#VRRT• FIXIS ENG•LEþ

[subvertliterallyeverything]

NEW SERIES — VERT FIXES THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Now, I’m objectively correct, so there should be no debate at all. Also, since the English language is very very very wrong, this is probably going to take forever, or until I get bored.

SO. To start with, the Alphabet. Most of the letters are okay, but there are some redundancies and stupid exceptions that need to be fixed.

OK LETTERS: B D J K P Q T V Z

BAD LETTERS: A C E F G H I L M N O R S U W X Y

The first fix to be done is pronunciation.

Now, vowels are special because they’re vowels, and so are all incorrect. A rule that will come into effect later, is the double letter rule. Before, this only applied to the letter E, so that two E’s together makes the long E sound. Now, this applies to ALL vowels and is the only way to make their long sounds. Easy.

Also, all consonants should start with the sound they make FIRST, and then idk we’ll go from there. B is perfect, sounding like it’s spelled like BEE. F sucks, sounding like it’s spelled like EFF. which is wrong.

Finally, is C. I hate C. Literally completely redundant. So, instead, C only makes the CH sound. And, here’s the list.

A: “ah” B✅ C: “chee” D✅ E: “eh” F: “feh” G⚠️ H: “*a dog panting* AKA huh” I: “ih…” like in tic. J✅ K✅ L: “Leh” M: “Meh” N: “Nah” O: “(like the first o in octopus or in sock.)” P✅ Q✅ R: “rrrrrrrrr” S: “seh” T✅ U: “uh” V✅ W: “wah” X: “ksaw” (I know it’s weird) Y: “yew” (like u used to be spelled) Z✅

Oh, you’re wondering about “G” huh? Well, it’s pronounced “guh”. BUT, I needed it for this segway. Every letter can now ONLY say it’s name. Excluding vowels, but I already covered that. Basically, G can’t be used in giraffe anymore that’s for J. This means that SH, TH, R like in roar and whatever the heck Q used to say like in quail have suddenly been removed. We can’t give the first two the vowels’ special rules, since they would be exceptions, and aren’t actually “long sounds.” We can for R and Q though. Now R and Q are vowels. Good for them. So is Y now that we’re on the topic. It’s getting a promotion. Now for TH and SH. hm. Well we will need new letters. We’ll just reuse old ones. TH is now þ, which was called “thorn” and is now called “the.” and we can just turn “G” backwards and call it SH because why not. Now our alphabet has 28 letters. Boom done. ANOTHER new issue though, is when to say the letter’s name, and when to just say the first part. SO, welcome “•!” now •, which you can just call “Dot,” simply means “say the first part of the letter. For instance, “Peas” would be pronounced “Pee - Eh - Ah - Seh,” but Peas•, sounds normal. But wait! What about the first P? well. We’ll just make the rule that a constant follwed by a vowel will only say the first part of its name. Done. Now, it’s spelled PEAS•

Our new alphabet is now:

ABCDEFGວHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVþWXYZ

The old alphabet spelled phonetically (I think that’s how you say it) using our new perfect alphabet for reference is:

AA BEE SEE DEE EE EF GU ວ H I JAA KAA EL EM EN O PEE QQ R SE TEE UU VEE þ DUBUL UU EKS WII ZEE

idc about lowercase letters they just add more confusion therefore I’ve deleted every single one. Boom. No such thing as lowercase. If you want to specify yelling or not yelling idc figure it out.

Hope you enjoy my new and better alphabet! Ask me literally anything about it. I’ll probably focus on fixing words with double meanings in the next post. Okay cool stop reading.