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skellymom · 1 year ago

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"Redneck Doug's Bad Batch Family BBQ"

Cool divider by the talented @cafekitsune

Background: Bad Batch Family BBQ is crashed by Tech's crazy ex-wife. This one shot includes Maadienne "Mad Momma" my OC character from Vagabonds. This story takes place in the BB future when everyone is safe, settled down, and enemies can be friends (except for Hunter and Crosshair-they're family frenemies).

Word count: 2K

Warning: swearing, the "C" word, alcohol, sexual references, drunkenness, Crosshair being inappropriate with Hunter's wife (she no stand for it), Wrecker/Crosshair pyromania, Tech losing his temper/ vomiting, nasty/horrible ex-wife, messy family shenanigans.

This One Shot is based on Tumblr user @talesfrommedinastation post about their Redneck neighbor Doug who has a very fun take on the Batch. To read it (which will make everything in this story more understandable):

https://www.tumblr.com/talesfrommedinastation/727350948139302912/my-redneck-neighbor-dougs-interpretations-on?source=share

Mad heard the Batcher Brothers before they even turned into the driveway...well, at least Wrecker. Tech had driven his extremely quiet fully loaded Tesla. But Wrecker screamed down the dirt road in his “custom” painted LOLAMOBILE (Omega and “The Littles” did the custom work) with Down blasting at an ear shattering volume. He was kicking up dust like a desert storm. Crosshair was in the front seat and Echo holding on for dear life to the roll bars in the back.

Mad met the brothers at the door to her and Hunter’s home. She and Hunter had been preparing a huge meal all morning for their family gathering. Hunter barbequed a huge side of pork to perfection and Mad heated up the kitchen with her famous delicious side dishes. She wore her comfy black cotton body hugging T-shirt dress and kitchen apron with the words “I poisoned your food” emblazoned on it. Her long undercut was braided with the end barely tickling the top of her butt. She was still fit after birthing 5 children with Hunter, just with a bit more curves and tattoos. Hunter lovingly referred to her as his “Big Tiddie Goth Momma.”

The Brothers took turns entering their humble abode and greeting the hostess.

Echo stepped in first, pecked Mad on the cheek, and gave her a bouquet of wildflowers and then handed over a box of Cinnabun toaster treats “This is for Omega. Tell my loveable smartass sister Toaster Strudel thought of her!” They both broke out in laughter.

“I’ll give this to her when she comes back from the Tipoca City Mall on the Ocean. She took The Littles so Hunter and I could cook without them getting in our way.”

Next was Wrecker, “Hey Julio, my big beefcake. How ya doin’? As he picked her up and hugged the total stuffing out of her with his huge arms.

“OHHH Mad, thank you so much for feeding us! I NEVER leave your place hungry!!! Looking forward to those amazing biscuits you make.” He let go and handed her a huge tub of Mantell Mix. “For dessert!”

“Thanks, Wrecker.”

Then Crosshair, who removed the toothpick from his mouth to lean down and smootch Mad on the cheek...while grabbing a handful of her generous derriere, “Daddy Warcrimes has been looking forward to those ‘biscuits’, too.”

Mad immediately slapped Cross upside the head with the kitchen towel that was slung over her shoulder “Hands off or I’ll Daddy Whip Your Ass!”

“Whatever you say, Vixen” he winked and removed his hand.

Hunter was used to his sibling pining after his wife since returning from Mount Tantiss. Crosshair could get any woman he wanted, and usually did. But he carried on like he really wanted Mad... or thought he did. She was more than Crosshair could handle, and Hunter liked it that way. Hunter and Mad were over the moon sweet on each other, even after being married all this time.

“You look like Daddy Womp-Womp to me. Touch my wife again and I’ll snap your skinny ass in half like those Slim Jim’s you live on.”

“Got your weekly shower I see Hunter. She must have felt randy today and wanted you sweet smelling.”

“OH, KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO!!!

Mad turned to see poor Tech standing silently in the doorway looking anxious and forlorn. He handed Mad his 6 pack of fancy IPA’s (he always brought his own booze and refused to drink anything else Hunter or Mad stocked) and a bottle of Mad’s favorite. “Oh honey, thank you!” She put her arm around Tech and led him into the house. Then put the alcohol on the counter. “I’m SO proud of you finally serving divorce papers to Laura. I know it was hard, but she’s not treated you well at all.”

“Hunter, get everyone a drink, will ya?” She ran to the stove to stir the homemade Mac and Cheese.

“I’m on it hon.” Catching a glimpse of her beautiful bottom jiggling as she sprinted across the kitchen. He shot a look at Crosshair with an antagonizing expression of “Mine, NOT yours”. Crosshair sneered back.

Wrecker patted Tech on the back as the brothers sat down at the kitchen table with their drinks, “So ya FINALLY did it! You’re free!!!” Tech flinched and looked guilty.

“About time!” Added Echo

“Hated that crazy bitch Laura” Crosshair squinted while inserting a fresh toothpick into his mouth.

“Oof, she made everyone else around her miserable, too” Hunter put his hand up to his head, like the mere thought of Laura was giving him a migraine.

“OH GAWD...remember when she nearly ruined Rex and Ashoka’s wedding?” Mad gestured to Tech with potholders before checking on the biscuits, “Had to get nasty jealous when all you did was say ‘Hi’ to Phee Genoa during the reception.”

“Ashoka using the Force to shut her ass up. That was GOLD!” Echo threw his head back and laughed.

“Well, no matter. Better fish in the sea. You know Phee asks about you all the time when I’m at my Ladies Group...so I invited them over tonight.” Mad winked at Tech and bent over to pull out the biscuits.

Crosshair craned his neck hoping to see Mad’s shirt dress ride up her thigh.

Hunter punched his brother in the arm.

“Oww, FUCK Hunter!”

“HAAA, caught ya lookin!” Wrecker gleefully pushed Cross back into Hunter, who gleefully punched his brother in the arm again and sent him back towards Wrecker. Cross managed to stay in his chair but lost his toothpick.

“The whole Group is coming...The Martez Sisters...” Mad wasn’t even paying attention to the shit going on at the table.

“YEAH! My honeys!!!” Wrecker grabbed Cross and shook him in excitement.

“You’re spilling my beer, Wrecker!” Crosshair pushed Wrecker away.

“...Fennec Shand...” Cross stopped. Mad had gotten his attention. They liked to talk guns, plus Cross thought she was a hot little honey.

“…mmm...and Riyo Chuchi.” Echo grinned, tipped back the chair, and crossed his arms behind his head.

Tech didn’t look excited at all. He was unnaturally quiet and halfway through his second IPA already. Not a fast drinker and it seemed like he was sucking them down tonight.

“Ok, sides are done. You boys go out and start up the bonfire, it’ll be dark soon and the ladies should be arriving.”

Wrecker got up and hurried toward the door, excited to set something on fire. Crosshair followed him. “I’ll make sure they don’t set fire to the backyard...again.” Echo promised as the screen door slammed shut.

Hunter got up from the table and looked at Tech. He had peeled the label off the now empty second bottle of IPA. “What’s up? You’re not usually like this.”

Tech barely looked at his brother, attempted to say something, “...nothing!” He ignored the rest of his fancy beers, grabbed the full bottle of Jack Daniels, and sprinted out the back door.

Mad and Hunter looked at each other. Tech was acting strange and extremely out of character. He almost looked scared.

Hunter walked over and embraced Mad, “Man, Laura did a number on him. Glad I don’t have that problem.”

“Yeah, not into yelling at my hubby. But I WILL punish you accordingly if you’re bad” Mad sassed.

“Oh, I’ve been SO bad” Hunter growled and nipped at Mad’s neck while squeezing her bum.

Mad growled back and was about to give Hunter a huge passionate kiss when a small, controlled explosion rocked the house...followed by Wrecker wooping loudly.

“For KRIFF SAKE! NOT AGAIN!!!” Hunter let go of Mad and ran outside. Mad decided to wait on bringing the food out and survey the damage.

Apparently, Wrecker had found Omega’s four-wheeler gasoline can, emptied it onto the fire pit, and Crosshair climbing the old Oak tree across the yard decided to show off. He shot into the pit from 40 feet up and several yards over to start the fire. Echo was mortified and immediately apologized when Hunter ran out of the house.

“It’s ok brother. At least they contained the fire and didn’t burn down my shed...again.”

The timing was perfect, as The Ladies Group screeched up to the house in a modified topless Humvee.

Fennec, Riyo, Phee, and the Martez Sisters descended on the backyard inferno whooping and hollering in excitement. They brought booze, music, and a large sheet cake.

Phee made a beeline for Tech, who was now sitting on a plastic lawn chair dangerously near the fire and getting clearly inebriated on the Jack. The alcohol and heat made him sweat, and he uncharacteristically shed his whole shirt (a very expensive one) ...which was now burning in the bonfire. So now he was shirtless AND drunk.

“Hey Brown Eyes” Phee regarded Tech with interest. She had never seen him like this. He looked slightly scared but working on being drunkenly feral.

Phee opened her mouth to speak again to get Tech’s attention, but was cut off...

“I HAVE A CONFUSION TO MAKE!” Tech slurred loudly. He had everyone’s full attention.

“Huh? What did he say???” Wrecker looked around for clarity.

Echo translated, “I think he has a confession to make.”

Tech pointed at Echo then comically pointed at his nose.

“I LLIED ABOUT SERVICING DIVORSH PAPERTHS TO LAURA LAST WEEK. DIDN’T HAVE THE BALLTHS. OH MAKER...” Tech tipped Jack Daniels back and chugged another third of it down.

“Shit, I didn’t expect dinner AND a show!” Crosshair leaned back in a large sprawling settee with a shit eating grin.

“Shut up Cross! What do you mean Tech? Hunter inquired. “So, you didn’t serve the papers at all, and she doesn’t know you want a divorce? How did she let you come here by yourself if you’re both still together??”

“OH...MY TIMING...” Tech looked up at Phee with total drunken embarrassment.

“Come on honey, you can say it” Mad tried to coax Tech to get to the point.

“You got this Brown Eyes” Phee smiled at Tech with reassurance.

Tech tipped back the Jack and downed several gulps. He was applying liquid courage. He was sweating like a mad man.

“I FFINALLY DIDIT THIS WEEK...”

“When???” Wrecker threw up his hands. He couldn’t stand the suspense!

“ABOUTH AND HOUR AGOO.”

And that is when everyone at the party heard the angry roar of a Hyundai Kia approaching at top speed towards the house.

“Oh, this is getting good” Crosshair cracked a cold one and waited for all Hell to break loose. Fennec slid in next to him on the settee, stole his bottle, took a swig and handed it back. Her eyes locked on the epic clusterfuck that was to unfold. Laura’s bitchiness was legendary in the Batcher Circle.

“I’M STHO FUCKED!” Tech screamed

The Kia skidded to a dramatic stop next to the Humvee, the driver’s door thrown open, Laura emerged with hateful toxic fury, screaming at the top of her lungs as she advanced upon the party. A skinny, overly processed blond, overly make upped, overly augmented, hateful harpy of a woman. “RYAN! (her despicable pet name for Tech). RYAN, YOU FUCKING USELESS TIT OF A MAN! YOU CAN’T PULL THIS SHIT ON ME! WHERE ARE YOU?”

Echo grabbed Riyo and led her away from Laura’s path. The Martez Sister’s weren’t so lucky as Laura slapped the sheet cake from their hands and it hit the ground. Wrecker was offended at the total waste of cake and the treatment of His Honey’s. “Eyyy, what the fuck, Laura!”

Brave Hunter stepped in front of Laura and put his hand up in protest “Now Laura...”

She slapped his hand away, “GET FUCK OUT OF MY WAY YOU SKEEZY REDNECK BASTARD!”

“OH NO, YOU DON’T DO MY MAN LIKE THAT!” Mad ran up on Laura, but Hunter was faster. He picked up Mad and threw her over his shoulder walking away “Nope, we aren’t doing this tonight.”

Then Laura noticed Phee Genoa standing there next to Tech and she totally lost her shit, “OH, SO YOU’RE LEAVING ME FOR HER? HAVE YOU BEEN FUCKING HER SINCE THAT REXSHOKA WEDDING???” Tech sat there mortified to be accused of infidelity. He kept silently nodding no over and over while Laura screeched at him.

“JUST AS WELL, I’M LEAVING YOU FOR ADMIRAL RAMPART. HE’S BETTER THAN YOU, FUCKING RYAN-FROM-ACCOUNTING!!!”

Tech took another few swigs from the bottle, stood up, swayed a bit, then with the fury of a man who had been kicked too many times, slammed the Jack into the bonfire. There was a sound of glass breaking and the fire roared up as the rest of the alcohol ignited. The fire reflected in his glasses, totally hiding his eyes. He was wet with sweat and his hair was an unruly mess. His chest, since it was bare, and close to the fire was red hot. Tech advanced on Laura with rage from years of abuse and seeing her treat his family and friends so horribly.

“YESTH I FUCKING SERVICED YOUTHE PAPERSS, YOU FUCKIN HORRIBL CUNT! COULDNOT STAND ANOVER DAY WIF YOU! RUMPFART CAN HAF YU!!! The last sentence was right in Laura’s face, and she got the brunt of Tech’s drunken breath. She reeled back, but Tech advanced on her. He obviously wasn’t done, either. He pointed his index finger at Laura, poking her sharply in the chest, “I DIVORTH YOU!” Poke. “I DIVORTH YOU! Poke. “I DIVORTH YOU! Poke. She kept backing up with each poke. “BEGONE YU VILE BEASTH! FUCK OFTH TO TH DEPFTHS OF HELL YU COME FRUM!!!

Tech stood there looking Laura right in the eye. She had never seen him stand up to her like this.

“BY THEWAY...” he swayed unsteadily “...MY NAME ISSNOT RYAN. ITS TEEEECBLAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” Tech projectile vomited violently upon Laura.

There was a collective gasp from the group. Then everyone started laughing.

Tech still wasn’t done. He vomited a second time on Laura’s expensive heels for good measure.

“This is fucking GOLD!” Crosshair smiled, threw his arm around Fennec and pulled her close. This barbeque was going down in Batcher history as LEGENDARY!

Laura, thoroughly disgusted, screamed, cried, and made her way to her Kia. She got in and tore away from the scene narrowly sideswiping a red Jeep Cherokee that was coming down the road.

The Jeep Cherokee carefully pulled into the driveway and parked. Omega and The Littles emerged and walked down to the bonfire.

“Some crazy driver almost wrecked us!”

Hunter replied, “Yeah, that was Laura.”

“Glad we missed her”

“She’s a BITCH!” The littlest little chirped

Hunter sternly corrected his youngest “Language, young man!”

(NOTE: I heavily considered Phee just pounding Laura into the pavement. But then, I thought Tech needed to take a stand for himself...even if he needed the help of Jack Daniels).

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ijustthinkhesneat · 2 years ago

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I’m gonna share my DC character headcanons because I want to and no one can stop me! (I wish I had cool art skills to ad visuals to this but I am artistically challenged 😔)

Bruce Wayne:

Birthday: October 10th, 1991 (Spooky szn, also I decided he’s not old)

Sexuality: Bisexual he’s in love with Clark 😊

Favorite Animal: Bats because I’m basic

Has Autism

Height: 6’0

Favorite Food: Lasagna, it is inexplicably the only thing he can cook.

Gender Identity: Demiboy, He/They Pronouns

Now the juicy backstory…

-In my demented brain Bruce didn’t actually have a happy childhood before his parents death and that Thomas was kind of a traditional toxic masculinity man. I think Martha tried her best but couldn’t fully protect Bruce. Alfred was a friend of Martha that moved in after their deaths to take care of Bruce and instilled a lot more positive values in him.

-Is canon, absolutely not, but it’s my brain I can do what I want. I feel like this also helps explain Bruce’s struggles with being a emotionally vulnerable with his kids and the why he makes shitty choices sometimes.

-I also believe he wants to be better and genuinely tries really hard to be a good dad. Very much that trope of ‘I want you to have a better life than I did’.

-Post Alfred moving in with Bruce his development into Batman plays out pretty much the same, but he he does start to realize he is not the straight.

-After adopting Dick he finds out that his son is definitely not straight (caught holding Wally wests hand in a not god honoring way) and has a lot of internal turmoil, he wants to support his son, but has to wrestle with his own internalized homophobia. (Thanks Tom). Lots of angst it’ll be great.

-This contributes to Dick leaving and Bruce finally confronts his issues, enter Jason.

-Jason dies and Bruce goes all the way off the deep end, almost kills the joker. I actually like the idea that Dick stops him and then returns secretly to finish the Joker off, cause he thinks Bruce wouldn’t be able to recover.

-Tim gets adopted a little earlier because jack and Janet throw him out for being trans. Trans baby Tim is the best. This helps Bruce come to terms with his own identity again.

-Steph becomes robin because slay queen mama waffle boots the house spoiler

-Jason returns and has his under the red hood arc minus Bruce basically slitting his throat with a batarang cause I hate that and it makes no sense.

-Cass is adopted and becomes the silent chaos queen we deserve. I like many people headcanon her as being selectively mute, Bruce learns sign language faster than anyone else.

-Damian shows up around the age of 5 because again time is like dick Grayson, bendable as all hell. Bruce loves his babies but extra babies Damian because he loves him and sees a lot of himself in Damian and doesn’t want him to be like him.

-Bruce reachs out to Jason because he missed his son to much and he comes back and omg it’s just the best thing to ever happen pls DC let these boys be SOFT.

-Bruce adopts Duke because another vigilante child isn’t gonna make a difference now but little does he know that his fifth son is perhaps the most chaos gremlin of all. He is flashlight and he will step on the Jokers throat for fun, because not only did the joker jokerize his bio parents but he fucked with his brothers and his dad to much so he’s gonna toaster that man’s tub.

That’s my Bruce headcanon and time line the others won’t be this long but this is for me so I don’t care what anyone thinks teehee.

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sleepy-moron · 5 days ago

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Some additional stuff about specifically vestibular disorders and just some general things I’ve picked up.

- Fatigue is a very common side effect of dizziness /vertigo and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for needing to rest.

- Some conditions don’t show up on tests. That doesn’t mean it’s all in your head. I have pppd which means that there is nothing physically wrong with me but parts of my brain are overly sensitive to certain stimuli and it significantly effects how well I can function.

- Anxiety exacerbates a lot of health problems. That doesn’t mean anxiety is the problem but treating/minimizing it can help a lot.

- Sometimes there’s not a whole lot you can do to recover, and sometimes you backslide a lot, and other times you cannot recover. It sucks and it’s frustrating but it isn’t your fault.

- Try to get out/have fun within your limits. You want to push yourself a little bit but you know your limits better than everyone else and pushing yourself too much isn’t going to help.

- Try motion sickness bands to see if they help you. Even if it’s a placebo thing it can help at least a little bit. They don’t make me less dizzy but they do help with nausea which is nice.

- Make sure you eat and drink. Even if it’s just crackers and sports drinks you need to eat something. Eating small meals helps with nausea.

- Do neck and shoulder stretches daily if you can, consider a handheld massager or a heating pad if you can’t stretch. You move your neck less subconsciously when dizzy and it can make things worse.

- Ice packs to the back of the neck are helpful when the dizziness gets really bad, it won’t get rid of your symptoms but it does help a little bit.

- Have safe filling foods on hand that are relatively easy to make. My go to foods are frozen chicken chunks that just need to go in the toaster oven, and white rice. If you can’t/don’t have the energy to make the rice you can cook a bunch ahead of time or a lot of grocery stores sell single serving containers of rice that just need to be microwaved. Another nice one is I sometimes have salt and olive oil popcorn instead of saltines. If the olive oil is too much than just salt on the popcorn is pretty gentle on the stomach and tastes different than saltines if you’re getting sick of those.

- If you have extra medication you need to take because of a flare up, write down the time between doses on a piece of paper and set alarms for your next dose right after you take your meds. This way you can relax and try to get some rest without worrying about skipping medication by accident.

- If you feel like pills are sticking in your throat eat a slice of bread in the biggest least chewed bites you can comfortably manage.

- A lot of medication causes constipation as a side effect. Ask your doctor what you can or should safely take with medication in case you have to take a lot of it in a short time. Drinking extra water and doing light stretching and exercise will also help.

- Get a pillow or several so you can comfortably be mostly sat up in bed. It’s a whole lot easier to eat like that and a lot of the time you can sleep propped up as well so you have to readjust your setup less.

- Bars in the shower are great. If you don’t have one and can’t get one shower benches are also great. You will probably get dizzy while in the shower at some point and you will want something to help make sure you don’t fall. The benches are also great if you can’t properly bend down so you can clean your legs more easily. Also hot water can make the dizziness worse so try taking more lukewarm showers or limiting how much hot water is getting on your head.

- More shower tips: if you have sliding doors on your shower/tub (especially if they can or regularly jump out of the track) you want something else to grab if you need to steady yourself. I had the bottom of one fall on my foot as a kid, they are sharp and it will hurt. I had to get stitches, so try to avoid this.

I've been disabled for almost 29 years. Here's what I've learned.

Tablets sink and capsules float. Separate out your tablets and capsules when you go to take them. Tip your head down when taking capsules and up when taking tablets. Liquigels don't matter, they kinda stay in the middle of whatever liquid is in your mouth.

If your pill tastes bad, coat it with a bit of butter or margarine. I learned this from my mom, who learned it from a pharmacist.

Being in pain every day isn't normal. Average people experience pain during exceptional moments, like when they stub their toe or jam their finger in a door, not when they sit cross-legged.

Make a medical binder. Make multiple medical binders. I have a small one that comes with me to appointments and two big ones that stay at home, one with old stuff and one with more recent stuff.

Find your icons. Some of mine include Daya Betty (drag queen with diabetes), Stef Sanjati (influencer with Waardenburg syndrome and ADHD), and Hank Green (guy with ulcerative colitis who... does a bunch of stuff). They don't have to be disabled in the same way as you. They don't even have to be real people. Put their pictures up somewhere if you want; I've been meaning to decorate my medical binders with pictures of my icons.

Take a bin, box, bag, basket, whatever and fill it with items to cope with. This can be stuff for mentally coping like colouring books or play clay or stuff for physically coping like pain medicine or physio tape.

Decorate your shit! My cane for at home has a plushie backpack clip hanging from the end of the handle and my cane for going places is covered in stickers. All of my medical binders have fun scrapbooking paper on the outside. Sometimes, I put stickers and washi tape on my inhalers and pill bottles. I used my Cricut to decorate my coping bin with quotes from my icons, like "I've seen enough of Ba Sing Se" and "I need you to be angrier with that bell".

If a flare-up is making you unable to eat or keep food down, consider going to the ER. A pharmacist once told me that since my eye flares can make me so nauseous that I cannot eat, then I need to go to the hospital when that happens.

Cola works wonders for nausea. I have mini cans of Diet Pepsi in my coping bin.

Shortbread is one of the only things I can eat when nauseous. Giant Tiger sells individually-wrapped servings of shortbread around Christmas or the British import store sells them year-round. I also keep these in my coping bin.

Unless it violates a pain contract or something, don't be afraid to go behind your doctor's back to get something they are refusing you. I got my cardiologist referral by getting in with a different NP at my primary care clinic than who I usually saw. I switched from Seroquel to Abilify by visiting a walk-in.

If you have a condition affecting your abdomen in some way (GI issues, reproductive problems, y'know) then invest in track pants that are too big. I bought some for my laparoscopy over a year ago and they've been handy for pelvic pain days, too. I've also heard loose pants are good for after colonoscopies.

Do whatever works, even if it's weird. I've sat on the floor of the Eaton Centre to take my pills. I've shoved heating pads down my front waistband to reach my uterus.

High-top Converse are good for weak ankles. I almost exclusively wear them.

You can reuse your pill bottles for stuff. I use my jumbo ones to store makeup sponges and my long skinny ones to hold a travel-size amount of Q-Tips.

Just because your diagnostics come back with nothing, it doesn't mean nothing is wrong. Maybe you were checking the wrong thing, or the diagnostic tool wasn't sensitive enough. I have bradycardia episodes even though multiple cardiac tests caught nothing. I probably have endometriosis even though my gynecologist didn't see anything.

You can bring your comfort item to appointments, and it's generally a green flag when someone talks to you about it. I brought a Squishmallow turkey (named Ulana) to my laparoscopy and they had her wearing my mask when I woke up. I brought a Build-A-Bear cat (named Blinx) to another procedure and a nurse told me that everyone in the hall on the way to the procedure room saw him and were talking about how cute he was. Both of those ended up being positive experiences and every person who talked to me about my plushies was nice to me. If you don't feel comfortable having it visible to your provider during the appointment, you can hide it in your bag and just know it's there, or if you're in a video appointment, you can hold it below frame in your lap.

Get a small bucket, fill it with stuff, and stick it in your bed (if you have room for it). I filled a bucket with Ensure, juice boxes, oatmeal bars, lotion, my rescue inhaler, etc. in October 2023 in anticipation of my laparoscopy and I still have it in my bed as of January 2025.

If your disability impacts your impulse control (e.g. ADHD, bipolar disorder), you should consider setting limits around your spending -- no more than X dollars at a time, nothing online unless it's absolutely necessary, and so on. Or, run these purchases by someone you trust before committing to them; I use my BFF groupchat to help talk sense into myself when I buy stuff.

Feel free to add on what you've learned about disability!

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beachstarrealtycom · 1 year ago

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Bird's Eye View-201 The Chelsea

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grandstrandvacationsandrentals · 2 years ago

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Mariners Cove 110A ( 2 Bdrm / 1.5 Bath )

Second row 2 bedroom moderate sized condominium with 1-1/2 baths, living and dining area, breakfast bar, central air conditioning and heat, screen porch overlooking a salt-water tidal marsh, balcony, cable TV, internet, telephone, and completely equipped full sized kitchen with a range/oven, refrigerator, microwave, disposal, dishwasher, coffee maker, toaster, blender, and electric can opener.

For more details on our products and services, please feel free to visit us at: myrtle beach vacation rental agencies, vacation rentals in ocean lakes myrtle beach, ocean lakes rentals pet friendly, pelicans watch myrtle beach & ocean lakes campground vacation rentals.

Please feel free to visit us at: https://www.grandstrandvacationsandrentals.com/

The master bedroom suite has a half bath, balcony overlooking a salt-water tidal marsh, and a Queen sized bed. The second bedroom has a Queen bed. The living room has a sleeper sofa. Extra features include: 3 TVs, VCR, internet, iron, and ironing board and a washer and dryer inside the unit. This unit is located on the 1st Floor with a view overlooking the salt marsh. Mariners Cove Condominiums are located on the second row across Shore Drive. Project amenities include a courtyard, large sundeck, barbecue area and laundry rooms at the Club House. Convenient beach access is directly across the street. Convenient unassigned open parking is limited to two vehicles per unit during the summer season. Parking permits are required. Motorcycles, Recreational Vehicles, and Trailers are prohibited by the Homeowners Association.

Bluewater 819 ( 1 Bdrm / 1 Bath )

Wireless Internet access is available in these Myrtle Beach vacation rentals so bring your laptop computer and get online. Marvel at the swimming pools; there is more than one. You can even swim in an outdoor pool and an indoor pool that are connected by swimming under the glass wall. The kiddie pool is just right for the toddlers in your family and the lazy river is something that everyone loves. Soak in the hot tub after 18 challenging holes of Myrtle Beach golf and have a little fun in the game room at Bluewater Resort or on the racquetball court. The on-site amenities at this Myrtle Beach rental include a restaurant where you can dine for breakfast or lunch, while overlooking the swimming pool and there is also an oceanfront beach bar, where you can enjoy live entertainment in season. Your Myrtle Beach condo rental at BlueWater Resort is minutes away from Family Kingdom Amusement Park, the Myrtle Beach SkyWheel, Broadway at the Beach and numerous live entertainment theatres. Golf courses, shopping, Sea Doo rentals and fishing charters are just around the corner from this Myrtle Beach resort. ***UNIT IS LIMITED TO THE NUMBER OF PERSONS ALLOWED UNDER LISTED OCCUPANCY NO SMOKING, NO MOTORCYCLES/TRAILERS. NO PETS ALLOWED***

Sand Castle South 621 ( 1 Bdrm / 1 Bath )

This Oceanfront Resort located at 22nd Ave South on south end of the Myrtle Beach, places you in the heart of Myrtle Beach, a 9-minute drive from SkyWheel Myrtle Beach and 13 minutes from Grand Theatre. This beach resort is 4.5 mi (7.2 km) from Myrtle Beach State Park and 5.6 mi (9.1 km) from Ripley's Aquarium. Popular Hotel Amenities and Features Take advantage of recreational opportunities offered, including an outdoor pool, an indoor pool, and a lazy river. Additional features at this resort include complimentary wireless Internet access, Business, Other Amenities Free self parking is available onsite. Restaurants, Bars, Lounge & Dining options At this Oceanfront Resort, enjoy a satisfying meal at the restaurant. Unwind at the end of the day with a drink at the bar/lounge or the poolside bar. Rooms have private balconies. Complimentary wireless Internet access keeps you connected, and cable programming is available for your entertainment. Private bathrooms with shower/tub combinations This unit is not managed by Sand Castle South Homeowner's Association, Inc. Sand Castle Southbeach, LLC is the owner of Sand Castle South Beach Rental Management Company, LLC. Sand Castle South Homeowner's Association Inc is not responsible for the contents of this unit, the maintenance of this unit, the cleanliness of the unit or the linens used in this unit. The rental management company you have chosen is in no way affiliated with the condominium project, front desk or Sand Castle South Beach, LLC or Sand Castle South Beach Rental Management Company, LLC. ***FAMILIES AND ADULTS OVER 25 YRS OLD ACCEPTED***

Please feel free to visit us at: https://www.grandstrandvacationsandrentals.com/

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ragingextrovert · 2 years ago

Text

Hey guys so I'm unravelling. I have craved death for some time now.

This week, I have been researching how to kill myself. The information that I have found online has been useless. I keep thinking about ending it all because I just don't care to do anything anymore. Being happy is hard. Getting out of bed is hard. MOTIVATING MYSELF is hard. And ultimately, completing suicide will also be hard.

Death seems to be behind a lot of "paywalls": the pain of actually going through with it. I think that I am going to do it today though. I am tired of getting up every day. I am tired of trying. I am tired of feeling bad about the decisions that I make. I am tired of feeling bad about myself. I want to be lazy (?) and comfortable. Therefore, I want my life to end.

My plan to end it all is simple: electrocution.

I'm going to make a bath.

Next, I'm going to run a few extension cords from one of the bedrooms into the bathroom.

Then, I'm going to plug in the toaster.

I'm going to set the toaster on the edge of the bathtub so that it can easily slip in.

I'm going to think for a long time about what I am doing. I might even contemplate wanting to survive... But I am tired of trying every single day. That will be my motivation for continuing through with my plan.

I might submerge my head in the water and 'accidentally' knock over the conveniently placed toaster.

Experience the shock of my life/death and hope that the electricity is more than enough to kill me.

Seven is a lucky number. I can go through with this... I can do this... I'm going to start with the extension cords, getting a toaster, and drawing a bath. I can do those three things. (The time is 8:16am. Goodbye cruel world lol)

8:21am - I have three extension cords running from my room into the bathroom and the tub filling with water as I type this. Next, I'm going to make myself a little meal because I'm hungry. Maybe

8:35am - My younger brother came up the steps to get ready for work... I had to lie and say that I was trying to clean the bathtub... I turned the water off and awkwardly raveled the cords back into my room... It's okay. I can and will just get rid of myself once he leaves the house for work... I am sorry for whoever finds my body once I'm finished...

Thank you Kassandra Britt for telling me to kill myself all those years ago in high school. I think I will finally take you up on your directive. Thank you friends for being the best worst influences on me that a guy could ask for. Unironically, you were all great to know and fuck around with. To the asshole who broke my heart, Cristian David [Unknown Last Name] fuck you but I also do still love you... I didn't realize that I loved you but I actually did... How foolish of me to fall in love with a person who explicitly told me not to fall in love with them.

To my mom, I can't hear your tears but I can feel your prayers, your wishes and struggle for a better future. If I could give you my entire world, I would because you have been a light in my life that I could not extinguish even when my dreariness felt like a contagious plague.

To my father, you were both a good father and you were also a fuck up. I guess the apple does not fall too far from the tree.

To my sister, I wish I could have know you better. I don't know why. I guess I wanted to experience joy, laughter, and fun things with you as well as hardship like siblings do... But I can't now so take care.

Brandon, I can't say or do anything enough to express my gratitude and also distain for getting to grow up with you. Coolest younger brother a guy could ask for honestly... Even though you were kinda terrible... A lot lol

I can't say it enough. I love(d) you all with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength... I just don't have any left for myself...

If God were real, I would ask him to give me more love, life, care, grace, beauty, and idk goodness... I can't get through this life anymore. I wish I could have continued to believe in you because then maybe I could have asked you to carry me through all of this. Maybe I could have believed the best. Maybe I could

8:52am - Brandon just got out of the shower.

8:56am - I just reread everything that I wrote to everyone and it feels good...

I am eating cinnamon waffles. I guess this will be my last supper. I'm going to leave behind my favorite ice cream and that will probably be saddening... I'm already miss this place but I've got to go. Just like the guy in the Bible that was taken up by a wind storm, I too am going to... fucking die lol

To anyone else that I didn't mention before, Good Luck.

9:48am - I am simultaneously being lazy and preserving my own life... I watched some YouTube videos but there's nothing left to watch so I think I'm going to go die soon.

11:26am - I was being lazy but I got everything prepared. The bathtub is full, the extension cords are plugged in, the toaster is in the bathroom... *sigh* Now I've just got to put the toaster on the side of the tub and "clumsily" stick my head in the water...

As time goes by and as I write this, I am thinking about my future all of a sudden... Like, all the years that I'm going to miss... I have found some pretty incredible things so far in this life... i don't want to say the word but I think that I think that I will regret this choice.

I looked up at my plan and it is as I foretold: I am contemplating life and the choice that I am going to make soon... I guess it's scary but it's also kind of easy...

I have been so handsome, so cool and kind of stylish (if I do say so myself ;]). So thankful and so good. I have been trying to be a good boy for so fucking long.

11:54am

#idk what the future holds for me #i gotta make a decision fast bc like wtf. time is ticking pussy #people will come home soon #sui

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ceruleanchillin · 4 years ago

Text

Honeymoon Headcanons: Mayans Edition

Characters: Angel, Coco, EZ x F!Reader

Miami (Angel)

It wasn’t difficult at all to decide where the two of you would take your honeymoon. When you weren’t gonna be naked, Angel wanted you in sundresses and bikinis. You wanted him in linen shirts, and to feel him up in a club. Couple that with you both wanting a tropical environment, and Miami it is.

Angel letting you handle the accommodations, because you seem to know more about what you wanna see/where you wanna go than he does. He only cares about a bed and shower for when he’s not taking you in the inappropriate places. He just hands over the cash, though he complains about his hurt wallet.

Angel hard as a rock when he sees your new name on your plane ticket.

The two of you nearly missing your flight because your husband needs to “show his wife he loves her”.

You babying him on the flight, because Angel has never flown anywhere before.

“Mami, it’s perfectly valid to feel like a flying toaster can’t safely get you anywhere but a casket. Which they can’t even put you in, because you’ll be everywhere!”

Cue you distracting him with kisses and dirty words in his ear, which gets you initiated into the Mile High Club

Barely making it into the cute little condo before the two of you are at it again, collapsing in the late hours to jet lag and mutual satisfaction.

Your first official day is spent dragging Angel around the humid streets. Knowing he stresses easily if you plan things too tightly, and wanting to wing it yourself. It’s surprising how well you to fit in, it almost feels like home.

Angel switching from being jealous, because your tiny cotton sundress is attracting more than just his attention, to him kissing all over your dewy skin because so much of it is visible.

You getting as jealous as Angel, because it seems like each place you drag him to has openly interested ladies. It’s the white linen shirt that he won’t fully button no matter how many times you try to make him.

Angel basking in the attention, and even playing it up to force you to be the one to initiate inappropriate public sex.

Smirking when you break after a woman pays for his (and unintentionally yours) order at a small cafe you stepped into and you snap and drag him to a hidden place.

“I only love you querida, mi alma.” he whispers in your ear when he bottoms out inside you.

You two are a beautiful couple. Photogenic as all hell. Alone, neither of you have a problem attracting interest, but together, you make people want to be seen around you. That’s why you have no problem club hopping to all the exclusive places.

Angel taking photos and videos of you dancing because he’s so enthralled. He can’t wait to show your kids one day when they ask why he fell for you, and he explains how full of life you are.

Getting enough liquor in Angel to get him dance somewhere away from the club, especially since he (lies) and says he can’t.

You and Angel competing to see who can get the most people to buy your drinks + the two of you losing track because you both get drunk.

A quickie in the coatroom is the prize, Angel fucking you to the hypnotic beat.

Spending a few hours apart the following day, only to still keep texting and FaceTiming each other until you met up, touch starved, at a small restaurant.

Deciding to spend the rest of the day at your Airbnb laid up under each other after Angel scores weed. Teasing Angel about his monetary complaints when you spend all night enjoying the small backyard pool.

Angel thanking God for getting an adventure loving woman as his soulmate when you wake him up the next afternoon to inform him you rented jet skis for the day.

You being impressed when, while jet skiing, Angel silver tongues your way into an invitation to a nearby yacht party out of the host.

FaceTiming Gilly to make him jealous that you two are doing Hookah and drinking Casamigos in a hot tub.

Angel ramping up the mockery when EZ and Coco appear on screen, attracted by Gilly’s whining. Everyone looking overworked and salty, while you and Angel are living your best non-sober lives.

Slipping away from the party to one of the rooms on the boat, because once again, you and Angel never know when to stop teasing each other before it ends up in sex.

Feeling bold enough to suggest that since Angel’s been documenting so much of the trip, that maybe he should film this too.

The aftermath being a surprisingly sweet series of kisses and confessions where the two of you express how thankful you are to have found each other. How you can’t wait to build a forever together.

Marfa + Roswell (Coco)

No one knew how you got Coco to agree to travel for your honeymoon until you finally revealed where you were going. Splitting a week between Marfa and Roswell.

You and Coco are that “weird” conspiracy, incense, and weed couple, so it makes sense.

Giving Coco an edible before you leave, because like Angel, he doesn’t fuck with air travel like that.

“They got me with that bullshit in the military, but that was out of my control. You askin’ a lot right now, you’re lucky you’re cute mujer.”

Coco getting progressively handsy during the flight as the edible hits. Eventually, you stop fake-fighting his neck kisses and forward touches.

Also like Angel in that he’s unafraid to become a member of the Mile High Club.

The ride from the El Paso airport, to the car rental place, to Marfa takes far longer than Coco would like.

He’s used to long stretches of trip on his bike, and when you notice him becoming antsy, you distract him with interesting facts about Marfa.

The entire time, Coco can’t help but think that you’re the perfect road trip co-pilot, only to realize he actually meant his life in general now.

Coco proud as hell when you fall in love with his accommodations choice like he did. The colorful airstream trailers of the El Cosmico hotel are the two of you through and through.

You both trying to be responsible adults and refresh after travel, but continuing to get lost in each other during the whole process.

Shower sex -> Making out while drying off -> Touching while searching through your bags for something to wear -> bed sex -> repeat

Looking thoroughly mauled when you finally manage to get Coco off of you and into the car in search of food the next afternoon.

Coco being happy you can’t cover up due to the heat, while you wonder what superpower he and his boys have that let them wear flannel and long sleeves in the heat.

Dragging Coco to a cute cafe you saw on instagram, and him knowing, by the hipster design of it, that his wallet is about to cry.

Stealing food from his plate, and laughing at him sucking his teeth and whining when he catches you.

“You’re stuck with me forever now Johnny sooo….get used to this.”

“Small price to pay for that I guess.”

Finding small shops to go to and being Siamese twins in every one. Coco showing he has good taste in a lot of things one might think he wouldn’t. Him opening up his wallet at everything you 'ooh' and 'aww' at. He can’t help it, he likes you happy, and your kisses and adoring looks are addicting.

For almost everything you get, Letty gets something too. Neither of you wants that tantrum when you get back.

You fighting yourself to avoid the art supply store, and Coco not having it.

“I have so many supplies already, it’s an addiction at this point.”

“So? Get some more. It’s our week, we shouldn’t stress about shit.”

Coco bragging on your talents and successes to the art shop cashier when you checkout.

“Cocoooo.” you murmur hiding your face in his shoulder, arms around his waist.

“Don’t be shy ma, you’re fucking amazing. I love your skills.”

Cue the cashier swooning at the two of you.

Finding unique liquor stores and getting tipsy on samples. It becomes twice as fun when locals, and other tourists alike, start discussing the Marfa lights with you, and you and Coco impress everyone with your ideas.

Being invited to a bonfire smoke session with the other El Cosmico guests when you get back.

Sketching Coco by the firelight, because he’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in that moment, and now he’s officially yours.

The sex being on another level of intimate that night, because all day you and Coco have been engaging in your respective love languages, and it culminates in mutual need for each other.

The drive to Roswell being more tolerable for Coco, but he still misses his bike. Your excitement about AlienFest is so palpable however, he quickly forgets.

Your hotel being more conventional, but the people you meet making up for it. Finally, you and Coco aren’t the weirdest ones in the room.

Taking the time before the festival starts to check in with friends and family and accumulate odd souvenirs for them. You believe Coco is intentionally getting them stuff they’ll hate.

“Taza won’t wear that baby, he has better taste in jewelry than UFO earrings.”

“Ok, but can he bitch about us not getting him anything? Plus, you can guilt anyone into anything.”

Doing cute edible pastries at the festival.

“You know Aliens are demons right? Jack Parsons and L. Ron Hubbard were doing summoning rituals in the Mojave in 1946, and Roswell was the following year.”

“Word?…Shit. Tell me that again when we’re not rolling. I wanna read about it………you’re so smart mami.”

Coco realizing between every snack stop, every dance he shares with you, every trinket you pick up, and every little conspiracy tidbit you share, that you’re his wife now. That the peace he’s been feeling all week, that he thought he’d never have, is going to be his new normal.

New Orleans (EZ)

You and EZ both enjoy engaging with history and culture, and felt that your honeymoon should be built off of your shared interests. During your meticulous wedding planning, it was decided New Orleans would be the honeymoon destination. It didn’t hurt that you missed your southern roots too, even if you weren’t from New Orleans.

Traveling with EZ is a dream considering you’re both pretty organized, together people. He’s not afraid of flying, but you’re always a little nervous.

EZ being Best Husband™️ and soothing even the most minor of your stresses by turning your attention to the excitement of your trip and your new relationship status.

Teasing EZ in-flight won’t get you Mile High Club initiated, because he finds it much more entertaining to punish you by letting you work the both of you up, and making you stay that way for the duration of the flight. He’s got enough will power to suffer through it, because your soft whines make it worth it.

The airbnb is everything it was promised to be, and you’d appreciate that later, but all you can think of is your husband when you step through the door. That’s the other half of why EZ likes to leave you waiting. Your aggression and exclusive desire for him gets, and keeps, him hard.

It rains the following day, which is just as well, because neither of you are quite ready to stop physically expressing your love for each other. The day consists of ordering food, falling out of your clothes and onto each other, separating to read, falling back on each other, and quick naps.

Angel sending mocking texts in your Reyes group about how you’re trying to turn his brother bamma like you, only to stop when you threaten him with no souvenirs.

EZ and you taking responsibility for your own tour because let’s face it, you both know exactly what you want to see, and can plan a more satisfying tour for the both of you. You take turns deciding where to go next.

When it’s his turn, EZ picks an art museum, and can’t quit smiling about it. You think it’s because he picked a place he really wanted to go to.

“Babe, I have a surprise for you.”

“What?” your excitement always makes EZ’s heart race with his own.

He hands you the guide brochure he picked up at the door, folded to the section he wants you to look at.

“Faith Ringgold exhibit?!”

He hums and nods, grunting when you knock into him with a hug.

“Thank you for thinking of me. I love you.” you look up at him, eyes shining with unshed tears and he just kisses you, afraid he’ll cry if he says anything.

The two of you avoid the tourist trap spots for lunch and find a cute family owned cafe. You order for the both of you based on what you know about southern cuisine and both of your tastes.

You love watching EZ fall in love with the food as he keeps asking “Can you make this?” about everything he eats.

The two of you walking through the Garden District in the evening. Hands swinging between you with no plans but to admire the beautiful homes and foliage.

EZ noting how awestruck you are, and you describing what you love about the historic, towering homes.

He catches that when you describe what your dream home in the area would be, he and your future children are mentioned frequently, and it makes butterflies dance in his stomach. He can picture your family in the yards around him.

The two of you almost make it back to your Airbnb, but give into your baser urges after all the domestic conversation. EZ pulls you into an alley for a quickie, the two of you fighting to silence the other’s vocal expression.

You teasing EZ after that he’s more like his brother than he thinks. Him teasing back the two of you would’ve been caught and arrested if he was like Angel.

The following day is relaxed and less planned. The both of you getting thoughtful gifts for each member of your family, blood and otherwise. EZ scores major points for the gifts he suggests for your mom and dad, and you kind of want to jump him again.

EZ is glad you’re impressed, but it’s nothing to him. It all comes naturally because he loves you so much, and refuses to be anything other than the husband he knows you deserve.

AN:

I didn’t want to add this, cuz I wanted to end on a sweet note, but you just know Angel would accidentally send that vid to one of his boys.

Personally, I lose it for shit like this. Anything domestic in writings is my jam, so I decided to make these headcanons.

- Fun fact: Jet Ski is kind of like Bandaid in that it’s become the generic term for “personal water vehicles”, but it’s actually a specific brand’s name for their PWVs. I learned this while writing this enjoy💀.

#mayans mc #mayans imagine #angel reyes #angel reyes x reader #coco cruz #coco cruz x reader #ez reyes #ez reyes x reader #reader insert #angel reyes imagine #coco cruz imagine #ez reyes imagine

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mishaapocalypsse · 2 years ago

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I saw the post about the bath tub and toaster as well. As a survivor of two overdoses, I must say it's not worth it. No matter how bad it seems, it gets better. My inbox is always open or you need to blow off some steam. As the anon said there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Life sucks sometimes. But it eventually gets better. As someone who suffers with multiple mental illnesses ik what it's like to pretend it's okay and on the inside be dying. Hell, I've tried dying. It's not fun. Sweetie, trust me you have followers that are here for you. Your stories are amazing. You have talent. Reading your work brightens up my day. So, hey! You ARE important. As I said it gets better.

As someone who does not have many friends due to just-not being able to trust people. I have to say I sense that I can trust you. I am slowly finding my way out of the struggle. I am trying to get my bearings.

I appreciate every single thing that some people have said. I am happy to know that people are there to back me up. I got into a rut and am trying to get out.

I’ll get there eventually.

Thank you.

My thanks goes out to:

@sl33pylilbunny

@luckypunbot

That one anon

And you.

Really hope we can all be friends.

#jensen ackles #supernatural #spn #jensen ackled #askmishapoc #spn supernatural #supernatural spn #spn fandom #the boys #dean x reader #and tired #answered

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forasecondtherewedwon · 4 years ago

Text

Only in a Sitcom

Fandom: WandaVision Pairing: Darcy Lewis/Jimmy Woo Rating: T Chapter Count: 1/?

Summary: Darcy has no idea what the hell's going on with this WandaVision thing, but neither does Jimmy. It's kinda fun to have somebody to binge-watch alternate reality TV with.

The snack selection is paltry to begin with. Darcy doesn’t share, out of spite. Except with Jimmy, because he’s cool and he actually called her “Dr. Lewis” until she waved off the formality and let him use her first name. He agrees with her about the snacks. If this were purely an FBI operation instead of the mixed-jurisdiction playdate it is, he might be more defensive over the lame flavour choices. As it is, the Bureau has issued no statement taking credit for the sad, muddied, salt-and-vinegar-copycat chips, so she and Jimmy spend as much time criticizing them as eating them.

Darcy tries not to outwardly sulk any less than usual when her fancy coffeemaker arrives. She pats the box and says, “Yep, important equipment acquisition,” then lugs it to her desk, giving inquisitive glances the Dirty Harry squint until they look away.

She used to be the kind of girl to hand out coffees willy-nilly, but that kind of girl is an intern and Dr. Darcy Lewis isn’t so easy. She hoards her shiny dispenser of caffeine like a troll. If they played nice with her to start, she might be more accommodating now. Though it takes up a lot of space at her desk, it’s worth it; the coffeemaker is the one thing that doesn’t have a screen and therefore the one thing she can stare at in peace until she drags herself back to data and frequencies and scanning for other feedback and, most importantly, the greatest little ’50s (and beyond) sitcom that never was: WandaVision.

Her reasoning for a full rewatch at half speed is that she’s hoping to pick up on any other telling details, anything more modern than the time warp she’s witnessing. After Monica mentioned Ultron in the episode where Wanda gives birth, Darcy realized it was possible that there were earlier slippages. Ok, she hasn’t found any that specific yet, but on this rewatch (the third), she has help.

“How’s your cappuccino?” she hisses at Jimmy.

“It’s perfect. I want to sit in it like a hot tub,” he says back.

“Right?”

Darcy pulls at her hat, getting it to cover her ears just right. The Department of Somebody or Something has a bee in their bonnet (ha) over the transformation of that one dude into a beekeeper and they’re going in and out a lot, leaving the door open. It’s chilly. This is the kind of thing that pisses Darcy off when people don’t acknowledge it. Must all creature comforts fall by the wayside to make room for whatever-the-heck branch of engineering or nuclear something-or-other? Forget calling the people around her clowns—they are clearly reverse mimes, failing to react to something that’s definitely here: the cold of working into the night in a New Jersey field, with nothing but her perpetually overheating laptop to keep her warm. That, and coffee.

She takes a long sip of hers and sneaks a look at Jimmy to see if he seems annoyed that she spoke while they’re working. After running through the episodes so many times, she’s succumbed to the deeply human instinct to talk during the commercials. Yeah, yeah, yeah, even the commercials have meaning here—Stark toaster this, Hydra watch that—but it’s all being recorded. Her brain has designated the ads “tune out time,” and repurposed them for time spent either staring blankly at the screen or talking to Jimmy.

“Hey,” she says when she slurps from her mug too loudly and he still doesn’t complain, “you’re pretty chill.”

“Am I?”

“When you’re not talking about family planning.”

Jimmy frowns.

“I’m not getting any younger.”

“Yeah, but you’re not that old.” Darcy darts a glance at him. “You don’t look that old.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m sure it’ll happen for you,” she adds a few minutes later, when she notices the funny longing look he gets on his face at the part where Vision holds Tommy for the first time.

“Who has the time?” Jimmy uses his mug to motion towards the happy family on Darcy’s non-flat television. “Reality is a secret joint stakeout where we may be getting irradiated by the energy field over Westview. Sit-down dinners and painting the nursery only happen on TV.”

She nods along and says, “Also, hostile alien invasions.”

“Yes! How am I supposed to meet someone when it’s one supernatural catastrophe after another!”

Despite his distress, Darcy cackles.

“Man, the stories I could tell you.”

“About dating or supernatural catastrophes?”

She considers this.

“I mean, both. There’s some overlap there. Nothing serious though,” she notes calmly while Wanda screams her head off pushing out Billy. “I don’t even have a reliable apocalypse booty call to text whenever the world seems like it might end. Do you?”

“God no.”

They both pause to aww over the on-screen couple cradling their swaddled newborns.

“You want some licorice?” she asks. “I snagged it earlier and I don’t want to rattle the wrapper when we get to the scene where Monica asks Wanda about Pietro.”

She sets her mug down and retrieves the bag from behind one of the monitors, holding it out to Jimmy with her eyes still on the screen. At the sharp tug that nearly yanks the packet out of her hand, she turns to see what’s up. The pieces are stuck together and, giggling, she has to grab the licorice next to the one he’s trying to pull out. They peel them apart with a tacky sound that Darcy finds so satisfying. She tosses the bag onto the desk and leans back, crossing her leg and bobbing her foot anxiously, anticipating the ominous cut between Monica confronting Wanda and the couple bouncing the twins on the couch as the credits roll.

“Anything?” a voice asks brusquely from behind them.

Darcy whips her head around, licorice hanging out of the corner of her mouth, to find a S.W.O.R.D. agent snooping on her and Jimmy’s binge session.

“Research,” Jimmy tells the man, biting off the end of his own strand of licorice, his cappuccino raised defiantly in his other hand.

“Carry on.”

“I don’t report to you,” Jimmy mumbles after him, jamming the licorice back into his mouth to soften.

Watching him, Darcy grins. He eats his licorice the same way she does.

#you bet I did #my writing #wandavision #Darcy Lewis #Jimmy Woo #Darcy Lewis x Jimmy Woo #Darcy x Jimmy

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there-must-be-a-lock · 4 years ago

Text

Wake-Up Calls and Watermelon (SPN/CM)

Criminal Minds / Supernatural crossover!

Word Count: ~2140

Warnings: Irresponsible use of pink feathery handcuffs, but don’t worry, Sam is there to give a safety lecture. Kiddie pools, kittens, an emotional support cyberterrorist, and so much fluff. Ridiculous escapism at its finest. Everybody needs a smile these days, right?

A/N: Four mornings on the Wayward Sons World Tour. This is part of the Rockstar AU, but it can be read on its own, as can most of that series. There’s no real plot, just shenanigans and silliness.

Thanks to @stunudo and @fookinghelljensensthighs for pre-reading and inspirational photographs, respectively!

Wayward Sons World Tour, Day 4: somewhere between Miami and Orlando, FL

Something is meowing.

Rossi frowns to himself and opens his eyes, staring up at the ceiling of his bunk.

Something is meowing on his bus.

His first thought would ordinarily be Penelope and one of her assorted stuffed animals or weird talking figurines. Spencer could also potentially be the culprit, depending on what sort of chemicals were in his system. Last time Rossi checked, though, both of them were on the other bus, where the shenanigans are supposed to happen. This is the quiet bus, where the grownups sleep.

The mysterious something meows again.

Bad enough that he’s slumming it sleeping on a goddamn tour bus. Now there’s a goddamn petting zoo on board. Rossi sighs and gets out of his bunk to investigate.

“Who’s the cutest kitten in the entire world?” Morgan is sitting on the ground in the front, smiling adoringly at a tiny ball of black fuzz he’s cradling in his palms. “Who’s the sweetest little furball I’ve ever seen, hmm?”

“How on God’s green earth did you find a kitten at —” Rossi glances at the clock on the microwave. “—nine in the morning in the middle of Florida?”

Morgan looks a little guilty, but Rossi can’t tell if it’s because he has a kitten or because he got caught using that ridiculous high-pitched voice.

“We’re at a rest stop so the drivers can get a couple hours’ sleep, and Hotch and I were stretching our legs, and they were in a box close to the highway,” Morgan explains. “He was the only one who was still alive. I couldn’t just leave him there.”

The door opens, and Hotch comes in, carefully carrying a small dish of water. He’s followed by Sam Winchester, who has an upside-down drum that’s padded with a towel.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Rossi mutters, watching the three grown men surround the kitten and coo at it. Morgan tucks it into the drum and it curls up happily, meowing its appreciation.

Sam’s phone rings, and he digs it out of his pocket and answers: “Yeah? No, we got water, we just — no, Dean, Jesus. Just the hoodie. Did you find it?” He pauses and scowls, stepping away from the others and lowering his voice. “No, that’d be way too big for it, are you kidding me? That collar was specially made… no! Leave the fucking leash, Dean, it’s not like we’re taking the kitten for walks.” He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, okay, bring the feathery thing, just — oh for fuck’s sake, leave that bag alone before you find something you really don’t — Dean. Yeah. Cool.” He grimaces and hangs up.

“Do I want to know?” Rossi asks, with a new sense of respect.

“No,” Sam says firmly. He turns back to Hotch and Morgan and announces, “Dean’s bringing some stuff we can use as cat toys, and a big hoodie with a pocket so you can carry it around.”

“Sweet. Thanks, man,” Morgan says, flashing a bright grin. He’s all googly-eyed.

“What should we name it?” Sam asks, crouching down and rubbing under the kitten’s chin with one careful finger.

They all take a moment to consider. The little ball of fluff is purring, and even Rossi has to admit that it’s goddamn adorable.

“What kind of drum is that?” Hotch asks Sam, who grins.

“Pearl.”

“Pearl!” Morgan echoes delightedly. “Who’s the prettiest little black pearl, hmm?”

“I guess we need to find a pet store,” Rossi sighs, and settles in to get to know his grand-kitten.

***

Wayward Sons World Tour, Day 7: Atlanta, GA

“Wheels up in fifteen,” Hotch is shouting, banging on the hotel room door. JJ groans without opening her eyes and tries to pull Emily closer, rubbing her cheek against the soft worn cotton of Emily’s shirt.

“What the fuck,” Emily mumbles.

“Oh, seriously, what the fuck,” comes Penelope’s voice. The fact that it’s coming from somewhere above JJ is what makes her frown and open her eyes.

She and Emily are on the floor, lying in a sort of nest, which upon closer inspection seems to be made up of an inflatable kiddie pool filled with blankets.

Penelope is peering over the edge of her bed at them, squinting blearily, last night’s hot pink lipstick smeared down her chin. She appears to be wearing a plastic coconut bra over her shirt.

“Huh,” JJ says. She pulls a lei off her neck. “Did we throw a tiki party last night?”

“That would seem to be the case,” Emily says slowly. She rolls over and wraps her arms around JJ. “Five more minutes.”

“Solid plan,” JJ answers, snuggling in. The kiddie pool is surprisingly comfortable.

“Not if we have to pack up and get our sorry asses on the bus in fifteen minutes,” Penelope reminds them.

“Fuck.”

“I smell like… like daiquiris and regret,” Penelope sighs. She wrestles the coconut bra off and flings it across the room.

“You can have first shower,” Emily says generously.

JJ hears Penelope pad across the floor, and then there’s a surprised yelp from the bathroom.

“Is Spencer in the tub again?” JJ mutters.

“Yes, but oh my god, you guys, you need to come see this,” Penelope says, giggling. JJ groans, head spinning, but manages to get up. She hauls Emily to her feet.

JJ pokes her head through the bathroom door and snorts. Spencer’s wearing one of those cheap fake grass skirts over his jeans and there’s a top hat perched on his head. He’s got his arms wrapped around a tacky pink flamingo lawn ornament.

“Em, get your—”

“On it,” Emily says, already reappearing with her phone to snap a picture.

Spencer stirs with a pathetic sort of whining noise.

“Next time I suggest coconut rum,” he slurs, without opening his eyes, “...remind me I’m a moron, ‘kay?”

***

Wayward Sons World Tour, Day 10: near Dallas, TX

“Get your hooves out of the toaster!” Cas says urgently. Dean starts awake and almost falls out of the bunk. He really needs to give up trying to sleep with Cas on the bus; these things were not meant for two people.

Cas mumbles something about Mufasa and opens his eyes groggily.

“Fun dreams?” Dean asks, voice raspy with sleep. He cuddles close and presses a kiss to Cas’s pulse.

“There were wildebeests in the kitchen,” Cas croaks.

“Sounds like a good time. Coffee?”

“Mmm.”

Dean rolls out of the bunk and stretches. The door to the back lounge is open, and he can hear music; he looks inside curiously.

He remembers Sam saying something about a Doctor Who marathon. Geek.

The DVD menu is up on the little flat-screen, playing the theme music in a loop. Sam’s sprawled out on one of the couches with popcorn in his hair, and Penelope and Charlie are leaning against each other on the other couch.

Someone snores loudly, but it doesn’t seem to be any of those three. Dean looks around, momentarily confused, until he spots Spencer, who has wedged himself under the tiny table. He’s curled up with what looks like Charlie’s favorite purple hoodie as a pillow, and Pearl is kneading happily at one of his arms.

“Time’s it?” Sam asks quietly. He sits up, and something pops audibly as he stretches his shoulders.

“Coffee time,” Dean whispers back.

He wants to make a snarky quip about how they’ve clearly been partying hard, but Sammy’s looking around the room with such a fond little smile on his face that Dean can’t bring himself to say anything. Instead, he just leads the way through the bunk area, out to the front, where Cas is watching the coffee drip slowly into the pot.

Dean wraps his arms around Cas and nuzzles into his neck. It’s a good morning.

***

Wayward Sons World Tour, Day 14: Chula Vista, CA

Penelope is just about to get up for a gloriously self-indulgent shower (and if she uses all the hot water while the others are hitting snooze, that’s fully their problem) when there’s a knock on the door.

She peers through the peephole. It’s Dean, aka not at all who she expected.

“Hey, sorry to bother you,” he says gruffly, when she opens the door. “Um… Spencer said he knows how to pick locks?”

Ooh, this is gonna be fun.

“He sure does. What’s up?”

“Um… we need to pick a lock,” Dean tries, and Penelope laughs.

“Nice try. Gimme the dirty deets.”

Dean sighs. “Jack is maybe handcuffed to the bed.”

“No way,” Penelope says gleefully. “Okay, I will wake the boy wonder, hang on.”

She ushers Dean into their room, shushing him and pointing to JJ and Emily, who are still asleep, before poking Spencer.

“Are you sleeping in a kiddie pool?” Dean asks.

“Mmph,” Spencer assents, rubbing his eyes. “M’comfy.”

Penelope shrugs at Dean as if to say, what can you do?

“So there is a bit of a situation I was hoping you could help with,” Dean says. “A lock picking situation? It’s, um, a pair of handcuffs.”

Spencer doesn’t bat an eye, bless his heart. He just shrugs and unfolds himself from the kiddie pool, picking up his wallet from the desk.

Penelope grabs a robe and her glasses, because while she wouldn’t ordinarily show her face while she’s still in pajamas, there’s no way in hell she’s missing this. Dean looks like he’s about to protest.

“She’s my emotional support cyberterrorist,” Spencer tells him. “She’s coming.”

“Excuse you, former cyberterrorist,” Penelope says, as dignified as she can manage while wearing a fuzzy zebra-patterned robe. “I prefer to think of myself as your fairy godmother.”

“No teasing him,” Dean says sternly, but leads the way out the door.

“You really trying to tell me you found the kid handcuffed to a bed and nobody is going to tease him about it?”

“Well,” Dean amends, with a smug grin. “Nobody but his family is allowed to tease him. Don’t worry, though, we took pictures.”

“Yeah, okay. That seems fair.”

Dean leads the way into the Ceiling Fires’ suite and points them to one of the bedrooms.

Penelope can hear Sam’s voice when they get to the open door: “I told you, they’re single-latch. You pull on those the wrong way, they’ll cut off your circulation and — oh, hey, guys.”

Not only are they handcuffs, they’re handcuffs adorned with pink fluff. They’ve pulled a blanket up to Jack’s chest, but he’s clearly naked under it, and he’s blushing so hard he basically matches the handcuffs.

“Good morning,” he says politely.

Penelope gives him a cheerful wave. “Don’t mind me. Spencer’s here to rescue you.”

Spencer is unfazed. He pulls a tiny flat case from inside his wallet and pulls out a couple picks. Sam and Dean are both watching him like hawks. Mother hens. Overprotective mother hawks? Something like that.

It barely takes a second before the lock clicks open.

Jack breathes a sigh of relief and rubs his wrists. “Thank you. Seriously.”

“You gotta teach me that,” Sam says to Spencer. He grabs the handcuffs and lifts them between two fingers like they’ve personally offended him.

“It’s easy once you understand the principle of it,” Spencer tells him, showing him the picks. “See, this pushes the tumbler—”

“Where’d you go?” comes a low British voice from the main room, and then Harry motherfucking Styles is wandering through the door, wearing a turquoise silk kimono and holding a half-eaten slice of watermelon. “What on Earth are you doing with those? I have my leather — oh.” He looks from Penelope to Spencer, blinking. “I… don’t know you, do I?”

“Shit,” Dean mutters. “When did you get here?”

“Wee hours.” He takes a bite of watermelon, tongue-first, and chews slowly.

Penelope is staring. She should really stop staring and say something cool.

“You look sorta familiar,” Spencer offers, with a little wave. “Did you sell me E at a warehouse party in Boston a couple years ago? Cause I gotta say, that was a weird night.”

“Pretty sure that wasn’t me,” he says pensively. “But stranger things have happened.”

Harry goddamn Styles is licking juice off his fingers and dimpling in her general direction and this cannot be real life.

“The watermelon is a little on the nose, don’t you think?” Penelope blurts out. Sam snorts from somewhere behind her.

“They were all out of kiwis, I’m afraid,” Harry drawls. “You want some? More in the kitchen. Bananas, too, and—”

“Hey, guys?” Jack interrupts, from where he’s got the covers pulled up to his chin. “Um… would you mind taking this outside so I can put some clothes on?”

There’s a chorus of apologies. Spencer asks about coffee as they all start to filter out the door, and Penelope heads to the kitchen to eat watermelon with Harry Styles, because apparently this is her life now.

#supernatural #criminal minds #spn x cm #crossover #cm fic #supernatural fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction

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captainillogical · 5 years ago

Text

Distant Lands Ch.19

Stranded on a planet with toxic conditions and nothing but the clothes on your back, your only means of survival lies within the gem that got you here in the first place.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

Strangely enough, you wake up in your bed.

You don’t remember coming into your room to sleep, but here you are. It’s light out - the blinds are closed, but the window is glowing with sunlight. You rub at your eyes, trying to get the rest of the lingering feeling of sleep out of them. You wonder what time it is, and you look over to see your phone left on your small bedside dresser. Without moving from your lying position, you reach over to grab it off the flat surface.

You pull out the charging cable, and open your lock screen. It’s a bit past two in the afternoon. Ugh. You see a couple texts from Steven, and some from an unknown number. You open his messages first.

[10:23] Steven: I woke up fairly early and saw you asleep on the couch with Spinel. Color my face surprised. Wasn't expecting you two to be so chummy considering how you met, initially.

[10:23] Steven: I told you to get some sleep but you really don’t want to listen to me, huh? She helped me put you to bed. Was a little surprised at how careful she was with you.

[10:23] Steven: Anyway, you looked like you needed quite a bit of rest so Pearl, myself and Spinel are going to Little Homeworld ourselves to introduce her to some of the others and show her around a bit.

[10:24] Steven: Take it easy today, and don’t fret about the small stuff. I’ll take care of it, as well as giving some of the others a quick run-down of what happened so you’re not bombarded with the same questions multiple times.

[10:24] Steven: I gave Spinel one of my old cell phones that Peridot ‘upgraded’, the one with the heart stickers you put on the back (I thought it was funny), and gave her your number. Watching her try to navigate human technology was hilarious, btw.

[10:24] Steven: Also we still have that tub of blueberry yogurt in the fridge that I didn’t really like, so if you’re hungry please eat that first. Pearl won’t let me buy more yogurt until I finish that one. :(

You stare at the texts for a moment, brain working a little slow still. Lord.. you can't believe Steven saw you like that, and with Spinel. He could've reacted way worse, but you're glad that it wasn't the case. You kinda have a feeling he might ask you a couple personal questions regarding that.. ugh. You’re also trying to not be disappointed that you’re not there with them and Spinel, and getting to see her interactions with the others.

Oh well, nothing you can do about it now. You text him back before opening the other messages.

[02:09] Y/N: Pssh, I’ll sleep when I want to sleep. Plus, I couldn’t really pass out before talking to her about shit on my mind. It’s fine. And thanks for making sure I didn’t wake up with a stiff neck.

[02:09] Y/N: Keep an eye on her for me, yeah? She’s anxious about all of this.

[02:09] Y/N: And.. thank you, Steven. You know you're my favorite, right?

After sending the texts, you go over and open the unsaved number’s messages from a couple hours ago. They’re clearly from Spinel, so you save the number to your contacts before reading them all.

[10:42] Spinel: did it send

[10:42] Spinel: i think it did this time, phewwww no error message

[10:42] Spinel: this tech is old and weird but i can deal with it for now

[10:42] Spinel: i hope you got okay sleep

[10:42] Spinel: i’m out with steven and pearl as i’m sure he’s told you already

[10:42] Spinel: she’s kinda annoying sometimes, is that normal for her? i don’t know how to feel about her, especially knowing pink as much as i did

[10:43] Spinel: and i know you told me to be nice to steven, but he’s already laughed at me for being confused at your human tech. never listening to you again

[10:43] Spinel: little homeworld is not what i was expecting, but i think i like this a little better than whatever i had thought, anyway

[10:43] Spinel: bismuth is fun. i like her. she says she’ll put me to work for it, but she has a small place for me in this new housing block that’ll be ready for me later today

[10:43] Spinel: it feels kinda like too much at once and it’s a little overwhelming

[10:43] Spinel: but steven has helped a ton, and i’m starting to understand why you defended him as much as you did.

[12:16] Spinel: [attachment received]

You open the file, and it’s a very blurry image of the sidewalk and what you think is Spinel’s shoes. Did she mean to send that? You feel your face smiling, despite the weird feelings starting to blossom in your stomach. You’re glad she’s getting along with the others. You had been.. wary, really, and for good reason. But if the others can get over other gems trying to kill Steven fairly quickly, then you’re not surprised they can get over this, this soon. It was always you technically that held a grudge against the other gems that tried causing him harm. And well, you did hold a bit of a grudge against Spinel for a while..

You sigh out loud, and sit up before texting her back. It feels weird to be texting her, when you were so used to face-to-face communication.

[02:12] Y/N: I slept fine. Thanks for putting me to bed, Steven said some nice things about you :P

[02:12] Y/N: I’m glad you got used to cellphones pretty quickly, I’m a little impressed. And give Pearl some time, you just gotta brush off half her nagging for the most part.

[02:12] Y/N: What were you expecting little homeworld to be like? And how sweet of Bismuth, you should take a pic of the place when you get into it, I wanna see what it looks like inside.

[02:13] Y/N: Yeah.. it will feel like too much, Spinel. Think of what your life was like before this. I did say there was going to be a lot to adjust to.

[02:13] Y/N: Also did you mean to send that last image because I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be looking at exactly, there.

You check your social media for a second as you try not to let all of your thoughts linger on Spinel, and then roll your eyes at yourself when you realize ah right, a month didn’t actually pass here. There’s nothing new. You stand up, stretching your arms way over your head.

It feels good, not sleeping on the ground for once.

You make quick work of changing into an oversized sweater and some shorts from your current sleepwear, wanting to wear something loose and different. Phone in hand, you meander out of your room hungry, and into the kitchen. You see Amethyst in the living room, chilling on the couch and reading some magazine. Except you know she’s not reading it, she’s just looking for weird images to cut out and prank Pearl with in weird places.

“‘Sup.” She says without looking up from her browsing as you open the fridge, looking for anything but that yogurt. A month of only bullshit weird, plain fruit to eat and he thinks you’ll finish off his yogurt for him?

“Hey.” You reply back to her, and ugh.. unless you want to go through the effort of making eggs, toast and yogurt are really your only option since they haven’t gone food shopping. You make a face at the fridge, grabbing for the yogurt and closing the door.

“How ya’ feelin’?” She asks casually, flipping a page. An eye drifts over the page to land on you, and she lifts an eyebrow in interest. “You look better than you did yesterday.”

“...Thanks,” It comes out slightly insulted, but, well, it’s Amethyst. She doesn’t mince her words. “I got some decent sleep for once. Is Garnet home?”

“Nah, she’s got one of her lessons going on.”

“And you don’t?” You grab the bread out of the cupboard, and squint at it for a second. There’s.. a bit of fucking mold on the edge. Ugh. Your luck. You toss the bread onto the counter for Amethyst to eat later, and spot a single bagel left in the cupboard behind a bag of flour. Oh hell yeah.

“Not today, we pushed mine til tomorrow because Onion couldn’t participate for some reason.” She blows a lock of hair out of her face, turning a page.

“All for Onion, and he’s not even a gem. He can sit out one lesson.” You put the bagel in the toaster - getting crumbs everywhere and not caring, and grabbing a spoon for your yogurt.

“C’mon, you know the others love him, it was basically all their decision anyway.” She flips another page, and you can see her giving you a pointed look that you’re going to ignore. “Besides, I wanted to relax today anyway, considering all the stress you just put me under.”

“Cause it was totally by choice.” You retort with a roll of your eyes, opening the lid of the yogurt disdainfully and giving it a sniff. It smells fine but.. Ugh. You’re not much of a fan of yogurt. You take a bite, and it’s okay you guess.

“What are you planning on doing with the rest of your afternoon, anyway?” She asks as soon as you take another bite of yogurt.

“I uh,” You swallow. “I don’t know, actually. I was thinking I’d be with Steven and Pearl, showing Spinel around, but it seems they’re all doing that without me.” You say, half a frown forming on your face. You kind of realize that you’re way more disappointed by that fact than you had previously figured, but that train of thought is interrupted by the bagel popping out of the toaster. You jump slightly, almost launching your yogurt out of your hands. Amethyst notices but doesn’t make a comment about it.

“Y/N, I know you’re really caring and wanna help, but don’t you think you should take a couple days just for you?” She gives you a look.

“A couple days to what?” You match her look, popping an eyebrow for extra emphasis. “Relax? Like the weeks I just spent doing absolutely nothing on a forgotten planet in the middle of nowhere? I’m good.”

She looks at you, deadpan, and sighs. You notice a bunch of bananas on the top of the fridge that you had missed earlier, and get an idea that’s better than just eating yogurt.

“You’re kind of impossible. I’m telling Steven to not let you help him with any more of his current projects.” She sets the magazine down and cracks her knuckles obnoxiously. “Maybe it will force you to go out and do something for yourself for once.”

“Don’t you dare.” You say in annoyance, grabbing the bananas and blender from the top of the fridge, setting them on the counter. You grab the milk from the fridge and pour a little inside, and dump some of the yogurt in as well. You don’t care for proper proportions, you measure smoothies with your soul.

“I’m literally texting him right now and you can’t stop me.” She grabs for her phone, typing on it quickly.

“You can’t make me relax, Amethyst.” You say, peeling two bananas and tearing them into small enough chunks to blend, putting those in as well with a couple cubes of ice for good measure. “If I want to help out, I’m helping out.”

“Not if I can help it.” You hear her say as you put on the lid of the blender and plug it into the outlet next to it.

You grab your phone to text Steven to dissuade him from whatever Amethyst is saying to him, and press the liquify button on the blender.

A terribly familiar whirring noise fills the room, and your blood runs cold. You freeze on the spot.

You rip the plug from the outlet near violently, silence filling the immediate space. A beat or two passes.

“Uh.” You hear Amethyst say from fifteen feet behind you. “Y/N? You okay?”

You’re staring at the blender, and you can’t get your mouth to move. The chunks of ice shift, light from the afternoon sun hitting it and causing it to sparkle.

“Y/N?” She asks again, and you hear slight shuffling.

There’s this indescribable feeling of fear and dread swirling at the pit of your stomach, and then you feel an arm pulling at your elbow.

“Y/N.” Amethyst reiterates from beside you, and suddenly, you can turn your head to face her.

“Yeah?” You answer, facing her and blinking. She looks at you for a second before answering.

“What was that?” Her brows furrow in concern.

“I, um.” You realize you aren’t hungry anymore. “That was nothing.”

“Bullshit.” She looks offended at your response. “I’ve never seen you react that way before, to like, anything.”

“Uhhhhh, you know what?” You say, feeling like your mouth is working on autopilot at this point. “I’m gonna go out actually.”

You spin around, walking around Amethyst entirely despite her protests, and leave out the front door. You hear it slam shut behind you.

By the time you check the time, it’s nearly five in the afternoon, and you’re in front of the new bakery, Spacestries. You uh.. you didn’t realize you had walked all the way over here. You think you wandered the beach for a while, trying to definitely not think about what happened in the kitchen, with Amethyst as a fucking witness. Embarrassing. Could’ve been worse, you guess - it could have been Pearl there. It’s probably best if you don’t use the blender for a while.

You’re completely annoyed with yourself about all of that, really, and by pushing all of that away you’re trying to not let the rest of your thoughts linger on the other thing you shouldn’t put any more thought into, which are your obvious feelings for Spinel. That area is a whole ass disaster that you’d rather ignore right now. You have a few notifications that you swipe away as soon as they come; your heart pathetically skipping a beat when it sees her name there for a split second - you’re not in the right mood to reply to the messages at the moment. Later.

You sigh, pocketing your phone. You look at the shiny new sign above, squinting at the sun in your eyes, and someone nearly walks into you on the sidewalk. Ugh. You stand there for a second, letting the hot air of summer waft by. You smell fries from somewhere nearby, and your stomach growls. A car honks off in the distance.

It’s not even a busy day out. It’s just another lazy afternoon, something you’ve experienced many, many times in your life. But you find yourself listening to the muted sounds of Beach City, thankful that you’re standing here on a paved sidewalk that was made by humans. Your hair tickles your nose, and you blow air to get it out of your face.

A minute or so passes. You figure you should just go in and buy yourself a cheese roll or something. You don’t know why you’re just standing outside.

You take in a deep breath, and open the door. It chimes as you come in.

It’s cool inside from the air conditioning, and there’s no one behind the counter. You walk in slowly, hearing your footsteps tapping on the floor. There’s a small FM radio off to the side playing the top 40’s that you can barely make out due to all the static. It’s been a while since you’ve heard music.

There’s a lot of pastries on display, and they look good. You wonder if he’s working today. You walk up to the counter leisurely, looking at the glazed fruit tarts on the top display shelf.

“I’LL BE UP FRONT IN A SECOND!” You hear a familiar muffled voice coming from the back room.

“Take your time, Lars. It’s just me.” You reply, hearing your voice not carry very far. You hope he heard you despite the white noise of the AC. There’s a couple more shuffling sounds, as it sounds like he’s rounding the corner.

You see the tray of cream puffs in one hand before Lars walks out, and he’s got another in the other hand, balanced on his hip.

“Y/N? Is that you out ther-” He stops abruptly as soon as he sees your face; and one of the trays slips out of his hand, clattering on the floor loudly.

He opens and closes his mouth. Twice.

“What in the actual fuck happened to you!?” He nearly shouts, eyes wide. He rushes to set the remaining tray on the counter, and completely ignores what is on the floor to get over to where you’re standing.

“Uh..” You pull your sweater sleeves down, AC giving your arms goosebumps. “A lot. Can I have one of your fresh cheese rolls?”

He gives you an incredulous look. “Yeah, as soon as you tell me how you fucking died!? What the hell have I missed in the last fews days while I was out of town!?”

“Cheese roll first, buddy.” You say, and cross your arms.

“Ugh, FINE!” He tosses his hands into the air, and makes quick work of grabbing his freshest roll for you, placing it into your hands with a napkin. He gives you another look.

You take a bite out of it, and it tastes so good that you feel tears prickling the corners of your eyes, and you cannot stop them from forming. Lars seems to take notice.

“Spill. You’re being weird and I’m actually concerned right now.” He puts his hands on his hips. You finish chewing before answering, but he holds up a finger instead. “Wait. Sit down and finish that, I’ll go grab some coffee for the both of us, I just made fresh pot that should be done brewing by now.”

He leaves momentarily to grab the coffee, and you sit down at the little two person table in the corner of the shop. You feel your phone vibrate a few times in your pocket, but you opt to ignore it instead. They can wait; you told Amethyst you were just going out, and your brain can really only deal with so much right now. Namely food, and hyping yourself up to talk to Lars about this.

A few cars pass out on the street outside, and your eyes are glued to the bright blue sky and those giant fluffy clouds that are floating idly by. You take another bite out of the roll, savoring the way the buttery crust melts on your tongue. The song changes to one particular pop number that you hate, and you aren’t even irritated about it. You find yourself having missed the small things.

You hear footsteps approaching from behind you, and Lars sets down two cups of black coffee with a cream puff in front of you. Eh. You’ll deal with the coffee being black with no sweetner for it.

“So,” He sits down, taking a sip of coffee. “I’m gonna need you to elaborate. Was there some kind of freak accident or something?”

You take a sip of coffee before answering, staring at the new plugs in his ears. They’re filled with stars, and it’s kind of cute. Looks nice on him.

“You want a short version, or the whole thing? Because there’s a lot.” You say, exhaling out a long breath. The coffee is good, despite the bitterness.

He looks around his shop for a second, shrugging when his eyes fall back on you. “Business has been extremely slow all day, I’ve got plenty of time.”

“Okay. Well.. technically this was yesterday? Ish? It’s been a blur. Anyway..”

You find yourself opening up to him more than you did with the others, and you think it’s because he might be the only person who maybe understands how you feel in this moment. Human, thrown into too much space bullshit just to try to survive.

“..and yeah. That’s about all of it.” You finish, taking a small sip of your coffee.

Lars puts his face in his hands, sighing exaggeratedly. He’s been patiently listening this entire time, which is surprising for him.

“I need more coffee for this.” He says, getting up immediately to do so. It takes him a minute, but he comes back with a fresh cup for you both, and you’re thankful for it.

“Thanks.” You take a sip, and it’s nearly hot enough to burn your tongue.

“You know, I wouldn’t believe half the shit you just said if I didn’t actually know you. That’s nuts and utterly awful, even for it having to do with more gem bullshit.” He takes a drink, eyes roaming your face and hair.

“Yeah. I know.” You reply. “But what is life around Steven if not life-threatening and ridiculous? You know how it goes.”

“Yeahhh.. you’re telling me. Oh, has Amethyst texted you since your ‘incident’ earlier?” He asks, lifting his hands to do the air quotations with his index fingers.

“I’m not gonna lie, I’ve ignored every notification that has popped up on my phone since leaving the house earlier.” You feel another buzz ironically inside your pocket. Ugh.

“You can’t ignore all your problems forever you know, you should probably text them back sooner rather than later. I’m sure they’re worried about you.”

“I’ll get to it in a bit.” You say with a huff.

“Hm.. it’s kind of funny how I’ve also been stranded against my will somewhere away from civilization, now that I think about it. It just wasn’t with an alien.. and it was at least on Earth.”

“Yeah that’s a weird coincidence, I didn’t even realize.” You feel half your face perk in a wry smile. “You’re lucky you had Sadie instead of Spinel though, Sadie’s.. so much nicer.” He rolls his eyes at that. “Can I ask you something Lars? If you don’t mind.”

“Yeah? Of course.” He replies, perking an eyebrow in question.

“How did you deal with dying? Or uh, anything of what happened to you in space?” You avoid his eyes for a moment, looking out the window. You can see the heat rising off the pavement from here.

“Oh, god.” You hear him take another drink of his coffee. “Not well, at first. The off-colors helped me tremendously in dealing with my problems. I’m pretty whatever about the whole thing now, honestly. I take it day by day, and keeping busy doing what I love at this shop is helping. Also, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, as thankful as I am to be alive.” He points to his pink hair and face with his index finger, raising an eyebrow. “I hate the looks I get when I leave Beach City.”

“I’ll get used to it in time, probably. Still surprised when I look in the mirror." You sigh. You fix your eyes on the cup in front of you. “I also don’t want the gems to worry about me, and about what happened.”

“It’s something that took me quite a while to get used to. You’re wayyy more adaptable than I am, though, so I’m sure you’ll be a little quicker with it.” He says, running a hand through his hair and taking another drink of his coffee. “I’m sure they’ll worry about you regardless, and there isn’t really anything you can do about it. Kinda happens when they consider you family. Also, you’ve been through a lot. This isn’t just, like, breaking a leg or something.”

“I made the best of a shitty situation, and I’m alive and okay, it really isn’t a huge deal. I don’t want them walking on eggshells around me, or coddling me. I hate that. I’m not seventeen and stupid anymore.”

Lars stares at you like you’re definitely seventeen and stupid, expression that says ‘I cannot believe you right now.’

“You’re literally traumatized, you fucking idiot.” He says, completely exasperated. “Stop acting like what you’ve been through is as common as the cold. It isn’t. It’s going to take you time, and them some time. Talk to them if you’re that bothered with it.”

You shrug at him, affronted. “It’s whatever. I just want a normal life again.” Is what you hear coming out of your mouth.

“Your life stopped being normal the moment you accepted that babysitting job with the gems.” He rolls his eyes at you again, and you wanna kick him under the table. Just a little. “How are the gems dealing with Spinel by the way? I bet they thought they’d never have to fight another gem again, sheesh.”

“I was a little worried, but I think they’ll be fine honestly. They’ve dealt with worse. It probably helped that I was there to defend and vouch for her, really.” Someone passes the shop window, distracting your eyes for a second. A beat or two goes by, another car speeds down the street, and you wonder how Spinel’s doing right now. You hope Steven works his friendship magic on her, and you hope they become quick friends. They’re kind of like, two of the most important people to you. Oh, fuck. You think to yourself. Quick question, self? When the fuck did Spinel become that important to you? What the hell? Was it somewhere between hating her and dying for her?! You get the feeling you’re being watched all of a sudden so you look back over to Lars, and he’s studying your face with enough concentration to make you nervous.

“I feel like you’re still sitting on something that you want to talk about, but you’re too chickenshit to say it.” He says, full seriousness. You break eye contact, looking at your cup of coffee instead and sigh.

You and Lars have never been what you’d call good friends. Recently he’s been a lot better and you can actually talk to him like he’s a peer since he came back from space, but he used to be such a dick to Steven that you basically hated him, and you never hid that. You have no idea how he can see through you so well.

“How can you even tell?”

“Your posture isn’t relaxed whatsoever. You’ve been sitting like someone strapped a yard stick to your spine.” He answers bluntly. “You’re normally a sloucher.”

“Don’t read me like that ever again.” You scowl. “I’m sitting on it because I’m not sure I want to verbalize it out loud, okay? And I haven’t talked to anyone about it..” You say, ignoring his pointed look at you.

“Y/N, unless you’re going to say that you want to move back in with your shitty parents, or that all of a sudden you believe in the existence of saint nicholas, it can’t be that strange to say considering everything else you’ve said.” He leans his chin on his hand, nudging his coffee cup slightly with his fingers. You think, maybe.. maybe you can trust him with this too. Another shadow passes by the window, but you ignore it in favor of the swirling thoughts in your head.

“I have feelings for Spinel,” You blurt out with about as much grace as ripping off a band-aid; just as he takes another drink of his coffee. He chokes on it, sputtering everywhere - the entry door swings open with a chime and a customer walks in. He stands up suddenly, coughing into his hand.

“Give me just a second,” He says, turning to the customer, and rushes away from the table to go cough violently into the sink behind the counter.

The customer stares at him.

“Are you open?” They ask, even though they just came through the open, unlocked bakery door. You know, with the clearly printed hours on the glass.

He gives a thumbs up, coughing into the sink again and wiping his face.

“Yeah, just come up to the counter and I’ll help you out.” He says, a few coughs coming out here and there. He gives you a particular look from across the shop, and you’re not sure how to interpret it.

Your heart is beating wildly out of nervousness, and you kind of regret your honesty a little. Having feelings for a gem can’t be.. that weird. Right? Today is taking its toll on you already, and you’ve only been awake for a few short hours. You tune out Lars and the customer’s interactions, and pull out your phone instead. You should answer your messages.

You can kind of see the customer glancing at you in the corner, and you try ignoring it. You answer Amethyst messages first to let her know that you’re fine.

[02:48] Amethyst: dude, dont just leave

[02:48] Amethyst: esp after something like that [02:48] Amethyst: im worried about you, you know you can talk to me about stuff if you want

[02:48] Amethyst: or if u want a lounge buddy for distractions ig

[02:48] Amethyst: im here.

You feel bad that you rushed out like that on her, but you couldn’t stand in that kitchen anymore and you needed to be anywhere else but right there.

[05:32] Y/N: I’m fine, Amethyst.. I just needed some air.

[05:32] Y/N: Your concern is appreciated. Really.

[05:32] Y/N: Just needed to run away for a bit.

[05:32] Y/N: And I know. Thank you.

The customer talking to Lars is asking way too many questions about the gluten in the fruit fritters, and you can feel Lars’ annoyance from here. You see replies from Steven, and read those next.

[03:10] Steven: Of course I’m your favorite, who else has this Universe charm? ;)

[03:10] Steven: I’m gonna pick up pizza for us later, you deserve some good food after all of this, lol.

[03:10] Steven: And what’s Amethyst saying about not letting you help me out?

[03:10] Steven: Are you not resting like I told you to? I said to take it easy. I know we were planning on adding in a bunch of new classes and recruiting more people to teach them, but I can have Pearl help me out with that. Maybe Buck. He owes me a big favor anyway.

[03:10] Steven: It doesn’t matter, I was gonna tell you to take the next week for yourself anyway, because you need to chill.

[03:11] Steven: I’ll be home in a couple hours, and if you wanted to cancel wednesday movie night, I understand. :(

You stare at your phone, trying to not be irritated like you want to. You don’t want to be replaced, responsibility-wise. You like helping Steven out. It makes you feel useful, and if you aren’t being useful, what’s the point. You feel like no matter what you say to him, he won’t care though. He’s really stubborn like that. You’ll take the next few days off for yourself regardless.

[05:35] Y/N: I’m just out rn okay, didn’t want to be cooped up at home. I went out for a walk because of how much I missed the sand.

[05:35] Y/N: And no, I think I need movie night now more than ever lol. Kinda just don’t want to lay around in bed.

Mere seconds pass of you replying to his texts, and he’s answered you back.

[05:35] Steven: Want it to just be the two of us, or would you be okay with me inviting Spinel and the others?

[05:36] Steven: I might’ve hyped up Princess Diaries to her earlier, and well, this may be an easy way for her to be more.. at ease with everyone.

Oh thank god he asked. You didn’t want to seem desperate for her presence enough to suggest it. Also, he’s not wrong. You smile slightly to yourself as you reply to him.

[05:36] Y/N: Please do. :) That sounds fun.

Lars and the customer are now going back and forth about prices. You know he can handle himself, clearly, but you keep an ear perked in case this person goes full on karen-mode. You open Spinel’s messages last.

[02:52] Spinel: oops that wasnt what i was trying to send

[02:52] Spinel: [attachment received]

It’s another blurry picture, but it’s a candid shot of Pearl making a funny face while criticizing Steven about something. It’s actually fucking hilarious. You kinda want to send it to Amethyst.

[02:52] Spinel: shes been like this the last five minutes

[02:52] Spinel: its fun to watch

[02:52] Spinel: earth’s organisms are fun though so far

[02:53] Spinel: steven threw some food at the birds and i almost caught one

[02:53] Spinel: it pecked me

You try not to laugh out loud at the mental image, wishing desperately that you could’ve seen this.

[05:36] Y/N: I was going to ask why, except I know the answer to that already. You deserved being pecked, stop heckling local wildlife you fucking birdbrain

Before you can type up another message, you hear the door jingle again as the customer leaves - drawing you out of looking directly at only your phone. You must’ve tuned out the last of their interactions, because Lars is standing in front of the table with crossed arms.

He’s staring at you, half an eyebrow perked; like he’s trying to read your mind. You can hear his foot tapping on the cold tile floor. You are not going to lie to yourself - if you could get up and abscond, you’d do exactly just that. He suddenly whips his arm out, placing it upon the back of your chair.

“Don’t even think about running away from this conversation, Y/N.” He says, the radio crackling a bit in the background.

“Why would you think I want to run, Lars?” You avoid his eyes out of nervousness.

“Because I can see it in your eyes.” He plops back down in his seat, and sighs. His eyes haven’t moved from his gaze on you. “So. What the actual fuck?”

“Look. I didn’t even realize that I had these feelings until a couple days ago.. technically. Days on Golgotha. Not here, I mean.”

He brings his hand up to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose in disbelief and scrunching his eyes. “You’re telling me.. that you have feelings for a gem that tried to kill Steven and yourself, after being stuck on a different planet with her for weeks?”

You’re staring at him, unmoving. A second or three passes.

“Don’t put it so plainly out there like that..” You groan. “I already feel stupid about this.”

“I’ve known you for years now, and you’ve refused any kind of prospect of romance. I watched you turn down several people, including fucking JENNY of all people. Where the hell is this coming from!?” God he’s so worked up about this that he’s half talking with his hands.

“Yeah because I was busy with Steven! Also I just wasn’t ..interested in anyone.” You level him with a look, slightly miffed about all of this.

“What made her different?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!” You hear your voice raise, heart beating wildly in your chest. You can feel the adrenaline running through you. “At first I thought it was because she didn’t treat me like a fragile meatbag! Or maybe because she took my shit and threw it back at me!! AND THEN SHE STARTED TO GET ALL CARING, LIKE, SHE ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT MY WELL-BEING? GENUINELY? And she wanted to be my friend EVEN after I treated her like shit!”

“Oh, my god. You DO have feelings for her!!!” He shouts accusingly, pointing his finger directly at you.

“I WASN’T LYING YOU IDIOT.”

“Well?! What are you going to do about it?!” He implores, leaning into the table - practically knocking off his half cup of coffee.

“Nothing, probably,” You say, avoiding his eyes again.

“You’re joking.”

“What if I’ve been reading signals all weird, and she thinks humans are super gross?”

He levels you with a Look, one you deem The Judgemental Gaze of Judgement. He sighs for like the fifth time this conversation.

“Ugh! Give me your phone.”

“NO.”

“Let me talk to her!”

“DEFINITELY NO.” You hear your own voice echo throughout the room.

“Okay, so, you’re just going to steep in your own feelings and pretend you don’t have them? Really, Y/N?”

“Well.. no. Maybe. I don't know.”

“You’re being stupid.” He says with a roll of his eyes. “What are you actually afraid of?”

“...what if she can only see me as a friend?” You reply, a bit nervously.

“It’s not the worst thing ever, honestly. At least she’d still be your friend, take it from me..” He glances at his phone on the table for a moment, a notification popping up. “But I don’t know. I haven’t met her yet, but if she’s everything you’ve said to me so far.. I think you might be a little dumb about this.”

“I’m not saying you’re right, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

“If I happen to see her in the next week, I’m telling her if you haven’t by then.” He says with a perk of his eyebrow, tone half mocking.

“If I catch wind of that happening I’ll set your shop on fire.” You reply, deadpan. His eyes get large.

“No arson!” He points to the center of your torso, like this would be a thing you’d actually do. “Anyway, I gotta get back to making a new batch of what I dropped earlier before the delivery I’m supposed to receive in an hour gets here. You’re welcome to stay if you wanna help me out. I had 3 part timers quit in the last month.”

“Bet they left because you suck at being a manager.” You say, pocketing your cell phone and standing up. “And as much as I’d like to keep busy right now, it’s best I be getting back soon anyway.”

“I’m a great manager, for the record! Just unlucky. Thankfully the off-colors help out plenty, even if most of them are preoccupied doing things for themselves now. Let me know if you know anyone that wants any part time hours? I’m flexible.” He also stands up, pushing his chair in and grabbing both cups of coffee - now empty. He gives you a look before smiling a little. “I’m glad you’re alive and well, Y/N. And really. Talk to Spinel. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, you’ll feel a lot better getting it off your chest.”

“Yeah, yeahhhhhh. We’ll see.” You reply with an eye roll, and head out the door.

On your way home you stop by the boardwalk by Funland. The sun is beating down on you, but you don’t really mind this heat. It isn’t nearly as humid as on the surface of that awful place. It’s almost lovely compared to it. You sit on one of the nearby benches to zone out for a couple minutes, watching people and their dogs pass by as you internally fight yourself.

You should talk to Spinel. You think briefly that you should just text her about it, and then immediately swat that thought away. That’s the cowards route. Get it the fuck together. You’ve been through so much shit already, and you’re this hung up on your feelings. Also, Spinel deserves a lot more than just a stupid text.

Oh my godddd, you do not want to put too much thought into this shit, it will just make you even more anxious around her. Ugh. Seriously, you've been through waaay more anxiety inducing scenarios than this, what's your deal? You feel your phone vibrate with a notification, and you pull it up to see that it’s a message from Steven saying that they’ll be home soon. It’s a bit after six by now, and you send him a reply saying that you’ll see him there.

The distant sounds of the crashing waves of the ocean put you at ease. You pocket your phone, and you notice Mr. Smiley talking to a couple kids with cotton candy forty feet away or so. He sees you, and you can see his eyebrows raise in confusion all the way over from here.

Ugh. You’re kind of tired of explaining what’s happened to you. You get up and leave to avoid any kind of conversation about it, opting to just go straight home instead.

You take your flip flops off as you walk through the sand up to Steven’s house. It’s warm, and the salty sea breeze tickles your skin. It’s making you a little reluctant to go up the stairs. You’re halfway up when you hear muffled voices coming from inside, quite a few actually. The rest of them must have got here before you did, oops. You hope they don’t implore too much about where you’ve been and why it’s taken so long.

Once you open the front door you feel a couple eyes turn to you, and you swallow the weird anxiety in your gut.

“Y/N!” Peridot shouts from across the room, and you set your flip flops down on the ground near the door. “Jeez, took you long enough to get home.”

“Sorry, I took the long way home.” You reply, seeing her with Bismuth, Lapis and Pearl all chatting animatedly about something on the couch with each other.

“You guys only got here a couple minutes ago anyway.” Amethyst snorts, walking into the kitchen after she gives you a discreet look-over to make sure you’re visibly okay.

“Yeah but she’s the last one here, and that means she gets cleanup duty!” She retorts, giving you a pointed smirk from across the room.

“I feel like I should be exempt from cleaning duty for the next couple of weeks.” You walk over to the kitchen where Steven and Spinel are talking to Garnet about something, and your heart does this stupid, stupid little flip when you see her with the others. Her eyes gravitate over to you as she’s talking, something sparkling in them when she sees that it’s you - and tears her eyes away back to the others quickly.

What the hell. That was kinda weird. Steven looks over to you, and then to Peridot after he hears you.

“I’ve volunteered to take over her responsibilities this week, anyway, so suck it Peridot.” He says, sticking his tongue out at her childishly.

“You mean it?” You reply, feeling immense amounts of affection bubbling up inside for him.

“Yeah, well, you’re not wrong about being exempt for now. Also I just love you.” He grins, shrugging at you. You walk over to his side, ruffling his thick brown curls.

“Steeeeven, what would I do without you?” You say, and you see Spinel watching you out of the corner of her eye as Garnet talks to her. “I miss when you were shorter than me, who am I supposed to use as a chinrest now? Amethyst? She’s too short.”

“Hey!” Amethyst huffs, flipping some of her hair over her shoulder. “Being this short is one of my best qualities.”

“I thought it was your obnoxious personality?” You raise an eyebrow in mockery at her.

“I thought that was yours.” You hear Spinel say as your heart jumps into your throat, and you whip your face to hers.

“You of all people cannot say that to me!” You hiss out at her automatically without missing a beat, and the others burst out laughing. Even Garnet. You feel your face heat up as Spinel grins, and whatever thoughts you had about her acting weird earlier vanish. When the laughter dies down, Steven looks over to her.

“I’ve gotta say, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone that talks to Y/N that way and gets away with it.” He says, still smiling and shaking his head.

“Really?” Her eyes light up at that, and she gives you a particular look that makes you want to smack her. “I guess I must be kinda special or somethin’.”

“No, you’re just too stupid to realize when I’m telling you off.” You reply, and she splutters with a glare while the others laugh boisterously again.

It’s good to be in this kind of company again, you think.

Steven grabs the three boxes of pizza on the counter that you just noticed were there. The smell is very enticing. “Since we’re all here, I’m gonna go set up the movie so I can finally eat because I am starrrrrving.” He says, dragging it on a bit dramatically as he walks up the stairs over to his loft bed. “You guys can join whenever!”

You follow him immediately, mainly because you want food. Also, Spinel’s looking at you in a way that makes you hyper aware of literally every single thing you’re doing, and you need to sit down and calm yourself before you have some kind of self-induced heart attack.

“You wanna sit on the bed? You get first pick since.. y’know.” He looks at you, setting the pizza boxes down on the floor by the foot of his bed.

“Nah, I want the beanbag.” You say as the others make their way up here, and you grab said seat from the corner of his room, dragging it to the spot you want on the far left opposite of the stairs and next to Steven’s bed. Peridot likes to throw things during dramatic moments and you’d prefer to not be placed in the crossfire again.

“Suuuit yourself.” He says, popping the dvd case open and inserting the disk into the system below the tv. Amethyst plops on his bed with a satisfied sigh, rolling over to the edge to grab a slice from the boxes on the floor.

The rest of them come in, finding places to sit and lounge - all of them as loud as ever. You see Spinel off to the side by Pearl, and she looks like she doesn’t know where to sit. Eventually her eyes land on you - your heart doing a little flip, and you make a point to pat the ground next to you. Her eyes light up instantly. Not like you saved a seat for her or anything.

She gets over to you - having to stretch her leg waaay over to the side of the multiple gems in the center of the room making a commotion loudly over who gets to sit in front of the tv. She sits down next to you; wrapping her arms around her knees, her body language a little more at ease beside you than she was earlier.

You ignore your brain screaming about the implications. Just act normal, fucking idiot.

“You have fun today?” You turn your face to ask her, Bismuth bellowing out a laugh at something behind you.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting them to be so.. welcoming.” She says a bit quietly so the others don’t hear, pulling her gloved hand up to scratch at her cheek sheepishly. “I still don’t feel like I deserve this.”

“Well, you do.” You lean forward, grabbing a slice of pizza and a napkin. “So you better get used to it.” Before you even take a bite, you notice her staring at you. Steven’s cursing out the dvd player for giving him issues, and Pearl’s tutting him for his language. “What? You wanna try?”

“No. It just looks weird.” She replies, scrunching her face.

“Spinel.” You look at her, deadpan. “Unless you try it, you don’t get to judge pizza. Even Amethyst likes it.” You take a bite, melty cheese easily pulling off the slice. Her eyes go kinda wide, watching you - and then her face gets suspiciously smug.

“Wow, what is that? Kinda similar to how much I can stretch-” You give her a kick with your bare foot, and she chokes out a laugh. You roll your eyes, taking another bite. Her constant teasing makes your heart grow fonder, and that fact irritates you.

“Finally!” Steven says, pressing the play button on the menu. Guess he finally got it to work. He sits on his bed where his pillows are, Amethyst up at the front. The others are lounging around the rest of the room as the volume dies down.

The movie starts to play, and you settle comfortably in your beanbag. Once you’re done adjusting yourself, Spinel leans half her side and props her elbow up on your chair, resting her chin on her hand. She’s close enough to where you can feel the heat emanating off her slightly. She’s most comfortable around you, clearly.

You’ve seen the princess diaries many, many times as it’s one of Steven’s favorite movies - he starts singing ‘stupid cupid’ and you join along, earning a wink from him. Spinel makes comments here and there about the absurdities of royalty here, and several human traditions that the other gems laugh and nod in agreement. She seems to like it though, as she laughs pretty hard at a couple scenes.

You're content, you feel. You didn't think you'd get to experience this like, ever, with her.

Two thirds through the movie and several slices of pizza later, you notice Spinel watching you more than the movie out of the corner of your eye. You try not to be self-conscious about it, but you wish you could ask her if you have something on your face without alerting the others around you. She lays her arm down on your beanbag, parallel to yours resting against your thigh; and you have a quiet moment of panic because your immediate thought is to grab her hand and hold it.

Okay. You need to calm the fuck down, first of all. You’re getting way ahead of yourself. Also, the thought of anyone of them seeing that makes you want to run outside into the ocean to never return. You spend the rest of this movie consumed with so many thoughts about Spinel beside you that you don’t realize that the movie has already ended with the credits rolling, and the others are chatting and stretching their limbs from their stationary positions on the floor.

“Okay, do we want to watch another movie, or call it a night guys?” Steven asks, and a few of the others immediately all say they want to watch another movie.

“Okay but what exactly are we watching?” You turn your face to look at him. “Because I don’t want to watch the sequel.”

“But I loooooooooove the sequel!!!” He cries out, putting a hand on his chest in mock offense. “It has Chris Pine’s dreamy eyes!”

“There’s another one?” Spinel interjects, raising an eyebrow. “But they didn’t really leave room for continuation.”

“Exactly my point.” You reply. “It’s a bad sequel.”

“It’s not! You just hate good fun!” Steven whines.

“I kinda wanna watch it. I like the part when she pushes him into the fountain.” Amethyst chuckles, stuffing a room-temperature slice of pizza into her mouth in a single bite.

“Sweet! Then we’re watching it.” He says smugly, getting up to change the dvd out.

“You’re so biased it’s not even funny.” You groan, flopping your head back on the beanbag dramatically. “Next time I get to pick.”

“No! You always pick horror movies!” You see Steven whip his head towards you from the corner of your eye.

“Alien is a classic though. And besides, you always pick fucking romantic comedies my guy.” You retort.

“Yeah, how can you not get enough of them?” He sighs happily. “They always end good.”

“Alien ends good..” You pout, and hear him snort a little. “The cat lives.”

The movie starts, and you try to not zone out after the first ten minutes. Spinel makes several comments about ‘who the fuck is this guy? Where’s that guy she kissed in the last movie?’ and you get the joy of being the one to explain to her that sometimes, sequels are just Like That.

An hour or so in of you only half paying attention to the movie, and you think you see Spinel’s eyes droop.

Is she.. is she tired?

Another twenty minutes pass, and yeah, she’s definitely tired. She’s leaning against her hand on your beanbag again, a mere foot or so from yourself. You catch her drifting off a little - hand slipping - quietly startling herself awake. It’s so cute. You’ve never seen her this sleepy before. It’s strange, gems don’t get tired.. You think, briefly, of what that might imply. When was the last time she slept, you wonder? You worry a little about it - clearly she needs some rest if she’s nodding off right here.

By the time the movie is done and the credits are rolling, she’s got half her head curled into her arm that’s digging into your side, completely asleep. It makes your heart swell to see her like this. Steven turns his bedside lamp on, illuminating most of the room in a warm glow.

“Well! I’m beat.” He says, grinning and turning his face to you. “Did Spinel like the movies?”

“I’d ask her, but..” You look at him, shrugging and pointing to her.

“Is she asleep?” He whispers, some of the others looking over in your direction and away from their quiet conversations. For some reason your heart rate speeds up.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting her to pass out. It isn’t really like her to be this tired.” You reply. Your legs are numb from lack of circulation, and you stretch them out in front of you.

“Spinel.. sleeps?” An eyebrow shoots up into his hairline that has you feeling strange about what you had just said.

“I mean, yeah? It’s not that weird, Amethyst does it sometimes.”

“Yeah, that’s because I’m just lazy. But you don’t see me sleeping on you.” Amethyst chuckles lowly, a slow grin spreading on her face.

“What the hell are you implying?” You ask, feeling your face start to heat up.

“Nothing! She must trust you a lot is all, sleeping like that.” She laughs a little. “She looks kind of like a lapdog.”

“Don’t call her a dog, jeez.” You roll your eyes, pushing down the blush on your face.

“Look at you, defending her even when she can’t defend herself, when earlier you were so easy to insult her.” Pearl says from across the room, putting a finger to her lip and looking smug. “You know…”

“Alright, enough picking on Y/N. I wanna go to bed.” Steven says with a yawn, and the others file out of his loft down the stairs without much of a fight.

“Does she have a bed in her new place?” You watch her shoulders rise and fall with her breathing.

“No, er, she has a bedroom though. Wasn’t expecting her to be the sleeping type, honestly. I’ll get with Bismuth tomorrow about it. Shouldn’t take long, though. She can sleep on the couch tonight if anything.” He says, taking his socks off and flinging them across the other side of his room into the pile of laundry he has there.

"Alright." You say, thinking about several things at once. Hm. She looks so soft right now, and it's taking like, all of your self control to not stroke her head. It sucks that you've got to wake her.

Steven gets up to go to the bathroom and brush his teeth before sleeping, and makes a comment about his floor better not ‘be occupied’ when he comes back. You roll your eyes, smiling at him fondly. You love his teen attitude.

Very gently, you shake Spinel's shoulders a little. You're actually surprised when she lifts her head a little, slow blinking and confusion all over her face. She's got lines pressed into her face where she slept a little too hard against her arm. It's extremely endearing.

"Did I pass out?" She asks, rubbing her eyes but still looking very drowsy.

"Yeah. We finished the other movie. The others went off on their own, and Steven's going to sleep."

You lead the gem down the stairs, careful to not let her sleep-heavy self trip. You sit her on the couch, and walk away to grab the spare blankets from the cupboard for her. You pass Steven coming out of the bathroom on your way back over, him giving the both of you a peace sign and telling you to get decent sleep. He also apologises to Spinel in case she hears any snoring coming from him.

Once he’s out of sight, you place the spare blankets and pillow next to her on the couch.

“Are you gonna be okay out here? Let me know if you need anything.” Leaning your hands on your hips, you give her a quick look-over. She’s tired, clearly, but a little more awake than before.

She looks at you hesitantly, like she wants to say something, but is unsure how.

"What?" You whisper at her. "Is there something wrong?"

"Um.." She looks away momentarily, like she's nervous to admit something. It's making you anxious.

"Spit it out, Spinel." You say, and it comes out a little harsher than intended.

"I don't know if I can sleep. I've had.. really bad nightmares every time I've tried, so I stopped trying. It's been weeks.." She trails off, avoiding your eyes. "That nap earlier was the most solid sleep I've had in a while."

Oh. You.. you weren't expecting her to say that. You feel horrible about it, actually..

"Do you want to sleep with me?" You hear the words coming out of your mouth, horrified at what it kind of implied. "I-I mean, um, maybe having another person next to you might help you sleep?" You quickly correct yourself, feeling your face heat up in mortification. Yeah yeah idiot, ask the gem to sleep with you god what the hell is wrong with you.

Thankfully, you think she’s too tired to really catch on to that, as she kind of looks a little.. sheepish when her eyes lock on to yours.

“You’re not just sayin’ that, right? To be nice?” You think you see her wring her hands nervously in her lap, and you’re confused by it. Why the hell is she nervous?

"You think I'm purposefully nice?"

"Well.." She gives you a look.

"Come on." You say with a sigh. "My bed is big enough for the both of us, and it's comfier than this couch."

She follows you to your bedroom, and your heartbeats pick up pace. Calm down. Sure, this is like, completely new territory for the both of you. She's seen where you live, what you're like around other people, and now she's about to see your room. It almost feels.. strangely intimate. You have no idea why this particular thought puts you on edge. Like you're.. waiting on something.

You open your bedroom door, the both of you shuffling inside and closing the door behind you with a solid click. She looks around at the walls, intrigued by many of the things you've put up as decoration. You watch her for a moment, your brain repeating the words 'Spinel is in my bedroom' like a mantra.

"Hmmm." Is all she says, and you feel a little insulted for some reason.

"Why do I feel like you're making fun of me by saying that?"

"I like it. Reminds me of you." She gives you a cheeky smile, and you don't know if you'd rather slap her or kiss her.

All of a sudden you realize you're alone with her, like actually alone, without anyone having the ability to hear you. Not that there is anything to hear..

You shake your skull, dismissing the thoughts in your head. You're not going there today, brain. It's time to sleep.

"Before I lay down, I'm gonna change into better clothes. Make yourself comfortable." You say as you walk over to your closet, and immediately grab a tank top because you know you'll be warm. You also grab another pair of shorts. You make quick work of going out to the bathroom to change and to brush your teeth, and by the time you get back to your bedroom, she's looking at all the photostrips you have with Steven.

You pull back your blankets, sitting down on the surface of your bed and setting your phone on your nightstand.

"Aren't you tired?" You say with a yawn, and she turns to you.

"Very." She's halfway to the bed when you stop her before she gets in, and she gives you a perplexed look.

"This is gonna sound weird, but I don't want you in my bed wearing those."

"My.. clothes?" She gives you a look, half a grin forming on her face - her canines shining a little in the dim light of your bedroom. "Are 'ya saying you want me in there naked?"

"No, stupid! It's just, you wear those clothes everywhere, and it feels unsanitary to-"

"Yeah, yeah, calm down you brat. I get it.” She gets this kind of.. excited look on her face, eyes brightening. “Am I gonna get to steal your clothes then?”

“Pick whatever you want from my closet I guess.” You say, and watch her rifle through your clothes.

“You have a lot of sweaters in here.”

“Sweaters are comfy. They’re my favorite thing to wear.” You state, the feeling of being on edge still fully not going away.

It’s strange, being this casual with her. Like you didn’t meet her under the circumstances you did, and didn’t go through all of that with her either. You haven’t really had many close friends in your life, but you like to think that if you had met her differently, you’d still eventually form some kind of tentative.. friendship, or whatever you call this, with her. Halfway friends, halfway something else. See now you’re just being too hopeful, because technically she hasn’t brought up feelings at all. Or that kiss. Or whatever the fuck she was going to say before she left you on the hill.

“-were you wanting to watch me change, or should I go to the bathroom?” You’re torn out of your thoughts by the sound of her voice, and you feel your face heat up as you tear your eyes away. How embarrassing. It's not like she can read your thoughts though, right?

“Was spacing, sorry. I’ll look away.” You keep your face turned towards your phone, checking the time and thinking momentarily about setting an alarm. You hear the shuffling sounds of moving fabric and boots hitting the ground, and forego the alarm altogether. Who’re you kidding yourself, you’re not waking up early.

Before you realize it, she’s pulling the covers away on the other side of you and you feel a weight dipping into the mattress beside you. You're getting jitters in your stomach as you turn to catch her eye, because she's got one of your oversized Sadie Killer band tees on that's large enough that the top half of her gem is peeking out, and her hair isn't up in twintails anymore and now you're just staring at this point. The fact that you can see the entirety of her neck as well as the area around her collarbones has you feeling some way that you just know is absolutely showing on your face. You've never seen her show this much skin.

"What.." She gets this sort of stubbornly shy look when she realizes you're staring at her, her cheeks coloring faintly. She looks so different like this.. vulnerable, mostly. She doesn't have her gloves on, and you're pretty sure she's wearing a pair of your shorts as well because you can see her bare legs. "Is there something on my face? Don't give me that look."

"No, I just wasn't expecting to see you with your hair down."

"It doesn't look weird does it? I wasn't-"

"Shut up, you look cute.. and very non-threatening." You say, throwing in the jab with a bit of a smirk.

She rolls her eyes, scowling a bit. You think you see her cheeks darken ever so slightly, but it could also be a trick of the dim light in your room and the lines on her cheeks. You'd love to see just how far you can push those buttons of hers sometime. The look on her face when she's frustrated is probably one of your favorites, but you'd only ever admit that to yourself.

"Oh, I'll show you threatening.." She replies with a glint in her eye, the corner of her lips twitching.

"Pfft, go to sleep. You're about as threatening as a chihuahua." You retort, feeling that smirk grow a little wider, but also seeing her reach for her cell phone. "Spinel, I forbid you from looking that up until the morning."

"Uggggggghhhh, you can't tell me what to do!" She flops down onto the bed next to you, magenta hair messily all around her head. She fixes it with a huff, giving you a dirty look that you find amusing as you lower yourself into the blankets you're sharing with her. "If I wasn't so tired I'd fight you."

"Oh, I'm sure." You reply with a chuckle, turning to the center of the bed to face her.

She turns her head to look at you, face drawn in a glare and yet her eyes are so very warm. Your eyes are caught here with hers for a moment, and you feel your breath catch in your throat. Two.. three seconds pass, and you're pretty sure she's looking at your mouth. She looks like she's about to say something, her lips parting ever so slightly.

And then she flops over to her other side, and you're left laying there wondering what in the fuck was that.

Ugh. You hate girls. And aliens.

"Don't let me sleep forever." She mumbles, and you lean over to your lamp to switch it off.

"No promises." The room is blanketed in darkness in a single click, and you switch on your salt lamp before leaning your head down on your pillow, back flat against the bed. There's still a tiny bit of light coming from the glow of the moon through the blinds, and you pull your blanket up to your chest. You try getting comfortable, and it's.. fairly difficult when you're hyper aware of the person next to you.

"Would it be too much to ask if you could.. y'know.." You hear her say, almost too quiet for you to hear. You think your heart does a little backflip inside your chest.

"Are you asking me to cuddle you?!" You reply, barely being able to hold the mirth in your voice back.

You hear her sigh aggravatingly, and you roll over to put an arm around her waist before she can protest.

"You are so annoying." She spits out.

"Whatever. I knew you liked being the little spoon." You grin smugly behind her back, siphoning all the warmth from her as you can. Your knees are almost hitting the back of hers, and because of how squishy your bed is, this is the closest you think you've ever been to her as you're basically flush with her body. It's comfortable, and intimate, and you're trying to not think about how easy it'd be to just.. confess your feelings to her.

"Shut it." You hear her say; and you just know she's rolling her eyes even if you can't see her, and smiling regardless.

Silence envelops the both of you, and you're feeling sleep start to catch up with you when all of a sudden you feel her arm move, and then her soft fingers are tentatively being entwined with yours.

Your heart speeds up tremendously and all you can hear is the blood pounding in your ears. Your face is on fucking fire, and you can feel it. She has to know that you're having an internal fucking panic right now, you're like a hundred percent sure your hand is shaking. What the fuck do you do? Are you gonna talk about this? Is this what's happening?

A mere minute passes that feels like a lifetime of you fighting with yourself. As soon as you open your mouth to say something, you hear steady sounds of breathing coming from her.

Oh.

She's fallen asleep holding your hand.

You blow out the breath you didn't realize you were holding, and stifle the laugh that wants to come out of your mouth.

You think, maybe, that you love her.

You watch the back of her head until you get tired, and fall asleep fairly easily, her hand warm in yours.

#spinel x reader #su #spinel #steven universe #distant lands #my fic #part one of end lol #its long as FUCK

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ficticiousdelicious · 5 years ago

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Appliances feat. Bleach Characters

Before this nonsense there were: Suits and Dresses

No one asked for it but here it is anyway. Thought I would do something normal like shoes or foods? Nah. Not yet. We’re all about appliances here. Major and minor!

So now we’ve just gotta get these characters to form an orderly line and-

Renji Abarai:

*shoved his way to the front* "Your smokin’ grill has arrived.”

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez:

*also forced his way up here* "No fucking way. That role’s mine!”

Ikkaku Madarame:

"WILL THE REAL GRILL PLEASE STAND UP?!” *he’s interjecting*

Yumichika Ayasegawa:

"Oi vey. You’re all dirty grills.” *and considers himself a beautiful oven*

Hisagi Shuhei:

"Indoor or outdoor grill?”

Bazz-B:

"You can all sit down. I, Bazz Burner Finger - the true grill, have arrived-”

Genryusai Yamamoto:

*exists*

Ichigo Kurosaki:

*he is over this shit* "I guess I’ll just be the gas stove...jerks.”

Ishida Uryu:

"I’m a dishwasher with de-greasing, streak-free and scrap disposal features because I’m always cleaning up [after idiots]. You can order me in three shades: black steel, stainless steel and quincy white.”

Rukia Kuchiki:

"Human appliances are amazing, they work so hard! I shall choose the clothing combo washing and drying device, for its steadfast usefulness!” *she is so resolute*

Byakuya Kuchiki:

"And I select, for its many blades and elegance, a noble ceiling fan, as it would suit me fantastically.” *everyone in ear-shot cannot believe he just made a joke*

Ulquiorra Cifer:

"Garbage disposal...for trash.”

Tier Harribel:

"...” *silently identifies as a water purifier*

Toshiro Hitsugaya:

"Three guesses...and the first two don’t count.”

Lilynette Gingerbuck:

"Holy stars, I’m totally a coffee maker!!! We’re just not ourselves unless we’ve had our magic morning juice, right Starrk?!”

Coyote Starrk:

"...no.” *he’s like a floor heater or something*

Shunsui Kyoraku:

"I’m quite cool, so I’ll be a wine and sake fridge with wood-grain texture.”

Jushiro Ukitake:

"I-I’ll be an iron or a steamer. They’re quite humble and useful appliances.”

Nnoitora Gilga:

"I’m a mother fuckin’ blender!”

Nelliel Tu Odelshwanck:

"I pick the pasta flattener thingy! But I have no idea what it or its attachments are called!” *very excited, she clearly likes to have fun*

Sosuke Aizen:

"An electric kettle. Does everyone have a cup of tea now?”

Kaname Tosen:

*drinking his tea* "I am a food processor. In the name of justice.”

Ichimaru Gin:

“Oh I’m definitely a smart doorbell.” *he spilled his tea, oops*

Rangiku Matsumoto:

"Since I’m warm-hearted and essential..! A hairdryer.” *executes a luscious hair flip*

Kenpachi Zaraki:

"I choose waffle iron- Huuuh? You didn’t expect that? You’ve got a problem with waffles and irons?!” *a terrifying adoration of waffles*

Yachiru Kusajishi:

"I’m a toaster!” *she’s excited for toasted waffles*

Orihime Inoue:

"Oh please don’t make me pick, there are so many I want to be! ...but mostly a juicer right now!” *a small army of leeks and veggies at the ready THERE WILL BE MUCH WEIRD JUICE*

Masaki Kurosaki:

"Dear, this is so fun! I’ll be a claw-foot tub!” *she’s picked out bubble bath soap, a curtain and towels*

Isshin Kurosaki:

"You’re just trying to be naked again!” *not that he really minds otherwise he’d be up there fighting over the grill role* “It’s the toilet or sink for me, my love!”

Karin Kurosaki:

“I’m a water heater because boiling stuff is neat and my old man needs a cold shower sometimes; I consider it my job to regulate that.”

Yuzu Kurosaki:

“I’ll pick a pretty rice cooker with flower designs on the sides! OH! And a matching spatula and bowl set!” *she’s basically one of these already*

Yoruichi Shihoin:

"The television, clearly. I’m very entertaining to watch.”

Soifon:

"Is the remote an appliance?”

Kisuke Urahara:

"No, but I think a Roomba is. Dibs!” *he wants to be ridden or to clean???*

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beachstarrealtycom · 1 year ago

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Bird's Eye View-201 The Chelsea

Delight yourself, your family and friends as you escape to the Grand Strand of South Carolina.

Whispering Palms-229H1 Grand Palms

**Please note that because this is a privately owned residence, the Grand Palms Resort amenities (like the pools and activity center) are not available to guests**

This condo is located in Surfside Beach just 1.5 miles to the closest Surfside Beach access. This tidy condo includes a full eat in kitchen and comfortable living room to relax and enjoy family time.

We Value our Guests Privacy but are Available if Needed. A Rental Car is Recommended.

**Please note that because this is a privately owned residence, the Grand Palms Resort amenities (like the pools and activity center) are not available to guests**

Please feel free to visit us at: https://www.beachstarrealty.com/

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demonwifey · 5 years ago

Note

hey, welcome to the fam!! was wondering if you could do a strong-willed, hot headed fem reader who doesn’t put up w/beej’s shit but as soon as he starts to really get hot and steamy with the flirting she goes completely weak and sub? (bonus of beej knows this and takes advantage of it during petty arguments)

Ayyy, I definitely appreciate the welcome! 💚💜🖤 This is my first ask so I hope you guys enjoy!

Warnings: Cursing and sexual themes

Word count: 3,920

Beetlejuice was a lot to handle. Everyone knows this. He was all too needy, flirty, and way too devious for his own good. It took a special kind of person to deal with the demon. While Beej’s favorite victims to terrorize were the Maitland/Deetz household, his attention shifted drastically when Y/N came into the picture.

Beej loved it when he could tease and pick on a person enough to put them in a flustered spur. The sound of someone being frazzled by his over the top flirting was his second favorite sound next to screaming in fear. Whether it was nose-poking, butt-grabbing, or his famous animated-ish grab and dip kisses, the demon would never hold back.

But see, you weren’t exactly an easy cookie to crumble. Although there were times that Beej’s shenanigans would get to you, you weren’t timid or shy. You actually stood up to Beetlejuice. Which ten times out of ten would completely shock him to the point of being surprisingly speechless. He was so used to getting his way and having everyone around him being apprehensive about his antics. But you were having none of it.

***

Beej knew you were a force to be reckoned with when he basically destroyed your bathroom. Since Beetlejuice was already dead he was always into the thrill of experiencing death multiple different ways (thinking about that part in the bootleg when Adam and Barbara said they wanted to cut off his head and Lydia deadass was like “You should…he’d love that”). You were sitting on the couch with your laptop looking up some new hair products your friends had mentioned to you. Having been focused on your screen you didn’t even realize your boyfriend was in the kitchen up to no good. Beej yanked the toaster’s cord out of the outlet and floated his way to your upstairs bathroom.

Not even 10 minutes later, the lights all around your apartment started to flicker and you heard a loud crackling sound coming from upstairs. Panic started to cloud up your head when you heard Beetlejuice yell in what sounded like pain and you immediately dashed up the stairs as quickly as you could. When you got to the bathroom, you were faced with the ultimate mess.

Beetlejuice was sitting in the tub holding your, now smoking, toaster. His daily striped suit set was scattered on the bathroom floor. His entire body was black due to the burns and ash from the toasters burst while his already messy hair was scattered in different directions on his head. And to top it off your bathtub, which was originally white, was covered in nothing but black ash. You stood there in disbelief for a moment before running up to Beej who sat extremely still in the ruined tub. You crouched down next to the tub and gripped his shoulders.

“Beej? Beej, look at me. Are you okay? Talk to me. Are you hurt?” You asked with clear worry in your voice. The demon man slowly turned his head towards you. Before you could register the fact that you asked these questions to a dead man, Beetlejuice let out a loud cackle while throwing his head back.

“Hell yeah I’m okay, babes. That. Was. AWESOME. You’ve got to try it with me next time…well maybe not. You might actually die.” Beetlejuice went on his mixed tangent about not wanting you to die but also how much fun he just had being electrocuted because he was bored. You stared at the demon with your eyes slightly squinted before it all hit you at once and you went off. You stood up immediately with complete anger in your eyes and heat flowing through your body.

“Beetlejuice. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?” You screamed at the man in the tub. He looked up at you with his head cocked to the side. Before he could say anything, you spoke again. “YOU REALLY JUST…SAT HERE IN MY BATH TUB AND ELECTROCUTED YOURSELF FOR THE FUCK OF IT? BECAUSE YOUR WERE BORED? DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS? OR HOW DANGEROUS IT COULD’VE BEEN?”

Complete and utter outrage filled your body as you hovered over Beetlejuice. He stood up from the tub and the water splashed around him and some onto you. He actually wasn’t completely naked as his lower half was covered by a pair of black and white boxers. He dropped the toaster back into the tub and held his hands up to his chest.

“What? Babes, it’s fine. In case you couldn’t tell, I’m already dead. No harm, now foul.” He said smirking at you as if that was to make everything better. The young woman stared at him for a little longer, completely dumbfounded. She placed her hands to the sides of her face, trying to get her thoughts together.

“Beej…I-. No harm? How the hell am I supposed to explain this to my landlord? Look at all of this! The tub is completely black and burned! And that was the new toaster my mom bought me a week ago!” You said gesturing to the disaster around him. He just looked around like a confused child, still not really grasping the reality of the situation. All you could do was let out a deep breath and run your hands over your face. Your mind scrambled with a million other things to say but you realized there was no point in wasting your breath.

“Okay, you know that. Just get out of the tub.” You said as you moved to grab the toaster’s cord out of the outlet. After, you reached down to pick up his clothes and walked out of the bathroom. You heard the water splash as he got out and walked behind you. After you both were standing in your bedroom, you threw his clothes on your bed and turned towards him. You were already annoyed but the stupid smirk on his face made you even more agitated.

“Well, babes. Had I known ruining your bathroom would’ve gotten me back into your bedroom, I would’ve done it a lot sooner.” He sauntered towards you with his hands upwards, as if getting ready to grab your breasts. Before he could get any further, you grabbed the towel off of your chair and threw it straight in his face.

“Make jokes while you can, Beetlejuice.” You said with a heavy tone of exasperation in your voice. As he scrambled to remove the towel from his face, you moved past him to go back downstairs. He stared at the door as you exited, unsure of what was about to happen next.

He dried himself off for a few minutes before putting his suit back on. Just as he finished tying his tie, you reappeared in the doorway holding a bucket full of what looked like cleaning supplies. Beej was confused before you lifted your hand and motioned him to follow you again. He did as told and you both were back in the messy room. You dropped the bucket on the floor with a loud thump and turned towards the demon.

“Now, here’s what’s gonna happen. You and I are going to clean this bathroom and it is going to be spotless. Like nothing ever happened. Because if my landlord saw this, not only would she charge me a stupid expensive repair fee, I might actually get kicked out. So, you are gonna get on your knees,” You bent down to grab a large sponge and a bottle of tub cleaner before slamming it on his chest “And scrub the hell out of this tub like you’ve never scrubbed before. And if you so much as try to poof yourself away without helping, I will banish your ass in a heartbeat and you won’t see me for a good 3 weeks. Got it?” You commanded with utter authority and sternness in your voice.

Without even needing to say it, Beej knew he couldn’t stand to not be around your for 3 minutes, let alone 3 weeks. And by the seriousness on your face, he knew you meant it. Nonetheless, Beetlejuice was shocked. No one had ever actually made him take responsibility for his actions, let alone LITERALLY make him clean up his own mess. To say the least the man was baffled, but intrigued. Beetlejuice just nodded his head quickly. You moved your hands away from him and bent down to grab your own materials.

“Alright, bugboy. Let’s get to work.”

***

It had been weeks since that incident and you and Beetlejuice were back on good terms. The dead man actually ended up apologizing, which shocked you nonetheless. Of course he brought you a bouquet of dead roses, but that’s besides the point. It was still a sweet gesture that made you forgive him.

What he didn’t tell you is that he was completely turned on from the situation. You had put Beetlejuice in his place, and that wasn’t something he was used to. Ever since he met you you were headstrong and willing to take control. Most importantly, you weren’t willing to take his shit. And he loved that.

Ever since that day, he did anything he could to get under your skin. Beetlejuice would burn your dinner multiple times a week, make too much noise while you were trying to sleep, or pick and poke at you while you were trying to get work done. Just anything and everything to make you snap and yell at him. Completely putting your dominant personality on display. Not to mention the way you took control with anger during sex drove him utterly wild. It was like finally seeing heaven for him. But after riling you up for weeks, he decided it was time for a change.

While he absolutely adored your more assertive personality, he wanted to see it all come crashing down. He wanted to see that rage filled face to turn into a flustered one. He finally wanted to be the one in control. And he knew exactly what to do.

One day Y/N came home from work completely spent. Tired, aggravated, and just plain annoyed. It was a complete case of the domino effect. The corporate bosses were frustrated about yet another thing and yelled at your supervisors. With that, your supervisors came back to yell at you and your coworkers about it. Everyone attempted to shift blame on one another, which led everyone in the office to be irritated with each other. It was a day from hell.

Once you walked through the door, you kicked your heels off and threw your bag to the side. After hanging your jacket in the closet, you flopped yourself face down on the couch. You lay there for a good minute just needing some peace and quiet. Before you could even enjoy the moment, you felt a dip in the couch behind you.

“Well hello to my favorite pair of sexy black lace panties.” You groaned quietly as you felt your demon boyfriend lift up your skirt and peak at your ass underneath. You reached behind and swatted his hand away.

“God, Beej, not now. I just had the worst day at work.” You sighed out as you turned your body around to lay on your back and looked up to see his smiling face. Although Beej had been on your nerves for the past few weeks, the only thing that got you through the day was coming home to see his pale, goofy, smiling face. He reached down to grab your legs and placed them on his lap. Beej rubbed your thighs gently with his cold hand.

“Finally ready to commit a work related homicide, dollface?” He asked, making his gritty voice quieter than usual. You let out another sigh.

“Ugh, I’m seriously like an inch away from considering it. It’s like my bosses get their asses handed to them and then they come back to blow steam on us. It’s so stupid and frustrating.” You moved to sit up. “All I wanna do for the rest of the day is eat dinner and go the fuck to sleep.”

“Yeah, no can do on that, babes.” Beetlejuice said with a smirk on his face as he continued to move his hands higher and higher on your lap. You narrowed your eyes at him, not really in the mood for any of his shenanigans at the moment.

“And why is that?” You asked, already feeling your blood start to boil inside of you. Beetlejuice just continued to smirk without actually looking at you.

“Because I~” His voice was starting to become more high pitched and you felt one of his hands already reach the top of your thigh under your skirt. “Mayormaynothavemadeahugemessinyourroomandyou’regonnahavetocleanitup.”

He spoke so quickly that you almost couldn’t understand what the hell he just said. Almost. You moved your legs off of his lap and looked directly in his eyes.

“What kind of a mess?” You asked in the serious tone he was all too excited to hear. The demon shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

“Nothing too bad. Just me and the clones hung out. We watched some TV, played some board games, had some wrestling matches, had a big lunch date in your room. Oh! Can you believe we actually found a baby sandworm and watched it crawl up the walls?” By the time Beej had finished his sentence your eyes almost popped out of your head. You didn’t waste anymore time listening to him rant as you paced up the stairs to your room. You were met with a closed door and the fear of what was waiting behind it was all too real. You slowly put your hand on the door handle and twisted it slowly.

Beej was still sitting on the couch feeling extremely proud of himself. It wouldn’t be long before-

“OH MY GOD BEETLEJUICE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!” Right on the nose. The demon man lifted himself off the couch and strolled up to your room with satisfaction in his step. When he reached the doorway he saw you standing on the middle of the floor completely baffled, dumbfounded, and everything in between.

To put it simply, your room was trashed. There was food and drink wasted everywhere. Your nearly organized bookshelf was emptied as each book was piled on the floor. Your bed was covered in shoe marks and crumbs from what looked like the last of the chips downstairs. Your comforter and sheets were all torn to shreds. Your closet door was open and most of your clothes were scattered everywhere. And just as you turned your head to the side, you immediately saw the sleeping baby sandworm in the corner. This was it. This was the day you were actually going to kill Beetlejuice, forget the fact that he was already dead.

While your head scrambled for something to say, you looked over the said man in the doorway. Leaning on it with the biggest shit-eating grin you’d ever seen. You felt your mind become clouded with anger. You were ready to snap completely but before you did, you had to leave the room. You walked towards Beej, putting your man on his chest and pushing him out of the way. As he stepped backwards, you closed the door behind you. The two of your stood there for a second. You were trying your best to stay calm so you wouldn’t say something you regret. But, God, the stupid grin on his face was making it extremely difficult.

“What…the fuck is your problem?” You gritted your teeth while saying. Beetlejuice cocked his head to the side.

“What do ya mean, babes?” He asked in fake innocence. And that was the last straw.

“I mean, why are you being such a dick?! For these last few weeks you’ve been doing nothing but irritate the hell out of me. First it was little petty stuff but now this?” You almost yelled gesturing towards your bedroom door. “Did I do something to you, Beej? Because this fucking ridiculous. AND THEN you have the nerve to say that I have to clean it up? Nope, fuck that. Get your ass downstairs, grab that cleaning stuff and fix my room!” You demanded with your usual dominant tone. You just expected Beetlejuice to follow suit like he always does.

“No.” You were shocked, to say the least. You stared up at the man, expecting some kind of explanation. But his expression stayed at the same mischievous grin from before. You were about to completely lose it.

“No? What the hell do you mean ‘no’?” You asked, frustration and anger leaking out more than ever.

“I mean, I’m not gonna clean your room. That’s what I said, right?” At this point you could’ve sworn this was all a fever dream, it had to be. Your dead boyfriend just destroyed your room to hell and back, and is now denying to clean it. What was even happening?

“A-are you insane? You’re gonna clean this room, Beetlejuice, or-“

“Or what? You gonna spank me?” He cut you off all too smoothly. You weren’t even sure where that just came from. The first thing you noticed, however, is the changed look in his eyes. He still had a taunting grin on his face, but his eyes shifted from mischievous to…lustful?

“I-I…no. But I’ll banish you for real. You know I will!” You spoke out, trying to stand your ground. Beetlejuice just chuckled and crossed his arm, almost with too much confidence for your liking.

“Oh, yeah? And for how long, babes? Y'know you couldn’t stand to be away from me too long, right?” The taller demon slowly walked towards you. Along with his own demeanor, something in you changed as well. You couldn’t put your finger on it at this very minute though. You took a few steps back as he approached.

“You-you’re talking a lot of shit but-“

“But what, dollface? Hmm?” He cut you off yet again. You felt yourself, quite literally, backed against a wall. Beetlejuice was now standing right in front of you. No, he stood towering over you. Something about his current mood change was making you feel small and timid. When you looked up to try and say something else, you noticed his hair had changed from it’s usual bright green to a dark magenta color. You were too busy staring to notice that Beej placed his hands on either side of your head on the door behind you.

“Well? I’m waiting~” He said in such a low sensual tone that made you feel weak all over. Your mind and body had just done a complete 180. From being ready to rip Beej’s face apart to being turned on by his own tone switch, it was all too unreal.

“I-you-“ You stuttered too openly. You were losing your dominant power right in front of him. And Beetlejuice. was loving every second of it.

“Aw, what’s the matter, Y/N? Cat got that pretty tongue of yours? Why don’t you stop fussing and put it to work for me instead.” His gritty voice and patronizing tone mixed together so well. He moved one of his hands down to graze his fingers against your cheek oh so gently. You tried your best to hide the shiver that made its way down your body.

“Beej, I-“ You timidly tried to speak up but it was still overshadowed by you looking down at the floor between you two. Along the way, you noticed the growing bulge in his pants in front of you.

“Shh,” He cooed at you with his chilly hand placed on your cheek. “On your knees, babes.”

Yet again, you were at a loss for words. On any other day, you would’ve told Beetlejuice exactly where to stick it. Not letting the petty demon even dream of pushing you into submission. But here you were, ready to drop to your knees and let him do whatever he wanted to you. You didn’t realize you stuck in your own thoughts until Beej moved his hand cup your jaw. He used a small amount of force to lift your head back up, forcing you to look into his golden eyes.

“I said, on your knees.” Beetlejuice looked straight into you as he spoke. As if your legs had a mind of their own, you followed suit. You slowly bent your knees and lowered yourself gently to the floor. With his hand still holding a firm grip on your cheek, your head was tilted upwards as Beetlejuice looked down at you. You two stayed like that for a moment. Waiting with so much anticipation, Beetlejuice released your chin and then moved to softly rub his thumb over your bottom lip. His entire expression is filled with lust and desire for you.

“Hot damn, babes. You always look so damn good on your knees for me.” He almost growled out and he looked at you. You’d never admit but hearing him say that made you feel so many emotions at once. The most lingering feeling was the wetness that was currently filling your panties. While it seemed like your head was about to be clouded by nothing but pleasure and hidden sexual fantasies you didn’t even know you had, you were able to catch yourself. You snapped out of your submissive daze for a moment and touched Beetlejuice’s hand on your mouth.

“Beej…you just trashed my room. And now you’re gonna turn it into a sex thing.” You asked. Even with your anger seemingly flushed away, you weren’t actually gonna forget the event that started this whole thing. Beetlejuice stopped running his finger over your lip for a moment before looking back towards your bedroom door.

You felt a small twinge of regret when he stopped his motions. You probably just ruined the moment that you so desperately wanted. And already knowing the high level of pettiness Beej had in him, you wouldn’t be surprised if he stopped everything right then and there. When Beetlejuice looked back down at you, he had such a serious expression on his face.

“Are you complaining, beautiful? You want me to stop?” He asked and you could hear the slight sense of concern in his voice. Beej was always sure to make certain that you wanted whatever he was giving you. He never pushed you to do something that made you uncomfortable or just did something for his benefit.

Before you even said anything, you took your hand off of his. Your other hand followed as they both gently touched the front of his thighs. You then glanced down and realized that you were face to face with his extremely achingly hard bulge. You weren’t sure 100% of what the demon had in mind, but you thought you had a clue. One of your hands moves to graze at the bulge, letting Beetlejuice know everything he needs to know. You wanted whatever he was about to do to you, and you wanted it now.

“…No. Don’t stop, Beej.” You once again, spoke timidly. Wanting to give him the sense that had full dominance over you, you palmed at the strain on his pants desperately. The demon man looked down at you with the most lewd filled smirk you had ever seen.

“Alright then, babes. Let’s put that pretty mouth to work.”

Okay, don’t panic. Because I most definitely have a part 2 in mind for this. But anyway, thanks for reading!

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice fanfiction #beetlejuice x reader #beetlejuice requests #anon asks

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