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freakypumpkin · 8 years ago

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BlindSpot Ch7

Surprise, nobody expected this. Yay.

Orphanage AU: Magnus has lived there since he'd been nine years old, and now one year before he has to leave the Institute, a new kid comes along. Alec Lightwood hates orphanages, hates foster families. He just wants to be left alone with his anger at the world. Two worlds clash like thunder and lightning and both guys are in for an interesting year.

Disclaimer: Magnus and Alec do not belong to me.

FF.net / Ao3

Chapter 7: In the Deep of the Night

Magnus had made the decision, that Jace was okay. He was a bit like a cloud on a sunny day. It would block the sun temporarily, but in general the weather would stay warm and therefore the blocked sunlight wasn't that big of an issue. Magnus even got used to the random questions around midnight, that came out of nowhere and didn't lead anywhere either. He himself had weird thoughts sometimes, wondered about random things. No big deal. Annoying, yes, but he could live with that.

What Magnus had a problem with, was Alec's willingness to discuss said questions in the middle of the night, because in his opinion, the question whether or not pigeons could have nightmares wasn't exactly his number one priority. The same could be said for the last names of clowns, the hidden meaning behind companies naming furniture or whether or not numbers had feelings. Apparently Alec's priorities were different and more aligned with Jace' random spurts of random interests.

"I mean, I'm pretty sure, that cats dream," Jace said right then and Magnus groaned into his pillow. "You remember the cat, that lived in that one church? How the whiskers always shook, when it was sleeping? That had to have been a dream. Maybe even a nightmare."

Magnus felt Alec shift next to him, but he wasn't in the mood to look up from the darkness of his pillow. A small part of him sort of hoped, that their conversation would fade into the background and only provide a form of white noise for Magnus to fall asleep to.

"Yeah, but pigeons are not exactly that closely related to cats, don't you think?," Alec wondered and Magnus was pretty sure, that the picked the hand chained to Magnus' on purpose to rub his chin with. "I also still think, naming that cat 'Church' wasn't the most brilliant thing you ever came up with."

To his own surprise Magnus snorted at that, and judging by the following silence, it was to the surprise of his two roommates as well. He only slightly turned his head to the side to peek at Alec and Jace with one eye from the depths of his pillow, which he was sharing with Alec, too. "That poor cat", he muttered, not quite able to get rid of the grin on his face.

Jace lifted his head to glare at him. "There's nothing wrong with the name, okay? The cat lived in a church, you call it Church. It's not like he had a name tag or anything. And what else would you have suggested?"

"The great Catsby," Magnus deadpanned. The school library had added the book last year in a new edition and Magnus adored the cover design. Next to him, Alec sounded like he was choking on something, which Magnus eventually understand as the attempt to hold in laughter. It filled him with a certain pride, that he tried not to let it go to his head.

"That is so cheesy," Jace huffed on the other side of the bed and let his head fall down onto the pillow again. They only had one pillow, Magnus remembered, so he was sharing one with Jace, too.

"Still more inventive than 'Church'," Alec muttered between them. He probably instantly regretted it, as Jace poked his finger into Alec's side making him squeal in shock and wriggling, pushing himself even more against Magnus, as Jace continued his attack. It was warm and fuzzy and left Magnus in a sort of haze, that was only broken, when he only barely saved himself from falling out of the bed. He reached across Alec to grab Jace' hand, effectively stoping the tickling. HIs other, free hand was forcefully wrapped around the edge of the bed.

"I would very much like to remain in the bed and not sleep on the floor or even kiss the floor again," he explained to Jace' questioning gaze and tried to ignore the very close contact of Alec's body and the other's heavy breathing agains the side of his neck, at the same time. While the handcuffed hand held Jace' hand and forcefully dragged Alec's hand along, he used his free hand to awkwardly pat Magnus' side, followed by a breathless:

"Thank you." That was definitely not something to cause goosebumps breaking out on Magnus skin, not at all.

Jace took his hand back and muttered an apology as he settled down in the place between Alec and the wall again. Alec on the other hand stayed where he was, pressed close to Magnus, his gaze glued to Jace' hands in remaining suspicion, while his own hand kept absentmindedly stroking Magnus' side. And as maybe pleasant/endearing/something completely different Magnus found that, it didn't change the fact, that his other hand started cramping in the attempt to keep holding onto the edge of the bed. He so planned on sleeping against the wall the next time. That way, he could just push Jace out of the bed, when he'd begin that late night quiz show again. But for now, he cleared his throat awkwardly, trying to bring Alec's attention to what needed to be done.

"Uh, Alec? I don't want to interrupt your staring contest over there, but maybe -"

Alec turned his face halfway to Magnus. Then he became aware of the situation and in an almost embarrassed panic moved away from Magnus. In his eagerness though, he knocked Jace in the face with his elbow, to which Jace poked his side again, Alec shrieked back, hitting their heads against each other, which lead to a kick of Magnus' foot against Alec's leg and ended with Jace being pressed against wall, Magnus half on his stomach, one arm pulled across Alec, who had his legs entangled with both of them; something Magnus would have never thought possible.

"I feel like we need a bigger bed," Jace offered with the voice of an overly attentive shop assistant.

"We don't have bigger beds," Magnus growled. He felt cold in a weird kind of way and it aggravated him, but the anger wasn't directed at the other two guys in the room, more at himself, and it didn't make any sense. Alec just let out a huge breath, but stayed silent otherwise.

The conclusion, that three people were simply too much for this bed hung above them like a dark cloud, but none of them wanted to inhale the smog by saying it out loud. Magnus had thought about it several times since Jace had arrived at the orphanage and was here to stay as it turned out. Alec had become calmer since then, had made less comments about leaving or how he disliked having to stay at the orphanage. It was quite clear, that his earlier determination was directly linked to his desire to find Jace again, to get back to his friend. Now that friend was here, would stay with him, where they had a roof over their heads and a warm meal each day.

There was no need for Magnus to stay handcuffed to Alec. He didn't have to police Alec anymore and with the sleeping arrangement slowly becoming unbearable for Magnus' taught nerves, he finally made the decision to take the handcuffs off in the morning. Alec and Jace could stay in this room upstairs, Magnus would move back downstairs, back to his old life, which sounded weird and heartbreaking at the same time. It felt the same way, too.

"But taken the possibility of pigeons having nightmares: What kind of nightmares would they have?"

Magnus was too tired to even get upset at this continuation of the former conversation.

"Being fed gluten free bread?"

Though his body wasn't too exhausted for his lips to break into a broad grin at Alec's dead serious answer. He was glad for the darkness hiding his expression, for the possibility to hide his face in the pillow, as it felt much too private of an emotion to share easily.

-+-

"You're breaking up with me?"

Magnus let his hands fall down to the table with exasperation, but Alec didn't really care about that, his attention was held by the little key in Magnus' hand. He knew that key, he had thought about wrestling it free from Magnus' grip before, stealing it and opening the handcuffs himself to get out of this forced deal they had going on. But now, when Magnus was actually willing to take the handcuffs of, it felt a tiny bit like he was rejecting Alec, which was stupid, sure, but still.

"What? No!" Magnus' voice wild with confusion pulled Alec back from his internal chaos. "And we aren't even dating. How could I be breaking up with you?"

"According to that kid in our class, you know, that seat in front of me, we're married."

Magnus shot him his best 'Are you kidding me?'-look, but Alec didn't back down. There was a sudden urgency cursing through his veins at the mere prospect of not being handcuffed to Magnus anymore. It was the most surreal experience he'd ever had.

"Yes, and that same kid was convinced the headmaster was leading a dark cult or something last year. And may I remind you, that the word 'marriage' was brought into that kid's mind by you, mister." Magnus raised his free hand, which was holding the small key and jabbed it half-heartedly against Alec's chest. "Now, quit making a fuss about this. I'm taking these off. " He reached down again, put the key in the keyhole, turned it and the handcuffs fell off. Alec felt cold and empty, a bit like a pouting child as well. "And you'll be free to roam the place on your own, even go to the bathroom without supervision."

"Oh, you're so kind."

Magnus took the handcuffs away and took off the cloth, they had wrapped around their wrists to protect the skin beneath the metal. Reluctantly Alec did the same. He felt Magnus' eyes on him, but kept gaze down focused on the traces the cloth had left on his wrist. There were no serious marks, just visible reminders of the folds in the fabric, a bit red.

"Simply keep in mind, that I will probably hunt you down personally if you try to get away again." Magnus stood up, put both hands on top of the table between them and leaned forward, staring Alec down the best he could. "Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir," Alec replied with his best military impression, the dead serious expression included, and even managed a small salute without hitting Magnus in the face. They stared at each other for a few seconds after that and like Alec himself, Magnus didn't seem too eager to break the intense eye contact, they had built. After a moment, Alec was a bit worried, that Magnus was trying to control his annoyance or rage at Alec's mocking response, but then he noticed how the corner of Magnus' mouth twitched. The other was holding back a smile, which instantly affected Alec, who struggled with keeping his lips in a straight line himself. He slowly put his hand down again, still looking at Magnus, and noticed, how suddenly the mood between them completely changed.

The tension of Alec's expression melted away and slipped right down into his chest, where it grabbed his heart and held it tight. Magnus' face changed as well. His eyes grew softer, but his expression became somehow more distant than before. The air had felt much warmer, when there had been the mock-anger, the strict lines and that barely concealed smile, whose edges Alec had almost been able to touch, had he chosen to do so. They had been closer, but now their masks had slipped away, were misplaced just a bit and something had become uncovered.

Alec's chest ached with the desire to reach out, trying to pull back the warmth from before.

"Just stay out of trouble for a bit longer. Do you think, you can manage that?" Magnus' voice was soft and quiet and timid, like there was something between those words, that he didn't want to pierce by speaking too loud, too fast.

The ache in Alec's chest became painful, the skin of his forearms buzzed and he wanted to reach out, wanted to feel, yet it was like he was already feeling too much.

"I promise," he eventually said, soft and cautious, just like Magnus before. And it was the second secret, they would keep just between them.

Magnus nodded, then he leaned back, pulled the magic of the moment with him until it tore apart and they were back in their own realities, the sharp line of the table standing between them. Magnus cleared his throat and wiped invisible dust off his hands. His fingers ghosted over the wrist, that had been held by the handcuffs just a few minutes ago. Alec balled his own hand into a loose fist, his own wrist feeling oddly exposed. It's normal, he told himself. The skin had been covered almost the whole time, it was normal to feel this way. The pain in his chest begged to differ though.

"See you at dinner."

And then he left the room. Alec remained at the table, looking after Magnus, unsure of what to do or what to feel. His right hand lifted off the wood, a weak attempt of his heart to beat, the pain in his chest leaping before freezing into hollow ball and nothing else. There were some other kids around at the other tables in the main room. Alec could feel several pairs of eyes on him, it was a dull pressure on skin, a weight in his legs. His own gaze fell down at the table and his fingers were absent-mindedly knocking against the table top.

He was a child again, small and insecure and incredibly lonely.

-+-

Jace felt fidgety. He now even had enough space in the bed for moving constantly and without being pressed against the wall. He chewed on his lower lip, rolled his shoulders as good as that was possible in this position, his eyes glued to the ceiling. But then he took a deep breath and slowly moved his head to look at Alec, who was lying next to him on top of the blanket and without changing his clothes. Alec had barely said a thing during dinner. He had only stared down at his food and not even eaten that much. They had brushed their teeth in silence, and now they lay here in silence.

As he watched Alec's profile now, Jace thought, he could see 'stubbornness' and 'sadness' taking turns flying across his best friend's face. Something was wrong, and it always made Jace restless, when Alec chose to escape into his own head instead of yelling against a wall and throwing his emotions into the world. It meant, that Alec couldn't sort out whatever was wrong or off, he just felt it and suffered. Jace didn't like that.

"You want to talk about it?", he eventually whispered, even though it was more of a scream in their shared silence.

"Talk about what?" Alec didn't look away from the ceiling. Jace could see, how he clenched his jaw and was close to rolling his own eyes. But then he remembered, that this response was the most honest reaction Alec could give. If he couldn't work out, what was wrong, what was he supposed to talk about.

"You're suffering," Jace carefully moved forward, keeping a close look on Alec's reaction. There was a long time of nothing and then …

"Yes." Alec turned his head a bit to look at Jace out of the corner of his eye and Jace was glad, that he had managed to pull him back from that place far back in his head that easily.

When they'd first met, Alec had had almost played hide and seek with the world sometimes. He wouldn't look at anything in particular, wouldn't listen to anything, wouldn't talk about anything specific, he would withdraw, when the world became unbearable. He would function on a basic level, but he wouldn't care about or engage in anything. It would drive Jace insane because the parallel to his own futile attempts to make his father acknowledge him, when he'd been younger, was too strong. It always felt like his best friend was slipping away and a pale, yet much too real copy of his parents came forth, and that had scared Jace so much the first time it happened, he'd ended up slapping Alec as hard as he could. There had been quite the fight after that, which had found its final round in them just holding each other.

Jace had gotten better in handling his own reaction, reminding himself, that the person in front him was his best friend, needing his help and not his asshole father doing it on purpose. The second time, Jace had gone for a kiss to have the surprise still on his side, but without the pain for Alec. It had turned into one of the most awkward moments, they'd ever shared and they had agreed on never talking about that again.

"Where is the pain located?" Jace inquired, while he moved to lie on his stomach, pushing himself up on his elbows to be able to look down at Alec's face without Alec having to twist his neck.

Alec lifted his hands and stretched out his fingers. "Beneath the skin," he replied. "Inside of my chest and around the eyes."

"That sounds like a very sincere wound," Jace went on, and only a bit, a tiny bit, imitated a doctor from the last orphanage they'd been at together, mocking the guy's arrogant manner of speech. "Is there any indication to where you might have injured yourself throughout this rather bleak day?" It was a cautious attempt to tickle Alec's ears a bit, to coax a smile out of that expressionless face and there was a soft, little smile tugging at the corner of Alec's lips.

"No great tragedy has occurred today," Alec replied, also adapting that way of speaking Jace had started, and they shared a short laughter before Jace' eyes fell on Alec's now freely moving hands again. By shuffling a bit, he managed to reach out with one hand, grabbing Alec's wrist, which had been adorned with the handcuffs before. Alec's gaze wandered to Jace' fingers holding his wrist.

"Maybe not a tragedy on the surface, maybe not a tragedy at all, if you would have to judge the situation objectively," Jace whispered, raising a questioning eyebrow at Alec, who took a shuddering breath. He took his wrist again, closing his eyes and letting the idea wash over him - Jace knew that expression all too well. He put his own hand down again, patiently waiting for Alec to come back to him.

"Can't I decide myself if it's a tragedy or not?" Alec eventually said, with a spark of childish stubbornness.

Jace shrugged as good as possible, smiling at his friend. "Of course, you can. It's about your emotional state after all. I'm just saying, that if you go through the things, that happened today and look for a tragedy from an objective standpoint, tragedies like they have happened in our past, you might not find what's causing you pain right now."

"You're really annoying, when you're being all smart and stuff, you know that?", Alec growled, glaring up at Jace half-heartedly. In return Jace flashed him a brilliant grin, which would have earned him a pillow to the face, had the situation been different.

"But you still love me, right?" Alec rolled his eyes, his lips breaking into a smile, washing away the frown. Much calmer Jace continued:

"And you like him, right?"

Alec's eyes flew back to him again, big and round and burning with emotions. It was a reaction so strong, even Jace was surprised by it. After opening and closing his mouth like a fish on dry land a few times, Alec looked away again and awkwardly cleared his throat. He didn't deny it right of the bat though, which Jace took as a good sign.

"That makes - you know, surprisingly, that's - maybe, I'm not sure, but objectively speaking and -" He took a deep, audible breath before placing one hand in front of his mouth, his eyes still carrying the kind of after effects of a sudden realization. "This might actually be true," he stage-whispered. Jace nodded in the most supportive manner he could manage. He still half-expected Alec to run down Denial Lane, but oddly enough that didn't happen.

"Huh … interesting."

Jace kept on nodding until he suddenly had a realization himself. "Oh, that means, I can sing cheesy love songs to you and everybody else will be like super confused and-"

"Don't you dare!"

-+-

Magnus stared into the darkness of the bedroom. It is nice, he told himself. There is enough space, nobody talking randomly and a pillow just for myself, he reminded himself. He'd been doing that over the past two hours now and still he couldn't fall asleep for some probably goddamn stupid reason. He was also surprised at the sudden bursts of anger he had experienced over the past two hours.

It should have been easy. His pajama was comfortable, his blanket kept him warm, but not too warm. His pillow was fluffy. The room wasn't overheated. Again, nobody was randomly wondering about pigeons and he had been tired - he was tired. It was like sleep was mocking him and he didn't get why, which was always aggravating.

With a heavy sigh, Magnus turned to the other side, for what felt the umpteenth time this night. Everybody else was asleep. Why was it so easy for everybody to sleep? Why was only he having issues? Growling he pressed his eyes shut and curled his hands against his chest. His fingers brushing over his wrist … the wrist, that wasn't held by handcuffs anymore. Right. He wasn't even tied to somebody, who would drag his arm into the most uncomfortable positions during the night or end up lying on top of his arm somehow.

Magnus huffed against his pillow. It was soft and smelt fresh. He had made his bed before going to bed, had gotten a new blanket and a new pillowcase because he liked the feeling and it seemed appropriate after spending all the time upstairs. But it didn't have the desired effect.

"It smells different," he muttered to himself and his voice felt lost in the darkness. And of course it smelled different, it was fresh from the laundry room, but that wasn't what he only now realized. It smelled different from the pillow upstairs and while the blanket kept him warm, it wasn't the same as body heat. "You've got to be kidding me."

He had shared a bed for only a few weeks, it was maybe a month and … it had been longer, than he'd thought apparently. Magnus frowned and stopped in his attempt to count the nights or weeks he'd shared the bed with Alec with his fingers. But it couldn't possibly be, that he got that accustomed to another person sleeping next to him, right? He had shared beds before, and he never had had exceptional problems with falling asleep based on how the sleeping arrangements had been. Prove in point was the fact, that he had gotten any sleep at all since Jace' arrival. This officially sucked. But Magnus wouldn't give up that easily. No, he enjoyed having a bed to himself and no random questions keeping him either awake of waking him up in the middle of the night. This was a luxury and he was lucky to have it and okay, maybe he would have trouble for a few nights, but he would manage, he always did and-

In the middle of his angry, silent rant, Magnus' ears suddenly picked up the faint sound of distant - singing? He held his breath and listened very very closely until he recognized it as indeed signing. It was a very quiet, very off-key version of 'I will always love you', sung by a voice, that Magnus was now sure of, would haunt him even in his dreams. Jace. Magnus shook his head slightly in annoyance and pulled the blanket over his head. He would lecture Jace on that behavior the next morning, if he wouldn't get an earful from at least one advisor, that had been awoken by Jace' musical talent. Jocelyn slept upstairs, too, and-

A door was opened, angry steps, a hissing voice. "Poor Alec," Magnus mumbled as he curled up beneath the blanket, trying to fit his long body underneath it.

Sleep still avoided him for the next three hours.

#malec au #malec stuff #ThunderFFupdates #Magnus Bane #alec lightwood #orphanage AU #malec

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