#Two unfortunately has to deal with him and make sure he doesn't die because absolutely no self preservation skills

[audliminal]

It's Just a Game, Right? Pt 10

Masterpost

The thing is, Tim has a few more resources than the average person. And maybe it's cheating, but the names in the first video aren't exactly the most unique, and when he and Bernard google them, they get a lot of results, and nothing very obvious. Which means that Tim spends most of the night laying next to Bernard, staring at the ceiling as his brain spins in some extremely fruitless circles. And by morning he is unquestionably exhausted and annoyed. Bernard is as kind and empathetic as he ever is, and the moment he realizes Tim's insomnia had gotten the better of him, he goes about making Tim an absolutely delicious breakfast. And then Tim has to go to work, and deal with idiot business people who think nothing of tactics that would harm thousands of their own employees.

Being an absolute pinnacle of restraint, Tim does not throw a chair at the department head who tries to subtly suggest cutting down his department's bonuses to increase his own, and he goes through dozens of emails, but by the time it's late enough to get away with leaving for the day, Tim is feeling exceptionally irritated. So, maybe it's cheating, but it's not like anyone has to know. After all, he can always work backwards once he has the connection, and present Bernard with a more appropriate methodology. So around mid-afternoon, he heads to the batcave and plugs some parameters in, so it can cross-reference the results for him.

What he gets is interesting, to say the least. The program flags a handful of different individuals and documents, but among them is an article from the Gotham Gazette about a motorcycle accident. Listed as victims are two teens, named Katherine Taylor and Jonathan Woods, both names that were among the details of the first video. It seems too odd to be a coincidence, though, and when Tim searches for the individuals in question, he manages to find their obituaries, and the photos reveal a near definite match.

It leaves something of a sour taste in Tim's mouth when he remembers this is supposed to be a fiction thing. Unless somebody involved in this knows how to hack shit real well, then they're using real people who cannot possibly have consented to becoming part of some game. There's also implications in the fact that the date listed for the photos is well after their deaths. He knows enough to know ghost stories aren't exactly uncommon in these sorts of things, but trying to imply that real people have become ghosts? Especially when ghosts are usually antagonists in scary stories — Tim stolidly reminds himself not to jump to conclusions, and simply notes the connections and moves on.

The bat computer, unfortunately, doesn't pull up info about the three other names, and it pulls up way too many results when it comes to the listed locations. It takes almost an hour of fiddling with search parameters, before he finally managed to land on something that might be a match. It's difficult to tell, because the photo they'd used is definitely old, but it looks like the Carle Park in question is in Illinois, which ostensibly gives them a location, corroborated by the fact that a highway 49 runs not too terribly far from it.

It takes a while of debate, but eventually he decides to go ahead and run the other photos of people through facial recognition, in case the photos match anything. He feels kind of slimy about it, but these things are public record, and even if this research isn't supposed to be for anything important, and even if the circumstances aren't exactly ideal, he and Bernard don't exactly have to post any of this info.

He's not sure whether to be surprised when he gets a match on a third individual. This time, the person in question is actually misidentified as Amber McCall, when the girl's actual name appears to be Ember McLain. What's more, the photo they'd been provided with is one of her as a child, despite the fact that she apparently didn't die until 21.

It seems an odd combination of details to get wrong, especially compounded by the fact that she was apparently on her way to fame, with a burgeoning music career. Her death is similarly tragic, reported as an accidental house fire, though Tim finds a contemporary article speculating otherwise. The writing reads as nothing but gossip, though, so he promptly closes it, and at the sound of footsteps, he closes out his search and takes his notebook upstairs, before any of his wayward siblings can start asking him questions.

[aetomicwasteland]

Wanted to doodle the little guys, they’re so unbelievably silly. SILLY GUYS!!

[luminiamore]

soul

basketball player ony x spiritual reader headcanons

୨୧ he absolutely has to keep one of the crystals you gave him with him. at all times. if he ever realizes he’s forgotten it—whether it’s on the way to practice or heading out for a big game—he’ll drop everything. no matter how tight the schedule is, he’ll make his entire team wait while he runs back to get it.

୨୧ he knows how sensitive and drained you get when you're surrounded by so many energies at once, and he could never put you in that position. so, even though he would love to have you at every game, he never allows you to come. instead, he’s making sure you're waiting for him in the locker room after.

୨୧ he takes the time to lock the door, ensuring that no one can hear anything, especially the sweetest cries you make when he's celebrating a big win. and when the rivalry match doesn't end in his favor-he's just as committed to making you feel his frustration. he’d end up carrying you to his car when he feels like he’s thoroughly dumped his anger past your warm sticky walls, your legs becoming jello.

୨୧ he was never the type to open up about his feelings, let alone imagine a future with anyone. seeing how dedicated you are to growing and evolving as a person, something shifted in him. he respected you deeply, more than he ever thought possible. for you, he started putting in the work—learning how to be more vulnerable, more present, and more open.

୨୧ you both became teachers to each other. he’d never admit it out loud, but you were slowly unraveling parts of him he didn’t even know were there. and just as much, he pushed you to continue evolving, helping you through your own challenges with the same dedication he put into his training.

୨୧ you two rarely argue. or ever really stay upset at each other. if he does something to make you upset you let him know rather than playing mind games, vice versa. ony would rather die than let you go to sleep upset at him. you will always talk it out. and get your pussy sucked clean after.

୨୧ he said “i love you” first, and while he tried to keep his cool and act like it was no big deal— on the inside, he was terrified. what if she don’t say it back? the simple thought almost made him second guess his decision. you did, of course.

୨୧ call him toxic, but unfortunately for you—breaking up is not an option. deep down, he knows you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. he might make mistakes but he’s quick to learn from them, careful not to make them again. if you ever hinted at leaving, he’d beg on his knees, desperate to change your mind. his pride would be forgotten in a second.

୨୧ he’s the kind of man who starts taking care of himself because he knows that if he wants to be the best partner, he has to be the best version of himself too. he hits the gym regularly to clear his head, makes sure he’s eating right to stay energized, and starts working on his mental health—because you deserve someone who is just as mentally strong as you are.

୨୧ safe to say, you’re spoiled—but in the best way possible. he takes you to the crystal shop, and it’s like your personal shopping spree every time. he knows exactly what you need, picking out the most beautiful, rare crystals for your collection.

୨୧ he’s all in when it comes to your little quirks, even if it means spending hours at a thrift store. he’ll go with you, sifting through racks, helping you find those one-of-a-kind items you’re obsessed with. and when you find something perfect, he doesn’t hesitate. he’s dropping a bag, not because he has to, but because he wants you to feel special, like you deserve the best.

୨୧ all in all, he loves you. and it’s more than just the surface-level affection—it’s deep, real, and unwavering. he’s in love with you. every part of you. from the way you laugh to the way you challenge him to grow. you’re his lifeline, the one person who makes everything make sense.

[edelfie]

#𝓣𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘! this means war.

while you are off doing your own thing, being controversial and whatnot, a certain pest in your side seems to be buzzing about. unfortunately for her though, she’ll have to try a little harder to keep up with you.

or, lia loses her mind a little

POST CREDITS! —

As far as Lia is concerned, you are nothing more than an obstacle in her way. Sure, a persistently irritating obstacle, but a measly one nonetheless. Whatever game you were trying to get at wouldn't work on her.

She really shouldn't be wasting her energy on you anyways. She already has everything she wants: the best job in the world, all the money a girl could dream of, and her fiancé. Keyword: hers. Perhaps she is a bit territorial, but isn't it natural for any girl to be with their things?

Following their heated argument though, she isn't so certain where she stands with the man in question. She knew her words were hurtful the moment her fingers flung across the screen, and she won't fawn and play innocent knowing that was exactly why she sent them in the first place. It's just...so hard to communicate her emotions to Atsumu when he takes everything she says or does as a joke.

It's funny. Everyone in her life has expressed their own feelings about the constant push and pull of their relationship. Years of infrequent dating and uncertain feelings culminating into a very real, very permanent engagement was not how she envisioned their relationship ending. Because while Lia thinks she loves Atsumu, she knows he's difficult to be with.

When they were younger and had just started dated, she gave him the benefit of the doubt more often than not. That he was simply "like that", constantly riding on the brink and not giving a damn about what others thought about him. And to a degree, she found him aspirational for that and even wanted to replicate him in that sense.

That was, until, it started affecting her work. She began losing brand deals and sponsorships because the boy she was dating couldn't behave himself for the two hours he was in public. It was ridiculous! At times, it felt like she wasn't his girlfriend, but his mother, his publicist, and his manager all in one. And maybe that does make her selfish for not going to his games, but when does she get to be selfish in their relationship?

She feels the most empowered, the most authentic, the most selfish every time she calls it off. She gets to enjoy her freedom, then watch as Atsumu comes crawling back to her. Sometimes he outright says he'll change (he doesn't usually), or he'll demand that she "match his effort" (she won't). Maybe it's antithetical to some, but for Lia it just makes sense.

So despite dating Atsumu Miya being equivalent to forcing a square into a circle, Lia would rather die than let anyone take him away from her.

NOTES! —

Sorry for the smaller chapter today! I just couldn’t think of a way to fluff it up that wouldn’t already be included in future chapters. If I do get any ideas though, I’ll be sure to update this and post a notif. Also, Lia isn't meant to be like a token "mean girl", she's very flawed and human and that's a result of her environment. She is still bitchy of course, but not evil. Anyways, today’s fundraiser is to help the Liberty Lancers Marching Band purchase new uniforms! While it may seem miniscule compared to other "issues", as someone who's partner marches and has come to love band themselves, having new uniforms would mean the world for these students. You can click here to donate or read more on their story.

In other news, I am back from my (tiny) break! Though I’ll admit, I didn’t use that time wisely to plan ahead for my next releases LOL. I had fun though!

I presented my speech in class on Tuesday, which wasn’t as scary as I thought but I’m still glad it’s over LMAO. After that I went to the gym to work out for about 30 mins, before heading home to go on a date. We walked around downtown and went bowling, to which he absolutely wiped the floor with me I fear. And then today in one of my classes we had a rock, paper, scissors tournament (gotta love college LOL) and…I WON! We did it a few times but I just kept winning or getting very close, so I was named the RPS champion ^-^

PREV + MASTERLIST + NEXT

© all rights reserved—edelfie (2024) // do not plagiarize, modify, copy, use, translate, or repost my work on other sites without permission

[retro-stars]

What. What if Voltron legendary defender and Rottmnt crossover?

Listen, I have a vision: A younger Lance ran into Leo April-style and he as the reason why Leo originally started learning Spanish

He makes good friends with the turtles and co, acting as something of a fun cousin since he's not in New York consistently and absolutely refuses any Donnie upgrades to his tech when he goes off to the Garrison about a month before the season one plot gets rolling since he wants to be an awesome pilot the fair way or something like that

They talk constantly over message and call, giving updates back and forth. They even manage some in person meet-ups for a while once Leo got the hang of consistent long-distance teleportation before Lance ended up in space

Hunk knows them fairly well (the consequences of being a childhood friend of one Lance McClain, you end up knowing a lot of random people through the weirdest circumstances), but they've only met really online or over the phone with the exception of April He's taken to exchanging recipes with Mikey and talking engineering and biochem with Donnie and giving Leo advice. His default talking buddy is Raph through and through though

Pidge didn't get a chance to meet them but she does hear of them, so they're unaware of the whole mutant thing and also that the fellow rogue hacker she sometimes finds digging through the Garrison databases and the super-smart-and-obnoxious-about-it Donnie she reminds Lance of are in fact the same person. Donnie doesn't tell Lance that he's pretty sure Pidge is in fact one teenaged Katie Holt tricking the entirety of the US military and government because he thinks it's funny and wants to see how long it takes Lance to notice the literal fucking soap opera going on around him. Lance has some suspicions as to how legitimate Pidge's identity is anyway since Donnie is horrid at hiding how he's a little too curious about her, though he never gets a confirmation up until Pidge actually tells the team

AS FOR THE ACTUAL PLOT:

The Garrison Trio's disappearance happens literally like. right before the events of the movie. The timing of those two things just generally ended up really unfortunate, 'cause Lance got into the fighter pilot course and started dealing with some serious issues with his self-esteem and peers as well as the additional stress of the bigger workload right as the team dynamics with turtles started getting really bad

And when he disappeared they didn't get a chance to act on their suspicions due to the whole Kraang situation and after that it was mostly rebuilding and recovery and just hoping and praying Lance returned at some point because all of them were too scared of asking Casey jr. about his future for fear of the answer

Meanwhile Lance is dramatizing his reactions to the whole space thing despite it honestly not being that much of a shift to his worldview after the whole "oh yeah there's magic and a whole bunch of different races living underneath New York that all share the common trait that they lowkey hate/fear humans" thing The whole Galra Keith thing comes out and Lance is just chilling and waiting to ask if he can get tested for anything off with his DNA too since he's not entirely sure how mystic energy works and if it can rub off on someone or like. unlock some secret abilities or something so at this point it's better safe than sorry

When they come back to Earth the first words out of Lance's mouth are just the dawning horror of "I'm gonna die, aren't I?" because he knows that Donnie has been digging around the Garrison classified files since he applied to the academy and there is no way he hasn't broken in and seen the video/warning they sent to Earth already and he is most definitely going to be absolutely pissed Lance didn't at least try and send them a message letting them know he was alive at the very least

The team is just staring in confusion as Lance's face slowly goes through the five stages of grief before settling on the expression of a man facing his execution. Except for Hunk. Hunk took a second but as soon as he got it he was full belly laughing as Lance's expense (or at least until Lance reminds him that they're gonna kill him too since he didn't contact them either. Then he's just scared.)

[fatuismooches]

I'm sure this was a thing already, but imagine Dottore with medicine-interested reader. Like he's be so excited !! And helps you learn stuff, using the most gory and drastic analogies.

And no, he isn't using you as excuse to slack on his duties and skip harbingers meeting. And no, he *definitely* doesn't want to spend more time with you. And finally no, none of session finish with you two being unable to get off each other..

And lets you practice of fatui soldiers that are too unfortunate to end up being treated by Dottore. The situation unfolds just like in old joke:

Fatui soldier: Sorry, doc. This is my first gunshot wound..

Reader: Don't worry!! Mine too^^

*Fatui soldier look at Reader in fear* *Dottore looks at Reader proudly*

To be fair fatuus prefer to be treated by Reader, because at least they don't suddenly say something like "hm...? What if I cut this part off? For how long they'll stay alive?🤔", well, in 99% of cases. Dottore's influence is infectious, there's nothing you can do about jt

-🥀 who can't escape Dottore love

HAHA he definitely would be!! 😭 I think he secretly feels so validated when you share similar interests/hobbies as him, he pretends not to at first but he's so down to start ranting to you about them and also giving you physical demonstrations. Medicine is no different, I imagine he's quite well-versed in that area too as he needs to... patch up his experiments before they die too quickly.

Dottore strikes me as a good teacher, but only if you know him as a person. Like, the average person wouldn't hope to understand his tangents and explanations, but if you've been with him for this long you definitely know his little quirks and mannerisms, how his very strange yet somehow accurate analogies make sense even though they shouldn't, and that his words really just click. I think it's at times like this where it really hits that your partner is an absolute genius.

He makes the excuse that he now has an apprentice to teach for skipping the meetings. Which isn't exactly a flat-out lie but... it's a different situation when your apprentice is also your lover. No Dottore, it is not standard procedure to be kissing each other during training. No, you shouldn't be sitting on his lap as he explains to you various medicines and their applications. This is all a normal part of the work, he insists.

Not the poor Fatui soldiers being reader's guinea pigs 😭😭 At least this time they're more of a willing participant... and they don't have to deal with any morally dubious intentions. Sure, they'll have to deal with the Doctor hovering over them still but it's still better than being treated by the man himself... I can just imagine the regular Fatui crowding at your camp for you to treat them instead of Dottore. At least you're less scary and less crazy (for now) and also nicer!

[i3utterflyeffect]

@violetthunderstormokay i'm not putting this all on the prev post because dear god i'm not bombarding op lgsdfkglsgjlfgslkgjfld

but! i've talked about it before (i THINK) at least once. quick disclaimer: i swear on god these guys were around before deltarune. me and mystic were just fucking around with this idea already because what if 'haha video game isekai was fucked up'.

ANYWAY Chaosverse mainly takes place inside a creepypasta-level virtual reality which may or may not be alive (it is and it has trauma because of course it does <3) and... well. B is not originally a moth! He is in fact a player, and ends up... maybe accidentally stealing a guy's body.

the person's body he stole? Hud! And the game has a sense of humor because guess where Hud gets stuck.

the hud. <3

Hud isn't normally that aggressive but between the game trying to suppress his emotions, the game not understanding that anger is also an emotion, and also having no sensation of contact with the outside world, he kind of goes a little bit mad. Especially since he's under the impression that B is fully an adult making these decisions despite Hud actively trying to tell him to get out of his body in the most direct way he can (which is unfortunately just creepypasta style)

Outside in the real world though, B is (approximately) 14 and has a very difficult home life and is completely unaware that he is very very very transgender. He uses the game as escapism from his real life, but unfortunately, at this point sentience is becoming a common thing!

You know who's cusping on the brink of sentience at the absolute worst time?

Birch.

Birch is aware that something is terribly wrong with his brother, but isn't sure what, and it drives them to become really really paranoid until they end up accidentally attacking B (and Hud) with a baseball bat after getting scared by them. Of course Birch immediately snaps out of it and calls the ambulance, but both Hud and B die.

WHICH IS WHERE THE TIME TRAVEL KICKS IN because apparently the game has savestates! i would say the game wasn't done with them but in reality the game has no fucking clue what happened either. it just tanked when the two of them died. that was when it resolved that it should maybe just Stop Fucking With The NPCs because somehow things KEEP GOING WRONG. it hates the styx family so much it will inconvenience them at any point possible.

also even though the savestate did load about maybe 10 years before B arrived, he ends up getting a body, this time separate of hud!

remember how i said the clones other than Chaos and Carnage have no brain activity? they were cloned from a player character, therefore they are registered as players even though no one is there.

after discovering B is also, in some sense, her kid, Jenna ends up taking them in. Hud isn't very happy about this, obviously, but B has become stuck in the game, so a lot more of his unhealthy coping mechanisms shine through, and eventually Hud finds out this is LITERALLY A KID and is absolutely fucking mortified. didn't mention this before but Hud was actually in college so he's horrified that he just. literally bullied a kid who already clearly wasn't doing that good mentally. the others don't know anything about this, and even though both of the Styx twins are dealing with their own issues (mr. 'i essentially bullied a kid who has infinite trauma already' and mg. 'HOLY SHIT I KILLED A PERSON HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD I'M JUST GOING TO PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED AND HOPE THIS DOESN'T BECOME AN EMOTIONAL SAW TRAP' [it will]), B doesn't exactly have anywhere else to go so Jenna is taking care of them. this does culminate in a lot of issues but eventually after talking it out Hud essentially becomes a very protective older brother to B.

birch is fine don't worry about him. he's definitely not dealing with a nuclear bomb of repressed trauma 👍

[brionysea]

mike is verbally and visually set apart. he's the only one in normal clothes, with a black layer on top, instead of a white lab coat or blue scrubs. he stands out. a lot

vecna knows who mike is. vecna calls mike his friend. vecna doesn't know anybody else in the room

if this was because of will's memories, he would recognise joyce too. but will has to fight to remember who she is later

vecna is possessing will. vecna is the one in control in this scene. vecna has an interest in mike

the hub is important. it's a trap. to lure in and kill the soldiers, sure, but we know vecna likes playing around with layers and putting his real plans right in front of people's eyes (including ours) so he can feel smug about outsmarting them when they still don't get it

at the very least, the choice to make will share this was also a melodramatic way back into the lab. but why? what's in there? what does he want?

who's will spying on, anyway?

hm. that shot transition is suspicious.

the idea of people looking for will and mike is planted in our heads through nancy and jonathan

mike is trapped in the lab with the others. the dogs were coming right for them before they found a place to hide. we have no guarantee that vecna's goal was as simple as killing everyone in that group, especially since he took his sweet time when he had the chance to kill hopper one day ago

steve stays with the kids to protect mike specifically

mike, naturally, immediately comes up with a plan that involves personally setting the hub on fire, because making steve's life easy is for people who aren't mike

vecna didn't let the lab's plan get off the ground before slaughtering the soldiers, but mike's plan was allowed to work perfectly and with absolutely no casualties. even when steve and dustin were right there, clearly outnumbered, and one or two demodogs could've been spared to deal with the annoying arsonists before el closed the gate on him. why?

the hub reminds me of a heart in will's drawings. the tunnels look like veins pumping blood into it. the heart = mike

there's a lot more emphasis put on steve's promise to nancy, which, again, was centred on mike's safety

they directly bring that up as steve looks mike dead in the eye while saying he's not about to let them (him) die, all while taking the lead from him, which mike doesn't put up a fight against because he never knows how to deal with people admitting that they want him to keep existing and stuff

this weird phrasing. the hub belonging to mike? the hub for mike? unclear

"all the creepy crawlies around here, dude. they're like, one, or something. you step on a vine, you're stepping on a bat, you're stepping on... vecna."

vecna who knows mike's name and only mike's name. who thinks mike is his friend. who wanted something in the lab

oh no! mike's safety is being threatened by vecna!

but it's okay, because steve saves him

this was definitely just an unfortunate coincidence and not a second trap that's directly related to the hub and vecna's recently freed up "core party member to possess/use/spy through" inventory slot, right?

...right?

right?

RIGHT?

anyway. it's funny that mike's been bouncing back and forth between acting like himself and acting like someone else in a story where possession exists, isn't it?

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's Finish (re)Reading the Hobbit!

Well, here we are folks. It's been fun rereading this book; last time I read it was before the Dark Times. I think it's pretty goofy, but most of Bilbo's adventures are pretty fun! Let's wrap this up, shall we?

Next day the trumpets rang early in the camp. Soon a single runner was seen hurrying along the narrow path.

No word as to how heavily armored he was to dodge Thorin's temper.

“I gave it to them!” squeaked Bilbo, who was peering over the wall, by now in a dreadful fright.

Bilbo, what on Arda are you doing with this confession?

“Never again will I have dealings with any wizard or his friends. What have you to say, you descendant of rats?”

Well Thorin, you're not wrong. Unfortunately, you've learned an incredibly valuable lesson too late and will soon die for having dealt with them.

“Get down now to your friends!” he said to Bilbo, “or I will throw you down.” “What about the gold and silver?” asked Bilbo.

Seriously it's hilarious that they're all standing in the presence of the ultimate corrupter of free people and all they can do is squabble over a bunch of shiny rocks. It's also hilarious that Bilbo's gotten to the point where he can answer death threats with demands for payment.

“Be off!” called Thorin. “You have mail upon you, which was made by my folk, and is too good for you. It cannot be pierced by arrows; but if you do not hasten, I will sting your miserable feet. So be swift!”

Every messenger in Laketown hastened off on a quest to find mithril armor to avoid dealing with Thorin's lethal temper.

The dwarves are exceedingly strong for their height, but most of these were strong even for dwarves.

Well they'd have to be, sneaking around all through the night in steel mail.

These were, in fact, precisely their plans (for the raven-messengers had been busy between Thorin and Dain); but for the moment the way was barred, so after angry words the dwarf-messengers retired muttering in their beards.

Bard gets points for not shooting any messengers. Seriously Thorin, wtf? Why is this your only move?

But he reckoned without the dwarves.

Thranduil: thwarting literally everyone within a mile's radius whether he means to or not.

Alas! it has come more swiftly than I guessed.

"I didn't think that the goblins would get here for another half hour! I was gonna do some fireworks and seem really awesome!"

Then they learned of the death of Smaug, and joy was in their hearts

Good job, Gandalf. You were all, "I'm worried that the Necromancer is gathering power and making a serious move. Smaug is a potential ally and too dangerous to be left alone, so I'll take him out. Absolutely nothing bad will happen, or my name isn't Gandalf" and you forgot that just because that's what hobbits call you doesn't mean it's actually your name.

“To the Mountain!” called Bard. “To the Mountain! Let us take our places while there is yet time!”

And then Thorin shot them all and the goblins took the mountain. The end.

A magic ring of that sort is not a complete protection in a goblin charge, nor does it stop flying arrows and wild spears; but it does help in getting out of the way, and it prevents your head from being specially chosen for a sweeping stroke by a goblin swordsman.

Silly Tolkien, I'm pretty sure he spent two or three hours being super cinematic while Legolas sniped fifty thousand gobbos while wearing hover boots!

Already many of the goblins were flying back down the river to escape from the trap; and many of their own wolves were turning upon them and rending the dead and the wounded.

Ah yes, the old expression, lie down with wolves, don't wake up at all because you're in their stomach. This battle is where it came from!

They had forgotten Thorin!

It says a good deal about the battle strategy of everyone involved in this battle that thirteen extra combatants turned the tide of war.

Down, heedless of order, rushed all the dwarves of Dain to his help. Down too came many of the Lake-men, for Bard could not restrain them; and out upon the other side came many of the spearmen of the elves.

Isn't this the sort of thing that loses battles? Not an expert so I'm genuinely asking.

...and poor old Bombur, and Balin and Fili and Kili and all the rest come to a bad end...

At this point I'm trying to remember the last time the Professor or Mary-Ann were mentioned by name. I want to say it must have been several chapters ago.

Gandalf, too, I may say, was there, sitting on the ground as if in deep thought, preparing, I suppose, some last blast of magic before the end.

Probably hurriedly revising his latest draft of Hobbit Facts in the hopes that the ravens would ensure its survival.

“The Eagles!” cried Bilbo once more, but at that moment a stone hurtling from above smote heavily on his helm, and he fell with a crash and knew no more.

Guess Tolkien was more of a Rolling Stones fan.

There was no call and no echo of a song. Sorrow seemed to be in the air.

We've gotten too serious for song now that we're past the battle.

You would have been numbered among the dead, who are many, if Gandalf the wizard had not said that your voice was last heard in this place.

"They aren't dead if you can still hear their voices, that's a Hobbit Fact!"

"That's an everyone fact."

- an unseen exchange between Gandalf and Balin.

Since I leave now all gold and silver, and go where it is of little worth, I wish to part in friendship from you, and I would take back my words and deeds at the Gate.

I'm gonna be honest, this is such an abrupt turn over such a dangerous artifact that I don't even buy it as a deathbed revelation. Gandalf gave him the Wormtongue treatment while Bilbo was out.

So they too had gathered in great numbers, under the great Eagle of the Misty Mountains; and at length smelling battle from afar they had come speeding down the gale in the nick of time.

Note that the Eagles only get particularly involved in this brouhaha because it starts on their home turf. This is one of the many parts of the answer to that all important, "WhY dIdN't ThEy JuSt FlY tHe EaGlEs To MoRdOr?" question.

In that last hour Beorn himself had appeared—no one knew how or from where.

"Yeah this situation required multiple deus ex machinas to resolve so I'm not even gonna TRY to explain all of them, y'know?"

“I am sorry. I mean, I should have liked to see them again,” said Bilbo sleepily; “perhaps I shall see them on the way home. I suppose I shall be going home soon?”

Yeah bro, the book's almost over. If you don't get home soon, you don't get home at all!

“May it bring good fortune to all his folk that dwell here after!”

Wish granted. Unfortunately, anyone who leaves is cursed, just ask the Moria expedition.

In the end he would only take two small chests, one filled with silver, and the other with gold, such as one strong pony could carry.

It'll be a miracle if that pony survives the week judging by everything thus far.

“If ever you are passing my way,” said Bilbo, “don’t wait to knock! Tea is at four; but any of you are welcome at any time!”

And the neighbors would be very uncomfortable about it, the racists.

“May you ever appear where you are most needed and least expected! The oftener you appear in my halls the better shall I be pleased!”

AKA, "I don't ever expect to see you again."

Beorn indeed became a great chief afterwards in those regions and ruled a wide land between the mountains and the wood

I gotta say that Tolkien seems way more into Beorn than his story exactly has room for. Dude ends up being a king despite having a very minor role and no real justification for being in the ending at all.

The Tookish part was getting very tired, and the Baggins was daily getting stronger.

There's really only so much adrenaline that you can burn through before you're ready for a nap.

It was on May the First that the two came back at last to the brink of the valley of Rivendell, where stood the Last (or the First) Homely House.

Rivendell is apparently a metaphor for communism, which is quite odd considering all the feudalism we just spent the last chapter celebrating!

The stars are far brighter Than gems without measure, The moon is far whiter Than silver in treasure; The fire is more shining On hearth in the gloaming Than gold won by mining

Again we're just outright stating our themes here, though I suppose Elrond not actively sitting Bilbo down and explaining the moral of the story to him means this is subtle for a kids' book.

It appeared that Gandalf had been to a great council of the white wizards, masters of lore and good magic; and that they had at last driven the Necromancer from his dark hold in the south of Mirkwood.

Even ignoring the color confusion, there's not really a council of white wizards at this point. Gandalf and Saruman are still for the cause at least nominally but Radagast has fucked off with his rabbits or what have you and the blues have been stuck in a plot hole for the last few hundred years. Galadriel and Elrond aren't really wizards, but of the many things you can fault the films for, their being the rest of the council isn't one of them because there's literally no one else.

“It would be well indeed,” said Elrond; “but I fear that will not come about in this age of the world, or for many after.”

Dramatic irony! On an elvish timescale, this is rather like saying, "This border gate between Austria and Hungary won't make much difference. The Iron Curtain will divide Europe for centuries to come," and then watching the Berlin Wall fall three months later.

“Well, Merry People!” said Bilbo looking out. “What time by the moon is this? Your lullaby would waken a drunken goblin! Yet I thank you.”

Two songs in one chapter! Tolkien is really making up for lost time here, and for all the serious chapters. It really is a shame he died before the rap battle, or he could have had his cake and eaten it too.

After a week, therefore, he said farewell to Elrond, and giving him such small gifts as he would accept, he rode away with Gandalf.

"Thanks, but I already have a ring."

So they put the gold in bags and slung them on the ponies, who were not at all pleased about it.

At first I was surprised they made it this far, but then I thought about it and I've decided that clearly the original return ponies died on the way and they had to borrow some from Beorn and then those died right outside Rivendell so they had to get more, because seriously the survival rate of ponies in this book is the worst.

Coming to a rise he could see his own Hill in the distance, and he stopped suddenly and said:

Tolkien really likes songs about roads. Song number three!

There was a large notice in black and red hung on the gate, stating that on June the Twenty-second Messrs Grubb, Grubb, and Burrowes would sell by auction the effects of the late Bilbo Baggins Esquire, of Bag-End, Underhill, Hobbiton.

Thanks for leaving a note for him, Gandalf.

The people who had got specially good bargains at the Sale took a deal of convincing; and in the end to save time Bilbo had to buy back quite a lot of his own furniture.

And since Gandalf pointed out he'd need the gold two pages ago, fucker knew this would happen. He just wanted to waste money for fun.

His coat of mail was arranged on a stand in the hall (until he lent it to a Museum).

It was actually stolen and he never could get it back, even with the ring and six of the dwarves and some poor sap that Gandalf lent them, because Museums in this part of the worldl give up absolutely nothing.

If Balin noticed that Mr. Baggins’ waistcoat was more extensive (and had real gold buttons), Bilbo also noticed that Balin’s beard was several inches longer, and his jewelled belt was of great magnificence.

Best dwarf for being the only one to show up this late in the story I guess. Goodbye Balin, I'll miss you most of all!

And so ends The Hobbit, with Bilbo deciding to write a book like all good literary characters, most of the distinct dwarves dead, Balin still being awesome, Bombur presumably having gotten stuck in an archway because haha fat jokes, and Gandalf moving onto Bree to torment the innkeeper or maybe Dol Amroth to help Adrahil II get laid or whatever else he did to prep for the sequel.

It's a good story, but man is the pacing weird. I also get the impression Tolkien hadn't quite figured out battle scenes yet, or wasn't quite comfortable relating them to kids (either out of generally wanting to preserve innocence or just bad memories), since we're specifically removed from the climactic fights first by distance (Smaug) and then time (the Battle of Five Armies). The Lord of the Rings is one of the great novels of our time (ignore how publishers made it 3), but its prequel is nowhere near its level. Disappointing, but unsurprising.

I'll be taking a little hiatus as my life collapses, but after that I'll start up either rereading Lord of the Rings or perhaps reading (minus the first book, which will be a reread) some Robin Hobb. We'll see what happens!

[sl-walker]

First one's after Doomsday slams his head in a car door. Second one is where he gets his arm sliced off.

-dryly- Lo and behold, DC's most shallow showboat.

Above is from Countdown to Infinite Crisis. The man's literally homeless (no shit!) and drops the sponsorship deal he was gonna try to get in order to come back to Ted.

Only to get blown up and need CPR on Ted's front lawn.

Which doesn't stop him from trying to get up to go with Ted anyway.

Seriously, tho. Is actually homeless, straight up listed as vagrant. Holy shit. I think I've seen two other people even acknowledge that since 2005 when this issue came out.

Perfectly ready to sacrifice himself here, fighting these things. Then has to live with it when Dmitri does instead. (So-- cw suicide there)

He spends the whole first part of 52 self-destructing. Which takes place starting only weeks after his best friend is murdered. Despite all of the above, when it looks like he's succeeded in self-destructing in spectacular fashion, no one who mighta given a shit but Clark comes to his funeral. Out of all his surviving teammates, never mind the rest of the hero community.

Mind, no one knows he didn't actually off himself via detonating nuclear submarine here. Still, the man goes on to save the entire multiverse at the end of 52.

Trying to save Barbara Gordon from being paralyzed because he was told that was the only way to save Ted, only to get tortured repeatedly. Very repeatedly. Because Rip was teaching him a lesson. Then there's the fact he does save Ted, only to lose him again:

Like-- if I actually sat down and catalogued every fucked up thing that happens to him in his second solo, we'd be here all night. It's a lot. And this is while getting treated like crud by everyone in the broader hero community. And he's not exactly getting great treatment at home, either.

Since we don't have all night, we'll just skip up to the era of Generation Lost, where he gets treated like crud (go figure):

I mean, mind, this is again after he's saved the multiverse and sacrificed a hell of a lot repeatedly. Whew. But then again, no one listened to Ted, either. And we know where that led.

So if the emotional devastation's not enough for you, you get Max beating him to death with a chunk of concrete and acting very, very creepy towards him, too. And then Max erases everyone's memory in the ENTIRE WORLD but for like-- four of them, to include Booster.

I mean, if this is how your friends treat you, who needs enemies? (And I dunno where you've been the past like six years, Karen, but Booster hasn't openly had a good belly-laugh since a fair bit before Ted even died.)

The entirety of Generation Lost should have the tagline -- no joke -- How many ways can we re-traumatize Booster in one miniseries? He leads his former teammates, tries desperately to stop a world-wide threat in Max Lord, sees Jaime shot in the head--

I mean, ouch????

But by the end of it, he is absolutely ready and willing to die -- AGAIN -- if it'll end Max's threat.

Legit, freefalling with Max at terminal velocity with no guarantee (or seemingly even a thought) that there's any other answer but dying and making sure Max goes out with him.

--though, like. What a badass. Damn. Unfortunately, he's a little too good a hero, so when Max repowers his suit (and presumably flight ring), he pulls out of that dive with feet to spare. And Max escapes. Which is like-- yeowch.

Anyway, after this is Flashpoint. And there are other things that happen in all those intervening years. And we're not even getting into his backstory, where he was blackmailed by organized crime as a teenager, all in a bid to save his mother because he grew up in deep poverty.

But even just this base compilation is a pretty good start on how DC's alleged gloryhound really is way more tragedy than comedy.

Why do they deserve to win?

Booster Gold

Firestorm (TW abuse)

[thosch3i]

The finale of Ultimate Note airs 12/9 (tonight in China) for VIP. Thank you to this drama for bringing me my favorite Iron Triangle ❤ Longer discussion of why I love it so much, and why I strongly recommend it to book fans (especially those upset with certain previous adaptations) below the cut, apologies if it’s not fully coherent at times because I haven’t slept enough and also it’s almost 1am. But your TLDR is basically: characterization, plot, pacing, relationships are the best of any DMBJ drama. Iron Triangle especially.

First, the pacing of this show is excellent. Pretty much all cdramas I’ve seen or heard of have been inundated with filler, and the previous DMBJ dramas fall victim to this as well. Ultimate Note took 36 episodes to cover 4 book arcs, whereas previous adaptations have taken more episodes to cover far fewer. There’s really not any content you’d be wanting to skip, as almost all of it is plot-relevant or character-relevant.

Second, the plot is the most cohesive out of any DMBJ adaptation. Frankly, this isn’t saying too much, given the novel plot can also be confusing as all hell sometimes, but Ultimate Note goes above and beyond in pulling in information from later books and, if I heard correctly, common fan theories, doing their best to fill in the plot holes left by the author to create a more complete story.

Third, the female characters are actually done well. (As well as they can be, given the source material’s unfortunate habit of fridging its women.) For example, A-Ning’s decision to go the Tamutuo wasn’t because she was ~in love~ with some man. She is a determined individual who has made her choice about her path a long time ago, and she is willing to risk death to achieve her goals. Even her death was done about as well as it could have been--it wasn’t drawn out to the point of it being sickeningly cheesy, and Wu Xie tried his best to honor her goals and bring her to the Palace of the Queen Mother of the West (even emphasizing to Pangzi, “if you died, I would carry you too”). In addition, Chen Wenjin wasn’t stuck in some ridiculous love triangle. She loved Wu Sanxing, of course, but her loving a man isn’t made out to be her entire personality. Her goodbye to Xie Lianhuan is poignant but not mushy. She’s steady and sure in her goals, and she knows what she has to do in order to save herself. Yuncai’s character, as well, I think was handled about as well as it could’ve been given the source material. Her relationship with Pangzi wasn’t overexaggerated and nauseating, and I think their relationship was more tolerable in the drama than it was in the novel overall. (In addition, I prefer how they handled her death in the drama versus the novel--instead of just killing her offscreen, they give her a redemption, and show how she’d grown attached to her new friends, Pangzi especially, resulting in her hesitation to deal the final blow.)

Related to the above point: no added forced romances that destroyed the female characters’ personalities and reduced them to just love interests for men, thank god. Pangzi and Yuncai’s relationship was already there in the novel, but nothing about their relationship was distorted in the drama to the point of being annoying, and Yuncai is shown to have her own goals for cozying up to Pangzi (at first, at least). If you want to get technical about “added romances”, you could honestly argue that it’s Pingxie. (And Hei///hua, but I’ll be honest and say they’re not my cup of tea, so I won’t really be discussing them. However, I do think their characters, while also exaggerated for humor at points, were also done well, and their relationship--while AFAIK was not a really a thing in the books at all?--was written in a way that the development made sense, and their personalities compatible.)

But anyway, while Ultimate Note does make Pingxie seem closer to each other than they were in the novel, we do have to remember that the novel is from Wu Xie’s point of view, and he’s a little bit of a blockhead when it comes to noticing how much Xiaoge cares about him. (IIRC, he wonders if Xiaoge even considers him a friend in Zang Hai Hua...after Xiaoge’s literally called him his “only connection” to this world in book 8.) However, from an outsider POV, it’d be natural for us to see Xiaoge worrying more over Wu Xie. Because from Wu Xie’s perspective, what did he actually see? Xiaoge dropping in to save him a few times and often vanishing or turning away right after, leaving Wu Xie with mixed feelings and confusion about his value to Xiaoge. Xiaoge being aloof before they set off to Tamutuo, claiming that he is a person with no past and future, and that no one would remember him if he disappeared. (Xiaoge smiles before telling Wu Xie that he’s on Wu Xie’s side--that’s a smile that the viewers see, but that Wu Xie doesn’t.) Most of Xiaoge’s visible worry for Wu Xie in the desert was also when Wu Xie himself was not there to see it. During the scene where the fungus was growing in Wu Xie’s stomach, he was entirely out of it while Xiaoge visibly panicked about hurting him, and after the fungus was dealt with, Xiaoge only stood off to the side--only to smile faintly to himself, relieved, after Wu Xie wakes up. (Again a smile that the viewers see, but that Wu Xie doesn’t.) But because from an outsider POV we can see all this, while Wu Xie remains partly ignorant, lines like “thankfully, I didn’t bring death upon you” and Xiaoge calling Wu Xie is only connection to the world seem that much more logical, now that we can see some of the depth and development of how much Xiaoge does care about Wu Xie.

That brings me to the primary reason why I love Ultimate Note, because the main selling point for me on any franchise is not actually world-building or plot, but rather the characters and the relationships between those characters. And for DMBJ, the relationship I’m always looking for--and the relationship that the entire franchise ultimately centers around--is the Iron Triangle. And the mutual trust and the strength of the bond between this Iron Triangle is unmistakable; no one is treated as expendable.

As much as we have joked about Xiaoge's double standards with Wu Xie versus Pangzi, the end of the Banai arc especially and the last five episodes have cemented the importance of Xiaoge and Pangzi's friendship. Their relationship is often the weakest leg of the Iron Triangle in DMBJ adaptations, but Ultimate Note has nailed it. Pangzi helps carry Xiaoge out of Tamutuo, and Pangzi's the one who primarily takes care of Xiaoge after he loses his memories. There's also Xiaoge's clear worry over Pangzi after Yuncai's death, and his assurance that Pangzi won't die as long as he is here in the later episodes when the two of them are separated from Wu Xie--showing that the Iron Triangle is a triangle; Wu Xie isn't the single connection that Xiaoge and Pangzi's relationship hinges upon.

Pangzi and Wu Xie's friendship doesn't need much explaining: the two of them bicker like they're brothers, and they could probably star in their own buddy-cop comedy together. Both Pangzi and Xiaoge are shown to be clearly worried for Wu Xie after the Xie Lianhuan reveal, and even though neither of them quite know how to handle it, they are there for Wu Xie. And of course, there's the scene where Pangzi pours out the water while they're waiting for Xiaoge to leave the meteorite. Wu Xie cries for Pangzi when they're in the Miluotuo cave and he chooses to carry out Xiaoge first, and once again, his worry for Pangzi after Yuncai's death is palpable. Even when Wu Xie has to leave Pangzi in Banai, he instructs Xiaoge to look after him (not that Xiaoge really needed the instruction, anyway--that’s his best friend, too).

Wu Xie and Xiaoge's relationship needs even less explaining: anyone who's watched the show can attest to how much they care about each other. From Wu Xie's frantic scrambling to grab the tapes upon hearing they were from "Zhang Qiling" and Xiaoge's introduction in the show being him stopping outside Wushanju to stare up (longingly?) at the sign, we see their relationship unfold in all of its quiet pining and lingering looks. When Xiaoge claims no one would know if he disappeared from this world, Wu Xie doesn't hesitate in promising that he, at least, will. Xiaoge smiles before telling Wu Xie that he's on his side, and Wu Xie vows to walk with Xiaoge until the very end. During the entire Tamutuo trip, Xiaoge is visibly worried for Wu Xie--when the parasitic fungus grew in his stomach, that worry was the most clear. But Wu Xie worries for Xiaoge too: insisting on going to save Xiaoge from the snakes that night when they all went blind; swearing that even if he faces death, he would wait for Xiaoge to leave the meteorite; telling Xiaoge that he will take him home. (Related: the soft, almost vulnerable way Xiaoge tells Wu Xie “take me home” in episode 31.) Not to mention--even when Xiaoge loses his memories, he still remembers Wu Xie. (And Pangzi smiles knowingly right after that scene.)

There are too many character/relationship moments I could write about, but one that stuck out in particular was when they were facing the spiders, and Wu Xie stopped Xiaoge from cutting his hand and using his blood to make the spiders retreat. At this point, Wu Xie and Pangzi don't know the extent of how Xiaoge was (mis)treated as a child (and used as a blood bag, apparently), but they know about how "A-Kun" was captured used as bait. Wu Xie and Pangzi would never ask Xiaoge to bleed for them, no matter what. Not now, let alone 10+ years later. (I won't name names, but if you know what I'm talking about, then you know.)

Which brings me to my main point: the characters in Ultimate Note are the closest to their novel selves I have ever seen in a DMBJ adaptation, and this is objectively the best adaptation of the DMBJ novel. (Whether you prefer another adaption or not is your opinion--I absolutely love the Time Raiders movie, even though that plot is literally all over the place, and Xiaoge is decently OOC--but Ultimate Note is the best adaptation of the novel, and the characters are the most true to what they actually should be.)

You can see the innocent and naïve Wu Xie, but you can also see the developing confusion, frustration, and anger he feels because he's been lead around by his nose his entire life. And he is angry in the novel; he is a bit of a hot-headed bastard; he's not just a naïve child. I remember seeing some complaints that Wu Xie felt "OOC" in the first episode for being so furious with his San-shu, but I think his reactions were spot-on with how he felt, and how he wanted to react. A similar point is the scene where Wu Xie slammed Xiaoge against the car--aside from just being some fun fanservice, in the novel Wu Xie really was furious at Xiaoge for vanishing on him and never contacting him after leaving the Heavenly Palace in the Clouds. A lot of the novel is Wu Xie's inner thoughts, which are difficult to portray in a live action adaptation, but he really did pretty much want to pick a fight with Xiaoge about disappearing, and  Ultimate Note decided on how to express this frustration in a way that suits a drama adaptation. In addition, you can see how Wu Xie’s past experiences like the trip to Tamutuo has changed him in how he manipulates Panma into bringing him to the lake; and you can see how almost losing Xiaoge and Pangzi to the Miluotuo changed him as well, when he thinks he’s lost them for real in episode 36 (leading up to his decision to put on his San-shu’s mask by the end, despite the fact that “some masks, when worn too long, can no longer be taken off”).

As for Pangzi: even though he has scenes that were clearly exaggerated for comic relief, he has plenty of moments that build his character and the Iron Triangle’s bond. These include him pouring out the water while he and Wu Xie are waiting for Xiaoge, his grief over Yuncai’s death, his standing by Wu Xie during the hotel auction scene, and his almost mother-hen-like worry about Xiaoge while they’re entering the Zhang Family Mansion in the last five episodes. Not to mention, he’s really quite a smart and perceptive character, despite his goofiness: he sees through Xiaoge’s worry about Wu Xie, and he knows when to step in and liven the atmosphere (see: Wu Xie being all awkward about his gift to Xiaoge in episode 31, and Pangzi being there practically just for emotional support). Also in episode 31: Pangzi telling Xiaoge that he’s getting more and more humane (the implications about Wu Xie here are pretty obvious). All in all, Pangzi is a funny person; he is often comic relief, but he’s also a steadfastly loyal friend and someone who loves deeply and without regret. Initially we saw more of his humor, but we definitely got the depths to his character by the end of Ultimate Note.

Finally Xiaoge, who I’m discussing last because he’s my favorite character: for once, I can see the humanity behind the title “Zhang Qiling”, and in a way that isn’t OOC. Xiaoge isn’t treated as a free source of bug-repelling blood; he isn’t treated as some overpowered, untouchable idol; he isn’t treated as a rescue machine for whenever another character needs it. He is a human, not a god. For the rest, I think his actor’s words speak for themselves. (And now I really don’t trust anyone else except him with Xiaoge's character.)

Ultimate Note succeeded in capturing the nuances of its main characters: Wu Xie’s loss of his “tianzhen” and slow maturation to the man he will eventually become by Sha Hai; Pangzi’s outwardly humorous pseudo-caricature but inwardly deeply loyal and loving spirit; Xiaoge’s vulnerabilities, painful humanity, and the “heart” given to him by his mother, hidden beneath a seemingly impenetrable armor. This is an Iron Triangle that feels like the Iron Triangle, without needing say so much in words. This is an Iron Triangle with mutual respect and a friendship I can see and believe in.

In conclusion: Ultimate Note does the story justice; it does the characters justice; it does the relationships justice; and it did all this with a low budget and almost no promotion. You can tell the crew definitely cares about the source material.

My only complaint is that they couldn’t film the finale.

Rambling over! All my love to the Ultimate Note cast and crew <3

[kokoinupi]

i just beat the reaper at level 70 and it only took me 5 tries

so because i feel like hot shit, here's:

Ryouhei's Guide to Beating the Shit out of Death, While Severely Underleveled:

i accidentally beat him earlier, at level 62 or so, cause it was flu season and he came into the battle in despair and succombed after three turns. i later found out that was an intentional exp farming tactic that more epic gamers than i had been utilizing quite a bit. i unfortunately only found out that i could continue using his despair to my advantage over and over after i passed the last flu season day tho so. if you're just looking for cheap exp don't be dumb like me!! farm the reaper on flu days!!! (also this apparently doesn't work on royal)

but if you want to beat him For Real, either for a sense of accomplishment or just cause you missed the fucking flu days like i did, i went through so much trial and error so you dont have to!

first step, pay your entire life savings for two personas: yoshitsune and uriel. you could do this with just uriel, but i recommend getting yoshitsune anyway because he's extremely powerful, extremely sexy, and my poor little meow meow. you gotta finish your strength confidant for this, because these are both in their 80s when you fuse them, and igor won't let you pay for personas above your level unless you maxed out the girls first. so i guess that's your actual first step.

my yoshitsune had brave blade, charge, mediarahan, ali dance, ziodyne, and elec amp. this is crucial; i also gave him a skill card of thermopylae. uriel had megidolaon, repel curse, angelic grace, and bloodbath. i also gave him thermopylae and null phys. if uriel doesnt come pre-loaded with repel curse, you have to give it to him somehow. i was lucky enough to be able to pass it down in fusion.

my party consisted of morgana, yusuke, and ann. each party member was equipped with an item to help them either avoid or reduce damage from their weak point. it's important to note that reaper can null resistances, so if your party member has a move to cover their weak point, he can null it. he can't null items though. i also gave akira an evade curse item.

if you defeated death before, in a previous game file for ng+ or using the flu trick, do not equip the divine pillar to akira!!! don't do it!!!! it looks tempting, but not being able to evade means joker cannot evade mudoon. and he will die. ask me how i know.

it may seem counterintuitive, but you absolutely have to let the reaper ambush you. if you fight him head on, he will have two actions per turn, but if you let him sneak up on you, he only has one. also then you can utilize thermopylae to your heart's content.

i started the battle with yoshitsune. joker rotated in three turns of thermopylae, charge, brave blade. brave blade when charged deals 180+ damage to death, which is a hell of a lot compared to the 60ish that your party members' dyne moves would deal. remember to keep thermopylae refreshed every three turns because it helps so much. on turns where futaba charged or upped your stats for you, i subsititued my thermopylae/charge turns for ziodyne, which also does a good amount thanks to yoshitsune's elec amp.

morgana was the main healer, but on most turns i just had him hitting with garudyne. i found i only really needed to use his mediarahan every three turns or so, but samarecarm came in handy once the reaper started using mudoon and hamaon. it was tempting to use miracle punch, but death is immune to criticals, so it sorta just wastes time.

you can probably substitute yusuke for anyone else, because i just had him using his highest phys over and over since it hit harder than bufudyne. i just adore yusuke and cannot bear to remove him from my party. make sure to keep him healed up because phys attacks cost so much hp....

ann was a pinch healer, but she only has diarahan so it's best to use morgana. my ann also has both fire boost and fire amp, which do stack, so she was dealing +75% with every agidyne. morgana can't live up to that with his wimpy ass garudyne so just use morgana for healing and ann for ass blasting.

before the halfway point, switch to uriel. yoshitsune does not block curse, and death is gonna start using mamudoon like crazy. remember to keep refreshing thermopylae every three turns, and switch to megidolaon twice in a row in between. like i said you could use uriel the whole battle, and truthfully his repel curse and angelic grace covered my ass, but yoshitsune's charge/brave blade combo dealt about as much damage as two megidolaons, with a significantly lower sp cost, so yoshitsune is the more economical choice in the first half of the battle, when you're not as worried about mudo.

for items, make sure you stock up on homonculi, renew-alls, and sp items. haru's carrots are my new favorite item and they're easy to acquire loads of if you do her confidant to the halfway point and remain diligent about getting them right when they're ready and having her plant more immediately. whenever an item is needed, i substituted morgana or yusuke's turns, since they don't deal as much damage as joker or ann.

if you keep at a good pattern of being mindful of your health, refreshing thermopylae, and dealing as much damage as possible, you should be able to whittle him down. don't be afraid of his affinity breaks, make sure you block or repel both bless and curse, and it shouldn't be too hard.

just absolutely do not, at any point, on any character, for any reason, apply makarakarn or magic ointment. ask me how i know.

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.18: “Despair”

THEN: The key to Billie's library. Billie wants to become God. Cas made a deal with The Empty. Chuck absorbed Amara. Jack absorbed Adam's rib. Dean pointed a gun at Sam (DEAN POINTED A GUN AT SAM.) Chuck is pissed. Jack is going to explode.

NOW: We begin right where we left off last week, with Jack about to explode with God-killing power. Sam half-carries him into the map table room, Cas tells him to take deep breaths and focus, and Dean gets all panicky and is no help at all. Jack wants the guys to just leave him outside in order to minimize the damage when he goes kaboom. {Sidebar... how far away would he have to be, considering that his explosive power could kill God? Discuss.} Dean yells at Sam to find one of Rowena's spells (and oh, Sam as Rowena's apprentice; there's a plot that was sadly wasted, wasn't it?) but he's interrupted by Billie and her scythe, which she's carrying in a very obvious way. She's furious, and tells them the plan to destroy Chuck was doomed "because of you." Billie can't stop Jack's earth-shattering kaboom, "but there is something I can do." She sends him to the Empty. Empty!Meg cheerfully points out that he doesn't look so hot, but then he looks explosively hot. Ah, there's our earth-shattering kaboom!

Bunker. Billie explains that The Empty was the only option to absorb the impact of Jack the Bomb. And that he's not necessarily dead, because taking out Chuck and Amara was the part that was fatal, not actually being the bomb. Hmm. So Jack's point of no return wasn't actually a point of no return after all. It's kinda retconny, but not really? I've decided it's logical and I approve.

However, if the Empty survives, "it's gonna be pissed." Particularly at Billie. And it's very strong. Billie and Sam remind us that the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned. They do not get into the details of what constitutes a summoning, but I'm sure that isn't important. And Billie might be willing to bring Jack back, assuming he survived, but not until Sam returns what he took from her. Chuck's death book.

Sam immediately goes on the attack. He points out that she was planning to betray them from the start, leading to the deaths of all the AU refugees and everyone who was brought back from death, including him and Dean. "Even if I give you the book," he says, "what's to stop you from stabbing us in the back? Killing us all?"

"Nothing," Billie says. She gets up in Sam's face and tells him Jack won't last long. Either give her the book now, or lose him forever. (Can I just point out that Sam is still a little bloody from Dean punching him in the face? After he pointed a gun at him?)

Meanwhile, in the Empty, we discover that Jack is still alive (yay) and that this episode was directed by Richard Speight (yay). He is surrounded by particles that gradually form back into Empty!Meg. And, as predicted, she's pissed.

In the bunker, Sam brings the book to Billie, but ignores her outstretched hand and slams it onto the table instead. It's a pointless little burst of defiance and I love it.

Billie flips to the end to read the new ending of God's book, "since you ruined the last one." She seems to like what she reads. Sam says "Wait, the ends of your books change? So me killing Rowena was presented as unavoidable fate but it really wasn't necessary at all?" No, he actually doesn't. But I do, on his behalf. It's a pointless little burst of defiance. Over in the Empty, Empty!Meg grabs Jack's head and says "you made it loud!" and this is a conversation I've had with my dogs in the wee dark hours of the morning more times than I can count because we just want to SLEEP, GUYS but before she can actually crush his head, Billie zaps him back to the bunker.

Billie tells the guys that Jack is hers because he's still useful. Dean responds by grabbing her scythe and swinging at her. She flings him away, but she's wounded and bleeding light. Oh, and she dropped the book. Sam and Cas ignore Dean crumpled over against the wall - Cas runs to comfort Jack, and Sam runs to pick up the book. Unfortunately, he can't open it. Dean says "hey, thanks for not helping me, guys" and Sam says "oh, I'm sorry, I guess I'm still a little rattled from you punching me in the face after you pointed a gun at me." No, he doesn't. But I do, on his behalf.

Several people have pointed out how skinny Jared looks in these last few episodes, but this is the first time I've noticed it. It will be interesting to see how he looks in the two that were filmed after their Covid shutdown.

Time jump. Dean is sitting in the library, drinking whiskey. And I've said it a million times but I'll say it again - I could watch an entire episode that was just Dean drinking. And then it gets even better when Sam walks in wearing only a v-neck t-shirt. Single layer Sam alert, guys! How long has it been? Dean slides the bottle over to him and we get a little bonus hand porn and then this happens:

Sam, I'm sorry about... everything.

Dean, you don't have to -

I pulled a gun on you. It's like I just couldn't stop. You know, we were so close to beating him. Like, I could smell Chuck's blood in the water, and I - nothing else mattered. It was everything. And I just couldn't snap out of it.

Well, you did. You've snapped me out of worse.

Hmmm. Am I missing a time when Dean snapped Sam out of something? I mean, I know in Stull, Sam was able to overcome Lucifer because of Dean. But that was Sam snapping himself out of it. And Dean convinced Sam to give up the trials, but that wasn't Sam under anything that he needed to be "snapped out of." I think if you're going to give Dean credit for snapping himself out of it when confronted by his teary eyed, bloodied little brother, you have to give Sam credit for snapping himself out of his own situations.

It doesn't matter. All that matters is these two sitting quietly in the dark, drinking whiskey together.

Dean's feeling some despair (nice) because Billie wants them dead, Jack is powerless (oh, wait, when did that happen?), and Michael isn't answering his prayers. No one is on their side. "Well, we regroup, somehow," says Sam. They drink a sad little toast to "somehow," and I die a thousand deaths.

Billie's library. Billie stalks angrily through the stacks. A reaper informs her he put up warding to keep the Empty out, and asks if the plan has changed. Yes, it has.

Elsewhere, a woman we don't know is cooking some seriously dry scrambled eggs. She thinks she knows what she's doing, because she's explaining to someone else in the room how to cook eggs so they're "not too runny, not too dry" but seriously. Gordon Ramsay would be appalled. {Sidebar: Gordon's eggs actually look a bit too runny for my taste, and my family would refuse to eat them, but this lady's dry crumbly eggs are still an abomination.} She turns around and we see AU Charlie sitting at the kitchen table. Oh, Charlie has a girlfriend! Sweet. And she must be in love, because she tells this girlfriend that they're the best eggs she's ever had. And also, she's still hunting. Guess she didn't retire to a mountaintop after all. Probably because she couldn't get wifi. Anyway. Her girlfriend's plate crashes to the floor because her girlfriend abruptly disappeared. (Aw, her name was Stevie. Stevie and Charlie. How cute is that?)

Time jump. Charlie's apartment building is called Kim Manor. Nice.

As Sam runs the EMF meter (and there's a nice wordless conversation where Sam lets Dean know he didn't find anything), Charlie talks about how they met (thanks to AU Bobby) and how she experienced nothing when Stevie disappeared. No sulphur smell, no cold, nothing. Dean and Sam have another wordless conversation about what they think happened.

Dean and Sam explain that Billie wants to send all the AU people back to their now non-existent worlds. So Stevie was from AU World too? I guess that explains how AU Bobby knew her. Coincidentally, Sam's phone rings, and it's AU Bobby. They have an extremely short conversation in which Sam learns that another AU hunter simply vanished. And there's no explanation on Sam's end, just "yeah, I understand." So have they already talked to AU Bobby about the Billie situation? Or was Sam and Bobby's conversation literally "hey, a hunter vanished into thin air, how weird is that" and "yeah, I understand" with no further discussion? Anyway. Dean says it's open season on anyone from another world (aw, sorry, Winchesters in Brazil), anyone who came back from the dead, and Sam gets a horrified look on his face and says "Eileen." Oh shit!

Meanwhile, out by the Impala, in broad daylight, Jack tells Cas that he feels strange because the plan failed and his destiny was averted. "I was ready to die, and I wanted to - for Sam, for Dean, for the world - I wanted to make things right. And now I don't know why I'm even here." OF COURSE HE LISTED SAM FIRST. Cas tells him he didn't need absolution from anyone, and that they care about him not because of his usefulness, but just because he's him. Somewhere Dean says "um, wait." Jack is scared because he's powerless and can't protect anyone. Cas is too. So, did Jack lose his powers after the earth shattering kaboom? Or earlier, and I just wasn't paying attention?

Nighttime. Dean speeds down the road as Sam texts Eileen. I don't know where Eileen is, but she must be pretty far away from Kim Manor. Sam told her to get out of her house, go somewhere public, and wait by her car. Now, I cover the guest star credits, so I don't know if Shoshanna is in this episode. But even unspoiled, I'm pretty sure she's not going to be there when they arrive. She starts to type a response, as evidenced by the bubbles, but then stops responding. Yep, just as I thought, no one is standing by her car. Sam finds her phone on the ground, cracked as if it were dropped (like, say, by someone who disappeared while holding it) and LOOK AT HER LOCKSCREEN. LOOK AT IT.

Some will say this is just the photo that pops up when Sam texts her but they are WRONG. This is her FREAKING LOCK SCREEN, PEOPLE.

Anyway. He sees the unfinished message she was writing, which says she's by her car. Aw, Sam. Dean tries to talk to him and he says "I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now."

Aw, SAM!

Sam compartmentalizes his grief and jumps into take-care-of-everyone mode. He says they need to gather everyone together, and they need to find a location central to everyone. Well, I mean, there is one place I know of that is literally the central most point in the United States, maybe you could go there? It's supposed to be secure from all things supernatural, too. Dean says that while Sam is going that, he is going to go end what he started. OH, GOOD. I WAS HOPING THEY WOULD SPLIT UP. "We couldn't make Chuck pay, but Billie? She left her blade. Her I can kill." Hey, wouldn't be the first time. Sam agrees, Cas says he'll go with Dean, and we get a brother hug. Once again, Dean does the two things I love when he hugs Sam: 1. he puts his arms on top, as if he were still the taller brother, and b. he looks away and packs up his emotions before he lets Sam see his face after the hug. "Let's go, Cas," he says. "Let's go reap a reaper." Cas turns and follows without saying anything at all to Sam or Jack, but I'm sure that won't be an issue.

Time jump - it's daytime. Sam's on the phone with Donna, who is standing outside her truck (but didn't she used to have a big black SUV?) at that bridge we've seen so many times. She's sending him to "the old Harmon property," which should be just what he's looking for because it has an abandoned silo. I mean, I wouldn't jump immediately to abandoned silo, but maybe there weren't any abandoned warehouses around. She says it's in Hastings, just south of her, and if you think I didn't confirm that the town of Hastings is in fact about 30 minutes south of Stillwater, Minnesota then you just don't know me at all.

Sam is at a gas station and oh, he's driving Eileen's car! That's not heartbreaking at all. I guess she didn't have her keys in her pocket when she disappeared. (Hah, like Sam Winchester needs keys.) Donna and AU Bobby are rounding up everyone they can think of. She asks what the plan is, and Sam bends down creepily to look at Jack in the passenger seat and says "I'm still working on that." I mean, I know they keep telling us Jack lost his powers, but the way Sam looks at him right here certainly suggests Jack is part of the plan, and maybe not in a good way. (Spoiler alert: seriously, why do I even bother.)

Sam comes around to Jack's window and tells him he needs him to drive, because Sam needs to work on archives and spells and stuff. And is that true, or is this just "I don't expect you to live through this part so I want to let you have some time behind the wheel of Eileen's 1970 Plymouth Valiant?" (At least that's what The Husband thinks it is.)

Bunker. Enter Dean and Cas. Dean declares that if Billie isn't in her library, they'll just trash the place to "smoke her out." It's an interesting choice of words.

Foreshadowing Dean as the new Death? (Remember, I'm completely unspoiled. I know nothing.)

Silo. Let's stick to this location for now. Sam and Jack pull up and are greeted by Donna. Jack goes inside to set up the warding, and Donna gives Sam a nice hug.

I want to be there.

She tells him she's sorry about Eileen and gets one of his sad little nods that I love so much. Bobby is already here, and she name-drops Garth and Jody and the girls, saying they're on "high alert." Sam tells her they're not on Billie's list, so they should be safe. And so should Donna. Well, that's good to know. Sam's surprised to see Charlie pull up. She tells him "I just don't want this to happen to anyone else." I don't know what you think you're going to be able to do, Charlie, but okay.

Turns out the silo is actually a Tardis, so I guess maybe it was a good choice. It's huge on the inside, and is also more finished than any silo I've ever been in (which is, okay, one silo, but still.) The interior is already heavily warded. Several people are milling about. {Sidebar: How many hunters were away from the bunker when Michael attacked, and why have none of them returned?} Bobby tells Sam that as soon as the hunters heard he wanted them there, they came running. "Whether you like it or not, you're the big man here." Hey, I wonder if the guy who called him Chief is here. Bobby, being a man after my own heart, is mostly concerned about the bathroom situation. Sam hopes they won't be there long enough for it to be an issue. He has a spell from Rowena (!) that should boost the strength of the wards, but that's all he has. Bobby doesn't look very reassured, and glances in a foreshadowy way at a family with kids. Sam looks around at all of these people he feels responsible for and takes a deep breath and oh, my heart.

Donna and Jack are painting more wards. Jack bends down to look at a plant, and Donna comes up to him and says "I'm no expert on this hoodoo stuff, but best we patch that up, yeah?" and I don't know what the hell she's talking about. What is this plant disturbing? Jack reaches out to touch the plant and it withers away as his hand gets close. Friends, I'm pretty sure this is a bad sign. Jack is too. He stares at his hand, and if he'd been watching a few seasons ago, he would have noticed that plants did the same thing when Amara touched them. Coincidence???

Later we see everyone watch as Sam recites the spell. (Yes, it's hot. Do you even have to ask?) The sigils glow red briefly and then fade, and the music turns ominous and I think this means his boost failed. But I guess not, because Sam says now they wait. But they don't have to wait long, because suddenly one of the children dissolves into smoke. One by one, all of the AU people dissolve like they've been snapped by Thanos. Charlie runs up to Sam and says "Sam, what do we do" just like Maggie did, and just like Maggie she's taken out immediately. Sam watches in horror as AU Bobby smokes out. He turns to Donna, who says "Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good," and then Donna is gone! Crap! Jack and Sam are left staring at the empty-except-for-them silo.

One more serving of despair, coming right up.

On to the other side.

Dean enters Billie's library, brandishing the scythe. Cas follows, bearing only a hangdog expression. Dean motions for him to go one direction and Dean goes the other, soon finding Billie. He thinks he's sneaking up behind her, but she says "So, I guess this is the part where I say hello boys. Hello, boys." Oh, I was wrong; Cas has his angel blade. Billie snarks about Dean's bad aim, and he says he wasn't trying to kill her then (which seems like a lie), but he is now, because of what she's doing to his people. Billie slams him against the wall again. She chokes Cas Darth Vader-style from a distance, and then the old fashioned way. "Remember when you stabbed me in the back?" she says. "Because I do." Oh, that's funny, because earlier Sam said she was going to stab them in the back. She should have said "like you stabbed me?"

Dean comes to the rescue by poking her with the blunt end of the scythe rather than the pointy end, so maybe she was right about his bad aim. Then he gets the blade against her throat (but still not the sharp end, just the back) and demands that she stop killing his friends. She says she didn't - it was Chuck. And Dean's wasting time.

I'm considering it time well spent, because it looks so nice.

Billie tells Dean the injury he gave her earlier is something she can't recover from - she's going to die. She pulls away her coat to show him a nasty festering wound, and I wonder why something so physical would kill her, but. Eh. She tells him she doesn't care about his friends or family. "But seeing you here has reminded me of something. There is one thing I'd like. One wish before I go. I'd like to see you dead." She grabs her scythe back, flings the boys around, and slowly stalks toward them. Dean and Cas rush through the door back into the bunker.

Dean is panicky again, trying to figure out what to do next. He's suddenly struck down by chest pain, and I expect to see someone sticking a knife (or a scythe) in his back, but it's actually Billie doing it Darth Vader-style again. Cas drags him away as Billie monologues. "It's you, Dean; it's always been you. Death-defying. Rule-breaking. You are everything I lived to set right. To put down. To tame. You are human disorder incarnate." Yeah, we know, Dean's awesome. We get this speech every season.

Cas and Dean end up in the dungeon storeroom. Cas gets Dean's knife out of his pocket and cuts his own hand to paint a sigil on the door. It looks like an angel banishing sigil, but apparently it block's Billie's power. Not permanently, though, because it fades as she pounds on the door. Cas says that since the wound is killing her, they just have to wait her out.

Yeah, and if we can't?

Then we fight.

We'll lose. I just led us into another trap. All because I couldn't hurt Chuck. Because I was angry, and because I just needed something to kill, and because that's all I know how to do.

Dean.

It was Chuck all along. We never should have left Sam and Jack. We should be there with them now.

Yes you should, Dean, you really really should. Dean is practically drowning in despair, which, you know. Is a good thing. 10/10 would recommend. "She's gonna get through that door," he tells Cas. "And she's gonna kill you, and then she's gonna kill me. I'm sorry."

"Wait, there is one thing she's afraid of," Cas says. "There's one thing strong enough to stop her." He tells Dean about the deal he made to save Jack in the Empty.

Friends, I'm going to do you a favor. If you haven't seen the episode, and aren't planning to watch the episode, I want you to read this paragraph and then skip down until you see the pretty picture of Dean. And start reading after that picture. Trust me. So, Cas summons the Empty just as Billie breaks down the door. The Empty kills Billie, but she also takes Cas. Dean is saved but Cas is gone.

{Sigh. Can I skip this part? No, I owe it to you.}

Cas explains that the Empty was going to come snatch him away as soon as he experienced a moment of true happiness. But happiness isn't having, happiness is knowing. And Dean is wonderful and "Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love." You just threatened to shoot your little brother for love, for example. Cas is teary eyed and Dean looks confused as hell and I pause the TV and turn to The Husband and we have this conversation:

I don't think I can watch this.

Why, because it's so sappy?

No, because I think they're going to kiss.

What? Why would they kiss? Is there something I'm missing?

Because part of the fandom WANTS them to kiss, and there's this group of fans that are super obnoxious about it, and they harass the actors and the writers and I think now the show thinks EVERYBODY wants them to kiss. Even though the guy who plays Dean* says it would never happen. Because I know he wasn't happy about the way the show ended, and I'm afraid this is why he wasn't happy.

...

I don't think they're gonna kiss.

If they do, I'm done.

*The Husband is not on a first name basis with Jensen.

So, let me point out that The Husband, who watches this show the way a normal human being watches a show (i.e., doesn't interact with the fandom at all), had absolutely NO expectation that they would kiss. Anyway, with some trepidation, I push play again. And Cas is still going. Dean is the most caring, selfless, loving human being on earth (OH GOD MAKE IT STOP) and knowing him has changed Cas.

Why does this sound like a goodbye?

Because it is. I love you.

Don't do this, Cas.

We see a black blob materialize behind Dean, because even though the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned, there it is. And I could argue about whether Cas being happy actually summoned the damn thing but I've already lost the will to live, so instead I'm going to describe to you how I watched in horror, with my finger hovering over the pause button, as Cas reached out to Dean and put his hand on his shoulder. But he just pushed him out of the way. Thank you baby Jesus. Billie breaks the door down as the Empty slurps into the dungeon. It surrounds Cas and Billie and sucks them into its depths. Dean is left alone. Oh, and he has a bloody palm print on his jacket from Cas grabbing his shoulder. I guess someone did watch a little bit of older seasons after all. Hard to tell sometimes.

I mean, at least he looked good, right?

Back at the silo. I've decided it must be mostly underground and isn't a grain silo like I thought. So what kind of silo do Yankees have that's mostly underground? Anyway. Jack and Sam emerge, having failed catastrophically at their mission. Sam is trying to call Dean, who isn't answering. He looks mildly panicky. "Sam?" Jack says, a little shaky. "Was it just them?"

OH CRAP. I didn't even think of that possibility.

"I don't know," Sam says, also shaky. And as we see an empty gas station and playground, it really looks like it wasn't just them at all. Sam and Jack look at each other, alone and terrified. And back in the bunker's dungeon, Dean's phone rings. It's Sam. He doesn't answer.

Despair!

So. You know how sometimes something really good will happen in an episode? And I'll say, no matter how bad this episode is, this 90 seconds makes it worth it? Well, sometimes the opposite happens. Sometimes you get a two or three minute scene - a horribly written, badly acted scene - and it's so awful that it ruins an episode. A season. A show. I'm angry that the showrunners pandered to a small, noisy minority of fans to throw something into the show that most fans didn't want and didn't help the story at all. I'm annoyed that, once again, Dean is put up on an embarrassingly overwrought pedestal. I'm kind of amused that they did this in the worst way possible. Cas's love was unrequited (unless they screw that up in the next episode), Misha's acting caused so much secondhand embarrassment that I had a hard time watching again, and from what I see on Tumblr, half of the Destihellers are furious because "Dean is a homophobe." Which is bullshit. Not returning someone's romantic affection isn't homophobia. It's consent. (I know... on this show? Ha ha.)

{Sidebar: If "Destiel" means the characters have mutual feelings for each other, doesn't this mean Destiel is not, in fact, canon? I mean, it was already so badly written that one could argue Cas wasn't proclaiming romantic love, but just a life-changing experience thanks to one human. Discuss.}

But I need to stop thinking about it. I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now.

And this wasn't even the Buckleming episode, friends. There is probably a Buckleming episode left.

I got so distracted by this nonsense that I almost forgot to talk about the Jack situation. So here's how I feel about that. I love Jack as a character. I love him as someone the Winchesters could lose (Basically, someone to stuff in the fridge? Why not.) But I don't want him to be one of them. I don't want Jack's story to be treated as if it were as important as the Winchester's story. Just like I didn't want Cas to have his own plots. I want it always, always to come down to Sam and Dean.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have more to say. But for right now, all I'm saying is this: I pledge to stick with this show, to stick with fanworks, no matter how badly they fuck up the landing. But guys, you don't have to try so hard to fuck it up.

Two to go. As always, help me stay unspoiled, including casting info and episode titles.

[solarcitymelodies]

Wowza sorry y'all about the random massive Rockafire spam, I'm pretty sure ??most?? People on here? know me for just Knight Rider because that's the only thing I've ever REALLY posted about--

but I Do Not Care it's RAE hours right now so uhhh here's some headcannons that probably aren't Canon compliant very much because I just got into RAE like last week

So like. I feel like Mitzi is a Good Amount younger than the rest of the band like she was in highschool when she joined, the rest of em were all Adults™ and she was a little bit nervous about it because...... ADULTS™

She was just lookin for a place to get her singing voice out there, because ya girl REALLY wanted to perform, and showbiz happened to have a slot open, but she did not expect all of the members to be older than her (although looking back, she realized she probably should have expected that)

It was intimidating at first but Billy Bob and Fatz were just the absolute sweetest and they introduced her properly to the rest of the band because she was like "oh I barely talk to them because I get nervous :(" and the resident dads p much said "aight we can do all the talking for you then, how about that?" And badabing badaboom she's now attached to these two and like honestly who isn't or maybe that's just me but ANYWAYS I feel like the band would become a second home/safe space for her

Yeah fr some reason I have BIG long headcannon for her joining the band but the rest of them? Nobody knows how they got there for all I know they just Showed Up One Day

Also I came across this

https://youtu.be/UU7BeUWQBDI

Which got me thinkin about what my headcannons were as far as sexuality/gender stuff

And I find the concept of Billy Bob being Very Much Straight And Ignorant but trying his hardest to be a good ally SO funny like if someone came out to him he'd probably be like "oh!! I don't understand why you would choose that lifestyle but I respect you!!" not realizing how incredibly stupid he sounds sjkrjh like I don't think he can very easily wrap his head around how people are just. not cishet. so he's like "OH then it must be a choice, right? like you can choose to be gay but you're born straight. Right?" and everyone just shakes their heads in the background but he does earnestly try his best and my man would rather DIE than disrespect someone's pronouns I know this for sure

Fatz is pretty similar, straight ally and a lil confused but he's got the spirit, you know? He still least knows being gay (as well as,,, m o s t sexualities that aren't straight, although some he doesn't get/know about at all) isn't a choice but he hasn't quite grasped that being trans is also not a choice. He will respect your pronouns to hell and back but by god he doesn't get it,,, he's trying though and he feels very accomplished in himself that he's starting to get the hang of using they/them even though he slips up a lot

The rest of the band encourages the HELL out of these two because they're. Trying their best and making an honest effort which is more than a pretty good chunk of people would give

Rolfe, Earl, and Dook are the reasons Billy Bob and Fatz are trying so hard to understand it lmao

Rolfe took it upon himself to hang up a MASSIVE gay pride flag backstage, being the flaming homosexual that he is, and the rest of the squad quickly realized "oh he's GAY gay he wasn't kidding" because at first they literally thought he was joking as he was actually just being openly and obnoxiously a raging mlm (and like I mean no shade to him this isn't me tryna to make fun of it because my dumb sapphic ass almost crashed my car once because I saw a pretty girl walk down the street. And by "once" I mean. Yesterday.) Anyways yeah that's when the rest of em Realized and were like "OH" but after the massive pride flag was hung up that prompted Dook to come out and they were all like "???? YOU TOO????"

Dook is a non-binary ICON he's a demiboy and goes by both he/him and they/them and probably would have a bunch of pride pins I think,,, I'm not really sure of his sexuality though!! honestly he kinda gives me bisexual vibes but Who Knows . Not me. He has a HELL of a time trying to explain his gender to the rest of the band (except for Rolfe because like. He's a part of the community so he knows) and basically he was met with "so you're just a dude but ✨spicy✨?" and it was like, "no, but I have no idea how to explain it in a way that will make sense to you, so. yes?" And that explanation seemed to suffice for most of them

Mitzi went in knowing NOTHING about what being non-binary was so she asked a l o t of questions about it, which Dook just kinda dealt with answering (he's heard most of it before, and it gets tiring after a while. if you're nb or trans or honestly any part of LGBTQ+ you know what I mean) but he thought it was really sweet of her to be so determined to learn about it and eventually she did get a grasp on it ish, so she was able to understand why it wasn't just ✨spicy male✨ (the conversation pretty much went "well if i was just male, don't you think I would label myself that way instead?" "....oH TRUE!!!") and she ended up a VERY passionate ally, and she'll ask occasionally about how to be better at it, bein a queen as she is 👉👉 also definitely started questioning her sexuality after a while and just went with "maybe bicurious" and Rolfe, Dook, and Earl were all like "ONE OF US, ONE OF US"

Earl has never once spoken about his sexuality in his life, because 1. He's very aware that's an awkward conversation to have with a puppet, and 2. He's aroace anyways, which is basically what people assume even if they don't realize it just for their own peace of mind, because seriously, puppets and any identity that ISN'T aroace creates a really uncomfortable mental image for... Most people, pretty much. So it's not like he ever needed to say anything about it, which is convenient for him because he wouldn't want to say anything either way. not worth the risk of embarrassing himself and making everyone feel awkward

(side note ish though Rolfe 100% came out to Earl first and was met with "I already knew that but okay." Rolfe was mildly offended)

And spEAKING OF EARL he's VERY much sentient but he can't say he's particularly enthusiastic about it because Rolfe has to carry him around everywhere

He can move on his own but it's limited and generally annoying to maneuver around with his tiny body so he just says screw it half the time and stays on Rolfe's arm or hitch a ride on Random Object, but like... Yeah, the majority of the time Rolfe just has to deal with only having one arm available and a puppet directly next to him making fun of him at every possible chance

They high-key have chaotic and unorganized college roommate vibes (like they're actually roommates because... Where tf is Earl supposed to go?? So Rolfe took him in) and idk if this is really like a part of my headcannons or if I just think it's funny so I keep entertaining the idea of it but I think it would be Fantastic if Rolfe had no idea how to cook but Earl somehow did so this idiot is trying to take instructions from a puppet, who can't physically show him what to do, and it's like Hell's Kitchen live featuring a furry and a sentient stuffed animal

Aaaaamd going off of my Rolfe and Earl headcannons still Rolfe for SURE has some sort of executive dysfunction issue. ADD or ADHD I'm not sure (probably ADHD) but he definitely has it also this totally isn't just me projecting how dare you accuse me of that

And!!! More about Dook!!!! I don't know how or why I thought up of this but I cannot possibly imagine him any other way now-- he's autistic and space is his Big Huge special interest, and if you ever ask him about it you have to be prepared to get infodumped or possibly even shown a PowerPoint presentation, because GOD he loves space!!! He wants everyone to know all about it!! He knows not everyone thinks it's as cool as he does so he tries to keep his mouth shut but when someone asks about it he can't help himself and will infodump a LOT, also haha drumming stims go brrrr, playing the drums isn't really a stim but he likes to just take his drumsticks and whack em around in the air and get that good ol Wavy Arm Action (wavy arms is best stim change my mind you can't it's GOOD)

Also i bbbbelieve earlier I reposted somethin about someone else headcannoning that he has echolalia, which I don't really know enough about to say anything on it?? But even if he doesn't have echolalia he'd probably repeat phrases over and over until he gets tired of them (which is,,, something I do lmao, it's either memes I get stuck in my head or things I've heard from various medias I like the inflections in (like one tiktokker I saw was talking about their tourettes and their vocal tics and one of them was "uh oh! How unfortunate!" and now I CAN'T STOP SAYING IT)) but like uhhh yeah :))) repeating phrases that get stuck in your head for various reasons for the win

This is already really long so I'm just gonna vibe out thanks for coming to my Ted talk feel free to ask questions I probably won't be able to answer a lot of em though because my headcannons are a Mess hehe >:)

[ghostyprince]

And also, for @trashy-artist-here because you prompted something similar. I hope you both like this!!💕

On AO3

The building they're visiting this time isn't such a scary place in Shane's opinion, but then again, anything they have visited so far was tipping towards the gross, dusty, and way too old end of the scale rather than the spooky one.

Sure, it's a long-closed down prison. And sure, the may have tortured and treated the people there like absolute garbage back in the '30s but it's more heartbreaking than anything in Shane's opinion.

But of course, Ryan doesn't think so, he gets lost in his head, psyching himself up, until every shadow, every little scratching sound is making the hair stand up on the back of his neck. Not that Shane was looking at Ryan's neck. (Alright, maybe he was looking a little.)

The point is, he's jumpy as all hell, and Shane finds it terribly amusing as always. His shoe scrapes over some debris, and the sound is ear piercing in the quiet, bouncing off of the bare walls.

Ryan cries out, his whole body jerks and Shane can't help himself, he throws his head back, letting out a surprised laugh, although he may feel a little bad about it.

"You're such a piece of shit, Shane!" Ryan groans and Shane loves the way his face heats up, from embarrassment. "I bet you did that on purpose, stop freaking me out, jackass!"

"Stop freaking out then!" Shane wheezes, and pats Ryan on the back, he lets out a little snort when Ryan flinches again, just slightly.

"You're as tense as a stick, man. Or like the stick is stuck up your ass."

"Shane! Fucking can't you just—" Ryan cuts himself off abruptly and he freezes. It's enough for Shane's smile to fall too and morph into actual concern.

He looks in the direction Ryan is staring at, but all he sees is a bunch of dust flying everywhere like someone just rushed through the hallway that's across the one they're standing in.

Huh.

Maybe someone left a window open, his brain supplies. Yeah, that must be it. And that's the simple thought process that goes through Shane's head every time something "unexplainable" happens.

His brain explains it perfectly well.

Ryan's, on the other hand, it seemed to shut down and reboot again.

"Dude, did you see that?" He asks and Shane would laugh at the fact that they're slowly becoming one of those fake ghost hunters on TV. If only Ryan wouldn't look so genuinely terrified.

"It was a guy, he looked like a doctor. He was— he was fucking terrifying. Holy shit I hope the chest cam—" he starts fidgeting with it right away, and Shane takes note of how much his hand is shaking. "It must've recorded it, right? He was fucking covered in blood, please tell me you saw it! Shane!"

The rushed and panicked sound of his name snaps Shane out if his thoughts and he's reaching forward without thinking. His hands land on Ryan's shoulders, gently squeezing.

Shane feels how tense his muscles are under his fingertips but for once he doesn't think about what else those muscles could do with him. He tucks that away for later when it's less inappropriate.

"I didn't see anything Ryan, calm down," he says gently and that definitely doesn't have the desired effect. But Shane's stupid mouth keeps running because of course he never knows when to shut the hell up. "It must've been just—"

"No, shut up! You always fucking do this," Ryan interrupts him abruptly and the words die in Shane's throat. "Don't try to explain it away, I know— I know what I saw, I'm not crazy, Shane."

His voice cracks and Shane realizes he damn stepped in it now. He needs to fix this as soon as possible.

"Hey, I believe, you, of course, I do. But you need to breathe, alright?" He tries and Ryan snorts like he doubts that. Like he doubts Shane would ever see eye to eye with him on the subject of ghosts.

"Tell me that you consider the possibility of it being a ghost then," Ryan asks and Shane wonders when things went so wrong. Was he really such an asshole about the whole ghost stuff?

He must be quiet for too long because Ryan shakes his head slightly.

"Whatever let's just go back to the crew," Ryan says quietly, and he looks so disappointed, Shane wants to slap himself for being such an idiot. Before he could say something, however, there is a set of loud footsteps coming from behind them.

Like someone is running towards them.

Shane spins around, but he doesn't see anything, and he gets distracted anyway because Ryan's loud yelp drowns out the last of the footsteps.

Moments later, a solid body is pressing against Shane's, and he needs a few seconds to process that it's Ryan's.

Normally, he would find it funny, the fact that Ryan is trying to climb him like a fucking tree. But he's not laughing now, because the warm, firm press of Ryan's muscles sends his heart flying up to his throat.

Ryan's arms wound around Shane's waist, and their bodies are lined up from knee to shoulders, with Ryan's face buried into the dip of Shane's shoulder. And Shane feels very hot all of a sudden.

He does wrap his arms around Ryan's shoulders when his brain comes back online again, and Ryan lets out a soft little laugh, breathing right into Shane's neck. It does not help whatsoever.

"I'm sorry. That scared me so fucking much, I think I physically can't move."

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here  alright?" Shane asks, voice nothing but a scratchy whisper. He's proud he could get that out at the very least and extremely grateful for Ryan's face being tucked into his shoulder because Shane would surely die from embarrassment if Ryan would notice how red he has gotten.

"I know," Ryan laughs, it's a shaky sound, and Shane's hold tightens around him instinctively. They stand there for a heartbeat or two in a tangle of limbs, before Ryan starts slowly extracting himself from the hug.

Shane thinks that's that. They had a nice little moment of comfort and they'll never talk about it again, right? It's how they seemed to do things lately. Get sappy and tender and never speak of it again.

Well, Ryan had something else in mind entirely.

He doesn't go too far, and before Shane could realize that, he's already reaching up, having to stand on his tippy toes to effectively bury his fingers into Shane's hair. And then he tugs.

He tugs Shane all the way down to his eye level and when their lips meet in long, undoubtedly sloppy but fucking wonderful kiss, Shane thinks he might just be possessed or dreaming or both.

The kiss is a mess of tongues and teeth and Shane's back is dangerously close to cramping and he can't fucking breathe.

And yet, he still dives back for more and an embarrassingly whiny sound founds its way out from the back of his throat when Ryan's fingers tighten in his hair briefly.

They're both trying to catch their breath when they finally pull away and Shane is glad he's not the only one affected.

The sight of Ryan's flushed cheeks and kiss bitten lips, not to mention how dark his eyes appear to be even in the shitty lighting of the hallway.

That sight alone almost gets him to start kissing Ryan again but Shane can muster up some sort of self-control eventually.

Another make out session might be what they want right now, but it's most certainly not what they need.

The kiss doesn't get talked about, not even when they arrive back at their shared hotel room and take their respective showers to wash off the grime of the ancient building.

They exchange nothing more but quiet words about Unsolved, the shoot, about Watcher. Shane glances over at Ryan, watches him text their friends, and then stare at his chest camera — now discarded on top of Ryan's suitcase — like it personally offended him.

"Are you thinking about looking at the footage?" Shane asks, and Ryan is seemingly grateful he didn't have to be the one to break the awkward silence.

"Yeah, maybe," Ryan hums and then looks away with a sigh, right at Shane, unfortunately. Shane squirms under his gaze, slightly, but probably just enough for Ryan to notice. "I don't want to deal with it right now. I'm exhausted, this was just too much for today.

Shane only lets out a little noise of agreement, and he wonders if what they had done was too much, if Ryan has meant to include that also.

"Do you want to, maybe...?" Ryan trails off, nodding towards his bed and probably hoping that Shane will get what he means.

And well, Shane can be infuriatingly oblivious, but this, he understands. His mouth feels paper dry when he speaks. "Yeah, sure."

He stands, rubbing a hand down his face because he doesn't know what to do with them otherwise. He's already dressed in his pajamas — they both are, actually — soft sweatpants and worn-out cotton shirts; so it's not difficult to grab his pillow and climb into Ryan's bed, right next to him.

And that's when trouble begins because Ryan is taking his shirt off and Shane's heart surges so hard in his chest he almost thinks it will fall right out. Is it not enough to have to sleep with the possibly not-so-unrequited love of his life, but he has to be shirtless too?

Shane got cursed by whatever was or wasn't at that damn place he's sure of it.

"Uhh, if you mind I can put it back on," Ryan tells him because Shane had been staring like it's nobody's business.

"No, no you're fine. I mean it's fine." Shane chokes out and he's a little bit mad at himself for getting so flustered when it comes to guys he thinks are cute. Especially when it's Ryan.

Luckily, Ryan laughs, and even if it's kind of annoying, Shane happily takes that over the awkwardness.

Shane speaks, quietly, after they turned the lights off, and got under the covers. The bed is fairly small, so Shane really had to huddle more close to Ryan than what they would've been comfortable with years ago.

"For the record, I don't think you're crazy."

"Well, that's good to know." Ryan laughs softly, but there is an uncomfortable undertone to it and Shane doesn't like it one bit.

"I'm serious, Ryan. I might not have the opinion it was a ghost, but you know I'd never think you're crazy. And if you think I would, well— I'm a shitty friend then, and I'm sorry about that."

"No, you're not, Shane. I think I'm just insecure. It's a whole other issue." Ryan admits and Shane is too curious for his own good.

"What other issue?"

"Do you think we should talk about what happened in the prison?" Ryan asks instead, not even being subtle about changing the subject and Shane decides to let it go for now.

"The kiss?"

"No, the fucking ghost— yeah the kiss, dude!" Ryan scoffs, and Shane has no brain to mouth filter apparently.

"It wasn't a ghost—"

"Shane, don't fucking start this again I swear—"

"Look I'm just saying—"

"Shut up, Shane!" Ryan wheezes, because they keep talking over each other and they're being so stupid. Shane wheezes with him and he suddenly feels like being bold. It's dark and Ryan can't see him too well, so fuck it.

"Shut me up then."

There is a beat of silence and then the rustling of sheets as Ryan is sliding closer to press his mouth hotly over Shane's again. Shane's hands find their way up on Ryan's back and there is a slight tremble to the movement when Ryan swipes his tongue over his. Shane is almost dizzy with it all, the available skin he's allowed to touch now, the smell of Ryan's shower gel. He almost feels like he's dreaming.

"We really should be talking about this," Ryan murmurs muffled by Shane's lips, minutes or hours later, none of them truly know at this point.

"S'fine, nothing to talk about." Shane rasps, trying to tug him back into another mind-melting kiss but Ryan snorts against his lips and it should be a little gross but Shane adores him too much to care.

"Shane, come on, we gotta. We're adults." Ryan reasons and nips at Shane's chin as he kisses his way down from his lips.

"Fuck being an adult," Shane scoffs but pulls away just enough to take in Ryan's flushed cheeks and bright eyes. And that smile, the sunshine smile Shane loves the most.

"Hard same but seriously. Is this just a hookup? What are we doing?" Ryan asks sheepishly and he looks so open, Shane wants to hide, to avoid being as open as Ryan is with him. Because ghosts might not spook him, but emotional vulnerability sure fucking does.

He has nowhere to hide though, and he thinks that maybe, just maybe if he throws all caution to the wind, things might turn out okay. He does it all the time, he did it when he agreed to do Unsolved with Ryan, and he did it when they were making Watcher.

"I really like you, Ryan. I don't know how not to sound like a teenager when I say this, but— well it's true." Shane says eventually, forcing himself to keep eye contact as his hold tightens in the fabric of Ryan's shirt. This is just about the most difficult thing he's ever done and look at him, he's powering through it like a champ.

"How about breaking the rules we established in the podcast and say I love you? What do you say to that, big guy?" Ryan suggests, softly, and Shane gladly watches the fear and anxiety dissolve from his eyes when he answers. They're both taking leaps of fate today it seems like.

"Fuck the rules, also."

Shane flips them over, making Ryan laugh and let out an exaggerated oof sound and then he's kissing Ryan again, Shane murmuring I love you back against Ryan's lips.

[guava-jarritos]

how can you be a Christian and be gay? as a fellow Christian, I've always been taught gay is Not Okay. I hope this doesn't come off as offensive or judgemental, because I'm genuinely curious

Sorry it took me a little longer to answer this, I wanted to do so to the best of my ability. I hope this helps clear anything up! Feel free to send another ask if you need to :)

Does the Bible say that homosexuality is a sin? You could argue that yes, it does (given different translations of the original Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek, and Latin, however, you could also argue that it does not – I’m not a language scholar though, so I won’t get too deep into that).

Here’s the thing though - do we follow every single law in the Bible? Absolutely NOT. At least, not to the exact letter. I mean, have you looked at the Old Testament?? Leviticus?? Some of that stuff is downright inapplicable in the society we live in today, and given “traditional” contemporary American Christian values.

“Don’t eat shellfish. Don’t eat pork. Don’t touch dead bodies. Don’t have sex with a woman on her period. Don’t even TOUCH a woman on her period, or anything she touches. Don’t have sex with animals (duh). Don’t wear clothes with more than one type of fabric.” And so on. We KNOW these are don’t necessarily apply to us today (well, okay, except the animals one). We know them as the “health laws” - laws put in place to protect an ancient nation against dangers and illnesses they didn’t know about or have the means to cure yet. Could the “man shall not lay with man” law be a health law? Sure, why not?

Thing is, most of the modern church doesn’t think so.

It does seem to be a bit of a reach, right?

So what else does the Bible say is okay, even encourage? That would be SLAVERY. And what about the whole “if a man rapes an unmarried woman, he has to pay her dad and then marry her.” That sounds… horrendous.

The latter is actually a huge reason why I didn’t consider myself a Christian for years. Somebody pointed out to me, though, that the context is the most important thing to understand.

The ancient Israeli culture was patriarchal - extremely so. Women had next to no place in society, besides to cook and clean and bear children. It was considered highly valuable to marry only a virgin. If that woman who was raped was left to her own defenses, if the law didn’t say to marry the man who took her virginity, then she would have been left to herself her whole life. As messed up as it was, no one would have wanted to marry her. And a single woman, in that culture, was possibly one of the worst things to be, second only to a leper. She would have had no livelihood, no children, no way to feed and clothe herself besides begging. So for the law to say that that man had to marry her, was in fact probably looking out for her well-being. It’s seen as horrible today, because a single woman CAN make a living for herself, because we are infinitely closer to gender equality now, and because she wouldn’t be seen as undesirable in the first place.

So what about the slavery laws? Again, cultural context is key. It was normal. It wasn’t seen as the abomination it’s seen as today. Granted, the Hebrew laws that they followed kept slavery relatively humane, but even with those guidelines, we would NEVER even DARE to allow slavery today. It is no longer culturally acceptable, and we understand it to be degrading of the human life. We have better ways of taking care of the poor, now.

So here’s what we know: the Bible holds laws that we no longer follow, for very valid reasons. Our culture is worlds apart from those the Bible was written during. It’s not about the letter of the law, but the spirit of the law. I mean, Paul told Christian women not to wear jewelry and to cover their heads. Why? Cultural context - where and when that church body lived, it was prostitutes and idol-worshippers (but mostly prostitutes) who wore jewelry and wore their hair uncovered. It was like telling them not to wear lingerie out and about - it was culturally unacceptable if they wanted to differentiate themselves from prostitutes and idolaters.

It’s also very important to remember that while the Bible is 100% truth, we as humans are fallible, and can easily misinterpret said truth. Misinterpretation of the Bible was used to justify the Crusades, and even more recently and relevantly, American slavery. It is the SPIRIT of the words that we need to focus on, and not always the LETTER.  

So why is it so hard for most of the modern church to accept that maybe, just maybe, the homosexuality laws and verses (there’s not even that many in there, if we’re being honest – there are many more on slavery) are the same?

The deal-breaker for me, though, isn’t even in the Bible. It’s in the people.

When I’m jealous, or dishonest, or greedy - when I’m holding a grudge or badmouthing and gossiping about someone else, I know it’s wrong. I FEEL that it’s wrong - I feel dirty.

When I look at the love between LGBT couples, when I think about the way I feel about girls (and boys, and anyone), I don’t feel dirty. It feels pure, and beautiful, and innocent. There are very few things that I believe with my entire being. That there is some sort of God is one of them. That this is not wrong is another. I believe - I know - heart, soul, and mind - that who I am, who you are, that the community, is not a sin.

But COULD I be wrong? Sure. I’m not omniscient. There’s always the chance. I mean, come on, there’s always that chance that Christianity ISN’T the way, the truth, and the light, and when I die I’m gonna be in a world of hurt. I’m still taking my chances (that’s a whole other sermon, though). Here’s the thing though - even if I am wrong, and this is a sin, one of the biggest creeds of the Bible is that all sin is equal in God’s eyes. The BIGGEST creed is that God “sent his only son so that whoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life.” That’s it. End of the deal. Doesn’t matter what you’ve done, what a mess you’ve made of your life, if you trust and truly believe, you are saved. Sure, it’s always great to try not to sin, but like I said, I don’t believe that is a sin in the first place. And if I’m wrong? Well, then I’m no worse off than the Christians that truly hate people like me (cough, LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR, cough).

When I look at the “Romans Road,” it confounds me how other Christians can look at the same verses I am and yet take them completely differently.  

“For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God.” (3:23)  

“Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” (10:9)

“For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” (10:13)

“There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (8:9)

“For I am sure that … [nothing] in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (8:38-39)

The two greatest commandments are to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength,” and to “love your neighbor as yourself.” In essence, love God and love people. When we use the Word of God to hurt others, that is not loving people, and thereby not loving God to the best of our ability.  

And as for me personally? How and why I came to all these conclusions? When I was 14, I knew that I wasn’t straight. I also knew that there were things within the Church that I couldn’t stand by. As I got older, my sexuality became more of a conflict. I knew, down to my bones, that I was not a mistake, that there was nothing WRONG with me, but also knew, just as inherently, that there was a God and that God was the one I was raised to follow. I just didn’t know how to reconcile these two beliefs, neither of which I was capable of compromising.

I truly do believe that all of this, the people who spoke this into my life, the articles and verses I’ve read which have convinced me of everything in this “essay” and more, is what saved my faith. If I had had to compromise something, unfortunately it would have ended up being what I was raised to believe, and not what I believed on my own.  

If it were not for God showing me love, I would have lost my faith. And it’s still hard, yeah. It’s VERY easy for me to become complacent in my faith. No matter how much I believe, no matter how strong my foundational faith is, when you constantly hear the people in your life express the belief that you, and people like you, are incapable of a relationship with God, you can start to subconsciously believe it. So I have to work harder at it, and I am extremely blessed to have wonderful friends in my life who try to keep me accountable.

Long story short, it is okay if you can’t reconcile the two on your own. What is NOT okay is if you use your own personal values to harm another person’s relationship with God. I have been on the receiving end of that, and my faith almost didn’t survive.  

Jesus hung out with prostitutes and thieves and murderers. He’s a chill dude. I believe that love is love, and I also believe that God is love.