#This was just a long winded way of showing off my pet character Parallel Meta Knight

[lightning-witch-jenny]

So (almost) one year ago, I made a gag Morbius review on twitter that took me hours to make. Today, I post it all here.

I know the joke is dead but since it took me hours to make and got 11 likes, I wanted to repost it on a site where it might actually gain traction. Also just for fun since tumblr lets you color text I color highlighted key elements. Click read more at your own risk

Hey there everyone, today I'm gonna be writing up an entire review for the greatest movie of all time, peak fiction, the one and only, #Morbius, as part of the #MorbiusSweep. I'm gonna be going through the whole plot from start to end, so get ready for the ride, #morbheads. So the movie starts with narration from Morbius' perspective, as he explains he is from a great lineage of vampires, and became a world famous celebrity hero after he stopped his arch nemesis (who we learn more about later) from taking over the world. Now he lives in the Morb Mansion somewhere on Long Island, and now spends most of his days chilling an eating McDonald's fries (this movie is sponsored) So like, he's just chilling in the Morb Mansion, he walks down to the mail room (he gets so much fan mail he needs an entire room dedicated to it) with his gargoyle sidekicks Minimorb and Megamorb. When Morbius walks into the mail room he sees it is filled to the brim with fan mail. He gets pissed off that the mail room is already full again when he had just cleared it all out yesterday and commands Minimorb and Megamorb to take all the fan mail to the Morbincinerator since he doesn't need any of it.

To calm his nerves he decides to head out to the local mcdonalds to #getthemfries. So he soars through the skies to the local mcdonalds except, the mcdonalds was gone, destroyed. Suddenly his phone starts going off and he ckecks it to find out mcdonalds all across the world are being destroyed by some mysterious figure. He goes back to the Morb Mansion and has some banter with Minimorb and Megamorb about what to do and eventually they decide this must be the work of none other than Morbius' nemesis, Suibune Romulus, better known as Suib Rom. So Morbius and his sidekicks fly off to Suib Rom's lair inside an extinct volcano somewhere in asia. It's standard fare, they bust down the door, Morbius totally morbs on Suib Rom's minions, you know the drill. When Morbius reaches the throne room and is about to totally morb on Suib Rom, something punches Morbius to the ground. When he looks up, he is met with a shiny robot version of himself, which Suib Rom introduces as Metal Morbius. Side note, on one of the walls of the throne room there is a big picture of Suib Rom and Thanos giving thumbs up, showing that they are in fact best friends Morbius says his catchphrase, #ItsMorbinTime, and begins to battle Metal Morbius, only to be outclassed by Metal Morbius in every way. It looks like he might actually lose, until something busts through the ceiling and knocks Metal Morbius to the wall. The dust clears and it is revealed Morbius' savior is none other than Parallel Meta Knight, and his accent is THICK spanish. Like, nigh incomprehensibly spanish, although at random point he speaks in perfect english for no reason. He tells Morbius that they have to get out of there, as he has laid Parallel Meta Bombs all over the volcano, which has set it to blow. Morbius and Parallel Meta Knight quickly fly out the hole PMK made in the roof, with Minimorb and Megamorb following behind. Once they're far enough away they turn to look at the volcano and watch it explode and collapse. Morbius laughs and says "Wow, a lot of people must have died in that explosion, I guess you could say that's really MORBid" and looks to Parallel Meta Knight for a laugh, who simply scowls instead. Morbius whispers to Minimorb and Megamorb that no one ever should dislike his jokes and he should totally morb on PMK. Before he gets the chance though, PMK points to the crumbling volcano and Morbius is able to see with his expert vision that Metal Morbius flew out of the rubble and carried Suib Rom away. Then Morbius gets all sad that he wasn't strong enough to beat Metal Morbius, his sidekicks give him some encouragement and PMK says he has a flawless and "based and redpilled" plan. They can split into teams, and while Morbius can search for a way to beat Metal Morbius, PMK will find out where Metal Morbius and Suib Rom went, and in a week's time they can meet back up at the Morb Mansion and team up to defeat them. Morbius agrees to this plan and explains he'll go to train under his great great grandfather, Count Dracula himself. PMK flies into the direction Metal Morbius went and Morbius and his sidekicks fly off to Translvania

Morbius gets to the castle, and as it turns out, as you can tell from the castle, this is the Dracula from Castlevania. Pausing the plot synopsis for a bit, I just gotta say, I love all the references in this movie and they all make total sense. Bravo for the writers. Honestly, EVERY movie should be full of crossovers and pop culture references like this. I can't ever see that getting tiring. Dracula ends up scolding Morbius and telling him he isn't as epic as he thinks he is and he's letting all the fame go to his head and Morbius just dismisses this and acts all disrespectful to Dracula and Dracula has a bit of a "my wife died and I'm sad" moment but eventually he does agree to train Morbius Now let it be known that this movie is a cinematic masterpiece and perfect in every way, but I am skipping the training segment. It's not bad or boring, nothing in this amazing movie is, it's just slow, so all you need to know is Morbius trains hard, and at the end of it all Dracula gives Morbius one of the seven Chaos Emeralds. There is ONE part of the training segment that is key though, a cutaway bit that is plot crucial. During the training segment one scene cuts away to an abandoned subway station which Suib Rom has made his new lair. He's talking over the phone to two people who are "growing impatient" and Suib Rom apologizes that he allowed Morbius to destroy his main lair and the portal he was working on, but he still has the blueprints and can rebuild it here. Suib Rom then fantasizes about how it'll be so awesome and be so cool when Morbius is finally defeated forever, and that he'll be able to start in his own superhero movie with Morbius out of the way. He then activates Metal Morbius and gives it orders to continue destroying more mcdonalds, and in a few days time they'll move on to the mcdonalds headquarters. After this the camera pans up to reveal Parallel Meta Knight looking down on the whole scene hanging upside down from the ceiling.

Eventually they meet up back at the Morb Mansion and Morbius is confident he can beat Metal Morbius now that he has a Chaos Emerald, and PMK explains he had gotten help from Phoenix Wright and located Suib Rom's new hideout in an abandoned subway station in California near the mcdonalds headquarters and that they have to stop them before they attack the mcdonalds headquarters. So the two of them fly over to California and head down into the subway tunnels. PMK tells Morbius they should be stealthy, until Morbius cuts him off and says "I smell FRIES in the vicinity" and soon discovers Metal Morbius in the subway tunnels, and chases him down in one of the most iconic scenes in the movie you might have seen on twitter, and says one of my favorite lines "There's only one Morbius, there isn't room for any morb of me. You're about to get morbed, faker." Morbius chases Metal Morbius to the surface, and Metal Morbius leads Morbius to the roof of the mcdonalds headquarters, where Suib Rom was waiting. Morbius boasts about how he has a secret weapon, to which Suib Rom replies "you mean the chaos emerald?" and pulls out his own chaos emerald which he gives to Metal Morbius. Morbius is shocked as hell but shakes it off since he still has the training from Dracula he got, he readies himself for the fight and says "alright, no More B.S." Soon, drones fly all around the roof of the mcdonalds headquarters, and Suib Rom reveals he plans to broadcast the fight to the whole world so everyone can watch him lose. Just as before, Metal Morbius has a total upper hand in the fight and eventually slams Morbius into the ground who is now too weak to really fight back. Suib Rom then turns to one of the drones, and through it, tells the whole world he has come to make an announcement, and explains he hates Morbius so much because in the second grade he and Morbius went to the same school and he tried to be friends with Morbius, but Morbius thought he was too cool for Suib Rom and morbed on him instead. Ever since then he swore revenge. He told the whole world Mobius didn't care about them and was in truth nothing but a selfish asshole who just wanted their fame and adoration. Morbius thinks back to previous events. How he always tossed his fan mail. How he wanted to morb PMK just for not liking his joke. How he was a disrespectful ass to Dracula. And how he rudley told Minimorb and Megamorb they couldn't go to california with him to fight Metal Morbius. He then told the world Suib Rom was right about him, and he had let the fame go to his head, and was truley sorry. He then asked if anyone was still a morbhead after discovering this, that they could lend him their power. Suib Rom laughed at this and said no one would care about Morbius after finding out his true nature, but then was shocked as the wishes of people across the world gathered into Morbius' hand as he used it to create a spirit bomb, which he launched at Metal Morbius, destroying it. Realizing he had lost, Suib Rom retreated away on the Thanoscopter which he had borrowed from his best friend Thanos. Parallel Meta Knight finally caught up with Morbius and said it was a good thing the two of them beat Metal Morbius. When Morbius points out he didn't even help in the final battle, PMK shoots away with his Dimensional Cape.

And that's pretty much the movie. All that's left is the after the credits scene, which many fake morbheads missed. Suib Rom returned to his subway lair, and activated the portal machine he had mentioned earlier. You can see on the wall in the background there are blueprints for a Metal Morbius Mk II. That aside, out from the portal step the two figures Suib Rom had been talking to before, Syn Shenron and Dame Da Ne Guy. Syn Shenron says "FINALLY, I just couldn't wait no more!" and Dame Da Ne Guy says "It's time for Morbius to Dame Da Die! And that's it. My thoughts? 10/10 story, characters, a meaningful arc for Morbius, and I loved the part where he totally morbed on those guys. Was so happy to see Morbius return in Multiverse of Madness and cannot wait for Morbius 2 to finally come out. That's all for now Morbheads, I will return to review Morbius 2 when it comes out.

God I hope against all odds those dumbasses make a Morbius 2 so I can do another one of these.