#This pic alone radiates so much found family energy

[seroothincs]

No 'cuz like

WHY is this such a father and sons behavior?! like in that episode, fat tony finds out that his gang (well not the whole gang it was just Johnny's plan) put him up to get framed and when he got the help from Wiggum to be proven his innocence, he marched right up to his crew and then who does he see, "legs and louie?!" And now he is just one of those disappointed dads who look down on their children after they had done some stupid shit. and bro, Legs is going through all five stages of grief

[deaku]

   This is Terranor Kalanhaven; Knight of Melsaria, Paladin of Light

  He’s also a sentient suit of animated armor, but that fact is generally not very well-known.

   Terranor's story begins long ago with the elven wizard known as Kalanhaven of the Moonlight Spires, who was not only a powerful wizard but also an avid explorer. While on an expedition into the far northern wilderness Kalanhaven discovered an odd blade. They didn’t find it delving into a dungeon or winning it in some epic battle, Kalan simply found it sticking out of the wall in an icy cave. It was a well-crafted blade that seemed to radiate a form of divine energy but Kalan could not figure out the blades origins or even what it was actually made out of (other than it was some sort of crystalline metal) no matter what spells they used. Kalan eventually went back home intending to study the blade further. But one night Kalan had some sort of dreaming vision, something unlike they had ever experienced. It was hard to put into words but Kalan was positive that the blade was a weapon that was involved in some grand destiny and that it was their duty to find the person that was meant to wield the blade.

   Kalanhaven chose a remote "dungeon" to hide the blade until they could find the one to wield it. It was a place known as Ulvanor. It had once been a thriving city built at the bottom of a canyon but a massive earthquake in the past brought the canyon down, burying the city. However the city hadn't been completely destroyed, many buildings survived and they combined with the natural gaps that had been left in the stone and earth resulted in a strange labyrinth. Many creatures had moved into Ulvanor over the years making it quite a hazardous place. Kalan used their magic to find and restore an ancient vault that existed deep within Ulvanor, then got to work crafting a guardian for the blade. Using all the tricks and techniques they knew Kalan created an armored guardian, something they was sure would be strong enough to watch over the blade while Kalan searched for the person to wield it. Kalan put the guardian in place and added a few more magics to the vault that would help keep the armour in top condition. Satisfied that the blade was well-hidden and protected Kalan set off on their own quest, only visiting occasionally to make sure the guardian was still functioning and the blade still in place.

  Over time the Armour was accepted by the other denizens of Ulvanor as just another part of the dungeon, a particularly hazardous part, and most just avoided the immediate area entirely. There were many, many adventurers over the years that would make it through all the dangers of Ulvanor only to meet their end at the sword of the Armor. Eventually a tribe of goblins that lived in Ulvanor began to take advantage of how good the Armour was at disposing of adventurers. While there was magic in place that would teleport things, besides the Armor and the blade, that remained in the vault too long away, they would remain long enough to be salvaged by those clever enough to do so. The Goblins would set traps to try and herd adventurers towards the Armour and when it worked they would simply wait awhile and then go check and see if the adventurers had met their fate. Then using hook and line the would try and fish for the bodies, hooking them and then slowly dragging them out of the vault since the Armour never left that room. It would work most of the time; unless they moved the bodies too fast, then the Armour would react and chop their lines. The Goblins even started rumors of "The Terror of Ulvanor" and the fabulous treasure it guarded in an effort to lure in more adventurers.

  However one fateful day the Armour was once again doing it duty and protecting the blade from a group of adventurers that sought to claim the treasure. The last to fall was a mage whom was trying to get off a spell just as the Armour struck them down. Somehow interactions between the mystical energies of the Armour, the magical energy of the nearly cast spell and other unknown variables caused the armor to gain sentience and free-will. After being confused for a bit at the new sense of self the Armour decides to leave and take the blade with them, sudden sentience is no excuse for shirking one's duty after all; their goal to find Kalanhaven or at least complete the mission of finding the one meant to wield the blade. While the Armour had to fight through some of the other denizens of Ulvanor they eventually made their way to the surface and headed out into the wilderness.

  After wandering the wilderness alone for a time the Armor eventually stumbled upon the home of a former adventuring Paladin that had retired to settle down and raise her family, the paladin's name was Melsaria Luzera, Paladin of Light. At first Melsaria was ready to fight when she saw this magic armor walk onto her property; but then she could sense there was something different about this armored guardian than ones she had come across before and she could feel divine energy radiating from the blade it carried. The biggest shock however was when the Armor spotted and greeted her, even sounded a bit unsure while doing so. In her experience those types of things were not supposed to be able to talk. Melsaria greeted back and began to converse, both out of sheer curiosity and an attempt to find out just what was going on. The Armor introduced itself, again a bit unsure sounding, as Terranor, and answered Melsaria's questions the best it was able. After hearing Terranor's story Melsaria decided it was her duty to help; it is the duty of all Paladins of the Light to help those in need, and Terranor was perhaps in as much need as she had ever seen someone. Melsaria's spouses were unsure of the whole situation but would support Melsaria if this was something she really wanted to do, the children’s general reaction was that Terranor was one of the most awesome things they had ever seen.

  Sensing potential and an affinity for Light in this Terranor, Melsaria decided she would train him in the ways of the Paladin. Terranor was already well-versed in the ways of combat, just needed a bit of refinment, so Melsaria focused more on the moral and spiritual. And while Melsaria was training Terranor to be a Paladin the whole family helped him learn how to socialize and taught him many other skills he might have need of in normal society. Terranor proved to be a quick leaner and took in any knowledge he was presented with, it wasn’t long before Melsaria felt that Terranor’s training was complete and it was time for him to go out into the world and use his skills to help those in need. Terranor thanked Melsaria and her family and said his goodbyes as he set out on his journey.

 Now Terranor wanders the land helping those in need; but always keeps the mission of finding the one destined to wield the blade in mind, no matter how long it may take.

  Here’s a new drawing from me after a very long time, hopefully it won’t be as long before my next pic ;P heh The idea for this guy came to me one day as I was going through the Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual, just one of those random ideas that develops a backstory and such.

[monsieur-darling-blog]

Mathew on Medicine

I started taking Zoloft in the summer of 2016, after a bad breakup. This magical pill was supposed to help me cope with the serious bouts of anxiety I felt when driving along I-440 in Nashville, as well as get rid of any signs of depression that I was feeling at the time. It was my first time taking medication that was prescribed (obviously I got through college inhaling as much Adderall as I could get my dirty, nail bitten hands on) and I thought, “What the hell?” I wanted to get rid of my anxiety and my depression, although I hadn’t thought that I actually suffered from either of those things until my doctor was writing my RX.

For the first week, the pill did absolutely nothing. I still felt like the bitch in the Mercedes in front of me was going to stomp on her breaks and we’d collide. I still sat in my room, reading sad stories by Sylvia Plath, tears flowing. I checked my Grindr account, looking for someone to cuddle with, just to forget about that sinking feeling I felt in my stomach late at night, whenever I was alone.

But then week two hit and the Zoloft started working. This drug was FUCKING AWESOME, I’d scream to anyone who’d listen. My brain literally hummed like a computer being turned on. I felt extremely happy at all times, even when I shouldn’t. I saw my ex with another dude and smiled. NO FUCKS GIVEN! Haha. When one of my family members checked into rehab, it bounced off of me like a toy ball. THAT’S TOO BAD, ANYWAY LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAY! I felt like a superhero, except my super power was radiating complete elation that verged on mania.

When I disclosed those intense feelings to my doctor, she recommended taking a heavy mood stabilizer that would knock me out. I told her that I didn’t want to become a zombie, that the only reason why I was acting so crazy was because I had never felt this happy before. I could handle it! What did she know?! She only went to college for 12 years!!! She left the decision up to me: I could fill the prescription if I wanted, and she highly, highly recommended it. I never did.

And so, every morning at 9 a.m. I took my medication, let the warm fuzzy feeling grow in my brain, and walked around like the sun was perpetually shining (and hey, it was Nashville in the summer time, so the majority of the time, it was.) I’m not sure if my friends could notice the change in my mood, and I didn’t care if they could. That would become the most destructive part of the prescription: I stopped caring.

One of the side effects of Zoloft is a decreased libido. I don’t know what’s wrong with my serotonin levels, but the medication had the opposite effect. In my depression, sex was one of the last things I wanted to do. I wanted to be close with someone but skip the part where we got naked. Once the medication started to work, I decided to share my most private parts with the entire world. I became a slut. Now, I was using Grindr for its intended purpose: casual sex.

In three months, I had more sexual partners than I had in my entire life. When it started, I kept my standards high, sleeping only with the people I was physically attracted to: The short guy who slept with his socks on, the bartender I had had a crush on for four years, the hot guy I met at the bar a couple weeks ago and talked about NYC with. But once I went through all the good looking ones, I lowered my standards and started hanging out with seedy men, becoming one of them myself. On Thanksgiving, I met up with a 20-year-old in a hotel at 4 in the morning. We spent an hour talking before removing our clothes. It was my last ditch attempt at staying the person I always believed I was (prudish, in control, etc.) But then in December, I gave a blow job in the bathroom of a dirty bar and to this day, I still don’t know his name. I had never been the hoe in my friend group. It was like living a double life. I hit the lowest of my personal lows when I slept with two men in one day, one random person before I went to work, and one after work, a lawyer, in his office, who I will never speak to again. The shame that spread through my body as I turned the shower to the hottest it would go was unlike anything I felt before. I felt dirty. Gross. A whore without the cash.

And suddenly my magical friend Zoloft became an enemy. It changed me into someone I didn’t recognize or want to be. I wasn’t a happy person before, and while it felt great to numb underlying issues for a couple of months, it created a slew of other issues. I started to become obsessively concerned about my health. I went to the doctors every other week to get an STD test, even though I was generally careful and showed no symptoms. I worked out every day because of the excessive energy shooting through my bloodstream. Even worse was when it ravaged my stomach (which it did frequently) and I almost shit my pants on the dance floor of a crowded gay club. That was a close call. I told my doctor I didn’t want to be numb when she first prescribed Zoloft. Because I was buzzing so hard, I didn’t think that I had become that, but when I think about that time in my life subjectively, I had. Wake up, medicate, fuck someone, work, gym, bed, repeat. Try not to shit yourself. That was the routine. Every. Single. Day.

I detached myself from that blissful but fabricated feeling in the new year, and focused on moving to New York. I stopped sleeping around and picked up a pen and started to write, using my new found ambition and lack of inhibition to write stories instead of sleeping with people. I am glad I stayed on Zoloft while I remained in Nashville, as it kept me happy even after those dark days of being a skank. But once I came to New York, I let my prescription die out and haven’t taken it since.

I thought I would experience side effects coming off the medication but I was lucky and did not. When I first decided to stop taking it, my doctor told me it was a bad idea. She warned me that I might experience prolonged zaps to my brain, almost like electric shock. While that scared the shit out of me, I never experienced that. She also thought I would become suicidial. So far, that hasn’t happened either.

I was a little more agitated than usual during the first two weeks coming off. Slow walkers were my main target. I’d shout, “HURRY THE FUCK UP” through gritted teeth and prance past them, blushing furiously from my lack of verbal control. But now, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. A lot of that is because of New York. The city, as I’m sure you’ve been told, is so energetic, I get high just walking through Union Square and seeing the hustle and bustle of tourists snapping pics of the skyline. And this is how I self-medicate now: I take myself to new places and walk around. Exploration has become my mediation.

I’m not writing this to tell you how to live your life if you’re suffering from depression and anxiety. I know plenty of people who need medicine in order to function, and have zero judgement against them. I think my doctor might’ve been too quick to start prescribing me anything, though, and didn’t really care when I informed her that I was turning into a crazy person with IBS. But the biggest lesson I learned from those months was to deal with problems as they come, instead of burying them, way the fuck down, inside myself. It’ll save a lot of time, and hopefully you won’t find yourselves on your knees on a piss-soaked bathroom floor with a dick in your mouth.