#Viking Facts tm

[abeautifulblog]

(Leslie Fish - "Dane-Geld")

ROFL, I love it. 🤣 This is so fuckin catchy, I am beyond delighted that this song exists. Thank you for introducing this to my life, friendo. 🙏

But also: lol Kipling was so full of shit.

And apologies, but you have activated the hyperfixation, soooo...

--

DANEGELDS: WELL, AKSHUALLY---

or

DANEGELDS: I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED!

--

So, I should have been more clear in my last post: there's nothing inherently ¿🤨? about Burgred bribing vikings to go away, despite what the victorians would have you believe. Paying tribute to placate an aggressive foreign power was standard operating procedure in that era -- just one of the occasional costs of doing international politics.

I mean ffs, lol, THIS was the viking invasion of England:

Vikings land in Kent; Wessex pays them a danegeld to go away. Vikings go to East Anglia; East Anglia pays them a danegeld to go away. Vikings go to York; Northumbria tries to fight them and gets curb-stomped. Vikings go to Nottingham; Mercia pays them a danegeld to go away. Vikings go to Thetford; East Anglia tries to fight them and gets curb-stomped. Vikings go to Reading; Wessex gets curb-stomped for a bit and then pays them a danegeld to go away. Vikings go to London; Mercia pays them a danegeld to go away. Vikings go put down a revolt in Northumbria. Vikings go to Torksey; Mercia pays them a danegeld to go away…………….. but this time the vikings don't leave. (cue my fic)

(Really, Kipling? "We never pay anyone danegeld"?? Said no one ever. The mid ninth century is nothing but the Saxons playing hot potato with the vikings.)

The only ¿🤨? part about Nottingham was why Burgred bothered dragging the West Saxons out of bed to help him besiege the city, if he was just going to pay the vikings off without a single fight. Why assemble such a massive coalition army and then not use it? (That's what modern historians give him shit for, not the danegeld itself -- contrast this with how they tend to characterize Alfred's danegeld, that yeah okay sure, he paid one too, but he made the vikings work for it first.) To me, it suggests that either something about the situation at Nottingham changed, that made fighting untenable, or that having the army was the point -- that it was part of Burgred's leverage for encouraging the Danes to take the payout and go, rather than deciding to keep the city like they'd done with York.

The point is, no one was under any illusions that danegelds would buy a permanent peace -- what they bought you was time. If you were genuinely unprepared to fight off a viking invasion, then paying the danegeld was your best option. (Even if it makes later historians big mad that you didn't go heroically stiff-upper-lip yourself into an early grave.) Yes, your economy will take a hit -- danegelds were not ""trifling"" -- but it'll recover faster from a danegeld than it will from having your armies decimated/crops burned/towns looted/peasants carted off into slavery.

Bribing vikings was a reliable way to make them go bother someone else for a few years, while you (theoretically) got your shit together so you'd be better prepared for the next time they circled back round. Paying a danegeld, in and of itself, was not a dumb or lazy or shameful move -- so long as you treated it like the temporary measure that it was, and followed up with stronger steps. Wessex did; they made good use of the time they bought, and consequently they withstood the next round of invasions. Mercia did not, or not good enough anyway, and that's a different story.

But that's not how Kipling and the victorians felt about it -- they fuckin H A A A A A T E D danegelds. 😂 It didn't vibe with the English Exceptionalism that they were attempting to manufacture, a version of history in which the English were a godly-heroic race of brave and brilliant white people who righteously deserved to take over the whole world. Danegelds were a very embarrassing thing to have to explain -- how could their illustrious ancestors have been so spineless that they'd let themselves get shaken down rather than fight? Or so STOOOOPID, because don't they know that "once you have paid him the Danegeld / You never get rid of the Dane"???? (And with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, they could confidently say that paying danegelds had done Mercia and East Anglia no good.) It would have been far more palatable to their sensibilities if the Saxons had believed in death before danegeld.

But that's imposing an ahistorical set of values on the situation. There's nothing in the contemporary sources to indicate that the Saxons attached any particular shame or stigma to paying a tribute -- to the military defeats that had made it necessary, yeah absolutely, but not the payment itself.

In my opinion, what the Saxon kingdoms should be embarrassed about is not the danegelds, but how long it took them to get their shit together and recognize the vikings as a real threat, and then put aside their petty internecine squabbling to deal with it -- too long, for most of them, and too late by the time they did. It's depressingly familiar, to have one's society faced with an existential threat, while the people in power would rather use the opportunity to dunk on their political rivals than do anything about it. 😐

[betweenlands]

Your ghost vault propaganda inspired me to watch the first season in dominion and. I think Legundo irl left that vault and had a panic attack. His shivers were timbered. Viking was unhinged to exactly one person and it PAYED OFF. God damn.

NO FOR REAL ITS SUCH AN EXPERIENCE. like it's a known fact that The Voice(tm) does in fact actually scare Legundo IRL and Viking just. he's so GOOD at turning it on and off at unstable intervals

i think a lot about that scene though actually, because piglin 'Gundo is a fascinating character in his own right and is not a fully morally upstanding guy, and something i think is interesting is like. the entire time he's freaked the hell out and this doesn't exactly go away later in the scene, but i feel like you can see something just click in Legundo when Viking hands him that IOU back and it's so. gods. he goes from totally out of his depth to a lot more calm and almost a little dismissive once that IOU is back in his hands and Viking no longer has that total leverage. it's nothing short of fascinating.

just. in general. that's such a good scene. all the Ghost's Vault scenes are golden, and S2 of Dominion has some utter bangers if you're the type to backwatch VODs.

all this is to say! glad you enjoyed! :DDD

[iamnmbr3]

for that ask thingy you just reblogged, could i perhaps say loki and/or thor?

Sure! I can do both.

How I feel about this character

I really enjoy both Loki & Thor (in their original incarnations, not the TR retcon versions. Or the Loki Show - which legitimately made Cursed Child look well written and canon compliant). I find them to be really interesting, deeply flawed and dynamic characters. I think the fact that they have a very different world view due to being magical alien space vikings with extremely different values and perspectives than most modern day humans makes for some very interesting storytelling.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I find thorki to be a really interesting ship as I think it heightens the stakes and tensions surrounding their fraught relationship and also allows for the exploration of a number of really interesting themes, character arcs and and plot structures, depending on the exact iteration.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Give me all the brodinsons sibling bond content. Give me the precanon fluff. Give me the angsty fics of them resolving their canon issues (or not resolving them).

My unpopular opinion about this character

Thor is not stupid. I think Asgardian society doesn't value intelligence as much as being a Strong Warrior TM and so for that reason Thor often downplays his intelligence. However he is actually extremely clever and perfectly capable of being cunning and manipulative when he wants to be. I think out of universe this gets overlooked a lot and I think it also gets overlooked in-universe as well. I think Loki is one of the few people to notice and appreciate this side of Thor.

Also, Thor is not a sunshine golden retriever puppy. Thor can be very loving and devoted to people he cares about. He can also be terrifyingly violent. In the opening sequence of Thor 1 he is literally laughing while committing mass murder on Jotunheim and his life's ambition is to wipe out the Jotnar - aka commit genocide. (These attitudes are, of course, normalized and encouraged in his society). I think these traits make him a much more complex and interesting character and provide a lot of fodder for character arcs where he works on these flaws.

I also heartily disagree with the retcon in TR and the Loki show that prior to the events of Thor 1, Thor viewed Loki as untrustoworthy or as a threat. Thor clearly relies on and trusts Loki implicitly in the beginning of Thor 2011. That's why Loki is able to lie to him successfully. If he habitually did that then Thor wouldn't have trusted him (unless the implication is that Thor is incapable of forming short-term memories).

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish instead of TR we got a movie that meaningfully resolved both their character arcs where they actually discussed their issues, Loki got to confront his self-hatred over his heritage and Thor came to terms with the flaws in Asgardian society and the harm his treatment of Loki did, even if it was unintentional at times, and where they both returned to Jotunheim and tried to make amends and establish a lasting peace. I think something where they both got to unite against the real threat - Odin - would also have been cool. Thor ultimately renouncing the throne and giving it to Loki could've been super neat. Especially as it would free up Thor to do Avenger stuff so it'd be convenient from a plot pov too.

[magic-is-something-we-create]

Happy WBW!

Tell me more about the world of the Millennium Saga: what sort of steampunk technology is commonplace? What isn't? What are its limits?

(Just talk to me about steampunk please. I want more steampunk in my life)

Hi!!! Happy WBW, thanks for stopping by!! :D

This got Very Long and kind of rambly because I love talking about this stuff, so apologies if it's a bit much!!

Okay, so, the steampunk of the Ehlverse is a bit ~funky~ because it's very regional what sorts of things you can find where, and the technology actually develops and changes throughout TMS!! Like, one of the narrators of Goddess-Touched whole plot is literally reverse engineering airships on a shoestring material budget. And those designs end up being ubiquitous by the time of Whispers!

But, at the start of TMS, the things that are most blatant and common are a) steam engine trains and b) pulley elevators/lifts. Except, because this is a magical world and I do what I want, the steam engines aren't quite your typical ones, because they don't use fuel. Instead of coal or other fuels, they have Fire Mages in the engine rooms just constantly doing the combustion for the engines, which makes them both more environmentally friendly and also more efficient, because it's basically a calorie-for-calorie energy conversion instead of the typical energy loss of engines IRL. The lifts are mostly manned by Metal Mages that oversee the cables and control where the lifts stop, instead of buttons, and they're kinda like valets for the Godtrees because No One wants to climb that high if there's any other option.

HOWEVER. There's also a lot of tech that looks steampunk-y, but doesn't use steam engines or any other fuel source like it at all. And I mean that 100% literally.

Because of the magic metals that the Dwarves make, one of which is called Voltimony and basically functions as, like, something that retains its momentum indefinitely regardless of gravity and drag and such, there are literally trains that are powered with wind-up keys.

Those trains are, in fact, the most common kinds of trains in Emarye, and why I had to edit out all mention of steam, chimneys, and the like from Whispers when I was going through! Because I'd forgotten their trains just don't fucking have those!

And, circling back around to airships: I'm still in the process of designing them, but essentially, they're going to be repurposed sailing vessels with the masts stripped and turned into giant flapping wings on the sides, so they kind of look like viking oarships but with huge paper fans on the oars that make them fly. They've got gyroscopes to keep the decks level, and the fabric for the wings will be specially enchanted to not make much noise (for Ehlf hearing sensitivity reasons), and they'll also run using a similar kinetic engine to the wind-up trains! Just with less of the magic metal overall (again, invented on a shoestring material budget) and some addition of a different magic metal called Soulvite to basically program the wings to flap every so often.

Aside from that, we've also got kinda-clockwork, kinda-robotic automatons, including a little dragon named Wrench that was made by the same person who goes on to invent airships! She's, uh, actually half robotics, because the Ehlverse has a hodgepodge of technology levels dependent on the magics around and how they interact with different technologies, and Soulvite is way more expensive than a hard drive where Wrench was made.

[patrice-bergerons]

I get where you're coming from, but that's kind of the problem? I don't know about the others, but I personally want to do better. The movie studios and tv channels have enough money to do their research yet they refuse. I've got nothing but time, might as well do as much research as possible. There's no way everything will be 100% correct, of course, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try. This doesn't extend fully to other people's works, though. Suspension of disbelief is an existing term. Then again, if there's a glaring mistake that wouldn't even have needed proper research (vikings and horned helmets are my fave example), there's no way I can forgive that. I've thrown out books after such mistakes, fics aren't any different.

idk man, no one is telling you, specifically, not to research. you are also not obligated to read or watch anything you don't want to.

but as you say, suspension of disbelief is a thing and what matters to me in stories is the narrative and the emotional beats. yeah sometimes an error is so glaring it will throw you off beat completely, but more often that not, if deviating from Facts TM makes for a better story, i will happily let it slide. i think many other people are that way too -- my parents are both doctors for example and yet house was our collective favourite show growing up.

i also fully admit it--for me, i have to balance writing against a demanding job so i don't have loads of time for research and i do the bare minimum to get by. but in other instances, and i suspect for many shows and movies, it's not that they are too "lazy" to do research; it's just that sometimes being super factually accurate does not make for the best narrative and they choose to sacrifice the former for the latter and i think thats perfectly fine. 🤷‍♂️

[bluekaddis]

Today is 11/11 which marks 101 years of Poland regaining independence and I thought it is a perfect time to publish a post that I’ve been working on for a while. 

Ferelden from Polish Perspective aka Why We Can Relate to Dog Lords So Much. 

This is a sort of compilation of my own thoughts I had while playing the games and various talks with my Polish friends. It is not supposed to force any ideas or teach others how to interpret the game. I just thought it could be entertaining for anyone interested in history and culture. I was trying not to elaborate too much on the subject here but it still ended up being A Very Long Post TM. To make this post a little neater to read, I divided this post into 4 sections:

1. History

2. Fashion and Food

3. Politics

4. Relationships with Other Countries

I will be very happy if you find a minute or two to read some of my points. If you have any additional questions or comments feel free to leave me a message :)

And once again - enormous thanks to @aeducanka​ for proofreading. I would be a poor mess without you. 

DISCLAIMERS

1. Yes, I know that Ferelden is based mostly on Anglo-Saxon England and I have no problem with that. True, I may be a little disappointed that the game includes references to so many European cultures and countries (France, Byzantine Empire, Venice, Roma culture etc.) and yet practically ignores Central and Eastern Europe completely, BUT this post is not meant to be a “Where is my representation?!” rant. If I wanted a game with Slavic culture vibes, I could always play the Witcher trilogy again. We are doing alright. 

2. I am in no way an academic specialist on culture or history, even these of my own country. I did some research, but most of facts and figures can be easily found on wikipedia. You can treat this as just some observations and headcanons of a 29 y/o Polish woman, who has grown up and lives in Poland. 

3. The main focus of this post is Poland in different moments of history. However, when talking about fashion and political system I will mostly refer to Polish culture between the 16th and 18th century. During that time Poland and Lithuania formed a dual state known as The Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth. So, whenever I refer to this particular period, I will use the term “Commonwealth” instead of “Poland”. 

PART 1 – HISTORY

The country’s name origin

Ferelden means „fertile valley” in Alamarri tongue [WoT vol. 1], Poland most probably comes from the Slavic word „pole” meaning „field”. They both refer to land that can be cultivated.

History of unification

Ferelden lands were divided between many tribes until they were unified by Calenhad Theirin. He fought and defeated other Alamarri tribes’ leaders, proclaimed Andrastianism as the new official religion of his kingdom and started the Theirin dynasty.  

A similar story can be told about Mieszko I of Poland – the leader of the Polans tribe (one of many Slavic tribes of that time) who, by means of war and diplomacy, united many Slavic tribes and created the Polish country in 965. In the same year he was baptised, abandoning native paganism in favour of Christianity. Mieszko started the Piast dynasty which ruled Poland for over 400 years. He never officially became a king, though – his son, Bolesław, was crowned king in 1025.

Also, Ferelden is a relatively young country compared to countries like Orlais or Tevinter. Even if Poland has over 1000 years of history as a country, it has to be noted that some Western European countries have a longer history (eg. the Carolingian Empire or the Visigothic Kingdom). Polish lands have also never been a part of the Roman Empire. 

Fun fact – the half-legendary sword of the first king of Poland, Szczerbiec, was stolen by Prussian troops during their invasion on Poland in 1795. Calenhad’s sword, Nemetos,was lost during the Orlesian invasion on Ferelden [WoT vol. 1].

Ostagar

Now, I will tell you a story. It is about a young king (in his twenties), a little reckless, wanting to be the leader who stood against the great invading threat to his country, a little blinded by the perspective of glorious victory. Just before the battle one of his allied forces betrayed him and did not provide the promised aid. The enemy army was too strong, too large. The king’s army was defeated, the king was killed in battle and his body was taken by the enemy. The king did not have children and his younger brother had succeeded him.

No, I’m not talking about Cailan, this is the story of Władysław III of Poland.

PART 2 – FASHION AND FOOD

Fashion

All cultures in Thedas have their own style and fashion. Ferelden is supposed to be this “We like fur and warm fabrics” culture, opposite to the extravagant Orlesian style. However, I have few problems with how Fereldan fashion is shown in the game.

1. It is too early-medieval looking. I know, it is a fantasy, you can mix ancient Egypt with steampunk and nobody should care. But we see, from cultural and technological perspective, that Thedas in Dragon Age is more renaissance/baroque than your typical medieval. Heck, some elements, like the infamous Formal Attire, look like clothes from 18th or even 19th century! In comparison, outfits like Arms of Mac Tir or Robes of the Pretender (though good looking) look like something from the Vikings era.

2.  We do not see many good looking Fereldan outfits in the games. I like Alistair’s royal outfit and some of Fereldan armors and clothes from DA:2 but remember this?

Or this?

Yeah, Dog Lords can do better :/

And that’s why I like to headcanon Fereldan fashion as something more resembling the Commonwealth fashion between the 16th and 18th century. It was an interesting mix of European and Asian influences and I think it would work perfectly with canon Ferelden because:

1. People LOVED fur elements in their clothing. Fur lining on coats, fur caps decorated with feathers, pelts of wild carnivores (lions, wolves, bears, etc.) on armour  - fur was everywhere.

2. It is simple but regal. The quality of materials and patterns were more important than volume and the number of layers. A typical male noble outfit consisted of a long garment (żupan), a long, ornate sash, one of two types of cloak (delia or kontusz) and a fur cap decorated with feathers and jewels. If you compare it with the baroque fashion from France it is less extravagant and more practical. No wigs, no flounces, no man tights. 

Compare these two dudes – the older one is dressed Commonwealth style, the younger – in French style. 

The Deluge, 1974

Of course some wealthy noblemen who spent a lot of time in France or other Western countries tended to adapt their style, but from what I know it was not that common. Women, on the other hand, tended to dress more similar to their Western counterparts (especially when they wanted to look fashionable) but their everyday dresses were not that much elaborate. They also wore kontusz (though the female version was shorter) and fur caps when outside. 

Below I post some more costumes to better illustrate my point. They all come from Polish movie adaptations of H. Sienkiewicz’s novels (I looove both the books and the movies).

With Fire and Sword, 1999

The Deluge, 1974

Fire in the Steppe, 1968

And I could not NOT to mention the wonderful interpretation of Fereldan armor and clothing for my OCs drawn by @ankalime​ - I still can’t get over how beautiful they look :3

Food

From what we know, Fereldan food is very similar to traditional English cuisine (lamb and pea anyone?), HOWEVER, I can totally see some traditional Polish dishes on Fereldan tables. Let us look at this part of Alistair’s banter with Leliana:

“Now here in Ferelden, we do things right. We take our ingredients, throw them into the largest pot we can find, and cook them for as long as possible until everything is a uniform grey color. As soon as it looks completely bland and unappetizing, that's when I know it's done.”

Dishes like bigos, flaki or goulash (mostly associated with Hungary but also present in various forms in Slavic countries) totally fit this description. Tasty and hearty but I know some foreigners see them as totally unappetizing :P

Poland is also culturally more into beer than wine  (high five, British Isles!), so Fereldan ale fits this image, too.

PART 3. POLITICS

When I first played DA:O and heard about choosing the new queen/king on Landsmeet I was like “omg, they have wolna elekcja!”

The canon Ferelden is a feudal country, however, there seems to be less focus on the king's absolute power – instead, the nobles can choose the king they like, the hierarchy inside this particular social class is also less striking than one can expect. 

And this brings me to the concept of Golden Liberty. (I will quote Wikipedia here, I am not that smart to explain this well in English on my own).

The Golden Liberty was a unique political system of the Commonwealth – a mixture of monarchy, oligarchy and democracy. The most distinctive elements of that systems were:

- All nobles regardless of rank or economic status, were considered to have equal legal rights (and you did not have to own a town or two to be considered a noble – a large part of the nobility owned nothing more than a farm, often little different from a peasant's dwelling, and some did not even have that much). The rights were, for example:

-  Neminem captivabimus ("We shall not arrest anyone without a court verdict").  

- right to vote – every nobleman, whether rich or poor, could vote. Of course if someone was rich, they could bribe others to gain more political influence, but it is the same as today. 

- religious freedom – unlike many other European countries of the time, people in Commonwealth were legally free to follow any religion. The Commonwealth became a common refuge for people who were persecuted for religion in their homelands. The religious freedom was not restricted to nobility but to all social classes. 

- rokosz - the right to form a legal rebellion against a king who violated nobility freedoms.

- the monarchy was elective, not hereditary, and the king was elected by the nobility. That “democracy” was not, of course, perfect, as only male noblemen had the right to vote and elect the king. However, it was still between 10-15% of the population who could vote. In comparison, “in 1831 in France only about 1% of the population had the right to vote”

The Landsmeet in DA:O is basically the free election (well, maybe minus the duel :D) and I would say the Fereldan nobility does not feel obliged to be obedient 100% of the time. 

PART 4. RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER COUNTRIES

Orlesian occupation

We know from the game that Orlais invaded Ferelden in 8:24 Blessed and occupied it for decades. The Fereldan forces were rebelling against the occupant and finally, under the command of Maric Theirin, they won their freedom.

Again, it is a huge topic, so to summarize: Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth suffered a similar fate in 1795 as it was conquered and divided between Habsburg Austria, the Kingdom of Prussia and the Russian Empire. For 123 years Poles have been trying to regain their country, have started several uprisings and lost many lives in their fight for independence. Finally, at the end of WW1, independent Poland reappeared on the map of the world. Then came the WW2, probably the most tragic event in Polish history – the cities were razed to the ground, a vast part of national heritage destroyed or stolen, and over 6 million people (1/5 of the pre-war population) were killed.

So yeah, a country invaded and occupied for decades by its neighbour sounds way too familiar to be ignored. 

Ferelden in the eyes of Orlesians

The Fereldans are a puzzle. As a people, they are one bad day away from reverting to barbarism. (...) They are the coarse, wilful, dirty, disorganized people [DA:O Codex Entry: Culture of Ferelden].

Yeah... this, unfortunately, sounds familiar. I fear that the stereotype of a drunk, stupid, poor, thieving Poles (and other Slavic nations), which originated from WW2 propaganda, is somehow still alive in the West. I will not dive deeper in this subject because I want to believe my followers have their own brain cells and I do not need to explain how hurtful and offensive those stereotypes are.

My point is – I could identify easily with a fantasy country that is located east from the “centre of culture and civilisation” and is unfairly believed to be more barbaric.

So – for all two of you who bothered to read the whole thing - thanks for coming to my TED talk.I really appreciate the time you spent here :)

[jaybug-jabbers]

Imagining Stats/Moves of 5 Beta Pokemon from Pokemon Gold/Silver

In last year’s leak, a bunch of the beta pokemon discovered were only files that contained front and back sprites. No stats, no moves, not even names. So I thought I’d take five of my favorites from that collection and imagine what their types, stats and movepools might be like!

Flying Fish Pokemon - Sato

Type: Water/Flying

Category: Flying Fish Pokemon

Base Stats

Total: 320

HP: 40

Attack: 45

Defense: 30

Special Attack: 65

Special Defense: 50

Speed: 90

Level-Up Moveset

1 - Bubble 

1 - Tail Whip

7 - Gust 

13 - Sweet Kiss

19 - Whirlwind

25 - Wing Attack

31 - BubbleBeam

37 - Rain Dance

43 - Amnesia

50 - Hydro Pump

TM/HM: Mud Slap, Swift, Steel Wing, Rain Dance, Blizzard, Icy Wind, Curse, Toxic, Hidden Power, Snore, Protect, Endure, Frustration, Return,  Double Team, Swagger, Rest, Attract, Sleep Talk, Surf, Whirlpool, Waterfall, Fly.

Notes: I imagine it has a two-stage evolution, so this would be the first stage.

Viking Boat Pokemon - Drakkot

Type: Water/Dragon

Category: Transport Pokemon

Base Stats

Total: 535

HP: 90

Attack: 100

Defense: 100

Special Attack: 75

Special Defense: 70

Speed: 100

Level-Up Moveset

1 - Twister

1 - Leer

1 - Haze

8 - DragonBreath

15 - Scary Face

22 - Bubble Beam

29 - Screech

36 - Body Slam

43 - Mean Look

50 - Rain Dance

57 - Outrage

TM/HM: Curse, Toxic, Hidden Power, Snore, Protect, Endure, Frustration, Return,  Double Team, Swagger, Rest, Attract, Sleep Talk, Headbutt, Rock Smash, Blizzard, Icy Wind, Hyper Beam, Rain Dance, Iron Tail, DragonBreath, Nightmare, Roar, Surf, Strength, Whirlpool, Waterfall, Thunder, Zap Cannon, Thief

Notes: Typing based on the Viking warships called “dragon ships.” No evolutions. I imagine it a more physically-focused counterpart to Lapras (but faster).

Tanuki Pokemon - Kachinuki

Type: Normal/Fire

Category: Foolish Pokemon

Base Stats

Total: 415

HP: 55

Attack: 65

Defense: 70

Special Attack: 65

Special Defense: 60

Speed: 100

Level-Up Moveset

1 - Scratch

1 - Tail Whip

1 - Quick Attack

5 - Ember

11 - Smokescreen

18 - Flail

28 - Smog

38 - Flame Wheel

48 - Self-Destruct

TM/HM: Dynamic Punch, Headbutt, Curse, Rollout, Toxic, Hidden Power, Sunny Day, Snore, Hyper Beam, Protect, Endure, Frustration, Iron Tail, Return, Dig, Shadow Ball, Mud-Slap, Double Team, Ice Punch, Swagger, Sleep Talk, Swift, Defense Curl, ThunderPunch, Detect, Rest, Attract, Thief, Fire Punch, Fury Cutter, Cut, Flash, Strength

Notes: No idea if this fellah would get an evolution. If so, you’d need to adjust the stats accordingly. Currently they are around Raticate/Furret’s range. The final move “Self-Destruct” is based on the fact the tanuki met a rather disastrous fate in the folktale. 

Skeleton Pokemon - Rapterror

Type: Ground/Ghost

Category: Skeletal Pokemon

Base Stats:

Total: 430

HP: 60

Attack: 95

Defense: 110

Special Attack: 50

Special Defense: 65

Speed: 50

Level-Up Moveset:

1 - Leer

1 - Scratch

5 - Scary Face

9 - Spite

13 - Bite

17 - Curse

21 - Confuse Ray

25 - Bone Rush

29 - Screech

33 - Crunch

37 - Destiny Bond

41 - Bonemerang

TM/HM: Dynamic Punch, Headbutt, Curse, Toxic, Rock Smash, Hidden Power, Sunny Day, Snore, Hyper Beam, Protect, Endure, Frustration, Iron Tail, Earthquake, Return, Dig, Mud-Slap, Double Team, Swagger, Sleep Talk, Sandstorm, Detect, Rest, Attract, Thief, Strength, Nightmare, Shadow Ball, Thunder Punch, Fire Punch, Ice Punch

Notes: The idea is that it’s a pokemon that died long ago but then came back to life (thus the ghost typing). These bone moves are technically Cubone/Marowak’s signature moves, but they just seemed too thematic to disclude.

Scarecrow Pokemon - Tattercaw

Type: Flying/Grass

Category: Scarecrow Pokemon

Base Stats

Total: 450

HP: 80

Attack: 90

Defense: 65

Special Attack: 90

Special Defense: 70

Speed: 55

Level-Up Moveset:

1 - Peck

1 - Scary Face

6 - Leer

11 - Leech Seed

15 - Wing Attack

17 - Giga Drain

19 - Stun Spore

19 - Poison Powder

23 - Whirlwind

30 - Mirror Move

37 - Drill Peck

45 - Synthesis

53 - Solar Beam

TM/HM: Curse, Toxic, Hidden Power, Sunny Day, Snore, Hyper Beam, Protect, Endure, Frustration, Return, Mud-Slap, Double Team, Swagger, Sleep Talk, Swift, Detect, Rest, Attract, Thief, Steel Wing, Sweet Scent, Giga Drain, SolarBeam, Flash

Notes: I thought a long time about its typing. Because pure-Flying is usually not a thing in pokemon, it needed a second typing. The logic behind grass is because it is a scarecrow stuffed with straw, and also something meant to protect crops. But I can see arguments for other type combination, too.

Again, if this pokemon has evolutions, the stats would need to be adjusted accordingly.

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

destiel is... well that's a whole other mythology/angelology/hermeticism rabbit hole, but tldr OTP, I will go down with this ship, shrimp emotions, brainworms, the theological implications are STAGGERING and SO *BEAUTIFUL*

anyway I want to introduce you to my second-favorite Old English word, right after "Aglaeca"

(idk why the image quality is crap, I'm sry)

"Hwaet" is an absolutely amazing word in terms of spn/beowulf stuff. its the first word of Beowulf. it's both infinitely translatable/interpretable and impossible to truly translate.

...it is a very close equivalent phrase to "So Get This"

and it is THE FIRST WORD IN BEOWULF.

like I'm sry this show could not be funnier or better at this if it tried. Grendel is a main character/the main character, his catchphrase is "Hwaet", so clumsily translated into modern English that its clear that he's never going to quite be a modern human-creature-giant-thing. this big BIG sweet half demon boi, slamming around like the ungainly forest animal he is, arms full of ancient text, appeaning out the shadows with a loud "HWAET" and then infodumping about myths for 10 minutes. at least 10% chance he'll eat someone.

...I love. Sam/Grendel. so much. he's bapey. HE IS BAPEY. HUGE. WIZARD. WOODS MONSTER. LITTLE BAPEY GIANT HUGE BOY.

(sorry. ik Sam is his own character, and an adult, but he gives me Cute Aggression. Grendel always did)

anyway

this spn clip is (rightly) viewed as PEAK Sam & Dean Brother Angst. However, its funny, or at least fascinating, to me because about halfway through the clip, Sam's accent starts glitching into Old English. ik that Sam is supposed to be very drunk in this scene and Jared was still a pretty young actor, but like... that's not even slurred. its just old (or at least older middle) english. that is SUCH A SPECIFIC ACCENT TO HAVE.

between that, and what he says, and the fact that he seems to be trying to lick Dean on the face at the end...

sometimes I think that this scene is the closest Sam ever got to realizing what he is, and it clearly freaked the shit out of him (understandably so)

other things of note in this clip are Dean calling Sam "Sasquatch" which, again, just makes me feel that on some level they both Know(tm) but neither of them are ever going to say it... adding another layer to the infinite angst spiral that is Grendel Stuff.

also, Sam's broken arm. Sam breaks his hand/arm a weird amount. wow. almost like there's folkloric precedent.

The times it happens are weird too. there's this ep/arc^

....and then there's when Dean is a demon. and Sam's whole arm is broken or more specifically DISLOCATED. it is NEVER EXPLAINED HOW/WHY THIS HAPPENED, aside from it pretty clearly happening while Sam & Cas were working to try to cure/save/just FIND Deanmon.

which does beg the question: did Sam try to summon Beowulf for advice? did Sam find out what he and Dean are? is Sam's injury remaining not bc "Cas has lost too much power to heal" (the canon explanation) but bc Cas had lost too much power to INSTANTLY REATTACH AN ENTIRE LIMB after Sam summoned a viking and got exactly what you'd expect from that situation? Did Cas wipe Sam's memory of what he'd learned bc one newly-demonic Winchester at a time was enough? Did Sam ASK Cas to? Did Sam just choose to forget it ever happened like he does w so much else?

idk. it feels like its a crack theory and yet... things make sense there.

Fun fact of the day, anytime someone compares Dean Winchester to Mother Mary, I take -20 psychic damage

It ruins me horrendously, keep doing it

[floristtm]

me, thinking about applying: i think i should try and fit george into this rp me, staring at the app: its lacking something... oh, let me make him be descended from brazilians. let’s have a brand. yes, this is much better.

fun fact: both george and bella originated from hp ocs.  i once said that in a human au, bella would be instagram famous, and george would own a coffee shop and be like one of those cute owners in fanfics. apparently this is his florist au.

—♗ Bishops never misbehave and for GEORGE BIGGE, the THIRTY ONE-year old FLORIST, that is a tradition HE intends to keep. To others, HE looks an awful lot like ALFRED ENOCH and has/have been described as being ANNOYINGLY HELPFUL but behind closed doors, HE is CONFORMIST and TRANSPARENT but also HONORABLE and INTELLIGENT. Most importantly though, HE is a loyal TOWNSFOLK (Lily. 23. BRST. She/Her)

so, who is george?

george is tired tbh. george has been tired since he was five, he deserves a nap, to be wrapped in a blanket and be given pastries. he would also like someone to read him a bed time story.

sadly, this is the real world, so he has debts and an annoying younger sister. (he would 100% die for his younger sister who is the superior bigge sibling tm).

once upon a time there were 6 bigge family members. his mother died first. then both of his older brothers got involved in the rebel cause and died. his father is dead to him because his father sucks. so really, there are only 2 bigges really alive.

i should explain the last name -- it was a hp rp set in viking times, and i wanted a historically accurate last name and i gotta be honest, its so weird and so good for puns that it stuck. its marvelous.

loved to read, is a decent cook, if he isn’t working, he is usually home (which kind of resembles a hobbit hole tbh, its warm, smells of foods and has things falling everywhere). he didn’t really plan on being a florist, he wanted to join the palace guard. but due to the fact his brothers were rebels, no one would really trust him. the flower shop belonged to his mother’s family ( the costa’s ) and he decided to take it up. he is terrible with numbers so his sister deals with that part, he deals with customer service and creating the arrangements. he is excellent in both of these.

he is very nice. loves to be seen as helpful, kind of a hopeless romantic and it gets worse after a break up. he always goes for the worst option ever (someone who will absolutely break his heart but he is sure she is the one).

anyways, he is my favorite.

[hyrule-in-a-pokeball]

GALARIAN DEFENDERS PART 2 Part 1 here

These are the best defensive Pokemon of generation 8′s newcomers

First up in part 2 is PERRSERKER, the bizarre evolution of Galarian Meowth. Viking cat is pure steel type and possesses a defense stat of 100, with an HP stat of 70. Like Stonjourner, this wall can hit back with its 110 attack stat. PERRZEEEEERKEEEER doesn’t worry about crits with its battle armor ability, so he’s just out there having a good time. Flex on nerds with Iron defense or drop your opponent's defenses with screech or metal sound before slapping them around a bit.

With an HP of 72, a defense of 125, and an attack of 107, SANDACONDA is another defensive Pokemon with a respectable attack stat. Angela Sandaconda’s only defensive move of note is Coil, which will boost both its attack and defense. Its ability causes a sandstorm to appear when it takes damage.

Next is the spooky tap dancing MR. RIME, the ice/Psychic evolution of Galarian Mr. Mime. Dancing around the battle field with an HP of 80, a Sp.Def of 100, and a Sp.Atk of 110, Mr.Rime likes to set up walls and dance the night away. When its done dancing, it uses slack off to restore some HP Mr. Rime is held back a bit by that nasty ice typing, which adds more weaknesses than resistances. However, its secondary ability, Screen cleaner,  erases the effects of Light Screen, Reflect, and Aurora Veil for both sides of the field when it enters battle. So if you’re up against a pesky wall maker, toss this guy at them. Bye bye walls!

ALCREMIE is next. Don’t let the fact that its apparently made of cream fool you, multi-flavored Pokemon can eat up special attacks with its 121 Sp.Def stat. Its also got a Sp.Atk stat of 110, so like a lot of Pokemon in part 2, it likes to hit back

Alcremie’s Decorate move makes it an excellent support mon in double battles, as this move will sharply boostboth the Atk and Sp.Atk stat of the target, and with Aromatic mist, it can boost the Sp.Def of an ally as well. It doesn’t have access to any self defense buffing moves, but it does learn Recover and Draining kiss by level up

Female INDEEDEE have a Sp.Def stat of 105 with an HP of 70. The rest of its stats are not fantastic tho. Indeedee has access to calm mind and baton pass by level up, boosting its Sp.Atk and Sp.Def and allowing it to pass off the boosts to a waiting teammate. It can also learn Healing Wish, which will cause it to faint, but restore the HP and cure the status problems of the Pokemon that takes its place on the field. It has access to Light screen and reflect  by TM

The final Pokemon on the list is COALOSSAL, the Rock/Fire final evolution of Rolycoly. This Marge Simpson stan rocks (coals?) a defense stat of 120 with an HP stat of 110.

Its main ability, Steam Engine, is useless at best and suicidal at worst, as it only activates when hit by a Fire-type attack, which it will eat up like candy, or a water-type attack, which, with its Rock/Fire typing and bad Sp.Def, will completely destroy it. Its an ability that you’ll need to activate with a big brain switch in on an incoming fire-type move for sure.

The ability you really want on blackface rhyperior is Flame Body, which has a chance to inflict burn on any Pokemon that makes physical contact with it, cutting their attack stat and making his big boy defense that much more. Big boy. But hey, if you don’t want to run flame body, he does learn Wil-o-wisp by TM. Santa’s ultimate naughty kid gift can learn rapid spin and Stealth rock by level up, making him a good hazard clearer and hazard setter

And thats it! These, and the Pokemon featured in part 1 are the best defensive Pokemon introduced in generation 8.

[abeautifulblog]

HISTORY TIME: A FUN* STORY ABOUT VIKINGS

*It's fun if you're a viking, less fun if you're a Saxon.

So at the time of the viking invasion of England (865 AD), there were four Anglo-Saxon kingdoms: Northumbria, East Anglia, Mercia, and Wessex. Northumbria went down first, like so --

The Danish army lands with no warning whatsoever at the city of York; they swoop in and take it without a fight, and start fortifying it.

Northumbria was at the time in the middle of a civil war (which presumably the Danes knew about, and were taking deliberate advantage of), but at that, the two rival kings go "aw nuts 😐" and stop fighting each so they can team up to go fight the Danes. They take their armies to York to try to get the vikings out of their city.

The vikings wreck their shit. The Northumbrian army gets absolutely curb-stomped, both kings are killed, and that is the end of independent Northumbria. 💀

Then the Danish army goes to Mercia. They land with no warning whatsoever at the city of Nottingham, swoop in and take it without a fight, and start fortifying it.

The king of Mercia is Burgred; he requests aid from Wessex, and King Aethelred and his brother Alfred oblige. They all take their armies to Nottingham to try to get the vikings out of their city.

…And then Burgred bribes the vikings to go away.

¿🤨?

For lack of any other information about the circumstances surrounding that decision (seriously, we have none -- "no major battles were fought" and then Burgred paid a danegeld, that's all we know), historians kind of unanimously seem to treat this as proof that Burgred was just a massive pussy who was afraid to fight even when he had the joint armies of Mercia and Wessex backing him up.

Table that -- we'll come back to it.

Then the Danish army goes to East Anglia. There was a little bit of warning this time, since they marched overland instead of arriving by boat, but nonetheless, they arrived at the city of Thetford, swooped in and took it without a fight, fortified it, etc. The king of East Anglia was Edmund, he took his army to Thetford to try to get the vikings out of his city, the vikings wrecked his shit, army was curb-stomped, King Edmund was killed, and that was the end of independent East Anglia. 💀

Then the Danish army goes to Wessex. They land with no warning whatsoever at the city of Reading, swoop in and you know the drill by now.

(rofl I swear to god, the history of this period sounds like a broken record 🤣)

King Aethelred and Prince Alfred take their army to Reading to try to get the vikings out of their city -- the vikings wreck their shit, the West Saxon army gets curb-stomped, and if Aethelred and Alfred hadn't managed to escape, that would probably have been the end of independent Wessex. Five months later, Alfred bribes the vikings to go away.

But here's what I find interesting:

When the Northumbrian kings were trying to retake York, the Danish army had emerged from the city and arrayed themselves in front of it, so that the two armies could square up on flat ground. Midway through the battle, the Danish line fell apart, and the vikings broke and ran back toward York, trying to get back behind the safety of the city walls. The Northumbrians managed to push through the gate after them, into the city--

And then the other half of the viking army jumped on them. RIP, Northumbria. 💀

Fast-forward to Reading:

The Danish army emerges from their fortified city to meet Athelred & Alfred's army outside of it.

The West Saxons are like, Gosh, I could have sworn their army was bigger. 🤔 OH WELL, GUESS THAT MEANS WE HAVE THE ADVANTAGE!

……

…………………..

GUYS.

THE VIKINGS HAVE ONE PLAY, BUT YOU NEED TO STOP FALLING FOR IT.

(And then like, four months later they did it again at the Battle of Wilton, and Alfred fell for it again. Seriously.)

We don't know what happened when King Edmund got curb-stomped in East Anglia -- we've got zero information about how exactly that battle went down, whether it was a fake-out retreat that got him too, or whether it was something else. This is because all of our best sources from this period are from Wessex, and they are very invested in making Alfred look good, and comprehensively give no fucks about anyone else.

Meanwhile, my blorbo is Mercian, so I've been having fun playing fanfic with history, and coming up with a story that fits the canon facts but has an unrepentently pro-Mercia bias. And this whole sequence of events really begs the question--

Why is everyone so certain that Burgred made the wrong call at Nottingham?

I mean, to start with, there are no good options when you're besieging your own gd city -- you're either destroying your own infrastructure with a fast siege, or starving your own citizens to death with a slow siege. What, exactly, do these historians think Burgred should have done? There's no winning at that point; just take the L and do what you can to minimize your losses.

As for "no major battles" being fought at the siege of Nottingham………. what part, in any of this story, suggests that engaging with a viking army outside of the city they're occupying is a good idea? Especially when you just saw how they took York?

HO DON'T DO IT. 🤣

[bellatrixxlenormal]

 Tagging Game!

Rules: answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

Thanks for the tag @designer-eyebags, I´ll try...

Nick name: Chriss, Bobby or Stinilina 

Zodiac: Taurus

Height: 172 cm (I´m a viking y´all)

Last movie i saw: Spiderman: into the spiderverse (for the second time) 

Last thing i googled: “What is the greenest green” (???)

Favourite Musician: You can´t just ask me that! It depends on my mood like do I want to headbang or cry in the shower? but allright... of all time: Queen (duh) Right now? IDKHow is amazing or Lin Manuel Miranda

Song stuck in my head: “Best song ever” by One Direction

Other blogs: Oh boi wouldn´t you like to know?

Do i get asks: Rarely, but I love getting them *hint hint*

Blogs following: Really not that many.. like 25 or something like that

Amount of sleep: Normally 6-ish hours. Yesterday 13... don´t ask

Lucky number: 12

What i’m wearing: workout clothes (look at me actually sounding like a semi healthy person)

Dream job: Oh god I would love to work for NASA

Dream trip: Backpacking around Asia

Favourite food: Italian Pizza (Italian food in general is just amazing like have you tried their ice cream wholy hell)

Play any instruments: Uke, Piano(kinda, not really)  and I´m trying to learn how to play the guitar

Languages: Faroese, Danish, English and hopefully Portuguese soon

Favourite songs: Sir. SIR. 

Okey, let me try......

In general:  sooo many queen songs, the Hamilton soundtrack (MY GOD), Panic! at the Disco, IDKHow, Marius Ziska, etc etc....

Right now, as in the last two weeks: 

“What´s up Danger” - Black Caviar and Blackway

“Start a Riot” - DUCKWRTH and Shaboosey

“Mítt vakra Føroya Land” - Hans Poulsen (I´m homesick y´all)

“Absinthe”, “Social Climb” - IDKHow

“Right Hand Man”, “Say no to this”, “Satisfied”, “Stay Alive”, etc. etc.- Hamilton

Random fact: I HATE the feeling of biting a towel (literally just got chills thinking about it)

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: Oversized band tees, screaming along at concerts, stargazing,  neon signs, long car rides, vinyl records, 3 am conversations, knowing looks, small cafés, old libraries 

Allright, it aint gonna be 21 people, but here goes  @tonystark-tm, @bibi-rogers, @the-original-cinnamon-roll, @parkrstark, @miss-rosie

(y´all aren´t required to answer this btw, no pressure)

[corishat]

Something I love about HTTYD2 is that, at the beginning, they took that trope of the Disney PrincessTM escaping responsibility to go off on their own little adventure while something important is going on, then someone goes to find them and they’re all “GASP Is that today?!”, and flipped it. There’s a race happening, and Hiccup is supposed to be there, but they’re Vikings so nobody really cared and just went ahead without him, while he’s avoiding his dad. I just think its great that they all just kinda accept that he might not be there, and go on without him and Astrid goes to find him after the fact that she’s won.

[avaantares]

Anyone who thinks that there weren't Black people in Europe in the Middle Ages has never looked at art from that era (or before), which frequently includes non-white individuals. In fact, there's an entire Tumblr blog dedicated to showcasing European art that features other ethnicities: @medievalpoc

It was even featured on NPR.

Going back even further in history, the Vikings -- long touted by white supremacist groups as genetically "pure" and having an idealized Aryan appearance -- were a multiracial group (and were also primarily brunette, not blonde, though that's secondary to the discussion). DNA sequencing has identified East Asian, Siberian, and southern European individuals interred at Viking burial sites:

Source: National Geographic

See also: The original study in Nature

Furthermore, the Norse tales that inspired Tolkien (to the point that the names of the dwarves in The Hobbit were lifted from them) include races of non-Caucasian appearance: The svartálfar are LITERALLY CALLED "dark elves" (svart is the root word from which we get the English word "swarthy," or dark-skinned; alf is the root from which we get "elf"). Tolkien borrowed much of his worldbuilding from the Prose Edda; he certainly would have been familiar with this.

TL;DR the idea that "everyone in Europe was White until modern times and Tolkien didn't intend this" is complete bunk, and anyone who claims that is clearly more interested in validating their Opinions(TM) than in fact.

"but the middle ages didn't have black people in Europe" people are so stupid I wonder how many times people have to say:

1: you cannot tell me that trade, wars, slavery, and look-how-cool-and-rich-I-am tours done by royalty and the ultra-rich that is WELL DOCUMENTED throughout history left behind absolutely zero racial mixing. EVEN IF marriage did not happen, brothels and extra-marital affairs are still a thing, and contraceptives aren't exactly widespread outside of drinking tea and chewing herbs with high failure rates.

2. MIDDLE EARTH IS NOT SET IN THE MIDDLE AGES holy shit Tolkien himself stated numerous times that it's supposed to be a PRE-HISTORICAL account of a mythology that COULD HAVE HAPPENED in Europe prior to it even having the same landmasses as it does today which means it is an entirely made-up setting that occured before humans figured out how to write shit down and thus "historical precident" has no bearing here because we literally wouldn't have the history because it's PRE-HISTORIC.

[dialux]

Are you going to be writing jonerys fic from now on?

I wasn’t going to answer this, but because I apparently have fourteen messages on this totally pressing matter in my inbox I think I should probably address it just a bit. And this is the more polite of them, so...

No! I don’t think so! Jonerys doesn’t tickle my fancy, nonny, and I don’t particularly care for it. 

But. That said. I’ve never talked once about Jonerys? Never? Literally never? Apart from telling people to calm down, I have never talked about it. I have only ever mentioned Daenerys, and that’s to say that I feel uncomfortable about her character/arc. And Daenerys only makes up half of that ship! Jon’s the other half, and I never really cared about him either! 

And that has nothing to do with either of them being problematiqueTM or heroes or anything, really, just that I didn’t care about their chapters or their grander-than-humanity-woes-to-be-thwarted-by-humanity-itself; it’s a personal judgment, and I am just plain tired of this sudden need for people to defend their dislike of a character with meta and analysis and thousands of words on a topic that is so fucking unimportant it’s grating. 

I don’t like Athelstan in Vikings. I don’t gaf about Luna in HP. I absolutely fucking loathe Gale in Hunger Games. I don’t care about Daenerys or Jon or either of them together all that much, tbh, and the reasons for that have very little to do with anything other than the fact that they don’t interest me.

The fact that I have fourteen messages on a topic that I’ve never once talked about- that too, only in passing, only in vague allusions of whywhyWHY- is exhausting.

So. 

Let’s all calm down, take a deep breath, and try to make fandom happy instead of a fight over who is right. 

[rocksolute-a-blog]

NAME OF YOUR MUSE: 

theodore logan !

ONE (OF THE) PICTURE(S) YOU LIKE BEST OF YOUR MUSE’S FC: 

the omitted scene / publicity stills are sweet as shit .

TWO HEADCANONS YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MUSE THAT YOU NEVER TOLD ANYONE:-  VIKING GOD FABULOUS HAIR EDITION CAUSE THAT’S ALL I CAN PULL OUT OF MY ARSE RN

-let’s start with a cute one. ted grew up thinking his signature ted logan ( TM ) thick and heavy fringe was a shield of protection against bumps and scrapes. it was ‘bring your kid to work’ day when a five year old ted took damage on his then helmet-less forehead after his mom had pinned back his bangs with a pin cause they were /impairing/ his vision. captain logan didn’t seem very fond of the idea of having his abnormally active son running around the office all day but his mother had insisted, leaving him no choice but to give in. as he expected, ted’s emblematic curiosity got the best of him. he filed in one cubicle after the next, potentially driving his father’s fellow cop dudes insane as he went on what he’d then consider a most excellent adventure. shortly after sauntering back into his dad’s office, he bent over to pick one of his toy dinosaurs off the ground before turning around and crashing against the sharp edge of an open, steel forged drawer. the incident left a scar on his forehead but it ended up healing within a week, scarring the poor kid for the next three years.

-wouldn’t go so far as to say ted’s been cutting his own hair since he was twelve but ted’s had the godawful habit of what...in his humbling opinion is, /perfecting/ it since then. in case you ever wondered why the hell  he looks like he got into a fight with a lawn mower and lost, ted will almost always run a pair of scissors through his hair after his cop-dad takes him to the barber shop to get it cut. captain john logan personally sees it as a personal affront ( his own, subtle little way to rebel against the system aka him ) but really, it’s not. it’s harmless on ted’s end and he just sees it as a way to express his unrivaled creativity. after eighteen, ted stops frequenting said-establishments all together and cuts his own hair all the way. getting progressively better at it with the years of experience that follow.

THREE THINGS THAT YOUR MUSE LIKES DOING IN THEIR FREE TIME:

-procrastinating, listening to music, spending time with his family. 

SEVEN PEOPLE THAT YOUR MUSE LOVES/LIKES:

i. william s. logan from san dimas, ca / most awesome son baby 

ii. mary elizabeth taylor from kent  /  fabulous babe wife and ws keyboardist

iii. william s. preston from san dimas, ca  / distinguished colleague and ws lead guitarist

iv. theodore preston / most awesome nephew baby 

v. joanna marie taylor from kent / refined sister in law and ws drummer 

vi. rufus dude from east nowhere, who knows where / excellent advisor 

vii. the grim reaper from the seventh layer of heck / newfound friend and ws bassist 

TWO THINGS YOUR MUSE REGRETS:- 

-stealing deacon’s easter basket cause like...........have you seen that b-movie energizer bUNYNY?

-not finishing school. he finished high school but the fact he didn’t consider college eats at him almost every single day despite him not arraying the sentiment. he feels like, maybe if he had gone and gotten at least a fucking bachelor’s degree, maybe he’d have a better shot at landing a decent paying job. the life he currently leads is not the life he wants for his wife, much less his ever splendid son financially-wise cause in his conceit, they deserve so much more than what a minimum wage salary can provide. of course, he tends to push this notion aside when liz shows him she’s completely and over 100% happy with their current situation but...he just can’t help it but feel that way sometimes.

TWO PHOBIAS YOUR MUSE HAS:- 

-growing up being like his dad cause ? he majorly sucks, i mean...c’mon.  

-loosing his family, obviously.  :’ )

TAG TEN PEOPLE TO DO THE SAME THING: 

TAGGED BY:   @stolenbythegods  TAGGING: nah