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henry-hart · 6 years ago

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The Danger Begins s1 ep1

I’m so glad I decided to rewatch this because it made me so happy!!!! (also, to keep you guys from getting uber annoyed with me, i’m just gonna lb on one big post like this from now on lolol)

first off

s1 henry was the cutest thing to ever exist. ever. my heart couldn’t take it bc he’s so grown now but in that first ep he’s this adorable little baby chick ajdksjslk

it was so incredible to see Siren on my screen. Like, within thirty seconds BAM there she was. i felt blessed, like she blessed my laptop

PIPER. MY OVERDRAMATIC DAUGHTER. I miss her “I am NOT okay!!!” catchphrase akdjlsj

her “so we’re living like animals now” reply to being told to wait for her video to load---same girl, same.

Henry at 13 was a million times more proactive about the whole job search than I have ever been and I’m 22 sksjskjsk

his whole “I’m not good at anything. I’m a big ball of average”---I feel that lol

“No special skills needed.” “That’s me!!”

okay one of Char’s first lines was “One day when you two are cleaning my pool bc you failed this algebra test...” and it doesn’t get more iconic than that

GOOCH. I HAVE MISSED YOU.

Ray just coming in with all these ridiculous questions lolol poor Hen

“I’m 13. I’ll be 14....on my next bday.” ajskjsksljk

“Ah, so you’re aging sequentially. I like that. The name’s Ray.” “Nice to meet you, Ray. I’m Henry.” “You ask a lot of questions.” “I....don’t think....I’ve asked any questions...????” loved it

I laughed when Ray changed into his uniform and the zipper got stuck (that never happens again????)

“Did you have to melt my phone???” Hen, sweetie, hate to break it to you, but your phone gets broken.....preeeeetty much every ep (need me a bank account like that where I can steady get new iphones)

WhAt Do YoU mEaN nO sPeCiAl SkIlLs HeNrY???? yOu NoTiCeD tHe TaToO!!!!!! u smart lil cookie

Ray was all “I’m getting old. I can’t do this forever.” Two things: 1) RAY DID YOU JUST REFER TO YOURSELF AND OLD IN THE SAME SENTENCE??? 2) why is this never mentioned again??? Like, Ray got a sidekick to pass the mantle onto someone younger to keep protecting Swellview when he’s done. We’re like 4 yrs down the line, and they haven’t even hinted towards CM retiring??? (I know that would mean the end of the show, but they could at least bring it up every now and then)

OK. hated the toddler then. hate him now.

Props to the props department (ha ha get it???) for all the junk in the store. It’s all so strange and doesn’t make sense and fits the show so well (also it seems like each ep has diff junk??? that’s impressive)

“They seem like nice kids.” “Yeah, they’re names are Jasper x Charlotte. I’ve known them ever since--” “Get rid of them.” “I’ll get rid of them.”

DAWWWW Jasper x his buckets :’))))

“I told you Canadian money upsets ppl!!!” Ah Char (I wonder if Riele comes up with some of these Canada jokes??)

OMG I FORGOT ABOUT HEN’S HORRIBLE TEST WARDROBE. IMAGINE IF THEY HAD KEPT ONE OF THOSE IDEAS AKSJLKSJ (there really wasn’t any need for a whole test wardrobe tho--just style an outfit to fits Ray’s. His obvs works out well for him) (I know that’s what they ended up doing lolol)

Okay, Ray’s “Oh man. I ate a lot of fruit.” line KILLS. ME. bc when i first watched this ep, every time the scene changed and Ray was shown w/ a diff fruit, I was like, “Why...is he eating so much fruit????” bc they’re all diff and he even eats a whole pineapple--outside peel and all. BUT I WAS THINKING IT AND THEN HE SAID IT AND IT MADE IT ONE MILLION TIMES FUNNIER.

LIL BB HEN IN HIS SUIT FOR THE FIRST TIME. I CRY. HE’S SO TINY AND HAPPY

“Chew gum. Blow bubble. Fight crime.” Ray wrote those instructions. I just know it. aksjskl

“And what does a single flashing light mean?” “Just to shoot me a text, you know, whenever.” aksjklsk

HENRY JUST GAVE HIS PLEDGE. THEN. HE. SAID. THE. ICONIC. “FEELS GOOD” FOR. THE. FIRST. TIME. I’M CRYING.

Hen not knowing how to get the tubes to work and just jumping up and down making noises aksjlsk

“Affirmative.” “That means ‘yes’.” “I got that.” and so the sass begins lolol love it

“Awwww no! That was my favorite bridge!”

“I hate my life and I am NOT okay.” i feel u Pipes

the sass is strong in those Hart kids. Siren x Jake can’t catch a break aksjslk

Siren. Hart. Is. So. Beautiful. her hair just looks so good this ep

“I’ll run away. I’ll do it.” ajskjskl Pipes chill

Jake....Siren...that’s....your son on the tv screen...like.....that’s literally your child’s face.....the product of both of your genes is right there.....plastered on the screen.....how do u....not....recognize him?????

“Two ppl said they might come.” “Who?” “Sidney Birnbaum and Oliver Pook.” “Ew.” “Those guys eat bugs.” “So? They’re people.” I just love the kid’s line delivery here lolol

I just want everyone to know that s1 Henry is the cutest. I already said it, but I’m saying it again.

Henry panicking bc he doesn’t want C x J to keep reading about KD but he also doesn’t know what to do so he just throws a glass and smacks C’s phone out of her hand and clean across the room ajskjslk SAME

Jace was so.....twitchy in the first two seasons. He’s really mellowed---which I understand it happens when you get older---but it’s just so funny to see this little bean with all his crazy expressions and loud outbursts and rapid movements lolol

Hey Lelani? You’re hot (give me ukelele lessons pls)

“The toddler’s men stole 5,000 packages of diapers. Can you guess why?” “Uhhhh???” “To bombard the diapers with radioactive zenite particles.” “.....I would not have guessed that.”

also Ray getting lower to the ground as he talks and Hen just following is so funny to me. Ray was really extra in that first ep

RAYMOND MANCHESTER HOW DARE YOU GET MAD AT HEN FOR WANTING TO GO TO HIS BFF’S BDAY PARTY INSTEAD OF FIGHTING CRIME. HE IS 13. AND YOU WOULD LATER CALL HIM UP WITH THE EMERGENCY ALARM PAST 12 AT NIGHT FOR CORNDOGS, SO I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT.

“Okay. Okay. It’s cool. You go to Jasper’s party. I’ll handle the toddler by myself. Don’t worry about it.” “Are you sure?” “Yeah. I’ve battled the toddler alone before--almost killed me, but whatever.” and u still want to take a 13 yr old out there??? Ray.

“No, I’m not bringing the muffins!” but u said u would

okay, but the news jumping from CM’s kidnapping to a report on why squirrels love nuts???? TOO tru (they really do that “here’s something serious. kids are dying. now here’s this pointless and meaningless crap” lolol)

“I can’t talk! I’m naked!” friends anyone??? (“You can’t come in. Ross is naked.” “Why’d you tell her I was naked???” “I couldn’t tell her I was naked. She’s allowed to see me naked.” “Why does anyone have to be naked???”) (sorry i just love friends akjslkjs)

I FORGOT WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE SIDNEY X OLIVER ON MY SCREEN. I LOVE THEM.

I hate u toddler. just in case you were doubting.

Jasper unknowingly saving the day by downloading that sound effect app on Hen’s phone *claps for him*

Henry just....completely kicking butt on his second day???? That’s my son.

“Captain Man!” “Henry!” “It’s Kid Danger.” :))))) I’M SQUEALING. I’M SO PROUD OF HIM. HIS LIL POINT TO RAY AND THAT SMALL SMILE. TOO. CUTE. (also Ray just namedropping like they don’t have identities to protect)

“How do I get you out of there?” “I don’t know. This is the first time I’ve been stuck in a baby bouncer hovering over a bottomless ball pit.” CALL SUPERHEROES OUT, RAY. all these extravagant traps they’re caught in and they just....know what to do??? Doubtful. (bottomless pits are impossible, but you know lol)

Ray swinging around everywhere in that baby bouncer was hilarious alkjdlksj

that spitting device is the literal WORST thing i have ever seen. i freaking hate spit.

God, i wish the toddler had stayed tf down there in that ball pit. i wish that bottle had blown him to the center of the earth. (sorry i just really don’t like him akdjslj)

“What do we do with this? (the bottle bomb)” “We give the baby his bottle.” “Ah. Good call.” “Hey.” “Suuuuup.” “Hurry.” “Oh, right.” aksjlsksjl there are some really good moments in this ep

Ray shielding Henry was <33333 (it would be really messed up if he hadn’t considering he’s indestructible, but I like to think that he chose to)

AJKSJSKLSKSJLK HENRY’S FACE WHEN RAY TOLD HIM “GOOD JOB” WAS SOOOOOOO PRECIOUS. He looked so shocked. Like, “CM thinks I did a good job????”

It’s like, Henry’s second day on the job, and they’re just namedropping right and left. Why be careful???? It’s not like they have secret identities or anything.....(they steady use their real names. i guess they don’t really have to worry. C must be the only smart person in Swellview bc no one else seems capable of figuring it out. I mean, not even his parents recognized him ajksjslk)

If you need any proof that Ray is a good guy, just watch this ep. His willingness to show up to J’s party despite only knowing Hen for like two days is a solid testament to his character. This is the Ray I know and love.

awwwwww poor Jasp. your party isn’t a flop. It’s about to be lit af because your bff is HENRY FREAKING HART, THE SWEETEST BOY TO EVER LIVE.

Ray, your excuse is horrible. “My van broke down across the street so I decided to come into this house and into this basement.” alskjlskj what is that????

“You’re CM!” “Thank you.” “You’re my hero!” “Of course.” oh Ray

Henry’s just watching J freak out over CM, watching how excited and happy J is and knowing he did that for him, and it’s just----my heart is all ajkdjlsjks

Char is the cutest in this ep. she’s fangirling over CM, and it’s so weird bc now she can’t stand him lolol

Hen x Ray pretending they don’t know each other. SO. PRECIOUS. Ray’s face is so sweet and they share this secret smile and just GAHHHH

J asking CM if he can hit him w/ a bball bat alksjlk “Remember kids: never do this to anyone but CM bc regular ppl could be badly inju--AHHHHHH.......I wasn’t done talking.” “Did that hurt?” “Yeah. But I’m okay.” the way Ray says yeah cracks me up bc it’s like, duh it hurt. it was a bat hitting my head lolol

“Hey, CM?” “Yes, boy?” “Would it be ok if Jasp texted a few friends and told them you were here at his party?” “Suuurrreeee. I love being used.” Ray kills me. cooper x jace have some of the best line delivery/comedic timing akdjslkj

*J is shaking CM’s hand* “Thank you so much! This is the best day of my life!” “Ha ha, are your hands always this sweaty?” “Yes sir.” “He takes medicine for it.” “Wellllll, it’s not working.” *wipes hand on J and leaves wet mark* ajsklj poor Jasper

Henry brought the muffins after all <33333 “Muffins.” “Yeah.” (you can tell Jace x Sean were already good friends. so cute.)

Hen x Char got Jasp the bucket from the shop that Gooch wouldn’t let him have. Dawwwwww

“For awhile there, I thought you weren’t gonna come.” “Come on, man. I’ll always be there for you.” then. they. hug. they’re. so. cute. i. love. solid. friendships.

HENRY’S LAST LITTLE LOOK AT THE PARTY BEFORE HE LEAVES IS THE BEST THING EVER. THE LITTLE NOD HE MAKES LIKE, “YEAH. THIS IS GOOD.” LIKE, HE’S PERFECTLY OK WITH MISSING OUT SO LONG AS EVERYONE ELSE IS HAVING FUN. AHHHHHH. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. :)))))) <3333333

that was a perfect way to end an ep

I’m glad I watched this. I’ve forgotten most of the earlier episodes which is a crime because they’re so good. It was hard to see Jace so little when he’s so grown now!!!!! My heart couldn’t take it. But lil Henry is precious and I love him. Stay tuned for more rewatches!!!! xoxoxox

#sorry if this was long or incoherent #it was a wild ride #i had to stop watching halfway thru bc of some stupid crap going on #but i finished and here we are #this was fun #watching hd makes me happy #i'm gonna do this for every ep #maybe #aksljlks #hd rewatch #the danger begins #episode synopsis

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bartsugsy · 7 years ago

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The Robron Break-Ups : A Definitive Guide (Part Five/Five Hundred probably)

Part One / Previous Part / All / AO3

Ah yes, it’s that time again: time for me to literally recap Robert and Aaron’s storyline and pretend it’s for any reason other than “I wanna”.

Let’s just rename this whole thing to The Robert and Aaron Love Story: A Tale of Mess and Suffering™ and be done with it.

In this part, we move swiftly on from the Era of Donny and into what I tend to class as my favourite era (…nah that’s fucked up lo).

Thank you, as always, for the comments/likes/kudos. You guys honestly make me feel slightly less guilty about spending this much free time on something this self-indulgent. I love you all.

We left our heroes (so to speak) in the midst of a The First Real Break Up. They’re not spending much time together and Robert is out for revenge on Adam Barton for cheating on his little sister and knocking up Vanessa.

Yeah. The irony.

…Let’s not think about it. Instead, let’s get straight down to, at last, another reunion… which is then immediately followed by The Second Real Break Up. And oh fuck, this one is worse.

Actually, this is a post of nothing but honourable mentions, ending in one spectacular, monster of a proper break up. Buckle up, kids! It’s Lodge Time!

Part Five: Love, Lodge and (attempted mans)Laughter

Honourable Mention #12: 8th June 2015

We left off with Robert, who is trying to send Adam to jail for cheating on Victoria, which isn’t even a slight overreaction and is completely reasonable. Adam and Vic have a whole plot that culminates in the two of them running away to get married because they’re pure and adorable and in love and because Vic almost manslaughtered Ashley.

There’s loads of drama and it’s great and Robert has terrible hair but he’s all about helping his sister - and blaming her boyfriend in the process. He vows to send Adam to the police in Victoria’s place regardless of what she wants - Vic obviously doesn’t approve and tells him so. Robert’s response is the verbal equivalent of a shrug. Between this and the just as vocal, if not as cartoon villain cruel, disapproval of both their families, Adam and Victoria make the decision to not let anyone in on the plans when they elope.

ALSO SCRAPPY THE DOG IS THERE RIP SCRAPPY U WERE A GOOD BOY

In fact, Aaron and Finn are the only ones who know anything at all. As they’re leaving, Adam and Vic send texts out to everyone they love - Vic texts Andy with a sweet little “I love you but we want to get married, sorry x”, while Adam texts Robert “Get nutted.” True poetry.

Upon receiving these texts, Rob and Andy go racing off to the scrapyard, where they are met with a smug Aaron and an adorable Scrappy (COME BACK BOY). Robert and Aaron go back and forth angrily at one another and Rob is all “I can see where your loyalties lie” while looking IRRITATED AF that said loyalties no longer lie with him.

Aaron immediately counters with a threatening little “You what?” and Robert instantly looks back at Andy, suddenly remembering just how much he can’t actually afford to piss off Aaron, because Aaron knows too much. He does a swift U-turn and instead tries to play to Aaron’s sympathies, because that’s always worked so well before, and says that he just wants to protect his sister. Aaron, naturally, doesn’t believe a word which pisses Robert off again and he ends up threatening Aaron -

Well. He says “When I find them … you’re in as much trouble as they are.” Which. As threats go. Not really Robert’s most inspired. Aaron acts like he isn’t bothered, calls Rob “mate” about a hundred times over to really emphasise the “WE’RE NOT BONING ANYMORE” aspect of this whole conversation and Rob and Aaron keep going at it and getting more and more pissy until Aaron throws his tea onto the ground next to Robert’s probably expensive shoes and retreats back into the Portacabin.

Andy reappears suddenly because oh yeah, he’s still there. We all almost forgot amongst all that sizzling hatred. Andy is as oblivious as the rest of the village bar Katie (rest in peace). Robert looks #shook because Aaron used to love him ok and turns around and vows to kill Adam. Which is. You know. Again. Completely reasonable and not at all unhinged.

Although honestly, given what he gets up to in the rest of this part, it really is but a gentle blip on the Robert Sugden 2015 Scale of Violence and Terror™.

Honourable Mention #13: 9th June 2015

Robert decides to take matters into his own hands, as Robert is wont to do. He breaks into the Portacabin while Aaron’s out and searches the place, on the hunt for Victoria’s phone, which has been left in Aaron’s care (because Vic seems to think Rob, Diane or Andy would have the know-how to track her via Find my iPhone or whatever. I guarantee that none of them would.)

He finds it and goes to leave - just as Aaron is returning with Scrappy (so much Scrappy content, this is truly a highlight). He runs back to a desk chair and tries to act like a chill person who is absolutely up to only good things. Aaron is not even slightly surprised to find Robert sitting at a desk (the desk that will one day be Robert’s what a true blessing). Rob tries to act like he’s there to charm his sister’s whereabouts out of Aaron and let’s be real here, deep down he wants that shit to work.

It doesn’t, because Aaron has been there, done that enough times to know better by this point.

So Rob’s charm doesn’t work and Robert makes a swift escape, Vic’s phone safely in his pocket. It takes Aaron exactly 1.75 seconds to realise that something is up and he immediately checks to see if the phone is still there. Aaron… knows Robert so well. I’m emo.

Rob goes straight back to the Woolie to hang with Andy because appaz they’re buddies at the moment. He fills Andy in and reveals that he has sent a text to Diane from Vic’s phone, pretending to be Vic, to keep Diane in the dark while he tries to sort everything out himself.

Aaron comes marching in and demands Robert return the phones. Robert is all geared up and ready for some aggressive, sexually charged and evasive banter. Unfortunately, that’s when Andy decides to pipe up and full on accidentally admit that Robert has the phone, because the Sugden brother brains weren’t divided equally in the not-even-same gene pool jackpot of their lives.

It’s great though, because Aaron places his hand next to Robert’s head and leans right down into him and starts growling, basically. Andy doesn’t even question this because Andy literally has never cared less about anyone’s love life than he has about Robert’s, let’s be completely honest. He does not care enough to even question the fact that Aaron is literally sticking his face into Robert’s face. He doesn’t give one shit lads.

Robert does though because Robert absolutely still wants to be boning Aaron. Aaron has no intention of getting anywhere near that D though, so. Here we are. Sexually charged, angry growling.

I mean, I’ll take it.

Honourable Mention #14: 15th - 25th June 2015

Aaron and Andy, ever buddies, later meet up and try to get information out of each other - Andy wants to know where Victoria is and Aaron wants to know why Robert is sending texts to Diane from Vic’s phone. This morphs into a great conversation about Robert (or rather about how much Aaron does not trust Robert). Poor, easily influenced Andy then asks Robert about Aaron the next time he sees him - he wants to know why Aaron seems to hate Robert as much as he does. Robert’s on the spot excuse is that Aaron doesn’t like Robert acting like the boss at the scrapyard.

I guess Andy hasn’t yet realised that literally the only time Robert gets involved in scrapyard business is when he’s trying to find a reason to get Aaron to talk to him.

Later, Rob invites himself into the pub back room and sort of flirtily confronts Aaron about it all. Aaron is, as ever, completely Over It and refuses to play along with whatever game Robert is trying to start. Rob uses his soft voice and tries to convince Aaron to tell him where Victoria is and Aaron is all “u have such a nice smile i guess i’ll tell you, she’s in Birmingham… lol jk UR NOT THE BOSS OF ME ANYMORE”. Rob gets angry and Aaron acts completely unphased, but as soon as Rob walks away, Aaron’s face drops and he looks the complete opposite of unbothered.

He’s great at putting up a grumpy front, our Aaron.

Anyway, Andy gets the idea that Cain knows where Vic and Adam are and says as much to Robert, which sets Rob down a fateful path of winding Cain the hell up - something he will soon find out is decidedly not a good idea.

Related - Chrissie has this whole plot about wanting to speak to Aaron and feeling suspicious and then for literally NO DISCERNIBLE REASON WHATSOEVER Cain and Chrissie make out in the garage??????? and Harriet, who is being paid by Robert to follow Cain and find Victoria, takes pictures.

LOOK I KNOW CHRISSIE IS HOT AF BUT CAIN IS MARRIED TO MOIRA AND

IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE?????????

It does result in some iconic™ scenes though so I can’t be too mad at it.

Rob unknowingly ~~~charms~~~ the photos of them kissing out of Harriet and looks SO UPSET because KARMA HURTS DOESN’T IT ROB

IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH

He makes Harriet give him copies and sits around just staring at them, pondering his options.

The option he ends up choosing is blackmail. He full on decides to blackmail Cain, who naturally doesn’t want Moira to find out about his absurd and ridiculous indiscretion. He pulls the most ICONIC STUNT OF ALL TIME by inviting Cain and Moira round for a lavish dinner under the guise of making a business deal and OK OK I KNOW THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ROBRON BUT IT’S INCREDIBLE SO JUST STICK WITH ME HERE OK

Lawrence and Chrissie are HELLA SUSPICIOUS of Robert because they know him and also HELLA UNCOMFORTABLE - Lawrence because he’s a classist asshole and Chrissie bc she snogged that dude not 24 hours ago.

As soon as they’re all sat down, Rob goes and stands in a hallway and texts Cain with the photo of he and Chrissie making out. Everyone is all ~~~hey Cain why are you all quiet hmmm~~~ while Cain stares absolute daggers at Robert and his smug face.

Turns out Cain doesn’t appreciate being ambushed and as soon as they both excuse themselves, he shoves Rob against a wall. They have some hilariously weird banter and it’s just g r e a t and I WANT THEM TO HAVE SCENES TOGETHER ALL THE TIME.

ANyways, Rob threatens Cain and goes on another rant about his current arch-enemy Adam and basically says FIND OUT WHERE THEY ARE OR I’M TELLING UR WIFE THAT U SNOGGED MY WIFE FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON

Also then Chrissie pops up and Rob decides to confront her about it too. Rob is all upset and angry and LITERALLY SAYS THE WORDS “I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO YOU”

IN FAIRNESS HE’S BEING TOTALLY HONEST - ROB WOULD NEVER STOP THE CHEATING AT JUST A MEANINGLESS KISS

Anyways, Rob continues to go about his days, looking like he’s having the fucking time of his life having the upper hand against Cain - he loves feeling like Top Dog, our Rob, doesn’t he? Also Rob makes a HILARIOUS NUMBER OF INNUENDOES and it’s all just hilarious.

Never one to be one-upped, particularly by someone who gets as quickly and recklessly out of his depth as Robert does, Cain finds out where the missing delinquents are through Finn and finds out that they’re planning on getting married. He goes back and tells Robert this, who instantly flips out because, again, he has a hilarious vendetta against Adam.

LONG STORY SHORT, Rob gets too power mad and pushes Cain too far and also decides to wreck the wedding, which Cain reckons Moira will hate -

And honestly, every person with a logical brain thinks that Robert is being INSANE -

So Cain kidnaps Robert.

Naturally.

The rest of the family make it to the wedding and it’s awesome and hella dramatic. Cain rocks up at the end of the wedding and Aaron ends up opening the boot of his car, only to find Robert, tied up and gagged, and not in a fun way.

(There’s no way that’s their kink, honestly - they’ve got too much irl experience with it involving other people at this point).

Honourable Mention #15: 25th June 2015

Aaron is NOT ABOUT this kidnapping business because he is a good person and actually no it’s totally because he still loves Robert. He LOVES ROBERT AND HE IS VISIBLY UPSET ABOUT CAIN’S PLAN TO BEAT THE SENSE OUT OF HIM AND IT’S JUST AMAZING IT’S AMAZING.

Cain takes Robert and Aaron to a random warehouse because Cain probably has access to at least 75% of the warehouses in Yorkshire. He ties Robert up and threatens him and Rob is smug as anything. Aaron is all STOP MOUTHING OFF ROBERT YOU ARE GOING TO GET HURT and Cain makes Aaron wait outside. Aaron looks reluctant but does it anyway and the SECOND Aaron is gone, the smug smile drops right off Robert’s face. Rob tries to bargain his way out of it but… well. It doesn’t work.

Aaron stands outside, hearing Rob’s screams of pain, and looks flipping distraught.

Cain manages to get Rob’s phone passcode out of him so that he can delete the pictures, but Rob starts stupidly threatening to kill Cain, which he doesn’t take too kindly to. It’s at this moment, right as Cain is about to start up round two, that Aaron bursts in and makes Cain stop. He unties Robert, holds him up, says he’ll tell Moira that something is up if Cain doesn’t let them go and eventually shoves Cain into a wall, locks him in the warehouse and he and Robert escape - in Cain’s car.

Aaron eventually gets Robert home and Rob is all “thanks xoxo it’s nice to know you still care about me” and Aaron DOES NOT EVEN REPLY BECAUSE AARON NEVER STOPPED LOVING ROBERT and instead asks why he was ever stupid enough to even mess with Cain. He’s all “YOU SHOULD BE MORE SCARED OF HIM UR GONNA GET HURT AGAIN OH AND BTW I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU HOW DARE YOU EVER IMPLY THAT I AM JUST A GOOD PERSON DOING THE RIGHT THING”

Only his facade is slipping right off because not even Robert believes Aaron - he says as much and Aaron doesn’t even respond, just disappears into the night and leaves Robert sitting there, bloody but smiling in the Home Farm kitchen because sure, he may have gotten beaten up today, but he also knows - he knows - that Aaron’s cold front has warmed up just the fraction high enough that he’s got another chance.

And really, that’s all Robert ever wanted.

A little while later, Chrissie walks in on Robert looking all broken and bruised and looks shocked which, by this point? It’s a bit much, she’s seen him looking like this so many times. He actually tells her a very stripped down version of the truth and just looks all sad - which only gets worse when Chrissie lets slip that Victoria and Adam did in fact get married.

Ever the drama queen, Robert gets up and limps his way over to the Woolie, where they’re having their reception/post-court hearing party. Rob goes for Adam and Victoria tells him to leave and eventually, Aaron yells at Robert and tells him to go, which Robert actually listens to. Aaron doesn’t even sound particularly vitriolic bc l-o-v-e.

Cain wanders in and forces Aaron into the back room - because lest we forget, Aaron locked him in a warehouse and stole his car. Cain punches Aaron, who refuses to back down - he tells Cain that he won’t let him hurt Robert - that Cain doesn’t need to, because Aaron has something on Robert far, far greater than anything Rob could possibly have on Cain.

He’s not wrong.

ANYWAY IT’S ALL ICONIC AND AARON IS CRYING AND LIKE YEP ROBERT WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR…. AND IT WAS WITH… M E.

The next day, Cain confronts Robert because of course he does. Rather than immediately label Robert as ‘gay’, True Ally Cain Dingle says that Robert bats for both teams, which I appreciate.

Poor Robert appreciates it… less.

On the one hand, poor Robert keeps getting outed, which sucks. On the other hand… k a r m a.

BUT NO NO NO I JOKE BUT I GENUINELY FEEL BAD FOR ROBERT IN THIS CASE OK I REALLY GOD DAMN DO

He immediately goes to confront Aaron, absolutely furious that Aaron outed him and they have… such an honest conversation it’s actually REALLY FUCKIN TRIPPY.

Rob says “do you have any idea how scared I was yesterday?” and my heart starts the hurting train that it ain’t gonna get off for the rest of the scene. AND THENNNN ROB, HURTING AND ANGRY, MAKES A DIG ABOUT AARON EUTHANISING JACKSON AND AARON UNDERSTANDABLY SHOVES THE LITTLE FUCK AGAINST THE DOOR.

God bless the wall shoves.

Rob is all THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO PPL YOU LOVE - which, no rob aaron literally had nothing to do with cain kidnapping you - but again, Robert is angry and upset. He doesn’t understand that Aaron outed him more out of desperation more than anything else - because it was the only way he could ensure Cain wouldn’t go find Robert and finish the job. He literally says that he wanted to save Robert because of how he ~~~FELT~~~~ (luv that past tense mmhmm) about Robert.

What Aaron doesn’t understand, can’t understand, is that Robert is afraid that Cain is as heartless as Robert is. Rob knows that if the situation were reversed, he’d milk the knowledge of Cain’s sexuality for all it was worth (see: how he treated Lawrence). He’s terrified that Cain is going to use it against him - that it will all eventually come out and Robert will “have to choose”.

Oh Rob. Oh babe.

Oh and then he calls Aaron pathetic again and says ~~you’ll be sorry~~~.

Over the next few days, Rob spends a bunch of time trying to get Aaron to “talk about the scrapyard accounts” with him for probably no reason other than being annoyed at him. Cain is loving his life and making Robert just randomly pay for stuff for him to wind him up. Also, Larry is starting this whole scheme to invest in local businesses for the tax break.

Aaron spends all this time preoccupied by this mess he’s caused for Robert and tries his best to help. Aaron ends up telling Cain to leave Robert alone. Cain reassures him that he’s not going to do anything, but that Aaron should leave Robert alone as well. AS WE ALL KNOW, WHENEVER ANYONE TELLS AARON TO STAY AWAY FROM ROBERT, AARON DOES THE EXACT OPPOSITE. Aaron ends up getting HELLA PISSED OFF at Cain and…

Look, we’ve seen this before. We all know how this ends.

Cain takes one last trip to see Robert, all GIVE ME 17 GRAND AND STAY AWAY FROM AARON FOREVER AND I WILL LEAVE U ALONE. Robert… does neither. He does buy Moira a new grain pit though.

Ah. The grain pit.

Honourable Mention #16: 7th - 8th July 2015

So. Moira needs help at the farm. Robert volunteers to help Andy out for reasons. In unrelated news, Aaron is also helping Andy out.

Andy can’t quite believe it, because Robert never does manual labour. What Andy does not yet realise is that Robert doesn’t do manual labour unless Aaron is involved (and even then it’s touch and go). THEY HAVE A WHOLE CONVERSATION AND ROB TALKS ABOUT HOW HE NEVER WANTED TO BE A FARMER AND MENTIONS JACK AND u just gotta love a casual Jack Sugden shoutout.

ANYWAY ANDY GETS ROB SOME OVERALLS AND AARON IS LIKE UH ARE YOU SURE WE NEED TO INVOLVE HIM AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND FILLED WITH SEXUAL TENSION AND I CRY

AND THEN THEY HAVE A BUNCH OF SCENES WHERE THEY STAND REAL CLOSE TO EACH OTHER AND STARE INTO EACH OTHERS EYES WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT FARMING

AND THEN OK OK OK SO THEY FINISH UP THE DAY - ANDY, ROB AND AARON - AND ANDY IS ALL “LADS! LADS! LADS! CHEEKY PINT AND BANTS DOWN THE LOCAL AYYYYYY” AND ALSO LIKE “BLESS U ROB IM PROUD OF U FOR PROVING U CAN DO THE HARD GRAFT” AND AARON IS ALL “I SHALL BE HERE TOMORROW ALSO SO THAT I CAN SHOW ROBERT HOW IT’S DONE THIS ISN’T SEXUAL”

AND THEN ANDY LEAVES AND IT’S JUST ROB AND AARON AND AARON IS LIKE “IM GONNA GIVE THESE DRINKS A MISS” AND ROB IS LIKE “BC CHAS WILL ASK QUESTIONS”

AND AARON JUST SAYS “I DON’T NEED THE HASSLE”

NOT: NO I CAN’T STAND U AND HOPE U DIE

NOT: I WOULD RATHER FEED MYSELF TO SHARKS THAN SPEND ONE MOMENT OF MY FREE TIME CHILLING WITH YOU

JUST: MY MUM WILL GET SUSPICIOUS BC WE HAVE THIS HILARIOUS HABIT OF FALLING BACK INTO BED WITH EACH OTHER THE SECOND ONE OF US SMILES AT THE OTHER

NBD

AND THEN ROB IS LIKE :) GUESS IT BETTER STAY OUR LITTLE SECRET HMMMMM AND THEN HE LEAVES

AND AARON’S FACE

THEY BOTH JUST

K N O W

SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN

AARON KNOWS HE’S PLAYING WITH FIRE AND HE CAN’T STOP HIMSELF FROM DOING IT ANYWAY

BECAUSE HE’S FUCKIN IN LOVE WITH ROBERT AND ALSO IT’S BEEN A WHILE OK HE’S A GROWN MAN AND HE HAS NEEDS

GUYS I LOVE THIS STORYLINE SO MUCH

AND ALSO THEN AARON GOES HOME AND SPECIFICALLY DOESN’T MENTION THAT HE’S BEEN HANGING ABOUT WITH ROBERT

CHAS FINDS OUT ANYWAY THO BC OF COURSE

Of course she does. She and Paddy have a worried little pow-wow and Paddy goes on Mission Abort Robron. He has a little chat with Aaron, who doesn’t want to hear the lecture and starts deflecting back onto Chas and Paddy. Again, because telling Aaron what to do always goes down like a pile of lead, it doesn’t work. The next day, Paddy, undeterred, decides to bunk off saving the lives of dying animals and instead vows to follow Aaron and Robert around and watch their every move, in an attempt to keep them from doing the nasty.

CASE IN POINT, Aaron is chilling in Moira’s kitchen, probs playing a game on his phone. Rob walks in and takes his Rolex off. Aaron is all “how do u know someone isn’t gonna nick it” and Rob is all “dw babe I TRUST U (also it’s insured)” and then Paddy just BURSTS IN LIKE THE LEAST SUBTLE MOST AWKWARD INTERLOPER SINCE TIME BEGAN.

Aaron and Rob know what he’s doing immediately, but then Andy walks in and is, in true Andy style, entirely oblivious to anything else that might be going down. Paddy is all AARON IS GONNA HELP ME OUT FOR A BIT BECAUSE AARON’S GOOD WITH DUMB ANIMALS, THERE’S A BIT OF AN ATTRACTION.

SICK FUCKIN BURN PADDY, TAKE THAT ROBBO YOU SUCKA.

(Aaron doesn’t find it quite so funny bc he doesn’t like being told what to do and also because only he can insult the love of his life thx v much Padders)

ANYWAY PADDY IS ALREADY FAILING HIS ANTI ROBRON CAMPAIGN BECAUSE HE LEAVES THEM ALONE AND

THEY’RE ALREADY TALKING IN “US” AND “WE” TERMS OK IT’S A DONE DEAL THEY’RE FUCKIN BOYFRIENDS AGAIN WELCOME TO THE NEW REALITY

Rob is all “What’s his deal?” and Aaron is like “he doesn’t trust us” and Robert just SMILES and says “we’re too old for babysitters aren’t we?” and look IS IT JUST ME OR IS EVERY SCENE IN THIS STORYLINE THE MOST SEXUALLY CHARGED SCENE YOU’VE EVER WATCHED

THEY JUST

KEEP STARING AT EACH OTHER

KNOWING THAT SOONER OR LATER (SOONER) THEY’RE GONNA HAVE MORE MINDBLOWING SEX AND IT’S ALL GONNA BE GREAT

ALSO SIDE NOTE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE VILLAGE DIANE HAS A QUICK RANDOM CHAT WITH LARRY AND CHRISSIE ABOUT ROBERT AND DIANE SAYS THAT ROBERT IS “A GOOD KID” AS LONG AS HE’S GOT SOMETHING TO OCCUPY HIMSELF AND THAT WHEN HE’S BORED, THAT’S WHEN HE’S TROUBLE

WHICH IS SOMETHING I ALWAYS MAINTAIN IS TRUE - ROBERT NEEDS SOMETHING TO DISTRACT HIMSELF AND IF HE DOESN’T HAVE THAT, HE WILL FIND SOMETHING AND THAT SOMETHING IS USUALLY SOMETHING STUPID AND/OR RISKY

A BORED ROBERT IS NO ONE’S FRIEND

(unless there’s someone around he can be romantic with u know)

Anyways.

Robert and Aaron low key flirt in front of Paddy and Paddy is like OK BUT WHAT IF U STAY AWAY FROM HIM and Aaron is all THERE’S NOTHING GOING ON IT’S FINE

And literally in the next scene they’re sitting next to each other, drinking tinnies. Paddy walks up just as Rob is all OK WHAT IF WE GO GET A DRINK AY and Aaron takes one look at Paddy and makes the instant decision that he is a GROWN UP WHO CAN DO WHAT THE HELL HE LIKES (v mature, our aaron). Aaron looks at Rob and is like SO IT’S JUST ME AND YOU THEN! LETS GO TO THE SCRAPYARD AND GRAB A DRINK and they walk away, completely point blank ignoring Paddy’s panicked calls after them.

As they walk away, Aaron says that he and Adam keep a couple of cans in the scrapyard fridge for “special occassions”. Rob is like “…u reckon this qualifies?” and Aaron says THAT’S UP TO YOU and just sort of stares at Rob because WHAT KIND OF ABSURD SEX CODE DO THEY HAVE

As they’re walking up to the portacabin, they’re chatting and whatever and acting normal - until the door closes and they’re officially completely alone. Rob leans back against the door and puts his soft voice on and asks Aaron why they’re hiding away. Aaron basically says that everyone not named Robert Jacob Sugden is currently getting on his last nerve and they have some smiley soft flirty banter about Paddy’s stalking adventures.

Rob asks if Paddy is worried about them and Aaron is like “He reckons you and me are gonna get it back on” and Rob smiles and says “Yeah?” and Aaron says “Yeah” and then AARON JUST GOES RIGHT IN FOR IT AND THEY’RE MAKING OUT AND AARON TAKES ROBERT’S SHIRT OFF IMMEDIATELY BC THAT IS ALWAYS WHAT AARON DOES AND

HAPPY SIGH

FINALLY

PORTACABIN SEX.

Paddy, praise the lord, somehow took the scenic route back to the scrapyard and so only turns up after they’ve already done the dirty. Paddy waits outside and Robert promises to call Aaron, before telling Paddy not to give Aaron a hard time, because “he doesn’t deserve it” because it’s LOVE.

Ah. Savour this moment guys. Savour this beautiful feeling, because this is sort of… where the happiness ends… for a while. Um.

Yeah.

18. 22nd July 2015 - 23rd July 2015

SO PADDY IS NOT THAT HAPPY ABOUT THE ROBRON SEX. AS IT TURNS OUT.

IN FACT, HE’S SO MAD THAT HE SENDS CHRISSIE A WEIRD HANDWRITTEN NOTE THAT SAYS “REIN YOUR CHEATING HUSBAND IN”. THE ‘I’S HAVE CUTE LITTLE BUBBLES. IT’S ICONIC.

Rob doesn’t take too kindly to this, when he finds out, and decides to scare Paddy out of his hair, by almost DROWNING HIM IN THE NEW GRAIN PIT.

First he confronts Aaron about the note, which he obviously has no idea about. Aaron instantly knows that Paddy is responsible and tells Robert to leave it. If only Rob had listened, ey? Ah, what could have been…

Aaron confronts Paddy, who talks about all the shit Aaron has put himself through, all the ways his relationship with Robert messed with his head and it’s just great and sad. As Aaron walks away, Robert, who is just randomly sitting outside on a bench, sees them and suddenly, he knows exactly who wrote the letter. Rob gets all threatening and Paddy is actually not scared of him in the slightest, just threatens to tell Chrissie again. In beautifully convenient timing, Lawrence has just made Robert Company Director of Home Farm Estates and has also stuck him in the will.

(Bless I don’t think he lasted in there for very long)

ANYWAY all of a sudden Rob’s wildest dreams have come through, so naturally he decides that more important that anything in the world is to protect said dreams. So he tries to drown Paddy in the grain pit.

It’s a whole thing.

He listens to Paddy yell and scream for a bit and then walks away. We find out that Marlon and Paddy are supposed to be going to a Banjo Festival in Skipton, because of course, and Aaron is grumpy and annoyed about Paddy.

Turns out that while Paddy has been knocked unconscious and drowning, Rob has been hiding behind a tree. He goes to check on his victim and finds out that actually things are slightly more life threateningly serious than he anticipated.

Rob goes to take off his jacket, presumably to dive in and save Paddy and not because he’s feeling slightly warm, but then Andy comes back and he has to leg it over a fence. Andy calls an ambulance and then calls Marlon, who tells Aaron and Chas and Aaron fully flips out and basically runs to the hospital to go be with him.

Rob is back at Home Farm and freaking out himself. He calls Aaron, to make sure that Paddy is alive and he hasn’t committed one more murder, I assume. Aaron fills Rob in and cries and Rob looks deeply unsettled while trying to act shocked and concerned.

Rob goes to visit Paddy on behalf of Home Farm and uses the opportunity to threaten Paddy, Rhona and Leo. YES. A TINY CHILD. Mostly he just walks around looking like a DERANGED PERSON. He’s all DONT TELL CHRISSIE OR AARON ANYTHING OR I’LL MURDER EVERYTHING U LOVE.

Completely reasonable. Sure.

Paddy is understandably uncomfortable with Aaron staying in a relationship with this PERSON WHO IS CLEARLY A PSYCHOPATH but has no idea how to warn Aaron off, especially when Aaron is in such a Robert-positive place.

At the same time as all this is happening, Larry’s Local Business competition is back in action and Robert finds a sneaky way to basically ensure that Aaron and Adam win, because he likes to do nice things for his boyfriend, when he’s not trying to murder his dad or godson.

Lawrence announces the winner of the contest in the Woolie, because where else in the village of Emmerdale, honestly? Holey Scrap wins, Larry gives Aaron a massive cheque and Robert looks all proud and happy. If you ignore the context, it’s beautiful.

Rob tells Aaron that he had nothing to do with the whole scheme - Rob is basically lying every time he opens his mouth at this point - and tells him to not blow this massive opportunity that’s just landed in his lap.

Aaron goes up to Home Farm for a meeting with Robert and Lawrence and Rob and Aaron smile at each other a bit and then Rob manages to talk his way into a trip up to a convention with Aaron, where they’re going to be staying in the middle of nowhere.

In a lodge.

Paddy overhears this, because he’s checking up on Dog, who is ill. A WHOLE BUNCH OF WHATEVER HAPPENS - ROB AND PADDY HAVE SCENES WHERE ROB THREATENS PADDY SOME MORE, ACTS SMUG AND PADDY MANAGES TO FUCK OVER AARON’S CONVENTION PLANS WITH THE SHEER NEED TO KEEP AARON AWAY FROM ROB BLAH BLAH LET’S SKIP TO THE DIRT

PADDY FINALLY TELLS AARON THAT ROBERT WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE GRAIN PIT, AFTER PADDY FAKES A BREAK DOWN ON THE LAY-BY (THE CRUELEST OF FUCKIN IRONIES RIGHT THERE - BREAKING ROBRON UP IN THE SAME PLACE IT STARTED). IT’S ALL JUST… SAD AND PAINFUL AND AARON’S FACE HURTS MY VERY SOUL.

Aaron tries to explain away Rob’s feelings, says “he wouldn’t do that” and means “he wouldn’t do that to me” and is just generally highly #relatable. It’s so sad. They have a conversation about not knowing what Robert is capable of. Aaron promises to stay away from Robert.

Again, never believe Aaron when he says that. Never.

It turns out, Aaron literally goes home and immediately calls Robert who comes running. They firm up their plan to go to their private lodge for a few days, because Aaron wants to get back at Robert by setting him up.

Sooooo, they go to the Lodge and Aaron tries to act all happy to be there, even while he’s dying a slow death on the inside. Robert tries to seduce him by talking about cars and Aaron starts recording their conversation and tries to find a way to get Robert to admit that he killed Katie.

Admittedly, this type of subterfuge… really is not his strongest skill.

It doesn’t work out all that well.

In fact, Aaron gives up the front almost immediately and just flat out says YOU TRIED TO KILL PADDY. Robert is like “Of course not! I would never hurt you or anyone close to you”, which I’m sure we all like to think about Robert, but he’s proven time and time over that that… hasn’t always been true. Case in point. Aaron calls him out on everything, keeps pushing him and pushing him - something Aaron is actually very good at when it comes to Robert - something that Aaron uses over and over again to worm the truth out of Robert.

Ultimately, Robert cracks and admits it out loud, says he only meant to scare Paddy but it went too far. Aaron’s face morphs completely as the very real shock of it hits him - any tiny shred of hope he might have had that Robert didn’t actually try to kill his surrogate father is dead and buried. Sad.

Aaron is all “I thought I knew you” and he’s crying and then he brings up Katie, keeps egging Robert on, until Robert cracks again and finally admits that he pushed her. He pushed her and she died.

Aaron attacks Robert, Robert hits back and ends up knocking Aaron unconscious. He realises quickly that Aaron has recorded their whole incriminating conversation and then, because Rob clearly does not understand the cloud, smashes Aaron’s phone into pieces.

He ties Aaron to a radiator and apparently just sort of… sits there and stares at him until Aaron wakes up again. As soon as Aaron opens his eyes, Rob says “You did this” to him and scrambles up, to go back home, leaving Aaron to a likely cold and uncomfortable night on the floor.

Rob comes back the next morning with some water for Aaron. He removes the gag so that he can speak to Aaron properly and Aaron just glares at him and Rob is all HEY STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT :( and I DIE because HE’S NOT EXACTLY GOING TO BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW ROBERT, YOU ABSOLUTE NUTTER.

Aaron goes on to talk about how terrible Robert is and Robert looks downright heartbroken about it and honestly HONESTLY ROBERT HAVE A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE SON YOU HAVE HIM TIED TO A RADIATOR AND BLEEDING

Aaron accuses Rob of killing Katie because he couldn’t handle ~being gay~ which Robert tells Aaron is a massive misunderstanding bc first of all he is NOT gay and second of all actUALLY IT’S ABOUT MONEY AARON SMHHH

AND THEN YOU HAVE THE FIRST BIG ICONIC LINE

Because Robert is a god damn wild MESS in these episodes, absolutely just running round in a constant state of broken panic, with too many feelings and not enough ways to deal with them and on the verge of doing about 15 different terrible things and I make a lot of jokes about how ABSURD he is but it’s SUCH GOOD CHARACTER WORK FOR HIM LIKE IT IS FASCINATING

AND FOR AARON TOO, THESE EPISODES REALLY SHOW THE RELENTLESS PIT BULL SIDE OF HIM - THE SIDE THAT REALLY KNOWS HOW TO WIND ROBERT UP, KNOWS HOW TO GET ROBERT TO OPEN UP, FOR BETTER OR WORSE

IT’S JUST ALL SO GOOD

SO anyway Aaron is like “so money is all you care about?” and Robert looks dead into Aaron’s eyes and says “I wish that was all I cared about” and FUCK IT I’M JUST GONNA QUOTE THIS BITCH

Rob: Don’t you see? It’s you. You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made. Falling in love with you ruined everything.

WHICH IS ACCURATE BECAUSE YOU KNOW

ROB HAD ALL THESE SELF-SERVING PLANS FOR HIS LIFE AND AARON CAME ALONG AND BLEW THEM ALL APART PURELY BY BEING SOMETHING ROB LOVED MORE THAN EVERYTHING ELSE.

ANYWAY THENNN Robert goes on to say that finding Katie’s body, Andy’s resultant breakdown and what Robert is doing now is alllll Aaron’s fault, because Aaron drove Robert to this.

Which is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. But then, this is Robert. At this point in his life, self-awareness was very much not his strong suit.

Anyway, Aaron agrees that those things sound much more like they are Robert’s fault. Rob immediately gets offended that Aaron doesn’t seem very sympathetic to his plight and then he utters my FAVOURITE ROBERT LINE OF ALL TIME BC I HAVE ISSUES.

Rob: Do you really think I’m that selfish, that psychotic that I would actually kill someone?

[PAUSE]

Aaron: …Yeah.

Rob: …Let’s find out shall we.

AND THEN AARON’S FACE DROPS IN CONFUSION AND FEAR BC HE ACTUALLY VERY MUCH DID NOT THINK THAT THIS WAS THE DIRECTION THE CONVERSATION WAS GOING TO GO IN.

BUT NOPE. THAT’S IT. ROBBO’S LOST THE PLOT.

SO Rob gets up and leaves and returns??? With???? A gun????????????????????? Sure?????

Rob talks about his feelings about Katie and Andy and about how he’s not a killer, how he never wanted things get that far. Aaron calls out Robert - asks him if it wasn’t just the tiniest bit lucky that Katie fell and broke her neck and I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME YO.

AND I THINK ROB DOES TOO BECAUSE FUCK IF HE HAD ANY SORT OF PLAN THERE. He was just shoving her, just wanted to get her phone and somehow convince her to be quiet. But how far would he really have gone???

And really - really that’s what the lodge is about. Seeing how far Robert would actually go.

Robert cries, feels completely stuck. IN THE CHOICE BETWEEN MURDERING AARON AND LOSING EVERYTHING, WHAT IS A BOY TO DO HMMM.

AND THEN!!! AARON IS LIKE TBH JUST KILL ME M8. JUST DO IT. because again, Aaron only knows how to egg Robert into working out what his feelings are. AND THEN ROBERT SAYS “IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULDN’T PUT ME IN THIS POSITION” BC AGAIN ROB HAS NO IDEA HOW TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THINGS

(he’s getting better at this)

(sort of)

(when you’re at rock bottom the only way really is up)

Aaron, again, sees how idiotic Robert is being and also wants to cause Rob some more pain bc he’S STILL TIED TO A FRICKING RADIATOR so he’s like “of course i don’t love u rob u disgust me and i wish i’d never met you”, which prompts rob to pick the gun back up and point it right the fuck in Aaron’s face

AND THEN ROB IS KNEELING THERE POINTING A GUN AT AARON AND CRYING AND SAYING “I MEANT IT, I LOVED YOU” AND IT’S SO! FUCKED! UP!

And that’s when Paddy walks in and Robert, freaking out, instinctively turns around and shoots the poor bastard.

Aaron and Robert both freak out at the fact that Paddy is bleeding out on the lodge floor. Aaron keeps winding Robert up because SURE WHY NOT and then Paddy is all AARON SHUT THE FUCK UP i need medical attention

And he gets Robert to stitch up his GSW, because Rob is understandably hesitant to take them all down to the A&E. So… Paddy talks Robert through cleaning and stitching a bullet wound. Aaron is still highly strung and geared to wind Robert up even more, which Paddy thinks is INSANE BEHAVIOUR because Robert is clearly a psycho.

Robert, a complete idiot but not actually a psycho, just someone who regularly gets himself WAY THE FUCK IN OVER HIS FUCKING HEAD through sheer short sighted and selfish behaviour, starts crying again, because he knows now that he can’t actually murder them both.

Paddy talks Robert down, gets Aaron to do the same, and eventually Robert just… lets them both go. Because what else can he do? Nothing, apparently. He lets them both go and goes home to Chrissie and clings onto her like a child because you know what, it has been a #day.

Aaron and Paddy drive back and talk about Katie. Paddy says “we don’t decide who we fall for” and UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FUCKIN CENTURY PADDY THAT COULD BE THE AARON AND ROBERT MOTTO AT THIS POINT

Aaron still wants revenge on Robert and Paddy says that you can’t win with people like Robert - you have to let them destroy themselves. That feels like… a very sharp perception of who Robert is and what will eventually happen to him, in all honesty.

Because Aaron is Aaron, he can’t quite leave it there. As his parting gift to Robert, the last thing he does before leaving him alone forever (or… if not for forever, then for a little while…), he makes his way up to Home Farm, breaks into the house and waits for Chrissie and Rob to find him.

The second Rob sees him, he looks like he’s going to be sick. Which. Is appropriate. Because Aaron launches into the entire story - the fact that he and Robert have been sleeping together all this time, that he has proof, that he can tell Chrissie when and where and what she was doing each time they were banging behind her back.

HE FUCKIN SAYS “WHY DO YOU THINK HE WAS LATE FOR YOUR WEDDING CHRISSIE? BECAUSE HE WAS WITH ME.” and i die.

And then, finally, on his way out, Aaron looks at Robert and says “All that you’ve worked for is gone” and then he leaves like the true drama queen he was born to be.

Chrissie immediately starts screaming at Robert and tells him to leave - and hey would you look at this, it’s two break ups in one and Robert really is, ultimately, left with no one.

How long did it last?

God save our patient souls.

Who came crawling back first? They both did. But…. yeah, it was Robert. I mean… there’s understandably a whole issue of redeeming the dick first. Bless him. I’m still in shock about HOW GOOD his redemption arc ended up being. But… that’s for a later post.

How little did they mean it? 57/5. Like. The most a person can mean a break up. For a while, anyway. Until Robert finally changes his ways and his priorities and learns how to be more of a human and less of a mess. Sort of. For a bit. He tries.

GOOD EVER LOVING GOD that’s it! The affair is blown and everyone knows… if not all of Robert’s secrets then at least one very big one. And so we move smoothly into the next era. Hopefully you enjoyed this long ass mess of a part. Sure, it only had one official break up in it, but it was a damn big break up.

Next up: Can you break up if you’re not actually together?

BONUS

So, I wrote the first half of this post many moons ago. The danger with writing these posts in this way and then leaving them for months is that, when writing, I will often go off on tangents around present day Emmerdale that quickly become completely contextually irrelevant as both time and storylines progress. This happened with the next few paragraphs, wherein apparently I had some pent up anger to express. Again, it doesn’t make any sense to leave it in the post, but even though it’s an outdated rant, I’m adding it to the bottom of this post anyway, both for integrity, and for that Christina joke.

An excerpt from the OG Honourable Mention #13:

Rob tries to act like he’s there to charm his sister’s whereabouts out of Aaron and let’s be real here, deep down he wants that shit to work.

It doesn’t, because Aaron has been there, done that enough times to know better by this point

AND OK, WHEN PEOPLE CALL AARON A PUSHOVER OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY SAY I WOULD JUST LIKE TO DIRECT YOU TO THIS POINT IN TIME AND EVERY OTHER SINGLE POINT IN TIME WHERE HE HAD NO INTENTION OF GOING ANYWHERE N E A R ROBERT BECAUSE ROBERT HAD TREATED HIM HORRIBLY AND AARON DOES, CONTRARY TO APPARENTLY POPULAR BELIEF, HAVE THE STRENGTH TO WALK AWAY WHEN HE KNOWS HE NEEDS TO. HE’S NOT WITH ROBERT BECAUSE HE CAN’T FIND THE STRENGTH TO TRUST THE VOICE WITHIN AS XTINA WOULD SAY. AARON IS WITH ROBERT BECAUSE HE TRUSTS ROBERT’S INTENTIONS, AND HE KNOWS THAT ROBERT HAD WORKED DAMN HARD TO CHANGE HIS PANTO VILLAIN WAYS AND HE RESPECTS THAT!!! AND HE LOVES THE PERSON THAT ROBERT IS. BUT WHEN ROBERT CALLOUSLY TREATS HIM LIKE SHIT, AARON DOESN’T TAKE IT. AARON HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH WITH ROBERT BY NOW TO KNOW WHEN ROB IS BEING SINCERE AND TBH IT JUST.

IT MAKES ME MAD. BECAUSE AARON IS A CHARACTER WHO IS STRONG ENOUGH TO KNOW HIS OWN MIND AND HIS OWN HEART AND YES HE HAS HAD TO FORGIVE ROBERT OVER AND OVER, YES THAT IS A HUGE PART OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT AARON KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROB IN THOSE EARLY TERRIBLE DAYS OF 2015, WHEN HIS SORRYS MEANT NOTHING AT ALL, AND CURRENT DAY 2017 AND IT’S NOT WEAK FOR HIM TO UNDERSTAND THAT ROBERT HAS GROWN AND IS ACTUALLY SINCERE IN HIS APOLOGIES NOW AND TO WANT TO LISTEN TO AND ACCEPT THAT ANd I just don’t like when people imply that 2015 Robert and Aaron and 2017 Robert and Aaron are the same thing because it negates everything Aaron and Robert have been through and all of Robert’s character development and growth and everything Aaron has learnt and accepted and all the ways that Aaron has forced Robert to be better and look any forgiveness Aaron has given Robert at this point, Robert has done a lot to earn ok and sometimes people deserve forgiveness and uh this got off track.

…So Rob’s charm doesn’t work and Robert makes a swift escape, Vic’s phone safely in his pocket.

See you next time!

#the robron rejection compendium #robron #emmerdale meta #ed #i get real sweary in this one and it deserves it tbh

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