#Toys r us for real?!?

[tithsokphanny31]

A girls kids favorite?

[krimsonkobra]

[graciousdragon]

wait okay i just found out about swing me by the rafters and volcano shake em up this is funny as fuck i love it when people just make up fake songs for bands

[vampryn]

one of my friends' partners is GIVING ME a fucking army of darkness lunchbox i am unworthy~

[theanimationalley]

[melonsodaisprettygood]

places that do not feel real 1

a nearly empty TOYS"Я"US® in hong kong after dinnertime when all the kids have gone home with their parents. the cool white lights and minimalist design choices feel unfitting for a toy store for children (though that should be normal for every chain store). the aisles are filled with all the latest roblox toys but you see a little girl who caught her eyes on the cooking set you longed for years ago. no one looks at the board games anymore. it used to be so crowded. they do not have 12 pack crayons and the limited edition 108 pack your dad got for you in 4th grade. everything feels eerily corporate. it used to be so crowded here. you used to trade aikatsu cards with the girls in line at the arcade stand. 'the robot toys feel cool' you think, a statement you may also have agreed with as a kid. it is now 8:55 and the aircon is killing you. you notice the neon scribble pad you had is still on sale on an unnoticed rack, albeit with a much lower price. it used to be so crowded here. you think about how TOYS"Я"US® closed down in america years ago and that TOYS"Я"US Hong Kong® would probably meet the same fate. it never really mattered to you anyways.

[twothirdsgenius]

i need the pink pony club bumper sticker so BAD!!!

[nomaishuttle]

thinking thinking ...

[krimsonkobra]

[rodolfoparras]

Don’t want it to break, just want it to bend (do you know how to bend?)

Pairing: Top male reader x bottom male character

Synopsis: In which he’s convinced that he can cum without your assistance

cw: 18+, dom male reader, sub male character, use of f slur, homophobia, forced feminization

Thinking about letting a homophobic misogynistic dude bro have a go with one of his toys since he’s so adamant on the fact that he doesn’t need your cock to cum, watching him erratically fuck into the silicone cunt, obscene squelching sounds mingling with the sound of his groans and grunts, the muscles in his back and ass clenching from the sheer force of his thrust but despite how much he tries he just can’t seem to orgasm

“What’s the matter love, that not enough for you?”

And it really isn’t, at least not anymore, doesn’t feel anything like being stretched taut around your length, cockhead continuously ramming into the wall of nerves that his eyes rolling into the back of his head all while you’re whispering lewd things in his ear telling him what a greedy slut he is how he was just made for your dick, words that would otherwise have his lips curling in disgust but has his hole clenching when being practically skewed onto your dick

He’d rather die than admit to any of that though.

“Shut the fuck up”he snaps back, but the pace of his hips have visibly slowed down, clearly giving up on working the silicone cunt and that’s really all it takes for you to approach the other man, hands sneaking around his waist.

“M not a fag,” he says, in an attempt to preserve the last bit of pride in him but there’s no real bite to his words, body willingly relaxing in your arms.

You just hum in response, ignoring the meaning of his words like you’ve done so many times before, while a big warm palm presses down on his lower half, prompting him to bend over for you.

“So pretty princess,” you say, when the man swiftly bends over, hairy hole now on full display and eagerly clenching around nothing.

“Mph- don’t- ah don’t say that ,” he says again, albeit a bit quieter as you line your cockhead up with his entrance , the tight ring of muscles already stretched from earlier endeavors,

“But why shouldn’t I when it’s the truth hm?” You say through shaky breaths as your cockhead pushes past his puckered entrance. “you do look pretty like this, so eager and desperate for me” you hiss, voice growing weaker as he steadily takes you inch by inch.

The man in question doesn’t respond, instead he eagerly bucks his hips, in an attempt to push you deeper inside all while strangled noises escape his lips. By the time your balls are flush against his ass, you got the man practically trembling in your arms, voice all weak when he speaks “fuck fuck, just- ah just please,”

“What is it pretty? You got to tell me ” You murmur into his skin, trying not to lose yourself in the feeling of his tight walls squeezing down on your dick.

“Fuck me please,” he says, voice all soft and it takes everything in you not to cum on the spot.

You just hum in response, clinging onto the last bit of composure as you give an experimental thrust.

And just like clockwork his body jerks in place, shaky breathes escaping his lips as he gets used to the stretch. You let him take his time, while relishing in the feeling of being this close to him again.

It had been a while after all, - weeks actually , partially because he was busy with life, and partially because he was a prideful bastard . But God you missed him, so much so you’re sure that you can blow a load from just being buried inside him “You good?” You say after a while, looking down at the man who’d gone completely silent in your arms.

“Yes yes yes just - ah just fucking hurry up!” the other man hisses, and bucks his hips, clearly having had enough of this teasing.

“Shh it’s alright it’s alright, I got you,” you coo into the crook of his neck, feeling rather amused by the man’s eagerness but nonetheless you comply to his request, completely pulling out of him before slamming back into him again.

“Oh- oh fuck, just ah- just like that!,” He cries out, chucking the last bit of pride onto the ground, as he loses himself in the feeling of your fat cock filling him up, relentlessly slamming into him like he was one of the toys he’d been using earlier “More more more please,”

“Greedy little thing aren’t you? ” you say through shaky breaths but comply with his request, hands gripping his hips in such way you’re sure will leave bruises on them , as you drive up into him.

“feels ah- feels so so good, fuck!” He sobs out, the heat in his groin becoming more prominent as your cockhead continuously brushes against his sensitive spot.

“This what you wanted hm?” You say, puncturing every word with a thrust of of your hips, feeling your own release creep up with each second that passes.

“Yes yes yes” he sobs out while erratically thrusting back onto your cock and it doesn’t take much before he’s inching closer to his orgasm-a couple more rough strokes, and a firm hand pressing down on his windpipe is all it takes before he’s cumming all over himself “going haah - going to cum!”

“Come on love, cum for me, let me know how good I’m making your pretty pussy feel,”

For a moment there are no words exchanged, allowing the other man to catch his breath and when he finally does speak it sends a laughter rumbling right through your chest “this,” he says, sounding out of breath while gesturing between your bodies “doesn’t count,” he continues, referring to the reason as to why you were doing this in the first place.

“No?” You say with a shit eating grin on your face, “how about another round then? Just to be safe”

[sweetpupii]

tw: non-con, somno, fingering & cunnilingus ( r!receiving ), reader cries just a little, praising, overstimulation, abby being the sweetest girl ever ( pretty ironic ) | 1.6k words.

having long nails is great.

they look cute, you can match them with your outfit and your makeup, you get some compliments, they're amazing at scratching and all that.

“wanna know what's frustrating though?” you start, mindlessly scrolling on your phone while abby looks at your new set of nails, her own unmanicured hand holding yours. “not to be, you know, nasty but I feel like I'm gonna slash my pussy open if I try to stick a finger in there the wrong way.”

only a low hum of agreement can be heard from the blonde as she leans back against the couch of your shared apartment, tracing the design that's beautifully decorating the nail on your middle finger. yeah, that looks like it would hurt real bad.

“then get a toy. there is more stuff you can use.”

“of course I know that, but I don't have time either. at this point I feel like a nun!” a ( kinda whiny ) sigh escaping your lips at the mere thought of all the weeks spent unsatisfied. coming home late and tired didn't give you much time to even grab a toy like abby suggested.

but luckily, you have a very thoughtful roommate!

this woman would do anything—and I mean anything—to see you happy because that's what friends are for. helping and supporting each other during tough times and, let me tell you, being sexually frustrated definitely counts as one.

“abby? what the fu—mhggm” her hand quickly went over your mouth to stop your protests to get louder and more panicked while the other worked to keep your legs and arms from pushing her face away. why are you acting so surprised to see her in between your legs when she's just trying to help? it's not like you would be able to push her away but jeez, didn't expect such an ungrateful response.

yes, she woke you up by making out with your pussy but you were basically asking for it earlier.

“gonna make you feel good.” she promised before she kept lapping at your cunt like a starved woman. slurping you up like you're her favorite dish. feeling the vibration of your desperate, muffled sounds against her palm made her speak again. “shh, I won't hurt you.”

taking off your underwear while you sleep, holding you down, forcing your mouth shut and your legs open doesn't hurt! not if you stay still, at least.

her plan was simple.

if she made you feel good by eating you out, using her own fingers to reach places you currently couldn't ( and probably have never been able to ) reach while you slept then you would surely wake up in a good mood and thank her with that precious smile of yours and maybe even a kiss.

but noooo, you decided to wake up in the middle of it and panic. ugh, just when your body was responding so well to her touch. she had seen the way your cunt was glistening when she started to slowly kiss it. the moonlight slipping through your curtains making the sight even prettier, and she'll be lying if she said the thought of taking a picture didn't cross her mind.

but a little crying from you won't stop her, even if she feels the hot tears against her skin.

she's still holding your legs open so she can continue to suck and lick at your clit, tongue tracing each fold and sensitive bit. your hips bucking into her face—but she's not sure if you're liking it and want more or you're trying to push her away.

“don't scream, okay baby?” she whispered against the soft skin on your inner thigh, peppering small kisses, while looking up at your watery eyes, “I'll be so gentle. trust me.”

actually, what other choice do you have? this woman can literally bench press 205 lbs. you get on her bad side and a single smack takes you back to your mother's womb. she has a mean right hook too, those punching bags stand no chance.

but again, it's abby who we're talking about.

the blondie that cuddles you to sleep anytime your bed feels too cold, who makes stupid jokes to cheer you up even if she cringes so fucking hard immediately after, who lets you try to count every freckle on her skin without even asking why, who can listen to you talk for hours and pay attention to every word, the one that drunkenly tells you how glad she is that you're her roommate and friend while kissing your shoulder even if deep down she wishes for more than that and stares at you as if you are the most important thing in the world—because to her you truly are.

so maybe she really just wants to make you feel good...

the second the fear and confusion in your eyes turns into something more calm, seeing the slow nod of your head, the small hiccup and your legs no longer struggling, she pulls her hand away from your mouth to trace the other set of lips, gathering the mixture of her saliva and your fluids on her fingertips before gently pushing one inside. “there we go…nice and slow.”

she might've been wrong for not asking first but how was she supposed to resist the feeling of your warm, tight walls squeezing her fingers just right as she curls them inside. soaking her knuckles in a shiny coat of stickiness that makes her want to dive in face first again and taste it until it becomes the only flavor she'll ever remember.

once she's sure that you're wet and comfortable enough, another thick digit slides in, the stretch earning a moan from you that has abby feeling like angels are singing and welcoming her to heaven. god, she has waited for so long to hear those sounds out of your lips—sounds caused by her, not your vibrator nor whoever you used to invite over thinking you two were quiet. ( she could hear you every.single.time… and honestly? it was so good to get a free show. )

even if her pace was somewhat slow, the thrusts of her fingers still managed to produce soft, wet noises that filled the room as they combined with your heavy breathing.

“told you I'd be gentle.” she cooed against your abdomen, trailing her kisses up your torso until she finally reached your lips. the same lips she has been dreaming of kissing since she moved in, since she first saw you smile, since you finally laughed at something she said, since the first time she saw them in a pretty shade of lipgloss. it's better than she ever imagined and she knows she'll ask ( beg ) for more from now on.

she's head over heels if you couldn't tell already.

“a warning would've been nice.” your quiet words bring a sheepish smile to abby’s face as she sighs, pulling her face away just a little, “sorry, you looked so stressed lately, I figured you wouldn't mind…”

abby aims to please even if she doesn't realize how bad her impulsive thoughts are before she acts on them. but look at the bright side; from now on you have a girl who's willing to drop to her knees and bury her face between your thighs at your own home almost 24/7!

after a bit, she starts to notice that the clenching and throbbing around her fingers gets more frequent and your moans louder, meaning she can finally speed up the pace. burying herself deep into your cunt to reach all the perfect spots she knows you've been missing. “fuck, you're so pretty. I wish you could see yourself…dripping all over the bed.”

she’s breathless as if she was the one getting touched, her own underwear damp just from seeing and pleasing you. can you blame her? she feels like a child on christmas morning.

“that's it, doing so good.”

oh, how she adores the way your hips tremble underneath her. making a mess on your bed sheets as you throw your head back—which she takes as an invitation and buries her face there. inhaling your scent like it's the only thing keeping her alive, like you're the oxygen she needs.

“gonna come? I can barely move my fingers with how tight you are.” liar. no matter how much you squeeze she's pumping them in and out without a single bit of effort. working out daily really pays off in the most satisfying ways. plus, you're too wet and it slides in and out very easily.

and god, her words make the flutter in your lower belly even worse. your hand gripping at her forearm, nails digging so hard she takes it as “it's too much.” when in reality she had fucked you so dumb with her fingers that reaching for abby was purely out of instinct.

she can't even understand the words ( babbles ) coming out of your mouth, all her pussy-drunk mind is able to register is the whiny tone tone in your voice because yes, she's as fucked out as you are.

the loud cry that escaped your puffy lips while repeating her name over and over definitely woke up a neighbor or two and just the thought of it makes abby's ego go up to the roof. who's making the prettiest girl in the building come? abigail motherfucking anderson.

her fingers continue their movements, a bit sloppier than before, but they keep going nonetheless. thumb circling your sensitive clit to add more stimulation.

she shushed your whimpers with soft kisses on your your temple and held you still to keep the overstimulated jerking off hips from pushing her away.

“you can take a little more, you're a big girl.”

and she's an insatiable woman.

masterlist ♡ taglist — @1ckyporcelainbunny @patronagrona

[willowsnook]

When Love is Left Unspoken

max verstappen x reader

she isn't you i'd be insane not to love you

request from @formulaal

Pt. 2 here

"Alright, one more question from the chat," you said into your mic, scanning for a good one. One caught your eye, and you began reading it aloud before realizing it would reveal something from your past. “Would you choose a guy over your best friend?”

Laughing humorlessly, you looked into the camera with a tight smile. “Anyone who’s been here for a while knows how relevant that question is to my life. But my answer hasn’t changed: if you’re choosing a romantic partner over your best friend, you can get fucked. Thanks for tuning in, everyone. See you around.”

Logging off, you grabbed your water bottle and headed to the kitchen to refill it. Checking your phone, you smiled at the stats from the stream—10k of your fans tuning in tonight was a big turnout. You’d gone viral on BookTok back in 2020, and now, your book podcast had a solid following. Normally, BookTok didn’t bring huge numbers, but thanks to your former best friend, your popularity had skyrocketed. As grateful as you were, his part in your success irritated you now.

Then a notification popped up on your screen, and you rolled your eyes.

MV: Nice stream.

You: Fuck off

MV: Glad I’m still living rent-free in your head.

You: Glad you got permission to text me.

You threw your phone down on the counter, boiling inside. Nobody got under your skin like he could, especially after 20 years of knowing exactly how to do it. Growing up, it hadn’t always been this way. At 10, you’d moved with your family to the Netherlands, right next door to the Verstappens. Max quickly became your best friend, your weekends spent watching him kart. Never in your wildest dreams did you imagine things would end like this.

You met Kelly in 2018 at a race Max invited you to. Right away, you got weird vibes. She looked at Max like a toy she had to have. It was creepy, especially given the nine-year age gap. By 2019, they were dating, and she made it clear she didn’t like you, refusing to acknowledge your existence. That led to rocky times between you and Max; he always had excuses to avoid seeing you. When you were together, he seemed tense, as if being watched.

Everything fell apart in Australia 2021.

Flashback

Max invited you to the first race of the 2021 season, though you almost didn’t go. It felt obligatory, as if he invited you just because you’d never missed an opening race. You hadn’t seen him all winter, just exchanging quick holiday texts. Walking into the paddock, you felt a strange sense of finality, like this might be the last one.

Spotting Carmen outside Mercedes, you walked over and hugged her. As you stepped back, she looked worried.

“What’s up?”

She hesitated. “I thought you should know, Kelly’s been saying some nasty things about you around the paddock. No one believes her, but… I wanted you to know.”

“What is she saying?” you asked, heart sinking.

“She’s calling you pathetic, saying you’re still pining over your childhood crush and using Max to become an influencer,” she said softly, looking at you with sympathy.

“You’re joking,” you said, anger simmering. She shook her head.

“Can I be real with you?” She asked, and you nodded. “I love you and George loves you and honestly, everyone does. But I will accept not seeing you here anymore if you finally realize that Max is not being a good friend to you. And he hasn’t been for a long time.”

Eyes filling with tears, you let her words sink in. She was right, but admitting it was brutal. Maybe staying around him was just self-inflicted pain.

You found Max later, pulling him aside.

“I only have a few minutes, so make it quick,” he said, barely looking at you. Seeing him like this, you realized that the man in front of you wasn’t your best friend anymore.

“Your girlfriend’s telling people I’m a pathetic loser here to use you for fame,” you said, voice flat.

“I don’t believe that,” he mumbled, avoiding your eyes.

“Really?” you laughed bitterly. “You don’t believe that from your girlfriend—the one who’s disliked me since day one?”

“Seems like you have something to say, Y/N. Just say it,” he replied, finally looking at you.

“There was a time in my life where I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to live without you. But now I’m living it. Have the past ten years been nothing to you? All it took was an older woman to bat her eyelashes at you and that was it?”

He opened his mouth, but you cut him off.

“I’m not going to stand here and tell you that we had a good run and that I wish you the best. Fuck you. Fuck you for choosing her over me and fuck you for even letting it have to be a choice. I hate you.”

End of Flashback

That was the last time you had spoken to him. There were no texts or calls after that; his life just went on like normal while you felt like you were dying inside. You had thrown yourself into your work after that and now had over a million followers and subscribers to your podcast. You’d stayed friends with Carmen but hadn’t returned to a race since that day. You had tried to block the memory of that day from your mind, but when you were low, one thing always resurfaced in your mind. Kelly was right about you pining after your childhood crush. You had been in love with Max back then. How could you not be?

Then Carmen invited you to the Austin GP, and after much persuasion, you finally agreed. Thanks to your online following, you flew down with her, officially a Mercedes guest. Wearing Mercedes colors felt like poetic justice.

When you entered the paddock, a wave of nostalgia and sadness hit you. But it disappeared as you saw familiar faces you’d missed over the years.

"Y/N!" Alex called, arms open. Hugging him, you sighed, realizing how much you’d missed everyone. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too,” you admitted before greeting Lily, who gushed over your podcast and joked about being a guest. As you laughed with her, you noticed Alex subtly trying to block your view. Looking over, you saw Max walking by. He did a double take, but you turned back to Lily, ignoring his stare.

Later, as you waited for a coffee, you overheard Checo’s wife and Fernando’s girlfriend chatting.

“I heard Max and Kelly broke up,” Melissa said.

“Oh yeah, it’s been a few months,” Carola replied, shrugging. “Apparently, he was in love with someone else the whole time.”

You smirked. So Kelly finally experienced what it felt like to be second choice.

The race came and went, and you successfully avoided Max the entire weekend. You didn’t even think about the possibility of running into him when you accepted Carmen’s invitation to go out that night. George had actually wanted to go out, so you found yourself at a little country bar that night with what seemed to be the whole grid. You felt Max’s gaze the second you walked in, and you were doing a hell of a job ignoring him. Charles was trying to talk to him, looking confused between the two of you, but you didn’t care.

Ordering another gin and tonic you felt him come up next to you and you refused to look over.

“Put hers on mine,” Max said, handing over his card. You tried to leave, but he held out an arm to stop you.

“No ‘thank you’?” he teased, eyes intense.

You glared. “You can have it, then.”

“Stop being difficult,” he said, rolling his eyes. “You look good.”

“Can’t say the same about you,” you shot back, and his expression darkened.

He sighed. “Can we talk?”

“I said everything I needed to say three years ago. Have a good night.”

This time he let you go and you made your way back to Carmen who was looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

“You okay?” She asked, and you nodded.

A little while later, you were sitting at a table talking with Charles with Max hovering close by.

“Max, come sit down,” Charles slurred, and at this point, you were too tipsy to put up a fight about it. “Max is my best friend, ya know?”

“Ah yeah?” You asked head tilting. “Those words don’t mean much coming from him.”

Charles giggled, too drunk to understand what you meant and Max clenched his jaw looking at you.

“Insult me all you want schatje, as long as you’re talking to me I’ll take it,” he said and you didn’t say anything, just stared at him trying to figure out his angle.

“Is this the girl Kelly broke up with you over?” Charles asked and Max whipped his head towards him. “You always had a thing for her, so I told Alex that was my guess.”

Max’s face fell, and you froze. Shock turned into anger as you got up and stormed out. You felt Max following and soon he was in front of you, blocking your path.

“Come on,” he urged, leading you to a nearby park.

“Max, I don’t want to talk,” you said firmly, pulling away.

“I don’t care,” he replied, frustrated. “Tell me what I need to do to fix this.”

You laughed bitterly. “Crawling back because you got dumped? It’s too late.”

“It’s not like that.”

“You made your choice three years ago. Now live with it.”

“You want to know why we broke up?”

“I don’t really give a fuck,” you replied before turning to walk away.

“She isn’t you!” He yelled. Your legs stopped moving as your mind reeled.

Whirling on him you got into his face, “You don’t get to fucking say that to me. Not after all this time. Not after what you put me through. Not after you chose her over me. I was there the whole time Max. Me! I was there! It’s not my fault you didn’t realize that till I was gone.” 

“I realized it long before then,” he said softly, and you took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. Tears were starting to fall, and you looked everywhere but him. 

“Then why?” You whispered, voice cracking. 

“Because I wasn’t good enough for you,” he said laughing sadly to himself. “The pressure was starting to cave in back then and I didn’t want you to see that. I didn’t want to burden you.”

“You were my best friend Max,” you said exasperated. “I would have done anything for you.” 

“It’s easy to see that now,” he said. “But then you were so full of life and starting your little videos that I didn’t want to disappoint you. She understood what I was going through, but I never stopped loving you.” 

“Then why did you still push me away?” 

“I had to do that so that I could try and move on. She knew and she hated that there wasn’t anything she could do to change how I felt about you. I knew what she was saying about you in the paddock, and I knew why she was saying it.” 

His words hit you like a ton of bricks, and it felt like heartbreak all over again. “You knew and you let it happen. You are the worst person I’ve ever known Max Verstappen.”

He was crying now too and the two of you stood staring at one another not saying anything. 

“I would be insane not to love you,” he said softly and it made you cry harder. “So I will do whatever it takes for however long to make up for what I did.” 

He let you go again and you left him there, crying silently as you walked back to the hotel. So many emotions going through your mind paired with confusing feelings. 

Happiness for your 15-year-old self that has wanted to hear those words for so long. 

Sadness for your 21-year-old self reliving those memories. 

And anger at your 24-year-old self for considering letting him make it up to you. 

[loko4koko]

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ jujutsu kaisen nsfw visuals ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

✰ 50 FOLLOWER CELEBRATION ✰

>fanart_credit (l->r): bellablues99, _3aem, deltapork, hercaptain2

*to view the following links you must be 18+ and have a twitter/x account. if you click a link and it opens to your browser with “this page does not exist”, please click “open in app”*

MDNI 18+

>contents: mostly gn!reader, some moments are written with f!reader in mind though so beware! | yuuji- sex toys (dildos), fingering (f!receiving), cervix fucking (brief mention), established relationship, yuuji has a big dick; gojo- fingering (f!receiving), pussy worship, anal play, explicit p in v, pussy referred to as ‘she’, implied squirting; toji- anal (f!receiving), size kink, dirty (filthy) talk, mating press, squirting; nanami- established relationship, domestic nanami, sensual/romantic/gentle p in v, missionary, titty sucking, reader is referred to as “wife” and wears a nightgown

♡︎ with (aged up) virgin!boyfriend!yuuji

being in a relationship with yuuji was wonderful. he made you laugh, comforted you when you needed it, and, even though he’s a virgin, he still knows how to make you cum. don’t get me wrong, yuuji would die to give you his virginity, but he’s just so nervous. always worrying about if he’ll do a good job at making you feel good, and especially about if he’ll even last long enough—he thinks he’ll blow his load the second he’s inside of those hot, slippery walls of yours. so, he came up with something that would satisfy you both until he could work through those nerves. he’ll start by kissing you, so sweet but so full of need, as he undresses you, lying you down on his bed with your ass up. he grips your cheeks and spreads them apart, watching with wonder and lust soaked eyes as the sticky strings of your arousal shine in the light. he can’t help but to tease your lower lips with his long middle finger, reveling in your little gasping whines when he brushes against your clit.

“you ready, baby?” he asks, not bothering to wait for a proper answer before he picks up the real star of the show that’s sitting beside him. he can’t wait, he’s just too excited! it’s his favorite toy to use on you—a dildo he’d found that was similar enough to the length and shape of his own girthy cock. and how perfect was it that it was a delicate pink, the same color as his mussed locks? he gives you no words of warning before he’s slicking the cool silicone up with your plentiful juices, a shudder running through you at the toy sliding through your folds.

it’s funny, actually, how gently he eases the toy into you at first. he’s so slow, letting you adjust to the thick shaft now splitting your sopping little pussy apart. it’s got you whimpering, squirming at the intrusion that makes you feel so full, so good. but when he thinks you’re well adjusted, gentle is the last word you’d use to describe him. his grip on the base of the toy is tight, forcefully pulling the fake cock out and punching it back into you. he’s gotten good at this over the past few weeks, too, knows how to angle it juuust right to hit that little pleasure button inside of you. he fucks the toy in and out of you so fast it makes your head spin and your eyes tear up, fingers digging into the sheets for a grip on something or else you think you might float away. he leaves the dildo inside of you to slap the base, growing impossibly harder as you cry that it’s “soo f-fucking deeep, yuuji, please!” he only shows you mercy by pressing his palm to the base and grinding the toy inside you—so deep that you think it touches your cervix—and when you whine about how close you are to cumming again, he goes right back to that fast fucking until that pretty little pussy is creaming all over it.

♡ with bestfriend!gojo

letting your best friend play with your pussy was normal, right?

well, it was normal for you and gojo at least. like now, and how he had you on your hands and knees on the couch in his apartment. he couldn’t help the way he worshipped your delicious cunt—he was powerless to it, to you. you’d gotten so wet from his scandalous tongue in your mouth, but he needed to feel just how soaked you were for himself. he’s got his thumb between your folds, massaging up and down your slit. he’ll focus on your hole, smearing the growing wetness around before slipping the digit back down, then back up again.

and if his fingers drift upwards, away from your clit and syrup-sticky pussy lips, to your pretty little asshole that just wouldn’t stop winking at him, would you be upset with him? could you, even? he doesn’t think so, not with the way you moan so fucking sexy and wanton when he smooths some of your slick across the delicate hole. he adds a little pressure, just enough of a tease to make you think he’ll slip it inside, but he doesn’t. instead he just massages the puckering hole with the tip of his finger. it’s tempting, but he won’t fuck you there today- he’s got his mind set on that pussy that grips and squeezes him so much he thinks she’s determined to suck the cum right out of him. he’ll take his fingers back down to your pussy, wetter now from his little anal adventure, and plunge his index and middle fingers in knuckle deep. he’s un-rushed in his exploration of your cunt, shallowly thrusting his long digits in and out of you. he reaches so far inside of you, flicking his fingertips against your g-spot over and over and over again. he’s hard enough from everything about you already—how needy you kissed him back earlier and how your pussy is so wet he can fucking hear it, but when you start wiggling your ass and fucking yourself on his hand? god, he thinks he’s going to cum buckets right then and there.

“y’want me ta fuck you, angel? yeah? want me deep in this pretty little pussy? oh, fuck..if you could see how she’s twitching for me.. i think she wants me in there, baby,” he sighs lustfully, enraptured as he watches your pussyhole weep and clench around nothing. but it’s okay, he’s gonna give her just what she needs.

spoiler alert: he fucks three very messy orgasms out of you that evening, and now he needs a new couch.

♡ with scumbagbf!toji

you would say that you don’t even know why you let a guy like toji fushiguro stake a claim over half of your bed—but that would be a lie. you know exactly why. and the answer is his fat fucking dick.

toji is a jackass. he’s rude, selfish, and eats all of your leftovers that you were looking forward to after work. and every time he does something to piss you off, you give him that “sensitive little silent treatment bullshit,” as he calls it. and he can deal with it at first, makes snide remarks about how he loves the peace and quiet, but after a few hours, he starts getting antsy. he watches with thighs spread wide and a beer in his hand as you maneuver around him in his seat on the couch, doing that angry, silent cleaning thing that you always do when you’re mad at him. the sports game playing on the tv is no longer of interest to him, much more entertained by the way your ass hangs out of those itty bitty shorts you always wear to clean. you’re bent over, putting away something or the other in a drawer when you suddenly feel the man you’re trying to ignore press up behind you. he’s got those meaty hands on your hips, grinding himself against your ass and goddamn it, why is he so fucking hard?

“y’gonna let me make it up to you, pussycat? or y’gonna stay pouting all day?”

and that’s how you ended up like this, half on the couch and half off, asshole spread and gaping around the overwhelming girth of toji’s cock. he’s supposed to be making it up to you, and yet, you’re doing all the work- knees and thighs burning as you fuck yourself back on the thickness splitting you open. you couldn’t help but to give in to his proposition. who wouldn’t when his cock sat so heavy and full in his boxer briefs, pressed up between your cheeks as he whispered insincere apologies coupled with kisses on your ear. he’ll meet your hips with his own thrusts when he feels like it, your eyes squeezing shut when he gets so deep inside it feels like he’s in your fucking stomach.

“thaaat’s it, pussycat, fuck yourself on my cock, jus’ like that. tell me you like my big dick in your ass,” he grunted, hand coming down to leave a smack on your jiggling flesh.

“mmh, i lo-ove your big fucking dick in my ass, baby,” you hiccup, looking back at the hulking man over your shoulder with your lip between your teeth. toji groans, pulling his cock out of your spasming hole. he grips your ass cheeks and spreads them apart, letting out a low “fuck” when he sees just how gaped your asshole is, watching as the ring of muscle struggles to return to its original shape and size. he maneuvers you into a new position, on your back on the couch with your knees shoved up to your chest. he barely gives you any time to get used to this new positioning before he’s flush with your hips, bulbous head of his hefty cock prodding at your stretched out hole.

“get ready, pussycat. you’re gonna squirt alllll over me before i’m done with this slutty little fuckhole of yer’s.”

and with his cock deep in your ass, his thumb merciless on your clit, you do exactly that. smug bastard.

♡ with husband!nanami

your husband spoiled you. he got you a big house, with a big yard full of flowers, a big kitchen that he uses to feed you, and a big bed that he makes love to you in. it was no different this morning, a sunday, just barely past 8am. he awakens first, curling his arm tighter around you as he pushes his face into your neck that’s bared so pretty for him. he doesn’t want to wake you—he’s enamored with you, with how peaceful and calm you look—but he’s losing the battle, cock stiff in his silk pajama pants and growing harder as he takes in your scent. you smell so good, and your skin is so soft, and your face is so fucking pretty, can you really blame him for getting worked up?

nanami loves you, his precious little wife, so he’s gentle with his need for you. he kisses the column of your throat and the line of your jaw so gently, nose nuzzling into your cheek as he slowly begins his grind into you. it isn’t long before you’re stirring in his arms, adoring smile on your face and a giggle leaving your lips at your husband’s early morning randiness. but god, he’s just so convincing, enticing you more and more as the press of his lips forms a path down to your chest, slipping the strap of your night down off of your shoulder to take a nipple into his mouth.

one thing about your dear husband that you’ve known for years, is that he loves to see your face while he’s inside of you. and that tradition is unchanging on this morning, now that he’s got you naked and writhing underneath him. he’s carving his way into you, shallowly thrusting but he’s just so long that he hits deep no matter how hard or softly he fucks you. hazel eyes peek at you through his thick lashes, still lavishing his tongue across the hardened peak of your tit. it’s always so good when it’s slow like this, when nanami gets to take his time making you fall apart.

“you feel s-so wonderful, darling..so wet for me, my perfect wife,” he moans against your breast. you’ve got one hand curled up into his hair and the other massaging your clit, unable to respond to his loving words with anything other than a hoarse moan of his name. his lips leave your nipple in favor of snatching your own up, driving his cock in and out of you with a bit more depth, more force. he can’t help but to start fucking you in earnest once he gets a taste of your lips, loves to swallow up those moans and cries as your manicured nails find their new residence on his muscular back and shoulders.

“hnng- god- kento! yes, baby, please, right there..right there,” you cry out to him, the sensation of his cock digging right into that fleshy little spot inside of you and his pelvis rubbing right up on your clit bringing you closer and closer to the edge. fuck, he’s so in love with you, so in love with the way your pussy grips him like he’s about to leave forever, but that would never happen. he’ll always be with you, could never love another like you, not when you smile at him so sweetly and run baths for him when he’s had a long, rough day. not when you let him fill you like this, not when you let him stuff you full of load after load of his cum, not when you tell him how much you love him when you cum together for the umpteenth time that morning alone.

>author’s_note: THANK YOU FOR 50 (KAJILLION) FOLLOWERS!!! Here’s to another 50, and so on 🥂

>>keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming announcement (psst- it’s the road to 100 followers series announcement 👀)

>thank you for reading ♡︎

>masterlist.exe

>send a request here!

© loko4koko 2023

[rinnstars]

(cherish) my love!

treasuring how youre always there for him

itoshi rin x reader: sugary-sweet fluff, slight insecurity on his part, rins pov, not proofread + likes n reblogs r appreciated! <3

maybe, he’s getting to used to this - your hands brushing through his hair as he lies on your chest humming to the rhythm of your heartbeat that syncs with him, his bed that no longer fits just him with a dent reminding him of your constant presence in his life as you constantly orbit around his world, his bag that changed from a plain black bag to one that featured silly keychains that hung your favourite character’s plushie and whatnot that matched perfectly with yours.

sure, he can barely remember the days you weren’t here, having being friends with him since you two were kids with you having been assigned as the so-called “good kid” to deal with him who was deemed the “troublemaker”. sitting with you during playtime felt natural, chatting about strange topics as you smile and laughed at his weird phrasings that soon transitioned to sitting right beside him again for years straight in school, and now right beside him on his bed - it must be fate he thinks. the world has dictated you to be with him for the rest of yours and his life, he thinks, the one good thing that has came out of this life. you were here when those kids at the playground shunned him and outcasted him for being a little (very) destructive to their toys choosing to sit down and chat with him at the swings, you were there in his room during that winter where he could barely look at you through his swollen and red eyes as you visit him everyday without fail despite the heavy snow that flooded his windows, you were there when he lost to isagi in that match as tears streamed down that shined underneath the moonlight into the milk tea you bought him as you two walked back home slowly with yours and his playlist in the background that strangely calmed him. youre the only constant in his life, even more than his brother that he swore would be a permanent in his life with a naive pinkie promise, even more than his parents that seem to come home less and less as each competition passes by, even more than his teammates that whispers about him behind his back that he pretends to ignore as he leaves to meet you at the bus stop.

he doesn’t know what he would do if you one day leave - whether that is leaving japan to go overseas to study that he knows logically would be beneficial to you, whether that is by time and distance that people say is inevitable and unpreventable, or worst simply because you fell out of love with him. hes selfish, but not stupid - he knows hes not exactly the best boyfriend, sometimes he gets too engrossed in his passion and loses touch with reality and neglect you even with your head on his shoulder, he knows hes not exactly the best at expressing himself even despite you being here since the very beginning, and he knows you can do better than him.

but for now, he thinks he’ll treasure every sign of presence of you. he’ll keep those silly trinkets you pass to him, each a sign of love that he cherishes no matter how small - paper hearts and rings you fold right next to him during class whenever you get bored of listening as he sits beside you playing another game underneath his desk, keychains you and him get from claw machines or as rewards from the arcade that he puts in a special little box placed right on his table that is his real treasure, sweets that you introduced to him that got him addicted to the flavourful and sugary-sweet burst as he can’t help but bite into it every time that resemble the burst of butterflies in his stomach and burst in his heart whenever he sees you at the bus stop every morning. he’ll treasure every single non-physical sign of love too - playlist on spotify that he downloaded and play every day in his ear piece that he is practically addicted to, kisses that he can still feel the touch of your lips on his every morning that leaves a invisible mark on his lips and his heart, time you take out of your life to be with him, lunch with him in class rather than with your other friends, waiting for him to finish football practice that could have been used to sleep soundly in your room rather than the old seats in the school that leaves your back sore. he’ll memorise every single moment with you - your first kiss right at the bus stop you still meet at every morning at the place he religiously stands at as he waits for you to reach running as you “woke up late again”, every lunch break with you right beside him eating food you and him respectively brought from home from biscuits to packed bento boxes or just a sweet treat of sugary buttery bread respectively talking about everything and anything that he feels like his true self, every date no matter where: arcade as you two play game whilst he tries his best to impress, in his or your room just basking in your presence, at the playground with convenience store food, cafes that you somehow know, library as he stare at your focused face whilst studying as he resist the urge to kiss you again. and he’ll keep you in his heart for the rest of eternity - each bite and kiss on his neck and lips transfer right onto his secretly glass-like heart that yearns for a little more, each merging of hands that gets his heart pumping at how your hands fit perfectly with his like two puzzle piece matching, and each time your heart syncs with him as he listens to your heart whether in class or right in his room where no one else is here but you and him.

the future is uncertain - glancing at the suitcase that is still messy and open from his recent visit back home from blue lock with his pxg jersey right on you that fits you strangely well he thinks with bright red ears and cheeks, glancing at your changing self with different hair and glasses than the last time he saw you that he wished to experience with you, but he hopes no matter what, that necklace you share with him with a heart, no, his very own heart hanging right onto your neck will stay there forever.

and now, all he can do is to show you back the same dedication, to stay right beside you, to be yours until the end of time as you had always been. he’ll be your supporting figure in your life - staying right beside you until late in the library and walk you right back home, helping you carry groceries and your school bag as you go wherever, walk with you until the end of the earth if you simply asked him to without asking why. he’ll show it to the best he can - wearing and hanging every single gift you give him: keychains, silly bracelets, and every kiss that litters on him that leaves a purple blue mark. and he’ll tell it to you - through love letters in sticky notes or right on the school foolscap paper that reads the words hes too shy and afraid to say that translates his deep unspoken devotion and love to you, through compliments and i love yous that he promises doesn’t reveal the true extent of his feelings for you either seeming too shallow and superficial to underscore the grip you have on his heart and lungs, with his actions: dropping to his knees to tie your shoe lace, letting you do whatever to him from hair clips in his hair to painting his nails to piggy back rides he doesn’t want to admit sends him practically into cardiac arrest. he might not be perfect, far from it in his insecurity mind that creeps and bites away at every sweet moment, criticising his every move - but for you, he’ll keep trying as much as he does for football to be the only one for you. he’ll memorise every bit of you - your favourite food and orders at shops you frequent with him kept in the notes app in his phone that is underneath a layer of password, the exact shape and mould of your body that he melts his hand right into on afternoons like this where you’re within arms range as he embraces you, each and every of your small quirk - from the way your voice leaves your mouth so sweetly and perfectly as though youre carved and made y god himself, from the way you move that has him hypnotised, from the way you look at him that dries his mouth and practically sends him right into heaven. he’ll serve you as a knight would - carry all your things without hesitation as you two walk out of class on top of the strangely heavy school bag on his shoulder, shield you with an umbrella from the cold and harsh rain that leaves the other him completely drenched as you reach completely dry, hell, he’ll ride his bicycle. with you right beside him hugging him that practically could leave his nose bleeding.

he may not be the best boyfriend, but he’ll do whatever it takes to be the only one you’ll ever have - your name practically tattooed right inside his heart and brain with not a single spot for anyone else in his life that he built a wall sky high to protect his heart, the key to his world given right to you and several others just in case you lose it, and your face in his mind every single second on the field with only a wish to do it for you with every step and every kick that lands right into the goalpost. now that he knows what loneliness is like, the days in blue lock where he can only see you through photos you so kindly send him, he doesn’t ever want this to change no matter how selfish it is - he thinks he might simply die from heartbreak alone with you being his real heart compared to his biological one, he thinks he’ll practically be left a shell of his previous ambitious self practically wasting his life away in his room listening to that playlist as he lies right with his own blood pooling around him with his guts and organs strewn a haphazardly around him as though hes back on that field that winter, he’ll no longer be itoshi rin, anyone but his true self that he can be only with you.

but for now, he’ll bury his head right into your chest, your hands still ruffling with his hair, ignoring the thoughts in his mind in favour of your heartbeat that still syncs up with his, melting right into this moment.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Leveraged buyouts are not like mortgages

I'm coming to DEFCON! On FRIDAY (Aug 9), I'm emceeing the EFF POKER TOURNAMENT (noon at the Horseshoe Poker Room), and appearing on the BRICKED AND ABANDONED panel (5PM, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01). On SATURDAY (Aug 10), I'm giving a keynote called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE! How hackers can seize the means of computation and build a new, good internet that is hardened against our asshole bosses' insatiable horniness for enshittification" (noon, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01).

Here's an open secret: the confusing jargon of finance is not the product of some inherent complexity that requires a whole new vocabulary. Rather, finance-talk is all obfuscation, because if we called finance tactics by their plain-language names, it would be obvious that the sector exists to defraud the public and loot the real economy.

Take "leveraged buyout," a polite name for stealing a whole goddamned company:

Identify a company that owns valuable assets that are required for its continued operation, such as the real-estate occupied by its outlets, or even its lines of credit with suppliers;

Approach lenders (usually banks) and ask for money to buy the company, offering the company itself (which you don't own!) as collateral on the loan;

Offer some of those loaned funds to shareholders of the company and convince a key block of those shareholders (for example, executives with large stock grants, or speculators who've acquired large positions in the company, or people who've inherited shares from early investors but are disengaged from the operation of the firm) to demand that the company be sold to the looters;

Call a vote on selling the company at the promised price, counting on the fact that many investors will not participate in that vote (for example, the big index funds like Vanguard almost never vote on motions like this), which means that a minority of shareholders can force the sale;

Once you own the company, start to strip-mine its assets: sell its real-estate, start stiffing suppliers, fire masses of workers, all in the name of "repaying the debts" that you took on to buy the company.

This process has its own euphemistic jargon, for example, "rightsizing" for layoffs, or "introducing efficiencies" for stiffing suppliers or selling key assets and leasing them back. The looters – usually organized as private equity funds or hedge funds – will extract all the liquid capital – and give it to themselves as a "special dividend." Increasingly, there's also a "divi recap," which is a euphemism for borrowing even more money backed by the company's assets and then handing it to the private equity fund:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/17/divi-recaps/#graebers-ghost

If you're a Sopranos fan, this will all sound familiar, because when the (comparatively honest) mafia does this to a business, it's called a "bust-out":

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bust_Out

The mafia destroys businesses on a onesy-twosey, retail scale; but private equity and hedge funds do their plunder wholesale.

It's how they killed Red Lobster:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/23/spineless/#invertebrates

And it's what they did to hospitals:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/28/5000-bats/#charnel-house

It's what happened to nursing homes, Armark, private prisons, funeral homes, pet groomers, nursing homes, Toys R Us, The Olive Garden and Pet Smart:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/02/plunderers/#farben

It's what happened to the housing co-ops of Cooper Village, Texas energy giant TXU, Old Country Buffet, Harrah's and Caesar's:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/14/billionaire-class-solidarity/#club-deals

And it's what's slated to happen to 2.9m Boomer-owned US businesses employing 32m people, whose owners are nearing retirement:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/16/schumpeterian-terrorism/#deliberately-broken

Now, you can't demolish that much of the US productive economy without attracting some negative attention, so the looter spin-machine has perfected some talking points to hand-wave away the criticism that borrowing money using something you don't own as collateral in order to buy it and wreck it is obviously a dishonest (and potentially criminal) destructive practice.

The most common one is that borrowing money against an asset you don't own is just like getting a mortgage. This is such a badly flawed analogy that it is really a testament to the efficacy of the baffle-em-with-bullshit gambit to convince us all that we're too stupid to understand how finance works.

Sure: if I put an offer on your house, I will go to my credit union and ask the for a mortgage that uses your house as collateral. But the difference here is that you own your house, and the only way I can buy it – the only way I can actually get that mortgage – is if you agree to sell it to me.

Owner-occupied homes typically have uncomplicated ownership structures. Typically, they're owned by an individual or a couple. Sometimes they're the property of an estate that's divided up among multiple heirs, whose relationship is mediated by a will and a probate court. Title can be contested through a divorce, where disputes are settled by a divorce court. At the outer edge of complexity, you get things like polycules or lifelong roommates who've formed an LLC s they can own a house among several parties, but the LLC will have bylaws, and typically all those co-owners will be fully engaged in any sale process.

Leveraged buyouts don't target companies with simple ownership structures. They depend on firms whose equity is split among many parties, some of whom will be utterly disengaged from the firm's daily operations – say, the kids of an early employee who got a big stock grant but left before the company grew up. The looter needs to convince a few of these "owners" to force a vote on the acquisition, and then rely on the idea that many of the other shareholders will simply abstain from a vote. Asset managers are ubiquitous absentee owners who own large stakes in literally every major firm in the economy. The big funds – Vanguard, Blackrock, State Street – "buy the whole market" (a big share in every top-capitalized firm on a given stock exchange) and then seek to deliver returns equal to the overall performance of the market. If the market goes up by 5%, the index funds need to grow by 5%. If the market goes down by 5%, then so do those funds. The managers of those funds are trying to match the performance of the market, not improve on it (by voting on corporate governance decisions, say), or to beat it (by only buying stocks of companies they judge to be good bets):

https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/17/shareholder-socialism/#asset-manager-capitalism

Your family home is nothing like one of these companies. It doesn't have a bunch of minority shareholders who can force a vote, or a large block of disengaged "owners" who won't show up when that vote is called. There isn't a class of senior managers – Chief Kitchen Officer! – who have been granted large blocks of options that let them have a say in whether you will become homeless.

Now, there are homes that fit this description, and they're a fucking disaster. These are the "heirs property" homes, generally owned by the Black descendants of enslaved people who were given the proverbial 40 acres and a mule. Many prosperous majority Black settlements in the American South are composed of these kinds of lots.

Given the historical context – illiterate ex-slaves getting property as reparations or as reward for fighting with the Union Army – the titles for these lands are often muddy, with informal transfers from parents to kids sorted out with handshakes and not memorialized by hiring lawyers to update the deeds. This has created an irresistible opportunity for a certain kind of scammer, who will pull the deeds, hire genealogists to map the family trees of the original owners, and locate distant descendants with homeopathically small claims on the property. These descendants don't even know they own these claims, don't even know about these ancestors, and when they're offered a few thousand bucks for their claim, they naturally take it.

Now, armed with a claim on the property, the heirs property scammers force an auction of it, keeping the process under wraps until the last instant. If they're really lucky, they're the only bidder and they can buy the entire property for pennies on the dollar and then evict the family that has lived on it since Reconstruction. Sometimes, the family will get wind of the scam and show up to bid against the scammer, but the scammer has deep capital reserves and can easily win the auction, with the same result:

https://www.propublica.org/series/dispossessed

A similar outrage has been playing out for years in Hawai'i, where indigenous familial claims on ancestral lands have been diffused through descendants who don't even know they're co-owner of a place where their distant cousins have lived since pre-colonial times. These descendants are offered small sums to part with their stakes, which allows the speculator to force a sale and kick the indigenous Hawai'ians off their family lands so they can be turned into condos or hotels. Mark Zuckerberg used this "quiet title and partition" scam to dispossess hundreds of Hawai'ian families:

https://archive.is/g1YZ4

Heirs property and quiet title and partition are a much better analogy to a leveraged buyout than a mortgage is, because they're ways of stealing something valuable from people who depend on it and maintain it, and smashing it and selling it off.

Strip away all the jargon, and private equity is just another scam, albeit one with pretensions to respectability. Its practitioners are ripoff artists. You know the notorious "carried interest loophole" that politicians periodically discover and decry? "Carried interest" has nothing to do with the interest on a loan. The "carried interest" rule dates back to 16th century sea-captains, and it refers to the "interest" they had in the cargo they "carried":

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/29/writers-must-be-paid/#carried-interest

Private equity managers are like sea captains in exactly the same way that leveraged buyouts are like mortgages: not at all.

And it's not like private equity is good to its investors: scams like "continuation funds" allow PE looters to steal all the money they made from strip mining valuable companies, so they show no profits on paper when it comes time to pay their investors:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/20/continuation-fraud/#buyout-groups

Those investors are just as bamboozled as we are, which is why they keep giving more money to PE funds. Today, the "dry powder" (uninvested money) that PE holds has reached an all-time record high of $2.62 trillion – money from pension funds and rich people and sovereign wealth funds, stockpiled in anticipation of buying and destroying even more profitable, productive, useful businesses:

https://www.institutionalinvestor.com/article/2di1vzgjcmzovkcea8f0g/portfolio/private-equitys-dry-powder-mountain-reaches-record-height

The practices of PE are crooked as hell, and it's only the fact that they use euphemisms and deceptive analogies to home mortgages that keeps them from being shut down. The more we strip away the bullshit, the faster we'll be able to kill this cancer, and the more of the real economy we'll be able to preserve.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/05/rugged-individuals/#misleading-by-analogy

[innerfare]

Smutty Captain Kid Headcanons - Part 1 

Summary: A collection of NSFW headcanons for Eustass Kid

Genre: Smut

CW: oral sex, threesomes, cuckolding, exhibitionism, dirty talk, mean dom Kid, toys, piercings, spanking

———

Man is a f-r-e-a-k. 

Seriously high libido. He’s hard more often than he’s not. If you’re going to be fucking him, you’re going to be logging some real overtime. And he’s serious about getting off, too. Turns into an absolute fiend if he has blue balls, takes it out on the entire crew. Everyone knows when the captain didn’t get off the night before. Basically can’t function without a blowjob.  

Loves a good challenge. All about the chase.

Went through a phase where he wasn’t interested in sleeping with women unless he could get two at a time. His face and cock buried in pussy is his perfect night. Would happily drown in the pussy if he could. 

Definitely enjoys cuckolding other men. Is the definition of a bull. But while he likes bedding a woman behind her boyfriend or husband’s back, he prefers to make them watch. If the boyfriend/husband is a marine or government bureaucrat, it’s even better.

Has definitely had his dick sucked by marines before, both male and female. Has joked about his wanted poster being a nude.

Never shuts up in bed. It’s a running commentary, him goading, teasing, and bullying you. Tells you to stop being such a crybaby when he’s fucking you. “You told me you could take it, so you’re gonna fucking take it.” “What’s wrong? Embarrassed by how wet you are? Because you should be.” “Of course it’s too big, but you’ll cum on it anyway.” Definitely calls you his dumb little fuck bunny. Can be really mean when he makes you cum. And just when it’s about too much, he says something nice. “You have the cutest pussy.” “You taste so sweet.” “You’re such a good girl.” When he’s saying mean things, he’ll sometimes stroke your cheek with his thumb or place sweet kisses on your body. 

If you do end up in a relationship with this man, you might just live to regret it because all of his attention is going to be on you. And that’s a lot. 

Gives you a pair of metal bracelets. Dumbly, you think they’re just a sweet gift (Kid? Giving a sweet gift?) so you put them on without a second thought. Next thing you know, the bracelets are stuck to a wall, you can’t get them off, and Kid is ripping your clothes off like a little kid opening a birthday present. Is so proud of himself for this one, too. As much as you complain, you never take the bracelets off after that. Killer figures out pretty quickly why you now wear a metal band on each wrist, and sometimes an extra set around your ankles; gets drunk one night and confides in you that he’s a little jealous; when you ask him if he’s jealous of you or Kid in this scenario, he says, “both.”  

Has had so many threesomes with Killer he's lost count. The two have an agreement to always share when asked (one veto per year). Dating Kid basically means being in a throuple with Killer, and fucking Kid definitely means getting fucked by Killer. Killer is even allowed to fuck you without Kid present (but you have to tell Kid about it or else he gets jealous).

Has definitely written his name in lipstick on your tits before.

Really into toys. Has tied you up and left you with a vibrator between your legs several times. 

Used his devil fruit power to shoot needles through your nipples, piercing them the way he’d always wanted. Has bought you a variety of pretty nipple rings since then- a pair with several opals dangling from each end, a pair of black shields, cute butterfly barbells with amethyst wings, a pair with onyx coffins on the ends. His favorite pair are the ones with little ruby cherries; he pretended they were cheap but he actually spent a fortune on them (the rubies are pigeon blood, very high quality) because he just couldn’t pass them up. Actually came in his pants the first time he saw them poking through your thin shirt, forbade you from going braless after that. One of his favorite things in the world is putting new rings in, to the point he forbids you from switching them on your own. Loves to use his devil fruit power to tug on them when he’s fucking you.  

Speaking of rules, he has quite a few, mostly because he gets very jealous. In addition to no going braless, you can’t wear your hair off the ship in pigtails (every time you do, a man in town hits on you and Kid just has to fight him), you can’t eat ice cream in public, and if you want to wear that one top- the skintight plaid one with cutouts- you have to pay the blowjob tax (Kid really enjoys cumming in the boob cutout). If you break the rules, you won’t be able to sit for a week. You often break the rules. 

———

Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!