#TourdeSkegness

[bedlamcycling]

Tour of Yorkshire:  Wiggo’s Beard Protest Pays Off

Bradley Wiggins facial follicle protest action has finally induced the UCI to grant Team Wiggins permission to ride in 2015′s inaugural Tour of Yorkshire.

The Belgo-Australasian is proud of his adopted Yorkshire heritage for being distinctly un-antipodean and moules-frites-free so has been sporting the unsightly mass of hair since last year in a bid to publicly shame the UCI into letting him get his own way in riding the race with his newly anointed vanity project.  However, despite crying children and newly arid vaginas of previously lecherous female admirers of the lithe time trialist’s well formed shin bones, it’s taken until Paris-Nice and the first glimpses of what it looks like under the full illumination of the sun for the sickly sight of the ginger sproutage to take full effect, upon which Brian Cookson is reported to have immediately sent him an email reading simply;

‘You win.  Just shave the fucking thing off and don’t let it grow back.’

Citing Gandhi, Dr Martin Luther King and Shane McGowan as his inspiration in this non-violent protest and campaign of civil disobedience, Wiggins is reported to have immediately reverted to pre-pubescent 80′s Mod Rocker as soon as the special dispensation was granted.  

Meanwhile, follicle-lacking and aged wundermensch Chris Horner, now riding for and effectively sponsored by US-based pub team Airgas-Safeway (Airgas, a company who actually distribute purified xenon in the same way that Amgen-manufactures EPO and sponsors the Tour of California and nobody thinks this is strange) has expressed interest in signing Wiggins’ beard for the remainder of 2015 as his on-scalp domestique.