#Trachtoum can sit and spin though

[eorzeaisnotcrash]

(ARR Diary #27) Everybody is awesome

(Did you know Merlwyb turns her head to follow you if you run around examining everything in her office? I’m trying to cheer myself up after all the lag.)

According to the Admiral, the Sahagin didn’t have enough crystals to summon Leviathan till the Serpent Reavers went stealing in Thanalan. Since he’s not actually been summoned yet, we’re invited to join in helping make sure it stays that way. She says Minfilia is 100% welcome as long as she stays next to her.

JoJo needs to go to Camp Skull Valley. Five Maelstrom scouts have gone to check the spawning grounds for where Leviathan might show up, and they haven’t come back yet. I have a strong suspicion that this will end with me recovering more dead bodies and battling another fearsome boss. I am able to find and heal one dude. He begs me to save the comrades who got dragged away to the Serpent’s Tongue. That place has two dead bodies. The description says they’ve been mutilated. Thanks for sharing that, item descriptor... but where are the other two?

I’m not going to say anything if an angry commander wants to do something about her men getting tortured (provided she doesn’t go after the cool guys at Novv’s Nursery), but the Admiral isn’t having it. There is some talk about who needs to do what in the upcoming fighting. JoJo needs to go with Y’shtola to the aetheryte. Y’shtola says it’s been too long since we fought together. I’m glad she’s hyped too!

I Streets-of-Rage my way through the Sapsa Spawning Grounds to find a tired Y’shtola. She says it was just a glancing blow, and we continue till I find out what they’ve done with the last two soldiers. Poor dudes have been tempered, along with some random civilians. Y’shtola is not pleased. Thancred throws a knife at a Sahagin who‘s about to stab her. Yugiri runs up and deals with six guys in ten seconds. One of her daggers can cause explosions! The next group of guys we meet also get either stabbed, or capped by the Admiral. Thancred says he wants to make up for being a liability as Lahabread. I think he’s doing great. Minfilia looks as happy as I feel.

The Sahagin Priest yells some threats and then starts glowing as he waits for Leviathan to show. JoJo and Minfilia start reacting to the Echo. That can’t be good. Merlwyb shoots the priest, but he turns into a glowing ball and possesses the dude standing behind him. Definitely not good. Even after the Admiral shoots all the potential host bodies (her “Die, damn you!” is goals), the glowing ball keeps taunting us.

Leviathan shows up. The annoying priest finds himself disappearing from existence after all. Right after he’s gone, his god leaves, and a few seconds later the Admiral is notified that the ships she had out there as a diversion are gone. She says Leviathan is going to the open sea. Watch this be a tsunami.

To quote Weird Al: Aw man, I hate it when I’m right.

(My first experience with Leviathan was in FFVI. I knew he was out there somewhere, but it was still a shock when he attacked. I thought I could take him based on how I had handled other bosses. I was very wrong, and it took a lot of grinding before I was able to make it right. Bahamut and Ultima Weapon are fearsome, but when I think of Leviathan, I immediately think of people dying horribly. Maybe I should play FFIV after this.)

Yugiri says that these local gods sure are vengeful, and it makes sense the Garleans are so afraid of them. They’re not gods, Yugiri, just egotistical ass- wait, the Empire fears primals? I wonder if there’s a way to exploit this information?

Everyone goes back to the Admiral’s office, and she shares the heartwarming story of how Halfstone was actually a settlement before Leviathan trashed it. That was BEFORE his cultists fed him with all the stolen crystals. A sergeant suggests we obtain a device with a corrupted crystal, which can make the sea around Leviathan a less deadly weapon and the primal threatening as “any other sea serpent.”

How many sea serpents do these people have???

Minfilia takes it upon herself to remind me of that awful filler quest I did for Cid. He and I are cool now, but I still don’t want to repeat that mess. It gets better: we need a lot of crystals, enough to have to connect two ships (apparently Mistbeard did this to carry his loot, and Merlwyb all but says her sergeant is a pirate nerd), and then we have to tie ourselves to Leviathan. YAY. Slafyrsyn looks at JoJo and she nods... then everyone else looks at him, and instead of me getting pimped out to do the crazy job of towing the crystals, he volunteers to do it himself. I will pour one out for him if I survive.

It’s like he’s heard me say that. Slafyrsyn leaves the room and turns to look at JoJo again as he goes. JoJo looks back. What are we communicating to each other right now?

Yugiri says that in her home, they also have godlike beings, although she never really believed that. So I guess if I ever go to Doma, I can look forward to... I dunno, Bismarck and Catoblepas?

A man runs in and says he’s just spoken to a guy who’s fought Leviathan. It better be Wheiskaet and not that liar from the windmill. The Admiral figures I might as well go speak to him while we wait for the double-ship to be completed. I can find him... over at the Grey Fleet. Son of a whore. At least Merlwyb says I can break his legs if he’s full of it.

Trachtoum is doing his usual scam. The poor private sent to speak to him will have to carry some grain to the mill if he wants to hear about Leviathan. He responds that he’s already done four or five chores, so now he’s treated to the usual crock... and made to visualize how big the guy’s dick is, which is something no one needs ever. It’s also a lie, as is rapidly revealed when JoJo walks up to end the nonsense. The private is naturally very angry about handling chocobo poo for nothing. Before I can smash any femurs, Minfilia contacts me to tell me the double-ship is ready and I need to come to the drydocks. I’ll be back to break your legs later, T.

The new ship is called the Whorleater. The guys who have built it say its onboard device will be able to nerf Leviathan, but JoJo might have to run over there herself and turn it on. Thancred, Y’shtola, and Yugiri will fight however many Sahagin try to interfere.

I’d like to say I contributed, but there was lag and I ran around uselessly half the time. At least I didn’t have to watch Slafyrsyn die. The guy who mans the lift compliments me, and Y’shtola congratulates me. Part of me is shocked we didn’t have even more casualties, but overall I feel good. Merlwyb says thank you! She also says Mistbeard deserves props, too, and it’s a *shame* she hasn’t got any employees like him. Slafyrsyn looks away. Hee.

Yugiri offers to teach her martial art to anyone interested in learning. Apparently Robot Pirate Island has an organization where a lucky few get to learn something similar, which explains how Thancred got his cutscene skills, and his colleagues could definitely learn from her. Y’shtola shares how her friend used to live a life of crime. Minfilia laughs and continues the story while Thancred makes the best face ever; one day he ran into Alphinaud’s granddad and from there he went on to learn lots of cool stuff, including fighting. The Admiral is grateful for Yugiri’s help, and although Robot Pirate Island isn’t able to handle many more residents right now, she’ll send some food to Mor Donuts.

JoJo doesn’t watch, but the player gets to: Y’shtola needs to talk to Merlwyb in private (although Yugiri does walk by briefly). She warns her that Leviathan was summoned for the sake of self-preservation, just like with Titan. I have secondhand shame watching this, especially since Y’shtola seems pretty disappointed in the Admiral’s response. Yugiri’s a little unhappy too.