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[tilethis]

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[taegularities]

you're okay | myg (m)

Summary: Let it hurt and burn. Let it out; and then let it fade away. Let it heal. Yoongi can't lift all your burdens, but he has taught you at least this much over the years.

➳ pairing: Yoongi x reader ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: s2l/est. rel.; angst, fluff, smut ➳ warnings: this one's heavy :') pov switches, switching between past and present, reference to the d-day documentary, mental health issues, therapy, depression and anxiety, mentioned unaliving attempt, mentions of fainting, slight mention of SA, implied panic attack, lots of trauma, lots of sadness, healing journey/healing with yoongi, feelings of loneliness, feeling unworthy, oc is very unsure and thinks she's a burden, tears and crying; explicit sexual content: (brief) protected sex, oral (f. receiving), masturbation, kissing/making out. please heed the warnings <3 ➳ word count: 11.5k ➳ a/n: hi hi. not the average taegularities fic, i think. once again, please do note the warnings before reading. it's okay if it's too heavy and you need breaks – take care of yourself. it's a very very personal piece that i just needed to get out of my system. yoongi's snooze inspired it; i still cry when i listen to it – i'm thankful it saved me in so many ways, and i hope you feel the same way about this fic. i love you all; here's to healing and living 💕 ➳ listen to: snooze by agust d ft. ryuichi sakamoto & woosung 🤍

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST | WIPs

The weather changes at warp speed these days.

When you left just this morning, it was raining buckets. The shower barely allowed a glimpse at the sky, grey as smoke; ominous clouds were bursting, fast cars and busy passengers on the sidewalk rushing through the world.

You were one of them, not necessarily impressed by the downpour. But you smiled when someone halted, stretching an arm to force the doors of the bus open until you were inside.

The tender gesture lit up your gloomy morning, a proof of how the world isn’t all misery and ruin. For a couple minutes and hours, that stranger’s smile lifted the weight off your leather jacket clad shoulders. You were burdened by nothing but the bag hanging on your side.

But now, the same jacket is draped over your arm and feels much heavier than before; stripped off when the sun broke through the clouds around the afternoon. The additional weight gives you grief; you’re relieved when you hang it onto a rack, step out of your shoes and drag yourself to the bathroom.

God, all actions seem so passive these days.

Passive and automatic, just half-conscious. You’re fatigued and lost in your head. Frankly, you need your bed. You hate that you still need to shower. You wish you could skip that part and still keep your body healthy and clean.

And as you stand under the water, shifting your balance to the right leg and back, you realise that another work day is over and another one is coming. Interactions, productivity, the craving your bed. You need the weightlessness.

So much so that you soon feel the knot in your chest, intensifying, and the heat of the water combines with an uncomfortable breathlessness until your knees bend a little. Immediately, you plant your palms against the bathroom tiles, taking a seat on the shower floor.

You cross your legs; the thought of your father is immediate because he always taught you to take a seat wherever once you start feeling dizzy. Since that one adolescence day when you passed out and hurt your chin, you have followed this advice and prevented worse.

Your head spins for a moment, your chest tight; and you hear a dull thump. There’s an odd rustle in your ears, mixed with the sound of the dripping water; so you don’t notice the call of your name right away.

Keeping your answer absent for another moment, you only wrap your arms around your chest, just to keep yourself whole. You feel like your body might fracture into a dozen pieces.

The shampoo bottle that presumably caused the thump before rolls against you, and you gasp in uncomfortable surprise; immediately hear another slurred, “Hey! Are you okay? What’s going on?”

It's him; he’s always worried. Maybe that’s what you’ve been struggling with so much lately. The fact that you never suffer alone whenever the weight on your shoulder and brain drags you down too far.

A worried voice chimes again, breaking the sound of the shower jet, and you suddenly become hyper aware of his concern, rushing to finally get out. You exclaim a reassuring, “All good!” before the silence can prolong or betray you.

His calls stop, probably relieved when you add another, “Coming.”

You envelop your body in your towel; just a moment later, he knocks. You would’ve opened even if he hadn't.

Yoongi stands in the doorway, leaning against the frame, and breathes in the sauna-esque air. His mouth turns into a surprised circle, and he blinks before he blows out a breath and states, “You showered hot today, huh?”

“Mhh,” you hum, “the sun never keeps me from doing so. Feels good.”

He smiles, watches your lotioned hands hydrate your skin, very slowly and very delicately. When you sigh in something he interprets as fatigue, he asks, “Do you need help?”

Four simple words, but they soothe something in your wrinkly, grey brain. The knot of stress loosens just a little, and you sigh deeply, telling him, “Yes, please.”

He doesn’t hesitate to step behind you, picking up the pink, wooden brush lying on the laundry basket next to you to release the knots in your wet hair. For a couple of minutes, you indulge in the massage; and then wallow in the feeling of his hands on your face, taking over to do your skincare.

And then, gentle as he is, he helps you into your clothes. You feel somewhat pathetic, but most of all, thankful — anything to get through the night.

“You all set?” he asks once he’s done, palms on your shoulders. You touch the digits of his left hand, leading them to your lips to kiss them softly before you nod.

You follow him into the living room, detecting the still present sunrays protruding through the spots that the sheer curtains don’t filter. It’s not dark yet, but the light is slowly fading. The star is preparing to drown behind the horizon, dusk in motion.

The pretty hues give you a brief yet strange burst of motivation; often, you fear the night more despite its serene reputation. Too dark, too haunting.

Yoongi has already set the table; he starts to ladle the sundubu-jjigae into your bowl, rice in another smaller dish next to it. You sit; you feel endlessly indebted and silently terrified at once. The food looks amazing, so the taste isn’t the problem.

Your boyfriend is a good cook, and you thank the deities every day for his existence. It was much harder to get by and assemble a meal when you lived alone.

But your expression is still the opposite of what it’s supposed to be, and when he sees it, he asks, “You good? Have you eaten yet?”

“No.”

“Then eat a little, okay? As much as you can.”

You gulp, oblige. You know your body calls for it, so you listen to it, chewing a couple bites, even though it feels impossible to actually swallow. God; you need to stop your chest and stomach from trying to convince you that everything is heavy.

Your clothes, your heart, your thoughts.

You know it isn’t true. It drives you mad when your own brain proves this treacherous, attempting to lie to you like this.

Then again, energy dwindles faster these days. Your body knows; maybe that’s why you feel tired. You need to sleep — maybe that could help you feel a bit more feathery.

But shit, you wish there was a more efficient charger for human beings than sleep, so you could be productive. Your mind won’t let you sleep properly anyway.

“Is it good?” Yoongi asks, interrupting your thoughts. He’s always the first to notice when you’re overexerting yourself, even just at dinner.

“It’s very good,” you respond truthfully, even raising your voice to make yourself sound livelier, “as I’d expect from you.”

“Then I’m glad. Thought I’d make you something good, since you worked longer.”

“Always attentive, aren’t you?”

“I try to be.” His spoon drops in his bowl, and he reaches out, touching your cheek just long enough for your heart to stir. “How was work?”

Hm…

You don’t remember too well. You know you went there at least, and you know you did whatever you had to — but you can’t recall details. So all you say without dousing the atmosphere in negativity is, “As always.”

“Was Nayeon at work today?”

“Nope,” you tell him, sending wordless, good vibes towards your best work buddy. “Still sick. A stomach bug, I think. I really hope she feels better soon.”

“Sana again then?”

“Yeah, spent most of the day with her. She’s always so sweet, though… I should talk to her more often.”

You dig into your rice again, trying it with a bigger bite this time. Then, you shake your head in apology, looking back at Yoongi as you ask, “Ah, I’m sorry, baby… how was work for you?”

“As always,” he echoes, “thought of you a lot.”

“Mhm… obsessed much?” you jest, trying a little beam.

“You know me.”

That’s it. You nod; you understand the weakness of your smile, so you lower your head altogether. He sees; of course he does. Yet, he waits and watches you toy with your food. You know the question is approaching before it lands, “Another low?”

Another low…

You could cry. You could burst into tears immediately if you didn’t feel so… empty. A vacant soul, pieces coloured by nothing but him. Yoongi sparks the magic most of the time, even drilling through the numbness.

“Yeah,” you whisper, not crying yet, but the corners of your mouth drop. “It’s been a while.”

“Months, yes? Which is great, my love.” His voice is so mellow, deep, like an antidote. “You’re doing really well.”

“Yeah.”

You are. Because at one point in your life, you used to feel this way all the time. Ever since you found somebody to rely on, someone who listens, you’ve gotten a bit better. He puts you together as if he’s resolving a dispersed puzzle.

But certain phases at certain times still hit you unexpectedly, like a revved up truck.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yoongi offers.

“There’s nothing really to talk about…”

“Okay. Do it if you need to, though, okay? Eat a little more?”

You do. Fuck, you feel so babied sometimes; you wonder if he discerns things like this, too. That he isn’t really taking care of and loving his girlfriend, but rather babysitting a broken child.

You whoosh the thought away with a blink, finishing more than half of your meal before you set the cutlery aside. You down the last bite with cold water, sauntering to the bathroom, and then meet Yoongi on your bed.

He probably already put the food in the fridge and the dishes in the dishwasher; he must’ve operated rapidly to be here already, awaiting you. The laptop is open and its screen bright, and you know without stepping onto the mattress that he’s opened YouTube.

Less for him, more for you.

If he wanted to spend the remaining minutes of the night scrolling through reels, he could easily do so on his phone. But no… this feels more like an invitation. A quick, sweet date before sleep, just to watch a few animal videos that rarely ever fail to make you smile.

As you crawl into him, watching cats protecting newborn babies or dogs jumping their owners affectionately, you do smile. You laugh, even. You feel somewhat at ease here with him, but you know you’ll go back to ground zero in the morning.

When you’ve left and he’s gone to work.

And you hate it. You hate that you’re dependent on him like this… Yoongi calls it finding comfort in somebody you love, and you don’t disagree. But adding to this, you think you’re limiting his options by shackling yourself to him.

By demanding that comfort.

You sigh in his arms, breathing calmer than before, but not enough to sleep. Yet, he asks, “Hey… sweetheart. Are you awake?”

“I am.”

“I’m just thinking… Do you want me to call the therapist tomorrow?”

Shit… why does the ball of guilt keep growing? How does he think of this and you don’t? Have you really sunk this deep again? You’re stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“I… I should do it myself,” you mumble.

“I don’t mind.”

“No, I’ll just do it in the morning. I think I should… do things for myself, too, right?”

He pauses. Ponders your words; or at least, that’s what you surmise from the way he breathes and sighs and hums. And you’re proven right when he inquires, “Do you feel like I mind doing things for you?”

Yes. No.

No, you do not think so. But you sure as hell waste his time. Occupy it with this nonsense when he could be happier somewhere else, living his life, making plans for the future and rambling about the job he loves.

But no…

Fucking calling the therapist for you.

You break.

It always happens in the worst moments; you don’t know what it is, how it happens, but you break. Hard. Your motions stop, maybe even your breathing. But then you do sigh, so deeply that it burns, trying to keep your voice from shaking, to keep the tears at bay.

But this time, it doesn’t work. Emotions heightened when Yoongi utters something he’s provided as a reminder over the years, “Don’t hold back.”

So you don’t.

There were days when this lesson was necessary, a gentle nudge to release the weight, and today is one of them. You weep, starting with soft whimpers that grow louder steadily, and you press into his chest until you're suddenly sobbing.

You sniffle with an aching head, holding onto him for dear life, barely noticing when your sobs, once again, morph into absolute wailing.

He embraces you, tighter with each inhale and exhale. You’re so impossibly close to him, garbling something that he doesn’t understand. His voice is pain-struck and trembling when he encourages, “Come again, baby? Talk to me.”

It takes a while; it doesn’t work. And then, he chants, “God, baby. My baby… it’s okay. It’s okay.”

“No!” you cry out, slurring your words, “No… am a burden. Am fucking burdening you…”

This is a clear thought, isn’t it? Even in a moment like this, you think it’s true. And that maybe…

Maybe you should’ve never agreed to the lunch he offered you all those years ago. You would miss everything good in your life, lose the one thing you so cherish, but you’d at least rid him of you.

Those long six years ago, you should have just told him you were fine.

As a student, Yoongi always trod the same path from the second floor down to the entrance of the college, living into a routine — never really noticing much of significance. He’d see other students who’d be eating; talking; rushing to class.

And as a TA, Yoongi was used to another, different journey throughout the building, too; climbing down the same spiral staircase, hurrying through the scary, empty mezzanine, passing the same few rooms on the ground floor.

He’d prepare to go home or to the library after attending his favourite psychology professor’s classes, assisting him to his best abilities. But this was different from all the other familiar routes he’d grown accustomed to.

These Wednesday afternoons did offer something of significance. Someone of significance. 

Because every time he reached those rooms on the ground floor, you’d be there.

At first, he reckoned you always waited for your class to start, just at the time when his ended. But you were alone each time. The doors to the classrooms and lecture halls were all closed, and then there was you, a sole soul waiting for whatever miracle to appear.

It took a couple weeks for him to gather that you might not have been supposed to be there. He noticed it when he saw your eyes fixated on a spot, pupils never moving an inch, even when he walked past. At some point, he’d memorised just this expression on your face.

And then, bit by bit, he realised that your stance didn’t seem quite normal. Your eyes were dead, hands never flinching. You emanated a sense of loneliness and stupefaction that he couldn’t express in words.

Today, something in him stirred. Perhaps because he’d just covered social behaviour as a topic or perhaps because any proper human would recognise that something was wrong with you.

Your hands were holding a lidless cup that day, barely steaming anymore. You were blinking slowly, if at all. This time, he approached you with care, as if nearing a wounded deer; as if trying to keep it there and not frighten it away.

But when he leaned into you, a hand scarcely touching your shoulder, your head moved up to look at him slowly but surely. And your first reaction to him ever was a smile.

You remember that when you first looked at him, like really looked at him, his face seemed familiar to you. You were sure you’d seen him before, even if just in passing. He had this long, pretty, dark hair, covering his neck, a couple inches above his shoulders.

A kind face. A calm demeanour.

He stood there with pure relaxation between his eyebrows; one you hadn’t felt in a while despite your falling face. Flawless porcelain skin, free of dark circles, free of exhaustion. When did you last look like this?

You smiled at him instinctively, a curious expression; you couldn’t guess at all what he wanted or needed, but you were ready to listen. You’d always listen to people — listen, listen, listen. Perhaps that was the exact problem.

This very attention towards him, coming this easily, made your shoulders sink in new dejection; everything did. Every thought was intrusive, unwelcome, too stretched for your liking.

Whenever you had a normal thought or a bad one that’d at least pass immediately, you considered it a good day.

But you felt a tension around your temples by now; your head never felt at ease.

Yet, you asked, “Yes?”

And he wondered in return, “Are you okay? You looked distracted and I thought I might ask.”

“Oh… that’s nice,” you commented, your voice a bit too quiet yet surprised; you cleared your throat, spoke up, “but I’m okay. I just sit here sometimes after my classes.”

“You do?”

“Mhm. To take a little break after all the information dump, yeah. I’ll go home soon, though, no worries.”

“Hm… yeah. I just,” Yoongi started, hesitant — you now know he was trying to reveal something without appearing creepy. “I noticed you here a few times, so I wanted to ask just to be sure.”

He saw you here? You? And he came up to talk to you, just because he’d noticed you before? Baffling. You didn’t think you were visible to anybody. You thought you faded in front of others’ eyes.

“You’re honestly so nice,” is all you said, hoping your eyes didn’t reveal too much. How much his words affected you, and how they made you think you were just a little, a tiny bit perceptible.

“Sure,” he responded, nodding. And when you failed to come up with more appreciative words, he prepared to move, bidding you goodbye with a single, “Okay…”

Then, he was walking away; as grateful as you were, your energy-lacking body forced your eyes shut. You drew a deep breath. These few words you’d exchanged with him took everything out of you — that was the worst part of all this.

Interaction drained you. Loneliness drained you. The world and life were all draining, and you couldn’t figure out anymore how to feel… awake. Sober without ever drinking.

When your eyes closed, you felt your surroundings starting to spin. Or maybe, it was you; as if someone had gripped your shoulders and was turning you in circles. There were so many weird particles behind your eyelids.

The rotation was insane, but nothing new. Shut down most of your other senses and people’s voices; like the one that returned a second later, the same as before. Shit. Had he seen you struggle? Was he seeing something nobody else ever would?

You weren’t used to attention. You weren’t used to someone noticing.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” the stranger with the familiar face asked, concern in his voice. “You don’t look like it.”

What was it? What was it about his gentle, low voice that lured you in? What was it about his attentive tone that made you want to tear up? Maybe because you’d bottled things up for so long.

But you held the liquid locked in your eyes. Proudly, barely.

“I’m…”

You considered lying. You considered pulling a lame excuse out of your ass. But something in you snapped, snapped hard, and the truth spilled just before you could think twice—

“If I’m being honest… I’m feeling pretty faint… I often do? I usually just need to sit down a bit or I’ll pass out.”

You hated using the word usually. As though your condition had become irreparable, like a chronic illness; and you were stating its treatment, only temporary.

“Hmm…” he hummed. “Have you eaten?”

“Not much…”

“Then that might be it,” he concluded, content with the deduction. In hindsight, you think he was hoping it was only that, nothing more. “Do you have something with you?” You shook your head. “Are you getting something?”

You shrugged.

You could’ve easily told the truth and said no; that the appetite was absent, that you were going to go home and hardly remember how you got there. That you’d throw your bag on the couch, take off all your clothes, not really bother for a shower and jump into your bed.

Then, you’d breathe. Survive.

You didn’t have the energy to eat, to shower, and right now, somehow not even to lie. The remainder of it had been used in today’s class and in this conversation.

He knew you couldn’t come up with any bad justification, so he offered, “Listen… I still have this sandwich with me that I was going to eat after class. You can have it if you want.”

What? That was…

“Oh, no,” you blurted, raising a hand to reject, “you should eat if you haven’t yet.”

“Look, I totally get being selfless, but you don’t look good and…” He sighed, tilting his head. Eyebrows raised and expression suddenly stricter. “If I can help anyhow, I’d rather have that than anyone else finding you unconscious here later. Please?”

How could you’ve resisted such a plea?

He was taking care of you and he didn’t even know you. And your body understood; your body heard him. Because your stomach grumbled at the mention of the meal; it didn’t mean anything to you, but it meant something to your hungry, craving body.

It often did that. Wishing to eat; then, not letting you swallow a bite.

You grabbed your bag and warily, carefully got to your feet. The man lifted a hand in caution, as if expecting for you to lose your balance. You did, just a little, swaying until you’d grounded yourself.

Goddamn it.

You nodded with a deep exhale and followed him as he suggested, “Let’s go to the courtyard. Get some fresh air. We can eat there and talk… or not talk if that's what you want.”

You kept moving your head up and down, fine with whatever. The fronts of it hurt due to the  lack of nutrition; it was past four pm and you’d only eaten a damn banana.

He found you a shadowy spot away from the sun; it was late spring, the summer steadily approaching. The shade protected your tired eyes, guarded you from further headaches.

As you plumped onto the grass next to him, your fingers grazed it for a moment — and it felt good against your skin. A pleasant combination, the wind and the scent of grass; nearly freed your chest of the stuffy pain.

You watched his soft fingers fish out the sandwich, and then some salted peanuts for himself. Urged you to eat before spilling a handful of the nuts into his palm. God, you felt horribly guilty, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to convince him to share the meal.

He… didn’t even seem to mind a bit.

Wiping his hand on his pants, he finally introduced, “I’m Min Yoongi. Psychology student and TA. Judging from your spot every single Wednesday afternoon, you take psychology classes, too?”

“I do… yeah.”

You took a bite enough for mouses, but then proceeded with a larger, human-appropriate one. Your stomach felt odd; Min Yoongi’s small talk helped you eat, but the nervous feeling in your chest that never really went away weighed heavily on your tummy.

You added, “Thinking of dropping it, though…”

“Why?”

“Because I might be failing anyway. Haven’t done much, and I still have a presentation on my paper left but have prepared nothing for it yet, either.”

“Have you asked the professor about a potential extension?”

Of course you’d thought about it. You always did. Which is why you despised having to answer, “No…”

No. Of course not. To most professors, mental health didn’t matter as an excuse.

You understood, though. They graded every paper they received, surrendering their free time, their summer and their winter breaks. To grant you special treatment was something you regarded as unnecessary; you didn’t think you were worth it.

“Do you feel like you could do better next term?” Yoongi asked.

“I don’t know.”

Your sandwich was done and gone. You were still hungry; you felt the appetite all of a sudden. You knew it often came and went in waves, but somehow, the sandwich left you more pining than anything these days.

Yoongi saw as you licked your fingers clean of the mayonnaise; offered you some peanuts that you politely declined, greedy for something proper. Maybe you’d eat an actual dinner tonight.

After a while, Yoongi spoke, “Okay, I know I’m a stranger to you and everything, but if you want, I could try to help you.”

Shit, but… that would’ve meant putting in the effort. To get up, to meet him, to focus and to study. You didn’t know if you’d be able to do all that. You didn’t know how to—

But his eyes were so sincere; a pure dark brown, sparkling in hope, for whatever noble reason. And you thought… you thought…

If there was any chance to pass this class and get over with it, wouldn’t you feel a gigantic wave of relief wash over you? After so damn long? Wouldn’t it be worth it? Maybe a spark of hope ignited in your chest after all… maybe you could turn things around.

“Yeah…” you finally obliged. “Yeah, that’s really nice.”

“Great. Are you free this Friday afternoon?”

After that, it became part of your routine to meet up with Yoongi every Thursday or Friday, depending on his own schedule. A couple weeks passed like a breeze; or at least, compared to the days you were used to.

Some time later, those meetings increased, and you found a profound liking in them. You still often struggled with leaving your apartment at all, sometimes deeming getting out of bed or brushing your teeth an impossible task.

But whenever Yoongi called, offering a nearby café — always a nearby café — you’d place all your energy into moving, throwing on clothes, leaving. You felt unworried with him; at least for a couple hours.

He wasn’t just smart to an admirable degree; he was humorous, too. Motivating. Praised you for your ideas and your sharp mind. You’d forgotten you still had it in you — you thought time had altered your brain chemistry, killed too many of its cells to still let your mind operate.

Today, he didn’t suggest a café but a place you hadn't been to before. Yoongi had never invited you anywhere that wasn’t a public space, careful with your feelings without ever mentioning the obvious issues you had.

He only really crawled out of his shell and gave you the address to this new spot once you’d invited him over, too — he couldn’t make it, helping out the professor he assisted. But you reckon it was telling enough for him to understand how comfortable you’d grown with him.

So you went where he told you to go, and once you arrived, you recognised it as an office. A small one, but elegantly decorated, furniture sparse. And it wasn’t just any office. A therapist’s office.

“This is my mom’s,” Yoongi explained as you inspected the books on the shelf and the overall soothing and fitting atmosphere, “she’s out of town, so I thought we could study here today.

“Oh…”

He had to have heard your hesitancy, your uncertainty. This is the place they usually suggest in guidance books and in conversation to people like you. You didn’t know how to feel; the emotions washing over you were an odd sensation. Not good, not bad.

But scary, somehow.

Yoongi put a soft hand on your shoulder, making you turn, and asked, “Is that okay for you?”

“Yeah… it’s just… I’ve only really thought and read about therapy, but never quite seen an actual room like this.” You shook your head, clicking your tongue. “It’s crazy. How have I never been in one despite studying psychology for so long?”

“Hmm, many students haven’t been.”

“Yeah.”

You stripped your bag off of you, taking a seat on the cosy patient’s couch. Pulled out your laptop and placed it on the table between you and where he seated himself on the therapist’s chair. 

Swallowing a strange lump, you cleared your throat, starting the study session with, “Okay, so… I was thinking about what you said about the research question last time.”

“Right…”

At this point, you couldn’t really fathom why, but he seemed reserved today, a little distracted. Still providing as much information and intellect as he could; but his thoughts were slower and his eyes gentler.

You think you studied barely forty-five minutes when Yoongi called for a break — unusual, because it was mostly you to announce a pause in thoughts, when your brain would demand a couple minutes of peace.

He sighed, hands touching his thighs and then got up to bring you something to drink. Came back with two cups of tea. You thought he’d be returning with a glass of water, but upon seeing the beverage, your eyes widened; you told him, “This is super nice of you, thanks.”

“Of course.” Pause. You slurped; then he did. A second later, he inquired, “Can I ask you something?” 

“Mhm.”

You waited. Nothing came. You took another sip of the fruity winter tea in the middle of summer, wiping away the thin sheen of sweat under your nose that the heat caused. Then you looked up, big eyes staring into his just in time to see his mouth open.

“You always seem so surprised when I’m nice to you.”

Ah…

He’d said he’d had a question, but the indication of an inquiry, the one lifting in tone at the end never came. His statement was his question. And you thought it wasn’t the first time you heard it; you just never noticed you were doing it again.

Yoongi left the conclusion there, and the question mark hung somewhere between the two of you. Unspoken, containing a silent, ”Why?”

So you answered, “I just… uhm. People don’t just do something like this for me without me asking. It’s new to me how attentive you are.”

Sad. Just sad. You hated having to actually echo your innermost thoughts; you knew this wasn’t normal.

He knew, too, because he said, “This… is not how things should be.”

“But this is how they ended up being. I mean it’s just tea. But I don’t think anybody else sees me sitting there and goes like, Okay, I’ll do this lil something for her, you know?”

“Which is insane. You deserve it all so much. More than anyone I know.”

If you’d still been drinking, you would’ve choked. Those words were rare, not often uttered to you; how were you supposed to respond to them? You’d long forgotten how to react to things at all — it didn’t come too naturally to you anymore.

So all you did was laugh a little, as if replying to a joke. Genuinely, you wondered, “How can you say something like that?”

“Why not?”

“I mean, you probably know so many people.”

Yoongi blinked at you, as if waiting for your argument to proceed; but when it didn’t, he lifted a shoulder, steadfast with his opinion as he answered, “So? What do you think? That you feeling that way about yourself makes everyone else feel that way about you, too?”

You shrugged your shoulders just an inch, imitating his motions. Your gaze fell, as though catching yourself spewing pure gibberish. He continued, “You have a pure heart. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you being mean. And you’re strong, careful, and endure a shit ton.”

You looked up at him instantly. Let the last words reverberate in your mind, pushing them to the forefront between all your other messy thoughts. “Of course you knew,” you said.

“Of course. You’re so obviously hurt and I hate that you are.”

Well, you hated it, too. But… 

Your desperation came out in a whisper, “I don’t know what to do about it…”

You put the cup back onto the saucer; your fingers were warm when you pushed them into your hair, pressing your palms against your forehead, holding onto your mane. Elbows on your thighs. The world spun again until you felt his hand on your arm once more.

“Hey.” He sounded softer again. “Do you want to take a longer break? We could stop for today and talk?”

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t have to. But it feels to me like you’ve never done that before… people don’t want to listen.” His words hit you like bricks. Like heavy cement bricks. The pain was excruciating. “Is that it?”

You were still staring at your lap when he posed the question; your head whirred, so you didn’t know where to start. Which is why you held onto the first complaint — you knew they were valid worries, but you always called them complaints, like you were a burden — and said,

“I just… I listen to everyone. I let people vent, I let them feel hurt, and I try to be there and lend a shoulder and just,” the words cascaded out of you like a wild waterfall; your throat clogged up again, “to be a good person and a good friend.”

You exhaled a shaky breath, the pressure back in your chest. “But why do I not get any of it back? Why is it that everyone goes silent when I’m hurting? Do I deserve this somehow?”

You felt tears pricking and burning in your waterline, and you blinked them away. Took another quick sip just to help your dry throat. Then, “I hate that I sound selfish? Like I only do things for people to get love back, but… that’s not it. I just want to feel worthy of something, too.”

“You don’t sound selfish. It’s never wrong or inhumane to demand affection and care, and if it is, then… every person’s selfish. Whatever.”

Up until that point, you hadn’t known that someone could be this tender and direct at once. Yoongi lived in a reality that wasn’t sugarcoated, but he understood empathy and heartbreak, knew to dip his words in an ointment alleviating enough.

You wondered what he’d endured to become this type of person; sympathy and a mind this sage often stem from grief once encountered, and you so hoped he was an exception to this belief of yours.

You looked at him with delicate fondness, mixed with some lasting trouble. He reached out, tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. You didn’t know what came over you when you leaned into his palm, kept his gaze, and stayed in place when he moved in.

Kissed you.

And you didn’t know why, but the moment opened your heart as if it’d been locked before; he was the key, undoing the lock so easily. That was when the first tear rolled down your cheek, meeting his skin, and you started trembling as he moved his mouth against yours.

You couldn’t grasp why he was doing it; even if parts of you knew. Did he not care that you were broken? That you were still breaking? That the ache always consumed you, that you felt whatever your brain inflicted on you throughout your entire body?

Maybe not. He always said you were funny, sweet, never humorous at anybody’s expense.

It was different from the things you’d heard before.

Nobody will love you like this.

Stop acting like you’re traumatised.

I didn’t love you — I kept you because you were attractive. Because you let me.

You had always asked yourself: why had your feelings always been shoved aside when you voiced your opinion? Whenever it differed from the one in your family or your friend’s circle?

Why were you told to never open up about your childhood memories? When you were caged in; when somebody three times your age indulged in impudence when they shouldn’t have, long ago when you were a child; when you fell in love at a later age and were forced to let go?

Why were you told you were tainted, that you couldn’t get any affection like this, to keep your pain to yourself and forget about your past? And why was this sequence of nightmares plaguing you right now, like you were dying, just when he was kissing you…

Because you were scared. So scared.

If you told Yoongi any of this, would he bolt? Would you hurt yet another person? Would he see you as a shattered porcelain doll, distance himself from you? Because honestly, why would he stay at all; with someone who hasn’t healed, who’d pulled him underwater, too?

Yet, you didn’t say any of this. You sighed; leaned into him. Took residency in his heart, cried into him.

He kissed you for another second, and then backed away. Wiped your tears. You broke and broke until your voice broke, too, giving way to quiet sobs.

You weren’t used to attention. You weren’t used to someone noticing.

And somehow, the realisation hurt anew, deep in your core and beyond.

Your tears had mostly dried when he resumed his position, sitting in front of you. His fingers were entangled and he waited.

Yoongi knew you’d cry again, though. The patient’s couch had some magic to it, his mother always said. They’d always cry, but they’d heal at the same time. Recognise hidden parts of themselves.

He was uncomplaining and composed, and kept looking at you until you said, “It just feels… like I’ll never be enough. I can do as much as possible, but none of it is ever seen because I’m taken for granted.”

“Who takes you for granted?”

“Everyone. I’ve spent many nights awake for people, and they abandoned me. In a crowd, others will always be praised for one thing and I’ll be ignored for the same. It’s made me bitter.”

He nodded in true therapist fashion, but his expression wasn’t as neutral as one; he looked pain-struck for you. Said, “You’ve been hurt… I see that…”

“I’m… hurting,” you corrected, “and I don’t know what to do.”

Yoongi attempted a different approach; you were in a hopeless spiral, and the strategy he needed to try wasn’t just to dig out your trauma, but to make you familiar with the good parts of your life, too.

So he asked, sincerely hoping you had an answer to his question, “Who could you trust as you grew up?”

“I don’t know…” Yoongi’s chest deflated, motivation dropping — that is, until you muttered, “My brother.”

“Parents?”

“Part of the problem.”

Okay; your answers came more rapidly now. He took it as a good sign; as readiness to talk.

“Where’s your brother?” he wondered.

“In this town,” you answered, and Yoongi sighed in relief. “But I can’t bother him with all of my shit.”

Your symptoms were as typical as they could be; you regarded your self-worth as buried deep under the ground, never wanting to disturb those who still deemed you close and loved. You’d established this distance between you and the others; he didn’t blame you.

The symptoms were typical.

“Why do you think so?” Yoongi prodded, whispering your name when you didn’t answer.

“I’ve bothered them all enough…”

“How so?”

Maybe he was doing too much. But it seemed you were on board with it; you weren’t complaining, not sighing, not withdrawing. You were listening and talking. Nobody let you talk, and now that you were, you looked like you needed to let it out.

You spat, “Because they never seemed to want to hear anything.”

God…

It hurt to see you like this. Damp eyes, a heavily rising chest, as if you were close to panicking again, but desperately holding back. He knew it; he saw it in the way you drew your breaths and in the things you said.

He knew you’d braved multiple nights and many, many sleepless hours before, spending these dark moments clutching your chest, trying to get rid of the unbearably tight feeling in your chest.

He knew that torturous pressure. He’d been there before. The persistent feeling of fear and unease — like somebody had dropped a weight onto his ribcage and tied up his stomach. The shallow breathing and thumping heart would strip him off focus.

Thoughts circling and circling, around each other; absolute bullshit most of the time.

He couldn’t imagine how overwhelmed you felt, but then again, he could. Was the world louder to you, too? The way it used to be for him. Did you hear that constant screaming in your head?

Vulnerable, senses heightened, sensitive to the slightest change.

He hated the thought of a wall between you and your peace. Hated hearing the words you narrated; of your home, of your childhood, of the people you met. The disrespect you suffered and the dirt you were treated as.

You deserved none of it.

Maybe he felt that way because nobody ever deserved it; or maybe because he knew he’d fallen in love with you. Not because he needed to save you, or because he felt like falling for someone who he’d have to fix could be a welcoming challenge.

He knew people who treated depression like this; saviour complex in full effect, they needed to be the hero or heroine to stitch a broken heart.

No — he fell for you because you were you. Despite everything and every pain you endured, you were still you; and most of the you that you were before you got hurt this badly was still there, under the surface.

He saw those joyful parts of you reemerge sometimes, breaking through the waves. Sometimes, right before your head would fall again; your body weightless; drowning — he saw those parts on those days for a split moment.

But not right now.

In fact, the true parts of you that knew to feel happiness were absent now, and he knew — in that sense, he was prepared for you to utter what you said next. Was ready to hear it, no matter how little he actually wanted to hear it.

“And sometimes, when it got too much…” You gulped. Yoongi knew what you’d say; he knew. But— “I didn’t feel like being here anymore. It seems that was the only and last time I opened my family’s eyes.”

But when you still said it, it stabbed his heart like a dagger.

“Only, after that… it soon became irrelevant again,” you continued, “they told me I should be thankful for being alive and regret the mistake I made… what I tried.”

And you spoke on. Spoke on and on. He leaned back, allowing himself a better position to breathe. His heart felt like a sewing pin cushion, riddled with tiny holes. His eyebrows furrowed in agony, but he saw worse pain in your eyes.

Tears slowly reappeared.

“And when I was judged for this, too… I realised I didn’t regret ever trying to leave the world. I regretted that I’d failed to do so.”

Maybe he felt that way because nobody deserved it; maybe because he knew he’d fallen in love with you.

But your words split him in a million tiny shards, like glass, until his pieces became tiny enough to resemble dust.

”Am a burden… Am fucking burdening you…”

Yoongi’s voice defeats the others in your head just barely; as if you’re separated by a glass wall and hearing him from afar, only clearing when you hammer through it and break the surface. He’s quiet compared to your cries, a hand firmly on your back.

His grip around you wants to glue you together so desperately; he’s not letting go, even though you get restless soon, quivering and ruining his shirt.

“Hey, baby…” you hear him say, but you interrupt, obstinately shaking your head.

“No… I’m— I never should’ve let you this close and—”

“No.” It’s his turn to interject. And he does it with determination; tone suddenly so low, cold, so you silence. “Stop.”

You do, only now noticing that he’s imprisoning your wrists in his grasp. Not painfully, but still solidly enough for you to understand what he means. You confirm it for yourself when you look up.

You already know your eyes are bloodshot, cheeks thoroughly wet; but you still recognise the heavy breaths he draws. See something entirely different in his eyes than yours.

Pain.

You hurt him. And this time, you could once again lament your destructive behaviour, argue how you keep inflicting these shit ass feelings on him. But…

The ache in his expressions says something else entirely. Fills you with hope, fills you with guilt.

Shows you that he despises the thought of you possibly regretting this relationship. His gaze proves that he doesn’t. That if he could go back in time and meet you again, talk to you again, fall in love with you again — he would.

You know it because he’s said it before. You know.

But your brain is half melting, hurting, spitting all negative assumptions at you like nobody’s business.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” you stammer, pierced by the sorrow in his eyes.

“What?”

“I… shouldn’t have said that,” you start, gulping. Your crying ebbs down for a second as you register the growing agony in his heart, and you explain, “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I can’t stop thinking that…”

Break in conversation.

Then him again, “…That?”

“That you’d be better off without me. That you’re here so I stay alive and that you’d be less burdened with someone else…”

Another pause. 

He stares at you, as if pondering his answer. Bites into his lower lip softly and releases it right away. Blinks, looks to your wrists, lets go of them and then whispers, “Do you want to know? What I’m thinking, do you want to know that, too?”

“…What are you thinking?”

“That it’s true that I’m burdened.”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck.

The pain is searing, a burning arrow shooting through your heart. It’s what you expected and what you feared and what still hurts so much upon hearing and—

Are you crying again? Are you tearing up? You don’t know.

You’re not sure, but it does seem like you’re breaking once more when he shushes you carefully, touching your cheek. He calms you, and then speaks again—

“Of course I’m burdened, too. Yeah, of course. I’d be lying if I said seeing you like this doesn’t make me feel helpless… but do you know what it means that I’m still here?”

Your voice trembles when you speak, “Because you’re scared of leaving me in this condition.”

“No. I learned early enough to prioritise myself when I need to. No, I’m not leaving because I don’t want to — simple. Because I’ll share your, mine and the world’s damn pain along with my heart. ‘Kay?”

Retrospectively, his words sound logical. He said it’s simple, and in some way, it is. If you didn’t have the brain that you have, it would be. If you weren’t so neck-deep in the quicksand pulling you into doubts, you’d be less surprised at the finality in his tone.

“Baby—” you start, but he squeezes your hand, eyes glistening.

“We have enough enemies in this world. Don’t regard me as one, too. Okay? Please…”

“No, you’re not,” you defend, moving your head and the palm on your cheek along with it, “you’re anything but that.”

He nods, sniffling; you know he’s holding back the same salty, pouring liquid as you. He’s always done that, providing a sense of strength and safety to make you feel just that.

“We’ll be okay one day, love. The world hurts us a shit ton, and life is difficult, but…” His voice cracks here, and he waits to regain control, sighing. “We only get one of it and… it’d be so unfair if we were destined to stay like this, right?”

You don’t believe in divine beliefs that seemingly predetermine how your life plays out. Fate or destiny or whatever synonyms to notions that Jung or Freud believed in. You’ve heard of this stuff plenty in your studies, but it never affected your curiosity much.

You know Yoongi isn’t necessarily a representative of it either; not one to dive too deep into things that suggest the potential absence of a free will.

But the thought provides hope when nothing else does. You know. The fact that you can’t leave this world without fixing things; that you’re here to contribute to much larger and more important things.

You cannot have been born to spend your days here without the joy you deserve.

You’ve felt much of it thanks to Yoongi, but you’ve had too many setbacks to call this a proper life. You don’t want to end it like this. You don’t want to grow old like this.

And you want to gift him the life he deserves, too.

Fuck…

You need to get better. You need to get better. You need to get better.

You need to help yourself. Even if it takes time; even if the non-linear process of healing irks you, stealing hope and leaving anguish in turn. And it’s as if Yoongi reads your mind when he says—

“It’s okay, you know? To feel that way. It takes time. It doesn’t matter how much, but it’s okay to fall back and have ups and downs, as long as you don’t give up. Yes?”

“I can’t, I know… I— I won’t give up. I just… need you to be here.” Your voice is unsteady, and your heart is, too; fickle as can be. But you’d rather hang onto the aspiration right now… nothing else. “Don’t ever leave me, okay? I’ll fix this for us, I will.”

“For yourself first. I’ll be here, no matter what.”

“…I love you.” Your breathing is staggered, leftover pain still keeping the anxiety in your chest. It’ll take a while. But there’s power in your admissions when you repeat, “I love you so much.”

You lean in carefully, and he mimes the movement, bending into your kiss. It’s a peck, soft and gentle and encouraging, and you murmur through your sniffles, “So, so much.”

And then you climb up, using all your strength. Half your body comes to a rest on his; the immediate proximity and warm touch evoke motivation and longing in your heart. For not only him, but every second of a possible serene future, too.

This very hope is often born and reborn at the end of your lowest lows. It’s what pulls you up again, keeps you going each time before the next valley can swallow you. Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes not.

But you so desperately want this. Want it to work now.

You want to be okay. Want to travel and soak in the sun. Want to dance in the rain and scream from the peak of a mountain; want to snorkel in clear, blue seas.

The life you picture for yourself, the one you follow in those healing vlogs on social media — it’s what you yearn for. It’s what you want to feel. With him on your side.

Sometime in the future, you see yourself beaming in genuine happiness, see yourself smiling. And you want to work towards it. You’ve always wanted to.

Ever since Yoongi first showed you what love, contentment and merriment felt like, you’ve craved this. Ever since that night he told you he loved you, despite everything.

Despite, despite, despite.

He was there to catch your fall when you couldn’t keep yourself upright anymore. When your knees weakened and the ground turned into clouds, and you plunged through them and towards the cemented earth that’d shatter you.

He aided you in staying whole. Let you lean against his shoulder, nodding off into a slumber there, allowing you to dream because until then, you didn’t dare to.

You thought dreaming was pointless; just a fabrication of the unconscious mind to distract you from the horrors of the world. To keep you occupied, to torture you even when asleep. As time passed, you started making these horrors your life, and the line between reality and fantasy thinned.

Until…

Until he turned those nightmares into daydreams. Blossoming, vibrant colours appeared where you’d perceived greys before. Somehow, you fell apart a lot less when Yoongi spent his time with you, taught you to love again.

You became less terrified by dreams then, because the content changed. And whenever you weren’t dreaming, away from sleep, you experienced the utopia you’d always sought.

The day Yoongi first told you he loved you, you’d long defeated the semester you’d so worried about; started and survived the one after; and were now already tackling your very last one.

Even after all these months, you never let him forget how grateful you were for passing the last summer semester eventually, and in return, he never let you forget that he’d stay even after.

You didn’t study all the time anymore either; now, your afternoons and nights were filled with gentle words, promising embraces, lips against lips. It took some time to truly open up. To stop feeling like you were making a mistake.

“Doing yourself to him,” you called it, as if you were about to hurl him into his very own mistake.

Even then, you wanted to get better for him; you knew it hadn’t and wouldn’t happen overnight. All of it was much easier said than done; healing sounds so doable for those who attempt to support those who need it, yet they cannot grasp the meaning of a broken heart and scared mind.

But there was something so wonderful about the simplicity between Yoongi and you. So simple that it called forth feelings so complex. 

They were tough to navigate, but never tough to admit.

That March night, the sentiments roamed your body the clearest, even though the skies were anything but that. The thunder sounded like the universe had cracked; the white and silver of the striking lightning illuminated your room.

It was the night you felt hope in all its glory, for the very first time in years.

“You keep hiding from me,” Yoongi said, legs crossed like yours, sitting vis-a-vis.

He was close enough for your knees to collide, and when they did for the umpteenth time, he put a careful hand on your fingers resting on your thigh. You didn’t protest, so he didn’t withdraw.

“I’m not hiding from you. I just…” you stalled, “I just want you to be sure.”

“About you?”

If it had been this easy, you wouldn’t have asked. Because you knew the answer to this. Yoongi didn’t need to explain it to you; he was already certain about you to an indisputable degree.

You shook your head. Elaborated, “About everything. I don’t just come with the few good times we had the last couple of weeks. I come with… everything I’ve ever experienced and that shaped me into this.” You gestured over yourself. “You’d notice soon.”

“I already do.”

His answers and arguments came promptly, as if he knew the script to this talk and had already thought out every response he’d be giving. This was so effortless to him; thinking about it today, you wouldn’t even have needed to say a word.

But it was important to you. You couldn’t permit him to grow this attached without making sure.

“You just take it, do you? All that I am,” you concluded delicately; wanting to inform him, but so terrified of scaring him away. “But if you fall for me, then you’re committing. And I want you to think about it because I don’t— I don’t want to ruin your life.”

When he spoke again, he seemed to finally deviate from the script he knew; because confused, he asked, “If?”

“What?”

“What do you mean, if I fall for you?”

Oh… oh.

You understood. It didn’t take the tiniest of nanoseconds for you to fathom what he meant. And you could’ve sobbed right there and then, but the storm distracted you a little; the thunder was growling, threatening to explode again.

Somehow, the chaos outside kept you at bay. But only for so long.

“…Yoongi.”

His fingers moved from yours to your entire palm, taking it in his with a whisper of your name. Then, he clarified, “The possibility of something happening is redundant if it’s already happened, you know? And I’m…”

You held your breath, but at the same time, you were nearly panting. Maybe one first, then the other? You can’t remember anymore. You felt dizzy. Teary-eyed and joyful at once when you saw him at a loss of words.

“You’re?” you encouraged.

“I’m just so… feet deep underwater and in love with you that you couldn’t stop me if you wanted to.”

“I—”

“I love you. You know I do.”

Fuck… fuck, you knew.

Of course you knew.

Your heart was vile at times, cooperating with this demon of a brain and feeding you wrong information. But this, you knew. You fought through the congested mess of thoughts and admitted this to yourself every day.

Isn’t this why you were having this conversation in the first place?

But to hear him say it…

I love you.

You know I do.

“Even if you try to deny it,” he continued, “you know I love you and that I’ll keep doing it.”

This is when your waterline gave up; lined with the liquid you’d always held back. But why? There was no reason to. You felt at peace; Yoongi knew your heart. There was no use in keeping you closed off anymore.

So you cried. Let the first tear roll that he caught with his hand, holding your face so firmly that you thought it was the only thing keeping your head upright. Optimistic.

“There’s… there’s a chance that I start doubting you,” you contended for whatever stupid reason, sniffling, “that I doubt myself and then regret pulling you down with me and— there’s a chance I forget that you’ll keep loving me, no matter what, you know—”

“I’ll keep reminding you.”

“I’m a handful.”

“My hands are big enough, baby.”

The endearment didn’t slip past you, but instead made your beating organ swell. You don’t think you’d ever heard your pulse pounding in your eardrums this loudly. And he kept inching closer; his forehead nearly touched yours until it did.

“Can you love me even if I fall, Yoongi?”

“I’ll pick you up. You know that.”

“…What if you feel like you’re not good enough?”

Stop asking questions. Stop stop stop.

But he kept answering.

“Remember what you told me a couple days ago?” Yoongi asked, his voice quiet, drowning in the storm. “That it’d been long since you’d felt happy like this.”

“I do right now… I just…”

“Yeah, and I— I think. If I’m able to stay by your side and make you smile anyhow? Then I think this… we… are good enough.”

That’s it. Your throat was dry, your mind out of questions. You could renounce doubts if he didn’t have any either. He seemed convinced enough; so you admitted your own convictions to him, too.

“I’m… I love you, too. I love you, I fucking do.”

Your last word was cut, merely a breath. Swallowed when you leaned in and kissed him, pulling him back with you onto the bed. Yoongi landed on top of you, draping the two of you under the thin, floral blanket.

The early spring rain tapped your window softly before the gentle noise turned into more aggressive knocking and hammering. This very storm they’d announced was the reason Yoongi had stayed tonight.

That’s what he’d told you at least; in truth, it was an excuse.

Before today, you rarely spent your nights together.

Whenever you did, he allowed you your space in order to not overwhelm you. He knew you were cautious, slow, took your time to trust. He’d sleep on the couch or crawl back to you when you approached him in the dead of the night.

Touching his elbow gently, shaking him awake, telling him so sweetly that it drove him insane, “I don’t want to be alone.”

So he’d cuddle in when you sought out his arms, dozing so peacefully. It delighted him because whenever he didn’t slumber next to you, he’d hear you from the other room. Woefully moaning in your sleep, as if crying, turning.

He never saw or heard any of that when you leaned into his embrace, held onto his shirt. Never did anything more than sleep; he was content with that.

But tonight was different, less chaste than that — and he was content with that, too. 

You said you’d wanted to talk. And you had. You’d trembled through the conversation, heart combusting in your chest like it wasn’t part of you anymore, that treacherous thing with its own, stupid will.

But it thumped differently now when he kissed you like this. You felt the change so clearly when he held you, pushing you into the mattress; stripping you naked bit by bit; asking over and over again if you were okay, if he should stop.

You lived differently, too, when he pecked your bare skin, up and down, from head to toe, to and fro. His tongue explored your waist and your thighs and the wetness between your quivering legs.

And you loved differently when he immersed himself in you. Sighing and moaning against you as his tongue lapped you up. You felt the chills everywhere. Felt your shoulders rise, your hand in his long hair, the oxygen running out.

You’d nearly forgotten how such a moment felt — then again, you’d never experienced it like this before. You could barely breathe, and for the first time, you loved it. For the first time, it wasn’t your usual reason.

But the picture of the man over you pumping himself, covering his cock in the condom you’d bought weeks ago, just in case. Back when he started hanging around at your place. He was surprised about your preparation; was delighted about it, too.

And God… God, when he kissed you, sheathing himself in you, every inch connected with every piece of you. Souls and hearts and bodies merging. Moving in and out slowly, then a little quicker, cradling your face and kissing your neck.

Between all that, he kept asking if you were doing okay, and you said you’d never felt better. And the best part was that you fucking meant it and that’s when you knew—

That Yoongi warmed your coldest, most frigid spots. Helped you find a sense of heat that you’d long forgotten, that not even summer could ever bring back. The spring was right inside you, in the middle of your chest despite the rain.

But at the same time, somewhere next to it, he was there, too, becoming the storm that raged outside.

All at once, you remembered again. Even if you might forget in your worst times; even if he’d really need to remind you again.

You remembered that you could be loved, and that you were deserving of love.

You remembered that love towards somebody is often subjective and it’s not entirely up to you who feels it for you, and that only because somebody else was unable to give it to you the right way… it doesn’t mean everyone would act the same.

Yoongi was the spring and the storm; the rainbow you saw the next morning as the sky cleared.

Your mother used to struggle with migraines. Back then, you’d see her tied to the bed for half a day, struggling to get up, sleeping for a couple hours after swallowing her sumatriptan.

The evening or the morning after, you’d ask her how she was doing, and she’d say the headache was gone, but that some of the pressure still lingered. She’d feel it in the heaviness of her head, like it was falling against her clavicles.

Back then, you were too young to understand; you still don’t suffer migraines, knock on wood. But you somehow get what she meant — you guess the same applies to any other part of your body.

Like the soul.

They say a body becomes lighter after death since the soul leaves; and the morning after bawling in Yoongi’s arms, you feel the opposite. Like your grief makes you weigh more than during your good days.

Like you’re heavier than a month ago, without gaining a single kilogram.

But at least that means you’re alive. A soul intact.

And, just like your mother’s medicine, the night alleviated at least some of your pain. Maybe it was the conversation with Yoongi. Maybe the reassurance that he didn’t perceive you as the task you thought you might be.

Many years ago, you refused to seek help in others; be it loved ones, a partner or a therapist. Yoongi taught you to own who you were and to admit the problems you faced; that they were as valid as anything else.

Living with him and loving him this profoundly showed you that it’s okay to confide in someone. That someone will care. But it also taught you that ultimately, nobody is responsible for your well-being as much as you are.

That to heal, you need to accept yourself. That to accept yourself, you need to acknowledge the issues you face.

And for that, you need to be ready to combat your demons, understand that they can be fought.

You’ve always known that. In that sense, it isn’t true that you’re fully dependent on Yoongi. You know deep down that you’ll be the one pulling you out of this.

But…

It’s never bad for someone to initiate that thought process, is it? Even when it’s you emerging from the grave you dug for yourself; it’s okay to grab the hand as the earth breaks, pulling you out of the dirt and darkness.

Yoongi is the rope helping you out; but you’re the one to walk on once the endless well ends and you spot the daylight. You can rely on him. You can rely on yourself.

You’ll be okay… you’ll be okay.

“Ready?” Yoongi asks as you slip into your shoes. You look up, and nod, your smile soft. “Just a few more days, right?”

Right. 

You’ll live day by day. Survive the hours, strive towards a better future. Count your blessings, find things to look forward to. It’s alright to fall sometimes, and whenever you do, you’ll remember you’re not alone.

That you’ll get up eventually. You hold onto this.

And onto those few last days until vacation calls. You booked it so long ago; it can be that one thing to grasp, to look forward to, right?

And… you laugh. Because you remember Yoongi telling you to get your nails done, that he’d even go with you. “But do not forget, because blue suits Greece and I’d love to see the colour on you.”

You act like you don’t know what his plea means. You act like you don’t know how much he loves you. How this very approaching plan of his proves that he couldn’t even let go of you if you gave him another reason to.

Isn’t this enough to understand that he never feels guilty of loving you?

Why are you so afraid…

Because.

Yoongi never viewed your pain as something you had control over or something you caused; whoever hurt you is at fault, not you. And Yoongi knows that; knows that you matter, with your past and present and future, however cruel they might be.

But despite the fact that your past made you who you are, and that your future will determine how you’ll further turn out to be, Yoongi always preaches to focus on the controllable.

We won’t ever be able to manage the future entirely; maybe you won’t even ever be faced with the fears you harbour, you know? The past is the past, the present is the present and the future is the future. They will torment us if we put too much meaning in them.

I know it’s hard. But it’ll be alright. One day, it will be — you’re okay.

It has to be…

You’ll be okay. You’re okay.

The weather might change at warp speed — but soon, it’ll be sunny again.

i know i said it's okay if you skip this one, but if you're reading this, you might not have, and i'm thankful for that <3 i needed these feelings out of my system, so it felt very cathartic to me. maybe it helped you a little, too? i hope so, at least – things will be okay 🤍

what do you think? since you're here, i'd love to know how you feel about this piece 💕

[beewithknee]

of dysphoria and euphoria

redactober !

trans elliott/sunshine hurt/comfort

As soon as Elliott woke up, he could tell that something was wrong. There was an odd pain in his stomach and his thighs were suspiciously warm. Throwing back the covers, the sight he was met with was one that the dreamwalker had hoped never to re-live.

Blood.

Sure enough, Elliott's boxers and sheets were stained with the red liquid.

The normally happy man's lip quivered at the very blunt reminder that he, in fact, was not a real guy. Tears built up in his eyes as he ran to the shower.

Honestly, he couldn’t stand showering unnecessarily, having to look in the mirror usually wasn't something he could face. Having his powers also made things difficult; shifting into dreams allowed him to adapt his form to that of a cisgender man.

Waking up afterwards though...

It left his chest hollow and aching at the reminder of the incorrect areas lining his body.

Water poured from the shower head as Elliott stripped, purposefully avoiding the mirror. He carefully stepped in, bracing his hand against the cold tile. He couldn't hold it in any longer as he slid to the floor, knees to chest and sobbed into his legs. He used to be so much better at dealing with his… period.

But after starting testosterone, he hadn't gotten one in over 2 years. Elliott's eyes drifted down to his chest as another wave of tears fell over him.

This wasn’t him. His body wasn't right. Nothing fit like it was meant to. 

He loathed that he had been forced into a state that caused him so much pain. He hated being abnormal.

There were only a few people that knew about his transition and only a small percentage of them actually accepted him for it. One person Elliott knew he could rely on was his Sunshine. God, they had saved his life.

When Elliott had asked them out and Sunshine said yes, he swore his heart stopped dead in his chest for a moment. 

Thoughts of his partner swam around his mind and succeeded in cheering him up a touch, before he remembered that he didn't have any of the sanitary products he needed. 

The dreamwalker logically knew that his partner would do anything to help, wouldn't judge. But the thought of having to admit that he needed such feminine products was suffocating. Standing up, he stuck his head under the spray and cranked up the heat.

The hurting man allowed the water to wash away his thoughts for a while. After he deemed himself clean enough and actually ready to face the world, he jumped out, stuffing tissues into his boxers and making a mad dash to the bedroom.

There he sat, phone in hand, trying to sum up the courage to actually press the button.

His hands shook violently as he did. "Hey Elliott." He could hear the smile in their voice.

"Hi Sunshine," he whispered back. Tears pricked his eyes and he angrily clenched them shut. 

"What's up?"

"Can you..." he trailed off, pausing. His heart was thundering in his chest. With a tight throat, he tried again. "Can you bring me some pads on your way home?"

They paused for a moment, "Of course, Eli. Do you need a new heating pad or ibuprofen?" Bless his Sunshine. He sniffled slightly, lip quivering from anxiety and relief.

"No, I just need the pads... and you." Elliott wasn't used to feeling the overwhelming nerves running through his system, but the thought of his partner being disgusted by him was nearly too much. 

The lovers exchanged goodbyes, and Elliott was left staring at the floor of their bedroom for many minutes. 

A knock broke his trance, "Yeah?"

"I'm home, baby. I've got your stuff."

He sighed in relief, "Thanks Sunshine." He paused in front of them, placing a kiss to their lips. He'd never get tired of kissing them. 

Quickly changing, Elliott hurried through the motions. Nausea built in his stomach as he did. 

He stumbled back into their bedroom. Looking up, he stopped dead. 

Sunshine had built him a little nest of snacks, blankets and soft things. "I know you said you didn't want anything, but I couldn't help myself. I hope it's not too much." They explained sheepishly, cheeks lightly dusted pink as they looked around the space. 

Elliott flung himself onto the bed and into the nest, collecting them into his arms. "Nothing you do is ever too much. Thank you Sunshine. This means so much." He promised, kissing them hard to prove his words. They giggled into his mouth, hands coming up to run through his damp hair. 

"Alright, settle down. Get comfy cause we're not moving 'til dinner." They grinned, arms outstretched. He shuffled into their embrace, face nuzzling into the side of their neck. His lower stomach was wrapped in a heating pad and their warm palms danced over his aching back. 

He sighed heavily, the exhaustion of anxiety finally hitting him. "Do you need anything else, Eli?" They whispered, lips placing a kiss to the top of his head. 

"Just you." He whispered back. His arms tightened around their middle. 

He was sickeningly in love with his Sunshine. With the one person who never made him feel less-than worthy. Who never questioned his feelings, only offering comfort as best they could. 

"I love you."

"I love you too, pretty boy." 

He smiled sleepily, limbs growing heavier with every pass of their hand down his back. The pain and discomfort was still very much present, but maybe, just maybe, he could find solace in his lovers arms for a while.

[iconicofficeblog]

Creative Concepts: Designing Office Carpets for Success in Dubai

The Future of Office Flooring: Innovations and Sustainability in Dubai

In Dubai, the future of office flooring is taking a leap into the realm of innovation and sustainability, especially in the context of office carpet in Dubai. From smart flooring technology to eco-friendly materials and modular designs, the landscape of office floors is evolving to meet the demands of modern workplaces. Let's dive into these exciting trends and explore how they can revolutionize office spaces while aligning with Dubai's sustainability goals.

Smart Flooring Technology: Enhancing Efficiency and Comfort

Imagine walking into an office where the floor adapts to your needs - that's the promise of smart flooring technology. These futuristic floors are equipped with sensors and actuators that adjust lighting, temperature, and even acoustic properties based on occupancy and usage patterns. In Dubai's dynamic business environment, smart flooring can enhance energy efficiency, create personalized work environments, and contribute to a more comfortable workspace for employees.

Sustainable Materials: A Greener Approach to Office Design

Dubai is embracing sustainable practices, and office flooring is no exception. Companies are turning to eco-friendly materials such as recycled carpets, bamboo flooring, and reclaimed wood to reduce environmental impact. These sustainable options not only support Dubai's sustainability goals but also contribute to healthier indoor air quality and a more eco-conscious workplace culture.

Modular Designs: Flexibility and Adaptability

Flexibility is key in modern office design, and modular flooring offers the perfect solution. With modular designs, offices can easily reconfigure spaces, accommodate technology integration, and adapt to changing business needs. In Dubai, where businesses thrive on innovation and agility, modular flooring provides the flexibility to create dynamic work environments that foster creativity and collaboration.

Energy Efficiency: Reducing Carbon Footprints

Dubai aims to be a global leader in sustainability, and energy-efficient office flooring in Dubai plays a crucial role in achieving this vision. LED-integrated floors, energy-capturing tiles, and passive heating/cooling systems are just some examples of how innovative flooring solutions can contribute to reduced energy consumption and lower carbon footprints in office buildings across the city.

Promoting Well-being: Creating Healthy Workspaces

The link between workspace design and employee well-being is well recognized, and office flooring plays a significant part in creating healthy work environments. In Dubai, companies are prioritizing flooring solutions that promote ergonomic comfort, reduce noise pollution, and enhance air quality. By investing in employee well-being through innovative flooring choices, businesses in Dubai are fostering happier, more productive teams.

Case Studies: Inspiring Examples of Innovation

Let's take a look at some real-world examples of companies in Dubai that are leading the way with cutting-edge flooring solutions:

XYZ Corporation's Smart Flooring Integration XYZ Corporation, a tech-forward company in Dubai, recently implemented smart flooring technology in their new office space. The floors automatically adjust lighting and temperature based on occupancy, leading to significant energy savings and improved employee comfort.

Greentech Industries' Sustainable Flooring Initiative Greentech Industries, a sustainability-focused firm, opted for recycled carpet tiles and bamboo flooring in their Dubai office. This eco-friendly approach not only aligns with their values but also inspires their employees to embrace sustainability in their daily lives.

InnovateX's Modular Flooring System InnovateX, a start-up incubator, chose a modular flooring system for their office in Dubai. This design allows them to easily reconfigure spaces for different projects and accommodate rapid growth without major renovations, showcasing the flexibility of modular flooring solutions.

The future of office flooring in Dubai is bright with innovation and sustainability at its core. From smart technologies that enhance efficiency to sustainable materials that promote eco-consciousness, the possibilities are endless. By adopting these cutting-edge solutions, businesses in Dubai can create inspiring workspaces that prioritize both productivity and planet Earth. Let's step into the future of office flooring together!

[townhousetherapy]

Wood Stripping

We are beginning our next project in a neighboring building on Putnam Ave In Bed Stuy. This is a 1890's Renaissance Revival home a much smaller floor plate than our previous projects but a very exciting amount of original detail and great bones. While we await plan filings we are have begun the laborious and very messy project of stripping the woodwork.

There are more than 10 coats of paint varnish on much of the woodwork, Stripping detailed woodwork can be while almost as costly as updating electrical. or plumbing systems, but it is crucial to maintaining the traditional beauty and enhancing the value of the home.

There are various products and each paint stripping specialist seems to prefer. Unfortunately many of the more effective products have toxic fumes and are found only in small hardware stores bought only via code word. Each. wood stripping specialist has their preferred material. Citrus Peel can get the job done but with exhaustive effort. Peel Away is still a favorite for many. Others prefer to remove the paint with heat guns which can leave scorch marks on wood if not done very carefully.

We began stripping wood on site. in areas. where the wood and marble aren't moving. We will soon be taking off most of the doors and molding and stripping the rest off site, which will a fraction of the cost of stripping the work site work.

Will post photos as we go along.

#townhousetherapy#townhouse#brownstone#renovation#realestate#nyc#restoration#hudsonvalley#historic#townhouses#architecture#nycarchitecture#newhouse#interiors#preservation#constructionwomen#fixerupper#bedstuy#tiles#kitchendesign#kitchenremodel#interiordesign#cabinets#benjaminmoore#paint

[onestopflooring]

The Advantages of Waterproof Wood Flooring for Busy Households

The Advantages of Waterproof Wood Flooring for Busy Households

Waterproof wood flooring offers significant benefits for households with high foot traffic, kids, and pets, making it an excellent choice for busy families. Here are some of the key advantages:

1. Durability Against Spills and Moisture

In households where spills, splashes, and accidents are frequent, waterproof wood flooring ensures long-lasting performance. Traditional wood floors are prone to water damage, warping, or staining when exposed to moisture, but waterproof options—such as engineered wood or waterproof laminate—provide resistance to liquids. This makes them perfect for areas like kitchens, bathrooms, or entryways, where moisture is a constant concern. Busy households no longer need to worry about costly repairs or replacements due to water damage.

2. Low Maintenance

With waterproof wood flooring, cleaning becomes hassle-free. Unlike carpets or traditional wood floors that require careful maintenance, waterproof floors can be easily wiped clean with a mop or damp cloth. This is particularly beneficial for households with children or pets, where spills, dirt, and pet accidents can occur regularly. The ease of cleaning also makes it a more hygienic option, reducing allergens, dust, and bacteria.

3. Long-Term Durability

Busy households demand flooring that can withstand wear and tear. Waterproof wood flooring is designed to be highly durable, often featuring scratch-resistant surfaces that protect against daily foot traffic, furniture movement, and pet claws. With its ability to maintain its appearance even in high-traffic areas, waterproof wood flooring offers long-term value.

4. Versatile Aesthetic Appeal

Waterproof wood flooring is available in various styles, colors, and finishes, allowing households to achieve the aesthetic appeal of traditional hardwood without compromising practicality. Whether you prefer the look of oak, walnut, or exotic hardwood species, you can enjoy the natural beauty of wood in moisture-prone areas without the risk of damage. This makes it a perfect solution for creating cohesive interior designs throughout the home, from living rooms to kitchens and bathrooms.

5. Comfort and Warmth

Waterproof wood flooring provides the warmth and comfort that many families seek in a home. Unlike cold, hard surfaces such as tiles, wood retains a more comfortable temperature underfoot, making it ideal for homes with small children who play on the floor or for households that prefer walking barefoot. Some waterproof wood flooring options also support underfloor heating systems, offering additional comfort in colder climates.

6. Cost-Effectiveness

In the long run, waterproof wood flooring can be a more cost-effective solution compared to standard wood floors. By preventing costly water damage repairs, refinishing, or replacements, waterproof flooring minimizes long-term maintenance expenses. Additionally, many waterproof wood flooring options are designed to mimic the appearance of expensive hardwood, providing an affordable alternative without compromising on style.

7. Pet-Friendly Solution

For homes with pets, waterproof wood flooring is a practical solution. Pets can bring moisture, mud, and scratches into the home, and accidents can lead to permanent stains on traditional wood floors. Waterproof wood flooring provides a surface that can handle pet messes and dirt, making it easier to maintain cleanliness. The scratch-resistant finish of these floors also ensures that claws won't easily cause damage, preserving the floor’s appearance.

8. Eco-Friendly Options

Many waterproof wood flooring products are manufactured with sustainability in mind, using eco-friendly materials such as bamboo or engineered wood sourced from responsibly managed forests. This means that families can choose flooring that not only suits their practical needs but also aligns with environmental consciousness. Some waterproof options, like cork flooring, are renewable and biodegradable, adding an additional layer of eco-friendliness.

9. Easy Installation

Waterproof wood flooring is often designed with easy installation methods, such as click-and-lock systems. This feature makes it a popular choice for DIY homeowners or those who want a quick, cost-effective installation. With minimal effort, you can have new floors installed in high-moisture areas, allowing you to quickly upgrade your home without professional help.

10. Resale Value

Homes equipped with waterproof wood flooring tend to have increased appeal to potential buyers. The combination of durability, style, and moisture resistance adds to the overall value of the home, making it an attractive feature during resale. Buyers often look for low-maintenance, long-lasting flooring options, and waterproof wood floors offer just that.

Conclusion

Waterproof wood flooring is a game-changer for busy households. It provides the beauty and warmth of traditional hardwood while offering practical benefits like water resistance, low maintenance, and durability. From kitchens to bathrooms and high-traffic areas, waterproof wood floors are designed to withstand the demands of active family life, ensuring longevity and ease of care. Whether you have kids, pets, or simply want a hassle-free flooring solution, waterproof wood flooring offers a perfect balance of function and style.

[curtainsdubai21612]

Laminate Flooring: A Stylish and Affordable Choice

Laminate flooring is a popular choice for homeowners and businesses looking for a cost-effective, durable, and stylish flooring solution. It offers the appearance of hardwood or stone at a fraction of the cost, while also being easy to install and maintain. This article will explore the benefits of laminate flooring, address common user queries, and explain why it’s an excellent option for any space.

What Is Laminate Flooring?

Laminate Flooring is a multi-layer synthetic product designed to mimic the look of natural materials such as wood or stone. It consists of four main layers:

Wear Layer: A transparent, protective surface that resists scratches, stains, and fading.

Design Layer: A printed image layer that replicates the look of real wood, stone, or tile.

Core Layer: Made from high-density fiberboard (HDF), this layer provides stability and durability.

Backing Layer: A moisture-resistant base that protects the floor from warping and prevents moisture from seeping through.

This construction makes laminate flooring both aesthetically pleasing and highly resilient, ideal for high-traffic areas in homes and offices.

Benefits of Laminate Flooring

Affordability: One of the primary reasons people choose laminate flooring is its cost-effectiveness. It offers the look of hardwood or stone without the high price tag, making it a great option for budget-conscious homeowners.

Durability: Laminate flooring is built to withstand heavy foot traffic, making it perfect for busy households, commercial spaces, and areas prone to wear and tear. The wear layer protects the surface from scratches, dents, and fading caused by sunlight.

Easy Installation: Laminate flooring features a click-lock installation system, which allows the planks to easily snap together. This makes it a popular DIY project for homeowners. It can be installed over existing flooring, reducing the time and effort involved in renovation projects.

Low Maintenance: Cleaning and maintaining laminate flooring is simple. Regular sweeping or vacuuming, along with occasional mopping, keeps it looking pristine. The protective wear layer ensures that stains and spills are easy to clean, making it a practical choice for families with children or pets.

Variety of Designs: Laminate flooring is available in a wide range of designs, colors, and textures, giving you the flexibility to match any interior style. Whether you prefer the rustic charm of oak, the elegance of marble, or the modern feel of concrete, laminate flooring offers endless design possibilities.

Common Queries About Laminate Flooring

Is Laminate Flooring Waterproof? While laminate flooring is water-resistant, it is not entirely waterproof. Spills should be cleaned up promptly to prevent damage to the core layer. For areas prone to moisture, such as bathrooms or basements, it’s recommended to opt for waterproof laminate or other waterproof flooring options.

How Long Does Laminate Flooring Last? The lifespan of laminate flooring can vary depending on the quality of the product and the level of foot traffic. On average, laminate flooring lasts 15–25 years with proper care. Higher-end products may come with warranties of up to 30 years, giving you added peace of mind.

Can Laminate Flooring Be Installed Over Radiant Heating? Yes, many laminate flooring products are compatible with radiant heating systems. However, it’s essential to check the manufacturer’s guidelines to ensure proper installation and avoid damaging the flooring or heating system.

Is Laminate Flooring Environmentally Friendly? Laminate flooring is considered more eco-friendly than hardwood flooring, as it requires fewer natural resources to produce. Additionally, many laminate products are made from recycled materials, reducing their environmental impact.

Can Laminate Flooring Be Repaired? While laminate flooring is durable, it can still be damaged by heavy impacts or sharp objects. Small scratches or chips can be repaired using special laminate repair kits. However, for significant damage, individual planks may need to be replaced.

How to Choose the Right Laminate Flooring

When selecting laminate flooring, consider the following factors to ensure it meets your needs:

Thickness: Thicker laminate planks (8mm or more) offer better durability and comfort underfoot. They also provide better sound insulation.

AC Rating: The Abrasion Criteria (AC) rating measures the durability of laminate flooring. For residential use, an AC rating of 3 or 4 is ideal. For commercial spaces, look for an AC rating of 5 for maximum durability.

Design and Texture: Choose a design that complements your home’s aesthetic. Some laminate floors feature embossed textures that closely mimic the feel of real wood or stone.

Underlayment: Some laminate flooring comes with a built-in underlayment, while others require a separate underlayment for sound insulation and moisture protection.

Conclusion

Laminate flooring is an excellent choice for homeowners and businesses seeking a stylish, durable, and affordable flooring solution. With its wide variety of designs, ease of installation, and low maintenance requirements, laminate flooring is perfect for any room in the house or office. Whether you’re renovating a high-traffic area or simply looking to upgrade your flooring, laminate offers the perfect blend of beauty and practicality.

[interiordesigner4321]

Top Renovation Ideas with Karst Galleria.

Revamp your space with Karst Galleria’s top renovation ideas. Our expert team is dedicated to turning your vision into reality, providing stylish and functional solutions. Here are some innovative renovation ideas to elevate your home:

1. Elegant Kitchen Renovation

Custom Cabinets and Countertops: Upgrade to high-end materials like quartz or marble for a sleek, modern look.

Smart Appliances: Integrate smart appliances for convenience and efficiency.

Open-Concept Design: Expand your kitchen layout to create a seamless flow into dining and living areas.

2. Spa-Like Bathroom Upgrade

Luxurious Fixtures: Install high-quality fixtures such as rainfall showerheads and freestanding bathtubs.

Premium Tiles: Use stylish tiles for floors and walls to add a touch of sophistication.

Modern Vanities: Opt for custom vanities with ample storage and elegant finishes.

3. Stylish Living Room Makeover

Feature Wall: Enhance your living room with a statement wall using textured wallpaper or bold paint.

Contemporary Furniture: Choose modern furniture pieces that complement your interior style.

Ambient Lighting: Add layered lighting options to create a warm and inviting ambiance.

4. Functional Home Office Design

Ergonomic Furniture: Invest in comfortable, ergonomic furniture to boost productivity.

Custom Storage: Incorporate built-in shelves and cabinets to keep your workspace organized.

Inspirational Decor: Design the office with colors and decor that foster creativity and focus.

5. Luxurious Bedroom Transformation

Statement Headboard: Choose a dramatic headboard to make a bold design statement.

High-Quality Bedding: Invest in luxurious bedding and pillows for enhanced comfort.

Built-In Closets: Maximize storage with custom-built closets tailored to your needs.

6. Inviting Outdoor Space

Deck or Patio: Create a stylish outdoor area with a deck or patio for relaxation and entertaining.

Professional Landscaping: Enhance your garden with thoughtfully designed landscaping, including plants and lighting.

Outdoor Kitchen: Install an outdoor kitchen or barbecue area to elevate your outdoor gatherings.

7. Versatile Basement Renovation

Entertainment Zone: Transform your basement into a home theater or game room with comfortable seating and entertainment systems.

Guest Suite: Create a cozy guest suite with a bedroom and bathroom for visitors.

Additional Storage: Incorporate built-in storage solutions to keep your basement organized.

8. Energy-Efficient Enhancements

Improved Insulation: Upgrade insulation to increase energy efficiency and comfort.

New Windows and Doors: Install energy-efficient windows and doors to reduce energy costs.

Smart Thermostats: Implement smart thermostats for better control over heating and cooling.

Karst Galleria is dedicated to providing exceptional renovation services tailored to your needs. From elegant interiors to functional spaces, we ensure every detail is perfected. Contact us to start transforming your home with our expert renovation solutions.

[jamesvince9898]

Innovative Roofing and Wall Solutions by TECHOS PVC: High-Quality Techo PVC, Teja UPVC, and More

Introduction

When it comes to modern construction, having durable and aesthetically pleasing materials for roofs, walls, and flooring is crucial. At TECHOS PVC, POLICARBONATOS, TEJAS Y PAREDES, we specialize in providing top-of-the-line building materials that are designed to withstand the test of time while enhancing the appearance of your home or commercial property. From Techo PVC and Teja UPVC to Teja tipo sándwich, Piso SPC, and Policarbonato solutions, our diverse range of products caters to the needs of both homeowners and professionals in the construction industry.

Our mission is to offer high-quality, eco-friendly building materials that not only protect your property but also improve its overall value and appearance. With years of experience in the industry, we are committed to delivering solutions that combine innovation, durability, and style.

Techo PVC: A Durable and Stylish Roofing Solution

One of the standout products we offer is Techo PVC, a modern roofing material known for its durability, low maintenance, and sleek appearance. PVC roofs are ideal for various applications, from residential homes to commercial buildings. They offer excellent protection against harsh weather conditions, including UV rays, heavy rain, and high winds. Unlike traditional roofing materials, Techo PVC is resistant to corrosion, mold, and mildew, making it a long-lasting solution that requires minimal upkeep.

Another advantage of Techo PVC is its versatility. Available in a variety of colors and designs, it can complement any architectural style, giving your property a contemporary and polished look. In addition, PVC roofing is lightweight, which reduces the load on your building’s structure, making installation faster and more cost-effective. Whether you’re renovating your home or constructing a new building, Techo PVC is an excellent choice for those seeking a reliable and visually appealing roofing solution.

Teja UPVC: The Modern Alternative to Traditional Roof Tiles

If you’re looking for a roofing material that combines the classic look of traditional tiles with the benefits of modern technology, Teja UPVC is the perfect solution. UPVC (unplasticized polyvinyl chloride) tiles are a high-performance alternative to clay and concrete tiles, offering superior durability, insulation, and weather resistance. Designed to withstand extreme temperatures, heavy rainfall, and strong winds, Teja UPVC is an excellent choice for areas prone to severe weather conditions.

One of the key advantages of Teja UPVC is its ability to provide excellent thermal and sound insulation. This means that your home will remain cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter, helping you save on energy costs. Additionally, UPVC tiles are lightweight, which makes them easier and faster to install compared to traditional roofing materials.

At TECHOS PVC, we offer a wide range of Teja UPVC options in various colors and styles, allowing you to choose a design that best suits your aesthetic preferences and the overall look of your property. Whether you’re looking to enhance the curb appeal of your home or improve its energy efficiency, Teja UPVC offers a modern, durable, and cost-effective roofing solution.

Teja Tipo Sándwich: Superior Insulation and Durability

For those seeking a roofing solution that offers superior insulation and durability, Teja tipo sándwich is a highly effective choice. This innovative roofing material consists of two layers of metal with an insulating core in between, providing excellent thermal insulation and protection against external elements. Teja tipo sándwich is particularly popular in industrial and commercial applications, where energy efficiency and durability are essential.

One of the key benefits of Teja tipo sándwich is its ability to regulate indoor temperatures, reducing the need for heating and cooling systems and lowering energy consumption. Additionally, its robust structure offers excellent resistance to extreme weather conditions, including heavy winds, hail, and intense sunlight. The insulating core also helps reduce noise pollution, making it ideal for buildings located in noisy areas or industrial zones.

At TECHOS PVC, we offer Teja tipo sándwich in a variety of designs and finishes, allowing you to choose a roofing system that not only performs well but also complements the aesthetic of your building. Whether you’re working on a residential project or a large commercial development, Teja tipo sándwich provides a reliable and long-lasting roofing solution.

Piso SPC: High-Performance Flooring for Every Space

In addition to roofing materials, we also specialize in flooring solutions, including Piso SPC (Stone Plastic Composite). SPC flooring is a highly durable and waterproof option that is perfect for both residential and commercial spaces. Made from a combination of limestone and PVC, Piso SPC offers the look of natural wood or stone while being far more resistant to wear and tear.

Piso SPC is ideal for high-traffic areas such as kitchens, bathrooms, and commercial spaces due to its water resistance and ability to withstand heavy use. Its rigid core provides excellent stability, and its multi-layer construction ensures that it will not warp or crack, even in areas with fluctuating temperatures and humidity levels.

One of the standout features of Piso SPC is its easy installation process. It can be installed over most existing floors without the need for adhesives, nails, or staples, making it a quick and convenient solution for both new construction and renovation projects. Additionally, SPC flooring is available in a wide range of styles, colors, and textures, allowing you to create the perfect look for your space.

Policarbonato: Versatile and Impact-Resistant Solutions for Roofs and Walls

Policarbonato is another highly versatile material offered by TECHOS PVC, ideal for roofing, wall cladding, and various other applications. Known for its transparency, light weight, and impact resistance, Policarbonato is a popular choice for conservatories, greenhouses, skylights, and commercial buildings that require natural light and protection.

Policarbonato panels are available in various thicknesses and finishes, making them suitable for a wide range of uses. Whether you need a translucent panel to allow sunlight into your space or a more opaque version for privacy and shading, Policarbonato offers a solution that balances light transmission with durability. Additionally, these panels are UV-resistant and can withstand extreme weather conditions, making them an excellent choice for outdoor structures.

At TECHOS PVC, we offer high-quality Policarbonato panels that are easy to install and maintain. They are perfect for both residential and commercial projects, providing a cost-effective and long-lasting alternative to traditional glass or other roofing and wall materials.

Why Choose TECHOS PVC?

Quality Materials: We are committed to providing only the highest quality materials for your roofing, wall, and flooring needs. Our products are designed to be durable, weather-resistant, and aesthetically pleasing.

Versatile Solutions: Whether you need roofing, flooring, or wall materials, we offer a wide range of products that can be customized to meet your specific needs.

Expert Guidance: Our team of experts is here to help you choose the right materials for your project, ensuring that you achieve the perfect balance of functionality and style.

Sustainable Options: Many of our products, including Techo PVC and Teja UPVC, are environmentally friendly, helping you reduce your carbon footprint while enhancing your property.

Conclusion

At TECHOS PVC, POLICARBONATOS, TEJAS Y PAREDES, we take pride in offering innovative, high-quality building materials that cater to the unique needs of each client. Whether you’re looking for durable roofing options like Techo PVC and Teja UPVC, energy-efficient solutions like Teja tipo sándwich, or stylish flooring options like Piso SPC, our wide range of products ensures that you’ll find the perfect solution for your project. Let us help you create a space that’s not only functional but also beautiful and built to last.

[truheatsystems]

Radiant floor heating The use of an ultra-thin Radiant Floor Heating System is rare. However, things are getting better with each technological advancement. Now, TruHeat Systems gives you multiple options to speed up your floor heating. How is this possible? It is easier with the installation of such heating metals under the tiles. The products are operational with 120V, 240V, or 24V. Order it today!

[tilethis]

Tile This Distribution: Your One-Stop Shop for High-Quality Heated Flooring Products

https://tilethis.com/product-category/floor-heat/ - Tile This Distribution is a family-owned business based in Burnsville, MN that offers everything you need to get your floor heating system up and running. We provide a selection of products from top-tier brands such as Suntouch and Nuheat, including cable kits, thermostat covers, thermostats, and more. Tile This Distribution is committed to ensuring that you get the best out of your radiant heated floors with quality and variety. Our heating systems are perfect for any room in your house, and we offer convenient product options at checkout to ensure that everything you order is a perfect match for your home. With competitive prices, a 24-hour processing time, and fast shipping, Tile This Distribution is the perfect choice for your heated flooring needs.

Tile This LLC 1436 Cliff Rd E, Burnsville Minnesota 55337 USA Phone: (952) 882-0436 E-mail:  jet@tilethis.com https://tilethis.com/  

[flooringhut]

A Guide to Stone Flooring

Introduction Stone is a natural product that has been used for flooring since the roman empire. Stone floors are celebrated for their beauty and durability. Traditionally used in kitchens, stone flooring can be used in other rooms in a home and in commercial spaces too. This article aims to explore the types of stone floors available, the benefits and drawbacks of stone, and how to maintain this natural flooring type.   Types of Stone Flooring - Marble: Marble is a luxurious stone that has beautiful veins running throughout it. Bear in mind that marble is porous (contrary to popular belief) and will need sealing to prevent staining. - Granite: Granite stone is very durable and resistant to stains, which makes it ideal for high traffic areas. Granite has a beautiful speckled design and can be used in both residential and commercial spaces. - Limestone: Limestone is softer than marble and granite, but has a warm tone. Limestone is porous so requires sealing and will need careful maintenance due to its softer nature. - Slate: Slate has rich and deep colours and has a textured surface, which prevents slips. Often used in kitchens and bathrooms, slate can a touch of sophistication to any space. - Travertine: Travertine flies in under the radar in the world of natural stone flooring, but this porous stone offers lovely warm colours and textures, which creates a rustic charm. This softer stone will require more careful maintenance. - Sandstone: Sandstone is a soft stone that offers warm, earthy tones and texture underfoot. Its softer nature means that it is not suited to high traffic areas and will require more careful maintenance.   Advantages of Stone Flooring - Durability: Stone is naturally a durable material. Some stones, such as marble and granite are more durable than softer stones, such as limestone and sandstone. When compared to other flooring types, stone floors tend to be more durable. - Aesthetics: Each stone tile is unique in terms of colours, texture and pattern. When arranged with other stone tiles, you can create a visually beautiful floor that is timeless, sophisticated and unique. - Increase Property Value: Installing stone flooring can actually raise the value of your property, usually by a value greater than the cost of the flooring itself. You could view installing stone floors in your property as a long-term investment. - Heat Conductivity: Stone is a thermally efficient material, which means that it can store and radiate heat well making it ideal for use with underfloor heating systems. - Hygienic: Stone floors do not harbour allergens, dirt, pollen or mould spores making it a hygienic flooring for any space.   Disadvantages of Stone Flooring - Cost: Stone flooring is quite expensive to purchase. Furthermore, stone is difficult to cut, so often requires a professional floor fitter to fit who will also charge a fee. Overall, this makes stone flooring one of the more expensive flooring options available when you consider the cost of materials and installation. - Weight: Stone is a heavy material, which means that you need to check the subfloor carefully to ensure that it is strong enough to support your stone flooring. This is particularly true for older buildings or installing stone in multi-storey structures. - Coldness: Stone can be cold to touch underfoot. This can be addressed by installing underfloor heating below the tiles. - Hardness: Stone is also hard underfoot, which means that it can be hard on joints. This is particularly true for elderly people and pets. - Staining: The porous nature of stone flooring means that it is susceptible to staining. This can be addressed by sealing your stone floor periodically. - Slippery: Some stone floors, such as polished marble and granite can be slippery when wet. However, other stones, such as limestone, sandstone and slate are textured and are therefore less slippery, even when wet.   Maintaining Stone Floors Different stone floors require different maintenance and cleaning routines. All stone floors benefit from a regular sweeping routine with the occasional mopping using a stone floor cleaner. Remember to use a damp, not dripping, mophead. The softer and more porous stone floors, such as sandstone and limestone will need periodic sealing to improve its stain-resistance and water-resistance properties. On the topic of stains, if a spillage occurs then quickly spot cleaning your stone floor. First, dab the stain dry, then clean the affected area using a stone floor cleaner. If a stone tile is damaged beyond repair, then you can replace the tile itself.   Conclusion There you have it – a guide to stone flooring. There are many different stone floors available (marble, granite, limestone, etc…), which have many advantages (durability, aesthetics, hygienic, etc…). However, there are some disadvantages associated with stone flooring to be aware of (cost, weight, coldness, etc…) and some maintenance requirements (sweeping, mopping, sealing, etc…). Ultimately, stone flooring is a fantastic natural flooring choice and we hope you enjoy your beautiful stone floor for years to come! Read the full article

[letonet]

Affordable and Reliable Electric Underfloor Heating by LETO

At Leto, we are thrilled to introduce you to an innovative solution that will redefine the way you experience warmth in your home—electric underfloor heating. Our cutting-edge system offers a remarkable way to create a consistently comfortable environment by utilizing advanced technology that ensures you never have to deal with the discomfort of cold floors again.

Enjoy Unmatched Warmth with Electric Underfloor Heating

Imagine stepping out of bed on a chilly morning and being greeted by the gentle warmth of your floors. Electric underfloor heating provides this luxury by using thin thermal elements installed beneath your flooring. These elements work to evenly distribute heat across the entire surface, creating a cozy and inviting atmosphere in every room of your home.

Unlike traditional heating systems that rely on bulky radiators or noisy heaters, our electric underfloor heating system operates discreetly and efficiently. The thermal elements are sleek and unobtrusive, making them ideal for both new installations and renovations. This system ensures that your entire living space benefits from a uniform heat distribution, eliminating cold spots and enhancing overall comfort.

Energy Efficiency and Easy Installation

One of the standout features of Leto’s electric underfloor heating is its exceptional energy efficiency. Traditional heating methods can lead to energy loss as heat escapes through walls and windows. In contrast, underfloor heating provides targeted warmth directly from the floor, minimizing energy waste and helping you save on heating costs. By maintaining a consistent temperature with less energy, our system also supports a more eco-friendly lifestyle.

Installation is straightforward and adaptable to various flooring types, including tiles, wood, laminate, and carpet. Our electric underfloor heating system is designed for easy integration into your home, whether you’re undertaking a major renovation or simply updating your existing setup. The thin thermal elements are installed beneath your flooring with minimal disruption, allowing you to enjoy the benefits of underfloor heating without compromising the look of your interior.

Why Choose Leto?

At Leto, we are dedicated to providing modern heating solutions that combine innovation, comfort, and efficiency. Our electric underfloor heating system is a testament to this commitment, offering a high-quality product that meets the latest standards in heating technology. By choosing Leto, you are investing in a system that not only enhances your home’s comfort but also contributes to a more sustainable and energy-efficient environment.

Our team of professionals is here to assist you every step of the way. From selecting the ideal system for your needs to ensuring a seamless installation, we are committed to delivering exceptional service and support. We take pride in our expertise and are dedicated to helping you achieve the perfect level of comfort in your home.

Transform Your Home with Leto’s Heating Solutions

Upgrade your living space with Leto’s electric underfloor heating and experience the ultimate in warmth and efficiency. Say goodbye to cold floors and embrace the luxury of consistent, energy-efficient heat. Visit Leto.net today to explore our range of modern heating solutions and discover how we can help you create a more comfortable and inviting home.

[rk21]

What are some eco-friendly office design ideas from an office room designer?

As businesses become increasingly aware of their environmental impact, eco-friendly office design has emerged as a significant trend. Office room designers are at the forefront of this movement, creating spaces that not only enhance productivity but also minimize environmental footprints. Here’s a look at some top eco-friendly office design ideas that office room designers are implementing to promote sustainability.

1. Sustainable Materials and Finishes

One of the first steps in eco-friendly office design is selecting sustainable materials. Office room designers prioritize materials that are recycled, rapidly renewable, or have low environmental impact. For instance, bamboo flooring, recycled glass tiles, and reclaimed wood are popular choices. Additionally, low-VOC (volatile organic compounds) paints and finishes are used to improve indoor air quality and reduce harmful emissions.

2. Energy-Efficient Lighting

Lighting plays a crucial role in office design, and choosing energy-efficient options is key to sustainability. Office room designers often recommend LED lighting, which uses significantly less energy and has a longer lifespan compared to traditional incandescent bulbs. Incorporating daylighting strategies, such as large windows and skylights, not only reduces reliance on artificial lighting but also enhances the workspace with natural light.

3. Green Building Certifications

Many office room designers aim for green building certifications, such as LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) or BREEAM (Building Research Establishment Environmental Assessment Method). These certifications provide guidelines for designing and constructing environmentally friendly buildings. Implementing features like energy-efficient HVAC systems, water-saving fixtures, and sustainable site development helps achieve these certifications and reflects a commitment to eco-friendly practices.

4. Indoor Air Quality Enhancements

Improving indoor air quality is another vital aspect of eco-friendly office design. Office room designers incorporate features such as advanced air filtration systems and plants known for their air-purifying properties. Indoor plants, such as snake plants and pothos, help absorb pollutants and enhance overall office ambiance, creating a healthier and more pleasant work environment.

5. Waste Reduction Strategies

Reducing waste is essential in eco-friendly office design. Office room designers implement recycling and composting programs within the workspace to minimize landfill contributions. They also promote the use of reusable materials, such as glass or metal water bottles, and encourage digital documentation to reduce paper consumption. Effective waste management systems contribute to a cleaner and more sustainable office environment.

6. Energy-Efficient HVAC Systems

An energy-efficient HVAC (heating, ventilation, and air conditioning) system is crucial for maintaining an eco-friendly office. Office room designers select systems that use less energy and are equipped with smart controls for optimal performance. Features such as programmable thermostats, energy recovery ventilators, and efficient insulation help reduce energy consumption and lower operating costs.

7. Eco-Friendly Furniture

Sustainable furniture choices are a significant component of eco-friendly office design. Office room designers choose furniture made from recycled or sustainably sourced materials. Ergonomic designs that promote comfort and durability also contribute to reducing the need for frequent replacements. Additionally, modular furniture options allow for easy reconfiguration, extending the lifespan of office furnishings.

8. Sustainable Landscaping

Eco-friendly office design extends beyond the interior to the surrounding landscape. Office room designers incorporate sustainable landscaping practices, such as using native plants that require minimal irrigation and maintenance. Green roofs and living walls can also enhance energy efficiency and provide natural insulation while contributing to biodiversity.

Conclusion

Eco-friendly office design is a crucial aspect of modern business practices, and office room designers are leading the charge in creating sustainable workspaces. By focusing on sustainable materials, energy-efficient lighting, green certifications, indoor air quality, waste reduction, efficient HVAC systems, eco-friendly furniture, and sustainable landscaping, designers help businesses reduce their environmental impact and foster a healthier, more productive work environment. Embracing these eco-friendly office design ideas not only benefits the planet but also enhances employee well-being and sets a positive example for corporate responsibility. One can achieve these by getting in touch with the renowned design and build firm such as Flipspaces, who can help you with the same.

[idigitizellp21]

Benefits of Copper in Modern Architecture

Copper is not just an elegant metal but also an exceptionally performing metal that makes it a premier material for architects, builders, and designers across the Middle East. From the skyscrapers of Dubai to the iconic landmarks of Riyadh, copper offers a unique combination of functionality topped with beauty and class. This is exactly what makes copper an ideal metal for various architectural applications in the region.

Why Choose Copper for Your Next Project in the Middle East?

Unmatched Durability: Copper is highly durable as well as resistant to corrosion, making it suitable for frequently used rooms/areas like the kitchen and bathroom. Additionally, it possesses the superpowers to withstand the damaging effects of sand, salt spray, and intense sunlight, copper facades and roofing systems endure for decades with minimal maintenance, reducing long-term costs for building owners.

Heat Resistant Qualities: Copper's exceptional thermal conductivity/power to withstand heat plays an essential role in energy efficiency. When the temperature in Dubai gets piping hot, copper roofing and walls help to transfer heat away from the structure's interior, reducing the dependencies on AC and on the other hand lowering energy consumption.

Ability to make your rooms brighter: Alongside durability and resistance to heat, copper has a hidden talent for lighting up the area with its reflective surface. It aids natural lighting and additionally reduces your need for additional light sources. It is most practical to invest in copper structures where natural light is limited, allowing you to create a well-lit and inviting atmosphere.

Perfect partnership for Damp places: Copper as a metal has Antifungal Properties making it a perfect fit for damp areas like bathrooms and basements. This exceptional quality makes it a beneficial choice for areas prone to moisture. This additionally improves the hygiene of these spaces, contributing to a healthier living environment. 

Enhances sound quality in the room: Copper is known for its acoustic properties, making it a fantastic choice for amplifying the sound quality in certain areas of your home/structure. For instance, copper tiles and panels can help improve the sound quality in a home theatre or music room by reducing unwanted echoes.

Copper - Beauty that gets beautiful with age: The only time you will be able to look down in Dubai is when you stand on the 124th or 125th floor of the Burj Khalifa. Or else, you are surrounded by elegant towers and beautiful tall structures that always make you look up. Copper's warm touch adds a unique blend of sophistication and strength to any modern architectural design. Over time, copper as a metal ages gracefully, complementing the modernisation of the Middle East.

Copper Solutions for Every Project Need by Online Fittings

At Online Fittings, we are your trusted metal supplier of high-quality brass and copper products if you are a construction company in the Middle East. We offer a comprehensive selection of brass and copper sheets, pipes, tubes, and other architectural elements to meet the specific requirements of your project.

Copper Sheets for Roofing & Cladding: Our wide range of copper sheets is ideal for creating stunning and long-lasting building envelopes.

Copper Pipe & Tubes for Plumbing: Our high-grade copper pipes and tubes ensure reliable and corrosion-resistant plumbing systems for both hot and cold water.

Custom Copper Solutions: We have the expertise to fabricate custom copper elements to complement your unique architectural vision.

Copper: A Powerful Yet Beautiful Metal 

By incorporating copper into your next project in Dubai, Saudi Arabia, Oman, or Kuwait, you'll be selecting a material that delivers exceptional performance and will suit modern architecture just too well. Contact Online Fittings today to discuss your copper requirements and explore how we can partner with you to bring your vision to life.

[floorinsite]

PADL Bathrooms expanding its offer using Schlüter-Systems

PADL’s bathroom installation at Schlüter-Systems’ gallery in Coalville 

An installer of high-end bathrooms and wetrooms for homeowners and leisure sector clients, who was also involved in fitting out the display areas within the recently opened extension to Schlüter-Systems’ premises in Coalville, Leicestershire, has reported a growing number of applications for the German based manufacturer’s impressive range of high-performance tiling products. 

Antony enjoyed a long, successful solo career including projects with PADL companies, prior to the establishment of PADL Bespoke Bathrooms in the Midlands in 2022. The company has grown to cover the whole of the UK by offering high standards of workmanship at realistic prices.  The specialist installer won the Behind The Tiles Best Bathroom Project in 2023 and was a finalist for The Tile Association’s ‘Excellence in Tiling’ Awards 2024.

Within the scope of its operations, PADL makes regular use of Schlüter-Systems’ KERDI-BOARD as well as the waterproofing membrane and the KERDI-BOARD-W washbasin, along with correspondingly large quantities of the DITRA HEAT underfloor heating systems and the company’s rugged as well as elegant tile trims.   

Company lead, Antony Marson commented: “Prevention is better than cure and the benefits of the Schlüterproduct range is primarily the prevention of damage resulting from the substrates to the installed tiles, including cracking.  If the grout lines were to fail, the Schlüter products will prevent the water being absorbed into the wall or floor underneath.  This benefits the installer and the customer: with less time spent diagnosing and fixing problems for the installer and less stress and time for the client.  The initial outlay on the cost of the product is justified by the losses saved with failed installations. 

“As an installer of Schlüter, you are made to feel part of the family, while the Schlüter team share the same passion and enthusiasm for the application of their products as part of your installations as you do.  The team at Schlüter go above and beyond to ensure the company’s customers are equipped with the correct knowledge, whether that’s inviting you to a training course or spending time talking through technical aspects on the phone.  It’s always a pleasure to have a visit from your local Schlüter rep. 

“From the smallest domestic project to large scale commercial refurbishment, walking away from a finished job with complete confidence in the products providing the foundations to your work allows for an installer to sleep peacefully at night.  And from talking with our customers, we also know they share a confidence in the products, and that they are buying into durability when they choose to purchase Schlüter materials to support their installations.” For further information, call 01530 813396 or visit https://www.schluter.co.uk/