tells her about Dick and Gar and Kory and everything that happened. "I found him, mom. I found the boy from the circus." she says and they both start to cry. Melisa tells her how proud she is and lets her continue her journey. But the most surprising meeting happens right before the end. Rachel knows their faces only from her dream and the blurry videos she found online. But the resemblance to Dick is undeniable - he has his mother's eyes, his father's hair. Mary Grayson takes her into her arms with tears in her eyes, saying how happy she is to finally meet her. They chat for a while, laugh and cry together like they've known each other their whole lives. "He's so lucky to have you." John tells her. "Tell him we're proud of him." Mary asks her when she is about to leave. "And come back to him in one piece." Rachel nods, holding back tears. "I will, I promise." 

When Rachel arrives at Wayne Manor it's already dark outside. A black car pulls in the driveway. Dick, Kory and Gar are waiting by the main entrance and when the car stops they approach it and Dick opens the door. Rachel is sleeping in the backseat with her head falling on her shoulder and the view is so beautiful and adorable that Dick stops for a moment to just look at her with a dreamy smile on his face. He lifts his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and leans in whispering "welcome back, sweetheart". She smiles without opening her eyes and instantly lifts her arms to wrap them around his neck. They both laugh as he pulls her out the car. She steps away from him for a moment to hug Gar and Kory but sticks herself back to his side immediately after. Gar takes her bag and the car drives away while the 4 of them head towards the door.

She failed (or at least she thinks she failed) and that first night back she cries her eyes out into Dick's chest, apologizing over and over again. "It's okay, honey." he tells her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Remember what I told you back at the airport? No matter how strong we are, we-" "We can't always change the world." she finishes for him and smiles through her tears. "I know. I've had those words in the back of my head every day." They lay in silence for the next few minutes, Dick's hand slowly stroking Rachel's hair. She hesitates a bit but then starts telling him about meeting his parents. He smiles at her through tears. "I'm so proud of you." he whispers. "You've grown so much. You're so strong. Going away was a good decision, it gave you skills and experience you wouldn't have gotten here. But now I'm just glad I have you back. I was worried sick." Rachel smiles into his chest. "I'm not going anywhere again."

As happy as Dick is to have her back, some part of him wishes Rachel stayed longer on Themyscira. Everything that's happening in Gotham is making him consider sending her and Gar away to some place safe and hidden, The Justice League has a lot of those. But his kids are Titans - they both remind him of that. "You didn't train us to hide." she tells him. "We can handle this." Gar adds. And Dick believes them. And he's so proud his heart can barely take it.

Donna's return comes as a shock to everyone - Hank brings her to the Wayne Manor one day, saying they bumped into each other at some restaurant in the city. "How-" Rachel asks with eyes opened wide in disbelief. Donna smiles at her. "I don't know. I got lost, but… I found my way back somehow." Dick slowly walks up to her, his eyes welling up with tears. "But the spell-" "It worked." Donna explains. "It just needed more time." After that he sweeps her into his arms and extends his hand to Rachel to pull her in as well. He holds them both as close as he can, kissing their heads and swears to himself to never lose either of them again.

FUTURE:

Thoughts about adoption appear in Dick's mind more or less when he brings Gar and Rachel to San Francisco, but they are more of an abstract dream than something that could be real. But as the time goes on those thoughts become more and more solidified and are too big to be ignored. He finally decides to talk to someone about it and that someone is Dawn, mostly because they've had this kind of conversation before. "It's a big responsibility - taking her in. But taking care of a kid is complicated, you know that better than anyone." These words stay with him every day, that's why he goes to her. He struggles to say what he wants to say but she understands and hugs him with tears in her eyes saying she knew he'd do it sooner or later and that she couldn't be happier for him. She helps him with paperwork and prepares him for meetings. He breaks the news to the kids the moment everything is ready. They're suspicious of the 'gifts' he hands them since it's neither's birthday today and there's no holiday. They share a curious glance as they rip off the shiny gift paper to reveal two folders of documents (while Dick almost dies from anticipation and nerves). Gar is the first one to react - his lips slowly stretch into the biggest grin imaginable. "For real? Are you serious? This is real stuff?" his voice grows louder and more excited with each following question and Dick can't help but laugh. Rachel stays quiet though. She stares at the papers in her hands with her brows furrowed. Seconds pass and she's not moving. It's like she's not even breathing. "Rachel?" Kory asks quietly, taking a step her way. And then the floodgates open. Rachel's face twists into a grimace as she starts sobbing uncontrollably. She covers her mouth with her hand to muffle it but there's no use. Dick walks up to her, terrified he did something wrong but then she throws herself into his arms, repeating "thank you" and "I love you" over and over again. Dick pulls Gar to him as well and hugs them both. "You're my kids." He whispers to them. "I love you more than anything in the world. And nothing will ever change that." By the time of Rachel's 16th birthday she and Gar are officially Graysons.

Dick and Kory get married the following year. It's a glamorous but small ceremony with reception held at the Wayne Manor. For the months leading to the big day the kids (with the help of the entire team and few other people) prepare something very special - and the idea comes from Uncle Clay. Turns out Clay, as the closest friend of Dick's parents, owns a small storage unit where he keeps some of the stuff from the circus, including personal things - like a box of journals of Mary Grayson, who had been writing them since she was a child. Clay tells Gar and Rachel a story about how Mary used to write poetry which then she turned into songs and sometimes performed them at the circus. He even still has some of her stage outfits. The three of them get the idea that Gar and Rachel should look through tapes with her performances and pick one song to sing together at the wedding - and that's what they do. They find a beautiful ballad where Clay accompanied Mary on the piano (he teaches Gar how to play it) and in secret the team prepares the whole show. The performance happens during the Bride and Groom's first dance. Gar enters the stage in a tuxedo, says a few words and starts playing. Dick and Kory start dancing slowly but stop for a moment when he starts singing the first verse. They have no idea what's coming next. Rachel, in Mary's dress stands in the crowd surrounding the couple. Hank comes to stand behind her and secretly puts a microphone in her hand. She comes in for the second verse of the song and that's when Dick and Kory stop dancing completely, too surprised to move. They watch in absolute awe as Rachel joins her brother on stage and they finish the song together. When Dick realizes he actually remembers this song from his childhood and that the dress Rachel is wearing belonged to his mother he breaks down in tears. After the song is over the kids join their parents on the dancefloor for a bone-crushing group hug (and to help you imagine this even better this is the song I imagine them singing)

The day Rachel and Gar get their college acceptance letters is one of the most stressful days in their lives. They're in the Tower's kitchen, both holding the envelopes in their hands, afraid to open them. "What are you guys waiting for? Open it!" Kory encourages them. They agree to do it on three. Dick holds his breath, gripping tight his wife's hand. The kids read the letters, fully focused. There's a stretching moment of silence, and then… "I got in!" "Me too!" A lot of screaming and laughing and jumping around happens afterwards, but even in the chaos of all of that Dick can feel a burning knot tightening in his stomach.

And I thought sending Rachel to Themyscira was hard, Dick thinks when they drop Gar and Rachel off at college on their first day. Thankfully it's the same college, but it's in Chicago and it's still half a country away from home. He's not sure how many times he checked already if they have everything they need, if they haven't forgotten to pack something, if they are absolutely sure they know their schedule and so on. Kory, standing next to him with her hands on her growing belly, laughs at him fussing over them. Gar and Rachel just smile and nod, seeing how stressed he is. Yes, Dad, we're sure we have everything. Yes, we checked. Of course we'll call. Yes, Dad. Okay, Dad - and so on. At some point they all start laughing at the ridiculousness of it all but suddenly Dick is getting choked up. His two little birds are leaving the nest and he should be handling it better than he does. Seeing him clearlyon the edge of falling apart Gar and Rachel give him a tight hug. "I'm sorry." he says. "I'm just trying to let you go a little. Let you grow up." "It's that hard?" Rachel asks him and he looks at her - tall, beautiful, confident, brave and smart. Perfect. But he also still sees that little kid he met in Detroit. "It can't be that hard." Gar adds and for a moment when Dick looks at him he thinks he's seeing double - the young, handsome and courageous man who is standing in front of him now and that overexcited cheerful kid who joined them on their little road trip. "It's impossible." Dick tells them, pulling them back into another hug. "It's fucking impossible." Soon they have to go or they will be late for their classes and Dick and Kory are left alone on the campus. "They'll be okay." his wife tells him. He has to swallow down a bile in his throat and push back some tears before answering. "I know."

Oh and remember Dick's old silver Porsche? The one he traded for a minivan? Yeah, he got it back (don't ask him how). Rachel owns it now. Graduation present. And don't worry about Gar, he's got his car too. Grandpa Bruce got him his dream ride.

Woah... This turned out WAAAAAAAAAY longer than I thought it would be. If you made it this far (and even if you didn't) I hope you enjoyed.

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol. 1 Annual 1979

Thu Sep 12 2019 [09:09 PM] Wack'd: That's right, 1979, even though it's 1980 [09:09 PM] Umbramatic: THE 80S [09:09 PM] Wack'd: Marvel Wiki kinda has to cram these things back into canon whenever there's a break in the action [09:10 PM] maxwellelvis: Which there wasn't really for any of 1979, it seems [09:10 PM] Wack'd: Yeah [09:10 PM] Umbramatic: i would make an 80s joke but that was before my time [09:10 PM] maxwellelvis: Was that the longest arc they've had so far? The space adventure [09:11 PM] Wack'd: I don't know why this couldn't have happened before that but whatever. The alternative is that I create my own timeline and the team is excruciating [09:11 PM] Wack'd: The space adventure was pretty hecking long, yeah [09:12 PM] Wack'd: So we open in media res, with a Sandman fight. Resolved by Sue force-fielding him and Johnny using his fire to freeze him into crystal [09:12 PM] Wack'd: Which I'm pretty sure should kill him but whatever [09:13 PM] Wack'd: He'll be fine [09:13 PM] Umbramatic: sandman: "this is fine" [09:13 PM] maxwellelvis: Really shows the differing level of threat Sandman provokes between Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four [09:14 PM] Wack'd: The president of the bank Sandman was robbing gives the Four a reward: [09:14 PM] Wack'd: A cat calendar [09:14 PM] Umbramatic: cats [09:15 PM] Wack'd: This is canon forever now

[09:15 PM] Umbramatic: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW [09:15 PM] maxwellelvis: It's priceless! Literally worthless! [09:15 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh, Ben likes it. I can't make fun of it anymore. [09:16 PM] Umbramatic: i love ben [09:16 PM] Wack'd: Also: Franklin wants to join the Four! Reed says maybe when he's older, as though that's a real thing that will someday really happens [09:16 PM] maxwellelvis: lmao [09:17 PM] Umbramatic: don't worry it'll happen once ash ketchum turns 11 [09:17 PM] Wack'd: Agatha has come up from Whisper Hill to invite the Four and Franklin to vacation with her to New Salem! I'm sure this can only go well [09:18 PM] maxwellelvis: We're only going on vacation to the haunted town we barely got out of last time with our skins, in a double-length issue. [09:18 PM] maxwellelvis: What could possibly go wrong? [09:19 PM] Wack'd: An interesting device that's been happening over the past four pages is that at the bottom of each page there's been a horizontal-one-panel cutaway to an occult ritual happening. [09:19 PM] Wack'd: I can't really screenshot that but it's really neat [09:20 PM] Umbramatic: oooooh [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Hahahhaahaa

[09:21 PM] Umbramatic: rip ben [09:21 PM] Umbramatic: he just wants to go to disney world [09:22 PM] Wack'd: So they land at the airport, rent a car, and drive to New Salem. But Ben has trouble finding it, naturally [09:23 PM] Wack'd: Oh look, I found Waldo

[09:23 PM] Umbramatic: but did you find his girlfriend carmen sandiego [09:25 PM] maxwellelvis: Dear lord, we've stumbled into a Renaissance faire! Everyone run! [09:25 PM] Wack'd: Some real good layouts here. George Pérez: great at his job

[09:25 PM] Wack'd: Also: Johnny nearly gets his soul sucked out [09:26 PM] Bocaj: It Happens [09:26 PM] maxwellelvis: Gordon and Susan from Sesame Street have joined Agatha's coven, apparently. [09:26 PM] Wack'd: Well, they're the baddies [09:26 PM] Wack'd: So that stinks [09:26 PM] maxwellelvis: Never trust people who hang out with puppets. [09:27 PM] maxwellelvis: Who know what all the people in your neighborhood do. [09:27 PM] Wack'd: Also if you notice from the two-page spread, apparently the only black people in town 😬 [09:28 PM] Umbramatic: oh [09:28 PM] Bocaj: Bad show, comic [09:29 PM] Wack'd: So the Ceremony of Renewal happens. And what is supposed to be a remembrance ceremony for people killed in the witch hunts and a way to re-energize all of the townsfolks gets hijacked by those guys from the blue panels, who steal all the magical energies to bring back...this dingus.

[09:30 PM] Wack'd: Of all of the things you could've possibly done with unlimited magic energy, really? This guy? [09:30 PM] Umbramatic: dingus [09:30 PM] Wack'd: Oh right the blue panel guys were his henchmen. His impossibly dumb-looking henchmen

[09:31 PM] Wack'd: Was the one third from the right always so...Marge Simpson? [09:31 PM] maxwellelvis: FEED ME EGGS, HOMER [09:32 PM] Bocaj: oh hey i recognize some of these dinguses from the scarlet witch vision miniseries [09:32 PM] Bocaj: When Vision dryhumped babies into Wanda [09:32 PM] maxwellelvis: Somebody brought them back again?! [09:32 PM] Bocaj: 'pparently [09:33 PM] Wack'd: Fight fight fight [09:34 PM] Wack'd: Marv Wolfman: A Man Who Knows A Lot About Gazelles

[09:37 PM] Wack'd: Reed, shattering or otherwise bypassing force fields is a fucking gimme power for your villains. You say you want to fight the Fantastic Four and you get "ignoring force fields" in your complimentary gift bag

[09:37 PM] Bocaj: Reed is dumb [09:38 PM] Wack'd: So the Four get their asses thoroughly kicked [09:39 PM] Wack'd: Normally this would be the part where we cut away, and they all wake up in a prison cell which they break out of, and the plot proceeds [09:39 PM] Wack'd: But this time is different [09:39 PM] Wack'd: And Marv Wolfman is not going to just ignore the fact that this small child has just seen his entire family get beat unconscious [09:40 PM] Wack'd:

[09:42 PM] Wack'd: Franklin uses the power of inconsolable sadness and fear [09:42 PM] Wack'd: It's...*sniff*...it's super-effective [09:43 PM] Bocaj: huh [09:43 PM] Wack'd: Seriously. I like this scene a lot [09:43 PM] Umbramatic: awwwwww [09:44 PM] Wack'd: I like that we're being forced to reckon with the danger Franklin is regularly in. And the fact that he's just a kid. And that for him to use powers he doesn't know he has--for him to be the deus ex machina we routinely mock--he has to be in a real dark place [09:44 PM] Wack'd: And I like Agatha acknowledging that this is hard for him and comforting him [09:46 PM] Wack'd: So uh. Meanwhile. The Salem Seven are conducting a ritual on the roof of the Baxter Building to destroy the Four and give Nick Scratch corporeal form [09:47 PM] Wack'd: This for some reason involves generating a massive force field, gradually pushing all the people of Manhattan back as it encompasses the city [09:48 PM] Wack'd: Spider-Man, the Avengers, and the Defenders all try to break through, but fail [09:49 PM] Wack'd: Only Agatha and Franklin can break through--after all, Agatha's more powerful than her son. (The comic takes this as a given, despite Franklin's existence. Maybe it's a magic thing) [09:49 PM] maxwellelvis: It's gotta be the combined power of the entire Salem Seven that's locked Dr. Strange and Silver Surfer out of the bubble. [09:50 PM] maxwellelvis: Fewer than that and either of them could have broken through no prob, assuming that's the Defenders line-up we're talking about [09:50 PM] maxwellelvis: the Dr. Strange, Silver Surfer, Hulk, and Namor team [09:50 PM] Wack'd: It's not. [09:50 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh [09:51 PM] Wack'd: There's whoever the fuck this is

[09:52 PM] maxwellelvis: I know that guy but I can't remember his name. [09:52 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh, it says right there, Nighthawk [09:52 PM] Wack'd: So forgettable I forgot his name moments after reading it [09:53 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, the Salem Seven's spells are easily deflected. So are the ghostly Nick's attempts to stop her with hail, fire, and lightning [09:53 PM] Bocaj: Nighthawk: strong as two strong guys at night. Owns a jetpack. Is Batman but Somehow Worse. [09:54 PM] Wack'd:

Nick: Why won't you die, blast you?! Agatha: Because I am your mother, Nicholas.

[09:54 PM] Bocaj: Hah [09:54 PM] Mousa The 14: Damn [09:55 PM] Mousa The 14: Someone call the cops, I’d like to report a familicide [09:55 PM] Umbramatic: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [09:55 PM] Mousa The 14: This woman completely obliterated her son [09:55 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh snap [09:55 PM] Mousa The 14: Yes he deserved it, just figured you’d all wanna know [09:55 PM] Wack'd: Agatha and Franklin make their way into the Baxter Building where a brainwashed Fantastic Four are waiting. [09:56 PM] Wack'd: Franklin 🥺

[09:57 PM] Mousa The 14: This is legitimately genuinely terrifying [09:57 PM] Mousa The 14: Like, jesus christ that's horrifying [09:57 PM] Umbramatic: y i p e [09:57 PM] Mousa The 14: Like this big friendly ol' teddy bear unle Ben Grimm crushing a child to death [09:57 PM] maxwellelvis: "Thank you, Nicholas Scratch, I feel much better now" [09:57 PM] Mousa The 14: has to be one of the most horryfing ideas in my mind right now [09:58 PM] Wack'd: Fortunately, Franklin manages to break their mind control with the power of love. Also being a god [09:58 PM] Umbramatic: Jesus Christ, how horrifying! [09:58 PM] Bocaj: Unleash your annihilation of love [09:59 PM] Wack'd: And Agatha sets right what has once gone wrong

[10:01 PM] Wack'd: And so the story ends with...Ben complaining there's no reward? I guess?

[10:02 PM] Wack'd: Probably should've ended on a more Franklin centered note [10:02 PM] Wack'd: But overall I like this one a lot [10:02 PM] maxwellelvis: Agatha erased the cat poster from his memory, I assume [10:02 PM] Mousa The 14: I can’t believe we let this woman fall into lost history, she should be in every F4 adaptation [10:03 PM] Wack'd: She's great, yeah

[sanpatron]

I don’t particularly know why it’s taken this long for me to realize the full extent of the Boss’s betrayal at the hands of Julius. I knew it was fucked, I knew it had affected him greatly, but I never truly sat down and really dove into just how horrendous it actually was.

There have been plenty of posts I’ve read from people I know who’ve examined this, who’ve really taken their time to dive headfirst into what it all means and really word it in a way where you can truly understand the extent of it all. It’s in reading these posts that I’ve decided to more or less compose it all in my own post in regards to my Boss. A way to really showcase the shit he went through and how it drastically changed him as a person.

Django joined the gang around October of 2004 at the age of 20 (his birthday is in December). He had been wandering around the country aimlessly without any real idea of what he wanted to do with himself. Felt no sense of purpose, no sense of belonging. Other than his family back home he was truly and utterly alone in the world. Yet that all changed once he stepped foot into Stilwater.

He found himself caught up in a fight between Los Carnales, the Vice Kings and the Westside Rollers. Thankfully before he wound up getting himself killed solely on the merit of being here at the “wrong place, wrong time” Django was saved by both Julius and Troy. Extending a hand towards Django Julius decides to try and recruit him into the Saints, and in realizing that he basically owed this man big time, Django decides to take the invitation and meet him and the others at the church.

I want to stop here for a moment and say that the Saints were originally formed as a response to the increasing violence between the three warring gangs across Stilwater. Julius definitely had his good intentions, but to echo the same statements made in another post, I really doubt there was ever a point in time where Julius didn’t want to hold some sense of power. To be the guy who was in charge of the city. Oh sure, he decided to leave the Vice Kings (which he was originally a part of alongside his best friend Benjamin King) due to the direction in which they were going. But given certain details that I will get to in a second, I really do believe that Julius wanted just as much to be at the top as he did to protect the city.

I say this because he uses the increasing violence within the district of Saint’s Row as an example of the city going to hell because of these warring gangs. He wasn’t even originally from the district, he was from Sunnyvale where he and King grew up together, eventually forming their own gang. He latched on to this idea to protect the Row as a means to start a rallying cry and get all these incredibly angry and very violent kids to fall under his leadership and form a counter group. Not a single one of the Saints knows this and it isn’t till you’re riding around with Ben in one mission where the truth comes out.

Hell, the speech that Julius gives during the custscene after the tutorial missions turns out to be a word for word copy of Ben’s very own from when he first formed the Vice Kings. It’s this same speech that the Boss would later use when he takes over the gang after his coma stint. Julius basically puts out this preconceived image of himself in order to get all these people who are significantly younger than him to join his cause. It’s this exact thing that let someone like Django essentially fall under his spell and believe a single thing that ever came out of that man’s mouth.

Julius is manipulative, but I wouldn’t say he’s the sort to pull some Machiavellian-type shit. Cause as I will get to later, there was no point whatsoever before his arrest where he was considering on betraying everyone and leaving them all high and dry. No, Julius’s manipulative actions are the direct result of an incredibly simply and human emotion; selfishness. Yet this will also come into play much later over why his betrayal even happened in the first place.

So once Django is canonized and helps take back the Row, he’s basically let to do whatever necessary to take down the other three gangs and bring some sense of peace back to Stilwater. 95% of the time it’s with him acting as a weapon, which is something he is scarily good at. This is something that not only Julius but other lieutenants definitely pick up on, and it’s why when you need something taken care of where no one is left alive and as much destruction as possible is caused, you either send Django, Johnny or both.

And as time goes on and more of the city turns purple, Django begins to feel more and more like he’s found his purpose. He managed to find a place where not only is he validated for the work he does but the people within the gang accept him and make him feel good about it. Django has gotten a taste of power, of violence, of money, of fame. A taste of generally living a better life to the fullest where he feels like he’s at the top. Not only that but, for the first time ever, he has friends as well. He has people he’s beginning to care for and feel a connection with after spending an entire childhood basically lonely as shit. Frustrated over his inability to truly connect with anyone.

At no point in time do I think that Django ever wanted to usurp Julius. He respected the man. Looked up to him. He was the embodiment of what the gang stood for and a sign of pure loyalty. So to then be promoted to his second-in-command once all the gangs were dealt with must have come as a pleasant surprise. One that definitely awoke something even more within him. He was ready to take on that title and he was absolutely prepared to save the man from police custody after everything he had done for him.

And I want to make something incredibly clear here; up until this point I don’t think Julius had in mind that he was going to betray the Saints either. Everything was basically coming up fantastically and he was getting the power and recognition that he wanted. Hell, he doesn’t give a shit about what Django had to do to get results. He practically justifies and validates every single little action the Saints have taken.

“ We did it, playa. 3rd Street owns this town. Now, that's not to say that shit didn't cost, and I ain't talkin' about what happened to Johnny's leg or losing Lin. Those two were soldiers, they knew the risk. Hell, Johnny gets off on it. But we crushed a lot of families playa, and someday they're gonna holla at us. But believe me when I tell you, we did the right thing.

With the Rollerz wiped out, Benjamin gone, and the Colombians in our pocket, there ain't gonna be a need for a gang war ever again. And in the end, that's gonna save a lot more lives than we took. So relax, playa, you've earned yourself a break. You've impressed the hell out of me son, and I've told the crew you're gonna be my right hand- ”

Julius was downright ecstatic with the results he and the gang had been getting. He was more than happy. And as you can see right there he was happy enough with what Django had done that he decided to give the guy that high of a promotion. Everything seemed to be going fantastic up until he gets arrested during this little phone call.

Once the two of the final three missions play out in which the Saints do what they can to save Julius everything seems to go right back to normal. That is until Django is called out to Alderman Richard Hughes’s yacht on that fateful December night. Once arriving, Django is greeted by the alderman and is essentially given a speech about gentrification and his political power before telling his men to turn their weapons onto him.

However, before even getting a chance to fire a loud beeping is heard and without even a moment to react the yacht blows to hell and everyone, but Django, dies. Instead our poor little gangster is put into a five year coma, staying on life support on the request of Troy for, as it turns out, he was an undercover cop this whole time.

Years later Django will once again wake up, and after a series of events that lead him towards saving Johnny and then the two of them deciding to resurrect the Saints, Django decides to pay Troy a visit and find out what’s been going on. It’s here that in the game (SR2) you get to find a couple of taped recordings at the police station. The first involves Dex (former lieutenant of the Saints) confronting Troy of being an undercover cop and stating that he’s dropping his colors and taking a job at the Ultor corporation.

The second is Troy speaking to Julius after his arrest and asking him to speak to Johnny and Django and convincing them to step down, thus disbanding the gang and keeping Troy from arresting the people he’s come to call his friends over this time.

The third tape is where Django learns the truth; Julius was the one who had planted a bomb all those years ago.

A punch to the gut can’t really describe the sort of feeling Django must have felt from learning this. It had to have been one of the most horrific, most anger-inducing things he could have ever heard. To have this man, the one who had taken you in, gave you a sense of validation and appreciation, told you that the work you performed was fantastic, let you have this sense of belonging and purpose within a group, who you practically looked up to be the one who tried to assassinate you is absolutely sickening to him and fills him with such rage.

Five years of his life. Five whole fuckin’ years. I know a lot of people make the argument that your 20′s really ain’t that special, but that’s not the point here. The point is that whether or not they would’ve been extraordinary, Django lost five whole years of his young adulthood. An incredibly pivotal point in him growing up was completely lost on him due to almost dying at the age of 21. He will never get those years back. He will never truly know what he missed out on. It’s practically one of the reasons why he acts so brash and angry and hotheaded during the entirety of the second game.

Everything had been taken away from him. His city, his friends, his sense of identity; all of it was snatched right out of his hands and thrown to the gutter cause of one man. The one man he looked up to the most after everything he had done for him. If Django felt sick at first when trying to process the amount of time that had passed and how much he had to catch up on, then he more than likely felt horrifically ill at this revelation.

When their final confrontation plays you can see Julius direct the blame entirely on how the Saints were handled and how Django acted. It’s ridiculous given the fact that Julius did not start thinking about how terrible the Saints or Django were until his gang activities got him in trouble. This is where the selfishness plays out. As soon as he was arrested and realized their were consequences to his actions, the man figured he’d better fucking dip and completely disregard what that meant for everyone else.

He abandons the Saints, abandons the people who allegedly wished to help out, and soon starts claiming his has morals—that he could not stand up to Django whatsoever and that he was the monster destroying Stilwater all along. I really doubt he could have gotten Django to back down after basically awakening something in him, but he didn’t even bother trying whatsoever.

And as the two have their final confrontation Julius really lets it be known how he’s come to despise Django, how he seems him as the problem, putting all blame squarely on him despite knowing full well that he has the biggest hand in this after all. It’s with all of this plus the anger that Django already felt towards everything, plus his brash and arrogant attitude that it truly twists him into the monster he’s become today.

Their final confrontation can be found here.

As a friend of mine who has way too many blogs here to tag said

“ I like the subtle implication that a huge part of him, if not all of him, died on the boat ”

And it’s true, this is exactly what he thinks. This is exactly what was going through his mind as he spoke to Julius. Django is gone. Django is completely dead after that explosion. And in having that part of him be completely eradicated he can now turn towards his new identity, one that he will showcase to the entire world. If Julius is going to call him a monster then fine. So be it. He will accept this new identity of his and run with it. Revel both the fame and infamy he will garner. 

From anger and betrayal The Boss has now been born.

Julius may have had his good intentions, he may have genuinely wanted to keep the city safe and do something right. But his desire for power outweighs that, and the fact that he will never truly admit his mistake is such a damning thing. Shit, he probably thought that the Boss murdering him only served to further prove his point.

Yet after all is said and done, after the Boss has finally killed the man who turned him into what he is, there really is no true sense of satisfaction. The Boss is a man who finds a feeling of catharsis when taking revenge on people. To him it “fixes thing”. It makes things right. Yet with his killing of Julius he’s fully aware of the fact that it won’t truly change much for him.

He’s far gone now. Completely transformed into an entirely different beast. Julius’s betrayal is going to leave a scar on him that’ll last a lifetime. One that he can never truly let heal whatsoever. He’s not one to brood, especially with this when it’s already hit him like a ton of bricks. However, he will forever remain conscious of the fact that what happened is leaving an impact.

That what Julius did to him will always affect him in some way. His trust issues, his difficult connecting with others, all of it has been now heightened by these events. This is a scar that will remain with him for a lifetime, and that truly infuriates him to no end.

There’s nothing worse than knowing you owe the personal growth and identity you have, good or bad, to someone who hurt you.

[janiedean]

god, youre so delusional, its pathetic.

johnny 99 is a song by Our Only Savior Bruce Springsteen, to be found in his masterpiece 1982 record Nebraska, which was wholly composed of acoustic songs concerning themes way darker than his usual and which his record company probably considered a commercial suicide back in the day - and it’s regarded by many people as his actual finest record (and objectively I agree, ngl). the song, other than being in the same stark style as the rest of the record, as in, acoustic guitar and harmonica only, in less than four minutes manages in an admirable example of synthesis, not only to tell an entire story, but to touch heavy themes such as economical crisis, the death penalty, the fact that the american government didn’t give a shit about blue collar workers way back in the seventies and arguably also that it might be a tad too easy to buy guns in the US. sounds interesting? great, then let me welcome to this evening’s episode of tumblr user janiedean explains bruce springsteen! ;)

so, shall we start? brace up because this is a wild ride.

Well they closed down the auto plant in Mahwah late that month Ralph went out lookin' for a job but he couldn't find none He came home too drunk from mixin' Tanqueray and wine He got a gun shot a night clerk now they call 'm Johnny 99 

first of all: bruce again shows that he knows how to hook you in, because in four lines he has pretty much told you the bones of the story. first - and most important thing: a factory in a town in new jersey closes. it was a true fact, and in real life it was because they failed to follow environmental rules, but as back in the day there was indeed an economical crisis in the US for which a lot of factories shut down, we could fictionally assume it was for that reason as well. anyway, what matters is that the factory closes. our protagonist, ralph, who presumably works there, is fired, searches for a new job, isn’t re-hired (which was common to a lot of people who were laid off at that time, please feel free to read dale maharidge’s journey to nowhere and somewhere like america to get educated on that), proceeds to get drunk and when he’s not thinking straight he buys a gun (just like that), shoots a guy and gets a new nickname: johnny 99. why? we don’t know yet. but we know that a guy who was just doing his job and failed to be rehired lost it and shot someone... because he lost his job. hmm. but let’s go on.

Down in the part of town where when you hit a red light you don't stop Johnny's wavin' his gun around and threatenin' to blow his top When an off duty cop snuck up on him from behind Out in front of the Club Tip Top they slapped the cuffs on Johnny 99

so: after having shot the night clerk, our guy is in the part of town where you don’t stop at a red light so we can assume not the best part of it, he’s threatening to hurt himself with the gun, he gets arrested by an off duty cop, that’s it. sorry, not that much of a criminal career. but snuck up on him from behind... maybe like the closing of his factory and the fact that his life was fucked in the span of a few days? that might have been a deliberate lyrical choice, which makes you, if not sympathize with the guy, at least get how he’s feeing right now.

Well the city supplied a public defender but the judge was Mean John Brown He came into the courtroom and stared poor Johnny down Well the evidence is clear gonna let the sentence son fit the crime Prison for 98 and a year and we'll call it even Johnny 99

at this point, of course johnny goes to trial. he gets a public defender (which from what I gather tends to be shitty) and a judge whose nickname is mean, from which we can surmise that the stacks against him are bad regardless. the judge comes into the courtroom and stares poor johnny down, and at this point it’s obvious that we’re meant to sympathize with him, not with the judge, who is *mean* and stares down at the guy before even sitting down at this point. so, the judge says that the evidence is there, and his sentence is 99 years of prison.

which is why he’s re-baptized johnny 99 as we had seen in the beginning. now, 99 years is pretty much life, since this guy must have been at least older than twenty to work in a car factory. rough. 

A fistfight broke out in the courtroom they had to drag Johnny's girl away His mama stood up and shouted "judge don't take my boy this way" Well son you got a statement you'd like to make Before the bailiff comes to forever take you away

this verdict does not indeed please johnny’s family/loved ones, as a *fistfight* breaks out and they have to forcibly remove his girlfriend, while his mother pleads the judge to not take her boy this way, presumably crying, which means that again, we are supposed to see that he has relatives who love him and would cry for him and so maybe he’s not a bad guy deep down. sure, we haven’t heard his side yet, but we know his girlfriend loves him enough to try to beat up the guards and his mother pleads for another solution... which is denied, and the judge actually replies with the last two lines, which sound fairly rude and insensitive especially given that the bailiff is coming to forever take him away. but it’s as if the judge has decided that since the guy isn’t rich or matters much in the great scale of things, it’s an already done thing and fuck that. ouch.

Now judge I got debts no honest man could pay The bank was holdin' my mortgage and they was takin' my house away Now I ain't sayin' that makes me an innocent man But it was more 'n all this that put that gun in my hand 

aand wait, here finally our dude finally speaks for himself. first: he had debts no honest man could pay, which means that losing his job fucked his finances for good and he was deep in the red. the bank was taking his house away, which was another thing that was extremely common back in the day (same as in the twenties haha) (read those maharidge books for more info) and so he was going to become homeless because he couldn’t find another job and had no other safety net to fall back on. he doesn’t try to argue for his innocence because he did kill a man so he’s not really downplaying it, but then he adds that ‘it was more than all of that which put a gun in his hand’, which means that it was losing his job, losing his money, possibly losing his house, being unable to provide for his family and feeling most likely useless and like he couldn’t do anything anymore with his life. and that puts the gun in his hand. he didn’t do it because he enjoyed it, he did it because he saw no other way, and none of that was considered in the *evidence*, which means he got a trial where his circumstances weren’t even taken into account. but that’s not the heaviest blow this song deals. that one’s the ending:

Well your honor I do believe I'd be better off dead And if you can take a man's life for the thoughts that's in his head Then won't you sit back in that chair and think it over judge one more time And let 'em shave off my hair and put me on that execution line

HAAAAA BUT JUST YOU WAIT. so: he thinks he’s be better off dead, which admittedly is fair of him, idk if I’d take 99 years (so: entire life and death) in a US prison over just being done with it already, and after all if he has no job, no house, no money and no prospects, what does he have to lose? and fine enough, but here’s the gist: if the judge can take a man’s life for the thoughts in his head, ie if the judge thinks he can condemn him to 99 years in prison ie rotting in there until he dies for what he thought and not giving a fuck about why he thought that or why he did what he did... then he welcomes the judge to ‘sit back in that chair’ (which is already pretty damn wording because it sarcastically implies the judge is in a higher position and nothing can hurt him in the chair while everything can hurt johnny 99 and everything has done so already) and have the balls to give him the death penalty instead of condemning him to die but pretending to have been merciful and only giving him time in prison that he can’t possibly serve before he dies. so he’s basically raising the judge (representing the system that betrayed him) the middle finger because if the judge/the system have ruined his life then they should at least have the courage to end it instead of condemning him to be a prisoner for the entirety of it.

now: that’s it. there’s nothing else. there’s no lesson, there’s no moral, that’s how it ends, it’s bleak and sad and it doesn’t really give you any silver lining... because there’s no silver lining and it’s unjust to live in a society where losing your job means losing your life *and* you will be automatically judged for the thoughts in your head without a chance to prove that you can be better or meant better or could make up for it.

no, it’s one mistake out of reasons beyond your control that you would actually pay for, and hey, thrown in jail with the keys thrown away. what an enlightened, beautiful, just system, the system that judges a man for the thoughts that are in his head, huh?

and actually, bonus story: this story is tied to bruce’s biggest BDE display ever, as when reagan became president and was running for re-election in 1984, he thought to quote bruce’s (sadly misunderstood) song born in the usa in a speech in nj. at that point bruce said nothing for a bit, but then:

guys, what a man, what an idol, what a class. no, sure af reagan did not listen to nebraska nor johnny 99.

and, given how you, my dear anon, also judge people by the thoughts that are in their heads and proceed to be their jury, judge and executioner, both fictional people and real ones, if you’re who I think you are (and I actually know you are)... I’ve got a feeling that neither have you. and I really think you should, same as everyone because bruce is the best ;)

[desdemonafictional]

Super City

I guess it’s time for an Actual Superhero Au 

JTHM 

Edgar Vargas was pouring himself a cup of coffee from the communal coffee maker in the break room when the silent alarm started flashing over the doorway. He gave a deep sigh and wiped the “10” from the hanging whiteboard with his elbow, so that now it read It Has Been 0 Days Since Our Last Bullshit. He’d just finished shaking his sleeve back down over his wrist when the teller threw open the break room door, panting.

“Edgar,” she said, “we need you out front!”

There wasn’t even any sugar in his coffee yet. “Deb, you don’t need me. You just need to wait for the police or the capes to show up, whichever gets here first.”

Her teeth clicked together. “It’s Nny’s gang,” she said.

Edgar looked down at his coffee, up at her, and then shoved a handful of sugar packets into his pocket. “Alright,” he said. “Show me out.”

Out in the main lobby of the bank, people were scattered across the floor, hands over their heads, a few of the weaker constituted ones whimpering or praying. Edgar skirts them on his way to the commotion at the tellers, stirring his coffee. Johnny is shouting at someone behind the bulletproof glass, gesturing sharply with something wickedly pointed, possibly a scimitar, while five of his black-suited regulars keep an eye on the cowering crowd.

Tess sees Edgar first, as she flips through a series of pages on her clipboard. She gives him a knowing sardonic look and then taps Johnny on the shoulder. He whirls, sword swiping through the air where her head was a moment before, as she ducks easily out of the way. He spots Edgar. He lights up.

“Hello Nny,” Edgar says, giving a little wave. “What are we trying to buy today?”

Tess taps her brass knuckles against the clipboard. “You know we can’t tell you that Edgar. When the police take you in for questioning--”

“Dirty bomb,” Nny says brightly, leaving the sighing Tess behind him as he trots over. Unlike Tess, who is fastidious about her little domino mask and her identity--Edgar has been polite enough not to mention that he already knows, they do shop at the same Krogers and she has a very distinctive voice--Johnny is always one bare face and an itchy trigger finger from disaster. Edgar is given to understand he doesn’t really leave his lair except for the express purpose of enacting mayhem.

Nny lives solely for wiping Santa Carla right off the map, the bigger and uglier the splatter pattern the better, although whether that comes from a real devotion to the cause or just a lack of other interests is anybody’s guess. He certainly allows himself to be distracted easily enough.

“I need at least a grand to get a hold of the really nasty stuff,” Nny says, “but these cretins won’t hand over the cash, which is extremely inconsiderate of them.”

When Nny first started coming out into daylight, with his manic monologues and devastating weapons, for a month or so there everyone in Santa Carla really thought they were going to die.

“They’re just doing their jobs,” Edgar points out mildly.

“I know,” Nny says, stomping his boot against the marble floor, “but they could at least have the decency to come out here so I could get a hostage. Speaking of which--you don’t mind, do you?”

“Go ahead.”

“Thanks!” Nny says, and in a flash he’s behind Edgar’s back, the curved blade of his long sword hovering over Edgar’s throat. Edgar balances the coffee carefully as Nny yanks his free arm tight behind his back. “I really didn’t wanna have to blow up your bank. I know how much you like it.”

Johnny’s gang, consisting of two long term crewmates and a revolving door of dumb muscle, comes by the bank at least once every couple of months, and has done for a couple years. There are other banks in town, but they never hit any of those, which leads Edgar to suspect that they come here specifically to see him. It’s a bit sweet, although he’d get more work done if he wasn’t been held hostage every couple of days. Last week he went out to pick up milk from the corner store and ended up in the middle of a showdown with the Doughboy gang and it goes without saying which pedestrian they decided to drag into their getaway car. He missed dinner and everything. They did let him have some of their toast, though.

He doesn’t know what it is about him that makes this happen. It’s not like he goes looking for it. He always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The knife at his throat nicks him as Nny leans past him and shouts, very much in his ear, “Alright you putrescent boils on the zitty face of capitalism, let’s try this again! I wanna make it to the ice cream shop before they close!”

Edgar gives the guys behind the glass a reassuring smile, and they slink back, unlocking their drawers. They’ve all bought a fair amount of time together, at this point it’s really up to the capes and the cops to pick up the slack.

He gives the room another look over, as his coworkers fumble to comply. “Where’s Mmy?” he asks. “It’s unusually quiet today.”

He can actually hear Nny grinding his teeth, which is a bad thing to hear when you have a knife at your throat.

“He’s on lookout,” Nny tells him, “because he got his disgusting verminous bloody hands all over my NICE JACKET!”

Edgar winced.

“Anyway!” Nny said, brightening instantaneously. “We’re gonna get some ice cream after we’re done here, you wanna come along? I can have one of the idiots hold a knife on you if you’re worried about being an accomplice.”

On the one hand, some cookie dough ice cream did sound pretty good. “Sorry Nny,” he said, “I can’t today. I’m already behind on everything after that incident with the Doughboys.”

“Shit. Those uppity fuckers. They didn’t do anything nasty to you did they? ‘Cause I brought them into this world and I wouldn’t fucking mind taking them out of it.”

Edgar doesn’t really understand how that’s possible and, furthermore, would rather not find out. He starts to reassure Nny that he is perfectly unharmed when a dull whumph from the other side of the window startles him. He turns his head, just in time to see the window blown in by the force of a human being thrown bodily through it--a deadly rain of glittering glass and the meteoric body in flight overhead--

Mmy hits the floor and skids to a stop at Edgar’s feet, a mess of blood and fishnets and shining buckles. He uncurls and blinks up into the light with his bare face and smeared eyeliner, the long knife in his hand not yet bloodied.

“Oh,” he says, flashing a 100 watt smile, “Edgar! Hey! Are you coming for ice cream?”

“Jimmy!” Tess shouts from across the floor, “Who’s out there!”

Jimmy screws up his face. “Oh,” he says. “It’s Durga.”

Edgar hears Tess say Shit at the same time that the knife completely disappears from his throat. He has just enough time to duck behind one of the pillars before a motorcycle tears out what remains of the window and crashes in a mangled heap across the marble, tearing deep grooves in the stone.

“My bike!” Mmy whines, although nobody is listening.

Durga comes striding through the window, glass scattering under her feet, and leaps down onto the floor. Her long coat sweeps out around her as she lifts herself from her crouch. She fixes the full incendiary power of her glare on Nny, who is bouncing on his heels in anticipation.

She is just as terrifyingly intense as always.

“You assholes caught me at a really bad time,” she says. The skull shape of her half-mask is almost as white as her skin. She spares a finger wiggle as she adds, tiredly, “Hey Edgar.”

“What a pleasant surprise!” Nny says, and he drops the scimitar, riffling around in the lining of his own coat for something, pulling pockets open and peering down into them. “I thought it was going to be one of those philistines on the police force. You’re looking stunning, by the way, have you bulked up?”

“Johnny you piece of shit,” she says, “compliment me one more time and I’ll rip your tongue out.”

“It would be my pleasure. Ah!” From the shadows of his coat, where it absolutely should not have fit, Nny draws out the wicked curve of a sickle. “I haven’t seen you since, um. Well god damn, there goes my fucking memory. How are you though?”

Devi reaches a hand behind her neck, head tilting with a snap, rolling her shoulders as she draws out, knot by knot, the long bloody whip of vertebra and shining cartilage. It hits the ground like a snake, heavy and sinuous, a deadly thing to hold in your hands. As it always does when he’s unlucky enough to witness the hero making a mess of her own body, Edgar’s stomach churns.

“These are not,” she says, “good times to be around me.”

Nny nods, sympathetically. “Well then the last thing you need is me trying to make small talk with you,” he says, and flicks the blade of the sickle. “Let’s just try to kill each other, how about that?”

“You read my mind,” she says, and leaps across the floor.

At this point, Edgar has to look away. He gets queasy every time he sees the two of them going at it--the things that she pulls out of her own skeleton, good god, and the way that Nny knits back together after he’s been split down to the kidneys on one of those wicked bones? It’s not something a man should have to see more than once in his life.

In the crashing and shrieking and clatter of edge against stone, Edgar is forgotten enough that he can retreat to the far wall and finish off his cooling coffee. After a moment, like a slug moving his way through his own trail of blood, Mmy pulls himself over and props himself up against the same wall, watching the showdown with rapturous delight.

The things Mmy finds entertaining--well, there has to be a reason he picked the career he did.

“Isn’t he something?” Mmy says, the side of his mouth pressed to the black hilt of his knife. “Damn, look at him go. Now that’s a real doomsday device.”

Edgar sips his coffee. He thinks what he can hear Johnny shouting is some kind of a compliment, although if that’s the case then there’s something to be said for not talking out loud about how beautiful a woman’s bones are.

“They used to date, didn’t they?” he says, ignoring the rain of fingers that bounce off the marble several feet away. He doesn’t want to know whose they are.

Jimmy wrinkles his nose. “I dunno,” he says. “Nny doesn’t tell me stuff like that.”

For a second the narrow slant of Mmy’s eyes takes on a volatile cast, a chemical dangerous when shaken, but then it’s gone as soon as it appeared. He grins against the nylon handle.

“Anyway, all that shit’s in the past! Now he’s got us.”

Edgar glances sidelong at the villain. He’s not sure what us entails, but he doubts Nny would be so quick to agree.

It’s just another bothersome tuesday, a bad news day for the janitors who have to clean up the blood and fingers, but nothing Edgar hasn’t seen a dozen times before. He is already thinking about the errands he needs to run after work, if he can manage to avoid getting caught up in this super business twice in one day, and the toner that needs replacing--and basically he is not worried about any of it, except as far as keeping his clothes clean goes, which is why when the shot lands, he never sees it coming.

It hits him like lightning, in the space between one breath and the next, in the space between one rib and the next.

The last thing he knows for a long time is that sound of his own startled breath, not enough time even to wonder, as he will wonder--why me, of all people?

[elizabethschoices]

Hero, Vol. 1, Chapter 5: My Thoughts

We start off as Caleb, who is driving the getaway van. He’s muttering to himself about how he’ll show his ‘coworkers’ just exactly who he is, and I’m like who are you?

All Caleb wants to do is create chaos, but he requires more power. Is he going to touch the crystal too?

Yep. It’s in his jacket pocket, even. He squeezes the crystal and it shines brighter and brighter.

The screen whites out for a moment and then Caleb becomes Johnny Storm.

Cops gain on his ass and he mentions some crappy line about burning and then we’re done.

Now we’re playing as MC, and we’re getting coffee with Dax and a few other coworkers. Santiago says he hasn’t slept well since the gala and reveals he’s been working a lot of overtime. Voluntary, I’m sure, but I hope he’s still getting paid anyway.

MC can sympathize with him on it, but according to Marjorie, MC has been less productive since the gala. Marjorie and MC argue, but then Dax calls for peace and at least one civil argument.

What’s it like being engaged? ‘Cause my single ass sure doesn’t know.

She bitches about wedding planning and cleaning up after the gala at the same time and reveals she’s engaged to a woman that apparently took too long to propose. All I gotta say is I better get to marry Grayson. Dax applauds the nice conversation just before the news on the TV announces a new segment on superhumans.

Are we going to be X-Men’d/Civil War’d?

We’re going to Civil War it, I see. Meiko, the District Attorney, makes great points and so does the reporter. No law-abiding, average-Joe-type citizen should be taking the law into their own hands, but the police need to be doing much more, otherwise the vigilante heroes will be needed to keep the city safe, coupled with the fact that some of these bad guys aren’t just guys with guns, but superpowers. The reporter starts to ask about the police that were attacked by a man on fire, but Meiko ends the interview right then.

Marjorie is in favor of vigilantes like Talos to protect the citizens from the supervillains, whereas Santiago sees them as more of a threat to the city, and I can’t really pick a side. They’re both right.

The police should be the first on call for bank robberies or stuff like that, but someone with superhuman abilities (like Spider-Man, for example) can do more good and truly stop the bad guys before they can get away easier than a regular human being. But being a vigilante can be a dangerous mindset. Sure, you’re doing good and not being controlled, but what happens when you realize that you can’t be stopped and can do whatever the hell you want?

You become a villain.

I’ll say, due to the rise of super-powered villains, we need heroes now more than ever.

Santiago is afraid that if the civilians see themselves an inferior to the supers, they’ve lost. I can see that. It’ll become a dictatorship. Do as the super says or they’ll kill you with their weird powers. He has hope for Meiko Katsaros’ plan, and Marjorie can only hope the police are able to tackle the issue at hand.

The group goes back to work and MC asks Dax if he’d heard about the man on fire. He hasn’t, but he isn’t that surprised and suspects that there will soon be more supers roaming the streets. They’ll need to get the Prism Crystal, but they don’t have a damn clue where it is.

Dax mentions something about firing up a lazer. but MC declines because she’s gotta go back to Bayside with Grayson, who has bought The Grand and apparently also found a manager for the place.

Now we’re at The Grand with hubby and when he unlocks and opens the front doors, a cloud of dust exits. Hoo boy. MC comments how it’ll need a lot of work to return to its former glory, but then Kenji pops up and says that they can make it even better than what it used to be.

Grayson introduces MC and Kenji, and MC recognizes Kenji. Were you at the gala?

He says he was and that he was with his mom due to the fact that she needed a plus one. Grayson thinks Kenji is the perfect fit for the job, and Kenji thinks so too. Then Kenji wants to talk about his salary, but Grayson wants MC to negotiate with him, for some reason. And he wants him to take a lower salary too? For what? Why not just pay him the proper amount for this tough job he’s going to do?

We don’t get anymore info, so whatever. Don’t worry, I got this.

Grayson goes back to the office and I guess we’re just gonna have to walk back, ‘cause he was our ride. He leaves us with Kenji to talk about his salary. Grayson wants him, sure, but if he’s too expensive we can find someone else. We have other candidates in mind.

MC also brings up how young he is, but Kenji counters with the fact that he can simply connect to the younger generation better than some old fuck. Then he hits us with the ‘why should I want to work here’ question. Idk because you want a good job???

You can make this place whatever you want it to be.

We win over Kenji and he leaves his rate up to MC and Grayson to decide, because he knows Grayson will be fair about it. He then brings up the fact that Grayson wants to restore the place, but he thinks the rugged atmosphere will sell better with the younger crowd, citing that they don’t go to clubs and stuff for the good parties, but rather places like abandoned warehouses.

He says he shouldn’t have to explain it to a girl like us, but lmao I’m always working what night life could I possibly have. Actually, I don’t get out much.

Kenji is surprised but supposes that‘s why he hasn’t met MC before, because he would remember seeing her at a party. Boi you best stop now because Grayson Prescott is the love of my life.

He puts forth the idea of a secret party to get the place’s rep back up before it even opens again. I love it. He says he’ll take care of everything and to tell our friends about the party.

Clearly we did, because later in the evening, we’re at The Grand with Poppy and Dax. The line is hella long and Poppy is worried about how long it’ll take to get in, where Dax is wondering how the hell Kenji could have possibly gotten a liquor license so soon. Kenji then appears and informs Dax that he pulled some strings and got a special, one-night permit to distribute liquor.

Kenji says that he’s not going to charge Dax and Poppy for entry, and they like him for it. He’s not bad, I guess. I’m #TeamGrayson, guys.

We head into The Grand and the place is packed. The bartender asks if we’re Kenji’s new friend, and these choices are dumb.

Hey, I fixed it!

We just met.

Honestly I don’t drink (not old enough lmao) so I don’t know what these things are. I’ll have a lemon drop? Bartender is into Poppy and reveals his name to be Skylar. Is this going to be another Tyler/Abbie/Leila thing? Because I don’t even think I’ve spent diamonds on Grayson and myself thus far lmao wtf makes you think I will for side character relationships?

Honestly, this isn’t my business at all. I’ll stay out of it.

Skylar serves up MC and Poppy’s drinks, and only notices Dax afterwards. He’s super nice to him though, despite Dax’s pissy order of a neat whiskey. Dax is complaining about Skylar as they walk through the crowd and accidentally bumps into a woman, spilling her drink. However, she basically slows down time and saves her drink. So she’s another mutant. Great.

I’m not following her. But she’s gone. Let’s just keep an eye out.

Kenji finds MC and attempts to flirt, but I’m not having it. Maybe another time.

We head outside due to commotion and learn that the DMV across the street from The Grand has caught fire. MC puts on her suit and attempts to confront the man on fire, but then Talos pushes through and faces him himself.

Talos is totally Kenji, right?

[reesesxxpieces-blog]

Spencer James "Fourth of July /week/ got you thinking... is that fireworks I hear outside at 3 a.m. or are those gunshots...?"

Reiyas Kingston Fuck me, this is painfully true.

Spencer James "Right? My husband works nights and I've got two small children. Gotta turn off my cop instincts here and realize there is no threat!!"

Reiyas Kingston Ohhhh, woman of the law, eh? I work with the government, too. Special branch that li- fucking jesus christ, I did it again. Forget you heard that... and my cussing. Sorry.

Spencer James "You owe me no apology, I assure. And yeah, I'm a cop this week. I'll let you know if that rings true next week or not. But for now, yes. Philadelphia Homicide Detective. It seems your title is classified?"

Reiyas Kingston Ah, I've heard that tune a time or two. If you're anything like me, passion can put you in compromising positions in like fields. From what I've seen, anyway. Philly though? I'm in New York; just a hop, skip, and jump away. Hah, yes. It's supposed to be... not sure my brain can remember that part. Ahem, anyway. Name's Reiyas. Reiyas Kingston.

Spencer James "Yeah... I've come into a bit of a temper, I suppose you could say. Swear I've had more time on leave this year than clock days. Oh well. Is what it is. New York, huh? I haven't made my way that direction yet. I transferred into PPD from Dallas about two and a half years ago. I like the city, but I sure get homesick from time to time. People just are in such a hurry here. No one says hello. I'm glad you did, Mister Kingston. I'm Spencer James. It's nice to meet you."

Johnny William "Gunshots don't echo. Fireworks do..."

Spencer James “When I’m half asleep in bed, it’s hard to listen for the echo while I’m reaching for my piece and trying to get out of the room and into the boys’ rooms. Think you’re just going to have to take the rest of the week off with me.” Nods.

Johnny William "I'm home tonight anyway."

Spencer James “And tomorrow night and the one after that and the one after that and… well, the rest of the week?"

Johnny William "I'll have to take it up with the boss."

Spencer James “I’d just feel better if you were here is all. Especially after all the shit that went down a couple weeks ago. It’s just a lot and the boys are so little and… I’d just feel better if you were here. Or if we were all somewhere else."

Johnny William "I got you, hun." knowing he had been playing around with her, he did understand what she was saying. "You overwhelmed?"

Spencer James “I’m… worried. You’re gone at night and I know you have to be, but if something went down here, no matter what skillset I have under my belt, I… John, I'm scared," she confessed, words that didn't ever leave the woman’s lips, but there they were. Seeing what she’d seen there on their own front lawn while trying to comfort both boys and keep them safe, knowing there was nothing she could do for him or Judas outside enduring what they were, she couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if something like that should happen when he wasn’t there.

Johnny William "Our house is watched at night. When I'm not here...hell, when I am here." he stated simply, as she had to know he wouldn't just let her take it all on herself after what had happened. "The club is monitoring our street and the one behind it and the house itself. Our security system is updated but honestly...we might have to start making some other changes too."

Spencer James “I know this, I do. And it’s all great and I know there’s literally nothing more that could really be done there outside of posting snipers at the front porch. But there’s just something altogether better about it all when you’re here. Those guys out there will only do so much to protect your kids and wife. But you. I know what you’d do. I’m not saying I ever want that to happen, but there’s a safety in that.” She paused, second guessing her own vulnerability as it wasn’t something she often showed. “Ya know, it’s really just my head and there’s probably nothing you can do to fix that. I just worry. About you. About the boys. And what I’d do the day I ever had to protect them and do something at the same time."

Johnny William "Those guys aren't hired help. They're my brothers. I grew up with them, we've shed blood for one another. I put food on their table for their own kids and I don't doubt for a minute that they'd lay their lives down for mine and the club itself. It was a declaration of war." he reminded her as it was club politics and maybe not something she'd understand if she had not been brought up in it the way he had. A shake of his head as it wasn't just her head but an honest vulnerability. "Maybe it's time to move then."

Spencer James Hearing him out as he spoke about those men that would guard their home when John was away, as well as when he was home, she nodded her head. Understanding. Not having meant to discredit them. As he shook his head at her thinking it was just her head, she was shocked at the words that would leave his lips next. “No, John. No way,” she argued, her hand quick to find the side of his face, her touch soft and just as sincere as she was, her eyes meeting his. “This is our home. Our home that you did and sacrificed so much for. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to ever move."

Johnny William "and I'll do again and sacrifice for with a house out in the North East or something. It's not like it'll all be for nothing." he reminded her, as they'd get all his work back in property value by this point. "If you don't feel safe here then it doesn't leave much of an option. It's my only way to fix this and make you feel more comfortable."

Spencer James Hearing him out, she understood why he wanted to do this, but it wasn’t at all what she wanted. She didn’t want to move to the northeast and then them both have their commutes, if and when she got pulled from leave again. She didn’t want to move just because she was nervous at night. This was the home that held every incredible memory of them as a family and no amount of money could be placed on that in her mind. She shook her head again, her hand slipping to the back of his neck, drawing her forehead against his. “I don’t want to move, John."

Johnny William "Spence..." hearing her being a bit unreasonable on this one due to the attachment she found on those four walls. "We'd make a home of wherever we are. This house isn't what makes us." he'd remind her, as it was merely dry wall and some plaster and little else.

Spencer James She understood, but it wouldn’t be enough to change her mind at the same time. He nearly lost his life for this house. He surprised her with this house. She’d never forget how she felt walking through those halls for the first time, knowing what he’d put into that house. The tone of her name at his lips spoke loudly, yet she’d still dig her feet in on this. “I don’t want to move, John,” she repeated, feeling the conviction deep within her. “I want to live here with you and our boys until we outgrow it or until the roof falls in. I don’t want to go and leave all of this because your wife showed her chicken shit side. I’ve never felt unsafe here before and I know it’s just with all that’s happened recently and this holiday and what not. But no part of me is ready to leave our home to make another."

Johnny William "It ain't about bein' chicken shit. It's realistic after what just happened." hell, his ribs hadn't even healed yet. It was still current events but he saw that they would reach a stalemate here. Maybe even the potential for an argument and he just wasn't feeling it. Letting himself inject the seed and see if she'd take to it. "Alright."

Spencer James As he withdrew from the conversation, she wouldn’t realize the seed he would plant here, one that would surely take root in the coming days and weeks if she was left to think about it and weigh it on her own. With her hand to the back of his neck, she lowered her face into his chest, breathing him in as she had so many times over the last two years. “Just don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to any of you,” she offered, an honest sentiment that stood as the root of it all, though knowing all the while that John was no safer here than he was out at night, finding it all too uncertain for her liking.

Johnny William If she was thinking like that, there was an even bigger issue yet he didn't say it. God knows he was thinking it. Feeling her at his chest as he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

Spencer James Feeling him there to the top of her head, her hands found his sides. Things hadn't been so terrifying to her when it was just the two of them. But now that there were two little boys there with the intent for more, she grew more nervous by the day. Paranoia was setting in and the voices in her head became louder and louder. There, with him home, was the only time she felt entirely secure and as though she could breathe.

Johnny William "So realistically speakin' what would help? You wanna start keeping Scrappy downstairs?" He asked curiously, as atleast the dog would startle to anything on that bottom level.

Spencer James As he spoke again, she remained there to his chest, hearing out his suggestion as she lifted her chin so that her eyes could meet his. "Yeah, that might help," she offered, willing to give it a try and see if it helped her sleep at night. Unsure if this was just a phase, she hated feeling so insecure, yet was beyond thankful that he didn't fault her for it and seemed to completely understand.

Johnny William "Okay. So just keep him on the other side of the baby gate before you go to sleep." He reasoned, as Scrappy wouldn't like it but he'd have the couch all to himself and that would have to suffice.

Spencer James Giving up a gentle nod, she would do that the next night, only able to hope the dog would understand and perhaps even feel as though he had a job to do. Her hands gripped at his sides, face finding his chest once more, realizing just how long it had been since she found herself in this position before him.

Johnny William Feeling her infront of him, his hands gently massaging her shoulders as the woman was stressed. Lips to the top of her head. "You want a back rub?" He asked curiously.

Spencer James Feeling his kiss to the top of her head, she would hear his question a moment later as his hands worked gently against her shoulders. A soft hum passed her lips at his offer before she was lifting her head again, meeting his eyes, and giving up a soft nod of her head. "That sounds incredible," she stated honestly, a small smile there to her features.

Johnny William Nodding as he'd take up the charge on this one as his hands remained to her shoulders. "Okay. You tell me when and where." He offered as he spotted her smile.

Spencer James The bed was dangerous and she knew it all too well. The sofa, however... wasn't quite as dangerous, but certainly wasn't unheard of for them. "How about... now? Upstairs?" She asked, deciding to live dangerously, knowing where this could lead should one of them take it there.

Johnny William "Alright." Chin jut for her up the stairs as he wasn't too concerned with it in all truth nor was he ever.

Spencer James Finding that gesture at his chin, she stepped back from him, her hands leaving his sides as she took a step towards the staircase.

Johnny William Following behind her so closely he might have run into her in the case of sudden stops. Hoping to irritate her as much as possible.

Spencer James Feeling him there behind her, she glanced over her shoulder to him. "You gonna take me in the ass right here?" She asked, teasingly.

Johnny William "You know it." Definitely close enough, he pressed his lips to her shoulder.

Spencer James Smirking as his lips found her shoulder, it was all too tempting. "I might hold you to that..."

Johnny William "Don't threaten me with a good time." He commented honestly, lips to the side of her neck.

Spencer James Feeling him to the side of her neck, her foot found the staircase, her hand taking to the railing as his kiss was entirely too distracting. "John..." she warned as he was starting something there that they both knew she wouldn't be able to draw away from.

Johnny William "I know, I know." He stated honestly, knowing what she was warning as he'd draw his lips back but not his body.

Spencer James Feeling him partially withdraw yet not entirely, she couldn't help but smirk. Taking one step at a time, always thinking those stairs took too long to get up in moments like these. "Should've chose the sofa," she whispered just under her breath.

Johnny William "Coulda' shoulda woulda.'" He reminded her as they got to the top of the steps and heading towards the bedroom.

Spencer James “Yeah, I hear you,” she teased back, her feet finding that top step where she’d promptly turn around even with his close proximity. Her hands instantly there to the back of his neck as her lips were seeking out his kiss, his actions being that which would turn this around from a massage to the potential for something so much more than that.

-July 3, 2017