#University Carnival Video Editing

[floofweaver]

Happy 107th for the Sergeant of the 107th

Fic for @buckybarnesevents Bucky Birthday Bash event!

Base: TFATWS/Post Endgame Bucky | Filling: Friends to Lovers | Frosting: Reader | Toppings: Carnival (Blue/Gold technically as well, but it wasn't my intention initially pfff)

Fandom: The Falcon and The Winter Soldier, Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Not Rated (There's some swearing and this is aimed for adult audiences, but nothing explicit happens beyond cuddling)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader

Tags: Friends to Lovers, Bucky Barnes's 107th birthday, Implied Sam Wilson, buckybarnesevents' birthday bash, Birthday Cake, Carnival, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Fluff, Confessions, No use of y/n, Bucky Barnes's Birthday, happy birthday bucky barnes

Summary: Bucky isn't entirely optimistic about his birthday. He's surprised to be alive, really. But then you show up with a handmade cake and a suggestion to go to the local carnival, and he finds it hard to say no. After all, what kind of friend wouldn't say yes to a totally platonic outing on his birthday?

Wordcount: 6k! (Wowee, okay, this is post-edit Kai here. I uh... This went from a short 1k fic to 6k! I wasn't expecting that aaa)

Snippet:

Upon opening his door, he was greatly surprised to see you all dressed up. You were wearing a pastel coloured sundress with your favourite colour and your hair done up in your favourite hairstyle. Bucky quickly took note of how you were holding your arms behind you, like you were hiding something. “Morning Sergeant Barnes! Glad to see you know better than to keep a lady waiting.” You greeted him with a smirk. Bucky felt the claws of depression and pessimism leave him as he glanced at your face and getup. Something about your presence this morning made him feel comforted.

Read the rest on AO3!

Moodboard was quickly made by me with images from Google, so uhhh... I guess you can use it if you want? I'm not too familiar with moodboards, usages, credit, etc on here ^^

Note: I'm scheduling this post in advance because I'm going to be up late proofreading this super-duper last second. I've never really participated in something like this before, and I'm just getting back into fanfic writing, so if this all seems rushed or hectic, that's why! Sorry in advance <3

Bonus: While I don't NORMALLY listen to two things at once, I was listening to this Bucky Barnes playlist and this Carnival ambience video at the same time while writing this. It really helped me immerse into my writing. It's not necessary to read the fic though

[magnet-lattice]

(Lifesteal s5 spoilers for my understanding of The Players' plans, from catching incomplete sections of streams and osmosis. I do not think this is spoilers for any of them but I am not keeping up very well, so please correct me if I am wrong and I'll edit this. It's a little bit rambly, sorry.)

So, aside from the unrequited pitchflirting, my understanding of the Players' main finale plans are that they want to remove all of the buildings and restore the server or at least the main areas to looking the way they did at the start of the server, before anyone built anything. And this has some justification about like being a fresh start to the world, aside from the fact that it's a cool dramatic thing to do, but also!

It's really neat how the thing it does is specifically making the server look as though nobody ever played on it. Because the Players' whole thing, their primary conflict with primarily Jumper and Minute (I don't think they have a team name?) is that they're the only people willing to play heel, to do cool evil dramatic shit that other people can make content by fighting against, and almost everyone else (no offense intended to Squiddo or Wemmbu but they haven't been on much lately?) is either neutral, inactive, or insistently playing face?

And in the arguments between the players and Jumper and Minute, it has come up that the opposing side wants to end the server without conflict, and the Players' argument in favor of what they're doing is that it's interesting content which creates a reason for the other players to log on and participate. (This has consistently been their motivation since early in the Abyss arc)

And I think that in addition to the other justification, restoring the world to look untouched is a pretty powerful statement of "This is what you're advocating for the world to be: one where nobody ever logs on and does anything or fights or builds things that matter."

(In the interest of fairness, I know Minute was talking about like, getting people onto the server by having temporary mods during the sessions, and Branzy does have his carnival, and I do enjoy this content, but... at least to me, the fundamental strength of Lifesteal content qua Lifesteal (Minecraft's deadliest SMP), as a reason to be watching this rather than something else-- like a modded or survival series that happens to be made by the same people-- is the social effects of a bunch of people who are mostly tryhards in a competitive environment that encourages conflict and teaming and subterfuge and paranoia and big dramatic clickbaitable gestures?)

(I do in fact think it's fun and interesting when there are some people on Lifesteal who care about morality and want to do the nice thing! This is a fun source of conflict! I just... think it's more fun when that's not the majority of people who are logging on and doing anything, because then there's the risk of them uncomplicatedly winning, or successfully preventing or mitigating or discouraging the majority of the dramatic evil/annoying stuff, and then nothing happening? Lifesteal content is primarily about conflict. It's maybe a little more fun when the people involved have in-universe justifications that are not just "it's for content", painting the fourth wall with a thin veneer of "it's because it's cool and asserts our power" or some galaxybrained self-serving philosophical/metaphorical justification explaining why this supervillain stuff is the real moral thing to do, or whatever? But it's still fun as long as people are like, logging in and doing stuff and fighting or arguing with each other, and maybe having some big feelings? and at least one person is live or making videos so we can see what's happening)

[montesfamilyblog]

DreamWorks/Big Idea's "VeggieTales" Reimagine Projects

1. VeggieTown Reunion Values:

VeggieTown Reunion Values, also known as VeggieTown Values For VBS Reunion, is an upcoming series of Vacation Bible School (VBS) curriculums that will be made by Big Idea, Kingstone Studios, DreamWorks Animation, and Universal Pictures, for churches to use in their children's ministries. It featured the VeggieTales characters in a suburban setting to teach many of the values and morals taught in the VeggieTales video series.

Each kit came with resources to use including booklets explaining the curriculum, clip art, music, activities, and exclusive DVD cds made specifically for the programs. This segments included such DVD cds as: VeggieTales Stories — Shortened and edited versions of segments from the VeggieTales videos to help reinforce the curriculum and lessons being taught. • Cartoon/Animation • Home Video • Cast/Celebrity Helping Kids Talk — A resource video hosted by sisters Chole and Halle Bailey to help leaders and volunteers understand how to help and encourage children and students in the program. • Puppets Greetings From Bob & Larry — A series of short, humorous greetings from Bob and Larry that welcome the children to VeggieTown and introduce the day’s lesson and theme. • Song

Theme Music: VeggieTales Theme Song (VeggieTown Values version)

DVD Episodes: 1. TBA 2. TBA 3. TBA 4. TBA 5. TBA 6. TBA 7. TBA 8. TBA 9. TBA 10. TBA

Songs: 1. TBA 2. TBA 3. TBA 4. TBA 5. TBA 6. TBA 7. TBA 8. TBA 9. TBA 10. TBA

2. VeggieTales Reunion Live!:

VeggieTales Reunion Live! is an upcoming and tenth VeggieTales Live! show, that will be produced sometime around this year or next year. It will be toured on Seventh-Day Adventist Churches, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Broadway, North American Tour, UK & Ireland Tour, Australian Tour, International Tour, Cruise Lines, Carnival Festivals, and Amusements parks. And coming soon, one of the show will be filmed at West Palm Beach Spanish Seventh-Day Adventist Church, also, to be released into a DVD, streamed on Peacock, premiered on YouTube, and on Television. It also features an Adventist gospel group Heritage Singers (founded by the late Mace Mace).

Synopsis The Veggies are reuniting! Bob, Larry and the whole crew are back on stage with the silliest Silly Song Countdown ever! They have prepared the best of the best, the most classic of the classic, and the absolute silliest of the silly. But sometimes silliness just isn't enough! Archie prefers lesson songs, Mr. Lunt wants to sing about food, and Jimmy and Jerry are stuck in the 2000's! Everyone wants their turn, and their songs in the show, but there's only so much time! The entire VeggieTales crew will have to learn the importance of sharing to make this show work! A quirky song and dance spectacular for the whole family, this show will have you singing along, dancing in the aisles and smiling so hard your teeth will ache! Fan favorites include classic silly songs such as His Cheeseburger, I Love My Lips, The Hairbrush Song, and so many more! So join your favorite singing and dancing Veggies and the Heritage Singers!

DVD Synopsis Have we got a reunion live show for you! Bob, Larry, and the whole veggie crew are back on stage with the silliest Silly Song Countdown ever! This high energy song and dance spectacular takes silliness to a whole new level! But sometimes silliness just isn't enough! Archibald Asparagus prefers songs with meaning, Mr. Lunt wants to sing about food, and Jimmy and Jerry are stuck in the 2000's! But there's only so much time… will the Veggies learn the importance of sharing so that the show can go on and everyone will be able to sing themselves whatever they want??

Songs

Intermission (Before Act One) • I'll Find You - Lecrae, Tori Kelly • Winter Wonderland/Don't Worry, Be Happy - Pentatonix, Tori Kelly

Act 1 1. VeggieTales Theme Song - VeggieTales Cast 2. The Water Buffalo Song - Larry The Cucumber 3. Big Things Too - Junior and Archibald Asparagus 4. Song of Glory - Heritage Singers (Scott Reed & Tim Davis) 5. The Song of the Cebú - Larry The Cucumber, Jimmy and Jerry Gourd, Junior and Archibald Asparagus 6. Dance of the Cucumber - Larry The Cucumber, Bob The Tomato 7. God is Bigger - Bob The Tomato, Junior Asparagus, Laura Carrot 8. His Cheeseburger - Mr. Lunt 9. Love My Lips - Larry The Cucumber, Archibald Asparagus 10. I Am Not Ashamed - Heritage Singers (Shani Judd Diehl) 11. Set Me On The Rock - Heritage Singers (Tim Calhoun, Dave Bell, Tim Davis) 12. That Sounds Like Home To Me - Heritage Singers (Miguel Verazas, Max Mace, Adriane Mace)

Intermission (Before Act 2) • Because of Love - Heritage Singers (Tim Davis) • Leave Before You Love Me (Last Christmas Mashup) - Josh Dela Cruz, Kathryn de Rende

Act 2 1. Oh Happy Day/Nothing But The Blood - Heritage Singers (Tim Davis) 2. The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything (remix version) - Larry The Cucumber, Pa Grape, Mr. Lunt 3. The B-I-B-L-E/I Am A C H R I S T I A N - Larry The Cucumber, Mr. Lunt 4. I Can Only Imagine - Heritage Singers (Scott Reed, sign by Holly Reed) 5. Endangered Love - Larry The Cucumber, Bob The Tomato 6. Belly Button - Boyz in the Sink, Wilfredo Montalvo 7. The Lighthouse - Heritage Singers (Max Mace, Tim Davis, Adriane Mace, Marcelo Constanzo, Dave Bell) 8. The Hairbrush Song - Boyz in the Sink 9. Bubble Rap - Boyz in the Sink, Wilfredo Montalvo 10. What Have We Learned - The French Peas, Petunia Rhubarb, Madame Blueberry, The French Peas, Mr. Nezzer 11. I Can Be Your Friend - Boyz in the Sink 12. VeggieTales Theme Song (Live Show Finale Version) - VeggieTales Cast

Intermission (After Finale) • VeggieTales Remix - Shama Mrema • Peacespeaker - Heritage Singers (Annette Morrow, Tim Davis, Judy Gipson Knapp)

Host • Holly Reed as Bernice Voiced Dubbed by: • Stephanie Beatriz - Seventh-Day Adventist Churches, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • Anna Kendrick - Broadway • Isabela Merced - North American, Australian, International, UK & Ireland Tour • Halle Bailey - Cruise Lines, Carnival Festivals, and Amusements parks

Dancers • Holly Reed • Miguel Verazas • Ariana Greenblatt • Yolanda Renee King • Melody Davis • Tim Davis • Shani Judd Diehl • Scott Reed • Dave Bell • Tim Calhoun

Rappers • Wilfredo Montalvo

Members of Heritage Singers

Singers • Dave Bell • Tim Calhoun • Marcelo Constanzo • Melody Davis • Tim Davis • Cindy Haffner • Shani Judd Diehl • Val Mace Mapa • Scott Reed • Adriane Mace • Miguel Verazas

Band • Art Mapa– guitars • Austin Mapa – drums • Nino Ocampo – bass • Joel Umali – keyboards

Technical • Tim Davis – vocal arranger and producer • Greg Mace – sound engineer • Lucy Mace - tour manager • Art Mapa – music arranger, producer, programmer

List of shows

Seventh-Day Adventist Churches • TBA

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • TBA

Broadway • TBA

North American Tour • TBA

UK & Ireland Tour • TBA

Australian Tour • TBA

International Tour • TBA

Cruise Lines • TBA

Carnival Festivals • TBA

Amusements parks • TBA

3. Very Veggie Silly Stories - Series 3:

Very Veggie Silly Stories, also known as The VeggieTales Podcast, is a podcast based on VeggieTales. Each episode is released weekly and includes original stories, special guests, and classic VeggieTales songs.

The first episode of the first season was released on May 17th, 2022, with the last episode being released on August 23rd, 2022. The first episode of the second season was released on November 3, 2023, with the last episode being released on December 22nd, 2023. On July 2024, the third season was announced with new voice cast, special guest, and 10 episodes, that will be made by Big Idea, Kingstone Studios, DreamWorks Animation, and Universal Pictures, and sometime set to release in 2025 or 2026.

Special Guests: • Will Arnett as TBA • Seth Rogen as TBA • Paul Rudd as TBA • Chris Pratt as TBA • Patton Oswalt as TBA • Michael Keaton as TBA • Jack Black as TBA • Owen Wilson as TBA • John Cho as TBA • Antonio Banderas as TBA

Theme music for the VeggieTales podcast series 3: "It’s Time For VeggieTales (tune of “Play Along With Sam” from Nick Jr’s titled series)" by Sam Moran

Episodes: 1. TBA 2. TBA 3. TBA 4. TBA 5. TBA 6. TBA 7. TBA 8. TBA 9. TBA 10. TBA

Songs: 1. TBA 2. TBA 3. TBA 4. TBA 5. TBA 6. TBA 7. TBA 8. TBA 9. TBA 10. TBA

Sponsors: 1. TBA 2. TBA 3. TBA 4. TBA 5. TBA 6. TBA 7. TBA 8. TBA 9. TBA 10. TBA

4. LarryBoy: a VeggieTales Movie:

An upcoming LarryBoy film will be made by Big Idea and Kingstone Studios, Produced by DreamWorks Animation, Distributed by Universal Pictures, set to be released in 2026.

This will be the third feature-length VeggieTales movie, after 2002's Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie and 2008's The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie.

Phil Vischer has confirmed in a tweet that he will return as the co-director of the upcoming film, and Mike Nawrocki will also return as the writer and director.

The original working title of the film was "LarryBoy Begins" as shown in a now deleted post on the official VeggieTales X account. A later post refers to the upcoming movie as simply "LarryBoy."

Mandy Patinkin as Awful Alvin Amy Poehler as Adèle Pepper

5. Untitled "3-2-1 Penguins!" Movie:

A spin-off to an upcoming LarryBoy film will be made by Big Idea and Kingstone Studios, Produced by DreamWorks Animation, Distributed by Universal Pictures, set to be released in 2027.

Voice Cast: 1. Hugh Jackman as Zidgel 2. Kenan Thompson as Kevin 3. Kel Mitchell as Midgel 4. Josh Server as Fidgel 5. Lori Beth Denberg as Agnes and Winnifred, Marcy, Jason and Michelle Conrad, Grandmum Conrad 6. Jake Gyllenhaal as Uncle Blobb 7. Phil Vischer as Buck Denver, Brother Louie, Captain Pete, Chuck Waggin, Pastor Paul, Sunday School Lady, Clive and Ian, Dr. Schniffenhousen, Michael, Granddad Conrad 8. Angelique Bates as Angela 9. Alisa Reyes as Allie 10. Katrina Johnson as Katerina 11. Amanda Bynes as Kandace 12. Jon Stewart as Buzz-Saw Louie

6. The Slugs & Bugs Movie:

Another spin-off to an upcoming LarryBoy film will be made by Big Idea and Kingstone Studios, Produced by DreamWorks Animation, Distributed by Universal Pictures, set to be released in 2027.

Live Action Cast: 1. Randall Goodgame as Mr. Randall 2. Julie Andrews as Miss Julie 3. Giullian Yao Gioiello as Gus 4. Alyson Stoner as Lynn 5. Andrew Peterson as Clayton 6. Charli D'Amelio as Miley 7. Dixie D'Amelio as Maya 8. Cody Linley as Preston 9. Iain Armitage as Xavier 10. Ariana Greenblatt as Xena

Voice Cast: 1. Isabela Merced as Maggie Raccoon 2. MattyBRaps (aka Matthew David Morris) as Sparky the Lightning Bug 3. Johnny Orlando as Doug the Slug 4. Shawn Mendes as Morty Raccoon 5. Phil Vischer as Hugo the Duck, Toby the Dog 6. Mike Nawrocki as Dan, Gabe, Peyton, Qwerty the Computer 7. Anna Kendrick as Danielle, Peri, Riley 8. Stephanie Beatriz as Fizz, Gabrielle 9. Ben Affleck as Hank 10. Will Smith as Spike

7. The VeggieTales Show: A Reunion Special:

The VeggieTales Show (often marketed as simply VeggieTales) is an American Christian computer-animated television series created by Phil Vischer and Mike Nawrocki. The series served as a revival and sequel of the American Christian computer-animated franchise VeggieTales. It was produced through the partnerships of TBN, NBCUniversal, Big Idea Entertainment, and Trilogy Animation, and ran from October 22, 2019, to April 1, 2022. Vischer, Nawrocki, and Lisa Vischer reprised their respective roles as the voices of Bob the Tomato, Larry the Cucumber, and Junior Asparagus, with Kurt Heinecke returning to compose the show's music score. They are joined by the creative team led by show-runner Todd Waterman. It was the last VeggieTales production to involve the Vischers, Nawrocki and Heinecke before their departure from the franchise in 2021, and the last VeggieTales production to feature Big Idea Entertainment as a corporate entity, before the company shut down production and became an in-name unit in 2021. On July 2024, The Reunion TV special was announced that will be made by Big Idea, Kingstone Studios, DreamWorks Animation, and Universal Pictures, alongside the new voice cast, set to be released sometime in 2026 or 2027.

8. The Bob & Larry Movie:

The origin story of VeggieTales hosts Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber reveals how they met, how they got their own show, and answers the question how vegetables and fruit talk. This was intended to be the first film in the series to feature humans. According to Phil Vischer, "Since Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie was our Ten Commandments, The Bob and Larry Movie would be our Toy Story." The Bob and Larry Movie was originally planned to be the second VeggieTales film with a release date in late 2005. It was placed into production in early 2002, toward the end of production of Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie (2002). However, Big Idea Productions fell into bankruptcy in late 2002 and the film was placed on hiatus, deemed too expensive. Phil Vischer then wrote The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie to replace this movie. In 2008, it was considered to be the sequel to The Pirates who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie, but talks stalled after the 2008 recession had led to the bankruptcy of VeggieTales owner Entertainment Rights and Classic Media. According to Phil Vischer in 2018, "I have a copy of The Bob and Larry script on my laptop, but probably won't release it because it is technically owned by Universal Pictures and DreamWorks Animation. It will hopefully be produced in the near future." According to Vischer, the film would have begun with a brief synopsis of how talking vegetables were involved in world history, which would be described as a "rare, but recurring phenomenon". One example would have shown tomb paintings of a pharaoh consulting with a leek. Bob the Tomato would be working in local TV news hosting a segment called "Farm Report", while Larry the Cucumber would work as a tester at a chicken hat factory (on account of the fact that his head was chicken-sized). Bob would make a report on the factory, and first meet Larry through several antics involving the chicken hats. Bob the Tomato would also be renting an apartment in a nightstand of a human boy named Dexter. In 2019, Talks of the movie were first brought up when Phil Vischer got a call from Universal to possibly do the upcoming Bob and Larry movie, mainly thanks to an executive at Universal previously being an executive at Artisan Entertainment, which was the distributor of Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie. Phil is currently giving some story re-ideas for what the movie could possibly be about. The movie was first teased by Phil Vischer on the same day that the revival series, The VeggieTales Show, was announced, with Phil saying that Universal was developing it and further stating that DreamWorks will have no involvement in the movie. Phil later clarified that the movie isn't in production at the moment, and still has to find its funding before it can fully be made and put into the production pipeline. He also stated that it was most likely going to be based around a Bible story. In 2020, Mike Nawrocki reaffirmed that a new VeggieTales movie was in re-development. On June 29, 2021, Phil Vischer revealed on his Twitter that he, along with Lisa Vischer, Mike Nawrocki, and Kurt Heinecke, had been completely laid off by Universal from working on future VeggieTales-related projects when Big Idea shut down. As a result, Universal shut down Big Idea completely when the four people all got laid off. Most likely due to all of this, the film possibly got shelved. On July 2024, the upcoming movie was officially revealed to be un-scrapped and un-shelved, that it would re-launch Big Idea to save the company, and projected 2027 theatrical release, as the fourth VeggieTales movie, alongside the voice cast.

Terry Crews as Bruce Onion and Gourdon Smithson 9. A VeggieTales Reunion Christmas Special:

A VeggieTales Christmas Spectacular! was a VeggieTales television special. It retells the story of The Toy That Saved Christmas, the first Christmas special of the series. It originally aired on Ion Television (formerly Pax TV) in 1998, 1999, and 2000. On July 2024, The Reunion Christmas Television Special was announced and set to air on TBN in 2025, on PBS in 2026, and on NBC in 2027, hosted by Awkwafina and Zion Hwang, It will retell the story of The Best Christmas Gift (from The VeggieTales Show), and also the remake with the new voice cast, and be made by Big Idea and Kingstone Studios, Produced by DreamWorks Animation, Distributed by Universal Pictures.

Plot

Opening The special took place on a big stage where the Veggies have ostensibly booked time with a major network to air a special film as part for the VeggieTales Reunion Christmas Spectacular! However, one big problem becomes almost immediately clear - Zion Hwang can't find the film. Given this discouraging news, the Veggies attempt to fill the time with a variety of musical performances. The first song is performed by Junior Asparagus who is being uplinked by satellite live from the Holy Lands. He sings the song "While By My Sheep" surrounded by a flock of sheep that bleat along with the melody. When the satellite uplink is lost, the Veggies continue to scramble while Pa Grape attempts to buy time with the network, which is threatening to pull the plug on the production. The second song is "Silly Songs With Larry" where Bob, Larry, and the rest of the VeggieTales Gang sings "The Eight Polish Foods of Christmas".

Silly Songs with Larry see The Eight Polish Foods of Christmas.

Before the Film The third musical number features Archibald Asparagus singing a German folk song, "Ring, Little Bells", while ringing some bells. Larry joins in, but as the song ends the Veggies learn that the network is about to pull the plug. Fortunately, the film reel is found by Jimmy and Jerry with the feature The Best Christmas Gift is shown. Zion Hwang, Awkwafina, Bob and Larry are so happy that the Gourd brothers finally found the film

The Film Plays The Film opens on Bob and Larry are preparing for their first Christmas show in Mr. Nezzer’s theater and the show seems to be headed for disaster. Bob begins to wonder how to celebrate Christmas when everything is going wrong. It’s only when the Veggies go back to the very first Christmas, where times were tough and things didn’t seem to be working out, that they all learn the promise of Christmas – God is with us. It’s a timeless story of hope that every family will enjoy!

Closing As Awkwafina and Zion Hwang begin to wrap up, they get news from Pa Grape that the network loves the film. While Awkwafina and Zion Hwang are initially excited, it's eventually revealed that the network wasn't watching the right channel, and that they missed the entire show. While initially disappointed, Zion Hwang, Awkwafina, Bob and Larry still wish the people watching a Merry Christmas!

Hosts: • Awkwafina • Zion Hwang

Phil Vischer as Goliath Hugh Jackman as Khalil

Songs • "VeggieTales Theme Song" • "While By My Sheep" • "The Eight Polish Foods of Christmas" • "Ring, Little Bells" • "Christmas Foods" • "Junior Shepherd" • "Wisemen" • "Let There Be Joy" • "Kingdom of God" • "O Goliath"

10. DreamWorks Theatre (VeggieTales characters & other DreamWorks characters update):

The DreamWorks Theatre is an attraction at the Universal Studios Hollywood theme park. It was made by re-designing the previous Shrek 4-D attraction to showcase all characters from DreamWorks Animation's various works, starting with those from the Kung Fu Panda franchise. The attraction opened on June 15, 2018, replacing Shrek 4-D. On July 2024, an attraction announced that it would be updated with VeggieTales characters and the rest of the DreamWorks characters.

Voice cast • Sam Rockwell as Mr. Wolf • Marc Maron as Mr. Snake • Awkwafina as Ms. Tarantula and Zhen • Craig Robinson as Mr. Shark • Anthony Ramos as Mr. Piranha • Richard Ayoade as Professor Marmalade • Zazie Beetz as Diane Foxington/Crimson Paw • Jack Black as Po and Lenny • Angelina Jolie as Tigress and Lola • Dustin Hoffman as Master Shifu • J. K. Simmons as Kai • Jackie Chan as Monkey • Lucy Liu as Viper • Seth Rogen as Mantis • David Cross as Crane • James Hong as Mr. Ping • Randall Duk Kim as Oogway • Kevin Hart as George Beard • Thomas Middleditch as Harold Hutchins • Ed Helms as Benjamin Krupp/Captain Underpants • Nick Kroll as Professor Poopypants • Jordan Peele as Melvin Sneedly • Ryan Reynolds as Guy and Theo/Turbo • Bill Hader as Hiccup • America Ferrera as Astrid Hofferson • Hugh Jackman as Roddy St. James • Kate Winslet as Rita Malone • Ben Stiller as Alex • Chris Rock as Marty • David Schwimmer as Melman • Jada Pinkett Smith as Gloria • Sacha Baron Cohen as King Julien XIII • Cedric the Entertainer as Maurice • Andy Richter as Mort • Tom McGrath as Skipper • Alec Baldwin as Theodore Templeton • James Marsden as Timothy "Tim" Templeton • Emma Stone as Eep Crood • Nicolas Cage as Grug Crood • Clark Duke as Thunk Crood • Catherine Keener as Ugga Crood • Cloris Leachman as Gran • Anna Kendrick as Poppy • Justin Timberlake as Branch • Will Smith as Oscar • Troye Sivan as Floyd • Eric André as John Dory • Kid Cudi as Clay • Daveed Diggs as Spruce • Camila Cabello as Viva • Olivia Rodrigo as Diva • Anne Hathaway as Toppy • Lauryn Hill as Tanya • Zooey Deschanel as Bridget • Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Gristle • Gwen Stefani as DJ Suki • James Corden as Biggie • Ron Funches as Cooper • Aino Jawo as Satin • Caroline Hjelt as Chenille • Kunal Nayyar as Guy Diamond • Walt Dohrn as Smidge • Kenan Thompson as Tiny Diamond • Mike Myers as Shrek • Eddie Murphy as Donkey • Cameron Diaz as Princess Fiona • Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots • Salma Hayek Pinault as Kitty Softpaws • Harvey Guillén as Perrito • Conrad Vernon as Gingerbread Man, Rico, Mason and Phil • Aron Warner as Wolf • Christopher Knights as Three Blind Mice • Cody Cameron as Pinocchio, Three Pigs • Chris Miller as Magic Mirror, Geppetto • Lana Condor as Ruby Gillman • Toni Collette as Agatha Gillman • Jane Fonda as Grandmamah • Sam Richardson as Uncle Brill • Colman Domingo as Arthur Gillman • Jaboukie Young-White as Connor • Blue Chapman as Sam Gillman • Reese Witherspoon as Susan/Ginormica • Seth Rogen as B.O.B. • Hugh Laurie as Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. • Will Arnett as The Missing Link • Kiefer Sutherland as General W.R. Monger • Paul Rudd as Derek Dietl

11. VeggieTales Sideshow Spin Reintroduction:

VeggieTales Sideshow Spin was a kiddie coaster at Dollywood. It operated at the park from 2005 to 2016. The ride was once themed to the VeggieTales series before the name was dropped in 2012.

History For the 2005 season, Dollywood expanded the County Fair section by adding new family rides. One of these rides was an L&T Systems kiddie coaster named VeggieTales Sideshow Spin. The original color scheme was a pink track with silver supports.  

In 2012, the attraction was renamed to Sideshow Spin. All references to the VeggieTales series had to be removed. The ride was repainted with an emerald green track with peach supports.  

After the 2016 season, Sideshow Spin was sent to Kentucky Shores Family Fun Center where it became Veggie Tale Spin in 2017. However, the new ride wouldn't last long. It was removed in 2018 due to the ground being too soft. In 2019, the ride was sent to London, UK.

In July 2024, Sideshow Spin is announced that it will be reintroduced at Dollywood, in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, during the upcoming VeggieTales Reunion Live Show, and parade.

12. Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie/The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie/LarryBoy: A VeggieTales Movie Triple Feature:

Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie/The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie/LarryBoy: A VeggieTales Movie Triple Feature is an upcoming triple feature consisting of both the feature-length VeggieTales movies. It is set to be released in 2027.

Description Site description Twice the VeggieTales hilarity! In Jonah, Bob and Larry learn about second chances on a whale of an adventure. And in The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, Larry, Mr. Lunt, and Pa Grape are mysteriously whisked back to the days of seafaring bandits! In LarryBoy, The city of Bumblyburg needs a Superhero! Can they rescue the royal family from evil cheese curls and giant rock monsters?

Cover Description TWICE THE VEGGIETALES MOVIE FUN! Jonah: A VeggieTales MovieJoin the entire VeggieTales crew as they set sail on a whale of an adventure. Bob the Tomato and his Veggie friends are driving to a concert when they meet up with the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. The Pirates tell the story of Jonah the Whale[sic], a messenger who enjoyed delivering messages from God until God asked him to deliver one to a place he didn't want to go to. So, he ended up swallowed by a whale. Fortunately, God believes in second chances, so Jonah ends up just fine and learns that one of the best gifts you can give - or get - is a second chance. The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales MovieGarrrrr! Working at The Pirate Times Dinner Theater is less than exciting when you're a busboy. For three moping misfits-- Elliot, Sedgewick and George (Larry the Cucumber, Mr. Lunt and Pa Grape)-all they dream of is the day when they can take stage to star in a show at the dinner theater. It seems as if any kind off[sic] starring role will never come their way…until unexpectedly they find themselves on the ride of their lives when they are mysteriously whisked back to the time when pirates ruled the high seas. They must each trust God toface[sic] their own fears--helping them become unlikely heroes in a battle to rescue a royal family from an evil tyrant, evil cheese curls and giant rock monsters. It's a boatload of fun for the for the[sic] whole family!

LarryBoy: A VeggieTales Movie Watch Out Citizens! LarryBoy is coming to your rescue, fight crime, and stop the villains!

Films included • Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie (2002) • The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (2008) • LarryBoy: A VeggieTales Movie (2026)

Fun Facts Trivia • It will be the first release to be made by Universal Pictures, DreamWorks Animation, Big Idea, and Kingstone Studios. • The main menu has Tori Kelly's cover version of the late Selena Quintanilla's "Dreaming Of You".

Production Companies: • Big Idea • Kingstone Studios • DreamWorks Animation

Distributed by: • Universal Pictures

Written and Directed by: • Phil Vischer • Mike Nawrocki

Produced by: • Amy Poehler • Lisa Vischer

Music by: • Kurt Heinecke

Main Voice Cast: Dwayne Johnson as Bob The Tomato/ThingamaBob Kevin Hart as Larry The Cucumber/LarryBoy Sam Moran as Archibald Asparagus/Alfred Tiffany Haddish as Petunia Rhubarb/Vouge Jeff Fatt as Mr. Lunt/S-Cape EvanTubeHD as Junior Asparagus/Ricochet Ryan Reynolds as Jimmy Gourd Jesse Eisenberg as Jerry Gourd Greg Page as Jean-Claude Pea Paul Paddick as Phillipe Pea Murray Cook as Pa Grape Rachel Crow as Laura Carrot David Mann as Mr. Nezzer Emma Watkins as Madame Blueberry/Mayor Blueberry

Supporting Voice Cast:

Phillip Wilcher as Norman the Peach

Jason Segel as Scooter Carrot/Officer Scooter

Amy Adams as Miss Minchin

Justin Bieber as Gary Garlic

Selena Gomez as Callie Flower

Kathryn Bernardo as Annie Onion

Daniel Padilla as Percy Pea

Bill Hader as Mike Asparagus (Speaking Voice)

Mindy Kaling as Lisa Asparagus (Speaking Voice)

Tony Hale as Phil Carrot

Liza Lapira as Carol Carrot

Tim Davis (from the Heritage Singers) as Mike Asparagus (Singing Voice)

Melody Davis (from the Heritage Singers) as Lisa Asparagus (Singing Voice)

Minor Voice Cast:

Vanessa Williams as Vanna Banana

Tom Holland as Lou Carrot

Timotheé Chalamet as Lenny Carrot

Anne Hathaway as Katrina and Sabrina

Tori Kelly as Mirabelle

with The Wiggles as The Scallions:

Anthony Field as Scallion 1

Simon Pryce as Scallion 2

Tsehay Hawkins as Miss Achmetha

Lachlan Gillespie as Scallion 3

Lucia Field as Jenna Chive

Caterina Mete as Ermie Asparagus

Evie Ferris as Lily Asparagus

John Pearce as Li'l Pea

and Pentatonix as Shux:

Scott Hoying as Wedge

Mitch Grassi as Stub

Kirstin Maldonado as Cassie Cassava

Kevin Olusola as Colin

Matt Sallee as Christophe Pea

[blogswithamelia]

BCM116 - Week Three Journal Entry (Case Study)

For the case study, I have chosen to research the Pulse Room work by Rafael Lorenzo-Hemmer. I was very fascinated with the concept of symbolising many different people’s lives in a room full of flickering lights. 

What is it? 

Created in 2006 by Rafael Lorenzo-Hemmer, Pulse Room is a large immersive media installation with over one hundred 300W light bulbs hanging 3 metres from the ceiling, covering the entirety of the exhibition room. At the side of the room, there is an interface that has the ability to read a human’s pulse. When a participant touches the sensor, their palpitations get recorded and transferred to the lightbulb closest to them (which is hanging slightly lower than the rest), and it flashes in time with the rhythm of their pulse. This information is stored and when new participants enter, the previous recordings are pushed forward, so that the new pulse can be recorded. Each new participant can see the previous heartbeats of people who entered before them, as they flicker all over the ceiling of the room. The flashing light bulbs together produce a chaotically flickering light environment by various layers of repetitive rhythms, creating a vibrant and pulsating “room”.  This interaction creates a unique and personal experience for each participant, blurring the lines between the artwork, the viewer, and the surrounding space.

Who is Rafael Lorenzo-Hemmer? 

Rafael Lozano-Hemmer is a Mexican-Canadian installation artist who was born in 1967 in Mexico City. He graduated from Concordia University in Montréal, Canada in 1989 with a Bachelor of Sciences in Physical Chemistry. Despite his qualification in chemistry, he chose to pursue a career in interactive art, using his scientific skills and creativity to create immersive works. His works usually mix technology, performance, architecture, sound, and light to produce fascinating exhibitions that aim to influence audience participation. They also are most commonly showcased in public spaces and they are heavily inspired by phantasmagoria, carnival, and animatronics, his light and shadow works are "anti monuments for alien agency". Over the years, Lozano-Hemmer has received many awards across the globe for his works, such as:

Two BAFTA British Academy Awards for Interactive Art (London, England)

Golden Nica at the Prix Ars Electronica (Austria)

"Artist of the year" Rave Award from Wired Magazine

Rockefeller fellowship 

The Trophée des Lumières (Lyon, France)

International Bauhaus Award (Dessau, Germany)

The title of Compagnon des Arts et des Lettres du Québec (Québec, Canada)

Governor General's Award (Canada).

Inspirations, Context and History

Pulse Room belongs to a genre of art known as new media art. New media art is a broad term that covers art forms that are either created, edited, and showcased through new media or digital technologies. There are many types of media art, but some examples of popular ones include:

virtual reality 

digital

game 

computer animation and graphics

interactive 

In this case, Lozano-Hemmer’s work falls under the “interactive art” category. Interactive art takes on the form and shape of an event, where people attending the piece interact with the piece in order to make it come to life. This genre emerged in the late 19th to mid-20th century as artists started to incorporate the ever fast growing technologies into their creative processes. The recent establishment of the internet around this time also provided artists a place to reach large audiences across the globe that were previously inaccessible. Artists began to experiment with various mediums such as video, audio, digital graphics, and interactive installations. 

Lozano-Hemmer's work aligns with this tradition by using technology, in this case light and sensors, to create an immersive and participatory experience for the audience. Pulse Room inspired by Macario, directed by Roberto Gavaldón in 1960, a film that features the protagonist suffering from a hunger-induced hallucination and that each person is represented by a lit candle in a cave. These lit candles symbolised the duration of individual lives, which inspired Rafael to create a similar experience. The piece was also influenced by minimalist and serial music, as well as cybernetic research on the process of cardiac self-regulation carried out by the Instituto Nacional de Cardiología in Mexico.

How was it created?

Materials used in Pulse Room:

Computer (any)

Incandescent light bulb

Metal heart sensor stand 

DMX Dimmer pack/circuit board 

Lorenzo-Hemmer demonstrates the integration of art and technology through using a computer programming interface. This computer is used to collect the pulse signals from the metal bar sensor and has the ability to control every single light bulb in the room. Data is updated through USB connection to a DMX circuit board, and then it gets sent to the dimmer packs (which controls the amount of power of the bulb) where the bulbs are. There are two cables in the installation, one of which boots up the computers and sensors while the other translates signals to the dimmer pack. Lorenzo-Hemmer has made use of these technologies in order to create an aesthetically pleasing room full of sparkling lights, each representing a human being, leaving visitors pondering their experience after departing.

Significance

Pulse Room is a creative way of representing the human body's uniqueness. Everyone in the world has their own story, either individually or in the form of friends, family or romance. These people of all ages together help create the artwork of our world. In Pulse Room, each individual bulb represents an individual life. Likewise the pulse itself is symbolic of the rhythm of life. Each pulse has a different rhythm, much like how every person has a different look and personality. The all-encompassing immersive environment simultaneously transforms and translates energy from one source to another. The light bulbs register a human life and compose layers of repetitive rhythms as well as a vibrant and pulsating room. the installation will affect his or her sense of space and time. The visitor's experience within the installation is an index of the living organism. The light occupies the visitor's field of vision intensifying the contrast between light and darkness and the beating effect represents his or her actual heart pattern.

How does this help me?

This inspires me for my final work as I would like to do something interactive with lights, colours as well as have something that leaves the audience pondering the meaning or questioning their view on a certain topic, but I haven’t come up with any ideas at this point. I still need to brainstorm, so we shall see what I come up with in the future!

[someawesomeamvs]

Warning: Flashing lights, potential spoilers, sexual imagery

Title: Butts.

Editor: Nearphotison

Song: D'oh

Artist: Neil Cicierega

Anime: Space Family Carlvinson, Ai City, Sorcerer Hunters, Robot Carnival, Daicon III & IV Opening Animation, Flint the Time Detective (Jikū Tantei Genshi-kun), Birdy the Mighty, The Golden Bird (Kin no Tori), Dragon Ball Z, Tokimeki Tonight, Tenchi Universe, Space Adventure Cobra: The Movie, Macross: Do You Remember Love?, Bubblegum Crisis, Megazone 23, Crusher Joe: The Movie, Project A-ko, Pokémon, Dirty Pair: Project Eden, Minky Momo, Maison Ikkoku: The Final Chapter, Galaxy Express 999, Tokimeki Memorial, Cowboy Bebop, Future Boy Conan

Category: Freestyle

[vvitchella]

Virtual Visits

I know a lot of us would like be able to visit other places right now. It looks like we won’t be able to do that for a while, but we can at least pretend!

Museums:

Egyptian Museum (Floor 1, Floor 2)

Inside the Louvre (Part 1, Part 2 (also includes Napoleon Apartments))

The British Museum

Natural History Museum, Washington, DC

National Palace Museum in Taipei, Taiwan

Russia’s Hermitage Museum

National Gallery of Art, Washington, DC

Victoria & Albert Museum, London

Sherlock Holmes Museum

Natural History Museum, London

National Museum of Scotland

Libraries:

New York Public Library Tour

Guided Tour of the Library of Congress in 360°

Boston Public Library Tour

Old Library Ambience

Ambience: Being in an Old Library while it Rains

Royal Library Ambience: Rain and Fireplace

Luxurious Study Room/Library Ambience

Study in the New York Public Library

Ambience - Writer’s Library from the 1930′s

University + Study with Me:

Columbia University, Manhattan, NY

University Lunchroom Ambience

Study with a Friend at Columbia University’s Butler Library

Study with Another Friend

Korean Student Study with Me

Walking Around Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut

Oxford in the snow (some talking)

Walk a City:

NYC Museum Mile Walk

Dubai - Marina Waterfront to Jumeirah Beach

Monte-Carlo, Monaco

Amsterdam City Center

Valencia, Spain

Historic Heidelberg, Germany

Ho Chi Minh Nightlife

Hanoi Nightlife

NYC Midtown Manhattan (Part 1, Part 2)

Walking in the Rain in Tokyo

Walking in the Rain in Boston, MA

Downtown Seattle + Top Attractions

Downtown Chicago

Downtown San Francisco

London - Oxford Circus to Bloomsbury

Prague, Czech Republic

Historic Naples

Sydney + Historical Landmarks

Caythorpe Village + English Countryside

Castleton Village + English Countryside

Walk Nairobi, Kenya

Cairo Khan el-Khalili, Market  (skip intro)

Lagos Town Center in the Algarve, Portugal

Grimmelwald Switzerland

St. Ives, Cornwall

Groningen, Netherlands - Martini Tower to Groninger Museum

Walk New Orleans in the Rain

Walk Paris, France

Visit Historical Landmarks:

The Eiffel Tower

Berlin TV Tower

Saigon Skydeck (Bitexco Tower), Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam

London Eye, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace

The Empire State Building

Statue of Liberty Tour

Walk of the Taj Mahal

The Colosseum, Rome

The Great Wall of China

Walk the Golden Gate Bridge

Machu Picchu (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

Leaning Tower of Pisa + Extra (some talking, mute if needed)

Visit the Roman Forum

Parks + Nature:

Forest Walk - Grand Ridge Trail, Issaquah, WA

Winter Forest Walk

Forest Hike - Baker River Trail & Chain Lake Trail

Forest Walk - Middle Fork Trail in Snoqualmie

Phacelia Flowers Field

Flowery Meadow, Bird Sounds Ambience

Butterflies and Flowers in a Meadow

Relaxing Meadow and Mountains

Scenic Drives:

From Nice to Monaco

English Countryside - Buxton, Blakewell, Matlock Bath

Banff National Park, Icefields Pkwy, Alberta, CA

San Francisco Pacific Coast Highway

Byway 12, Utah (with music)

Miami, FL Drive

Mount Rainier (Foggy, forested roads) (with music)

Furka Pass, Switzerland

Public Transport:

Tokyo Yurikamome Train

Tokaido-Sanyo Shinkansen Train

Sea to Mountains Train, Montenegro

NYC Subway - 96th to Times Square

Norway Subway from Stortinget to Jernbanetorget

London Bus Ride - Big Ben, Trafalgar Square, Regent Street

Scuba Dives + Snorkeling:

Music and some editing is just unavoidable in these kinds of videos for some reason? Please be ready to mute if needed.

Roatan, Honduras - Half Moon Bay Wall and Dixie’s Place

Florida Keys - Horseshoe Beach

Scuba Diving the Egypt Red Sea

Raja Ampat, West Papua, Indonesia Coral Reef

Maldives Deep South Diving

Triton Bay to Raja Ampat, Kaimana

Hawaii Oahu Scuba Diving

Scuba Diving in Molokini Crater Maui Hawaii

Cafe Ambience:

There’s a lot of these that seem the same, but trust me, they are different.

Cozy Coffee Shop with Jazz and Rain

Rainy Day at Cozy Shop with Jazz

Rainy Night at Coffee Shop with Romantic Jazz

Rainy Day Cafe with Piano Music

Zen, Relaxing Rainy Day at a Cafe

7 Hours of Actual Coffeeshop Footage (with chill music)

Restaurant Ambience:

Romantic, Cozy New York Restaurant Ambience

Restaurant with Background Music

Outdoor Italian Restaurant at Night

Misc. Public Places

Staten Island Mall

The Florida Mall

Mall of America

Dubai Airport

Oceanografic Valencia, Spain (Largest Marine Park in Europe)

Tilburgse Kermis Funfair Carnival

Magical/Other Worlds:

Cozy Medieval Cottage Home with Rain and Fireplace

Magical Potion Shoppe Ambience

Witch’s Lair Ambience

Peaceful Nature Covered Subway with lofi (and cat)

Magical Forest Ambience

Witchy Coffee Shop

A Cozy Home:

Cozy Vintage Home with Fireplace and Thunderstorm

Cozy Winter Ambience with Fireplace and Snowstorm

Cozy Cabin Ambience

Randomizers:

The Secret Door: Tour random places in Google Maps.

Geoguessr: Get “lost” on Google Maps and find where you are.

Also tag yourself I’m “Peaceful Nature Covered Subway with lofi (and cat)”

[dnf-fic-recs]

homie got any good long oneshots?

hi anon!! here are a couple that are 5k+ :)

stay (you are my soulmate) by Anonymous

Life seemed to shove Dream and George together, through universes and dimensions, like rubber bands knotted together, bands that always bounced back to each other, no matter how far they got pulled apart.

-

or, seven lives that dreamnotfound meet in.

Call Me, I Still Love You by dante08

One time, when his cheeks were still round and rosy with the glow of youth, Dream scrapped his knees against the pavement of a sidewalk and cried until his lungs burned.

“Oh, honey,” his mother had whispered soothingly, rubbing his back gently as she held him in her arms. “It's okay. Falling hurts, doesn’t it?”

He had nodded then, never quite looking away from the tiny droplets of blood that littered on the knob of his knees, and tried to smile (because smiling makes everything better, or at least, that’s what his mom said).

But now, he stares at George the same way he had once stared at his bruised skin— in fear, in pain, in wonder.

Dream smiles either way, because his mom was right.

Falling hurts.

got your brain fizzin' like cola by nervouswaltz

Dream's job is entirely uneventful. He manages a social media account for a billion-dollar company, plays too much Minecraft to be healthy, and gets to make several sexual innuendos and get paid for it.

It's all very simple. Until the official Twix Twitter account replies to him, and things snowball. Just a little bit.

so good, so fuckin' real by nervouswaltz - Explicit

Twitter is not a huge fan of Dream in the same three pairs of shorts. Once he thinks about it for more than five minutes, Dream really isn’t either. They’re completely functional, they do the job, but he looks fucking plain.

He looks in the mirror one day, while George is lounging on his bed watching TikToks (he’s procrastinating until Dream inevitably caves and edits his video) and scrutinizes his sense of style. “Should I be dressing gayer?”

Or, Dream tries out crop tops. He's not the only one who likes them.

carnival bass by urplace

It’s stupid. It’s so fucking stupid. Stupid enough to warrant a show on TLC: Child-hater George experiences his sweet boyfriend’s babysitting skills first-hand for the first time, and promptly experiences a chronic case of baby fever.

george's complicated spiral into deciding—sporadically—that he wants to raise a kid alongside dream

Tying you to me by summerchai

After seeing fan made fibre art, Dream is determined to master the craft of knitting. As a result, George receives a closet's worth of blue items, and is feeling very normal about it.

OR

Dream is into knitting. George is into Dream.

retracing my steps by twostorms

“You missed me,” George cuts him off and wraps his arms around his neck, pulling Dream into a second hug that’s somehow warmer than the first, even if less forceful.

“I missed you,” Dream affirms, the top of George’s head so close to his lips that he can feel his breathing shifting his hair. “So much, George.”

“I know,” George whispers, and Dream can hear the smile in his voice. And Dream knows that even if he doesn’t say it, the way George’s thumb brushes against his hair at the nape of his neck means I missed you too.

george comes home for the summer after his first year away at college, and dream decides 800 miles of driving are his last chance to convince him to stay.

[quaculaarchive]

the

Sims is a series of life simulation video games developed by Maxis and published by Electronic Arts. The franchise has sold nearly 200 million copies worldwide, and it is one of the best-selling video game series of all time.[1]The games in the Sims series are largely sandbox games, in that they lack any defined goals (except for some later expansion packs and console versions which introduced this gameplay style). The player creates virtual people called "Sims," places them in houses, and helps direct their moods and satisfy their desires. Players can either place their Sims in pre-constructed homes or build them themselves. Each successive expansion pack and game in the series augmented what the player could do with their Sims.The Sims series is part of the larger Sim series, started by SimCity in 1989. Game designer Will Wright was inspired to create a "virtual doll house" after losing his home during the Oakland firestorm of 1991 and subsequently rebuilding his life.[2][3] Replacing his home and his other possessions made him think about adapting that life experience into a game. When Wright initially took his ideas to the Maxis board of directors, they were skeptical and gave little support or financing for the game. The directors at Electronic Arts, which bought Maxis in 1997, were more receptive—SimCity had been a great success for them, and they foresaw the possibility of building a strong Sim franchise.[2]Wright has stated that The Sims was actually meant as a satire of U.S. consumer culture.[4] Wright took ideas from the 1977 architecture and urban design book A Pattern Language, American psychologist Abraham Maslow's 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation and his hierarchy of needs, and Charles Hampden-Turner's Maps of the Mind to develop a model for the game's artificial intelligence.[2] The Sims was the first game in the series. Developed by Maxis and published by Electronic Arts, it was released for Microsoft Windows on February 4, 2000.[5] The game used dimetric projection and featured open-ended simulation of the daily activities of one or more virtual persons ("Sims") in a suburban area near SimCity. Seven expansion packs and two deluxe editions with exclusive content were released. It was repackaged in several different formats, and different versions of it were released on several different platforms. By March 22, 2002, The Sims had sold more than 6.3 million copies worldwide, surpassing Myst[6] as the best-selling PC game in history at the time. The original game, all seven expansion packs, and the two deluxe edition content packs constitute the first generation of the PC. Maxis developed all PC releases. By February 2005, the game had shipped 16 million copies worldwide.[7]

Livin' Large

House Party

Hot Date

Vacation

Unleashed

Superstar

Makin' Magic

The Sims 2 (2004)[edit]

Main article: The Sims 2

Electronic Arts released The Sims 2 on September 14, 2004. The sequel, developed by Maxis, takes place in a full 3D environment as opposed to the dimetric projection of the original game. Sims age through seven life stages, from infancy to old age and subsequent death. Another major feature is the aspiration system. Each Sim exhibits wants and fears according to its aspiration and personality. Consequently, the level of the aspiration meter determines the effectiveness of a Sim at completing tasks. The fulfillment of wants provides aspiration points, which can be used to purchase aspiration rewards. The game also features clear days of the week, with weekends when children can stay home from school and vacation days when adults can take time off work.

The Sims 2 is set some 25 years after the original game. For instance, the Goth family has aged significantly with Bella Goth mysteriously vanishing ("dying") at some point in the 25 years. Because the entire game has progressed from 2D sprites to 3D models, all content in The Sims 2 had to be created from the ground up. Due to this, The Sims 2 was not made backward-compatible with any content from the first generation of the main series. However, some objects and features from the original series were remade for the sequel.

Electronic Arts released eight expansion packs and nine stuff packs for The Sims 2. Over 400 items were also released for the game via The Sims 2 Store. Also, items, including pre-order items, were released over the life cycle of this generation.

The Sims 2 had received eight expansion packs:

University

Nightlife

Open for Business

Pets

Seasons

Bon Voyage

FreeTime

Apartment Life

The Sims 3 (2009)[edit]

Main article: The Sims 3

Electronic Arts released The Sims 3 on June 2, 2009.[8] The sequel was announced by EA in November 2006. The game is set 25 years before the original game and features an open, seamless neighborhood, improved Sim creation tools, enhanced build and buy mode functions, and the introduction of wishes and goals. The game introduced a new form of directed gameplay through small, step-wise goals presented as opportunities for the player to pursue or refuse. The Sims 3 sold 1.4 million copies in the first week, making it the largest release in PC gaming history at the time.[9]

The Sims 3 is set 25 years before the Sims 1. For example, the Goth family is much younger, and Bella Goth, an adult in the first game, is a child and is named Bella Bachelor.

Eleven expansion packs and nine stuff packs were released for the third generation of the series. Also, many items are available online for additional fees at The Sims 3 Store.

The Sims 3 had received eleven expansion packs:

World Adventures

Ambitions

Late Night

Generations

Pets

Showtime

Supernatural

Seasons

University Life

Island Paradise

Into the Future

The Sims 4 (2014)[edit]

Main article: The Sims 4

Electronic Arts announced The Sims 4 on May 6, 2013.[10] The announcement stated that the game was in development by Maxis. The Sims 4 takes place in an alternative setting/timeline from the game's previous installment. Later in 2014, further details on features and gameplay were announced. The release date of September 2, 2014, was announced at E3 2014.

As of November 2020, ten expansion packs, nine game packs and seventeen stuff packs have been released, and updates have added content that was previously absent due to time constraints, such as basements, ghosts, pools, modular stairs, toddlers, new careers, terrain tools and additional skintones.

The Sims 4 has received ten expansion packs so far:

Get to Work

Get Together

City Living

Cats & Dogs

Seasons

Get Famous

Island Living

Discover University

Eco Lifestyle

Snowy Escape

Spin-offs[edit]

The Sims Online[edit]

Main article: The Sims Online

In December 2002, Electronic Arts released the Maxis-developed The Sims Online, later named EA Land. It recreates The Sims as a massively multiplayer online game, where human players can interact with each other. The spin-off did not achieve the same level of success as the original. Reviews for The Sims Online were lackluster; many likening its experience to an enormous chat room. On August 1, 2008, EA Land was shut down.

The Sims Stories[edit]

Main articles: The Sims Life Stories, The Sims Pet Stories, and The Sims Castaway Stories

The Sims Stories is a series of video games from The Sims series released in 2007–2008 based on a modified version of The Sims 2 engine. The modified game engine is optimized for play on systems with weaker specifications, such as laptops. As such, its system requirements are lower than that of The Sims 2, but it can still be played on desktops.[11] The series is introduced mainly for three segments of the market: those who wish to play The Sims 2 on their laptops (which usually have lower specifications); those who wish to engage in other activities such as instant messaging while playing the game, and; those who are new to the franchise. In addition to a Free Play mode with classic, open-ended gameplay, the games contain a structured, linear Story mode where players are required to complete a series of goals to progress in the storyline. While Life Stories and Pet Stories each contain two separate stories, Castaway Stories contains one story that is double the length of any one story in the first two games. As an introductory series, major features are removed or modified from those in The Sims 2. For example, fears are completely removed in all three games, and the elder life stage is completely removed in Pet Stories. Officially, the save files from this series are not compatible with the main The Sims 2 games. However, players have experienced success in adapting some files.

Three games have been released to date.[12]

The Sims Carnival[edit]

Main article: The Sims Carnival

The Sims Carnival was a casual game brand of The Sims. It had two separate product lines. First, it was an online community of crowd-sourced web games. Second, it was a line of packaged game titles sold via retail stores and digital download.

The Sims Medieval[edit]

Main article: The Sims Medieval

The Sims Medieval is an action role-playing spin-off game released in 2011. It is set in medieval times, and although it is based on The Sims 3 engine, it plays very differently. The Sims Medieval has one expansion pack, Pirates and Nobles.

The Sims Social[edit]

Main article: The Sims Social

Launched in August 2011, The Sims Social was a Flash-based game developed by Playfish for Facebook. EA announced the game was upgraded from Beta to Live status in a press release issued on August 23, 2011.[13] Due to players' negative responses, the game has been shut down and was removed from Facebook on June 14, 2013.

Console and handheld versions[edit]

The Sims era[edit]

Main articles: The Sims (video game), The Sims Bustin' Out, and The Urbz: Sims in the City

The Sims is the first console release that shares the same name as the base game in the first generation of the main series.

The Sims Bustin' Out is the second title in The Sims console series. Bustin' Out was released for the PlayStation 2, Xbox, Nintendo GameCube, Game Boy Advance, and N-Gage in the fourth quarter of 2003. Sims can get out of the house to visit other locations such as Shiny Things Lab or Casa Caliente. There are two modes. Bust Out Mode, which has mission-based gameplay, and Freeplay Mode is open-ended gameplay very much like the original The Sims PC game. The second Sims game was not on the PC; it was a follow up to The Sims, which was very similar to Bustin' Out, except the aims were shifted to getting job promotions and constantly fulfilling goals to get ahead in the game. The PlayStation 2 version also features the option to play online, though EA no longer supports it.

The Urbz: Sims in the City is a game focused on Sims living in an urban setting, presumably within Sim City. The player must earn a reputation and complete tasks for characters. It was released for Xbox, PlayStation 2, Nintendo DS, Nintendo GameCube, and Game Boy Advance. It features Black Eyed Peas as NPCs.

The Sims 2[edit]

Main articles: The Sims 2, The Sims 2: Pets, The Sims 2: Castaway, and The Sims 2: Apartment Pets

The Sims 2, The Sims 2: Pets, and The Sims 2: Castaway have been released for various platforms including the Wii, PlayStation 2, PSP, Xbox, and Nintendo DS systems. The Sims 2: Apartment Pets, considered a sequel to The Sims 2: Pets by Electronic Arts, was only released for the Nintendo DS.

In addition, EA has released several The Sims titles for the iPod Nano (3rd and 4th generation), the iPod Classic, and the iPod (5th generation). Some of these titles include: The Sims Bowling,[14] The Sims DJ,[15] and The Sims Pool.[16]

MySims[edit]

Main articles: MySims, MySims Kingdom, MySims Party, MySims Racing, MySims Agents, and MySims SkyHeroes

MySims is series of console games created by EA for the Wii and Nintendo DS (with SkyHeroes being the exception). They feature Chibi-like characters (a tiny bit smaller and similar to the Wii's Mii avatars). The first game in the series was released in September 2007. It is also known for being the first Sim game released in Japan. MySims SkyHeroes, the newest addition to the MySims line of games, was released in September 2010.

The Sims 3[edit]

Main articles: The Sims 3, The Sims 3: World Adventures, The Sims 3: Ambitions, and The Sims 3: Pets

The Sims 3, The Sims 3: World Adventures, and The Sims 3: Ambitions were released for the iPhone/iPod Touch. In addition, The Sims 3 was also released for Android mobile systems and the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, and Nintendo DS in October 2010, and the Wii in November 2010, and the Nintendo 3DS on March 25, 2011 in Europe. The 3DS version of the game was launched with the console. The Sims 3: Pets was released for PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, and Nintendo 3DS.

The Sims 4[edit]

Main article: The Sims 4

Versions of the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One consoles were released on November 17, 2017.

The Sims FreePlay[edit]

Main article: The Sims FreePlay

The Sims FreePlay is the first free-to-play version of The Sims for iOS and Android, was released worldwide on December 15, 2011 for iOS devices, and on February 15, 2012 for Android. The game made it to Kindle Fire on October 2012, to BlackBerry 10 on July 31, 2013 and Windows Phone 8 on September 2013. Unlike other Sims games, The Sims FreePlay runs in real-time and takes real-time to complete actions. Players can progress through 55 levels and unlock new content, create up to 34 Sims, build town map buildings, complete goals to earn Lifestyle Points, Simoleons, Social Points, and XP (Experience Points). All of these (except for Social Points) can be obtained by baking, planting, going to school (Only for preteen and teens), or working. To get Social Points, you will need to go to neighboring houses or add your Facebook friends.

The game is updated with new content and has events and competitions, announced on the official Facebook page. Several updates for the game have been released.

The Sims Mobile[edit]

Main article: The Sims Mobile

The Sims Mobile is the second free-to-play version of The Sims for Android and iOS, The Sims Mobile was announced on May 9, 2017, in a launch trailer with a soft launch for Brazil, and was released worldwide on March 6, 2018. It features multiplayer and story-mode elements in an attempt to offer a playing experience akin to the main Sims installments.

[leafenclaw]

So uh, I have a lot of WIPs

Tagged by @raeofalbion, thank you! ^^

The rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Followers can send an ask with the title that most intrigues or interests them in exchange for a snippet or info about it. 

Tagging: I have no idea who did or didn’t do it, so I sort of want to just... let you do it if you feel like it? But also I’m pretty sure @theteadetective hasn’t done it so there. XD

Divided by fandom, then by progress made on each story. WIPs = Excerpt available (older ones are only available in French) Notes = I can give detailed explanations but no actual writing has been done on this project

Harry Potter

WIPs

Welcome to Hogwarts

Papillon [French]

30 jours pour un ouvrage de compagnon [French]

Eleven Months

Ce n’était qu’un jeu [French]

Cycle des Ténèbres [French]

Impact [French]

Le chant de l’Augurey [French]

Phénix [French]

The Paintings Room [French]

Ω [French]

Notes

Courtship

Cursed

Going the Muggle Way

I Am Snake

Muggle

The Chessmaster

Magic isn’t real

Memories (that haven’t happened yet)

New Body

Secret Keeper

Survival

Reversal

Whirlwind

The Mentalist

WIPs

Eighteen Hours

Kindred

RJ goes after Lisbon

The Road

Fearful Symmetry

Amour Courtois

Visions

Castles in the AIR

The Lives Not Lived

Little Lady

Damned if We Don’t

Gem

Notes

Tag Project

Carnival

Adrift

Born into magic

Con after 4x10

Cyberpunk AU

Sedoretu

Coma

Post-BB Island

Ace!Jane/Lisbon

Jane is Red John

Jane missed the plane

Dreams

Pilot AU

Magic AU

Blind

Carmen & the BA

Earthquake

Haunted Necklace

Hypnosis

Jane drops RJ

Sheriff of Napa

Killer (Kill Her)

Empty Glamour

No Bursting Bubble

No Deed

OVNI

Post-Fugue Pregnancy

It’s over (is it over?)

Red Moon AU

RJ is Wainwright

Rover Death

Rover Sharing

Rush to Lisbon

Tiger cubs at the zoo

Vegas AU

Witch Revenge

Working with Haffner

Wrong RJ (ties in with Fearful Symmetry)

Ring, no ring

Undercover Pretend Relationship

Winter Coffee

Office Gossip

Thwarted

In the Woods

Crystal

The Job Conundrum

Youtube Sensation (ties in with Eighteen Hours)

Timeless

WIPs

You know you want to (click)

Definition of Happiness

This side of the road

Flogan Thing

Notes

Crossroads

Fate, Uncertainty, Free Will

Burn

Believer

Garcyna Shared Past

Solarpunk (Fanboy Wyatt)

Garcy Inter-worlds

Negative Outcome Universe

TM Crossover (Beach edition)

Emma raises Lucy’s brother

Internet Cryptid

How to make things worse

One Trip

Trapped in the past

Wyatt AFAB

Emmaley

A reason for turtlenecks

Memento

Elementary

WIPs

Haptics

Rarefied Heights

Ashes

Letters across worlds

creatures!Holmes & Moriarty

A Game With Proper Stakes

Brownstone Shenanigans

Graveyard Conversation

Death Day

Notes

Butterfly

Conversations

Sabbat - E Version

M&M - Switch/canon compliant/AU

Matching Stims

Haunted

Inversion

Coffee Shop Not-Quite-AU

Restaurant VS Coffee Shop

Already knew

Ginger Candy

Incarceration

Powers (reality)

Amnesia (Unknown)

Jamie has 7 cats

Fandom

Immortals (keeping score)

Mermaid AU

Neighbours

Nocturne-verse

Shared Fingerprints

Werewolf AU

Collapse

Daemons-verse

HP AU (+potato verse)

Labyrinth AU

Siblings-verse

Timeless AU

Bell the Marshall

Cell Sharing

Elevator Hit

GD over Morland

Head of the Organisation

Irene wasn’t there

J works with J

Kidnapping

Kitty

Media Room (keeping up the act)

Moran killed

ONS before 2011

Potato-verse

Search History Dating Website

Snowed In

WF’s fanfic (RPF consequences)

Everyone’s Videos

Vikner’s TA

Pins Everywhere

Criminal Trio

Stepping Up (Not Always A Great Idea)

Reset (3 versions)

BBC Sherlock

WIPs

Bed

Elevator

Crossover Thing

Notes

Fae human & Changeling

AJI College

On Needs and Needing You

No Trauma (right)

Snowed In

Jumanji

Notes

Soulmates (Meet Before Time)

Bodyswap (different from canon)

Detention

Judy wins

Wrong clues

Missing Piece

Nigelstone

no touching

Nonbinary

Tattoos

Feel free to ask about any of these, but please add the fandom with the title so I can find which story we’re talking about more easily XD

[opera-simplified]

Opera Simplified #3: Benvenuto Cellini

Benvenuto Cellini

Opera Simplified #3

The Basics:

Music: Hector Berlioz

Libretto: Henri Auguste Barbier and Léon de Wailly

Premiere: September 10, 1838; Salle le Peletier, Paris, France

Based on [very loosely]: Vita (Life), Benvenuto Cellini’s autobiography

Setting: Rome, the final days of Carnival, 1532

Characters:

Benvenuto Cellini, a goldsmith and sculptor—tenor

Teresa Balducci, his girlfriend—soprano

Fieramosca, her fiancé and the Pope’s official sculptor—baritone**

Giacomo Balducci, her father and the Pope’s treasurer—bass-baritone

Ascanio, Cellini’s apprentice—mezzo-soprano

Pope Clément VII, duh, the boss of the Roman Catholic Church—bass*

Francesco, one of Cellini’s assistants—tenor

Bernardino, another of Cellini’s assistants—bass

Pompeo, a swordsman and Fieramosca’s friend—baritone**

A Tavern Owner—tenor

A player in Cassandro’s troupe acting as Colombine—spoken

Requested by: @monotonous-minutia (once again, thank you both for enthusiastically reading this over and for making some of the videos featured in this Opera Simplified!)

*The Paris Opéra would not allow the Pope to be portrayed onstage for the premiere, so the character became Cardinal Salvati, although his music and function in the story remained identical. However, as it should be, virtually all available performances and recordings revert to the Pope, so as such (and according to Berlioz’s intentions), I will revert as well.

**Fieramosca and Pompeo were both originally intended to be played by tenors (according to the cast list given in the Bärenreiter critical edition), but they are universally played by baritones.

Additional Notes Before We Go: There are three versions of this opera: the first version (which I will call 1838 Original version) was the version that Berlioz initially presented to the Paris Opéra; the second (which I will call 1838 Premiere version) was the score actually performed in the initial run (which flopped) after cuts and censorship; the third version, which premiered in 1852 in the city of Weimar (thus it being called the Weimar version), had other cuts and more rearranging of sections in Act II.

In an attempt to follow both Berlioz’s intentions and modern performance/recording practice, this Opera Simplified will mostly follow the 1838 Original version, albeit with some elements from other versions. Those elements will be discussed by scene in the notes.

Also: Berlioz did envision the opera with spoken dialogue; recordings are split on the issue, although only one of the five productions I have watched uses spoken dialogue.

Finally, thanks to my university’s Fine Arts Library for having a very diverse collection of opera scores, including a Bärenreiter critical edition vocal-piano score of Benvenuto Cellini, which I consulted while researching and writing this Opera Simplified.

The Opera:

Benvenuto Cellini overture

Roman Carnival Overture (not to be confused with the opera’s actual overture (given above), although this uses two very lovely tunes from Act I of the opera)

Act I:

Scene 1:

Sunset on Shrove Monday, inside the Balducci house. At left is a table with two chairs. There are two doors, one on the left and one at the back. There is also a window at the right, where Teresa is standing and watching the Carnival revellers. Balducci enters, having just gotten dressed.

Balducci: Teresa!

*Crickets.*

Teresa! Where is she?

*Ditto.*

TERESA!

*Ditto.*

TERESA I’M NOT CALLING YOU AGAIN GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW WHERE ARE YOU

*Ditto, but this time he sees her.*

TERESA I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU THAT YOU WEREN’T ALLOWED TO BE BY THE WINDOW ARE YOU DEAF

*Teresa reluctantly leaves the window.*

Fine time for daydreaming; I’ve been calling you for FOREVER! Look, the Pope’s waiting for me, could you be a nice daughter and get me my stuff? My walking stick, my gloves, my dagger, that collection of papers…?

*She hands him each in turn.*

Ugh, I can’t BELIEVE that the Pope is making me come in all the time, especially this late, every morning, every night it’s always “BALDUCCI WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE SCULPTURE COMMISSION WITH CELLINI BLAH BLAH BLAH” and it’s EXHAUSTING. I mean, not to question the Pope or anything because that would be bad and sacrilegious and all, but the Pope has Fieramosca, who is not only a perfectly good sculptor and future son-in-law but also the official papal sculptor anyway, so why is he getting some lazy libertine metalworker from Florence, of all places, to make this sculpture? **

*He leaves, grumbling.*

Teresa: FINALLY HE’S LEAVING

*Balducci immediately returns.*

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME 

Balducci: Just to make sure that nothing happens while I’m gone, lemme give you a Quick Fatherly Lecture™ because of course that will be effective! Come here and listen closely. ***

WELL, YA GOT TROUBLE, MY CHILD, RIGHT HERE I SAY YA GOT TROUBLE RIGHT HERE IN THE ETERNAL CITY—shoot where was I going with this okay start over

NEVER LOOK AT THE MOON EVER BECAUSE LOOKING AT THE MOON IS THE LITTLE SEEMINGLY INNOCENT STEP THAT LEADS TO LIVES BEING RUINED AND YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SLEEP AGAIN BECAUSE YOU’LL BE TOO BUSY HAVING CATHOLIC GUILT AND REGRETTING ALL YOUR LIFE CHOICES YOU COQUETTISH GIRLS NEED TO WATCH YOUR HEARTS AND KEEP THEM PURE AND ALL THE OTHER STUFF YOU SHOULD’VE LEARNED AT SUNDAY SCHOOL AND THE WORLD IS A CRAZY, BAD PLACE ALSO YOU SHOULD ALWAYS WEAR A MASK (not just because masks help save lives during pandemics although that’s not the kind of mask I’m talking about at this moment) ALSO MEN ARE HIDEOUS AND APPEARANCES ARE DECEIVING AND UH THERE ARE A LOT OF DEMONS OUT THERE I GUESS SO WATCH OUT

*He leaves again. Teresa watches to make sure he is absolutely gone.*

Teresa: OKAY HE’S LEAVING FOR REAL THIS TIME

First off, that lecture made no sense whatsoever; second off, that was, like, literally torture or martyrdom or something; third off, I’m so relieved! I can breathe and relax and not worry again!

Cellini, Francesco, Bernardino, and Their Fellow Revellers: *outside, in the street* TRALALALALALA DE PROFUNDIS SOMETHING SOMETHING CARNIVAL WILL BURY SOMEONE TONIGHT TRALALALA ALL YOU FELLOW YOUNG ONES LIVE WELL AND NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE STOP CRYING AND ENJOY LIFE AND DRINK TO LUNDI GRAS AND TO CARNIVAL VIVA CARNIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL

*Yet again, Balducci returns.*

Balducci: WHERE’S ALL THIS RACKET COMING FROM

Teresa: uggggggggggggggggggh not again hey Dad aren’t you supposed to be going to a meeting with the Pope

Balducci: I KNOW oh great all this noise is right outside I need to speak to whoever the noise control manager is I’M PRETTY SURE CELLINI AND HIS WILD CROWD IS MAKING ALL THIS NOISE TERESA AVOID ALL OF THEM AT ALL COSTS

*Cellini and his buddies throw what appears to be white confetti up through the window; they are actually white plaster pellets, which leave white dust all over Balducci.*

ARE YOU KIDDING ME I JUST GOT THIS NICE NEW OUTFIT AND THEY HAVE TO GO AND RUIN IT RIGHT BEFORE I’M SUPPOSED TO MEET WITH THE POPE IT’S TOO LATE TO CHANGE NOW SO I GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO GO LOOKING LIKE THIS YOU DAMN TUSCAN BOY I’LL HAVE MY REVENGE ON YOU SOMEDAY

Cellini, Francesco, Bernardino, and Their Fellow Revellers: LONG LIVE JOY LET’S BE HAPPY BECAUSE GOD GAVE US HAPPINESS AND LIFE SO LET’S NOT CRY AND INSTEAD JUST BE HAPPY

Teresa: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA DAD YOU LOOK LIKE A LEOPARD OR SOMETHING

Balducci: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY DON’T YOU WELL IT ISN’T AND IN ANY CASE I DO LOOK LIKE A LEOPARD AND I HATE IT

*Teresa approaches the window and is immediately showered with flowers.*

TO THINK THAT OAF COULD EVER BE MY SON-IN-LAW I MEAN SERIOUSLY I WOULD RATHER BE HANGED THAN LET CELLINI MARRY YOU A CURSE ON THIS LAZY LIBERTINE FLORENTINE

Teresa: WELL DAD GET USED TO IT BECAUSE SOMEDAY HE’S GONNA BE YOUR SON-IN-LAW BECAUSE I’M GONNA MARRY HIM BECAUSE I’M COLOMBINE AND HE’S LÉANDRE AND WE’RE IN LOVE AND MEANT TO BE

I mean, me the wife of Cassandro? Could you imagine? A CURSE ON THE GUY YOU WANT ME TO MARRY ****

Cellini, Francesco, Bernardino, and Their Fellow Revellers: TRALALALALALA DE PROFUNDIS SOMETHING SOMETHING CARNIVAL WILL BURY SOMEONE TONIGHT TRALALALA ALL YOU FELLOW YOUNG ONES LIVE WELL AND NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE STOP CRYING AND ENJOY LIFE AND DRINK TO LUNDI GRAS AND TO CARNIVAL VIVA CARNIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL

*Balducci leaves again.*

Teresa: Third time’s the charm...third time’s the charm...third time’s the charm…

*Balducci has truly left.*

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, these are all such pretty flowers, I can’t believe they threw all of these up here just for me...

*She sees a bouquet among all the flowers scattered around.*

Ooh, this is a lovely bouquet!

*She picks it up and a note falls out.*

A note? From Cellini! Oh goodness, bold as always like that, but honestly I kinda like it.

*She opens it.*

What?! He’s coming here, tonight, for a date?! My God! Well, my dad isn’t here and he’ll be busy for a while, so this is the perfect time! What to do now…?

When you’re torn between love and duty, you have a lot of problems and angst you just want to complain about to everyone but you can’t because no one will listen to you and everyone will judge you and it really sucks. It especially sucks because you have to fear what you desire and you can’t even hope for anything good in this world. I mean, how are you supposed to pretend that you don’t feel what your heart feels and that you’re not looking at what your eyes see? Life sometimes...well, you know what? I’m not having it!

Dad, I love you, and maybe when I’m as old as you I’ll be smarter and sadder and wiser and all that, but I’m young! I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, just waiting for me to live it to the fullest! It would be such a waste to be dull and unhappy!

Someday I’ll be old, and I don’t know, be a grandma maybe, and then it’ll be fine! Love won’t matter then! But I’m young now, and I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, and I want to live it while it’s still there! *****

*Cellini enters.*

CELLINI!

*She moves a little away.*

Cellini: Teresa, it’s alright! Don’t run away!

Teresa: Cellini, I love you but I’m not sure this is gonna work.

Cellini: You’re killin’ me here!

*Noise from outside.*

Teresa: WHAT WAS THAT

Cellini: It’s fine, I promise—

Teresa: NO I’M DONE FOR AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE BECAUSE MY DAD’S PROBABLY BACK AGAIN

Cellini: No, it’s just my friends celebrating Carnival outside. I promise. It’ll be okay, don’t worry.

Oh, Teresa, you are my happiness and I love you more than life itself! I’ve learned that if I’m far away from you, I lose all hope and happiness!

*Fieramosca, who has somehow gotten into the house unnoticed, tiptoes in while holding an enormous bouquet.*

Fieramosca: You don’t win girls by breaking locks and being all macho and stuff like that; you simply sneak in on tiptoe and that’s how you steal their hearts! I mean, I guess that’s how it works.

Teresa: I love you but this is crazy! Part of me just wants to abandon all of this but a part of me deep down knows we can never see each other again…

Fieramosca: She’s not alone! I thought her dad was leaving but maybe he’s actually here? No, wait, that can’t be him—oh, I can’t believe she’s alone with another guy!

Cellini: NO I SWEAR BY ALL THE SAINTS AND THE VIRGIN THAT LOVE WILL NEVER ABANDON YOU TO FIERAMOSCA

Fieramosca: OH MY GOD IT’S CELLINI I NEED TO HIDE

Cellini: I’M NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND HURT YOU

Fieramosca: *who is now hiding...somewhere* at least pick a good song, dammit ******

Teresa: MAY MY PATRON SAINT SAVE ME FROM THE DISASTER AND SHAME OF HAVING TO MARRY FIERAMOSCA ALSO IF I HAVE TO MARRY HIM I’LL DIE

Fieramosca: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if only I could speak aloud or even whisper a word so they could hear me

Cellini: If I have to leave you, my life, my love, I’ll lose all hope…

Teresa: I really don’t know if this’ll work out...I want it to, but I’ll probably never be able to see you again…

Cellini: You marry FIERAMOSCA?! They want you to marry that stupid little such-and-such?!

Teresa: Me?! His WIFE?! I’D RATHER DIE THE CRUELLEST POSSIBLE DEATH A HUNDRED TIMES THAN MARRY HIM

Fieramosca: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if only I had my sword instead of this stupid bouquet because obviously I didn’t bring both because obviously you can’t bring both

Cellini: CHILL honey don’t go straight to dying seriously why is that every young soprano’s go-to instead let’s plan to find a way to happiness!

Teresa: And your idea is…?

Fieramosca: if only I had my sword

Cellini: ALRIGHT THEN LISTEN UP

Teresa: shhhhhhh speak more softly what if someone hears us

Cellini: well there’s no one else here but I’ll speak more softly for you

Teresa: good point about no one else being here but thanks

Cellini: So tomorrow evening, Mardi Gras celebrations—

Teresa: Tomorrow evening, at Mardi Gras—

Fieramosca: Mardi Gras?

Cellini: Don’t miss the celebration; be there at the Piazza Colonna—

Fieramosca: what are they saying I can’t hear them well

Teresa: Piazza Colonna—

Fieramosca: ohhhhhhhhhh I think they said Piazza Colonna—

Cellini: where Cassandro—

Teresa: Cassandro—

Fieramosca: Cassandro?

Cellini: Is presenting a new show—

Fieramosca: wait what I didn’t hear about that I didn’t know they were doing a new show

Cellini: While your dad is watching the show, you’ll take the arm of a monk in brown—

Teresa: the arm of a monk in brown—

Fieramosca: I didn’t catch like any of that

Cellini: and one in white—

Teresa: one in white—

Fieramosca: white?

Cellini: One will be your lover—

Teresa: You!

Fieramosca: Him?

Cellini: And the other, my apprentice—

Teresa: Your apprentice—

Fieramosca: His apprentice?

Cellini: I’ll take you away—

Teresa: You’ll take me away—

Fieramosca: wait what

Cellini: to Florence—

Teresa: To Florence!

Fieramosca: Florence?

Cellini and Teresa: We’ll go to Florence together and get married and be happy for the rest of our lives!

Fieramosca: wait WHAT

Teresa: Wait, but what about my dad? I can’t just leave him—and also isn’t this kinda an offense against God?

Cellini: What? Teresa, that’s just your Intense Catholic Guilt™ again. If anyone’s offending God around here, it’s your father because he wants to rob you of all your life and love by putting you in a convent or even worse, marrying you off to Fieramosca!

Teresa: NOT FIERAMOSCA NO I’M NOT MARRYING HIM

Fieramosca: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if only Balducci were here to see this

Teresa: WHO AM I KIDDING I CAN’T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF MARRYING HIM ALRIGHT I’LL DO THIS TAKE HEART WE’LL BE HAPPY TOMORROW EVENING

Cellini: Should we go over all the details of the plan again?

Teresa: YES!

Cellini: More softly, remember, Teresa, more softly like you said…

*Fieramosca moves closer in order to hear better.*

Tomorrow evening, at the Mardi Gras celebrations—

Teresa: Tomorrow evening, at Mardi Gras—

Cellini: Don’t miss the celebration—

Teresa: I won’t miss it—

Fieramosca: I most certainly won’t miss it—

Cellini: be there at the Piazza Colonna—

Teresa: Piazza Colonna—

Fieramosca: Piazza Colonna—

Cellini: where Cassandro—

Teresa: Cassandro—

Fieramosca: Cassandro—

Cellini: Is presenting a new show—

Teresa: A new show—

Fieramosca: A new show—

Cellini: While your dad is watching the show, you’ll take the arm of a monk in brown—

Teresa: the arm of a monk in brown—

Fieramosca: the arm of a monk in brown—

Cellini: and one in white—

Teresa: one in white—

Fieramosca: and one in white—

Cellini: One will be your lover—

Teresa: You!

Fieramosca: Him?

Teresa: Got it.

Cellini: And the other, my apprentice—

Teresa: Your apprentice—

Fieramosca: His apprentice!

Cellini: I’ll take you away—

Teresa: You’ll take me away—

Fieramosca: He’ll take her away! Well!

Cellini: to Florence—

Teresa: To Florence!

Fieramosca: To Florence!

Cellini and Teresa: We’ll go to Florence together and get married and be happy for the rest of our lives!

Fieramosca: THEY’LL GO TO FLORENCE TOGETHER AND GET MARRIED AND BE HAPPY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES?!

Cellini: A beautiful promise! Teresa, I adore you! Love, protect her and let her make it tomorrow…

Fieramosca: YOU’RE BETRAYING ME BEWARE

Teresa: Holy Virgin, forgive me and calm my father and his anger!

Cellini and Teresa: WE’RE BOTH YOUNG AND HAPPY AND FULL OF LOVE SO WE SHOULDN’T BE RESORTING TO DEATH TO SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN WE HAVE A HAPPY FUTURE ALREADY WITHIN REACH SO LET’S LEAVE THIS CITY AND FIND HAPPINESS UNDER OTHER SKIES AND HAVE HOPE AND GO TO FLORENCE

Fieramosca: YOU TRAITORS BEWARE BECAUSE I HAVE STANDARD BARITONE HATRED AND RAGE AND I WILL USE IT TO RUIN YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE PLANS SO BEWARE

Cellini, Teresa, and Fieramosca: Tomorrow evening!

Cellini: Piazza Colonna—

Teresa: Shh!

Cellini: Near Cassandro’s theater—

Teresa: Shh!

Cellini: A monk in white—

Teresa: Yes, I’ll be there!

Fieramosca: Well then, I’ll be there too!

Cellini and Teresa: Take heart and have hope!

Cellini, Teresa, and Fieramosca: Tomorrow evening!

*Teresa hears footsteps and looks outside.*

Teresa: OH SHOOT OH SHOOT IT’S MY DAD WE’RE DONE FOR

Cellini: Are you sure?

Teresa: HE’S RIGHT OUTSIDE

Fieramosca: obviously the best solution to this problem is to hide in my fiancée’s bedroom

*Which he does.*

Cellini: Where should I go? Your bedroom?...

Teresa: NO THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR YOU TO MAKE IT IN THERE 

Cellini: He’s coming...

Teresa: GOD HELP US

*Cellini quickly flattens himself against the wall by the door. Balducci opens the door; he is shocked to see Teresa and forgets to close it, allowing Cellini to hide between the door and the wall.*

Balducci: You’re still up? It’s really late; I thought you would be in bed by now!

Teresa: *trying to improv and pointing to her bedroom* Dad...there’s a man in there…

Balducci: A MAN?!?!

Teresa: Uh, yeah...when I went to go to bed...I heard a strange noise in there...it sounded like a man…

Balducci: A MAN?!?! I’M GONNA GO BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF WHATEVER HORRIBLE MAN DARES COME HERE AND ENTER MY DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM

*He runs into Teresa’s bedroom. Cellini comes out from his hiding place.*

Teresa: Go while I’ve bought you some time!

Cellini: Thank you, my love! See you tomorrow evening!

Teresa: See you then!

*Cellini leaves.*

Teresa: Oh, boy, I’m afraid this won’t go well.

Balducci: *from Teresa’s room* YOU BASTARD I’VE FOUND YOU

Teresa: Wait, there’s actually a man in my bedroom? Well, that’s convenient.

*Balducci drags Fieramosca, who is still holding his bouquet, out of the bedroom.*

Balducci: COME WITH ME OR ELSE I’LL KILL YOU

*He recognizes Fieramosca.*

What? You, Fieramosca?

Teresa: BAHAHAHAHA WHAT AN UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT

Fieramosca: First off, I wasn’t trying to rob you—

Balducci: THIS IS MUCH WORSE THAN THAT ALSO WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM

Teresa: YEAH WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM

Fieramosca: Uh, well, it’s very simple, really...I came…

Balducci: YEAH I KNOW THAT

Fieramosca: I...I was coming just to visit.

Balducci: ‘I was coming just to visit!’ A visit, late at night, when I’m not here, HIDING IN MY DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM YOU HORRIBLE PERSON

Teresa: EXCUSE ME IT COULD HAVE LOOKED SO BAD THAT I WOULD HAVE BEEN EXCOMMUNICATED

Fieramosca: ...I’m pretty sure that that’s not how excommunication works.

Teresa: WHAT AUDACITY

Fieramosca: I swear, it’s not what it looks like—

Balducci: THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY

Fieramosca: But Mr. Balducci, sir, I swear—

Balducci: THE FACTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES

Fieramosca: My God, you think I would be the one to do such a thing?

Balducci: Well, who else, you horrible person?

Teresa: (You traitor!)

Fieramosca: IT’S CELLINI

Teresa: CELLINI???

Balducci: CELLINI?!?!

Fieramosca: CELLINI!!!

Balducci: You call yourself Cellini! Have you lost your mind?

Fieramosca: No, no, WAIT!!!

Balducci: ENOUGH OF THIS

*He opens the window and starts yelling. Teresa also sticks her head outside and starts yelling.*

Teresa and Balducci: HEY EVERYONE GAETANA CATARINA FORNARINA PETRONILLA SCHOLASTICA AND EVERY OTHER NAME IN THE BABY BOOK COME HERE

Fieramosca: PLEASE STOP MAKING SUCH A HUGE RACKET 

*Teresa runs out the back door to call for help.*

Neighbors: *offstage* UGGGGGGGGH WHY ARE YOU NEIGHBORS FIGHTING AND MAKING SO MUCH NOISE

Balducci: A LIBERTINE IS IN MY HOUSE HE WAS HIDING IN MY DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM HELP US TEACH HIM A LESSON AND GET HIM OUT OF HERE

Neighbors: OH THAT’S A DIFFERENT STORY

Fieramosca: I’M NOT A LIBERTINE I’M A GOOD UPSTANDING PERSON PLEASE LISTEN TO ME THIS IS HIGHLY EMBARRASSING

*Balducci goes away from the window and Teresa returns.*

Teresa and Balducci: Fieramosca, you’re in good hands.

Fieramosca: THIS ISN’T AN ALLSTATE COMMERCIAL AND THIS ISN’T FUNNY

Teresa and Balducci: What’s Allstate? Oh, never mind.

Balducci: ONLY WOMEN CAN SHOW THE RIGHT WAY TO EXTRAVAGANT MEN LIKE YOURSELF

Fieramosca: Left to the mercy of women!...NO THIS IS HORRIBLE I FEEL LIKE I’M ORPHEUS BEING TORN APART BY THE BACCHANATES *******

*He tries to escape in one direction but is blocked by a large crowd of women armed with household objects.*

Neighbors: WE’RE GONNA TEACH YOU LIBERTINE A LESSON BECAUSE YOU’RE MESSING WITH A WOMAN’S HONOR SO YOU’RE GONNA TAKE A VERY UNPLEASANT BATH

*Fieramosca tries to escape in another direction but the same thing happens with a different crowd of women.*

Fieramosca: I just came here to have a good time and I honestly am feeling so attacked right now :(

Neighbors: LET’S TAKE HIM INTO THE GARDEN AND DUNK HIM IN THE HUGE FOUNTAIN YOU COWARD YOU’RE GONNA TAKE A BATH

*The same thing happens with a third crowd.*

YOU WRETCHED HONORLESS COWARD YOU’RE GONNA TAKE A BIG BATH IN THAT FOUNTAIN AND THE POND AND WE’RE GONNA LEAVE YOU THERE UNTIL MORNING YES YOU’RE GONNA BE IN THERE ALL NIGHT AND THERE’S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU CRY LIKE THE LITTLE BABY YOU ARE

Teresa and Balducci: YEAH BEAT HIM UP AND DUNK HIM IN THE FOUNTAIN SO HE CAN LEARN A LESSON THAT HE WILL NEVER FORGET

Fieramosca: YOU SHREWS WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME I REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE STRIPPED NAKED AND DUNKED INTO THE WATER AND LEFT THERE ALL NIGHT I REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION

*He starts running around trying to find a means of escape.*

I’M ORPHEUS AND I’M BEING TORN APART BY THE BACCHANTES HOW DARE THEY TREAT ME LIKE I’M A LIBERTINE I SWEAR I’M A MAN OF HONOR AND I REALLY JUST NEED TO RUN AWAY

*Exit, hurriedly, pursued by the neighbors. Not quite as terrifying as a bear, but close. [We later find out that they successfully caught him and dunked him in the fountain anyway.]*

Notes

Scene 2: 

Evening, Mardi Gras. A tavern on the corner of the Piazza Colonna and the Via del Corso, with a view of Cassandro’s theater. Cellini is alone.

Cellini: Teresa will be here, at the Piazza Colonna, in only one more hour! Love, on this joyous day of Mardi Gras, let my heart be the happiest of them all! And if you don’t, ah, you are ungrateful!

I used to only care about glory, the kind of crazy noble hope that only artists have, but that’s all changed now and I reject it all; Teresa alone rules my heart! Love, see what I’ve done and how I’ve changed for you: protect her and protect me!

Teresa once lived so peacefully—like a stream flowing by far from the sea, her days and years passed by, one after the other, all the same, as they were supposed to. But she loves me enough that she’s willing to give that security up, and not only that, she wants to take up my life of wandering and misery instead, just because she loves me! Love, see what she does for you: protect her and protect me! **

*Francesco, Bernardino, and a bunch of Cellini’s friends and fellow goldsmiths enter, fully ready to party.*

Everyone: ALRIGHT EVERYONE LET’S GET WASTED (or not but whatevs we just want to drink)

Bernardino: TRALALALALALALALALA I AM AN EXCELLENT SINGER TRALALALALALALA LET’S ALL SING TRALALALALALALALALA

Cellini: Very well, but for the love of everything holy, please don’t sing any of those lowbrow drinking songs or ballads about sweethearts that EVERYONE sings in taverns. Let’s sing about how awesome metalworking is—a toast to our glory!

Everyone: THE EARTH MAY GROW AWESOME STUFF ON THE SURFACE WHEN THE WEATHER IS GOOD BUT PEOPLE CAN GET METAL FROM THE BOWELS OF THE EARTH AT ANY TIME 

HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS!!!! WE CAN CREATE TREASURE FROM WHAT’S BENEATH THE EARTH ANYTIME AND ANYWHERE

WHEN THE MASTER METALWORKER WORKS, GOLD SHINES LIKE THE SUN AND RUBIES LIKE FIRE IN THE NIGHT AND EVEN THE DIAMONDS AND TOPAZES SPARKLE AT NIGHT WITH THE STARS

When the world was created, artistic genius was given to four kinds of artists, each with their own tools: the architects have stone, the painters have color, the sculptors have marble, and those are cool and all, BUT WE THE METALWORKERS HAVE GOLD

METALS, THE UNDERGROUND NEVER-FADING FLOWERS, SHINE BRIGHTEST ON THE BROWS OF ALL THE GREATEST PEOPLE—THE KINGS AND QUEENS AND DUKES AND EMPERORS AND EVEN POPES—SO HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS

Bernardino: HEY everyone let’s have a moment of silence

Cellini: For what?

Bernardino: BEFORE WE START SINGING AGAIN LET’S ALL GET SOME MORE DRINKS

Everyone Else: YEAH WE NEED MORE WINE BECAUSE WE ALREADY DRANK WHAT WE GOT HEY TAVERN OWNER COME HERE

*The tavern owner, who is (probably) super-annoyed with everyone and definitely needs a nice vacay, comes in.*

Tavern Owner: uggggggggggggh whaddya want?

Everyone Else: WE WANT WINE

Tavern Owner: WE’RE OUT THANK YOU

Cellini: THIS IS LITERALLY A TAVERN HOW COULD YOU BE OUT OF WINE

Tavern Owner: Well, actually, we’re technically not out of wine but you’ve already had too much and if you want to drink more…

Everyone Else: Then...?

Tavern Owner: ...you need to pay up for the wine you’ve already had.

Everyone Else: Well, what do we owe you?

*The tavern owner gets out an exceedingly long list.*

Tavern Owner: Well, you asked for it, so here’s the whole long list of everything you bought:

First, white wines: Orvieto and Aleatico and Maraschino—that’s thirty.

Everyone Else: Thirty already?

Tavern Owner: Next up, reds: Ischia and Procida and Nisita—that makes sixty.

Everyone Else: wait SIXTY BOTTLES

Tavern Owner: And that’s not the half. There’s also Asti sparkling wine, Lipari wine, Lacryma-Christi (Jesus, you people drink a lot of the dude’s tears)—which brings the total to exactly one hundred and thirty bottles of wine.

Everyone Else: ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY BOTTLES SWEET JESUS WHO THE HELL BOUGHT THAT MANY

Tavern Owner: ...You people did. Not my problem.

Cellini: EVEN THE TRUMPETS OF THE LAST JUDGMENT WOULD BE LESS SCARY THAN THE VOICE AND THE LIST OF THE TAVERN OWNER

Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Friends and Workers: YEAH THIS IS HORRIBLE

Cellini: Hmm, how do we get out of this sticky situation?

Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Friends and Workers: LET’S BEAT UP THE TAVERN OWNER

Cellini: Nah. Let’s think about this.

Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Friends and Workers: awwwwwwww but we wanted to beat him up

*The tavern owner runs off.*

Cellini: Maybe Ascanio will save us!

*Ascanio, who is apparently well-versed in reality shows, comes in at that exact moment with a bag of money.*

Everyone: HURRAY THERE HE IS HE’S COME TO SAVE US LONG LIVE ASCANIO

*Cellini runs over to greet him.*

Cellini: THERE YOU ARE I’M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU LET’S CHAT AND LET ME HAVE THE MONEY IT LOOKS LIKE THE POPE GAVE YOU FOR THE STATUE

Ascanio: Hold on, wait a sec! I’m ready to drink as much as any of you, but first I need to tell you something very important.

This is indeed from the Pope: it’s advance money for the casting of the Perseus statue, which everyone on the Italian peninsula is waiting for with baited breath! There’s one condition attached, though: you must have the statue done tomorrow. I need your oath. ***

Cellini: Tomorrow? Very well, nothing I can’t handle. I swear it.

Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Friends and Workers: AND WE SWEAR IT TOO SINCE WE’RE GONNA HELP CAST IT

Everyone: WE GIVE OUR WORD THAT THE STATUE WILL BE CAST TOMORROW WITHOUT ANY DELAY

Ascanio: Alright, now I can feel good about giving you this money since you’ve all promised. I hear you have to pay off a bill; here you go.

*Cellini empties the bag and examines the contents, visibly disappointed.*

Cellini: That’s IT???

Francesco and Bernardino: That’s practically nothing!

Ascanio: Hey, not my fault that Balducci is an old, grouchy fool.

Cellini: Well, he doesn’t like me anyway, and at least this is definitely enough to pay the bill. Waiter!

*The tavern owner comes back. Cellini mimics his nasal voice.*

Here’s your precious money to pay off your precious bill!

*The tavern owner, trembling, accepts the money.*

Tavern Owner: FINALLY THANK YOU do you want to drink?

Everyone Else: YEAH GET US SOME MORE WINE

*He goes off.*

Cellini: HEY EVERYONE I HAVE THE BEST IDEA TO GET REVENGE ON BALDUCCI FOR PAYING ME SO BADLY so I know that Balducci is coming to see Cassandro’s show at the Carnival celebrations tonight so since we’re buddies with Cassandro and his troupe whaddya say to paying the troupe to make fun of Balducci in the show tonight and even maybe getting in on shaming and humiliating him ourselves???

Everyone Else: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY THAT SOUNDS AWESOME

Cellini: ANATHEMA ON GIACOMO BALDUCCI

Everyone Else: YEAH HE CAN GO SUCK IT MEANWHILE WE’RE GONNA MAKE ALL OF ROME LAUGH AT HIM SO LET’S GO TO CASSANDRO’S

Everyone: GLORY TO US LET’S SING THE SONG ABOUT HOW AWESOME METALWORKERS ARE AGAIN

Cellini: Just the last part—that’s the best verse!

Everyone: METALS, THE UNDERGROUND NEVER-FADING FLOWERS, SHINE BRIGHTEST ON THE BROWS OF ALL THE GREATEST PEOPLE—THE KINGS AND QUEENS AND DUKES AND EMPERORS AND EVEN POPES—SO HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS

*Fieramosca, who has been spying on all this, comes out of his hiding place.*

Fieramosca: IT’S TOO MUCH ALL THIS SHAMELESS PLOTTING AND I WON’T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS ****

*Pompeo casually strolls in.*

Pompeo: Hey, what’s up with you?

Fieramosca: WHAT’S UP WITH ME??? MY LIFE IS FALLING APART AND I’M FILLED WITH RAGE BECAUSE CELLINI—

Pompeo: oh what did he do NOW

*Fieramosca runs over to Pompeo and embraces him.*

Fieramosca: POMPEO MY DEAR FRIEND MY SAVIOR

Pompeo: oh wait I heard what happened to you yesterday.

Fieramosca: You know? I haven’t even told you yet!

Pompeo: Everyone knows. You got beaten up and dunked into a fountain.

Fieramosca: PLEASE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT DEAR POMPEO ANYWAY THE WHOLE SITUATION GETS MUCH WORSE

Pompeo: How so?

Fieramosca: TERESA AND HER DAD ARE GONNA SEE CASSANDRO’S SHOW AT CARNIVAL TONIGHT

Pompeo: ...I fail to see the problem.

Fieramosca: THE PROBLEM IS THAT WHILE THE SHOW’S GOING ON AND BALDUCCI’S DISTRACTED A WHITE FRIAR AND A CAPUCHIN ARE GOING TO CARRY OFF MY FIANCÉE

Pompeo: Bravo!

Fieramosca: YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT THE WHITE FRIAR IS CELLINI AND THE CAPUCHIN IS HIS APPRENTICE ASCANIO

Pompeo: Bravo!

Fieramosca: ...Excuse me?

Pompeo: Long live boldness!

Fieramosca: I don’t care what happens to me but I’m going to tell Mr. Balducci about this plan and we’ll see if he cries ‘Bravo!’

Pompeo: oh my goodness you IDIOT do you not get it

Fieramosca: What?

Pompeo: I love you, but since you’re obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed, let me explain it to you in small words so you can understand: since you know his plan, use the plan yourself.

Fieramosca: but HOW

Pompeo: omg this is so frustrating you dress up as a White Friar and I dress up as a Capuchin and we get there before Cellini and Ascanio 

Fieramosca: good idea BUT WHAT IF CELLINI SEES ME HE’S GONNA KILL ME

Pompeo: DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT YOU HAVE ME AND I’M A PRO AT THIS

Fieramosca: Very well.

WHO CAN STAND UP TO ME WAS I NOT BORN TO FIGHT WOE TO THE MAN WHO DARES CROSS ME AND EVEN MORE WOE TO THE MAN WHO DARES MOCK ME BECAUSE I’M AS QUICK TO A SWORD AS TO ANGER HERE’S A QUARTE HERE’S A TIERCE LONG LIVE FENCING WHICH (aside from sculpting and getting humiliated by my fiancée and the guy she likes I guess) IS MY BEST SKILL *****

TERESA MY HEART IS BURNING FOR YOU LIKE MOUNT VESUVIUS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT IF YOU WANTED ME TO I’D MAKE WAR ON HELL AND EVERYONE IN IT AND I’D EVEN FIGHT CELLINI AND NOT EVEN A HUNDRED CELLINIS COULD KNOCK ME DOWN

NO!  NO ONE CAN STAND UP TO ME WAS I NOT BORN TO FIGHT WOE TO THE MAN WHO DARES CROSS ME AND EVEN MORE WOE TO THE MAN WHO DARES MOCK ME BECAUSE I’M AS QUICK TO A SWORD AS TO ANGER HERE’S A QUARTE HERE’S A TIERCE LONG LIVE FENCING WHICH IS MY BEST SKILL

*He grabs his sword or some other random object and starts mock-swordfighting. Popping random balloons is optional but strongly encouraged.*

ONE TWO THREE ONE TWO THREE THRUST PARRY ONE TWO ONE...DEAD! I MERCILESSLY STAB HIM THROUGH THE HEART AND I AM VICTORIOUS

Pompeo: Bravo! Now let’s go. The party’s almost starting.

Fieramosca: Dear Pompeo, let me embrace you!

*They hug.*

Pompeo: Now let’s get a couple habits from...somewhere. Don’t be afraid. Everything will go just fine.

*They leave together.*

Notes

Scene 3:

The Piazza Colonna a short time later, with Cassandro’s theater and everything decked out for Carnival.

Balducci: I really hope you appreciate that I’m taking you to the theater at your request, even though you know that all I do at the theater is complain about the actors and you know that I don’t like theater anyway. Anyway, let’s see what weird new show all the kids these days are talking about.

*He goes to read the advertisement for the show, leaving Teresa alone.*

Teresa: What should I do? Could I really leave my old father alone and break his heart?

*She goes over to her father. Cellini, dressed in a white habit, and Ascanio, dressed in a brown habit, enter.* **

Cellini and Ascanio: let’s keep our project on the down-low and let the troupers distract Balducci and then work together and get Teresa and then go to the notary!

Teresa: Could I really leave my father behind? Then again, maybe, when we get married, he’ll learn to accept it!

Balducci: I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS BECAUSE I KNOW I WON’T

Cellini and Ascanio: let’s let this plan play out!

*The four of them get lost in the crowd.*

Revellers: HEY EVERYONE CASSANDRO IS PRESENTING A NEW SHOW SO STICK AROUND AND SEE IF IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IF IT’S NOT WE’LL BOO OUR HEADS OFF

*A group of dancers with tambourines enters, along with Francesco, Bernardino, and the members of Cassandro’s troupe. Teresa and even Balducci get mixed in with the dancers. People mingle in the square and start to join in with the dancing.*

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: HEY EVERYONE COME HERE COME SEE THIS AWESOME NEW SHOW

Revellers: BRAVO BRAVO

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: HEY EVERYONE COME SEE CASSANDRO AND HIS AWESOME NEW SHOW

Revellers: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BRAVO BRAVO

IT’S DARK BUT WE’RE ALL SO HAPPY AND THE CITY IS SO NOISY AND WE’RE ALL IN LOVE AND A LITTLE BIT DRUNK HOW COULD YOU BE SAD

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: C’MON COME SEE THE SHOW

Revellers: HEY MUSICIANS PLAY ON WE LOVE YOUR MOOD

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: HEY EVERYONE WE DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE A DOCTOR OR A JOKER COME SEE OUR AWESOME SHOW

Revellers: LONG LIVE JOY LET’S DROWN IN JOY LET’S DRINK AND SING AND DANCE

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: ALL YOU MASQUERADERS COME SEE THE SHOW TOO

Teresa and Revellers: CARNIVAL IS A HUGE PARTY WHERE EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND THE WORLD TURNS UPSIDE DOWN

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: HEY EVERYONE WE’RE GONNA KEEP SAYING IT COME SEE OUR AWESOME NEW SHOW

Revellers: WHO ELSE IS EXCITED ABOUT THIS NEW SHOW

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: DON’T GO AWAY BECAUSE CARNIVAL AIN’T COMPLETE WITHOUT US AND OUR AWESOME SHOWS

Some of the Revellers: KEEP YELLING AT US IF YOU WANT BUT WE THINK DANCING’S MORE FUN SORRY NOT SORRY

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: WE DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU STUPID DANCERS THINK EVERYONE COME SEE THE SHOW

Teresa and Revellers: WE LOVE TO DANCE AND ALL THE WORLD IS A BALL SO LET’S DANCE WHILE WE CAN

Francesco, Bernardino, and Troupers: EVERYONE COME SEE OUR NEW SHOW CASSANDRO’S AWESOME AND YOUR DANCING IS STUPID

Revellers: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT CARNIVAL IS A HUGE PARTY THAT MAKES THE CITY BURN WITH DELIGHT AND THE WORLD TURN UPSIDE DOWN

*The trumpeters signal the beginning of the show. Most of the people take seats near the stage, including Teresa and Balducci. Cellini and Ascanio grab seats on the left. Fieramosca (dressed in white) and Pompeo (dressed in brown) find seats on the right.*

Men: HEY EVERYONE STOP DANCING THE SHOW’S ABOUT TO START

Women: YEAH EVERYONE BE QUIET THE SHOW’S STARTING

*The curtain of the theater rises to reveal four actors onstage: a man dressed like the Pope, a man dressed like Balducci sitting on a throne, and two men dressed like Swiss Guards and holding money and laurels.*

People: LOOK THERE’S THE POPE AND HIS TREASURER BALDUCCI

Balducci: OH SO THIS IS HOW IT IS THEY’RE GONNA MOCK ME ONSTAGE HUH

Teresa: oh no oh no let’s go, Dad!

Balducci: Well, I paid to see this stupid show so I might as well stay here and see the whole thing and see myself get completely and utterly humiliated. After this, though, I'm going to go speak to the Pope about how the people are making fun of us and about the utter blasphemy they’re committing!

People: HEY YOU OVER THERE SHUT UP WE CAN’T HEAR THE SHOW

Cellini: Hey, Ascanio, do you see Teresa?

Ascanio: She’s over there.

Fieramosca: Hey, Pompeo, do you see Teresa?

Pompeo: She’s over there.

Teresa: this is the most embarrassing thing ever

People: HEY EVERYONE SHUT UP

Balducci: BUT I DON’T WANNA SHUT UP

People: CAN IT

*Colombine enters.*

Colombine: HEY EVERYONE OUR SHOW’S STARTING AND WE HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU BECAUSE HARLEQUIN AND PIERROT ARE GONNA COMPETE IN THE ITALIAN PENINSULA’S GOT TALENT TO SEE WHO’S THE BETTER SINGER ***

People: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

*The actors playing Harlequin and Pierrot enter.*

Some People: HARLEQUIN IS BEING PLAYED BY THE BEST TENOR IN ROME

Other People: PIERROT IS BEING PLAYED BY A SINGER FROM TUSCANY BUT IS HE ACTUALLY A MAN OR JUST AN ASS

Women: PLEASE BE QUIET HARLEQUIN IS ABOUT TO SING

Men: YOU BE QUIET

*Harlequin (in pantomime) sings and accompanies himself on the lyre. Some people continue talking; the fake Balducci falls asleep.*

Men: Well done! Bravo! You damn chatterboxes need to shut up!

Women: YOU HAVE TO WATCH HARLEQUIN HE’S BEING PLAYED BY ROME’S FINEST TENOR

Everyone: HE’S SUCH A GOOD SINGER AND HE’S DOING SO WELL EVEN THOUGH TECHNICALLY HE’S NOT ACTUALLY SINGING

*Harlequin’s section comes to an end. Pierrot (again, in pantomime) sings and accompanies himself on the bass drum. The people all listen attentively; the fake Balducci wakes up and, delighted, beats to the time of the music.*

Some People: LOOK HOW MUCH THE OLD TREASURER IS ENJOYING THIS

Balducci: THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR I NEED TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER OF THIS

Some People: STOP BEING SUCH A KAREN

Balducci: WHAT’S A KAREN

Some People: NEVER MIND YOU’RE TOO FOOLISH TO UNDERSTAND

Other People: HAHAHAHAHA THE OLD MAN IS SO HAPPY HAHAHAHAHAHA

*When the song is over, Harlequin and Pierrot both wait, expecting the prize. The fake Balducci gives a small coin to Harlequin, who is visibly disappointed, and then gives the rest of the money to Pierrot.*

People: Well, when the judge has an ass’s ears…

Balducci: SCREW YOU ALL I DEMAND TO SEE THE MANAGER OF THIS OPERATION

Teresa: please be quiet you’re only making them laugh louder

*The fake Balducci gives the laurel wreath to Pierrot. Harlequin then hits both of the other actors with a wooden sword. Colombine unsuccessfully attempts to intervene.*

People: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BRAVI THIS IS THE BEST SHOW EVER

Balducci: FINE SINCE I CAN’T SPEAK TO THE MANAGER I’M GONNA TAKE THIS INTO MY OWN HANDS

*He jumps up from his seat, runs onstage, and begins attacking the comedians with his cane.*

Teresa: oh my GOD DAD STOP BEING SUCH A KAREN

People: LONG LIVE CARNIVAL BRAVI THE ORIGINAL AND THE ACTOR ARE FACE TO FACE SO NOW WE GET TO SEE WHICH IS UGLIER

*Some of the people stay to watch the fight between Balducci and the comedians, while others go back to dancing and mingling. Several people carrying moccoli (little candles often carried at Carnival) mix with the crowd. People keep blowing out and relighting the moccoli. Several coaches are bearing torches; these are blown out from apartment windows above by people bearing large bellows. Cellini, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Pompeo make their way through the crowd, trying to find Teresa. In general, it’s absolute pandemonium; what else would you expect?* ****

Cellini and Fieramosca: *to their respective assistants* Come on, let’s push our way through this huge crowd and get Teresa!

*Teresa has made her way downstage and is looking for Cellini and Ascanio when she sees, but does not definitively recognize, them.*

Teresa: OH HEY I THINK THAT’S CELLINI WITH ASCANIO

*She sees Fieramosca and Pompeo in their disguises but does not recognize them.*

WAIT WHAT WHY IS THERE ANOTHER WHITE FRIAR AND CAPUCHIN MONK DUO WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS

Fieramosca: HI IT’S ME

Cellini: HI IT’S ME

Teresa: WHICH ONE IS THE ORIGINAL

Revellers: MOCCOLI MOCCOLI MOCCOLI

Cellini and Fieramosca: IT’S ME COME WITH ME

Revellers: MOCCOLI MOCCOLI MOCCOLI

Other Revellers: YOU MOCCOLI PEOPLE ARE SO ANNOYING

Revellers: MOCCOLI MOCCOLI IT KINDA RHYMES WITH BROCCOLI MOCCOLI MOCCOLI

Cellini: THERE’S ANOTHER MONK HERE THERE’S SOME TREACHERY AFOOT GOD DAMN IT

Pompeo: C’MON FIERAMOSCA WE CAN DO THIS DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT

Fieramosca: this is the worst plan EVER

Pompeo: KEEP GOING ANYWAY

Ascanio: WE NEED TO AVENGE THIS TREACHERY

Pompeo: SERIOUSLY FIERAMOSCA I LOVE YOU BUT PLEASE STOP WORRYING ABOUT THIS

*Cellini draws his sword.*

Cellini: I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE YOU ASKED FOR IT BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO KIDNAP MY GIRLFRIEND

Fieramosca: POMPEO PLEASE COME OVER HERE AND HELP ME OUT BECAUSE I’M GETTING SCARED

Ascanio: *running after Fieramosca* I WILL GET YOU

*Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Pompeo all draw their swords. Cellini fights Pompeo; Ascanio fights Fieramosca.*

Teresa: FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE SOMEONE STOP THIS

*Some of the revellers unsuccessfully attempt to restrain the four fighters.*

Revellers: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND IT’S CARNIVAL THIS ISN’T A TIME FOR FIGHTING

Cellini: NO I HAVEN’T LOST MY MIND

Teresa: EVERYONE STOP IT

Fieramosca: *running away from Ascanio* SOMEONE HELP ME

Pompeo: KEEP GOING

Cellini: YOU ARE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

Fieramosca: SERIOUSLY SOMEONE HELP ME

Cellini: NO YOU’RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS NO

*He runs Pompeo through with his sword. Everyone immediately stops what they’re doing and screams.*

Pompeo: I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT I AM DEAD

*He dies.*

People: OH SHIT A DUDE JUST GOT MURDERED FIRE POLICE AMBULANCE

*Balducci, in a state of disarray from the fight, returns.*

Balducci: GOOD LORD THERE’S A DEAD MAN WHERE’S MY DAUGHTER

*Guards arrive. Fieramosca runs over to Pompeo’s body, checking behind him because he believes that Ascanio is still following him.*

Fieramosca: HELP ME....OH MY GOD POMPEO’S DEAD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

People: *pointing to Cellini* ARREST THAT FRIAR HE DID IT AND HIS SWORD STILL HAS THAT DUDE’S BLOOD ALL OVER IT

*Cellini is arrested. Everyone gathers around him.*

Cellini: I’M DONE FOR

Fieramosca: I’m saved…

Francesco and Bernardino: THEY CAUGHT OUR MASTER

Ascanio: MY POOR MASTER DOESN’T DESERVE THIS

Fieramosca: WE GOT ‘IM

Teresa: WHY IS FATE SO CRUEL

Teresa, Balducci, Francesco, and the Troupers: THIS IS THE WORST NIGHT EVER

Women: Such a good man killed…

Men: A KNAVE DID THIS

*Cellini’s friends and assistants pretend not to recognize him in order to more effectively set up their plan.*

Fieramosca, Balducci, Francesco, Bernardino, and People: HOW COULD THIS MAN MURDER A CAPUCHIN THAT’S LIKE THE WORST THING EVER HE’S PROBABLY A BANDIT FROM THE COUNTRYSIDE OR A SPURNED LOVER OR SOMETHING KEEP A GOOD GRIP ON HIM

Teresa: HE RUINED HIMSELF FOR MY SAKE I FEEL AWFUL I DIDN’T KNOW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN BUT I STILL FEEL AWFUL ALSO HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE TREAT HIM LIKE A MONSTER

Cellini: THIS IS THE WORST NIGHT EVER HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE TREAT ME LIKE A MONSTER

Ascanio: MY DEAR MASTER I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS TO YOU AND TREATING YOU LIKE A MONSTER

*Suddenly, the cannon of the Castel di Sant’Angelo booms three times. As presumably per end-of-Carnival tradition, everyone blows out their candles and torches, plunging the square into darkness.* *****

Cellini: MY FRIENDS HELP ME I’VE BEEN CAUGHT

*Francesco, Bernardino, and others create a large commotion. In the general confusion caused by that, the darkness, and the booming of the cannon, Cellini pushes his way through the crowd and escapes.*

People: WE CAN’T SEE ANYTHING

Fieramosca, Balducci, and Chorus: HEY GUARDS DO YOU STILL HAVE HIM

Guards: NO WE DON’T HELP US

People: BUT YOU’RE THE ONES WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE HIM

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Other Friends and Workers: THANK GOODNESS HE ESCAPED

Fieramosca and Balducci: WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEYSTICKS WE JUST HAD HIM

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Other Friends and Workers: THANK YOU CANNON FOR SOUNDING AT JUST THE RIGHT TIME SO HE COULD ESCAPE

Fieramosca, Balducci, and People: CURSE YOU STUPID CANNON WE JUST HAD HIM WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO OFF NOW

Balducci: TERESA COME HERE

Teresa: DAD—

Ascanio: *grabbing Teresa’s arm* HEY TERESA IT’S ME ASCANIO COME WITH ME

*The two of them make their way through the crowd, trying to avoid Fieramosca and Balducci.*

People: OH GOD THE MURDERER ESCAPED WE JUST HAD HIM AND NOW WE CAN’T SEE A THING AND HE’S GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT

Balducci: TERESA WHERE ARE YOU IT’S SO DARK AND NOISY OUT AND I CAN’T SEE A THING

Fieramosca: CURSE THIS STUPID CANNON WE JUST HAD HIM BUT NOW THERE’S A MURDERER ON THE RUN AND IT’S SO DARK AND NOISY OUT SO I CAN’T SEE A THING

Teresa and Ascanio: IT’S SO NOISY OUT BUT HE’S GOTTEN AWAY SO THAT’S GOOD

People: THIS IS GETTING WAY TOO CRAZY AND IT’S JUST PLAIN CHAOS

*In the midst of the chaos, Balducci bumps into Fieramosca.*

Balducci: IT’S HIM IT’S THE MONK IN WHITE

Fieramosca: wait WHAT

Balducci: I GOT HIM

Fieramosca: EXCUSE ME WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

Guards: WE’RE COMING

*They arrest Fieramosca.*

Balducci: KEEP A GOOD GRIP ON HIM

People: THEY GOT HIM

Balducci: TERESA WHERE ARE YOU

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Cellini’s Other Friends and Workers: HAHAHAHA THEY GOT FIERAMOSCA THAT’S EXCELLENT

Fieramosca: BUT I’M NOT—

People: TAKE HIM AWAY

Fieramosca: YOU’RE MISTAKING ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE

Guards and People: LET’S TAKE CARE OF THIS MURDERER

Fieramosca: BUT MY NAME IS FIERAMOSCA

Guards: LET’S GO OFF TO PRISON

Balducci: SERIOUSLY TERESA WHERE ARE YOU

Several People, One At A Time, Around the Square: THEY CAUGHT HIM

Fieramosca: I SWEAR TO GOD I’M FIERAMOSCA

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, and Some People: YOU MURDERER WE’LL HAVE YOU HANGED RIGHT AWAY YOU’RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

Balducci, Bernardino, and Other People: WHY WOULD YOU MURDER A CAPUCHIN ON THE EVE OF ASH WEDNESDAY WE’LL HAVE YOU HANGED RIGHT AWAY YOU’RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

Fieramosca: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ALL WANT TO THROW ME IN PRISON AND HANG ME LISTEN TO ME I DIDN’T MURDER ANYONE I AM A GOOD CITIZEN OF ROME AND MY NAME IS FIERAMOSCA

Everyone: OH GOD I’M SUFFOCATING GIVE ME SOME ROOM LET ME OUT OF HERE WE’LL NEVER MAKE IT OUT OF HERE

Balducci: I CAN’T FIND MY DAUGHTER TERESA

Teresa and Ascanio: C’MON LET’S GO WE NEED TO STICK TOGETHER

Fieramosca: OH GOD I’M SUFFOCATING DON’T STRANGLE ME

Everyone: OH GOD YOU’RE CRUSHING ME THIS IS A LIVING HELL ON EARTH AND ALSO COMPLETE AND UTTER CHAOS AND WE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OUT

*Teresa and Ascanio run off. Fieramosca is led off by the guards. In a panic, everyone else tries to push their way out of the square.*

Notes

Also, a collection of several artistic portrayals of the Piazza Colonna and Carnival in Rome!

Act II:

Scene 1:

Early morning, Ash Wednesday. Cellini’s workshop. Various creations of Cellini’s are scattered around. On the right is a plaster model of the Perseus statue. At the back is a door, with one window on each side. The windows look out onto the street.

*Teresa and Ascanio run in. Teresa starts looking out one of the windows while Ascanio closes the door.*

Teresa: Oh God, what’s happened to Cellini? Where could he be?

Ascanio: He’ll be here soon, Teresa. Don’t worry about it.

Teresa: NO I SWEAR HE’S BEEN CAUGHT OR HE’S DEAD

Ascanio: No, he’s alright, listen to me; he’s not the kind of guy who could get caught by the Pope’s men or the law.

Teresa: But why hasn’t he made it here yet?

*A group of White Friars (a Carmelite order of monks) starts to pass by.*

White Friars: Vas spirituale, Maria, sancta mater, ora pro nobis…

*For the sake of concision, the White Friars continue chanting intermittently in much the same vein for the next few minutes.* **

Ascanio: Listen!

*He runs over to a window and looks out.*

Teresa: Is it him?

*Ascanio comes back.*

Ascanio: Unfortunately, no. That song is just a group of monks passing by and chanting prayers as they go off to their holy works.

Teresa: This hurts too much!

Ascanio: Take heart.

Teresa: We must pray!

Teresa and Ascanio: Alright, then.

*They kneel.*

Holy Virgin, star of the morning, smile and shed some light on us...

*The White Friars pass by the door at this point; their voices gradually fade as they move away.*

Holy Virgin, star of the morning, have mercy and bring Cellini safely back to us!

*Cellini, still dressed in his white habit (which is now covered in blood) runs in.*

Cellini: HEY I’M HERE

Teresa and Ascanio: CELLINI THANK GOODNESS YOU’RE HERE

*They run over to him.*

Teresa: You aren’t wounded, are you?

Cellini: No, thank God, but I did get a bit frazzled along the way.

Ascanio: You? Frazzled?

Cellini: It took all my luck to get out of all that craziness and certain arrest.

Teresa and Ascanio: What happened?

Cellini: Okay, here goes, I bet you’ve never heard anything like this:

SO it was really dark and I had my dagger and I was running through this huge crowd and I got out and I kept running because there was this huge mob chasing after me and yelling for my blood because yeah of course they were and I was still wearing this habit—

Ascanio: Couldn’t you have just taken it off?

Cellini: DON’T INTERRUPT MY STORY anyway just in the nick of time I saw a building with the door open and I hid behind the door and they still kept running because they didn’t see me so I closed the door and then I thought about Teresa and blessed my patron saint and then I felt really weak and the ground started shaking under me and then I fainted

Teresa: OOH WHAT HAPPENED NEXT I’M REALLY SCARED BUT ALSO VERY INTRIGUED

Ascanio: ...I’m not buying it also how come SHE gets to interrupt your story

Cellini: Ascanio, I think very highly of you but you’re not my girlfriend ANYWAY I woke up a while later and it was dawn and the rooftops were covered in beautiful light and the roosters were crowing and people were walking around everywhere and I had no idea how I was going to get home but a bunch of friars dressed like me happened to pass by so I slipped in and they happened to pass by here so I slipped out AND NOW I’M HERE AND SO ARE YOU ***

Teresa: And may God never separate us again!

Ascanio: Uh, guys, I hate to break it to you but one of you is still wanted for murder and the other’s dad is probably looking for us as we speak so we’re not out of danger yet.

Cellini: You’re right. We have to go NOW.

Teresa: We have to go? We should just try hiding out—

Cellini: No, we have to go NOW.

Ascanio: BUT YOU STILL HAVE A STATUE TO FINISH

Cellini: TO HELL WITH MY STATUE AND THE POPE AND THE LAW WE JUST NEED TO RUN AWAY TO FLORENCE ASCANIO GO GET US A HORSE

Ascanio: Very well. You can count on me and I’ll be back here as soon as I can.

*He leaves.*

Teresa: My love, God is on our side! After everything, we’re here together, which is the proof that God has blessed us...

Cellini: Yes! Let’s enjoy this moment, our love, the brief moment of peace we have now before we have to flee…

Teresa: YESTERDAY WAS PLAIN AWFUL

Cellini: You can say that again.

Teresa: YESTERDAY WAS PLAIN AWFUL

Cellini: BUT THAT’S NOT NOW THAT’S THEN

Teresa: You’re right; it’s a new day that’ll dry our tears…

Cellini: Even though the future may be dark…

Teresa: ...we have peace and love and happiness!

Cellini: Let’s live and let death come when it will!

Teresa: But first take off the habit. You can’t be seen in it.

*Cellini takes off his habit and puts it on a chair.*

Cellini: There we go. Time is running out, but first...how about a mock swordfight?

Teresa: I AM SO DOWN CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON

*They start mock-swordfighting.*

Cellini: Ah, brava! What bravery, my squire!

Teresa: Put on your breastplate!

*The fight comes to an end.*

Cellini and Teresa: GOD HAS BLESSED US SO WE’LL BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT BECAUSE HE HAS BLESSED ALL OUR WISHES ****

You know, when eagles in the mountains hear their friends being captured, what do they do? They stick together and help each other out and yell their war cries and help each other escape! And they fly far away despite everything, even being shot at! LET’S DO THE SAME THING AND RUN AWAY TO FLORENCE WE’LL BRAVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE EVEN THE VATICAN LET’S GO

*Ascanio runs in, in a state of panic.*

Ascanio: HEY SIR DEAR SIR WE HAVE A BIT OF A PROBLEM

Cellini: What is it?

Ascanio: BALDUCCI AND FIERAMOSCA ARE HERE I JUST SAW THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW

Teresa: OH SHOOT IT’S MY DAD

Cellini: Don’t be afraid. I’ll take care of this.

*He helps Teresa hide behind the model of Perseus.*

Ascanio: THERE THEY ARE

*Balducci and Fieramosca enter. Fieramosca sees Cellini and immediately starts backing towards the door, but Balducci goes to confront Cellini with his cane.*

Balducci: AT LAST I HAVE FOUND YOU, YOU MURDERER AND SEDUCER AND BRIGAND AND AT THIS POINT I’M JUST GOING TO CALL YOU EVERY NOT-NICE THING IN THE BOOK BECAUSE I’M JUST FED UP WITH AND SEVERELY PO’D AT YOU

Cellini: Oh excuse me, Mr. Giacomo, I didn’t realize that you could just show up at my house and start making such a ruckus. What’s gotten into you?

Balducci: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT GIVE ME BACK MY DAUGHTER I KNOW SHE’S HERE SO GIVE HER BACK OR ELSE I WILL BEAT YOU UP WITH THI—

Cellini: DON’T EVEN THI—

*Teresa runs out and falls on her knees before her father.*

Teresa: DAD I’M SORRY NOW I’M KNEELING BEFORE YOU

Balducci: ahhhhhhhhhhh THERE you are so let me get this straight: you honor your beloved mother by running away from me and planning to escape with, of all things, A KNOWN MURDERER wow who would’ve thought that you, of all people, could be such a horrible person?

Teresa: DAD JUST LISTEN TO ME

Cellini: Your daughter would NEVER—

Teresa: YEAH DAD I WOULD NEVER

Cellini: I’ll say it: I’m the only guilty party here.

Balducci: That’s a load of BS coming from you; I know what I know about you…

Cellini: Which is…?

Balducci: uh...NEVER MIND ANYWAY TERESA GO HOME

*Cellini steps in between Balducci and Teresa.*

Cellini: STOP I LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER

Balducci: WHAT DOES THAT MATTER

Cellini: AND SHE LOVES ME

Balducci: WELL TOO BAD SO SAD

Cellini: THIS IS THE FASTEST WAY TO RUIN YOUR FAMILY’S HONOR

Balducci: THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE ALSO YOU TWO ARE BREAKING UP EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

Cellini: THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS

Teresa: DAD STOP IT

Balducci: TERESA WE ARE LEAVING

Teresa: CELLINI HELP ME OUT HERE

Cellini: DON’T WORRY TERESA I GOT YOU

Balducci: Fieramosca, come claim your wife!

Everyone Else [yes, including Fieramosca]: wait WHAT

*Fieramosca timidly goes over to Teresa.*

Fieramosca: uhhhhh so I guess this is a thing now so uhhhhhh let’s leave

Cellini: You thief, if you so much as TOUCH HER I WILL

Balducci: FIERAMOSCA TAKE HER OUT OF HERE

Fieramosca: *backing away* Me? But I don’t want to cause even more of a scene…

Cellini: IF YOU SO MUCH AS MOVE TOWARDS HER FIERAMOSCA I WILL SEND YOU TO HELL

Balducci: FIERAMOSCA DO SOMETHING

Fieramosca: BUT I DON’T WANNA CAUSE A SCENE

Ascanio: Some son-in-law!

Teresa: OH MY GOD CAN EVERYONE CALM DOWN FOR FIVE SECONDS 

*A disturbance from outside causes everyone to stop arguing and look up, only to see an unexpected development.*

Everyone: OH SHOOT IT’S THE POPE hey everyone we need to stop fighting and shut up and show some respect omg the Pope is here

*They all promptly shut up and kneel as Pope Clément VII (who will hereafter be referred to as ‘The Pope’ on the understanding that he is not the current Pope in The Real World™), dressed in traveling costume, enters with his retinue.*

The Pope: My children, full indulgence for all your sins! Rise; I don’t want to feel so aloof because I feel like you are all my children, and mercy is the dearest value to our hearts! Rise, my children! A full indulgence for all your sins! Rise!

Balducci and Fieramosca: Uh, Your Holiness, we very humbly give you our request: avenge us!

The Pope: Avenge you? For what? Oh, and for crying out loud, I’ve already asked you like...six times to rise and you’re still down there on the floor.

*Everyone gets up.*

Balducci: A GUY ABDUCTED MY DAUGHTER AND DISHONORED MY GOOD NAME

Fieramosca: AND THE SAME GUY KILLED MY SIDEKICK BUDDY WITH WHOM I DEFINITELY DID NOT HAVE A HOMOEROTIC RELATIONSHIP

The Pope: Who did all this?

Balducci and Fieramosca: CELLINI

Balducci: *gesturing to Teresa* THERE’S MY DAUGHTER

Fieramosca: *holding Cellini’s discarded bloodstained habit* AND THERE’S THE BLOOD HE SHED

Cellini, Teresa, and Ascanio: NO CELLINI ISN’T GUILTY

Balducci: Cellini, one, you literally said you were the only guilty one here like five minutes ago; two, I absolutely hate it when people refer to themselves in the third person.

Cellini: THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE NO FUN BALDUCCI

The Pope: A murder and an abduction? Cellini, you did all that? Really? Are you kidding me right now? Are you always going to play the little devil?

Cellini: No. Please, just hear me out for a moment.

The Pope: First, how’s the statue coming?

Cellini: Oh, right. The statue. The statue for you. The statue especially made for you. Your statue. That statue?

The Pope: YES, that statue.

Cellini: Uh...I don’t got you covered. *****

The Pope: What?

Cellini: ...It’s not done yet.

The Pope: Wait a sec...after all this time I’ve given you, and after your promise to have it done today, IT’S STILL NOT FINISHED?!

Everyone: It still hasn’t been cast!

The Pope: So you used my advance money to break a father’s heart and murder a man in the middle of Carnival and then spent the rest drinking? Seriously?

Balducci and Fieramosca: YEAH HE DID

Cellini, Teresa, and Ascanio: NO HE DIDN’T

Balducci and Fieramosca: SHUT UP

Cellini, Teresa, and Ascanio: YOU SHUT UP

The Pope: EVERYONE SHUT UP

Very well, then, you leave me no choice: another will cast the statue.

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: ANOTHER?!

Cellini: Another cast my statue? EXCUSE ME WHAT DID YOU SAY OH WAIT I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID AND IT IS NOT HAPPENING ON MY WATCH

I WOULD SOONER DESTROY MY OWN MODEL THAN ALLOW SOMEONE ELSE TO—

Everyone Else: What is he DOING?!?!

Fieramosca and Balducci: HOW DARE YOU?!?! ARE YOU NOT IN THE PRESENCE OF THE POPE?!?!?!?!

Cellini: Yes! May the Virgin forgive me, and the Pope, and my patron saint, but NO ONE ELSE, NOT EVEN MICHELANGELO HIMSELF WILL CAST THIS STATUE BECAUSE I’D RATHER DIE THAN THAT HAPPEN

The Pope: Fine, let’s test that out. Guards! Arrest Cellini immediately.

*The guards come forward but at the same time, Cellini picks up a large hammer and runs over to the model of the statue.*

Cellini: I will whack this model into tiny, unrecognizable bits before a single one of your guards lays a hand on me.

*He raises the hammer to smash the model, but everyone screams.*

The Pope: STOP oh for holy God’s sake

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: He defied the Pope to his face! What has he done?

The Pope: FINE you demon, what do you need to calm down? Honestly, at this point, I mostly just want to see my future display piece not get hacked to bits.

*Cellini moves in front of the model, lowering his hammer but still holding it.*

Cellini: Full forgiveness for all my sins.

The Pope: Very well; you will have it without confession.

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: Without even confession!

The Pope: I have said it; it will be done.

Cellini: That’s not all. I want Teresa’s hand in marriage.

The Pope: Let me get this straight: you want forgiveness and Teresa?

Fieramosca and Balducci: HOLY FATHER STOP RIGHT THERE

Cellini: Oh, and one more thing: I want the time to cast my statue.

The Pope: You want forgiveness, Teresa, and the time to cast the statue? Please tell me there’s nothing else.

Cellini: That is all.

Everyone Else: That’s all!

The Pope: ah DANG IT the devil knows how much I love art and he’s laughing at me but next thing you know I’ll be laughing at him

Balducci and Fieramosca: he knows how much the Pope loves art but it’ll be our turn to laugh

Teresa: Dear God, have mercy on him!

Ascanio: HAHAHA THIS IS THE BEST TRICK EVER

Cellini: I’VE GOT HIM IN A CORNER BECAUSE I KNOW HIS LOVE FOR ART

The Pope: How much time do you need to cast the statue?

Cellini: The rest of the day, God willing.

The Pope: ...Are you sure that’ll be enough time?

Cellini: I think so: the furnace has been heating up the metal for a while now.

The Pope: *signaling to the guards to move away* Very well, I agree to your conditions.

*Cellini puts down the hammer and goes over to the Pope.*

But listen to me very carefully, you rogue: I myself will be at the workshop tonight to see if you are able to complete the statue. If not, by God, I will hand you over to the legal authorities and you will be hanged tonight.

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: Hanged!

The Pope: I think I’ve made myself clear.

Balducci: But...but Holy Father, he can finish the statue by the end of the day, and Teresa—

The Pope: To Hell with you and Teresa! He’ll be hanged if he doesn’t finish.

Fieramosca: But...but Holy Father, he can finish the statue by the end of the day, and Pompeo—

The Pope: ugh you people to Hell with you and Pompeo! He’ll be hanged if he doesn’t finish. Cellini, I trust I’ve made myself clear?

Cellini: ...Crystal.

Teresa, Ascanio, Fieramosca, and Balducci: Hanged! If he doesn’t finish today, he’ll be hanged!

Cellini: *ironically* Ah, Holy Father, how kind to offer such an indulgence for my sins—the threat of hanging!

The Pope: Yes, you will hang!

Now he’ll feel less proud because I myself will punish him because no saint or angel in all of Heaven will help him; he has sealed his own fate!

Cellini: GOD WILL HELP ME AND I WILL SUCCEED BECAUSE I FEEL THE POWER AND SOMEONE ONCE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT FORTUNE FAVORING THE BOLD WELL IT’S NOT JUST FORTUNE IT’S ALSO GOD SO NO ONE’S PETTY VENGEANCE CAN STOP ME

Teresa: NOOOOOOOOOOO HE’S GONNA DIE BECAUSE EVERYONE’S WORKING AGAINST HIM EVEN GOD AND THERE’S NO HOPE AND I FEEL LIKE MY ONLY OPTION IS DEATH

Ascanio: LET THEM INSULT HIM WHAT DOES HE CARE GOD WILL HELP HIM BECAUSE HE IS BOLD SO I HAVE HOPE AND NO ONE’S PETTY VENGEANCE CAN STOP HIM

Fieramosca and Balducci: AT LAST HE IS COMING TO HIS DESERVED RUIN AND WE WILL HAVE OUR VENGEANCE

*The Pope’s retinue moves towards the Pope as if to protect him, but he signals them to stop.*

The Pope’s Retinue: WHAT AN INDULGENCE HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUNISHED ALREADY AND HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS CHANCE

*Everyone leaves.*

Notes

Scene 2: **

Cellini’s foundry. The furnace is at the back; there is one door each at right and left. Some of Cellini’s other works are there. A clock strikes 4 PM.

*Ascanio runs in.*

Ascanio: Tralalalalalalalalalala…

What’s the matter with me? I just feel so overwhelmed and weary with all this drama right now but TOO BAD  because when I feel sad I just laugh and sing tralalala and then suddenly I feel dizzy and happy again!

So our bronze baby is getting its baptism of fire tonight: the Colosseum will be the church, the Pope will be the godfather, and all the people of Rome will be the witnesses! Tralalala honestly thinking about that overwhelms me even more but you know what? It’s okay; I’ll just laugh and sing tralalalala…

*Quick note: during this next part, Ascanio imitates both Cellini and the Pope.*

HAHAHA THAT WHOLE THING WITH CELLINI AND THE POPE WAS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER BECAUSE THE POPE WAS LIKE ‘Take the man away!’ and Cellini was like ‘NOT SO FAST I’LL DESTROY THIS MODEL FIRST’ and the Pope was like ‘fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine I give in because I guess I’m a total pushover’ and Cellini was like ‘I want forgiveness for all my sins’ and the Pope was like ‘sure whatever’ and then Cellini was like ‘I ALSO want Teresa’ and the Pope was like ‘yeah cool okay’ and THEN Cellini was like ‘and I want the rest of the day to cast the statue!’ and the Pope was like ‘sounds good’ and THEN SUDDENLY THE POPE GRABBED MY MASTER’S HEAD and he said he would HANG HIM if he didn’t finish the statue by the end of the day! Is that all? Oh, you’ll hang! You understand? Ah, Holy Father, what an indulgence!

great THAT overwhelmed me too and I feel sad again but I’ll just do what I always do and just laugh and sing tralalalala and everything will be okay! ***

*Cellini enters and signals Ascanio to leave, which he does.*

Cellini: Alone, just me, my courage, and my audacity, about to have the fight of my life—and all Rome is watching! Very well, then; let the winds bring the storm, let them rile up all the waves, and let me sail straight into it! This is the story of my life...what a life!

Why could I not be a simple shepherd, leading my sheep and wandering through the wildness of the mountains? Free, alone, at peace, with no need to do any useless work for anyone else...I would wander far from all these busy cities and I would sing to my heart’s content...and at night I would sleep on the ground in a little hut, but I would sleep so peacefully, it would be like sleeping in my mother’s arms as a baby! Ah, what a dream! What a life!

Metalworkers: *singing outside* How happy the sailors, those children of the waves, are…

Cellini: ugggggggggggggggh not that song AGAIN

Metalworkers: ...they happily follow the wind wherever it blows…

Cellini: something bad ALWAYS happens whenever they sing that stupid song

Metalworkers: ...and when the boat sinks, the ocean is their tomb…

*Ascanio comes back.*

Ascanio: That sad song is bad luck!

Cellini: If they lose heart, we’ll fail!

*calling out to the workers* We are sailors who sail on metal! To rule the waves is easy; the real triumph is to rule over fire as we do!

Cellini and Ascanio: TAKE HEART AND HAVE COURAGE IF WE CAN JUST HOLD ON FOR ONE MORE DAY WE’LL ALL CELEBRATE TOMORROW

Chorus: *even more sadly than before* How happy the sailors, those children of the waves, are…

Cellini: *putting on an apron* Alright, let’s go to work, no more dilly-dallying!

*Loud knocking on the door.*

WHO IS IT

*Ascanio runs to the door and opens it, then hurries back.*

Ascanio: IT’S FIERAMOSCA

*Fieramosca enters with two swordsmen.*

Cellini: uggggggggggh not him hi, what do you want?

Fieramosca: Cellini, I have come to send you to Hell.

Cellini: ‘nyah nyah nyah Cellini I have come to send you to Hell nyah nyah nyah’ what do you MEAN you BUFFOON

Fieramosca: okay fine, I’ll say it differently so your tiny little brain will understand: I demand satisfaction for your insults.

Cellini: You’re joking, right?

Fieramosca: Uh, no.

Ascanio: Oh, really?

Fieramosca: NO I’M NOT JOKING I DEMAND SATISFACTION NOW

Cellini: BUT I CAN’T LEAVE

Fieramosca: So you do not accept the challenge, you coward?

Cellini: Pot calling kettle black, I see.

Fieramosca: You don’t accept?

Cellini: FINE WE FIGHT HERE

Fieramosca: No! If I kill you in your house, even if we are legitimately dueling, I’m an assassin. That’s the law. We fight elsewhere.

Cellini: OH I SEE HOW IT IS YOU WANT ME TO NOT BE ABLE TO FINISH but, God willing, I’ll teach you a fine lesson about messing with the wrong guy, which you SHOULD HAVE LEARNED last night but I guess you did not. Your desired location?

Fieramosca: I will be waiting for you behind St. Andrew’s cloister.

Cellini: Very well. I will be there. 

Fieramosca: And I’ll send you to Hell.

*He leaves with his swordsmen.*

Cellini: This couldn’t have been timed worse. Ascanio, go get my sword.

*He does so, and the door opens again.*

 godDAMMIT Fieramosca why are you alrea—

*He realizes that the person who has come in is not Fieramosca but Teresa.*

Teresa! Good God! TERESA!!!

Teresa: MY DAD HAS BETRAYED US

Cellini: what NOW

Teresa: So you know how the Pope said that no one from either Tuscany or Rome could marry me until the end of the day? ****

Cellini: ...I somehow did not hear about that?

Teresa: well that’s a thing ANYWAY even though the Pope himself made that order, my dad was like ‘screw this’ and was packing to take me away from Rome, but I slipped out and ran here as fast as I could to see you!

*Ascanio returns and gives Cellini his sword.*

What are you doing with that?

Cellini: Honey, I’ll be back soon.

Teresa: NO STAY HERE YOU’RE GONNA GET INTO A FIGHT

Cellini: ...that’s kinda the point?

Teresa: I’M NOT LETTING YOU GO

Cellini: TERESA IT’S OKAY I’M GONNA SEND YOUR FIANCÉ TO HELL

Teresa: wait WHAT

Cellini: Fieramosca came here and insulted me and challenged me to a duel.

Teresa: IT’LL BE A TRAP (knowing him and also because this is how every duel in the history of French opera turns out)

Cellini: Calm down, it’ll be fine.

Teresa: NO IT WON’T

Cellini: Look: your fiancé isn’t anything near a Hercules; he’s a buffoon with an extremely inflated ego and I’m gonna teach him a lesson he will never forget.

*He leaves with Ascanio.*

Teresa: seriously NO ONE listens to me around here and now I’m here all alone

Metalworkers: *offstage* CELLINI WHERE ARE YOU WHY DID YOU LEAVE

Teresa: What’s going on?

Metalworkers: LET’S GO

Teresa: If he doesn’t come back, I’m done for…

*Francesco, Bernardino, and the other metalworkers leave their work behind and come onstage.*

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: LET’S GO WE’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS

Teresa: What is happening???

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: EVEN THOUGH WE AIN’T GOT HATS OR BADGES WE’RE A UNION JUST BY SAYING SO AND THE WORLD WILL KNOW

Teresa: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: WE’RE ALL LEAVING

Teresa: BUT WHAT ABOUT CELLINI

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: HE MAY OWN THE WORLD BUT HE DON’T OWN US WE’VE BEEN DOWN TOO LONG AND WE’VE PAID OUR DUES

Teresa: Look, he’ll be back soon—

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: WE BEEN KEEPING SCORE EITHER HE GIVES US OUR RIGHTS OR WE GIVES HIM A WAR

Teresa: Please, go back to work, he’ll pay you tomorrow—

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: SO HE GAVE HIS WORD? WELL IT AIN’T WORTH BEANS NOW HE’S GONNA SEE WHAT ‘STOP THE FURNACES’ REALLY MEANS

Teresa: He’ll pay you very well—

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: BUT WE NEED MONEY TO LIVE

Teresa: (Holy Virgin, don’t abandon us now!) I’M NOT LEAVING YOU 

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: LET’S LEAVE

Teresa: PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU

*Fieramosca enters and Teresa sees him.*

OH GOD CELLINI’S DEAD

*She faints. Francesco and Bernardino help her up and support her.*

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: wait WHAT

Fieramosca: What...what is the meaning of this?!

Teresa: *reviving and pointing to Fieramosca* Good workers...that man has killed your master...avenge him!

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: he WHAT OH HE KILLED CELLINI HE WILL PAY FOR THIS LET’S KILL HIM

*They start attacking Fieramosca.*

Fieramosca: NO NO STOP IT I AM YOUR FRIEND

*Gold coins fall out of his pockets; the workers see them.*

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: Dude, why do you have so much money on you? Not that we care, but you could get robbed.

Fieramosca: I was just coming to give you a better salary than you get here…

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: A BETTER SALARY WOULD BE NICE BUT NOT FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU KILLED CELLINI SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT THIS OH WE KNOW LET’S THROW YOU INTO THE FURNACE

Fieramosca: WAIT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’M YOUR FRIEND

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: THROW HIM INTO THE FURNACE

*Chaos ensues. Suddenly, from nearby:*

Cellini: HEY WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE

*Cellini and Ascanio enter.*

Teresa, Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: OMG YOU’RE ACTUALLY ALIVE

Cellini: Indeed I am! Why wouldn’t I be?

*Teresa rushes over to Cellini and embraces him.*

Teresa: THANK GOD YOU’RE OKAY

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD AND THAT FIERAMOSCA KILLED YOU

Cellini: Well then, rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

*He goes over to Fieramosca, who is sweating and panting like an ox.*

What were you doing here while I was waiting for you behind St. Andrew’s cloister?

Fieramosca: I was coming...I’m coming…

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: YEAH HE WAS COMING ALRIGHT HE WAS COMING TO TRY TO HIRE ALL OF US

Cellini: Let me get this straight: you were trying to bribe my entire workshop?

Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: YEAH HE WAS

Cellini: watch out because I’m about to get VERY ANGRY IF YOU DIDN’T ALREADY GET THE HINT

Fieramosca: I was coming...I’m coming…

Cellini: You’ve come—to work!

Everyone Else: wait WHAT

Cellini: YES HE WILL WORK GET AN APRON ON HIM AND MAKE SURE HE TAKES HIS PLACE IN THE WORKSHOP AND DOESN’T TRY TO SABOTAGE ANYTHING OR BY GOD—

Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER C’MON FIERAMOSCA GET TO WORK OR CELLINI WILL MAKE YOU TAKE A VERY UNPLEASANT BATH IN A BUNCH OF MELTED BRONZE

Fieramosca: ugh not this AGAIN very well I’ll go to work

*He puts on an apron.*

Cellini, Teresa, Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and Metalworkers: Alright, everyone, it’s time to go back to work and finish everything up!

Fieramosca: I’ve already taken one very unpleasant bath this week and I don’t want another so let’s go to work

Ascanio: THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER

*Everyone goes to work except Teresa and Ascanio.*

*****Teresa: I feel much better about this now, but the sky is getting dark…

Ascanio: Have courage! Before long, we’ll be through the storm and into a safe port and everything will be okay.

*He goes to join Cellini and the others. The Pope enters with his retinue and Balducci.*

Balducci: TERESA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

The Pope: Be quiet!

*Teresa kneels before the Pope.*

Teresa: Holy Father, forgive me!

The Pope: Rise, my child. Tell me: how did you get here?

Balducci: EXCUSE ME—

The Pope: IN THE NAME OF GOD SHUT UP 

Teresa: Well, my father wanted to take me away from Rome so I couldn’t marry Cellini, but I thought you would be forgiving, so I came here and joined Cellini in order to wait for you and the casting and hopefully my marriage to Cellini!

The Pope: oh Dio mio you really should honor your father, BUT your father failed entirely and very much dropped the ball in actively trying to go against my orders, so I forgive you.

Now, tell me, where is the man of the hour?

Teresa: There he is now!*****

*Cellini enters and acknowledges the Pope.*

The Pope: Well, have you finished?

Cellini: Not quite yet, Your Holiness, but everything is on track to be done soon, thank God; the metal is heating up right now and all that needs to happen is that the metal melt and flow into the mold, the very bowels of the earth, and become holy at your signal!

Balducci: The braggart!

The Pope: He’s faking his cheerfulness and honestly, it really annoys me, but we must wait and see how this goes. Very well: begin.

*Cellini signals the workers to begin. They work for a while to some of the slappiest orchestral music ever written in opera, until Fieramosca leaves his work and runs up to Cellini.* ******

Fieramosca: WE NEED MORE METAL OR ELSE WE’LL STOP WORKING

Cellini: What are you saying?

Fieramosca: WE NEED MORE METAL OR ELSE WE’LL STOP WORKING

Cellini: Let me check this out myself. If you’re lying, you’re in big trouble. If you’re telling the truth, I’m in big trouble…

*He runs to check on the work, leaving a very embarrassed Fieramosca behind.*

Balducci: Fieramosca?! Is that you?!

Fieramosca: ...Yeah.

Balducci: What are you wearing that for?

Fieramosca: Well, uh, it’s a long story…

Balducci: And your face is covered in soot! Really, I don’t understand you at all sometimes.

Fieramosca: Uh, well...shouldn’t even rival artists help one another every now and then?

*Cellini returns.*

Cellini: WE’RE DOING FINE FIERAMOSCA GET BACK TO WORK

*He gestures threateningly at Fieramosca, who immediately backs down and returns to the furnace, followed by Cellini.*

Teresa and Ascanio: He looks so pale! Dear God, don’t abandon him now!

Balducci and the Pope: He looks so pale! He’s getting nervous; he might be in trouble!

*Cellini returns, flustered.*

Cellini: Excuse me, but I really need to be back there supervising the casting. We’re getting pretty close now; we just added more metal to the furnace. Everything is being melted and it is all going very well.

*He goes back to supervise. Exactly fourteen seconds later, Francesco and Bernardino get his attention with a very unwelcome twist.*

Francesco and Bernardino: CELLINI THE METAL IS CONGEALING *******

Everyone Else: wait WHAT

Francesco and Bernardino: WE DON’T KNOW HOW IT’S HAPPENING BUT THE METAL IS CONGEALING

Everyone Else: THAT’S ACTUALLY REALLY BAD

Francesco and Bernardino: WE NEED MORE METAL

Cellini: But there should be more back there. Has it all been used?

Francesco and Bernardino: WE DON’T HAVE ANY MORE METAL WE NEED METAL NOW

Cellini: BUT I DON’T HAVE ANY MORE METAL

Everyone Else: you don’t have WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

Cellini: I’M DONE FOR

Everyone Else: HE’S DONE FOR

The Pope: Well, that’s the one thing that can make him dumbfounded.

Balducci: FINALLY HE’LL BE HANGED

Everyone: oh sh—oh shoot he’s done for

Balducci: *ironically* Oh, you, such a genius as you are, are tortured by just a simple little nothing? You know everything, your skill is infinite! Turn that little frown upside-down!

Cellini: you’re not helping and I would say some choice words to you but we’re both in the presence of the Pope and that is the only thing restraining me at the moment

Francesco, Bernardino, and The Workers: WE NEED METAL NOW

Francesco: WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME THE FIRE’S GOING OUT

Cellini: Wait! What...what should I do?

Francesco, Bernardino, and The Workers: WE JUST NEED METAL MORE METAL MORE METAL

Cellini: DEAR GOD YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE LEFT SO PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE BECAUSE I’M SO CLOSE TO GIVING IN TO DESPAIR AND I’M REALLY TRYING MY BEST DOWN HERE

Balducci: Um, not to spoil the mood or anything, but perhaps you should wait to chat with God until after we find out what happens with this statue?

Cellini: that doesn’t even make sense

Balducci: I mean you can give thanks then on the extreme off-chance that you actually pull this off.

Cellini: I’M SAVED GOD IS HELPING ME BECAUSE I JUST GOT AN IDEA

WORKERS GRAB EVERYTHING METAL YOU CAN FIND TAKE EVERYTHING FROM THE WORKSHOP AND THROW IT IN THE FURNACE

Francesco and Bernardino: WHAT YOU WANT US TO GET YOUR OTHER ARTWORKS AND THROW THEM IN THERE?!?!?!?!

Cellini: I DON’T CARE JUST GRAB ANYTHING METAL YOU CAN FIND INCLUDING MY ARTWORKS AND THROW IT IN NO MATTER WHAT METAL IT’S MADE OF IF IT’S METAL GRAB IT

*Ascanio grabs a candelabra and throws it in. Cellini does the same with every metal object he can find. Ascanio, Francesco, Bernardino, and some of the other workers start bringing in some of Cellini’s metal sculptures and passing them to other workers so they can be thrown into the furnace.*

Teresa: IT’S ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BEAR I HOPE HE MAKES IT IN THE END

The Pope: HE HAS SUCH BOLDNESS WILL HE MAKE IT IN THE END

Balducci: HE’S GOING MAD AND HE’S RUINING HIMSELF FOR A HOPELESS CAUSE

*The metal collection continues. The workers keep melting the objects and sculptures in the furnace. Suddenly there is a large explosion and the lid of the crucible mold is blown off.*

Teresa, Balducci, and the Pope: WHAT WAS THAT NOISE WHAT’S GOING ON DID IT HAPPEN OR NO

*Cellini, not daring to look, runs to the front.*

Cellini: IT EXPLODED I’M DONE FOR

Workers: LONG LIVE CELLINI VIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*Everyone turns to see the molten metal pour into the mold. The casting is successful.*

Everyone: VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Fieramosca pushes through the crowd to find Cellini.*

Fieramosca: HEY LEMME THROUGH I WANT TO FIND MY DEAR FRIEND CELLINI AND EMBRACE HIM

Balducci: I KNEW HE COULD DO IT ALL ALONG SO TERESA HERE’S YOUR FUTURE

Cellini: well well well which of these two is the more cowardly suck-up???

Holy Father, I have completed the casting.

The Pope: Well, since God has blessed both your work and your boldness, I will hold up my end of the deal: I officially pardon you, Benvenuto Cellini.

Cellini: Teresa!

Teresa: Cellini!

Francesco, Bernardino, Workers, and Spectators: VIVA CELLINI

Teresa, Fieramosca, and Ascanio: IMMORTAL GLORY TO CELLINI

The Workers: Gold shines like the sun and rubies like fire in the night…

Teresa, Fieramosca, Balducci, Ascanio, Francesco, and Bernardino: GLORY TO HIM

Cellini: ONE LAST ROUND OF OUR SONG

Ascanio, Francesco, and Bernardino: LIKE YOU SAID JUST THE LAST VERSE BECAUSE IT’S THE BEST

Everyone: METALS, THE UNDERGROUND NEVER-FADING FLOWERS, SHINE BRIGHTEST ON THE BROWS OF ALL THE GREATEST PEOPLE—THE KINGS AND QUEENS AND DUKES AND EMPERORS AND EVEN POPES—SO HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS

TRA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA—

HONOR TO THE MASTER METALWORKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*General celebration.*

Notes

THE END

Up Next: Così fan tutte

[kittymaverick]

That Time of the Year Again (tm): Get ready for MCF 21: the Harbinger commentary!

It’s that time of the year yet again! Mystery Case Files 21: The Harbinger commentary. If anyone has been waiting for the hilarity that is my commentaries, I’m sorry I’m late this year. I actually started working as a freelance writer, and projects are coming in hot. Plus a recent family matter (not COVID-related. I’m thankfully in one of the safest places from it.) meant I had to put this on a back-burner. And then I guess I left it there for too long and triggered the smoke alarm, and people entered my inbox going “Are you okay???” So without further ado, let’s get this started. *cracks fingers* I have DUAL MONITORS NOW which means I can see my commentary AND watch the playthrough at the same time. (Yet, I still DON’T have a credit card. This is the new running joke.) I’m going to be watching YouGib’s playthough. Pazu also has his playthrough up. Spoilers below the cut as usual!

First, Grandma? A new studio? (A quick google shows they have done quite a bit of HOP titles and series.) Welcome to the MCF family! I hope you’re ready for the roasting that’s ahead. 8D MD: You mean the roasting they’ll let me do, right? I don’t know if they would be so nice as to grant you such catharsis right away. MD: Damn… It’s Grandma though. There’ll at least be cookies, right?

I like how “The” is in a place where you can almost read it as “The Mystery Case Files”, which MCF honestly deserves at this point. 21 years! That’s old enough to drink in the US!

(MD: Hm, old fashion building and clothes? Are we having some anachronistic adventure again--) CAT. Black cat. This is Isis. (MD: Not all black cats are Isis…) Yes they are. They are to me--

*Crystal ball* SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

Captions: (Otherworldly scream) Why yes, yes game, thank you for describing my exact reaction to seeing that darn crystal ball. I love this self-awareness and I hope it stays.

Oh nooooo, green beam of light… (Green was the color of souls used in old Ravenhearst games, and also the type of light that the Archivist from Moths to a Flame evaporated into, iirc.)

MD: Hm, a harbinger usually means something worse is coming up. So who’s harbinger to whom I wonder? Well you could say Emma, Madame Fate, or Victor was the harbinger to Charles, and then Charles himself was a harbinger to Alistair, who apparently was harbinger to the twins, who were also harbinger to Alistair again-- MD: Yes, I know, thank you, please stop. --and then he was harbinger to a Lord Ravenhearst who we never saw again, and then we picked it up again somehow to Phineas Crown though that was much earlier and the pirate was a harbinger of himself in a sense. In fact, I guess in a metasense, you could say each MCF game is a harbinger of the next-- MD: You haven’t even gotten past the opening so PLEASE STOP.

Hm, game difficulty settings-- no Master Detective level. Ten marks off. :( MD: Okay that’s unfair. Also Hardcore is one word. MD: Hey, I’m the pyromaniac, okay? Chill! (Me at recording: pick helpful messages, pick it! PICK IT!)

OH, a CHOICE?! Oh, wait, it’s just the main game and extra content.

THEY GAVE YOU YOUR BUGGY BACK. THEY GAVE IT BAAAAACK. AAAAAHHH. MD: Interior’s a little different, but yes, I HAVE MY CAR BACK AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW. MWAHAHAHA-- Queen: Something strange is happening in Darkmoor. MD: *Does a 180 and goes back home* [The end.] Just kidding. :P I love how all the names of the places we’re going to immediately screams DANGER. MD: If I turned back every time I heard a name like that, I would be a very different person today. Probably saner, less salty, and generally happier.

It took me a while to see clearly, but the bobblehead looks like default MD (the costume seems to be inspired by the Fate Carnival collectibles)! We can now safely assume that MD is either really afraid of the cold, or very, very desperately trying to hide their identity. MD: Don’t tell anyone… but the getup is like a security blanket. ...One that you wear?! MD: Shhhhhh not so loud…….

Queen: Several keywords related to your previous cases-- What keywords? What are they? MD: Ravenhearst? Souls? Pirates? Skulls? Crystal Ball? Madame Fate? Dire Grove? Death herself? Queen: I’m not revealing this mystery… it’ll give the whole plot away! ...Okay, I’m putting ten on Victor, twenty on Charlotte, thirty on Alistar, and a hundred on Charles-- MD: You CHEATER you were spoiled while GOOGLING. --actually, I should do a bingo board instead. Yeah, I’m gonna do that. (And then she spends ten minutes wasting time on that, before giving up. We are at… 2 minutes in of the playthrough. This is normal.)

Queen: We’ve detected a possible energy anomaly-- MD: I’m sorry, we have DONE WHAT?! You guys have technology for that??? MD: Where was this technology for like…. The past ten cases? I really could have used some of that before heading in! (Somewhere in the world, the Mystery Tracker detective hides his gadgets…) (Post video edit: Speaking off, he seems to have gone UFO now.)

*Radio fizzes out* MD: That’s not good. Um… UP AHEAD. MD: THAT’S REALLY NOT GOOD. DETECTIVE TAKE THE WHEEL!!!! MD: THIS BUGGY IS STILL ON MORTGAGE NO. (And the MD, the bobblehead, literally lost their head, lol.)

Gibs is definitely feeling the stylistic difference. I personally don’t think it detracts from the game right now, and if anything, it can open new avenues for MCF to explore. Also, awwww it’s not our old buggy, but hey, I like the red!

MD: Okay… agency device. Better use this to scan for creepy crawly energies. I’m so sad it’s not something you can get attached to… MD: I’m pretty damn attached to my new car, thank you very much. Well, the windshield is already broken, so I think it’s been marked as “readily expendable” emotionally. :P (Machine sort of reminds me of the old machine from Huntsville, actually… which did appear again in… Rewind?)

Wow, that royal decree is like… a permission slip from mom. XD MD: Enough to get people’s attention, but not enough for them to treat me seriously. You would think with lives at stake, they would send something more official? MD: If they did, I might just be out of a job, because half of my job seems to involve waiting for people to get in trouble. Also, marking this officer Davis down as “guy who might get into trouble later and need rescuing”.

...Okay, you know what the device could have been? A portable TV head. MD: I will PUNT that metal box so hard if they handed me one! Missed moment of creepy, honestly.

“The agency never ceases to amaze me”??? MD: I meant that in both the “wow, I can’t believe this is what you used our money on!” and the “wow, I can’t believe this is where you used our money instead of that other really important thing we could have had” sense. Never cease to amaze you in how disappointed you are at them, then. MD: After our last security breach, yes.

Solved Case Files, omg. And you carry it on your car.XD MD: The therapist said I needed to “express my outrage” more healthily than arson. And you made the WORLD NEWS???? Whatever happened to being the most secretive person in the world?! MD: Shhhhh let them keep guessing… (Also, Bobblehead isn’t our MD, it seems. A case of mistaken identity. Awww….)

Guy in purple: I didn’t do anything wrong! Hm, this guy is sus… also, we’re in the UK, confirmed? MD: ...As if the name didn't’ give it already. Also, SIR, SIR, YOU DROPPED YOUR purse……. Well I guess it’s my purse now.

Tarot cards as collectibles! More Madame Fate coming up?

Wow, that police station entrance was a time machine. We’re back in modern-day old town England! MD: ….pattern on floor, sus… Aaaaand power outage. Cue bars. Policeman trapped. Oops. MD: Number of people that needed rescuing is now one, and is exactly as I predicted.

Police: Um, can you come closer? I dunno man, you behind bars, pretty sus. Maybe you’re not a real police. Police: Oh please. We talking real? How about your prove you’re the real Master Detective-- MD: *Hands Queen’s note* Police: Right that’ll work. (We didn’t get to flash our badge?!)

Wait, you’re in a ROYAL AGENCY??? Did you.... change agencies or something??? MD: After the last game, can you really blame me if a headhunter came asking? Me: No but… you work for the CROWN???? MD: Hey, if me collecting stories for Grandma Queen wasn’t obvious enough, I don’t know what else to say.

Wow, an ACTUAL FLASH DRIVE. We’re actually in modern day society. XD Albeit one with really industrial looking computers. (Now I need to go and check if the old games used floppy disks…)

Witness 1: It’s not like she has a crystal ball! Suspect purple: Yeah, I’m a fair owner. Girl Aisling is a fortune reader. ...Madame Fate, Madame FATE, MADAME FATE. MD: Okay, maybe that cat WAS Isis after all. Guy: She likes watching ravens. MD and I, simultaneously: FUCK.

I have to say, the puzzles are quite refreshingly different from ones that have appeared in the past. Me likey.

Gibs sees victim photo on autopsy table: What a handsome devil he is! Me: *Dies laughing and fails to make comments for a while*

Oh wow, you can write coherently again! Actual journals! Clear sketches! (Actual cutscene replay???? TWENTY POINTS.) MD: Therapy can be a wonderful thing sometimes. ...Please tell me you’re talking actual therapy and not “I got to explode a ship and the pirates on it” therapy. MD: Well, that counts as therapy still, right?

Okay Madame Fate, if you have a daughter, or this is your granddaughter, please just descend from heaven and let us know right now. (...wait, didn’t Madame Fate have a son? The really big eater guy? Franco!) That said, it says the veil of time, which might be an allusion to the Dark Veil too.

Omg a FAX MACHINE.

Davis: Right, good luck heading into town to the victim’s home! MD: Yep! Thanks for being a rare competent soul in this universe! Really appreciate the help-- [Rose street.] MD: ...Is it too late to turn back? Yes, yes it is entirely too late. 8D Let’s gooooooooo! MD: *sighs*.

SHADOW IN JAMES’ HOUSE! SHADOW! MD: Probably Nigel. He was sneaking around already.

MENTION Of CAT. CAT. MD: ...are you broken? ...Yes. (It’s nearing 1 am. So Kitty commentary might be retroactive below.)

Huh, HOP has sections that unlock objects like in Dark Parables. Neat!

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Small town drama as usual. MD: The predictable disappointment of human nature. Why can’t I just have cases that deal with that? No supernatural stuff, just little town murder mysteries. Little Town Mystery Case Files, coming to a store near you soon! (I’ll be honest, Grandma, I would play that once, just to have MD be completely paranoid over nothing actually supernatural.)

Santa Claus Beard Guy: I hope I didn’t scare you. MD: I’ve had undead grip me through the window. A little shadow doesn’t spook me. A family whose last name begins with a D though rattles them. MD: Please don’t give away my weaknesses so quickly...

Santa Guy: So the cat kicked my ass. Can you get me some medicine? MD: Sure thing. BTW, where is this cat, and how can I recruit it to kick the asses of my enemies?

Eeeeehhhh complex door puzzles are back! Except they are now complex cupboard puzzles.

WOOOOOOOOOW that’s a LYNX if I ever saw one! MD: Hey, remember how I say I’m not good with animals? Too bad, grab the pet carrier, you’ll need it. MD: ...please don’t scratch me. Cat: *Roars* MD: *flips shit, runs and hides*

James has visited the Museum of Mysteries… And what’s with the MCF crest in his diary??? MD: Wait… Allison? ALLISON THE REPORTER??? Omg, James is her BROTHER. THEY HAVE THE SAME LAST TIME EVEN OMG. MD: ……….. I’m NOT going to be the deliverer of this bad news. Hey MD, does that curse that surrounds people associated with you extend to their families? MD: Thank you for going where my brain didn’t want to, now kindly proceed no further. Just morbidly wondering…...

MD: They… they visited all the places that my cases took place. EVEN A HOUSE I REPORTED BURNED DOWN AND EXPLODED. AND THEN CAMPED OUT IN DIRE GROVE. MY GODS ALMIGHTY YOU TWO!!!! ...These siblings don’t have a lot of self-preservation sense, huh? MD: There are some things that should NOT run in the family. This is one of them. (I’ll be honest. Just… HOW can the MD process this kind of guilt??? Kudos to you, Grandma Studios. This is possibly the most evil story choice ever, and you went there. Slow, claps. Seriously. That said there is a small plothole here with James saying he was there when MD rescued Allison. I think that might be a translation/grammar error though.)

Journal: Oh btw John worked on the Ravenhearst manor restoration. MD: *grabs John* WHY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME AND TO THE WORLD?! John: Um….. it was work? MD: SOME PLACES ARE BETTER OFF GONE. Hey, look on the bright side. You can burn it down again as therapy! John: Oh btw, I made the elaborate locks-- MD: *Begins to strangle John* NO HOMICIDES MASTER DETECTIVE! You investigate them, not commit them! MD: TELL ME THAT AFTER I’M DONE.

MD: Okay, John. Let me be clear on one thing. You are now number one sus on my list of “The person that’s gonna betray me in the end” right now, and probably staying there. If you turn out to be one of the Dalimars or their crony in disguise, I will END YOU. Are we clear? John: ………… MD: What? John: You’re more terrifying than James’ cat--

*Another prevention of homicide later…* MD: Alright, fine. Containers, opened. Toy, fixed. “Cat”, got. Now take it and get out. John: Thanks, here is the final piece to that closet door that I totally have been keeping from you this whole time. ….Seriously???? MD: ….Like I said, top of my shitlist. *Reads the closet puzzle poem* On second thought GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE I HAVE QUESTIONS!

James is the greatest dork. He locked his special diary entries with a lock. I’m so sad we didn’t get to meet him in person. Though that said... MD: My gods, some common sense is really missing from this family’s mind. Seeds from the carnival?! A cube from probably dire grove??? How does it feel knowing you contributed indirectly to his demise? 8D MD: ...It’s like seeing someone win the Darwin award and feeling bad that you are the one handing the trophy to them.

Davis: Oh hey, a cassette? Let me go and get the camera for it. We’ll meet later! MD: Wait a second, you’re gonna end up dead if you do that! Davis: No, I’m gonna be fine! Here’s a ticket to the night market! Have fun! MD: …… ...More Darwin award nominations? MD: No. Awww….

Marge: Oh hi detective! Thank you for saving me and my daughter so many years ago! MD: …. Who are you again? *Goes to google* Oh, she’s that woman from Reverant’s Hunt…. MD: Ah, the gossip hen. My gods what’s with this town and its inhabitants… It’s like all the people connected to you which fate has yet to kill are all showing up again for a chance of going to the afterlife! 8Db MD: That would be the worst lottery ever. All in the life of being Master Detective’s friend! Forecast for percent of death: high! MD: *curls up in a corner to be depressed*

Nigel: What do you want? MD: Here are your seeds. Nigel: Okay I’m gone! MD: Right, now Aisling-- WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. Crow: Caw-caw! MD: You, you’re not Crowlister, but if you are responsible, I will make you one very bald bird.

Okay, soooooo what do we do? MD: Removed what the device can. Guess we’re down to brewing this… tea... ...I think you need this tea more than her, honestly.

“I expect these MCF references now.” XD I think the 4th wall has just been shattered into oblivion.

Aisling: I see death all around you Master Detective! MD: Thank you for stating the obvious that has been made abundantly clear by the past hour and a half of plot. Davis: Hey waddap? MD: ….*breaks down sobbing* YOU’RE STILL ALIVE THANK GOODNESS! *hugs Davis* Davis: Um… what’s going… anyway, you should look at the video.

MD: Nigel! This video here suggests something. Want to talk before I make you? Nigel: This proves nothing! Now go away, I have preparations to-- Noooooooooo! *Nigel is swallowed by the earth* ……...MD? MD: NOT IT. WASN’T ME. DEFINITELY NOT ME! You saw that right, Davis? Davis: Oh no, he’s dead! Guess we’ll need to exhume him. MD: Now hold on, that reaction is just WAAAAAY TO BLAND.

(Watched a little bit ahead. I have some theories on who Aisling might be, since Gib’s thumbnail does appear to hint at it. We’ll see where it goes!)

(Aaaaand I was right!)

[Here ends entry one. Part two is going to be even more retroactive...]

[whenallelsefails-eatpie]

Finally Answering Questions for y’all

Q1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

I used to wish I was taller because I already am tall for an (AGAB)female (5′8 1/2) but then I learned about platforms so. 

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

Monkey Ball or Sonic Adventure Escape the City...I only had a Gamecube.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Uses humor as a defense mechanism but will quickly become extremely invested in you  and give you immense amounts of unending love if they vibe w you

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

Melancholic

9: Are you ticklish?

extremely, on my back and sides (use this information wisely. I take no responsibility for involuntarily punching anyone who tickles me)

10: Are you allergic to anything?

absolutely nothing, allergies are to weed out the weak. (jkjk no eugenics here sis you slay that epipen)

11: What’s your sexuality?

~ pansexual  ~ (prefer agab [not cis, those are two different things] females)

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

tea, then coffee with cocoa. I don’t enjoy cocoa or coffee as much separately.

37: What is your eye color?

hazel/green 

38: Introvert or extrovert?

I’m ambiverted but lean toward introversion. 

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

oh yeah absolutely, I personally just prefer that the tattoos aren’t on your face.  Or with piercings that they don’t take up so much of your face that I can’t see what you really look like.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

pink, red, or platinum 56: Something that calms you down?

reading, playing instruments, taking a bath, cooking or baking

57: Have any mental disorders?

yessir. ADD, anxiety. and I used to have really bad depression. Now my depression is simply manageable lol. 

73: What is your MBTI type?

INFP (enneagram 4)

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

surprisingly yes, will I come close to passing out? Maybe. But I can.

87: Do your socks always match?

never, I hate matching my socks unless the socks are funky and need to match to give them the biggest bang for their buck. 

92: A store you hate?

Dick’s sporting goods. I have been dragged around that place for hours and absolutely nothing there interests me. (edit: I found a beanie that I liked but my previous opinion still stands)

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

start counting and never stop. If you mean in terms of actual measurements like cups/ounces, I can drink 20. What can I say I’m from New England.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Definitely fly because that might help lessen my fear of heights

95: Do you like to wear camo?

literally shoot me if you ever see me wearing camo. please, I beg you. that will be me at my lowest point 

96: Winter or summer?

Autumn. Next question.

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

3-4 minutes. It’s all that breath control from musical theatre.

99: Someone you look up to:

Jughead Jones. Yes I said that, fight me. He is completely himself and he allows the different facets of his personality to shine through to people that he loves and cares about. He is loyal and caring but also unique and resilient. Plus his fave food is burgers which is an instant win for me.

100: A store you love?

Hot Topic, Barnes and Nobles, Savers or any thriftstore 

102: Where do you live?

New England bb (; gettin that dark academia aesthetic straight from the source

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Amber

105: Do you drink milk?

You mean out of the glass? Like a psychopath? Like a serial killer? Absolutely not

106: Do you like bugs?

I do! Except for spiders and mosquitoes (although I’m warming up to spiders)

109: Can you draw:

Eh yeah ig, well enough. I draw realistically but I’m not great at animated style. 

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Are you a boy or a girl?” (like why? does it personally affect you? are you planning on boning me? if not then buzz off)

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Yes, but only at night when the beach is quiet. I’m not a huge fan of the beach during the day

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Rainy or sunny. Don’t go givin me the clouds with none of the drizzle.

119: Favorite thing about a person: 

Personality first and foremost. Humor and kindness. But physically; their smile and mannerisms. 

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Veggies (or berries i like berries)

121: Something you want to do right now:

Run away... ahah. But in all honesty I would love to go mushroom foraging rn, or possibly go on an adventure. Maybe go put on clothing meant for an entirely different time period and run around Target idk.

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Definitely not sour I hate sour. Spoonfeed me wasabi, that I can handle. But if you make me eat a Warheads I will cry. 

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

I personally have a lot of problems with the funeral industry, so I would rather not take up space and rot preservation chemicals into the earth. But if I had an interim tombstone with no body underneath, it would read “Live Laugh Love” bc ~irony~

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

that I’m very individualistic and stubborn

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes absolutely, that’s what they’re there for.

134: Do you like roller coasters?

Do I like feeling like I’m about to full send through the crust of the earth and die? No. No I do not. (I am a simple person, I go to carnivals for the food and to feed off terror.) 139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Cookie

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

OH YEAH absolutely, I am a repressed gen z homosexual raised in a homophobic religious atmosphere, I am practically born with a therapist assigned to me.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

Definitely good -_- unfortunately. Catch me bein the mom friend.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

I prefer giving, but I am learning how to recieve. 

144: What makes you angry

People who live their lives in willful ignorance despite the endless resources available to them and let that ignorance hurt others.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

All of em. Gimme em all. I don’t like boys as much currently but I would still probably lay my life on the line for some. 

147: Are you androgynous?

Yes. It’s more fluid than it is being in consistent limbo between masc and femme. Usually I’m androgynous but I often swing wildly between both ends of that socially perceived spectrum. 148: Favorite thing about yourself physically?

My hands or smile(product of bracesTM). But I have been told I have nice hands. 

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

I am a very strong blend of wise and class clown. I can do em both, I can do em well, and I can do em whenever. I also care a lot about others but I don’t change myself to be accepted by them. 

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

MLK Jr. --> I want to gain perspective on some of the current global issues. Jesus --> I’ve got a lot of questions for that dude. JRR Tolkien bc he’s incredible or Joan of Arc for the same reason

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Ooh well, as a woman not many eras are desirable. But um probably either the 70s or Ancient Greece

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

YES. GIMME UR FINGERS > i meant that to sound much less threatening than it did but my statement still stands. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Yes it’s literally one of my favorite things to do. I hab empty lap. *pat pat* U may lay your head on it and watch Rilakkuma and Kaoru with me while I play with your hair. pls. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

Women..... That’s it. That’s the tweet.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

That I am not a member of the alphabet mafia. (It’s not currently safe for me to come out) Now tell me *shines light in your face* who are your contacts?

164: Do you have long or short hair?

I have medium hair. It’s around the length of a bisexual bob or a good mullet. 

165: Shortest/Longest your hair has ever been:

Shortest was a pixie cut, almost buzzed, amazing. Longest was to my butt and was literally the worst experience in existence. I shall to this day actively rebel against having hair like that again. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

Organized religion can suck it. You can’t organize your relationship with God, nor can you stick it into a little manmade box and pretend that you have the ability to create a perfect faith which others have to either follow or perish. It’s arrogant and damaging and hurtful and not at all what Christianity is supposed to mean. 

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

I do. I think it’s important and something we need to think about. I do believe there is something after death, and I like to believe that my life has meaning. I think that questions of creation are important questions to ask and we can’t just ignore them.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

Yes! It’s fun! Pretty colors!

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

Absolutely. And the ones I didn’t feel like answering I simply omitted.

[stella-monstrum]

Rob Zombie; "Why it's time to step outside the confinements of his own box."

For close to four decades,

 Rob Zombie has brought nonstop psychedelic grooves and a rockstar presence while gracing his own music and the silver screen with gut-churning, drug-tripping visuals. He not only commands quite the presence in films (whether his own successes or others’), but also makes appearances within many other horror soundtracks. There’s no denying that Zombie is a bloodied savant who has stayed incredibly consistent. 

[ᴿᵒᵇ ᶻᵒᵐᵇᶦᵉ. ⁽ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ: ᴳᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ ᴵᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ⁾]

(Written by Stella, edited by Jacob J.)

(Side note; tumblr’s photo formatting is a pain)

Let’s take a dive into his music before getting into his film library. From 1985-1997, White Zombie released six albums (between studio and compilations). La Sexorcisto: Devil Music Volume One didn’t break into the Billboard 200 chart until a year after its 1992 release. Shortly thereafter, it became the hot and groovy bong success of the band, going on to sell two million copies. Astro Creep 2000, their final and fourth studio release, was their first and only album to chart within the Top 10 of the Billboard 200 in 1995. Up to this day in 2020, “White Zombie” has been featured in 47 TV, film, and video game soundtracks, from Beavis & Butthead to Pen15 to Bride Of Chucky (which includes a personal favorite moment of mine), amongst many others.

After the disbandment and separation, Zombie continued on his solo journey. He has gone on to release six studio albums, with a seventh on the way in March 2021, titled The Lunar Injection Kool Aid Eclipse Conspiracy. A multitude of hits—eight to be exact—sat within the Top 10 of the Billboard 200 records. 

══════════════════

Zombie’s extensive film career is a “Super Beast” on its own. 

He has been very vocal about gaining inspiration from 1920s-1980s horror culture. In many interviews, he’s cited Stan Lee, Bella Lugosi, Alice Cooper, and Steven Speilberg as being responsible for molding the brain that we know today. 

Some of his influences include:

George A. Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (1978)

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) 

The Shining (1980)

Zombie’s upbringing in the carnival industry alongside his family is another key influence.

[[I’ll only be focusing on Zombie’s live-action films here.]]

══════════════════

In 2000, Rob made his directorial and (very memorable) screen debut with House Of 1000 Corpses. 

It took three years to be released because of quarrels with major production companies regarding the film’s majorly aggressive themes of torture, blood, violence, sex—not to mention his arrogance with MGM, fighting to get rights back from Universal. Eventually, Lionsgate bit the bullet, albeit with the major stipulation of having Rob edit it down much further so House could pass with a “tame” R rating. 

[[House of 1000 Corpses: Rainn Wilson as taxidermy merman (Source: Tumblr—and if you’re brave, you can view the scene here.)]]

══════════════════

In 2005 and 2019, the franchise’s next two installments—Devil’s Rejects and 3 From Hell—were released. The franchise is heavily influenced by the shocking, sickening, and unforgettable ’70s classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It follows a family of psychotic, sadistic, and bloodthirsty (if I’m being honest) necrophiliacs. They kidnap, kill, torture and brutalize anyone who gets in their way. At the end of Devil’s Rejects, they somehow manage to survive a police shootout, escape prison, and waltz on into Mexico (as seen in the franchise finale 3 from Hell).

Look, it’s all complicated.

Main Characters from the franchise:

Captain Spaulding—Sid Haig

Baby Firefly—Sheri Moon Zombie

Otis B. Driftwood—Bill Moseley 

Momma Firefly—Karen Black (recast as Leslie Easterbrook after Karen’s passing)

(Other notable appearances throughout: Chris Hardwick, Rainn Wilson, Danny Trejo, Dee Wallace, Ken Foree, and Diamond Dallas Page.)

⁽“ʰᵒᵘˢᵉˢ ᵗʳⁱˡᵒᵍʸ”, ᵈᵛᵈ ˢᵉᵗ﹔ ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹔ ᵗᵃʳᵍᵉᵗ.ᶜᵒᵐ⁾

══════════════════

The notorious/controversial Halloween (John Carpenter, 1978) remakes from 2007 and 2009.

(ᵃ ᵛⁱᵉʷ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵒˣ ᵃʳᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ ʳᵉᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ⁽ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹕ ᵃᵐᵃᶻᵒⁿ⁾)

Look, this is a remake that you either adore or hate with a burning passion. If you’re a horror fanatic, you know what’s up with the original.

I personally adore Zombie’s take. The fact alone that he gave us an entire background story as to why Michael became the psychotic slasher that we’ve come to know and love. Plus, with an increased suspense and gore factor? Worked incredibly well and did justice (in my opinion).

The film made me feel bad for Michael, with moments of child Myers in therapy, particularly his love for making masks to pass the time while he was locked up and the touching family moments between him and his mother Deborah (Sheri Moon).

ᵈᵉᵇᵒʳᵃʰ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐⁱᶜʰᵃᵉˡ ᵐᵉʸᵉʳˢ ⁱⁿ ʲᵃⁱˡ ᵗʰᵉʳᵃᵖʸ. ⁽ˢᶜʳᵉᵉⁿᶜᵃᵖ, ʰᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ. ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹕ ᵍᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ⁾

[Michael’s cell in the 2007 Halloween remake. (Source: Google)]

Add in the supporting cast of Michael McDowell (Loomis), Brad Douriff (Sheriff Leigh), Scout Taylor-Compton (Laurie Strode), etc., and I honestly think that it came together very well as a remake.

The films rated relatively low, but they did gross higher than the budgets that they originally had to film on. Again, I’m not going to give much attention to the higher-ups of critical perception—it all comes down to personal taste.

══════════════════

“Lords of Salem” (2013) 

[[Promotional art for Lords of Salem. (Souce: Google Images)]]

A film that’s centered within Salem, Massachusetts, 

this film—you guessed it—tackles witches, occultism, possession, Satan, and all the usual topics. Heidi (Sherri Moon) is a radio DJ who gets sent a mysterious record that’s labeled as being from “The Lords.” From then on out, shit gets a little dicey and admittedly, very disjointed. You can’t fault the cast here, and I loved the visuals that they were going for. However, with set schedule conflicts and multiple rewrites, which led to essentially running out of time to film? As a whole, what looked great on paper just couldn’t be done justice.

My FAVORITE sequence within the film (SPOILERS): 

I can forgive the disjointedness solely because of how mind-boggling and brilliant the film’s history and proper visuals were. Also, we got to see Dee Wallace, Judy Geeson, and Patricia Quinn as creepy and badass witches who moonlight as Heidi’s landlords. Also Meg Foster who leads their coven? Can we talk about what a femme-fueled power cast that is?!

[[Left to right: Patricia Quinn as Megan, Dee Wallace as Sonny, and Judy Geeson as Lacy Doyle. (Screencap, Lords of Salem. Source: Google) ]]

[[Meg Foster as coven leader Margaret Morgan. (Screencap, Lords of Salem. Source; google)]]

Like I said prior, the film gets a little wild. If you’re...well, buzzed prior to watching, it may make a little more sense. 

══════════════════

“31” (2016)

[[Film poster for 31 (Source: Google)]]

[Synopsis from IMDB; “Five carnival workers are kidnapped and held hostage in an abandoned, hellish compound where they are forced to participate in a violent game, the goal of which is to survive twelve hours against a gang of sadistic clowns.”]

Here, we clearly see that Zombie is invoking his childhood growing up within carnivals. In a 2013 interview with LA Weekly, Zombie divulged more about it:

“When we were kids, my parents would [work at the carnivals], and me and my brother would get dragged along to these things all the time and have to work.”

He went further on to say;

 “Yeah, and it's not the nicest world. As a kid, you get exposed to the crazier underworld of the carnival. Me and my brother, when we were very little, we'd be inside the haunted house playing all day. So, already, what people are paying money to be scared [of], we're just playing in because it's fun. We saw the inner workings behind the machines.”

(”31″ trailer, source; Youtube)

Once again in this film, Zombie brings a powerhouse cast:

Jeff Daniel Phillips as Roscoe Pepper

Meg Foster as Venus Virgo

Malcom McDowell as Father Murder

Judy Geeson as Sister Dragon

Richard Brake as Doom Head

You can view the entire cast at IMDB here.

Set in 1976, Zombie stays true to his nods. Again, depending on taste, this is a huge hit or a wild miss with mindless homicidal violence, campiness, and climbs across the monkey bar of standards that we’re used to seeing from him.

══════════════════

So at this point, you’re probably wondering why I think that it’s time for Rob Zombie to step out of the confinements of his own box...

══════════════════

It’s no secret that Zombie sticks to only a small group of tropes: 

Slashers, families or groups of homicidals that lack remorse, the occult, etc. There’s no shame in sticking to what you know. Hell, Zombie has seemingly cracked the code over the past two decades that he’s been in the film industry that so many directors still don’t seem to get.

IMO, despite whatever you personally feel about the films mentioned above- I feel like we’re living a freaky groundhog day repeat within Zombie’s filmography. 

══════════════════

Now, if it ain’t broke, why fix it? Look, I’m not saying that Zombie has to change anything. However, I would love to see him tackle some other nuances that we’ve already seen from him in small doses.

- Children: We haven’t seen Zombie exactly take on what horror films depict kids as. Sure, he made a breakout and impeccable choice with young Michael Myers (Daeg Faerch) back in 2007. I personally would adore to see a reimagined (NOT remade) Children of the Corn on acid, one we all know Zombie can tackle and turn every existing view on its head.

- Witchcraft, The Occult, Satan, Voodoo:  Zombie genuinely had a phenomenal concept (on paper) for 2012’s Lords of Salem. It was unfortunate that they ran out of resources and ran into unfortunate circumstances on set while filming. 

The film wasn’t a total tank, though, given how inspiring and insane all the visuals were throughout the 1 hr, 41min film. I am absolutely positive that, given a full-force opportunity, Rob could rectify the mess that was out of his control. We completely saw that he provided visuals that left quite the impression, and he could take those taboo subjects by the goat horns.

- Animals (not the human form): It’s no secret that Rob and his wife Sherri are ethical vegetarians. It would be so tongue and cheek to see them take on such topics as animals getting their revenge, or even vegetarians torturing carnivores. This twist on the formula would make for an interesting viewing.

══════════════════

2.) In regard to time periods, 

Zombie stays within—and pays homage to—the 1970s and 1980s quite a bit. Obviously, those are the eras that Zombie personally loves the most when it comes to filmmaking. However, it would be very interesting to see him take on current day settings. 

Zombie has such a unique viewpoint. Given changing climates in politics, human decline/growth, the economy, etc., he would do work that could easily put Ryan Murphy to shame.

══════════════════

3.) He could also do with some different casting every now and then.

Let me preface this by saying that I adore every repeat casting choice that Zombie has made for his films. 

Of course chemistry is a huge thing, and sticking to his friends is a very smart choice. However, he also has the potential to make new stars, boosting the power of those that may be under the radar. He can support those new stars with cameos from classic actors that we haven’t seen in awhile. I can’t begin to even fictionally cast those who fit the bill, but I do believe that with the “Zombie Touch,” he can bring so much more fresh air to the usual casting.

══════════════════

There’s no doubting what Rob Zombie is clearly very good at. Despite mixed reviews from the horror world and critics, it’s time that his fans open their eyes to new possibilities. Of course, there are die-hards, but digging your feet in further doesn’t allow the growth of horror and its ever evolving themes.

[[ʳᵒᵇ ᶻᵒᵐᵇⁱᵉ, ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹔ ᵍᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ ⁱᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ]]

This theory has been on my mind for a very long time—since 3 from Hell came out. I’m sure, in his usual fashion, we won’t be seeing any new films from Rob anytime soon (what with his new album set to release in March 2021, not to mention the toll that the pandemic has had on Hollywood.)

Still, it never hurts to challenge the set standards and ways.

[sagehaleyofficial]

HERE’S WHAT YOU MISSED THIS WEEK (1.1-1.7.20):

NEW MUSIC:

·         Angels & Airwaves teased a new song, while providing some information about the new documentary about them. According to frontman Tom DeLonge, the sing is titled “Time Bomb.”

·         Travis Barker of Blink-182 fame and his son Landon Barker took to Instagram to briefly tease the idea of them working together. On Instagram, the drummer classically banged away on his kit and Landon appeared to be nodding his head.

·         Vic Mensa dropped a new video for his song “It’s a Bad Dream.” The song comes from the project 93PUNX and features Good Charlotte, as well as notable names such as Travis Barker of Blink-182 and Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine.

·         All Time Low’s social media, as well as all the members including Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat, posted a cryptic video to their respective accounts. We see the iconic panda from the “Birthday” video as he lights a barrel on fire that contains a Last Young Renegade jacket.

·         Green Day‘s newest album track listing might have been leaked online. A fan of the group claims he was sent the Father of All… vinyl sleeve in the mail from someone in California, which is where the band is based.

·         After a surprise track released earlier in December, Set It Off dropped another new song called “So Predictable”. The band previously dropped another song, “Catch Me If You Can,” in mid-December after teasing a new release on Twitter.

·         Post Malone is reportedly going to be a featured performer on Justin Bieber‘s new album, due out later this year. In addition to Posty, Coachella headliner Travis Scott is rumored to feature on the album as well.

·         The 1975’s label Dirty Hit sent out a tweet requesting people to submit some information and a picture of themselves and their partner. The label says they’re shooting in London on January 18th and are searching for couples to star in a new music video.

·         Paramore’s Hayley Williams posted three mysterious black squares on Instagram, sparking theories that the music will soon be here. Fans spotted a poster of Williams and the phrase “Petals for Armor” around the U.S. including New York and her Nashville hometown.

TOUR ANNOUNCEMENTS:

·         Motion City Soundtrack made their triumphant return to the stage last Tuesday on New Year’s Eve in Chicago, rocking the House of Blues. Before the return, the band posted a hype image, reminding fans to get tickets while they could.

·         Green Day began 2020 with a performance on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest. At the event, the band performed their hit “When I Come Around” in celebration of the 25th anniversary of Dookie.

·         The Academy Is… posted a photo that is strikingly similar to the cover of their debut album Almost Here‘s cover art. The band’s debut record is coming up on its 15-year anniversary in February, leading to speculation about either another run of tour dates.

·         5 Seconds of Summer Ashton Irwin teamed up with Palaye Royale at NYE 2020: A Rock + Roll Carnival at the Taix Champagne Room. The night featured a host of covers of classic hits such as “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen to “Black Dog” by Led Zeppelin.

·         After countless rumors regarding who will be playing this year’s Coachella, several of the speculated artists have now been confirmed after the full lineup announcement. Weekend one is sold out, but weekend two presale begins today at noon PST.

·         My Chemical Romance’s latest post spawned speculation they will announce a show in the UK. The band posted across their social media accounts a cryptic photo of a cloaked skeletal face person with a simple caption containing the UK flag.

·         Halsey recently came under fire for some comments she made while performing at Bay Dreams Festival in New Zealand. She then relayed that it was just crowd banter to get them really going and she would say the same to anyone about their rival of sorts.

·         The surviving members of Nirvana reunited on Saturday in Los Angeles for a show with Beck, St. Vincent and more. The concert was for a charity gala hosted by charity organization the Art of Elysium.

·         Post Malone recently showed off his screaming skills while screaming along to Pantera‘s “Walk.” Recently, videos of Posty were posted by New York-based, indie-rock band Beach Fossils.

OTHER NEWS:

·         Dan Reynolds of Imagine Dragons took to social media to address concerns about the band recently taking the top three spots on Billboard’s Hottest Rock Songs of the Decade chart. Reynolds laughed off the negative comments.

·         Post Malone showed off his newest face tattoo, an armored hand holding a medieval flail. It takes a sizable spot on his face and was created by Kyle Hediger, who has tattooed Posty previously.

·         Pierce the Veil revealed that their collaboration with Sleeping with Sirens’ Kellin Quinn, “King for a Day,” went platinum. In November 2014, the song went gold and held its own in the Top 40 Rock chart.

·         A very dedicated My Chemical Romance fan compiled all the high-quality footage that everyone posted throughout the band’s return show. They edited them all together and made a one hour and forty-minute video of the entire gig.

·         Jeffree Star posted his first video of the New Year, in which he takes us on a 36-minute tour of his new multi-million-dollar mansion. Star also talks about how he had a dream and made it come true with less than $500 in his pocket after quitting music.

·         In anticipation of the release of Birds of Prey, merchandise for the film has officially dropped via Hot Topic. Among the items is also an impressive jacket from Her Universe resembling the one Harley Quinn is seen wearing in the film’s trailers.

·         New Years Day vocalist Ash Costello made a post on Instagram explaining the ups and downs of 2019 for her personally and professionally while confirming she is now engaged. Costello and her fiancé Jered Boeving made the move together at Disneyland.

·         Lil Peep’s management and label, First Access Entertainment, is disputing claims filed by his mother in documents filed on December 23rd in Los Angeles Superior Court. Liza Womack filed suit against the company over claims they overworked him and encouraged drug use.

·         Billie Eilish launched a sustainable merchandise line with H&M. The line features everything from oversized t-shirts and sweaters to joggers, which are all made from sustainably-sourced materials.

·         We the Kings drummer Danny Duncan announced his engagement to longtime girlfriend Valentina Guerrero. The couple have one son, Carter, who adorably posed with the newly engaged duo after the proposal.

·         All Time Low is teaming up with Full Tilt Brewery to create a new beverage called “Beer Maria Count Me In.” Full Tilt founders Nick Fertig and Dan Baumiller originally opened the brewery using Peabody Heights Brewery’s facilities in Baltimore six years ago.

·         Benji Madden of Good Charlotte and his wife, actress Cameron Diaz, welcomed the birth of a baby girl. The couple kept it a secret to protect the privacy of their little one, who is named Raddix Madden.

·         Twenty One Pilots frontman Tyler Joseph and wife Jenna continued to invite fans into their world as they prepare for the birth of their first child. The mother-to-be shared a photo with a caption revealing approximately their daughter is due in approximately one month.

·         The Panic! at the Disco track “High Hopes” was used for an epic same-sex skate routine in the UK show Dancing on Ice. During the premiere of the program’s latest season, pro ice-skater Matt Evers and Welsh actor/singer Ian H. Watkins had their first routine together.

·         The iconic venue Koko in the Camden district of London last night. Firefighters worked hard to put the flames out as smoke and flames blow out from the roof scaffolding of the venue, which is currently undergoing renovations.

___

Check in next Tuesday for more “Posi Talk with Sage Haley,” only at @sagehaleyofficial!

[spamzineglasgow]

(REVIEW) Old Food, by Ed Atkins

Jon Petre takes a hearty bite out of Ed Atkins’ Old Food (Fitzcarraldo Editions, 2019), musing on the transfiguration of consumption and disgust into a carnivalesque prose poetry of mastication, food prep and Dadaist stylistics.

> There’s nothing worse than food cooked badly, is there? On our street we used to have sleepovers at a friend’s house. His parents couldn’t cook for shit. To this day I recoil to think of breakfast at his, which was always lukewarm beans, underdone toast and grey sausages, their skins thick and resistant to slicing, the meat inside limpid and oozing water. You’re more likely to remember an awful meal, I think, than a decent or just an average one. You remember consumption when it’s disgusting.

> Bad food sticks in the memory as well as the throat. It takes you back: a glimpse of grey sausages and I’m a twelve-year-old snob again. The opening scene of Ed Atkins’ Old Food  (2019) strikes a similar chord:

Spring finds medium son just on the floor. Looks maybe six? evil, holds the red plastic-handled table knife in a small right fist, fishes a slice from the open bag of bad read with a left.

> What follows is a slightly sickening description of buttering bread with ‘crumb-stuck margarine’, margarine on the foil lid, margarine glistening on the kid’s skin and an old sock where it’s smudged in the food-prep process. It’s such a specific, carefully observed scene, with all the detail of a memory. The speaker destabilises the workaday and familiar (buttering bread, being awake before your mum at the weekend) and makes it an uncanny, vaguely gross and alien process.  And that’s just for starters: welcome to Old Food.

> Old Food began life in 2017 as an art installation at the Martin-Gropius Bau in Berlin. I didn’t see it. From what I gather from videos, images and reviews online, animation formed a central part of the exhibition. In Atkins’ films, hyper-realistic people gorged themselves on food, eating and dying in some nightmarish uncanny universe. Old Food became infamous for a CGI shit sandwich that was full of tiny babies. In one film, a creepy child jerkily crosses the room and plays the piano as a storm rages outside. This book, elegantly published by Fitzcarraldo Editions in their signature blue French-flapped style, distils that visual exhibition into a verbal form: a fatty lump of consumption and disgust rendered into prose poetry.

> The speaker, or speakers, takes us through a series of meals and mealtimes. I felt like I was reading someone’s hardscrabble childhood, picturing Lord of the Flies children foraging for herbs and thieving cast-offs in a violent dystopia. But it feels wrong to ascribe Old Food such a linear narrative. No, Old Food is a carnival. A parade of savage mealtimes, a festival of overindulgence and late-capitalist excess. It is a meditation on the strange ways that consumerism has chewed up our animal instincts of desire and consumption.

> Old Food is narrated in second-person, and I was transfixed by the ‘we’ of the speaker: ‘We used to cut most everything with fridge-cold clammy chicken’, ‘we’d cut parachute silk / with skate wings’, ‘We became happy brutes’. For whom are they speaking? Are they carnal and transgressive as a collective, or is the speaker hiding in a crowd from individual responsibility? Vaguely troubling, rarely elucidated.

> Like artistic composition, food prep is both destructive and creative – taking a dozen bitty parts from a dozen separately whole things and making a composite other whole-thing whose wholeness depends entirely on how well it’s made, how well done-it is, how refined your taste is. Like art, food sounds mad. In its twisty language and wordplay, Old Food resembles some of the best Surrealist poetry (I won’t name names, taste being subjective) as well as the Futurists’ Manifesto of Futurist Cuisine (1930). The Futurists fetishized elaborate eating rituals as a way to cement ideas of nationalism and the supremacy of masculine desire. (they tried to ban pasta because it’d stop Italians from being uber-mensch.) Old Food comes out closer to Dada – sure food can be art, but it’s still full of shit!

> Words are chopped up and blitzed into paste, disassembled and reconstituted to suit the speaker’s palate. Peanut butter on bread is measured in ‘knifefuls’, zucchini is ‘scabbed’ in Tempura, and the ‘hot long release’ of pissing in a field sounds like ‘the frying pan sizzle’. This is poetry for a nation in turmoil, where even the language around who we are a nation and what is normal has started to go off. Old Food brings us down to its level.

> A roasted goose has ‘opened [its] legs’ for cooking; filling the bird’s cavity with stuffing is to ‘engorge to torture’. Eating has forever been synonymous with sex, but Old Food doesn’t take any prisoners – cooking juices are like body fluids, feasting is fucking, and so on. Sex, violence and eating – are all the same desire, Atkins suggests, carnal impulses that poetry is always better for embracing.

> Yet there is a tinge of desolation to all this gluttony and lust, no matter how fun. Old Food’s epigraph is from Georges Bataille: being formless, we may as well imagine it as ‘something like a spider or spit’. There is no grand narrative behind eating three meals a day until you die. Imagine every meal you’ve ever eaten, the good and the bad, the Wotsits and the Wellingtons, the slurped oysters and the Daddies’ sauce and, no matter how delicious or well-prepared they were, it’d all be the same in a vast, Sisyphean heap. There’s horror between those buns.

> ‘What’s at stake with this sandwich?’ the speaker asks, and the answer is desire itself: which desires we’re willing to admit to, which inhibitions we’re willing to shed. Whether it’s food or sex, someone is trying to sell us a fantasy of consumption; to think of either as sacred is absurd, Atkins seems to say, and in Old Food we’re better off revelling in the shit than swallowing it.

There used to be justice rather than I don’t know chocolate eggs. There used to be rallying cries’d rather than just a rich man suppressing belches at you. There used to be an unopened box and an open front door.

> By revelling in the shit, with its imagery of disgust and vocabulary of consumption, Old Food makes a stink about the sourness of our sex and food after late capitalism’s had its way with it. It’s credit to Atkin’s talent as an artist that he can move between visual art and prose poetry without seeming to lose his bite. If Old Food is like Surrealist poetry, then it is because you can enjoy the poetry as much for its puns as its absurdist critique of late capitalism. And for all the Bataille and nihilism, Old Food is a reminder that consumption is fun. Forget health cleanses and behaving yourself in public. What’s wrong with wanting crisp sandwiches and dirty sex?

~

Text: Jon Petre Published: 7/7/20

[katiewattsart]

25/03/20 : A RECAP

25/03/20 : A RECAP

- Who Watches the Watchmen? - Power, Discourse, The Other

- Ever Tried. Ever Failed - Failure, Resilience, Sustainability

- Teddy Boys and Haul Girls - Subcultures, Resistance, Commodification

- Utopia and Dystopia - world-building, social justice

- Nothing is original and that’s ok - The Copy, Remix Cultures, Bricolage

- Hauntology and Nostalgia - Political Nostalgia, Subversion, 

- Telling Stories - Narrative Theory, Narratives in practice, storytelling

Who Watches the Watchmen?       

Power

Theorists Include:

Michel Foucault, Judith Butler, Laura Mulvey, 

John Berger

Moral Panic

The Panopticon

Surveillance 

Feminism

Sex/Gender 

The Gaze

The Power of Looking

“Looking involves learning to interpret and, like other practices, looking involves relationships of power....

To be made to look, to try to get someone to look at you or at something you want to be noticed, or to engage in an exchange of looks, involves a play of power.”

Sturken, M. Cartwright, L. (2004) Practices of Looking

The Panopticon

Designed by British Jurist and social reformer Jeremy Bentham in 1791, as an architectural system of control and surveillance. 

Used by Foucault to analyse systems of power, and the self-regulating society. 

Section and plan of Jeremy Bentham’s Panopticon penitentiary, drawn by Willey Reveley, 1791 

- Power is reinforced through language

- Bodies act under strict constraints of power exercised by institutions

- The Power of Subversion

- Gender is a social construct and is performative

- The structure of power is Patriarchal

POTENTIAL RESEARCH QUESTIONS

Drawing Power: How depictions of superheros have changed in the Marvel Universe from the 1960s to the present day 

A post-structural analysis of Power and Illustration in the graphic novels of Frank Miller

Power Play: A history of Alan Moore mocking authority  

Imbalance of power: Becoming Unbecoming and readdressing female histories

Chintz and power: Jim Shaw’s anti-fascist wallpapers

Political cartoons and the British Establishment, from William Hogarth to Steve Bell

Ever Tried. Ever Failed.

Trying and failing as art

Experimentation

Sustainability 

Social Justice 

Capitalism 

The Process

Resilience 

Artists Include: Beckett, Smithson, Ono, Signer, Banksy, Wei wei

failure:

1. Lack of success.

2. The neglect or omission of expected or      required action.

3. The action or state of not functioning.

Oxford living dictionaries

Guerilla Design

Chapitre Zero (2013)

Furniture designers Duccio Maria Gambi/Mattia Paco

Salvages wooden pallets, unwanted furniture, and assorted pieces of wood 

Create urban public furniture to create ‘social spaces’ in Paris.  

Sustaining Culture? 

Justin Gignac, New York City Garbage (2001)

POTENTIAL RESEARCH QUESTIONS

Tru Try and Try again: why those who keep going get the most done

From one to many: how Greta Thunberg’s perseverance made a difference in a world of indifference

Resilience and Sustainability are the tools we need for surviving the future 

We Make Our Luck: the aggregation of Marginal Gains

Say Nothing, Do Nothing, Be Nothing: the purpose of the Crit in Art and Design

Teddy Boys and Haul Girls: Subcultures

Subcultures

Subversion

Bricolage

Youth Culture

Dominant/Deviant culture

Conspicuous Consumption 

Punk

Culture Jamming

Utopia/Dystopia

Theorists/ Artists Include: Hebdige, Williams, Leckey, Banksy, Warhol, Adbusters

Dominant culture:  a dominant culture is one that is able, through economic or political power, to impose its values, language, and ways of behaving on a subordinate culture or cultures. This may be achieved through legal or political suppression of other sets of values and patterns of behaviour, or by monopolizing the media of communication. 

Dominant culture. A Dictionary of Sociology. . Encyclopedia.com.

ubculture: Subcultures are smaller groups within the larger culture that have slightly different—or additional—traditions and ideas. They tend to share much in common with the larger culture and typically interact with members of the majority on a regular basis. Most people belong to at least one group that can be classified as a subculture. 

Feminist Critique:

The role of women/girls is largely ignored.

The experience of youth is gendered.

Wider gender politics can be investigated through the study of youth subcultures. 

This is England (2007) Shane meadows:

Haul Girls

“In fact, the closest thing to the old model of a subculture I've come across is Helina and the haul girls. Their videos are about conspicuous consumption: a public display of their good taste, carefully assembled with precise attention to detail. When you put it like that – and at the risk of incurring a fatwah from middle-aged Paul Weller fans – they sound remarkably like mods.”

-Alexis Petridis

Conspicuous Consumption:

..is a term introduced by the Norwegian-American economist and sociologist Thorstein Veblen in his book "The Theory of the Leisure Class" (1899). The term refers to consumers who buy expensive items to display wealth and income rather than to cover the real needs of the consumer.

POTENTIAL RESEARCH QUESTIONS

Cosplay and the Carnival: Counter culture as the World Turned Upside Down 

Representations of Subculture in Film, Theatre and Costume/Illustration

England’s Dreaming: Punk as a critique of Thatcherism and the rise the Me Generation

Dressing/Drawing Working Class Subcultures from 1950 to 2000: An Artifact

This Is England: From Skins to The Inbetweeners, a cultural reading of England’s youth culture

Art & Artifice: a discussion of representations of young people and material culture from Annie Swynnerton to Andy Warhol

Utopia and Dystopia

World-Building

Social Justice

Critiques of culture

Art and Crisis

Transformative design

Theorists include: Thomas Moore, Philip K. Dick, Ernst Bloch..

Sir Thomas More 1477-1535

- First person to write about Utopia - a perfect imaginary world

- Greek - Ou-topos - No place, or Nowhere

- Eu-topos- A good place

Can a perfect place ever be realised? 

Utopia means nowhere or no place. It has often been taken to mean good place, through confusion of its first syllable with the Greek eu as in euphemism or eulogy. As a result of this mix up, another word, dystopia, has been invented, to mean bad place. But, strictly speaking, imaginary good places and imaginary bad places are all utopias, or nowheres. 

- John Carey

The Garden of Earthly Pleasures -Hieronymus Bosch circa 1490-1510

UTOPIAS IN FILM

POTENTIAL RESEARCH QUESTIONS

I Am The Architect: The Role of the Designer in Dystopia 

Fashioning Utopia:  How costume design in Science Fiction helps us reimagine the world 

Interior Identities: How the inner spaces of our lives tell the narrative of our times

Digital Dystopia: How the Ghost In The Machine Became A Trope of the Internet Age

The Perfect Palette: The search for Utopia on the canvases of the Stanley Spencer

NOTHING IS ORIGINAL - and that’s ok!

The Remix

Hauntology 

Appropriation

Nostalgia

The Copy

Sampling

Theorists/Artists Include: David Lynch, Kenneth Goldsmith, Simon Reynolds, Mark Fisher.

WHAT IS ORIGINALITY?

How would you define originality?

Should we try and pursue originality?

Does originality exist?

If so, what does it look like? 

POTENTIAL RESEARCH QUESTIONS

Steal Like an Artist: How Our Influences Make Us Who We Become

Copy Paste Culture: How Rap Reflects the Wider Art World of the 1980’s and Beyond

Youtube Made Me Hardcore: How Access to Everyday Editing Software Made Everyone an Artist

Hauntology and Nostalgia

Nostalgia

Hauntology

Politicisation

Style and Aesthetic

Commodification

Reflexive/restorative

Theorists include: Svetlana Boym, Mark Fisher, Jacques Derrida

NOSTALGIA AS DOMINANT MODE

How do explain the large number of works based on pre-existing work?

Why do you think that adaptations are the dominant product in today’s media market?

Two Types of Nostalgia

estorative:

 “puts emphasis on nostos (returning home) and proposes to rebuild the lost home and patch up the memory gaps.” (Boym)

Reflective:

“Reflective nostalgia, on the other hand, “dwells in algia (aching), in longing and loss, the imperfect process of remembrance.”

“Personal nostalgia can be used therapeutically to help individuals move beyond trauma” (Batcho, 2017)

Historically being nostalgic or using nostalgia as a form of expression in art or literature has not been seen as a good thing, rather it’s been viewed as the antithesis of progression and innovation. Miuccia Prada once said ‘nostalgia is a very complicated subject for me. I'm attracted by nostalgia but I refuse it intellectually.’ 

Definition of Hauntology

Hauntology is a philosophical concept referring to the return or persistence of elements from the past, as in the manner of a ghost. The term was coined by French philosopher Jacques Derrida in his 1993 book Spectres of Marx.

Broadly speaking, the notion that the present is haunted by lost futures

POTENTIAL RESEARCH QUESTIONS

The Machine in The Ghost: Digital and Analogue Traces in the Art and Films of David Lynch

Breaking the Future: How Nostalgia and Hauntology has Led to an Influx of Genre Movies and Remakes, and What Can be Done to Change It

The Effects of Nostalgia: Instagram and the Filter 

Telling Stories

The Mainstream

Narrative

Provocation/Disruption

Street Art

The Spectacle

Theorists/Artists include: Kruger, Banksy, Warner, Anderson, de Certeau, Georges Perec, 

Texts’ that could hold a narrative?

…novels, comics, films, tv series, plays, films, children’s books, animation, games, photographs, news stories, magazine covers, folktales and myths, book covers, paintings, editorial illustrations, window displays, packaging, logos…

The Culture Industry

How might film be seen as an ideological tool, then and now?

CRAFTING NARRATIVE

Exploring how makers and designers are using objects and making ,to tell stories.

POTENTIAL RESEARCH QUESTIONS

Costume as Character in Game Of Thrones

Grayson Perry as Storyteller: Culture Captured in Ceramics and tapestry

Dressing the Window: Narratives on Display

Suffragette Jewellery and the Story of Adornement as Dissent in Early 20th Century Britain 

ALL UR VIRAL PHENOMENA R BELONG 2 US

Networks

Collective Understanding

Viral Phenomena

Populism

Digital Culture

User Content

Memes

Satire

Viral phenomena are objects or patterns that are able to replicate themselves or convert other objects into copies of themselves when these objects are exposed to them. They get their name from the way that viruses propagate

“Breaking the Internet”: The narratives of Viral media

Why do things go viral?

- Relatability

- Empathy

- Irony / irreverence

- Political meaning

- Humour

- ‘Smarts’

The word meme was coined by Richard Dawkins in his 1976 book The Selfish Gene as an attempt to explain the way cultural information spreads; such as beliefs, fashions, stories, and phrases

POTENTIAL RESEARCH QUESTIONS

The Viral Marketing campaigns of JJ Abrams

The Meme is Dead, Long Live the Meme! How Do We Keep up with the means of communication when the means of communication change on a Daily Basis?

HASHTAGS: Friends or Enemies?

The Rise of Cancel Culture and Implications for Critical Thinking

ESSAY PREPERATION 

What do you want to explore?

theme/idea

artist/designer

object/image

These Questions should now: 

- guide your research and keep you focused.

- What information are you lacking, and where do you need to go to get it?

- Brainstorm a list of Questions, considering whether you need to:

Analyse               

Appraise

Assess

Compare

Contrast

Criticise

Define

Discuss

Describe

Examine

Explain

Indicate

Illustrate

Interpret

Judge

Justify

Outline

Refute

State

Summarise

Trace

Title/Question

Be concise and explicit. This is a working title/question.

EG. Who Decides Who Decides? 

Critiquing power in the Marvel Cinematic Universe

Keywords

Include here any words you think will help you identify the research you want to undertake.

EG. Power, Foucault, Surveillance, war on terror, citizen activism, superheroes

introduction/Questions

Use this section to introduce the questions and any issues that are central to your research.

EG. This paper explores the ways in which power is exercised in the MCU, and compares the films to the source comics to see how the two mediums differ

Background

What are the key texts and approaches in the field? How does your proposal  extend our understanding of particular questions or topics? You need to set out your research questions as clearly as possible, explain problems that you want to explore and say why it is important to do so. In other words, think about how to situate your project in the context of your discipline.

EG. Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons; V for Vendatta etc, Crisis on Infinite Earths

DEVELOPING YOUR RESEARCH QUESTION

5Ws: answer the following questions:

Who does your topic impact? 

Who cares about your topic? 

What is influenced by or influences your topic?

Where is your topic relevant?

Why is your topic important?

You could try free writing!

Write continuously for a set amount of time without stopping. Ignore grammar and spelling. Write what you know and identify gaps and questions to pursue. 

Or mind mapping!

A visual form of brainstorming. Include related subtopics, concepts and words and connect to them to your topic. 

TASK

Before next session:

Brainstorm and mind map your ideas

Gather images, quotes

fill in your research proposal for GCOP200 

(as much as you can)

Bring it all with you to your seminar