#This really cheered me up cuz I've had a shitty few days...

[reikurusu]

i hope this will make you happy: gonna finish the anime i'm on rn and start cherry magic :D your gifset reblogging has convinced me

THIS IS SO CUTE!!! Thank you so much for sending this, Anon!!

I just hope my excessive reblogging of the gifsets hasn't spoiled too much for you! I really hope you enjoy it!!!

Please let me know when you finish it and what you thought of it! I'm curious to hear your thoughts!! <3

[akirayuri]

The utter insanity of ch 78 of mother fucking Pearl Boy: a rant ( tiny rant cuz lowkey my eyes are burning )

Pearl Boy and a rant about the absolute shit show that was Koh Daekwang's ending and the misuse of SA as a whole.

TW: sexual assault, gang sexual assault , Pearl Boy, etc ( and yeah, I didn't really organised or edit anything, I just kinda tried to pin point what I was on about in the headings but take all of it as a whole. It's... very messy. )

Spoilers for: Pearl Boy, Sheep Mask and Chainsaw Man.

So, Pearl Boy? Yah? Unsurprisingly ( and for all the wrong reasons ) it's a popular BL amongst the BL manhwa community fans. ( Korean manga basically ) I kinda picked it up when I was wayyy younger. The art was so freaking pretty that I just couldn't resist. But turns out even my underage, horny brain went, "uh. There is something wrong with this one. I don't like it". ( It's not that I couldn't read or handle heavy material. I remember reading Warehouse back that year and genuinely speaking? That manhwa is still one of the best psychological BL I've read to this date. )

And then a few days, no wait, weeks ago I heard that apparently it was ending?? And since I get slapped in my face with spoilers now and then I do know whatever was going on in that manhwa, it was bad. And genuinely? The MC of that manhwa just went through so much that I genuinely wanted to see him happy even though I didn't really find myself getting into the manhwa for several reasons. Despite its gorgeous art and ( as the fans insist ) a green flag couple and ML, there are several icks I have with this manhwa even before I opened chapter 78. But 78 was genuinely a nail in the coffin.

*sigh* I shouldn't have trusted the hype surrounding this, this thing . Some fans of bl community are just batshit fucking insane. Period.

My thoughts on Koh Daekwang before I got my brain frayed

And let's clarify where Koh Daekwang as character was in my pedestal at that moment first. Because I think it needs clarification. For one, I got plenty of spoilers to know that he's one of the antagonists and that he has done some shitty things. And being the asshole he is, I expected him to get a ass-woping he absolutely deserved. And tbh? I didn't care much about his character until much later. It was just very weird cuz his japanese name is very similar to my OC ( Hikaru and Hikari. Oh fuck. ) and the beauty mark on his face was on the exact place as my OC ( and the base of the hairstyle but then again, my OC is a red head and and he has wavy hair. )

( but the more I read into the twins I realised my OC acts more like Daehwi than Daekwang 😭 )

Other then that, he was just a hot asshole those manhwa/manga seems to have in default. I didn't really pay any mind to him.

The issue with the SA scenes in the manhwa + the gang r*pe of Koh Daekwang ( on a surface level )

Until I went back to kinda skim through the chapters and stumbled upon chapter 78.

And I KID YOU NOT the f**cking whiplash I got from chapter 78 can't be explained in words. Listen, I've read my fair share of graphic stuff in my years, some I liked and some I didn't. But this, this literally made me wanna throw myself out of the motherf**cking window at 3 am. I didn't know who Daekwang was or what he did ( but I had the feeling that since it's Pearl Boy, he must've done something really really shitty cuz the writing is just like that. ) I only know that I loved his character design very much. I paused in each and every panel and pushed down my urge to throw up. I've seen how the author draws s**x ( more like r**pe scenes ). And something about them already made me uncomfortable. I couldn't just put my finger on them at that time. But now as I skimmed through the entirety of the absolute dehumanising brutality Daekwang had to endure, I realised what exactly made me uncomfortable.

And for a hand sight, I was pretty confident I was gearing up to cheer for dooksik had he not done what he did. I would've probably gone, "GO DOOKSIK KICK HIS ASS !! RIP HIM LIMB TO LIMB TO GO GO GO !!"

Like I'm not even joking. I wouldn't have batted an eye if dooksik had even burned him alive or tortured him in the same fashion as Hostel and the Saw Franchise. Because for a fact, that's more merciful than what he had to go through and more.

Listen, there are ways to torture someone. What Dooksik initially needed was Daehwi to show up and feel the same helplessness he felt when Jooha was being assaulted.

Now, some of y'all would probably jump the wagon with "but he said eye for an eye!! They deserved to be SA-ed because Jooha was SA-ed too"

that's- that's the most shittiest reasoning I've ever heard.

Listen, r*pe is a act that is irreversible and as evil as man kind can get. And no matter which character conducts the act, it's still wrong. ( I mean, this is the reason everyone is like, "omg the twins deserved so much worse uwu " )

And it's even more traumatizing and just, genuinely gross to see Dooksik do it because he is that character we are supposed to be cheering for, he's the ML. He is supposed to be right one ( I mean, it was initially his negetive character arc but I will get into it later ) Jooha went through the same thing and he has no right to call the shots as to what do with Jooha's perpetrators as he wasn't the one assaulted. Much less get the least evil of the three used as a scape goat in such a dehumanising way just to call in his sibling. And speaking of perpetrators; how come fucking PILWON GOT OFF WITH ONLY AN AXE TO HIS HEAD AND MOTHERFUCKING DAEKWANG ( who was hinted to be also the victim of sw from a young age to provide for his brother and genuinely, he's also a victim ) GOT FUCKING GANGBANGED INFRONT OF HIS BROTHER!? EXPLAIN!!

This is why I genuinely think there is something very, very insincere and wrong with the writing.

And as for the "eye for an eye" no honey. It didn't work. It's simply that Daekwang literally got used as a plot device and later thrown to the side. Like, tell me how he ended up like that? In a coma I presume? Like, why is no one talking about it? A guy got gang r*ped by one of the main characters and later when it was time to show the aftermath the author simply ships him off to who knows where and then he's, asleep? In a goddamn coma? Lazy writing at it's peck.

And as for the r*pe sense itself-

Ok so, here is a thing. When you write something or draw something extremely traumatic there are ways to showcase that. there are plenty of good examples out there. How to make trauma seen without fetishizing it. There are ways to go about it. What Pearl Boy does is exactly that, fetishize r*pe as a whole. No matter who is being assaulted they just gotta draw a full on close up to that. Is it really that important to show how many times and exactly how Jooha is being r*ped? It's very disrespectful to actual sa victims. Like, a black fade out or a brief flash back is enough oh my god.

Pearl Boy really has a bad issue for fetishizing r*pe of each and any characters regardless and it's fucking hard to watch, alright?

And the issue with what happened to Daekwang was something else entirely. I knew he was a bad guy and that there was some in**est going in the background. But honestly, look me in the eye and say that he deserved it ( he fucking  didn't. Even Pilwon was killed to easily and mercifully compared to what Dooksik did to the twins ) There are tasteful ways to t**rture someone. Hack, I wouldn't have been this antsy if he got his limbs chopped off or murder even. Like z waterboard him? Clip off his nails? Chop his fingers off? ( I mean, he always has two fingers missing apparently. Like, please can everyone just leave this guy alone? ) like, go watch Hostel or the Saw Franchise and get inspired, man. why gang sa? Honestly the answer is pretty simple, ✨ fetish ✨

( Honestly , killing him off wouldn't have made any difference since he was literally used as a plot device by the end of it. Poor guy. )

And again , it boils down to the eye for an eye thing. But to be honest they didn't even manage to execute it properly. Despite everything he did, Daekwang is a sa victim. If you really wanted to go for the, so famously said, "eye for an eye" do it so with legitimacy. He was literally shipped off too somewhere and then when we see him again, he's looking like a dead man probably in coma 💀. TELL ME F**CKING HOW!? YOU GOT TIME TO DRAW HIM GETTING D**ICKED DOWN BY A WAREHOUSE FULL OF MEN BUT THEN WHEN IT'S ABOUT GIVING A PROPER CLOSURE TO HIS CHARACTER YOU GO, "oh. He's asleep 😁☝🏻" GET OUT.

R*pe revenge gone gone wrong Feat. 'Sheep Mask ' ( and a brief summary of the r*pe revenge genre )

Ok so here is a thing I think I noticed and I think it should be out of my system. There is a similar pattern in this Manhwa that is simply so, off puting. Despite Jooha getting sa-ed so violently each and every turn of his life, it's never him who gets to express his anger and the sheer animosity he is sure to develop over time. It's Dooksik. Dooksik proposes the idea of wanting to kill Pilwon, not Jooha. Dooksik arranges a gang sa for one of the twins, not Jooha. For Jooha the only ligament sign of actual resistance was when it was Dooksik's line on the line. He finally gets the courage to actually pull a gun at someone's head ( still not shoting him )

Someone of y'all simply find it romantic that Dooksik is willing to get his hands dirty for Jooha's sake which is fair considering men like him really don't exist. But Jooha's lack of guts to fight off is something that clashes with the initial "revenge"

Idk how many of you have read Sheep Mask by Paskim but if you have, you'll understand exactly what I mean. No matter how fucked up and graphic this manhwa is, we all will agree on one thing, it makes sense and at the end of the day; it's satisfying.

And not satisfying because there are no stacks for the MC as he delivers karma on his perpetrators, there are. In fact the consequences are everlasting. The MC can never really function properly and is probably marked off as a criminal and is doomed to be unable to live a normal life again ( and might be dead ) but also, the consequences also lie within exactly what he unleashed upon his perpetrator even after he is presumed dead. The lasting mental scarring on both parties leaves a bitter sweet but a understandable closure for both of them.

I'm not saying that this is what Pearl Boy should've done. I'm simply bringing it up as they handle the revenge r*pe aspect similarly, yet so differently.

What Sheep Mask did so satisfyingly was that it was the victim calling the shots, not anyone else. Which actually reminds me of a pop culture phenomenon that happened in the early days of revenge r*pe movies.

The culture of rape revenge has been around in the media for a good amount of time. This genre ( female oriented as it is ) has changed it's pattern over time.

[ and I highly suggest to check out this video essay that I'm linking down below if you are interested in this topic because this THAT video actually made me think about this more deeply. And it's very good 👍🏻

The video in question:

Ok back to topic ]

Like, lemme give you a brief run down as to what I'm getting at.

Back in the days when r*pe revenge genre had yet to see it's renaissance, there was a common pattern it had followed

Girl gets r*ped -> probably killed -> a male relative or acquaintances or lover finds out about what happened to her -> gets really angry -> goes on a rage full revenge quest to avenge the girl -> kills every perpetrators

Which sounds unproblematic at first glance but then you realise, the actual girl who was abused never got beyond that damsel in distress or the abused female archetype in whose trauma, the male character's character development is built upon. The female character's abuse was simply a plot device for the male character to unless his rage upon the perpetrators while the actual victim never got anything to their name other than the fact, that they were abused. Her trauma was used as a foundation to build the male character's journey to avenge her as she was just too weak or probably dead to do so. that's it. Otherwise she lacks the agency to protect herself. The victim's trauma is used to empower the male character and just be a quest and reason for the male character to persuade his enemy. Her suffering is not her own but the focus is on what the male character would do for her. ( Which changes over time through movies like Jennifer's body and Teeth. )

Of course Jooha isn't a girl but despite being a male, he is also a victim of repeated sexual abuse and he houses the inherent trains of the damsel in distress character archetype. His trauma was used to fuel Dooksik's anger and basically just give him the license to whatever the hack he pleased to the twins; and more accurately, with Daekwang. Because he was averaging his abused lover and because the lover himself didn't have the agency nor the power to execute the plan himself. The victim was powerless, is powerless. While Dooksik grows more and more jagged by the end of it. And simply showing the readers how far Dooksik is willing to go down.

[ this actually reminds me of this comment I read which said the following: "the twins should've known better. They raised a sleeping lion " which just proves the point of my prior comment of this being an empowering scene for the none-victim revenge seeker ]

Everyone has their own way to handle and process trauma. And Jooha not wanting to make things worse for either of them is valid. But won't it had been empowering for the actual sa victims if it was Jooha who actually pulled the revenge? Considering that Dooksik got so badly injured trying to protect him? What does it exactly say about the message it delivers? By the end of it, what happened was Jooha seeing the shadow of Pilwon in Dooksik and Daekwang being bed tied for an unknown reason and an unknown period of time.

Pilwon got killed, but who killed him? Daehwi. Both Jooha and Dooksik would've died. Who saved them? Daehwi. Just- just what good did it come out of it? Daehwi got desperate but he would've done the same if Dooksik threatened to kill Daekwang without sexually harassing him so violently infront him because more then anything, the twins love eachother and are willing to serve their lives in a platter to anyone just to keep the other safe. Honestly it's very ironic and frustrating that by the end of it, it was Daehwi who did all the heavy work such as killing Pilwon and saving the asses of the fandom's beloved leads despite being the most injured one of the three. ( the epilogue was stupid )

The mishandling of Koh Daekwang [ and a tiny self indulgent comparison with Aki Hayakawa / I Wii make a separate dedicated post I swear. This is getting way too long / ]

And the fact that Daekwang wasn't even the most evil and probably the least evil' out of three antagonists, including his brother who was the main perpetrator on arranging the shit show that initially pushed Dooksik over the edge is really sickening. And also the hints about him being a sex worker in the past to provide for his brother ( and Pilwon's comment, "aren't you a pro in this?" ) just sits like a pile of rocks in the pit of my stomach. I really, really don't like the combination of a past sex worker who did what he did out of need and a probable victim of SA himself to be used as bait by being r*ped again just to bring in his brother.

And let's be f*cking frank y'all. Daehwi is the reason Jooha and Dooksik are kicking and punching 💀. Like, blud was literally mummified yet he was the one doing all the heavy lifting. How fucking ironic. ( The epilogue was so stupid . And sorry but I can't stop repeating this topic. It's just so frustratingly funny to me )

And speaking of giving a sincere end to a character who is supposed to be tragic and therefore , the lack of it in Pearl Boy.

I actually compared Daekwang to Aki Hayakawa a lot LOLOL and I still do cuz both of them had the most tragic end to their respective story arc but the taste and execution is so vastly different.

Where in Aki's initial doom was not only a foil and a proper closure to his character arc but also something that despite being as tragic as it could get, it had a sense of sincerity to it that makes the reader feel heavy, not disgusted.

Obviously the lack of gang r*pe as a whole is a good reason to itself but I feel like there are so many similarities to their situation despite being so vastly different from each other. And yeah, obviously Aki wasn't that much of an asshat that Daekwang was lmao.

But something about those two is so damn similar . The stubbornness to reach their respective goals and then getting slapped in the face with the consequences of not listening to their loved ones advice:

Daehwi tries to speak sense into Daekwang and Himeno tries to talk to Aki to quit public safety which neither of them listen until much later.

And generally bordering on being a bit deranged with how hell bent they are;

And then comes the knack for shouldering everything heavy and complicated and brushing it off with a, "leave it to me."

and just generally driving their loved ones to a point of utter breakage with how unmoveable they are aka making them do something high key crazy.

Himeno with her selfish sacrifice and Daehwi with almost everything he did in the last arc lmao.

But also doing whatever it takes to keep their loved ones out of danger which includes, self sacrifice or just becoming a human meat bait to the enemy party.

The arguably tired older sibling with godawful luck. And gremlins under their care.

✨dad energy ✨

( a compilation of Daekwang acting like an old man even though they are the same age. Cuz we all know how Aki is. )

And let's not forget both admired the worst person in the room ( Daekwang with Pilwon and Aki with Makima ) which brought them both to their inevitable doom. ( Aki's one is a complicated situation since he was under Makima's control all along and I feel like the situation with Daekwang and Pilwon got Messier after Pilwon humiliated, beat up and made Daekwang chop off two of him fingers infront of his brother. Which is another similarity; the sudden jerking sense of clarity before everything goes black again. )

Also the fact both of them were used as a literal bait, the sacrificial lamb for a bigger picture, holy crap. ( Ok I really need to write a dedicated post on those two. )

Despite the similarity there is a lack of sincerity in handling Daekwang's story arc wherein, no matter how ironically heartbreaking Aki's outcome became, it had a sense of sincerity and familiarity. It didn't feel wrong ( I mean it did, the Gun Devil arc was a fucking nightmare fuel. But not in a sense that'll make you want to burn your house down with how badly it was written. But rather it makes you love the character and appreciate the hardwork and love the author put into his works . It makes you want to go back and read the arc no matter how painful it is because at the end, it does not make you want to look away from the pages in disgust. )

( Oh and, free Daekwang from that author I swear. That man wasn't paid enough for all that. )

Obviously their situation was vastly different. But in the end they were played like pawns by a bigger brain. Their loved ones left to pay the price and to see the aftermath of a massacre. And the twins for a fact would've ran away or killed Pilwon even before the final had they been given the chance ( I mean, Daehwi was so fucking ready to chop off Pilwon's head at the drop of the hat. )

What actually hits even harder is that Daekwang was cast aside completely after his r*pe scene. Like his use was only to make Daehwi surrender and do Dooksik's bidding in the most dehumanising way possible. But when it came to giving him a proper ending, they just, made him... Sleep...?

I had a conversation with a friend of mine, she said something really good, "I guess it's not about what happened. It's about what couldve been. Had they been given a proper chance to live a normal life and not stumble upon each and every step because life gave them middle finger from they day they were born, they mightve lived a better and happy life. Without the gawning hungrer to chew at eachother because eachother is all they have got, without the need to hurt someone else otherwise not being able to live to see the next day. I guess it's about what couldve been if they were given the chance and guidance for a good and healthy life style. "

That's the tragedy.

Ok and I definitely lied about this being a tiny rant. This shit is bigger than my life span.

[crazycrackersworld]

So I made 8t through the birthday. I had a couple of breakdowns none of them were too severe or too serious, but they happened.

I managed to avoid looking at Facebook memories until now at the end of the day and when I got to one set at pictures or something of his birthday in the past they just scrolled right through those really quick cuz I don't want to look at them or dwell and how badly I have screwed things up with him and them.

I did get to talk to her tonight video chat actually so I got to see her and she got to look at my stupid face which I still don't understand why anybody would want to but that's neither here nor there. I did bring up a few deep things I hope I didn't bring up too many because I am being patient and I do understand that she needs some time to get over recent changes and developments in her life. And I care about her too much to not give her that time. Not that it's easy for me but, damn sure going to make it happen.

I did not however bring up the birthday or how I made it through it. Just like other than the first few messages right away early in the morning the subject did not get touched on and I did that on purpose. Right now I know she has probably a lot going on in her head and there's probably a lot of static and a lot of noise and as supportive of me when things are shitty, as she is, I just didn't feel like putting that on her today, she has enough on her plate.

I am by no means saying that she wouldn't have been supportive, and done her best to cheer me up, because I know she understands how it feels. But regardless of how supportive or caring or understanding she would have been, I just didn't want to put that on her so I just kind of gutted it out on my own. God knows the last thing I want to do is cause her anymore fucking stress.

The fact that four out of the five kids don't talk to me sucks it really does, but with Preston it's a it's a totally different kind of pain. I knew he wasn't mine biologically before he was even born, I still went to the hospital and I saw her and I saw him and he was in an incubator and I took one look at him and I fell in love. The only time I have ever experienced love at first sight in my life was with him. I remember being at the hospital on and off most of that day leaving when family was going to come because it would make it weird and stuff and I do remember being in the room and visiting hours were over and it was about time for me to leave and hiya just looked down into that incubator and told them that he deserved better. So when she came home I tried my best to give him that better, and I think I did, until eventually something happened to my brain and I didn't anymore.

I chose to be his dad and I think I did a good job at it until whatever happened in my brain happened but I hate the fact that I let him down. I think of him all the time I think of all of them all the time, and I hope someday I can repair whatever damage has been done and someday all of my kids will talk to me.

But I am fully prepared for the stone reality that maybe...CCR was right, and......."Someday Never Comes". And if that turns out to be the case like I said I'm prepared for it or is prepared as I can be.

I also didn't mention it's a katana at all, because again she too has enough stress and enough on her plate and doesn't need to worry me as much as she sometimes does. So again I just got it it out. I mean two women who have the ability to get me through just about anything are those two, but I didn't want to bird neither one of them today with my bullshit. So I didn't.

In a brief conversation with Jackie last night I had made some comment about how she can text me in the morning and she made a comment about how I can text her which as I've said before with most people that I talk to I'm generally the person who reaches out first especially as far as like good morning is concerned. I did mention that to her, but I did send her a good morning text today like as soon as I got into my work truck like me and Sue would exchange five or six audio clips I got in my truck I texted Katana I texted Renee and then I texted Jackie, and then I got a reply from her somewhere between noon and 1:00 p.m. that said good afternoon I think it said I hope your day is going well I do know it said I'll text you later to which I replied okay.

It is now 9:00 p.m. I don't know when later is but it hasn't happened yet I do care about the woman that do like the woman I do miss hanging out with the woman, but she's just not good enough at communication. I honestly think she's too entwined with taking care of her mother, and trying to earn her mother's love at the age of 50 because she didn't do it at the age of five I mean I'm not a head shrink but I'm pretty sure that's what's going on and it's really sad to watch actually. And it's even harder not to make stupid comments about it that would end up I don't know probably making her hate me but I find the whole thing to just be ridiculous I might my tongue a lot.

If I would have gotten that text from her and if she was better at communicating in general I don't know what I have leaned on her because of the Preston birthday today? Maybe I would have if for no other reason than I refused to burden Katana and Sue with it. But you know since I still haven't heard from her we will never know if I would have broached that subject or not.

And so now it's the end of the day I am happy that I got to talk to her I am happy I got to look at her face. I've said it before I'll say it again, sometimes it's the little things.