#Ti Ka Ng

[hinaypod]

Hi Nay Eye Lore (Hi Neye?)

As thanks for everyone who pulled together to help us win a sexy character poll, here's the promised eye lore for Mari Datuin, Eye Themed protagonist of Hi Nay 👁️

The eye you see in Hi Nay's imagery is what I call, behind the scenes, the Eye of Anagolay.

Anagolay is the goddess of lost things. There's little known about Tagalog gods, but we know her to be the daughter of Ikapati (who I refer to as Lakampati/ Lakapati), the goddess of cultivated land and kindest of the gods.

In the narrative of Hi Nay, and in contrast to other Eye themes in horror, Mari's eye is benevolent. It acts as protection against harmful powers.

This is why you see the Eye covering the philosopher's stone symbol in the logo, which symbolizes the Elders and their immortality and lust for power.

Mari's anting-anting bears the eye. Anting-anting are charms used for various reasons; protection, power, or the removal of hexes or curses.

Every time you see the eye or hear about it in Hi Nay, it's actually a positive force rather than a negative one.

However... there's a reason why Mari never takes the anting-anting off.

The baybayin has some minor issues that I'll need to fix in a visual guide, but it reads

Ma-ri-la-g / na / a-na-k / ni / La-ka-m-pa-ti-ng / Ma-ha-ba-gi-n

"Marilag na anak ni Lakampating Mahabagin" "Beautiful child of Compassionate/Merciful Lakampati"

Mari is short for Marilag. Her full name is Marilag Precious Datuin-Roces.

[kisara-kaiba]

OKAY THE KINKY BLUES HAS ME INTRIGUED PLEAAASE HEAR ME OUT ON SUGGESTIONS/BRAINSTORMING/HOPES/DREAMS. alright so it cant be in Temptation, the kink requires its own pocket dimension, first of all. as the biggest fanboygirl of their cycle of dominance and submission im gonna start off with that. a really fun and naturally flowing dom-sub dynamic for them is born in ancient egypt. if set put her aside as his property and tried to experiment with her ka with slowly increasing pressure whilr kisara was like "this kind man who saved me twice feeds me and shelters me who cares if hes tying me down and writing spells on my skin lol" it goes apeshit from there. TWO-this can be from many modern aus with little work, basically an in love blueship that seemlessly slipped into a dom-sub dynamic consciously switching it up a lil. whether that has seto giving orders while tied up on his knees or kisara begging to tie him up would be..that would go BRRRR. THREE. biting kink. straight up. no notes. id be fine with a 400 word introspective of either of one of them watching the bite marks they left on the other and their feelings about it. id settle. itd be enough.

how we feeling. any of thesr sound desirable. wanna brainstorm more. ill come knocking at your door like an unhinged mormon. anyway wanna tell you regardless, absolutely no pressure what you may or may not end up writing i just wanted to yell at someone about kinky blues, have a great day

S C R E E C H I NG this is why ily blueshipping king you just get my vision <333 that ancient Egypt idea has got me going f e r a l just thinking about it and i’ve thought for so long that i should write some mizushipping at some point anyway so yesssss. also biting is uh. yes please.

anyway okay now you got me started so strap in because this is gonna be a long ramble. so i feel like there’s several points about how i imagine their dynamic that i have to unpack here (putting it under a cut bc length or if ppl are uncomfy with this stuff)

↓↓↓

i am unfortunately boring in the way that i’ll ultimately always wanna write Seto as the dominant one just bc of my own personal preferences. BUT that obv doesn’t mean Kisa wouldn’t have a fair amount of control over the situation, both bc a healthy dom/sub dynamic requires it in terms of consent and boundaries ofc, but also bc a) Seto is so extreme in his need for Kisara’s explicit permission to do basically anything to her (even the vanilla stuff) because he’s so painfully precious about her well-being and also constantly plagued by not feeling worthy of her and b) while i think Kisa wants to be dominated i think she also realllly enjoys the control of knowing she’s got Seto wrapped around her little finger and could make him do any depraved thing she wants to her just by looking at him in the right way. so yeah i think they both know who’s really in control behind the scenes lol

i’m also DYING to get into Seto’s inevitable mental struggle to reconcile his thoughts and feelings of “she is a perfect goddess and i’m a mere mortal unworthy of even looking at her let alone touch her” and “i’d die to protect her and if anyone hurts her i’ll fucking kill them” vs his desire to be the one who gets to take this perfect goddess and make her submit to him, kneel before him, own and control and ruin her perfectly (because if there’s one thing we all know about Seto Kaiba is that he’ll make sure the divine yields to him, and not the other way around). I guess the key things there is that he alone is allowed to hurt her and no one else.

On this note i do however think Seto would be so conflicted about physically hurting Kisa, even if she very clearly and explicitly wants him to, because he just struggles with being so overprotective of her and not wanting to see her injured or in pain. but this would also be delicious to write him being all conflicted due to the guilt of causing her pain vs the fact that doing so is super fucking hot and he can’t resist doing it, esp not when she’s literally begging him to. Taking all of his frustrations after a long day out on her more than willing body would be so cathartic and tempting but also associated with so much guilt and worry about getting too into it and going too far.

I also definitely see Kisa as being the more extreme of them, to the point where i can actually see her be just a little bit unhealthily masochistic because she doesn’t really value herself due to past trauma, giving her a self-destructive streak and kinda fucked-up notions along the lines of ultimately being deserving of pain and suffering, that someone hurting her equals caring about her and wanting her, and that the ultimate thing she can do to show someone that she really loves and trusts them is to just offer herself up completely to use and do whatever they want to, which Seto would have to try to handle and mitigate because he’s ultimately not gonna let her use him to actually really hurt herself (and you know it would also break his heart a thousand times over to realise just how little she values and cares about herself due to her fucked up past). But I could also write it kinda funny in that whole “sub suggesting increasingly violent/fucked up things while the dom goes ‘idk that’s scary’” lmao. I think Kisa is a bit annoyed that people (especially Seto) tend to see her as this fragile, porcelain flower and wants to prove that she is perfectly capable of taking a (consensual) beating.

Outside of strictly sexual stuff i can also see Kisa as very much an ‘everyday/domestic acts of service’ kinda sub who just wants to bring Seto his coffee when he’s working and a drink when he comes home from work and make sure to always wash and iron his clothes and put them out before he leaves in the morning, tying his tie before he leaves and untying it when he gets home and cooking and serving his meals for him (which tbh wouldn’t just be about her being submissive but also bc she just wants to make sure he actually takes care of himself with like, eating and taking coffee breaks bc you know that man doesn’t take care of himself if left unchecked). And I think this also ties in with her sense of self-worth being tied to being useful and helping others because she doesn’t really see herself as valuable unto herself, but also maybe acts of service is just kinda her “love language” too. i feel like this is the sort of thing i could maybe include in Temptation bc she’s already pretty much like this there, with to me pretty obvious undertones that her working as Seto’s assistant is definitely triggering a submissive side in her.

Temptation also has the whole thing with Seto secretly enjoying Kisa wearing her KaibaCorp pin while working because it marks her as his for the world to see, and I definitely feel like that’d be a thing for him too. Branding her, either by things like visible bite marks/hickeys that she’s not allowed to cover up or something like a discreet necklace that is actually a collar (although tbf, with the fashion we see in the Yugioh universe, would anyone even blink at a BDSM-style collar? Like Yugi’s already wearing fetish gear as his everyday clothes lmao). I mean, Seto’s already pretty big on putting his branding on literally everything, so Kisa would be no exception (also imagine the ridiculous extravagance and amount of money and care Seto would put into a collar for Kisa).

While I’m not really into the idea of Seto being submissive per se, I do think both he and Kisa could easily have praise kinks because they both crave validation in their own ways and for someone to telling them that they’re doing/being good (Seto wouldn’t admit that though, but if I allow for some submissiveness on his part I think being called a good boy could fix him). But with him as the dom it also totally tracks for him to make Kisa worship him and stroke his ego in that way. On that theme, however, I could also imagine him making her allow him to worship her as a kind of ‘punishment’ bc he knows she has a hard time accepting that but that it’s also something that’s good for her to hear.

Also I can totally see Kisa being a little bratty as a sub sometimes because she likes to talk back to Seto and be deliberately cheeky, disrespectful and provocative (both because she enjoys the control of getting him riled up and because she knows that the more she gets him worked up the more forceful and intense he’ll be about putting her back into place afterwards).

Okay so this turned into a fic-chapter length essay about this topic instead of actually writing the fic (bc *ofc* i’d do that) but please lmk what you think!!! (and hopefully i'll use your ideas + my rambling and turn in into fic eventually)

[wordssricochet]

i am so so proud of you for choosing to live. i am so proud of you that you didn't give up when you were having a hard time. i'm so proud of you because you're trying. always remember that you matter. everyone may not love you, but i do. just remember that there is someone out there that cares for you ♡.

je suis tellement fière de toi d'avoir choisi de vivre. je suis tellement fier de toi que tu n'as pas abandonné quand tu traversais une période difficile. je suis si fier de toi parce que tu essaies. rappelez-vous toujours que vous comptez. Tout le monde ne t'aime peut-être pas, mais moi si. rappelez-vous simplement qu'il y a quelqu'un qui prend soin de vous ♡.

sobrang proud ako sayo dahil pinili mong mabuhay. proud ako sayo kasi hindi ka sumuko nung may pinagdadaanan kang mahirap. proud ako sayo kasi sinusubukan mo. lagi mo tatandaan na mahalaga ka. hindi ka man mahal ng lahat ng tao, pero ako oo. lagi mo tatandaan na mayroong may pake sayo ♡.

Estoy muy orgullosa de ti por elegir vivir. Estoy muy orgulloso de ti porque no te rendiste cuando estabas pasando por un momento difícil. Estoy muy orgulloso de ti porque lo estás intentando. Recuerda siempre que tú importas. Puede que no todos te amen, pero yo sí. solo recuerda que hay alguien ahí fuera que se preocupa por ti ♡.

be gentle to yourself, okay?

— 070424

[babylasagnafanph]

BL'S OTHER TRACKS

Check out this unreleased song by Marko entitled, "Jesen" (Autumn) found in SoundCloud website. Great song and the lyrics are beautiful!

I'm glad that he preserves his old songs - at least I wanted to listen more hits by him, hehehehe. 😁

P.S.: I decide as well to include a translation of the lyrics in one of my native tongues, Filipino - in honor to diverse the beauty of music in other languages.

Special thanks to lasagna.source - via Instagram - for providing the song lyrics and English translation.

ORIGINAL LYRICS: Kiša počinje i sve mijenja se Sunce zalazi još ranije More ledi se Smiješak nestaje Jesen dolazi i lišće žuti se Vjetar čisti sve Loše misli, prevare Probat ću još jednom samo da znam

Tko to skriva se Iza moje jeseni Da ti čujem glas Tko to počiva U dubini moga sna Više nisam sam

Tišina guta sve Grad prazan je, ali svako malo nađem te Misliš li na mene, kada svijetla gase se Čije ruke sada griju te?

Tko to skriva se Iza moje jeseni Da ti čujem glas Tko to počiva U dubini moga sna Više nisam sam

Gdje si sad? Izađi iz mog sna Pokaži se ili nestani zauvijek x2

Tko to skriva se Iza moje jeseni Da ti čujem glas Tko to počiva U dubini moga sna Više nisam sam

Ta kiša počinje I sve mijenja se Sunce zalazi još ranije

TRANSLATION (ENGLISH):

The rain begins and everything changes The sun sets even earlier The sea freezes A smile disappears Autumn comes and the leaves turn yellow The wind cleans everything Bad thoughts, deceptions I will try once more, just to know

Who is hiding Behind my autumn? Let me hear your voice Who is resting In the depths of my dream? I am no longer alone

Silence swallows everything The city is empty, but every now and then I find you Do you think of me when the lights go out? Whose hands are now keeping you warm?

Who is hiding Behind my autumn? Let me hear your voice Who is resting In the depths of my dream? I am no longer alone

Where are you now? Come out of my dream Show yourself or disappear forever x2

Who is hiding Behind my autumn? Let me hear your voice Who is resting In the depths of my dream? I am no longer alone

The rain begins And everything changes The sun sets even earlier

TRANSLATION (FILIPINO):

Nagsisimula ang ulan at nagbabago ang lahat Mas maaga pa ang paglubog ng araw Nagyeyelo ang dagat Nawala ang isang ngiti Dumating ang taglagas at ang mga dahon ay nagiging dilaw Nililinis ng hangin ang lahat Masamang pag-iisip, panlilinlang Susubukan ko ulit, para lang malaman ko

Sino ang nagtatago Sa likod ng taglagas ko? Hayaan mong marinig ko ang iyong boses Sino ang nagpapahinga Sa lalim ng panaginip ko? Hindi na ako nag-iisa

Nilamon ng katahimikan ang lahat Walang laman ang lungsod, ngunit paminsan-minsan ay nahahanap kita Iniisip mo ba ako kapag namatay ang ilaw? Kaninong mga kamay ang nagpapainit sa iyo ngayon?

Sino ang nagtatago Sa likod ng aking taglagas? Hayaan mong marinig ko ang iyong boses Sino ang nagpapahinga Sa lalim ng aking panaginip? Hindi na ako nag-iisa.

Nasaan ka na ngayon? Lumabas ka sa panaginip ko Ipakita ang iyong sarili o mawala nang tuluyan x2

Sino ang nagtatago Sa likod ng aking taglagas? Hayaan mong marinig ko ang iyong boses Sino ang nagpapahinga Sa lalim ng panaginip ko? Hindi na ako nag-iisa.

Nagsisimula ang ulan At lahat ay nagbabago Mas maaga pa ang paglubog ng araw

[misc-obeyme]

Hi CC! ^^

So me and my Filipino ahh self had a random thought that I got from a dream. Usually when we compliment people in the language, it's almost always tied to heaven stuff — for example: "Ikaw ang panalangin ko" which can be interpreted as "you are the answer to my prayers."

Now here's the neat part: one of the ways to compliment someone in Filipino is "Hulog ka ng langit" and it generally means "you're a gift from Heaven"

HOWEVER, the literally translation is "You've fallen from Heaven." Or better yet— "Heaven Dropped You."

So imagine telling any of the OM boys, especially the Demon brothers that phrase. Like in a given scenario where MC had a hard task and they helped them like—

"Oh Thank you! Hulog ka ng Langit, Mammon!"

"E-eh? What's that supposed to mean, human?"

"It means — ..."

"???"

"Nevermind."

I think this is too much Brainrot ;-;

Anyhow, lemme know your thoughts on this ^^ And again, stay safe and healthy wherever you are :DD

Hi there, anon!

Okay. I love that. "Heaven dropped you" is just so cute and also funny.

Now of course the brothers might have a bit of confusion over this if you actually said it like that to them in a way they could understand.

I like to headcanon that some of them speak many different languages and usually I headcanon that about Satan specifically.

So I love the idea of Satan overhearing that conversation you have with Mammon and trying his best not to laugh. Because for him specifically it's probably even funnier.

I mean, they might initially take it as an insult. Like ouch MC that's kind of a sore subject! But you'd just need to explain that it's a cultural thing and they'll be like ohhh okay.

Now just imagine saying this to Diavolo or Barbatos. They'd be like please MC. I'd like to see them try~

Meanwhile, Simeon has a crisis and Luke is confused...

I'm just saying, all of these guys have a bit of a history with the whole concept of falling from heaven lol.

But I think it's an adorable phrase and I think after the initial confusion wore off, the characters would just see it as a cute quirk of yours.

[ziggyevenstar]

🍔👨‍👩‍👦‍👦🚘

yesterday we went out. he picked me up from work and he came early. pinaghintay ko na lang siya sa kotse kase ang fit ng pants nya pinapasunog ko na sa kanya. ka-out ko from work hanap kami burger place kase daw comfort food ko burger😍 after kumain stay lang kami sa car nakikinig ng taylor swift, nag uusap. lagi yan na sa car lang kami. one time yung friend namin inask kami if saan saan na daw ba kami nagdate tapos tinginan lang kame kase pareho kaming gusto lang nagtatakeout ng food tapos sa kotse kakain habang kwentuhan and listen sa songs.

super dami namin napagkwentuhan. hindi naman kami as in same na same pero may feeling na match kami in so many things. kung ano man ang love language ko, he speaks it. kung ano yung hanap ko, yun yung gusto niya iprovide sa relationship. i hope lang na i am to him what he is to me. sana talaga consistent. sana talaga. kase i feel so peaceful. yung feeling ko i can rely on him, i’m not alone when i feel like i have to “deal” with the day. i feel like as long as he’s here i’m going to be taken care of. he lets me feel all my emotions, he acknowledges my points as valid even when i know i’m being unreasonable and emotional, and he lets me tampo for a while to process my feelings, and makes lambing and lets me know he’s there and he’s going ti be there once i’ve processed my emotions. i’m the red flag in the relationship, and he makes me want to be a better partner who communicates how i feel rather than avoiding and leaving the issues unresolved, or being passive-aggressive.

naiwan ko wallet ko sa bag nya yesterday. so this morning nagpunta sya dito para ibalik. kaso dahil magppangasinan sila ng family nya today, kasama niya na family nung nagbalik ng wallet. kwentuhan si mommy and daddy niya pati si mama and dads ko. yung kapatid din nya andon. ang saya sa feeling na hanggang sa parents magkasundo. i’m winning in love (except it’s probably still just attachment, not love. too early to tell. but i have a really good feeling about this. he’s too good for me i might have to marry this one)

[magnusmodig]

𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄 . / @krasnayavedma / hc meme ! ╰┈➤ ♧ Any part of their canon portrayal you dislike?

||. the entirety of tai*ka wa.it//ti's portrayal and anything inspired by it. I'd need individual posts just to get into ... all of it, but for the sake of brevity I'll make a list:

Thor losing his hammer in Gagnarok (Stormbreaker is cool though, I'll give them that...)

Thor's idolization of Odin superseding his growing issues with the man.

Thor going from stately, regal, and eloquent to painfully awkward in his every interaction.

Every time anyone ever mistakes his cultural differences for actual idiocy in any movie ever.

Thor's optimism being played as yet another way Thor is Stupid in Gagnarok

Thor giving up his birthright in Endgame (flat out would never happen. And I'm sorry to say that Brunhilde as she is never deserved it in the first place.)

This definitely isn't everything, but it is what comes to mind first.

╰┈➤ ✦ Has your own interpretation changed from when you first began playing the character?

||. 🤔 Nope ! Not in any way that I've noticed, at any rate. I've always tried to base all of my observations of Thor primarily off of Th*r 2011, TDW, Av//ng.*rs and AoU. So every headcanon, way of speaking, body language, theory, etc. come from that source material, and a bit of the comics that the MCU pulled from to flesh things out. Of course, everyone is going to have their own interpretations of characters that exist in fictional media... so i can never say he's EXACTLY canon... but I try to do a good job and hold fast to his actual personality and character arcs!

[silverwingwashere]

"We do hereby proclaim and declare solemnly in the name by authority of the people of these Philippine Islands, that they are, and have, the right to be free and independent; that they have ceased to have allegiance to the Crown of Spain; that all political ties between them should be completely severed and annulled; and that, like other free and independent States, they should enjoy the full power to make War and Peace, conclude commercial treaties, enter into alliances, regulate commerce, and do all other acts and things which and Independent State has right to do, and imbued with firm confidence in Divine Providence, we hereby mutually bind ourselves to support this Declaration with our lives, our fortunes, and with our sacred possession, our Honor."

- Act of Declaration of Philippine Independence

On June 12, 1898, the Philippine Revolutionary Government declared independence from the Spanish Crown during a ceremony held at the home of Revolutionary President, General Emilio Aguinaldo.

Bayang magiliw

Perlas ng silanganan

Alab ng puso sa dibdib mo'y buhay

Lupang Hinirang, duyan ka ng magiting

Sa manlulupig, di ka pasisiil...

Translation:

Beloved country

Pearl of the east

Flame of the heart alive in your chest

Chosen land, cradle of the brave

From conquerors, you will not be crushed...

- Philippine National Anthem -

Featuring:

Kayla - @techbro-arts

[solreix]

shimizu kiyoko has always been out of reach for hitoka. she's so near, yet also so far. she was one of those shining stars in the sky, while hitoka was one of those silently wishing for it.

3rd na siya. prelim match ng karasuno, at nandito siya sa bleachers dahil ang isang manager ang hinayaan niyang katabi nila coach ukai para masanay ito. pero it seemed like hindi naman ganoon ka-kailangan dahil masyadong composed ang co-manager niya.

sa ilang matches niya nang pagsama sa team, hindi pa rin talaga nawawala ang kaba niya. kulang na lang ay dalhin niya ang lahat ng santo sa mismong match para mas makapagdasal siya.

pero hindi iyon ang punto. kanina pa siya halos magvibrate sa nginig nang may marinig siyang tumawa nang mahina sa tabi niya. paglingon niya ay nakita niya ang dating co-manager niya.

shimizu kiyoko.

"k-kiyoko—" she blurted.

"hi hitoka! late na 'ko, 2nd set na ba?"

tumango si hitoka. she couldn't help but stare in awe at her senior. shimizu was wearing a simple black blouse with white collar, and white skirt that reached her knees. her hair wasn't tied up, and she's wearing her glasses today.

she's always so beautiful.

"how are they?" shimizu asked, her eyes never leaving the players on the court with the same gentle eyes she used to have as she watched them before.

kahit na hindi tumigil ang tibok ng puso niya, inilipat niya ang tingin sa team. "same old same old." tumawa siya, saglit na na-distract habang inaalala ang away ni hinata at kageyama, maging ang insulto ni tsukishima. "yamaguchi has improved so much. nakaka-proud makita siyang ganito."

shimizu nodded. "i know. kung nandito lang si sugawara, maiiyak iyon sa tuwa."

she smiled. "the new players are adjusting well also. magagaling sila, and i can see the team going even further in the future."

"ikaw? kumusta ka?"

kung kanina ay na-distract siya, muling bumalik ang bilis ng tibok ng puso niya. she swiftly turned her eyes to shimizu's direction, only to be met by her eyes. kulang na lang ay magkaroon ng sound effects ng puso sa paligid niya habang nakatitig siya sa mata nito.

"i'm—i'm okay," she managed to say. "hindi ko kinalimutan ang mga turo mo, and those are what kept me going."

shimizu smiled, her eyes dropping before they met hers again. "that's good. and i can see you're doing so well on your own. i'm so proud i can call you my junior."

at nakuha na naman siya ni shimizu.

hindi siya sumagot; simple siyang ngumiti dahil hindi niya kayang magsalita. she was trying to hold herself back from saying things she might regret later on.

palaging ganito. sa tuwing kasama niya ito, kausap, katawanan—her heart was so full, sometimes it's getting heavy as it screamed. sa bawat interaction nila noon, kulang na lang ay sabihin niya ang nararamdaman niya.

and she held herself back. until now, pinipigilan niya ang sarili dahil alam niyang hindi naman pareho ang tingin nila sa isa't isa. masyadong malayo si shimizu.

"kumusta?" it's her turn to ask.

"hmm?" hinampas nito ang noo. "malapit na midterms namin, so iyon pinagaabalahan ko ngayon. medyo mahirap, pero kinakaya naman."

boyfriend—

hitoka, magtigil ka.

"that's... good to hear." she bit her lower lip.

hitoka could still remember the first time she knew. it was a random day, silang dalawa pa lamang ni shimizu ang nasa court at nag-aayos ng upuan para sa practice match nila.

"dito lang 'yan, hitoka."

"okay!"

dahan-dahan, isa-isa niyang isinalansan ang mga upuan. she could hear shimizu doing the same. nang matapos siya ay agad siyang tumalikod para magtanong ng gagawin nang makita itong nakaupo na sa makinis na sahig ng court katabi ng mga plastic.

"anong ginagawa mo?" tanong niya nang makalapit.

her mouth went ajar when she realized what she's doing. ini-isa-isa nitong ilabas ang mga pagkaing nasa tatlong plastic, at mukhang may binabasa.

"oh this? someone gave this bags of food para raw sa players. binabasa ko lang nutrition facts to make sure na okay sa kanila," she said, straight face, but with the most gentle voice.

oh.

saglit na natulala si hitoka. hindi niya alam kung anong sumunod na nangyari, basta ang alam niya ay lalo lamang siyang nahulog sa babae.

she's always cognizant to the fact that she's attracted to shimizu. pretty, smart, and so so kind. she's the type of girl you'd wish for. pero she thought it would be nothing serious.

until that day.

simula noon ay palagi siyang on edge. hindi niya alam kung pa'nong hindi siya nahahalata, pero nagpapasalamat siya roon dahil hindi niya kayang lumayo ang loob nito sa kaniya. she'd take whatever shimizu could give, kahit kapalit nito ang masaktan siya—mainggit sa mga taong malayang nakakapagbigay ng deserve nitong admiration.

masyadong malayo si kiyoko.

that's what she believed. kaya naman hindi niya alam kung anong nangyayari ngayon.

"hitoka... how are you?"

"what do you mean?"

nangunot ang noo ni hitoka nang tila biglang hindi mapalagay si shimizu sa tabi niya. pansin niya ang paghigpit ng hawak nito sa sariling kamay na nasa hita.

"are you seeing someone?" biglang tanong nito, her eyes suddenly went to her, and suddenly, their eyes were talking.

umiling si hitoka. "hindi—wala sa isip ko."

hindi nagbago ang ekpresyon ng mukha nito. matigas. pero namumula. "balita ko kay hinata, maraming gustong mag-aya sa'yo."

"tinatakot naman nila," mabilis niyang sagot. ang daldal ni hinata.

"kung hindi nila tinakot? may gusto ka?" malumanay niyong dugtong.

hindi niya sinagot. "para saan 'to?" nalilito siya.

nag-uusap ang mata nila, oo. naiintindihan niya ang sinasabi ng mata nito, at gusto niyang umiyak sa tuwa kung tama ang pagkakaintindi niya, pero gusto niyang manggaling sa bibig nito mismo.

pinanood niyang huminga ng malalim si shimizu. "pa'no kung ako?"

"kiyoko—"

"pa'no kung ako ang mag-aya sa'yo kasi gusto kita?"

masyadong naging malayo ang tingin niya kay shimizu. masyadong malayo na hindi niya napansing ito ang lumalapit sa kaniya. at ngayon, nasa tabi niya na nga ito.

umiling si hitoka. "hindi naman ako tatanggi."

[postsofbabel]

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[sorrowfulsoul]

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A Aa Ab Ac Ad Ae Af Ag Ah Ai Aj Ak Al Am An Ao Ap Aq Ar As At Au Av Aw Ax Ay Az

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C Ca Cb Cc Cd Ce Cf Cg Ch Ci Cj Ck Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Cq Cr Cs Ct Cu Cv Cw Cx Cy Cz

D Da Db Dc Dd De Df Dg Dh Di Dj Dk Dl Dm Dn Do Dp Dq Dr Ds Dt Du Dv Dw Dx Dy Dz

E Ea Eb Ec Ed Ee Ef Eg Eh Ei Ej Ek El Em En Eo Ep Eq Er Es Et Eu Ev Ew Ex Ey Ez

F Fa Fb Fc Fd Fe Ff Fg Fh Fi Fj Fk Fl Fm Fn Fo Fp Fq Fr Fs Ft Fu Fv Fw Fx Fy Fz

G Ga Gb Gc Gd Ge Gf Gg Gh Gi Gj Gk Gl Gm Gn Go Gp Gq Gr Gs Gt Gu Gv Gw Gx Gy Gz

H Ha Hb Hc Hd He Hf Hg Hh Hi Hj Hk Hl Hm Hn Ho Hp Hq Hr Hs Ht Hu Hv Hw Hx Hy Hz

I Ia Ib Ic Id Ie If Ig Ih Ii Ij Ik Il Im In Io Ip Iq Ir Is It Iu Iv Iw Ix Iy Iz

J Ja Jb Jc Jd Je Jf Jg Jh Ji Jj Jk Jl Jm Jn Jo Jp Jq Jr Js Jt Ju Jv Jw Jx Jy Jz

K Ka Kb Kc Kd Ke Kf Kg Kh Ki Kj Kk Kl Km Kn Ko Kp Kq Kr Ks Kt Ku Kv Kw Kx Ky Kz

L La Lb Lc Ld Le Lf Lg Lh Li Lj Lk Ll Lm Ln Lo Lp Lq Lr Ls Lt Lu Lv Lw Lx Ly Lz

M Ma Mb Mc Md Me Mf Mg Mh Mi Mj Mk Ml Mm Mn Mo Mp Mq Mr Ms Mt Mu Mv Mw Mx My Mz

N Na Nb Nc Nd Ne Nf Ng Nh Ni Nj Nk Nl Nm Nn No Np Nq Nr Ns Nt Nu Nv Nw Nx Ny Nz

O Oa Ob Oc Od Oe Of Og Oh Oi Oj Ok Ol Om On Oo Op Oq Or Os Ot Ou Ov Ow Ox Oy Oz

P Pa Pb Pc Pd Pe Pf Pg Ph Pi Pj Pk Pl Pm Pn Po Pp Pq Pr Ps Pt Pu Pv Pw Px Py Pz

Q Qa Qb Qc Qd Qe Qf Qg Qh Qi Qj Qk Ql Qm Qn Qo Qp Qq Qr Qs Qt Qu Qv Qw Qx Qy Qz

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S Sa Sb Sc Sd Se Sf Sg Sh Si Sj Sk Sl Sm Sn So Sp Sq Sr Ss St Su Sv Sw Sx Sy Sz

T Ta Tb Tc Td Te Tf Tg Th Ti Tj Tk Tl Tm Tn To Tp Tq Tr Ts Tt Tu Tv Tw Tx Ty Tz

U Ua Ub Uc Ud Ue Uf Ug Uh Ui Uj Uk Ul Um Un Uo Up Uq Ur Us Ut Uu Uv Uw Ux Uy Uz

V Va Vb Vc Vd Ve Vf Vg Vh Vi Vj Vk Vl Vm Vn Vo Vp Vq Vr Vs Vt Vu Vv Vw Vx Vy Vz

W Wa Wb Wc Wd We Wf Wg Wh Wi Wj Wk Wl Wm Wn Wo Wp Wq Wr Ws Wt Wu Wv Ww Wx Wy Wz

X Xa Xb Xc Xd Xe Xf Xg Xh Xi Xj Xk Xl Xm Xn Xo Xp Xq Xr Xs Xt Xu Xv Xw Xx Xy Xz

Y Ya Yb Yc Yd Ye Yf Yg Yh Yi Yj Yk Yl Ym Yn Yo Yp Yq Yr Ys Yt Yu Yv Yw Yx Yy Yz

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[erothegreat]

CHILD STAR sa panulat ni Ero

"Isubo mo pa. Tangina, ang sarap mong tsumupa." Pinagbuti ni Jena ang pagsubo ng ari ni Mr. Chen. Siya ang may-ari ng Stasyon na pinagtatrabuan ng dalag. Isa rin itong producer ng mga pelikula pilipino.

Target ni Mr. Chen ang mga menor de edad. Mga child star na inaalagaan ng kanilang estasyon. Kapag may natepohan siya ay agad niya itong inaangkin. Kapag hindi pumayag ay ginagahasa. Ang papayag tiba-tiba sa projects. At si Jena ang napili niya sa batch nila.

Kinse anyos lang ito. At alam ng kanyang manager ang nangyayari. Ngunit dahil pati siya ay nakikinabang ay siya pa ang naghahanap ng batang talent. Minsan rin binubugaw niya sa ibang endorser si Jena kaya sa edad na kinse ay marami ng karanasan ang dating child star.

Trese lang si Jena nang maangkin ni Mr. Chen. Binola-bola, hanggang sa magising ang libog at naangkin. Hindi pinilit at kusang bumigay ang dalaga. Hindi naman siya nagsisi dahil sunod-sunod ang trabaho niya. Ngayon nga ay magkasama sila sa Isla para sa isang discovery show.

"Ganyan nga, ang sarap mong tsumupa. Mas magaling ka kaysa kay Kaye. Mas maganda ka na mas masarap ka. Hindi pa maarte." Ang tinutukoy nito ang dating kasamahan ng Jena. Nagkatrabaho na rin sila sa isang drama na si Jena ang bida at kontrabida si Kaye.

"Kinantot niyo na rin po pala si Kaye?" Tanong nito saka dinalaan ang ulo ng burat ni Mr. Chen.

"Ginahasa ko. Maarte ee."

"Naku masakit po yon. Noong kinantot niyo nga po ako ng unang beses kahit nalibugan ako masakit pa rin. Ano pa kaya yong pinilit."

"Maarte siya. Ayoko sa kanya kaya hanggang extra lang siya ngayon. Hindi gaya mo game kang kantutin ko."

"Masarap kasi, tapos marami pang project. Mr. Chen, libog na ho ako. Ang basa na po ng puke ko. Namamaga na po tinggil ko. Ilang buwan niyo na rin ho akong hindi nakantot."

"Ganoon ba? Sige patong ka na." Gusto ni Mr. Chen si Jena dahil game. Malaswa rin itong magsalita at ito ang gusto niya. Kahit bata pa ay game na game na sa kama.

"Ah!" Sabay silang napaungol ng mapasok ang titi ng matanda sa kanya.

"Ah ang sarap po talaga ng titi niyo. Kayo talaga may pinakamalaking titi sa lahat."

"Baka nagpalaspag ka na ng husto sa iba?"

"Hindi po, bihira lang. Si manager lang malakas kumantot sa akin pero maliit naman titi. Masarap lang kumain ng puke. Pero ikaw pa rin pinakamasarap."

"Mabuti naman, sige, trabuhuin mo na ako. Sarapan mo kagaya ng dati dahil may ibibigay akong trabaho sayo."

"Opo." Nagtaas baba si Jena sa titi ni Mr. Chen. Kahit siya ay sarap na sarap din. Malaki kasi ang burat nito at gustong-gusto niya kapag nasasagad. Hindi kagaya sa manager niya maliit na nga mabilis pang labasan.

"Ang sarap mo talagang bata ka. Ang galing mo gumiling."

"Mr. Chen, kabitin niyo na lang ako at ibahay para lagi niyo po akong nakakantot. Ang sarap po talaga ng titi niyo."

"Oo, ipapaayos ko ang tirahan niyo para mabisita kita lagi."

Parang pumalakpak ang kanyang tenga. Isipin pa lang na lagi silang magkakantutan ng matanda ay naglalawa na ang kanyang hiyas.

Bawat labas pasok ni Jena sa titi ni Mr. Chen ay napapapikit siya. Ramdam niya ang tigas at laki nito na sumasagad sa kanyang puke. Libog na libog na siya at para na siyang mababaliw.

"Ang sarap po talaga Mr. Chen, ang laki ng titi niyo."

"Ibagsak mo pa. Ang sikip ng puke mo. Ipitin mo titi ko." Ginawa niya ang sinabi ng matanda na mas lalong nagpatuliro dito. Maging siya at tumulo pa ang laway sa sobrang sarap.

"Mr. Chen, kantutin niyo po ako na parang aso. Gusto ko po iyon dahil nasasagad ang titi niyo. God style niyo ako. Ang sarap talaga. Nababaliw na po sa kalibugan."

"Sige, baba ka at tumuwad."

Agad na sinunod ni Jena ang sinabi ng matanda. Hinampas nito ang kanyang puwet na nagpalibog sa kanya ng husto.

Tinutok ng matanda ang titi nito sa basang puke ng dalaga. Inaakit at tinutukso-tukso.

"Mr. Chen, ipasok niyo na po." Pero tumawa lang ang matanda. "Please po kantutin niyo na ako. Yong tinggil ko po nakikiliti na. Ah!"

Mabilis na pinasok ni Mr. Chen ang kanyang titi. Sabay silang napaungol sa sarap hanggang sa bumayo na ang matanda.

"Ah, ganyan nga Mr. Chen. Ah! Ang sarap. Ibaon niyo pa. Ang sarap ng titi niyo at ang lalim ng naabot."

"Puta ka, gusto mo talagang kinakantot ka ng nakatuwad."

"Opo, nasasagad po kasi ang titi niyo. Ang sarap mo."

"Ganito ba ha?" Saka diniin ng matanda ang kanyang bayo.

"Ah! Opo, sige pa, ah! ang sarap shit. Tangina, ang sarap niyong kumantot."

"Puta ka, itong sayo. Tanggapin mo itong kantot ko."

"Ah, sige pa, sige pa, ibaon niyo pa. Wag kayong tumigil. Ayan na!" Nilabasan si Jena pero gusto niya pa. "Sige pa, sige pa, kantot pa. Ah!"

Hindi na alam ni Jena kung ano ang gagawin. Libog na libog na siya. Sa lahat ng kumakantot sa kanya ay kay Mr. Chen lang niya nararanasan ang malalim na kantot. Kaya kahit maging puta siya nito ay papayag siya matikman lang ang malaki nitong burat.

Bawat labas pasok ng titi ng matanda at humahagod sa ilalim ng kanyang puke. Tela ba nagbibigay ng kakaibang ligaya. Hinahalukay ang makati at nakakawala sa katinuan.

Ilang beses na siyang nilabasan pero kulang pa. Gusto niyang makantot nang makantot nang matanda. Gusto niyang masulit dahil alam niyang linggo na naman bago ito maulit.

"Ah!" Napahiyaw siya nang biglang sinagad ng matanda ang kanyang oten. Halos mawarak na ang kanyang puke sa tindi ng bayo ng matanda. Halatang libog na libog ito sa kanya at gusto niyang laspagin.

"Malapit na ako putang ina ka."

"Iputok niyo po sa loob. Ikalat niyo po ang tamod niyo sa loob ng puke ko."

"Putangina mo. Tanggapin mo lahat ng tamod ko."

"Ako rin po. Sasabayan ko po kayo. Ah!"

"Putanginang puke mo. Ayan na." Halos mapuno ang loob ng matres ni Jena sa dami ng katas na pinutok ni Mr. Chen sa loob niya. Tumirik rin ang mata ng matanda sa tindi ng tamod niya.

"Ang sarap putangina."

"Ang sarap po." Nang umalis ang matanda ay bumulwak pa ang katas nito mula sa puke ng dalaga. Nilinis naman ni Jena ang titi nito na may pinaghalo pa nilang katas. At habang nililinis ito ng dalaga ay muli na naman nabuhay at saka sila muling nagkantutan.

[lovely-stalker]

MY SOULMATE

Ilang araw ko na tinatype ito, to translate all my feelings and thoughts that I have into words. Ilang araw na kong ganito, gusto ko na lang tumulala araw araw. lol

di ko alam na possible sakin magkafeelings to someone kahit I have GF. Di ako magmamayabang pero I can say na isa ako sa matitinong tao sa mundo na I won't even look at the people, or even magka friends kasi focus ako sa GF ko. I'm not even going to any social gathering kasi i prefer na ung time ko ehh bigay ko na lang sa GF ko. That's how extreme I am.

At first, I was in denial. I thought isa lang siya sa mga taong nakakagets lang sakin dahil sobrang pareho lang namin. Meron din naman na instances and bagay bagay na di kami pareho pero we complement each other, we are like 2 pieces of puzzle that fit together. All I can say is the connection I have with her is undeniable. this is proven, kasi may mga taong nakapaligid samin na nagsasabi na tingin pa lang namin ehh nagkakaintindihan na kami, or we complete each other sentences. yes, Ganun siya ka extreme. I thought, I'm not going to find someone again like this after my 4yrs ex, but unfortunately pareho kaming may GF.

Though 1 thing for sure, she's genuinely my bestfriend. I can tell everything to her, I can be myself in front of her. I can tell whatever in my mind and in my heart without being judge. I found my peace and comfort from her. Yung feeling na napaka safe ng heart ko sa kanya, na, I can be a baby anytime I want. I trust all her words and her mind kaya every feedback and advice from her means so much to me. We started calling each other bes, or like twin sa sobrang pareho namin. It's pure friendship from my part (maybe she's too) super comfortable lang din talaga na I can tell her even the worst part of myself. It's funny kasi she's older than me at usually and unconciously nagkakagusto ako sa younger sakin, kasi I have this in me na gusto ko ako nagdadala ng relationship but if siya ung magdadala ng relationship I dont mind.

I'm questioning Him bakit ganitong situation ko natagpuan ung soulmate ko, but then I realized I'm very thankful to Him because he let me meet HER. Napaka swerte ko lang na makakilala itong napakaganda, napakabaet at napakatalinong nilalang. I just really love her brain, the way she think and how strong she is. I know she's unwell in a lot of aspects kaya I want to be that someone at least to support and give her happiness in my own simple way.

there's also this instance (di ko pa sinasabi sa kanya to kasi di din ako makamove on coz it's overwhelming at nakaka speechless) nung niyakap niya ko ng mahigpit, suddenly nagflash sa mata ko ung future namin. bigla ko nakita na magkasama kami na nagtratravel at magkatabi kami sa sofa kahit may kanya kanya kaming ginagawang work tapos nagcucuddle kami sa higaan. it's fucking scary at nakakaiyak but very satisfying sa puso. gahd, nakakaspeechless talaga.

It's tragic para kaming pinagtagpo pero di tinadhana, or like right person in a wrong time. Still kung di man sa life na to, sana sa another life or parallel universe. I know naman na we're both tied with our situations and our path right now, but obviously, I'm staying at her side whatever happens, kasi deep inside, i'm hoping and wishing someday, one day, magkaroon kami ng Chance... PUHON.

If EVER dumating man ung chance, it will not be easy, especially we need to consider a lot in our lives, but I hope and pray na whatever happens piliin namin ung isa't isa over anyone/ anything else.

My soulmate, you told me di mo ko derserve but you want to deserve me. Same, I WANT TO DESERVE YOU. Alam kong feeling mo na daming mali, kulang at gulo sa buhay mo ngayon, but please remember, that's what makes you, YOU at dun kita nagustuhan.

I love you and your flaws.

[carmscarms]

May 1, 2023, Monday

Dear Diary,

It's been a while! Sorry kung ang tagal bago kita na-update. Gusto ko din magsorry sa sarili ko for all the choices I've made. Gusto ko lang sabihin na, kahit gusto ko ng positive outlook sa buhay, tumataliwas sa isip ko yung mga actions na nagagawa ko.

Last March 27, I made up my mind. Nag-AWOL ako. Sobra-sobra na kasi yung pagod, lungkot, stress, demotivation, neglect, shame, at zero self-confidence na meron ako. Monday 'yun, after ng Tagisan ng Talino sa STI, desidido na 'ko. Hindi na talaga ako papasok, sabi ko sa sarili ko. At first, wala akong balak magpasa ng resignation. AWOL talaga. Nag-contemplate ako nung araw na 'yon. Then Tuesday, hindi pa rin ako pumasok. Mas lalo kong naramdaman yung eagerness na ipagpatuloy yung pag-absent ko. Hindi ko na talaga alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin. Nawalan ako ng will para magpatuloy. Nagmumukmok lang ako sa kwarto. Nagdeactivate ng socmed accounts. Wala akong nire-reply-an. Nag-AWOL ako para marealize nila yung sasayangin nila kapag nawala ako. Pero mukhang mali ako. May sumasalo naman sa trabaho ko. Doon ko na-realize na kahit mawala ako, madali akong palitan.

Then Wednesday, doon ko super na-realize na ayaw ko na. Hinahanap na nila ako sa office. Yung mga estudyante ko, hinahanap na rin ako. Two days akong nawala nang walang pasabi. Doon ko na-realize na I want to cut ties. Ayoko na ng hinahabol ng mga problemang gusto kong takasan. Nagpasa ako ng resignation to formally end my misery. I was relieved from my duties. Gusto ko na rin matigil ang mga speculations ng mga punyetang Marites sa school. Lalo na ng mga intrimitidang plastik na gustong alisin ako sa posisyon kasi gusto nila yung posisyon ko. I know my place. At hindi na sa STI 'yon.

I was lost. I am still. Sobrang disappointed ako sa takbo ng buhay ko. Ginawa akong alipin sa trabahong dapat ikinabubuhay ko pero mukhang papatay sa akin. 24/7 ang trabaho na para bang wala na kong buhay sa labas ng institusyon. Tapos makakarinig ako ng mga animal sa school na reklamador ako??? Punyemas! Apat na taon akong nagtiis. Ni minsan hindi ako dumerecho sa nakatataas para magreklamo. Ngayon lang. Ngayon lang na nasagad na 'ko. Tapos ganito??? Sisiraan ako ng mga hayop na talangka???

I sent my resignation. 10 pages para malupet. Kulang pa 'yan para sa halos apat na taon na pagdurusa. Akala ko dati, kapag eager ka sa trabaho, I'll receive compliments, recognition. Pero nagkamali ako. "Good job is equal to more jobs." Ganiyan ang kalakaran pala. Tapos yung mga taong akala mo ay supporters mo, hihilahin ka nila pababa kasi gusto nila ng mga priveleges na meron ka na wala sa kanila.

One month na akong tambay. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako pupulutin. Hindi ko na alam kung ano nang gusto kong maging. Ayoko na maging teacher. Nawalan na ko ng inspirasyon. Feeling ko, failure ako. Hindi ko natapos yung MA ko noon. Tapos ngayon, ni hindi ko man lang natapos yung sem. Ang dali kong sumuko. Naiiyak ako sa tuwing narerealize ko kung gaano ako katanga at hinahayaan kong masayang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko. Kahit anong motivating words ang makuha ko sa ibang tao, pakiramdam ko, sinasabi lang nila yon kasi hindi ako sila. Hindi nila alam yung nararamdaman ko. Iniinvalidate nila yung emosyon ko. Pinipilit nilang maging positive ako kahit hindi ko pa kaya ngayon. Ni hindi ko na nga makita yung sarili ko na masaya. Wala akong solid at permanent support system. I chose not to have one kasi alam ko namang people come and go. Hindi ko rin makuha yan sa pamilya ko kasi wala akong panahon dapat para magmukmok. Kailangan kong magtrabaho kasi bukod sa breadwinner ako, retirement plan na rin yata ako. Hindi man nila sinasabi, ganun yung pakiramdam ko. Suportado naman ako ng nanay ko sa mga desisyon ko. Pero alam kong alam namin pareho yung consequences ng mga desisyon ko.

Marami na kong in-applyan. Pero kada darating sa demo teaching stage, nagbaback out ako. Ewan ko ba. Na-trauma na yata ako sa academe. Parang ayoko na magtrabaho. Gusto ko na lang mawala.

Carms

[jillianwarts]

1-100

1. What have you eaten today?

liempo and rice after workout lol.

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

ex ko pa ata yon. Saks lang. HAHAHAHA

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

white sneakers.

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

si ano... philip. si davaoconyo hahaha. pakahayop ng mga skits non.

5. What is your favorite scent?

floral/powdery scent na perfume.

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

cuffin' season char. yung dating ber months. yung purely malamig lang pero di binabagyo.

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

neither

8. What color are your nails?

natural color. walang nail polish atm. pero sa feet, red.

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

ti... char. maliit na mukha ng puppy.

10. What is something you find romantic?

when someone makes the effort for you without you asking for it

11. Are you happy?

nope.

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

sad. yung credit card bills ko. maya't maya kaskas kala mo milyonarya e.

13. Dogs or Cats?

dogs.

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

library.

15. What is your style?

laid back.

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

sit by the beach while having my favorite drink and plainly staring at the moon.

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

single.

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

i don't like anyone right now. awit. baka meron ka dyan? hahaha. but if i like someone right now, it'll probably be because we could laugh at the same things and talk about the most random things lol.

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

nope. celebrities are boring. char.

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

noooope.

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

nanunuod siguro netflix. lol.

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

i decided not to change kasi perfect ako e. char HAHAHAHAHA

23. Were you ever in a school play?

yes. little teapot. HAHAHAHAHA nyeta.

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

dreams ni akira kurosawa. pinanuod lang namin to kasi pina-homework samin ng advertising professor namin before. i didn't even understand the whole point of the movie. baka i was just stupid. pero yep, that movie kasi di ko na din maintindihan life ko. hahahaha

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

dream ko makapunta sa lahat ng disney parks. haven't done it because madaming gastusin pero konti ang panggastos.

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

different stories and other things without any judgment.

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

pag mahilig sumapaw pag may nagkkwento tas magfofocus about sa sarili. also, pag physically/emotionally abused na nagsstay pa din sa jowa nilang kumag.

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

yung ma-ere tsaka walang proper hygiene.

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

na-approve yung project proposal ko, but it's also the worst thing this week kasi that's going to be one hell of a project to deal with. hahahaha

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

growing old alone.

31. How long was your longest relationship?

7 years. :D

32. Have you ever been in love?

yezzir.

33. Are you currently in love?

nawp. :(

34. Why did your last relationship end?

i got tired of the repetitive cheating.

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

none.

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

last week ata. dunno, hormones probably. not so fun fact, bigla na lang akong naiiyak pag sobrang pagod ko.

37. Name someone pretty.

Dana. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. gago. ano uh... hayley williams.

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

badtrip. HAHAHAHA wala.

39. Do you get jealous easily?

unfortunately, yes. as an only child who grew up getting everyone's attention... i even get jealous when my friends get new friends. hahaha. but i'm trying to change that.

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

yes mamser. ang saya saya. chz.

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

bestie, yes.

42. Ever had detention?

detention nope. pero na-disciplinary office. nung hs to. before christian living subject started, nagjajamming kami tas kinakantahan namin ng silvertoes yung isa naming kaklase na nagsabing crush daw siya ng lahat ng lalake sa classroom namin. ayon. umiyak siya sa teacher naming madre. tas lahat kaming magkakaibigan eh binitbit sa YLC office (basta siya yung may capability to suspend a student hahaha).

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

city. mamimiss ko ingay ng city pag tumira ko sa countryside lol.

44. What do people call you?

ganda. HAHAHAHAHAHA char gagi. dana perfect. char ulit. ano... dana.

45. What was the last book you read?

i decided to live as me.

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

10% lang ata kung yung stereotype na nerd na matalino. stupid ass. pero if being introverted... 80% lol.

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

r&b. pop. rap. minsan rock. minsan kpop.

48. How tall are you?

4'10. huhu

49. Do you like kids?

oks lang. wag lang yung mga mahilig magtantrums.

50. Favorite fruits?

green mango. strawberry. melon.

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans.

52. What’s your earliest memory?

yung tatay kong dadalhin ako sa ATC noon, tapos magtitingin tingin ng mga damit. tas papasok sa osh kosh no, may gusto kong ipabili tapos ayaw niya bilhin. tas nagstay lang ako sa tapat nung damit, tas sabi niya "tara na, pinapahiya mo ba ko?" pero pabulong lol

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

song ata. yung fling ko before. HAHAHAHA. ganda ba yarn? hahahahahaha

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

in front kasi vain tayo eh.

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

receipts from my different trips.

56. Do you save money or spend it?

spend. tangina sana magbago na ko. lol.

57. What would your dream house be like?

itong bahay namin, pero yung kwarto ko nasa rooftop.

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

getting stood off. getting shouted at. being lied to. yung tatanungin ka kung ano yung dapat gawin pero hindi ka pakikinggan hahahahaha. fifth... yung ginagawa ng gobyerno satin ngayon. lol.

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

money, new shoes, new clothes, food, kdrama.

60.         You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

syempre magtatawag ako ng ibang tao para kunin yung nalulunod na aso. di tayo bayani beh. kelangan natin ng pera kasi maluho tayo ih.

61. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a. sasabihin ko sa besties ko. b. magttravel na kami pa europe. c. hindi, hirap hirap mabuhay e.

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

evangelista. hahaahahahhaahha

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

switzerland.

64. Do you like the beach?

Y E E E E E E E E S.

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

i did before.

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

wag na beh.

67. Do you talk to yourself?

oo, pag agit.

68. Describe your hair.

dry as fuck. brown with a few streaks of blonde.

69. What is the meaning of life.

answered.

70. What is your ideal partner like?

someone mature enough to calm me when i'm being agitated. tsaka someone who can laugh with me even when it's the corniest thing in the world.

71. Do you want to get married?

right now? idk. i don't even have someone to marry. hahaha

72. Do you want to have kids?

not in this economy.

73. Like or dislike your family?

i prefer my father's side than my mom's.

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

smol chonk.

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

nah.

76. What would you change about your life?

financial situation.

77. Religious or Not?

not. accck.

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

my best friends.

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

yessir.

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

si barney. char. wala beh.

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

wala beh. wala naman akong wish makasama.

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

tatawag ako ng barangay. char.

83. Do you like when people play with your hair?

yeppppppppppppppppp. makes me sleepy

84. Do you like bubble baths?

yez.

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

nope. acab btw.

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

nope. di ako rnb singer e. sorry. HAHAHAHAHAHA

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

yep. tatay ko.

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

yung presentation and execution ng project ko HAHAHA

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

switzerland. sapporo. seoul. havana. paris. shanghai. hong kong. tokyo. california. florida.

90. How was your day today?

boring pero hectic.

91. Play an instrument?

used to play flute.

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

dangerous.

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

not really?

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

nope.

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

at work. sabi nila. eh ang bait bait ko naman kausap?

96. When are you vulnerable?

when i'm comfortable with someone. also pag may period lol.

97. How much free time do you have?

free ako after work and during weekends.

98. Do you like to go hiking?

nope.

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

odd.

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

went cliff diving and snorkeling already. wanna try sky diving and bungee jumping next.

salamat ho sa pagtatanong ng 100 questions agad agad. hahahaha!

[chuplado]

I just want to vent out.

*I will just put this here - I still don’t have the courage to say this out loud yet - since ‘di naman to makikita at wala namang usually ang nagbabasa nito, I will just use this medium to say anything I wanted to say*

Out of nowhere ngayong early in the morning, kakatapos lang ng shift ko, while I am watching Hospital Playlist in Netflix, may dalawang magkaibigan sa eksena. Yung isa, may sakit at yung isa naman, magdodonate ng liver for his bestfriend. Bigla kong naalala yung bestfriend ko sa mga sagutan nila sa eksena, naluha ako. Namiss ko pala yung bestfriend ko.

Simula nung nag-pandemic, napakadalang ko na syang makausap and at the same time, since 2019, even if magkalapit lang naman ang Bulacan at Metro, hindi kami nagkikita. May mga dahilan ako kung bakit - yes, he’s my bestfriend pero there are some reasons why I stopped communicating. Ganito yata talaga ako kapag gustong manahimik (on which one of my weird traits) - kahit gaano pa tayo magkalapit sa isa’t isa, maninibago at maninibago ka sa biglang pag-shift ng mood, ugali. at pakikitungo ko. I am not vocal pagdating sa mga nararamdaman ko - as much as possible, gusto kong sinasarili ko na lang, hahayaan ko na lang na sarili ko na lang ang masaktan kaysa makasakit pa ko ng damdamin ng iba. And yes, masama ang loob ko sa bestfriend ko.

Actually, dumating o humantong ako sa point na parang narerealize ko na I am about to cut ties na dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa at mga desisyon ko - thinking na ‘di ko deserved yung treatment  sa akin ng mga tao so I have to cut them out and I don’t think na deserved kong mag-stay sa mga ganung set-up. Pero on this case, para akong jowa na pilit pa ring nagta-try para maayos yung sitwayson at ang relasyon.

I’ve tried to reached out again nitong mga nakaraang buwan pero sobrang awkward na. Yung akala kong scenario na “kapag true friend mo, kahit magkalayo kayo at ‘di kayo nagkausap nang matagla na panahon, once magkausap ulit kayo, parang walang nagbago” eh hindi pala nag-aapply sa amin. Sobrang nagta-try ako bumuo ng conversation pero wala talaga - ang awkward na talaga. Even him, he didn’t even try to prolong the conversation. Wala na rin yung gaguhan sa chats - yes, I know, nagmamature and tumatanda na, pero mararamdaman mo naman yun eh... wala na yata talaga.

Pero kanina, I tried again. I started by mentioning that I missed him, na naalala ko siya dahil nga sa napanood ko. He replied and nangumusta siya - then I answered. I started to share my current state, that I am struggling to know what I really want in life at naguguluhan ako... then he answered quickly, “Sabi ko sa yo, mag part-time ka na sa FA (Financial Advisor) eh...”

Eto na naman nga..

He started to try to solve it again by giving me such statement - really? I just want to vent out eh!

Ganyan siya palagi! Isa yan sa mga dahilan bakit ‘di ko pinapansin ang mga chats niya nung mga nakaraang taon. Everytime magre-reach out ako, palagi isinisingit ang pag-aalok ng insurance at pag-aaya sa akin to be his FA sa team niya. Alam kong mahal niya ang ginagawa niya, pero utang na loob, sumosobra na. Maybe most of the people na makakabasa nito, iisipin na ang kitid ko naman mag-isip pero ito ang nararamdaman ko eh...

There’s a history rin kasi. May mga instances na nayaya ako sa mga businesses and I know, those are “sketchy“, like “too good to be true” pero sumama ako, for the sake of the passive income and yung pagpayag sa mga alok niya. Everything didn’t went well in the end - lahat, scam. ‘Di ko siya sinisisi, alam ko naman una pa lang na ‘di talaga magtatagal at magwowork yun, pero na-tanga lang din ako at sumubok ako sa ganun.

Everytime na magkakausap talaga kami nung mga nakaraang taon, di mawawala yung pag-aalok niya sa akin ng insurance. Yung tipong gusto ko lang talagang makipagkwentuhan, pero nauuwi pa rin dun. Magre-reach out lang din siya kapag di pa niya naaabot yung quota/target niya, pipilitin niya akong kumuha. Sa sobrang pagiging dedicated sa ginagawa niya, ‘di na yata napapansin yung epekto nun sa iba. Dumating sa point na iniiwasan ko na lang siyang kausapin. Kahit may mga pinagdadaanan ako na gusto kong i-share, ‘di ko magawa sa pagwoworry na baka dun na naman mauwi yung usapan.

Nalulungkot ako na ganito ang kinahihinatnan nito. I don’t have a lot of friends and yung nangyayari pa yung ganito, masakit para sa akin.And ending, wala talaga akong nakakausap. Dumating na akio sa point na tumawag na ako sa Employee Assistance Hotline ng company namin para lang may makausap at makapaglabas ng sama ng loob. Sobrang naaanxious na ko.

Hindi ko lang din maintindihan kung bakit parang wala lang para sa kanya na ganito na kami ngayon - hindi ba talaga big deal sa kanya na ‘di talaga kami nagkakausap? balewala lang ba talaga sa kanya?

Nakakapagod mag-isip... Gusto kong ibulalas ang lahat kasi nakakapagod nga. Papaano na lang kapag dumating na yung time sa plan ko na umalis na ng bansa, may magbabago kaya? Or totally back to zero talaga ako?

Sana maging ok na ako. Kahit walang ibang tao. Kahit mismo sa sarili ko na lang, sana maging ok na ako.