#Unknown Letters [RP/Ask Prompts] | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cherubplayprompthelp · 8 years ago

Text

Review (Warlock Karkat)

Hi!! There aren’t any prompts in the queue, right? Do you mind reviewing this for me? Thank you so much~

FANTASY AU - FUGITIVE WARLOCK KARKAT

((Hello, Cherubplay! This is a prompt in which Karkat is the High Warlock of Alternia, handling all of the kingdom’s magical affairs. After an attack, Karkat is framed for treason and sentenced to be executed. Using his magic, he escapes and becomes a wanted fugitive of Alternia.

You can play any character you want! The only ones I won’t accept are genderbends and OCs. I do have a preference for male characters and will only do shipping with them, but please feel free to play as a girl! I do not require you to match this length. I am not evil. All I ask is that you give me at least 3+ paragraphs with something to work with. As this will be a PLOT-centered RP, I would ask that there be no pwp. I don’t mind smut as long as you are of legal age and that the RP does NOT revolve around smut.

I would love it if you would discuss worldbuilding and the plot with me before we get started on the roleplay. Thanks for reading, and I hope that we could have a wonderful roleplay together!))

- -

Alternia was a nation that thrived on war. Their exports were weapons of the highest calibre and finest craftsmanship, their warriors and mages were the fiercest and most skilled among the other kingdoms, their beasts were bred for war; horses that ran faster and longer than any other, direwolves that were trained to rip their enemies to shreds, messenger birds that carried letters faster than any other. The vast riches that Alternian citizens enjoyed were the spoils from past victories, and there was a continually growing influx from current conquests.

At every given moment, Alternia declared war on the closest country. Almost every time, Alternia won and brought home glory and fame. Unfortunately, Alternia also brought home enemies. As every succeeding emperor grew in ambition and pride, so did the list of opposing kingdoms. It wasn’t a surprise when a siege was laid on Alternia’s capital.

It was in the middle of the night. An entire squadron of mages brought the magical barrier protecting the capital down, insurgents stormed through the gates, launching spells and volleying arrows. Flames erupted within the castle walls, servants lay dead on the cold floor, staring up with lifeless eyes, blood flowed from corpses like a river, bathing everything in a blinding, crimson red.

Once dawn broke, and the sun slowly peeked over the horizon, the carnage was brought forth into the light. There were piles of corpses and broken weapons lying about. Warlocks and soldiers, knights and oeasants all lay tangled as the sun shone on the morbid scene. As the Alternian ruler became furious and demanded an explanation, nonone came forward. Not one of his subjects dared to speak. The aggressor of the attack was unknown. There were dozens of kingdoms that held a grudge and could have launched the siege. No one knew where their enemies came from, or whom they were serving.

Without an enemy to blame, Alternia soon began to point fingers at each other. Alternian nobles feared for their lives, blaming everyone they could see in order to save their own skin. The peasants began an uproar, demanding to be protected by their monarchy. Knights pointed their swords at each other, questioning each other’s loyalty. Unable to placate the masses, the ruler decided on a simple solution. They would use a scapegoat, and divert the public’s attention elsewhere. If a man were to suddenly be accused of being a spy and bringing down the capital’s protective barriers, the people would be satisfied.

That was the solution the Alternian government found, and Karkat was the poor unfortunate soul they decided to use in order to regain control. To say that he was angry was an understatement. Karkat was absolutely livid. He was teeming with rage and betrayal. After all the years of hardwork and backbreaking labour, all the sacrifices he had made for the glory of the Empire, and he was rewarded with THIS!

Karkat had both of his hands bound in front of him, and he was standing on a platform, facing a crowd of people that screamed his name. A noose was tied around his neck, hung on a beam above, and a magic suppressor was clamped tightly around his neck. Karkat was about to be hung for a crime he did not commit. All to soothe the masses doubting the glory and power of Alternia.

From beside him, his executioner raised his voice, reading a scroll listing his charges. “Karkat Vantas, High Warlock of Alternia, you are charged with treason on the imperial court, and conspiracy against the ruler of Alternia. After the testimonies of your fellow warlock, and knights whom you have fought with for the glory of our wonderful empire, we have found evidence of you working with hostile forces in order to create chaos within the Alternian capital. You are hereby sentenced to be hanged for your crimes.” The crowd cheered. “Do you have any last words, Karkat Vantas?”

Without missing a beat, Karkat answered. “I am not guilty.”

In that instant, the crowd erupted into furious screaming. “You lie!” “Kill the traitor!” The crowd soon became unintelligible as they all cried for Karkat’s blood. A voice stoid out from the crowd. “You were the high warlock! You must have lowered the barrier so we could be attacked!” The crowd grew angrier.

Karkat knew that no matter what he said, he would not be absolved of his crimes. Someone had to take the fall, and even if he was being framed, all of Alternia saw him as a traitor. The only way for him to live was to escape. For him to run and become a fugitive. If he managed to get away, he could even find the real culprit and clear his name.

“Karkat Vantas, you are hereby sentenced to death!” As the executioner raised his voice and reached for the lever that would open up the platform, and bring Karkat to his doom, Karkat let out every single ounce of magic he had. The suppressor sparked in protest, but Karkat didn’t stop. Sparks of his magic flickered in and out of existence. It was a feeble attempt compared to the full extent of his magic, but Karkat would work with whatever he had.

Despite the strain the suppressor put on him, Karkat managed to cast a spell. A cloud of smoke exploded in the crowd, quickly spreading throughout the castle. Karkat managed to remove the noose from around his neck (though he couldn’t do anything about the suppressant) and flee. Shoving people out of the way, he burst out of the gates, indignant cries following him.

He was a fugitive now, and no man or woman in Alternia would help him. Without magic, Karkat was defenseless. In order to hide from his pursuers, Karkat headed for the forest. He pulled his black cloak tighter around himself as he slipped further inside the woods, running through brambles and getting scratches on his skin and clothes in his desperate bid to escape his death.

I apologise for the wait: it would be a lie to say I haven't been neglecting this blog, and this will certainly be rusty. Anyhoo, here goes.

So overall, I like the prompt/setting. It brings up the nasty bits of war and monarchy, without being overindulgent on the fact that Karkat is the victim. That being said, there isn't much 'pull' to it. I don't feel like I could just bowl in with fifty different ideas, as the ending of the prompt is too open: a 'passive ending', if you will. Karkat is just running away into the woods, painfully aware of his situation. How would someone else fit in here, since he'd likely just bolt off?

Instead, have Karkat run towards something; timeskip to later in the day, where he's looking for some place to settle down for the night, perhaps a seemingly abandoned camp. Only, it turns out the camp isn't abandoned. Maybe he ends up having to steal from someone to get food or clothing or armor, but don't leave it up to the other person to wiggle themself in.

Another way to pull people in, is to add details. Some of the exposition of Alternia can be sacrificed to draw attention to Karkat and his dilemma. What does he look like, what is the hard work and sacrifice he made? What stood out about him that the government chose him as a scapegoat? From what it says about his service, he'd almost be too valuable to kill. Maybe he was lacking in another area, or was easily distracted by the needs of his friends?

Which brings me to another question: what happened to the skirmishers that attacked the capital? It seems like they were never caught, but generally if the capital falls, they would continue to take other parishes while the kingdom was weak and confused. It could have been a mere scare tactic, but I'd include more info on that: otherwise it seems like a plot hole.

As for grammar, there are a few nitpicks, mostly spelling errors, or simply this not sounding right.

At every given moment, Alternia declared war on the closest country: At every opportunity? Otherwise, it sounds like Alternia is literally declaring war every moment.

noone: no one

If a man were to suddenly be accused of being a spy...: If a man were to be suddenly accused of being a spy...

stoid: stood

Not to mention the ending falls a little flat in terms of syntax: I see a lot of 'He this', 'He that' and 'Karkat this', 'Karkat that'. Write some more about the crowd, or the terror flooding through him. Don't be afraid to put those subjects in unusual positions.

-Mod Angsty

#submission #prompt review

0 notes