#Took a big ol break now slowly adapting

[therealjustpeachesback]

joining the trend of redrawing Sukuna’s cover with my new art style 😭

[jaz-rites]

it’s been a while

wow, what a year. just... hm. that was certainly something.

I’ve decided that I’m gonna change up the style of this blog, to better accommodate... well, a lot of things. How I feel about writing. How I feel about stories. How to keep myself motivated despite everything.

just a few highlights from my year:

frankly, it’s difficult as hell to even remember what all happened this year. every year since 2019 has felt like a whole decade each, and yet i still keep referring to things that happened in 2020 as “last year.” yikes, right. complex trauma certainly does affect memory huh

just this year, I went from living with my partner & our cat in a leaky, broken-down RV to being housed, then re-housed because the first house wasn’t habitable (though of course the landlords rented it out again as soon as we left, without fixing anything.) I spent the entire summer and autumn recovering from the exhaustion of moving metamorphosing immediately into problems at the apartment (we moved into a pest problem, and just as everything in the apartment has started to break down.) Now it’s already December, and our lease at this apartment is ending in late spring, and hopefully also our time in Kansas. I spent almost the entire year inside again, and that’s showing no signs of improving as covid and other viruses worsen again with no sign of help from those supposedly elected to serve the needs of the people.

I’ll always find as much time for writing as I possibly can-- it’s my favorite hobby, and I’m not about to abandon my goal of writing a novel. I might just go at a slower pace, to accommodate for the way my life has been picking up in terms of responsibilities. I’m back in school, for something I really enjoy and appreciate, and I’m piecing together how to make it my full-time job. My partner and I are looking at houses with my siblings. I’m looking into my future and I see a family and a home there, coming ever-closer.

so much is bleak when i look outside the tiny, slowly-expanding bubble I’ve been able to help maintain. sometimes I get impatient with the way progress takes time.

I took a couple months off after working on a story really hardcore for like 2 months solid. Definitely burned myself out on that one for a while. In the meantime, I’ve been working here and there on non-novel-related writing, and some other personal writing projects. I’ve come to accept that the big ol’ writing challenges simply aren’t well-suited to my style. I work on things as the inspiration comes, I’m always thinking about one story or another even if I’m not writing it. I haven’t yet figured out how to augment and adapt NaNoWriMo-types of challenges to my style, so I’ll just keep writing in my own way. I hope the tortoise give me their blessing for this race.

I started working on a cozy paranormal story inspired a little bit by Natsume’s Book of Friends, just because I absolutely adore the vibe of that show, to the point where it’s one I’ve adopted into my very small collection of comfort watches. working on something I well and fully acknowledge as escapist has had its perks when the bad news gets to be too much. I’m lucky I’ve had the luxury to hide from danger. All of my writing has started to reflect, more than a little bit, how I wish the world would be. I’m still working on WTF, I’m still working on Trash Prince, I’m working on my Cozy Story. Just rapidly oscillating between writing various stories and resting, as my whims demand.

anyway. it’s hard to keep this light, but that’s something I want to acknowledge, too. I don’t want this blog to be only about certain parts of my writing process. I don’t feel drawn to make this blog particularly polished. I made it so I could talk about writing, which for me, is a chaotic, meandering process. So, instead of just using this blog to share semi-polished writing and fundraising links, I’ll be using it more often for journal-ish posts like this, the occasional out-of-context rambling about one of my writing projects as I’m working through something I’m stuck on, or have a new idea to include. And probably, hopefully, more shitposts.

seeya soon,

- jaz

[wienerbarnes]

The Electrifying Mind Reader (1/2)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 3,186

Warnings: violence, capturing, angst👀, drugging, reader doesn't have fun in this one but i don't wanna spoil it yall know i always end w happiness so part 2 will fix things

A/N: hehehehe i had this idea but im still trying to see where it goes depending on how fatws ends, how the loki disney+ series goes, etc, etc, but ugh i never wanna stop writing these two so imma just make shit up forever also don't let the warnings scare you lol yall know im soft on the inside

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

The mission was rough, to say the least.

Another HYDRA base found in Eastern Europe. One you’d worked for for a few years. Making you have both a personal connection to the mission, and be the only person on the team who knew this base intimately. This specific location arose after Bucky’s time, but during the prime of yours. So, you, Bucky, and Sam took it upon yourselves to go out and investigate while Sharon helped from the tower.

Until it was occupied with more HYDRA soldiers than any of you could’ve imagined.

580 soldiers. 580 Nazi’s all in one building. You wanted to blow it to shreds as soon as you landed there, but Sam went against that idea; there was too big a possibility that there were innocent people in there, either those brainwashed or those being held hostage. Neither you nor Bucky could argue with him there, the two of you fell under those categories yourselves.

We can take 'em, Sam said. With him in the sky and Bucky and I on the floor with the brawn and mind control powers, we can totally take ‘em.

What a fucking lie, that was.

The three of you got separated fast. And it didn’t take long after a few fights and punches that your coms broke and went offline. You think they would’ve made better com devices that were better adapted for this kind of stuff. They make arms and shields out of vibranium but not tiny coms to go in your ears?

Being separated from your teammates with no way of contacting them while still not being completely confident in your powers was not good for you, especially considering the history you have with this place. You want to hope that your handlers aren’t at this location anymore, but there’s really no way to know. The last thing you need is to run into one of them and for them to recognize what used to be their favorite play toy.

Except somehow, something worse happens.

A bomb goes off. Not necessarily blowing you to pieces, but with you being placed next to a window, being hurled a few stories into the snowy woods didn’t exactly put your body in good shape.

It takes about twenty minutes to orient yourself again. For your ears to stop ringing, for your body to stop shaking, for you to look around and have some kind of a feel for your surroundings. You don’t see the quinjet you arrived in anywhere, nor Sam and Bucky. But you know with the tracker sewn into your stealth suit, someone will find you eventually.

So, you start walking.

The shoes on your feet aren’t exactly made for the snow; you didn’t imagine you’d be hiking much on this mission. But the boots are thick enough to keep your toes from getting wet, which is good enough.

You stick close to the trunks as you walk on, planning to make a large circle around the perimeter and hoping to run into the quinjet, wherever it is. You hope they waited for you, at least.

Meanwhile, Bucky yells at Sam on the ramp to the quinjet, engine already purring as Sam is telling him to get on, that we’d come back for you with Sharon and better equipment to help them look.

“I’m not getting on the fucking plane, Sam!”

“It’s a jet, not a plane.”

“I’m not leaving my fucking girlfriend in the snowy woods alone outside of the Nazi base she used to be held at! Come back later, I’ll find her myself!” Bucky yells, vein popping out of his neck in anger.

If it was any other agent, he would’ve agreed. To go back to the tower, to get more equipment, to bring more people. But this isn’t any other agent; it’s you.

So, he starts walking.

He figures you’ll walk a few miles out, keeping your distance from the base in case anyone who survived that blast goes looking for any one else in the area. He begins heading west, planning to go a few miles straight and then start rounding the area, he can clear by nightfall, but hopefully he’ll find you before then.

Bucky doesn’t think to look for you in the treetops, though.

You hear a voice, and you panic. There’s nowhere to hide; only tall trees and mountains of snow around you, so the only way you think to go is up. You quickly hoist yourself up into the tree, balancing on a branch and hoping you’re covered enough by the snow covered branches.

It’s quiet again, and for a moment you think it was just the voices in your head; that there was nobody actually in the area. It’s hard to get a peek out with the blanket of snow clouding your vision in this tree, but you think you see a flash of metal. It could either be a gun or it could be Bucky’s arm. You cross your fingers and take your chances.

Wrapping your hands around the branch, you slowly bring your legs down to swing a bit before landing on the ground, prepared to greet your boyfriend and joke about engaging in monkey business.

Except it’s not Bucky.

A tall man, both arms made of metal, one with a shiny red star on the shoulder and the other with a skull and tentacles, turns to face you, drawing his gun and aiming it at your head.

“Oh, fuck.” Is the last thing you hear yourself say before a shot is heard and you see black.

Bucky hears a shot from the direction in which he was walking from. That could either be someone from HYDRA shooting at someone or you shooting at someone. He doesn’t like either option.

He breaks out into a sprint, gaining momentum and speed as he flies through the snow, charging back in the direction he came, hoping he can figure out where the shot came from in time. There was only one, so either it was a warning shot, or a lethal one.

When is Sam getting back? The longer he imagines your bleeding body on the white floor, the more he feels his anxiety spike and his heart race. You have your gun. Even if that shot was for you, you don’t go down without a fight. You’ve been training with your mind control with Wanda. You’re fine.

Surely, you’re fine.

The next time you wake up, it’s to a sharp slap across the cheek.

Your eyes open to see two men in front of you. You ignore the stinging in your face and the ache in your arm and glance between the two soldiers before you. You former handlers. Two of them at least.

“Sorry, boys,” You begin, glancing down at the bandage wrapped around your right bicep, where you assume a bullet was a while ago, “I’m unfortunately taken and only like it when my boyfriend slaps me around.”

You try to rub at your shoulder with your opposite hand, by there tied behind your back to the chair you’re sitting in. There’s also ties around your ankles and the fold of your knees.

You take a moment to stare at them to see if there’s a way to tap into their heads, get one to shoot the other, or untie you at least before they do that. But nothing. 

They both giggle. “Just as feisty as ever, aren’t you.”

“Yeah, yeah, listen, great catching up and all, but I actually have a doctor’s appointment I need to get to and I do need to get going -” Another smack, and then two hands vest the collar of your top.

“You’re not going anywhere! You left once, but now that I have you again, I’m not letting you leave my sight, my Mind Reader.” He tells you.

“...Can’t read minds. Can control them! But, can’t read them, sorry, no dice.” You correct, hiding behind your fear with a plethora of jokes and teases.

“We’ll see about that.” He looks deep in your eyes.

You smile drops and you look over your shoulder, realizing the room you’re in.

A large, black, metal chair sits above a few steps of concrete. Dark screens and bars surrounding it. There are open brackets for your arms and legs to be restrained, and the infamous headpiece that sends painful shocks to your brain. The man with two metal arms who shot you earlier stands beside it.

You remember the first time your powers manifested. Hours of drowning and waterboarding, followed by hovering candles and fires around your skin, poking and prodding you with needles to make something, anything happen. The goal was to send you into such an overdrive, overwhelming you to the point that your body to work with whatever poison they were putting in you.

“You wouldn’t,” You tell them, “You’re not stupid. You’re evil, but not stupid. You wouldn’t risk me in good ole’ Sparky.”

“Wouldn’t I?” The two men hoist you up and begin to drag you towards a heaping pile of metal. You try with all your energy to tap into their minds, tap into anyone’s mind, but to no avail.

This is it, you think. Who knows what will happen next, what you’ll remember. I hope Bucky doesn’t find me, I don't want him to see me like this. Two metal arms hold you down, one choking you hard and the other sitting heavily atop your injured shoulder while the machine powers up. The ties around your limbs are cut and the brackets automatically close, locking you in by your wrists, biceps, and ankles.

“See you on the other side.” He tells you maniacally, a syringe being pushed into your neck by the man with metal arms and the head piece coming down over your face before the worst pain you’ve ever felt courses through your body.

You scream.

Bucky has spent the last couple of hours running around this stupid forest with only failure to show for it. His last option is to go back to what’s left of the base. Sam’s about to land again, this time with Sharon and an extra agent or two.

He’s tossing the pieces of rubble around, looking for something, anything, to show him that you’re around here, that you’re alive.

Until he sees it. It almost perfectly looks like a metal rod sticking out of the ground. But it’s a handle. He pulls on it with all his strength until the lock and chain from the other side snaps, the door swinging open.

He climbs down the small ladder barely hanging against the wall before his feet thump on the ground again. He doesn’t like the nostalgia he feels slowly walking through the dark room, the distant groaning of a body, and smell of just pure evil.

He finally sees a slight glow coming from around the corner at the end of the hallway he’s ended up on, and he speeds up his pace, desperate to find someone, desperate to find you.

And he’s sorry he does. He’s sorry that he’s seen what he’s just seen. A door, on the opposite side of where he’s entered, left ajar and slightly swinging, signifying that someone’s just gone through it, and you, sitting slumped in that fucking chair, groaning and using what little strength you seem to have to weakly pull at the restraints around your wrists and ankles.

It’s his worst nightmare. You, stuck in that chair. He doesn’t waste a second running over to where you are, latching his hands on the headpiece that still sits on your face. He grabs a hold of the two pieces of metal and props a foot to the back of the chair, using all his might to snap it apart. He lets out a yell as he pries it off, bending the metal handle that connects to the main body of the machine.

He pants, reaching for the other restraints and prying those apart too, the sound of metal on metal making his ears hurt, there’s no way his metal arm isn’t wrecked after this.

He grabs a hold of your face to get a good look at you, to make sure you’re still alive. Your pupils almost completely cover the iris, the whites tinted pink. There’s also drool staining the corners of your lips and you're mumbling something to him that he can’t understand.

“Baby? Baby, I’m here, we’re leaving now, okay? I need you to stay awake for me while I get you to the jet, okay? Can you walk?” He coos and speaks to you softly and calmly, gently lugging your body into a standing position, but all you do is slump against his frame.

He can still hear the silent whirring of the machine, and from the subtle shakes in your body, he can guess the chair wasn’t used on you too long ago. He remembers having to be carried by two guards larger than him after a session in the chair, and he's about twice your size and strength, no matter your powers; he can’t imagine what your body’s feeling right now.

You whimper as he catches you, and he’s quick to slide an arm between your legs, the other grabbing a hold of your good arm and slinging you over his shoulders. The metal in his left arm is pinching into the skin of his shoulder, letting him know the plates are messed up from his pulling apart the machine.

Kinda went full Banner on the chair, didn’t I.

“Sam should be here, love, okay? So, just stay awake for me and you can rest on the plane. Huh?” He tells you, trying to engage and hoping you’re awake as he talks to you.

Another groan from you, which is good enough for him. He finally climbs back out of the basement and doesn’t see a jet in sight.

“God damn it, Sam,” He mumbles, and you whimper above him again, your breathing turning into panting and he senses your panic rising.

“Babe… Babe!” Bucky, sets you down gently, trying to capture your attention. A sharp call of your name forces you to look up at him.

You see three of him, and every color you see is much more vivid than you’ve ever seen before. You feel yourself shivering but also feel like you’re burning from the inside out. You know he’s talking to you, but you can’t focus on a single word he says because all you’re thinking about is how you don’t want to feel like this.

“Put me to sleep, knock me out, make me not feel this,” You interrupt him, but by the look of utter confusion in his face, you don’t think you’re speaking clear enough for him to understand you. Which only makes you panic more.

His eyes travel around your face and neck, observing the bruising on your forehead from where the headpiece of the chair rested and the finger-shaped marks on your neck. He also takes notice of the small hole on the side of your neck, about the size of a needle.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry this happened to you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop it, to protect you, like I’m supposed to. But, I need you to be strong right now, I need you to suck it up until I can get you on that fucking jet and in a fucking hospital, okay? Please! Please, baby, just tough it out for a little while longer, can you do that?” He cradles your face and head with both of his hands.

Bucky’s on the brink of a panic attack himself. The only thing keeping him from breaking down is the fact that he’s the only one here to make sure you stay awake.

A distant purring of an engine is finally heard and his head darts up at the sky to see the quinjet come into view.

“Look, babe! See? Already here! Just the short trip to the tower, okay, love? You can’t die on me, please,” He trails off.

You squeeze your eyes shut as you try to bring yourself up into a kneeling position to stand up, and a cry escapes you as you feel an utter lack of control over your body. Your brain is trying to move your arms and legs but they feel so heavy that they just don’t move.

Suddenly, Bucky’s hoisting you up again, bridal style this time, and he’s running to the quinjet. You don’t even feel the pain in your shoulder and chest when your arm bounces around because you feel like your insides are melting.

Your brain and head haven’t stopped buzzing since sitting in that chair. You only remember flashes; flashes of black, flashes of the room, flashes of those bastards’ faces while they stare amusedly at you writhe in pain.

You don’t realize you’re on the jet until your body is laid on a cold table, the only table on the quinjet that’s attached to the wall. You look around to gauge your surroundings; you see a blonde head of hair and two other taller figures. Your hand twitches, wanting to reach out for Bucky, but he’s not looking at you. You whimper again, but it must not have been loud enough because he only continues to speak to the two other people, who you guess are Sam and another agent.

You straighten yourself on the table as your heart speeds up faster and faster. You brace yourself for a panic attack but it doesn’t come.

Nothing does.

Bucky tries to tell Sam everything as quickly as possible while the jet takes off. He can only imagine how hysterical he looks right now, and how much explaining he’ll have to do to the other agent on the jet with them; he’s pretty sure he might’ve slipped in calling you his girl by mistake once or twice.

He glances over his shoulder to check on you but does a quick double take. You’re not moving. Your eyes are open, but you’re not moving. Not shaking how your body was before from the electricity, not groaning or whimpering from whatever was wrong with you.

He remembers going on autopilot from there. He strains his ears and can’t hear the rapid beat of your heart, he doesn’t hear anything coming from you. His own heart feels like it stops when he climbs on top of you, straddling you, and leaning his head over your mouth to try and catch your breathing - which he doesn’t - and raising a hand to feel your heartbeat - which he also doesn’t feel.

“Don’t you fucking dare!” He starts CPR immediately, pumping his fists roughly against your chest, counting in his head among all the other chaos floating around in there.

“C’mon sweetheart. Wake up. Wake up, baby.” He continues.

“Bucky, you’re going to break her sternum!” Sharon tries to warn him.

He pauses only for a brief moment to turn his head towards her, “Sharon, shut up!” He snaps, this probably being the first time he’s ever screamed at Sharon. He turns his head towards Sam and Agent 36, “Sam get this fucking plane to the tower, now!”

“Please, please, please don’t do this to me. Not now. Not because of them.” He resumes the CPR while mumbling to himself, leaning down to breathe air into your mouth.

“Can’t lose you, can’t lose you.”

He can’t lose you.

[handsoffmyscarfsherlock]

Running into Love

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Reader is being followed on their way home and bumps into Steve. 

Warnings: Minor stalking, minor horror vibes, fluff

Note: Hello! After a bit of a break, the writing juices are beginning to flow again. Requests are open and I’m excited to dust off the ‘ol writing hands! 

You had just gotten off of work, a grueling shift. Your boss decided that only you were capable of doing all the tasks in your workplace. Long story short… you hate his guts for this. You haven’t gotten off work on time in months. 

The bus jolted you out of your thoughts. Your feet move on their own, shuffling to get off the bus. In your tired state, you manage to murmur a thank you to the driver. Your body felt the warmth of the drowsiness slowly creep up your spine. Cloudiness fogged your brain, making you forget the typical safety measures you normally take to ensure a safe return home. The sweet prospect of your soft and fluffy bed distracts you from your surroundings. You barely even notice the man who had begun to follow you. 

Your shoes make a scuffing noise against the sidewalk. The streetlight above you slowly flickers on and off, distorting the shadows on the sidewalk. The cold wind rips through you taking you out of your sleepy thoughts. Goodness gracious. You thought to yourself, trying to adapt and block the cold with you flimsy jacket. Looking ahead, there is no one to be seen. Your body brings you further out of that beautiful warmth of your drowsiness. You begin to notice the soft sounds of footsteps behind you. 

Your head slowly goes over your shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of the owner of the noise behind you. Your eyes are hesitant, nervous to even take a look. However, you fight through the nerves and finally see him. Tall, big, and the kind of person you avoid when walking the streets at night. Your heart pounds in your chest. 

Calm down Y/n. He could just be walking home, like you. There’s nothing to worry about. 

You decide to pick up the pace, your body unwillingly giving into the adrenaline that is currently coursing through your veins. The foot steps increase in speed behind you. Oh no. Your breath gets caught in your chest, like something in a horror movie. Your vision becomes a tunnel, looking for anything to help you get away. 

I’ll take that turn up ahead, if he follows me, I’m screwed. 

You hold your breath as you turn the corner, also looking around to find anything that could help this situation. Nothing? Really? Why is everything closed? 

You whip your head around again. He’s still there. Your body is in full panic mode, heart pounding, mind racing, and tears making their way forward. Whipping over your shoulder again, you see the man meet your gaze. His eyes, with that look you could place in an instant, you knew. The man began to break into a light jog. Your body kicked into action. 

You booked it. Your legs felt the shock as your feet hit the sidewalk. You were running for your life. You fly around another corner and continue to run, the man following behind you. Your mind is filled with fear, millions of thoughts running wild and unhinged. You are moving upon instinct, the need to survive. Tears stained your face as you continue to run. Blinking them away you turn another corner and smack into something. Pain erupts through your body as you collide with the object. You open your eyes, not realizing that you had closed them upon impact. 

A person. Your mouth begins to move quicker than your mind can process while new tears flow down your face. 

“Help me, please, I’m-“ you blubber to this stranger, nothing making sense. The stranger, in the midst of the collision, had placed his big hands on your shoulders to stabilize you. They felt warm, comforting. He takes a moment and looks at you, shocked, to see a frightened, shaking, and sobbing figure in front of him. Deciding in that second he whispers soft and low, “Trust me, ok?” 

He wraps you up in his muscled arms, cradling your head to his chest. You hear him murmur, “It’s going to be alright, I promise.” You hear the fast footsteps finally turn the corner… and stop. 

The stranger you bumped into looks down at you and you struggle to meet his gaze, still frightened. His finger finds your chin to lift your face up to meet his. You see a confident, yet kind look on his face. Reassuring you with just that look, his voice cuts through the silence in that moment, “Hey Doll, looks like you beat me to our corner.” 

Your savior releases you from the embrace. He turns his back to your attacker and links your arm through his. Your breath slowly beings to return to normal as the man walks you down the block. 

“Let’s go home, my love,” the stranger said. You nod your head, yes. 

You make it down the block while the stranger makes small talk with you, making sure your attacker did not follow you. The two of you turn another corner, still arm in arm. You stop walking. His arm moves from yours, eventually setting his hand on your shoulder. 

“Thank you,” you whisper to him beginning to get choked up again feeling the lump begin to form in the back of your throat, “I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if you hadn’t-“ 

“You don’t have to thank me, I’m just happy I was there to help you,” the stranger replied kindly. A tear escapes your eye and you feel the man’s thumb wipe it away for you, soft and gentle. 

You took a moment to finally look at this person who helped you. He had kind eyes that matched his voice. They were a pretty blue that reminded you of a cool, clear lake. He stood tall and muscular with light brown hair that looked almost blonde in the light of the street lamps. 

His eyes look down at his feet and he clears his throat, “Are you ok?” 

“I’m ok now, thank you-“ he cuts you off and chuckles. 

“Hey, you don’t have to thank me. I just want to make sure that you’re ok. The fear that was in your eyes, I haven’t seen that look in a long time,” his voice reassuring you. 

Your eyes also meet the floor, not knowing what to say. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just rambling at this point. I’m Steve by the way,” finally introducing himself. He gives you a genuine smile. 

You return a smile back to him, “I’m Y/n. You know, it’s nice to know the name of the guy who saved my life tonight.” 

He let out a deep laugh that resonated through your body. 

“So,” Steve shifts his weight, “I’m not that great, but you know what would make me feel better?” 

You chuckle and shrug your shoulders. “It would really make me feel better if I can walk you home. Make sure you get home safe and sound,” he replies. 

You look into his eyes and they shine with the ferocity and determination of a soldier on a mission. You smile at him, “I would love that Steve.” 

You felt safe for the first time tonight in the presence of Steve. He offers you his arm again and you take it. 

“Let’s go home, Y/n.” 

STEVE ROGERS TAGLIST

@patzammit​

[yoichichi]

Bunny’s 200 follower event

request: omg hey babe i’m so excited- can i pls get one matchup from haikyuu and one from aot? whoever you think is best and not just bc you know how much i love asahi and hange lmaooo okay so i’m bisexual with a preference for females! i am an infp and a scorpio sun, leo moon, and gemini rising (and a scorpio venus 😳). i love writing and dancing! i love kpop (i know 😔), more specifically girl groups! my favorite is the group “twice” and i would prefer to be with someone who will listen to it with me! and i’m passionate about politics and playing the violin and piano! i’m rather introverted, very intuitive, very empathetic, and and i am perceptive. (literally described my mbti i’m so sorry) i am rather awkward and can appreciate a partner who is strong where i lack. i think i would like someone who is self-assured and able to assure me despite my severe social anxiety. i would also like someone i could extend my protective tendencies to, someone who would let me take care of them. i love to cook, clean, and bake (when i’m not being forced to) and would love someone who would let me do those things for them. i’m a rather physically affectionate person and i would NOT be able to be with someone who couldn’t match my energy. if they don’t enjoy physical affection i couldn’t be with them. i would appreciate someone who could understand my need for validation and offer it without being overbearing. i’m family-oriented and am determined to build a strong, healthy family with a partner who shares the same values. i would also prefer to be with someone who can appreciate my cultures since they’re pretty big parts of who i am! i am agnostic and would prefer to be in a relationship with someone not overly religious because religion makes me uncomfortable :/ i also refuse to be with someone who does not share my progressive views. if they wouldn’t be wearing their mask over their noses and refusing to eat out during a pandemic i wouldn’t even look their way. i’ve never had a serious relationship before and would prefer someone who has been in one and understands that i need time to adapt to it. as for a physical description i’m a little on the heavier side, i’m mexican-japanese, 5’5, have pretty pale skin, and extremely dark brown hair and eyes. i have a pear shaped figure and dude i have like no tits at all. i’m wearing a b-cup rn and i don’t fill it i hate it here. i tend to wear dark colors in comfortable fashion and i prefer modern/androgynous fashion. my pronouns are she/they!

a/n: omg hi bae!!! ALSO PLS THE KPOP PART WAS SO FUNNY and these guys better watch out before I match you with myself bae 😏 okok teehee pls enjoy ❣️ anon! Also omg this took 5 years I’m so sorry I don’t have internet until the 12th so using my data is a struggle 😭 okok I hope you enjoy!

Reading your request, you have been matched with...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Mikasa Ackerman

LISTEN I think y’all would genuinely make such a good couple

Any of your interests she will sit and listen to you talk to them for literal hours and want to combust cause she thinks you look so fucking cute ranting about it it’s unreal

Sometimes you do have to take breaks ranting though cause she just wants a kiss so bad but she promises she’ll let you continue after a half hour of making out LMAO

Her favorite position to listen to you rant about k-drama is with your head laying in her lap while you look up at her so she can play with your hair and still see your face, and it makes it easier to steal a forehead kiss or too

Her second favorite though is when you’re ranting about work and you get particularly frustrated so she pulls you into her chest and runs her fingers down your back and the sides of your arms while you relax

If you can’t tell I strongly HC mikasa loves physical affection

I think its just easier for her to show you how much she cares through little gestures of affection - and she’s currently obsessed with the way your eyes close when she cups your face with both hands and rubs her thumbs across your cheeks so there’s that too LMAO

Massages‼️‼️

When you’re watching a movie and you rest your legs on her lap her hands just naturally start rubbing at your legs and if you get sleepy she just leans over and gives you a kiss on the cheek and carries you to bed and is so <3333333

Ok but she loves when she’s laying between your legs and her head rests on your chest and you play with her hair, like she’s out 5 minutes TOPS and she does drool a little but it’s ok cause she’s cute

Whenever you play the violin or piano in front of her she’s just so 😍😍😍like she will happily sit and watch you practice for hours cause she just loves how pretty you sound and how she can just feel your passion through the way you’re playing

Ok at first I think she’d have a hard time understanding why you take care of her like she’d come home and you’d have dinner already made and she’d just be 🧍🏻‍♀️...... w-what do you want from me LMAO

But I feel like she’d get use to it really fast and always appreciate the things you do for her

Now her heart gets so warm when she comes home and smells dryer sheets cause you did the laundry already, or if she hears the you blasting music she knows she’s probably gonna find you in the kitchen cooking dinner

Ok but Mikasa leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed and she’s just smirking and staring at you cook until you notice she’s there?

🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️ WHew

Omg she loves being your little taste tester while you cook and will sometimes just wait around the kitchen like 😶 until you offer her a bite and then she acts all surprised like 😯🤭 I mean ok 🤗

Ok ms quiet feet loves scaring you sorry LMAO

BUT ITS NEVER IN A teehee GOT YOU WAY

She just knows she walks quiet and she loves when she walks into a room you’re already in and you jump a little and clutch your chest she just thinks it’s the cutest thing ever

She’s one of the most appreciative people of you and adores everything about you 🖤🖤

Your vibe reminds me of...

Another suitable match for you would be...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Iwaizumi Hajime

No cause LISTEN

THis man sees you and his knees are WEAK

Idk what it is but I just know that you’re his type like

Smth about your androgynous dark fashion catches his eye

Like he deadass watches walk across whatever room you’re in like 👁👄👁 and it’s so obvious too and you’re sweating like 👀 what’s this mf WANT

And he’s a bold mf too

Straight up just goes up to you and asks for your number yes he’s getting really sweaty and definitely is stuttering and walks away feeling 🥴

But when you text him back he is so !!!!!

Okok onto the relationship sheesh

He is so patient and understanding with you it’s unreal

The type mf to make you think like,,, damn people like this exist?

The first date y’all go on he even asks if you’re ok with him holding your hand and when you say yes he literally smiles and goes “cool :)” and his hands are so warm and big compared to yours and he keeps your hand for most of the date after that lolol

Ok but listen

Y’all went to Walmart once to get some much needed groceries and this old guy wasn’t wearing his mask right, like it wasn’t covering his nose, and iwa just s t a r e d at him like 🧍🏻

And when the guy was like ???

He went “I’m just trying to figure out how stupid you must be to not know masks cover your nose, too. 😐.”

You had to get Iwa out of the aisle before he almost got into a literal physical altercation with an elderly man LMAO

But He was like :/ I’m sorry I was dramatic inside I just didn’t like it :/ once you got in the car and he was embarrassed so much for saying something to the guy ajsksdjwij

He lets you blast whatever you want on the aux when y’all are driving even if he hates what you’re playing 😭 and he would NEVER be caught dead admitting he doesn’t like what you’re playing cause you like it so much but sometimes a song comes on and he just shoots you a side look like 👀 oh nice nice LMAO

You made him breakfast once and he cried

Like he came out and you were dishing up his plate and he just went 😐😖🥲 t-thanks

He denies it to this day though

He lovvveesss making dinner with you

It’s his perfect destresser after a bad day :(((

He loves it when you fall asleep on him too like he naps with you on accident all the time cause he’s just so big and warm and when you fall asleep on him he gets so lovey and cozy that he just dozes off and at this point he just doesn’t care about his sleep schedule anymore 😭

He’s your big ol cuddle bug :)

Your vibe reminds me of...

ongomgomg im sorry this took so long 😭 I hope you like your pairings and I can’t wait to hear from you 🥺🤲🏼

And to everyone else waiting I’m finally able to start writing again but I still won’t have internet for almost another week so they might be pushed out slowly but I’m going as fast as I can 😭❣️

Love y’all!

-🐇out

[grownups-are-the-real-monsters]

C'est La Vie

Summary: “Riding around with the car top down and the radio on. Nobody looked any finer or was more of a hit at the Parkway Diner. We never knew we could want more than that out of life. Surely Richie and Eddie would always know how to survive…” Glimpses into Richie & Eddie’s lives. 

Summary is lyrics adapted from: ‘Scenes from an Italian Restaurant’ ~ Billy Joel. Title from ‘C’est La Vie’ by Bob Seger…

Words:  18,691

Ship: Reddie 

{October, Senior Year}

School was in session. Leaves were falling from the trees, Freshman were trying to get high under the bleachers and the air was beginning to crisp like maple fucking bacon…Richie was having the time of his life. He sniffled because of course, he was already getting his yearly cold…at the start of October.

“The bleachers are freezing my ass, Eds.” He whined loudly but his little partner only chuckled, still scribbling his pen across the notebooks in his lap. 

A breeze passed over them and carried a few pages of Skippy Larson’s chemistry homework across the field just in front of them. The kid darted after them with impressive speed but-‘oh, too much confidence on the catching skills. He misses by a long-shot and falls face first onto the grass!’ 

Richie chuckled and habitually scooped Eddie’s free-hand up to cradle it into his lap. “In a few short months…we won’t even have to worry about…-” He paused to wave his hands around and audibly scoff “-AP Lit homework and shit.” He flicked Eddie’s pen. “Can you believe that, man?” 

Eddie laid his pen down and decided to give his partner the full attention Richie so obviously wanted and in Eddie’s opinion…deserved. “No. I really don’t wanna think about it either, Rich.” 

His sniffles were much cuter than any human beings should be. His nose scrunched up and his eyes got all squinty. Eddie didn’t care much for cold season but it drove Richie crazy. 

“Why not? I’m so fucking excited!” 

“Rich, I’m way too fucking nervous to talk about it. Probably way more nervous than you are excited.” He scoffed, already beginning to shove his books into his backpack.

“Really? Cause I’m so excited that I can hardly breathe!” He smacked Eddie’s hand gently.

With humor suddenly just as dry as Richie’s toast had been that morning, Eddie slowly and obnoxiously reached into his bag for the inhaler and shot himself up to space. His lips were still recovering from the lovely ‘O’ shape he’d had to make but he managed a wide smirk when his chin tilted back down. 

“Funny, babe.” Richie rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but giggle a bit. His eyes drifted to the homework tornado again as a sigh built up in his throat. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t going to miss high school. Because in some ways, he would. Lots of great things happened either in that building or because of it. 

Richie got to film the best student movie in the history of TV Pro which turned out to be collected found footage of the Losers in their natural habitat. Bill managed to write one killer story after another and really started pursuing his passion. Ben and Bev had their first kiss in Mr. Walker’s Algebra class and made history. The day Stan made the fucking baseball team had been one of Richie’s favorite freakin’ days of all time. And Mike organizing a completely made-up 'cinema’ club just to get the library all to themselves with the coolest teacher ever was a close second. 

But the best thing that ever happened within those school walls was during the start of Freshman Year when Richie finally got the guts to ask Eddie out properly. 

They’d basically been dating since they were kids. Hell, their first kiss was in a blanket fort in Bill’s basement when they were like nine. Eddie didn’t like to count that but Richie held it close to his heart because it was funny as shit. 

Sixth grade had been a big year. Richie would carry Eddie’s books home for him and would stick by him even when the path became out of his way. They took the path that would lead them past the Neibolt Street Church so Eddie could hear a bit of that music he liked so much. 

But it wasn’t until Freshman year when the true magic happened. The fact that Eddie agreed to the proposed date nearly killed Richie on the spot that day.

Richie smiled to himself before glancing at his partner who was now following the wind of paper from Skippy Larson too. His eyes were speeding fast to follow every moment of the twirling disaster. 

They’d gone to that drive-in root-beer place that Richie had always been dying to try. It was across the street from the now abandoned 7/11 that used to be a CVS where no one had ever shopped. He’d ordered a hot-dog and Root-beer Float that became hard to keep down when all his nerves started shaking him. He remembered being scared that he was going to waste the date just worrying he might blow chunks onto the bright orange vinyl chair. “Honestly Eddie, why did you give me a second date? I mean that first one was so…I mean, you watched me dip my hot-dog into my Root-beer Float.” Richie chuckled, legs jittering up and down. 

Eddie quirked his brow and paused. “Yeah and you watched me nearly fight that worker for dropping that order of fries and trying to shove them back on the tray before anyone noticed.” 

“Yeah but that was hot.” Richie smirked

“Well, maybe I thought the hot-dog thing was hot…” Eddie shoved some of his papers away and finally gave his boyfriend full attention. 

“I’m sure the puke was hot when you slipped on my chunks in the parking lot, ‘member?” Richie smirked and Eddie gagged at the memory. 

“Never bring that up again, asshole.” 

The two of them playfully smacked each-other around for a couple minutes before a peaceful silence fell over again. From his place above, Richie saw Skippy pick up his remaining papers and high-tail it outta the football field before any players decided practice started early. The question from before still bounced in Richie’s mind like those boxes never quite hitting the corner in those DVD wait screens. ‘Honestly Eddie, why did you give me a second date?’

“What’s your mom making for dinner?” Eddie laid his chin on his palm and smiled in that soft, genuine way that poked at Richie’s heart. In some ways, he felt they were like an old married couple. And he wasn’t using that term to excuse any nasty bickering like some other high-school phase couples. No. 

It was just…-He and Eddie knew each other. They were so familiar and extremely comfortable with everything they did. “Mmmmm, Chicken Parmesan.” 

They smiled at each other, just thinking about the calm rest of the day ahead of them. 

                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie followed Richie inside the Tozier household, taking his shoes off at the door and setting them next to the others as Richie breezed past it, forgetting like usual. Eddie grinned to himself, shaking his head. The home was nothing special, sort of small but fleshed out. Photos on the wall in frames that were carefully thought out as they were purchased at some home goods store. It still put a smile on Eddie’s face to see that he was featured in some of those pictures.

He briefly passed by his favorite that was in the blue frame, the one that was chipped in the corner from when Richie dropped it. It was taken sometime during last Christmas, Richie and himself were having some sort of conversation that must’ve been highly amusing, what is was about Eddie doesn’t remember, but they’re laughing hard enough that Richie is falling forward onto his shoulder, The Tozier parents were actually looking at the camera with grins. Eddie smiled to himself as he glanced at it.

Mrs. Tozier  was pouring a few drinks as they entered the kitchen, a warm grin on her face.

“Hello boys.” She smiled sweetly and handed them each a glass of water as she slid a cup of coffee to Mr. Tozier as he came in the room with a smile.

“How’s my favorite son?” He asked in that dad tone of voice that Eddie had only come accustomed to through him.

Richie swallowed a large slurp of the water and set it back on the table, the sweat dripping onto his hand. “I’m your only son…” He tilted his head with a confused but amused expression.

Wentworth blew down into the mug, the steam rising and spreading. “I was talking to Eddie.” He looked up just in time to catch Richie’s gasp of offense. He chuckled, picking up his mug and patting Eddie on the back as he passed him. “Which reminds me Eddie, I’m working on the garage again, can I count on your help-?”

“While I am flattered that you complimented me to butter me up before you asked but-” Eddie smiled, hand over his chest. “I can’t.”

“Ed’s and I are have a special date night tonight, pops.” Richie slapped Eddie’s back gently and stirred his water glass like it was a proper drink. 

“Oooh, yeah.” Wentworth shared a small grin with his son and took down some more of his steaming hot drink. “You two kids have a great time. I’ll be all by my lonesome down there and I’ll probably break that damn car…” He pointed towards the garage door with exaggerated glum. “Unless one, Mrs. Tozier would come visit me, later?” He bumped Maggie’s elbow and she chuckled. 

“I’ll bring you some dinner later. Make sure you take the laundry basket up to my room before you go off.” Maggie gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before he left that Richie mimicked on Eddie for chucks. It always made his mother giggle, anyway. 

“Ok, so Chicken Parmesan for dinner….” Maggie gestured to the oven and smiled. “I’ll let you know when it’s done but for now…” She paused and picked up a dirty old box from the floor behind the counter. “I have some Halloween Decorations, would you boys help an ol’ mother out?” 

“Sure thing, Mrs. Tozier!” Eddie stood on the tips of his toes to peek inside while Richie took the ghost string lights out and threw them around his neck like a scarf. With a salute, Richie took off with the box and Eddie darted after him. 

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Mrs. Tozier, Maggie, rooted her hands through the sock draw and occasionally pulled out a few pairs and folded them together. Her nails caught on the thread every few minutes, she’d pull and pull until the thin string would just snap. But on the eighth time she grew a little bit restless and snapped the string but quickly shut the drawer afterwards. “Wentworth?”

She turned to her husband, who was still lazing around with his coffee and blowing on it as if it was still hot. She gave him a small smile and walked towards him, putting her hand on his back. He looked up at her, waiting for her to speak what was on her mind. “Do you think-” She paused for a second before shaking her head. “Never mind, it’s stupid.”

Wentworth smiled up at his wife and chuckled, swallowing his first tedious sip of coffee. “I say a lot of stupid things, I won’t mind.”

Maggie gave him a look a lot of wives give their husbands. One of amusement and familiarity. “Well, I was just wondering…” She began again, going back over to the drawers to root around for something to wear to work the next day. “Do you think the boys are starting to get serious?” She asked, a little unsure of herself.

Wentworth cocked his head to the side and looked lost. “Like how?” He asked, swirling his coffee in his hand. Maggie sighed and leaned back on the drawers behind her. Clasping her hands together, she spoke again.

“I don’t know really.” She frowned and folded an old t-shirt from Richie’s younger days…her eyes got a sad little glaze. “They seem….-they remind me of us in our good ol’ days, huh? When we were about to leave home, so in love…” There was a small hole in the shoulder of the yellow dinosaur shirt. 

Her husband turned the soap opera off the box TV and crawled closer to where she stood at the edge of the bed, taking her hands. “Richie’s getting older, honey-” 

Maggie surprised the both of them by bursting out with a small sob. In embarrassment, she stole a hand back to cover her mouth. “I feel like every-time I-” She broke again and Wentworth rubbed her skin softly. 

She collected herself, tilting her chin to the ceiling fan and letting the loose tears fall. “I know that…when we planned this, I had the idea of a girl, you know?” 

Wentworth nodded. That was a topic they never truly discussed but for a long while, they were both well aware of in those early days. 

“But…He’s my boy. That kid…” She looked towards the door. “He’s what I had been waiting for and I didn’t even realize it. And now it feels like our time together is winding down with his high-school days close to over and Wentworth, I’m not ready to let him go.” Her lips trembled. 

He gently shook her arms and rubbed up and down her skin until she grinned through the tears. “He’s still a teenager, sweet-heart. We got time left yet, huh?” He laughed which she returned. “Side-note, we are definitely still in our good ol’ days. As long as I’m with you.” 

He stood up, putting his coffee on the old dried up water ring mark on the dresser. Maggie smiled at the back of his head, her hand on her heart as she sighed with pleasure before she stood to walk him to the garage.

                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richie still had the ghosts tied around his neck except now they were plugged into the wall behind him and slightly burning his neck. Eddie was digging through the box and pulling out all kinds of Halloween decor that Richie admired as a personal collection of his childhood…their childhood even. Eddie had just as much a right to claim memories to this shit as Richie. The other losers as well with how much time they spent at his home.

“How come people don’t send out Halloween cards…Y’know like Christmas Cards?” Richie pursed his lips and flipped the switch on an old light up haunted house. 

Eddie shrugged. “People don’t really do Christmas cards anymore either…” He drifted off in thought. “We should though. It’d be really fucking idiotic.” He giggled and Richie smiled. 

The two of them openly discussed their future together many times. It was just always part of their relationship and had never phased them. Maybe some thought of that as childish considering they were still high-schoolers but…it never seemed that way to them. 

“Yeah. We’ll send it to all five of our friends.” Richie chuckled. 

Eddie handed over some stuffed pumpkins and let his hands rub down his jeans as he sighed. “I can’t wait to annoy you in our own house one day.” He pinched Richie’s arm and handed over the hand-made paper Bat. 

His boyfriends heart melted at that, his eyes absolutely worshiping the sight of Eddie. “Shit, Ed’s. Me too.”

Usually there’d be more said between them in moments like this. Maybe a discussion about what their house would end up looking like. But this time they just reached out for each others hands and gently swung them a little with soft smiles. “One of us has to learn to cook.” 

“God, yes.” Richie nodded. “I love it but I can’t live off McDonald’s for long. Maybe my mom can teach me some shit. I can’t imagine it’s too hard.” He shrugged, letting their hands fall apart again to get rid of his ghost necklace. Their was a tiny burn mark on the side of his neck that made Eddie chuckle. Richie slapped the spot he was staring at with mock insecurity and a dazzling smirk. 

The boy opened his mouth only to be interrupted his mother who came strolling in with a dish towel over her shoulder. Richie let his hand fall from his neck without thinking what that spot might suggest with Eddie sitting so close to him. Maggie raised a brow-

“It’s not what you think, Mrs. Tozier. Richie just burned his neck on the ghosts.” Eddie laughed and leaned over to hold the string-lights up again.

“Yeah, I can buy that.” Maggie rolled her eyes and laughed. “Can I borrow you for a minute, Rich?” 

Richie nodded, hopping up and exaggerating a little spill from tripping on Eddie’s legs. He ruffled a hand through Eddie’s hair and followed after his mother. 

Maggie messed with some dishes as she waited for her son to trail in and hoped her eyes weren’t still red. But as little Richie (called little Richard affectionately by his father for years) stopped in front of her, she found herself getting choked up again which was just silly. “You alright ma’? You seem like you might pass out or something.” He giggled and took a grape from the bowl on the counter to stuff into his mouth. 

“Would you two be ok if your father and I went out tonight?-”

“Hot date?” He laughed and Maggie felt her heart tug. 

“Yeah, sure.” She shook her head. “Hot date. Anyway, foods in the oven and should be done soon enough.” She rubbed the pad of her thumb against her nose. “You can make cookies for dessert, you know the number to call if you should accidentally start the house ablaze, do you love your father more than me? And we’ll be gone a few hours.” Maggie rushed her speaking and cringed. She was about to escape the room when Richie realized what she’d snuck in there. 

“Wow, you pulled a real Richie Tozier with that ramble, ma. You know I’m the champion at those.” He started with an awkward laugh before raising his brows. “But um, you don’t really think that..do you?” 

Maggie felt ashamed for bleeding this insecurity on her son but she sighed. “No. It’s just-…sometimes I worry that our relationship is a little rocky sometimes. I shouldn’t have…” She gestured to the garage door where her husband was and then to the living room where Eddie sat. “Bad timing.” She laughed. 

“Ma…..” Richie had never been known to handle serious things very well was panicking a little. “That’s not-…”

“I just let so much precious time go by…not really understanding you quite like your dad does. I’m sure you must have felt it and I hate to think about it.” Maggie frowned, running the towel through her fingers. 

Richie looked to the floor and rolled his lips together which was confirmation enough. 

“Never-mind this, Rich. Go on back, ok?” Maggie attempted to laugh the conversation off like any good ol’ Tozier knew how. “We should be back later tonight.” With that, she pressed a kiss to his temple and sent him back to the living room. 

Richie walked off with a dazed expression and tried to shake his mothers words but found them to be burying deep into his mind anyway. 

His eyes met Eddie’s. His boyfriend was just sitting on the old plaid couch, the one where tiny-tot Richie had once fallen from and knocked his front teeth out, and a rush of love went through his body at once. It didn’t cover up the memory of that conversation but it relieved Richie of the guilty feeling some. 

So he did what any sane person in love would do, throw his entire body atop Eddie’s. One of them let out a shocked sigh and their voices were too molded together to pin it. “Get off me, asshole!” 

Eddie folded his body in such a way that it knocked Richie off him and onto the carpet below the plush couch. He peeked at him from the edge and giggled. 

Richie ended up laying there for quite some time after his parents left, playing with Eddie’s legs as they hung over him and occasionally rubbing the soft skin of his ankles. Though he’d realized almost as soon as he started that it was sort of a trap. Every-time he’d take his hand away, Eddie would wiggle his feet again just urging Richie to start on again. And if he refused, he’d make that soft little whine. How could he say no to that? 

It lead him to memories of being that tiny-tot version of himself again. On movie nights when Richie would glance through the corner of his eye, away from the show of ‘Aladdin’ to his parents to make sure they were watching. Maggie Tozier’s feet would always be shoved into his old man’s lap and she’d be insisting that he rub them. Though he’d complain, Wentworth always did it. 

Richie rubbed another circle against Eddie’s skin and leaned his head against his jean covered leg. When his partners hand came down to run his fingers through his hair, Richie was in such bliss that he missed the first ten beeps of the oven timer. 

“Rich, one of us has to get the dinner.” 

“Set up the dishes?” Richie tilted his chin up, getting a bit of a static shock from Eddie’s jeans. The boy nodded and they went off. 

This was a familiar routine that they had come to know for some time now. Since the beginning of the romantic side of their relationship, Eddie came over for dinner often. The Tozier’s were happy to have the company. 

Richie plated their feast once the table was set and they took their favorite chairs across from each other. It was during these little dinners that Richie finally understood the no TV at the dinner table rule. There was no need for a distraction. 

“How did none of your mothers cooking talent bleed into you growing up?” Eddie hummed happily as he slid his fork out from his lips. 

“You’ve basically known me my whole life, Eds. You know I don’t have the attention span to learn.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and Richie poked his hand with the back-side of his silverware. “How are things with my dads car?” 

Eddie hummed again. He’d taken up fixing up the thing with Mr. Tozier some weeks ago as a little hobby. He’d always had a fondness for fixing shit up like that and Wentworth had been thrilled to have a good hand around to help him because after all, Richie was not the best at that. “Good. I mean, I’m not car-genius but…I think we’re getting somewhere. Your dad seems excited but then again…he’s a lot like you.” Eddie giggled.

“What does that mean, Kaspbrak?” Richie reached over to pinch at him. 

“Just that he’s excitable-” 

“It’s a cuter look for me, right?” Richie teased and Eddie smacked his hands away. They went at it for a solid five minutes before settling back into their dinners. 

Silence fell over them, all except the sounds of their dishes. “Hey, Ed’s?” 

The boy glanced up, some strands of hair falling over his eyes as he hovered his fork just under his chin. A stray scent of the purple glue they used in their shared second grade class flew past Richie’s nose as their eyes met. “What’s say you & me go on a little road-trip right after graduation? Like the minute it’s done?” 

“Little early to plan that. Just you and me? What about-?” 

“I’d love to go on a big Losers Club trip but I have this idea…for just the two of us, right? Could be cool.” He waved is fork around and it kept catching the orange light of the hanging lamp above them. 

“What kind of idea?” 

“Well…hold on to your seat, baby. This might be too big of a kicker.” Richie giggled but it was soaked with nerves. Eddie rolled his eyes and made an exaggerated play of holding onto the chair with a wide smirk. They giggled together. “I was thinking that you and I could drive up to Castle Rock-”

“Ahhh the spot of romance.” Eddie let go of his chair to take another bite of chicken. 

“There’s some cute tourist-y trap shops…” Richie started and he’d kinda been hoping for another interruption but Eddie just kept on looking at him. “But there’s also a cute little Chapel…?” 

There was a small clink as Eddie dropped his fork onto his plate. 

“Ed’s, baby. You’re…” He paused when his stomach turned painfully with nerves. He glanced down at the food. “You’re the guy I gotta be spending the rest of my life with. I can’t imagine a future without you in it and I think that’s reason enough to cut to the chase and get hitched sooner rather than later.“

Richie was expecting one of his partners famous ‘fast talking rambles’ but Eddie stayed silent and instead picked at the chicken on his rose colored plate. 

“I mean the backseat of my car is no honeymoon suite but I’m sure it’ll be nice to us, you know? After all, we’ll still be running on our Wedding High.” Richie laughed but it was oh so painful to get out when Eddie wasn’t even humoring him. “Sorry. Fuck. I don’t know what I was thinking. It was a stupid thing to pitch-”

“Let’s do it.” 

Richie hiccuped and choked on the forkful of food he’d just shoved in his mouth to keep quite. “What-?”

“I said, let’s do it asshole. I wanna marry you.” Eddie smiled, wide and genuine. Richie would never openly pursue this dream if it were anything but. He knew all of Eddie’s smiles and this one…oh it was his favorite. 

“Holy fuck.” Richie let out a long breath and giggled. “Shit, I-…Ed’s-” The boy couldn’t find the right words so he just shoved his way off his chair and rushed to his boy. 

Before Eddie could fully process it, Richie lifted him into his arms and he had to wrap his legs around his waist to keep balanced. “Everyone’s gonna say we’re idiots, you know?” Richie mumbled into his neck. 

“I don’t care.” Eddie decided. Because for once in his life, he was 100% sure that this was something he wanted. He’d fight for it with no problem if it meant keeping the Loser in his life forever. He’d fight for it just like he’d always fought for his friends. “We don’t have to tell anyone.”

Richie nodded. “Just between us. Our little secret.” 

They agreed to that knowing it would truly be a hard task. They told their fellow Losers everything and how could they not share something like this? Something so amazing? But they knew it had to stay a secret until the actual day was done. 

A laugh bubbled in his throat and a comment escaped his lips without flickering thought. “I’m so glad I met you, Richie.” 

“Me too.” Richie’s voice was a little too soft to not be emotional so Eddie kissed his hair. “If I call you tomorrow and ask…are we still gonna be engaged?”

Eddie pulled his chin back and nuzzled his nose into Richie’s curls. “We’re still gonna be engaged, Rich. All up until Gradation, like ya said.” He could feel the blush dusting his cheeks and the sense of pure joy was just too intoxicating. 

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{December, Senior Year}

Richie and Eddie didn’t really bring up their engagement again until the fall leaves started turning to winter snow. 

Richie shut his front door behind him as he stepped outside, glancing down at his shoes as they walked down his broken concrete steps. He hopped down the last stair, the one with the chip that was just waiting to become an avalanche of rock. He pulled aimlessly at his jacket when he felt the sudden jolt of the wind being knocked out of him and legs wrapping around his waist. He didn’t need to look to know who it was.

"Ed’s, you can’t just jump on a guys back without warning.” Richie tried to glance up, as best he could as Eddie shifted around and looped his arms around his neck.

“As the shorter friend, I reserve the right to get piggy back rides whenever I want.” He heard Eddie laugh against his ear, his feet wiggling.

“Eddie, You’re such an asshole.” He shook his head and tried to hike his boyfriend up so he wouldn’t slip off. 

“Your point?” Eddie hummed. “So…you’re walking to my house, what for?” Eddie smiled and Richie rolled his eyes fondly.  

“To bother you…which by the way, where were you coming from?” Richie glanced his eyes up. Usually whenever Eddie left his home, one of the Losers was with him so he was more than curious.

“I was beating up Bill in the park.” He felt the boy shrug. -”And before you ask, he deserved it and he’s fine.” Eddie laughed again and Richie could see the incident now. Bill loved to mess with Eddie like he wasn’t aware what the little asshole was capable of. 

Bill would make his fun and let Eddie charge him for a round of play-fighting like a couple of brothers in the living room of their childhood home. Man, did it make Bill happy. He’d light up like a damn Christmas tree. They all knew why and they never mentioned it. Georgie had passed away some time ago, an out of the blue accident. Such a shitty world sometimes. 

“I was going to visit your mom, anyway-OW!” Richie felt Eddie pinch his neck. He chuckled. “Jealousy is not a flattering color for you.” 

Eddie hopped off his back and started to walk on Richie’s left side. It was a habit from their younger days that just never faded. Little Richie used to wander towards the street from the sidewalk because his strut was for some reason…a little tilted. Not so much anymore. But Eddie, Bill and Stan still planted themselves to his left like the memory was still taking place. Richie thank God that Ben, Mike and Bev didn’t have to remember how dumb he was back then…just how dumb he was now. He laughed to himself. 

“I was walking over to pick you up. Us Losers are taking a holiday trip to Mike’s place. I wanted to give you your gift before we see our favorite people.” Richie tapped his pocket and Eddie nodded. “Hey, now that I’m looking at your face…” Richie made a show of tilting his head and waving a hand in front of Eddie’s crinkled nose. He got his hand slapped away.

“You look a little glum, baby.” 

“That’s a stupid word-” 

“Melancholy? Sulky? Morose! You look a little morose, baby.” Richie pulled at Eddie’s arm and wasn’t pushed away this time so he rubbed up and down the boys jacket sleeve. 

“You look like a moron, baby.” Eddie mocked and Richie giggled. “Sorry, I’m pissy today.” 

“I got that, Ed’s. But why?” 

Richie got another light shove. “I couldn’t sleep last night. Felt like I couldn’t breath and…” Eddie tapped his own pocket where his inhaler was once again. “Shit, Rich. I know it’s all in my head but…that doesn’t stop me from re-creating that feeling whenever I get the slightest bit of anxiety about something.” 

Eddie sighed, sounding like a tired man some years their elder. “It scares the shit outta me that I just subconsciously do this to myself. How do you stop a thing like that?” 

“I don’t know.” Richie shrugged with an honest tone and wrapped an arm around his partner. “But, I know that you’ll get there. Maybe not today…maybe not tomorrow but soon, baby.” 

Eddie nodded but didn’t seem to believe him. Man, Richie really hated Sonia Kaspbrak for the shit she had pulled all throughout this poor kids childhood. “I got your back through and through, Eddie my love.” He shook him playfully and pulled back to get the small gift-box from his jacket pocket. 

Eddie stopped in front of him and sniffled cutely. “I feel bad. I should get your gift from my house before you-” 

“Nah, Eddie. I really wanna do this now.” Richie smiled and handed over a small box. It was wrapped in brown paper covered in mini-vintage Santa faces. There was an obnoxiously large ribbon atop it that he knew Eddie would keep for some odd reason. It was just one of those things he did.  

As he tore into the package, Richie nervously rolled his lips together.

Inside was a velvet box that when tilted open, allowed a small silvery band to come into view. It glittered in the winter air and Richie got down on his knobby knee like a true gentleman and smiled up at his man. “I thought I should get you a little ring for our engagement, you remember right?” He teased but surely meant the question at least a little bit. 

“Rich-” 

“My mom helped me. And don’t worry you’re pretty little head, I told her I was getting ya a promise ring.” He waved his hands a little. “So it’s not a true engagement ring, per se but-” 

“I love it.” Eddie slipped it on and slowly kneeled down to help Richie off the icy ground. “Get up and hug me, asshole.” 

Richie happily obliged. 

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{May, Senior Year} 

From then on, Richie and Eddie kept on like normal but there was some kind of glowing secret between them. The Losers noticed something, as well they would because they knew their friends too well. But none of them could quite put a finger on what was so different between them. 

Eddie was perched on Richie’s desk in Honors Lit. witch was about the only class that every Losers Club member had together. It was the last normal day of school before Graduation Day so the Senior class was basically free to do whatever. 

Eddie was whispering things that Richie would seem to consider before writing down on his pad of paper in a list or something. Ben watched them with a curious smile but didn’t ask. 

“I say we all drive to Graduation together so we can drive up to the Haunted K-Mart in the town over afterwards.” Bev smiled from her seat. 

“Why t-t-there?” Bill asked. 

“This might be our last chance to catch a spirit there!” She gestured her hands like that might impress them. “And there’s a Steak ‘N Shake right across the street.”

“Ahhh, the real reason she makes such requests.” Richie snapped his fingers and Bev shrugged. 

“Any takers?” 

Richie and Eddie shared a private worried glance. They both knew now that if the group agreed to go with this plan, they’d say yes too. They loved their friends too much to avoid plans with them for a big secret wedding they didn’t even know about. Especially considering Graduation night was sorta a big deal for them because soon enough, they’d separate. 

It wasn’t so bad. Eddie, Richie and Bill were all headed to the University of Maine campus. Mike, Ben and Bev were all going to another 4-year just around twenty minutes away. But….Stan….he was shipping out to one in Vermont which was a cool, crisp…4 hour drive. 

But they still had a whole summer to look forward too. At least that was something.

“Sorry, I can’t. My dad and Grandpa have been planning a dinner celebration at home.” Mike smiled sweetly as he thought about it and gave Bev a small shrug. 

“Me t-t-too. My parents want me home.” Bill frowned and they weren’t too sure ol’ Bill was going to have such a great time. 

Beverly sighed and turned to Stan who gave her a soft no for just about the same reasons. 

“And count us out! Eddie and I will be feasting at the Tozier’s.” Richie slapped Eddie’s nervous hand and they both felt swept under the instant relief. 

“My mom would love to have you over for dinner, Bev. She’s been keen on it for sometime.” Ben smiled again and a soft blush took over his cheeks just the same as it did on Beverly’s when she accepted this offer. 

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{May, Graduation Day}

“Eddie, don’t be alarmed but…there’s an old man sitting in the passenger seat of my car.” 

Richie narrowed his eyes and shook his head so the tassel on his cap would get out of his eyes. The sun was shining down onto the crisp green summer grass and had provided them comfortable Graduation weather all the day. 

The ceremony had been a mess of Losers Club tears and a solid thirty minutes spent afterwards just hanging out in the field in front of the building. They talked to each others families, hung-out and maybe he and Bev smoked a little. There was also the moment where Richie hugged Stan and proceeded to refuse to let go when he had to go with his parents. It took the Losers a good five minutes to get Richie off. Stan pretended he wasn’t having fun and saluted Richie with a middle finger and spun off to his parents car.  And soon after, all their best friends had gone off with their families. 

The Toziers came for the ceremony but allowed Richie and Eddie some extended time for a ‘date’. 

Eddie quirked his brow and crossed his arms. “No…are we sure that’s your car?” He saw the old man but it was still quite far from where they stood. Maybe it was just a similar-

“No, there’s the ‘Honk if you love Bruce Springsteen’ bumper sticker.” He pointed with his spindly finger and Eddie stepped back with confusion. 

There was in fact, an old man chilling in the passengers seat of their ‘Honeymoon Chariot’ as Richie had been calling it the past few hours. “Oh, Richie…maybe he’s just confused?” Eddie frowned, eyebrows knitting together in concern. With that, he started walking over to the vehicle. Richie hung back because he wasn’t very good at confrontation or conversation with older people. 

Eddie paused a bit in front of the passenger door and smiled. “Excuse me, sir?” 

The man was small, wrinkly and kind-looking. He had a baseball cap atop his surprisingly thick curly gray. “Oh…is there a problem? Should we not be parked here?” 

Richie stepped a little closer while Eddie dealt with the situation like a pro. 

“Oh no, nothing like that.” Eddie inched closer and gave the man his warmest smile as the sunshine cupped his face. “I think maybe you’ve confused this car with your own…?” He made a salute motion to block the harsh sunlight and to maybe to offer a warm look in his eyes that the old man could relate to. Eddie had this kind, sweet nature to him when he wasn’t truly thinking about it. It was a gift blessed onto Mike and Ben too, though Eddie’s wasn’t anywhere near the level of those two. 

“Oh…is this your-? I’m so sorry, my…I’m getting pretty forgetful, aren’t I?” The man made for the door and Eddie backed up and grabbed onto it when it opened to make sure there was no swing back. “It looks so much like my wife’s car.” He laughed, an old worn kind that Richie loved. 

“Understandable. Once, I was visiting my aunts place right? And I went out for a smoke. When I went back inside…” Richie chuckled, hand on his stomach “It was the wrong house. Boy, were those people freaked out to see this gangly teenager walk into their home flicking a lighter.” 

Richie enjoyed the familiar way Eddie smiled at him under the sunshine, he’d heard that story a few times himself. The older gentleman also seemed rightly amused. He took off his baseball cap and waved it as he laughed. 

“That sure kicks me out of lonesome town, huh?” He wiped under his eyes which Richie might’ve been ashamed to admit made him feel really good. Not many people laughed that hard at his shit. “Good to know I’m not the only guy making himself a fool, son.” 

Eddie happily grinned towards the man as he reached out to shake Richie’s hand. “So where’s the lucky gal who loves you, ol’ buddy?” 

The man lit up, smile widening. “Should be on her way to wherever the hell it was we parked. Had a few words left yet to say to our grand-boy.” He stood on his tip-toes to catch a peek of the crowd. 

“What’s say we walk you over? A car that looks like mine…should be easy to find, huh?” Richie tipped his chin to Eddie who nodded. So Richie offered his arm. 

“What’s your name, sir?” Eddie asked, strolling over to catch up. 

“Oliver…” He grinned. “The wife, she’s called Michelle…like that Beatles tune, I always say.” He chuckled. Richie and Eddie leaned a little forward to steal grins from each other. “She’s a real funny gal that kid.” 

“Gotta love the funny ones, huh?” Richie bumped him gently and Eddie shook his head, most likely pairing it with a roll of the ol’ eyes. “We sure can make it hard, sometimes.” He laughed again and Eddie carefully reached over to smack the back of his head. 

Oliver must have thought that was hysterical because he started joyfully laughing again. It warmed the boys hearts. “Sure can. Michelle…she does this little bit where she takes the quarters outta my ear…magic and all that.” Oliver rolled his eyes but not with annoyance but fond and genuine love. It was a look that Eddie knew oh so well. “Then she turns a whole bouquet of flowers out from her sleeve….” He paused. “No one else for me in the world except Michelle.” 

Richie felt himself blush at the mere thought of how he felt just the same about Eddie, who was walking peacefully in the grass with the tassel hanging over his eyes. 

“Oh! There’s the ol’ girl now.” Oliver let go of Richie’s arm and started to happily stroll over to the car that did look pretty similar to Richie’s. “Thank you, boys! Been too kind!” He waved and looked like he was far too excited to get back to his lady to stay any longer. 

The sky was gold and a breeze was passing through the remaining crowd of graduates. Red gowns blew in the wind and families huddled together for pictures. 

Richie leaned closer to his boyfriend. “Remember that old videotape we found in your room? The one from our dumb classroom Thanksgiving play?” 

Eddie blinked at the abrupt memory but nodded. That seemed like a million years ago yet didn’t feel very far from them at all. The years bled together these days but that had been the age where the town of Derry felt like the whole world (and what a shitty world). Eddie could still hear the sound of Bill’s father coming home at 6:00 in his head, plastered there from all their sleepovers. Richie turned to fully face Eddie and kicked his leg gently so he’d turn too. 

“I’ve been feeling for you, what he described with his wife since about then.” 

Eddie felt his heart melt. “Rich, we were like six or seven. There’s no way-” 

The man’s eyes were swelled with tears like a gutter full of rain which made Eddie stop in his tracks. Of course, Richie meant that sentiment. He was always so painfully genuine. “Please, kiss me and then drive me to our damn wedding. I’m so ready to be your husband.” 

Richie didn’t need to be told twice. 

                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{May, Castle Rock’s finest Chapel}

“At least if your face turns blue, we can check ‘something blue’ off the wedding list-” 

Eddie lowered his inhaler and smacked Richie playfully on the arm but soon pulled it back to wrap around his body. The summer breeze seemed somehow colder in Castle Rock. They had both paused on the steps of the Chapel, knowing they were feeling the empty spaces of their friends. They should be here but…they weren’t. Because at the time of planning, it seemed to be for the best. But they missed them.  

Richie glanced down at his boy. “You ok?”

Eddie clutched his inhaler once more for something like comfort and shoved it back into his pocket. “I’m peachy.” He smiled. 

The sun was near setting behind their heads and draped a rose colored light over their bodies. “We can back-out, you know? Just because we said we would, doesn’t mean we have to follow through on anything, Eds. If you want to go home just tell me.” He pulled him closer and laid his chin atop Eddie’s hair. 

Eddie pulled off of him, kissed his cheek and took his hand. 

They ran into the Chapel and lived a moment they’d hold close to their hearts forever. A private kind of memory. Just for the two of them to share. 

Some ways away in Derry, in a car that looked an awful lot like Richie’s, a radio played ‘Michelle’…

                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{June, Derry. A week later}

The young lovers had been planning to share their news since the big day last week but each time a chance was gifted to them…they both backed out. They were classic chickens. 

This night brought all the Losers together and stuffed them into Bill’s car, fresh from a fun little time drinking in his basement. They were all a little buzzed apart from Stan and Richie, who didn’t drink a sip. 

Eddie was practically vibrating in his seat yet his eyes kept drifting shut. He usually got sleepy in cars, Richie pulled him closer and asked for the radio to be turned up. 

It was getting late and they all seemed a bit restless. Beverly and Mike were having a hushed conversation about a deer they’d just seen on the side of the road and Ben mindlessly caressed Beverly’s hand. “Shit, I’ve been meaning to ask-” Bill started. 

“I went over to your house after my dinner on Graduation, Rich. Your parents said you and Eddie weren’t around-?” 

Richie glanced up at Bill’s eyes in the mirror and rolled his lips together. It wasn’t hard to just make shit up but he did not want to lie-

“Richie and I drove up to Castle Rock and got married.” Eddie mumbled, his voice in sing-song and his forehead pressed against the window. 

“WHAT!?” 

The whole car screamed and Bill accidentally hit the brake much harder than he intended to at the stop sign. The group all flew a bit forward from their seats and caused a chorus of restrained choking coughs when the seat-belts pulled. Richie tried to collect himself before Eddie but failed. 

“We’ve been engaged-” He hiccuped and pulled out the ring he’d been hiding in his pocket. “Since October.” 

Bill drove on, foot hitting the gas pedal with much more grace than before. The car fell silent until Beverly turned from the front seat…a most awful look of confusion on her face. “Eddie, tell me that Richie has just rubbed off on you and that’s a very weird joke.” 

Richie scowled. “It’s not a joke. We got married at the Chapel in Castle Rock just like he said.” 

Again, the car was full of tense silence apart from the sound of the wheels on the street. “Engaged….since October and you didn’t tell us?” Bill asked from the drivers seat, glancing at them in the mirror every once in a while. 

Eddie fell against Richie’s shoulder like he was about to drift off into sleep again so Richie slowly wrapped his arm around him and ran his hands through his hair when he began to speak. “We thought you guys would talk us out of it-”

“Rightly so.” Stan spoke up and Richie snapped his head over to look at him. “Engaged? Married? You guys are eighteen years old.” He shook his head. “And before you go for a low blow, you know everyone in this car agrees that you two are meant to be together but…” Stan paused to find his wording but Richie wanted to jump down his throat. 

“But what exactly?” He covered Eddie’s ears accidentally on purpose when he shifted but he figured the boy needed some sleep. 

“Jumping into marriage that young is not going to work out. It could very well hurt you two.” Stan’s voice lowered into soft concern but Richie was heated up. 

“And you got married.” Beverly turned in her seat again, this time with a nervous cigarette in her hand. “Without us.” 

Richie’s stomach turned as a fresh wave of horrible guilt hit him. He really had nothing to respond to that with so he shrank back into his seat. The radio blanketed the riders with a loud distraction. 

‘Heard it from a friend who Heard it from a friend who Heard it from another you been messin’ around…’

“All I’m trying to say here, Rich, is that getting married that early on can cause strain on a relationship.” Stan looked down at his hands but it only steamed Richie back up once again. 

“You don’t know that, Stanley. You said it yourself, Eddie and I are supposed to be together-” 

“Fate doesn’t matter if you make a bad decision, Richie. It’s only plain logic. You two barely know what you’re going to be doing in the very near future! Eddie, you told me back in September that you weren’t even sure you wanted to go to the University of Maine. What happened there? Any of that get resolved before this wedding?” Stan reached out his hand to gesture to Eddie but the boy was looking much paler and more and more like he might break into a sweat. Mike kept a close eye on the kid while the others kept with their noise and the radio grew more intense. 

Richie glanced at Eddie and frowned. “You don’t know shit about our relationship-” 

Stan looked offended. “Shit, Richie, everyone in this car knows your relationship almost as well as the parties involved.” He flicked his fingers at the happy couple. “You know that. The Losers, man. We’re in this life together, asshole.” He narrowed his eyes. “I’m trying to help you. I don’t wanna see you-” 

“Too late, Stan! We’re already married.” Richie laughed, full of pain. 

“And happily too, it sounds.” Stan rolled his eyes.

“Hey Fuckhead! We were happy before we told you-!”

“You didn’t even tell us, your best friends, until after the fact. PLUS, Eddie only broke it out cause he’s drunk!” Bill suddenly piped up from the front seat. The screaming match suddenly involved everyone in the car. Though Mike and Ben were trying more so to calm everyone than yelling. 

Eddie felt his chest pounding with anxiety, the familiar sensation of a lack of air built up. “Stop the car.” He mumbled, covering his mouth. No one seemed to hear. “Stop the car!” He tried once more with a hiccup of leftover alcohol bubbling from his throat. 

Mike glanced over and finally, someone noticed. 

“Stop the car! I’m going to throw the fuck up!” Eddie screamed at the same time that Mike shouted a strong ‘STOP THE CAR!’

Bill hit the brakes extremely hard again though the yelling continued even as Eddie opened the car door and hopped onto the curb. He kneeled over himself, palms pressed onto his knees as he dry-heaved. He glanced back into the car at all his friends screaming and bit into his lip…

The sound of loud feet hitting the pavement broke the screaming. The Losers all looked up just in time to see Eddie quite literally take off like a rocket. Richie could almost hear the gun blast signaling a race because the kid was sprinting faster than a speeding bullet. “Holy shit.” Beverly tried to open her car door. 

The six of them all hopped out once Bill actually parked on the curb and started off after him. But the thing about Eddie was…he was fucking fast. Richie had a lot of energy but was no sport champion. He so desperately tried to push himself that he almost felt fire coming off his feet. 

Mike seemed to be the one outta the group to get the closest but he turned the corner and skidded to a stop. It was so sudden that they almost all crashed together. “He’s gone.” Mike sighed, hand to his forehead. 

They all started attempting to catch their breath, hands either over their chests or pressed to their knees like Eddie’s had been. 

Richie stumbled and landed his ass on the middle of the street. “Fuck.” he spoke to the sky in his horrible exhaust. A hand hovered above him which turned out to be Stan’s. There was a bit of hesitance but Richie accepted the help up. “Let’s split up. Cover more ground. Our Ed’s is a speedy Bastard.” 

Beverly played with her hands which meant she was either nervous or scared. Maybe both. But she nodded like this was the most import mission in her life. 

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben happened across Eddie first. His friend was sitting on a bench in front of the Gazebo in the park. Ben’s heart melted at the sight of the poor, tired and drunk kid. 

“Hey, Eddie.” Ben gently approached like he was a skittish dog or something but Eddie didn’t seem to mind. He just scooted over to make some room on the tiny bench. “I know things got…pretty intense in the car-” 

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yeah. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. I just…-yeah, I’m buzzed but I’m excited, Ben. So fucking excited about this and I just wanted to tell you guys.” He sniffled and Ben scooted closer. “We really didn’t mean to be such shitty friends. You guys always want whats best for us…so we knew you’d try to talk us out of it.” Eddie glanced up with wide, innocent eyes. Ben opened his mouth. 

“So yeah, I admit that we knew it was kind of a dumb enough idea because we made that decision to keep it from you. We had to be aware enough to do that.” Eddie shrugged, his jacket now pooling at his elbows. He wasn’t completely sure that he was making any sense. “But it made us really happy, Ben. I love him…so much.” 

Ben threw his arm around Eddie and sighed. “I know, Eddie. Trust me on that word. I do.” He rubbed his arm slowly and felt Eddie nod. 

“And I feel his love for me every fucking day. Richie loves with his whole being, Ben.” Eddie giggled like the thought of it was enough to send him into a blush. “No one is gonna be in love with me the way that he is. So what’s the point in waiting?”

Ben went quiet because the sentiment was so genuinely lovely that it became hard for him to argue…

The two of them sat on the park bench, not knowing how to move on from the moment. 

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{October, Freshman Year of College} 

There was nothing even close to a falling out between the Losers Club after that horrible night. That was just the kind of magic that came with their relationship. Far too much love to ever let them drift away. Though besides the screaming, the other thing to be forgotten after that night was Stan’s statement about Eddie confessing he might’ve been unsure about the University of Maine…

Tension rose on occasion but the happy couple seemed satisfied enough. The Losers were happy, as long as they were. 

The Toziers were still not aware that their son had gotten hitched but Richie intended to tell them after completing at least one year of school. Sonia Kaspbrak….well she tried so desperately to keep Eddie right at home and to dig into his personal life. Eddie wanted nothing to do with that. So she also had no clue, Eddie would be lying if he didn’t say it was empowering. 

The beginning of the school year had been extremely hard because Stan was ‘leaving’ them but 4-hours felt like forever. There’d been a lot of crying and hugs to go around when it came time for him to leave and boy did he wait until the last possible minute to go. 

Richie basically cried his eyes out. Stan took him aside for a few minutes just to reassure him that this made no difference. The seven of them were forever tied together. He even gave him a nice framed photo of the whole group for the dorm Richie and Eddie had applied for together. “Call it a late engagement gift.” He added with a crinkle of his eyes, reminding Richie of an old man. Though there was a still a bit of tension on that subject, he knew Stan might still believe the marriage to have been a bad idea. Richie gladly accepted it anyway because it was a gift filled with genuine love. 

They were all a good month or so into their Freshman years and already developed their routines. 

And at the University of Maine, Richie and Eddie had already become something of a cool topic. Mr. and Mr. Tozier. The married couple in dorm 24. They would be lying if they didn’t say they enjoyed the attention. They were a couple of losers after all. 

“What does he have that I don’t?” Eddie frowned and pushed at Richie’s shoulders. 

“Don’t be jealous, baby.” Richie turned back and smirked. “It’s not a flattering color.” He giggled when Eddie tackled him on the bed, the one to the left of them was almost never used. The Bruce Springsteen poster Richie had been admiring watched over them as they fell into a make-out session.

The sloppier kisser between them pulled back and licked grotesquely up from the base of Eddie’s neck to his ear. From the new spot, Richie began whispering which he knew drove Eddie mad because it was a ticklish feeling. 

“I got a bad desire. Oh-oh-oh, I’m on fire…” Richie mumbled and Eddie tried to kick him off the bed. 

“Don’t sing me the lyrics of the man you’re cheating on me with! You cruel, cruel idiot!” Eddie giggled with insane love and new switched to trying to knee him in the stomach. Finally, Richie rolled off the bed and onto the floor with a loud thud. 

“Oh, you are so juvenile, Eddie my dear.” Richie stayed there on the floor with a smirk. 

“Me? You licked my ear, which is disgusting, and tried to serenade me with Springsteen.” Eddie fell comfortably on the bed, chin just on the edge so that he could look down at his…husband. Which was still odd to hear when it came rolling off their tongues. 

They shared fond looks and Eddie turned to lay back on the bed but let his arm hang over the side so Richie could play with his fingers. “By the way-” Eddie turned his head though he was way above his partner. “Did you fill the gas tank in our car after class last night?” 

Richie sighed. “Our car? I’ll have you know that ‘James Taylor’ has been mine since I was sixteen, Eds.” The smirk was present in his tone and Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“Whatever, did you fill it or what? It was really low and I need it for my Physics class this afternoon.” Eddie felt Richie pause from petting his palm. 

“No, I forgot. Can’t you fill it before class?” Richie pleaded and Eddie ripped his hand away in annoyance. 

“Oh so I can’t call it ‘our’ car but I get to pay for the gas almost every time it needs to be filled. Just cause you don’t like getting out of the damn car because ‘it ruins the mood of your drives.’” Eddie scowled. 

Richie sat up and scooted so that his back would lean against the bedside drawer. “You’re borrowing my car, Eds. It’s only fair for you to fill it when you run the gas.” He shrugged and watched as Eddie hopped off the bed and started getting his things together for his class even though he had plenty of time. 

“You’re parents are the ones who bought it for you. And now I’m paying for gas nearly every-time…so what, pray tell, makes it so wrong for me to refer to ‘James Taylor’-” He paused to roll his eyes “As ours?” 

Richie looked up with a bit of a heated expression and sighed with frustration. 

“Look Rich, if it bothers you so much, I can try and save up for my own car. I wasn’t lucky enough to get one when we were younger cause…well, you know my mother.” Eddie shuddered and threw his bag aside. “She’d never give me a gift that would only be a gateway for my moving on.” He scowled, completely irritated at her yet feeling guilty as she was not there to defend herself. Richie knew that look all too well and tried to convince his husband that it was ok for it to blossom. It was more than ok to be mad at Sonia. But…how do you make someone understand that their mother deserves hatred? Because no matter what, a mother is a mother in the mind of young Eddie. There would always be a shred of Eddie that would try to defend her because of that ‘A mother & her boy’ complex she had pounded in him. 

The air in the room seemed to lose some of the tension and Richie took that as a good sign as he heaved his body off the floor. “No, I’m sorry. You’re right. ‘James Taylor’ is ours.” Richie sat on the other bed and took Eddie’s smaller hand in his own, pulled it with soft shyness and his husband leaned down so he could press a kiss to his temple. “We’re on for dinner right?” 

Eddie nodded and rubbed the pad of his finger into the corner of his eye. “Yeah. We can probably splurge on that cool Shawarma place you like so much tonight, if you’d like?” 

Richie lit up at that possibility and smiled. “Sounds peachy, Eddie my love.” He reached up to steal a quick kiss and twirled off the bed to see his love out the door if he was going to leave so early. 

Richie didn’t have any classes today and thought he’d enjoy such a treasure by calling up Mike because he missed his voice even though they weren’t even that far away. Though, Richie hadn’t seen much of anyone in a while. He and Eddie spent much of their free time trying to get their schedules aligned and making sure they had dinner together in the spots between work and school. The pair of husbands hadn’t had much in the company department apart from…well, each other. 

                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{December, Freshman Year of College}

Bill tightened his grip around Eddie’s body and attempted to tackle him into the snow but the little demon managed to turn the tables and get the advantage on him. He did not let him fall onto the cold snow but was trying to make sure Bill knew who had one this little play-fight. “Alright, I g-g-give!” He chuckled and Eddie backed off with a skip in his step. 

“Ben and Bev s-seemed to have found their ideal apartment!-” 

“So I’ve heard.” Eddie smiled and wiggled his cold toes in his shoes. “I talked to Ben on the phone for like two hours last night. Told me all about their plan.” He rolled his lips together and felt the bit of winter at the tips of his ears. “They got their apartment to dwell in for the next three years-”

“And than off to Chicago after graduation!” Bill chuckled, so excited for their best friends. 

Eddie nodded but fell silent as they stepped into the same pace, walking through campus without a true destination. “How’s the search goin’ for you two?” Bill asked the question he’d been dreading to answer.

“Mmmm-” Eddie hummed and looked off to the side. “It’s going, alright. we’d like to have something to move into by the start of Sophomore year cause the dorm is way too tight. But it’s gotta be in our price range…” Eddie shrugged. The two of them had been doing fairly ok for a couple of college kids. He’d been balancing school and his job at the shop in town. But Richie-

“Man, I’m so fucking proud of Richie, Bill.” Eddie giggled happily at the thought as Bill threaded their arms together so neither of them slipped on any ice. “He’s somehow balancing classes, his job down at the restaurant and he’s doing the radio shows here…” Eddie glanced up at the school. 

Bill shook their grip a little and his smile could’ve blinded. “I’m s-s-so happy for you two. Things seem t-t-to be going pretty smoothly.” 

Eddie nodded, mind going back to the night he and Richie lingered in the radio broadcasting room after his show. It’d been snowing extremely hard that night and neither one of them had been eager to run on back to ‘James Taylor’ when the weather would surely bite and they’d have to wait forever for the car to warm itself up. So they stalled for as long as they could. 

He blushed at the memory. 

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{May, just before Sophomore Year of College}

The apartment hunt worked it’s magic and the happy couple had been to find themselves a warm building. It was fairly cheap so it wasn’t what one would call paradise but it was miles better then their tiny dorm room. 

Their first year of school had passed them by and gifted them a better perspective on their wants & needs, whether they voiced them to each other was a whole separate issue. They moved in towards the end of June and Eddie had been prescribed his anxiety medication a short four days later. 

Richie had noticed his husbands anxiety starting to come up on a rise the past few months. Eddie got sick quite a bit more often and seemed to hopelessly latch onto it. Making himself believe it’s still plaguing him when it’s more or less been gone. There’d been an incident some weeks ago where his husband got to his tipping point. He’d stayed up all night feeling phantom nausea because of a simple test. It’d never been so bad for him before. 

So Richie held his hand through and through, making an appointment with the doctor who talked with his husband for a long while. And Eddie left with a piece of paper telling him a low-dose of medication to try out would be waiting for him at their local Walgreens. 

“I miss the ol’ gang, we need to get everyone together soon.” Richie sighed and poured Eddie some of the red wine he liked so much, which in moderation was good for the heart, he’d always say. The shorter man took his glass and cuddled up against Richie’s chest and nodded. 

They were preparing for a nice and calm movie night even though they should’ve been spending their time unpacking. The boxes were taking up a lot of floor space but with the messes that they could be sometimes, they didn’t really mind. 

Two paintings from Sears, three from the local thrift store, a funky chair from Ben’s childhood-home basement and a plaid couch from Bill’s were some of their new ‘purchases’. But the apartment was already starting to feel like home, as long as they had each other anyway. 

“Stan passed that exam he was so worried about, I damn well told him that would happen.” Richie chuckled into his own glass and fogged it up while the TV menu appeared. 

“We all told him.” Eddie teasingly tipped Richie’s glass with the tip of his finger when he went for another sip. This was rewarded with a sloppy, wet red-wine kiss being pressed against his cheek. Eddie giggled and tried to shove his husband off. “I love you so much, asshole. You know that?” 

Richie blushed like a lovesick kid and rubbed his nose into Eddie’s hair as he shook his head. “Not as much as I love you.” He spoke genuinely that Eddie felt that familiar melting sensation. So he reached his hand back to pet the man’s cheek and feel his heat. 

“I don’t want to fight on our wedding anniversary but you’re wrong. I love you so much more-!” Eddie was interrupted by Richie shoving his tongue into his ear and his gasp of disgust mixed with laughter he couldn’t help. 

The idiots began shoving and tickling each other without a care in the world, balancing their wine glasses because they were too focused to put them back on the table. They’d just have to risk spilling. 

They might not have been rolling in the money but they had this. And that was all that mattered. It reminded Richie of a song, so he started mumbling the words into the crook of his love’s neck. 

“-And even though we ain’t got money I’m so in love with you honey And everything will bring a chain of love And in the mornin’ when I rise Bring a tear of joy to my eyes And tell me everything is gonna be alright…”

Eddie couldn’t help but sing along with him, eyes glazed over with admiration and true, fine love. 

                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{July , Sophomore Year of College}

The sun was always very fond of Richie, at least Eddie always thought so. The light was consistently complimentary to the man and had this way of making him look like the picture of the sunny 70′s.

“What are you doing?” Richie squinted as he walked briskly to the front of the apartment building where Eddie was sat, hands shoved in his pockets. He’d been gone for a while now and the pair may or may not have left on bad terms…fresh from an argument about something stupid. 

“I went out after you left….-” He pointed his thumb at the door behind him. “Got locked out.”

Richie rolled his eyes fondly and got his own key from his pocket as Eddie stood and followed behind him. “Where’s your key? And where did you go?”

The man behind him went quiet again in that eerie way could really freak Richie out sometimes. “Forgot it here. And I um…-I went to Marty’s.” He shrugged like it was no big deal but he knew for certain that it was an explosion waiting to happen. Richie looked at him with fury as they got to his door.

“You went to the bar to look for me?” He glared and it felt as if Eddie’s stomach was suddenly tied in a huge knot.

“You can’t blame me!” He went straight into defense and followed the guy into their lonesome apartment. The air grew with tension as his partner chose not to speak and instead went about the place doing small clean-ups. This only made Eddie feel even more angry. “You honestly can’t blame me. You’ve been known to go there a lot, Rich.”

“I’m not some sorry man that you need to look out for, Ed’s. I know I can…drink a bit more than planned but…” He suddenly turned from his position at the sink. “I don’t just go out drinking because we had a fight. The place had an opening for it’s open mic night and I thought I might try to get a spot for my comedy, you know?” He threw down a dish-towel and Eddie swallowed a lump in his throat.

“I feel like the asshole of the year” He ran his hand through his hair and sat down on the couch, hoping that the ‘fight’ would ease up. “I just thought…you were so upset when you left and it reminded me of the night I had to pick you up-” 

“I’m sorry about that, Eddie. I…-losing the restaurant job got me all wigged out. I know that’s no excuse to drink myself sick but…it wasn’t that often and that shit is over now.” Richie grabbed Eddie’s hands and kissed him softly. 

“This is not a good period for us, Richie.” Eddie got the hint that the fight had basically run it’s course and they sat down on their couch.

Richie opened and closed his mouth, deciding to just tilt his head back and sigh. There was nothing more for them to say. So they just allowed themselves to enjoy being with the one they loved.

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{September, Sophomore Year of College}

Richie felt a growing pain in his head. It flared every few minutes and he could almost smell the scent of something burning each time it hit him. The quick intensity was becoming harder and harder to ignore considering Eddie pitter-patting the length of their kitchen. There would be a few minutes of soothing silence and he’d think he was safe…just the distant and quiet hum of the television-*Slam* another clatter from the cold cracking dishes. His ache would start from the base of his back, travel up his spine in the form of a chill and then burst into his temples.

“What are you doing in there?” Richie finally broke their record-breaking twenty minute silence. It had been strange and he was glad the opportunity to speak came up. He turned and due to the small space, he could stare right at the other man in the dining-kitchen area.

“The dishes. Y’know. You eat off of them, I clean them. Ever heard of it?” Eddie remarked with snark. That would have usually launched them into a round of their usual playful bickering but for some odd reason, maybe the headache, it just irritated Richie to hear it.

“I do my part around here.” He scowled and spoke harshly, rolling his eyes. Turning back a little away from.

They’d made it through another week and were back at the beginning of another weekend, magically. Richie and Eddie had attempted many times in the past week or so to plan some kind of exciting date night. But the more time went on, they just seemed to forget or become far too busy. It was agonizing and isolating. Sure they had each other but it just wasn’t…fully satisfying?

Richie felt his lunch launch back up his throat, he harshly swallowed it and let himself feel sick to his stomach. And suddenly, he had a burning question in the back of his mind. It had lingered there for the past few nights but he’d been too…well himself to ask it. But it suddenly pained him not to. He turned again, leaning his arm on the back of the couch. “You’re not…mad at me, are you?” He played with his fingers.

Eddie looked up with a confused expression. “Your tone was hardly nice but I’m not mad-”

“No, not because of that, Spaghetti man.” Richie couldn’t help but grin a little. Eddie smiled right back and it was a nice moment. He bathed in it for a few minutes before deciding to explain himself. “I know I’ve been a piece of work lately…”

Neither had spoken that to light but it may have been true. Richie being fired from the restaurant job he loved which had been a whole event had cause some issues. The need for a job search was sudden and a little difficult. And he may have been a little on edge lately waiting for the bar with the open mic night opening to call him back. But Eddie knew the strain was only because Richie was concerned for their life together. In fact, Eddie was more disappointed that Richie couldn’t focus on the radio show at school that he loved so much.

Eddie thought about making another joke but decided against. Rather, he put his dishes to the side and strolled over and slowly sat beside his boy. Instinctively, he reached over to brush his hair back and lingered his hand there.

“And I don’t admit to that…like ever. So, take it while you can.” Richie stole a joke and laughed lightly. But both of them knew he was not too happy and both of them were worried.

“It’s not comforting when you talk like you despise yourself, y’know?” Eddie blinked. That comment hadn’t been one of Richie’s worst in the last week but it sure wasn’t warm. It was hard to ignore the man’s self-deprecating attitude as of late. And Eddie would never want to just ignore it. In all honesty, it was deeply unsettling but not uncommon to hear the other man talk like that.

As long as he’d known him, Richie put on a front that he was some confident, funny man entertainer. It was so smooth and effortless that it was entirely convincing. Hearing him crack jokes and smirk at his own reckless and daring behavior gave the illusion that it wasn’t stemming from insecurity. Eddie quickly saw through the facade after truly getting to know Richie. 

“I’m sorry, Eds.” 

“Don’t apologize, Rich.” Eddie kissed the top of his head and then trailed down to his temple. Not for the first time, Eddie felt a rush of guilt. Part of him felt responsible for the fact that Richie was stuck at the University of Maine instead somewhere like…California. Maybe if he hadn’t just pushed away that conversation with Stan all that time ago. Maybe if he’d voiced his confusion back then…

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Richie sighed into Eddie’s grip. 

“Me too, Rich.” Eddie hugged him as tight as he could and dreaded the moment he’d have to let him go.

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{November, Sophomore Year of College}

Party streamers were burrowed into the carpeting of the apartment, pounded there from all the dancing. From the neat little window where the tiny balcony sat, the low-hanging sun scattered the room in gold flecks of light. The trees were changing for the upcoming season, Richie’s favorite holiday coming with it. The town was soon to be rid of the deep reds and beautiful oranges. Eddie had a fleeting moment of joy when he thought about the smiles Richie would soon get when observing the scenery. It lasted for a second or two.

The Losers Club had been fully reunited for the best Birthday Party one could imagine. Richie had spent ages organizing everyone’s return for Eddie’s special day. Stanley Uris had got past his 4-hour drive with a smile on his face because seeing all his best friends worth it. 

But now came the end of the night, where the decorations hung with a lonesome kind of drowsiness. The apartment had once been tuned to an exciting F.M. but when the last guest left, the dial turned to the A.M. radio. Not literally, but that’s just how Richie felt about it…hard to explain the shit his mind compared things to. 

It reminded him of the Christmas parties hosted by his aunt that he’d been taken to as a little tot. The holly-jolly music carried all the guests and filled them with their take of Holiday joy. But on the way home, Richie would be long tired and ready to sleep. As he would dowse, his parents played the A.M. stations. It signaled to him the end of fun and that was the energy in their apartment now. 

Eddie started whistling a tune as he dug through their bin of CD’s, eyes never leaving his partners which only made Richie hide his blush behind the large wine glass he’d stolen. 

‘You know I can’t smile without you I can’t smile without you I can’t laugh and I can’t sing I’m finding it hard to do anything…’

Richie faked like he was tired of this song but truly he was on cloud 9. “My lovely Ed’s loves his Barry Manilow.” He smirked and held out his hand so the exhausted love of his life could dance with him. “And please, don’t give me the excuse that it’s only cause it’s what you grew up listening to. You love him, Eds.” 

Eddie pursed his lips and shrugged, accepting Richie’s hand and twirling himself to Richie’s chest. “This song reminds me of you…” He hummed when Richie ran his hand down his cheek. The dying evening sun cascaded in through the window and bathed their bodies in bittersweet tangerine light. They swirled about their living area carpet in the vacuum of dry and unforgiving air because their heater was on the fritz. 

“You requested off work for Christmas, right?” Richie asked and Eddie sighed.

“No, sorry. I forgot.” He spun under Richie’s arm and allowed himself to be pulled right back. Richie softly slapped his shoulder and nodded. They were due back to the Tozier’s household soon. After Richie had told them about that runaway wedding and teen engagement…they’d been fairly pissed. But things were better now. 

“S’fine, baby.” Richie mumbled into his hair as they swayed together.

“Richie?” Eddie sucked in some air and thought it to be a now or never kind of situation. His man looked down at him with wide, loving eyes and gave Eddie hope that everything would work out. They stayed dancing. “Do you remember the night we all fought in the car after we told everyone we got married…when I ran off?”

Richie nodded, opening his mouth. 

“-Remember when Stan said something about my being confused about wanting to go to the University of Maine?” 

“Yeah….why-ummm, why are we bringing this up now?” Richie pulled back a little but they kept swaying as the song went on and on. “Has something changed?” 

Eddie bit hard into his lip. “I’ve been thinking about us lately.” 

Richie was especially good at making himself look smaller. Sometimes, when Eddie looked at him it was hard not to just take the man into his arms. When Richie was upset, he felt it deep within himself just the same. One of the worst parts of this whole mess was having to witness such emotions from the man he loved. Richie was leaning with his back against the couch to better feel the warmth from the sun-spot coming through the window and it was a breathtaking image. Golden sun-rays threaded through his hair and glazed his entire body and there was a peace there that was soothing. As he admired all that it was and all that he would miss, it occurred to him that maybe the man needed to actually hear some of that love that was on his mind.“Richie?”

The man dropped their hands and nodded. “Sorry, sorry. What have you been thinking about, Eddie?” 

Eddie swung his arms around nervously and sighed. “Sometimes I wonder if our friends were right…about our marriage.” 

Richie felt his heart completely shatter. “Eddie, I-”

“Wait, just hear me out.” Eddie held up his hand to gently pause the man he loved so, so much. “I am so in love with you, Richie. I love being your husband.” He saw a quick picture of the face that old man, Oliver, had made when talking about his wife all that time ago. “It’s just…I think our relationship and later…our marriage kept you from going to California like you always wanted to.” 

“Eddie, that’s ridiculous-”

“Is it though? The reason you applied University of Maine was because you wanted to be with me. The reason you ended up actually going was a commitment to our marriage…” Eddie sniffled back some tears and tried not to drown in the guilt. “And the reason I applied was because….I was scared to be far from my mom, not because I wanted to go.” 

Eddie admitted that to his shoes and let out a horrible sob. Richie came over to pull the boy into his arms. “Hey, hey, hey…Shhhh, Ed’s. Take a breath.” He ran his hands through the boys hair and they went quiet so Eddie could collect himself. And when he did, Richie stepped back again. 

“I love you but I feel like our marriage is holding us back, baby.” Eddie cringed when Richie let out his own sob. “I’m so so so scared that I’m gonna need someone to take care of me for my whole life…” Eddie went on and Richie tried very hard to listen. “I’m such a dependent person sometimes and…I-I don’t think jumping from a dependent relationship with my mother to a committed marriage was a great thing for me…no matter how much I love you.” 

Richie’s heart shattered. “Eddie…but I’m not like your mother. I’m not gonna smother you or-” 

“I know that.” Eddie frowned. “Damn sure of that. But the problem is me, Richie.” He shook his head and sort of hated himself. “This situation that my mother created for me has made me too comfortable with always having someone take care of me. I let it fucking happen because I’ve been forced to be dependent my whole childhood…my whole life.” 

“And I don’t wanna live like that.” Eddie broke into a full sub and fell to his knees on the carpet, smashing more dead party streamers. Richie fell down in front of him and hopelessly pulled him in for a hug. 

“Eddie…-”

“I don’t wanna hold you back anymore, Richie. And I gotta…” He hiccuped into Richie’s chest. “I have to get some perspective on life and shit. Be independent for once in my damn life.” 

“Eddie, why didn’t you talk to me-?” 

“I didn’t really realize this shit until a few days ago, Richie. And I was scared you’d think it was because I didn’t love you. Which is Bullshit. I love you more than anything. You’re the one I’m supposed to be with just…not like this. Not in this situation, right now.” Eddie pulled back, a little bit more relaxed and grabbed Richie’s hands. “So I think I should go. We should take a break. I don’t know for how long-” 

“Eddie. We can work this out.” He pathetically begged and tugged his husband’s arms. 

“We can.” Eddie agreed. “Just by ourselves first. Separated.” 

Richie hiccuped himself and shook his head. “No, Eddie. We need to be together..I-.” He frowned. “If you walk out that door, that’s it. Not a break. We’ll be broken up. That’s it.” Richie stood up and looked down at the love of his life hoping to anything that would listen that Eddie might change his mind because of his juvenile threat. 

Eddie looked up with wide, watery eyes. “This is something I have to do, Richie. Something you have to do too. I want the best life for you so if you’re gonna damn threaten me than I’ll have to take it. If being broken up means that you’ll get the life you deserve, well that’s the path we’ll take.” Eddie hopped up and ran to the bedroom, starting to get his shit together in a suitcase. 

Richie felt the wind get knocked out of him as he chased Eddie around the apartment, slowly falling apart with everything he threw in the suitcase. “Eddie. Please slow down. Stop-” 

“I’m going to Bill’s.” Eddie made it to the front door with a suitcase full of random clothes that he hoped would get him through at least a week. He hovered his hand on the doorknob. 

“I mean it, Eddie. You leave and that’s it.” Richie sobbed. Eddie looked at him with all the love in his soul….

He turned the knob and left Richie to crumble onto his carpet and cry his eyes out. 

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{A week later….}

The night was a trying one for Richie. The apartment was practically dead apart from the terribly busy sounding quick taps of a keyboard. And though he was the one making that sound, it didn’t stop it from slowly driving him insane. His stomach turned from the mixture of anger and nerves that were boiling inside. So instead of slamming his head into his palms and letting out the emotions, he composed himself. He sat straight and tall, threading his slim fingers together. He copycatted those relaxing breaths Mike had once taught him. 

He was attempting to get some homework done and treated himself to glass of chocolate milk like he was a child. Just as the last drop splashed in the glass, his phone began ringing. 

“Eddie’s coming over there in like twenty minutes.” Bill’s cool voice spoke from over the phone and Richie’s hopes climbed so high. “Don’t get t-t-too excited. He just wants to p-pick up some more clothes and his medication.” 

Richie nodded and sighed. By now, the news must have traveled to every member of The Losers Club and for once in his life, Richie was glad Stan was far away. He couldn’t face him knowing his best friend had been right the entire time and he had to learn it the hard way instead of hearing him out all that time ago. He’d rather be in his father’s dentist chair than face Stan anytime soon. 

“You ok, Rich?” 

Richie shrugged even though Bill couldn’t see. “Try absolutely heart-broken, Billiam.” 

Bill’s end went quiet until he let out a sigh. “I know this is hard on you guys but Richie, try to understand that this is really i-i-important to Eddie.” Bill echoed Eddie’s sentiment and Richie felt a tear try to escape. He was right. He’d been as jerk to refuse the break Eddie had offered. Living independently seemed like something that meant a lot to his…-to Eddie. 

He hated to admit it but he waited around for Eddie pathetically for the whole twenty-five minutes it took for him to arrive. What really put the nail in the coffin was the fact that Eddie buzzed. As permission to enter the apartment building they were supposed to be living in together. He insisted that Eddie not knock once upstairs, just walk in the damn room.

The front door closed alarmingly soft but Richie picked it up nonetheless and his head snapped up. The sight he took in was to be expected but still extremely painful no matter what. Eddie seemed unable to let go of the doorknob, eyes watered to the point of boiling over. He slowly raised himself off the couch and made his way over. He gently reached out and unclasped Eddie’s hand for him which shocked the smaller man. “Let’s talk? Before you go.” He soothed. He then guided him inside.

The pair made themselves comfortable at the kitchen counter and stood their in silence for a few seconds. Eddie’s eyes dragged over the homework scattered around and couldn’t help but smile at the glass of Chocolate milk. It made Richie blush. 

“I just want to say that I’m sorry for being such an ass.” Richie swallowed under Eddie’s watchful, wide and watery eyes. “You…you were trying to be honest with me and I-….” 

Eddie shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize. I sprung this all on you and just expected you to….-Well, I don’t really know what I expected.” His shrug rolled flawlessly off his shoulders and they both let out a long sigh. 

“Ed’s, I don’t want our life together to start out like this-” Richie gestured between them, thinking of the strain lingering there for some time now. “So if this is what you want…-Something we need then it has to happen.” 

Eddie licked his lips and looked away briefly. “You should get out of Maine, Rich. You belong somewhere…big in personality.” He chuckled a little. 

“Correct you are, Eddie my boy-” Richie habitually grinned before letting it fall off his face. “This place…this school-” He gestured to the homework “They’re not where I should be…where we should be.” 

Richie and Eddie’s eyes met once more but both seemed far too nervous to keep the contact. Both opting to stare off somewhere else. “I was selfish to ask this to be a break-to ask you to wait for me…”

Richie stood up straighter and frowned. “Ed’s no-…I was stupid for threatening a breakup…”

The two of them stared each other down again, both barely holding it together. It was pathetic really-the two of them standing in the crappy kitchen with tears just streaming down their faces. “I want you to live, Rich. That good, fast life that’s meant for you. I don’t want you to be waiting for me-”

Richie remembered some Billy Joel song, it played far off in his head. ‘You’re only standing there 'cause somebody once did somebody wrong. But you’ll be sleeping with the television on…’

“I don’t know what to say…for the first time in my life, huh?” Richie pathetically giggled but choked it down when Eddie grew even more concerned. “So, we thinking a divorce…or…?” Richie tried to be falsely cheer but it only seemed to break him in the last possible way. He hiccuped and bent forward as a sob wrecked his body. Eddie ran to him, he always did so. 

And the two men stood in a shitty apartment kitchen and gripped tightly onto each other. Crying into Eddie’s shoulder or Richie’s chest. Whichever, didn’t really matter because soon that great option would be gone and anymore tears they shed would be coddled alone.

                                                    ~~~~~~~

After Eddie left the place, Richie completely broke down in his living room in a mirrored way to Eddie’s breakdown in Bill’s apartment…though it took them both around an hour to truly let it flow…at almost the exact same time…they broke… 

A small glass of perfume sat on a dresser in the guest room housing Eddie. It was the small and delicate glass with a large daisy stopper blocking any leakage.

It sat there, absolutely still, as a pair of hands quickly picked and pulled from the array of products sat around it. But with that speed came clumsiness and the hands just darted to fast on the pull-back of some papers and down came the bottle. Knocking it off the counter and revealing the ring of dust that had been living underneath it.

Eddie paused for a moment before peeking over the lip of the dresser to find the tiny bottle. The rounded broken piece was rolling just the slightest bit while the rest of the tiny shards bathed in the small puddle of the scent leaking out.

That perfume had once belonged to his mother, her favorite scent. He’d taken it with him upon leaving for school that first time because…it was a sort of comforting smell. Call it pathetic aromatherapy? It gave him a sense of her old coddling. Kneeling down, he intended to start cleaning the mess up but he hesitated. The tip of his finger laid frozen in the burgundy puddle as a wave of emotion fell upon him. He’d been holding back on truly coming to terms with what his mind and body ached for. But looking at the old shattered tie to his smothering mother on Bill’s hardwood floor…the gate was opened without his permission.

A flood of tears finally broke past his eyes again and rolled down his cheeks, the heat from his previous restrain could almost burn his skin. In an instant he was near hysterical. His breathing was rapid and short as it became harder for him to push-back the devastation. More then anything in his life he wanted to call Richie…he wanted him with him. But at the same time he was desperate to shove him away entirely and gain some damn independence…let Richie breathe.

The palm of his hand curled over his mouth in an attempt to block some of the sound from breaching the thin walls of Bill’s home. He did not want Bill to hear any bit of this breakdown, he didn’t need to see him so…sad. He was already taking him in until he got back on his feet and he didn’t need anymore stress so he just needed to be strong, he was usually extremely good at that. It was enough that he’d broken down when facing the love of his life. There’d be nothing more now.

A deep breath or two and he was off the floor and on his way to collect a dust-pan and broom.

But as always, Bill Denbrough seemed to sense the trouble and came to Eddie. 

‘Fuck’ that broke Eddie again. Bill took his second ‘little’ brother into his arms and they both swayed. Bill, who wasn’t scared of anything at all in the eyes of his best friends…feared for these two. He looked up, some of Eddie’s hair catching his eyes, and he hoped to anything that would listen that Richie and Eddie will work it out. The Losers Club had always just assumed they’d be together forever since they were little…just the same as they assumed it for Ben and Beverly when they found each other. 

Richie and Eddie were far too young to be going through a divorce.

                                                    ~~~~~~~

Richie curled up on his couch, going from mindlessly watching the Food Network to sleeping to the sound of ‘Friends’. His eyes burned from all the shitty crying and staring at his laptop screen. He’d even managed to get that homework done. But now he was at a loss. 

Part of him ached to call his parents. They’d know what to say but it gave him the same dread that calling up Stan would. 

If he came to them crying, it only further hammered in the point that they’d been right all along. Marrying your sweetheart in High School was a bad idea. Who knew? 

Richie was awakened by the sound of the buzzer. He shuffled out of bed and let whoever it was come up, hoping it was Mike. He was the best of em’ and he always had something kind to say even if you’d been in the wrong…Mike was always on your side. 

When the knocking came, Richie eagerly walked to the door and…

“Hey.” 

Stanley Uris hiked up a bag slung over his shoulder and smiled gently. Richie kinda wanted to throw up just the same as he wanted to hug him. “Big Bill told everyone, right?” Richie smirked and nodded to himself, bouncing on his feet. “Come to tell me how right you were-? Tell me that if i’d only listened to you this never would’ve happened-” 

Stan took the bag of his shoulder and set it near Richie’s feet. “You know me better than that, asshole.” He frowned but opened his arms wide. It was a sight that drove Richie back into his fucking tears. He fell into the arms of his friend and sobbed again and again until it was time to breathe. 

Stan rubbed a hand through his hair and tried to calm him. “You’re gonna be ok, Rich.” 

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So life went on the way it always does for The Losers Club. Best friends. Before the start of his Junior year, Richie decided to take a good ol’ road-trip down to California for a small summer taste of it all. With him, he took Michael Hanlon who desperately needed the break. 

But as life would have it, Mike returned to Maine alone. Richie’s summer taste turned into a full-on love affair that lead him to start the hectic process of transferring schools. 

Ben and Beverly waited until graduation but left for Chicago the instant it was over. Both of them had worked internships at offices for their respective career choices and earned themselves singing recommendations. 

Stanley Uris finished up in Vermont, meeting the loveliest girl in the process, Patty. And the two of them flooded off to Georgia where Stan was eerily 100% sure was the right place. And almost instantly, they seemed to fall into the dreamiest of job situations.

Michael went off to Florida. The place which had been calling him since he was young and became a full-time librarian at one of the finest library’s he’d ever set foot in. 

Bill continued with his writing and traveled to New York in the middle of his junior year which funnily enough was where Eddie had been drawn too as well. From there, Bill met and fell for a girl called Audra. 

As Eddie started work at a nice office for Risk Analysis, Richie got his dream job at a California Radio Station. 

There were plenty of visits, phone-calls and group-chats to keep the love flowing. Because after all, Losers stick together…

Even if a once couple…married couple…seemed to drift away from each other. After the divorce papers were signed…Richie&Eddie became Richie and Eddie. 

In desperate fear, they became the most distant of the bunch. Not with the others. No. Just each other. Which was truly devastating when everyone knew how much they loved each other.

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{December, Ten years later}

“-And a real famous cat all dressed up in red. And he spends the whole year workin’ out on his sled. It’s the little Saint Nick. Ooooo, little Saint Nick!”  

Richie Tozier turned right down the next small street and seemed to forget to use his blinker. He tapped his hands against the wheel as if it were his very own drum-set and chuckled to himself. Being back in Derry was certainly a trip. 

But with the Holiday’s, it came time for Ol’ Richie to visit the parents who were still cuddled up in their tiny-town home. Part of him was kind of excited to see the little stop-and-shop piece of shit town again. It’d been a solid couple of years since the last time he’d set foot on Derry’s fine streets. 

“She’s candy-apple red with a ski for a wheel. And when Santa hits the gas, man, just watch her peel-”

Richie hit the brake far harder than intended but the minor choking from the seat-belt was worth it. Right in perfect view was…damn Eddie Kaspbrak walking down the side-walk, hands shoved into his jacket pockets. The night air was a bitter kind of chill and snow was beginning to fall. Richie bit hard into the smirk now coming over his face. 

He pulled the car close to the curb and rolled the window down. Sticking his head out, he did his best cat-call whistle (not that he did that kinda thing-ha ha). Eddie did not spare a glance, just walked a little faster so- 

“HEY ASSHOLE!!” Richie laughed wildly, still cruising slowly. 

Eddie stopped in his tracks and snapped his head to the right, eyes widening almost instantly. “Dick! That you? Didn’t recognize you in that…” He glanced over the supremely nice car with something of wonder…wanting to get his hands all over it. “Sweet car, man.” Eddie strolled forward, Richie felt his chest tighten with joy. “What happened to ‘James Taylor’?” he pouted his lips and rested his hands on the open ledge of the window. 

“Ah, Ed’s my boy. You see….-” Richie tapped the mirror with charm and tried to hide his blush. “When you’re a successful as I am-” 

Eddie hunched over slightly in laughter, bringing their faces much closer together. So close that Richie thought he might lose what little cool he had. “Good to know you stayed just as humble as you used to be.” 

They chuckled together before Richie found himself astoundingly nervous again. “Your mom drag you back here for the Holiday’s?” 

Eddie licked his lips and nodded. “Something like that-” He rubbed his finger into the corner of his eyes. “My mom died, actually. I’m in town for the um-funeral arrangements and all that jazz, baby.” He pathetically waved his hands in a mock dance. It struck Richie as odd, it seemed like more of something that he’d do. 

“I’m sorry, Eddie.” He hoped to sound genuine which in part, he was. But there was that large part of distaste and hatred in his soul for Sonia that only had grown larger over the years. 

“Yeah, it’s fine.” He looked away and shivered a little in the night air. “I was just taking a walk to clear my head.” 

“Wanna clear it in here?” Richie gestured to the empty passengers seat which was far from the picture of calm. The vehicle was decorated very closely to the way one’s home would be for the holidays. String lights around the ceiling and a Little Tree Freshener spun in fake toy-dollhouse lights hung over the rear-view mirror. It made Eddie unbelievably giddy. Such a Richie thing to do. 

“Oh definitely.” Good to know that they were still just as good at ignoring the issues in favor of the natural chemistry they had together. It was a charm that got them into a lot of trouble in the past. But Eddie didn’t mind, he walked around and hopped inside with excitement. 

Richie pulled off the curb and leaned over dangerously to open the glovebox where two Santa hats laid. “Wanna be go for matching?” 

“Oh, hell yeah. Obviously” Eddie shrugged with his toothy grin that Richie had always adored. So they sat in their seats…in red & white holiday hats…like a pair idiots. But Eddie just had to admire this long lost love of his. 

“I’m so proud of you, Rich.” Eddie let that comment slip and Richie blushed. “I watched that comedy special you did-”

“We did the right thing.” Richie interrupted Eddie no matter how hard it was to stop such a delightful giggle. His ex fell silent and time was passed in the company of the sound of the Christmas tunes and rolling tires on loud streets.

“Hey-” 

Eddie blinked up to find Richie pulling closer to the curb again and pointing. “That’s the um-that’s that bench where Bill totally flipped over on his bike. Remember? He was distracted-”

“By you and your impression of that cop. I remember.” Eddie giggled again and the tension was lifted once more. “If you go up the street a little…yeah-” 

Eddie snapped his fingers as Richie followed his direction, the bell at the end of his hat jingled. “That’s where I ran off to that night I pretended that I had to puke…” 

The park looked a little deserted and Richie had to laugh at the picture of his once boyfriend sprinting down the sidewalk, so tipsy.  

“Ben came and got me…” He looked towards the gazebo with love in his eyes. “He was really there for me that night.” He nodded and Richie decided to move on with this fun tour of Derry’s hot-spots. 

The two of them cruised past so many of the Losers Club’s old favorite places and shared everything attached to them again. 

They pulled down a lonesome street and found the sight of the drive-in root-beer place. It was still across the street from the abandoned 7/11 that used to be a CVS where no one had ever shopped. Except now, it was an open Walgreens. Both of them stared down the Drive-in….

“Still open…impressive.” Richie pulled onto the curb a bit and parked. He glanced at his friend who was now opening the car door and climbing out. “Oh, we’re going inside?” 

“Hell yeah.” Eddie leaned back down into the window, eyes wide and hoping. Richie was overcome with a great sense of joy. He shut the car off and followed the man of his dreams into the restaurant that held all their first date memories. 

                                                     ~~~~~~~

“Would it impress you to see me eat AND keep down my hot-dog dipped in the Root-Beer Float?” Richie asked, swirling his airborne dog in the open air over the sweet drink. 

Eddie giggled. “That’s disgusting. Please don’t do that for the sake of my entertainment.” 

Richie set down his dog and leaned back on the orange vinyl, thinking of Skip Larson’s flying homework assignments again. “Why did you give me that second date, Ed’s?” He asked, looking away and at his meal. 

Eddie slurped down some of his drink and grinned. “Easy. I was in love with you. No amount of vomit could change that.” 

Richie covered his grin with his cupped hand. “Thank you for doing what you did, Eddie-”

“I don’t know that I’ll ever feel good about hurting you like that, Richie. For us drifting apart like that. That shit keeps me up at night.” Eddie shook his head and Richie sighed because ‘yeah, that shit sucked’. He set his napkin down and strolled over to Eddie’s side of the booth. 

“The marriage was a mistake…” He nodded. “But you were never the mistake, Eddie.” He stared into his eyes with direct contact for the first time in a long while. It threw them both for a wild shake. “If we didn’t stop it when we did…” He shrugged. “We would have gotten too comfortable with the settling we were doing in Maine. It wouldn’t have worked out.” 

“I still feel like shit-” 

“Ok so, you feel like shit. But look at you, living a damn good life. You’re successful. You like your job-” 

“Love my job.” Eddie added because it was true. It was something he was heavily invested in. 

“Love your job. Got to New York, where you were meant to be…your soul place, I think. And hell, Eddie you’re so fucking independent. The guys talk about how proud they are all the time. I’m proud as shit too. A nice fuck you to Sonia Kaspbrak-” Richie paused, realizing how inappropriate that was considering. But Eddie only nodded in agreement. 

“A nice fuck you.” He repeated in confirmation. There was still some kind of love and there always would be but…he didn’t have to like her to love her. Maybe that was sad.

 “And I-…well, I got my radio show in California and it means so much to me, baby. We never…ever would have got that shit on the path we were stuck on. So yeah, we’ll feel like shit for losing these years but it’s better than the place we were all those years ago.” Richie threw his arm around Eddie and the smaller of the two sighed into it. “Now, I didn’t miss ya much myself-” Richie exaggerated his hand gestures. “BUT My parents, for one, missed you like crazy.” 

Eddie giggled. “How are the Toziers?” he asked, a new fry hanging slightly from his mouth. 

“Oh, my favorite old people are living it up. My mother and I have never had a better relationship, I swear on it. I talk to em’ like every other day. Just can’t get rid of them! Wentworth asks about you a lot if he’s not distracted by the other Losers which the ol’ Toziers begged me to ask them over for the Holiday’s last week.” Richie shrugged and Eddie realized just how much he missed Richie’s folks too. 

“I’m still so crazy about you.” Eddie spoke in soft wonderment and bit hard into his lip. 

“We’re in the same boat, babe.” Richie grinned. 

“Could you give me another chance, you think?” Eddie asked, still believing he deserved for Richie to be mad. “Forgive me?” He added, looking unbelievably nervous. 

Richie dunked the Hot-Dog in the float and grinned. “Eddie, my love, don’t ask such dumb questions.” He took a large chunk of the food and swallowed it down with his happy smile. “I said it before and I’ll say it forever, you’ve got nothing to apologize for. Now please, come make-out with me in the bathroom?” 

Richie held out his hand which Eddie gladly accepted. They’d finally found their way back to each other and they couldn’t wait to share the news with their best friends. 

[isaac-lahey-imagines]

IMAGINE #68 || REQUEST #32

So I kind of patterned this with the episode Chaos Rising and the episodes after it, and boy did I went back to my ATLA roots and shipping the hell out of Zutara (again). And I think I just turned my sister into a Zutara shipper lmao.

Disclaimer: This is not beta-checked, the usual things I say like if there are any errors, my bad! Also a  disclaimer, I used the bad (my friends described it as cursed lmao) avatar live-action bending scene gifs so yeah, I had to scan through the movie to see what I can use, and can I just say that it was so cringy? Like up until now I hate it with a burning passion. I just hope that the Netflix live-action adaptation will be better.

~~~

Gathering in Derek's apartment to plan the rescue mission, Stiles had laid out the blueprint of the bank and started talking while scribbling on the piece of drafting paper.

"Uh, why isn't she helping?" You heard a voice suddenly speak up over Stiles' explaining the contents of the blueprint.

"She's helping us, trust me," Scott answered, eyes not leaving the floor plan of the bank.

"What? How?" Peter asked again. "And who is she?"

"She's none of your business, now shut up," Stiles replied quite fast before he went back to pointing at the figures and labels of the floor plan.

"Oh, but I would like to know who are the people you're inviting into my apartment-"

"Peter, shut up." Derek cut him off. "And it's my apartment."

You felt eyes staring daggers into you as you remained unphased by the older Hale, it didn't sit well with him that he wasn't 'feared' by a teenager, let alone a girl. He wanted to say something else but was told off by Derek to let it go. 

It was by this time you felt your meditation was working when you felt Isaac's presence, it was weak but unstable. This left a heavy weight in your chest when you tried to coax him out of this strange 'trance' but it wouldn't work, no matter how much you tried there was this bizarre blockage that hindered it.

"Forget the drill," You heard Derek disregard Stiles' suggestion of bringing power tools.

"I'm sorry?" Stiles questioned, looking to Derek with confusion with Scott mirroring his expression.

"If I go in first, how much space do I have?" The werewolf asked in all seriousness.

You can feel Stiles look to Scott and your brother giving him an 'I don't know what he's talking about' look.

"What do you think you're gonna do, Derek?" Stiles asked. "You're gonna punch through a wall?"

"Yes, Stiles." He breathed out. "I'm gonna punch through the wall."

"O-okay, big guy. Let's see it." Stiles challenged. "Let's see that big ol' fist. C'mon."

Curiosity got the better of you making you disregard your meditation and open your eyes and look to where your brother and the others were. Stiles continued to 'mock' Derek and his werewolf abilities while Peter sat on the circular stairwell watching and rolling his eyes at the pathetic mockery of their kind.

"Get it out there, don't be scared. C'mon the big bad wolf gonna punch through the wall," Derek lifted a fist in between them before Stiles lifted his flat palm in front of it and held Derek's wrist a few inches away.

"Okay, see this?" Stiles started. "That's maybe 3 inches of room to gather enough force to punch through solid co-"

And just like that, the sound that resembled watermelon being crushed echoed in the loft as you watched Derek effortlessly jabbed the make-believe wall Stiles created with his flat palm. Your brother's best friend ended up being shoved backward and have his arm hit against the metal table, the sound painfully echoed through the walls while a pained expression was evident on his face as he whimpered.

"Agh!" His voice cracked as he walked away from the two werewolves to where you were. "He can do it!"

You tried to hold your laughter, your smile even, as you bit your lips in between your teeth. You maneuvered Stiles to sit in front of you and gathered water in your hand before aiding the injured extremity and encasing his hand in the water bubble you created and working on it the way your teacher taught you.

It took another hour for them before they settled with an alternative plan, a plan that involved you this time.

"No, she's not coming with us." Scott's voice boomed making you jerk a little in surprise, his hands clenching the sides of the table that had the architectural blueprint of the Beacon Hills bank on it. His knuckles turning whiter the more he listened to Derek explain as to how you were going to be of great help in the rescue mission.

"Yes, she is." Derek continued their little banter back and forth as if you weren't in the room.

"She'll fit perfectly in the vent-" Stiles defended, noting that with your abilities, it'll be a plus on their side.

"No, I won't let her." Scott cut him off, feeling frustrated with how the other two seemed keen on putting you in danger's way.

"What does she do, anyway?" Peter decided to join and tried to sound relevant and ask but was rather ignored as Stiles and Derek teamed up against Scott and continued.

"C'mon, Scott." Stiles started again. "Just think-"

Stiles didn't get to finish whatever he was going to say when the lights in Derek's place flickered while a buzz of electricity sounded and sparked on top of them, their attention suddenly cautious at what was happening with their surroundings.

"I'd prefer to make my own decisions and not let other people dictate what I can and cannot do." You spoke, standing up from your comfortable seat on the couch and accidentally spilling the water blob that encased Stiles' hand on himself making it look like he wet his pants. You apologized quickly, your mood changes for a split second before returning to your irritated state.

"I know you mean well, Scott. But I can handle myself out there," you argued to your brother. "I can practically outmatch every single one of you here."

Though the majority of the men in the room agreed, one didn't. He stood from his sitting position on the stairs and looked like he wanted a challenge.

"Uh, Peter-" The man ignored Stiles' protest as he stood right in front of you, Scott gave a low warning growl just as Derek did the same with their claws slowly showing.

"I wouldn't say that if I were you, little girl," Peter advised, his eyes squinting and head shaking in disbelief at what you said.

"But you aren't me, so." You answered back, raising one brow up. Your attitude made up for your height that Peter and all the men in your life had in their advantage.

"I could cut that tongue of yours right now," he opened his clawed hand and showed the nails that grew in length, his canines already out and ready to bite your head off.

"And I can do this right now," you replied with no one registering your swift movements, not even the werewolf in front of you.

From your standing position in front of Peter, you took your right foot back and twisted your lower body before launching yourself up in the air and gave a very powerful tornado kick. Your foot made contact with his cheekbone, the sound of bone crunching bounced off the walls. Gracefully landing on your feet, you proceeded with stomping your left foot on the floor making a large wedge of concrete suddenly rise from the floor below Peter which sent him flying against the wall on the other side of the room.

To say that your brother was rather proud at what just happened was an understatement, his jaw dropped just as Stiles had his hands on his head with his fingers gripping at his brown hair and Derek looking impressed with wide eyes as he watched his uncle struggling to stand up.

~~~

With your legs crossed, you sat by the large windows as rain poured outside and thunder and lightning flashed illuminating the poorly lit apartment. All of you compromised on the plan by letting you be in on it and be the 'backup' in case, Scott not wanting to put his younger sister in the first line of defense.

You had your eyes closed but you can pinpoint exactly where Peter and Stiles were inside of Derek's place, his uncle lounging on the sofa and Stiles standing beside you while he looked out the window – the way he stood didn't quite help with your concentration since his leg fidgeted.

"I can't take waiting around like this." The corner of your eye twitched at the sound of Stiles' voice breaking the silence of the apartment. "You know, it's nerve-wracking­."

You and Peter ignored him and continued to stay silent but he proceeded with his wordplay, you knew this was how he 'coped' per se in situations like this-fidgeting with the skin of his fingers or babbled non-stop, or both.

"My nerves are wracked." He said. "Severely wracked."

"Wracked." He repeated.

"I could beat you unconscious," Peter suggested, his eyes looking at Stiles who had his back turned still facing the window.

"I could beat you to death." You suggested back, not opening your eyes yet you can just picture the look of annoyance plastered on Peter Hale's face as he let out a growl that you felt as it reverberated through the ground.

Stiles then started talking about Erica, why they keep the werewolves in a bank specifically and not in an underground chamber; pointing out that they're an alpha pack and having 'lairs' to which Peter replied in a monotoned voice, "They're werewolves, not Bond villains."

"Wait a sec, wait a sec!" Stiles' voice grew gradually louder forcing you to open your eyes and be an ear and listen to what he has to say, feeling that it might be of importance.

"Maybe they're living there, you know?" He started. "Maybe the bank vault reminds them of their little wolf dens."

"Stiles, I don't think that's what they had in mind." You contradicted his idea as politely as your voice allowed you to before hearing Peter repeat the word 'wolf dens' more to himself.

"Yeah, wolf dens. Where do you live?" He then asked turning around to face Peter.

"In an underground network of caves hidden deep in the woods," Hale sarcastically answered to which you rolled your eyes to but to Stiles it seemed like he believed it.

"Woah, really?"

"No, you idiot, I have an apartment downtown."

"Okay, fine but that still proves that there's something up with the bank."

"And why wait around for the full moon, huh?" Stiles added.

"Looks very poetic to me." You commented, standing up from your position and walking near the table where the blueprint was laid out, your eyes scanned the scribbles Stiles made that pointed to where the vault was located and how your brother and Derek was going to get in.

"Well, they already had 3 full moons to be poetic," Stiles replied, gesturing his hand to the moon that was slowly creeping out of the dark rain clouds outside.

"And here you have only 1 full hour to be so anno-" When Peter stopped at what he was going to say, you looked his way with confusion evident in your face as he started to get up from his comfortable position lying on the sectional.

"What are the walls made of?" He suddenly asked.

"Wha-oh, well there's wood and stone..." Stiles trailed off looking up at the ceiling and at the walls of the apartment.

"No, the vault!" Peter repeated before he started flipping through the floor plans trying to find what materials were used. "What are they made out of?"

"Where does it say?" He asked again when he couldn't find any of it labeled on the plans.

Looking through the other plans Stiles brought, you skimmed and tried to find the word 'materials' and 'vault' in them. It took a few more seconds before Stiles brought out a bull-clipped document and started looking for it there.

"There!" You exclaimed when you finally saw it.

Stiles and Peter quickly read through it before letting out a shaky breath.

"What is it?" You asked, your face still holding that confused look you had earlier.

"Call Scott now," Peter demanded rather frantically as Stiles took out his phone and started dialing your brother.

It took about 3 rings before Scott answered.

"Stiles, now's not the best time." You heard Scott say hurriedly, his voice sounding echo-y as you strained your ears to listen.

You heard a low growl as Derek spoke in the background, you were starting to feel fidgety yourself as you walked to the armchair where you laid your jacket on upon coming in a while ago.

"Scott! Scott, no, listen to me." Stiles said. "You gotta get out of there."

"I'm going to get them, I don't care if they won't give us that damn signal for backup." You said as you took your phone from the side table of the armchair and pocketed it in your pants.

"Look, the walls of the vault are made with a mineral called Hecatolite," Stiles informed. "It scatters the moonlight."

"What does that mean?" Scott asked.

"It keeps the moonlight out – they haven't felt the full moon in months." You added. 

You can practically hear everyone's heart beating a hundred times faster as the air in the room started to feel rather heavy, you weren't sure if Derek could even hear what you were saying over the phone.

"Deucalion has kept them from shifting for 3 full moons diminishing their tolerance to it." Peter butt in.

"Scott, they're gonna be stronger." "They're more savage, more bloodthirsty..."

Both Stiles and Peter were now talking at the same time as they listened to what was happening on the other line.

"They're the starved lions, and you and Derek just stepped into their coliseum." Peter mirrored the situation with that of a gladiator ring.

"I'm headed there now," you called out before leaving the place in a rush but you didn't miss the sudden growls and Stiles shouting over the phone, this made you move even faster in your pace as you climbed up to the top of the building and started jumping from one roof to another.

~~~

Arriving at the bank and following the frantic heavy movements you felt on the ground beneath you, you ran as fast as you can and caught up with the scene of Allison calling out to Scott and Derek by a large round metal door before breaking what you can only guess was a barrier of mountain ash. This then resulted into more growls before you saw Boyd running out of the vault followed by a girl and to your surprise and relief, Isaac.

"Isaac?" You say under your breath as you watched him and the others scurry away and out of the bank. Jumping from one ledge to the other of the atrium, you landed on the ground just as you saw Derek grasp Allison's arm rather harshly.

"What were you thinking?!" He asked angrily, a vein on his neck and temple looking prominent as his blood boiled.

"Don't touch her!" You brother, bloodied and bruised, emerged from the vault almost stumbling at his shaken-up state.

"I had to do something," she defended herself.

While the other two were busy, you caught Scott's attention as you gracefully landed on your feet before gesturing like you were about to throw something at Derek, to which a strong gust of wind blew him away from Allison making him land on his butt against the vault's door.

"Women don't like to be man-handled, Hale." You informed crossing your arms over your chest looking a bit annoyed at how he was treating Allison, Derek could only reply with a growl at what you did as he stood up immediately.

"She saved your lives." You said just as you walked to Scott and helped him out of the vault, you held him by his waist and put his arm around your shoulders as you tried to carry some of his weight to relieve the pressure of his injury. "Didn't you think of that?"

"Yeah, and what did you think they were going to do out there?" Derek shouted, pointing a finger at you before pointing of the exit they went out of.

"Do you have any idea what we just set free?" Derek now turned to Allison.

"You want to blame me?" She asked, the volume of his voice at par with Derek's. "Well, I am not the one turning teenagers into killers."

You ignored what Derek and Allison were talking about as you concentrated in giving your brother first aid, you were thankful that you brought even a little bit of water with you locked in a charm that would help in situations like this.

You didn't waste any more time in going after the 3 werewolves that escaped after finally finding, to Derek's misfortune, Erica's dead body and laying her to rest peacefully somewhere only he knew.

Upon arriving at the forest grounds, you kneeled down and laid your hand flat on the wet soil and tried to sense the vibration the 3 escapees were emitting. It didn't take too long before you found the path, their stomps growing harder and faster as they felt like live wires under the moon after how many months.

"They split up," you informed, feeling the footsteps going further and further from your range.

Once the 2 werewolves caught on with their scents, they started following one path and you did the same, your hand giving off little sparks as your nervousness was slowly taking over the further away you wandered away from Derek and Scott– the thought of you being alone in a dark forest and this being your last (hopefully not) night alive didn't help.

As your feet started to feel stronger vibrations the further you went north, you sped up your pace before finally stumbling upon Isaac announcing is presence to an innocent victim by growling and showing off his claws and canines.

Just before the person screamed, you took a step forward before letting you punch air straight towards Isaac. Stumbling backward, this distracted him as you helped his almost victim get away quickly by setting the ground under her footing move farther from where you and the werewolf were.

"Isaac!" You called, making an attempt that maybe your presence and your voice might help in bringing him back to his human self. But this only made it worse as he gave a growl before charging at you, the intensity in his eyes could match the fiery element you held in you.

Sliding your foot forward at the same time moving your clenched fists in the same direction, you created a barrier of rock in front of you - it didn't last too long though as Isaac broke through and continued heading your way with claws at the ready looking desperate.

Managing to get moisture from the humid air as well as the trees and plants around you, you created a whip that you used to strike at Isaac. His run towards your direction halted as he felt sear hot pain on his shoulder running diagonally down to his waist, his eyes glowed a brighter yellow as he looked back at you with an angrier expression on his face.

"Isaac, it's me!" Your whip curled around his wrist before turning into solid ice, you pulled him towards you with as much strength as you have before flipping backward and hitting him with an uppercut using your foot. 

With the water whip, you proceeded to wave your hand in a circular motion in front of you and let it wrap around Isaac and slowly turn it into solid ice to lock him in place.

“Isaac,” you spoke his name again, approaching the werewolf that was kneeling in front of you with eyes a yellow color and canines still showing. You had your hands up in front of you to show that you were not a threat, the growls he made slowly lessened as you now stood in front of him.

He looked at you confused, his brows furrowed and all you wanted to do was just kiss away those worry lines on his forehead. But you didn’t want to risk your face getting mauled.

Placing your palms gently and carefully on either side of his head, you started working on trying to draw out his humanity from underneath the beast that was trapped in the vault – his eyes slowly rolling back in his head as his lids shut and the water that encased your hand started glowing a silver blue color that reflected the full moon on top of you.

You watched as his eyes moved under those closed lids as if looking for someone, his canines slowly turned back to his normal teeth and his ragged breath turned calmer. But before you can even finish, the sudden burst of the solid wall you've created around the two of you threw you off guard. You felt a massive weight collide with your body before pinning you down on the ground and knocking the air out of your lungs, the dizziness you felt was quickly disregarded as you felt a sharp ache growing from your shoulders and down to the bottom of your spine.

You gave out a painful scream as you gathered enough strength to push the ground beneath your palm resulting in a chunk of the earth bury whatever it was that attacked you, Isaac, on the other hand, broke free from the ice and started running towards you-your screams awakening something inside of him.

“Y/N,” Trying to recover and stand up from the sudden attack, Isaac was quick to help you and position you behind his protective stance. Your hand was now cupping a ball of blue and orange flame that danced together as it illuminated the dark forest while the other held on to him for support.

Upon directing the light to the direction of your attacker, you saw that it was Boyd who attacked you – while he was distracted and getting his bearings together, you winced before kneeling down and motioned your hands as if you were lifting something. Isaac watched as you created a mound that swallowed Boyd’s body – the soil coming just below his chin, not wanting to cover above their heads and suffocate him.

“Woah,” you heard Isaac say under his breath looking wide-eyed at what just happened.

With a heavy breath, you stood up slowly as you started to feel the back of your shirt getting wet and feel the goosebumps decorate your arms from the sudden coolness of the air hitting the large gashes that Boyd inflicted on you.

“Y/N, your back!” Isaac turned you around just to see how big and worse the damage present.

“I know, just let me call Scott.” You said, trying to hide the wince as you moved to reach for your phone. Isaac didn’t miss it though but he only pretended to not notice as he started to remove his jacket and lay it on your shoulder to cover it up.

Squinting your eyes, you took your phone from your pocket and dialed for your brother.

"Y/N, where are you?" Scott immediately answered, sounding out of breath as he ran on the other line.

"I'm somewhere north, but Isaac’s already here and I got Boyd already -" before you can even finish your sentence, from the corner of your eye you saw a figure heading straight at you and Isaac.

You weren’t confident in math even back in grade school so you definitely miscalculated your movements as you pushed Isaac out of the way and blasted a line of blue and orange flames its way only to feel your arm dislocate from your shoulder as your body landed on the cold soil. Letting out another cry of pain, you can hear Scott's panicked voice over the phone that was now about a meter away from you while Isaac knelt down to cover your body and let out a loud growl at the creature that attacked and pulled at you. You could only see a figure up on a tree branch, the silhouette looking familiar as you remembered the other werewolf that was also kept in the vault.

“It’s Cora,” he informed before charging at the werewolf and attacking her with claws and teeth.

So that’s her name, you thought.

You watched as Cora kicked and clawed at Isaac and getting the upper hand in the fight. Grunting and letting out a growl yourself, you hooked your working hand and let out a blast of blue flame towards the figure while you sat in a kneeling position on the ground. You watched as Isaac and Cora broke off from clawing at each other’s face at the sight and feel of the fire.

As the girl kept her distance and seemed to be calculating her next moves, you decided to use this time to pop your arm back in place.

“Is that even possible?” Isaac asked running towards you and with a helpless look, not knowing what to do with your situation right now. His eyes glanced between you and Cora, keeping an eye on her so that any time she decides to attack, he’ll be ready.

If it were possible, you can feel your teeth breaking as you bit back a scream when you felt it pop back in place. Ignoring the pain that throbbed, you stood up immediately and started shooting a line of fire and water that both burned and froze the target on the tree branch until she eventually fell on the ground.

Just when you thought that you were almost done dealing with Cora, Boyd decided to finally break free from the mound and attack the two of you – it was now a tie between the teams.

“Y/N, get behind me.” You heard Isaac say, his hands pulling at your wrist and making you stand behind him.

“No,” you argued. “I’ll take care of Cora, you go after Boyd.”

Using him as a cover, you ignored the pain and with straightened fingers, motioned your hands in a diagonal movement resulting in large buttress-like rock formations emerging from the ground and throw them to the side.

Isaac then proceeded to attack the disoriented Boyd while you went for Cora, your elements trying to move and work as quick as Cora avoided it. Twisting your body and waving your hands in a circular motion, water whipped at the girl as she landed on her back on the ground. She quickly recovered and retorted with a side kick to your left making you grunt and reply with an uppercut followed by a roundhouse.

When the two were starting to get the upper hand, Isaac pulled you to the side and started taking them on his own.

“Y/N, do the other thing!” He called out as he took a hit, Boyd and Cora getting closer to bite his neck clean off.

Without hesitation, you took a breath and concentrated on the two werewolves. You promised yourself that you weren’t going to use it and yet, there will always be a time when you will need to. Glowing a silver-blue color, your eyes took in the image and your hands automatically was in control of their movements.

You can hear and see the blood pumping in their veins and you can feel it in your hands, as if you were holding it. Isaac stood up from the ground and backed away watching as you had full control of the werewolves, the rigid and abrupt movements of your hands mirrored that of Cora’s and Boyd’s movements of standing straight up and their arms stuck to their side.

You didn’t know what came into you as you unconsciously curled your fingers inward, you felt the two slowly losing itself as the palm of your hand grew cold. When you were about to pull you clenched fists to the sides in a ripping manner and finish them off then and there, you felt a warm hand envelope yours drawing you back to reality.

You didn’t realize that tears were now running down your cheeks when Isaac cupped your face and wiped them with the pads of his thumbs, your brother and Derek arriving at the scene just as Boyd and Derek’s sister scurried off.

“What the hell was that?” You assumed that Derek saw everything as he fast approached you, his features looking like he was about to attack you. Isaac immediately covered you with his body and let a low warning growl while Scott stopped the other Alpha in his tracks by standing in between Derek and the two of you.

Isaac could only hug you closer to him as Scott dialed for Stiles to pick the four of you up, his hands careful not to touch your gashes on the back and your injured shoulder.

~~~

Hope you guys liked that one, I'm not sure if I'm going to make a part 2 to this so I'll just see what my fingers and brain decide.

Tell me guys what you think :D

Thank you for always sticking with the imagines and giving comments and votes! Really do appreciate them <3

[burlybanner]

Drip (ScienceBrosWeek, 2019)

Second verse, same as the first.

Summary: Peering deep into the rabbit hole carries serious penalties.

Disclaimer: Again, this is different from my usual style and I’m not sure where this story is going. So I’m not sure when I’ll continue. But keep me honest; it’ll happen eventually.

Unbeta’d, same ol’ song.

Part 1 here. **

The ride down should’ve frightened Bruce more than it did. Maybe he was dissociating because it reminded him of too many things. Down, down they went. When he looked up, the opening from the ceiling shrank as they descended into the dark, the lips of the opening closing as slowly as they sank. But Bruce was more curious than anything; Clint had pressed one of the three buttons near his hip, but continued to flip through his magazine as if he could care less about his passengers. How could he see in the growing dark? Maybe he didn’t care; maybe that was part of his job, to appear unassuming. 

He heard a sudden clank with the hydraulic elevator hum, and eerie pops and pings ramped his anxiety. Seconds passed before he noticed strings of  industrial fairy lights waking up, welcoming them as they plunged into the deep. His anxiety flickered with the bulbs, ebbing and flowing as they pulsed on the dank dolostone like lightning bugs. He’d always liked lightning bugs. He hadn’t seen any in years; he wondered if they still existed. 

“Hey. You with me?”

Tony’s voice, although a whisper, still echoed against the slick walls. Drips of karst water fell off the sides and disappeared into the ether. Somewhere in the distance he heard a drip-drip-kerplunk, another forgotten echo in a forbidden cavern.

“Always,” Bruce spat out, but Tony fumbled for his fingers anyway. It was just enough to shock him, something he loved and hated.

The platform screeched. Bruce wasn’t sure why he’d thought they’d be in some  techo marvel of an elevator, like ones in the movies. He also didn’t think they’d be in some ridiculously slow mine elevator, either.

“Okay,” Clint finally said. The elevator rattled, bouncing to a stop. “First floor, ladies.”

“Really?” 

“I call ‘em as I see ‘em.” Tony rolled his eyes as Clint turned a key and pressed another elevator button. The button glowed, maybe reading his thumbprint - hell, what did he know - and the gate squawked open. “This is where you get off.” Clint chuckled.

“I swear, Barton--”

“Sorry. But hey, it’s boring today. A guy’s gotta have fun wherever he can find it.”

“Never mind.” Tony didn’t seem too put out but he grabbed Bruce’s hand tighter and dragged him from the lift before it slowly ascended to heaven, with Clint safely tucked inside. Bruce blinked. He hadn’t seen the small bridge until now. A small walking bridge, joining the lift platform to another section of the cave. 

“We’re gettin’ there.”

“Mm.” One foot. Two feet. Three--

“Hey. Can you do one more elevator?”

“Sure.”

He accidentally peered over the sides of the bridge before they were done walking; it was a long way down. A very long way. And Bruce wasn’t sure why Tony’s hand was so tight. He’d never grabbed his hand so tightly before. Wait, no. He had. But--

Blinking, Bruce felt his heart rate slow down. The lights were brighter, calming now. “Hm. We’re in a normal elevator.”

“He lives,” Tony crowed. “Astute as always, Dr. Banner.”

“Fuck off,” Bruce said, but not unkindly. The new elevator was similar to the ones at Stark International, from what he could ascertain. Smooth ride. Very, very fast. He was used to these, and found them quite pleasurable. Soothing, even.

“How long was I--”

“A few minutes. Barely enough.”

Bruce’s gaze followed Tony’s arm. “And yet you’re still holding my hand.”

“Am I?” Tony smirked, untangling his fingers from Bruce’s. A bead of sweat formed near Bruce’s temple and dribbled down his neck, joining the other stains from earlier. 

“It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah. But to my credit, you haven’t dissociated like that in...?”

“Years.”

“But not months.”

“No. It’s better now.”

“Which is why I was holding your hand, to ground you.”

“Is that the only reason?”

Tony smiled but didn’t answer before the doors whooshed open. Bruce’s lips parted. People hustled in front of him holding stacks of paper. Phones rang. An admin yelled “please hold, I’ll transfer you” and someone else barked “coming through” while carrying a box of donuts and a jar of coffee. Florescent hums and its ugly glare over a white, gray, black decor. A typical day at the office and typical office workers. Except everyone wore black uniforms. Jumpsuits, really. Which would be less creepy if they didn’t mimic paramilitary organizations.

“Tony, what...Is this--”

Tony left the elevator and crooked a finger towards Bruce. He waited until Bruce joined him before announcing, “Welcome to SHIELD,” and bowing before him like it was some great honor. He could’ve just as well announced “Welcome to Sherwood Forest,” because the result would’ve been the same.

“SH...what?”

“C’mere. I’ll show you around. But stick close to me, yeah?” Tony purposely kept his steps slow as he weaved through the throngs, as if he’d done the very same thing countless times. Bruce’s eyes narrowed. Tony’d known about this place, been here. For a long time.

“Wait. Wait.” Bruce planted his feet, refusing to take another step. The office waltz around him took cues from Bruce’s stance and became quieter, less frenetic. Faces turned his direction and not all were welcoming. “What the hell is this, Tony? I can’t go with you.” He gestured wildly at the underground...lair? Villain’s castle? “Why the fuck am I here?”

Instantly Tony was beside him. Slinging an arm around his shoulders. Grounding him. “Sorry,” he murmured in Bruce’s ear. “Thought you’d break later.” Tony kept talking quietly but Tony’s body steered them from the crowds and towards another corner with less razzle-dazzle. Far less nonsense. 

Tony nodded to a door, off to the side;  the name Tony Stark was on the door.

Tony Stark, Assistant Director of SHIELD.

What?

“Shh,” Tony hushed, because he must’ve said it out loud. “C’mon, I’ll buy you a coffee. Tell you all about it inside.”

And Bruce went in because Tony told him to, and he’d always trusted him to this point. Tony wouldn’t steer him wrong. Couldn’t.

Tony’s arm was still around his shoulder but he somehow kicked open his door, leading Bruce into an office space barely half the size of what he had at SI yet still, somehow, intimidating. There was a small conference table surrounded by high end lounge chairs, abstract art on three walls with a heavy curtain covering the fourth, and a desk surrounded by two-shelf bookcases, straight from an episode of Mad Men.

“Sit,” Tony said, nodding to an overstuffed barrel chair beside one of the bookcases. 

Bruce did. He let out a happy groan as his backside plunged into bliss.

Satisfied, Tony turned to a high-end coffee maker. The room was also big enough for a decent mini bar, of course; Tony opted to rest his coffee maker on the mini bar counter, maybe as a joke. His two favorite things in the world, together. 

Two seconds later Bruce heard a hiss with a steady drip-drip-drip. He watched as a dark liquid titrated into a demitasse. 

Tony slid a saucer beneath the cup. “You still like cioccolotta calda, right?”

Bruce shrugged. “I did when we went to Italy, that one time. You, me, and Rhodey.”

“Well. This will remind you of our trip. Guaranteed.”

Bruce snorted while adapting to everything. The chair hugged him like it was made for his dad bod, and he let himself feel it. Let it pull him out of the red zone, and into the black. When he felt near zero he spied the plush sheepskin rug, several inches deep, surrounded his chair.

“Go on. I know you want to.”

Bruce toed off his shoes and let his socked feet comb through the rug’s fluffy furry goodness. He sighed softly. “Like it was--”

“--made for you?” Tony finished. He handed him the Italian hot chocolate. “Yeah. Kinda the point.”

“Tony--”

“Shit. Wait, don’t drink it yet.”

Bruce sighed again and let his feet flex across the sheepskin. He almost tasted his cocoa despite Tony, but Tony jiggled his hand.

“Sheesh. So goddamn impatient. What did I say?” He dropped a dollop of whipped cream - fresh whipped, it seemed - into Bruce’s cocoa. “Now you can drink it.”

Bruce did, and involuntarily moaned as the flavors danced on his tongue. 

“Yeah? See?” He grinned. “And they said it couldn’t be done.”

“Mm.” Bruce’s tongue darted to the corners of his lips, lapping up every stray drop of chocolate. He finished the cup, quietly placed the cup and saucer on the small bookshelf, folded his hands over his paunch, and let his head drape over the back of the chair. 

Sighing deeply, Bruce closed his eyes. “Will you level with me now? You’re buttering me up for whatever it is. I get it. And I’m as calm as I’ll ever get today, so you might as well spit it out.”

He didn’t get an answer right away, but he didn’t expect to.

“Stop playing games with me.”

“I’m not, I’m...” Tony huffed, and Bruce opened one eye, watching him pace the length of his office. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. That’s all.”

Bruce grunted. “So start with the small things. Like why you have a curtain on a wall with no windows.”

“Who said I don’t have windows?”

“Tony. We’re underground. At least a hundred meters, I imagine, if an operation like this is going on and no one’s noticed. But you have a curtain. Why the hell do you have a curtain, when there’s nothing to goddamn see?”

Tony laughed, probably the most genuine laugh he’d heard from him all day. A full out, head back laugh, and Bruce tiredly lifted his head. “Oh, Brucie,” Tony said. He chuckled a few times. “If that’s all you wanted to know, well. That’s easy.”

He toggled something under his desk - another fucking switch, Bruce thought sharply. He rolled his head over the back of the chair as the curtains slowly parted, not caring in the least for Tony’s “big reveal.”

“I’ve got one of the best views in the world.”

“Sure you do,” Bruce grunted. He rubbed his eyes and slowly sat back up. “What could you possibly have that other rich bas...”

He stopped. Rubbed his eyes. Looked again. Then tripped to his feet and went to the very edge of the window. Tall waterfalls, lush grasses and dense jungle flora and fauna filled his view. The waterfall spilled into a subterranean lake, and from the lake’s current, Bruce guessed a river was in there somewhere, too.  

Eden. No, better than Eden.

“I...it’s beautiful.” Words failed him.

“Yeah, I think so.” Tony shuffled his feet. “I’ve got the best view in the house. I think there might be a few birds to the west of the falls,” he said, nodding to the window. “Dunno how they even got in, but whatever. Mi casa, and all that.”

Bruce gripped the glass, unable to drink it in fast enough. “How?” 

“You’ve heard of Sơn Đoòng cave?”

“Of course.”

“Well Dad found out, and wanted to recreate it. Make it ‘better’ or whatever. Not because he was an environmentalist, though. He wanted to prove he could it. And in America, no less.”

Bruce scowled, tearing away from the idyllic picture. “Stop lying to me. Hang Sơn Đoòng wasn’t discovered before the 90s.”

“Fine, then.” Tony nodded to the scene. “Explain that, Mr. Scientist.”

But Bruce couldn’t. Instead he pretended he wasn’t dreaming, hoped he wasn’t, even though it felt like it. He wanted, very badly, to take a nap somewhere in there. To get completely lost in it. “I can’t help thinking,” he murmured. He splayed his hands over the window, as if purifying his soul. If he could translate the beauty, bottle it, and drink it. He would be absolved. Completely, utterly absolved.

“I can’t help that, despite how beautiful this is, there’s a snake somewhere.” Bruce’s heart crumbled in ways he hoped wouldn’t. God, he could be so, so cynical but he was usually right. It’s what kept him alive so long. “Is this the reason you brought me here? I wish it was, I want it to be. I hope it is. But...it isn’t, is it?”

Tony slowly shook his head and smiled sadly. He dropped his gaze and fixed himself a drink. “Need you for more than the great views, buddy. I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to add you to the roster. But we need you.”

Bruce swallowed and let himself view Eden, unspoiled, one last time before biting the apple of truth. “It never runs smooth, does it?”

“Nope.” Tony poured a shot of whiskey and gulped it down. “Never does.”

[tearsofwinter]

DnD Kirkwall Crew

@dovabunny challenged me to do an AU of the entire kirkwall crew, so I chose Dnd! It’s a bit based off a prompt I wrote: “ Fenris, Anders, and the rest of the gang play DnD. Their characters get into a duel because they are dead set on killing each other off. Many missed rolls later, their characters end up married with kids.”

Varric: 

Modern: A successful author, of course. I’m thinking he would be the type of person that wants to write 10 multiple endings and have it printed, and watch his fans go crazy while they argue which is the canon ending. He also writes his own fanfiction of his own series. 

DnD Role: Who better than Varric to be the GM? Master story teller. He enjoys putting all his friends through harrowing experiences and keeping them on their toes on whether they will or won’t survive. But Varric is also tenderhearted. He actually can’t kill off any of his friends, so they always make it to the end. NPCs though, they always die. 

Hawke:

Modern: A fitness trainer/body builder. Hawke is proud of her body and tries to show it off every chance she gets. She isn’t exactly a health nut, but she’s all on the latest trends on how to make herself buff in a safe manner. She’s cheerful and always cracking a joke. Most people peg her as an extrovert, but I’m thinking her being this way is compensation for something in the past? When she was younger, she was scrawny. Her family was poor. They lived off food stamp. Leandra had to get a job at a sweatshop in order to help with the family income. To battle with the helplessness Hawke felt as a child, she physically made her body stronger. 

DnD Role: Gold Dragonborn Warrior. “ Born of dragons, as their name proclaims, the dragonborn walk proudly through a world that greets them with fearful incomprehension. Shaped by draconic gods or the dragons themselves, dragonborn originally hatched from dragon eggs as a unique race, combining the best attributes of dragons and humanoids. Some dragonborn are faithful servants to true dragons, others form the ranks of soldiers in great wars, and still others find themselves adrift, with no clear calling in life.” Hawke didn’t care about the trait or abilities, or anything else. She saw dragon, she took it. 

Rest under the cut

Bethany

Modern: College student. Is studying education and child care. Beth wants to work with children. Carver often teases her, saying she lacks the temperament. He keeps bringing up the story when they were little and he got her so mad, that she pushed him out of the treehouse. He still has a scar on his head to prove it. He likes to call her Ms. Crunchem from Matilda. In response, Bethany goes to where Carver works, and chats up Merrill, telling her all the embarrassing stories of Carver’s childhood.

DnD Role: Like Carver, Bethany only plays on occasion. She actually can’t make it every Satuday, as she works at a volunteer group. When she does play, she plays the wandering Orc, a reoccurring boss the crew has to beat. “Orcs live a life that has no place for weakness, and every warrior must be strong enough to take what is needed by force.” Bethany may look sweet and humble, but she’s a beast at the game. She takes great joy almost killing off everyone with her awesome rolls. The gang has repeatedly ask Hawke to stop bringing her lol.

Carver:

Modern: Also college student. He has a part time job at an aromatherapy shop. He tries to use the money he earns to help with the family, but Hawke never allows him to pay for the bills, and instead tells him to use it for school. Carver can’t wait to be older, graduate, and find a well paying job so Hawke can stop shouldering all of the responsibility.

DnD Role: N/A. Carver refuses to play DnD. He thinks it’s a silly game, but somehow he always gets suckered into playing when Hawke manages to drag him over to game night. Since Carver’s appearance is rare, he tends to play the NPCs that Varric eventually kills off lol. The gang love ribbing on Carver.

In alphabetical order:

Anders

Modern: An ex-doctor. Used to work for the Red Cross. When he came back to Kirkwall, he worked at the hospital for a while, but when a surgery got botched due to the negligence of the head surgeon, they needed a fall guy. Anders unfairly got his license revoked. Now Anders works at a Big Cat sanctuary as a volunteer, and on his spare time, he goes to protests. 

DnD Role: A priest Tabaxi. “Hailing from a strange and distant land, wandering tabaxi are catlike humanoids driven by curiosity to collect interesting artifacts, gather tales and stories, and lay eyes on all the world’s wonders.” Fenris and Anders met because of Hawke and Varric. Hawke sometimes works at the sanctuary and invited Anders and Justice to game night. Fenris is a friend she made after a murder case Fenris helped solve and cleared her name. At first, neither Anders or Fenris were really into the game, until Fenris made an off handed comment about mages. After that, Anders kept trying to sabotage and kill Fenris’ character off. Since then, every single DnD night, Varric has to do one game for the Hawke and co, and a separate game for Anders and Fenris, who’s busying dueling each other. 

Aveline

Modern: Police officer. Slowly, she’s working her way up the ranks in order to become a detective. As much as she enjoys patrolling Kirkwall, she wants conduct investigations and solve criminal cases. Donnic has been asking her if she wouldn’t prefer working as a prosecutor instead. 

DnD Role:  Warrior Aasimar. “Aasimar are placed in the world to serve as guardians of law and good. Their patrons expect them to strike at evil, lead by example, and further the cause of justice.” Everyone was quite shocked when Aveline picked this role. Most of them assumed she would’ve picked human. But when Aveline read this role, she knew it was the perfect fit for her. Isabela rolled her eyes and said of course, manly hand chose the most justicey of justicey roles. 

Fenris

Modern: Works as a translator and a museum curator. In his spare time, Fenris writes. It’s how he met Varric. Both of them work for the same publishing company. Hawke was involved in an odd case where a word written in old Tevene was scratch into the wooden floor of the victim. Varric dragged Fenris in so he could translate it. They broke a few rules, but anything for writing material! What’s the most interesting detail is that Fenris is the author of Anders’ most favorite series. It’s a children’s book about cats, and it actually isn’t selling to well. But hearing Anders gush about it, kind of makes Fenris feel warm inside. All the money he makes from the books, he donates to the Big Cat Sanctuary Anders and Justice runs.

DnD Role: Goliath. “Strong and reclusive, every day brings a new challenge to a goliath.” Anders makes fun of Fenris for choosing this role. He says it must be because Fenris is trying to compensate for something. To which Fenris replied, “Why don’t you come and find out?” and then proceeded to try and roll for an instant KO on Anders’ character. However, he rolled a 1. Instead of smacking Anders’ character with a club, Fenris’ character ends up seducing Anders’ lol. 

Isabela

Modern: Sex therapist. It wasn’t her first choice of job. When Izzy got kicked out of her home at a young age, she worked as a thief, then later joined a gang. However, when a gang war broke out, and she almost died during a shooting, Izzy left that life behind. Her current job is because she was able to blackmail a former lover. He helped her forge some papers. The Ph.D hanging on her wall? Fake. However, her advice is always sound. Maybe it’s because of the hard life she had, but Izzy is always able to see the truth of the matter, and say what needs to be said. Her patients always values her blunt wisdom.

DND Role: Chaotic Good Human Rogue. “Humans are the most adaptable and ambitious people among the common races. Whatever drives them, humans are the innovators, the achievers, and the pioneers of the worlds.” It was a toss up between the human or Triton race ( Long-established guardians of the deep ocean floor, in recent years the noble tritons have become increasingly active in the world above), but the triton just seemed so stuffy, so she went with the regular ol’ human. Having Izzy play is always unpredictable. While she’s good the first 30 minutes and make smart decisions, after her 4th can of beer, she’s chaos unleashed. She is especially fond of teasing Aveline and Carver. 

Justice

Modern: The founder of Big Cat Sanctuary. Was knighted by the Queen of Ferelden. Like, he’s a legit knight. No one knows his complete backstory, it’s as if he appeared out of thin air one day. All they know is that his background is heavily guarded by the government. 

DND Role: Does not play. He keeps telling Anders he has no time to join their frivolous games. So since Justice won’t drive to Varric’s, sometimes Anders has the gang come to THEIR apartment for game night. Even though Justice refuses to play, he keeps coming in and out of his room to watch how the game progresses. He makes sure everyone has something to drink, and that there’s plenty of snacks going around. He’s a bit of a mother hen. 

Merrill

Modern: The owner of an aromatherapy/herablist shop. Everything is organic and hand crafted by Merrill. Diffusers, essential oils, bath bombs, homeopathic medicine, vitamins, plants etc can be found here. Hawke walked by this shop everyday to and fro from work, and the shop always smelled so nice that she finally decided to visit. Who knew that the shop also provided tea and yummy biscuits? It became her favorite place to go during lunch break. It’s thanks to Hawke that Carver got introduced to the job. It’s a bit funny. The shop barely ever has any customers, but not only does it manage to stay afloat, but also pays Carver very well. Carver wants to ask where Merrill gets the money, but he’s also afraid of the answer. What if she already has a lover and Merrill is actually a sugar baby? Carver will be devastated! ((Merrill actually runs an underground business of buying and selling artifacts. She’s taking back what belongs to her people, things that Orlais and Tevinter wrongly stole. Her shop is actually just a front)). 

DnD Role: Elf mage. Merrill cannot imagine being anything else. She’s proud of her heritage. She is a bit absent minded while playing the game though, and often forgets the rules. At first Varric and Isabela looked out for Merrill, and tried to help her get the hang of the game, but then one night they noticed when Merrill “rolled” the dice, she distracted everyone by accidentally kicking the table. By the time everyone righted everything, Merrill’s dice went from a 3 to an 18. Sneaky, sneaky. 

Sebastian

Modern: A foreign prince currently studying abroad. He ran into Bethany and Hawke during one of their volunteer sessions. Both of the sisters can’t get enough of his accent, so invited him to hang out with them. Rumor at the school is that he’s an exiled prince that got banned from court because of his frivolous and wanton attitude. Other rumors is, is that he saw the “Kirkwall Girls Gone Wild” TV ad, and wanted a piece of that action. Some hopefuls hope that they can snag the prince and become princess. They’ll be said to find out, Sebastian’s true goal at coming to Kirkwall was to study to become a clergyman. 

DnD Role: Human warrior. As a child, Sebastian never got a chance to play DnD, so when Hawke dragged him to play, he was quite overwhelmed by all the races, classes, and rules. So he chose the most simple and easiest one to understand. Seb is quite a newb though, and for some reason, Varric seems to dislike him. While the rest of the crew seem to always scrape by unscathed, Seb’s character is always down to 1 HP. 

This took me 2 hours to write. I hope you’re happy @dovabunny LOL

[sarahaltmanposts]

Ball of Fire

April 10, 2019

Lately, I’ve been feeling VERY scared.  Actually, terrified.  I feel like if you peeled away my skin, you’d find a huge ball of firey fear.  It’s raging.  It’s consuming me.  And while I’m doing my very best to move through it, I can’t help but admit I’m panicking.

Contrary to what you may expect, this blog is not about cancer.  This time, I’m going to break an old social taboo and write about something most people don’t share openly.  I hesitate only because this extends beyond my own experience and involves my entire family.  Mostly, I want to honor my husband’s privacy.  But true to form, he supports me one hundred percent in my experience and has given me the green light to share this publicly. So here we go.

Money.  It sucks.  

From the time I was a child, I didn’t have visions of marriage or career. I had visions of being a mom.  It’s all I ever wanted to be. But before I was able to manifest that dream, lots of life happened.  I was a fiercely independent woman, having spent several years in NYC as a (hopeful) actress and eventually finding my way to a great career as a Casting Director for television.  I loved casting!  But my dream for kids was strong, so when I found myself pregnant after three miscarriages, I chose to stop casting and become an incubator.  This wasn’t a tough decision to make- I knew what I wanted and I went after it. And  after many years of pain and disappointment, we gave birth to our first son.  Another loss and eventually son number two came three and half years later.  

After clearing up a big ‘ole misunderstanding about expectations once I became a Mom, my husband jumped on board with me choosing to stay home to be a career mom.  (That sentence is very weighted.  Although it’s said with one breath, it took months of therapy to work through!)

Here’s the thing- at the time, my husband was an actor.  Nowadays he’s more of a writer.  Neither of them offer consistent, sustainable income.  Not unless you’re one of the very, very lucky ones.  So one of the challenges for me, the girl who   grew up contentedly middle class, in the same house my entire life and craves stability, was becoming more improvisational and flexible, especially when it came to money. For the most part, my husband has managed to find consistent work.  And I’ve learned that there will be ebbs and flows of income.  More like feast or famine, honestly. So I adapt: when money is flowing, I’m packing it away like a squirrel stores nuts for the long winter.  (Do squirrels really do that?  I’m not sure, but I like the image.) We live a very frugal life, putting the bulk of our income toward the boys activities.  But when work slows for my husband and stored money begins to dwindle down to a place where I’m uncomfortable, it gets bad.  And scary.  

I gave up a lot by choosing to stay home with the boys.  Sure, I miss having a career of my own, but not nearly enough to make me want to trade in my career as a mom.  However, I do miss the income and financial security the career outside the home provided.  We have spent many conversations about the guilt I have by not generating a regular income.  My husband understands the value I offer our boys and continues to support my decision through all my hemming and hawing, even though this puts tremendous pressure on him as the sole provider.

So when we get to this scary place, I panic.  And  old programming makes its way into my head.

When I was in my twenties, pursuing my acting career in NY, I was encouraged by my Dad to find a job that would offer a more sustainable income. His solution was to become a Pharmaceutical Rep.  Those of you who know me can stop laughing now.  Here’s why it’s humorous: First of all, I’m not a salesperson.  I’m way too honest and transparent to sell something I may not completely believe in. And that leads to…Secondly, I don’t like taking medications for anything!  Not even aspirin!

But I began to notice a feeling in my body whenever Dad would suggest the career move.  It was an intense anxiousness. My heart and blood race, there’s a tightness in my chest and tears begin to form in my eyes.  That’s how terror shows up for me.  As I matured in my awareness of my body, I was able to identify the feelings as a sign that I’m on a path that may not be in service to myself.  

But there’s always a small little voice in my head whispering, “Or is that how you justify avoiding doing something that you know you need to do?” The conflict is almost always there.

And that’s how I’m feeling right now.  It’s the fear of having to be forced into a position that doesn’t fit me. Something that just isn’t right.  I feel like I just can’t breathe. Somehow this fear is scarier to me than almost all of my cancer experience (except the part where I was afraid I’d die).  And I’m terrified to my bones that if I don’t take one of “those jobs” that we will run out of money and be homeless.  T E R R I F I E D!

So if you saw me right now, I’d look normal to you.  But in reality, that big ‘ole ball of fear raging like a fire. All. The. Time.  

I resort to my training.  First, I acknowledge that although the fear is real, it isn’t necessarily based on truth from past experience.  We have never been entirely broke or homeless.  Ever.   False Evidence Appearing Real.  True, it has been very, very scary at times. (Like now!) But somehow we have always managed to pull ourselves out of the situation.    

But the fear says, “What if this time is different? What are you going to do? It’s time to suck it up and go get a job- anything that will bring in money.  Anything you big ‘ole wuss. Most women don’t even have a choice- they HAVE to work, you spoiled brat.Who do you think you are?  Nobody gets to live their dream their entire life! Get out there and get a REAL job.”  Fear is not nice to me.  I feel the tightness almost strangling me and the panic sitting in my stomach.

The voice keeps me up at night.  When I get overwhelmed, I once again turn to my training.

Because this seems to be a pattern in my life, I understand there must be opportunities available to me.  What have I been overlooking?  What lesson is this situation offering me? I hear a much more gentle voice reassuring me. “It’s ok, Sarah.  It’s going to be ok.  You are held.  You are always held.  This is unfolding perfectly.   Keep your heart and mind open.”  And slowly, I can feel myself loosening.  My breath deepens.  My panic begins to dissolve and I feel a softening; a way to look at this all a bit differently.  And it feels much better than the tight, anxious, panicked feeling of fear.

So if this is perfect, what IS my opportunity?  Well, I’ve been hovering in a space of not knowing what the next chapter of my life is going to look like for the last several years. Maybe this is exactly what I need, a kick in the pants, to get me thinking more in that direction?  I sit in that for a while.  And then a plan begins to form.  And I’m reminded that working does NOT have to look like my fear’s images.  There is a world where I’m doing something I enjoy, generating money AND being the kind of mom I want to continue to be.

And that’s where I am today.  Still terrified, but taking small, action steps. Trusting that I have enough time left before our funds run out to allow the plans to evolve into something that generates income.  

Trust- that’s a big one, right?  I’ve always had a hard time discerning the fine line between trust and denial.  Right now, I’m too dang scared, so I’m going to lean towards trust.  I don’t want to give into my fear because the past has shown that when I make choices from a place of fear, they just don’t work out.  And sitting in this space FEELS much better. I’m breathing easier, the tightness in my chest is gone and the panic has lessened. So trust it is. For this moment.  And then hopefully the next and then the next.  

My son had a big gymnastics competition recently.  He started out really strong on his first event and then fell on his second, dropping him from first place to ninth.  I went into a tailspin as I kept re-playing the moment he fell, wondering why, trying to somehow change the outcome in my mind.  In the meantime, my son just kept working hard and competing beautifully at his subsequent events, chipping away at the lead that the other athletes had gained by his fall.  Going into the sixth and final event, only four tenths separated him from first place.  He prepared to mount the pommel, an event that had been giving him so much difficulty throughout the season.  I tried my best to not cheer very loudly because I didn’t want to distract him. But as he worked his way through the routine, gaining momentum, clearing each skill, I just couldn’t hold back.  My cheers became louder and louder, knowing full well if he didn’t fall, he’d win.  And then, just like that, it was over.  He’d done it- stayed on the pommel, did what he was supposed to do, what he’d been training for all season, and completed a clean routine.  And yeh, he won the competition!  

I can’t help but consider the symbolism of this event and extrapolate it onto my life.  If I can just keep pushing, even after falling, trusting that I can do what I am put on this earth to do, it will all be ok.  And maybe I can cheer for myself a bit too, knowing I can win if I can just hold on!

At least, that’s what I’m gonna tell myself today.

In loving,

Sarah

[imagine-it-like-this]

Title: Girls Over Pigs Relationships: Rowena/reader Genres: Hurt/Comfort Others: Fluff

There were plenty of things that made my blood boil.

Long, dragged out political debates.

Grannies crossing the road slowly (I usually run those over. What? There are perks to being a witch mentored by one of the best of her kind).

Crying babies.

Snoring.

The one that topped it all? Hurting my girl.

You dare lay a hand on my girl and you are dead fucking meat.

So imagine my rage when I got a phone call – from hunters, no less – telling me someone did just that, dropped dead before I could even attempt to kill them, and my girl hadn’t even felt the need to tell me where she was going.

Rowena snuggled close to me, warm and safe in my arms after an exceptionally long and painful day. She'd only told me the details, how she almost died, being outpowered by a witch surprisingly more powerful than her. That last thing, at least on the outside, seemed to be what bothered her the most, but I knew her well enough to see through her façade.

"They were wrong," I said, breaking the uncomfortable silence we've fallen into. "The Loughlins."

She didn't seem surprised that I knew about that little ordeal. "How much do ye know?"

"A lot. Sam and Dean told me."

She huffed, and I bet she rolled her eyes just then. "Those Winchester lads can't keep their big mouths shut."

"I'm glad they told me." I pulled her closer, my grip on her tightening. "It's kind of a big thing. You should've been the one to tell me."

"It was a long time ago."

"Doesn't matter. They never should have done that."

"I can handle my problems. Ye don't have to worry yer pretty head about me." She let out a light chuckle, her hand reaching for mine to give it a reassuring squeeze. "I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. It's just… I'd like to know these things. I'd like to know everything about you. We're together now. Couples share that sort of thing." I took a deep, calming breath. "I'm not saying you have to tell me. It's just, it would be nice if you confided in me. Like I confide in you."

"Some things are better left unsaid," she said, voice softening.

"For your sake or mine?" I inquired.

She pondered on it for a short moment. "Both."

I sighed. "You're not weak if you talk to me about these things."

Those protective walls she'd built around herself would be the death of her. I understood why she was like that; centuries of betrayal, pain, and suffering tend to do that to a person. I just wished she'd give me a chance to prove myself to her. To prove that I am not like the people who harmed her, that I would always put her first, no matter what.

That I would never intentionally hurt her.

Then again, maybe it was the unintentional part that she was afraid of.

"I'm not weak if I don't, either," she retorted.

I smiled. "Right."

Can't argue with Rowena logic.

"What they did to you wasn't fair," I continued. "You didn't deserve that."

She chuckled. "Did anyone ever tell ye ye worry too much?"

"A few people."

This prompted her to laugh. "I don't want ye to worry about me."

"That's impossible. You always get yourself into crazy shit. I'd be crazy if I didn't worry."

"I suppose that's fair," she allowed. "I do tend to pick my enemies rather unwisely."

"As well as your battles," I chided. "Why didn't you tell me where you were going? Your poker buddies wanted to rip my head off when I told them I was looking for you."

She snorted. "Ungraceful losers, those lads."

"I kinda ripped off theirs. Well, technically, they did it themselves. Attack Dog spells are a wonder. Hope you don't mind."

"Good. They cheated."

I decided not to comment on the fact that they told me she did exactly the same thing to them, and knowing my precious girl, they were more than likely in the right. Though I had no doubt in my mind they did the same to her.

"Seriously, Rowena," I continued, my voice growing serious. "You have got to start telling me things. You can't just disappear without a word."

"I suppose I should be more forthcoming," she agreed. "You've got to understand, darlin'. I've been alone for centuries. All of this is new to this wee ol' witch."

I smiled. "Promise you'll try? For me?" I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Pretty please with me on top?"

"I guess it couldn't hurt to adapt to these new… circumstances." She backed away from me, pushing herself up on her elbows to face me. "With a reward as sweet as that, how could I possibly say no?"

I pulled on a smile of my own.

"And if something bothers you, tell me about it, okay?" I said in a pleading tone.

She lowered her gaze. "If that's what ye want…"

"No," I cut her off, bringing my hand to her cheek to get her to look me in the eye once more. "Not for me. For you. It's not healthy to hold it all in. However, if you don't wish to tell me, that's okay, too. I don't want to force you into anything. I'm just saying you have a choice. You don't have to go through it alone anymore. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you tell me stays between us. I won't tell a soul, unless you specifically ask me to."

"That's very kind of ye, dear." Her hand squeezed mine once again. "I can't promise ye anythin’, but I will take it into consideration. Thank ye for… everythin'."

I could tell it wasn't easy for her to say it; Rowena and feelings weren't things you'd often find in the same sentence. And when you did, it was a mess all around.

"Always, honey," I whispered, planting a kiss to her cheek. "And for the record, I would never do that to you. I would've helped you without asking for anything in return. And I certainly would have never turned you away when you most needed me."

"I know, darlin'. Ye don't seem like the type that favours pigs."

"Over you? I favor nothing."

[thesnootyushers]

What are The Snooty Ushers looking forward to most in 2017?

2016 is well and truly in the rear view mirror now, and as the New Year haze is slowly clearing we are ready to stride into 2017 with renewed vigour. And what films should you pencil into your brand new calendars and diaries? Dan has already looked at a few films that might fly under the radar in 2017 here, the best upcoming horrors here, and some of this year’s riskier films here, but right here is where you can find our Most Anticipated Films of 2017!

(NB All release dates mentioned are the latest information on the planned UK releases, and are subject to change)

10. Thor: Ragnarok (Taika Waititi) Release Date: 27th October

James: This is all about the director. Taika Waititi has made two great films in What We Do In The Shadows and Hunt For The Wilderpeople, and the thought of what he could do in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is tantalising.

9. Trainspotting 2 (Danny Boyle) Release Date: 27th January

Dave: As a Scotsman and a product of the 90s, Trainspotting was huge for me.  I loved how it took a group of pretty despicable characters and made you care about them.  I was 19 when this was in the cinema and I saw 4 times and 100 more since.  I have read the book twice and seen it on stage.  I can not wait to see what has happened to these characters over the last 20 years.  I am happy that Boyle has gone his own way rather that adapt Welsh’s lukewarm follow up novel Porno.  We have waited long enough for this, I am positive it will be worth it.

8. Paddington 2 (Paul King) Release Date: 24th November

James: Paddington is a heart warming family film that leaves you feeling all warm and fuzzy. The chance to visit the bear from Peru again can’t come soon enough!

No trailer yet for Paddington 2, so here’s the trailer for the first.

7. Star Wars: Episode VIII (Rian Johnson) Release Date: 15th December

Welshy:  People will reminisce  in 30 years time and say “it was the best in the series”. Hand to god,  this will be our generation’s Empire Strikes Back.

No trailer yer, but here’s a trailer for the joyful The Force Awakens

6. Spider-Man: Homecoming (John Watts) Release Date: 7th July

Rich: Spider-Man joins the Marvel Cinematic Universe again for his first Marvel Studios solo movie, Spider-Man: Homecoming. The trailer is bursting with classic Spider-man quips and action, but it also shows you just enough of the characters and villains to keep a little bit of mystery about the plot .Directed by Jon Watts who directed hidden gem Cop Car it looks like he’s paid attention to some faults of previous Spidey instalments and is giving us a lot of things we haven’t seen before in this one. Lets hope the franchise can find new heights and stick around for years to come. Also go and watch Cop Car, it’s brilliant!

5. Alien: Covenant (Ridley Scott) Release Date: 19th May

Rich: Sir Ridley Scott is reunited with his baby, the Alien franchise which he helped create in 1979. It’s been tough going for this film franchise and its numerous directors and sequels, but I feel none came close to recreating what Sir Ridley Scott had done. Obviously the attempted reboot in Prometheus (2012) was a bit hit or miss with audiences but Scott seems determined to win back our trust with this glorious trailer which is dripping with the Alien style and aesthetic. Scott seems set on still fleshing out the universe but also returning to his roots of bloody and terrifying. Check out the trailer below and see what I mean.

4. John Wick: Chapter 2 (Chad Stahelski) Release Date: 10th February

Dan: Good lord was John Wick one of the best action films released in the past 10 years, and one that pretty much came out of nowhere. Who would have thought a film, starring Keanu Reeves, about a former hitman and his dog would be such an entertaining action packed watch. Not only did Reeves do brilliantly, the first brought us fresh directing talent, one of whom has been rewarded with Deadpool 2. John Wick only scratched the surface of this potentially massive underworld of criminals, assassins and hotels, and I for one can’t wait to see how they follow it up.

3. Logan (James Mangold) Release Date: 2nd March

Welshy: So here we are at the end of the line for the Ol’ Canucklehead. Well, for Hugh Jackman anyway. Having had a rocky start with his abysmal first solo outing, then gaining  great momentum in his second we reach the third and final chapter. Now oh sweet Mary the source material this is based on is one of the most glorious narratives ever put to seven panels and thirteen pages. It looks like they are going all out with this final instalment, James Mangold has learned from The Wolverine and now will showcase the best there is at what he does. Just Watch.

2. Blade Runner 2049 (Denis Villenuve) Release Date: 6th Ocotber

Dave: Forget Star Wars and Superheroes, this is what 2017 is about for me.  Blade Runner is one of my favourite films of all time.  Now, normally I would be sceptical about a belated sequel and when it was first mooted I dismissed it out of hand, then along came Denis Villenueve, he is one of the most exciting and promising directors working today.  Ryan Gosling most definitely has the talent to carry any film and then there is the returning Harrison Ford.  The teaser looks like they have nailed the feel of the original.  Here is hoping.

1. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (James Gunn) Release Date: 28th April

Dan: As a fan of James Gunn with his work on Super, and Slither, I was intrigued by the first Guardians of the Galaxy. Then the trailer hit and I just knew it would be special. Watching it in the cinema was the best experience I’ve had watching a Sci-Fi film since my mother took me to see the re-releases of Star Wars: Episodes IV-VI when I was younger, if not better. I’ve never been this excited for a film for as long as I can remember, I’m actually more excited than I was for Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

  And that is our Top 10 – let us know what you are looking forward to in 2017! For more upcoming 2017 releases, check out the upcoming horrors of 2017, the 10 films to keep you eye on in 2017, and the riskiest films of 2017.

Until next time, stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold. See you soonish.

PS As a special treat for reading all the way to the end, here are our individual Top 10 lists:

James 1. Blade Runner 2049 – Come on. I was looking forward to this before I saw Sicario. Then Arrival was amazing. In Villeneuve we trust. 2. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 – Can they capture lightning in a bottle again? 3. Paddington 2 – One of the most charming films in years gets a sequel. 4. War For the Planet Of The Apes – After two amazing films I’m pumped for another! 5. Logan –His scene in X Men: Apocolypse was the best thing in it, and the trailer looks epic. Time to say goodbye to one of the best characters we have seen 6. John Wick: Chapter 2 – Will this be a Raid 2 style upgrade or a Taken 2 style retread? I imagine a bigger budget, but will it work again? 7. Thor: Ragnorak – Man, I just love What We Do In The Shadows and Hunt For The Wilderpeople 8. Dark Tower – Years of expectation means I can’t get my hopes up too much. But still… 9. Kingsman: The Golden Circle – Manners. Maketh. Man. 10. The LEGO Batman Movie – Yes, I AM still a 7 year old, so what?

Split – M. Night Shymalan’s comeback? Alien: Covenant – Prometheus has dulled my expectations of being blown away by this, but on re-watches that is an interesting movie. Kong: Skull Island – Godzilla? Justice League/Wonder Woman Spider-Man: Homecoming Star Wars: Episode VIII: Pressure is on, will need to stand on it own (can’t rely on nostalgia like The Force Awakens) but Looper is a great movie (and those episodes of Breaking Bad), so I have faith in Rian Johnson

Dan

Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol 2

Logan

Alien: Covenant –

It

John Wick 2

Blade Runner 2049

The Dark Tower

Star Wars: Episode VIII

Soldado

Ghost in the Shell

Dave

Blade Runner 2049 – Best director working today, a classic in waiting

Trainspotting 2 – cant’t wait to see these characters again

Guardians of The Galaxy 2 – More of the same please…

John Wick 2 – I could watch Keanu play this character all day long

Murder on The Orient Express – I love a murder mystery, just check the cast

Logan – Old Man Logan! Or as close as we will ever get on the big screen

Soldado – just watch Sicario and you will see why this is on the list

Alien Covenant – back to its horror roots?  Can’t be as bad as Prometheus right?

Paddington 2 – First one was a delight, Whishaw’s vocal performance was spot on

Despicable Me 3 – These movies are just fun.  Trey Parker’s villain looks a hoot.

The Mummy, Live By Night, Episode VIII, The Six Million Dollar Man, Lego Batman, Sing, King Arthur, Baywatch, Pitch Perfect 3

Welshy – Mine is very comic heavy

Star Wars episode 8

Logan

Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2

Spiderman Homecoming

Power Rangers

Thor 3 Ragnarok

Wonder Woman

Justice League

Blade Runner 2049

The Coldest City

Rich

Alien: Covenant – come on… seems like its going back to its roots which is great

Spider-man: Homecoming – lets hope it skips the origin story

Eyes of the Mother – artsy, moody horror flick

Bladerunner 2049 – Trailer is dripping with style

Ghost in the Shell – big fan of the original anime

John Wick Chapter 2 – more shooty shooty

Baywatch – The Rock and Zac Efron!

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2

Justice League – It has to succeed, right?

Dark Tower – Will this even release in 2017?

2017 is full of blockbusters, sequels and franchises, but what films are The Snooty Ushers looking forward to most? What are The Snooty Ushers looking forward to most in 2017?