#Tinder match just told me something very distressing about this

[sapphiclizziebennet]

ah ok so i wanted to discuss this a little bit and get some insight

some of you know i’ve had a lot of struggles with my sexuality recently, firstly dropping the label of pansexual for a number of reasons (if you’re curious you can ask) but also feeling weirdly between the label of bisexual and gay.

(beneath the cut i discuss my findings with myself and like, i am questioning things and if someone would discuss it with me it might help me get more insight on what i’m feeling. it’s some weird shit going down, guys. it’s pretty long tho so i understand if you don’t want to read.)

basically, what i’ve come to realize, is that i need the positive attention of men to cope with childhood trauma i experienced. not necessarily need, but it makes me feel something, idk. men giving me that positive attention, and me being able to shut it down or laugh at it or know that they’re attracted to me gives me a feeling of amusement and control that i didn’t have when i was a kid. i really like messing with them. which is why i think i’ve had such an interesting time with tinder - i swipe right, they match with me, i message them a couple times, then ghost them. or when men find me attractive or, in different terms, “get off on me,” it gives me a real sense of, yeah, both amusement and control. 

i think one of the more prominent recent examples of this was that i was set up with my roommate’s TA (odd situation, i know) and at first i flirted with him really well and everything and we went on a date and kissed and stuff but literally the next day, i felt nothing for him and i needed to get away from him. so i told him i was gay and i didn’t want to see him anymore, which is pretty much what started all this. because something broke in me, and for that short amount of time i was very very confused about my sexuality. and actually, i still am, but i felt such a great dissonance within myself that i had to address and ask the question - am i gay? 

i have an aversion to men. every time i have an experience with a man it at first mystifies me and excites me, but i think this is just the amusement i feel. a man finds me sexually attractive or romantically able, and then to take control back i drop them like a hot potato. all the time i think, men fucking suck. but i guess i could still imagine myself with a man if the right one came around. except, every time i have an experience with one, i laugh about it. it’s like my brain treats it like a joke and i have to take the control back, to get back at what my father did in relation to me and thought about my worth. like, it’s so fucking weird, and i don’t know how to process it. in sexual and romantic situations, it’s me being desirable to them that gets me excited, not a real need to be with one.

i know that i am more attracted to women than i am to men. but i worry constantly that i am faking my attraction to women or that i’m only feeling this way because of my upbringing, and i don’t know. i’m just in a very hard place. the word bisexual doesn’t feel right, the word gay feels right i guess and i’m okay with it but i feel so isolated from the community, and nobody knows what the word sapphic means, it’s not normalized. and i haven’t had any experiences yet with actual women which scares me so deeply to my core. what if i get there, and it happens, and it’s nothing. but at the same time, i know i’m not ace or aro, because i desire these sort of relationships with women specifically so badly, but i still have a lot of hurdles to get over in terms of forming relationships with other people.

for instance, a friend of mine who i met while here at college has only very recently come over those hurdles and she is 4 years older than me, and we have had some eerily similar life experiences. so i know that like, i need to get over these hurdles. 

and i don’t want to like, cut off falling in love with a man, but i wonder if that is just compulsory heterosexuality talking. of leaving that option open in the rare case it might happen. and i had crushes on boys up to right before i started questioning my sexuality, but then again these boys were always unavailable and idk. i haven’t had a crush in a long time but i feel like that’s because i’m just in such a place of despair in terms of my mental illness and yeah. who knows.

i feel such a sense of unease, and i’m feeling so unsure. i don’t know what to do about who i am, or who i want to date, and i just have so much i need to plow through in my head about sex and love and who i am as a person.

there are things relating to my abuse that are literally just coming up for me. i was such a small child i never got to process it. and this is very distressing for me. 

[newsbiteswithjennysok]

Aug 6, 2019

1. “Southern Charm” star Shep Rosewon’t back down after mocking a woman for collecting cans on the streets of New York. On Monday night, Rose posted a video making fun of a woman sitting on the street next to several trash bags filled with cans. Although the woman covered her face with her hands, he recorded her anyway and can be heard saying: “Look at me. Nice cans! I mean, the cans you have!” He captioned his Instagram story, “I love double entendres. Yes she was camera shy. But she laughed.”After Rose shared the video, social media erupted with backlash.

 One Twitter user screen-recorded the video and posted itto emphasize disappointment in Rose’s behavior, writing: “Is this Southern Charm? … Cheap way to get ‘laughs’ from followers but there is nothing funny about homelessness. I’m DONE w/ him.” 

Rose responded to the fan in her Twitter comments by saying: “Omg. I offended you! Ok. Here’s the plan, sensitivity training 5 times a week. Then intensive therapy (hot yoga?) followed by a public flogging in the town square. Then i move to Siberia and live in an igloo for 4 months. At this point. I think I’ll be cleansed of your disapproval.”

To another commenter who expressed upset, Rose, unbothered, wrote on Twitter, “Unfollow then. No big deal.” Rose also refused to clarify what he considered comedic about the situation. “Doesn’t matter. You follow me. You can easily get out of the situation. It’s not a binding contract. I am not responsible for your happiness. If i miss the mark in your mind just keep scrolling,” he said. 

Bravo declined to comment.

2. Cameron Diaz truly took the plunge when she married Benji Madden. In a rare interview, Diaz spoke to InStyle about her very private marriage to the Good Charlotte rocker. “I don’t know if I was ready [when I got married], but I knew Benji was special. He’s just a good man,” she told the magazine of their 2015 nuptials. “There’s no bulls–t. It’s really refreshing. I’m really grateful for him. I like doing my own thing.” Diaz, 46, also said her marriage to Madden was “the best thing” to ever happen to her. “My husband’s the best. He’s the greatest human being, and he’s my great partner,” she shared. “Marriage is certainly hard, and it’s a lot of work. You need somebody who’s willing to do the work with you, because there’s no 60-40 in marriage. It’s 50-50, period. All the time.” The former actress — she officially announced her retirement from Hollywood in March 2018 — previously said she waited until 41 to get married because she hadn’t found the right person.“I think it’s a matter of I just hadn’t met my husband, you know? I had boyfriends before. And there’s a really, really distinct difference between husbands and boyfriends,” Diaz told pal Gwyneth Paltrow at a live event. “And I have a husband who is just my partner in life and in everything. Talk about two very different people! We are so different from one another, but we share the same values — we’re totally two peas in a pod. We are both just weird enough for each other.”

3. Jeff Bezos ditched last week’s pretentious Google Camp in Italy to meet girlfriend Lauren Sanchez’s parents, but the couple has apparently now jetted off to Europe to party with the elite.Billionaire Dreamworks founder David Geffen — who attended Google Camp, even giving Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom a rideon his $400 million yacht — posted a group photo to Instagram Tuesday morning that included both Bezos and Sanchez aboard the massive boat. “Having a great time in the Balearics,” Geffen captioned the picture, taken off the coast of eastern Spain. Also in the photo were Joshua Kushner and supermodel wife Karlie Kloss, ex-Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, agent Michael Kives and lawyer Lydia Gray Kives, and entrepreneur and oil heir Mikey Hess, who is reportedly engaged to Meghan Markle’s designer pal Misha Nonoo. Megayachts like Geffen’s — plus scores of private jets and gas-guzzling SUVs and sports cars — caused quite a stir at the three-day Google Camp, which was focused on climate change. Last week, instead of heading to the extravagant summit with the likes of Prince Harry and Oprah Winfrey, the Amazon honcho, 55, met Sanchez’s parents, Eleanor and Ray Sanchez. A few days later, he joined Sanchez, 58, as her ex Tony Gonzalez, who is the father of her 18-year-old son Nikko Gonzalez, got inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame in Ohio.

4. One of the few women to hold an executive post at Tinder is suing parent companies IAC and Match Group as well as former CEO Greg Blatt for wrongful termination. Rosette Pambakian, Tinder's former Head of Communications, claims that Blatt barged into a hotel room after a 2016 holiday party and began 'forcibly groping [her] breasts and upper thighs, and kissing her shoulders, neck and chest.' This all happened 'without [her] consent' according to the lawsuit She states in the court filing, which was obtained by DailyMail.com, that she had been hiding from Blatt at the time of the alleged assault, retreating to the room after he said: 'I get hard every time I look at you. Let's get out of here.' Pambakian claims Blatt did apologize, but that her complaint was never fully investigated despite the fact that there were three witnesses present, including his executive assistant. She also notes that one day after Tinder's current CEO Sean Rad reported her allegations to executive at IAC and Match Group, 'Blatt exercised approximately 5 million stock options in Match Group, realizing over $44 million in value.' Pambakian claims that for the next two years she was 'marginalized, subject to additional harassing, offensive, and insulting behavior, put on administrative leave, publicly accused of consenting to her attacker’s advances, and finally, wrongfully terminated by Defendants' this past December. 

The company would not comment on this new filing, and instead referred back to a previous statement that addressed these allegations.

'The Match Group Board – with the assistance of experienced outside counsel from two nationally recognized law firms – promptly conducted a careful and thorough investigation under the direction of independent Board members, concluded, among other things, that there was no violation of law or company policy, and took appropriate action.'

Pambakian and other Tinder executives sued Match and IAC seeking $2 billion a year ago for allegedly bilking them by manipulating financial information to create a lowball estimate of Tinder's value.

She also detailed the alleged assault in that filing, which the company stated was 'meritless.'

The suit states that she informed 'Blatt and Chief Human Resources Officer, Ms. Nelson, about the reporter’s inquiry' into the allegations, and that her 'own perpetrator' told her to instead 'explain the ways Tinder combats sexual harassment, and to throw the reporter off the story.'

Blatt was later asked to resign his post because of the assault according to Pambakian, who says that Blatt told her she would need to 'sign something' in order for him to be able to stay in his position.

At the time, she had just refused to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

She was placed on leave in August 2018 after she and other employees filed their lawsuit, and terminated on December 18 via email.

'Upon information and belief, Defendants terminated Plaintiff in retaliation for speaking out against Defendant Blatt for his sexual misconduct and for participating in a lawsuit against the Company Defendants related to her stock options,' states the filing.

'As a result of these actions, Plaintiff was forced to surrender millions of dollars in equity granted to her as compensation for her work as an executive at Tinder.'

Pambakian is seeking damages to be determined at trial for eight causes of action, including: Negligence, Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress, Sexual Battery, Gender Violence, Ralph Act Violation, Negligent Misrepresentation, Wrongful Termination and Retaliation for Engaging in Protected Activity.

5. Tom Brady just finished his 20th Patriots training camp. The 42-year-old quarterback is taking this time to get his head back in the game while on a remote island in the Bahamas at a luxurious beach house with a fully-equipped gym and a practicing field. During his interview with Men's Health magazine, he spoke about getting ready for the next season, what he keeps in his fridge, and his pliability-focused workout routine.

Brady says he always starts with the massage table to get his muscles going for his workout. But while on the road, he never leaves home without his pliability roller.

'I use it always before my workouts—which is critical—and then always right after,' he said.

Then, he heads on over to the resistance bands and does drills such as squats, lunges, and some planks.

During his workout, he wore a shirt that said 'pliability' which he also said he 'does a lot of.'

The 16-time division champion says he tries to get in four to five workouts a week.

His favorite exercise? The butt blaster 'because it blasts my butt' and went on to say that he enjoys working out his legs. His glutes are his 'engine' which he adds he 'needs more of.'