#This song reminds me of. A certain ginger character idk why

[minty-bubblegum]

FINDERS KEEPERS, LOOSERS WEEPERS!!!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #62

“for better or for worse, i was born into a hearse.”

what do you normally eat at a barbecue?   honestly, i suffer at a barbecue.  i don't like anything that is usually cooked. do you prefer aquatic creatures or flying (water or air)?   flying, i presume. would you like to go swimming with dolphins?   i'd be kinda iffy, because i know dolphins can be quite mean, but i'd still do it. what to you is beautiful beyond all compare?   jason.  well, he's handsome, but you get it. in 5 years time, what do you NOT want to be doing (worst scenario)?   uhhh i guess be in prison for murdering ashley. have you and a friend ever gone after the same person?   thank god, no. do you lead people on?   i do not. have you ever been told that you were going to hell?   nope. do you know any actual dances or do you just move to the music?   not really.  i just know shit like the cupid shuffle and uhhh... not the electric slide... what's the other song like it? name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents.   they built their own house. do you know which side your appendix is on?   uhhhh... left, i think? if someone was willing to tell your crush you liked them would you let them?   it'd be useless.  he already knows. do you put q-tips in your ear or just round the outside?   honestly i'll put them into the ear a bit because i hate my ears feeling waxy. have you ever popped another person’s zit?   no, thank jesus. gave you ever told a friend to dump their SO? did they?   yeah, summer when she dated nick.  she did eventually. what do you think is the coolest piercing on someone else?   back dermals. who do you tease most often and what about?   the only person i've ever been comfortable teasing was jason.  i'd call him a geek a lot, but he knows i didn't mean it harmfully.  i'm attracted to geeks anyway. most disgusting bug?   disgusting, well, obviously the dung beetle. favorite thing you’ve ever painted?   i painted two meerkats grooming each other on burlap in acrylic in high school.  turned out stellar, in my honest opinion. when it’s your birthday, do you have the correct number of candles?   i probably won't this year, as 21 is quite a few. when you take surveys, what kinds of questions do you HOPE will be asked?   just unique ones.  questions you very rarely hear, or my favorite, controversial ones that really invoke thought. do you like 80s music?   80s metal, hell yeah. what kind of food is your favorite? (Ex. Mexican, Chinese, Thai, etc.)   american how would you feel if you were drafted for the military?   i'd rather die. would you have sex before marriage? why or why not?   i still don't know.  i've said before i regret not letting jason take my virginity, and i don't want regrets.  honestly, if by some miracle he comes back, i'm ditching it.  through him being gone, i have truly seen just how much i adore him, and when you love someone this much, i don't care if i'm not legally bound to him, he deserves to know me like that.  if i start a new relationship, though... i kinda doubt i'll ever have sex until i'm married, because if jason can't take my virginity, i don't want another man to until i'm married to him.  jason had to wait, so does he. lmao reading that, my logic is so fucky, idk. how do you feel about shaved pubes?   if you don't like them, shave them.  good for you. are you more liberal or conservative?   i'm definitely more conservative, but have some liberal views. why do some teenagers drink alcohol?   i'm sure everyone drinks for a different reason. do you like obama?   i don't know enough about him to judge fairly.  i disagree with some of his policies that i know about, but he honestly seems like a really chill and funny dude. would making abortion illegal really be the logical thing to do?   fucking yes it would be.  and DO NOT give me the "it'll only stop safe abortions" argument.  guess what?  murder's illegal.  still happens.  a mother should in no way be comfortable killing her spawn, and i am disgusted beyond anything more in human nature by the fact people do it without even flinching.  just.  shit.  i have so much to say about this.  i do pity a woman who decides to have an unsafe abortion, yes, but no, i will not say sorry to you that a child "inconvenienced" you.  i do not CARE what is going on in your life, you act like a fucking adult, suck that shit up, bear the child, give it up to adoption.  think it'll scar you for life?  guess the fuck what?  shit far "worse" than a CHILD happens to a good majority of people. lkasjdoaisuere i really don't feel like going on with this.  and i know i sound so feisty with this subject, but i am just so passionate about the issue. does the person you like, like you?   apparently not. what's the most sexual thing you've done?   idk, oral i guess? what's your opinion on masturbation?   this question seems to come up a lot lately in the quizzes i'm finding...  but anyway.  it's wrong.  lustful.  gross in my opinion, i don't care how clean you may be. do you wish you had an eating disorder because you want to lose weight?   okay, i want to lose weight VERY badly, but i would never wish an eating disorder upon myself. what is your favorite queen song?   "bohemian rhapsody," duh! who is the sexiest celebrity? would you cheat on your partner for this celebrity?   link neal is daddy af.  but no, i wouldn't. how often do you cuss?   just as often as i say "normal" words. how is your self-esteem?   non-existent. have you ever thought about committing suicide?   tried it. have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?   i have not, and i couldn't. would you kiss the last person you texted?   that would be colleen, and no. do you think you exercise enough?   i don't exercise period.  i feel too fucking weak to ever do it efficiently and because of my medication, i sweat to the point that it is NOT worth it. you’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up. what do you say?  "hi, sweetheart." if i offered to buy you a chocolate bar, which would you choose?   hershey's, please. have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?   i have.  i hope he still has it... have you ever been told that you resemble a celebrity?   no, but i've been told i resemble a video game character.  well, i did. in your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most?   of all the people in my life, i thought jason did. last time you got goosebumps?   well i'm still watching the "life is strange" playthrough from earlier and this fucking game gives me goosebumps pretty easily. do you have a beatles shirt?   no, i don't enjoy them enough to have one. what color(s) have you dyed your hair?   i've had black, red, purple, burgundy... probably more i'm forgetting. do you think about the way things used to be often?   my life's consumed by it. have you ever dated a ginger?   nope. have you ever cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?   nope. how do you like being roused in the morning?   ... i'mma just say a "certain way" by jason like he liked to do. favorite food?   jalapeno pizza what is the best news you could hear right now?   "jason wants to give you an apology." do you listen to screamo?   no, it's one of the rare metal sub-genres i do not enjoy.  i want to be able to understand the words. does your town/area have a farmer’s market? do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store?   area, sure, maybe like an hour away.  town, no, so we don't really buy groceries there. you're on life support, and you want someone to pull the plug.  who do you want to do it?   honest to god... if jason could do one more thing for me, if that was my life... it'd be that.  he's already done so much to me that he might as well kill me, too.  it sounds dark, i know, but if that was my life, living in such torture, i'd want him to take the roll of messiah again, one more time, like he did when we were dating.  for him to save me from a fate worse than death, for him to do that one last thing for me, maybe i would die at least slightly happy.  I AM NOOOOOT saying i want that to actually happen, i don't at all, but if it were to happen, i'd want jason to be the one to muster up the will to visit me even once to do it. has anyone ever “ruined” anything for you (for example: your partner says, “oh, this song always reminds me of my ex” and you never want to listen to it again, or your friend is so obsessed with a movie that you start to resent the film)?   ohhhh boy.  OHHHHHH BOY.  can i actually like... vent here about everything jason ruined for me?  just to get this shit out, because i'm honestly still hurt that so many things i can't experience anymore?  let's start, boiz! motionless in white and black veil brides both trigger me, as they were his favorite bands, but i listen to them anyway.  i can't listen to "the mortician's daughter" and "saviour" by bvb, "city lights" by motionless in white fucks with me a bit, i cannot tolerate "when it's love" by van halen or "all or nothing" by theory of a deadman because i thought both would play big parts in my wedding with him.  i can't listen to "stairway to heaven" by led zeppelin because of that time we danced to it.  i can't watch "american horror story," "supernatural," or "sherlock" because we binge-watched them all.  i can't go to olive garden because he used to work there.  i can't go to office depot because he works there now.  i can't even think of the batman series, particularly joker and harley quinn, without thinking of jason.  i'm most certain there's more, but that's all that's coming to me right now... would you ever get a tattoo in honor of someone in your life?  it doesn't have to be their name.   ... sigh.  three questions in a row where i'm going to go on and on about jason, lmao...  well, the answer's yes.  i know people in my life are going to have problems with it, especially family, but i've seriously considered many tats i want in his honor.  i've thought about the consequences, and frankly, i do not care.  i want them.  who knows, maybe i will move on one day (i doubt it, but who knows), but i can guarantee to you that i may not like, but won't mind having memories on him ingrained into my flesh. so anyone, here's the tattoos i think i'll actually get: 1.) "... and you ain't got his smile" quote (harley quinn quote; the one i'm most likely to do); 2.) "i don't love you like i did yesterday" (mcr song) quote with two hands ripping a heart below it [this song has really helped me through this breakup], 3.) a watercolor blue jay (his nickname is "j bird"), 4.) "i love you more than i could ever scream" (bvb song) quote, and 5.) "saudade" (means a longing for one you cannot have, stuff like that).  yes.  i am seriously considering getting five tats dedicated to my ex.  move along. away from jason, yeah, i'd get tats for other people, too.  i have a shared "ohana" tattoo with my best friend.  i'll probably get something with my mother at some point, too. if you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it?   no, honestly. if you still live with your parents, is it scary for you to imagine living away from them when you move out on your own? if you live on your own, how did you cope with moving away from your family for the first time?   i am scared of moving out, yes.  depression makes me... kinda irresponsible, to be honest.  i'm not the best at taking care of myself and such, and i don't want to neglect my house.  when i lived in the apartment, it was a good taste of how it'd be like, and we all failed.  i'm very, very scared of moving out. do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you?   i'm definitely attracted to people more like me. is there something that people complain about that just makes you roll your eyes because you think is not a big deal and you would gladly trade your own issues for it?   i mean, sometimes, yeah.  at the same time though, i know exactly what it's like to have an issue that people underestimate.  it's the exact reason colleen and i are fighting.  you don't know how well or badly a certain person will handle a specific issue. have you ever received an unwanted gift from someone trying to woo you? did you accept it or reject it?   from juan, yeah.  i've accepted minor stuff, but never anything major. have you ever boycotted a product or corporation? how come?   i don't think i seriously have. if someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth?   lmao i'll honestly do all three.  just depends. have you heard of or even read the novel, “50 shades of grey”? if so, what’s your opinion about it?   everyone's heard of it, and it's fucking disgusting and demeaning and instills terrible relationship ideals into some people. has a guy ever let you wear his jacket?   jason has a big leather jacket i loved to "steal" while we were in the school cafeteria because i was always cold. has anyone you ever dated called you in the middle of the night just to hear your voice?   no, not just for that. have you met anyone famous?   i have not. what will your next piercing be?   mom really doesn't want to be the one to buy me my tongue piercing because she's so against the idea, so she's thinking of letting me get my lip re-pierced on my birthday. what do you regret doing at FAR too young?   fully and with reckless abandon giving someone my heart. do you have any weapons for personal protection?   no.  i'm not legally allowed to own a gun due to me being mentally ill/having a history of suicide attempts, and i don't know about other weapons. is there a piece of jewelry that holds any sentimental value to you?   yes, a ring jason gave me for our anniversary once.  it had a golden base with a bluish-purple gem.  it was pretty big.  he was so pissed (not at me, at the seller) when it broke, though.  i still have it in the jewelry box he gave me... what does your facebook status say right now?   ehhhh, i honestly kinda exploded last night and went off on everyone who calls me "friend," no one in particular.  i was tired of being so let down by the people who "care" about me. would you ever agree to an open relationship with someone?   no way in seven hells. have you ever had your picture in the newspaper?   i have not. what did you have for dinner last night?   i was so upset that i didn't eat. do you think you look similar to your siblings?   i look less like them than ashley and nicole look like each other, but i do look like them. what do you usually dream about?   jason's always there. do you ever use sleep as a way to cope with bad moods?   i use sleep to cope with, well, a lot.  when i'm bored, i'll sleep, when i feel like crap, i'll sleep...  i almost always take at least one nap a day, and sometimes i'll lie down a second time.  it's embarrassing to admit. what’s the most self-destructive thing you’ve ever done?   letting jason become my world. was (or is) it difficult for you to watch your siblings mature? if you’re an only child, is it difficult to watch family members in general get older?   it's not as hard with ashley, but it really is with nicole.  she's the youngest, and though we're bonded truly only through blood, i don't like seeing her get older.  it's still weird that she has a feminine body and not a child's, and she's 18 for heaven's sake.  all but like one of her boyfriends i haven't trusted.  it hurts me physically when her current bf acts like the shithead he is.  i nearly had an emotional breakdown when i found out she was having sex via the doctor.  i don't like her growing up. have you ever blamed an outside force for a problem you were having?   ... i guess blaming jason for a lot of things. do you find yourself getting more optimistic around new year’s, or does that time of year have a negative affect on you?   there's no change at all.  a new year has no effect on events that transpire, so there's literally no reason to be optimistic. who was your high school crush?   he was more than a "crush," but jason. what do you dislike about your smile?   my eyes squint when i smile. have you noticed that EVERYONE is ‘bisexual’ these days?   erm, not "everyone" is, but i noticed bisexuality becoming popular when i was in middle school.  many, many girls i knew claimed to be so, then would "turn straight" like a year later.  it was stupid. are you online 24/7?   pretty much, yes. who is your favorite online friend?   i don't really have one since mini just kinda ditched me. is it possible to be single and happy?   i'm certain it is, but after tasting what genuine love is like, i'm coming to accept i guess it's just not for me.  i don't want to rush things, though, which i'm scared of doing. is there anyone who hates you?   pretty sure rachel did in high school, don't know if she still does. does your mom know your deepest darkest secrets?   no, she does not. who did you last talk to about the person you like?   mom, i think. is there anyone you trust who you shouldn’t?   jason, i guess. do you want kids?   i guess i do.  but pondering it, there's a minor possibility i won't.  it depends on who i date.  like... before i dated jason (i know ya'll are so fucking tired of hearing about him, i truly am sorry), i didn't want kids.  a year or so into our relationship, i did, solely because i loved him so much.   i wanted a manifestation of us.  when i think of the possibility of having kids, i'm pretty sure i still only visualize it being with my ex, so that's why i still say "yeah i want kids."  who knows... if by some miracle i end up with someone else, i may not want their kids... who knows... have you ever fallen completely in love?   completely and entirely. do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?   of course i do!  love is a fucking perfect thing to celebrate! what was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute?   five years ago, i was busy worrying if jason and i would last.  guess i know now. do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’?   no.  god no.  please. do you have same sex fantasies?   no, i don't. would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath?   i mean, i'd try it, sure, but i don't think it'd be my thing. opinion on immigrants/immigration reform?   i have very mixed feelings with this.  like i understand perfectly that some people have very valid reasons to leave their countries, but we also have to consider our maximum capacity as a country and how easily we could accidentally bring in a terrorist.  because of my mixed feelings, i really can't answer this question should prostitution be legalized?   fuck no. why are you the person you are?   my upbringing, the environment i was raised in, my experiences... if you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept?   sure, i've never tried it before. what are you like when you’re drunk?   i'm sociable, i laugh a lot, and apparently i like to sing.  i like drunk me way more than sober me. do you want a church wedding?   i do not. story of the first time you made out with someone?   so jason and i were playfighting on his bed and to shut me up, he kissed me, and because of me having been talking, my mouth was open, sooo it kinda just escalated from there.  i still remember we kissed about a million times that day, probably.  so i can't be too bad a kisser lol. first time you gave/received oral sex?   i'm pretty sure he gave me oral sex first, but i don't really remember it much?  nor do i recall the first time i gave him oral?  i remember liking it but really not wanting to, and i tensed up very badly.  giving it to him, i just simply didn't enjoy (nor did i really know what to do at all in case i hurt him), even though i'm aware he was clean.  like i'm just sorry, i don't care who you are, i don't want the place you ejaculate and piss from in my mouth.  because of this, we didn't really do oral much. do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to?   i still have my virginity. how many followers do you have on tumblr? what about twitter/instagram?   40 on my main tumblr blog, 25 on my survey one.  i am but a smol bean.  i don't have twitter and instagram. first time you thought you were in love? when did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person?   maybe a year or so into my relationship with jason, perhaps later?  and i was and still am in love with that man. ever seen someone just roll out of bed and still look hot?
   that's jason for you.  his hair was always so messy in the morning, but he looked like a rugged angel to me. would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone?   i already have one there. if you were pregnant right now…?   financially, that'd be very, very bad.  regardless though, i'd keep the child and, depending on the paternity, keep it or adopt it out.  the only person i've ever done anything remotely sexual with is jason, so i'm guessing he'd have to be the dad, despite not seeing him for over a year???  if that was the case, i'd keep the baby and raise it as best i could and treasure it beyond belief.  if it wasn't his, this sounds... really bad, but i don't feel like i would have the desire to raise it myself.  it's obvious i don't love myself, so having a child that was a mix of me and god-knows-who would just feel... idk.  i don't feel like i'd be capable of loving it properly, so i'd give him/her to a family that would. have you ever kissed an ex after you two have broken up?   i have not. do you ever wear boots with skinny jeans?   i used to, when i was slimmer.  i rocked skinny jeans and black boots, imo. is there a den in your house?   there's not a room we refer to as "den," no. what's currently on your mind?   ha, first lemme say a shit load is on my mind.  always is.  but what's lying most heavily on my mind at the moment is how i quit school yesterday, and now i feel like i won't succeed as a photographer.  which is ridiculous, i know, considering all college would do me is give me a fancy sheet of paper.  it would perhaps slightly increase my chances of being employed by a company, but... hello, i want to be a freelance photographer???  getting a degree and digging so deep into debt just didn't seem worth it, at all.  experience is far more important than being told how to photograph, and you can find most information about photography online for free.  it's not worth it for what i want to focus on, i know, but dammit, that little nagging thought in me that says i failed... do you have a pinterest account?   lmao yeah i do.  i shamelessly have boards mostly related to photographs i want to recreate with my future family.  i also have a board related to stylistic/fashion choices and tattoos. have you ever seen the television show the munsters?   yes yes yes yes yes!!! would you/have you spent more than $200 on any one person for a holiday?   i mean, sure.  i might want to get a significant other something pricey, or i'd use it to get christmas presents for my child(ren). thoughts on slenderman? have you even heard of him?   i don't think he's at all scary honestly, but i guess the story of him's okay?  he's an... okay-ish introduction for someone who wants to explore horror games too, i assume. what would you call yourself the king or queen of?   obsessing over my ex. if i paid for you to take karate lessons, would you?   no, honestly. what is the saddest movie that you’ve ever seen?   hmmmm... i am not entirely sure. opinion: on surveys that begin with your name, age, etc?   i either don't take the survey if it's full of basic shit or delete the questions that are always asked. do you know any people who cuss in every sentence?   jason's mother, pretty much. ever written that you were going to end your life?   i've told my ex that over facebook before, yes.  that's the only reason he came to my house after he broke up with me, probably. is life good?   is life good, despite all the hell, struggles, joys, and spans of boredom?  no.  no, it is not. did you lose friends when you started dating someone?   juan stopped talking to me, but i barely considered him a friend anyway. have you ever used the word “rawr” in an actual conversation?   ... yes. would you change yourself for the person you love?   if he's interested in me changing for the better, sure.  but by now, i almost feel like i'd change however jason wanted me to... do you have someone you can be your complete self around?   i mean i guess i can, but i don't. do you have nice eyes?   they're average, i guess. how did you celebrate your last birthday?   we went to texas steakhouse. have you ever had sex on the beach?   no, and that sounds... gross... with all the sand...? would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?   of course. can you juggle?   nope. what’s the last thing you drew a picture of?   i'm pretty sure i drew a portrait of jason last. is your bellybutton an innie or outie?   innie. have you ever been banned from a public place?   i have not. what horror fiction character scares you the most?   scream, definitely. have you ever milked a cow?   no, and i don't really want to. have you ever given blood?   once in high school, yes. do you know any identical twins?   i do.  i forget the other kid's name, it was jason and... something.  remember that story of how the only reason i accepted my jason's friend request is because i thought he was another jason?  yeah, it was that jason. have you ever made your own ice cream?   colleen and i did together, yeah. (: