#Tom Nursall

[adamwatchesmovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas (1998)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

Jonathan Taylor Thomas was a teen heartthrob in the '90s. Why? I have no idea. He shows no charisma whatsoever in I’ll Be Home for Christmas, which leaves us with an unfunny, contrived script whose characters you wouldn’t like even if the performances were magnificent.

A few days before Christmas Eve, Jake Wilkinson (JTT) receives a call from his father (Gary Cole) begging him to come home for Christmas dinner. Having already traded his ticket to New York for two to Cabo San Lucas so he can take his girlfriend Allie (Jessica Biel), the boy has no plans of seeing his family during the holiday season. When Mr. Wilkinson offers Jake his vintage 1957 Porsche 356 if he arrives by 6:00 PM on December 24th, Jake becomes determined to get home.

You might see the inherent flaw already but if you don’t, let me spell it out for you: Jake is wholly unlikeable. If it weren’t for the bribe, he would’ve happily stayed far away from his father, new stepmother (Eve Gordon) and little sister (Lauren Maltby) despite the upcoming family dinner. He traded in the tickets his father paid for to go on a personal vacation. No matter how hard he tries to get to New York when he misses his flight, despite getting stranded in the desert in a Santa suit and having all sorts of misadventures along his journey, you never cheer for him. Even without the bribery, you wouldn’t champion the… high schooler? College student? (it’s unclear). He happily feeds the school’s cartoonish bullies answers to tests via pager for money. Despite his constant stream of would-be smooth remarks to his girlfriend, you don't pin him as a romantic or find him pleasant in any way. You can see what the concept was. Jake is supposed to be a smooth-talker who can improvise his way out of anything, someone who's cleverer than everyone else and has a smart remark up his sleeve at all times. Taylor Thomas simply isn't up to the task.

But enough about the leading man. There are plenty of dislikes to be passed around. Most deserving of criticism is the limp story, which is filled with contrivances, coincidences and characters that should be eccentrically charming but are merely annoying. Over and over, Jake narrowly misses reconnecting with Allie, who is hitching a ride with the school’s biggest bully, Eddie Taffet (Adam LaVorgna). In no universe in all of the multiverses would this happen but there needs to be some extra tension between the couple so the picture flirts with Jake's girl and his hated enemy getting together. To be fair, Eddie may be stupid and a complete heap of trash but he’s not much worse than Jake. He may be acting nicely towards her in the hopes she'll ditch Jake and like him instead, but Jake's motivation for the whole film is “I want a sweet car”. Sorry, I got back on the Jake hate-train. I meant instead to address the number of crimes committed throughout the film. There’s a “Shut up, don’t worry about it” mentality throughout I’ll be Home for Christmas. If the film were funny and moved quickly, you wouldn’t notice or care. I didn’t laugh once, not even unintentionally.

If a 2/5 seems like a generous rating considering I’ve had nothing nice to say about I’ll be Home for Christmas it’s because the film is wholly forgettable and at its core, buried under mounds of false sentimentality, there is a nugget of a good idea. I’ll Be Home for Christmas was a box office bomb so there’s no way it would ever be remade but if it were, its premise could make for a good movie. (December 27, 2021)

[therealmrpositive]

Prom Night III: The Last Kiss (1989)

In today's review, I find that a new girlfriend just might be enough to improve my academic prospects. As I attempt a #positive review of the late 80s horror comedy, Prom Night III: The Last Kiss #TimConlon #CynthiaPreston #DavidStratton #CourtneyTaylor

We all need that little something extra to motivate us, whether it is a treat at the end of the week, the prospect of better days, or a voice in the background cheering us on. Sometimes that something extra can help us in more literal ways, giving us a spring in our step, or a decaying helping hand. In 1989, Mary Lou Mahoney might just be the ghoul to give this typical high-school student a…

[90smovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas

[90smovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas

[90smovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas

[90smovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas

[90smovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas

[90smovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas

[90smovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas

[90smovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas

[90smovies]

I'll Be Home for Christmas