#This wouldn't count as fictionalization as Watson wouldn't know

[quill-of-thoth]

Letters from Watson: The Man with the Twisted Lip

Crimes in Context. Sit down bloggers, it's time for a few rounds with my current least-favorite monetary system, and an actual scale of the wealth difference between the poorest and wealthiest Victorians. I already did some math here, where @thethirdromana did some research regarding other contemporary math failures about begging. I swear this will be interesting after we get through the math.

Imperial Currency Definitions

Pound, or "quid" or "pound sterling": Literally one pound of silver coins. (Sterling is a silver alloy.) The gold coin representing it was called a Sovereign. It's worth 240 pennies or 20 shillings. There was also a gold half-sovereign. (120 pennies, 10 shillings...)

Shilling: 1/20th of a pound. A silver coin. Penny also pence, but only as a plural: 1/240th of a pound, or 1/12th of a shilling. Confusingly, there were silver pennies, copper pennies, and bronze pennies, with the exact same value, during the 1800's - silver pennies were minted specifically for royal charity, to be given out on Maundy Thursday. (The day before Good Friday.)

A lot of victorian accounts are written in Pounds, shillings, pennies, represented as L/s/d, but there were also other coins. I do not like them any better than this setup, but they provide context, so here we go.

Guinea: One pound and one shilling. Not it's own coin by the 1890's, since the last ones were minted in 1814, probably because they're stupid. I've seen it cited that if a professional gentleman was paid a guinea he got the pound and his clerks or assistants got the shilling.

Crown: Five shillings / a quarter pound. Represented by a silver coin.

Sixpence / Fourpence (Groat) / threepence / twopence (half-groat): conveniently, the numbers within the name tell you all you need to know. These were silver but twopence was also only minted for Maundy money during this era. Halfpenny / Ha'penny: Half a penny, a bronze coin. Farthing: A quarter of a penny, also a bronze coin, presumably for transactions like buying a single egg or leaving an extremely insulting tip.

Typical Wages:

Poverty: Laborers and factory workers may get anything from 4 shillings (0.2 pounds) to 1 pound per week. Women and children were routinely paid much less for the same work as men. Francis Moulton's 8s room from The Noble Bachelor cost up to two weeks wages per night. If an average adult male working in a factory was paid about 1 pound per week, he would make about 50-52 pounds per year. If a maid was paid 4 shillings a week, she would make about 10 pounds a year. If a child was paid 1 shilling a week, they would make about two and a half pounds a year. My sources cited a variety of years from 1860 on, so take all of these as ballpark estimates. The difference between 10 pounds and 50 pounds per year doesn't sound that stark, but today it's the equivalent of 1,000 pounds (1,200 USD) and 5,000 pounds (6,000 USD). Neither is enough to live on now, and it wasn't enough to live independently then, but it's the difference between living on L 2.7 / USD 3.2 a day and L 13.7 / USD 16.4 per day: You starve a lot faster at that first rate.

(Obligatory note that live in servants often had it better than factory workers making the same wage on account of having room and board provided as part of their compensation. Hence why a governess - a gentlewoman in distress - considers L50 a year a fairly comfortable wage: she's not paying rent, or for the bulk of her food. Like today's population of new graduates teaching English abroad.)

Comparative Wealth: Neville St. Clair states he's making about L 700 a year by begging. This is the equivalent of 71,000 pounds / 85,200 USD today. It's about the same salary as a modern university chairperson. At the time of this story it's enough to live in an upper middle class suburb very securely, with several servants. It is, however, an absolute bullshit number. To acquire five hundred and sixty six (ish) pennies per day, in 691 coins, St Clair probably had upwards of five hundred people toss him a coin. Presuming that the reason nobody gave him twopence was low circulation of that specific coin, we can estimate that few, if any, people gave him three pence or more, judging by a lack of any of three pence, four pence, or sixpence coins. (There also aren't any farthings but I'm not sure what 0.25 pennies could actually buy you in those days. Possibly people who had any money to spare didn't carry them.) If Neville works his corner for just long enough to get home by the 5:15 train, and it takes him maybe ten minutes to change out of his disguise, it's a reasonable assumption that he leaves his corner by 4:30 ish. He isn't noted as leaving particularly early in the mornings either, so I'm going to roughly estimate that he works about eight hours a day. If so he is earning more than a penny per MINUTE begging. He's getting someone throwing him a penny every 55ish seconds. There's a line of his benefactors dropping coins into his hat. Threadneedle street was home to the Bank of England and the London Stock Exchange: presumably St. Clair picked this location because people going to and from either actually had some money to spare. But it also leads to an inevitable alternate idea: since it's impossible for St. Clair to be regularly making two pounds a day begging, perhaps his beggar disguise is for more criminal reasons... perhaps a long running plot to rob the bank? Either he is casing the place or he's a lookout. Or perhaps he's the accomplice of a clerk skimming his own pound or two a day out of the change from deposits, handing it over to St. Clair whenever he walks out for lunch or at the end of his day so that he's never discovered with a truly stupid amount of pennies.

And as far as Holmes is concerned... he's brilliantly deduced the bizarre portion of this case. Who cares that the scale of the begging is impossible? The Victorian middle class could be just as blinded by propaganda regarding the poor as we can be today. Even though there were no official public services and the myth of the welfare queen is a modern invention there were definitely people who resented the entire idea of charity: human nature has not completely changed in the last 130 years.

[shelikesthosefunnypeople]

"Today we're talking about Alan Partridge and his repressed bisexuality." YES. Sign me UP.

First of all, I can offer more insight into the Michael drawing! Its first appearance is in Alan's second autobiography or third if we're counting Bouncing Back, Nomad. Alan has a whole chapter about Michael, their relationship, Michael's disappearance after jumping off the pier, and how Alan has regrets, things he wishes he could say to him, and just generally a lack of closure because he doesn't know what happened to him. In fact, as he tells us near the end, every paragraph in the chapter spells out a message to Michael, incase he's still alive.

Alan drew Michael because a therapist suggested it to him. He says he doesn't have any pictures of him because flashes spooked Michael and Alan couldn't figure out how to turn his flash off, so he used Michael's old North Norfolk Digital security pass photo to draw him from. The drawing we see is actually one of several, but it's the one Alan is the most pleased with.

Side note: soooo happy about the return of Michael at the end of the last podcast series! I never expected Michael to come back, or be alive, so that was actually very sweet.

So, Alan Partridge's repressed bisexuality: one of my favourite niche topics of conversation.

There is a tradition, in real life and in fiction, of strait-laced conservative types being very kinky or gay (or both) behind closed doors. These guys practically invented repression, after all. What Alan is willing to be open about has changed over the years - pre and post breakdown is probably the main dividing line, so between S1 and S2 of I'm Alan Partridge.

Alan says at one point in This Time: "As a child, I was always taught to squash my feelings down." We don't know everything about Alan's upbringing, and we only have Alan's biased viewpoint, but clearly his dad was a bit of a cunt and he didn't feel especially emotionally close to his mum, either. Homophobia was definitely part and parcel of his upbringing, which isn't surprising considering the time period and the kind of family he was born into. I mean, the Partridges... they're, uh, interesting, to say the least.

Another sidenote: I assume for several reasons that Alan's Grandad Graham, who he has spoken about very fondly in recent stuff, was his mother's father, not his father's father, so he wasn't a Partridge and was therefore spared the curse of being a twat. Although, Fernando is hopefully bucking that trend.

There is a picture in I, Partridge that Alan says is him as a kid (pretty sure it is indeed a picture of Steve Coogan as a kid). This is the caption:

On the day this was taken, my parents had been called into school by the headmaster because he was concerned my posture had homosexual overtones. He'd been alerted by my tendancy to turn in my right knee and my preference for slip-on shoes. Also note that my father had insisted I tuck my tie into my shorts. In terms of psychological abuse, this was just the tip of the iceberg.

Now, despite the over-dramatising at the end there (Alan also cites being asked to pick up leaves as further evidence of abuse), the headmaster singling Alan out like this for something innocuous just highlights how ingrained homophobia was in all corners of his world. I mean, obviously this is a comic exaggeration of mid-20th century Middle England attitudes, but since we are being all analytical - in kid Alan's world, this is pretty heavy stuff. We know his dad beat him, and I can't imagine his reaction to this chat with the headmaster would have been particularly calm. What will the neighbours say!

As well as this, Alan tells us his mum wouldn't let him read Sherlock Holmes as a child, as she was absolutely convinced Holmes and Watson were a couple and had frequent sex (with Watson being the dominant one). She seemed to have very detailed ideas about it, actually. Dorothy Partridge was a Johnlock anti before it was even mainstream. But anyway, interesting then that Alan as an adult read all of Sherlock Holmes - or so he claims in radio KMKYWAP. To be fair, he may have been lying to look impressive, and he did think Sherlock Holmes was a real person who wrote the books... but these two pieces of Alan lore were created two decades apart, so y'know.

I think all of this explains what Armando Iannucci and Steve Coogan have said at various points about Alan's fear that he might be gay, which means he checks sometimes (eg: Bangkok Chickboys). If doing something as subconscious as turning in your right knee might mean you're gay, you're going to have to be very vigilant with yourself and keep checking to make sure you're not, right? Whatever way people want to read Alan's sexuality, I think that's true about him. Or was, anyway. As you've mentioned, he is more relaxed about it these days.

So, Alan's homophobia and transphobia. What's all that about? Pretty clear roots - fear, toxic masculinity, all the classic shit. Alan's attitudes to queer people have changed a lot over 30 years. Originally, when Alan was at the spikier, less nuanced end of bigoted Little Englander, he was openly hostile to queer people. Examples include Nick Ford, a bisexual lawyer who comes on radio KMKYWAP, and of course Daniella Forest on TV KMKYWAP. As with all bigotry, these incidents reflect on Alan, not the characters he is being bigoted towards. The joke's on him. In the Nick Ford instance, he says something very revealing:

Nick: If this was a normal child, with a normal father, they would sue you immediately. You should be careful. I don't think you'd like it in prison; all those men...

Alan: Listen. What are you insinuating? What are you saying? Are you saying that I, Alan Partridge, would end up in prison and maybe, what? Get friendly with some bloke?

Nick: Who knows, Alan.

Alan: And maybe I'd be in the shower with him, and- and- and- and maybe we'd just start wrestling and mucking about, and then he'd probably start soaping my back down, and then, you know, we'd kiss each other tenderly. Is that what you're saying? Because that is untrue. That is-

Nick: It's all in your imagination, Alan.

Alan: Well, if you're insinuating that's what I secretly want-

Nick: No further questions, Your Honour! No further questions.

This is one of a few excessively detailed gay hypotheticals Alan comes up with. Now, I know excessively detailed is Alan's whole thing, but these are still quite telling. Another one comes a few years later - there are a couple of variants of it, but the basic premise is Alan interviews a gay man played by Simon Pegg and at one stage asks him about a detailed hypothetical scenario wherein Alan goes home with a man. In both variants, Alan is less prickly and hostile about Simon Pegg's character being gay, certainly much less prickly and hostile than he was towards Nick Ford. I mean, he still absolutely puts his foot in it, because he's Alan Partridge, but there has been a slight softening.

The most recent Alan incarnations are more nuanced and have more pathos, which Steve Coogan attributes to the Gibbons brothers. Steve Coogan says the 21st century Alan is a nicer man. Alan does move with the times; you have to give him that. He's still completely a conservative - stubbornly so, in some funny cases - but he's more socially liberal now. I would say Lynn probably holds views further to the right than him, as does his current girlfriend, Katrina have you seen her?.

There's a bit in Mid Morning Matters where he talks to Simon about how he developed "a fairly robust dislike of the gay community" but, thanks to Dale Winton, realised he has absolutely nothing to worry about. Since then, Alan has interacted with other queer characters. In fact, he says in I, Partridge that he and Glen Ponder still go to Nandos together, despite everything that's happened between them. There is still a slight awkwardness when Alan interacts with most people he knows aren't straight, a tension, but I think a lot of that comes from him being terrified of putting his foot in it and being #cancelled. Alan has a paradox going on where he lacks self-awareness, but is also very aware of what things you cannot say publicly. He shows that as early as KMKYWAP, when he tells Elsie Morgan to shut it when she's being racist, so the people who complain that Alan has suddenly "gone woke" are just wrong, actually. He's just not a complete idiot.

Something that has been previously hinted at but only confirmed in the latest series of his podcast is that Denise, Alan's daughter, is gay. Alan and Denise have a complicated relationship if you can call it that. He very obviously favours his son, Fernando, simply for the virtue of being male. Alan doesn't really have anything particularly negative to say about Denise, he just doesn't have much to say at all. Still, the fact he knows Denise is gay says something. When she was growing up, Alan was still openly homophobic. Fernando didn't invite Alan to his wedding and refuses to ever see him (which is fair - would you want this man as your father?), though he does communicate with him by text and lets him spend days with him grandchildren from time to time. I could go off on one about Alan and his grandchildren here, but I will restrain myself.

In This Time, we learn that during Alan's one week of vegetarianism that he had a new free half hour every day due to how much easier going to the toilet was (lovely). He says he spent the extra time reconnecting with Denise, meeting her in his favourite Starbucks for a chat and welcome catch up. So, despite everything that being the daughter of Alan Partridge must entail, she agreed to meet up with him. It is interesting to me both that Alan would think to initiate this and that Denise would go along with it.

Alan is still pretty awkward about Denise's sexuality. We'll have to see if anything else is said in the future. But the Alan Partridge of the early 90s was not a man you would come out to, even if he was your father. Clearly, this is a big shift.

We can see this shift in another facet of his life, too, because, until recently, Alan had a gay friend - and losing that gay friend was not even his fault. Let's think about that for a moment: a man who was once openly homophobic, both scared and disgusted by the idea of being gay, has gotten to the point where he has a gay friend. And that's not all. An episode from the most recent series of From the Oasthouse is all about Alan's gay friend, Adam, who came out to Alan and relied on Alan to cover for him whenever his wife came sniffing. Alan helped him practice coming out to his wife, which is where we get the very hilariously performed line: "How many men have you been with, Adam!?" but also Alan's assertion, said "in character" as Adam's wife, that we've all been tempted by the same sex, but we resist.

Hmm. Is that true? Straight friends of mine tell me no, it is not. As I say, Alan said this "in character" as Adam's wife, but just saying it at all is suspicious.

This episode is all littered with interestingly phrased moments that suggest a queer subtext Alan seems obliviously unaware of. He mentions how several closeted gay men have come out to him in confidence (a terrible idea because Alan can't hold his own piss ever). He thinks this is because they can sense he too is burdened with a dark secret. He alludes to this twice, if memory serves, and both times the secret is something silly that Alan is blowing up to be massive. For example, he says he started telling people he has 4 A Levels when he only has 3 (odd because previously it has been stated he only has 2, but I'm nitpicking).

When Adam's wife finally finds out about his sexuality and decides the solution is for them to move away and start afresh, effectively forcing him back into the closet, Alan is the one who tries to stop Adam from going. He is there by the car before they drive away, telling Adam he can't deny who he is and that he's "a gay pressure cooker". This, I think, is actually quite touching by Alan Partridge's standards and is a million miles away from the interview with Nick Ford. Don't get me wrong, Alan is by no means the ideal person for such a situation - or any situation requiring tact and sensitivity, really - but I think he is trying.

Dear god this idiot man is far too endeared to me.

Similarly, despite being something of a representative of the "gammon" type men in Britain, Alan is different in that he is no longer virulently transphobic. I think he finds identity politics and pronouns and the idea that gender is a spectrum confusing, and he isn't immune from making crass comments about it, but there have been a few recent Partridge things where trans people have been mentioned by him in a way that suggests he wants to be seen as an ally, such as having a transwoman character in a book he was writing. Obviously, he's one of the most performative allies on earth - and I imagine he'd be absolutely terrified of getting caught between TERFs and trans rights activists - but I think it makes sense that he's less reactionary about trans people now than the average gammon type because, as we all know, Alan does have certain, uh, proclivities. The writers could have gone down the route of these proclivities resulting in him being an absolute monster on trans issues, projecting his own internal fears and disgust with himself on to trans people, as he did with Daniella Forest in KMKYWAP, but Alan has evolved since then.

Alan and Michael has been covered, although I will quickly point out how Alan spends almost the entirety of Never Say Alan Again acting like a spurned spouse when he finds out Michael has another friend. He is possessive of Michael in the same insecure, petty, bitter way he is with Simon later, but there is an extra edge of malice to his relationship with Simon that isn't there with Michael, as has been pointed out. Alan's behaviour around John/Bleachy Head through series 2 of I'm Alan Partridge is notable, too - Alan's intimidated by him, as he's a working class guy from Manchester, but he recognises John as masculine and clearly wants his approval. Just listen to his voice when John says he thinks Alan would make a good James Bond.

But anyway, Dan.

He's only in one episode, but Dan's surely an important and classic part of the Partridge lore. There is a deleted bit from the scene where Alan sits on the sofa with Dan's wife and she caresses his thigh. The deleted bit involves her mentioning to Alan that she has a girlfriend, and him saying doesn't she mean boyfriend, and her clarifying that, no, she means girlfriend. Behold: a bisexual encounter! Is Dan also bisexual? I mean, he does stroke Alan at one point. Aside from that, there's nothing 100% undeniably overt in the episode, but I'd say the case for him being bisexual is pretty strong. The case grows stronger with another deleted scene, which reveals there are other naked people in the house - truly the sex festival of sex people.

Alan becomes obsessed with Dan pretty quickly. He thinks he's great; he can't believe how much they have in common. Throughout Alan's life, for various reasons, he's been quite lonely, so he absolutely jumps at the chance to make friends with people he wants to respect him. So, especially men. He isn't happy about Lynn meeting Gordon in this episode, so he starts going on about Dan to her, as if to prove hey, my new person's better than yours. Considering Lynn and Gordon do become a couple - and presumably remained one until Gordon's death, which Alan mentions offhandedly in Nomad - the parallel between Gordon and Dan is amusing and a little telling.

Alan is clearly way out of his depth and very uncomfortable with the revelation that Dan and his wife are "sex swappers". Part of this may just be his particular tastes (he wants to snuggle; let him snuggle). I think part of it is also his upbringing leaving him with this conservative sexual guilt. I think Alan is basically hypothetically kinky. Watching Bangkok Chickboys is one thing, because no one else has to know (well, they don't have to know if you don't do this in a Travel Tavern). Pursuing anything like that in real life is different because that makes it real, and then there's always the risk of people finding out.

In Welcome to the Places of My Life, it is implied that Alan has visited dominatrixes in Norwich; it is also implied in Alpha Papa that Bernie, the woman Alan slept with at some point prior to the movie, dominated him during sex, too, and that BDSM went on; it is least clear what went on with Tiff in This Time, but we know there was a mess. The recurrent theme through all of these encounters is Alan's embarrassment or sense of shame, sense that he's done something wrong. He doesn't want to talk about it, despite being the biggest oversharer on earth.

So, what does this tell us? Alan is still sexually repressed, even though he is more experimental than he used to be. He's said at some point that he was a virgin when he married Carol, and we know their sex life became dull. I reckon Sonja was probably the person who widened Alan's sexual horizons, gave him a bit of a confidence boost. Still, the repression runs deep. I don't think he'd ask a partner to do the half the things he'll have asked Norwich's dominatrixes to do. That would make it too real, and we can't have that. That would be wrong. And letting people in, even when you secretly desperately crave that, is just too risky. People will destroy you.

Alan recounts a dream to us in the first series of From the Oasthouse where he inexplicably becomes a woman. The only thing about the dream he won't go into detail about is a man named Luigi, who he says he'd like to thank because he really knows how to treat a girl. That's maybe the closest Alan has ever gotten to admitting his attraction to a man - albeit a man who is just a figment of his subconscious - and he only let himself go with it because he'd become a woman, so in his mind this means it wasn't gay. Such mental gymnastics!

Anyway, the long and short of it is: really, Alan just wants to be a Bond girl for Roger Moore. He's naturally submissive behind the bluster, and I think he wants to be cared for by someone who'll sweep him off his feet (metaphorically). And if this person just so happens to be a big, strong man who can also literally sweep him off his feet, well...

There is... so much that could be said on this topic. Alan Partridge has got to be one of the most fleshed out comedy characters going. He's a dick a lot of the time, but there is such a satisfying amount of depth, pathos, and subtext to his character. Is Alan Partridge ever going to come out as bisexual? I doubt it. Does that matter to me, personally? No. Aside from anything else, I get the impression Alan's black and white way of looking at a lot of things makes bisexuality a difficult concept for him. Just pick a side! I think he'd struggle a lot to come to terms with being bisexual, perhaps moreso than if he was homosexual. But, as a bisexual myself, I'll finish on this.

I know, Alan. I know.

Welcome back to this whole analysis business. Today we’re talking about Alan Partridge and his repressed bisexuality. He’s definitely an interesting character to talk about when it comes to his attitudes with anyone queer!

I’ve probably missed out other stuff, or gotten things wrong, so if that’s the case, feel free to add on or correct me!

It is no surprise to anyone that has seen the Alan Partridge franchise that Alan in his early days is a bigot. He occasionally followed remarks with “and please don’t write in saying that is [discrimination], it’s not” and has a general very dislikable attitude towards those that are minorities. Later on in the franchise he does adopt a much more polite attitude, though keeps quite a bit of stereotypes when discussing minority groups.

His attitude towards queer people, however, is very interesting. Alan describes himself as a “homoskeptic” - thinly veiling homophobia - and acts negatively towards Glen Ponder when he finds out he’s gay. Alan has also shown transphobia, such as dismissing a trans woman on KMKYWAP - though in more recent shows he seems to have become more relaxed.

However despite this open attitude, Alan has a lot of telling facts about him that hint towards the fact he is heavily repressed in his own sexuality.

Let’s talk first about his attitude to trans people. In the I'm Alan Partridge episode Watership Alan, it is revealed Alan watched a short bit of a porno film titled “Bangkok Chickboys” to which he denies to the staff of the hotel. As the conversation goes on, it becomes more and more obvious that Alan watched this on purpose.

Now it’s important to understand the meaning of “chickboy”. Chickboy in this refers to the term kathoey. In English it has two meanings - trans women or effeminate gay men. In Thailand, the term can also mean being intersex.

Another thing of note is that the term is also named “ladyboy” and this is how they are referred to throughout the series. It is made very clear that the meaning of “ladyboy” to Alan is trans women. Alan seems to express some sexual interest, if the above example and his fascination suffice.

—

One of the biggest mysteries of I'm Alan Partridge is what is in the drawer of Alan’s desk.

Episode 1: Lynn: For example, in this drawer… (opens the drawer and pauses, shocked) You, er… you have, er, things, and um… sometimes, you have too many things. (Later in the conversation) Alan: They were there when I moved in.

While Armando Iannucci says that the contents of Alan’s drawer are of magazines of fat women on the toilet (in Dutch) this doesn’t really seem to make sense given Alan’s disgust of “water sports”.

Steve Coogan, Alan’s actor, says in contrast in the commentary for the show that the contents of the drawer is a plastic cock.

However it should be important to know that it was never decided what was really in the drawer. Honestly it’s completely up to interpretation of the viewer, though it very much leans towards something that implies Alan’s repressed sexuality.

Throughout season 1 of IAP, Alan has daydreams where he is acting as a stripper for someone important, most of the time Tony Hayers. Alan seems perfectly willing to let himself act this way in these daydreams, despite the fact that in the real world he has a clear hatred for these people.

Episode 1: Daydream Alan: Would you like me to lap dance for you? Daydream Hayers: (offers money) Daydream Alan: Nuh-uh. I want a second series.

Alan seems to also have some kind of celebrity crush on Roger Moore. He notes him in KMKYWAP as his favourite Bond actor and keeps a framed picture of him in his room at the Travel Tavern. It is also revealed that he keeps this portrait of Moore in his daydreams.

One thing that’s important to know regarding Alan’s sexuality is his relationship with Michael.

While Michael never refers to Alan other than “Mr Partridge” and Alan treats Michael with some disdain, the two have a notably strong bond, with Alan even calling him a friend.

In This Time, we look at Alan’s photo gallery. While his gallery contains photos of, among several things, pictures of Noel Edmonds and Alan posing with a car, one of the photos in Alan’s gallery is Michael, followed by a drawing of him.

The fact there’s a drawing of Michael is very telling. Michael tended to not have any real friends apart from Alan, so it can be implied this is Alan’s own drawing of Michael. But then, why did Alan draw Michael? It seems a tad odd.

When Alan and Michael finally reunite after the latter being missing for a decade in From the Oasthouse, Alan is clearly very happy to see him.

Alan: Oh my god. It’s ringing. I think I might have solved it. … nah, he’s absolutely going to hate- Hello? Michael: Hello? Alan: Michael? Michael: Aye. Alan: Oh my god, oh my god- Michael… it’s- it’s- it’s Alan. […] Michael: Oh hello Mr Partridge! Alan: Yeah, that’s me! Yeah! I knew you’d remember! Michael: Aye. Alan: I- oh my god, I can’t believe I’m talking to you. Michael: Aye. Alan: I can’t believe I’m actually speaking to you. […] Alan: It’s actually you. You didn’t drown then! Michael: Me? No. Alan: Are you alright? Michael: Aye. Alan: Oh I’m glad because we- we used to have fantastic chats didn’t we? […] Alan (after the call is over): Ah, that was amazing. I got goosebumps again now.

While Alan has had friendships (Simon) and rivalries (Simon & Clifton), Michael is the one friend he’s had permanently over his time in the franchise, and is one of the few main recurring characters - alongside Lynn.

—

Anyway thanks for reading my lil analysis on this silly little pathetic guy /aff. Hope you enjoyed reading, and I hope it gave you something to think about.

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

So for AAW this year i decided to explore some QPRs since ive never done that before (does that even qualify for AAW?). So without further ado (i'll try to keep it quick) these are the relationships that give me the strongest QPR vibes theres no particular order just a attempted color gradient

1. Joan Watson and Sherlock Holmes (Elementary)

Ive talked about these two before for AAW 2019(?) so ill touch on them briefly (and i'll put the link in the notes). Disclaimer: This is a show that i watched in bits and pieces, almost primarily from reruns. The longterm focus of this show is clearly these two's relationship. In the beginning they were stuck together, and then they chose to be together but they still had issues, at one point they stop talking to each other (like legit didnt talk one of them moved away and they didnt stay in contact), were together with issues again, and then they were primarily okay, and at one point left/fled the country together even though only one of them had to. Throughout the show there are these spoken moments that really tell the depth of their relationship, from either them or other characters. Off the top of my head theres "you named a species of bee after me," "i think shes the person you love most in this world," "i consider you to be a exceptional person. So i make a exceptional effort to accommodate you," "this is your home," "i'll stay. Of course i'll stay," and that line in the picture. They dont seem to struggle that much when it comes to describing their relationship and believe "partners" sums it up best. They live together, see each other as the most important/favorite person in their lives, and are raising a child together.

2. Aziraphale and Crowley (Good Omens)

Im not sure these two count, being not human and all. In the show and in the fandom (and i assume the book) people, and they themselves, struggle to understand their relationship and on top of that they arent supposed to be on good terms with each other (one is a angel and one is a demon). Are they friends? Enemies? Boyfriends? Best friends? Crowley at one point comes to the conclusion that never having Aziraphale in his life again is worse than the end of the world. One of the definitions for a QPR is "undefinable relationship," which fits nicely here.

3. Mako Mori and Raleigh Becket (Pacific Rim)

Disclaimer: i havent seen this movie since it was in theaters and therefore dont remember much. If i had know what a QPR was when i saw this movie it would have made so much more sense. One of the background themes is strong relationships (you cant power the robots without it) which includes familial, platonic, and romantic. These two were left ambiguous, all the shots were framed in that typical "they're gonna end up together by the end" way only for nothing to confirm it at the end. It was wonderful. You follow two different gendered strangers who become super important to each other and share all their darkest secrets and memories and give each other soft looks to not end up dating at the end. Wether or not you see it as a QPR its a movie that doesnt erase m/f friendship and thats just fantastic.

[sorry guys its 2am now these paragraphs are gonna be a little shorter]

4. Carol Danvers and Monica Rambeau (Captain Marvel)

Before Carol disappeared it was clear she was living with Maria, her best friend, and helping her raise Monica, Maria's daughter, from a young age. Its clear her "death" greatly effected them.

5. Maka Albarn and Soul Eater Evans (Soul Eater)

I recently rewatched this show and their relationship on the surface seems like Two Kids Who Are Opposites And Dont Like Each Other Are Forced To Do Group Project type relationship but its actually so much deeper. They're roommates and best friends and each think the other one is the greatest person they know. They both have arcs centered around protecting the other. Soul states on multiple occasions that he's not into Maka, and Maka compares their partnership to her parents' marriage but never actually expects or acts like Soul is her boyfriend. Its clear they're gonna stay together for a long time coming.

6. Clint Barton and Kate Bishop (Marvel Comics)

Okay so i could say so much on this but let me start this off with a big Disclaimer: i have not read these comics, all of my knowledge comes from fan works (like the entirety of ao3 and tumblr) and wiki pages. These two. THESE TWO. Ahhh i dont even know what to say because i dont know if this is a thing where fanon versions are entirely OOC. These guys have something like a 12 year age difference, so from the outside their relationship seems weird. People (real or fictional idr) keep trying to slot them into familial roles (big brother and little sister, uncle and niece, dad and daughter) but the truth is they're friends and partners. Ya its a little weird with their age difference but if they were both 10 years older most people wouldn't even notice the age difference. Clint makes it clear to us just how much he loves Kate. She's super important to him. Just looking for pics for this post i saw so many panels displaying how close they are. Idk if its canon or not but fanfic really gave the impression Kate basically lives part time at his place. These two give me vibes that they have the kind of closeness where they could cuddle on the couch together and it wouldnt be weird. And i mean full horizontal doing a balancing act in order to get them both to stay on the couch between the backrest and the edge so they could nap. Like if one of them was married their spouse wouldnt be surprised to wake up in the morning and find them both eating breakfast in their PJs. Like these two would kiss on the mouth but it wouldnt be romantic at all just a way to express emotion. They just give me this vibe thats led to so many headcanons and idek if its canon

[faithful-grigori]

”#this wouldn't count as fictionalization as watson wouldn't know, #but it makes slightly more sense than st clair's story being actually accurate, #no i did not purposefully make it so that the two stories who reference red hair contain potential bank robbing”

Letters from Watson: The Man with the Twisted Lip

Crimes in Context. Sit down bloggers, it's time for a few rounds with my current least-favorite monetary system, and an actual scale of the wealth difference between the poorest and wealthiest Victorians. I already did some math here, where @thethirdromana did some research regarding other contemporary math failures about begging. I swear this will be interesting after we get through the math.

Imperial Currency Definitions

Pound, or "quid" or "pound sterling": Literally one pound of silver coins. (Sterling is a silver alloy.) The gold coin representing it was called a Sovereign. It's worth 240 pennies or 20 shillings. There was also a gold half-sovereign. (120 pennies, 10 shillings...)

Shilling: 1/20th of a pound. A silver coin. Penny also pence, but only as a plural: 1/240th of a pound, or 1/12th of a shilling. Confusingly, there were silver pennies, copper pennies, and bronze pennies, with the exact same value, during the 1800's - silver pennies were minted specifically for royal charity, to be given out on Maundy Thursday. (The day before Good Friday.)

A lot of victorian accounts are written in Pounds, shillings, pennies, represented as L/s/d, but there were also other coins. I do not like them any better than this setup, but they provide context, so here we go.

Guinea: One pound and one shilling. Not it's own coin by the 1890's, since the last ones were minted in 1814, probably because they're stupid. I've seen it cited that if a professional gentleman was paid a guinea he got the pound and his clerks or assistants got the shilling.

Crown: Five shillings / a quarter pound. Represented by a silver coin.

Sixpence / Fourpence (Groat) / threepence / twopence (half-groat): conveniently, the numbers within the name tell you all you need to know. These were silver but twopence was also only minted for Maundy money during this era. Halfpenny / Ha'penny: Half a penny, a bronze coin. Farthing: A quarter of a penny, also a bronze coin, presumably for transactions like buying a single egg or leaving an extremely insulting tip.

Typical Wages:

Poverty: Laborers and factory workers may get anything from 4 shillings (0.2 pounds) to 1 pound per week. Women and children were routinely paid much less for the same work as men. Francis Moulton's 8s room from The Noble Bachelor cost up to two weeks wages per night. If an average adult male working in a factory was paid about 1 pound per week, he would make about 50-52 pounds per year. If a maid was paid 4 shillings a week, she would make about 10 pounds a year. If a child was paid 1 shilling a week, they would make about two and a half pounds a year. My sources cited a variety of years from 1860 on, so take all of these as ballpark estimates. The difference between 10 pounds and 50 pounds per year doesn't sound that stark, but today it's the equivalent of 1,000 pounds (1,200 USD) and 5,000 pounds (6,000 USD). Neither is enough to live on now, and it wasn't enough to live independently then, but it's the difference between living on L 2.7 / USD 3.2 a day and L 13.7 / USD 16.4 per day: You starve a lot faster at that first rate.

(Obligatory note that live in servants often had it better than factory workers making the same wage on account of having room and board provided as part of their compensation. Hence why a governess - a gentlewoman in distress - considers L50 a year a fairly comfortable wage: she's not paying rent, or for the bulk of her food. Like today's population of new graduates teaching English abroad.)

Comparative Wealth: Neville St. Clair states he's making about L 700 a year by begging. This is the equivalent of 71,000 pounds / 85,200 USD today. It's about the same salary as a modern university chairperson. At the time of this story it's enough to live in an upper middle class suburb very securely, with several servants. It is, however, an absolute bullshit number. To acquire five hundred and sixty six (ish) pennies per day, in 691 coins, St Clair probably had upwards of five hundred people toss him a coin. Presuming that the reason nobody gave him twopence was low circulation of that specific coin, we can estimate that few, if any, people gave him three pence or more, judging by a lack of any of three pence, four pence, or sixpence coins. (There also aren't any farthings but I'm not sure what 0.25 pennies could actually buy you in those days. Possibly people who had any money to spare didn't carry them.) If Neville works his corner for just long enough to get home by the 5:15 train, and it takes him maybe ten minutes to change out of his disguise, it's a reasonable assumption that he leaves his corner by 4:30 ish. He isn't noted as leaving particularly early in the mornings either, so I'm going to roughly estimate that he works about eight hours a day. If so he is earning more than a penny per MINUTE begging. He's getting someone throwing him a penny every 55ish seconds. There's a line of his benefactors dropping coins into his hat. Threadneedle street was home to the Bank of England and the London Stock Exchange: presumably St. Clair picked this location because people going to and from either actually had some money to spare. But it also leads to an inevitable alternate idea: since it's impossible for St. Clair to be regularly making two pounds a day begging, perhaps his beggar disguise is for more criminal reasons... perhaps a long running plot to rob the bank? Either he is casing the place or he's a lookout. Or perhaps he's the accomplice of a clerk skimming his own pound or two a day out of the change from deposits, handing it over to St. Clair whenever he walks out for lunch or at the end of his day so that he's never discovered with a truly stupid amount of pennies.

And as far as Holmes is concerned... he's brilliantly deduced the bizarre portion of this case. Who cares that the scale of the begging is impossible? The Victorian middle class could be just as blinded by propaganda regarding the poor as we can be today. Even though there were no official public services and the myth of the welfare queen is a modern invention there were definitely people who resented the entire idea of charity: human nature has not completely changed in the last 130 years.