#This one was a toughie but a goodie

[averagejoesolomon]

Here it is! The final chapter of Full Circle: 1984. Thank you so much for reading this one, I'm really rather pleased with how it turned out. I'll have a masterpost coming soon, but in the meantime, you can read all of Full Circle on Ao3. Enjoy!

Chapter Thirteen

Sunday breakfast is served at the leisurely hour of ten o’clock. Matt and Joe are encouraged to attend by the master of the estate, and Matt reckons this option is better than whatever complimentary motel breakfast they planned on. At Henry’s invitation, they take up residence in a pair of empty rooms on the third floor and, under the security of the Cameron family mansion, Matt gets the first full night of sleep he’s had since Romania. 

He has a dream about his mama, then wakes up weightless in the mid-morning sun. For a blink, there are eggs that need collecting, cows that need milking, and calves that need to be checked on, but it only takes one roll through down pillows and silk linens to remember he’s not in Nebraska anymore. Here, guards are posted at every gate. Warm towels wait in his private en suite bathroom. Come afternoon, Henry Cameron’s private helicopter will fly direct to Reagan National, sparing Matt and Joe their usual strand of evasive layovers through a half-dozen different cities. With nowhere to be and time to spare, Matt burrows further into the blankets and lets the morning linger.

When he does finally work his way downstairs, breakfast does not disappoint. Fresh fruit and pastries stretch across a table set for ten, everything drizzled in different types of chocolates, and honeys, and yogurts. The eggs are prepared three different ways—scrambled, hard boiled, and sunny-side-up—all plated with golden yolks toward the sky. The savory scents of bacon and sausage land heavy on his tongue and his stomach rumbles with anticipation.

Henry and Joe have already beaten Matt to the table, their tentative conversation revolving around a headline on the front page of this week’s paper. Henry seems impressed with Joe’s well spoken nature and Matt’s not one bit surprised. Joe’s an impressive sort of guy. Matt quietly joins them, taking the seat closest to a steaming plate of Belgian waffles, and listens in awe as two experts converse at a pace he can’t keep up with.

Matt is halfway through his second plate when he finally hears Abby’s voice. “Morning, Daddy.”

She bounces down the dining room’s single step, perfectly done up in a dress with yellow flowers spotted all across the fabric. Behind her, the sun reaches through the garden windows as though its only purpose is to light her every step. It leads her toward Henry, and she leaves a single kiss on his expectant cheek. “Good morning, my songbird,” he says, setting his paper aside. “Did you sleep well?”

She takes the seat next to Joe, reaching for all of her favorites to fill a plate of her own. “I had the craziest dream,” she starts, “about a Bolivian arms dealer I came across a couple of months ago—oh! Have you tried the sweet potato hash?”

It’s not until Abby scoops two heaps of golden orange hash onto Matt’s plate that he registers the change in subject. Green eyes look up at him, those same green eyes that have enamored him for years, and he stumbles over all the words he can’t bring himself to say. “I, uh—no, not yet.”

“Best potatoes I’ve ever had,” she swears, landing two scoops on Joe’s plate next. He eyes her with a dangerous annoyance, but she ignores this with ease. “Anyway, I was in Bolivia and it was totally weird because my passport said I was in France…”

She carries on about a nonsensical South American op, details painting the broader picture of a dream gone wrong, but Matt loses track of the individual words. Instead, he watches her speak as though nothing has happened, move as though nothing is wrong, and act as though yesterday ain’t any different from today. From where Matt sits, there are apologies owed and good graces to be earned, but Abby shows no sign of ill will. She’s calm. She’s collected. She’s every bit as charming as she’s ever been. In the churning emotional bile of his own guilt, and anger, and rejection, Matt comes to the realization that Abby is awfully good at a lot of things, but she’s at her best when she’s hiding behind a smile, convincing the world that all is right.

The same cannot be said for Rachel.

Unlike Abby, Rachel’s appearance is a sudden, silent sort of affair that draws all air from the room. The sight sends a hitch through Matt’s breath as he takes in the unfamiliar softness of her features. A lopsided bun still carries leftover hairspray from the night before. Curls stray in every direction, catching golden wisps of sunrise. For the first time, he notices the faint rosy blotches that stain her cheeks in the morning. It matches the color of her lips exactly. Sage silk drapes down her shoulders, her hips, her legs and she is the very definition of elegant. Refined. Beautiful. “I thought you left.”

She looks right at Matt when she says it, brown eyes melting into amber as a sharp golden square cuts across them. Rachel has this way—has always had this way—of looking at him on purpose. She strips away every feature that allows him to hide in plain sight until she’s staring straight at the vulnerable core of him. Until it’s just her, looking at him, looking right back at her. 

It’s the sort of thing that sends a fella’s heart racing. The sort of thing that works up words without his brain’s permission. “I ain’t leaving you,” he promises. “Not that easy.”

The room stands still, save the slightest tick of Rachel’s eyebrows as they furrow together. A puzzle in need of solving. A question in need of answering. A rare display of confusion on the face of a woman who is never confused. All the while, her breath rises, and falls, and rises, and falls exactly in time with his own and he wonders if this is what she always looks like when she first wakes up. He wonders if she blinks awake without effort, or if she needs the alarm. He wonders if she snores, if she dreams, if she wakes up in the middle of the night, if she falls asleep easily or if it takes hours. He wonders what it might be like to fall asleep at her side. He wonders what it might be like to wake up with her.

He wonders what it might feel like to fall in love with Rachel Cameron. 

But before he has a chance to properly picture it, Rachel catches her breath once more. “I asked you to leave,” she says. “I asked you not to be here anymore.”

Matt opens his mouth to respond, but the words are clogged behind the apprehension that blossoms in his throat. Rachel’s wrath is a thing of legend, backed by a godly ability to hold grudges, and he’s seen it in action enough times to know he never wants to be on the receiving end. “I wasn’t—” he starts, but the sentence crumples. “I was just—”

“We cracked the case.” Joe taps into a fight that Matt can’t finish, and just in the nick of time. “I convinced him to stick around, so we could give you the details. Keep you from worrying about your dad any more than you already have.”

Rachel’s attention lands on Joe with more civility than she has ever granted him before. Matt does his best not to take it personally, but his heart is acting of its own accord and there’s nothing he can do to stop the sharp twinge that interrupts his pulse. “Okay,” she says, even and logical.  “Let’s hear the details, and then you can both be on your way.”

At this, Henry lets out the faintest sigh. “Darling, won’t you sit and join us?”

Rachel shakes her head. “I don’t want to sit.”

Abby joins his protest. “Rachel.”

“I do not want to sit,” she says, sharper this time.

Henry turns to bribery instead. “I had the kitchen make your favorite waffles.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Darling, please, just sit—”

“Who was it?” Rather than continue a fruitless argument, Rachel cuts straight to the fact-finding. There’s a mental case file somewhere in her head and her father is at the center of it. There’s an unmistakable impatience to her tone as she aims to collect every bit of information she can. “What did they want?”

For the slightest fraction of a second, Matt is overcome with temptation toward the truth. It ain’t the first time he’s wanted to tell Rachel about the Circle. She would be a brilliant asset, out strategizing one of the greatest strategic organizations in espionage. She has the mind for this sort of thing. She has the skill for it, too. Maybe he could even earn her favor back, just by coming clean.

But with a single glance at Henry, Matt remembers all the reasons to keep quiet. For family. For alliances. For life. Once a person is in with the Circle, they don’t get out alive, and Matt refuses to thrust that fate upon Rachel. “You were right,” he says, with all the spycraft he can muster. “It was someone from the party staff. They were looking for cash, and figured it was hidden in the most secure room they could find.”

The lie dangles in the air like bait in a stream. Tension twists in Matt’s chest as he waits for the realization, because Rachel is far too smart not to see the hook. Thankfully, Henry knows exactly when to step in. “The offender has been blacklisted and won’t be returning,” he adds, embellishing with an expert touch. “How horribly boring, that it turns out to be just a run-of-the-mill B&E.”

Rachel pauses. Stares her father down. Matt has known her long enough to know that she’s debating whether or not she believes the story, sorting through the presented facts and meticulously verifying them against her own perception. He wants to tell her not to try so hard. To stop chasing facts she doesn’t want to find. This story is so much easier to believe than the truth, and he hopes she can appreciate the blissful ignorance.

Finally, she clenches her jaw. She doesn’t believe them, but she must know better than to pursue any more questions. “Fine,” she says. “Then it’s handled. And you two can go back to Texas, or Romania, or wherever the hell you’re supposed to be right now.”

Another tug in Matt's chest. “Rachel, I’m sorry—”

“Leave, please, Matthew,” she says, sending a finger toward the foyer. “And please don’t bother calling.”

There’s not much more to it than that. When Rachel Cameron gives an order, the world molds around it, and Matt is no exception. It becomes clear that there’s nothing left to say, so Matt looks over the table at Joe and, wordlessly, Joe confirms it’s time to leave. Among his thank yous and goodbyes to Abby, Henry, and the kitchen staff, Matt’s mind scrambles for some way to save this. To get back to where he and Rachel used to be. But as he walks past her cold shoulder, he realizes that the two of them are never going to be as they were. Something fundamental has changed and there's no going back now.

As they pass, Rachel pays him no mind. She stands stark still, determined in her wants, breaking only when Joe walks by. “Joe,” she says, stiff and unwilling. 

It’s a shock, to say the least, to hear Joe’s name come out of her mouth. Matt prepares himself for the worst, waiting for a lecture, a screaming match, an all-out brawl—the natural conclusion to years of distrust now bubbling to the surface after a weekend of frustration. He waits for Rachel to tear into Joe the same way she had torn into Matt the night before, with all of the tears and betrayal.

But she doesn’t yell. Instead, she says. “Thank you.” 

The only person who looks more surprised than Matt is Joe himself. “Uh,” he says. “For what, exactly?”

Rachel hangs her head, a true rarity. “Michael wasn’t at his best last night. You stepped in.” She holds a hesitant hand to him, and it’s as close to an olive branch as the two of them might get. “I appreciated that, regardless of how the rest of the night went.”

Joe takes the offering and shakes. They both look equally uncomfortable with the moment, but Matt’s just glad for the temporary peace. “Uh, yeah. Sure. If you ever need backup,” Joe offers.

“You’ll be my last call,” Rachel reminds him.

Joe smiles. “And thank god for that.”

Their bags are already by the door, brought downstairs by a dutiful member of the house staff. Henry escorts them across the lawn and toward the launch pad where he says another set of private goodbyes. This time, he’s sure to include how he can be reached should they come across another breakthrough and sends them off with their next three Circle leads. 

When they’re finally strapped in and the blades begin to spin, Matt still can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is wrong. There’s an absent, gnawing feeling in his gut and he’s trained to listen to it. It’s not until he hears Joe’s voice, crackled through a bulky headset, that he realizes what’s causing it. “She’ll come back around,” Joe assures him. “She cares about you.”

This doesn’t offer the comfort Joe might hope for, because the truth of the matter is that maybe she’s better off. More and more, it seems like there’s a choice on the horizon. A sacrifice he didn’t know he was making. The people in his life are safer without the Circle, which means the people in his life are safer without him. He doesn’t get to go home for Easter. He doesn’t get to dance with pretty girls at the bar. He doesn’t get to follow Abby and Rachel to the ends of the earth. It's as thought his life doesn’t belong to him anymore.

As he watches the entire Cameron estate shrink to the size of his thumb, Matt’s only thought is that he has to try. He has to aim for greatness. He has to be kind, and thoughtful, and good, in the way Rachel Cameron wants him to be.

If after all this, his only legacy is love, he supposes that will have to be enough.

[bithablu]

First and Last Sentence Tag

Tagged by .@ablatheringblatherskite

Sooooo... the first sentence is from WeylerWeek1: Poison

*-*

The post-school/pre-dinner rush at the Weathervane had finally calmed down. Kelsey was finishing up the month end inventory count behind the counter and Henry was taking a short break from bussing tables to shoot the shit with a few of his friends that were clustered in a booth. 

Kelsey had just set down her clipboard with her final numbers as Henry came scurrying behind the counter. Looking a little frantic, he begged, "Anne of Goth Gables is heading this way. Can you please handle her order? I'll do the back room inventory for you so you can leave early."

*-*

The last sentence is from WeylerWeek2: Nightmares

*-*

The first isn't the worst but- goddamn!- does it hurt.

*-*

My current Weyler Week Outline is this: 1. Poison- Tyler makes Wednesday quad taste like cyanide 2. Nightmares- the three dreams that Tyler still wakes up screaming from 3. Ghosts- Ghosts observing the judicium plebiscite- Goody interacting with Francoise. 4. Writer/Barista AU- Thing takes inspiration from Wednesday and Tyler’s banter for his Coffee Shop AU 5. Possessive Behavior- this one will be the toughy. I’m setting it in a chapter I haven’t written yet (but obsess over [ Fuck Around (It’s Time to Find Out) ]) and I can’t give certain things away so this will be a fucking dance on a chainlink fence to write.  6. Black Dahlias and Lies- Tyler sets up for the date/ Wednesday finds reminders later on 7. Memories- Donovan and Sal have coffee 8. Fuck if I know yet

Everything is set in the Hyde & Woe Seek story (because I narcissistically self reference like a mothafucka) and they look like they’ll all be under 2k words but memories might get... longer. Depending. Everything is subject to change- except the poison one but that’s just because it’s done.

Also- .@chaoticstupiddm yes, I am a witch but I don’t use magic for writing. That would be cheating. I use my hyperfixational tendencies for that. 😁

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

18 & 20 for the ask game. i need to hear how this hypothetical drama would unfold

you picked the GOODIES

18.) what aspect of the story would get you #canceled on twitter?

this is a toughie is the thing. while im not one of those creators thats terrified of being offensive or problematic, i also dont pay that much attention to elements of work that might offend. im more interested in being genuine and trusting my message rather than relishing in having #problematique content.

that being said i think a lot of people would not like that sicely isnt a g*ld st*r lesbian or that lucerne doesnt use labels, bc twitter is really hung up on what characters "really" are or what stories "really" mean.

i think theyd also do that thing where theyd be like ugh look at these children currently in abusive situations why are they not acting 100% perfectly, the author clearly has no idea what theyre doing with portraying abuse, this is just torture porn and fetishizing ptsd/osddid. bc theres no way that the things that happen in CW could ever happen to people, bc abuse happens to other people and never in anything i might have to interact with.

20.) your ocverse just got a movie trilogy a la hunger games style. how have they horribly mangled your message/theme so that the movies are now a showcase of what the original was condemning?

This ones also a toughie actually bc a large part in why the hunger games movies contributed to showcasing what the original work condemned is because the media circus and bloodsports as vapid entertainment were directly being condemned in the original and #Media isnt really a huge part of carousel waltz. i think in order to really turn carousel waltz on its head youd have to be simultaneously very victim-blamey to the children but also prop up the adults as the ones who must "save them", bc children cant do anything on their own and cant be trusted to have legitimate grievances with the adults in their lives. flattening midas into either a villain who never cared about the people he abused or apologizing for him as a well-meaning patriarch who was just led astray and by proxy flattening the abuse into depictions more palatable to the wider consumer audience would do it i think.

but i dont know if it being a movie trilogy would necessarily cause those changes to occur-- movies are visual and sequential like comics but usually have to be 2 hours or less and are overwhelmingly held hostage at the whims of distributors, executive boards, investors, etc. so the influences it would have over carousel waltz would be along those lines. i think that with the time crunch it'd probably be really easy to make the story less subtle, and to have to hammer home points. certain characters necessarily would not have as much screentime and focus in a movie trilogy, which i think WOULD contribute to being an example of what im trying to condemn, and a movie might inadvertently say that some abused children are just collateral damage and we can move past them, some abused children dont have interiority or anything to draw attention to them, some abused children are more important or worth rescuing more. its also very important to me that most of the carousel waltz kids r not white, and that the grownups are, but casting would probably whitewash them or try to make the story colorblind instead of keeping in how midas' abuse takes advantage of his identity of whiteness over them. combine this w the idea that there needs to be adults to save these kids and u get a white savior araceli. if this concept makes you want to gnaw your leg off at the ankle to get the shackle off, that just means youre still human! try to hold onto that feeling.

since magical girl isnt a big genre in the west theyd try to reflavor it as some other thing like superheroes or a dnd party or something. or theyd want to age up the kids so the bad things happen to a more acceptable age group bc the idea that kids might have bad things happen to them is a scary thought so theyd completely miss the point abt it being a story abt child abuse and now its a buncha late teens-early 20s bullshit.

im actually debating how much swearing i want in carousel waltz (it was really hard writing guardians dilemma without zizi swearing) but executives would only let me have one fuck and would not let anthea call anyone a cocksucker :(

[fandomohana]

UHHH I remember 9, 12, 16, 18, 19 and then random numbers uhhh give meeeee 30 through to 35??? And then any other number you wanna answer!!!! Tell me all the thiiiings🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭💓💓💓

Hi gorgeous. 💙💙💙

09: Do you bite your nails? No. But I do have a bad habit of biting them when they break, instead of using clippers. 😅

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? Not that I know of. I'm weak when it comes to sleep. 🤣🤣🤣

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? That's a toughie. Stressed over missing my Parker, tired, a bit antsy cause I have lots of stuff to do, but I'm probably going to nap before I do it. 🤣🤣🤣

18: Are you scared of spiders? Yes and no. Big hairy spiders scare the heck out of me. 😨 Small ones don't bother me as much, but no matter the size, I don't try to purposefully kill any of them. I always try to relocate outside bugs back outside. Small spiders I'll scoop up barehanded, big ones I get something to trap it in, and then release. 😅

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? If it was guaranteed safe, yup. There are so many things from my childhood that I miss, including certain foods. I'd definitely go back, and bring a horde of goodies back. 🤣🤣🤣

30: What’s irritating you right now? Uh, stress, anxiety, my brain? 😅

31: Does somebody love you? I think so. I know my mom does, and my sister. I have some friends who say they love me. Zero romantic love as far as I know, which isn't a surprise. 🤣🤣🤣

32: What is your favourite color? Blue. Aqua blues like my profile picture, and header. 💙💙💙

33: Do you have trust issues? So many, it's not even funny. 🤣🤣🤣

34: Who/what was your last dream about? Um. I gotta think about this, cause my dreams are off the wall ridiculous. 🤣🤣🤣 I also struggle to remember them. 😅 I know Parker coming home was one of my recent dreams. 🥺

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? Probably my mom. She's the only human I interact with regularly in person. 😅

I'm no good at deciding what information to offer, cause I'm never sure what is interesting. 😅 But if you want to ask more, I'm happy to answer. 💙💙💙

[toloveandbelovedtoo]

Day 6: simplicity

Today was a bit of a toughy to try to think about love and engage in it. I wanted this 30 day experience to not have strict rules or guidelines knowing that you just don't know what could happen in your day. Some days are going to be busy, some are not, some have heavy things happen and others are chill. Today was my first day back at work and I learned I took a good week off as they were just slammed last week.

Today was about being simple, not pushing myself to try to make up for being out for a week by trying to take up more cases than I could handle. It was about easing myself into work, seeing what happened, what new things I needed to know, take whatever calls I get, and clean up my backlog. It meant going through my inbox, finishing that company wide survey and being very honest about it. I kept things simple, did a little cleaning when I felt like getting out of my chair, moving my car when a tow truck person asked if I could do he could gain access to another car, running the dishwasher.

Today was head empty and not pushing myself or being hard on myself and that in itself is an act of love. I didn't feel guilty for taking the week off, I didn't feel bad that I wasn't there when shit hit the fan at work. I didn't try to atone by overworking myself. I took my calls, I worked my open cases and by the end of the day, I came out with 12 accepted calls, 16 closed cases, and a freshly organized backlog. Could I have done more? Probably, but I already went over my numbers of 8 a day.

Today was about doing small simple things that I could do. A tattoo artist I have gotten a lot of work from posted to her instagram stories asking for healed pics, so I sat up in bed and snapped a few and sent them over. I saw a TikTok video of a young lady talking about her mother passing recently, how she might have to move in with her abusive father, and her small business she's been working on since 2016 wasn't getting a lot of orders. So I put an order in and left a tip because I know what that's like. I remember being fresh out of college, little money, no job and the possibility of having to move home with my mother.

So today was about simple acts of love, and the love of keeping it simple. Doing acts of kindness where the reward is so much greater than the actual effort. It took not even five minutes to move my car or message my tattoo artist and last week was pay day, so I had money to spend on some bath goodies. I deeply believe in karma and the idea that acts of kindness are some of life's greatest reward. I remember my days of hustling and scraping by, I remember stealing food, dumpster diving, and when I thought $256 was expensive rent.

If I could take five minutes to help someone, then I will. It's five minutes of my day, but it means something so much more to someone else. For me that was my roommate making me Eggo waffles after I came home from the ER after a bad panic attack. It was the friend who walked me from one class to the next to make sure I got there because I pulled an all-nighter and was dizzy. It was the clementine a different classmate offered me in class cause I hadn't eaten that day. It was the fairy wand and dollar store faux hair extension a different roommate brought to me when I was home sick.

These probably weren't a big task to these people, something simple. But to me it meant so much. It was an act of caring and kindness and made my day better. It's something I remember even though most of those things happened 7 to 8 years ago. So today, I think about the act of love being something simple. Something easy, that to you, it wasn't something you probably didn't give a lot of thought to, but to the receiver, it meant so much.

[coffeeandterrifyingtattoos]

oh broken toes,

an ode to being alone,

blurry voices on the telephone.

no eating out,

and in the broken house

silence is violence,

you are the mouse .

the pharmacies closed,

more broken toes,

12.8 out of 200,

a happiness clone .

4 doesn’t cut it anymore,

golden-syrup limbs

never break the law.

death may die under our night sky,

one love knows the meaning of my prose .

[bluemusickid]

Ok so I have been this fantasy about Chris Evans lately... the reader and he are friends and Chris has a girlfriend but she’s not satisfying him in the bedroom and you guys get a little tipsy one night and you end up making all his naughty dreams a reality... and there will be lots of dirty talk like, “she can’t make you feel like this... or does her mouth feel as good as my mouth does, etc”... I need you to work your smutty magic on this one! Could be for any of his characters too! Whatever you’d prefer! ❤️

As much as I abhor cheating........this is a sexy one. Thanks for this one, nonnie!!

Pairing:  Andy Barber x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+, SMUT, SMUUT, NSFW, minors DNI, drunk sex, dubcon (if you squint).

A/N: wHEW, this one was a toughie. I wanted to draw the line somewhere lol, but oh well. Hope you like it! MINORS PLS DNI. Not beta’ed, all mistakes are my own. You are responsible for your media consumption. Dividers by @firefly-graphics.

This is my entry to my own challenge (lol). The colour I have chosen is red, which symbolises passion, danger, excitement. <3

You took a swig from your bottle, grimacing at the bitter taste, the sight in front of you even more bitter than the drink itself. It would have to be your worst luck that Andy Barber was here at the party, but his girlfriend as well? Killed you.

It was especially worse since you had a humongous crush on him, which didn’t seem to go away, no matter how hard you tried. It was even worse that you had to act normal around him at work, for fear of being mocked or ridiculed by your coworkers.

Andy Barber had completely encompassed your world and was a part of every waking moment. You watched him get tipsier as time passed, dancing around with his friends, his girl not leaving his side even once. If looks could kill, she’d be dead by now.

Deciding that you needed some air, you stepped out, only faltering a bit as the alcohol was steadily making itself known. Trying to light a cigarette, you heard a few voices from the garage. Your good manners were screaming at you not to eavesdrop, but you couldn’t help it. The liquid courage was winning over.

“So she doesn’t go down on you?” a voice asked. You raised your eyebrows at the question.

“Uh..” you heard the answering voice sigh, followed by a nervous chuckle. Oh my gosh it was Andy. You waited with bated breath for his answer, not knowing what to expect.

"I mean we're happy with each other, she's a great girl, very kind and she's great with Jacob. But there's just no spark." He trailed off, slurring a bit at the end.

You didn't know what to feel about this little tidbit you heard; your brain was telling you that it was wrong to feel good but your senses, your mind was in jubilation. You scuttled off inside before you were caught, this new piece of information even more intoxicating than the alcohol.

You stumbled your way into a bedroom, trying desperately to find a washroom. Why was this place so goddamn big? You mused, relieving yourself, the earlier conversation playing in your head on loop. Shaking yourself mentally, you realised there was nothing you could do about it.

Stepping out, you nearly fell as you bumped into something, your foot getting caught in the doorframe. Strong arms grab onto your biceps, steadying you as you managed to straighten yourself. You looked up to thank the stranger, instead finding yourself looking into the eyes of your dream man.

"Are you ok?" He muttered, his voice soft against your ears. You inhaled sharply, your core tightening in response.

"I am now that you're here." You rasped, unsure of the words coming out of your mouth. Did you just say that? You had no game, generally.

He chuckled, tucking your hair behind your ear. "Who are you and what have you done with my sweet, innocent coworker?"

Mesmerized, you gaze at him in wonder. "Who said anything about me being innocent? I'm not a goody two shoes, I'm different." He looked at you, mildly amused. "Oh yeah? What makes you different?"

"Well, for starters, I know how to go down on my man." You whispered in his ear, moving past him, your hip brushing against his.

You had no time to register when he grabbed your wrist and pulled you to him, his chest colliding against your back. You gasped, turning around to face him, annoyance etched on his face. “What did you say?” he growled, his breath fanning your face.

Smirking, you ran your fingers through his hair, smoothing the crinkle between his eyebrows. “The walls have ears too, you know.” you murmured, stepping closer to him. The rough material of his pants was grazing your thigh, your core throbbing with need now.

Running a finger down his torso, you stopped at the button of his jeans, looking into his eyes, wanting some reaction. Silently, you softly palmed him through his jeans, revelling in the sharp intake of his breath. You looked up at him, for permission to continue, acceptance slowly seeping into his eyes.

Undoing his zipper, you graze your fingers over his boxers, the tent in his underwear causing your core to clench. 

“Can she get you this hard with just one touch?" You softly whispered, running your nose along his. He closed his eyes, his palms closing into a fist. You could feel him mentally warring with his emotions, his body betraying him.

You entangled your lips with his, tugging on his lower lip, as you pulled down his underwear. "I bet she can't do this."

You ran your tongue in one single strip along his length, the tip of your tongue circling around the tip of his member. He moaned softly, his hands undulating, as he tried to stop himself from burying them into your hair. Grinning salaciously, you said, "Answer me, Andy. Can she?"

He gulped, his mouth thinning into a line. "No." He muttered, through gritted teeth. That's just what you wanted to hear. And so you began your amorous assault, taking him in your mouth till he was buried to the hilt. You swirled your tongue, letting your underside work his length. He groaned, his hands finally making their way into your hair, his resolve now fully broken. Bobbing your head around his length, you could feel him slowly thrusting deeper into your mouth.

Suddenly, he pulled you up, throwing you over his shoulder and dropping you unceremoniously onto the bed. Stunned, you were about to retort, but were cut off by his insistent lips. Gathering your wrists in one hand, he tried to tug off your panties, his impatience winning over as he tore them off, the material dangling limply from one of your legs. He circled your nub, his need to be within you ebbing steadily.

Bracing himself on his arms, his fingers locking with yours, he thrust into you in one move, leaving you breathless. His eyes trained onto you, seeing every emotion on your face, spurred him on, as he pounded into you. There was no other way to describe it except frantic coupling. Crossing your ankles, you pushed him deeper, the new angle hitting your front wall, your thighs quivering from the sensory overload. "This is what you wanted, isn't it? To be fucked thoroughly, like a whore?". You gasped, unable to form coherent thoughts, the depth and intensity in his eyes scaring you a bit. "Drop the act, sweetheart. I've seen you in office, swaying those fuckin' hips, batting your eyelashes. Don't act like you didn't want my cock in your pretty pussy, fucking you till you wept."

His words made you feel ashamed but in the deepest, darkest part of your heart, they turned you on like nothing else. They fed your libido, which was already wound tightly around his manhood. This man had you wound around his pinky, but you didn't mind. If that was the cost you had to pay to make him yours, you would pay it.

Pushing your legs up, he let go of your hands to caress your swollen bud. You screamed as the new position left you seeing stars, your legs nearly losing sensation, a warmth seeping through your body. Your silky walls grasped him tightly, to the point where you became one, as he shouted his release. Pulling out, he panted as he glanced at the sight in front of him; your overstimulated lips swollen and wet, messy from your intermingling fluids. He cleaned you up with a wet washcloth as you dozed, leaving as quietly as he could.

You woke up after some time, your limbs and pussy sore, you relishing the ache. You didn't see Andy anywhere, but you did see your clothes neatly kept in a pile at the foot of the bed. You were just about to reach for them when your phone dinged with a message alert. Bemused, you checked and saw it was from Andy.

"See you in office, sweetheart. P.S. Wear a skirt. Don't be late."

Part 2

Tags: @donutloverxo @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @gotnofucks @imdarkinme @ozarkthedog @savior-adriana @chrissquares @a-little-counter-esperanto @denisemarieangelina @chris-butt @patzammit @tenaciousperfectionunknown @worksby-d @starlightcrystalline @tinylumpiaa @whosmarisaaarw @jbreenr @melli0112 @harrysthiccthighss @bigchoose @violentyoshi 

[rogermeddowsx]

office parties suck part 10

word count : 1.9k 

contains : tw slight mention of sa

author’s note : happy 3 years of office parties suck! i know it's been a year since the last part but it was a toughie. now it's a goodie though so i hope you enjoy this part and enjoy as ops gets cheerier...maybe ;)

part nine is here if you need to catch up x

“He what?” 

Ben lurches forward, grabbing your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him. He’s clever in doing this. His once light green eyes have turned deep and dark, the boring stare encouraging you to continue. 

“It happened a while ago, before I met you,” you say, feeling Ben’s thumb slowly caressing your cheek. “It wasn’t as bad as you think.” 

“I’m hoping not because my mind is going wild.” 

Ben is calmer than you thought he was going to be. Not only does he have a temper but since you’ve been together, he’s become insanely protective of you. In this moment however, he knows it’s important for him to stay calm, and let you talk. 

“He worked for my manager, when I was signed. I didn’t know him too well but he made me…” 

Your breath hitches. Then, you shake your head dismissively. 

“You know what? It doesn’t matter.” You shuffle down into the bedcovers, rearranging your head on the pillow to make yourself comfortable, then close your eyes. Ben hasn’t moved and you can feel his stare boring into your skin. After a minute, you pry open your eyes to find your assumptions correct. He’s still in the same position you left him in, eyes glossy from not blinking. Your hand reaches forward to take his. He meets your gaze. 

“It matters to me.” 

The words seem so easily said from his lips. You take his face in your hands and place a tender kiss against his lips. 

“I love you, Ben.” You whisper when you pull away. “Like, really love you.” 

“Then tell me.” He whispers back. “If not for you or me, but for Holly.” 

That sneaky little guilt-tripper. 

— 

‘You’re young. You’re somewhat pretty. You know what you’re doing. You’ve got this.’  You tell yourself as you walk into, well, the rest of your life. 

The building in front of you looms over, creating a shadow over what would have been a sunny day. You’d been flown into LA that morning, so jet lag was really starting to get to you. The company building was cylindrical and had a 12 foot spike on the roof that you were wishing you could impale yourself on. Despite the 4 cups of coffee you’d had in just the past hour starting to make your stomach cramp, you picked up your guitar in its case from beside you, and lugged it into Illuminate Records. 

— 

“Hi, I have a meeting with Noah Miller.” You say confidently, trying to hide that you were hoping the receptionist couldn’t see you wriggling around uncomfortably as your bladder screamed at you. Really shouldn’t have had those coffee’s. 

Victoria told you to act confident and like you belonged there even if you didn’t feel it. Which you really didn’t right now. So you wore deep black sunglasses and your favourite ‘model off duty-esk’ outfit. Was it totally lame to wear a Led Zeppelin tee while having a meeting with your new record label?  The sudden wave of anxiety over your outfit was overlooked as the man you assumed to be Noah Miller walked into the foyer. 

He was tall. Very tall. Dark-skinned, muscular. His tight fitted t-shirt hugged all the right places, and his dark, tailored slacks sat tightly around his waist. He was young, around mid twenties and unbelievably handsome. 

“Hi, are you my 1 o’clock?” He said, in a casual American accent. 

“I assume so?” You respond, blushing. You were not going to get any work done around this man. You knew that already. 

“Come this way, 1 o’clock.” 

— 

6 months later. 

You’re almost 20. This should’ve been your big break. Instead you’re sitting in Noah Miller’s hotel room, on the edge of his bed with your makeup streaking down your face. 

“1 o’clock, it was a mistake. A silly one at that but we can come back from this. We worked too hard to go home now.” 

Noah stands over you, placing his large hands on your shoulder. His thumb caresses your skin. If he was anyone else at any other time, you’d forget about the tears rolling down your cheeks and you’d kiss him. But the looming memory of 2o minutes ago hangs over you and out of pure embarrassment, you decide kissing him probably would not be the best idea. 

“Look,” Noah says, grabbing your chin up towards him, so you’re forced to look upwards, “every performer gets stage fright. You’ve just got to push through it.” 

Tonight was your debut performance on a late night talk show, to promote the album you’d spent the last 6 months writing. You weren’t famous, barely anyone knew who you were but there was a slight buzz surrounding the newest signing to Noah Miller’s record label. Right about now, you were meant to be on stage, performing your debut single but you chickened out. You ran straight back to Noah’s hotel room and sat outside the door, in tears, until he followed you from the TV studio. 

“I can’t do this, Noah.” 

He crouches down so that he’s level with you on the edge of the bed, balancing himself with his hands either side of you. The veins in his arm twitch every time he shuffles his feet to reposition himself. You notice this, because you cannot bring yourself to look at him, the closeness between you two causing your breath to fasten. 

“Hey, you absolutely can do this.” 

In the past 6 months, yourself and Noah had grown to be more like friends than boss and employee, with countless nights spent in his penthouse, playing him the songs you had written in the studio that day. Your favourite day in LA so far had been rushing to his penthouse immediately from the studio, bounding through the door to find him in pajama bottoms only, a takeout box of Chinese in his hand, and Led Zeppelin blasting through the speakers. 

-

“Noah! You have to listen to this song we wrote today. Best one yet, if I do say so myself.” You say, in a jokingly cocky voice, connecting your phone to his bluetooth speaker, without asking. 

“Hey 1 o’clock,” he laughs, holding out his takeout box, “want some?” 

“Absolutely.” You take a mouthful and press play on the future hit you’d just written. You hoist yourself up onto his counter, still chewing. 

Noah only shakes his head, like your being in his kitchen is a completely normal ordeal. As your voice silkily plays, you look out onto his penthouse. You’d been here countless times, but never this casually. 2 walls out of four were glass panes, floor to ceiling, overlooking the city. Noah only ever had dim lights on at night, so the majority of the room was filled with the light of the rooms in the skyscraper across the street. He lived a minimalist lifestyle, meaning there was little to no character in the big open plan space. There was something about being there and bringing some laughter to a room that had probably never heard any that lit up your heart. Noah’s too. As the song built, the box of Chinese had made its way into your hands, Noah stood opposite you, hands resting on  the counter he leant against. His eyes had fluttered shut and  his head bopped to the beat as he absorbed the sweet sound of your voice in the demo. It got to the bridge before you started singing along, breaking free from the constraints you’d given yourself before to let him fully listen. You jumped down from the counter, leaving the food next to you, and lurched forward to grab Noah’s hands. He opened his eyes when your fingers connected, as you dragged him into the middle of the room, your faces illuminated by the lights of the city and you started dancing. Jumping around as you sang, and Noah, formally stiff, business Noah, letting go and enjoying you as you flung both yours and his arms around. When the song lulled to an end, he grabbed your face and kissed you, hungrily. Taken aback as you were, you gave into the kiss, allowing it to go on for only a few minutes. You pulled away sheepishly. 

“The song is amazing, 1 o’clock.” Noah said nothing else as he walked back to the counter, where he finished the rest of the food. 

-

The two of you had never spoken again about that night, not out of awkwardness, but just because there wasn’t a need to. It was the start of the change in your boss-employee to friends relationship though. 

The memory allowed you to look down into his eyes, brown, and boring into yours. He leant forward into your space, and closed the distance between you. 

It didn’t feel right, though. 

You could feel the wetness of your cheeks, as his skin moved against yours. 

“Noah, we shouldn’t.” You managed to whisper against his lips. 

He only pushed your back against the bed, forcing you to lie down. He suddenly seemed so overpowering as he hovered over you on the bed. The muscles you’d once found sexy, you were afraid of. 

“Noah, really.” You pushed against his shoulders gently, hoping he’d get the hint. 

“Darling, you’ve just cost me. You’ve no idea of the press we’ll have to do now. Don’t you want to make it up to me?” 

His eyes darken as you shake your head ‘no’ and try to wriggle your way out of his grip on your wrists. He pins them above your head. 

“1 o’clock…” 

“Noah, please. I don’t want to.” 

He kisses you again, despite your pleas. 

“Noah. I said no.” You say, as his lips get to your neck. You muster as much strength it takes to push him off you and you leave him, his hotel and LA. 

Later that week, you were back with Miles and it was like nothing had happened. Except for the fading bruises on your hip from where you were held down. But that was a minor detail.  

---

You tell Ben every detail. Leaving out the first kiss you and Noah had shared. That memory hadn’t been tainted for you yet. You wanted to remember Noah like that. 

“So this is why you were kicked off the label?” Is Ben’s response to that story. 

“Kicked off, left, quit. All the same thing.” You wave it off, actually making yourself comfortable enough for sleeping, but Ben isn’t finished. 

“It’s not the same thing. If he fired you because you wouldn’t sleep with him then we can fight that. You could go back to doing what you love.” 

“I don’t love it though. I loved making music sure but the actual performing part? No, thanks.” 

“So you could be a writer. You could write for other people.” 

“Noah would make sure I’d never get a job anywhere.” 

Ben says nothing, and hugs you instead. While nestled in the crook of your neck he says, 

“I need to go home.” When he feels you tense he continues, “I love you. But my sister, she’s with that guy, right now. I’m sorry, Darling, do you mind if I go home?” 

You shake your head, and watch as he starts to pack up the things he’d only just put away. 

“I’ll call you when I’m home.” He says, halfway out the door.  “I love you.” 

He’s gone. And you’re alone. 

authors note : and there you have it. part 10!! i don't know if it makes a difference to anyone but i imagine noah as rome flynn not sure why haha and i was listening to treacherous by queen taylor so thats the song i imagined reader to have written. okay love u all <3

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Tracks opinions part 1: Janus

(Yes I’m staring with Janus and going backwards, I just need to talk about this snake man right now!)

Alright, I’ve seen lots of people give their takes on each of the sides playlists, and honestly... I feel like they’re not all that similar to my interpretations. I mean yes anyone can interpret the songs how they’d like, but some people just flat out ignore canon to see the songs as their ship instead of what I believe they are actually meant to be seen as. Anyways... Janus! Yes let’s go through each song one by one 💛

1) Black Hole Sun: I’ll admit this one was hard for me. The song is obviously so Janus, with plenty of references to snakes and lying, but I can’t seem to put a finger on the exact meaning. If I had to guess, it’s showing Janus’ fist instance of fearing society. He’s realized that the world is not a safe place for Thomas and no one can be trusted (“Times are gone for honest men” ���no one sings like you anymore”). He longs for the ignorance of childhood when society didn’t seem to pose a threat and Thomas wasn’t aware of the dangers and lies it held, but he knows that someone has to protect him from it, and that is Janus (“my youth I pray to keep” “hang my head, drown my fear”).

2) Seemed the Better Way: To me, this is a song about Janus knowing his place as a dark side and knowing that the others will not listen to him (“I better hold my tongue” “better take my place”). He initially trusts the core sides to do what needs to be done and take care of Thomas adequately, but when he realizes that it isnt enough, he finds it hard to keep in hiding (“Seemed the better way” “now it’s much too late to turn the other cheek”).

3) Anywhere: A BIG middle finger to society (“It’s a beautiful world, if youve been lied to” “No no no, nothing in this world is beautiful”). Janus basically trusts no one in society, not even the people closest to Thomas because he believes that everyone will do whatever it takes to get what they want (“Every man standing on another man’s back”). He also believes that society has been a huge detriment to Thomas and, AGAIN, is very dangerous (“It’s the world’s excuse for being disfigured and lying to you”).

4) Talking at the same time: This song is about Virgil. The song begins with explaining that a hard time for one person can be a triumph for another in multiple different metaphors (“Umbrellas cost more in the rain” “hard times for some, for others its sweet” “someone makes money when theres blood in the street”). The next part of the song practically shoves it in your face that it’s about virgil leaving (“Well she told me she would leave me, I ignored all the signs” “I know you're leaving and there's no more next time”). Janus was clearly hurt by Virgil leaving and it seems like he was almost in denial about it happening. A line near the end of the song that I found particularly interesting was “Well we bailed out all the millionaires, They've got the fruit, We've got the rind”. This line to me shows that Janus and the other dark sides let Virgil go, possibly in an attempt to get all of the dark sides accepted. Virgil capitalized on this opportunity and of course, got accepted, however, he left the others behind. Despite wanting Virgil to get accepted by the light sides, Janus remains bitter that Virgil was the only one. Virgil got the fruit, and the rest of the dark sides got the rind.

5) All the Good Girls go to Hell: Janus believes that Thomas needs to listen to him if he is going to stay safe and healthy. He thinks that his assistance, above all other sides, expecially Patton, is crucial for survival in this messed up world. (“And once the water starts to rise, And heaven's out of sight, She'll want the devil on her team” “Look at you needing me”). You’ll find it a common theme in this playlist that Janus refers to himself as the devil or an evil entity of some sort... Just thought I’d point that out.

6) Denial: Well, its in the title folks! Thomas is (or was) in denial. Janus is aware of the moments when Thomas thinks about consulting him or using one of his functions, but almost as soon as he gets the idea, he drops it and acts like the thought never happened (“Don't just shut your eyes closed” “You know that I can hear you thinking, I've heard you all the way from here, But if I look you in the eye though, It's like your thoughts all disappear”). Thomas is struggling for answers to questions that only Janus can answer, but he refuses to listen to consult him and Janus desperately wants this to stop (“I know you're looking for direction, I know where you wanna go” “Please don't turn the light out, I don't think the conversation's over”).

7) Trust in Me: Obviously, the original song has much more sinister undertones, but when listening to the song from Janus’ perspective, I get a different vibe. Basically, Janus just wants Thomas to trust him and give him more reign over decision making. Not much for this one.

8) Razzle Dazzle: JANUS IS EXTRA! Is anyone shocked? Also a HUGE showman. But again, no one’s surprised. Janus believes that the only way to get the light sides to listen to him is to practically put on a show to cover up whatever his true intentions are (“How can they see with sequins in their eyes?” “Razzle dazzle 'em And theyll never catch wise!” “How can they hear the truth above the roar?”) I could keep listing lines but theyre literally all just different versions of the same sentiment.

9) When the Chips are Down: The title right off the bat shows that, again, Janus believes that Thomas needs to look to him when important decisions are on the line. There are also a lump sum of jabs at patton in this song, lines like “Aim for the heart, shoot to kill” and “Cast your eyes to heaven, You get a knife in the back”. Theres also a lot of lines, yet again, of Janus practically begging Thomas to trust him and no one else (“Ain't nobody but yourself to trust” “Help yourself, To hell with the rest, Even the one who loves you best”).

10) Mandy goes to Med School: Soooo this one... Honestly, I don’t really have a lot. The original meaning of the song is not very applicable to Janus, so its a bit hard to pinpoint its meaning. The only thing I can think of is that Janus is again hating on society and the crazy things that people have to go through in it. If you weren’t aware, this song is about coat-hanger abortions.

11) I put a Spell on You: This one seems pretty striaghtforward to me. Janus knows that Thomas doesn’t want him, and it drives him up the wall, but he does what a snake boi does and slithers his way in anyways (“And I don't care if you don't want me, I'm yours right now” “I can't stand it 'cause you put me down”). I suppose you could argue that you could replace Thomas with Patton (mostly because daddy is used like 10 times in the song 😂) but a later song covers their realtionship extremely well.

12) Evil Night Together: Another toughie. My gut feeling is that this is a song about Remus and Janus just going out and having a wild night together. As I read into the lyrics more, though, it seems almost like Janus is doing this for Remus. Like he wants Remus to feel accepted and loved by him (something that can’t be said by Thomas). I just can’t read some of these lines without getting big Momceit vibes... i mean... theyre so supportive! “I'll hold your hand while they drag the river” “I'll cuddle you in the undertow” “I'll hold you close while they dust for prints”. Then theres of course this line... “Who's gonna make you a hero?” And to me, that is Janus saying that, if Thomas only sees Roman as his hero and not Remus, then it is Janus’ job to make Remus feel like a hero. Janus also saying “No need for cake or flowers” also feels like him reassuring Remus that he doesn’t need to be like his brother to be perfect and loved.

13) Don’t tell Mama: I think I’ve seen some people interpreting “mama” as Thomas in this song, but to me Patton seems like a better fit, especially after their interactions in the most recent episode. Basically this song is all about how Janus doesn’t mind people knowing about the bad things he does, but he can absolutely not have one person know. Janus seems to have grown a soft spot for Patton in the new episode and if you ask me, he would definately not want patton finding out about some of immoral things he’s wanted Thomas to do. I mean he literally waits for Patton to sink out and then the second he’s gone he starts scheming about pushing people down stairs and sabotage.

14) You’re a Cad: Another Virgil one, but this time it’s after Virgil’s acceptance. I think Janus has little faith in the beginning that Virgil would get far in his journey to the light side. Whether that is because of envy or just plain pessimism, I’m not sure, but he definately doubted Virgil would ever be able to escape his past (“So now you want the whole world to notice that you've come around, Now you expect, We'll see how you're really so much better now, But I know the truth” “What's the point pretending that you could be a better man, Just give in, since you always end up right back where you began”). Despite his reluctance to support Virgil’s endevors, Janus shows a softer side for Virgil that has gone completely untalked about in canon (“You're a rascal and a rogue, a villain and a crook, Still I tug at your line, I'm a fish on your hook” “Still I know the truth, but I have a sweet tooth for a Cad and a bounder, a dog and a cheap”). Janus really misses Virgil and I would go as far as to say that he regrets the things that he’s done to make Virgil want to leave (“I should be better, but I'm worse” “You're reckless with my heart, still I wait by the phone”).

15) As far as I can See: A sadie but a goodie. Janus doesn’t really understand love, but he’s sure that no one loves him (“As far as I can see Nobody loves me”). No one listens to him, no matter how much he shouts and cries. He doesn’t believe that anyone could love him if they are unwilling to hear him out and communicate with him (“As far as I can see, Nobody's listening” “And when I'm crying out, Nobody cries back for me”).

16) Criminal: AH MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE PLAYLIST! I LEGIT CRIED MY GUYS! Anyway. Janus LOVES Thomas. I would go as far to say that Janus loves Thomas more than any other side. Despite his lacking knowledge of love and what it feels like, he knows for a fact that what he feels for Thomas is the closest thing he will feel to love (“Because he's all I ever knew of love”). Now that thats out of the way, lets get to the juicy stuff... Janus feels like a criminal as he’s been taught over and over again that his opinions and thoughts are bad and harmful (“Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal” “I've done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins”) This song is ultimately about Janus wanting to improve for Thomas, the one he loves the most. He knows that Thomas needs him, and the only way to get Thomas to listen is to get some help. Whose that help you might ask? Patton. Janus wants to be more helpful, but he doesnt know how. He’s envious of Patton’s ability to be accepted so easily, so he goes to him for advice (“I've come to you cause I need guidance to be true, And I just don't know where I can begin”). Janus wants to be redeemed in Thomas’ eyes, he wan’ts to escape the criminal appearance he’s been doomed to (“And I need to be redeemed, To the one I've sinned against”). He HATES some of the things he does to Thomas and some of the things he makes him think, but he doesn’t want to be forgiven, he believes that he deserves to be punished, but he still wants to get better for Thomas. He just doesn’t know how to do that (“Oh help me, but don't tell me to deny it, I've got to cleanse myself Of all these lies til I'm good enough for him”). Also, Janus sees Patton in a very very high place. He goes as far in this song to liken him to an angel while comparing himself, again, to the devil (“So what would an angel say, The devil wants to know”).

17) Change: The song is about, you guessed it, change! This to me is a continuation of the last song. Janus finally feels like things are changing in his favor (likely after the most recent episode). He was beginning to feel like there was no point in caring or trying, but now that he’s begining to see the light, he’s grown a bit hopeful (“Lately I've been thinking it's just someone else's job to care, Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn?” “Trying to find the power in me to be faithful” “Change is a powerful thing, I feel it coming in me”). With Patton’s help and acceptance, Janus is begining to feel worthy of Thomas again and begining to see the he has a voice (“Maybe by the time this song is done I’ll be able to be honest, capable, Of holding you in my arms without letting you fall when I don't feel beautiful Or stable”).

18) Devil in the Details: Janus worries again about his ability to help Thomas. He doesn’t believe that he can tell the difference between good and bad and he looks to Patton for that differentiation (“There was love I meant, there were accidents, So tell me which is which. 'Cause I just can't work it out” “I have, no way, of knowing,…”). There’s also an odd underlying message about doing something that he doesn’t want to do, but continues to do despite this and I’m not quite sure what that could be referring to (“And I know the cost, and I want to stop. But I can't do it, I just can't do it.”). It could simply be referring to him lying or deceiving others, but that seems too simple. I wish I had a better answer.

19) Come Little Children: ALSO MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE PLAYLIST! This is really big guys. This song practically confirms the fact that Janus was in charge of taking in and hiding the dark sides from Thomas (“Come little children, I'll take thee away Into a land of enchantment”). The song literally uses the phrase “My garden of shadows”, a clear metaphor for the hidden parts of Thomas’ mind where Janus keeps the dark sides. But it gets better... Janus pities these poor sides. He hates the way that society has forced them away from the light and into the shadows (“Follow sweet children, I'll show thee the way Through all the pain And the sorrows”). Not only does Janus feel bad for these sides and longs to protect them from the cruelness of the real world, but he LOVES them. He values every aspect of them and thinks they are beautiful and perfect. He cannot fathom why society wouldn’t also love see them this way and it frustrates him to hide such amazing traits from the world (“Weep not poor children For life is this way, Murdering beauty and passions”). Despite this sadness and dissapointment, Janus does his job and keeps the dark sides hidden away, knowing that society would never accept them for what they are (“Hush now dear children, It must be this way”).

20) Into the Unknown (no not the Frozen song): This song is VERY IMPORTANT. I have seen so many misinterpretations of this song, and granted mine could also be wrong, but please hear me out. This song comes right after the last song for a reason. The sides that Janus had once hidden away are now being shown to Thomas. He is literally going into the unknown (“Led through the mist, By the milk-light of moon, All that was lost, is revealed.” “Somewhere lost in the clouded annals of history, Lies a place that few have seen. A mysterious place, called The Unknown. Where long-forgotten stories are revealed to those who travel through the wood.”) Thomas is figuratively traveling through the wood by learning more about himself and traveling deeper into Janus’ previously mentioned Garden of Shadows. The song ends, beautifully framing Janus’ love for the sides he’s raised and hidden away, calling them “ The loveliest lies of all”....

(Ahhh! I’m sorry that was so long guys 😅 Thank you if you read the whole thing or evern part! I’d like to hear your opinions, so let me know 💛💛💛)

[wickedlehane]

Top 15 BtVS Characters

Oooh! Yes, this is a toughie. So many characters come and go in the series but goddamn okay, I’ll do my best (and yall might think I’m a psycho). 

I’m also pulling from baddies and goodies here. Also ONLY taking into account their BTVS appearances, nothing from Angel even if the characters crossed over:

Willow Rosenberg

Faith Lehane

Rupert Giles

Anya Jenkins

Buffy Summers

Cordelia Chase

Daniel “Oz” Osborne

Mayor Wilkins

Spike

Drusilla

Glory

Robin Wood

Andrew Wells

Jenny Calendar

Halfrek

It might look a little surprising, but I just genuinely didn’t enjoy Angel on BTVS (tho I did love Angelus), and Xander was middling at best, imo. 

(That being said, Faith and Angel is one of my favorite dynamics in the whole goddamn series, so go figure. LOL)

[midlandpansy]

righttt back at u, 12, 15, 48, 49 & 55 👀👀👀

WEIRD ASKS 

12 | Name of your favourite playlist?

Ooo, okay - my favourite playlist is called { BANGERS } and it’s where I keep all the songs that really get me pumped. It’s a bit of a hodgepodge of genres, but it’s the one I go to if I’m not sure what I want to listen to. 

My favourite curated playlist is called { CITY DIONYSIA } - it’s still in progress, but it is lavish. Now you all know how I name my playlists on Spotify. 

(Also, a friend of mine has a playlist named “what about global warming?” which is a compilation of happy-go-lucky tunes, and that’s a goodie too.)  

15 | Favourite book you read as a school assignment? 

A toughie! I think I’m going to give this one to The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline. Crying in a rehearsal room for 20 minutes after finishing it really encapsulates the experience and, even though it was an assigned reading for a course I ended up hating with every fibre of my being, it really kicked off the term to an incredible start. 

48 | If you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I’m already a fruit! 

I would be a pear, though. I’m not justifying my decision, I just would be. So there! 

49 | What saying or quote do you live by?

This seems like a very obvious answer but: 

This above all: to thine own self be true,And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.

When Christmastime rolls around it becomes: 

This above all: to thine own elf be true. 

55 | Favourite fairy tale?

I’m honestly not really a fairy tale person, so I’m going to say that my favourite is all of them. So, Shrek is my favourite fairy tale. 

Also, it’s technically a fable, but s/o to The Scorpion and the Frog! 

[rxbelling-hxrald]

For the sheer shits and giggles. Do Volt and Dan for the ship meme. ;p

Send me a ship and I’ll tell you || Accepting

who’s the cuddler: Toughie but a goodie, They’re both cuddlers but I think Volt would be more likely overall on this one due to Dan’s moodswings.

who makes the bed: Volt, only times this wouldn’t be the case is if he specifically asked Dan to do so, as Dan won’t bother normally.

who wakes up first: On an average day, Volt. Though I reckon with Harmony being involved, they’d both be waking up at similar times even if it makes Dan grumpy in the morning.

who has the weird taste in music: Dan, You know how he can be when it comes to generally messing with things, be it good or bad, this also applies to music.

who is more protective: Another super close one, but I’m gonna give the edge to Dan on this one. Purely on the case that while both are likely to protect each other in dire needs and that includes Harmony. I feel Dan is more likely to lash out when it comes to even lighter, insignificant warnings with Volt reprimanding him afterwards for going too far over nothing.

who sings in the shower: Dan. Volt won’t know about it until Harmony probably records it or something.

who cries during movies: Volt. Not saying he would but is more likely too than Dan who would probably be either laughing at everything regardless of the nature or utterly silent and emotionless if he didn’t get it, he finds most films silly when his real life is more crazy than some of them.

who spends the most while out shopping: Volt, because he’s probably the only one who can be relied upon to actually do proper shopping.

who kisses more roughly: Volt, That flirty side of him that just loves to appear hehe

who is more dominate: Honestly down to mood and any previous moments in the day.

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 10-10, One of the first ships that developed and I still love em as a result, its still a fun detail that it was actually Volt who basically brought out such emotions from Dan in the first place despite the fact he’s straight! Even if interactions between them are much less so now. memory and love for them won’t change

[freebooter4ever]

For the slow burn/fake date/enemies to lovers: Sledge, Snafu, and Burgie? And/or alternatively the All Rami™️ version: Ahkmenrah, Snafu, and Elliot?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you for indulging in me! :D also, this is a toughie hmm. 

for the first I’d have to say it’d be a slow burn courtly romance with Burgie. he feels like a letter writer, so that’d probably be a thing for years before anything else. Burgie’s the kind of steadfast, sweetly strong hearted guy who the minute you meet him it’d be like sledge’s reaction to kathy’s photo: ‘yup, i’d marry him!’, but then take a lot of slow burn flirting to actually do it. Slow burn flirting is my favorite, so I’d enjoy that thoroughly. Sledge would be enemies to lovers, poor Sledge, he’s such a goody-goody, we’d have to overcome that. We’d probably be introduced by our god-fearing southern catholic family members in the hopes that the helpless perpetual bachelors would get along and finally settle the fuck down and stop studying all the time. but then get on each others nerves spectacularly during forced family/friend gatherings until bonding over the fact that we’re always both compulsively scribbling away at things no matter what the circumstance, and being bisexual and fully appreciating drawing beauty. and then its like ‘fuck i like you? wait, no.’ but we cant actually date cause that’d make our families too happy, so we’d fall into some kind of slightly fucked up casual lovers situation. Which leaves poor Snaf with fake dating? this is making me realize i cant imagine snafu liking anyone else, i mean he spends the entire show starting at / being next to or right behind sledge. maybe he’d rope me into pretending that we’re dating to make sledge jealous, but that’d never work cause sledge is the noble type who’d back off entirely if he thought someone wasn’t interested and was dating someone else instead. so the whole fake dating thing would backfire in some spectacularly embarrassing and public way, and snafu and i would end up bffs and bond over the whole no family, shitty depression history thing, and with some careful nudging he’d finally confess to sledge. and i’d end up marrying burgie, who i’d been writing to the entire time, entertaining him with all the fake dating / awkward family set-ups drama going down in alabama, until finally on the day snafu pulls his head out of his ass and tells sledge he loves him, i’d steal his car and drive west to escape the drama, stop in texas for a night, and find myself on burgie’s doorstep and it’d be like coming home. there we go, i wrote a whole au happy ending here.

 The next three are easier! i already know elliot, i can speak from experience here, i know the type. definitely a slow burn, you know the kind where you just insinuate yourself casually into elliot’s daily routine until he realizes that hey maybe you’re not so bad after all. although given the current incarnation of elliot’s lack of daily routine, this would probably only work for season one or three elliot. also, i have way too much experience being dragged to fancy corporate parties at a certain irl evil corp bank in nyc so like...i’d definitely be able to help him out there. i think he’d be really disdainful of me and my general enthusiasm levels though. not that im not used to that, but yeah, we’d probably break up rather suddenly after i got too obnoxious. Next up is Snafu, who we already went over, and it’s probably the same fake dating until he matures a little, poor lovesick guy. Which leaves enemies to lovers for Ahk, which doesn’t make any sense cause he seems like a really cool dude even though I’ve never seen the movie, and I feel like we’d get along. maybe he stole my disco ball for this scene:

and didnt invite me to the party cause im a traitor who spends more time at the met instead of the natural history museum. and i found out about the exclusive party and crashed it and was really mad or something. that might make us enemies. anyway, yeah, with dance moves like that we’d DEFINITELY end up lovers. \o/ here’s another gif just cause

like what is he doing? no one knows, but somehow its hot.

[petits--oiseaux]

W :)

W: a song with an amazing music video

Ooh this is such a toughy but a goody! I am really judgmental on music videos because I hate when they’re random lol 

One I’ve watched most recently which I love is the music video for Happier by Marshmallow Ft. Bastille! I really love dogs and it shows how they’re just too good for this world lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7Bc3pLyij0

[doramaticbites]

Part 2 of Study Strategies for Upper Intermediate to Advanced Learners of Japanese (Masterlist here). 

So my personal take is that reading anything, anything at all, in Japanese is great. I know some friends who pick up Japanese novels very early on in their learning journey and improve by leaps and bounds. But even reading pamphlets, milk packets and the like is useful.

Reading fiction and non-fiction are both necessary, but this time I want to focus on one of my favourite magazines – AERA.

What is AERA?

AERA is a weekly magazine published by Asahi Shinbun. It’s marketed, interestingly enough, in the ‘men’s category’ though I think that it’s pretty popular among working professionals regardless of gender. It’s current, theme-based, well laid out and covers an excellent range of topics. It’s like a Sunday special paper, but more in-depth. It’s popular because it explores issues relevant to Japanese people now, and it manages to balance heavy and light issues well.

AERA doesn’t just focus on big names or celebrities but features plenty of ordinary Japanese people as well. In that sense, I’ve learnt so much about Japanese culture and society through this magazine.

Aesthetics

Sorry to say but I’m 100% a person who judges a book by its cover. I like clean covers with minimal words, and for me, AERA covers really pop. They place that week’s featured personality on the cover, as per course, and it could be anyone from actors to photographers, from athletes to academics.

Inside, the layout is also super clean. They always categorise their articles. The category would be in small font, and the title in big font. Just reading the category names would increase your vocabulary.

AERA always has 2 content pages. The first focuses on the theme/special of that issue. The second is the content page for their regular features. In this issue they have, for example, 2 art articles, together with drama, politics, theatre, figure skating etc. There’s also been articles on international culture, film and so on. Then there are columns and product reviews to the right, including one where Hoshino Gen meets a new person each week.

Articles are balanced well, and just like any other magazine, you have the title, and sub-titles. This is the first reason why I like using magazines for reading. Unlike novels, in which you feel like you need to tackle one chapter at a time, with any one article you could break them down based on sub-titles and read just 3 to 5 short paragraphs. In this way, you set smaller, more attainable goals for yourself, which is beneficial mentally.  

Formats/Content

One of the things I like to do is to expose my student to different formats and forms of writing. We could do email one day, and a diary entry the next. AERA is more interesting to me than a normal newspaper, because of the variety of ways in which information is presented.

We have case studies, interviews, round table discussions (which are very good for familiarising with more natural Japanese), infographics, reports and so on. It’s good practice reading each.

For this issue we’re looking at the theme is [Junior and senior high schools that are beneficial for life]. It’s one of my favourites because I’m a junior and high school teacher, but also because I genuinely think education is important! And we have an entire issue dedicated to exploring ways in which different high schools enrich their students’ lives.

Look at how they do this:

They have case studies of different high schools (as shown in the picture above). They have lists. They have roundtable discussions and comments from students.

They also focus on the sub-theme of cultural festivals (school festivals are huge here!) and give examples of different high schools based on sub-categories. There’s just so many different reporting styles that even within one theme there’s a nice variety of articles!

Then we have the non-theme related articles. There are 3 regular features that will be in every week’s magazine.

1) The interview with the cover personality

2) A section literally translated as ‘Modern portrait’, but means something more like a profile of a younger person, usually someone in their 20s-30s. This particular issue focuses on a soccer player who wants to start a restaurant after he retires from soccer.

3) A section called ‘Read the era’ or ‘Read the times’ which is one of my favourites. They take an in-depth look at current trends or phenomena. 

So as you can see, this magazine is packed with all sorts of content that can suit any upper intermediate to advanced Japanese learner. 

How I use AERA

What I do first is scan the magazine for things that interest me. I don’t always read the entire magazine because honestly, I couldn’t finish all the articles in the week before the new issues arrive. Scanning is an important reading strategy we use to engage texts written in our native language, so it’s alright to use it here.

Then, for the articles that interest me, I would make sure that I read and understand the title. Then I would break the article into sections, reading it first through without minding if I can’t understand some of the words. That’s because, I’ll eventually read it again in detail one more time. This time, I’ll look up words I don’t know. 

After every section I’ll take a break, browse through the pictures, put down the magazine, before I start again. 

Where can I get AERA?

Now this is a toughie. My colleague subscribes to AERA so I just borrow the issues off him. However, you could probably subscribe online, or buy copies off amazon. Also, if you have a kinokuniya near you, you could probably check it out too. 

Any other magazines (besides entertainment ones) to recommend? I’d love to find out what other goodies are in the market! 

[catbradleyyoga]

♡ #FirstCompressions ♡ ~ L A S T     D A Y 😭 Post ✌ ~ So I couldn't fit all i wanted to say in my previous post so I had to separate these final posts out (I like to talk 🤣type even....) ~ Firstly thank you to each and every one of you that stuck with us on this one. You should be all so damn proud. It was a toughie but a goodie nonetheless. I certainly know where my weak spots are and I now know what tools I'm missing in my pike press game. I hope you all keep us posted on your progress and I also hope this challenge has inspired you all to add some important compression work to your practice. Keep posting to the tag and we will check in on you when we can so stay motivate💪 . Secondly I wanted to say the biggest humongous thank you to my co hosts, behind the scenes was non stop encouragement & motivation. Without these girls I wouldn't have made it this far myself 🤣 And I should shout out to our honorary sidekick @bowlingandyoga  💞 Love all you girls so much for pushing me way out of my comfort zone! I don't want it to end 😭 . I wanted to share some more options for pike pressing you will notice one obvious missing press from here 🤣 Pincha pike press is a nope nada never, not right now anyway 😜 . Handstand- still a major work in progress but using a strap works for me. I have to use my non stretchy infinity strap and I do have to push the arms out into the strap. Doing this locks my shoulders and I get lift off. I do bend the arms though 😳 (I still almost wobble even with a strap 😭) . Tripod - this was my first taste of pike pressing it was the only inversion I thought I would ever pike press into! Walk those feet as close to the face as you can and stick the butt out behind you. . Headstand - this took me a little longer to nail than tripod. But what worked for me was using a closed hand grip instead of open. Again walk feet in as far as you can first. Lengthen spine and stick butt out behind you. . Hope you can find something here for you work on 💞 Hosts : ♡ @alli_roush ♡ @jadebellyyoga ♡ @pinkchampagne13 ♡ @stretchylexi Sponsors: ☆ @infinitystrap ☆ @onzie ☆ @handfulbra Until next time everyone! It's been fun 🎉✌😍