#To be clear I don’t hate John and Yoko as individuals in the slightest

[thewalrusespublicist]

The actual quote for fuller context, “At some time of your life you had a situation where you became scared of a straight relationship, of giving to each other and instead of giving to women, you’d rather spit on the sky or shoot it to the sky kind of thing. I mean you said it, that’s like a strange kind of nihilism of kind of a “fuck you all” kind of thing. It’s avoiding, avoiding something. Avoiding communication. It’s like you don’t want to.” 👀

But I had no idea about the Patti Boyd thing lol there’s something ridiculously amusing about that because it does undercut this aloof image that others project onto her and which she herself encouraged. I think she’s actually as deeply emotionally chaotic as John was which is why although I personally find her unlikable I do think she’s an interesting figure. Like I could be totally wrong but I think the most romantic thing John could’ve done at a pivotal point was reject the lost weekend and May against Yoko’s protestations and proved to her that she was always first priority and that he was willing to fight for her. It’s why she would be jealous of the wife Cynthia and absolutely heartbroken and horrified at being cheated on because much like John, they were telling each other they were special. They really believed they were the main character and constantly tested (and manipulated) people’s love with the ardent hope of being loved and accepted no matter what. Because as much as she is intensely controlling it seems moreso a hurt/defense mechanism and deep down she wanted John to read between the lines. They’re both passive aggressive in that way and the cool detachment he accuses her of in Double Fantasy, she also accuses him of i.e. “when you were angry you had love in your eyes now you’re giving me your window smile”. So they both seemed to deal with issues by disassociating to a degree and it makes me think that although they had real love for each other and probably related to each other’s wounded inner child, their insecurities and mental struggles sort of changed their love into one of functioning toxicity; Yoko micromanaging his life as a way of keeping him close and herself emotionally protected by maintaining the upper hand of ‘steering the ship’ so to speak and John shedding the burden of autonomy by handing the reigns to ‘mother’.

Good god that quote, I’m sorry I couldn’t find it was it Yoko saying that to John? Because lord there are so many layers there either way.

Oh anon if I could FRAME your second paragraph I would because yes yes yes YES. I’ve never agreed with something more in my life. Yoko isn’t cold in the slightest by nature. Just listening to her talk and what people have reported her saying she is warm, chatty, excitable and has a certain goofiness and playfulness to her. She’s also a massive gossip which I find wildly endearing. The problem is she’s also shy, paranoid, self-conscious, self-centred, extremely socially awkward and had a strong streak of narcissism and an … unusual perspective on the world. It’s not a combination that make’s connections easily so I can see how she would come across as cold and why she’d want to feed into that image. (I also think people project their idea of cold Mimi, not even the actual Mimi, onto Yoko for various reasons). 

People always talk about what Yoko brought to John (especially Yoko lmao I can’t get over his official website still) but not really what John brought to Yoko. There’s of course the financial element and exposure but also Yoko reportedly had come from a family where she had never been the priority. Her mother from what we can gather was dismissive and avoidant and her dad also withdrew his affection a lot. She also had to grow up in the horror of WW2 which would have been unspeakably traumatic and dehumanising. Now here was John telling her everything she had ever wished to hear like you said, he loves her most, she’s his number one priority, she is the meaning of life etc. It’s the same wound as John’s and potentially why their dynamic was so intense and juvenile, it was their inner children reaching out and holding hands. 

I so agree with you that both felt that they were the main characters and manipulated people around them to test their love constantly. Both of their childhoods had paved the way for that behaviour. It’s really sad because it meant that in the midst of this geniune sweetheart love was this vein of deceit and manipulation that had been there since the beginning. I am in the camp that John initially was using Yoko against Paul (to what end? I flip-flop) and Yoko did manipulate John to isolate him and keep him entirely hers (her actions against Julian if May’s account is accurate really anger me). To me the Lost weekend was one big manipulation trip from both sides that went very wrong. We are of the same mind that Yoko wanted John to cast aside May, not go through with the lost weekend and declare his undying love, didn’t she say to a friend she thought it would only last two weeks? (God just writing it out what a shit show, how can you come back from this? They’re playing the stupidest games because they’ve bought into their own relationship fantasy that it’s untouchable). She also told Paul that she wanted John to ‘woo’ her again, to make her feel special and a priority. The situation almost makes me want to tear my hair out because this could have been a turning point for them if they had actually honestly communicated and worked on changing their dynamic to be healthier, less controlling and more mature. But they didn’t, they just went even more extreme when they reunited and it made them miserable (people can fight me on that but John on record said that he found the 70s a drag and Yoko said that by 1977 she thought she had been cursed with misery like doesent this just scream a happy couple/s).

By the late 70s/1980 they sort of seem like they are in relationship survival mode with the actions you said (her micromanaging out of possessiveness, to maintain control, keep him close and maintain her position and him giving up control due to his own issues and, I believe, to make it harder for Yoko to leave). Double Fantasy is also a relationship in crisis on both sides and the press for it seems like a longing to return to the magic of their honeymoon phase. I honestly don’t know what could have fixed them in the long-run or what they would have done considering they were both committed to ‘being in hell together’ and remaining on a ship nearly always on the verge of sinking.