#Valentine ValentinesDay Inspiration MyLife Memories Reflection AgingNotSoGracefully

[sage-orums-blog]

Valentine's Day

So the other night, my wife was watching a sitcom. It had just been on the Valentine's Day episode and it was entertaining enough to grab my attention. Kudos to he writer and producer of the show for some very down to earth humor. As the episode goes on, I make a joke.

"Baby, will you be my valentine," I said with a crackling voice, mimicking a teenager.

she responded cutely, "Sure thing baby."

Now here's what made the conversation interesting. I said, "whew, thank goodness. You do know that you're the only Valentine that I ever had right?"

She had the most shocked look on her face. It was a look as though she was saying 'You can't be real!' So I added on to break the surprised silence in the air

"What? Ever since they stopped forcing everyone to give everyone valentines day cards in the 5th grade, no one has ever agreed to be my valentine." I explained as thought this was normal. Not for a second did I realize that this was only normal to ME.

It made me reflect on how lonely things had gotten in my life before. from the 6th grade, up until I was married at the age of 27, had I ever celebrated the holiday. Even then last year we were in the midst of a rather nasty fight, barely able to enjoy the day.

I spent much of my life in some form of solitude, so much that it has never really bothered me that I hadn't many meaningful relationships in the past. But then the memory came flooding back faster than hurricane Floyd. I had tried to celebrate the holiday once with someone; in the 5th grade.

back in those days, the teacher made everyone hand out cards/candy to the whole class. Me, I made something special for a girl in the class. What was on or in the card, I can't remember; my memory is good, but not so good in times of distress. I remember handing out all the "normal" cards and then getting up out of my chair to deliver her special present. I don't remember the card or even the time of day, but I do remember that I was about to hand deliver a valentines day card to whom I believed to be the prettiest girl in the whole school. A young Latina girl we will call P; a name befitting her appearance, not so much these days though.

It was my lamentation, however, that whom I thought to be the prettiest was also the meanest child ever to set foot in Greensboro Elementary school. I'm not sure but according to historians on the matter her response was something along the lines of, "EEEEEEEEWWWWWW!" I'm fairly certain you can imagine that I was a tad hurt from the encounter, with not so much as an apology as we both grew older. To this day, my family still japes at my valentines day blunder.

The years went on and I simply didn't celebrate the holiday; At first, out of fear. As I grew older, fear turned into hatred and anger. Eventually that Anger turned into rationale; dismissing the holiday as just federal and church sponsored consumerism geared towards keeping women the more disadvantaged of the genders.

As I look back, the holiday had been nothing but a source of pain, depression, anger, and outright torment for my inner child. Some say it was that way because instead of comforting me, my family made fun of me; laughing their consolation of me, hoping I would see the humor. I say it has been that way because I was teaching myself to be alone so-as to avoid any great disappointments.

The experience and its affect on the direction of my life has made me the man I am today and taught me a vital lesson that many don't learn until they reach my age and beyond. It taught me to guard myself a bit more and to keep my intentions unknown until I'm sure there will be some type of progression or reward. You can't just jump to success with anything, especially women. Things take some prep-work for you to savor the fruits of success. Anything worth having, is worth planning meticulously for.

In case you're wondering P did not age gracefully or well. Intel reports that there was a rough patch filled with drugs, alcohol, and a shotgun wedding. She's doing much better now though and the kids are downright adorable a only have half of her attitude.